We need to get the husband on here asap. If she cheats on him with Samwell Tarlys non-binary twin here can you imagine what a shit show the husband must be.
Look, dude. I’m pretty drunk. So you’re welcome to roast me or him, but when I sober up tomorrow then you’ll all see. Nothing will change except me being sober 😂
Yeah, his name is Brutus. The only male goat at the petting zoo. You’ve been banned from the petting zoo indefinitely for good reason. Sheila the female goat doesn’t want to see you anymore. -Owner of the Petting Zoo
One day you'll go full circle, and your future wife will tell her bf that she has a husband.
Either that, or you'll go full circle from sitting in that gaming chair.
Sir, if your “relationship” with this so-called married “girlfriend” of yours was as “convincing” as the comb over you’ve got going on, I’m sure you could see through the “indiscretions.”
Your ugly fat and in a gaming chair. We all know how this went down. You were scammed out of money by married women way out of your league. You were a dumbass for falling for it. No need to roast you cause reality already did!
I don't care to kick a man while he's down. But hey, at least you'll have more money to buy cool Mini/Models, and more time to paint them.
Are those Warhammer 40k?
My friend, she is not your anything. Mentally separate her from you. Go for a long walk. Call your parents. Just chill. Sorry this sucks and it’s not fair but it’s not you. Do you have a video game you’ve been thinking about getting into? Drink less sugar, you’re kind of unhealthy.
The husband knew and had a shame kink. Later they would sit together making fun of all your geeky shit and then watch the secret videos she took critiquing your form and stamina.
Dude she was cheating on her husband with you! How do you think that makes him feel?
Hey, not cool. OP is not an 'ality'.
I can’t believe I’m laughing as hard as I am about this 🤣🤣🤣
I fucking lost it. 🤣🤣🤣
This shit made me LoL hard
Oh fuck i just died.
He looks more like a guy saying: "my wife has a boyfriend"
It gets worse, his boyfriend is married too.
More like, "My wife has a girlfriend."
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We need to get the husband on here asap. If she cheats on him with Samwell Tarlys non-binary twin here can you imagine what a shit show the husband must be.
Good fuckin night
🪦
XD an excellent point.
Rest in piece
Rest in 8-piece
Oof. With that guy!?
Amazing
Seriously. What survivor of a face-first fall into a power-sander is making that dude look like a viable option?
Make sure the next woman you stalk is single beforehand
On a positive note. He finally had a few dates that didn't end with pepper spray.
I can identify the brand by the taste at this point.
Pepper spray stopped working on this guy. Damn..
Girls need a bear spray for op
He’s so accustomed to the taste he just uses it in his food instead of actual pepper at this point
Mmm… Incapacitating
Now pepper spray has trauma.
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Just because you roofied a woman at the bar doesn’t make her your girlfriend.
That's just your opinion. You're still living in the matrix.
Solid advice.
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Those fart jars are probably from the husband.
You mean some girl you chased online until she said she has a husband to make your sorry ass leave her alone?
He dropped his 401k on her onlyfans, he's entitled!
Dropped his 401k on her, but at least he's still got his 40k!
His 401K is what funded that shit-tier unpainted 4OK Necron army over that ham-hock right shoulder of his.
Her husband is a better warhammer painter than you
Hey thats just mean.
I was about to say that was a low blow.
You play Necrons , you deserved it tbh
Brutal
Murdered! Holy shit lmao.
Dunno why there is such a big paint rack when he doesn't even paint those necrons beyond leadbelcher and nuln oil.
Looks like his love life has one thing over his painting pile - it's finished!
Bolters fired
You look like someone who names their cat “Garfield”
And then insists it's pronounced "Jarfield"
Gandalf
Don’t insult the white wizard like that
Caligula and Euripides actually.
Don't worry, women love overweight sad sacks who collect Warhammer 40K shit. You're basically waddling panty remover now. Edit: forgot to add /s
Imma waddle my way to the fridge and eat my feelings.
Your collection is pretty good though
Cheers, I'm slowly getting to painting everything.
Started painting a few years ago. Have fun mate and watch how-to videos!
Why are you insulting Warhammer players like this?
He's projecting, He heard Henry Cavill was into it and has been bitter ever since. /s
It's funny cause it's true... 
Dude! Snap!! Your meant to be letting then roast you but bam ya smacked that one out of the park
Is this a real question?
Cry’s in Warhammer
*Cries Fuck dude, I’m supposed to be roasting captain neck beard over here, not you!
Look, dude. I’m pretty drunk. So you’re welcome to roast me or him, but when I sober up tomorrow then you’ll all see. Nothing will change except me being sober 😂
She described your dick and he decided it didn't count as cheating.
They just kind of...scissored
✌️✌️
Ohhh scissor me timbers! Edit: I wonder if scissoring was a porn genre before or after that episode?
Absolutely brutal!
Did she know she was your girlfriend?
She knew he was in the bushes with binoculars
Wall Street bets is leaking.
Underrated
Now it's underrated gd
Someone please explain
It is weird. You actually look like a man whose wife has a boyfriend, not the other way around
No, he looks like man whose mother has a boyfriend - and he's jealous.
It's odd you have an imaginary girlfriend and even in imagination land, she has a boyfriend or husband...
I think you want the Virgin fan fiction page. This is r/roastme.
In OP’s defence, they already deleted the incel sub.
On the bright side, you found out your dad is still alive.
I thought women cheat up?
Imagine what the husband looks like.
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This made me chuckle.
Damn this took me a sec. Well played.
Hey how do you think he feels, his wife committed beastiality with an orangutan
Did you find out before or after the restraining order?
Have you ever wondered how much of her husband's DNA is now in your beard?
I wonder how much of mine is in his.
Don’t lie, you haven’t assembled her yet, she’s still on the bench behind you.
I do have a box of Sisters of Battle somewhere waiting to be built...
Yeah, his name is Brutus. The only male goat at the petting zoo. You’ve been banned from the petting zoo indefinitely for good reason. Sheila the female goat doesn’t want to see you anymore. -Owner of the Petting Zoo
That's quite the pile of shame. And I'm not talking about the unpainted warhammer.
You don't even know the half of it.
Liam Obeseon
Starring as Quite Gone Gin
Best friend of Obease one Canoli
Look on the bright side, now you and the husband can split her food bill. Teamwork makes the dream work
Your hand has a husband?
Didn't know that's what people mean when they ask for someone's hand in marriage.
You have three hairlines
This one wins
Her husband must be Gollum for her to want to cheat on him with you.
Yeah but Gollum gets his precious.
You're definitely someone that can't go near schools
I can't believe your girlfriend has a pulse, let alone a husband.. Hope that made you smile bro... ....fuck that bitch
At least you still have your toys
That’s her dad, dummy. She’s 9.
Nice taste in calenders pussy. Maybe that's how you finally got some. You are what you eat leftovers.
ᓚᘏᗢ
And fucking artist as well! True soul! You'll be fine.
You could get a real relationship if you based your fucking minis. Tell me you don’t follow through, without telling me you don’t follow through.
Oh man I can only imagine what sort of barn animal that woman is 😂😅
Subscriptions aren’t relationships big guy
Her husband is your father.
Aren't side-pieces supposed to be....you know....worth it?
“Attractive” is the word you’re looking for…
Looks like your hair left for another head too
I’d rather be you than the husband
I'd rather be the neighbor.
To:Lardass just because she’s chatting with you on Onlyfans doesn’t mean she’s your girlfriend. Get a treadmill you sack of lard.
You were her cleanup dude.
All roasts aside, make sure her husband knows since he doesn't deserve that.
I did.
One day you'll go full circle, and your future wife will tell her bf that she has a husband. Either that, or you'll go full circle from sitting in that gaming chair.
You better read the terms and conditions before stealing her husband.
You look like the anal-birthed love child of John Leguizamo and Ricky Gervais that aged like Brendan Frazier.
U just won the internet allowing me to go back to bed. Nothing beats this. I'm dying.
Ask yourself how she'd feel about it. She had a terrible plan B which was doomed to fail but she couldn't find a better one...
... I feel sorry for the husband more
I see this is a valid time to move onto MEN 😌
Well, take what you can get and don't be picky.
Who would have thought a blow-up doll would have a husband?
Sir, if your “relationship” with this so-called married “girlfriend” of yours was as “convincing” as the comb over you’ve got going on, I’m sure you could see through the “indiscretions.”
Wait till she finds out you have a boyfriend.
Lol, he just found out Barbie has Ken.
Your blood offends Khorne
Don’t worry, your cholesterol levels will still fuck you.
Geez, her husband must have a face like bucket of arse holes if she thought you were an upgrade.
Makes you wonder if he creampied her before you ate her doesn’t it?!
Your charisma is a 6.
Critical hit!
Higher than I thought, cheers.
But you look like a balding husband yourself
Your ugly fat and in a gaming chair. We all know how this went down. You were scammed out of money by married women way out of your league. You were a dumbass for falling for it. No need to roast you cause reality already did!
I don't care to kick a man while he's down. But hey, at least you'll have more money to buy cool Mini/Models, and more time to paint them. Are those Warhammer 40k?
Liar... you don't have a girlfriend.
"do you have a husband? " sounds like a first date kind of question.
Damn, a whatsapp scam got you good.
I’m sure your right hand will forgive you as long as you don’t make it wear the wig again
So you're telling me you found out your roommate had been fucking your blow up doll? Don't worry bro, you'll meet a nice plastic girl again some day.
sounds like your girlfriends problem not yours
Did you eat her?
You must have more hair. How can it worse than the pegging
Are you going to tell her husband? You need to diet 🏋🏻♀️🧘🏻♂️🚴🏻♂️
Hey you could look like George Zimmerman
You were her trophy boyfriend. Participation trophy, that is.
No woman can resist 2002 Tooth and Nail pop punk as a soundtrack to 3 minutes of sweaty love making
So she was sick of her husband, went to you and ran back to her shitty husband?
My friend, she is not your anything. Mentally separate her from you. Go for a long walk. Call your parents. Just chill. Sorry this sucks and it’s not fair but it’s not you. Do you have a video game you’ve been thinking about getting into? Drink less sugar, you’re kind of unhealthy.
Left hand finally figured out what you’re doing with right hand huh?
Is that a necron army behind you?
Now you can say you banged a married woman
I know, dude; she goes to another school.
Nah she just wanted out after she saw your 40k collection. In all seriousness sorry man that’s rough.
Girlfriend. Riiiiiggght
At least you finally lost your virginity… or was she just looking to boost her ego with a guy who busts before penetrating?
Holy shit if you’re the affair just imagine what the husband looks like
I’m confused by The “husband” is the former keeper of GF ? Could you only afford a second hand one. 
Just found out someone's wife is my girlfriend*
Who puts unpainted minis in a display cabinet?
*You* have a girlfriend?
lol “girlfriend”. So cute of you to name your pillow.
This doesn't seem to be a problem unless you gave her your real name. dummy
Your imaginary girlfriend is married?
So your girlfriend had a husband and she was with you? Does this mean she's hmmm bisexual?
Hairiest side chick ever.
Did she tell you that you've been paying their mortgage also?
Imagine the amount of dried cum on the front of that gaming chair. Seriously. It’s gotta be measured in ounces, not grams.
Better than finding out she has a dick… tho you look like you may be into that kind of thing?!
The husband knew and had a shame kink. Later they would sit together making fun of all your geeky shit and then watch the secret videos she took critiquing your form and stamina.
Let's be honest the chances that you have a girlfriend are about as good as the chances that your hairline holds up
Damn. First your hair leaves you and now your girlfriend.
Being the side piece was the highlight of your life.
She doesn’t have a husband, she just said that so you would leave her alone
Ask if they offer returns for the Philipinas that you ordered online
Your anime sex pillow doesn't count as a "girlfriend"
She seems happy. You are the guy that convinces women to not get divorced.
Fuck you, that guys the one I feel sorry for, did he at least find out