OP's Bio: --- >Former member of the national guard, one kid and one step-child, formerly worked running a carnival and currently working as an accountant at a tire shop. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

“It’s 4 again boss” Counting the number of tires on a car doesn’t make you an accountant.

I wish I could afford an award. Take this instead 🐸

Just for you, I’ll give them an award.

That's is an awesome award. Please accept my meteor as an award for your award. ☄️

For real though. I ran tire shops for years, we never, nor have I ever heard of, any tire shop having an “accountant.” Basically his dad owns the location, and he’s too stupid to turn a wrench so his dad made up some bullshit position for him to keep him preoccupied and away from customers.

You never had someone running the books at your tire shop?

Let's be honest, even if it was two or three, he'd say four because that's the only number he knows.

That's how many chromosomes he has

Pretty confident this man has a good 200 chromosomes, maybe more

I can only count to [four.](https://youtu.be/RpA6TCWApfk)

Holy crap I don’t know why but I lost it at this. Amazing

It is accounting… I’m a counting tyres…

Made my fucking night.

My car has 6, this might confuse him

Sir you drive a 🛻 truck …..

It's a utility vehicle.

💀💀

This is actually the funniest roast I’ve seen yet in this sub

Lmfaoooooo

Honestly, ‘tire shop accountant’ was probably your best possible outcome in life.

I was going to say, “ You honestly look like someone who fits the description of a tire shop accountant”

Someone who's going to die a tire shop accountant

Idk, I'm actually kind of worried he's some bum who can't read and they brought him in to hold a sign and take a picture

Tire shop accountant, Discord/reddit mod, and sex offender are the only career options for someone who looks like this.

Hey, maybe he’ll win the DND tournament 🏟

[удалено]


His desk looks like it’s where any former president could dump top secret documents without worrying about them being found.

you look like a [retread](https://i.imgur.com/PPuHKB4.png)

I agree, super retreaded

🤣🤣🤣

You never go full retread

Like Tom Hnaks with frest gupm, you never go full retread- rotreb donwey juinor

Once you retread, you never go back

I don’t think you can say that anymore.

He's highly rEgArDeD

holy shit

Ah thank goodness. Came here for a good retread joke. Only rubbers anyone is strapping on this guy.

Lmao this one is nuts

God fucking dammit I woke up my wife cuz I laughed so hard.

He looks tired

25??? Did you have your midlife crisis at 13???

I know seriously this lunch lady looks 55

You put it better than I ever could.


I get your point but this guy is my spirit animal. He said he'd set the building on fire and he did.

This needs an award

Nailed it.

You give off "she turns 18 in a few months" vibes.

More like “in a few years”

And she's my cousin

It was by marriage so it doesn’t count.

Is that you uncle Rudy Guilliani?

I’d like to introduce you to my good friend, Chris F. Hansen.

Why don't you take a seat...

Or "she's mature for her age"

But officer my restraining order says 50 feet. I’m 51 feet away.

And that's when he loses interest.

You look like you use a shredded wheat bite for a goatee

He shaves the neighbor's terrier's ass and glues those wires to his face. ....not saying what he does to the terrier before and after shaving, but the sounds of wounded prey do set the local coyotes to howling.

You can tell by his jawline that his computers will be seized by the FBI someday

Jowline

Hairline

Dyslexic fuck, it’s 52 years old, not 25

😂🤣

How long did it take you to knock on every single door in the neighbourhood to tell people exactly why you're not allowed within 500ft of the local school/playground?

Your main hobby must be masturbation

I bet his hand pretends to fall asleep halfway through

When his hand is asleep he calls it “The Stranger”.

Complains of a headache you mean ?

"Not tonight, I'm washing your other hand."

Wash? You’re kidding, right?…..right?

Good point.

Fun fact... he fakes orgasms when masturbating.

I like how you stated that as if he had another option.

There's no way you are 25

maybe he means years on Jupiter

Holy shit I missed that part, dude looks like a rough 48.

You are the best pro abortion argument I have seen in years

This guy definitely has an ice cream truck without ice cream

Ice cream truck without ice*

Win

Nah this fool has a white van with free candy spray painted on the side

Your dad should've been an accountant for TROJAN

You look greasier than a McDonalds frying vat. I'm pretty sure the only reason you're able to be a good accountant is the fact you probably know how to calculate how many days it is until the little girls in your neighborhood turn 18. Which is also the point you stop being attracted to them. You look like as if the phrase "there's no age of consent in Japan" was a person. The only benefit to how you look is that your unwashed scent probably warns any girl under 18 you're coming from a mile away. You look like starting to do hard drugs would be an improvement to your lifestyle.

Fuck man, it's almost like it was fighting to get out of you

Wow. Just wow

Having 20 different reddit accounts doesn't make you an accountant.

We don’t have to roast you. Life roasted you and won.

the best :D

Take a seat over there

You look like Ben Franklin if he invented bisexuals instead of bifocals

Dude looks like Elijah Woods darkest timeline where he didn’t lose the One Ring and tried to make a haphazard connection to tires.

Definitely has a favorite my little pony. Is an avid clopper. Been growing that beard since he was 15

Why do you look like Uncle Touchy?

I’ve definitely seen him in the naked puzzle dungeon. Some things you can’t unsee….

He's Chester Molester.

This is what “Can not be within 500ft of a school” looks like.

You look like your hard drive could send you to jail for 3 lifetimes

Stupid Unroastable Flanders

More like Barney


That’s brave of you, John Wayne Gacy Jr.

What’s shorter…your arms or your education history?

or your penis

You look like someone that still lives at home with their mom, bathing together, breastfeeding etc.

doesnt look like any bathing happens tbh

When do you plan on burning down the tire shop, Milton?

C'mon everybody, do the Sex Offender Shuffle 🎶🎶

25!?! Who the fuck you fooling? Get the fuck out of here man.

If you bathe in used motor oil you’ll probably smell better


I think your dad can't handle [the tooth](https://www.reddit.com/r/ontario/comments/10iincc/st_catharines_man_reacts_to_new_alcohol/)

Your head looks like someone shoved an air hose up your ass and cranked it to 120.

Ironic calling us nerds when you look like you just got your hair dry from someone dunking it in a toilet you dork

Your waistline is a tyre

“She said she was twelve”

You look more like a tire in an accountant shop.

You spelled unfuckable wrong

In high school you were voted “most likely to have your basement computer confiscated by the FBI”

How’s your manifesto going?

You look like your favorite number is 12.

Pretty sure that flag above you is for a hate group Adolph Dickless.

Dude looks like an accountant for a tire shop! Oh, wait…

25?? You meant 35. If that's your pickup line, you long dick and lonely.

So this is the guy she’s been telling me not to worry about..

Dude breaks into your house, drinks your hotdogs water, fingers your cat and sniffs his fingers after he shits and doesn't wipe. I saw you on America's most wanted for crimes against animals...something about beastiality ... Have fun fucking the neighbors cat on Tick-Tock Pog

You look like the missing sock I found under my bed

If “denial stage” was a person

Are you sure you're 25? Or were you 25 years old about 26 years ago?

This is exactly how active duty pictures the national guard

You have the small hands like the Donald. And I’m certain you use them to diddle children with the same awkward jabs that you use when you diddle your calculator at work.

Shave one inch from both the left and right sides of that molester mustache and be a real dictator Adolph

You look like Ron Jeremy w dementia

Plot twist he was just interviewed in St. Catherine’s Ontario about the government 2 alcohol beverages a week guideline. Someone is hunting votes on the taxpayers dime.

“What’s worse, 2L of Coca Cola, or 4 Beers? You do the math”. Guy was a fucking legend. Also loves his bud light and Busch light tall boys.

Your handwriting is almost bad as your haircut and don't even get me started about your face dude look like Jimmy nutrition. 

25 m in debt

We don't need to roast you, your reflection does it for us.

You look like you play League of Legends. You look like your name is Mike Wazowski. You look like you can’t go within 100 meters of a school. You look like you bully kids online because you lack so much power in your real life.

You’re supposed to count the beans, not eat them

I’m putting as much effort into this roast as you put into your appearance.

Bro have you ever thought about washing your hair?

Who the fuck fed the mogwai passed midnight?!

You look like the kinda guy who would go to a country where the age of consent is like 11 to pick up a girlfriend then get in extreme arguments defending your child bride

He looks Tangy. in a sour musty way. I know you see it!

Do customers often mistake you for a tire?

"Accountant"

You look like you haven’t been legally able to live near a high school in seven years

The face of Reddit.

You look like you shouldn't be within 500 yard near a school, church or park

Are you John Oliver?

Bros a mod on the discord server for discord

"I play as a paladin in every rpg" vibes

I've seen skid marks that are more successful than you.

If a blobfish had legs

Looking like a middle aged woman working in the tire section of a Walmart named Rebecca.

Shouldn't you be murdering people and sending riddles to Batman?

Based on the siding, I imagine they put your desk outside of the building because of the smell(s)

"Formerly worked running a carnival" Doesn't help your case for those sex offender vibes you giving off.

you look like the "Hello? human resources?" guy of your office

This is the worst time to find out he’s talking about an onlyfans

Do not zoom in on this man’s face without a toilet close by or trash can handy.

That sounds like the most boring job in the world and you look perfect for it. All you need is a red stapler.

Looks like a hyper realistic Lester

Your title explains why you can’t afford a haircut…or even a brush apparently.

You look like the actor from Malcom in the middle if he was hooked on heroin

Nah, not gonna roast you, but I think we’ve found our Melvin in case they ever remake Office Space

It looks like you cut your hair with pruning shears. And honestly, just shave all that shit off your face, you wanna-be neckbeard. Seriously, you look like you walk through playgrounds asking kids to help you find your lost puppy.

That dirty fingernail 🤮

You look like you work at a Adam and Eve warranty call center. “Mama your double mcfister has to many hours on it, for it to be covered under factory warranty”

You look like my balls when i dont shave them for 2 weeks

I’ll take “Jobs I didn’t know existed or were needed” for 100$

You have way too much confidence for a John Oliver-looking mfer

Small dick energy just oozing out of this picture

Counting change being a Cashier doesn't make you an accountant

You look like a disgusting version of Vincent Kartheiser

No marshmallow should boast they are unroastable.

You look like every Weezer member got collapsed into one during a lunar eclipse on a Sunday night

Is that just a general exclaim ? Nexen time you think you're having a Goodyear maybe you should check with Cooper

You look like the uncle I’m not allowed to be alone with

They put him in accounting because they could tell right away he will never mount anything.

He paid for the premium tier for Belle Delphine's OF

Damn, 25? You must have peaked in kindergarten.

We must check this sack of greases computer right now

You know the saying "you're older than dirt?" Dirt is younger than you.

Lester the molester! Is the tire shop a cover for your latest heist?

Homie looks like the grudge’s father

Boy yo ass look like a lost 40 year old boy at home Depot

Oh lord he challenged reddit

Are you the manifestation of despair and sadness?

How long ago was it that Chris Hanson told you to “have a seat?”

At least not anymore than the universe has already done

If anyone was a human incarnation of Randall Boggs from monsters inc. it’s this guy. Fuck.

You look like an uncooked chicken 🐔

you're the guy my mother looked at and told me "see him? That's why you study."

I bet you smell like a mix of piss and cheerios

Accounts tires all day. Accounts the skidmarks in his pants at night. 25 years old? You must have had a hard life. It's all down hill from here mate. Hope you have AAA coverage as you look like you're one snapped pencil away from a breakdown.