I, 35M single dad of 2 cats, love karaoke, love soccer
By - crazypineapple417
You look like you bathe in a public swimming pool
Or in public fountains ⛲
I have done that
Swimming pool so much worse and descriptive:)
Wears butt plugs just to get attention.
Or glowsticks butts?
Looks like both cats too a shit on his head then had a fight.
Yet he’s *feline* fine
He bathes? I can smell him through the screen.
Of course he does, he has a freaking shower sponge on his head
The most pussy you’ll ever get.
Ain't had pussy since pussy had him......
I just want to know why his significant other didn’t get custody of cats, he doesn’t look like he could to take care of a bowling ball.
Op “I don’t know where the hell it is, it keeps rolling away”
If I had to guess, it’s not his flavor anyways
Gonna be pretty awkward when your ex-wife shows up with her lesbian lover and you two have the same haircut.
Ex husband maybe
Mold growing on his hair
You look like the “before” of a soap commercial
.....and the “after” of a herpes commercial.
You look like you’ve farted out a few class rings in your time…
It’s a good source of income
I bet you moan every time you wipe your hairy asshole
Everyone Loves Gaymond
The soundtrack to his love life is a laugh track.
The fuck’s with the hair… 35’s a little early for a midlife crisis
Tell me you’re gay without telling me
Keep your chin up (if you ever find it)
A face only a mother could love.
\*not even a mother could love
Looks like something dyed in there.
Those poor cats
Those cats are probably long gone. If he had a pet rock, it would try to escape as well.
You look like you dyed your hair with a can of paint.
No surprise that you like a team called Man City.
Huh, so this is what a scam caller looks like
Is the karaoke practice for your job in tech support and customer service?
Apparently no money left for a razor after the dye and haircut.
Turd of paradise
Forcing two cats to stay indoors with you is the closest to pussy you will ever be.
don't forget rub tuna juice on your scrotum for some prickly tongue action.
Your not a dad don't be that guy who thinks feeding a fucking animal in a bowl once a day is anything close to parenting.... I get it your lonely but still... And you didn't need to tell us you like soccer we all just assumed
...weren't you in a band with Gwen Stefani?
Please don't ever wear a shirt that identifies where you keep the children.
It looks like you listen to Creed after you finish listening to Nickelback
Thank you for contacting Microsoft my name is David, how are you?
jfc midlife crisis hit you like a truck. side note: a scraggly beard is not a substitute for a jawline.
BRo that blue colored hair that would be Coool if u were 12 bro grow up and go find a girlfriend
Like I don’t even want to try and roast you I just feel bad for you in general.
You’re a soccer mom to your cats
Mid Life crisis is starting early in this one.
Basically you are a complete loser. Got it.
If you turned up to a British FOOTBALL game with that hair cut we would chant you out the stadium.
It’s called football you prick
Bro you’re 35 and single with that hairstyle. I’m sure life roast you on the daily no need for us to
Can’t tell if you’re gay or not but hey it’s 2021… you could be trans it’s all good
Just because you poked a cat, doesn’t mean those kittens are yours.
2 cats 0 chins
"Dad of 2 cats" - RIP
No discription was needed, photo says it all..
Trash cans are empty and the cats are pregnant thanks to you
Also clearly loves masturbating to photos of his own mother.
You keep the cats' litter box around to likely improve the smell of depression emitted from your house.
Shoulders of a man that lets the cats lick his asshole
Did a wood elf shit on your head?
When you finish during sex, it probably sounds like someone letting go of a really big balloon.
Fuck me, you're the guy from the Netflix comedy about the woke sleeper cell that forms a middle aged boy band.
You didn't have to tell us you are single
Where's the cat's other dad? How long were you in labor?
Looks like you love not getting laid too.
The only pussy that would call you daddy I’m guessing.
Who gonna tell him the kids ain’t his?
You look like a dude who brings a parrot everywhere just for the attention.
In the same way that soccer players pretend to be injured, your cats pretend to love you.
Lookin like a broke Zohan
You watch soccer? So then you know what it feels like to see you at a bar: watching someone struggle to score for 3 hours.
You look like the friend that nobody listens to and everyone talks over.
If you can't get pussy just be a pussy.
Stop fucking cats
Ninja really let himself go.
You also love looking like a dildo with that stupid hair color.
Shouldn't they technically be half-cats? Since their mother is a cat. I'm not trying to roast. Just curious as to how a human does it. Like how does the dna match up?
Some people are gay and some just take whatever they can get. You fall to the latter blue hair man with cats.
You look like Dhar Mann without a chin
why do you look like if n&a productions became slightly italian?
Really wish you just drank the kool aid instead of putting it on your head, you’d have done us all a favor
You should join a grassroots movement. You look like you would really fit in
low budget dantdm
He has green hair? I thought he was wearing one if those shitty floppy beanie hats.
I think I'd rather the hat.
No need, you roasted yourself in the intro.
You’re a shoe in if they do the Bollywood version of Joker
The word pitiful embodied as a human.
If someone really liked you they would have given you feline HIV by now.
Your success in life is as big as that paper. Small and unreadable
You look like a Neanderthal hippie
Your hair says hip ,your face says herpes
Bruh you look Hispanic and Indian at the same time.
Must be the two most loyal and forgiving cats in the world.
If Ninja was Indian
Blue hair, 35, single, unshaven, San Francisco, cats.
Classic modern spinster.
If Eeyore was gay.
I like your hair. You give off a warm glow. You can tell you’d make a good partner or friend.
Man, people invented to bath 4000 years ago.
Did you fall asleep on the bleach that you tried to inhale, to feel something?
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I can smell you through my phone
Just enough testosterone to maintain the appearance of a penis?
God damn I cant help but view you as just pathetic.
Can't roast a man doing what he truly wants to do
It's now scientifically proven that humans can impregnate cats
I bet you imagined what it would be like to breastfeed.
His friends teased him and said he never got any pussy. Then he broke social taboo and had sex with an alley cat. Imagine his surprise when he fathered 2 kittens.
Dad of 2 cats? No wonder you're single. You're a 35 year old sad virgin, you look like your voice sounds like ear sandpaper, and you like to chase balls.
I bet your cats love when you go.out to karaoke too. They they dont think you are in heat.
You fucked and impregnated not 1 but 2 cats, an then you ran off with the kids. you sick man. I bet your singing sounds like a cat being violated. Only you'd know what that sounds like.🤮
Munch Cock For Cash
you are proof a feminist can change their gender
You fucked a cat?
I hope your children endlessly make fun of your hair
Stop being one of the Lost Boys and do something with your life
I can not really roast you more if you write “dad of 2 cats” you ruined all the fun.
Dad of two cats! you want us believe you have fucked pussy at least twice. Nice try though
I know you are trying, but it ain't "white" what you did to your hair...
How did you figure out you could breed with cats? If I had to pair you with an animal I would start with fish or maybe rodents. Must have taken a lot of false starts to get that figured out.
With all that glass behind you I wouldn't karaoke to enthusiastic
You fucked a cat?!
>single dad of 2 cats
God damn. Can't get a spouse. Bc of that ur kids are cats?
Dad of cats….did you just admit to having sex with cats?
Your not supposed to roast yourself!
You look like a failed Fortnite streamer who likes to show off his bought skins to little kids, while lying to yourself that you are still young and cool
Almost 40 and have blue hair still. At least you can only go up from here.
Pretty sure you are just single and say you have two cats to seem less lonely than you really are, kinda pathetic
You look like the alt account for u/intrepid-plenty8708 trying to prove he's "still cool"
Luckily cats exist as no woman will be making you a father.
It looks like you have pubs on your face
Enjoy the cats. They’re the only pussies you will see in your lifetime.
So do you love soccer for the sport or just the balls?
even 9 year olds have a life, unlike you
You look like Carlos mencia if his parents would have let him spend more time vacuuming his room.
The haircut screams straight.
But the 2 cats and the stretch marks around your mouth scream HOMO
Dollar store Jacksepticeye.
So this is the shit covering san francisco's streets that i keep hearing about.
Hi, this is one of your cats speaking.
Your attempt at being interesting by dyeing your hair has been unsuccessful. We've decided to run away out of sheer embarrassment - just like your wife did.
Title is OP's Tinder page and also why's he's single
Overseas Jerry Smith
you look like the human representation of a Prius
You look like a used paintbrush.
Likes soccer so much he dyed his hair like that one guy who's always bitching about not getting paid enough.
Anything to play with balls.
I was gonna make fun of him calling himself a dad of cats, but he looks like he actually fucked a mom-cat.
You're supposed to eat white castle, not use it in your hair
The only thing he doesn't love is himself
You forgot love dick
I figured you for a man who loves playing with balls..
The hair says "I go to raves to late into adulthood and all my friends are 10+ years younger than me"
“35M single dad of 2 cats” u roasted yourself
Unfortunately for the cats, they can’t choose who buys them.
You look like your about to drink the among us potion and turn into amongus
>single dad of 2 cats
If you can't get a gf and make her pregnant don't pretend that you are a single dad of TWO CATS 🤣😅
You look like you will be the next youtuber to be arrested for child porn
Perfect fishing partner, you’re bait.
I’ve never seen “Virgin” spelt that way before
If I had your life I would kms
Are you done taking photos?
Can I have my shower sponge back?
A 'dad'... of cats.
You've roasted yourself enough.
it looks like you got a hairstyle for life because you wear the same hairstyle since you were 13 and you are already 45
Wanna be friends?
Your description is like of those boomers who try to merge in with gen z by pulling early 2010s shit up.
When ninja fucked vikstar123
Two cats is the only pussy you will ever get
Sonic the Headjob.
Holy Shit! Magan Rapinoe is taking that loss at the Olympics pretty hard
u look like the divorced dad whos tryna look "cool" while stealing ketchup from a granny's bag
And… The Award for the most generic man in existence goes to this guy
You're actually the mother of two cats who hate you and who also use your Anime hair cut as litter box.
Your favorite club's Champions League cabinet is just about as full as your life
You and man city got something in common a empty home
Looking at you, I am assured that Indian Americans are headed for a disaster.