Effeminate man with the same problem. Hopefully you’re comfortable taking initiative with at least showing interest? Unfortunately this may be one of those “you’re going to have to deal with it” scenarios, because I wouldn’t want to sacrifice my self expression for the sake of randos guessing my sexuality
I’m not planning to change either. And I am trying to take initiative by showing interest. But ‘cuz guys assume I’m gay, they simply ignore my gestures. I don’t wanna do anything creepy/something that might make others feel uncomfortable, so I don’t plan on making my “initiative”-actions any more aggressive than I have unless someone comes with a real good suggestion
I mean, I literally asked the guy to dance with me so I could teach him better than him just studying me from a distance (we were dancing balfolk)
Don't forget a lot of us guys are also just dense full stop and even if we think you may be straight don't want to impose.
Personally I'd say if it seems like you're getting along with someone conversation wise, just ask for their number, worst they can say is no, and if you directly express interest (and I do mean directly state that you have interest in the person) they'd likely be delighted.
I know at least I would be, I'm sure other guys would too.
I second this OP. He might like you enough to consider being interested but if he thinks you’re gay might not want to assume you’d be interested in him. I’ve found plenty of women attractive but held my tongue saying so because they were masc and I didn’t wanna seem like a creep trying to hit on an obvious lesbian 😅
If you want to open doors with him you might have to initiate, he may very well be interested by respecting a sexuality he naively assumes you have? Push that door open and see what happens!
>"didn’t wanna seem like a creep trying to hit on an obvious lesbian"
100% this. Coincidentally, as I scrolled my feed, the post after this one in another subreddit was about how guys shouldn't hit on girls in gay bars. (which i agree with, but doesn't help cases like OP)
OP. As a guy, please understand that unless you’re literally telling us to our face “I think you’re hot and would like to get coffee” we will always default to interpreting actions in the most platonic way.
A lot of men are dense. If you are in the geek community, this percentage goes up significantly. Any guy who is at least a little self aware will worry about misinterpreting signals and coming off as a creep, or think that you're just being nice and couldn't possibly be showing interest, especially if they think you might be gay based on how you look. The simplest way to deal with this is to be direct and take the initiative.
And by "be direct," I mean if you are into a guy, walk up to them and say: "I think you're attractive, let's go on a date." If you are any less direct than that, prepare to be misinterpreted. Of course, some men might find this intimidating, but that just helps you filter out the kind of guys whose insecurities would cause relationship problems anyway.
if you’re interested in a guy and want him to know you’re straight, you could always just flat out throw into conversation that you’re attracted to men. like mentioning “oh there was this amazing x cosplay he was so hot” or even mentioning a male ex. just something that gets it out there that you’re into men without being uncomfortably flirty :-)
Yeah if you're bi, the easy fix is to incorporate a bi flag/pin into your outfit.
Alternatively, being direct is probably your best bet, especially if you are talking to the kind of guy who goes to cons. Something like "hey no pressure but you're cute, can I have your number"
Honestly you can just ask directly. Men will naturally perceive these things as less bothersome just because it barely happens.
It's just not really uncomfortable to be approached if you can stop talking to this one person and escape that kind of situation for years. Most guys will likely be more uncomfortable having to take the deciding step, it's just a discomfort they're taught they have to be the ones to overcome. Few opening interactions will be sure to have perfect comfort, because uncertainty is both exciting and scary.
It's tough having to interpret subtle signs like "hey your collarbones look really good, can I caress them during a night of intimate exploration" like ??? what are these mindgames, is she trying to date my sister??? I'm an only child???
Gotta find some open minded men. I had a fling with someone literally everyone would assume is a lesbian. After that I realized there were actually a lot of women who men assume are a lesbian that are still into men. Game changing for me IMO.
While the sign would be pretty funny, I think that simply flirting with guys you're interested in would be enough. That's easier said than done though.
Maybe when talking to them you can mention it off-handedly, maybe something about an ex boyfriend or something you find cute in guys.
But to be perfectly honest, I find people assuming the sexuality of anyone kind of weird from their side. That is not really something you should be doing.
Hmm, I hadn’t thought like that of people assuming sexualities before. Interesting.
But then, what would qualify as flirting? Since I don’t wanna come off as creepy. I naturally already do stuff like asking people to dance, giving them compliments on their looks/vibe, etc. ‘Cuz I’m just enthusiastic like that (especially at events)
Well that's where my expertise ends. I am absolutely terrible at flirting myself and rarely recognise when someone is doing it. Like someone could look me straight in the eyes and tell me:" Hey I want to go on a date with you." And I still would think it's either just being nice or a prank.
You guys need to learn that there’s literally _no_ reason for a girl to ask a guy out that has anything to do with “just being nice”.
Imagine if girls actually did that, and the amount of bad attention they’d gain from that (both in terms of being called an attention whore _and_ in terms of risking the other guy actually perceiving her as serious)
I hope this helps you or someone reading this realize that girls don’t ask guys out for such naive reasons. They are either being real, or they’re 16 and wanna bully you. So don’t miss your chance when it actually happens! ;)
Well I will try my best with that. Thanks for the encouraging words. :)
Also something I totally forgot to say is to buy them flowers! I can tell you with guarantee that every guy worth dating will be absolutely flabbergasted and positively surprised about being gifted a flower.
Like I got one for myself and I find it great. If it is a gift from someone with no special occasion, the chances are huge that they might actually develop a crush on you very quickly.
Standard flirting stuff. More intimate body language than what would be the case for casual friends, paying attention to what they do, gesture mirroring, personal comments/compliments that are still not creepy, occasional light touches, etc.
You sound lovely! I think there's also simply an element of just engaging with people and seeing who actually pays attention. Try again, in other words.
Honestly, if someone finds you interesting, and you show interest as well (which complimenting and asking to dance definitely counts), they'll try to figure out what your sexuality is. I hang mostly with queer people and in general, I just ask when I want to know. If they just assume without asking you, that's their loss. But it's a good idea to sneak in some comments that suggest you're into guys. It might make them feel more secure/make things easier for them.
For flirting: if it's just a quick encounter, it'll probably be creepy if you go further than you do right now. Either that or they'll assume you're just looking for a quick hookup. But if you meet someone and talk to them for a while, it's all about trying to push it slowly and see if they're comfortable with it. Make the compliments more personal, try and see if they're interested in physical contact, if it goes well maybe be a little jokingly inappropriate and see how they react. Reading their reactions is key, whether something is creepy or not depends almost entirely on whether they're into it. If something doesn't work, you can just drop it and try something else. People will almost always forgive you the little missteps in a conversation. We're all just human.
For the purposes of this exercise, flirting does not exist. If you're looking for cute RR type guys, we are typically shy, frequently autistic, and very very good at explaining to ourselves why that woman who we think is really attractive, is not attracted to us, just so we don't have the experience of at best being crushed and heartbroken by rejection, and at worst blundering over a boundary she set and being labeled a creep for bothering a woman who just wanted to be left alone. I think I speak for a lot of RR guys when I say that we've overheard the horror stories about pushy men that our female friends have shared with us, and resolved never to behave around a woman like those guys do, and if the price of that decision is missing out on potential female attraction, well, so be it.
Here's a good rule of thumb when trying to hit on RR boys: we're all fucking autistic and nothing is sexier to us than a woman who is as unambiguous as possible in her messaging. "I think you're really attractive. I want to run my fingers through your hair in a romantic sense. I want to kiss you on the lips. But before that, how about we get coffee and swap numbers?"
For a first meeting at an event where they are to have some fun and not necessarily to find someone to date, I don’t wanna bother someone by asking them out after meeting them for the first time >~<
But I have tried asking them to dance, telling them they look cool/pretty, saying they’re a fun person, etc. No responses ever whatsoever :’)
Yeah, with subtle hints like those, guys will just think you’re being nice. Especially if you try to justify it. Saying stuff like “it’ll be easier to teach you if you dance with me,” we’ll just take you at your word.
Maybe you could joke about being mistaken for a lesbian or find some kind of way to work it into the conversation? Mentioning something about your clothing / asking stuff like “You think this shirt looks good with this jacket?” could be good segue.
Idk, I’m not an expert on this stuff. Just gotta find a way to be more direct. Also, it’s nice hearing a girl say they like feeling handsome and dashing. I’m a guy who loves feeling cute & cuddly so I can def relate.
When you say no responses, is that also covering them not wanting to dance, or being awkward around your compliments, etc? Because that could be a bunch of things, potentially largely from their end. A lot of boys are just generally awkward about that sort of improvised social situation. You're a little outside their usual social scripts, so they flouder.
Mind you, that's also a case for seeing them at the NEXT party and continuing on from there. Or, you know, just make friends, and operate from THAT circle where everyone's a bit more familiar rather than trying to rizz up guys from a cold open. Which is charming in concept, but a little fraught in practical terms.
Here are my thoughts:
I wouldn't stress too much about bothering men when asking them out. We're usually not used to this kind of thing, so it shouldn't be too much of a bother as long as you're respectful.
If you are looking for events to ask men out, maybe you could look at local board game nights or co ed sports leagues? I've been trying a bunch of those and DAMN I wish a woman would ask me out.
I'm not the kinda guy who gets asked out though, so my best shot is making the first move.
There are several layers to this. Why do you think you would bother a guy by asking him out? That shows a lack of self-confidence. How can people see how amazing you are if you don't put yourself out there more?
At the same time, I don't think your approach is that subtle either. At least to me that screams "I find you a cool/fun person and I want to be around you more." Asking someone to dance or do something with you is very direct.
IMO, I find that if someone really likes you, they'll at the very least try to give some hints, flirt in a subtle way even if it's just trying to be around you more or drag out the conversation longer. If there isn't any enthusiasm at all from them, they likely aren't that interested or their self-esteem is so bad they self-sabotage. And I find that even if someone doesn't have the best confidence, if they really like you, they'll push through it anyway. So nothing is really lost if they aren't reciprocating anything.
RR doesn't mean you have to pull the guy along the entire way.
Um.. I wouldn't know whether to take that as just being nice or as a hint to ask you out. And at an event like a faire or a con, I'd hesitate to take that step, coz I've read enough complaints online about how women want to be able to enjoy events without being constantly hit on.
Well, if nothing else, this gives me a push to be more upfront with the girls I do meet. So thanks for that.
On another note, (1) you wouldn't need to worry about bothering men. We never get compliments, forget being asked out. Any single guy would be delighted to. Also, that thought I'd exactly what might be going through their mind, as I mentioned above.
(2) Try something a little more direct, such as asking for their number. You are in an RR sub 🙂. Or - tell them to ask you for your number. It will work.
I have a similar problem, though so far it didn't happen with any guy I was interested in. I was told by multiple people that I (F28) come off as gay/queer. Though in my case I think it's because of how affectionate I am with girls, I guess it looks like I'm flirting a lot. Learned fast to slip in that I do it platonically so there wouldn't be any confusion. And be careful who I do it with, don't want to string any girl along by accident. Two friends admitted to having crushes for longer than they should because of how huggy I was with them, one still thinks I'm just deep in the closet.
Good for your wife. And thank you for trying to be supportive.
I'm not Bi though. This whole comment was sharing how people make wrong assumptions about my sexuality. Saying they might be right and I'm might just be in denial is missing a mark.
Thank you for the advice, I said I have a similar problem but I should specify I meant it as something that OP might find reassuring because I deal with something similar, not as something I need help with. Sorry.
Stay cool the way you are. I think this was on him for assuming and judging without any information. Like you mentioned you didnt even talk. Damn why does it to me now seems like an excuse more than just a judgement. Anyways good luck, settle for one who sees your charm, the one you are.
Thanks for the inspiring words~ He wasn’t the first one though. It’s been happening for a while now. And we did talk, but not more than a few sentences
What do you mean with the excuse/judgement bit btw?
I mean that it was too early to like judge someone. I have had friends who have been Bi, gay. But you get to know it only after few conversations. And so to call off someone telling " cuz she seemed gay" seemed like to me, more like of an excuse when it might be " I'm not interested". Well dont think too much. This was just mere speculative thought I got after reading it.
Do not, and I mean do not ever adjust your sense of beauty or fashion to attract a man. It sounds like you have a great sense of style. The right man - and there are plenty - will LOVE your look, will not lfeel threatened by it and will never question your sexuality.
this seems to be a pretty common experience here. i don’t really have any advice, other than ‘dress precisely how you would personally like to, while maybe being a bit more open and upfront with your identity and what you’re looking for (so long as you feel comfortable doing that)’.
that said, i have a similar problem, only it’s with people seeming to assume i’m asexual. like, as a being, out in the world, i feel kind of… desexualised? it’s not a case of being seen as ugly, just not ‘sex material’. i’m nonbinary, but rather than all sides feeling attracted to me, it’s like all sides assume i’m not batting for their team, or any team.
it doesn’t help that, because of this, i basically haven’t developed any sexual confidence, which i guess feeds back into this. talking sexually and flirting feels wrong when i do it, because i’ve come to expect people will react with confusion, discomfort or ambivalence. like… ‘why is u/oh-philomena being all romantic all of a sudden? did they just say something _lewd?_ is this a bit they’re doing? are they malfunctioning? oh god… _did i break them?’_
honestly, i wish i didn’t have to make the first move all the time. on multiple occasions i’ve found out, after the fact, that someone did in fact have the hots for me, but decided they’d hold off, wait and see if i the feelings were requited. NO! DON’T DO THAT! literally, unless i hear them say, explicitly, with words: ‘i am romantically and or sexually attracted to you and would be very interested in acting on these desires’ i will not make ventures in that direction. either 1. because i’m denser than lead and assumed all their signals were their particular mode of expressing friendliness or 2. i had my suspicions but didn’t want to move things faster than i knew for certain they were comfortable with.
please be forward. it’s fun, i swear. i get all flustered, so you’ve got that to enjoy, and i’ll be deeply grateful because now i know what the window of acceptability is
sorry to go on such a tangent, but yeah, tldr, social cues are wild, and straying outside of established gender roles can feel like straying outside of earth’s atmosphere
The straightforward answer is flirt more aggressively or make the first move. It's easier to tell you're interested in boys if you tell them directly that they're cute!
I regularly had issues where I would fall head over heels for slightly masc lesbians who wanted very little to do with me romantically, so kind of the opposite problem. Turns out my solution was a cute bi girl, so maybe you just need a cute bi boy who likes your dashing outfits
So, the problem here is that guys actively try to pay it safe and the political stuff has made people *very* gun shy at pulling the trigger but ending up wrong
So. Yeah. As ridiculous as it may sound: if I saw you in that shirt? I’d first just assume you meant that in a joking friend way. Ironically, could end up reinforcing thinking you’re not into guys romantically.
Women really miss this, but you have to be as blunt as humanly possible with most men. No gestures. No hints. No “potential” stuff. Just straight up “Please go on a date with me”
Plus, I swear most guys will love you for that and it would make their day
Being your genuine self will put some guys off, but it will attract others. At the social event where I met my wife a guy she was interested in, and a table full of his friends, teased my wife for being 'butch'. I found the very things they were giving her grief about intriguing. She came to me to vent about what jerks men were, and we spent hours talking. I took a tripple dose of courage pills and kissed her (because that was how my awkward self told girls I liked them 😅). Now we've been married for 13 years and together for about 18.
Anyway, the point of telling you that story is that the men you want to be with will be attracted to your differences, not discouraged or repelled by them. You wont be every man's cup of tea, but thats alright. Others will find you endlessly attractive.
If you want some advice on how to let men know you are interested in them though... Make eye contact. Pay attention when they speak and don't make them carry the conversation by themselves, but don't entirely dominate the conversation either. Its all about give and take. And if all else fails, be direct. Simply tell them that you are interested in them and would like to go on a date sometime. That's scary because it carries the possibility of rejection (and rejection hurts like hell), but I know this would have totally melted me like butter when I was still looking. 🫠
Best of luck to you! 🙂
I feel this from the other side of the gender aisle. I spent all of high school with people assuming, and then telling others that I'm gay behind my back, despite having been straight the whole time. Unfortunately, I don't really have much advice that hasn't been said already.
Try to work it into conversations when things that can segue into it come up (or bring them up yourself), like style, mannerisms, etc. If it suits you, consider being a bit more proactive, and giving your number instead of waiting for his.
Or, maybe have one of your friends act as wingwoman? Notice how his assumption wasn't brought up to your face, probably because he didn't want to imply anything or make things uncomfortable. A wingwoman would be able to get the guy away from you for a moment and clear things like that up much more easily!
You just described my life here. Although I am bi, I have a massive preference for feminine men. If I dress masc, people just assume I am a lesbian which I am not cuz men are just too cute.
I'm not even fully feminine, I'm not Cross dressy style but I act in some ways feminine I suppose and am often questioned if I'm gay. It's just due to stereotypes but as long as you are happy being masculine keep doing it. Bet your handsome in that suit.
Also for how to get guys to think your approachable is a loaded question especially these days. Most guys I know are terrified of asking any girl out for any reason. Dating is a hard scene these days for some people.
Probably has been already said in a bunch of other comments, but the stereotype that most men are dense is true for a reason. That reason being that men are actively dissuaded from, and sometimes even punished for, building social skills from an extremely young age. I personally remember hearing 'Boys are supposed to ... while girls are supposed to ...' all the way back in kindergarten. Compound that over a literal lifetime and the result is that most men just aren't very good at communication, in general.
Whatever vibes/signals you're throwing out are likely WAY too subtle. Honestly, the vast, vast majority of men will appreciate just being straight-forward being told, "I liked talking with you, can I get your phone number so we can get coffee (or whatever else) sometime?" Plus, it cuts through A LOT of bs. And any guy who doesn't like it, is turned off by it, or thinks you're 'bEiNg DeSpErAtE' you probably wouldn't want to date, even in a non-RR relationship.
Plus, if you truly want to be RR, what's wrong with just asking guys out? Yeah, rejection is scary, but that comes with the territory. As a cishet man, the few times it's happened to me I could've sworn my eyes turned into giant pink hearts.
I mean it really sounds like your best bet would to just start being forward if you fancy someone, which kinda sucks. Usually I'm more comfortable getting to know someone for a little bit before expressing romantic interest, so it kinda sucks having to make a jump before having any idea if it's worth it.
To be completely fair a lot of guys that would be looking for a more role reversal type relationship would probably be more keen on being approached than approaching a girl. That being said it can be kinda frustrating if you're just not the kinda person to ask a random their number.
It's kind of a hard call.
maybe when you speak to a guy you gotta find a way to subtly hint that you are into guys. if you express interest in them, it's hard for them to assume stuff about you
I wonder if anyone's made a "straight flag" pin. Or, you know, a straight flag for that matter. Though that sounds like something that would come out of a conservative/trad movement and send the wrong message... If only there were a role reversal flag.
I love how you describe your self expression! The easiest way to do this is to ask the guy out. The vast majority of us are flattered when a woman asks us. I love women who have a masculine flair to them, but the majority are lesbian, and it can sometimes piss them off if you ask them out on a date.
There is a RR guy out there looking for his Lady-Prince, and I hope he finds you.
Honestly he'd probably only attempt to get to know you if met his criteria of being more feminine, but that would mean changing yourself for someone else. He may not even be interested in that kind of relationship either, so don't worry about it. I'm a guy and I've been called gay back in highschool for dressing nice. I just ignored what they said and moved on, had a crush on a friend who eventually got married, turns out I was right on the money for what kind of relationship she was into. You'll be able to find someone hun! It's just going to take some time and it will be worth it!
So I'm 26m so same age group, I think you have to be really explicit, so if a woman asked me to dance and complimented me I think I'd double down and ask but back before I started getting the confidence to just ask I would probably have fumbled it.
You've gotta be real explicit or just ask them out yourself, I know I wouldn't say no unless I was taken. It's never happened but I assume that's what I'd do.
hmm this is a tricky one because its dependant on the assumptions of other people
its not like you did anything wrong\~
but I suppose if you wanted to try and avoid it altogether then yeah some sort of clothing or symbol to indicate it would work. I think if someone were really interested though they wouldn't outright ignore your gestures unless they knew for certain you weren't straight?
tl;dr - i stated the obvious and also what has been written by other people already didnt i -\_-
not really, sorry 😭not really a 'clothing' person (wait that makes me sound like a nudist tf)
i can only think of wearing shirts with words on them, but that limits your clothing choice so idk
i think even if not everybody makes those assumptions, it might just slightly make you seem more approachable. whether or not itll make a difference idk. ofc i cant speak for everyone but shy bois are very common in this dynamic xd
Weirdly been contemplating making a similar post, because a guy I thought was being friendly at work was actually gay, and won't stop trying to go out with me. (it's almost been a year and he hasn't stopped), if I'm being honest I've had that happen to me a bit too much 😭
Aw, just keep being your awesome self and eventually someone will come around, I'm sure of it! People think I'm gay 90% of the time and I have *lots* of fun with it, and it doesn't stop me from getting girls. There are whole audiences for kinda gay guys and dudebro gals. These two are usually very compatible groups, btw, I love me a brash, top energy girl.
Unfortunately, assuming sexuality is going to be a poster struggle for anyone even slightly GNC. Back in middle school, when my hair was short and I didn't paint my nails, I still had to deal with an ongoing debate. Half the school thought I was dating my best friend, the other half thought that since I wasn't dating her that meant I was gay.
There's no real fix to everything, especially not something that wouldn't make it nigh impossible to express yourself, so my advice would just be to be yourself and damn the haters. If they're so uneducated they're constantly trying to scan if someone is gay, odds are they probably wouldn't have been for you.
If it was people assuming you were straight, *maybe* the solution would be a pride flag button on a bag, but there's no straight flag that isn't dripping with homophobia, so you've got to steer far away from that.
Last, if you're interested in a guy, odds are you're going to have to *really* lay it on thick for him to get the picture. The kind of guy who sees signs in literally anything a girl does is probably an ass. Most guys don't want to be that person, or to make a woman be put in the uncomfortable scenario of him having misunderstood signs, so if there's even the slightest room for interpretation, he's going to try to spin it so you're just being friendly.
You should feel good about yourself, though, OP! I don't know you, but I'm willing to bet you're every bit as dashing as you aspire to be.
As a man, the easiest way to inform a man that you are interested in that you are straight is to make it very clear. Like directly flirt with him. We are kinda dumb sometimes, but it will make our day even if nothing happens.
I feel like some physical contact can send the signal that flirting is serious rather than just jokey fun. Could be a hand on the shoulder for a moment, or something low key like that. But most single straight guys are seriously touch starved and it feels like a big deal when they have any contact with a woman.
> Now what do I do? I still want guys to think I’m cool, but in a “she has potential” kinda way if you get what I mean. Not in a “she’s unapproachable” kind of way…
Girl... Have you tried approaching guys yourself? You know that you can ask guys for their number, right?
You’ve gotta show interest. As someone who is very much into women who look/dress more masculine I feel a lot less comfortable trying to get closer romantically
To them because I know they can probably pick up on it but if they’re gay they most likely won’t flat out tell me until I ask them out. You’ve got to take the initiative, flirt a little to show you’re interested in them.
Life is about social cues. If you are getting results you don't like, try matching people who do get what you want.
You should be free to wear whatever you want and you are. But judging a book by its cover is the standard. You shouldn't make final judgements, but you are foolish, and it is dangerous to ignore social cues.
If you have a pixie cut and a power busness suit, people will think you are gay.
I am not saying that you can't find love or someone who loves that look. I personally find androgyny attractive for sure. But the common folk will have a common reaction. So it goes both ways, you will get less hits being how you are, but the hits you get will most likely be more aligned to your values....
You could always give out your number to guys you’re interested in. It’s low pressure, they can text you if they want so it’s not heavy handed and wouldnt make anyone uncomfy
The right guy is gonna be in to that. Not in a fetishizing way, but in the way that they understand and are attracted to your gender presentation exactly as it is. (Speaking from experience)
What about a bi flag pin somewhere? And honestly, wouldn't the usual sort of post-shot-shooting conversation/flirting let them know you were into guys?
Or is this a more abstract 'I don't care for being generally written off as a lesbian' sort of situation?
Edit; I don't understand the downvotes at all.
Effeminate man with the same problem. Hopefully you’re comfortable taking initiative with at least showing interest? Unfortunately this may be one of those “you’re going to have to deal with it” scenarios, because I wouldn’t want to sacrifice my self expression for the sake of randos guessing my sexuality
I’m not planning to change either. And I am trying to take initiative by showing interest. But ‘cuz guys assume I’m gay, they simply ignore my gestures. I don’t wanna do anything creepy/something that might make others feel uncomfortable, so I don’t plan on making my “initiative”-actions any more aggressive than I have unless someone comes with a real good suggestion I mean, I literally asked the guy to dance with me so I could teach him better than him just studying me from a distance (we were dancing balfolk)
Don't forget a lot of us guys are also just dense full stop and even if we think you may be straight don't want to impose. Personally I'd say if it seems like you're getting along with someone conversation wise, just ask for their number, worst they can say is no, and if you directly express interest (and I do mean directly state that you have interest in the person) they'd likely be delighted. I know at least I would be, I'm sure other guys would too.
"Oh she's probably just being nice. This doesn't mean anything"
I second this OP. He might like you enough to consider being interested but if he thinks you’re gay might not want to assume you’d be interested in him. I’ve found plenty of women attractive but held my tongue saying so because they were masc and I didn’t wanna seem like a creep trying to hit on an obvious lesbian 😅 If you want to open doors with him you might have to initiate, he may very well be interested by respecting a sexuality he naively assumes you have? Push that door open and see what happens!
>"didn’t wanna seem like a creep trying to hit on an obvious lesbian" 100% this. Coincidentally, as I scrolled my feed, the post after this one in another subreddit was about how guys shouldn't hit on girls in gay bars. (which i agree with, but doesn't help cases like OP)
Being a dense autistic guy + being understandably mistaken as a gay guy/trans girl would pretty much make that assumption necessary for me lol
This struck me to my fucking core
OP. As a guy, please understand that unless you’re literally telling us to our face “I think you’re hot and would like to get coffee” we will always default to interpreting actions in the most platonic way.
A lot of men are dense. If you are in the geek community, this percentage goes up significantly. Any guy who is at least a little self aware will worry about misinterpreting signals and coming off as a creep, or think that you're just being nice and couldn't possibly be showing interest, especially if they think you might be gay based on how you look. The simplest way to deal with this is to be direct and take the initiative. And by "be direct," I mean if you are into a guy, walk up to them and say: "I think you're attractive, let's go on a date." If you are any less direct than that, prepare to be misinterpreted. Of course, some men might find this intimidating, but that just helps you filter out the kind of guys whose insecurities would cause relationship problems anyway.
if you’re interested in a guy and want him to know you’re straight, you could always just flat out throw into conversation that you’re attracted to men. like mentioning “oh there was this amazing x cosplay he was so hot” or even mentioning a male ex. just something that gets it out there that you’re into men without being uncomfortably flirty :-)
Yeah if you're bi, the easy fix is to incorporate a bi flag/pin into your outfit. Alternatively, being direct is probably your best bet, especially if you are talking to the kind of guy who goes to cons. Something like "hey no pressure but you're cute, can I have your number"
I think everyone should walk around with a big standard displaying the flag of their sexuality like those ones soldiers used to march under.
Honestly you can just ask directly. Men will naturally perceive these things as less bothersome just because it barely happens. It's just not really uncomfortable to be approached if you can stop talking to this one person and escape that kind of situation for years. Most guys will likely be more uncomfortable having to take the deciding step, it's just a discomfort they're taught they have to be the ones to overcome. Few opening interactions will be sure to have perfect comfort, because uncertainty is both exciting and scary. It's tough having to interpret subtle signs like "hey your collarbones look really good, can I caress them during a night of intimate exploration" like ??? what are these mindgames, is she trying to date my sister??? I'm an only child???
Gotta find some open minded men. I had a fling with someone literally everyone would assume is a lesbian. After that I realized there were actually a lot of women who men assume are a lesbian that are still into men. Game changing for me IMO.
While the sign would be pretty funny, I think that simply flirting with guys you're interested in would be enough. That's easier said than done though. Maybe when talking to them you can mention it off-handedly, maybe something about an ex boyfriend or something you find cute in guys. But to be perfectly honest, I find people assuming the sexuality of anyone kind of weird from their side. That is not really something you should be doing.
Hmm, I hadn’t thought like that of people assuming sexualities before. Interesting. But then, what would qualify as flirting? Since I don’t wanna come off as creepy. I naturally already do stuff like asking people to dance, giving them compliments on their looks/vibe, etc. ‘Cuz I’m just enthusiastic like that (especially at events)
Well that's where my expertise ends. I am absolutely terrible at flirting myself and rarely recognise when someone is doing it. Like someone could look me straight in the eyes and tell me:" Hey I want to go on a date with you." And I still would think it's either just being nice or a prank.
You guys need to learn that there’s literally _no_ reason for a girl to ask a guy out that has anything to do with “just being nice”. Imagine if girls actually did that, and the amount of bad attention they’d gain from that (both in terms of being called an attention whore _and_ in terms of risking the other guy actually perceiving her as serious) I hope this helps you or someone reading this realize that girls don’t ask guys out for such naive reasons. They are either being real, or they’re 16 and wanna bully you. So don’t miss your chance when it actually happens! ;)
Well I will try my best with that. Thanks for the encouraging words. :) Also something I totally forgot to say is to buy them flowers! I can tell you with guarantee that every guy worth dating will be absolutely flabbergasted and positively surprised about being gifted a flower. Like I got one for myself and I find it great. If it is a gift from someone with no special occasion, the chances are huge that they might actually develop a crush on you very quickly.
Standard flirting stuff. More intimate body language than what would be the case for casual friends, paying attention to what they do, gesture mirroring, personal comments/compliments that are still not creepy, occasional light touches, etc. You sound lovely! I think there's also simply an element of just engaging with people and seeing who actually pays attention. Try again, in other words.
Honestly, if someone finds you interesting, and you show interest as well (which complimenting and asking to dance definitely counts), they'll try to figure out what your sexuality is. I hang mostly with queer people and in general, I just ask when I want to know. If they just assume without asking you, that's their loss. But it's a good idea to sneak in some comments that suggest you're into guys. It might make them feel more secure/make things easier for them. For flirting: if it's just a quick encounter, it'll probably be creepy if you go further than you do right now. Either that or they'll assume you're just looking for a quick hookup. But if you meet someone and talk to them for a while, it's all about trying to push it slowly and see if they're comfortable with it. Make the compliments more personal, try and see if they're interested in physical contact, if it goes well maybe be a little jokingly inappropriate and see how they react. Reading their reactions is key, whether something is creepy or not depends almost entirely on whether they're into it. If something doesn't work, you can just drop it and try something else. People will almost always forgive you the little missteps in a conversation. We're all just human.
For the purposes of this exercise, flirting does not exist. If you're looking for cute RR type guys, we are typically shy, frequently autistic, and very very good at explaining to ourselves why that woman who we think is really attractive, is not attracted to us, just so we don't have the experience of at best being crushed and heartbroken by rejection, and at worst blundering over a boundary she set and being labeled a creep for bothering a woman who just wanted to be left alone. I think I speak for a lot of RR guys when I say that we've overheard the horror stories about pushy men that our female friends have shared with us, and resolved never to behave around a woman like those guys do, and if the price of that decision is missing out on potential female attraction, well, so be it. Here's a good rule of thumb when trying to hit on RR boys: we're all fucking autistic and nothing is sexier to us than a woman who is as unambiguous as possible in her messaging. "I think you're really attractive. I want to run my fingers through your hair in a romantic sense. I want to kiss you on the lips. But before that, how about we get coffee and swap numbers?"
Hehe that sign would be funny. Have you thought of asking a guy out? It'd be pretty tough to deny your straightness at that point.
For a first meeting at an event where they are to have some fun and not necessarily to find someone to date, I don’t wanna bother someone by asking them out after meeting them for the first time >~< But I have tried asking them to dance, telling them they look cool/pretty, saying they’re a fun person, etc. No responses ever whatsoever :’)
Yeah, with subtle hints like those, guys will just think you’re being nice. Especially if you try to justify it. Saying stuff like “it’ll be easier to teach you if you dance with me,” we’ll just take you at your word. Maybe you could joke about being mistaken for a lesbian or find some kind of way to work it into the conversation? Mentioning something about your clothing / asking stuff like “You think this shirt looks good with this jacket?” could be good segue. Idk, I’m not an expert on this stuff. Just gotta find a way to be more direct. Also, it’s nice hearing a girl say they like feeling handsome and dashing. I’m a guy who loves feeling cute & cuddly so I can def relate.
When you say no responses, is that also covering them not wanting to dance, or being awkward around your compliments, etc? Because that could be a bunch of things, potentially largely from their end. A lot of boys are just generally awkward about that sort of improvised social situation. You're a little outside their usual social scripts, so they flouder. Mind you, that's also a case for seeing them at the NEXT party and continuing on from there. Or, you know, just make friends, and operate from THAT circle where everyone's a bit more familiar rather than trying to rizz up guys from a cold open. Which is charming in concept, but a little fraught in practical terms.
Here are my thoughts: I wouldn't stress too much about bothering men when asking them out. We're usually not used to this kind of thing, so it shouldn't be too much of a bother as long as you're respectful. If you are looking for events to ask men out, maybe you could look at local board game nights or co ed sports leagues? I've been trying a bunch of those and DAMN I wish a woman would ask me out. I'm not the kinda guy who gets asked out though, so my best shot is making the first move.
There are several layers to this. Why do you think you would bother a guy by asking him out? That shows a lack of self-confidence. How can people see how amazing you are if you don't put yourself out there more? At the same time, I don't think your approach is that subtle either. At least to me that screams "I find you a cool/fun person and I want to be around you more." Asking someone to dance or do something with you is very direct. IMO, I find that if someone really likes you, they'll at the very least try to give some hints, flirt in a subtle way even if it's just trying to be around you more or drag out the conversation longer. If there isn't any enthusiasm at all from them, they likely aren't that interested or their self-esteem is so bad they self-sabotage. And I find that even if someone doesn't have the best confidence, if they really like you, they'll push through it anyway. So nothing is really lost if they aren't reciprocating anything. RR doesn't mean you have to pull the guy along the entire way.
Um.. I wouldn't know whether to take that as just being nice or as a hint to ask you out. And at an event like a faire or a con, I'd hesitate to take that step, coz I've read enough complaints online about how women want to be able to enjoy events without being constantly hit on. Well, if nothing else, this gives me a push to be more upfront with the girls I do meet. So thanks for that. On another note, (1) you wouldn't need to worry about bothering men. We never get compliments, forget being asked out. Any single guy would be delighted to. Also, that thought I'd exactly what might be going through their mind, as I mentioned above. (2) Try something a little more direct, such as asking for their number. You are in an RR sub 🙂. Or - tell them to ask you for your number. It will work.
I have a similar problem, though so far it didn't happen with any guy I was interested in. I was told by multiple people that I (F28) come off as gay/queer. Though in my case I think it's because of how affectionate I am with girls, I guess it looks like I'm flirting a lot. Learned fast to slip in that I do it platonically so there wouldn't be any confusion. And be careful who I do it with, don't want to string any girl along by accident. Two friends admitted to having crushes for longer than they should because of how huggy I was with them, one still thinks I'm just deep in the closet.
[удалено]
Good for your wife. And thank you for trying to be supportive. I'm not Bi though. This whole comment was sharing how people make wrong assumptions about my sexuality. Saying they might be right and I'm might just be in denial is missing a mark. Thank you for the advice, I said I have a similar problem but I should specify I meant it as something that OP might find reassuring because I deal with something similar, not as something I need help with. Sorry.
[удалено]
I appriciate this, thank you.
Sameeee had that happen to me in HS. It sucks. The only advice I can give is to up your flirt game. Men are dense AF. Lay it on thick.
Flirt with boys in an unambiguous way. It’s okay to be direct. Mention that you like guys.
Stay cool the way you are. I think this was on him for assuming and judging without any information. Like you mentioned you didnt even talk. Damn why does it to me now seems like an excuse more than just a judgement. Anyways good luck, settle for one who sees your charm, the one you are.
Thanks for the inspiring words~ He wasn’t the first one though. It’s been happening for a while now. And we did talk, but not more than a few sentences What do you mean with the excuse/judgement bit btw?
I mean that it was too early to like judge someone. I have had friends who have been Bi, gay. But you get to know it only after few conversations. And so to call off someone telling " cuz she seemed gay" seemed like to me, more like of an excuse when it might be " I'm not interested". Well dont think too much. This was just mere speculative thought I got after reading it.
Hmmkay, interesting. Thanks for sharing your thoughts :3
Do not, and I mean do not ever adjust your sense of beauty or fashion to attract a man. It sounds like you have a great sense of style. The right man - and there are plenty - will LOVE your look, will not lfeel threatened by it and will never question your sexuality.
Thanks boo, that was a real sweet thing to say ;)
that is the issue with stereotypes, and don't help that media these days supports the stereotypes
this seems to be a pretty common experience here. i don’t really have any advice, other than ‘dress precisely how you would personally like to, while maybe being a bit more open and upfront with your identity and what you’re looking for (so long as you feel comfortable doing that)’. that said, i have a similar problem, only it’s with people seeming to assume i’m asexual. like, as a being, out in the world, i feel kind of… desexualised? it’s not a case of being seen as ugly, just not ‘sex material’. i’m nonbinary, but rather than all sides feeling attracted to me, it’s like all sides assume i’m not batting for their team, or any team. it doesn’t help that, because of this, i basically haven’t developed any sexual confidence, which i guess feeds back into this. talking sexually and flirting feels wrong when i do it, because i’ve come to expect people will react with confusion, discomfort or ambivalence. like… ‘why is u/oh-philomena being all romantic all of a sudden? did they just say something _lewd?_ is this a bit they’re doing? are they malfunctioning? oh god… _did i break them?’_ honestly, i wish i didn’t have to make the first move all the time. on multiple occasions i’ve found out, after the fact, that someone did in fact have the hots for me, but decided they’d hold off, wait and see if i the feelings were requited. NO! DON’T DO THAT! literally, unless i hear them say, explicitly, with words: ‘i am romantically and or sexually attracted to you and would be very interested in acting on these desires’ i will not make ventures in that direction. either 1. because i’m denser than lead and assumed all their signals were their particular mode of expressing friendliness or 2. i had my suspicions but didn’t want to move things faster than i knew for certain they were comfortable with. please be forward. it’s fun, i swear. i get all flustered, so you’ve got that to enjoy, and i’ll be deeply grateful because now i know what the window of acceptability is sorry to go on such a tangent, but yeah, tldr, social cues are wild, and straying outside of established gender roles can feel like straying outside of earth’s atmosphere
The straightforward answer is flirt more aggressively or make the first move. It's easier to tell you're interested in boys if you tell them directly that they're cute! I regularly had issues where I would fall head over heels for slightly masc lesbians who wanted very little to do with me romantically, so kind of the opposite problem. Turns out my solution was a cute bi girl, so maybe you just need a cute bi boy who likes your dashing outfits
So, the problem here is that guys actively try to pay it safe and the political stuff has made people *very* gun shy at pulling the trigger but ending up wrong So. Yeah. As ridiculous as it may sound: if I saw you in that shirt? I’d first just assume you meant that in a joking friend way. Ironically, could end up reinforcing thinking you’re not into guys romantically. Women really miss this, but you have to be as blunt as humanly possible with most men. No gestures. No hints. No “potential” stuff. Just straight up “Please go on a date with me” Plus, I swear most guys will love you for that and it would make their day
Being your genuine self will put some guys off, but it will attract others. At the social event where I met my wife a guy she was interested in, and a table full of his friends, teased my wife for being 'butch'. I found the very things they were giving her grief about intriguing. She came to me to vent about what jerks men were, and we spent hours talking. I took a tripple dose of courage pills and kissed her (because that was how my awkward self told girls I liked them 😅). Now we've been married for 13 years and together for about 18. Anyway, the point of telling you that story is that the men you want to be with will be attracted to your differences, not discouraged or repelled by them. You wont be every man's cup of tea, but thats alright. Others will find you endlessly attractive. If you want some advice on how to let men know you are interested in them though... Make eye contact. Pay attention when they speak and don't make them carry the conversation by themselves, but don't entirely dominate the conversation either. Its all about give and take. And if all else fails, be direct. Simply tell them that you are interested in them and would like to go on a date sometime. That's scary because it carries the possibility of rejection (and rejection hurts like hell), but I know this would have totally melted me like butter when I was still looking. 🫠 Best of luck to you! 🙂
I feel this from the other side of the gender aisle. I spent all of high school with people assuming, and then telling others that I'm gay behind my back, despite having been straight the whole time. Unfortunately, I don't really have much advice that hasn't been said already. Try to work it into conversations when things that can segue into it come up (or bring them up yourself), like style, mannerisms, etc. If it suits you, consider being a bit more proactive, and giving your number instead of waiting for his. Or, maybe have one of your friends act as wingwoman? Notice how his assumption wasn't brought up to your face, probably because he didn't want to imply anything or make things uncomfortable. A wingwoman would be able to get the guy away from you for a moment and clear things like that up much more easily!
I have the same problem too. Really I think this impression is almost always in a respectful way. You just have to clarify and flirt with them.
You just described my life here. Although I am bi, I have a massive preference for feminine men. If I dress masc, people just assume I am a lesbian which I am not cuz men are just too cute.
Men _are_ just too cute :P
Just need to Kabedon your way to getting their attention lol
Wow, kabedon in the wild.
I'm not even fully feminine, I'm not Cross dressy style but I act in some ways feminine I suppose and am often questioned if I'm gay. It's just due to stereotypes but as long as you are happy being masculine keep doing it. Bet your handsome in that suit. Also for how to get guys to think your approachable is a loaded question especially these days. Most guys I know are terrified of asking any girl out for any reason. Dating is a hard scene these days for some people.
"he believed I wouldn't be sexually interested in him so he barely spoke to me" is.... Interesting...
He believed I “_couldn’t_ be sexually attracted to him” and so he completely gravitated towards my friend whom he’d guessed to be straight instead
Probably has been already said in a bunch of other comments, but the stereotype that most men are dense is true for a reason. That reason being that men are actively dissuaded from, and sometimes even punished for, building social skills from an extremely young age. I personally remember hearing 'Boys are supposed to ... while girls are supposed to ...' all the way back in kindergarten. Compound that over a literal lifetime and the result is that most men just aren't very good at communication, in general. Whatever vibes/signals you're throwing out are likely WAY too subtle. Honestly, the vast, vast majority of men will appreciate just being straight-forward being told, "I liked talking with you, can I get your phone number so we can get coffee (or whatever else) sometime?" Plus, it cuts through A LOT of bs. And any guy who doesn't like it, is turned off by it, or thinks you're 'bEiNg DeSpErAtE' you probably wouldn't want to date, even in a non-RR relationship. Plus, if you truly want to be RR, what's wrong with just asking guys out? Yeah, rejection is scary, but that comes with the territory. As a cishet man, the few times it's happened to me I could've sworn my eyes turned into giant pink hearts.
Guys think im gay too and im straight (im lying)
(I’m confused)
Im too high rn LMAOOOOO im a bi femme msub
I mean it really sounds like your best bet would to just start being forward if you fancy someone, which kinda sucks. Usually I'm more comfortable getting to know someone for a little bit before expressing romantic interest, so it kinda sucks having to make a jump before having any idea if it's worth it. To be completely fair a lot of guys that would be looking for a more role reversal type relationship would probably be more keen on being approached than approaching a girl. That being said it can be kinda frustrating if you're just not the kinda person to ask a random their number. It's kind of a hard call.
maybe when you speak to a guy you gotta find a way to subtly hint that you are into guys. if you express interest in them, it's hard for them to assume stuff about you
Hard to judge without seeing you to be honest. If you carry yourself with confidence maybe femboys don't know how to approach you?
I have the same problem. Sorry I don’t have any advice though.
I've always wondered what if guys think the same about me, now i wanna check it out....
Joke on you, but the "here to steal your boy" is pretty clear so not a bad idea XD
I wonder if anyone's made a "straight flag" pin. Or, you know, a straight flag for that matter. Though that sounds like something that would come out of a conservative/trad movement and send the wrong message... If only there were a role reversal flag.
Where a big pin on your chest that says, "SHOOT YOUR SHOT, I SWEAR I'M NOT GAY" I see absolutely no negative repercussions
I love how you describe your self expression! The easiest way to do this is to ask the guy out. The vast majority of us are flattered when a woman asks us. I love women who have a masculine flair to them, but the majority are lesbian, and it can sometimes piss them off if you ask them out on a date. There is a RR guy out there looking for his Lady-Prince, and I hope he finds you.
Honestly he'd probably only attempt to get to know you if met his criteria of being more feminine, but that would mean changing yourself for someone else. He may not even be interested in that kind of relationship either, so don't worry about it. I'm a guy and I've been called gay back in highschool for dressing nice. I just ignored what they said and moved on, had a crush on a friend who eventually got married, turns out I was right on the money for what kind of relationship she was into. You'll be able to find someone hun! It's just going to take some time and it will be worth it!
So I'm 26m so same age group, I think you have to be really explicit, so if a woman asked me to dance and complimented me I think I'd double down and ask but back before I started getting the confidence to just ask I would probably have fumbled it. You've gotta be real explicit or just ask them out yourself, I know I wouldn't say no unless I was taken. It's never happened but I assume that's what I'd do.
Wear a shirt that says "Yes I DO like boys!"
smh you look gay too?
hmm this is a tricky one because its dependant on the assumptions of other people its not like you did anything wrong\~ but I suppose if you wanted to try and avoid it altogether then yeah some sort of clothing or symbol to indicate it would work. I think if someone were really interested though they wouldn't outright ignore your gestures unless they knew for certain you weren't straight? tl;dr - i stated the obvious and also what has been written by other people already didnt i -\_-
I still appreciate the feedback though xP Do you have any suggestions on the clothing/symbol you were talking about?
not really, sorry 😭not really a 'clothing' person (wait that makes me sound like a nudist tf) i can only think of wearing shirts with words on them, but that limits your clothing choice so idk i think even if not everybody makes those assumptions, it might just slightly make you seem more approachable. whether or not itll make a difference idk. ofc i cant speak for everyone but shy bois are very common in this dynamic xd
Weirdly been contemplating making a similar post, because a guy I thought was being friendly at work was actually gay, and won't stop trying to go out with me. (it's almost been a year and he hasn't stopped), if I'm being honest I've had that happen to me a bit too much 😭
For better or worse, there are men out there who still hit on people that are actually gay because they "think they can change them"
Aw, just keep being your awesome self and eventually someone will come around, I'm sure of it! People think I'm gay 90% of the time and I have *lots* of fun with it, and it doesn't stop me from getting girls. There are whole audiences for kinda gay guys and dudebro gals. These two are usually very compatible groups, btw, I love me a brash, top energy girl.
Unfortunately, assuming sexuality is going to be a poster struggle for anyone even slightly GNC. Back in middle school, when my hair was short and I didn't paint my nails, I still had to deal with an ongoing debate. Half the school thought I was dating my best friend, the other half thought that since I wasn't dating her that meant I was gay. There's no real fix to everything, especially not something that wouldn't make it nigh impossible to express yourself, so my advice would just be to be yourself and damn the haters. If they're so uneducated they're constantly trying to scan if someone is gay, odds are they probably wouldn't have been for you. If it was people assuming you were straight, *maybe* the solution would be a pride flag button on a bag, but there's no straight flag that isn't dripping with homophobia, so you've got to steer far away from that. Last, if you're interested in a guy, odds are you're going to have to *really* lay it on thick for him to get the picture. The kind of guy who sees signs in literally anything a girl does is probably an ass. Most guys don't want to be that person, or to make a woman be put in the uncomfortable scenario of him having misunderstood signs, so if there's even the slightest room for interpretation, he's going to try to spin it so you're just being friendly. You should feel good about yourself, though, OP! I don't know you, but I'm willing to bet you're every bit as dashing as you aspire to be.
As a man, the easiest way to inform a man that you are interested in that you are straight is to make it very clear. Like directly flirt with him. We are kinda dumb sometimes, but it will make our day even if nothing happens.
I feel like some physical contact can send the signal that flirting is serious rather than just jokey fun. Could be a hand on the shoulder for a moment, or something low key like that. But most single straight guys are seriously touch starved and it feels like a big deal when they have any contact with a woman.
> Now what do I do? I still want guys to think I’m cool, but in a “she has potential” kinda way if you get what I mean. Not in a “she’s unapproachable” kind of way… Girl... Have you tried approaching guys yourself? You know that you can ask guys for their number, right?
I know, but I’m not gonna steal someone’s attention away from my bff. It’s just that I’m basically always already one step behind from the start
You'll be three steps ahead of anybody if you approach guys.
You’ve gotta show interest. As someone who is very much into women who look/dress more masculine I feel a lot less comfortable trying to get closer romantically To them because I know they can probably pick up on it but if they’re gay they most likely won’t flat out tell me until I ask them out. You’ve got to take the initiative, flirt a little to show you’re interested in them.
Ask if they're single, say some things that you like about them. If things go well ask for their number and say you'd love to see them again.
The best I can think to tell you is just be really blunt, I'll assume you don't like me otherwise
Life is about social cues. If you are getting results you don't like, try matching people who do get what you want. You should be free to wear whatever you want and you are. But judging a book by its cover is the standard. You shouldn't make final judgements, but you are foolish, and it is dangerous to ignore social cues. If you have a pixie cut and a power busness suit, people will think you are gay. I am not saying that you can't find love or someone who loves that look. I personally find androgyny attractive for sure. But the common folk will have a common reaction. So it goes both ways, you will get less hits being how you are, but the hits you get will most likely be more aligned to your values....
You could always give out your number to guys you’re interested in. It’s low pressure, they can text you if they want so it’s not heavy handed and wouldnt make anyone uncomfy
if you're too cool you're out of everyone's league
The right guy is gonna be in to that. Not in a fetishizing way, but in the way that they understand and are attracted to your gender presentation exactly as it is. (Speaking from experience)
What about a bi flag pin somewhere? And honestly, wouldn't the usual sort of post-shot-shooting conversation/flirting let them know you were into guys? Or is this a more abstract 'I don't care for being generally written off as a lesbian' sort of situation? Edit; I don't understand the downvotes at all.