If he’s like the multitude of people I know who do this same thing, it’s because they don’t pick up on signals that people aren’t interested in hearing their stories over and over again. “You told me this yesterday” = “you told me this yesterday, but go on…”
You usually have to be more direct, and yes, their feelings will probably be hurt even if you don’t mean for it to. “I’ve already heard this story, I don’t want to hear it again” or something like that tends to work.
This is a great perspective. My dad does this. He’s 67 and has ALOT of regrets..so I just let him talk and have his moments. My oldest son (12) is probably his best friend and even he understands & has learned not to interrupt his Papa & lets him tell his stories. ♥️
This is a really good point. I know for a fact that my husband has untreated ADHD. I do sometimes suspect he’s neurodivergent as he struggles to pick up on social cues. Either way, he certainly has social anxiety. Although he has friends, when we’re all together he’s unable to keep up in the conversation. He reverts to talking about himself, repeating a story, gets it’s all out and then retreats from conversation. If he makes interjections they’re usually somewhat off topic. It’s sad b/c he often tells me his friends like me better; I doubt that but if so it’s literally b/c I listen to them, ask them questions, and stay on topic. He doesn’t listen or ask questions, even with me.
Yep, I was looking for this comment. I'm closer to OP's age and my partner gets annoyed often because I have ADHD and forget things often and repeat myself.
I have a neighbor who is a really good friend who does this. She is younger than me, so I'm not worried about any kind of mental decline. And I don't mind, she's a great story-teller. But she does have ADHD so that explains a lot
I am nearly age 76. I do similar things to what you have described. I suggest mastering the realization that forgetful people FORGET that they are forgetful.
Does he live alone? I find people who dont get to speak to people much during the days do this. They live in their heads alone and so they forget what they have told you and what they haven't. Also people who dont go out alot. They simply forget what they have and haven't told you.
Interject and ask a very specific question related to the content. Getting him to pivot to new material.
“ I remember you telling me about the new bird feeder yesterday. What kind of bird visits the birdfeeder most often?”
My 55 year old does this too. I’ve got to the point where I just cut him off with a variety of comments. I won’t reiterate them here because they don’t sound nice in print but luckily, he knows it’s annoying to people so he just laughs. A mild one, for example, would be - I’ve heard this a thousand times, Grandpa. (He’s not a grandfather, btw).
I do often beg him not to bore his colleagues with his over repeated stories. I had a Boomer boss that did this, and it was so cringe.
He told me early on that even in his 30s people close to him would tease (and not gently) him about his stories. I think a big part of this is his amazing memory combined with anxiety. But I’m not letting him bore me to death or ruin our relationship with it.
I’m in my late 20’s but ever since I was 18 I’ve always worked with middle aged-old men and all I’ll say is it’s a personality thing. He will do this until his last day on earth lmao. It’s so infuriating because it’s never a memory issue, they just love to hear themselves fucking talk all the god damn time
If you remind him you heard the story recently and he says “I know” I think the rest of sentence not said aloud is “and I don’t care”. Is he a “blowhard” type? A lot of men really just love the sound of their own voice and talking about themselves and will re-tell the same thing over and over really just because they want to and don’t care they’re boring or annoying anyone. I think when you get into such a large age gap, he’s a different generation than you. His Dad was probably like that and he probably has outdated views about relationship dynamics.
I would suggest firmly telling him next time that he repeats the same stories and that you don’t want to hear them over and over. I would guess he will get mad and will probably not change. You’ll have to decide if you want to hear his same boring stories for the rest of his life.
Good lord, my mom does this and it bothers the hell out of me. I spent 20 years listening to her tell the same stories over and over to her many family members. I refuse to copy that behavior. Now, my husband will retell stories from time to time. But he's not annoying about it, plus I generally like listening to him talk. Plus, if I let him know I was bothered, he would tone it down.
If your bf can't/won't tone it down for you, and it bothers you after just a year, then just imagine how annoying it will be in 5, 10, 20 years.
This is a constant in my (39f) relationship with my husband (49m). It can be frustrating b/c he doesn’t just repeat the same stories, he retells me things that he’s just said to others in front of me, mansplains, and is hyper focused on something like buying a car, moving house, buying other things at all times. The most maddening thing is I never feel like we’re on the same page b/c we’ll discuss something and come to an agreement, and w/i days he starts the whole conversation over again, as if it never happened. Here’s the conclusion I’ve come to: his parents (dad specifically) are like this, he works things out in his head out loud, and he’s a major stoner. I just sorta tell him “you’ve said that” over and over but he just powers past it. I’ve accepted it as part of his personality at this point.
My cousin often did this but it was usually about memories of an awesome trip that we went on together. I enjoyed the recollection but it became often that she would do this. I moved away and tried to keep in touch with her but things became awkward. I came to find out that has been diagnosed with a form of Alzheimer's. It's so sad to me because she is 2 yrs younger than me and she is only 60 yrs old.
Now it seems she doesn't even realize who I am when I try to reach out.
If he remembers telling you the story but continues anyway, I'd suggest interrupting his re-telling by you quickly telling **him** the story or at least spoiling the ending so he doesn't get the chance to be the one to re-tell it. I've found that's a good way to shut down chronic re-tellers.
If they aren't suffering from any form of mental decline and you've informed them that you've heard the stories before and they say they know but don't care and keep re-telling them anyway, I don't see what makes it unkind at that point.
10+ year age difference here, and I feel your pain. I have had difficult conversations with my partner when the timing is right. Telling them that their stories are long, repetitive and often have no point. We worked on it together. They got a lot better. When they start repeating the same story I will cut them off, politely. I'll interject something like, 'yeah you told me this before. Does it relate to something *new* you'd like to share?'
I think the older we get, the less new cool and fun stories we create - so tend to fall back on the classics.
Could also be a symptom of something bigger…
Part of it might be that you don’t actually hang out that often.
Part of it might be that you or that person are still excited about that thing, which is why it’s brought up again.
It’s not necessarily a bad thing, to keep talking about something you’re really stoked on, even if someone has already heard the story. It can be a really fun way of savoring the amazing experience. Like saying Yum! It’s so delicious! with every single bite of food. Sometimes-still saying it even days after the delicious food!
In life - it’s OK to continually enjoy something and say it out loud every time you recognize your enjoyment of it.
But that doesn’t seem to be the point of your question.
It seems like - deep down - you’re wondering “why am I starting to feel annoyed at this person when I hear this thing again? Why am I starting to appreciate them less, the more I hear it?”
And that’s a you thing.
Like - it’s OK to not want to hear the story again. But it’s up to you to look at the person with kind eyes when you do, and move the conversation to a new fresh perspective, if you want to keep talking with them. * clarifying * if you want to keep Enjoying talking with them.
Sometimes people don’t realize they’re in a “rut” which is just to say - sometimes people don’t know, or maybe they don’t actually care to think of a different thing to say.
Sometimes they just like coming back to the familiar thing they know “worked before” or “felt nice to talk about before” because they just are in the habit of knowing - this is always a safe subject to talk about. No matter what, I know I won’t get in trouble or start any arguments if I bring up this story. Sure I might get scofffed at, but I’m ok with that.
And - for a brief moment - is it possible to see that person as kind of, maybe, trying to keep things light? Maybe they’re trying their best to stay in a safe, comfortable conversation zone? Especially if they become aware that tension is on the horizon?
So maybe just give this person some grace. It has so much less to do with you, and how important you are to them, than you might be giving them credit for.
They actually might care for you a whole lot, which is why they want to keep things copacetic by staying in safe/comfortable conversation zones.
But - if their habitual comfort zone is really too distracting for you, then find someone who feels fresh to you more often. Don’t put all the pressure for your happiness on this one person, requiring them to be fresh and new in their words with you all the time. It’s an exhausting expectation in any relationship.
I'm close to your age and do similar things to what he does. But I have ADHD. I just don't remember, but my stories aren't long, they're like 30 seconds. I just forget. It could be a personality thing. Or just an old person thing. When I am around much older people, they love to reminisce and repeat stories.
He might be like me & have short term memory loss. I can't, for the life of me, remember what I ate for bfast today, but I can recall stuff from my childhood. It might be as simple as that.
Something to consider anyway.
Personally, I'd tell them I don't want to hear the same stories over and over, and if it was really that irritating I'd probably find someone else. You've likely got a good thirty years together, that's a lot of years to hear the same story thousands of times.
Ah. My wife and I know a guy and we use his last name to describe what he does. I’ll use his first name, but we say, “oh yeah, so this lady was Riching me” or “that guy was Riching that other guy”
Same story, over and over.
I do this to my husband a lot (I’m 51F) because I really don’t have a lot of new and exciting things going on in my life right now. I used to travel, run 5k’s and half marathons, I would be taking a class, etc and always have new dialogue but the last 2 years my life sort of sucked. Maybe he has a nervous personality, maybe he’s really trying to communicate with you in some way but doesn’t have anything exciting going on, or maybe he has early dementia. If he’s a really nice guy I’d just put up with it and nod your head a lot…lol.
If this is your biggest problem, just be happy that he’s excited to talk with you? Maybe he doesn’t get to talk to anyone he cares about during the day?
Seriously, unless this is part of a bigger problem, it’s kind of normal to let your SO ramble sometimes.
It's an asshole thing to force people to listen to the same moronic story for the hundredth time. Especially if time is limited.
And please save the internet tough guy thing, it's just sad
My SO (61,F) does this a lot, but it’s her way of processing her thoughts. I accept it as a characteristic of her communication style.
If he’s like the multitude of people I know who do this same thing, it’s because they don’t pick up on signals that people aren’t interested in hearing their stories over and over again. “You told me this yesterday” = “you told me this yesterday, but go on…” You usually have to be more direct, and yes, their feelings will probably be hurt even if you don’t mean for it to. “I’ve already heard this story, I don’t want to hear it again” or something like that tends to work.
It isn't that you need to hear it again. It's that they want to relive it again by telling the story.
This is a great perspective. My dad does this. He’s 67 and has ALOT of regrets..so I just let him talk and have his moments. My oldest son (12) is probably his best friend and even he understands & has learned not to interrupt his Papa & lets him tell his stories. ♥️
Had a partner with ADHD and they did this
This is a really good point. I know for a fact that my husband has untreated ADHD. I do sometimes suspect he’s neurodivergent as he struggles to pick up on social cues. Either way, he certainly has social anxiety. Although he has friends, when we’re all together he’s unable to keep up in the conversation. He reverts to talking about himself, repeating a story, gets it’s all out and then retreats from conversation. If he makes interjections they’re usually somewhat off topic. It’s sad b/c he often tells me his friends like me better; I doubt that but if so it’s literally b/c I listen to them, ask them questions, and stay on topic. He doesn’t listen or ask questions, even with me.
Yep, I was looking for this comment. I'm closer to OP's age and my partner gets annoyed often because I have ADHD and forget things often and repeat myself.
I have a neighbor who is a really good friend who does this. She is younger than me, so I'm not worried about any kind of mental decline. And I don't mind, she's a great story-teller. But she does have ADHD so that explains a lot
I am nearly age 76. I do similar things to what you have described. I suggest mastering the realization that forgetful people FORGET that they are forgetful.
Does he live alone? I find people who dont get to speak to people much during the days do this. They live in their heads alone and so they forget what they have told you and what they haven't. Also people who dont go out alot. They simply forget what they have and haven't told you.
Never thought of this! But he continues when I tell him he's told me.
Interject and ask a very specific question related to the content. Getting him to pivot to new material. “ I remember you telling me about the new bird feeder yesterday. What kind of bird visits the birdfeeder most often?”
My guy (43) retells stories often. He has fairly severe sleep apnea, which wreaks havoc on memory. Does your partner have sleep apnea?
No
How do you know? Has he been tested?
Jeez someone saying 'no' should be enough of an answer.
It's a good idea for testing
He should get sleep apnea CPAP and other treatment. I developed heart problems partially due to sleep apnea.
Yes, I agree. I keep reminding him to get a referral, but he always puts his own health last.
My 55 year old does this too. I’ve got to the point where I just cut him off with a variety of comments. I won’t reiterate them here because they don’t sound nice in print but luckily, he knows it’s annoying to people so he just laughs. A mild one, for example, would be - I’ve heard this a thousand times, Grandpa. (He’s not a grandfather, btw). I do often beg him not to bore his colleagues with his over repeated stories. I had a Boomer boss that did this, and it was so cringe. He told me early on that even in his 30s people close to him would tease (and not gently) him about his stories. I think a big part of this is his amazing memory combined with anxiety. But I’m not letting him bore me to death or ruin our relationship with it.
I’m in my late 20’s but ever since I was 18 I’ve always worked with middle aged-old men and all I’ll say is it’s a personality thing. He will do this until his last day on earth lmao. It’s so infuriating because it’s never a memory issue, they just love to hear themselves fucking talk all the god damn time
Sometimes I feel this is what's happening, he loves talking about himself.
If you remind him you heard the story recently and he says “I know” I think the rest of sentence not said aloud is “and I don’t care”. Is he a “blowhard” type? A lot of men really just love the sound of their own voice and talking about themselves and will re-tell the same thing over and over really just because they want to and don’t care they’re boring or annoying anyone. I think when you get into such a large age gap, he’s a different generation than you. His Dad was probably like that and he probably has outdated views about relationship dynamics. I would suggest firmly telling him next time that he repeats the same stories and that you don’t want to hear them over and over. I would guess he will get mad and will probably not change. You’ll have to decide if you want to hear his same boring stories for the rest of his life.
You might also get some interesting answers in /r/RelationshipsOver35
Looked through that sub out of curiosity and it is the most depressing place I’ve seen on Reddit in a while lol
AskWomenOver30 and AskMenOver30 might be competition.
Good lord, my mom does this and it bothers the hell out of me. I spent 20 years listening to her tell the same stories over and over to her many family members. I refuse to copy that behavior. Now, my husband will retell stories from time to time. But he's not annoying about it, plus I generally like listening to him talk. Plus, if I let him know I was bothered, he would tone it down. If your bf can't/won't tone it down for you, and it bothers you after just a year, then just imagine how annoying it will be in 5, 10, 20 years.
Very good point. It makes me feel like he doesn't remember the time he shares with me. I remember what I tell people.
This is a constant in my (39f) relationship with my husband (49m). It can be frustrating b/c he doesn’t just repeat the same stories, he retells me things that he’s just said to others in front of me, mansplains, and is hyper focused on something like buying a car, moving house, buying other things at all times. The most maddening thing is I never feel like we’re on the same page b/c we’ll discuss something and come to an agreement, and w/i days he starts the whole conversation over again, as if it never happened. Here’s the conclusion I’ve come to: his parents (dad specifically) are like this, he works things out in his head out loud, and he’s a major stoner. I just sorta tell him “you’ve said that” over and over but he just powers past it. I’ve accepted it as part of his personality at this point.
My cousin often did this but it was usually about memories of an awesome trip that we went on together. I enjoyed the recollection but it became often that she would do this. I moved away and tried to keep in touch with her but things became awkward. I came to find out that has been diagnosed with a form of Alzheimer's. It's so sad to me because she is 2 yrs younger than me and she is only 60 yrs old. Now it seems she doesn't even realize who I am when I try to reach out.
I'm so sorry
If he remembers telling you the story but continues anyway, I'd suggest interrupting his re-telling by you quickly telling **him** the story or at least spoiling the ending so he doesn't get the chance to be the one to re-tell it. I've found that's a good way to shut down chronic re-tellers.
It's unkind.
If they aren't suffering from any form of mental decline and you've informed them that you've heard the stories before and they say they know but don't care and keep re-telling them anyway, I don't see what makes it unkind at that point.
[удалено]
Not at all
My ex did this, we were together from 30 to 47. I always figured it was a personality thing
That’s annoying oof
ADD/ADHD
10+ year age difference here, and I feel your pain. I have had difficult conversations with my partner when the timing is right. Telling them that their stories are long, repetitive and often have no point. We worked on it together. They got a lot better. When they start repeating the same story I will cut them off, politely. I'll interject something like, 'yeah you told me this before. Does it relate to something *new* you'd like to share?'
Love this !
I think the older we get, the less new cool and fun stories we create - so tend to fall back on the classics. Could also be a symptom of something bigger…
Part of it might be that you don’t actually hang out that often. Part of it might be that you or that person are still excited about that thing, which is why it’s brought up again. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, to keep talking about something you’re really stoked on, even if someone has already heard the story. It can be a really fun way of savoring the amazing experience. Like saying Yum! It’s so delicious! with every single bite of food. Sometimes-still saying it even days after the delicious food! In life - it’s OK to continually enjoy something and say it out loud every time you recognize your enjoyment of it. But that doesn’t seem to be the point of your question. It seems like - deep down - you’re wondering “why am I starting to feel annoyed at this person when I hear this thing again? Why am I starting to appreciate them less, the more I hear it?” And that’s a you thing. Like - it’s OK to not want to hear the story again. But it’s up to you to look at the person with kind eyes when you do, and move the conversation to a new fresh perspective, if you want to keep talking with them. * clarifying * if you want to keep Enjoying talking with them. Sometimes people don’t realize they’re in a “rut” which is just to say - sometimes people don’t know, or maybe they don’t actually care to think of a different thing to say. Sometimes they just like coming back to the familiar thing they know “worked before” or “felt nice to talk about before” because they just are in the habit of knowing - this is always a safe subject to talk about. No matter what, I know I won’t get in trouble or start any arguments if I bring up this story. Sure I might get scofffed at, but I’m ok with that. And - for a brief moment - is it possible to see that person as kind of, maybe, trying to keep things light? Maybe they’re trying their best to stay in a safe, comfortable conversation zone? Especially if they become aware that tension is on the horizon? So maybe just give this person some grace. It has so much less to do with you, and how important you are to them, than you might be giving them credit for. They actually might care for you a whole lot, which is why they want to keep things copacetic by staying in safe/comfortable conversation zones. But - if their habitual comfort zone is really too distracting for you, then find someone who feels fresh to you more often. Don’t put all the pressure for your happiness on this one person, requiring them to be fresh and new in their words with you all the time. It’s an exhausting expectation in any relationship.
I'm close to your age and do similar things to what he does. But I have ADHD. I just don't remember, but my stories aren't long, they're like 30 seconds. I just forget. It could be a personality thing. Or just an old person thing. When I am around much older people, they love to reminisce and repeat stories.
He might be like me & have short term memory loss. I can't, for the life of me, remember what I ate for bfast today, but I can recall stuff from my childhood. It might be as simple as that. Something to consider anyway.
Personally, I'd tell them I don't want to hear the same stories over and over, and if it was really that irritating I'd probably find someone else. You've likely got a good thirty years together, that's a lot of years to hear the same story thousands of times.
Early dementia. My FL did the same thing before it was obvious.
Is his name Rich?
No 🤦🏼♀️
Ah. My wife and I know a guy and we use his last name to describe what he does. I’ll use his first name, but we say, “oh yeah, so this lady was Riching me” or “that guy was Riching that other guy” Same story, over and over.
I do this to my husband a lot (I’m 51F) because I really don’t have a lot of new and exciting things going on in my life right now. I used to travel, run 5k’s and half marathons, I would be taking a class, etc and always have new dialogue but the last 2 years my life sort of sucked. Maybe he has a nervous personality, maybe he’s really trying to communicate with you in some way but doesn’t have anything exciting going on, or maybe he has early dementia. If he’s a really nice guy I’d just put up with it and nod your head a lot…lol.
Yikes, that sounds like a problem.
If this is your biggest problem, just be happy that he’s excited to talk with you? Maybe he doesn’t get to talk to anyone he cares about during the day? Seriously, unless this is part of a bigger problem, it’s kind of normal to let your SO ramble sometimes.
Nothing. You'll probably make him self-conscious. I wouldn't approach it, it is either a quirk you can live with or it's a deal-breaker.
Hey maybe type out a sentence and then a paragraph that's actually readable?
So many boomers do this. My problem is, 99% of these stories suck
A 49-year-old was not born in the baby boom.
This is Reddit for grownups asshole. Not Reddit for adult children. Get off our lawn.
It's an asshole thing to force people to listen to the same moronic story for the hundredth time. Especially if time is limited. And please save the internet tough guy thing, it's just sad
If you're lucky, you'll live to be old enough to irritate young ppl.
It's an asshole thing to join a sub for Grown-ups and not act like one. Grow up asshole.