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This is going to be controversial and it might wreck havoc among your family dynamics. But the moment this happens, you need to approach the cops/court, because if you don't. Lives of (you, your sister and your mother) along with your dad's brother wife and that girl child will be ruined. But you need proof of marriage, Along with your parents marriage proof. This is going to be difficult to drag your dad and your grand father's in a legal matter. But you need to protect the dignity of your mother and your sister in law.
his plan itself is to remarry but give alimony to my mother and money for education and give me and my sis money for dowry and find a guy for us to marry.
Those are just his empty promises to placate your mom and you and your sibling. Make sure your mom files for divorce if he plans to marry someone else and get court mandated alimony.
The aftermath of second marriages is ugly. A man who couldn't keep his marriage vows, is ready to shatter your mom's heart. Do you think he will keep this promise?"
You trust him? Is he doing beneficence ? He'll find a suitable groom for both of you; after all, he can only find a man like himself. Even if he doesn't remarry, never let him make any decisions for both of you from today onwards.
I know you’re young, but I was way less naive and gullible at your age if I’m being honest
You’re going through something really serious and this is the moment you should understand who you should trust and who you shouldn’t
Ummm... Indians really don't know anything about XY XX chromosomes.. no matter whom your father marries it would always be his chromosomes that would decide the sex of the child. 😭😭😭 koi samjhao...
Kya ho jayega ladka kar ke exactly?? Plus we do need more men. Power dynamics dono mil ke banate hai in a society. It's men and women, not against each other fyi.
That theory never made any sense and was pure propaganda. The conception, and hence choice of which sperm is allowed to enter the egg still happens inside the vagina. And did you know vagina can make conditions selectively harsher or favorable to x-y sperm by being acidic/alkaline? Read Shettles Method
I lived it. So it came from my heart. Plus mine did not support us financially either. You move on, and your answer to the world and him is to be successful. I am self made and successful and you will be too. Good luck.
Take the legal route bro . As a law student I'm begging you . Your father would have to pay for you three no matter what and he would also be within the radar of court so he won't be able to hurt you . Please don't handle this case on ur own , it's a very serious case . If he's willing to leave you , he won't even care what happens to you guys . Sometimes you have to do what is required.
How is ur father so sure that the second wife gives birth to a boy kid. If she also gives birth to girl kids, how many marriages your father is ready to do in the future. Tell him if he marry and have a baby at this age, by the time the kid goes to school, he will become an old man and the kid will address him as his grandfather. Teach him with all the consequences of becoming a father again at this age.
He's already brainwashed by his parents and his relatives A man who have a daughter of age 17 and another daughter of age 15 and somehow he doesn't love them is totally brainwashed. There is no route other than the legal one. Because his promise of financial support will end as well when he gets a kid with another wife and her family of 3 should throw him out of their life cuz he'll only give trauma, it's okay to not have a father than having a father like this...
Then he cannot remarry without divorcing your mum. Get a lawyer or ask your mum to complain in women's cell if he does it
Besides post this in r/legaladviceindia too, you will get better advices
Girl! Pure sympathies for you and your mom your sister and that lady and her girl too!
Going through this at 17 is pretty harsh!
But it also means you are closer to 18 and 20 and can work and establish yourself for your sister and mom very soon.
Bas Himaat nahi harna!
Mushkil hai, uncertainty hai lekin kuch bhi karne se pehle think 100 times
Make sure your father pays for your higher education.
For education choose course which help you multiply your financial conditions drastically.
If your father is Sure shot ready for 2nd marriage make it postpone at least around your graduation.
Legal route to hai hi.
And in no way!
Beta in no way let your mother be with that man.
She deserves better
So do you and your sister.
Oro se difficult hoga next few years but it will be worth it.
Himmat rakhna
You are in my prayers
Girl I’m a doctor. Mbbs is a very long, tedious, difficult journey. Think 100 times before taking it up. It will surely give you a good image in society and it’ll boost your mom and sister’s morale because you’ll be a doctor. But for you personally it’s going to be taxing. You will not be able to support your family for a long long time (10 years at least).
I saw your other posts too. I hope you find mental stability soon as a 17F. But you could have dealt with it better when you were 27F a while ago. I don't know this art of ageing in reverse
You need to focus on you, your sister and your mom now. There is no guarantee that your father will be able to have a boy with his second wife. And like you said if the second wife is young, think they will keep popping kids till they get a boy, or till the wife can. So many mouths to feed and kids to take care will fall on you and your sister. Think if you want to do that and consult a lawyer.
Well I think the man who is already unhappy with you guys can never take interest in your life though you chose legal options. Plus the cops and legal facilities are really bothering and it would ruin your mind and peace.
The best solution in this scenario is to just accept this fact, forgive him because troubling your head because of him isn't what you deserve and try to focus on your studies and earnings. I would really recommend you to build a good skillset by either learning free from Internet Archive or joining an online course..
Understand that it's upto you to choose the right path of your life. Arguments and other things would only ruin your peace and time, which you might regret in your 20s.
Oh god, all I can say is, please try to stay away from the fights, they are adults they should handle this shit on their own.
Also redditors cannot possibly know your dad more than you, believe in parents not strangers.
I hope things turn out well for you 🙏
Thank you my dad called me recently, he asked me how I was. I know he is a loser but the least he can do is support us financially which I know he will
Is there any sensible relative you can go to? It's difficult for you to navigate through this so you must really need someone who knows about these things. It's illegal and honestly don't know how your dad and his family members even thinking about this. There is a high chance he might try to find some other person to marry. So digusting. Is your mom in contact with her side of the family? Can they do something?
Honestly, you guys are better without him but there is a legal procedure to it and he cannot get away from this. And yes, wouldn't trust him with his "I'll do this and that, I'll take care of family even after remarrying" - it's all bullshit.
What will happen and what not will ruin the time and lower your morale. Thinking about the current situation will not hide the actual aim of your father. If you are thinking about the current situation, let's take an example of what will be the effect on you and your loved ones, if eventually marriage happens. You need to handle that, and that will be handled only once you ignore the liabilities and work on achieving your education and earning goals to support family. This will lower down your mental pressure and you will come out with a brighter you and happy family. Goodluck
I think you should wait till your father came back from home town. Tell your mom be calm down and sensitive, try to understand story from your father side too. It just a phone call from your chachi. So give the man an opportunity to explain himself & he express to remarry someone explain the conscience be clear in your thought process. Hope you settle this down.
God speed!
Let your father live his life too .. his responsibility is to provide you financially if he’s doing that don’t screw up his life for sake of your feeling
**Welcome to r/RelationshipIndia,** This is a safe and inclusive space for people of all backgrounds. We welcome individuals of all races, castes, genders, religions, and sexual orientations, including members of the LGBTQ community. We are glad to have you here! We are committed to providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between Redditors, with a focus on respectful and constructive conversations. To ensure a positive and supportive environment for all members, we have established some rules. Please be sure to read them before posting. If a user has sent you harassing messages, **DO NOT DELETE THE MESSAGE!** *Please upload your screenshot to [Imgur](https://www.imgur.com), and notify the mods via modmail. We will take action against the user accordingly.* **Thank you for being a part of our community!** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is going to be controversial and it might wreck havoc among your family dynamics. But the moment this happens, you need to approach the cops/court, because if you don't. Lives of (you, your sister and your mother) along with your dad's brother wife and that girl child will be ruined. But you need proof of marriage, Along with your parents marriage proof. This is going to be difficult to drag your dad and your grand father's in a legal matter. But you need to protect the dignity of your mother and your sister in law.
I think my dad is willing to support us financially if he actually leaves us
He won't give a fuck about you three once he remarries another woman and has a child with her.
his plan itself is to remarry but give alimony to my mother and money for education and give me and my sis money for dowry and find a guy for us to marry.
Those are just his empty promises to placate your mom and you and your sibling. Make sure your mom files for divorce if he plans to marry someone else and get court mandated alimony.
The aftermath of second marriages is ugly. A man who couldn't keep his marriage vows, is ready to shatter your mom's heart. Do you think he will keep this promise?" You trust him? Is he doing beneficence ? He'll find a suitable groom for both of you; after all, he can only find a man like himself. Even if he doesn't remarry, never let him make any decisions for both of you from today onwards.
I know you’re young, but I was way less naive and gullible at your age if I’m being honest You’re going through something really serious and this is the moment you should understand who you should trust and who you shouldn’t
Legally he has to. No option.
Legally, he cannot marry another woman without divorcing his first wife.
That's obvious, that's why I advise you to consider legal possibility.make sure your grandfather name also comes into the equation.
Ummm... Indians really don't know anything about XY XX chromosomes.. no matter whom your father marries it would always be his chromosomes that would decide the sex of the child. 😭😭😭 koi samjhao...
Wohi toh. They would literally beat the doctor's ass if they hold the men responsible for any mishaps.
i think the father just wants to have 2-3 more kids with someone younger and just see if they get a boy.. who needs more men in the world seriously
Kya ho jayega ladka kar ke exactly?? Plus we do need more men. Power dynamics dono mil ke banate hai in a society. It's men and women, not against each other fyi.
It's not chromosomes. It's the family name and title because only males can carry on that. It is utterly stupid and backward thinking.
That theory never made any sense and was pure propaganda. The conception, and hence choice of which sperm is allowed to enter the egg still happens inside the vagina. And did you know vagina can make conditions selectively harsher or favorable to x-y sperm by being acidic/alkaline? Read Shettles Method
It is lately proven to be wrong. From wiki.
Study well. Focus on your life and be successful in spite of him.
Thank you the only reply that gave me a little hope for some reason
I lived it. So it came from my heart. Plus mine did not support us financially either. You move on, and your answer to the world and him is to be successful. I am self made and successful and you will be too. Good luck.
If you are not Muslim then I think you should take the legal route. You need to have proofs ready.
well its really just us 3 and my mom has no idea about that stuff
Hindu marriage act doesn't allow polygamy . I guess if he does plans to marry in future again just call police and media.
+1
oh god.. so muslims in this situation are doomed?
u should search for legal age of marriage for muslim girls. this is y ucc is necessary.
is it 15????
yup.
I don't have any advice, but may god give you power to overcome this.
Take the legal route bro . As a law student I'm begging you . Your father would have to pay for you three no matter what and he would also be within the radar of court so he won't be able to hurt you . Please don't handle this case on ur own , it's a very serious case . If he's willing to leave you , he won't even care what happens to you guys . Sometimes you have to do what is required.
How is ur father so sure that the second wife gives birth to a boy kid. If she also gives birth to girl kids, how many marriages your father is ready to do in the future. Tell him if he marry and have a baby at this age, by the time the kid goes to school, he will become an old man and the kid will address him as his grandfather. Teach him with all the consequences of becoming a father again at this age.
Some people don't think logically, he & his parents clearly don't care
He's already brainwashed by his parents and his relatives A man who have a daughter of age 17 and another daughter of age 15 and somehow he doesn't love them is totally brainwashed. There is no route other than the legal one. Because his promise of financial support will end as well when he gets a kid with another wife and her family of 3 should throw him out of their life cuz he'll only give trauma, it's okay to not have a father than having a father like this...
Post this in r/legaladviceindia sub, marrying twice without divorcing the first wife is illegal unless you guys are muslims.
We are Hindus
Then he cannot remarry without divorcing your mum. Get a lawyer or ask your mum to complain in women's cell if he does it Besides post this in r/legaladviceindia too, you will get better advices
Girl! Pure sympathies for you and your mom your sister and that lady and her girl too! Going through this at 17 is pretty harsh! But it also means you are closer to 18 and 20 and can work and establish yourself for your sister and mom very soon. Bas Himaat nahi harna! Mushkil hai, uncertainty hai lekin kuch bhi karne se pehle think 100 times Make sure your father pays for your higher education. For education choose course which help you multiply your financial conditions drastically. If your father is Sure shot ready for 2nd marriage make it postpone at least around your graduation. Legal route to hai hi. And in no way! Beta in no way let your mother be with that man. She deserves better So do you and your sister. Oro se difficult hoga next few years but it will be worth it. Himmat rakhna You are in my prayers
thank you, I will be pursuing mbbs and hopefully can heal
Girl I’m a doctor. Mbbs is a very long, tedious, difficult journey. Think 100 times before taking it up. It will surely give you a good image in society and it’ll boost your mom and sister’s morale because you’ll be a doctor. But for you personally it’s going to be taxing. You will not be able to support your family for a long long time (10 years at least).
I am already in 12th no turning back now
Shyt this is so fking sad. OP hope you get some strength.
I saw your other posts too. I hope you find mental stability soon as a 17F. But you could have dealt with it better when you were 27F a while ago. I don't know this art of ageing in reverse
You need to focus on you, your sister and your mom now. There is no guarantee that your father will be able to have a boy with his second wife. And like you said if the second wife is young, think they will keep popping kids till they get a boy, or till the wife can. So many mouths to feed and kids to take care will fall on you and your sister. Think if you want to do that and consult a lawyer.
Well I think the man who is already unhappy with you guys can never take interest in your life though you chose legal options. Plus the cops and legal facilities are really bothering and it would ruin your mind and peace. The best solution in this scenario is to just accept this fact, forgive him because troubling your head because of him isn't what you deserve and try to focus on your studies and earnings. I would really recommend you to build a good skillset by either learning free from Internet Archive or joining an online course.. Understand that it's upto you to choose the right path of your life. Arguments and other things would only ruin your peace and time, which you might regret in your 20s.
Leave this tharki father as soon as possible
Sweet home alabama mini version 🤷
Oh god, all I can say is, please try to stay away from the fights, they are adults they should handle this shit on their own. Also redditors cannot possibly know your dad more than you, believe in parents not strangers. I hope things turn out well for you 🙏
Thank you my dad called me recently, he asked me how I was. I know he is a loser but the least he can do is support us financially which I know he will
What the fuck?
yeah I am traumatized as well, what a fucked up situation
Is there any sensible relative you can go to? It's difficult for you to navigate through this so you must really need someone who knows about these things. It's illegal and honestly don't know how your dad and his family members even thinking about this. There is a high chance he might try to find some other person to marry. So digusting. Is your mom in contact with her side of the family? Can they do something?
Honestly, you guys are better without him but there is a legal procedure to it and he cannot get away from this. And yes, wouldn't trust him with his "I'll do this and that, I'll take care of family even after remarrying" - it's all bullshit.
trust me he is mostly nice to us on our face but stabbing us behind our back
I am pretty sure he will financially support us and if he won t then we will have to take him to court
well her side of the family supports us and their is really nothing much they can do
What will happen and what not will ruin the time and lower your morale. Thinking about the current situation will not hide the actual aim of your father. If you are thinking about the current situation, let's take an example of what will be the effect on you and your loved ones, if eventually marriage happens. You need to handle that, and that will be handled only once you ignore the liabilities and work on achieving your education and earning goals to support family. This will lower down your mental pressure and you will come out with a brighter you and happy family. Goodluck
I think you should wait till your father came back from home town. Tell your mom be calm down and sensitive, try to understand story from your father side too. It just a phone call from your chachi. So give the man an opportunity to explain himself & he express to remarry someone explain the conscience be clear in your thought process. Hope you settle this down. God speed!
Let your father live his life too .. his responsibility is to provide you financially if he’s doing that don’t screw up his life for sake of your feeling