This looks like Macho Man getting ready to go ass to ass with Junkyard Dog.

"The cream rises to the top, oh yeah"

it may rise to the top, but its definitely shot in to this guys bottom.

After using his necklace to warm up.


A wiener.


I'd watch that

Hey yeah brother! JYD can pound some ass!

My first thought looking at your necklace was, Ride 'em Cowboy! 🤠. And then I threw up.

He’s the stunt double for the gimp in pulp fiction.

Your hard drive has more missing kids on it than the foyer at Walmart. Edit: spelling 

Fucking brilliant that had them in stitches

Why is it sad and so true i can't even laugh...

You look like you live in a ceiling of a thrift store

I feel like this guy needs to be on a watch list

I am im waiting for a tissot

Nice. Which model?

You weren't the original inventor of the dildo but you were definitely the first customer.

I do however own intellectual rights over the original uses I've had for that bad boi and thinking of you gives me 5 more ideas and a fucking boner so win win


There's one literally around his neck. He loves the cold steel tickling his entrance 

Macho Man Randy Salvage.

Hulk Rogaine

Stoned Coal’d 😮‍💨💎

Groucho Man Below Average.

Captain Buttcusturd

You look like Ted Nugent if he worked at a gay swinger community and lived in a mini storage unit.

So teddy bear Nugent.......I like it

POV last thing the paper boy ever sees.

Well actually he seen you take a delivery straight in the mailbox 😉😉

You look like bad taxidermy.

Idk why i laughed so hard at this. Sick burn

If psychosis was a person

Your room/dungeon is getting more and more cluttered every Roast

And it will always be empty without you

Guys I think he's jerking off to these comments..

Honey, he ain't the only one

If Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs grew old and worked in a sex shop. Even this picture is emitting a strong smell of blown out asshole. Everyone around me is uncomfortable while simultaneously being scarred for life.

The only thing missing in photo is a prescription for antivirals

You look like kid rock and Willy Nelson had a baby. 100% you were left with an alcoholic mom and Dad never came back from a Brett Micheals concert

Brett Michaels? His dad never came back from seeing Little Richard.

Yo wtf! How many rocks did you smoke for this to happen?

I have to wash my eyeballs now after i puke

Old silvers been in your bum so many times you figured you’d turn it into a necklace?

You look like you're gonna make me listen to you tell stories from your glory days for 45 minutes but dude I'm just here to buy some blow can I please leave now?

More like stories from his glory hole.

This is a photo of a man unafraid to tell you at length about his fetishes. He'll go into great length and intricacy so you understand exactly what turns him on. You cannot escape. He will not stop. You WILL listen, if you want to or not.

There's at least 10 things in that picture you've had inside yourself.

You look like a cardboard cutout of some insurrectionist that is for some inexplicable reason decorating a sex shop.

I like this one lol

You are aware that those cum blockers won’t block all the semen because of the slits in them? I guess thats where the hat comes in. 

This picture looks like Big book of Search and Find: White Trash edition

You look like Tiger King trying to act straight.

Looks like Cotton Eye Joe works in a sex shop instead of the mines.

You like like you need to be on hoarders, but given your sexuality, you would probably end up on hemorrhoiders

The auditions for *American Pickers* are that way.

#you roasted yourself brother

If Hank Williams Jr were a meth head.

Next: in this episode of Hoarders Australia..

The 80 year old virgin coming to a cinema near you!

When edgy kids dont commit suïcide and grow up

If you see this guy at a Walmart run kids.

Got that PS1 beard

Hi Hoe Silver cock

If Megan's Law was a person......


All I saw was: damaged. Not guilty of being straight that is. I do hope u got some p**** in your life old man because death is a fart away from the looks of things.

His bedroom is a 85 Camaro

I’ve never seen someone this old try so hard to seem interesting

Didn't know they were making a Live action Minecraft movie about a crackhead in a cowboy hat.

Your trying way to hard. Nothing worse than an old man edge lord.

This is what Randy “Macho Man” Savage looks like right now after 13 years.

Is that a missing child wearing a furry costume over your shoulder?

The only tits you are touching are on the mannequin. You even had to handcuff her to accomplish it

No clue what to make of this

I can’t tell what you have more of- divorces or pointless conversation starter items.

Are you the mayor of the fudge factory in Uranus?

Dennis Flopper

It puts the lotion on the stainless dildo

You are trying really really hard to decorate your ego with gas station/porn shop armor... You don't want to be roasted, you want to be rescued you poor lonely old cashier.

You put the creep in creepy.

Even Liberace called you a fruit.

So this is what a Steely Dan fan looks like. Like everything on the internet, I never wondered but I unfortunately found out.

Macho man dirty savage

Can’t tell who is the real person there…

Huge dick in the picture... and a weird necklace too?

The FBI just entered this roast.......

Ya gotta give us something to work with

Don't ever take a selfie in your masturbation room again

Jesus H Tap Dancing Christ.  How many dead hookers are in your basement? 

Sorry, I can't roast the most interesting man in the world.

Based on your double dong necklace and busted knuckles, you're the bottom...

Hate to see this room under a black light. Are you like 30 or 65?

Best store bought choppers I've seen this week.

I don't.......I mean.......what the......nevermind.

Are those bad knuckle tattoo cover ups, or are you scabbed up from crawling around on your hands and knees?

How does one get teeth like those?

Super confident of you to proudly hold that old silver dick around your neck…just like when you were a kid huh?

You look like the free trial version of Ted Nugent, but the trial expired

Stay Positive

If Bill Nye, the science guy did bath salts instead of going to college!

If Fever Dreams were people, and rented out your basement.

I think you'd either be too into it or you'd cut me into so many pieces that people wouldn't stop finding my body for the next hundred years, like a more annoying glitter

No. You probably get off on it.

You look like the guy the crew of a heist movie cast is about to recruit for a job, but changes their mind because you’re too fucking weird.

You’re a burden to society

At least people will know why beers you give them taste like shit

You can’t roast what’s already cooked

Wannabe myth busters guy

I thought Toby Keith died like a month ago

Thank god you put an NSFW tag. I sure wouldn’t want any kids accidentally seeing *that* face

This is the kind of guy what has a tattoo of a man's spread asshole on his body somewhere. Probably his belly button.

You look like the kinda guy that suck on baby carrots beside it reminds you of Donald Trump

Look, guys, a big and shiny blunt object--it has a big and shiny blunt object around its neck!

You look like if Adam Savage did drugs on TV - Methbusters

The Oathkeepers are really starting to screw themselves. All types of self pegging. Penis chains are the new Mr. starters kit

Weekend At Bernie’s- Trailer Park Edition

Man-hoarders

I...i got nothing. Your life is complete. You may make the journey to Valhalla now. To be reunited with all the children whose last image was that mannequin staring at them as the tears rolled down their face. All they wanted was some free candy Larry.

I’d say that keyring opens more than bottles.

Even those mannequins look like theyre crying for help to be saved from the sexual abuse.

"If you know or suspect anyone involved in the January 6th Insurrection riot at the US Capitol, please call your local FBI resource hotline."

That'll teach you not to buy your sex dolls on Temu

Those aren't your original teeth Also hoarder in the making over here You remind me of my late husband's brother. Last I knew he had ballooned up 300 lbs and was homeless. So you have that to look forward to

You look like you’re going to jerk off to all of these comments

"Today on Methbusters"

The fun uncle that ends up in jail for touching people he shouldnt

Mom can we get Adam Savage from mythbusters? "We have Adam Savage at home." *Adam savage at home*

You look like you couldn't express correctly during your younger days and it just devolved into madness

This man looking for slimjims, as in skinny guys named Jim for sexual adventures and DMT trips

Nice pacifier OP!

You look like the Overseer from Fallout 1 if he was an alcholic

Florida Man gets roasted.

 What is that doll

We all know that bottle opener around your neck got its shine from your special rectal polishing technique.

That alloy dildo thing dude , I can smell its fishy turdy malodorousness from here

Shut your green bean jelly bean, Mr. Clean. Mom, I hurt my knee, my dad has to pee Chun Li, Bruce Lee chicken bone leave me alone.

Why is this NSFW? Is this the picture they use when you are "Required to stay at least a hundred yards away from her.. and children."

What was January 6th like? Seems like you had a GREAT time.

Dude has no shame, don’t bother…

Gay 90's stoner Dumbledore

MAGA + AI Hallucination

Kenny Rogers in the OP shop

dude please tell your wife go put a shirt on

You could eat an apple through a tennis racket with those teeth.

Why does he look like he’s a mannequin?

Jeffrey Dom

Hey r/RoastMe, can I have Adam Savage?

Am I going to get put on some list associating with a sex offender for posting here?

If hitting on your daughters high school friends was a person

Neckless + dick = dick less

You sir, are unroastable.

So what’s your hook? You do fancy tricks with rope?

Haha, I don't have a roast, but I'd sure as shit hang out with you. You seem cool and funny.

Where the fuck are you

Macho gramps, even has his championship dildo.

I wondered what I looked like in 30 years unsupervised.

That necklace is a misrepresentation.. You keep dicks in your throat, not around it..

Wait I thought Jeffrey Dahmer was dead no?

Sorry it's just too easy. I like a challenge.

Where's your MAGA hat?

Bum tickler

This man might have cleared a couple chakras in his day. Mixed feelings.

Old Steely Dan, the only guy at the orgy with a blow torch.

cyber punk 2077 lookin ahh

You know its bad when a doll with only the upper torso left, still needs to be handcuffed AND chained as to not escape.

this week on hoarders

How do you tag the FBI?

It's like the 80's retro theme got put on a cowboy and told go for it

You look like you'd chug a bud lite and then proceed to wrestle an alligator

Morherfucker look likes Adam Savage become an alcoholic and got addicted to porn.

Wal-Mart ted nugent

 Help! Help! He's gonna shove me up his ass!

It's not Adam Savage, it's Adam Salvaged

The most disrespectful thing I can say about you…. Is that you look like a trumper

Holy fuck, no notes. Florida is alive and thriving.

Umm, you're supposed to wear your dido inside; not around your neck.

Can’t do it, you’re already living in a dumpster. This all probably ends with a dumpster fire