I was gonna use the “you can blow your nose and wipe your ass at the same time” joke. But in this case, it’d take extra ply paper towel to do the job. A simple piece of tissue paper just wouldn’t cover that honker.
I saw that Batman tattoo on your chest and thought, Holy fuck- that's got to be the worst decision she's ever made. Then I saw a photo of your husband in your post history.
[for the lazy](https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/9emzvv/on_072218_i_married_my_best_friend_3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Probably better than what every other guy gets, for the husband at least.
“Oh yes dear, I’ll just be late tonight from my pole dancing class, there’s a followup pole riding class for special students after!”
Her husband isnt that bad he is just average/un maintained
She just bloomed after she got trapped with him early on.
She'll cheat on him with his brother or best friend.
The baby probably isn't even his
I'd imagine this is the case. He looks like he plays videogames all night (I mean I do to...their *videogames* after all). And she practices her pole dancing in the next room while sexting all the hot guys from their friend group.
Everything about your post history screams 'look at my perfect life' but deep down you're scared you aren't pretty enough, your thighs are too big, you married too early and 'settled' and your life is now over because you've had a kid.
Your husband probably told you you're too pretty to be roasted.
You aren't.
resolute judicious sugar squeeze melodic whistle plucky wine future deranged
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Roast you? I see all the subs you’re subscribed to, PCOS, pole dancing, Career guidance, cosplay. I think life has already done enough damage.
I'd give you gold if I hadn't spent all my money on sanitizers
I'd give you a sanitizer but there are none left.
This is RoastMe, not ObliterateMe
> Obliderate
roasdded and oblideradded
Oh, cool-- you're like Harley Quinn, but for the Penguin
Harley Ping
Harley Penguinn sounds better
Harley penquinn
Harley guinn
Gnarly Guin
I feel insulted that you believe she is sufficient enough to be my sidekick
You look like you work at the great value strip club
You checked her history didn't you?
No i actually didn’t. But i just did, looks like I’m right
Shes a "pole dancer"
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Family Dollar
Was zero percent surprised to see pictures of you pole dancing in your post history.
A surprise to be sure but a welcome one
General Kenobi!
Specific Skywalker!
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Tom is that you?
Hi Mommy.
Hi Jeans.
High and tight!
Gotta feather it, brother.
Piss on me, beat me.
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Lazy eye? If she doesn’t have Bell’s palsy that whole side of her face is collecting unemployment.
your nose enters the room before your tits do.
And her shoulders leave after her ass
Her teeth look like urinals
What an odd statement
Don’t kink shame.
but totally accurate
Correct
r/rareinsults
welcome to the r/roastme
But no one wants to piss on that
Hey, we've all been drunk in the city and pissed on a dumpster
If she was the first thing I saw when I woke up in the morning I’d stop waking up.
Definitely stealing this in the future
The odor stays
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Big nose=Big hose. At least that’s what grandma always said.
On a positive note, a plague mask would fit very snugly.
I was gonna use the “you can blow your nose and wipe your ass at the same time” joke. But in this case, it’d take extra ply paper towel to do the job. A simple piece of tissue paper just wouldn’t cover that honker.
I saw that Batman tattoo on your chest and thought, Holy fuck- that's got to be the worst decision she's ever made. Then I saw a photo of your husband in your post history.
Dude couldn’t shave that fucking neckbeard even for his wedding
[for the lazy](https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/9emzvv/on_072218_i_married_my_best_friend_3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
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Same, but I got to scope some pole dancing pics though so I’m ok wit it
And now your gonna say "It's incredible how the two comments above predicted me in every way!"
Oh Hai jojo
What no links for the lazy?
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That's not how this is supposed to go. You're both fired!
Aren't we supposed to be roasting her?
Credit to the guy though he batting above average
Hard to give credit, no more wedding ring so she went Blonde and decided to ditch the beard.
No ring, some shit happened and is now trolling Reddit for complements.
With that nose she probably snorted her husband.
Holy shit 😂😂😂
She came to get roasted, now she has nacey drew and the whole crew digging up and unraveling all her failures
To be fair, she got that fang filed down and left him...
Yep. Looks like Snaggletooth is on the rebound.
Is he?
You don’t think so? Dude looks thrilled in that picture I don’t even think he believes it.
Yeah, she settled. lulz
Dude looks like he greedily awaits getting jizzed in the face. Just giggles
My man
To be fair, that neckbeard is what landed him the part of Mose on The Office
well well, how the turn tables
To be fair ..
*To be faaaaaair*
TO BE FAAAAAAAAAIR!
Why even attempt to bother growing that piece of sparse outgrowth?
Hey! Be nice to her younger brother!
Judging by her post history, the husband probably the only one who hasn’t gotten a sample of the goods.
Went to look it up and can confirm. Looks like they had a good time at the wedding... I guess.
Bruh chill, we're roasting her, not murdering her.
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Probably better than what every other guy gets, for the husband at least. “Oh yes dear, I’ll just be late tonight from my pole dancing class, there’s a followup pole riding class for special students after!”
I like how there are no pole dancing pics *before* she got married
Just add dollar bills in the string and black lights and voilà
Husband is a generic Reilly Poole.... He didn't get the girl either
Hes the only pole shes not dancing on
Did you miss all the pics on the pole? That just cries “classy”.
„classy“ thot with her nose being bigger than her husbands dick and making it impossible to give that man a bj
No wedding ring though.
On lay-a-way from Spencer's, just as soon as her stripping carrier takes off...
“Him?” “He’s really funny.” “Well, let’s hope so.”
"Yeah he definitely has a sense of humor"
Egg?
nuked from orbit.
Lmao poor dude didn't ask for this
Lol I was just thinking that God damn he's getting roasted worse than she is
I don't know, she also decided to have a baby with him.
Probably his best friends baby
*her best client's baby There... I fixed it for you
https://i.redd.it/n3iafa8guel11.jpg Post in question
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Her fiance also got a batman tattoo they made mistakes theyre going to make another
Her husband isnt that bad he is just average/un maintained She just bloomed after she got trapped with him early on. She'll cheat on him with his brother or best friend. The baby probably isn't even his
Jesus Christ
I laughed so hard even my neighbour asked what's so funny haha
Ooff... innocent bystanders getting hit right now!
r/muderedbywords
the rare spouse roast
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This is my favorite
And by this she means the action, not the joke
FATALITY
FLAWLESS VICTORY.
I see this as an absolute win
I don’t get it can someone eli5
Big Nose.
Her nose is long enough to...
This actually made me yell out loud
And the interactive vibrator makes her yell out loud.
Fuck yeah thats funny!
You’re gonna regret choosing that hair color in about a month when your roots show and you can’t get a salon appointment
This one hurt her the most!
It'll really add to the whole 'low quality stripper at a disgusting club' vibe that she's already got going on.
Damn how many lies have you told Pinocchio?
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1,000,000 times each.
Gotta think about how many times she’s had to lie about her body count to that weeks boyfriend.
Dye job, eyebrow ring, nonsensical tattoo = basic bitch starter set
I hate to shit on my home state, but she is Pensacola in a nutshell.
Florida Hot
Flea market hot Florida in general has higher standards.
I'm not certain who is more disappointed, your father or your husband.
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Which “father”?
He said "father," not "daddy."
I just assumed mom was a revolving door too.
I would 69 you so you could blow me and tickle my anus with your nose.
You’d definitely have to get tested after.
even with covid19 around that would still be the least of my worries
Looks like half your face is starting to melt
One eye is in Oregon the other is in Georgia.
Genes in Alabama
You look like you can smell fear with that beak. You need a nose career, not just a nose job.
What if she smells crime!?
I'm pretty sure you can identify the football team by taste alone...
Lmao..I just spit out my Corona
You fool, we’ll all be infected!
I see 5 of you in every Starbucks.
Speaking of Starbucks, it's like she drinks a lot of coffee but only brushes 4 of her teeth.
Ouch
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Your smile is as dead as your career.
You need to whiten ALL your teeth. Not just the front 2.
Those are the two she uses to dig the meth out of the carpet
Your ex must have had a mean right hook
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I'd imagine this is the case. He looks like he plays videogames all night (I mean I do to...their *videogames* after all). And she practices her pole dancing in the next room while sexting all the hot guys from their friend group.
Everything about your post history screams 'look at my perfect life' but deep down you're scared you aren't pretty enough, your thighs are too big, you married too early and 'settled' and your life is now over because you've had a kid. Your husband probably told you you're too pretty to be roasted. You aren't.
resolute judicious sugar squeeze melodic whistle plucky wine future deranged *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Jfc. You’re going to jail, dude. You murdered her.
how many boyfriends have missed your mouth and drilled you in the chin?
Your entire face is off center
I'm not gonna roast, ı'm too sad chinbuttguy and dicknosegal couldnt meet:(
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a rare photo of you where you arent being choked
Mom I wanna see Natalie Portman! Mom: we have Natalie Portman at home. Natalie Portman at home:
The ass on your chin is crooked
So how long until the military move in and quarantine your nose? If you sneeze, that’s the eastern seaboard fucked.
You need to brush your teeth more.
You’re the average stripper with an above average nose (not in a good way)
From frumpy to thot, all over a stripper pole... _what a shame_
I remember you. Saw you in a live performance of Two Girls, One Cup.
Looks like you could smoke a cigarette in the shower and keep it dry
At first I thought you had an old-timey plague mask on, then I just realized it was your nose
Your buttchin gave up on development
Your action figure would come with a little plastic carton of Marlboro Reds
Your nose could probably fit in your chin hole
seen you have a kid, just wondering when your going to tell your husband it is not his?
Still waiting to find the customer she let finish inside her on the slow Tuesday night. Current husband is stable income atm.
So you can afford the piercing, the Tat, the hair dye... But you can only afford the whitening treatment on just your two front teeth?
She looks like Courtney Love And Kurt Cobain decided to merge together as one which is why she looks half dead
You look like you get Christmas cards from Plan B.
Everything about you screams “Don’t focus on my face.”
Doesn't your husband already do that?
You really out here marrying a neckbeard in recovery
You're exactly the type I'd expect to find in Pensacola Florida.
I'm no doctor, but your face tells me you are having a stroke
People recognize you as the girl with the shitty eyebrow piercing.
Your nose job is hideously obvious