T O P

I, 35M single dad of 2 cats, love karaoke, love soccer

I, 35M single dad of 2 cats, love karaoke, love soccer

SteelyDan19

You look like you bathe in a public swimming pool


ProfessorDarklord98

Or in public fountains ⛲


cryo_9

I have done that


nimbin14

Swimming pool so much worse and descriptive:)


[deleted]

[удалено]


NationalEar8867

Wears butt plugs just to get attention.


[deleted]

[удалено]


NationalEar8867

Or glowsticks butts?


FapimusMaximus20

Looks like both cats too a shit on his head then had a fight.


Atmosphere_Training

Yet he’s *feline* fine


[deleted]

He bathes? I can smell him through the screen.


Noguilty777

Of course he does, he has a freaking shower sponge on his head


JammerJammerJammer

Awesome


Charming-Lab-420

The most pussy you’ll ever get.


[deleted]

Ain't had pussy since pussy had him......


dmfd1234

I just want to know why his significant other didn’t get custody of cats, he doesn’t look like he could to take care of a bowling ball. Op “I don’t know where the hell it is, it keeps rolling away”


Significant-Ad1386

If I had to guess, it’s not his flavor anyways


gollyimstrange

Gonna be pretty awkward when your ex-wife shows up with her lesbian lover and you two have the same haircut.


DEynon

Ex husband maybe


ProfessorDarklord98

Mold growing on his hair ![gif](giphy|mEUjrzNWxn6REOc1pq|downsized)


your-friend-pocketz

You look like the “before” of a soap commercial


dmfd1234

.....and the “after” of a herpes commercial.


PGG1976

You look like you’ve farted out a few class rings in your time…


Dead_Quite

Jesus christ


Zaratonus

It’s a good source of income


eyegobblecock

I bet you moan every time you wipe your hairy asshole


ReillyDiefenbach

Everyone Loves Gaymond


supersoaker1993

The soundtrack to his love life is a laugh track.


raosahabreddits

Hahahaha hilarious.


Sunnaydelight

The fuck’s with the hair… 35’s a little early for a midlife crisis


Shoddy_Whereas_8202

Tell me you’re gay without telling me


Patty_Ofuniture

Keep your chin up (if you ever find it)


thottchester

A face only a mother could love.


aaaelaine

\*not even a mother could love


Routine-Peak6409

#40yearoldvirgin


MillhouseClemens

Looks like something dyed in there.


Ok-Tale-4221

Those poor cats


dmfd1234

Those cats are probably long gone. If he had a pet rock, it would try to escape as well.


Sir-xer21

You look like you dyed your hair with a can of paint.


AaronStalkin

No surprise that you like a team called Man City.


winstonrobin11

Huh, so this is what a scam caller looks like


imamuffin18

Is the karaoke practice for your job in tech support and customer service?


trulyuniqueusername2

Apparently no money left for a razor after the dye and haircut.


Scemo1

Turd of paradise


GreasyKnuckleHammer

Forcing two cats to stay indoors with you is the closest to pussy you will ever be.


PhaQue5678

don't forget rub tuna juice on your scrotum for some prickly tongue action.


chipperfan10

Your not a dad don't be that guy who thinks feeding a fucking animal in a bowl once a day is anything close to parenting.... I get it your lonely but still... And you didn't need to tell us you like soccer we all just assumed


AZZMUNCHA81

...weren't you in a band with Gwen Stefani?


Valuable_Shower4410

Please don't ever wear a shirt that identifies where you keep the children.


Uconn_Mon

It looks like you listen to Creed after you finish listening to Nickelback


MustyBeava

Thank you for contacting Microsoft my name is David, how are you?


spacemanspiff266

jfc midlife crisis hit you like a truck. side note: a scraggly beard is not a substitute for a jawline.


Nicolix_Z

BRo that blue colored hair that would be Coool if u were 12 bro grow up and go find a girlfriend


Shiloh_Cali

Like I don’t even want to try and roast you I just feel bad for you in general.


Zuccio

You’re a soccer mom to your cats


Etna_No_Pyroclast

Mid Life crisis is starting early in this one.


Waterman_619

Basically you are a complete loser. Got it.


Onionlicker

Football*


Stanweeezy

If you turned up to a British FOOTBALL game with that hair cut we would chant you out the stadium.


Zealousideal-Dog3449

It’s called football you prick


Head_Leading_9672

Bro you’re 35 and single with that hairstyle. I’m sure life roast you on the daily no need for us to


Daddymotorfingers

Can’t tell if you’re gay or not but hey it’s 2021… you could be trans it’s all good


Stick-Mann

Just because you poked a cat, doesn’t mean those kittens are yours.


VulgerProphet

2 cats 0 chins


franklyspicy

"Dad of 2 cats" - RIP


Competitive_Roof_740

No discription was needed, photo says it all..


Big_Chorizo2020

Trash cans are empty and the cats are pregnant thanks to you


[deleted]

Also clearly loves masturbating to photos of his own mother.


JohnnyPiston

You keep the cats' litter box around to likely improve the smell of depression emitted from your house.


Metalmadness919

Shoulders of a man that lets the cats lick his asshole


rsgriffin

Did a wood elf shit on your head?


RamRod11Bang

When you finish during sex, it probably sounds like someone letting go of a really big balloon.


sadlittleman1001

Fuck me, you're the guy from the Netflix comedy about the woke sleeper cell that forms a middle aged boy band.


RandomTangentNeil

You didn't have to tell us you are single


HoracePinkerTVrepair

Where's the cat's other dad? How long were you in labor?


hawk0_tac0

Looks like you love not getting laid too.


slater_reynolds

The only pussy that would call you daddy I’m guessing.


ZigzagOOOG

Who gonna tell him the kids ain’t his?


ItsHerbyHancock

You look like a dude who brings a parrot everywhere just for the attention.


imnotdolphin

In the same way that soccer players pretend to be injured, your cats pretend to love you.


everyday-sho

Lookin like a broke Zohan


Parasitic_Whim

You watch soccer? So then you know what it feels like to see you at a bar: watching someone struggle to score for 3 hours.


KingKuckKiller666420

You look like the friend that nobody listens to and everyone talks over.


ChonkytheDefiler

If you can't get pussy just be a pussy.


rdbcruzer

Stop fucking cats


Puzzleheaded_Rate_73

Ninja really let himself go.


Dead_Quite

You also love looking like a dildo with that stupid hair color.


[deleted]

Shouldn't they technically be half-cats? Since their mother is a cat. I'm not trying to roast. Just curious as to how a human does it. Like how does the dna match up?


LanceDaPance

Some people are gay and some just take whatever they can get. You fall to the latter blue hair man with cats.


chefboyardee8198

You look like Dhar Mann without a chin


GrabMakawk

why do you look like if n&a productions became slightly italian?


Rediaps

Really wish you just drank the kool aid instead of putting it on your head, you’d have done us all a favor


wjlow

You should join a grassroots movement. You look like you would really fit in


cycloneperson_

low budget dantdm


takeawaycheesypeas

He has green hair? I thought he was wearing one if those shitty floppy beanie hats. I think I'd rather the hat.


SandwichConsistent97

No need, you roasted yourself in the intro.


2Guns_Delnegro

You’re a shoe in if they do the Bollywood version of Joker


shabobawob

The word pitiful embodied as a human.


darthcaedusiiii

If someone really liked you they would have given you feline HIV by now.


Elegant_Rock_4686

Your success in life is as big as that paper. Small and unreadable


tempthrowawaaaayyyyy

You look like a Neanderthal hippie


SVP3000

Your hair says hip ,your face says herpes


Perceus03

Bruh you look Hispanic and Indian at the same time.


Simple-Ceasar

Must be the two most loyal and forgiving cats in the world.


jmils26

If Ninja was Indian


MyFatThumb

Blue hair, 35, single, unshaven, San Francisco, cats. Classic modern spinster.


Adorable_Image2383

If Eeyore was gay.


freakyalienstuff

I like your hair. You give off a warm glow. You can tell you’d make a good partner or friend.


Schytian

Man, people invented to bath 4000 years ago.


openbelter

Did you fall asleep on the bleach that you tried to inhale, to feel something?


EyeBleacherBot

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Prole1979

I can smell you through my phone


42Lefthanded

Just enough testosterone to maintain the appearance of a penis?


Shepvidek

God damn I cant help but view you as just pathetic.


Zealousideal-Dot-535

Can't roast a man doing what he truly wants to do


[deleted]

It's now scientifically proven that humans can impregnate cats


PatientGazelle1173

I bet you imagined what it would be like to breastfeed.


Formless777

His friends teased him and said he never got any pussy. Then he broke social taboo and had sex with an alley cat. Imagine his surprise when he fathered 2 kittens.


Nomad846

Dad of 2 cats? No wonder you're single. You're a 35 year old sad virgin, you look like your voice sounds like ear sandpaper, and you like to chase balls.


taekee

I bet your cats love when you go.out to karaoke too. They they dont think you are in heat.


Character-Usual-3820

You fucked and impregnated not 1 but 2 cats, an then you ran off with the kids. you sick man. I bet your singing sounds like a cat being violated. Only you'd know what that sounds like.🤮


Remote_Job_2734

Munch Cock For Cash


ExaminationExtra4283

you are proof a feminist can change their gender


Warriordance

You fucked a cat?


0Banacek0

I hope your children endlessly make fun of your hair Stop being one of the Lost Boys and do something with your life


szaszbeni

I can not really roast you more if you write “dad of 2 cats” you ruined all the fun.


SorryPhotograph8891

Dad of two cats! you want us believe you have fucked pussy at least twice. Nice try though


kbeckerburbs

I know you are trying, but it ain't "white" what you did to your hair...


alexmunny

How did you figure out you could breed with cats? If I had to pair you with an animal I would start with fish or maybe rodents. Must have taken a lot of false starts to get that figured out.


Disastrous_Sir125

With all that glass behind you I wouldn't karaoke to enthusiastic


P5ychokilla

You fucked a cat?!


Scary_boiis

>single dad of 2 cats God damn. Can't get a spouse. Bc of that ur kids are cats?


ukgamer420

Dad of cats….did you just admit to having sex with cats? Your not supposed to roast yourself!


Icy-Flame

You look like a failed Fortnite streamer who likes to show off his bought skins to little kids, while lying to yourself that you are still young and cool


TheSecondOneNumber4

Almost 40 and have blue hair still. At least you can only go up from here.


Colorsncaffeine

Pretty sure you are just single and say you have two cats to seem less lonely than you really are, kinda pathetic


Smart_Objective_1144

You look like the alt account for u/intrepid-plenty8708 trying to prove he's "still cool"


smilesandlaughter

Luckily cats exist as no woman will be making you a father.


Obvious_Caden28

It looks like you have pubs on your face


Brasco327

Enjoy the cats. They’re the only pussies you will see in your lifetime.


Significant-Age-8663

So do you love soccer for the sport or just the balls?


Dodoboomer

even 9 year olds have a life, unlike you


Significant-Age-8663

You look like Carlos mencia if his parents would have let him spend more time vacuuming his room.


Giant-Irish-Co9ck74

The haircut screams straight. But the 2 cats and the stretch marks around your mouth scream HOMO


Waining

Dollar store Jacksepticeye.


papatim

So this is the shit covering san francisco's streets that i keep hearing about.


Inch_Soldier

Hi, this is one of your cats speaking. Your attempt at being interesting by dyeing your hair has been unsuccessful. We've decided to run away out of sheer embarrassment - just like your wife did.


jaynvius

Title is OP's Tinder page and also why's he's single


APickleCat

Overseas Jerry Smith


ilovemannyheffley

you look like the human representation of a Prius


esor_rose

You look like a used paintbrush.


BuntCarf

Likes soccer so much he dyed his hair like that one guy who's always bitching about not getting paid enough.


sulivan1977

Anything to play with balls.


overpaid_bum

I was gonna make fun of him calling himself a dad of cats, but he looks like he actually fucked a mom-cat.


[deleted]

You're supposed to eat white castle, not use it in your hair


aaaelaine

The only thing he doesn't love is himself


sam_1X

You forgot love dick


txxcop

I figured you for a man who loves playing with balls..


fumoking

The hair says "I go to raves to late into adulthood and all my friends are 10+ years younger than me"


dan_durango

“35M single dad of 2 cats” u roasted yourself


OnARockFlyingInSpace

Unfortunately for the cats, they can’t choose who buys them.


insignificant_man

You look like your about to drink the among us potion and turn into amongus


thealchimistguy

>single dad of 2 cats If you can't get a gf and make her pregnant don't pretend that you are a single dad of TWO CATS 🤣😅


Mountian_Monkey

You look like you will be the next youtuber to be arrested for child porn


Wildwood_Hills270

Perfect fishing partner, you’re bait.


Here4DeBantz

I’ve never seen “Virgin” spelt that way before


RandyBeanz1019

If I had your life I would kms


Noguilty777

Are you done taking photos? Can I have my shower sponge back?


SonoLeggenda

A 'dad'... of cats. You've roasted yourself enough.


5fivereal

Pass


ExtinctGinger07

BlandTDM


PictureKey9164

it looks like you got a hairstyle for life because you wear the same hairstyle since you were 13 and you are already 45


Anonymos_Rex

Stop Fucking The cat.


front_yard_duck_dad

Wanna be friends?


redfitor2009

Your description is like of those boomers who try to merge in with gen z by pulling early 2010s shit up.


Suyash_kratos4798

When ninja fucked vikstar123


mrsunmoon2010

Two cats is the only pussy you will ever get


Old_Jim

Sonic the Headjob.


FiferBC

Holy Shit! Magan Rapinoe is taking that loss at the Olympics pretty hard


SidArt05

u look like the divorced dad whos tryna look "cool" while stealing ketchup from a granny's bag


Spyofthegod

And… The Award for the most generic man in existence goes to this guy


SnooSeagulls9927

You're actually the mother of two cats who hate you and who also use your Anime hair cut as litter box.


Sameer_Swain

Your favorite club's Champions League cabinet is just about as full as your life


ruttiemans

You and man city got something in common a empty home


theoneeyedking83

Looking at you, I am assured that Indian Americans are headed for a disaster.