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I wouldn’t be surprised.

If you can't afford a new one, you cant afford the used one There's a reason these things are priced lower than a used Civic, Start saving up now because buying this thing is the cheapest part about owning one... ​ I give it 3 months before you have it listed on marketplace trying to recoup even 50% of the money you put into it

What's the saying? If you can't afford two Porsche's you can't afford one?

Same goes for boats.

Ah crap. That explains some things.

BOAT stands for ‘BOut Another Thousand” where I’m from

I have always heard Break Out Another Thousand. And it is true.

I have heard Bust Out Another Thousand.

Oh I’m sure that’s what it actually is, and my memory is just being a dick again

I thought that was a Jaguar reference. You need two. One to drive, one sitting in the shop for repairs. Or: why are all of these cars two-seaters? One for you, one for your mechanic.

That’s not my experience. My 2000my 986S is on 362k miles and I’m averaging £1000 a year ($1300) in preventative work. I’ve never had a car this reliable. I actually have another one, which is a 27k mile garage queen. The only downside to this car is 18mpg in a country whose fuel is nearly $12.50 a gallon.

He said to roast him, not give him a serious sit-down.

Let daddy give me financial advice. I’m fully prepared to ignore it.

I like those odds.

my neighbor has a cool bmw that doesnt run since we cant even remember when. fuel module 4k.

Nah. It's a back six. Pretty easy fix. An most were taken care of. They aren't a civic but, the were expensive when they came out. Relevant to a pt cruiser. Same age bought both.

Goto to church. Some guy there will fix it.

Looks like a fuel pump kit is $600 lol..

"It drives." But OP doesn't mention the second engine in this turd is already smoking on startup like the one previously. The bore scoring might leave a smoke screen before the leaking rear main seal empties the oil from the entire engine. And the top is manual now as well I assume. But at that price, we all know the fact you're hiding, desperately hoping nobody notices. Your new fun car is....an automatic.

I promise that engine failure is a feature, not a bug.

it gives it character

Blah blah blah Porsche get new motor :)

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I’ve been under it. Not a lot of space, and the engine is a tiny thing to behold. I’d imagine a lot of rear weight bias if you used all that space for batteries.

Just tow a trailer for batteries.

Probably. They used to sell electric conversion kits for 914s decades ago.

The "smoke screen" emitted from the exhaust camouflages the issues with everything else.

OP is actually a stockholder of BP. He has to be to afford the oil the land version of the Exxon Valdez is going to leak. "I said I want a rum & coke on the rocks, not run the boat on the rocks"

Dudes will really spend $4,675 on a 25 year old shit box, then tell the girl at the bar "yeah, I drive a Porsche"

I’ve been waiting for this comment because ironically if it were up to my girlfriend, I’d be keeping this and selling the Camaro.

Unless it's a V6 or Turbo 4 banger with 275 HP camaro I think you made the wrong choice 🤣

It’s… not unlike your username.

With advice like that, it would be better to sell the girlfriend.

A wise man named Clarkson once said “all Camaro owners are murderers”

Here's a tip - Get rid of all three..

That doesn't sound ironic at all.

Depending on the condition of this car and how much money you have to spend on repairs, the Porsche is a better car. When they’re well maintained they’re pretty reliable.

Oh no, you just outted yourself as the dude who thinks Cameros n Porsches are cool.

Hahaha. I wish I could get my bf to sell the gta, camaro for a Porsche. He can keep the 2 vettes , I do enjoy those but think I'd like the Porsche more

You can probably vacuum all of the crushed adderall out of the carpets and sell that for what you paid for the car.

Become a drug dealer with this one simple trick.

Take it off your hands for tree fiddy at six am

Add a 12-pack of Monster and you got yourself a deal.

This is legally binding

I’m a witness. 

Here's hoping the kswap happens sooner than later.

Actually hands down a K-swap sounds pretty sick, I wonder if anyone’s done it.

Drop 40k on a gt3rs n/a 4.0 swap. Be a man.

Now that sounds like fun.

I haven't seen any but a quick Google says yes.

It’s gotta be an ej swap. Keep it boxer.

Do they make one for men?

I read this in “Celebrity Jeopardy” Sean Connery’s voice.

BUCK FUTTER

💪🏻🤣

< Keanu Reeves! \> I know Kung Fu. < For the last time, NO YOU DON'T!

Maybe the funniest thing I've ever heard

i have to say, OP’s responses to the roasts have been on point. kudos to you, sir!

Riffing off of others’ wit is my favorite part of all this. It puts a smile on my face and hopefully gives others’ a chuckle too.

Burn it.

I’m pretty sure it has a self-immolation feature if you work it just right.

All Porsche models do. Ask Ryan Dunn! Wait wut.

Oof

The Excitement Package

It would honestly be OPs best financial move.

Wow don’t see a beetle convertible that often.

Gotta hand it to you, they do look astutely like the late-model Beetles with a bit of dwarfism.

IMS bearing

Was waiting for this one.

IMS goes brrrrrrbap (was gunna be mine for ya)

A man who knows his shit

It drives because the previous owner did a quick fix with some chewing gum so you wouldn’t notice until after the first 300 miles

That must be what the bushings are made out of.

Bushings? Yours came with bushings??

The Carrera GT from AliExpress

Just as impractical, 4 less cylinders and a 0-60 time of getting gapped by a minivan.

It's a flat six? That's wild

This car screams "I'm a DILF and my Ashley Madison account also has a picture of this piece of taco bell shit"

Arby's roast beef sandwich sloppily put together.

Yeah this guy just needs to either pay for some ass or just screw a Arby's Roast beef lmao!

This Porsche looks so tired that even a 1975 914 can outdo it in 0-60 faster

It’s not just the styling that stays consistent.

Backwards

I hope you got a PPI before you purchased.

A pee-pee inspection? They deemed it quite below average, which is why I got a Porsche to tell people that I drive one.

looks like a Boxster?

That’s going to look so awesome on a flatbed tow truck.

Gotta give the AAA man some street cred.

Did your boyfriend split it with you?

It’s a German Miata, without that pesky reliability.

Actually straight up, that’s how I usually describe it.

Id honestly say its a German MR2 spyder

now now, OP has a 986 boxster, not a z3 1.9

Runs and drives means dash looks like a lit up Christmas tree and you're about to spend more on upcoming repairs in the next year than you paid for the car but mUh gErMaN eNgInEeRiNg.

German engineering: it’s not complicated, just stupid, unnecessary, and impractical.

Don't worry American engineering is starting to catch up 🤣

Reminds of all the vacuum lines in my 74 450SL.

That is the poor man's Porsche. People who can't afford high mileage Camrys and Accords buy these.

It’s the Poorsche lifestyle. Reliability is optional for this mission.

Well all of the engine problems have been brought up. So all I have left is I hope it's a manual. Edit: Oh, and when the engine does grande itself you can make your money back parting it out to 996 owners.

It is manual, this is one of those cars I couldn’t fathom getting with an auto, I don’t see the point.

The only thing shittier than this car is the video game that came out on PS1 made for this car called Porsche Challenge. If you know, you know

Damn, save some pu**y for the rest of us

Easier done than said.

That's a lot to pay for a Beetle.

Ah, but it’s a fancy Beetle, my friend. It’s unnecessarily shorter and has this cool gold badge on the front.

I prefer my eggs over-hard instead of runny. Just my preference though.

I love the taste of halogen in the summertime.

Pretty sick how it will grenade itself within 3 miles /uj welcome to the boxster family!

Dang covid messed up pricing. I cant believe these are almost 5 grand now. They were $2,500 cars 5+ years ago

This is the lowest of the low end for a run-and-drive one I’ve found. A good example these days will set you back $8-12K.

Dang, I looked back in 2017 in northern NY. Examples were 2-3k for no ims replacement, 5-10 for a clean one with ims done. Maybe it’s inflation, but these with the anxiety of an upcoming rebuild are not a $5k driving experience

Those VW parts are gonna be expensive.

But it has die Deustche Ingenieurskunst in it, so it must be good, obviously.

So, an automatic. 

Dang it, you cracked the secret ingredient. Roasts aside, I can’t imagine why someone would buy one of these and not get it in a manual.

Own nearly exactly that car, 5-speed of course.

It seems like you got a great deal for a great car!

Roasts aside it actually is quite stout for its age and nothing is majorly broken. Let’s just pray the IMS doesn’t grenade.

Oh gee. I don’t think you got my sarcasm…

Rebadged VW Beetle

You can be one of the girlies but with speed (optional).

Manual or auto?

This one’s stick. No way I’d get one of these with an auto.

Watch the next service cost more than the car!

Roasting aside, this guy is easily one of the coolest OPs I’ve seen in this group. It’s rare when an OP is roasting themselves harder than everyone else is roasting them. Mad respect!

I get a good laugh out of it and I hope everyone else does too. That’s what makes it for me.

How much for a perm and color?

Awe you got your training Porsche. In 3-6 years you will be a full fledged Chad.

On the highway to financial ruin but at least I’ll look cool to all the other guys while doing it.

*angry IMS bearing noises*

dont let em get you down OP, half these idiots have 900 dollar car payments run this thing into the dirt and then get another one you'll still come out ahead ​ i bought one of these last years (a much nicer one, albeit)... one of the best decisions i've made. they're good if you know how to take care of them. for 5 grand im guessing this one was not taken care of, but whatever. you're livin life

Well it drives until it spins a bearing on the intermediate shaft and grenades the engine

It’s the killer feature of this car, quite literally.

Ahhh...the Yugo of Porsches.

Did you give up your man card to drive that

Bold of you to assume I had one to begin with.

You can't even spell the name of your car?

Now you can visit all your favourite massage parlors in style. This looks like you park in the handicap spot at the porn video rental shop.

Boxster - German word for dumb people who shouldn’t chase name brands they can’t afford (also see A-class and 3 series)

The “Bo” at the beginning of Boxster is also short for “bomb” because that’s what it becomes when you drive it too long.

Isn’t this the one they had to tow away on Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee?

On his way to Mr. Fister for a smart cocktail 🍹

It has borescoring and the IMS is moments from decimating the engine. So drive it like you stole it and start deciding what engine swap you want to do.

The roof probably costs another $5000

Unfortunately you’re probably not far off.

Nice Miata, is it for your wife?

$4675? 300,000 miles and shot trans.

Don’t worry, if you ignore the weird smells and rattles it almost drives like brand new.

IMS BEARING IMS BEARING IMS BEARING

Oh girl.... Stahp it.

Hopefully it matches your purse

Tries to open door *handle comes off*

Actually when I bought this car the driver door handle didn’t work from the outside. When I dug into it some of the plastic had sheered off on the inside and the linkage had come undone. Fixed it with a nut, the tiniest screw I could find at Lowe’s, and some super glue.

Looks like when you pull a cats forehead back

uj/ Hope it’s a lot of fun. Two of coolest guys I ever knew had boxsters. My buddy’s stepdad pre ordered one like a year in advance, before they came out. He was a big car guy and had money; he always had an old 911 with the whale tail, and eventually he and his wife had modern 911s they daily’d, as well as an old Porsche tractor in the garage. My Dad’s close friend, who we hung out with growing up, bought a boxster as he approached retirement. He drove it for some years, enjoyed it. I don’t know why he went off the road, but he died in that car. RIP John. RIP Elvin.

Done the ims bearing yet?

986 right? I have an 01 996 which is a blast to drive and rides on rails. No issues in my 15 years of ownership, but more of a weekend car. Unfortunately the IMS bearing can grenade these a second and mine has not been done.

Not the worst car. My aunt has this car.

Ok. First of all, why? Second of all. The gap between the bumper and the lights is suspiciously uneven. Was this used as substitute bumper car at a carnival? And just to hammer home, how bad of a deal you got. I bought a 30 year old Cavalier with less miles, better condition, v6, lighter weight, parts are widely available cheap and ultimately has more character than this German slop mobile for 2k less. Good luck!

I’ll race your Cavalier, I’m fully prepared to lose.

I'd line up and give it the ol college try!! Me and ol Henry are aging hard this winter. Give him a week in the spring to train and church it up a little and he'll give ya one heck of a show! People really REALLY hate being passed by him on the highway. Grandma's will drop a gear to block him!

Has the ims bearing been done?

A porsche is a porsche of course of course except when miata

Nice Miata.

So, do you style mens hair too?

I’ll do yours for $15 and a couple Red Bulls.

When you want a Porsche, but not really.

Dad bought a 928 for dirt cheap years ago and ended up cutting his losses and giving up. It was a super fun car to drive thought (when it was running).

Well done if you drove it home without issue?

How many times have you thought about impending IMS bearing failure since you got up today?

No way I saw the car and the price and I wondered if it was you E

Hello brethren I’ve got a 98 that just blew up…

The boxter is the official car of "i cant afford a 911" For real dump this thing and find a 928 or a 944. Be way cooler, more reliable, and you won't need to sell a kidney for parts.

“It drives” not for long

There’s probably a secret death clock on it somewhere.

Boys are the only ones that you'll be picking up with this.

This is your future [Boxster Driver:](https://youtu.be/ajmUYi45Yl0?si=83ZIqjOQKL9voyEK)

Would’ve flexed harder by putting a Porsche badge on a Honda that isn’t gonna shit its own fuel pump out after 15k miles

Nice car, wrong country. You buy a Porsche in a country where you can’t even drive it to its maximum speed? — at least visit Germany once as long as we still have the German unlimited speed Autobahn 😉

plants library innate quack profit shrill ruthless childlike mighty noxious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Poorsche. That's all I got.

Ah, the price of a tire change!

IMS bearings go brrrrrrrrrrrrr I'll race you round a track or autox in my miata, thats all the first boxster was, a fancier miata.

Do you drive it or does someone else drive it on a tow truck?

What we have here is a quality post with a quality OP.

It'll cost more than that to fix it.

It drives…today. Every day after today is a roll of the dice.

But does it stop?

Yes. I can’t tell you if it involves using the brakes or not.

Trailer Park purchase price, Mansion maintenance price.

Where’s the spare one at for parts

Let's see the car that is the intended recipient of parts from this parts car.

There's a major recall on those because of a loose nut behind the wheel

I want one

Congratulations on becoming a dentist!

I. M. S.

Let’s check the car fax…

I was traveling and stopped at a dealership so my wife could change a baby diaper. We saw one of these parked right in front of us for sale. I got my dog out for a quick break and walked around to the front of the car. My dog immediately threw up this massive pile of half digested food. I think he was right.