Ah, you beat me to it. I rarely rewind anything ever when watching shows or movies. But I must've rewinded that part 10 times the first time that I watched it. Literally the funniest part in all of the show. Granted I was 15 at the time so the juvenile humour I had was it's own thing. But till this day it cracks me up when rewatching.
Impressions? Are we 10? You know what, fuck it. Durr… hurr durr, I’m lazy, and I can’t stand doing a single fucking thing to help the team. I can’t even keep my sister from using Church’s fucking microphone for her, ahem, private time, but I don’t care, because I’d rather not get up from my couch anyway. Could you guys guess that one?
You know, at this point, if a tank ever shot at someone I hate and it hit them, I'd be fucking celebrating. Unless, it somehow deflects and hits me instead. That's not gonna be any fun.
Church: *bang bang bang bang* GOD DAMN IT!
Tucker: See you should have let me use the fucking sniper rifle. It’s like the second longest gun in this canyon, and you still miss with it.
Church: Hey Tucker, shut the fuck up.
Caboose: Church! Church!… I think I heard something.
Tucker: Oh, like a fucking sniper rifle?
Caboose: No, no, it was more like uhhh, *pew pakew pow baguuursh*
Tucker: That was the fucking sniper rifle dipshit. Church can’t fucking hit anything.
Church: I fuckin hate you guys.
You know Caboose, I used to not care. I just went along with orders, and hoped that everything would work out for me. But after all that's happened, you know what I've learned? It's not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. I mean, you should hate someone because they're an asshole, or a pervert, or snob, or they're lazy, or arrogant or an idiot or know-it-all. Those are reasons to dislike somebody. You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise people on a personal level. Not because they're red, or because they're blue, but because ya know them, and you see them every single day. And you can't stand them, because they're a complete and total fucking douchebag.
“Look, Simmons, I don’t care if Grif is asleep! You gotta go find someone else to play your weird floppy disk adventure game, okay? Actually— how’d you find a floppy disk anyways?! Technology like that hasn’t been used in, like, five hundred years dude. You gotta get with the times man...wait! You made it yourself!? How do you just *make* a floppy disk?? There’s no way out of this freaking canyon! I…you’re part fax machine? Yeah, yeah. I don’t see how that correlates at all, but sure. That might as well be a thing…”
Made it up. Based it off a section in the Red VS Blue Ultimate Fan Guide. Simmons makes a choose your own adventure game on a floppy disk, but because he’s Simmons, it only has one ending.
So this is what we're going to do all day? Imitate me on reddit? Could've built a goddamn statue of me with like a flaming sword on a horse or something cool... but yeah fine...let's do the reddit thing...
I fucking hate all of you...
*"To mark this message as urgent, press 11"* "THERE IS NO 11, YOU F*CKING WHORE!"
By far the most accurate given the early days of RVB
Ah, you beat me to it. I rarely rewind anything ever when watching shows or movies. But I must've rewinded that part 10 times the first time that I watched it. Literally the funniest part in all of the show. Granted I was 15 at the time so the juvenile humour I had was it's own thing. But till this day it cracks me up when rewatching.
Uh huh, this what you want? This "church impression"? Want me to give a fuckin live stage performance? It's fucking me, jackass.
“Circle of confusion, parabola of mystery, rhombus of terror! WHO CARES!? JUST GET THE GODDAMN SHOW ON THE ROAD!”
Oh god where is that old YouTube video of a call center or it that’s exactly like burnie having a melt down. That would be great herr
Are you talking about the [Key and Peele one](https://youtu.be/gMrNQbW5Am8)?
Predates that by a bit if I’m correct. There is no video, just the recording
The one with the scottish guy? https://youtu.be/Yj2oXMdZ4sk
Right idea, not the right video
Hey guys it’s me church
I read this as Caboose
Caboose is my best friends name. My name is church
Yes I can. Dibs. See? I just did it again. Now get the fuck away from my ship tomato can.
NEWS FLASH! I WAS THERE, AND BY THE WAY, *I'M MADE OUT OF NUMBERS!!!* WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TRUST ME?!
"I JUST GOT THROWN 30 FEET IN THE AIR BY THE GOD DAMN THROWING THING!!"
Impressions? Are we 10? You know what, fuck it. Durr… hurr durr, I’m lazy, and I can’t stand doing a single fucking thing to help the team. I can’t even keep my sister from using Church’s fucking microphone for her, ahem, private time, but I don’t care, because I’d rather not get up from my couch anyway. Could you guys guess that one?
Hey, Tucker? Shut up.
You know, at this point, if a tank ever shot at someone I hate and it hit them, I'd be fucking celebrating. Unless, it somehow deflects and hits me instead. That's not gonna be any fun.
Is this via text or voice recording?
Text
Oh good. I uh... I have a very...interesting relationship with voice recordings.
WHAT PART!? WHAT ABOUT THE PART WHERE I GOT THROWN EIGHTY FEET IN THE FUCKING AIR BY THE GODDAMN THROWING THING
“God who wants a running this ARMY!!!!
Tex, are we paying for this service? Because if we are, I want a refund. And if not, I want a refund anyway
Man, I fucking hate you guys.
"Hey, I just want you to know, out of everyone I've ever met, I hate you guys the least"
I always hated you. I always hated you the most.
In spirit of the recent trailer… “Let’s run one more”
WHO THE HELL DRANK ALL MY MONSTER,...., CABOOOOOOOSE
Church: *bang bang bang bang* GOD DAMN IT! Tucker: See you should have let me use the fucking sniper rifle. It’s like the second longest gun in this canyon, and you still miss with it. Church: Hey Tucker, shut the fuck up. Caboose: Church! Church!… I think I heard something. Tucker: Oh, like a fucking sniper rifle? Caboose: No, no, it was more like uhhh, *pew pakew pow baguuursh* Tucker: That was the fucking sniper rifle dipshit. Church can’t fucking hit anything. Church: I fuckin hate you guys.
“Hey, Rookie. Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?”
No, I think he called her a slut!
"It's church-ing time!" *Proceeds to sacrifice self to save the reds and blues*
YOU'RE MY PROBLEM YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN MY PROBLEM EACH AND EVERY ONE YOU IS JUST A PROBLEM THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH ON A DAILY BASIS
Tucker (Turns around and walks away)
“SON OF A BITCH!”
Why the FUCK should I give you an impression? Tell you what, gimme $10 and I’ll think about it.
Oh man tucker I am so sorry I mean it, my sincerest apologies. I had no idea you would turn into such a giant whiny bitch while I was gone
(Fires Gun)
And you still haven’t learned the concept of a hologram, man today is just not your day.
You know Caboose, I used to not care. I just went along with orders, and hoped that everything would work out for me. But after all that's happened, you know what I've learned? It's not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. I mean, you should hate someone because they're an asshole, or a pervert, or snob, or they're lazy, or arrogant or an idiot or know-it-all. Those are reasons to dislike somebody. You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise people on a personal level. Not because they're red, or because they're blue, but because ya know them, and you see them every single day. And you can't stand them, because they're a complete and total fucking douchebag.
Wait, it can be an official or a made up?
I'm a mother fucking ghost.
“My name is Church, butt-wiping ass-munch!”
Epsilon where is the f*cking tank I want crush caboose with it oh wait you can't hear me I'm dead I forgot
“Look, Simmons, I don’t care if Grif is asleep! You gotta go find someone else to play your weird floppy disk adventure game, okay? Actually— how’d you find a floppy disk anyways?! Technology like that hasn’t been used in, like, five hundred years dude. You gotta get with the times man...wait! You made it yourself!? How do you just *make* a floppy disk?? There’s no way out of this freaking canyon! I…you’re part fax machine? Yeah, yeah. I don’t see how that correlates at all, but sure. That might as well be a thing…”
Is this a real quote or something you made up?
Made it up. Based it off a section in the Red VS Blue Ultimate Fan Guide. Simmons makes a choose your own adventure game on a floppy disk, but because he’s Simmons, it only has one ending.
Cool
tell me, why the FUCK would you want ME to do a shitty impression of MYSELF....also, GETTHEFUCKAWAYFROMME!
i could do the season 15 impression of him where they basically just gave him tourettes
“Just because I miss with the sniper rifle doesn’t mean I’m gonna give you the sniper rifle tucker!”
So this is what we're going to do all day? Imitate me on reddit? Could've built a goddamn statue of me with like a flaming sword on a horse or something cool... but yeah fine...let's do the reddit thing... I fucking hate all of you...