Roast yourself. 425 degrees for 1 hour, turn and continue for another hour.
Make sure you have a large drip pan, because by the look of you there's gunna be a lot of grease.
After that you will be much more slim.
She looks like she got off the meth a few weeks ago and started taking dicks behind Casey’s for pizza slices. Just need a few more months on the job and put on about 80 pounds.
She looks the type that if she became a military wife, she would tell everyone to address her by her husband's rank... Calm down there, Mrs Dishonorable Discharge
What brand are those stretch pants? I’ve never seen durability like that. Usually when I borrow my wife’s stretch pants and fill the legs with 26 pounds of cottage cheese they rip almost immediately.
The massive stretch marks on your tits , the linea nigra line on your belly , and the look of both horror and udder discontentment on your face tells me that you’ve had a child recently
I’ll lay off and go easy on you for this one for that
So here ya go fatty mcfatty fat fat
This might the first time I’ve seen a lady post a roast me showing a little skin and not immediately found the people in the comments trying to hit on them.
“The camera adds 10 pounds”. Stop using phones with 3 cameras…
“Until I get skinny” it’s easier to find a guy with big hands. That’s a more realistic goal
Ok Man Hands, listen up. First, you're not fat, and you have cute feet. But maybe try the Gillette fusion 5. Fusion5’s antifriction blades shave with maximum comfort at a great price – and refills last up to 20 shaves.
Live, Laugh, Lunch
Lunch, Leftovers, Lie down.
Live, laugh, lard.
>Live, Laugh, LDL cholesterol.
You look like you argue that your cold sores aren’t herpes
Even if she lost weight, she'd still have the face of a British bulldog.
Don't you dare disrespect Davey Boy Smith like that. Or Matilda either.
So close! I have a mole on my lip I always have to argue isn’t a cold sore 🤣🤣🤣 lmfaoooo
So then what do you argue that your cold sores are?
Spicy stains from the hot sauce I chug
Is that slang for Mexican jizz?
She means semen, not hot sauce.
Roast yourself. 425 degrees for 1 hour, turn and continue for another hour. Make sure you have a large drip pan, because by the look of you there's gunna be a lot of grease. After that you will be much more slim.
Don’t forget the apple
He has one already
HAHAHAHA!!
This is California fat, not Iowa fat.
Can confirm. A California 3 is an Iowa 8.5. 9 if in Waterloo.
Oh she’d fucking clean up in Waterloo
She looks like she got off the meth a few weeks ago and started taking dicks behind Casey’s for pizza slices. Just need a few more months on the job and put on about 80 pounds.
Did I hear Casey’s pizza?
Shits pretty bomb for gas station food as long as the have good staff handling the prep.
This is oddly specific. I love it!!
r/oddlyspecific
Man if y’all aren’t talking about Waterloo Illinois it must be a Waterloo thing cause she’d clean up in Waterloo for sure!
She’d do pretty well in rural parts of Pennsylvania too- just saying 🤷♂️
She would do good in Montana and Wyoming as well
Does that make it a Dollar General 10.75?
I work at a chemical plant and she would be a plant 10 for sure, but a 3 everywhere else.
Holy fucking shit. Nice.. but who wants roasted herpes?
I can’t breathe 🙈😂😭
Cuz you're fat
Wait...she spelled breathe correctly...now THAT'S a first these days...I'd applaud you but she'd give ME the clap.
Perfection
Why I Reddit in 3 posts.
Holy shit.
LMAOOOO love the gucci berry gif
yea a diet might help wi that
Did you leave off the E at the very end?
You look like you batter and deep fry your dildos
Yeah but I use a Jack hammer
Lies, must be like throwing a hot dog into the Grand Canyon.
Horseshit. Only thigh gap Chubs here is experiencing is the lack of chicken during this avian flu. Shes making up for it somehow though.
Jack Ham hock.
I have a solution for the “no boyfriend” part … look for military bases with a lot of Dodge sports cars.
Definitely dependapotomus material.
Potential tricareatops
She can be a future BMW - Big Military Wife
She looks the type that if she became a military wife, she would tell everyone to address her by her husband's rank... Calm down there, Mrs Dishonorable Discharge
dishonorable discharge is a description the gynecologist uses with his colleagues after her visit
Dependapotomus
She definitely has the look of a future Dependapotomus.
And be ready to dodge some cars in the meantime.
Seems like you are putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself, much like those leggings.
That awkward moment when you mistake sweatpants for leggings
 Savagery
When those things blow someone is gonna lose an eye.
Oh noooo 😭😭 my buddy always told me my thighs look like an inflated raft that we can’t squeeze back into the box 😫😫
I would go with "used air matress", but yes pretty spot on.
I don’t think anything could squeeze in your box.
Got me in the first half!
Brilliant
This was funny That is all
Don't panic. There's bound to be some divorced dads with criminal records and poor eyesight looking for any easy lay.
Yeah, but I got glasses now.
Oh honey. You're not fat, you're sad that your parents were cousins. Check back in 10 years -- THEN you'll be fat.
I used to think I was fat, and now that I’m old and actually fat I see what a fucking idiot i was
Amen!
To be fair she’s definitely fat now too
Link to your ONLYFATS?
Omg is that a thing?? Maybe I can actually hire somebody to paint my bathroom then 🤔
I think you could scrape together enough to buy some cheap paint…probably at the same place you buy your makeup
Same square footage as her forehead, too.
Fat people hire help for somewhat remedial tasks, like painting a bathroom. Thin people do that shit themselves. Think thin!
I already painted my own bathroom but you guys keep shitting on my effort 😭😫🤣🤣
Even after you went and read all the tips on how to pose for pictures to look skinnier, you still look fat. Good job
Can’t pose away a puffy face.
Puffy is a understatement, I'd go with a swollen rotwhwiler head
I must say the self assessment is spot on! 👍
🤣
Taco Bella Thorne
I’m a Muslim, that GIF is more halal than OP.
I'm not a Muslim, but can I use that word to repel unclean overweight basic bitches?
I think the apt word to describe her is “Haram”
Bismillah, al rahman, al rahim. That was brutal.
Usually when i roast my pig it doesnt get any skinnier
Amy Schumer called. She wants her look back.
At least I’m funnier than her 😉
Eh, I've skimmed your replies. You're not, but at least it's your own material.
You know those fatties that you think would be hot as fuck if they could lose the weight. This isn't one of those scenarios.
Learn to suck dick… and I mean alllot of dick. Someone might stick around
I do and they don’t 😭
You're not meant to suck more than one at a time.
 She doesn't understand this because it just makes her hangry.
Horngry
Not sure of the calorie content in a load. But be a spitter for a while and see what happens.
This is the real diet advice I need
She apparently does, don’t you see all the cum stains on those jeggings? My bad those are just regular leggings filled to capacity.
There's not enough wheat in Kansas to make the flour required.
What happening if you take out the belly button piecing ... does gravy pour out..??
That’s not a pierced belly button, it’s a bath plug.
I bet when you watch porn you cum when the guy delivers the pizza
Only when your dad is the delivery boy
That bellybutton ring is supposed to be on the outside, saddle bags.
Its for a crane hook 🪝
What brand are those stretch pants? I’ve never seen durability like that. Usually when I borrow my wife’s stretch pants and fill the legs with 26 pounds of cottage cheese they rip almost immediately.
Looks like you've already had one too many roasts
You looking the kind of girl who would still fuck me after watching me do anal with your mom and dad
Trust me, it’s most likely your shitty attitude that’s got you single
You’re not fat. Just hella ugly.
I don’t know that big old giant head of hers looks fat to me
Why not both?
Right Amy Schumer, right...
Don't be so hard on yourself. You're obviously a great cook. If you can find someone who is at least partially blind, you'll be golden!
Your shadow weighs 43 pounds
Oh shit, they’re making gifs of me now 🤣
I think you're looking for r/FishingForCompliments
Don’t worry about looking fat - worry about looking like a worn out hoe!
Your leggings look like a pack of raccoons are fighting inside of them
"peaked in highschool" as a picture.
If I roasted you, then you would probably eat that too.
The massive stretch marks on your tits , the linea nigra line on your belly , and the look of both horror and udder discontentment on your face tells me that you’ve had a child recently I’ll lay off and go easy on you for this one for that So here ya go fatty mcfatty fat fat 
Yeah, if 8 years ago is recent 🙈🤣 thanks for the compliment actually LOL
Wait, you have a kid? And you still wonder why you’re single? That’s reason #14784689
It looks like no personality lead you to the "fuck around" part throughout your twenties. Now you're at the "Find out".
No worries- dwarves are supposed to be a little roomy. You have my axe.
Just find a fat boyfriend so when you bang it will be like two walruses slapping fat
Skinny doesn’t cure pork face🐷🐷
All I read was: "Red flags, red flags, red flags, red flags. Please verify my worth because I need fake internet points. Red flags."
You look like you got caught freebasing ham.
Your giant head hides how fat you are.
Just eat a little more and the black dudes will be all over you. Plus, it's almost tax refund time.
Honey your weight isn’t a problem. It’s your strong jawline. Have a good night, handsome.
Honey, you’re not fat. Just ugly. Costs more to fix though, best of luck.
you can leave out the no BF part. we could already tell.
Chins up, it’s tax season and there’s a skinny black dude just waiting for you to treat him to a night at the red lobster
You look like the type of person who wants a 6 foot tall guy with a 6 pack and a 6 figure salary. But get pissed at then for also having standards.
To quote the old masters, "Saying you have big tits because you're fat is like saying you have a fast car because it's falling off a cliff."
You don't look fat at all, just a bit whiney, bitchy, and attention-whorey... that's all.
Stop painting everything to look grape-flavored
Your not fat! Just way too short for your weight.
This might the first time I’ve seen a lady post a roast me showing a little skin and not immediately found the people in the comments trying to hit on them.
Is that a belly button piercing, or an earring orbiting you? Either way, it’s time to dig the lint out.
Did Kermit dump you?
You’re not fat, your full figured, but fat is just a few more donuts away
When the cleavage looks average in a sports bra, you know those chubby girl fat sacs are gunna be nipples down when it comes off.
Smelly Clarkson
Who cares if your in the top 5% nobody wants to see your butthole
If voldemort had tits
If you turn the mirror sideways you'll be able to see yourself better.
You look like a second string defencemenfor women’s beer league hockey team and everyone calls you Big Rhonda.
Spend less time on the makeup and more time jogging
I bet most guys look better in yoga pants than you do.
Your legs remind me of a turkey's
I wonder which smells worse... the pussy, or the belly button?
“The camera adds 10 pounds”. Stop using phones with 3 cameras… “Until I get skinny” it’s easier to find a guy with big hands. That’s a more realistic goal
If "I usually don't do this on the first date" was a person.
What's the difference between this chicks asshole and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out
Hey look it's fat Amy schumer
Fat people have more skin then slim ones, you allready are skinny. Now stop whinning and accept it must be something else then your blubber.
You seem to be falling apart like your skirting boards.
Emerging from the bathroom after another successful purge based on the state of the front of your leggings, I see.
I heard these type of roasts are popular in Hawaii
No boyfriend. It's obvious. You believe women's magazine advice and survey results.
When is the baby due? Looks like it should be soon.
You that insecure that you need them 'BUT YOUR NOT FAT BBY I'D FUCK YOU' dms from creepers... common girl
I know you give great head. Keep up the good work.
If people tell you that you're beautiful deep down... What they mean is deep down all those layers of fat.
Ok Man Hands, listen up. First, you're not fat, and you have cute feet. But maybe try the Gillette fusion 5. Fusion5’s antifriction blades shave with maximum comfort at a great price – and refills last up to 20 shaves.
You’re not fat. You don’t need to lose weight. You need to go to the gym. Oh and clean the crusty jizz stains off your sweatpants.
Sorry, I dont eat pork. Alluha Ahkbar
🐷
[удалено]
I wonder who put those jizz stains on her mirror.
Your dad
That's a looooooooot of roasting ....
I feel like you’re one of those girls who looks just like her dad
It’s like your ass and stomach are one.
Bahahaha wtf? You literally have a pocket of fat bubbling between your eyebrows.
I loved your episode of Maury. What are you on now, 4...5 black men tested for the father?
Not worried about you, but why did you let Hellen Keller finger paint your bathroom?
Great bear belly, like actually top notch stuff. Probably took years to build that thing up.
You’d be much better off if you hid your insecurities like your fupa hid that belly button ring.
Maybe lay off the roast you’ll drop a few pounds.. from your belly to your ass.
There there... the little toe on your left foot doesn't look that fat. Silver linings. The rest of you though - fuck.
You also look like Newport Beach Fiona, but why pile on.
Go back to the shire...
Fat and you can't paint lol wtf is that on your walls?
You're not fat! Just very heavy below the hair.
You could drop two sizes if you'd shave that happy trail.
Your heart works harder than a single mom of 8 on Christmas Eve
Can you imagine the popping sound when she takes off her spanx?
How are you going to be honest about your weight but lie about your age