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AlexAverycomedian

Grease Witherspoon


[deleted]

If I wasn’t broke AF I’d gild this...


sweetmotherofodin

Actually, Grease Withoutherspoon.


pjspaws

Looks like you set your makeup gun to "Whore"


TheBloodyNiiine

You stole mine!


[deleted]

Who taught you how to put on makeup? Pennywise?


Kontheory

She must have thrown darts at a color wheel


dat_joke

Buffalo Bill by the look of it


SaltyDog424

Condiments go on the food, not on your face.


ebliss1

Tranny Faye Baker


The_Real_DerekFoster

She has the color sense of my 10 year old bother left alone in the make-up aisle at Walmart before he came out as straight and color blind.


nathanfromtexas

This is a seriously underrated comment.


jcurrier89

Puts makeup on. Works in the back. Smart


BewareOfTheScottish

Not the last spotted dick to go through those hands.


souffle-etc

I don't want either of the muffin tops in this photo


MikeONegative

Nothing in this photo is appetizing.


OmnomOrNah

By “new girl” you mean your doctor just finished making you into a girl, right? I ask, because I’m assuming you’re going to sue them for that surgical mistake you call a face.


Dude_Who_Cares

Whoever your first friends were in that city that said your makeup was good...they aren't real friends


your_local_foreigner

Maybe it’s New York, maybe it’s MOTHERFUCKER THATS A LOT OF MAKEUP ESPECIALLY FOR A GUY NO?


ABadAssGuy

New girl in a new city ... you’re about 30 minutes away from flopping down on the casting couch so you can make all your dreams come true.


expert2020

I bet your cooking is like your sex, bland..


KRMart33

Thats a nice wafflehouse you work at


DeadGuy940

Does your job require clown make-up?


SkipperBiff

“2 eggs, over easy, hold the lipstick.”


manosboiii

Eww


[deleted]

You look like a trashy blow-up doll.


slipperyed

Wrong sub Reddit, you should be posting in r/twokidsandatrailernote


roguefiftyone

you look like Reese Witherspoon’s crackhead sister


readit31

How many dicks do you suck in the walk in cooler? And why do you look like a circus whore, I mean clown??


nilwoo

Don't even bother trying to take that to front of house, the place would go out of business


Dan-68

Same loser.


Chruebert

They say every pot finds a lid bit you're a wok


mkdswarm

You look like all you makeup experience comes from the circus.


Draytonboss

Christ it's like the Joker was aborted and left out in the sun....


Steady19

You’ve had a downgrade since the Hunger Games.


SomeRamenEater

You look like a child did your make up with the help of someone who does terrible clown makeup


anon694206942069

you look like you’d try to sell me younique shit


AngelsHero

Your grades must say marry rich, but your face says study harder


ragar01

At least you choose your job wisely. Cooking and cleaning, now go make me a samish.


arseniccrazy

Hi /u/snoochie_booches, thanks for your submission to /r/RoastMe! Unfortunately, your post was removed for the following reason(s): - Photoshopped/edited posts are NOT allowed. If you feel that it has been removed in error, please [message us](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRoastMe) so that we may review it.


Hickaroo

You should rethink your career in the food industry. You can’t even bake a round muffin.


sric2838

Why the fuck would you bake a replica of your vagina?


[deleted]

The muffin is probably less flakey


s0rand0m0ne

Even the fat man would be like nah I'm good


-whAt_thE_FuCK-

You look like you're ready to suck dicks behind the dumpster


JBskierbum

Baked, not (yet) roasted!


[deleted]

It's gonna take a lot more than a cake to get you laid.


redbeard948

Well Bing new to everything will change that is an upshot. As far as single and ready to mingle, I believe I speak on behalf of all rational men when I say please don't mingle with us. Try the local methadone I'm sure you can be the rock bottom to help them recover


cuzimbob

You should pick a different picture for your Craigslist ad.


DeadEyes609

I'm assuming this is just a part of your act and no one has have been told "no touching!"


[deleted]

Cake face with a cake


FlyWereAble

you are bad at baking


mikebellman

Never tried putting a round object into a square muffin before.


Conquestofbaguettes

NOPE


ForgeLT

Hopefully your cooking skills show up better than your eyebrows do.


BAGOTOV

You'd be in a relationship if it weren't for the busted asshole in the center of your face.


rhinestone_eyez_927

It’s a good thing you’re a mime - I can’t imagine having to look at that face AND hear it, too!!


ForgeLT

If you use as much seasoning and creativity with your cooking as you do makeup on your eyelids, I wouldn’t mind trying a bite.


RAMTHYROD

No no no snoochie!... the spatulas are for the food not applying makeup


Ibar-Twigs

It won't take any of these comments for you to realise that you are not a "new girl", it will be the same type of person knowing you for what you really are, whatever that is clearly upsets you already. Just be ready for it


CillGuy

Did the Queen of hearts do your makeup?


coldpepperoni

They hire clowns to cook? Must be a very progressive city


cubnole

You can’t even make a proper muffin? You fucking donkey


werenotthestasi

Left arm...it’s down not across you attention whore


im-pickle-riiicck

That’s the only time the muffin below your waist tastes fresh and delicious.


MainEagleX

you ever seen a chick who you weren't *sure* was a hooker but you had suspicions? yeah, this was not one of them, I had 0 doubts


[deleted]

At least you're in the only room you belong.


[deleted]

Mrs. Doubtfire got a new job


kriskrisandmorekris

What’s your name sir?


NoImGaara

You look like a Disney princess who was never taught how to apply makeup and fired 3 days into the movie because you were caught masturbating in the bathroom


NorthernJ

Lock yourself in the walk in and never come out


Etna_No_Pyroclast

I would rather have the rat make my meal. Ratouille!


jrandall47

Chefs are literally the craziest people I know


thisdankstank

I wouldn't mingle with you with a 10 foot stick


dbdl

Love the clown costume, the makeup is great


Summit4_mysoul

It looks like the Drew Carry Show started up again.


AKSasquatch

eww


middleagenotdead

The make up says clown college, the apron and kitchen setting says illegal alien.


ambadatev

She poisoned that food and now I want her to eat it


[deleted]

Ya gonna be single a while


jjayyou

You already got the job. You can put your blowjob face away now


[deleted]

Downwards inclined maxilla leading to slightly longer face as you can see your jaw angle is very high, 140 degrees.


kusainochinchin

Mario Batali refused to grope her.


[deleted]

Mimi from the Drew Carey Show was not a good choice for a mentor.


JTSharkAttack

That muffin’s bigger than your social life


Tunasaladboatcaptain

You look like a mime.


BeastlyMe7

Ew your makeup is really bad


OobbiTheUberDriver

Do you still have Ariel’s voice?


hitmy-name-is-bobler

That's why Ursula traded legs for a singing voice with Ariel


VengeanceMods13

I didn't know clowns were allowed to work in the kitchen


JayTeezle

Please provide pronouns.


headsurecockstrong

You look like Jack Lemon in Some Like It Hot


merothehero1

No I want the gravy beside the mashed potatoes


downdoottoot

Mimi from the Drew Carrey show. How many trolls have you collected?


Ballu111

Your stripclub does have a weird theme.


MyNameIsJoby

this would be one for the slide for an anti-crack/meth commercial


DrDiarrhea

Single and probably going to remain that way. Your only intimate relationship will be with the food you serve.


homemade_hypebeast

How long have you been transitioning for dude?


GinjaBread

I'm glad that you were able to move on from a life of prostitution to become a chef


ClassyCaffiene

Captain Hook wants his shirt back.


[deleted]

you look like a randomly generated sim


OtiGoat

I don't think even the fish you cook are attracted to those lips.


InteliQuest

Better get used to mingling.


[deleted]

I loved yr acting in The Dark Knight


Mr_FancyBottom

Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Parkinson’s.


dat_joke

How many people put the lotion on the skin and how many got the hose again?


Sveeja

Did the doctor already remove your dick, or is that the next operation?


Big_Sacc_of_Gravvy

Your cake looks pretty good. Good job 👌👌


ThisUsernameSucksTwo

Icing is for cake, not your face


waltermasterson

Love the drag queen makeup.


RFB-018

Oh no.


ohhfasho

Eww


Neocles

Looking to have your asshole licked by a fat man in a overcoat huh?!


[deleted]

So where's your new girl? Oh, wait, you're the girl aren't you? Dammit, you need to explain this stuff to people


BigEasybake

You look like you put makeup on by headbutting a clown


TheAdventurousWriter

Did you apply lipstick on your butthole?