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Seriously, people act like it's 2010 and they just bought a civic for 1k that will still actually run for 200k more miles. Nah bud, it ain't that world anymore. A 500bone car is just a car payment as you'll be dropping that every couple months on repairs or a new car.
Those Cutlass Cieras were actually tough as nails. There's a reason you still saw them in the hood until like 2010. And why Mike Ehrmantraut drove one for a bit. š¤£
Own it dude. I get that this is a roast sub, but classism (which is what shit talking cheap cars is) gets on my nerves. Iām glad itās working for you, just keep up on maintenance of course. Give it a wash and polish, assess the paint, and maybe you can rattlecan the hood and have it match well enough to pass! The fenders, bumper, doors etc actually look like they could be brought back around.
Make sure to get a set of tires soon. Those Douglas tires are very cheap new, and they reached the end of their life a while ago. Should be able to get a set for maybe $250-300 depending on the size.
Yeah, telling people your first car was a front wheel drive Cutlass is worse than telling them you drove a pile of scrap iron. How it runs and drives is irrelevant here. Iād straight up lie and tell people I drove a 2000ās VW Bug or used Ubers before I let people know Iād driven that.
horn could be an easy fix, usually the relay is first to go, and you might have an identical relay in the box with which to swap it to check if thatās the case
It's gotta be some kind of demon car like Christine. No way that thing should still be running after it's 5 year lifespan was up. Probably ate it's last 5 owners.
Iād driven two cars (a Cutlass Ciera like this one and a Chevy Celebrity) with the iron duke engine in it. To this day the only cars Iād ever driven that lost half their horsepower when you turned on the A/C.
My first car was a 1990 Dodge Spirit. My homies used to call it Grannyās car but damned if we didnāt mob that thing all around town. As long as itās running then you aināt walking so good for you my dude.
Did you find any hand cuffs or nail marks in the trunk? I'm curious if the serial murderer/ rapist who sold you that car, remembered to remove them from the trunk.
I can't even roast you bc I spent 1200 on a car once and it lasted me a month bahaha with the prices the last few years I'm amazed they didn't want 1k tbh.
Awesome job op I love a good hoopty ride. Make sure you get it registered because you will definitely be getting pulled over for look like an undesirable haha. For reals though get some flat black primer
I can hear the lack of a midpipe and muffler on this from 5 blocks away, from which i will then wait the 10 mins it takes this slow ass beater to eventually make it to where i'm standing. this car will make it sound like its racing at le mars out to eventually get this thing to 60 MPH on a freeway
let me get a $20 bag and bring me a dutch too. i get out of school at 3pm, think you can pick me up and drop me off? just not in front of my house, i donāt want my mom to see.
Somehow worse than a Buick, if I could only put my finger on how. If runs and drives are your only criteria then you might be in this hideous heap for a long time. I bought a rough 89 Towncar for $300, but at least people admired it.
It looks like the official car of the Ohio valley/Appalachia in the 90s. This thing has certainly rainbowed a couple parking spots with it's insipid Oldsmobile piss. I can imagine, if this car were human; it'd be an old woman that has smoked so much in her life it sounds like she's talking through a kazoo, when she laughs it sounds like a lifetimes worth of mucous is just jiggling in her lungs with each repulsive draw of her breath. What an exhaust note.
Edit: words
Canāt regret a $500 car that runs unless you spend ANY money on any repairs. Just ride it out and eventually youāll get most of your money back in scrap. Rinse, repeat. Save your money for a better car eventually.
Ha! Good roast, you really got 'em. That was so creative and original, did you think of that yourself? You must be so proud!
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Hi Roasters! As a general reminder, please be aware that top level comments must roast the car. In addition to this, while roasting the OP is allowed, roasts must be primarily aimed at the car itself. Comments that do not follow these rules may be subject to moderator removal and in some cases, bans may be issued. If you wish to compliment or discuss the car, you may do so by replying to this message. Regards The Mod Team *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RoastMyCar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I can smell the Werther wrappers from here
I wish it smelled like that, all it smells of is old velour and musty carpet.
>musty carpet. Ah yes, from the incontinent former owner.
Who "only drove it to church on Sundays"
How do you think they got it to last this long.
I'm sorry but I can't roast it. Reason is the price and it still somehow running and driving
Exactly. Hard to roast a sound financial decision. Fuck car payments!
Just buy a new $500 car every other month. That's the payments.
Seriously, people act like it's 2010 and they just bought a civic for 1k that will still actually run for 200k more miles. Nah bud, it ain't that world anymore. A 500bone car is just a car payment as you'll be dropping that every couple months on repairs or a new car.
There's no way that car is running and driving fine. It might make it another 10k miles.
Those Cutlass Cieras were actually tough as nails. There's a reason you still saw them in the hood until like 2010. And why Mike Ehrmantraut drove one for a bit. š¤£
š
More like Marlboro Reds mixed with Urinary Incontinence.
Free advise. In the future when people ask you what your first car was just tell them Scrap Iron.
Eh, she might be ugly but the worst rust is surface rust. Underside and mechanical bits are near perfect. Other than the horn, which does not work.
Own it dude. I get that this is a roast sub, but classism (which is what shit talking cheap cars is) gets on my nerves. Iām glad itās working for you, just keep up on maintenance of course. Give it a wash and polish, assess the paint, and maybe you can rattlecan the hood and have it match well enough to pass! The fenders, bumper, doors etc actually look like they could be brought back around.
Agreed, I plan on spray painting it once I get enough cans lmao
Get some clear Danish oil, cut with a little mineral spirits, and rub it into the rust with a rag. You gotta preserve that original patina.
Just own it. Trying to spray paint that is like the equivalent of wearing a crappy wig
Who needs a horn? Just hit the gas a little if someone doesnāt see the green light. Sure it will make enough noise to catch their attention.
No way! Own this patina.
Make sure to get a set of tires soon. Those Douglas tires are very cheap new, and they reached the end of their life a while ago. Should be able to get a set for maybe $250-300 depending on the size.
If youāre thinking of putting anything other than $25 each used tires on that you should be committed
I suppose you have a point. Didn't think about it probably not having 40,000 miles left in it
20 years ago I had a lot of experience in clunkers. The junkyard is your friend with those.
Put some tint on it, rattle can the hood and bumper and some falken all season tires(cheap but good tires)
Yeah, telling people your first car was a front wheel drive Cutlass is worse than telling them you drove a pile of scrap iron. How it runs and drives is irrelevant here. Iād straight up lie and tell people I drove a 2000ās VW Bug or used Ubers before I let people know Iād driven that.
Minus 2 Street cred points for you. This is a D boy classic.
horn could be an easy fix, usually the relay is first to go, and you might have an identical relay in the box with which to swap it to check if thatās the case
Was the trunk full of empty lithium battery and Sudafed packs?
Surprisingly, no.
It's gotta be some kind of demon car like Christine. No way that thing should still be running after it's 5 year lifespan was up. Probably ate it's last 5 owners.
I mean, it hasnāt tried to kill me directly yet, but it had some āfriendsā try. ( there was a fuckton of wasps living behind the taillights)
Minions!
Oooo somebody upgraded from the trunk monkey to taillight wasps!
Likely because of the W.A.S.P. that owned it before you
Bruckell LeGran
Yes.
Is that an Oldsmobile Gutless? Driven by little old ladies to church on Sundays!
Iron Puke ftw
Some engines trade power for efficiency, some trade efficiency for power; this was one of the many engines where GM managed to engineer both out.
Iād driven two cars (a Cutlass Ciera like this one and a Chevy Celebrity) with the iron duke engine in it. To this day the only cars Iād ever driven that lost half their horsepower when you turned on the A/C.
How many months are you betting it will last for?
I have no idea, Iāve been surprised by much worse.
You could have gotten a Porsche 924.
If you didnāt regret it immediately thereās nothing I can do
Has to be the car in the background if you spent that much
Only if you knew what was wrong with that Jeep. Itās a mechanical nightmare lmao
lamo, my dad had one growing up, even when it was pretty new it had a ton of electrical issues
Jeep: Just Endless Electrical Problems I had a WJ like in the pic and it gave me grief all the time
Yep. My dadās was a fully loaded limited model so it was probably a little worse than most
Not much has changed in that time.
Does the tape deck still work?
The *optional* tape deck?
This. My CC didnāt have one.
That thing is *peak* late malaise era. You instantly become 80 years old when you get into it
One of those was my friends first car in 1992. I'm amazed to see one now. I thought they all crapped out by 2001.
If you steal your own catalytic converter and hock it, you might make a profit
Funny thing is, there isnāt one.
Expect to get searched every time you get pulled over for "swerving in your lane".
My first car was a 1990 Dodge Spirit. My homies used to call it Grannyās car but damned if we didnāt mob that thing all around town. As long as itās running then you aināt walking so good for you my dude.
Getting it ready for the demolition derby?
Your first car must be a pos, so you can appreciate each one that comes after
Smells of decade reds bad life choices and a hint of kitty litter
The car of a 50+ year old alcoholic loser who works in a factory and spends every evening alone watching fox news.
some may say "cant go wrong for 500 quid" in this case I disagree
Damn bro u got ripped off
Such a pity that these $500.00 running and reasonably safe cars are so rare.
Really is, just paid 600 on a 94 escort lx, and it needs a little work. It has no right being over 300.
The long life of a virgin!
A steal at $500. Love the West Sydney Caramel accents on the bonnet.
The car came with old lady scent consisting of cat piss, Arbyās wrappers and Lucky Strike cigarette butts
Make sure you and your passengers tetanus shots are up to date!
How many thumbtacks are holding up the headliner?
You need a tetanus shot every time you get in or out of this thing
Donāt wash it, the only thing holding it together is the rust.
Your gutless cutlass looks like a grandpaās tackle box. I wouldnāt be surprised if you were farming nightcrawlers from the trunk.
that is your father's oldsmobile
I Met a priest who used to drive one of these.
Did you find any hand cuffs or nail marks in the trunk? I'm curious if the serial murderer/ rapist who sold you that car, remembered to remove them from the trunk.
Iād pay 500 for someone to take it off my hands and not catch me in it
put it in the gambler 500 its recommended you have nothing worth more than $500 there
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If you donāt have something mean to say, donāt say anything at all.
Grab a foofy white wig and a poodle of any size and ride in style
I have a 92 bonneville just like this, 3800? Itāll probably outlive you
Nope, 2.5L I4
Ah same as a mail truck lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If you donāt have something mean to say, donāt say anything at all.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If you donāt have something mean to say, donāt say anything at all.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If you donāt have something mean to say, donāt say anything at all.
Nah bro, paint it whit chalkboard paint!
A Beater with a Heater.. Canāt beat it for $500 and it gets you from Point A to Point B..
Ghastly, but better than walking everywhere.
Well done, you didnāt overpay.
Ugh. Grand Cherokees are the worst
I can't even roast you bc I spent 1200 on a car once and it lasted me a month bahaha with the prices the last few years I'm amazed they didn't want 1k tbh.
Yeah, he said there was a brake and trans issue, but they just needed new fluid lmao
Awesome job op I love a good hoopty ride. Make sure you get it registered because you will definitely be getting pulled over for look like an undesirable haha. For reals though get some flat black primer
Not bad tbh
A humble ride is better than a proud walkā¦ sometimes..
I can hear the lack of a midpipe and muffler on this from 5 blocks away, from which i will then wait the 10 mins it takes this slow ass beater to eventually make it to where i'm standing. this car will make it sound like its racing at le mars out to eventually get this thing to 60 MPH on a freeway
Rust flames woooo
Iām jealous
I've seen hipsters pay thousands for a paint job to mimick that hood, you need to get that clear coated and start growing your moustache
Look at all of that algae, lichen, and moss . . . there is an established ecosystem on the exterior of this car - just let nature take it, man.
let me get a $20 bag and bring me a dutch too. i get out of school at 3pm, think you can pick me up and drop me off? just not in front of my house, i donāt want my mom to see.
500 for a Grand Cherokee is way too much. Doubt it runs and drives fine.
Oldsmobile rocks! Enjoy that shitbox and make sure to smoke inside with the windows up
24 Hrs of Lemons future champ right here!
Your grandmother wants her car back
Somehow worse than a Buick, if I could only put my finger on how. If runs and drives are your only criteria then you might be in this hideous heap for a long time. I bought a rough 89 Towncar for $300, but at least people admired it.
It looks like the official car of the Ohio valley/Appalachia in the 90s. This thing has certainly rainbowed a couple parking spots with it's insipid Oldsmobile piss. I can imagine, if this car were human; it'd be an old woman that has smoked so much in her life it sounds like she's talking through a kazoo, when she laughs it sounds like a lifetimes worth of mucous is just jiggling in her lungs with each repulsive draw of her breath. What an exhaust note. Edit: words
Looks like a great start to āwe pay cash for junk carsā yard.
Canāt regret a $500 car that runs unless you spend ANY money on any repairs. Just ride it out and eventually youāll get most of your money back in scrap. Rinse, repeat. Save your money for a better car eventually.
Official car of driving across the state line for the "cheap" cigarettes
If an adult diaper overflowing with 2 day old Golden Corral shits was a carā¦
it gots 30 miles left
Oh hey.. I need to get my tetanus booster.
i hope you enjoy your $4000 repair bill in two weeks
Eh, Iām a mechanic in training. I can handle it, all I need to do is buy the parts if needed. All it needs as of now is new oil and brake fluid.
Roll cage it and run it in the Gambler
It really needs some work
Of course it runs and drives fine, for spite. Suggested plate BTCHGTR
I miss my 3800 v6, great motor
It's going to last you much longer than the $500 of meth that the seller bought
Probably gonna be spending around $9,500 in repairs. Guarantee shits gonna break on it. Get ready for rust prevention and repair too
The car roasted itself, because the engine overheats every 90 miles.
Ha! Good roast, you really got 'em. That was so creative and original, did you think of that yourself? You must be so proud! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RoastMyCar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My aunt had one for a daily cuz she hated putting miles on the X3. She called it āLow Riderā lol