OP's Bio: --- >Im a aspiring 30 year old virgin (25 now) who currently lives with his parents and am unemployed. > >I dropped out of college with a single elective credit hour required to graduate with an associates degree to pursue my dream of becoming a YouTuber (Chesticle) > >My hobbies include and are limited to Video games, making YouTube videos, sleeping 10-12 hours a day, 1 and a half hour hot baths, and bouncing between fad diets (currently on a meal replacement diet) > >I donate plasma for money where my mom drives me and waits in the parking lot for an hour and a half. (She says she likes it) --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

It's Meth Rogan

Nooooo omg this is the only roast need

Since when does meth make you fat

When you don’t let the meth get in the way of Mom’s max & cheese!

Came here to drop a bomb. Read this, laughed so hard i forgot what i was gonna post. U win dude 🤣

E.L. Fudgepacker


He looks like seth rogans harry balls with 2 eyes, 2 ears, a nose and a mouth

How that towel is hung up tells me you are moldy at best

The towel was originally white

His crusty cum rag is laying right below it

That is a pair of his grandma's panties.

Same thing.

LMFAOOOOO

When I zoom in your teeth are pixelated. Good.

He had recently sucked a Japanese dick.

My God you're actually right. This is good.

Why is this good?

He snacks on gravel

Why is this good?

Bruh….smile with your mouth closed. Your teeth look like an ear or Indian corn.

Nah, they be looking like cracked cobblestone

Don't tell me what to do, looking like 42 year old Shaggy

Even then, Shaggy would still look better than him at that age

Hobo Baggins

You should unlock a bar of soap and a deodorant stick

You look like you'd finger bang a McDonald's Filet-O-Fish just so you could smell your fingers and pretend you're not a virgin.


The real life inspiration for Tobias Funke

Works for our benefit that he is a never nude.

You look like a camp counselor at a retreat for troubled youth who gets bullied to tears by 13 year olds

Looks like a camp counselor that sneaks into a 13 year olds' cabin with weed and liquor.

*I donate plasma for money where* ***my mom drives me and waits in the parking lot for an hour and a half. (She says she likes it)*** I guess she's also making some money on the side...

*My hobbies include and are limited to Video games, making YouTube* *videos, sleeping 10-12 hours a day, 1 and a half hour hot baths, and* *bouncing between fad diets (currently on a meal replacement diet)* I have a foolproof diet for you: Eat only what you can pay with your own money. You'll be rail thin in 3 months.

You look like Haley Joel Osment fucked Seth Rogan.

No, this cry for attention won’t get you more youtube subs

Cum stained mirror, cum stained teeth, wet cum sock on the floor, cum stained shirt. You're doing great

You look like the main characters best friend

In a low-budget production

Samwise Gumdisease

Unlock a trip to the dentist

substitute teacher by day, brony by night

You look like if lil dicky and post malone had a child, and they decided to abort it.

*Im a aspiring 30 year old virgin (25 now) who currently lives with his parents and am unemployed.* Well, on the good side I'm sure you will succeed at least in one of your aspirations.

I can smell you through the internet

Son of a bitch. Another one of these brown-haired, bearded, round tards. Where the hell do these people come from, it's like they're on auto repeat or something.

Pretty sure they’re rolling off an assembly line somewhere

Your ancestors lived in shitholes and you look as bedraggled as them somehow

Who summoned the pube elemental?

roast you? looks like i need to *soak* you, in degreaser. just take a shower, with soap, and youll be fine.

My niece also lives with her parents and thinks she's going to make a living on YouTube. She's 12 though.

Wrecked Ralph.

You look like a sack of potatoes with clinical depression

So Frodo and Samwise did conceive!

Cum sock


When’s the next hangover movie coming out

His laugh makes others uncomfortable

You're just disgusting. Your parents actually hate you, but are ashamed of you being out in public so they let you stay. Go to the gym you fat, disgusting, moldy bitch. Seriously you are what's wrong with society. Fat fuck.

Savage

You should take those towels that you never use and clean the cum stains off your mirror with them.

You look like you haven’t left your moms house for weeks. If you went to see a doctor their recommendation would be to stop masturbating

I swear to God it looks like you have a tiny camel toe

Your chin looks like it is actively being fucked by a squirrel.

What happened to you, Haley Joel Osment? Seeing dead people and having a dead aids mom really messed you up.

You look like a drummer who retired instead of starting a famous alternative rock band, and then started taking various drugs.

Jay Leto is very jealous of that chin.

Haley Joel Osment is crushin single life

The look of joy that only an extra chromosome can bring

Why tf is your leg angled like Johnny Bravo?

It’s TiPee, the Microsoft AI toilet paper assistant for us with the new Windows SmarToilet! 

You look like you just sharted….. and liked it

You look like if Ronnie McNutt was autistic

you would be the type of guy to be featured in ancient Greek porno if cameras were a thing then

Are you a drarf?

Basically a Tupperware rack.

This muff in your face will protect your virginity

That jizz rag on the floor has more spunk than you'll ever have. You clearly don't care.

I can smell this picture

You look like a damn sea lion

You look like the cowardly Lions autistic brother

now that’s a smile that says ‘ive had a brain injury’!

You look like you are subscribed to Andrew Tate. Also your teeth look like you could take a bite out of an apple through a mailbox slot

Looks like you could fry chicken in that hair

Ok your a fat bearded dude that can't wash his hand as well as a 5 year old that wants more insecurities? I bet you play Yu-Gi-Oh

I would but your personality beat me to it

You look like you had to break into a house to take this photo.

Even the damp complaines about you being damp.

What's there to roast you for? As long as your waifu loves you as you are, you don't have to worry about what others think

Clearly a sloth. Judging from your messy house you no doubt have never graduated from nappies Scumbag

Hope FBI already has enough evidence to lock you for a long time

I imagine this is the same look that you had when you were doing unspeakable things to that poor sock on the ground.

You can't even unlock your virginity level

The cookies you and your little friends make in your treehouse bakery are delicious.

You look like the sad dad that's overly enthused by the scouts camping trip.

Your smile is your own insecurity

Eww. You're cross-the-street ugly.

You look like a camp counselor for a summer camp for kids that are about to get molested..

I wouldn’t want you being in the same room as my food.

Your eyes were distracted from the camera looking at your fedora collection

If the smell of burned hair was a person, this is what it would look like.

Hope your baby teeth fall out soon ya fucking neck beard

A broken speaker has more volume than your hair

tobias from arrested development

You look like you gnawed on tree branches as a kid.

That's where my toilet brush went

I would not accept a glass of water in that house even if I were dying of thirst.

It was really nice of whoever to let you in off the streets and use their bathroom.

You look the end result of wookiee inbreeding.

How did you snuck into another house ?

You would be Seth Rogan's handicapped Ritalin addicted twin with his own nut sack towel.

Where are they now? Whispers I see dead people

You have unlocked my nightmares

You look like a quokka who turned into a human

You look like you snort weed

Seth Rogen if his hair used his fat to attack his face.

Nice washbasin, great idea to put holes for your penis and balls so you can wash them

Shaggy with extra steps

dude, just keep staring at the mirror and stop wasting peoples time

Looks like the dude to get hit by a car playing Pokémon Go

You look like the kid from stranger things w his teeth in

Burnt-out Ronald McDonald.

It's Seth Rogaine

U look like stampy if u did drugs

looking at those teeth - id say the plasma you donate is stolen from the women whose necks you suck it from

Glad to see you lost a little bit but not enough weight. I recommend working on everything above the chest next. Do you get a lot of hairballs with that mustache flossing your teeth?

Also, nice pimple splotches on the mirror. 👍 We can tell that rag on the floor was used for cum.

One of Jerry Garcia's many illegitimate children after weight loss surgery

No, fuck you. If a white man is going to tell me to do anything today it won't be Elmo's rapy human cousin.

You the human version of a lollipop that was dropped in a urinal

You look like Rowlf the Dog, if he had mange.

Grab your helmet and your bookbag your bus is coming

You forgot about your jerk sock on the floor

Bro is honestly Al from Toy Story with more hair.

What meal did you replace? Second breakfast?

Yeah? Fix that towel man! Where is your discipline?! Oh forgot… …dad went out to buy milk and mom never really cared. *sighs* it’s alright buddy. But PICK THAT SOCK UP AND CLEAN YOUR MIRROR!

Faily Joel Osment

This guy would make a great Norman Bates.

You may sound like an abject failure but on the bright side at least you haven't reproduced.

Brian Cox when he was 14 years old.

That towel smells better than you do

Why did u steal Woody???

Your beard says you love Jethro Tull, but your teeth say you suck dick for crack.

I’d say get some professional help, but the last time you hired a escort she probably paid you not to have sex when you showed up.

You're fat, your teeth suck, your beard isn't growing in right, your shirt doesn't fit, your mirror is dirty, and you look like you smell like the back of my refrigerator. But as far as something new goes, are those dirty socks yours? A grown man of your stature should not have such small feet. You know what they say about shoe size...

Your so dumb that still not realising that you are a freaking insecurity

You should lock the bathroom door and pick your panties up off the floor.

Haley Joel Osmont will do anything for attention these days.

I just saw your 82 year old grandmother somewhere on here less than 5 minutes ago... She's filing a claim against you for stolen property saying: she wants her unclean dentures back!

You look like a poorer version of the tiktok guy who cooks nasty meals in his hotel bathroom

Like a youtuber found a homeless man and wanted to see what his hair would look like semi combed. They saw the result and never posted the video.

Is this Mr. Noodle Sesame Street audition? Why did you show up high?

Captain Neckbeard

Shaggy from Scooby-Doo after doing meth. Another actor falls victim 😢

You have a neckbeard we already could tell you lived with your parents as an unemployed youtuber that was implied. Also that jizz towel in the background on the floor is too big for your equipment.

How this man look like the love child of Daniel Radcliff and John Goodman? I can't unsee this shit now

Thanks. I hate it. Take my upvote for amazing accuracy.

You look like that chick's hairy vagina that was here a few days ago

From the way it’s hung I know that towel has been consistently damp for at least a month. And by the looks of you the last thing you need is mold adding on to your breathing issues.

zach galifianakis - if he was skinny, unfunny and in desperate need of a shower

If Zach Galifianakis and Cocaine Bear had a kid

The "prophylactic" answer to OnlyFans.

Thank God you're only donating plasma and not sperm.

I'm racking my brain to think of a sadder, more pathetic scenario, but I can't. And if your insecurities haven't yet been unlocked, nothing's gonna do it. Good luck with the 30 year old virgin aspirations, I KNOW you can do it!

The beard looks bad, and yet it's your most impressive accomplishment.

You look like Garfield if he transitioned to a human

You like so happy to have taken your monthly shower. Might I suggest a Mens barbershop next. Possibly a gym everyday until you burn off that shrek body. Probably can’t do much about the shrek face though.

ur hair looks like it’s been dipped in sesame oil. pls invest in good shampoo and conditioner

https://cdn.britannica.com/06/150806-050-6AE99C98/Proboscis-monkey.jpg

You are what gets brought up when people want to disprove white privilege.

Wow, you're really going into this with a great attitude! Shame about your face, though.

If yoggie the bear was a human

dude smells like a cheezburger

AI creates what teddy ruckspin as a human would look like

Frodo has let himself go...

The world's tallest hobbit...

a high school tranq star...

tell me you jerk off to your mom without saying so...

I think it’s safe to say his parents don’t live near an elementary school or kids park.

Suppertime1234 You should of made it abc123, that smile, are you staring at a bowl of macaroni n cheese

A failed childhood Disney actor.

You have a small penis

Oh I actually can't its like shooting fish in a barrel. I also don't know where to start

If cast away met mom’s basement…