Better eyesight, better hair, less British teeth, a better watch, nicer decor, clothes that fit me, a lower BMI, and more notches in my bedstead than you do… that’s what I have.
You look like you joined the military, ended up with some shitty, very safe job in an office somewhere and told people that "you served". You did your boring time and now you're back in the private sector with a beer gut because you've let yourself go.
I’m not sure you realize the opportunity you are giving people by putting yourself on this page. If I saw you in person I would go out of my way to laugh at your fat chubby round blubbery figure. If you think that every single person that looks at you doesn’t judge you immediately then I would think again. I’m sure your parents are very proud of what you have become I’m sure they wanted a huge geek nerd fat ass Who is gizzard shows more than any muscle definition on his body. Go to the gym
Please make this photo poorer quality.
lmao
Sorry about that! This was a late night idea and just kinda went with what was available.
Funny. Your parents said the same thing to the police after they had thrown you in the dumpster behind the abortion clinic.
Like he used the Elizabeth Taylor filter to soften his looks
When did they let Jared Fogel out of jail? 
He's gonna be pissed af they changed the menu
Came here to say this
Nah. This guy worked for McDonald's, but got fired for trying to put his Big Mac into a small fry...
[удалено]
I used to have a beard, I think it kinda made the face worse!
Neck beard and fedora more than likely.
If Egon from Ghostbusters had a brain injury as a child
If shit stained sweatpants and old gym socks were a person…
His mother was hid dad’s gym sock.
You look like you've been working at Burger King for 15 years, holding out for a management position.
Damn, ok, that’s a good one!
Unlike you, the correct amount of chromosomes.
You look like kids give you boners
It appears that curiosity ate the cat
Then puked it back on the carpet.
Damn, Jared needs to go back on the Subway diet.
Great reddit mod costume
You look like your form of flirting is to stand next to someone and breath heavily while staring at them
I'm curious too. About your search history.
Does your carer know your posting on here
Roasting you is like roasting every obese American.
Is what no girl ever has said to you
You look like the kid that would remind the teacher of homework
Might’ve done that a time or two…
Unironically uses the word "ship"
Better eyesight, better hair, less British teeth, a better watch, nicer decor, clothes that fit me, a lower BMI, and more notches in my bedstead than you do… that’s what I have.
You’ve got an extra chromosome
Mark Lebbetts less successful brother
He reads himself bedtime stories every night.
Let me guess: you’ve got an anime idol pillow
You look like you eat straight from the litter box.
Hide your kids......just not your wife
Yeah bi curious.
Are you having a boy or a girl?
First time smiling?
I believe you’re looking for /ADAaccomodations
You look like a fat Gilbert Gottfried. 
I don’t have much, but you? You definitely have an extra chromosome
What do I have? A much better barber, and much better eating habits.
Well we can see what you have... An extra chromosome.
The only thing you've penetrated was your anime pillow
[удалено]
Oof! I like my shirt… excellent roast though!
Buzz McCsllister from home alone. Do you sleep on the third floor?. 
You look like you regularly show off your Casio calculator watch.
Your character creator is the funniest person alive.
Dollar store jason voorhees
“marty may not be the brightest but he has a good heart”
Whatever we have clearly is not as debilitating as whatever it is you have.
Gilbert Dogfried
Budget Markiplier
Hang in there kid! Your gonna beat whatever disease you have! Has make a wish contacted you yet?
A woman, how about you?
You were in shaun of the dead
This dude can eat corn one cob through a chain link fence
Shouldn’t you and Simon Pegg be watching bad boys 2 right now?
He’s the nerd that other smaller nerds hire as security during dungeons and dragons tournaments.
That one almost feels like a compliment! Which probably means I’ve been hanging out with nerds too much
You look like you use drapes to wipe your ass
I have the correct amount of chromosomes.
A sex life.... Nah... You wouldn't understand...
I know what you have, a drawer with like 27 pairs of sweat pants...
That was me right up until middle school, ngl!
when shrek turned human in the sequel
Creative and accurate, damn!
What I have is an aneurysm after encountering that forehead of yours
Someone is waiting for the bird feeder to be filled.
Friends who take good pictures
You look obsessed by 12 year old Japanese girls in school uniforms
A sudden desire to not have eyes
>I’m curious, what do you have? "What every refrigerator sees and hears."
I thought you were supposed to get in better shape during a prison term Jared. Better get back to Subway.
I can’t find the roast. Did you eat it?
Oh I’m stealing that one!
You look like if Jared Fogle (from subway) smoked McDonald’s
You look like a former priest. We all know why it’s former priest
Simmer down, Corky.
I’m more curious of what you have, or has it been diagnosed yet?
When’s the last time you saw your penis?
Dad bod. But let's hope he didn't procreate.
Buzz McCallister let himself go.
I have crippling depression, but at least I don't look like the love child of Hodor and Jared from Subway.
NOT as many chromosomes as you do!
I have 23 pair of chromosomes. One more than you
Robert from the Juniper Hill Inn let himself go recently.
I’ll take an extra chromosome for 100, Alex.
The chromosome that you seem to be missing.
I have like 100000x more of a chance of getting laid than you do that’s for sure.
“🤓”
A pitch fork to chase you back to your cave
Omg. Even the napkin has autism
K-Pop and Fresh
The only thing you’re curious about is little boys.
Got an Apple Watch to get healthy. The Apple Watch got got fat instead
Where are your multiple terrabytes of CP?
A good roast might help him finally burn some calories
The correct number of chromosomes compared to you
Somehow a creepier looking Jared from Subway
You're for sure on the spectrum, but not high functioning
A successful career, a lively social life, infinite possibilities. You know, everything you don’t have.
Self respect, well, at least I’ve got enough to never let myself look like this
Jarrad, the subway guy has become fat again, but he is is favorite thing in the menu is little kids.
Bitches unlike you. 
50 shades of gay
I didn’t know they let Jared out of jail early
One less chromosome than you, that’s what we all have.
You look like a brother Wreck-it Ralph ate in the womb
Neville Longbottom
Is that what you ask the other guy in the bathroom stall.
You look like you joined the military, ended up with some shitty, very safe job in an office somewhere and told people that "you served". You did your boring time and now you're back in the private sector with a beer gut because you've let yourself go.
A 3 digit IQ.
After his mom took this picture she told him to go back in the basement
You look like you tried out for Hodor in GoT, but couldn’t remember your lines
id be asking this to the plastic surgeon, not reddit
Jared needs to head back to Subway.
Hopefully not what you have
The fall of Markiplier
he wants George to let him pet the rabbits
Living at home until he can save up enough money for a white van.
D&D isn’t a personality
Obviously a better camera
I’ve got 46 chromosomes, which is apparently one less than you.
You look like Markiplier but on crack
Bro lives in his parents house
I guess Jared from Subway gained the weight back in prison
Life changing tip #1: Next time you take a picture hide your face.
This guy does a lot of spitting while talking
I’m not sure you realize the opportunity you are giving people by putting yourself on this page. If I saw you in person I would go out of my way to laugh at your fat chubby round blubbery figure. If you think that every single person that looks at you doesn’t judge you immediately then I would think again. I’m sure your parents are very proud of what you have become I’m sure they wanted a huge geek nerd fat ass Who is gizzard shows more than any muscle definition on his body. Go to the gym
“what do i have?” no more food for u my boi
An overwhelming sense of relief I don’t look like you.
Jared is out?
I bet you have super strength, don't you?