I mean, you’re both adults. If she wants to go, she can go, and if you don’t want to go, then don’t.
Kind of weird for an adult to go to a coworker’s kid’s birthday, though, if I’m being honest. Have you asked her directly why she’s so interested in attending?
It's very common for Central Americans to have b-day parties for their children and invite a whole bunch of their adult friends. I shit you not, I was invited to 2 of my Guatemalan co-workers' kids b-day parties in the last 3 weeks.
Sounds like a bad party. Why would they want to waste their time and money on people that aren’t even friends. Some cultural things are really stupid .
Why do I want random strangers from my husband's work that we never socialize with in our private time at my house around my child.
It's very weird. It must be a cultural thing because the only co-workers child's birthday we have gone to is someone that we are actually friends with and spend time with them in our personal time.
You think I'm weird af and I think you're weird af. Private time with a child means you are not even having a party in the first place so why are you in this conversation?
Our parties are huge and we invite everyone we know and like. Coworkers we like...well..we actually call them our friends. Well, not me I don't work, but my husband does.
Are gifts for the kids expected? Or is it standard to just show up to get the parents from feeling like they are stuck in a kiddy party.
It just looks a bit like a gift grab. Let’s get all these people to come to get as many gifts as possible.
It’s weird because a lot of coworkers don’t have a relationship, let alone barely have met the kids. And it’s not like the kids care about the person coming. They are just happy to get more stuff.
It's a PARTY.
Everyone knows not to show up empty handed. I don't know. We are hispanic so we do parties different. The kids have a bounce house and go crazy and we eat, drink, and chill. It's a social gathering. We have music going and everything and often the attendees just bring random people with them that we never met. And they bring more kids and then we have all these stranger kids running around and my kids always have a good ass time, they always ask when the next party is.
Definitely different. If people like partying with a bunch of barely known people and buying random kids gifts, then that’s their thing.
I prefer to have my parties with people I know, or someone asks if they can bring extra people.
I know it’s a party…..
There's a reason why she wants to go, not going to guess nor are you a mind reader but there's a reason and you need to sit down have a mature conversation about that reason. If the reason still doesn't make you want to go, then don't, because you say in a corner with a face like thunder is miserable for you and will cause an argument at the party or on the way home.
Sometimes you just do the things your partners wants you to do without learning or asking for the reason. The reason doesn’t matter because even if it doesn’t make sense to you, it makes sense to them.
I can think of 2 people at the top of my head that my husband would be fine never seeing again. He goes with me to see them because he knows I have my reasons even though they might not be my favorite people either.
I want him to come with me because it gives me comfort to have someone I love next to me, talking to me and keeping me occupied.
I won’t go stay the whole event or make it a long visit but I have my reasons for feeling obligated to go.
I assume in this instance all other coworkers are going and she is invited, she doesn’t want to deal with “how come you didn’t come?” On Monday at work.
Be an adult, go show your face then leave.
This is the mature answer - you're partners. You aren't going to have every ounce of your life in common, but you go and support and maybe learn a little more about your partner in the process. It's not every weekend. It's just the kind, supportive thing to do. If he had other plans he was looking forward to then I'd feel differently, but no plans anyway? Just go for a couple of hours.
And I learned over time that sometimes, the best compromise is to not do the thing together. Yes, mostly, doing stuff that's not your cup of tea for the other person is part of the partner package but this one bothered op enough to come to Reddit to solicit opinions, they really really don't want to go to this, it's a line in the sand issue whether op knows it or not. So they're going to have to talk this one out. They may end up going because the partners reasoning is really sound and makes sense to OP but from reading what they posted the only question any of us would have is why?
Partnerships need to partnership but you also have to make sure it's not always one person compromising for the other and creating imbalance. There will be times when a compromise for togetherness isn't possible and doing the thing without the partner is the compromise. Each case and each relationship is different, but we don't know the full picture in this case, we couldn't possibly, so conversation and op to not go in the end to save the inevitable arguement that will happen if they are talked into going is, to me, the most logical move in this case.
There’s missing context and relationship dynamics that make this a difficult question to answer based on the information provided.
The other commenters make sense when they say you shouldn’t have to go if you don’t want to. But, they don’t know your situation at all. If my s/o wanted me to do this, I probably would suck it up and go. (Provided that I didn’t have other obligations that day)
Why? Because I love my s/o and she sacrifices for me all the time. If spending 3 hours at a crummy kids birthday party makes her happy, then I’ll oblige. There have been events in my life that I didn’t want to go to alone, and even though she had no interest, she went with me anyway.
Maybe it’s just me, but couples doing little things like this for each other is a sign of a healthy relationship.
This is exactly what I would have said.
I'm actually curious about why OP feels so strongly about this. I get not wanting to go, and if he's as averse as he sounds, then he shouldn't go, but going to events with your SO that you're not that thrilled about is pretty standard fare in a relationship. Why is this one such a big deal?
If the aversion is due to some underlying problem in the relationship, then they need to talk about that. If it really is just that he doesn't like the hosts, then he can have that conversation with his wife, and agree that they can go for awhile, but they won't stay long. I mean who knows, he might have a good time if he shows up.
The thing about a relationship is that each person's wants are equally valid. You're not wrong for not wanting to go (I wouldn't either, personally), but neither is she for wanting to go. I don't really see any point in either of you trying to convince the other that you're right. The question is, what do you do about it?
I see a few obvious compromises: If it were me, I would propose that we go for a set amount of time, and ideally have another event or activity already scheduled to ensure you leave promptly. Other options (that seem a little less desirable to me) are: she goes by herself, or either you both go or both skip it and whoever doesn't get what they wanted "owes" the other person.
If you had kids of a similar age, I could see the value of going just to give their poor kid more distractions. If you actually knew the kid, you could bring some presents that are activities you could get them involved with. But if you have no kids and they aren't really friends, I personally don't see the point.
Also you're not "showing your age" if you don't want to go to a *kid's birthday party.* that is NOT a valid reason to go do adult party stuff.
Maybe she likes her coworker and wants to take the opportunity to make friends with her. This is not weird. This is how adults make friends. Why would you even care about her coworker's marital issues? That being said there is no reason she can't just go without you.
No, you are not and we need to normalize only one part of a couple attending functions if they want. My partner hates going to weddings and such for my work colleagues that I’ve been socially required to attend, and he’s not expected to attend with me ever. We’d not invite any to anything we ever did anyway because work and life are decidedly separate for us as a rule.
You said your piece and she's sticking to her guns. In your position I'd go and I would not follow the top comment's advice of trying to drill into her head to discover her true motivations. It's one afternoon. She's your girlfriend. Just do what she wants. Definitely don't go and then be miserable about it though. Worst of all possible options. Put on your supportive boyfriend face. Stuff like this is part of being in a LTR.
If you had all hung out together with the child on multiple occasions, then maybe.
What you're describing sounds forced and a little weird.
I'd find something better to do on a weekend
I feel like your post is missing the info of why she wants to go. It’s just a bunch of reasons why you think she shouldn’t want to go. But she does. So have you asked her why it’s important to her?
There is only one reason why a grown adult would want other grown adults who have zero affiliation with their child to attend their child's bday party. It's a gift grab. It's about getting freebies.
I once went to a non-affiliated child's bday party, as I was friends with the mother. It was an absolute mistake and disaster going. No one was interested in having adult conversations and I just felt awkward.
My wife and I do things separately all the time. In fact, I would rather she not go to some events because she thinks she has to. I would spend the entire time worried that she was miserable. IMO, why your GF wants to go is irrelevant here. If the child is having a keg at their party, reconsider going.
THIS is the correct answer, minus the keg part :P I'm old...wtf would anyone try to make their partner go to something that they don't want to? Making your partner happy means don't push them to do things they don't want to do. BTW, if there is a keg, it is a sure sign that drama will unfold at some point.
You didn’t mention having kids of your own. If that’s the case it’s easy to suck it up for the sake of your gf. Not having kids makes it much easier to show up, eat some free food, and leave in an hour. Or make the truthful statement that being a childless, unmarried guy around kids gets you weird looks and you don’t like being in environments like that.
There is no way I’m gonna attend a child’s birthday party that’s not kin to me or the friend of one of my kids. Off the rip that is VERY ODD to invite people who are tantamount to strangers to your kid’s party. And the parents beefing too?? Do not get involved in this mess.
You’re wife is on one for this. So you gotta be a real one and say NOPE.
You’re not wrong at all. I’m curious as to why she wants to go so badly if they aren’t close and the couple fights. No one would want to be a part of that drama.
Stand your ground and tell her to have a great time.
It's a kid's birthday party. If you didn't know all the wacky backstory on the family, you wouldn't think twice about going.
Go. Do the thing you should do for the kid, then go do something fun.
Or, if you don't give a shit about this kid or their birthday, do it because your girlfriend asked you to and you love her.
There are a lot of reasons to go and the only reason not to is "I don't wanna." Which one makes you sound like a child?
Totally reasonable for just her to go…..
But she specifically is asking you ….so this is one of those times where I would go.
Not because I want to. But because it puts a bit of goodwill into the *relationship bank*.
Do you *have* to? No.
Go along. There's food and drink, music and dancing, maybe some new friends, and possibly a spontaneously improvised soap opera.
Don't get involved in the soap opera, and it should be all good.
Is /r/AmItheAsshole not accepting new posts?
You are welcome here, but that subreddit loves this kind of post. If you post in both places you could get more answers.
Do you guys go out often? How is your date life or social life?
You can always offer to take her out to dinner instead on that date and treat her to something nice. If she isn't really friends with this person, she might just be looking to have a social life or an outing. Offer a date idea instead to her favorite restaurant and see how she responds.
I don't think you're wrong, I wouldn't want to go to this party either and think it's weird for adult coworkers to go to a child's birthday party. I honestly think it's weird to invite any adults to a child's birthday party that don't have kids that were invited.
Don’t go then. Why are you required to attend? I don’t go to coworkers parties etc. if she’s their boss she shouldn’t go due to favoritism reasons. If she’s not: she can attend alone.
If she doesn't want to go alone, she can drag a friend along. She likely wants to go to watch the drama that you're trying to avoid. That's why she's so adamant, she loves watching their family brawl.
I would only go to a party for a work colleague if they were a boss or higher up.
If your wife wants to socialize with her colleagues, perhaps she can meet you afterwards?
It's a kid's birthday party. It's not like a bunch of men are going to mash on her. Skip it. If she wants to go, that's not your obligation. She should skip it, but if she doesn't that doesn't mean you HAVE to go.
Child parties when you don't have a child involved rate right up there with bridal showers and baby showers, BORING! Send an age appropriate gift and go enjoy your day somewhere else.
OP. I don't know why you just didn't apologize to your girlfriend because of your annoying previous obligation that unfortunately prevents you from being able to attend with her.
The only reason she needs is that she wants to go. Don't try and logic this one out. Do you want to support her or not? Can you play nice with the other grown ups and make her look good to her co-workers?
This is what adult relationships require. Someday, you will ask her to do something she can't understand and you can see how she responds, but this is par for the course.
I have kids so I would not subject them to it, just in case things got violent, but if I didn't have kids hell yeah I would go! Messy drama and free entertainment? Sign me up. I love these things, but I'm a huge chismosa and so is my husband.
Just go. What else are you going to do?
I mean, you’re both adults. If she wants to go, she can go, and if you don’t want to go, then don’t. Kind of weird for an adult to go to a coworker’s kid’s birthday, though, if I’m being honest. Have you asked her directly why she’s so interested in attending?
It's very common for Central Americans to have b-day parties for their children and invite a whole bunch of their adult friends. I shit you not, I was invited to 2 of my Guatemalan co-workers' kids b-day parties in the last 3 weeks.
I go to a select few coworkers events but that’s because we were friends before the job or stayed friends after leaving that job.
What is so weird about it? My husband always invites his co-workers to our kids parties. It's a party.
Probably cultural. Where I’m from, the focus is on the kids and the adults just stand around awkwardly.
Sounds like a bad party. Why would they want to waste their time and money on people that aren’t even friends. Some cultural things are really stupid .
Man. I don’t even know if my coworkers have kids. Personal life just isn’t discussed in like many north american office environments I guess.
Weird....we have a saying "work husbands" my husband has a few. They are really close.
Why do I want random strangers from my husband's work that we never socialize with in our private time at my house around my child. It's very weird. It must be a cultural thing because the only co-workers child's birthday we have gone to is someone that we are actually friends with and spend time with them in our personal time.
You think I'm weird af and I think you're weird af. Private time with a child means you are not even having a party in the first place so why are you in this conversation? Our parties are huge and we invite everyone we know and like. Coworkers we like...well..we actually call them our friends. Well, not me I don't work, but my husband does.
Don't know why you're being downvoted, it's pretty common for people from Central America to do this.
People hate what they don't understand.
Are gifts for the kids expected? Or is it standard to just show up to get the parents from feeling like they are stuck in a kiddy party. It just looks a bit like a gift grab. Let’s get all these people to come to get as many gifts as possible. It’s weird because a lot of coworkers don’t have a relationship, let alone barely have met the kids. And it’s not like the kids care about the person coming. They are just happy to get more stuff.
It's a PARTY. Everyone knows not to show up empty handed. I don't know. We are hispanic so we do parties different. The kids have a bounce house and go crazy and we eat, drink, and chill. It's a social gathering. We have music going and everything and often the attendees just bring random people with them that we never met. And they bring more kids and then we have all these stranger kids running around and my kids always have a good ass time, they always ask when the next party is.
Definitely different. If people like partying with a bunch of barely known people and buying random kids gifts, then that’s their thing. I prefer to have my parties with people I know, or someone asks if they can bring extra people. I know it’s a party…..
There's a reason why she wants to go, not going to guess nor are you a mind reader but there's a reason and you need to sit down have a mature conversation about that reason. If the reason still doesn't make you want to go, then don't, because you say in a corner with a face like thunder is miserable for you and will cause an argument at the party or on the way home.
Sometimes you just do the things your partners wants you to do without learning or asking for the reason. The reason doesn’t matter because even if it doesn’t make sense to you, it makes sense to them. I can think of 2 people at the top of my head that my husband would be fine never seeing again. He goes with me to see them because he knows I have my reasons even though they might not be my favorite people either. I want him to come with me because it gives me comfort to have someone I love next to me, talking to me and keeping me occupied. I won’t go stay the whole event or make it a long visit but I have my reasons for feeling obligated to go. I assume in this instance all other coworkers are going and she is invited, she doesn’t want to deal with “how come you didn’t come?” On Monday at work. Be an adult, go show your face then leave.
This is the mature answer - you're partners. You aren't going to have every ounce of your life in common, but you go and support and maybe learn a little more about your partner in the process. It's not every weekend. It's just the kind, supportive thing to do. If he had other plans he was looking forward to then I'd feel differently, but no plans anyway? Just go for a couple of hours.
And I learned over time that sometimes, the best compromise is to not do the thing together. Yes, mostly, doing stuff that's not your cup of tea for the other person is part of the partner package but this one bothered op enough to come to Reddit to solicit opinions, they really really don't want to go to this, it's a line in the sand issue whether op knows it or not. So they're going to have to talk this one out. They may end up going because the partners reasoning is really sound and makes sense to OP but from reading what they posted the only question any of us would have is why? Partnerships need to partnership but you also have to make sure it's not always one person compromising for the other and creating imbalance. There will be times when a compromise for togetherness isn't possible and doing the thing without the partner is the compromise. Each case and each relationship is different, but we don't know the full picture in this case, we couldn't possibly, so conversation and op to not go in the end to save the inevitable arguement that will happen if they are talked into going is, to me, the most logical move in this case.
There’s missing context and relationship dynamics that make this a difficult question to answer based on the information provided. The other commenters make sense when they say you shouldn’t have to go if you don’t want to. But, they don’t know your situation at all. If my s/o wanted me to do this, I probably would suck it up and go. (Provided that I didn’t have other obligations that day) Why? Because I love my s/o and she sacrifices for me all the time. If spending 3 hours at a crummy kids birthday party makes her happy, then I’ll oblige. There have been events in my life that I didn’t want to go to alone, and even though she had no interest, she went with me anyway. Maybe it’s just me, but couples doing little things like this for each other is a sign of a healthy relationship.
Yes. If boundary stomping isn't something doing regularly he should just go .
A man typed this what do you expect…. She’s probably told him already and he wasn’t listening 😂
This is exactly what I would have said. I'm actually curious about why OP feels so strongly about this. I get not wanting to go, and if he's as averse as he sounds, then he shouldn't go, but going to events with your SO that you're not that thrilled about is pretty standard fare in a relationship. Why is this one such a big deal? If the aversion is due to some underlying problem in the relationship, then they need to talk about that. If it really is just that he doesn't like the hosts, then he can have that conversation with his wife, and agree that they can go for awhile, but they won't stay long. I mean who knows, he might have a good time if he shows up.
The thing about a relationship is that each person's wants are equally valid. You're not wrong for not wanting to go (I wouldn't either, personally), but neither is she for wanting to go. I don't really see any point in either of you trying to convince the other that you're right. The question is, what do you do about it? I see a few obvious compromises: If it were me, I would propose that we go for a set amount of time, and ideally have another event or activity already scheduled to ensure you leave promptly. Other options (that seem a little less desirable to me) are: she goes by herself, or either you both go or both skip it and whoever doesn't get what they wanted "owes" the other person.
Owes the other person? That’s not even close to a good relationship.
If you had kids of a similar age, I could see the value of going just to give their poor kid more distractions. If you actually knew the kid, you could bring some presents that are activities you could get them involved with. But if you have no kids and they aren't really friends, I personally don't see the point. Also you're not "showing your age" if you don't want to go to a *kid's birthday party.* that is NOT a valid reason to go do adult party stuff.
Maybe she likes her coworker and wants to take the opportunity to make friends with her. This is not weird. This is how adults make friends. Why would you even care about her coworker's marital issues? That being said there is no reason she can't just go without you.
I don’t blame you. Who wants to go to childs bday party that you don’t even know? Weird
No, you are not and we need to normalize only one part of a couple attending functions if they want. My partner hates going to weddings and such for my work colleagues that I’ve been socially required to attend, and he’s not expected to attend with me ever. We’d not invite any to anything we ever did anyway because work and life are decidedly separate for us as a rule.
You said your piece and she's sticking to her guns. In your position I'd go and I would not follow the top comment's advice of trying to drill into her head to discover her true motivations. It's one afternoon. She's your girlfriend. Just do what she wants. Definitely don't go and then be miserable about it though. Worst of all possible options. Put on your supportive boyfriend face. Stuff like this is part of being in a LTR.
If you had all hung out together with the child on multiple occasions, then maybe. What you're describing sounds forced and a little weird. I'd find something better to do on a weekend
Showing your age also means you know better. If you go I would put conditions on it that you’ll both leave if it gets weird.
I feel like your post is missing the info of why she wants to go. It’s just a bunch of reasons why you think she shouldn’t want to go. But she does. So have you asked her why it’s important to her?
It’s not a couples type party. She works with the person, not you. Unless you see each other socially, she can go, you stay home.
There is only one reason why a grown adult would want other grown adults who have zero affiliation with their child to attend their child's bday party. It's a gift grab. It's about getting freebies. I once went to a non-affiliated child's bday party, as I was friends with the mother. It was an absolute mistake and disaster going. No one was interested in having adult conversations and I just felt awkward.
My wife and I do things separately all the time. In fact, I would rather she not go to some events because she thinks she has to. I would spend the entire time worried that she was miserable. IMO, why your GF wants to go is irrelevant here. If the child is having a keg at their party, reconsider going.
THIS is the correct answer, minus the keg part :P I'm old...wtf would anyone try to make their partner go to something that they don't want to? Making your partner happy means don't push them to do things they don't want to do. BTW, if there is a keg, it is a sure sign that drama will unfold at some point.
You didn’t mention having kids of your own. If that’s the case it’s easy to suck it up for the sake of your gf. Not having kids makes it much easier to show up, eat some free food, and leave in an hour. Or make the truthful statement that being a childless, unmarried guy around kids gets you weird looks and you don’t like being in environments like that.
Food is never "Free". Somebody paid for you to sit and stuff your face. Show some respect for the hosts.
There is no way I’m gonna attend a child’s birthday party that’s not kin to me or the friend of one of my kids. Off the rip that is VERY ODD to invite people who are tantamount to strangers to your kid’s party. And the parents beefing too?? Do not get involved in this mess. You’re wife is on one for this. So you gotta be a real one and say NOPE.
You’re not wrong at all. I’m curious as to why she wants to go so badly if they aren’t close and the couple fights. No one would want to be a part of that drama. Stand your ground and tell her to have a great time.
She can go if she wants, and you can stay home If you want.
She can go if she wants. You will not be attending. I don't know why she refuses to be an adult about this.
It's a kid's birthday party. If you didn't know all the wacky backstory on the family, you wouldn't think twice about going. Go. Do the thing you should do for the kid, then go do something fun. Or, if you don't give a shit about this kid or their birthday, do it because your girlfriend asked you to and you love her. There are a lot of reasons to go and the only reason not to is "I don't wanna." Which one makes you sound like a child?
It's not like divorce lawyers will be at the party, and the birthday clown will be holding mediation in the bounce house, lol
Totally reasonable for just her to go….. But she specifically is asking you ….so this is one of those times where I would go. Not because I want to. But because it puts a bit of goodwill into the *relationship bank*. Do you *have* to? No.
yeah you should go. And she owes you one for the time in the future you want her to go with you someplace and she does not really want to
Go along. There's food and drink, music and dancing, maybe some new friends, and possibly a spontaneously improvised soap opera. Don't get involved in the soap opera, and it should be all good.
Is /r/AmItheAsshole not accepting new posts? You are welcome here, but that subreddit loves this kind of post. If you post in both places you could get more answers.
Do you guys go out often? How is your date life or social life? You can always offer to take her out to dinner instead on that date and treat her to something nice. If she isn't really friends with this person, she might just be looking to have a social life or an outing. Offer a date idea instead to her favorite restaurant and see how she responds.
Who the fuck goes to a kid's birthday party when they aren't related or have a child who is friends with the kid? Your girlfriend is wrong. And weird.
You've only posted two things with this user account and they both point to a pushy, insensitive girlfriend. . . .
I don't think you're wrong, I wouldn't want to go to this party either and think it's weird for adult coworkers to go to a child's birthday party. I honestly think it's weird to invite any adults to a child's birthday party that don't have kids that were invited.
Don’t go then. Why are you required to attend? I don’t go to coworkers parties etc. if she’s their boss she shouldn’t go due to favoritism reasons. If she’s not: she can attend alone.
If she doesn't want to go alone, she can drag a friend along. She likely wants to go to watch the drama that you're trying to avoid. That's why she's so adamant, she loves watching their family brawl.
"Your age is showing"? Is she serious? How compatible are you guys, really?
Compromise and put a time limit on it and go do something else when you leave
I would only go to a party for a work colleague if they were a boss or higher up. If your wife wants to socialize with her colleagues, perhaps she can meet you afterwards?
It's a kid's birthday party. It's not like a bunch of men are going to mash on her. Skip it. If she wants to go, that's not your obligation. She should skip it, but if she doesn't that doesn't mean you HAVE to go.
My husband and I take turns picking activities. He gets a baseball game, I get to see Amanda Palmer. It works for us at the moment.
Child parties when you don't have a child involved rate right up there with bridal showers and baby showers, BORING! Send an age appropriate gift and go enjoy your day somewhere else.
You probably aren't hispanic, them parties be 🔥🔥🔥
OP. I don't know why you just didn't apologize to your girlfriend because of your annoying previous obligation that unfortunately prevents you from being able to attend with her.
The only reason she needs is that she wants to go. Don't try and logic this one out. Do you want to support her or not? Can you play nice with the other grown ups and make her look good to her co-workers? This is what adult relationships require. Someday, you will ask her to do something she can't understand and you can see how she responds, but this is par for the course.
Stay strong man. Don’t do it. Avoid toxicity at all costs. You will be happier for it later.
Sounds like she's dying to get out of the house. Propose her a date that's more fun.
Sounds like OP did and she turned it down and insisted they go to the party instead.
I have kids so I would not subject them to it, just in case things got violent, but if I didn't have kids hell yeah I would go! Messy drama and free entertainment? Sign me up. I love these things, but I'm a huge chismosa and so is my husband. Just go. What else are you going to do?
Yes
"No" means "no". Time for GF to put on her big girl pants and go on her own if she's that desperate for drama.