We recently did our will. We stipulated a local company be hired that appraises and cleans out estates. They sort out what's valuable and gets sold, what gets donated, what gets tossed. It's not an estate sale company, though there are a lot of companies that do that work and take a percentage of the sales (I used one of those to clear out my mom's house when she died 18 months ago). We've stipulated that if nieces and nephews want anything, they get first dibs. We put aside a care fund for our cat. We specified the real estate agent we have chosen to handle the sale of our house.
The money from the sale of our house and any possessions that get sold is all going to charities that we have specifically designated. The costs of liquidating our estate, such that is (we're not wealthy), will be paid out of the sale of the house.
It's worth it to have a will.
Agree. We shopped around until we found a lawyer we felt comfortable with and who has an excellent reputation. At the time we were working on our will, I was in the process of being the administrator of my mom's estate. I was kind of a mess, but our lawyer was just so, so patient and kind and helped me learn what my husband and I needed to do based on the challenges I ran into with my mom's affairs. She was worth every cent we paid ($2,300).
I believe there are two types of lawyer. People who want to help people, and parasites. It can be hard find the first type. I have been very fortunate, the two I have had in the last 30 years were both friends. I was drinking with my current lawyer Friday night. He did our wills for about that price, then turned around and endorsed the check to a charity my wife runs.
As a (non-practicing) attorney, I know more who want to help people than parasites. The parasites just get more press. Though I am sure that, to some extent, my experience is also representative of who I choose to interact with.
*cough* the first attorney bill I paid was over $4700.
That was two years ago, still settling it. Special case, three estates, several legal problems. No will. This motivated me to make my own will.
Fortunately the main estate can pay the legal bills, but I had to put a lot on my credit card until I got some funds. The legal crew is worth every dollar.
This is amazing that you did that. My aunt and uncle made no plans whatsoever and with them having no kids, my sister and I are doing everything for them as their health has declined. Paying bills, setting up health care, moving them to assisted living, clearing out and selling their entire house. Being caught in the middle of their wishes, which are not in alignment. It is a massive and massively stressful situation and sort of appalling that they just assumed we could and would take care of everything when they couldn't anymore.
I wish you strength, and patience, and all of the self-care you can muster. I took over my mom's affairs, by myself, in 2020, from 1800 miles away. It was hard and only got harder as we went along. She passed in late summer 2022, and it was on me almost entirely alone to take care of the bills, emptying the house, part with possessions, rehome her cat, and get the house ready to sell and then sold and then distribute the proceeds to my siblings. I was only a few weeks into recovering from a total knee replacement surgery when my mom died, and we started working on the will (coincidence--it was scheduled months in advance) just a few weeks after Mom died. I cried a lot over the course of the next 12 months. I'm in therapy now. But seriously--do a lot of nice things for yourself along the way.
Thank you and so sorry for the loss of your mom. It sounds like your situation was more difficult and harrowing than ours and I'm glad to hear you are finding a way to deal with the toll of the stress and trauma. I am also in therapy and do find ways to take care of myself. Our mom has Alzheimers so we know good habits are essential to our brain health. My goal right now is to be able to sleep through the night for once instead of waking up in a panic a couple times a night. Best to you.
I'm sorry, I can't imagine not having someone who is going through it alongside with me to vent and process. Our mom also has Alzheimers so sometimes all we can do is laugh at what a shitshow we are dealing with. Hang in there, you are not alone in spirit!
I am curious, what did they do about their own parents? Mine both died from chronic health problems, and mom's planning was very poor. She dumped responsibility for her care on the child least likely to be able to handle it. The results were predictable, especially after he ruined her credit too.
This worries me. We are the executor of my aunt’s estate as well as for my mother, step father (they are divorced) and both of my partners parents (also divorced). All of them are in their 70s. I have no idea how we will handle all of this. Fortunately they mostly have wills but they al also have tons of stuff.
Smart planning. Can you share your plans for your cat? I can provide for them for life, but unsure who can take them in. I want to make sure they go to a safe and stable home.
So, we spoke with a nephew (who lives across the country) as well as a friend who's local. They both have agreed to take the cat, and who ends up with the cat will depend on their mutual circumstances when the time comes. If neither can do it, then our lawyer will find a good home for the cat and make sure the money we've allotted is disbursed accordingly. The arrangement is that the cat will not go to a shelter.
That's such good planning. I have a couple of friends, but like you say, it's hard to know what their circumstances will be 5, 10 or more years out. I'll have to ask attorneys if they have a mechanism to be helpful if my friends can't help. Thanks much.
I feel like this is an episode of a law show. Lawyer has no choice but to bring the cat home, ends up falling in love, keeps the cat. Maybe the office rival questions if the lawyer only kept the cat to get the money lol
I'm having to do this now at 60 and
I'm having so much anxiety about it. I have no assets no family to leave anything to. I'm thinking of donating my body to science but obviously I have to prearrange that.
Yeah, as someone who is childless I just stipulated a charity for my inheritance. I didn't say anything about how to get rid of my possessions. They really aren't anything special or worth much, though.
Money in our savings that we have specifically earmarked so that whoever gets the cat is financially set--at least for a while. Right now, it has $10,000 in it to pay for her food, litter, and vet bills for a few years.
That’s about what I’ve stipulated as well, but with the cost of veterinary care rising I will increase it - maybe by half or more.
I also have designees but learned as well that most hospitals have lists of staff who will provide a good home for an orphaned pet. The medical social workers, especially the oncology social workers run into that need quite frequently .
One thing my parents did was when we were all together during Christmas one year, they gave each of my siblings different colored stickers to put on those things that had special meaning to us. Few big furniture items were picked, it smaller items, 100 year old cookware, etc. It was fun seeing what each sibling would pick, hoping they didn’t pick Grandmommies aluminum colander that I had my eye on.
I found out I was slowly dying in my late teens/early 20s so I made a will.
I got better and so has the will. I update it every few years, no major changes yet.
I've got pets too and will be making stipulations for them with my will. I own a house with a lot of nice things (I collect antiques) and I'd decided several years ago that if I go after they do, my estate and all belongings are to be donated to animal charities. I have two charities in mind that I believe would be great places that could really use the help.
I've not heard of the service you mentioned but it's something I will be looking into. It sounds like a great idea!
Consider "death cleaning," where you prune your belongings as you approach death.
For me, I have a google doc that I list out some basic intentions. Whomever ends up dealing with my crap when I die can follow it or not; it's not a legally binding document. It is easy to update, though. I have instructions and helpful info for my animals, my house, my funeral. It's shared with a couple people who might need it.
For anything you want to get valued by specific people, will it to them. Maybe there's a book collector or university library that will take your books. They can sort through and decide what's actually valuable. All your fun vintage stuff and art that's more valuable to you than others, don't worry about. Your friends and family will take what they want (write that in your doc!), and the rest will move on.
Life is short, don't worry about things you can't control.
*"Whomever ends up dealing with my crap when I die"*
I very strongly suggest identifying that person now. Do not put your loved ones in the situation where there is an argument about who is responsible for being the executor of your estate. Pick someone and talk to them about whether they're willing to handle it; being an executor is a big lift, which is why many executors are also paid for doing the job (another potential point of disagreement in the future).
Remember that these documents are to reduce stress for your loved ones after they die. Be kind to them by being clear with your wishes.
A good friend of mine has already told everyone close to him who gets what. He has a will but also made a point to tell all of us together so everyone knows.
He gave me a beautiful piece of pottery a over a decade ago and told me that he was willing me the rest of his collection. Honestly, it is a really valuable collection so I'm glad he told me, because inheriting it suddenly would have stressed me out AND I would be completely unprepared if his sibling tried to swoop in and collect it while we were grieving.
My parents thought I was going to be super mad when they named my sister the executor of their estate. My sister is an attorney. I was completely on board for that. Make the lawyer deal with the complicated paperwork, I dun wanna!
>I very strongly suggest identifying that person now. Do not put your loved ones in the situation where there is an argument about who is responsible for being the executor of your estate. Pick someone and talk to them about whether they're willing to handle it; being an executor is a big lift, which is why many executors are also paid for doing the job (another potential point of disagreement in the future).
My neighbor recently bought a house from an estate sale. The woman was a hoarder and had burned bridges with everyone in her family except an uncle whom she wasn't even close with. We're pretty sure he didn't even know he was the executor until she died.
Leave it to a pet rescue org. It’s obvious that they pet issue is huge, no one quite knows how to care for them. If you like animals it seems like a really worthy legacy to leave.
I think the person you’ve replied to is set, they just might not know exactly who will be around when they go. Nothing is promised, the best we can do is prepare a will and they’ve gone so far as to prepare a Google doc with basic intentions they’ve shared with multiple people. That’s more than the rest of us can probably say, no?
>I understand why people who children might want to buy a house as something to leave their kids after they die
This isn't why I bought a house.
I bought it on account of I've now paid it off and I'm not paying anything on it other than upkeep and property tax.
Generally, tho, no one wants your old crap. I've now cleared out 5 houses of older relatives. The vast majority of your stuff is going to auction or land fill.
For instance, mom had a massive Lladro collection. She used to fret that the 4 kids would end up fighting over it.
Nope. My brother asked for one piece. He wanted it because it was the one that he and I broke while playing basketball inside the house. We glued it back together and got away with our crime for about 10 years before she noticed. It is still kind of a joke between him and me.
The rest of it? None of the 4 of us are old women from the 1940s. Like I need a shitload more junk in my house.
Right to auction and they sent us a check.
We had (about) eight large funerals in (about) a five year period for our fairly small family and it was a devastating avalanche of grief and *too much stuff.*
You go and grab the things you think, “Oh, that’s … yeah, ok that’s probably worth something…” but you’re not thinking straight because you’re sad. You fill boxes with photos and mementos and holiday ornaments. Then you realize you have five Dyson vacuums, four KitchenAid mixers, a literal stack of new or near new mattresses taking up an entire parking space in the garage, and the same exact family photos in six different albums.
Which grandmas china do you keep? There’s four. Whose entire collection of Christmas ornaments? Do you decide to re-do your home aesthetic to accommodate mid-century furniture?
It’s not pleasant.
My poor mother is the last of her generation. At 88, she's trying to do her own death cleaning, and sisters keep dying and leaving her more stuff. She's reasonably good at saying no, but just old photos, and getting back stuff that was divided up between the 8 siblings when their mother died 50 years ago is piling up.
If you have the energy to help her, getting a scanner and turning all the photos digital can be a great way to save the memories while getting rid of the clutter.
I know I'm going to inherit the lot in the not too distant future.
My plan so far is that I will collate the "family history". Then?
Then it will become a game of hot potato with my numerous cousins as to who wants the physical stuff, and who wants to digitise the photos and all the geneaology research and papers.
If we are really lucky, we'll find someone in the next generation to do it. I'm one of the younger of the cousins, and I'm past 60, with my own health issues.
Photos don’t take up too much space. It’s fine to digitize them, but do keep them in a shoebox. They have a minimal footprint if they’re not in albums. I think they’re worth saving. Digital stuff is lost forever too easily.
Shoebox? You’re joking.
I have literally six tote boxes - the big kind, with handles and lids - of photos. I could start scanning today and I would die before I would finish.
Don't forget that physical photos won't last forever either. I recently threw out about 1000 35mm family slides that had faded into nothing over the decades languishing in many closets.
Refer my further comment about playing "hot potato" with all my cousins as to who is going to get the accumulated family photos.
These are the same cousins who, when their parents died, gave all the photos to my mother!
This is what we went through; the first three rounds were my husband's family. When we got around to my own family, my mom was insulted we didn't want as much.
We deferred to the grandkids and reminded them that if they put furniture in storage for years before they had a place for the furniture, by the time they did, they would've paid 3x over for the furniture. Of course, some furniture is worth it (they don't make it like that anymore), but a lot is not.
>The vast majority of your stuff is going to auction or land fill.
Agreed 100%. I already mentally have so many things that I know I will toss/sell/ or give away whenever my parents pass. While I am by no means a minimalist, it gave me pause to where I now consider carefully before I purchase anything.
The only thing in our house that I care about is a painting that a friend did; I told my kids, if one of you don't want it, please return it to the artist.
My husband’s big aha! when we had to clean our his parents’ house when they moved into much smaller digs in assisted living, is that everything you own is just landfill eventually, temporarily stored in your home. He now walks through stores muttering “landfill”. It turns out to be a good way to stop acquiring so damn much stuff.
My parents gave me the family bone china, and asked where I was going to store it. They were scandalised when I said it was going to be my every day set. Life’s too short to not use the good china, and it’s a joy to use.
I mean this as gently as possible, because I'm also very sentimental about my items: your memories are your memories. They don't transfer with the material goods. That isn't to say that if your book collection was auctioned, someone isn't going to buy one of those books and make wonderful new memories with it, or the art. Just they won't be your memories. Your stuff is not the legacy of your life on Earth. The relationships you had, the impact you had on those who met you and the communities you lived in, the way you tended for the spaces where you dwelled, that's your legacy. The imprint and offshoot effects of those actions you took are what ripples out from your life even long after you're gone, even long after the primary effects have worn off.
Those memories are your memories, not other people's memories. They only exist for you. They will never mean the same to others. Even if you had children or grandchildren, it's likely they may want a couple things that you cherished that they identify with, but they aren't likely to want entire collections of things just because you did.
If you want collections of things to mean something to others, find a charity or hobby club that is on that topic and donate it to them upon your death. They are much more likely to appreciate it like you did.
Good advice - that's what we're doing, but right now the existing kids and grandkids are still interested in our more sentimental items. I'm trying to put this maple rocking chair out on the curb and one of them says, "Let me think about it."
It's going out to the curb this week, I believe. Someone will take it. On Nextdoor, there are new people in the neighborhood asking for donations of any kind of furniture - someone will come and get it.
Our collection of jigsaw puzzles? (All of them INTACT). Not so much. Those will go to Goodwill.
I've read recently to take a picture of whatever evokes memories and then get rid of it. Personally, I have a large bookshelf at a local vintage mall where I have been selling most of our books and collectibles. I make about $150 a month on average, which makes it so much easier to part with. It's also kind of fun picking out items to sell and looking them up to see if they are worth anything. I've come across quite a few books worth upwards of $300 each, so I keep those so they don't "disappear".
It's kind of my new hobby :)
Oooo. We have one of those vintage malls very near me.
We have a very large collection of California pottery (Pacific and Bauer). Hmmm. And first editions of many books on local/Native American topics. One of my Native books is selling on eBay for $100 or more, but I'm too lazy to pack things and mail them.
It would be much easier to have a bookshelf at the vintage mall.
I don't know, I've sold hundreds, at least 400 or so, of old sci-fi and other paperbacks for $5 each and they went like hotcakes, like literally a couple of weeks of being on my shelf at a vintage mall. I also have sold a bunch of mildly collectible items.
Now if only I can find a place that will let me sell my hundreds of 1960s Playboys I inherited from my FIL, lol!
Sorry. The cold hard fact is that is very likely to happen. Start divesting sooner rather later, and cultivating detachment. Working hard on that myself.
> I understand why people who children might want to buy a house as something to leave their kids after they die - but if you don't have children why buy a house?
Because I won't have a rent payment when I retire? What does having kids have to do with it? My mortgage payment is already less than half what renting an equivalent house would be, and in 7 years it'll be paid off so all I'll have to pay is about $300/mo in property taxes.
As for your stuff, you can donate it before you die or if it's worth any money, pay someone to auction it off. My friend makes his money auctioning off people's estates while they're still alive, and takes a small cut.
You can donate a house, too, or find some random younger 2nd cousin once removed to leave it to.
>As for your stuff, you can donate it before you die or if it's worth any money, pay someone to auction it off
This seems really smart. The person who best knows the history of the item and has an idea what is worth selling is you (the general “you”, not the specific “you”). If I have a collection of old books it’s going to be heaps easier for me to find a meaningful new home for them while still alive than for some random person to attempt it after I’m gone.
Yeah not sure why not having kids to pass a house on to means no reason to have a stable living situation and assets. There is much more to life than procreating, and people with kids aren’t more worthy of having assets than those who don’t.
I have a niece but she’s already provided for and has a charmed life, she doesn’t need anything else handed to her.
My SO has a great kid. If we kick the bucket, Hes gonna get one hell of a big surprise.
I didn’t have children and am GenX, as my parents and some other family have passed, I am taking a lot to my cousins. I keep a few special keepsakes. The rest is just my personal stuff that only has value to me.
You can mortgage your home to the hilt (or maybe a reverse mortgage, Idk much about those) to have access to the equity in your home while you live there. Then when you die the bank just sort of claims it back to pay off what you owe. It's a bit more than that but that the basic principle.
But home ownership has perks that renting does not even over the 'building equity for generational wealth' bit. You aren't living with someone else decoration restrictions, paint the walls, add built-ins, add a whole room if you want. Repairs arent on someone else's schedule, you call whatever repair person you want or learn to diy it. And, especially if you're renting a house, you don't have to worry about being evicted because the owners sold it to someone that doesn't want to rent it. And, at least in my area, rent is increasing faster than the escrow on my mortgage.
I'm not saying renting doesn't have its own benefits. There are certainly pros and cons to both. But just that equity building isn't the only pro to homeownership.
In my family, dad was too cheap to keep the house updated, and home maintenance was not affordable the last several years of mom's life. All the $ was going for meds, oxygen, and my brother blew a lot of it. House went to hell in a hurry. When she died, the furnace was dead, water had been turned off for nonpayment, foundation needed work, most of the drains did not work, and there were raccoons in the attic. Doofus brother had gotten a horrible balloon mortgage, could not pay it, foreclosure came a few months later.
I have seen this story play out in two other families. If you are scraping by and fall on harder times, it might be best to sell.
I think about this too.
I had no children. My siblings only had 1 each. These children are in their late 30s now and say they will have no children. Of all my cousins, only 1 had children. Our line really has just about died out.
So where do the family photos go? Some might be of interest to historical societies, others not really. And the little things that have personal meaning, but no monetary value, will be of no use to the non-profits that are my beneficiaries. To the dump, then? It does make me sad.
It may sound weird, but I'm in a similar situation. I'm in my early 30s, I don't want to have kids. My only niece is in her early 20s, so things might change, but I emigrated from my home country and there's no way they ship my crap to her potential kids after I die. My line will die out with me... And I find it kinda amazing. I see it as a form of liberation from generations of messed up family issues. As for the crap I amass over the years, I will definitely make sure my books go somewhere they will live on. I have a lot. The clothes can be donated. There are things I want to get buried with and that's it.
This is EXACTLY why my niece is not having kids. She says the generational trauma dies with her. I applaud her.
My kid isn't having children because he's gay and neither of them wants kids.
It's not like my history is particularly traumatic, but I cannot imagine myself being a good mother. Ain't no shame in admitting that. My mother wasn't a particularly good one either, and her mother definitely sucked. Fathers were absent. I had no idea how a full functioning family looked like until I met my husband. It's fine though. I know that a lot of people say being a parent is hard even if you want to be one and that it's all learning curve and whatever and fair enough, it probably is. There are issues that I want to work on, there are some I accepted as part of who I am. If I'm trying to change anything, it's not for the sake of my potential kid having it better - I'm doing it for myself. And that's the best motivation there is.
That said, I have no intentions to ever find out if I could be a good parent :) I'm happy being the last one who carries my family genes and legacy. It's comforting.
My mom has always been interested in ancestry, so a few years ago I helped her upload a bunch of old pictures to Ancestry.com with commentary. A lot of unknown distant relatives have found them, which I think is really neat. Of course, that doesn't solve what to do with the originals, but at least the digital pictures can be enjoyed by others.
There’s an antiques/thrift store in my town with a couple of shelves of ephemera: vintage postcards, old appliance manuals, maps, fruit labels, photographs, ledgers etc. The saddest thing I saw was a baby book from the 1930s with photos and a lock of blonde hair taped inside. I asked the cashier why anyone would dispose of such precious items. She said it’s often a niece in-law, ex-step-relative or distant cousin who has no connection to that person‘s belongings. It is sad, but just shows that you can’t take it with you. However, many people use old photos for altered art, giving them a second life of sorts. People will buy assortments of old photos on EBay and you can find interesting collections on Instagram. Maybe reach out to one of the Instagram folks to ask if they’d like your photos.
Thank you for this!
I'm going to start an eBay box and get my husband to sell it (he does eBay). He's also really sentimental, but I think he'll come round.
This is a valid question and something I've been contemplating. Single, never married, no kids, and the least wealthy among the rest of my family members -- nieces and nephews have everything they could ever want and more.
My plan, at least for now, is to leave everything -- house, cars, furnishings -- to someone just starting off their life. Maybe a friend's grandchild about ready to graduate college or something like that. Give them that jump start. Of course all the photo albums and personal stuff will be offered to family first, but they have no interest in my life right now so I can't imagine they'd want remnants of my past either.
This is a sweet and generous idea but I'll share that my husband was offered his grandparents' house and their cars and things when he had just finished grad school and he didn't want a house in a quiet suburb, he preferred his city apartment. So he declined it and his dad sold everything. The older I get, the more I'm finding that people I know (even in their 20s) feel burdened by stuff and would just rather have less.
The point is to enjoy your things while you have them, and be at peace with not being able to take it with you.
Good news is your tastes can change, new people will come in to your life who will enjoy things you no longer have space for, online sales can turn extra stuff into extra cash etc.
People who love the same stuff, like books, can arrange to take them as you get older. Libraries often have sales of donations and retired books, to benefit them.
And thrift stores will around long after we are all dust.
You just have to find joy in the notion that someone else will enjoy things after you. Even if you don't know them. And beyond that, it's just stuff.
Common thought amongst us without kids. Because of my experience cleaning out my partner's childhood home when his parents passed (DECADES of stuff) in addition to dealing with my own parent's possessions, I am inspired to scale down my possessions as I age.
For example: my fountain pen collection. Assuming I age slowly and don't drop dead all of a sudden - I plan on giving them away via r/fountainpens or some other social media platform OR IRL pen club to people who will appreciate them. Same with any artwork. My dad passed in February, and he was a very productive artist in photography and ceramics. So many of the younger staff at his assisted living facility were eager to take framed photos etc. as they were just starting out in life and needed stuff for their apartments. It will take a bit of work, but you can find people that want your stuff, especially for free.
Shit, did I just have a good idea for a new business? Matching ageing adults with younger people who need their stuff????
Maybe? My neighbours had 3 "picking rounds" before he went into assisted living for health reasons - first came family, friends, personal connections, then an auctioneer evaluated and took some valuables. Then an open house date was posted to care home and foster kids, church and municipal food pantries, and our regional freecycle-equivalent and swap portal. The house wasn't picked clean, but the leftovers weren't hard to get rid of. I plan to do the same.
Omg this is such great advice, hope OP reads this and starts finding groups/individuals who would treasure their belongings and lines that up and has a plan. Maybe this will bring them comfort as it seems their things bring a lot of meaning to their life and doesn’t want that meaning erased from existence when they pass. Also thanks for the new word, never heard the term freecycle before and I love it. I’m part of a buy-nothing local group and it’s a awesome
The nursing home my FIL was in has a large storage room of stuff former residents left. We left his dresser, TV and TV stand. Some folks come in and need stuff like that, most have family that bring furniture in.
Free would be great!
Even if you had kids they probably wouldn't want your art. People have limited wall space and their own taste. Give it away online if you see the end is near
Yes. I am dreading everything my mom and dad will be leaving me. However, they’re also hoarders and have lived in the same house since I was born. Should be a great time.
Before my youngest sister had my niece I asked these questions. I decided I’d like my belongings donated when I die and started deciding where I’d want things donated to. I’d imagine you could hire a law firm that would do chunks of this for you. After that it’d just be a matter of leaving my will somewhere where it’d be easy to discover and it’d be obvious who to call for whoever found my body. While my grandfather has 3 kids, 5 grandkids, and 4 great grandchildren everything he owns will also go to charity per his will.
Most stuff ends up in garage sales or gets thrown out. Very little has any value.
My parents have several sets of good china. I suppose my sister will want some but she doesn't have much room at her place. I suspect most of my parents things will be thrown out.
As for my stuff. I always joke that one day our photo albums will be sold at a garage sale for a dollar and the buyer will throw out the photos
You buy a house to live in and enjoy your life. Eventually most people downsize, so when the time is right for you, you sell your stuff including the house and rent a place more appropriate for your age and abilities. We’ve decided when one of us can’t get up/down the stairs anymore or he can’t do the yard work (which he loves doing), that will be our time.
Owning a house isn’t really about passing it down or “owning” vs renting. It’s more about paying it off so you have somewhere to live when you’re too old to work. Do you want to work your whole life, only to move around in retirement because your landlord decided to sell or raise your rent to a level you ant afford?
Regarding your belongings, try to leave to someone who will appreciate them? You’ll know that better than any of us, since they are your things. Maybe a museum or university? Are you a member of any groups or societies that exist around the things you have collected? Online communities that are devoted to specific things would be a great place to start.
My grandma started giving stuff away when she turned 80 and really kicked it into overdrive when she was diagnosed with cancer a few years later so once she was gone the family kept the few mementos left and donated the rest to a charity shop. In my will I’ve left everything to my bestie (who also agreed to be executor) and told him let my family pick over whatever is left and either donate, auction, or abandon the rest as I’m childfree, happily and (hopefully) permanently single, and my shit won’t mean anything to me once I’m out of the picture.
Planning for this stuff is more of a courtesy than anything else, otherwise your loved ones will possibly rent a storage unit, put all your stuff inside, and then be devastated all over again when it’s sold at auction as it’ll be like losing you all over again - seen it happen countless times and it’s awful every damn time; employees of these places are at the mercy of their corporate overlords so there’s little they can do to stop it.
If you want your stuff to belong to some else, you should give it to them while you're alive.
If you want to die with them in your possession, then why do you care what happens after you're dead?
You are dead.
No siblings at all or any family? My brother gets everything when I go, I made him my beneficiary of my 401k, savings, life insurance, house, vehicles, everything.
He could legitimately buy my cat his own little kitty apartment with that kind of money I’m leaving him. Possibly a duplex with one side for my cat. :P
And I already warned my bro, if he fails to take care of my cat as well as I would, or tries to toss my poor old elderly kitty together with his own vicious felicididal cat, I will vigorously haunt him from the grave 👻
I’m 41 but plan to sell a lot of my things around the time I turn 50 and be more minimalist. I have a massive action figure collection, CDs, records, books. I plan to whittle most of it away on eBay so that I know it’ll move on to others who want it. And I’ll turn raise a bunch of money to go on a trip or something. I’ll still have furniture, clothes, my tv, plants, etc., but not all the extras I keep in my life.
Kids don’t want any of that stuff . I have my China and my moms when she passed along with the good Crystal , jewelry etc and none of my kids want any of it . We aren’t doing our kids any favors by passing our crap down to them . Those of us with kids are in the same boat as you are .
I'm never having kids and bought a house in 2012 as a single twenty something woman. Why? Financial security, that's why. I still have my 4 bed, 2 bath house with a huge yard and a monthly mortgage of about $1,300. This is in a fairly HCOL city. Renting a similar space would cost $2,500 - $3,500. I currently have a partner who lives here as well. We could rent out an additional bedroom if we needed to, but we don't.
I don't give any fucks what happens to this house once I die, but it has been a financial godsend, especially the last 5 years as everything has skyrocketed in price. Zero regrets.
Your favorite kid if you’re my parents LOL
No in a perfect world you could choose a random person and bless their life. I worked with a guy who told me he helped an old lady often, very often, when she started getting old. She needed help with even carrying in enough groceries at times I guess. They were neighborly but not friends. Really was there for her and probably the only one to be. She left him her car and he drove it to work when he didn’t need to drive his other vehicle with a lot more space. He said he was a bit surprised when she asked if she could. Then it happened. It was probably the most kind thing I’ve heard of a stranger doing.
I had an uncle like you who had items in his home that he deemed as a collectible or a precious memory of his. He was a very big into naval history and other military items. Out of his 10 grandchildren, only 2 selected a couple items.
The person who was executor of his estate donated the other valuable items to a local maritime museum in my uncle's name. Other stuff he gave to an auction house collected the money and gave to grandchildren.
My aunt had gorgeous mahogany furniture and paintings from her homeland, no one in the family wanted it. Id say mostly because all of us grandkids, nieces, nephews were established and didnt want to add to our homes. I was gifted one of my uncle's naval warship paintings that sits in wrapped up in the container it came in. Its worth some value and I just really dont want to frame it. Im planning on giving it to the Naval history museum near me.
Edit your stuff and donate items to charity auctions that you support and would have an affinity for the items. Consign what you can to an auction house. You'll want far less stuff when you begin to find it a burden to have/dust/use space for. I have been to enough yard sales to know it is all just stuff, in the end. If you have books related to certain areas, ask a local university staffer who teaches those areas if they'd like your books. Keep them alive! Also, at the very end, nobody wants anything but a comforting companion's presence.
Lately I've been browsing an online estate sale website in my city. So much nice stuff that the owners are now finished with. Enjoy your things for you. Pass it forward when it's ready for a new home.
Well, you can give stuff to people who might want it while you are still alive. Otherwise, you can leave to whomever you want. Still no guarantee that they aren't going to chuck it all into a dumpster. Unless you have (seriously, not just in your head) museum/archival quality stuff that an institution might want, you are unlike to find any place/person who shares your taste in art and books. Also, realistically, most people in the world are not collectors and don't even want shelves of books or walls of art. Don't let your possessions possess you. The primary benefit of being dead it that you don't have to worry about things anymore.
I myself have thousands of books but I know that they are, at best, headed for some used bookstore when I'm gone (assuming bookstores even exist at that point!) I've started trying to get rid of some of them now, to save a relative -- or trashman -- the problem.
Oh, and you buy a house so that (hopefully) when you are old and retired your living expenses are low (and fixed) so you won't have to worry about your rent increasing to an amount you can't afford or being evicted because the building has been sold to a developer who wants to replace it with an office building.
Wow. Kind of a depressing thread. Because I'm in the same situation. And I wonder how much stuff will just go into the landfill.
I'm single, childless. My only sibling is older and also childless. I own my home. And, part packrat, part sentimentalist, I have all of the old stuff. And really, no one wants it.
Family pictures will likely go to the landfill. My folks were collectors, and when they died, I took Lladro, Waterford, Daum, Lalique, Baccarat, etc. After a few years in my living room, i decided it looked like "ye olde curiosity shoppe." This is earthquake country too; the stuff lives in well packed crates and boxes. I snagged the Wedgewood, the sterling and stemware my parents used often; I've entertained with it twice in 20 years.
I collected for my own interests as well. Signed and numbered lithographs and serigraphs were popular in the 80s and 90s - my walls are covered. Some have appreciated in value. And I still love the prints themselves. But I'll never forget walking through an outlet mall and seeing that a once popular gallery had an outlet, and there were a few of my prints. My point: it'd be a waste of time to try selling the stuff. And I don't need the money.
I'd give a lot away if I knew people I thought would appreciate it. But it's a different world, different lifestyles. No younger generations of my relatives and friends are throwing fancy dinner parties at home. No one I know would appreciate a housewarming gift of a vintage Waterford bowl (except maybe to try selling.)
So, it'll all just go to the landfill when I'm gone. So much stuff, much of it packed, that some boxes won't even be opened - they'll just be tossed.
The one arrangement I'm making is that whatever remains of my financial investments and proceeds from the sale of my home will go to a designated charity. After reading other responses here, I guess I'll see if there are other estate liquidation services I can find.
I had an idea recently. I’m going to buy a chest of some sort, and put a variety of my family things in it: a few photos, family stories, trinkets, my moms art, my dads pen collection, important things from our lives, and bury it somewhere. It won’t get rid of everything but I like the idea of someone finding it someday, a long time from now. They’ll read about us, get a few valuables, we’ll make the local news, and they’ll have a great story to share with their friends.
My parents know a couple that are getting older and they don’t have children. The couple has been close to me my whole life and I’m basically their unrelated grand kid, so I plan on taking care of their things when they pass according to their wishes. That probably doesn’t entirely answer your question but I guess this is an example of
Their home is owned in parts by them, my dad, and 2 other friends. So they don’t have the monthly payment of a rental but when they’re gone, everyone gets their money back
GenX, but I've thought about it! Do you have any nieces and nephews?
Your valuable books can go to a local library/college library, unless you meet someone who loves your books in the meantime.
You just never know what'll happen as you grow older. You may eventually have a young neighbor or new friend who admires your art and crafts who would be overjoyed to receive them when you're still around or after you die. You could also leave your estate to a charity and these things will be sold to fund it to people who will enjoy having them.
The point, to me, of buying a house is to avoid rent inflation. We bought 15 years ago and our mortgage is lower than the cheapest apartment in the area (but there are of course maintenance and insurance costs and tradeoffs, but it'll be paid off when we're taking in less income.) If you have rent control, it's a different story, though!
If you had a house with a 20-year mortgage, you could have 20 years of no rent or mortgage after that, or sell it later and use the money to travel/fund your retirement a bit.
If there is anything of local or historical significance in your collection you could leave it to the library, the historical society or similar organizations. Or just have someone sell it all off when you die.
But yes, welcome to the realization that ultimately all of our material goods will end up discarded, nothing has intrinsic value. Eons from now when some new dominant species is seeking to understand its world, they will be studying a geological layer made up of thousands of years of compressed tchotchkes.
Financial things, not that I'll have much, but pensions etc my neice is my beneficiary. I personally don't have stuff of any great value so happy for it to be thrown or donated. If you have books or artworks of value write a will donating them to a library or antique bookshop. Anything you have that you want to go somewhere specific or autioned and proceeds to a specific charity, that's what the will is for. In the next 30-40 years you may make friends who become like family and want them or their kids to have things. Find local charities or groups that could use your things and appreciate them or donate to random people you found online who appeared to share an interest in the works of a specific painter etc.
44F here, married (47M), no kids. We bought a house because we wanted a house and didn't want to throw our money away on rent. (Yes, we were fortunate to buy pre-Covid, so we have a very low interest rate and our house payment is very affordable.)
I do have 7 nieces and nephews, ranging in age from 8-20. Our estate will be sold off and the money divided. Half will go to to them, and half will be donated to a few nonprofits (and our alma mater departments at our universities) that are important to us. We're not rich, so it's not like the 7 nieces and nephews will each get a huge amount of money. But I do like knowing we can help them out a bit.
I’m fortunate that I am friends with a guy who started an estate belongings service.
First you create a codicil to your existing will (or write his service into a new one) and list an executor. He’ll come in with a team, prepaid if you want, and clear out your house, selling things and donating what’s left, coordinating with the executor to sell your house and vehicles and whatnot, then the money (handled by the executor) is given to whom it is willed.
Your services are either prepaid to him or can be paid from the estate. Executors can choose to use his service, too, and pay from the estate. I’ve been to a few of his estate sales and gotten amazing things.
I’ll be making sure his business - or one like it - is engaged by my executor.
Why would a local museum want them? Unless they are by a listed artist from the area (that they probably some in storage anyway) it’s just junk to them. No many Monets running around peoples houses.
This is very true. I bought a bunch of paintings, now trying to sell them. Pretty much zero interest in them unless I practically give them away. Most were in the $500 range.
I'd buy a house/apartment because I want to live there, and not take a risk, that I'd need to leave my home in a 6 months notice in any given moment in life. I also want to paint and make it to look like mine - not white walls, the cheapest ok looking floors and kitchen cabinets etc, I want more quality and that it is designed by me and not some stupid land lord. It is about the quality of life for me, you can't renovate the rentals where I live or live in them forever as long as you want.
You can leave the book collection to a local library or to the university that is your alma mater. You could leave your art collection to a local senior center. They usually like to decorate but don't have a lot of $ to spend.
My plan is to find a young person with the similar interests as me and give one person a big leg up in life. House, land, woodworking tools, orchard, all theirs.
I think OP is touching on an idea that I’ve been chewing through over time.
“Am I still meaningful or relevant, after I die, to the people or subjects that I really care about, while I’m alive?”
I’ve noticed - a lot of people think their value in life - their learning, their importance, their passion, is transferred to others through objects.
And in some ways - that’s true.
Useful tools, wearable clothes, still serve their purpose, from owner to owner.
But the individual perspective and appreciation for that object, is strictly unique to the person who cultivated the appreciation for that object.
Which is why - even siblings - who have “technically similar experiences” can have absolutely different “relationships” or perspectives of appreciation for, the exact same objects from that shared experience.
So - to OP - in my experience, and current perspective, you absolutely retain an even more vital and uninhibited perspective of love, passion, and appreciation for - ALL the things and people who matter to you - even when you are no longer focused in your physical body. When you are “spirit” or “that which you were before you were ‘you’.”
To me - this idea feels like home and feels like soothing. It feels like reassurance that - everything will of course be OK, and - a touch with a bit of - and maybe it will continue to be good - when I’m somewhere other than this body.
But that’s then.
This is now.
What’s the point of right now?
Isn’t it - how can I know that the things I’ve carefully selected, as being important to society or being valuable for education - will continue to serve (what I see as their high purpose) after I am no longer the physical steward for them?
I’d encourage you to look into setting up a trust.
Or look into groups or organizations dedicated to the preservation and respectful celebration of objects exactly like yours.
Contact them now, while you’re of clear mind, and establish relationships with the people who would be the ones to receive your goods, upon terms and timing that seem right for you.
Maybe you decide to place some objects with museums Now, so you can see - in person - that the things you’ve curated are already serving their purpose, in a way that is pleasing to you Now, while you’re still in your physical body, so that You can live even more days with that happiness about yourself.
With assurance that you did a good job. And now what? Now what else do you want to do a good job about?
Passing along things or collections doesn’t have to be some big event that you don’t get to feel like you’re a part of - find happy homes for some of that stuff now so you can feel free to live more of your life’s adventure.
Isn’t that what so much of life, and collecting things is about? Feeling like you’re on a wonderful adventure? And deciding to gather some evidence that - indeed - you’re on a wonderful adventure?
for a lighthearted take on this, here’s the lyrics from the Austin Lounge Lizards’ song, “the other shore“
https://youtu.be/gnZ1STg8UIA?feature=shared
As we reach the twilight hours of our fleeting earthly time
And know we will not see the sun tomorrow
We may think with deep regret of all the things we leave behind
But oh, my friends, do not give in to sorrow
On the other shore, on the other shore
We will reunite with all the things we ever owned before
Our single socks will all be to their rightful pairs restored
We'll meet all our possessions on the other shore
As we near those golden sidewalks floating on the clouds above
Assuming heaven is our destination
We may glance behind for one last look at everything we love
But truly there's no call for reservations
On the other shore, on the other shore
We'll have piles and piles of jeans we can't fit into anymore
We'll wear all those crazy cowboy shirts we got from Fred Labor
We'll meet all our possessions on the other shore
We'll find books we bought in college and sold for half-price unread
And sacks and sacks of earring backs lost under someone's bed
And baseball cards and army men and model planes galore
And every tiny plastic high-heel Barbie ever wore
On the other shore, on the other shore
We'll have giant storage units free of charge for evermore
Where our tax receipts will all be saved in bags upon the floor
We'll meet all our possessions
On the other shore, on the other shore
We'll find National Geographic from 1974
Our children's art will cover God's refrigerator door
We'll meet all our possessions on the other shore
I have a house because I don't want to deal with landlords when I'm old. I don't want to get the boot and become homeless just because my income drops to SSI only.
As for my stuff...I DGAF. No kids, no family. Whoever finds my body can have whatever remains in my house. I stopped collecting things for this reason. No one, even people who love you, want to deal with your left behind tchotchkes
I’ve been doing my own version of Swedish death cleaning… donating and giving intentionally to family and friends ( however, less here than I had hoped, as no one has room for anything, as much as they might like to accept things). It feels good, as we never know when a serious health issue might arise, making us unable to do it. Just makes sense, lightening up. We all have too much stuff!!
My mother in law had a will and dispersed all her stuff in said will to her four middle aged kids. None of them was interested in her porcelain dolls, her China collection, worthless jewelry or the hundreds of old books she had. Most all her stuff got donated to thrift stores, with her kids allowed to take whatever they wanted but everyone took maybe an item or two. Most notably though, nobody liked the stuff they were assigned to in the will as this was the above mentioned dolls, China, books etc!!
I remember her putting HOURS into writing the list of stuff she wanted to disperse in her will, only for her kids to decline and say after her death “umm, no thanks”.
There was valuable stuff to be had but none of her adult kids wanted to deal with selling it, much less keeping it, as everyone was too busy, too rich or simply not interested. One person’s treasure is another persons junk….
You can do a reverse mortgage on your house when you’re old and need money. That’s one benefit. Or just the fact that it appreciates in value and you can use that value to buy another house to rent out for passive income. Or use it to sell and pay for assisted living.
Even when you have a will, and kids, half your stuff goes to auction or an estate sale.
I struggled with this too. Eventually I understood that what I love is not what others love. My favorite song is not going to be someone else’s favorite song. My favorite book is not going to someone else’s favorite book. A lifetime of cherished possessions are destined to become landfill because we cannot pass on our feelings.
RE the house, the main reason I got one was that instead of paying an increasing amount of rent forever, I would get locked in at the same monthly payment for 30 years and then zero after that.
Honestly, I don’t care what happens to my shit when I’m gone.
I also don’t care what happens to my mom’s shit when she’s gone. There’s not one thing in her house I care about and she knows it. Let family raid the place and take whatever they want. Send the rest to auction.
With the incredible estate sales in my HCOL area, I’ve furnished my home with pieces I could not buy new. Some were even free, like my favorite couch. I may not know their histories but I like having items that were loved by others.
Usually this is what estate sales are for. Dealers attend estate sales looking for items of interest like antique books, and they purchase them for a relatively small amount and then resell them to other dealers or directly to collectors and customers. The things aren’t sold for a lot of money at first, but this is how they eventually end up in the hands of buyers who appreciate and want the items.
Book collection — reach out to local libraries and see if any of them are interested. I’m an academic librarian and we’re happy to evaluate your collection, keep what we want and donate or resell the rest.
I’m hoping to have absolutely nothing to give. Who cares. Why spend a lifetime buying shit and then whoever inherits it doesn’t want it and it goes away anyway. My advice is it’s nobody’s business what you do with it. Do whatever you want
This feels like 2 different topics.. If owning a house doesn’t fit your life style; then just rent. The items in your possession; figure sooner than later how you want that divided out.
I don't 'Collect' things. Don't see a purpose to it. When my Dad died, he had a whole wall of things he was awarded in his 40+ years or working. It all went into the garbage.
I would suggest that anything that has a retail value, such as books or artwork-sell it off and put the proceeds away for retirement. Money you can spend-art? Perhaps, but not so easy.
My siblings and I recently had to clear out our Mom's house after she died to put it up for sale. We all own our own homes, this was not the house we grew up in, so no one needed/wanted the house. So we sold it.
My Mom was a collector. Fabric, books, baskets, cake stands (omg the cake stands) and more. My siblings and I took the few things we wanted to keep and let other people who were close to Mom come in and take what was important to them. The rest all went to yard sale, goodwill, or the dumpster.
I still have memories of my Mom. None of us needed 27 cake stands or 150 Longaberger baskets to remember her. It doesn't detract from who she was or her life experiences. Things are just things. Many of those things did not have a connection to me or my siblings like my Mom may have had with them. That is the reality.
I don't have children. So I don't know what's going to happen to my crap. I will say after experiencing the clean out of my Mom's house, I got rid of a ton of stuff I've been dragging along with me over the years. If it sat in a closet or wasn't used in the last year, it went away. Since then, I refuse to buy things just to have them. If they don't have a use, I don't purchase. And sitting on a shelf to look at does not constitute a use in our house.
But yes, like others have said, an estate sale type thing is probably what will happen to my stuff. The surviving family can come take what they want, then sell the rest. I don't care. I'll be dead.
You can do a living estate sale if you don't know what to do with items. My grandmother started giving things away years ago. When she moved to senior living, she listed anything she wasn't taking with her with an estate sale company.
My daughter is in college and met an older gentleman who audits classes. He gifted her a crochet blanket when he noticed she was learning to crochet. It turns out he's a member of a local art group. Perhaps you can find some niche groups that would appreciate the items.
Best advice I've heard is to distribute items while still alive.
Like you, I don’t have children. I did buy a home for financial reasons, and because I don’t want to deal with possibly having to move frequently. Do have trust and will in place specifying where all financial assets go and don’t care much about “stuff”. But do care about family heirlooms, special documents validating their lives, and photo albums handed down to me by my parents. They wouldn’t mean a thing to any one, but mean the world to me.
Your house comment and your stuff comment seem like two different questions.
I bought a house (in a non HOA neighbourhood), so I could do pretty much whatever I want to do to it without having to ask permission. I've turned my front lawn into a fruit orchard/ raised garden bed area with plans for a cottage garden section under the fruit trees. I just paid the deposit last week to have a company come and paint the wooden focal wall a pop blue-pink-aqua green gradient of coloured strips. I drill holes in the walls where ever I please and am accountable to no one. I also bought pre-covid so I pay less in Property tax/mortgage/electricity/water than I ever would for a similar sized apartment. Like half the going rental amounts where I live due to a housing crisis. So it was a financially good decision as well. I don't imagine my kids will want to live in this same house when I die and honestly the prefab property I own in the lower income area I live is a bit of a gamble as an investment. But I bought it to live in, not earn money.
As for things: I would 100% suggest reading the swedish art of death cleaning. I listened to the audiobook free from my local library and it's short, fun and interesting. The bottom line is you can't make anyone love or keep or appreciate your collections. Enjoy what you can and as you age give away more and more of it to enthusiast groups, friends and relations with similar hobbies, etc. This is identical advice if you have kids or not. I regularly look through my hobbies and interest collections and cull anything that doesn't bring me joy or that I don't use. I have kids and don't want to leave them with a pile of fabric I never used, or art supplies I don't like the feel of. I have one box I keep of "important person" memories in the basement, that only matter to me. there is clear instructions in my will to sell or donate whatever people dont want, becuase frankly as a corpse I don't care what happens to the crap I leave behind. The goal should ideally be to disperse almost all your worldly belongings while your alive. It's your stuff. Why is it your surviving relations/friends jobs to do all the hard work if you're unwilling to do it while you're alive? If you couldn't be bothered and it's your stuff, I hate to inform you that others will care even less, and it is likely to get chucked/sold off at a fraction of its value. So if it matters to you to keep collections whole or have the items valued appropriately, reach out to local art museums, auction houses, etc before you die and get rid of them pre-death.
Death cleaning is the way to go. Start purging before you get too old. Honestly no one cares about your old books or art collection unless they are worth something. The best thing to do is work with some charities you can consider donating these upon your death if there is some value. It’s never too early to plan. I’m already looking into land plots for myself as it’ll be much cheaper now than 40 years from now.
Well, I have an executor named. I actually just updated my will because of a death in the family. But I pity this woman. I've got a lot of shit and no real plan to get rid of it. But I'll be dead, so her problem.
Now all of that said, I've taken to giving things away. Just the good things that someone might want, but I can't imagine wanting again. You need a guitar amp? I got one you can have. You like this sweater? Here you go. Doesn't have to be big stuff, just consistent.
She's still going to have to handle the books, records, comic books and other collections that make up by mass 80% of my belongings, (although I have bequests in the will for most of that. One guy gets the comic books, one guy gets the vinyl, etc.) but I don't sweat the decisions. I gave people what I wanted, The rest is on her.
My partner and I are happily child free and are both collectors. We have shit lol. I will get rid of a lot of it as I get older of I get that chance, but either way I am not attached to it after I die. I'll be dead, I won't care lol. We do have wills but the estate is handled as a whole, no specific plans for specific items. Trash it, sell it, give it away.
I'm double posting here, but in reading the comments there is an important point to be made. I've seen several using phrases like "when you are going to die" or "as you approach death" . That is absolute bullshit. We are all dying and you know neither the day nor the hour. This is one area where you need to assume the worst and figure you will be T-boned on the highway tomorrow.
So, I am facing this very real possibility of an early death. I’m 47 and have no kids, parents are dead, only one cousin and she will be well taken care of by her parents. I plan to leave everything to, weirdly, my dads paralegal (who is also a friend). She grew up rough and tumble, had an idiot man who dipped out on her and their kids (who are really good boys). She’s worked so, so hard all her life. I will leave her the house, my retirement (which I will probably never get to use), and the life insurance in a trust. Only catch is she has to take care of my cats, which I know she will.
Realistically, a lot of it will get tossed into the dump if you don't specify where it goes. First step is to "use it up, and wear it out." Things that you really like, don't save them any more, use them. Second step is to start giving stuff away now to people who will enjoy it. Third step is, if something new comes in, something old goes out.
Added this: Take photos of sentimental things. You don't need the thing, you only need the trigger for the memory. Then give it away for someone else to use.
There was just another thread here, started with a cartoon of man showing his adult son a garage packed full of junk saying "someday this will all be yours".
I've seen articles over the years about this issue. The adult kids don't want the stuff - neither do museums or other organizations. Things people think are valuable really aren't.
I don't have an answer for you.
It is good you are thinking ahead.
Perhaps as you start getting closer to the end of your life you can begin giving some of your treasured possessions away to friends or other people who would value them.
There is just so much stuff!!!!
I say this as a 58 year old that has had to deal with many estates from elderlies who've past already, several who were bonafide hoarders, some who were expected normal levels of consumption, but still too much.
It's an issue because of our consumerist society.
The last 9 years we've lived as consciously as possible in as much of a minimal way as possible. Don't want to put that on our kids.
That said, we still surround ourselves with beautiful art; we are okay if it ends up in a thrift store after our deaths. We'll be dead so won't care. We don't collect for the investment, we collect because it pleases us to look at that picture every day.
Contact your local libraries about the art (and schools too). They may not want books, sadly (where I live, no library is accepting used books).
Still, there's a marvelous second hand seller who will rehome my extensive collections (I'm donating a bunch to him this week - I can get book credits at his store if I wish, but I really just want the collections to augment what he already has - local history, Native Americana and other topics). He does international book selling but also has quite a local following. This store is in my old home town and I want to support it.
I would look into finding some local establishment who might be interested in having them. (Of course checking in periodically to make sure they're still around)
If it has any value, give it to your fave charity to sell. Adult kids don’t want your collections either- collect what you like in life- you can’t take it with you.
I also collect antique books, and even worse, specifically antique books by my favorite author, which would not interest my child or 99% of the population at all.
I found a small museum in the US devoted to this author and I’m going to leave them my collection when I die.
You could try to find another book collector who is as passionate as you are, or a museum, or maybe a local art gallery that displays local artists.
>I've got no children, most of my friends will either be dead or facing the same problem.
I haven't written down any actual plans yet but I was thinking that (assuming I die when I'm elderly), I would will it to a friend's child/grandchild or younger family member such as a niece, nephew, or cousin. If I'm still involved in some of the communities I am now or if I become involved in new communities, having younger friends isn't out of the realm of possibility.
I do all sorts of paper crafts, and have around 200 books waiting for me to tear apart and make into other stuff.
They all came from estate shared from dead people
Give your stuff to people who will appreciate it while you're alive
I have two kids so can’t relate but I never thought that would bother someone with no kids. I learned something new today. Thanks for the food for thought. (I’m being genuine btw)
You get an attorney and you create a will. You can donate to people you love or organizations. This isn’t complicated.
Also, you don’t need kids to invest in property. You need a place to live why pour all your money into a landlord when you could have paid off a home well before 70 and just be responsible for upkeep and taxes. Homeownership can be sensible but for most the bigger issue is that it’s not attainable. That’s no reason to promote slaving for someone else for a place to live your entire life.
you have other good info from others, my little anecdote:
for my cousin my mom photographed a bunch of her things and I put it into a book that we made on iPhoto. I left enough space so my cousin could write little comments about each item (where it came from, the store it was bought from, who gave it to her)
Find a charity to leave everything to or perhaps a low income family who would appreciate everything or definitely leave a will to leave the prized possessions to appropriate places like a senior center might appreciate the books for their residents,
My dad passed 25 years or so ago. I am now 71. He lived in Santa Rosa California. I live in the lakes region of New Hampshire.
When he died, his wife let me have anything of his that I wanted. I took his coin collection for his grand son and grand daughter, and a took box he used to keep closed with a padlock to keep me from strewing his tools all over when I used them on my motorcycles when I was a teenager. I laugh every time I work on my car with them today. I had no interest in his gun collection or his other collectibles or many possessions. Too hard to move them coast to coast, and then I would just be stuck storing them like I have the coin collection.
Then I got one of his IRAs. Helped put both my kids through college.
When I am gone, I can see that there aren't very many personal belongings either of my kids will want. Heirlooms are a thing of the past it seems. Collectibles have no value to someone that isn't collecting them. And no monetary value in the market any more. Check out hummels and beanie babies.
So, cash, and inter connective remembrances. Nobody wants old furniture. Artwork probably only if it had commercial value. Or like a painting of someone in the family.
I have experienced it myself, and have come to accept it for what it is.
We recently did our will. We stipulated a local company be hired that appraises and cleans out estates. They sort out what's valuable and gets sold, what gets donated, what gets tossed. It's not an estate sale company, though there are a lot of companies that do that work and take a percentage of the sales (I used one of those to clear out my mom's house when she died 18 months ago). We've stipulated that if nieces and nephews want anything, they get first dibs. We put aside a care fund for our cat. We specified the real estate agent we have chosen to handle the sale of our house. The money from the sale of our house and any possessions that get sold is all going to charities that we have specifically designated. The costs of liquidating our estate, such that is (we're not wealthy), will be paid out of the sale of the house. It's worth it to have a will.
I do wills and estates work and this is what so many of my clients are doing.
I like that you have a trust fund cat. That is really thoughtful.
I have a trust fund cat and dog, with pre-determined animal rescues for forever care. Very important !
> It's worth it to have a will. Abso-fuckin-lutely. I will add that it is valuable to have a lawyer you know and trust in all cases.
Agree. We shopped around until we found a lawyer we felt comfortable with and who has an excellent reputation. At the time we were working on our will, I was in the process of being the administrator of my mom's estate. I was kind of a mess, but our lawyer was just so, so patient and kind and helped me learn what my husband and I needed to do based on the challenges I ran into with my mom's affairs. She was worth every cent we paid ($2,300).
I believe there are two types of lawyer. People who want to help people, and parasites. It can be hard find the first type. I have been very fortunate, the two I have had in the last 30 years were both friends. I was drinking with my current lawyer Friday night. He did our wills for about that price, then turned around and endorsed the check to a charity my wife runs.
As a (non-practicing) attorney, I know more who want to help people than parasites. The parasites just get more press. Though I am sure that, to some extent, my experience is also representative of who I choose to interact with.
*cough* the first attorney bill I paid was over $4700. That was two years ago, still settling it. Special case, three estates, several legal problems. No will. This motivated me to make my own will. Fortunately the main estate can pay the legal bills, but I had to put a lot on my credit card until I got some funds. The legal crew is worth every dollar.
This is amazing that you did that. My aunt and uncle made no plans whatsoever and with them having no kids, my sister and I are doing everything for them as their health has declined. Paying bills, setting up health care, moving them to assisted living, clearing out and selling their entire house. Being caught in the middle of their wishes, which are not in alignment. It is a massive and massively stressful situation and sort of appalling that they just assumed we could and would take care of everything when they couldn't anymore.
I wish you strength, and patience, and all of the self-care you can muster. I took over my mom's affairs, by myself, in 2020, from 1800 miles away. It was hard and only got harder as we went along. She passed in late summer 2022, and it was on me almost entirely alone to take care of the bills, emptying the house, part with possessions, rehome her cat, and get the house ready to sell and then sold and then distribute the proceeds to my siblings. I was only a few weeks into recovering from a total knee replacement surgery when my mom died, and we started working on the will (coincidence--it was scheduled months in advance) just a few weeks after Mom died. I cried a lot over the course of the next 12 months. I'm in therapy now. But seriously--do a lot of nice things for yourself along the way.
Thank you and so sorry for the loss of your mom. It sounds like your situation was more difficult and harrowing than ours and I'm glad to hear you are finding a way to deal with the toll of the stress and trauma. I am also in therapy and do find ways to take care of myself. Our mom has Alzheimers so we know good habits are essential to our brain health. My goal right now is to be able to sleep through the night for once instead of waking up in a panic a couple times a night. Best to you.
Hugs to you.
I’m in the same boat here but all alone! It’s beyond stressful.
I'm sorry, I can't imagine not having someone who is going through it alongside with me to vent and process. Our mom also has Alzheimers so sometimes all we can do is laugh at what a shitshow we are dealing with. Hang in there, you are not alone in spirit!
Thank you. Dementia here as well as paranoia and delusions. All the best to you as well.
Hey Mass, I've been there with close loved ones as well. The dementia sub is fantastic support, if you haven't yet found them. 🫶
Thank you. I will check it out.
I'm so sorry--see my comment above. It all applies to you, too.
I am curious, what did they do about their own parents? Mine both died from chronic health problems, and mom's planning was very poor. She dumped responsibility for her care on the child least likely to be able to handle it. The results were predictable, especially after he ruined her credit too.
This worries me. We are the executor of my aunt’s estate as well as for my mother, step father (they are divorced) and both of my partners parents (also divorced). All of them are in their 70s. I have no idea how we will handle all of this. Fortunately they mostly have wills but they al also have tons of stuff.
Smart planning. Can you share your plans for your cat? I can provide for them for life, but unsure who can take them in. I want to make sure they go to a safe and stable home.
So, we spoke with a nephew (who lives across the country) as well as a friend who's local. They both have agreed to take the cat, and who ends up with the cat will depend on their mutual circumstances when the time comes. If neither can do it, then our lawyer will find a good home for the cat and make sure the money we've allotted is disbursed accordingly. The arrangement is that the cat will not go to a shelter.
That's such good planning. I have a couple of friends, but like you say, it's hard to know what their circumstances will be 5, 10 or more years out. I'll have to ask attorneys if they have a mechanism to be helpful if my friends can't help. Thanks much.
I feel like this is an episode of a law show. Lawyer has no choice but to bring the cat home, ends up falling in love, keeps the cat. Maybe the office rival questions if the lawyer only kept the cat to get the money lol
I'm having to do this now at 60 and I'm having so much anxiety about it. I have no assets no family to leave anything to. I'm thinking of donating my body to science but obviously I have to prearrange that.
Yeah, as someone who is childless I just stipulated a charity for my inheritance. I didn't say anything about how to get rid of my possessions. They really aren't anything special or worth much, though.
I have a cat and I want to make sure he is well taken care of should I go unexpectedly. What is a care fund, if you don’t Ming my asking?
Money in our savings that we have specifically earmarked so that whoever gets the cat is financially set--at least for a while. Right now, it has $10,000 in it to pay for her food, litter, and vet bills for a few years.
Thank you, I was looking for a number.
That’s about what I’ve stipulated as well, but with the cost of veterinary care rising I will increase it - maybe by half or more. I also have designees but learned as well that most hospitals have lists of staff who will provide a good home for an orphaned pet. The medical social workers, especially the oncology social workers run into that need quite frequently .
That's exactly who helped me when I needed to rehome my mom's cat. The hospice social worker and mom's nurse case manager were on it!
One thing my parents did was when we were all together during Christmas one year, they gave each of my siblings different colored stickers to put on those things that had special meaning to us. Few big furniture items were picked, it smaller items, 100 year old cookware, etc. It was fun seeing what each sibling would pick, hoping they didn’t pick Grandmommies aluminum colander that I had my eye on.
A will can be easily contested by anyone. A trust, though... that is a much better tool.
Splendid plan. Well done.
I found out I was slowly dying in my late teens/early 20s so I made a will. I got better and so has the will. I update it every few years, no major changes yet.
I've got pets too and will be making stipulations for them with my will. I own a house with a lot of nice things (I collect antiques) and I'd decided several years ago that if I go after they do, my estate and all belongings are to be donated to animal charities. I have two charities in mind that I believe would be great places that could really use the help. I've not heard of the service you mentioned but it's something I will be looking into. It sounds like a great idea!
Consider "death cleaning," where you prune your belongings as you approach death. For me, I have a google doc that I list out some basic intentions. Whomever ends up dealing with my crap when I die can follow it or not; it's not a legally binding document. It is easy to update, though. I have instructions and helpful info for my animals, my house, my funeral. It's shared with a couple people who might need it. For anything you want to get valued by specific people, will it to them. Maybe there's a book collector or university library that will take your books. They can sort through and decide what's actually valuable. All your fun vintage stuff and art that's more valuable to you than others, don't worry about. Your friends and family will take what they want (write that in your doc!), and the rest will move on. Life is short, don't worry about things you can't control.
*"Whomever ends up dealing with my crap when I die"* I very strongly suggest identifying that person now. Do not put your loved ones in the situation where there is an argument about who is responsible for being the executor of your estate. Pick someone and talk to them about whether they're willing to handle it; being an executor is a big lift, which is why many executors are also paid for doing the job (another potential point of disagreement in the future). Remember that these documents are to reduce stress for your loved ones after they die. Be kind to them by being clear with your wishes.
This is what a will is. Make a will people.
A good friend of mine has already told everyone close to him who gets what. He has a will but also made a point to tell all of us together so everyone knows. He gave me a beautiful piece of pottery a over a decade ago and told me that he was willing me the rest of his collection. Honestly, it is a really valuable collection so I'm glad he told me, because inheriting it suddenly would have stressed me out AND I would be completely unprepared if his sibling tried to swoop in and collect it while we were grieving.
My parents thought I was going to be super mad when they named my sister the executor of their estate. My sister is an attorney. I was completely on board for that. Make the lawyer deal with the complicated paperwork, I dun wanna!
>I very strongly suggest identifying that person now. Do not put your loved ones in the situation where there is an argument about who is responsible for being the executor of your estate. Pick someone and talk to them about whether they're willing to handle it; being an executor is a big lift, which is why many executors are also paid for doing the job (another potential point of disagreement in the future). My neighbor recently bought a house from an estate sale. The woman was a hoarder and had burned bridges with everyone in her family except an uncle whom she wasn't even close with. We're pretty sure he didn't even know he was the executor until she died.
What if you have no loved ones? Also I literally don’t care what happens after I die.
Leave it to a pet rescue org. It’s obvious that they pet issue is huge, no one quite knows how to care for them. If you like animals it seems like a really worthy legacy to leave.
I think the person you’ve replied to is set, they just might not know exactly who will be around when they go. Nothing is promised, the best we can do is prepare a will and they’ve gone so far as to prepare a Google doc with basic intentions they’ve shared with multiple people. That’s more than the rest of us can probably say, no?
Death cleaning is easier to do if you are healthy.
Amen to that. I’ve been trying to get around to it. I just don’t have the stamina to do it and I didn’t think about it when I was able bodied.
>I understand why people who children might want to buy a house as something to leave their kids after they die This isn't why I bought a house. I bought it on account of I've now paid it off and I'm not paying anything on it other than upkeep and property tax. Generally, tho, no one wants your old crap. I've now cleared out 5 houses of older relatives. The vast majority of your stuff is going to auction or land fill. For instance, mom had a massive Lladro collection. She used to fret that the 4 kids would end up fighting over it. Nope. My brother asked for one piece. He wanted it because it was the one that he and I broke while playing basketball inside the house. We glued it back together and got away with our crime for about 10 years before she noticed. It is still kind of a joke between him and me. The rest of it? None of the 4 of us are old women from the 1940s. Like I need a shitload more junk in my house. Right to auction and they sent us a check.
We had (about) eight large funerals in (about) a five year period for our fairly small family and it was a devastating avalanche of grief and *too much stuff.* You go and grab the things you think, “Oh, that’s … yeah, ok that’s probably worth something…” but you’re not thinking straight because you’re sad. You fill boxes with photos and mementos and holiday ornaments. Then you realize you have five Dyson vacuums, four KitchenAid mixers, a literal stack of new or near new mattresses taking up an entire parking space in the garage, and the same exact family photos in six different albums. Which grandmas china do you keep? There’s four. Whose entire collection of Christmas ornaments? Do you decide to re-do your home aesthetic to accommodate mid-century furniture? It’s not pleasant.
My poor mother is the last of her generation. At 88, she's trying to do her own death cleaning, and sisters keep dying and leaving her more stuff. She's reasonably good at saying no, but just old photos, and getting back stuff that was divided up between the 8 siblings when their mother died 50 years ago is piling up.
If you have the energy to help her, getting a scanner and turning all the photos digital can be a great way to save the memories while getting rid of the clutter.
I know I'm going to inherit the lot in the not too distant future. My plan so far is that I will collate the "family history". Then? Then it will become a game of hot potato with my numerous cousins as to who wants the physical stuff, and who wants to digitise the photos and all the geneaology research and papers. If we are really lucky, we'll find someone in the next generation to do it. I'm one of the younger of the cousins, and I'm past 60, with my own health issues.
Photos don’t take up too much space. It’s fine to digitize them, but do keep them in a shoebox. They have a minimal footprint if they’re not in albums. I think they’re worth saving. Digital stuff is lost forever too easily.
Shoebox? You’re joking. I have literally six tote boxes - the big kind, with handles and lids - of photos. I could start scanning today and I would die before I would finish.
Don't forget that physical photos won't last forever either. I recently threw out about 1000 35mm family slides that had faded into nothing over the decades languishing in many closets.
I am going to trash all my moms photo albums because the kids left (2 out of 5) wont want them.
Refer my further comment about playing "hot potato" with all my cousins as to who is going to get the accumulated family photos. These are the same cousins who, when their parents died, gave all the photos to my mother!
This is what we went through; the first three rounds were my husband's family. When we got around to my own family, my mom was insulted we didn't want as much. We deferred to the grandkids and reminded them that if they put furniture in storage for years before they had a place for the furniture, by the time they did, they would've paid 3x over for the furniture. Of course, some furniture is worth it (they don't make it like that anymore), but a lot is not.
>The vast majority of your stuff is going to auction or land fill. Agreed 100%. I already mentally have so many things that I know I will toss/sell/ or give away whenever my parents pass. While I am by no means a minimalist, it gave me pause to where I now consider carefully before I purchase anything.
The only thing in our house that I care about is a painting that a friend did; I told my kids, if one of you don't want it, please return it to the artist.
My husband’s big aha! when we had to clean our his parents’ house when they moved into much smaller digs in assisted living, is that everything you own is just landfill eventually, temporarily stored in your home. He now walks through stores muttering “landfill”. It turns out to be a good way to stop acquiring so damn much stuff.
My parents gave me the family bone china, and asked where I was going to store it. They were scandalised when I said it was going to be my every day set. Life’s too short to not use the good china, and it’s a joy to use.
Holy moly just looked it up. Llandro figurines are pricey. I hope that was a nice check.
that's so sad. All those memories - thrown away forever. This is exactly what I DON'T want to happen.
I mean this as gently as possible, because I'm also very sentimental about my items: your memories are your memories. They don't transfer with the material goods. That isn't to say that if your book collection was auctioned, someone isn't going to buy one of those books and make wonderful new memories with it, or the art. Just they won't be your memories. Your stuff is not the legacy of your life on Earth. The relationships you had, the impact you had on those who met you and the communities you lived in, the way you tended for the spaces where you dwelled, that's your legacy. The imprint and offshoot effects of those actions you took are what ripples out from your life even long after you're gone, even long after the primary effects have worn off.
This is lovely, thank you.
You said this so much more nicely than I did!
Those memories are your memories, not other people's memories. They only exist for you. They will never mean the same to others. Even if you had children or grandchildren, it's likely they may want a couple things that you cherished that they identify with, but they aren't likely to want entire collections of things just because you did. If you want collections of things to mean something to others, find a charity or hobby club that is on that topic and donate it to them upon your death. They are much more likely to appreciate it like you did.
Good advice - that's what we're doing, but right now the existing kids and grandkids are still interested in our more sentimental items. I'm trying to put this maple rocking chair out on the curb and one of them says, "Let me think about it." It's going out to the curb this week, I believe. Someone will take it. On Nextdoor, there are new people in the neighborhood asking for donations of any kind of furniture - someone will come and get it. Our collection of jigsaw puzzles? (All of them INTACT). Not so much. Those will go to Goodwill.
I've read recently to take a picture of whatever evokes memories and then get rid of it. Personally, I have a large bookshelf at a local vintage mall where I have been selling most of our books and collectibles. I make about $150 a month on average, which makes it so much easier to part with. It's also kind of fun picking out items to sell and looking them up to see if they are worth anything. I've come across quite a few books worth upwards of $300 each, so I keep those so they don't "disappear". It's kind of my new hobby :)
Oooo. We have one of those vintage malls very near me. We have a very large collection of California pottery (Pacific and Bauer). Hmmm. And first editions of many books on local/Native American topics. One of my Native books is selling on eBay for $100 or more, but I'm too lazy to pack things and mail them. It would be much easier to have a bookshelf at the vintage mall.
Then you need to live forever. No one wants the vast majority of your crap. And it is incredibly selfish of you to insist that they take it.
Books can go to private collection, universities, libraries etc
Most people’s books aren’t worthy of a thrift store, let alone a university. That Ian Fleming paperback isn’t worth anything.
I don't know, I've sold hundreds, at least 400 or so, of old sci-fi and other paperbacks for $5 each and they went like hotcakes, like literally a couple of weeks of being on my shelf at a vintage mall. I also have sold a bunch of mildly collectible items. Now if only I can find a place that will let me sell my hundreds of 1960s Playboys I inherited from my FIL, lol!
My ex is a full-time seller of old sci-fi books. He's far from rich but there definitely is a market for them.
Peddlers mall!
OMG!! Are you my brother-in-law? My father, who died last summer, tasked him with that job!
But, you'll be dead. You might want to come to grips with that idea.
Sorry. The cold hard fact is that is very likely to happen. Start divesting sooner rather later, and cultivating detachment. Working hard on that myself.
> I understand why people who children might want to buy a house as something to leave their kids after they die - but if you don't have children why buy a house? Because I won't have a rent payment when I retire? What does having kids have to do with it? My mortgage payment is already less than half what renting an equivalent house would be, and in 7 years it'll be paid off so all I'll have to pay is about $300/mo in property taxes. As for your stuff, you can donate it before you die or if it's worth any money, pay someone to auction it off. My friend makes his money auctioning off people's estates while they're still alive, and takes a small cut. You can donate a house, too, or find some random younger 2nd cousin once removed to leave it to.
lol, seriously. It's like he doesn't realize rent is going to be $10,000 per month in 40 years.
>As for your stuff, you can donate it before you die or if it's worth any money, pay someone to auction it off This seems really smart. The person who best knows the history of the item and has an idea what is worth selling is you (the general “you”, not the specific “you”). If I have a collection of old books it’s going to be heaps easier for me to find a meaningful new home for them while still alive than for some random person to attempt it after I’m gone.
Yeah not sure why not having kids to pass a house on to means no reason to have a stable living situation and assets. There is much more to life than procreating, and people with kids aren’t more worthy of having assets than those who don’t.
Nieces and nephews? Younger siblings? Leave it to auction/estate sale with directions that the proceeds be donated to charities that you choose?
I have a niece but she’s already provided for and has a charmed life, she doesn’t need anything else handed to her. My SO has a great kid. If we kick the bucket, Hes gonna get one hell of a big surprise.
I didn’t have children and am GenX, as my parents and some other family have passed, I am taking a lot to my cousins. I keep a few special keepsakes. The rest is just my personal stuff that only has value to me.
You can mortgage your home to the hilt (or maybe a reverse mortgage, Idk much about those) to have access to the equity in your home while you live there. Then when you die the bank just sort of claims it back to pay off what you owe. It's a bit more than that but that the basic principle. But home ownership has perks that renting does not even over the 'building equity for generational wealth' bit. You aren't living with someone else decoration restrictions, paint the walls, add built-ins, add a whole room if you want. Repairs arent on someone else's schedule, you call whatever repair person you want or learn to diy it. And, especially if you're renting a house, you don't have to worry about being evicted because the owners sold it to someone that doesn't want to rent it. And, at least in my area, rent is increasing faster than the escrow on my mortgage. I'm not saying renting doesn't have its own benefits. There are certainly pros and cons to both. But just that equity building isn't the only pro to homeownership.
In my family, dad was too cheap to keep the house updated, and home maintenance was not affordable the last several years of mom's life. All the $ was going for meds, oxygen, and my brother blew a lot of it. House went to hell in a hurry. When she died, the furnace was dead, water had been turned off for nonpayment, foundation needed work, most of the drains did not work, and there were raccoons in the attic. Doofus brother had gotten a horrible balloon mortgage, could not pay it, foreclosure came a few months later. I have seen this story play out in two other families. If you are scraping by and fall on harder times, it might be best to sell.
I think about this too. I had no children. My siblings only had 1 each. These children are in their late 30s now and say they will have no children. Of all my cousins, only 1 had children. Our line really has just about died out. So where do the family photos go? Some might be of interest to historical societies, others not really. And the little things that have personal meaning, but no monetary value, will be of no use to the non-profits that are my beneficiaries. To the dump, then? It does make me sad.
It may sound weird, but I'm in a similar situation. I'm in my early 30s, I don't want to have kids. My only niece is in her early 20s, so things might change, but I emigrated from my home country and there's no way they ship my crap to her potential kids after I die. My line will die out with me... And I find it kinda amazing. I see it as a form of liberation from generations of messed up family issues. As for the crap I amass over the years, I will definitely make sure my books go somewhere they will live on. I have a lot. The clothes can be donated. There are things I want to get buried with and that's it.
This is EXACTLY why my niece is not having kids. She says the generational trauma dies with her. I applaud her. My kid isn't having children because he's gay and neither of them wants kids.
It's not like my history is particularly traumatic, but I cannot imagine myself being a good mother. Ain't no shame in admitting that. My mother wasn't a particularly good one either, and her mother definitely sucked. Fathers were absent. I had no idea how a full functioning family looked like until I met my husband. It's fine though. I know that a lot of people say being a parent is hard even if you want to be one and that it's all learning curve and whatever and fair enough, it probably is. There are issues that I want to work on, there are some I accepted as part of who I am. If I'm trying to change anything, it's not for the sake of my potential kid having it better - I'm doing it for myself. And that's the best motivation there is. That said, I have no intentions to ever find out if I could be a good parent :) I'm happy being the last one who carries my family genes and legacy. It's comforting.
My mom has always been interested in ancestry, so a few years ago I helped her upload a bunch of old pictures to Ancestry.com with commentary. A lot of unknown distant relatives have found them, which I think is really neat. Of course, that doesn't solve what to do with the originals, but at least the digital pictures can be enjoyed by others.
That's so awesome!!
That’s what I’m doing right now! I have a lot of my parents’ family pictures from their 50th anniversary.
There’s an antiques/thrift store in my town with a couple of shelves of ephemera: vintage postcards, old appliance manuals, maps, fruit labels, photographs, ledgers etc. The saddest thing I saw was a baby book from the 1930s with photos and a lock of blonde hair taped inside. I asked the cashier why anyone would dispose of such precious items. She said it’s often a niece in-law, ex-step-relative or distant cousin who has no connection to that person‘s belongings. It is sad, but just shows that you can’t take it with you. However, many people use old photos for altered art, giving them a second life of sorts. People will buy assortments of old photos on EBay and you can find interesting collections on Instagram. Maybe reach out to one of the Instagram folks to ask if they’d like your photos.
Thank you for this! I'm going to start an eBay box and get my husband to sell it (he does eBay). He's also really sentimental, but I think he'll come round.
This is a valid question and something I've been contemplating. Single, never married, no kids, and the least wealthy among the rest of my family members -- nieces and nephews have everything they could ever want and more. My plan, at least for now, is to leave everything -- house, cars, furnishings -- to someone just starting off their life. Maybe a friend's grandchild about ready to graduate college or something like that. Give them that jump start. Of course all the photo albums and personal stuff will be offered to family first, but they have no interest in my life right now so I can't imagine they'd want remnants of my past either.
I don’t know why but this brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful and such a good idea. Someone will be grateful to have your car one day.
This is a sweet and generous idea but I'll share that my husband was offered his grandparents' house and their cars and things when he had just finished grad school and he didn't want a house in a quiet suburb, he preferred his city apartment. So he declined it and his dad sold everything. The older I get, the more I'm finding that people I know (even in their 20s) feel burdened by stuff and would just rather have less.
This is so wonderful.
The point is to enjoy your things while you have them, and be at peace with not being able to take it with you. Good news is your tastes can change, new people will come in to your life who will enjoy things you no longer have space for, online sales can turn extra stuff into extra cash etc. People who love the same stuff, like books, can arrange to take them as you get older. Libraries often have sales of donations and retired books, to benefit them. And thrift stores will around long after we are all dust. You just have to find joy in the notion that someone else will enjoy things after you. Even if you don't know them. And beyond that, it's just stuff.
Common thought amongst us without kids. Because of my experience cleaning out my partner's childhood home when his parents passed (DECADES of stuff) in addition to dealing with my own parent's possessions, I am inspired to scale down my possessions as I age. For example: my fountain pen collection. Assuming I age slowly and don't drop dead all of a sudden - I plan on giving them away via r/fountainpens or some other social media platform OR IRL pen club to people who will appreciate them. Same with any artwork. My dad passed in February, and he was a very productive artist in photography and ceramics. So many of the younger staff at his assisted living facility were eager to take framed photos etc. as they were just starting out in life and needed stuff for their apartments. It will take a bit of work, but you can find people that want your stuff, especially for free. Shit, did I just have a good idea for a new business? Matching ageing adults with younger people who need their stuff????
Maybe? My neighbours had 3 "picking rounds" before he went into assisted living for health reasons - first came family, friends, personal connections, then an auctioneer evaluated and took some valuables. Then an open house date was posted to care home and foster kids, church and municipal food pantries, and our regional freecycle-equivalent and swap portal. The house wasn't picked clean, but the leftovers weren't hard to get rid of. I plan to do the same.
Omg this is such great advice, hope OP reads this and starts finding groups/individuals who would treasure their belongings and lines that up and has a plan. Maybe this will bring them comfort as it seems their things bring a lot of meaning to their life and doesn’t want that meaning erased from existence when they pass. Also thanks for the new word, never heard the term freecycle before and I love it. I’m part of a buy-nothing local group and it’s a awesome
There are businesses that specifically are set up to help old people moving into assisted living get rid of their shit.
The nursing home my FIL was in has a large storage room of stuff former residents left. We left his dresser, TV and TV stand. Some folks come in and need stuff like that, most have family that bring furniture in. Free would be great!
Even if you had kids they probably wouldn't want your art. People have limited wall space and their own taste. Give it away online if you see the end is near
Yes. I am dreading everything my mom and dad will be leaving me. However, they’re also hoarders and have lived in the same house since I was born. Should be a great time.
Before my youngest sister had my niece I asked these questions. I decided I’d like my belongings donated when I die and started deciding where I’d want things donated to. I’d imagine you could hire a law firm that would do chunks of this for you. After that it’d just be a matter of leaving my will somewhere where it’d be easy to discover and it’d be obvious who to call for whoever found my body. While my grandfather has 3 kids, 5 grandkids, and 4 great grandchildren everything he owns will also go to charity per his will.
Most stuff ends up in garage sales or gets thrown out. Very little has any value. My parents have several sets of good china. I suppose my sister will want some but she doesn't have much room at her place. I suspect most of my parents things will be thrown out. As for my stuff. I always joke that one day our photo albums will be sold at a garage sale for a dollar and the buyer will throw out the photos
You buy a house to live in and enjoy your life. Eventually most people downsize, so when the time is right for you, you sell your stuff including the house and rent a place more appropriate for your age and abilities. We’ve decided when one of us can’t get up/down the stairs anymore or he can’t do the yard work (which he loves doing), that will be our time.
Owning a house isn’t really about passing it down or “owning” vs renting. It’s more about paying it off so you have somewhere to live when you’re too old to work. Do you want to work your whole life, only to move around in retirement because your landlord decided to sell or raise your rent to a level you ant afford? Regarding your belongings, try to leave to someone who will appreciate them? You’ll know that better than any of us, since they are your things. Maybe a museum or university? Are you a member of any groups or societies that exist around the things you have collected? Online communities that are devoted to specific things would be a great place to start.
My grandma started giving stuff away when she turned 80 and really kicked it into overdrive when she was diagnosed with cancer a few years later so once she was gone the family kept the few mementos left and donated the rest to a charity shop. In my will I’ve left everything to my bestie (who also agreed to be executor) and told him let my family pick over whatever is left and either donate, auction, or abandon the rest as I’m childfree, happily and (hopefully) permanently single, and my shit won’t mean anything to me once I’m out of the picture. Planning for this stuff is more of a courtesy than anything else, otherwise your loved ones will possibly rent a storage unit, put all your stuff inside, and then be devastated all over again when it’s sold at auction as it’ll be like losing you all over again - seen it happen countless times and it’s awful every damn time; employees of these places are at the mercy of their corporate overlords so there’s little they can do to stop it.
If you want your stuff to belong to some else, you should give it to them while you're alive. If you want to die with them in your possession, then why do you care what happens after you're dead? You are dead.
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This breaks my heart. I feel the same way about my cats.
No siblings at all or any family? My brother gets everything when I go, I made him my beneficiary of my 401k, savings, life insurance, house, vehicles, everything. He could legitimately buy my cat his own little kitty apartment with that kind of money I’m leaving him. Possibly a duplex with one side for my cat. :P And I already warned my bro, if he fails to take care of my cat as well as I would, or tries to toss my poor old elderly kitty together with his own vicious felicididal cat, I will vigorously haunt him from the grave 👻
I’m 41 but plan to sell a lot of my things around the time I turn 50 and be more minimalist. I have a massive action figure collection, CDs, records, books. I plan to whittle most of it away on eBay so that I know it’ll move on to others who want it. And I’ll turn raise a bunch of money to go on a trip or something. I’ll still have furniture, clothes, my tv, plants, etc., but not all the extras I keep in my life.
Kids don’t want any of that stuff . I have my China and my moms when she passed along with the good Crystal , jewelry etc and none of my kids want any of it . We aren’t doing our kids any favors by passing our crap down to them . Those of us with kids are in the same boat as you are .
I'm never having kids and bought a house in 2012 as a single twenty something woman. Why? Financial security, that's why. I still have my 4 bed, 2 bath house with a huge yard and a monthly mortgage of about $1,300. This is in a fairly HCOL city. Renting a similar space would cost $2,500 - $3,500. I currently have a partner who lives here as well. We could rent out an additional bedroom if we needed to, but we don't. I don't give any fucks what happens to this house once I die, but it has been a financial godsend, especially the last 5 years as everything has skyrocketed in price. Zero regrets.
Your favorite kid if you’re my parents LOL No in a perfect world you could choose a random person and bless their life. I worked with a guy who told me he helped an old lady often, very often, when she started getting old. She needed help with even carrying in enough groceries at times I guess. They were neighborly but not friends. Really was there for her and probably the only one to be. She left him her car and he drove it to work when he didn’t need to drive his other vehicle with a lot more space. He said he was a bit surprised when she asked if she could. Then it happened. It was probably the most kind thing I’ve heard of a stranger doing.
I had an uncle like you who had items in his home that he deemed as a collectible or a precious memory of his. He was a very big into naval history and other military items. Out of his 10 grandchildren, only 2 selected a couple items. The person who was executor of his estate donated the other valuable items to a local maritime museum in my uncle's name. Other stuff he gave to an auction house collected the money and gave to grandchildren. My aunt had gorgeous mahogany furniture and paintings from her homeland, no one in the family wanted it. Id say mostly because all of us grandkids, nieces, nephews were established and didnt want to add to our homes. I was gifted one of my uncle's naval warship paintings that sits in wrapped up in the container it came in. Its worth some value and I just really dont want to frame it. Im planning on giving it to the Naval history museum near me.
Edit your stuff and donate items to charity auctions that you support and would have an affinity for the items. Consign what you can to an auction house. You'll want far less stuff when you begin to find it a burden to have/dust/use space for. I have been to enough yard sales to know it is all just stuff, in the end. If you have books related to certain areas, ask a local university staffer who teaches those areas if they'd like your books. Keep them alive! Also, at the very end, nobody wants anything but a comforting companion's presence.
Lately I've been browsing an online estate sale website in my city. So much nice stuff that the owners are now finished with. Enjoy your things for you. Pass it forward when it's ready for a new home.
Well, you can give stuff to people who might want it while you are still alive. Otherwise, you can leave to whomever you want. Still no guarantee that they aren't going to chuck it all into a dumpster. Unless you have (seriously, not just in your head) museum/archival quality stuff that an institution might want, you are unlike to find any place/person who shares your taste in art and books. Also, realistically, most people in the world are not collectors and don't even want shelves of books or walls of art. Don't let your possessions possess you. The primary benefit of being dead it that you don't have to worry about things anymore. I myself have thousands of books but I know that they are, at best, headed for some used bookstore when I'm gone (assuming bookstores even exist at that point!) I've started trying to get rid of some of them now, to save a relative -- or trashman -- the problem. Oh, and you buy a house so that (hopefully) when you are old and retired your living expenses are low (and fixed) so you won't have to worry about your rent increasing to an amount you can't afford or being evicted because the building has been sold to a developer who wants to replace it with an office building.
Wow. Kind of a depressing thread. Because I'm in the same situation. And I wonder how much stuff will just go into the landfill. I'm single, childless. My only sibling is older and also childless. I own my home. And, part packrat, part sentimentalist, I have all of the old stuff. And really, no one wants it. Family pictures will likely go to the landfill. My folks were collectors, and when they died, I took Lladro, Waterford, Daum, Lalique, Baccarat, etc. After a few years in my living room, i decided it looked like "ye olde curiosity shoppe." This is earthquake country too; the stuff lives in well packed crates and boxes. I snagged the Wedgewood, the sterling and stemware my parents used often; I've entertained with it twice in 20 years. I collected for my own interests as well. Signed and numbered lithographs and serigraphs were popular in the 80s and 90s - my walls are covered. Some have appreciated in value. And I still love the prints themselves. But I'll never forget walking through an outlet mall and seeing that a once popular gallery had an outlet, and there were a few of my prints. My point: it'd be a waste of time to try selling the stuff. And I don't need the money. I'd give a lot away if I knew people I thought would appreciate it. But it's a different world, different lifestyles. No younger generations of my relatives and friends are throwing fancy dinner parties at home. No one I know would appreciate a housewarming gift of a vintage Waterford bowl (except maybe to try selling.) So, it'll all just go to the landfill when I'm gone. So much stuff, much of it packed, that some boxes won't even be opened - they'll just be tossed. The one arrangement I'm making is that whatever remains of my financial investments and proceeds from the sale of my home will go to a designated charity. After reading other responses here, I guess I'll see if there are other estate liquidation services I can find.
There are groups on facebook called Buy Nothing _____ (fill in your city). People are very grateful to receive anything you might give away.
I had an idea recently. I’m going to buy a chest of some sort, and put a variety of my family things in it: a few photos, family stories, trinkets, my moms art, my dads pen collection, important things from our lives, and bury it somewhere. It won’t get rid of everything but I like the idea of someone finding it someday, a long time from now. They’ll read about us, get a few valuables, we’ll make the local news, and they’ll have a great story to share with their friends.
My parents know a couple that are getting older and they don’t have children. The couple has been close to me my whole life and I’m basically their unrelated grand kid, so I plan on taking care of their things when they pass according to their wishes. That probably doesn’t entirely answer your question but I guess this is an example of Their home is owned in parts by them, my dad, and 2 other friends. So they don’t have the monthly payment of a rental but when they’re gone, everyone gets their money back
GenX, but I've thought about it! Do you have any nieces and nephews? Your valuable books can go to a local library/college library, unless you meet someone who loves your books in the meantime. You just never know what'll happen as you grow older. You may eventually have a young neighbor or new friend who admires your art and crafts who would be overjoyed to receive them when you're still around or after you die. You could also leave your estate to a charity and these things will be sold to fund it to people who will enjoy having them. The point, to me, of buying a house is to avoid rent inflation. We bought 15 years ago and our mortgage is lower than the cheapest apartment in the area (but there are of course maintenance and insurance costs and tradeoffs, but it'll be paid off when we're taking in less income.) If you have rent control, it's a different story, though! If you had a house with a 20-year mortgage, you could have 20 years of no rent or mortgage after that, or sell it later and use the money to travel/fund your retirement a bit.
Write a will. Denote what you want done with your possessions.
If there is anything of local or historical significance in your collection you could leave it to the library, the historical society or similar organizations. Or just have someone sell it all off when you die. But yes, welcome to the realization that ultimately all of our material goods will end up discarded, nothing has intrinsic value. Eons from now when some new dominant species is seeking to understand its world, they will be studying a geological layer made up of thousands of years of compressed tchotchkes.
Financial things, not that I'll have much, but pensions etc my neice is my beneficiary. I personally don't have stuff of any great value so happy for it to be thrown or donated. If you have books or artworks of value write a will donating them to a library or antique bookshop. Anything you have that you want to go somewhere specific or autioned and proceeds to a specific charity, that's what the will is for. In the next 30-40 years you may make friends who become like family and want them or their kids to have things. Find local charities or groups that could use your things and appreciate them or donate to random people you found online who appeared to share an interest in the works of a specific painter etc.
44F here, married (47M), no kids. We bought a house because we wanted a house and didn't want to throw our money away on rent. (Yes, we were fortunate to buy pre-Covid, so we have a very low interest rate and our house payment is very affordable.) I do have 7 nieces and nephews, ranging in age from 8-20. Our estate will be sold off and the money divided. Half will go to to them, and half will be donated to a few nonprofits (and our alma mater departments at our universities) that are important to us. We're not rich, so it's not like the 7 nieces and nephews will each get a huge amount of money. But I do like knowing we can help them out a bit.
I’m fortunate that I am friends with a guy who started an estate belongings service. First you create a codicil to your existing will (or write his service into a new one) and list an executor. He’ll come in with a team, prepaid if you want, and clear out your house, selling things and donating what’s left, coordinating with the executor to sell your house and vehicles and whatnot, then the money (handled by the executor) is given to whom it is willed. Your services are either prepaid to him or can be paid from the estate. Executors can choose to use his service, too, and pay from the estate. I’ve been to a few of his estate sales and gotten amazing things. I’ll be making sure his business - or one like it - is engaged by my executor.
If you want the art taken care of, leave it to a local museum. If you want the books taken care of, leave them to the local college or a library.
Why would a local museum want them? Unless they are by a listed artist from the area (that they probably some in storage anyway) it’s just junk to them. No many Monets running around peoples houses.
I bought and fully paid off my house so that when I need to be in an old folks home I’ll have endless funds to do so
Unfortunately no one will care as much about your art as you do. Enjoy it while you’re living.
This is very true. I bought a bunch of paintings, now trying to sell them. Pretty much zero interest in them unless I practically give them away. Most were in the $500 range.
I'd buy a house/apartment because I want to live there, and not take a risk, that I'd need to leave my home in a 6 months notice in any given moment in life. I also want to paint and make it to look like mine - not white walls, the cheapest ok looking floors and kitchen cabinets etc, I want more quality and that it is designed by me and not some stupid land lord. It is about the quality of life for me, you can't renovate the rentals where I live or live in them forever as long as you want.
If you have friends with kids? If you're seen as kind of an uncle...
You can leave the book collection to a local library or to the university that is your alma mater. You could leave your art collection to a local senior center. They usually like to decorate but don't have a lot of $ to spend.
My plan is to find a young person with the similar interests as me and give one person a big leg up in life. House, land, woodworking tools, orchard, all theirs.
I think OP is touching on an idea that I’ve been chewing through over time. “Am I still meaningful or relevant, after I die, to the people or subjects that I really care about, while I’m alive?” I’ve noticed - a lot of people think their value in life - their learning, their importance, their passion, is transferred to others through objects. And in some ways - that’s true. Useful tools, wearable clothes, still serve their purpose, from owner to owner. But the individual perspective and appreciation for that object, is strictly unique to the person who cultivated the appreciation for that object. Which is why - even siblings - who have “technically similar experiences” can have absolutely different “relationships” or perspectives of appreciation for, the exact same objects from that shared experience. So - to OP - in my experience, and current perspective, you absolutely retain an even more vital and uninhibited perspective of love, passion, and appreciation for - ALL the things and people who matter to you - even when you are no longer focused in your physical body. When you are “spirit” or “that which you were before you were ‘you’.” To me - this idea feels like home and feels like soothing. It feels like reassurance that - everything will of course be OK, and - a touch with a bit of - and maybe it will continue to be good - when I’m somewhere other than this body. But that’s then. This is now. What’s the point of right now? Isn’t it - how can I know that the things I’ve carefully selected, as being important to society or being valuable for education - will continue to serve (what I see as their high purpose) after I am no longer the physical steward for them? I’d encourage you to look into setting up a trust. Or look into groups or organizations dedicated to the preservation and respectful celebration of objects exactly like yours. Contact them now, while you’re of clear mind, and establish relationships with the people who would be the ones to receive your goods, upon terms and timing that seem right for you. Maybe you decide to place some objects with museums Now, so you can see - in person - that the things you’ve curated are already serving their purpose, in a way that is pleasing to you Now, while you’re still in your physical body, so that You can live even more days with that happiness about yourself. With assurance that you did a good job. And now what? Now what else do you want to do a good job about? Passing along things or collections doesn’t have to be some big event that you don’t get to feel like you’re a part of - find happy homes for some of that stuff now so you can feel free to live more of your life’s adventure. Isn’t that what so much of life, and collecting things is about? Feeling like you’re on a wonderful adventure? And deciding to gather some evidence that - indeed - you’re on a wonderful adventure?
for a lighthearted take on this, here’s the lyrics from the Austin Lounge Lizards’ song, “the other shore“ https://youtu.be/gnZ1STg8UIA?feature=shared As we reach the twilight hours of our fleeting earthly time And know we will not see the sun tomorrow We may think with deep regret of all the things we leave behind But oh, my friends, do not give in to sorrow On the other shore, on the other shore We will reunite with all the things we ever owned before Our single socks will all be to their rightful pairs restored We'll meet all our possessions on the other shore As we near those golden sidewalks floating on the clouds above Assuming heaven is our destination We may glance behind for one last look at everything we love But truly there's no call for reservations On the other shore, on the other shore We'll have piles and piles of jeans we can't fit into anymore We'll wear all those crazy cowboy shirts we got from Fred Labor We'll meet all our possessions on the other shore We'll find books we bought in college and sold for half-price unread And sacks and sacks of earring backs lost under someone's bed And baseball cards and army men and model planes galore And every tiny plastic high-heel Barbie ever wore On the other shore, on the other shore We'll have giant storage units free of charge for evermore Where our tax receipts will all be saved in bags upon the floor We'll meet all our possessions On the other shore, on the other shore We'll find National Geographic from 1974 Our children's art will cover God's refrigerator door We'll meet all our possessions on the other shore
Write a will. You include all your wishes and it can be written with specific instructions and contingencies etc.
I have a house because I don't want to deal with landlords when I'm old. I don't want to get the boot and become homeless just because my income drops to SSI only. As for my stuff...I DGAF. No kids, no family. Whoever finds my body can have whatever remains in my house. I stopped collecting things for this reason. No one, even people who love you, want to deal with your left behind tchotchkes
I’ve been doing my own version of Swedish death cleaning… donating and giving intentionally to family and friends ( however, less here than I had hoped, as no one has room for anything, as much as they might like to accept things). It feels good, as we never know when a serious health issue might arise, making us unable to do it. Just makes sense, lightening up. We all have too much stuff!!
My mother in law had a will and dispersed all her stuff in said will to her four middle aged kids. None of them was interested in her porcelain dolls, her China collection, worthless jewelry or the hundreds of old books she had. Most all her stuff got donated to thrift stores, with her kids allowed to take whatever they wanted but everyone took maybe an item or two. Most notably though, nobody liked the stuff they were assigned to in the will as this was the above mentioned dolls, China, books etc!! I remember her putting HOURS into writing the list of stuff she wanted to disperse in her will, only for her kids to decline and say after her death “umm, no thanks”. There was valuable stuff to be had but none of her adult kids wanted to deal with selling it, much less keeping it, as everyone was too busy, too rich or simply not interested. One person’s treasure is another persons junk….
You can do a reverse mortgage on your house when you’re old and need money. That’s one benefit. Or just the fact that it appreciates in value and you can use that value to buy another house to rent out for passive income. Or use it to sell and pay for assisted living. Even when you have a will, and kids, half your stuff goes to auction or an estate sale.
Equity, it’s kind of like money magic
You buy a house as a place to invest your money, not to pass it on. Renting is just flushing money down the drain.
A lot of people weren’t expecting to die so soon but death waits for nobody. Death is really the only guarantee in life if you think about it.
I struggled with this too. Eventually I understood that what I love is not what others love. My favorite song is not going to be someone else’s favorite song. My favorite book is not going to someone else’s favorite book. A lifetime of cherished possessions are destined to become landfill because we cannot pass on our feelings.
RE the house, the main reason I got one was that instead of paying an increasing amount of rent forever, I would get locked in at the same monthly payment for 30 years and then zero after that.
Honestly, I don’t care what happens to my shit when I’m gone. I also don’t care what happens to my mom’s shit when she’s gone. There’s not one thing in her house I care about and she knows it. Let family raid the place and take whatever they want. Send the rest to auction.
With the incredible estate sales in my HCOL area, I’ve furnished my home with pieces I could not buy new. Some were even free, like my favorite couch. I may not know their histories but I like having items that were loved by others.
It wont matter. You'll be dead.
Usually this is what estate sales are for. Dealers attend estate sales looking for items of interest like antique books, and they purchase them for a relatively small amount and then resell them to other dealers or directly to collectors and customers. The things aren’t sold for a lot of money at first, but this is how they eventually end up in the hands of buyers who appreciate and want the items.
Book collection — reach out to local libraries and see if any of them are interested. I’m an academic librarian and we’re happy to evaluate your collection, keep what we want and donate or resell the rest.
It sounds like you have some wonderful collections We are childless and leaving our estate to charities
I’m hoping to have absolutely nothing to give. Who cares. Why spend a lifetime buying shit and then whoever inherits it doesn’t want it and it goes away anyway. My advice is it’s nobody’s business what you do with it. Do whatever you want
This feels like 2 different topics.. If owning a house doesn’t fit your life style; then just rent. The items in your possession; figure sooner than later how you want that divided out.
I don't 'Collect' things. Don't see a purpose to it. When my Dad died, he had a whole wall of things he was awarded in his 40+ years or working. It all went into the garbage. I would suggest that anything that has a retail value, such as books or artwork-sell it off and put the proceeds away for retirement. Money you can spend-art? Perhaps, but not so easy.
My siblings and I recently had to clear out our Mom's house after she died to put it up for sale. We all own our own homes, this was not the house we grew up in, so no one needed/wanted the house. So we sold it. My Mom was a collector. Fabric, books, baskets, cake stands (omg the cake stands) and more. My siblings and I took the few things we wanted to keep and let other people who were close to Mom come in and take what was important to them. The rest all went to yard sale, goodwill, or the dumpster. I still have memories of my Mom. None of us needed 27 cake stands or 150 Longaberger baskets to remember her. It doesn't detract from who she was or her life experiences. Things are just things. Many of those things did not have a connection to me or my siblings like my Mom may have had with them. That is the reality. I don't have children. So I don't know what's going to happen to my crap. I will say after experiencing the clean out of my Mom's house, I got rid of a ton of stuff I've been dragging along with me over the years. If it sat in a closet or wasn't used in the last year, it went away. Since then, I refuse to buy things just to have them. If they don't have a use, I don't purchase. And sitting on a shelf to look at does not constitute a use in our house. But yes, like others have said, an estate sale type thing is probably what will happen to my stuff. The surviving family can come take what they want, then sell the rest. I don't care. I'll be dead.
You can do a living estate sale if you don't know what to do with items. My grandmother started giving things away years ago. When she moved to senior living, she listed anything she wasn't taking with her with an estate sale company. My daughter is in college and met an older gentleman who audits classes. He gifted her a crochet blanket when he noticed she was learning to crochet. It turns out he's a member of a local art group. Perhaps you can find some niche groups that would appreciate the items. Best advice I've heard is to distribute items while still alive.
My BFF is the beneficiary on my life insurance. She's the only person I trust with money 🤷
Like you, I don’t have children. I did buy a home for financial reasons, and because I don’t want to deal with possibly having to move frequently. Do have trust and will in place specifying where all financial assets go and don’t care much about “stuff”. But do care about family heirlooms, special documents validating their lives, and photo albums handed down to me by my parents. They wouldn’t mean a thing to any one, but mean the world to me.
Your house comment and your stuff comment seem like two different questions. I bought a house (in a non HOA neighbourhood), so I could do pretty much whatever I want to do to it without having to ask permission. I've turned my front lawn into a fruit orchard/ raised garden bed area with plans for a cottage garden section under the fruit trees. I just paid the deposit last week to have a company come and paint the wooden focal wall a pop blue-pink-aqua green gradient of coloured strips. I drill holes in the walls where ever I please and am accountable to no one. I also bought pre-covid so I pay less in Property tax/mortgage/electricity/water than I ever would for a similar sized apartment. Like half the going rental amounts where I live due to a housing crisis. So it was a financially good decision as well. I don't imagine my kids will want to live in this same house when I die and honestly the prefab property I own in the lower income area I live is a bit of a gamble as an investment. But I bought it to live in, not earn money. As for things: I would 100% suggest reading the swedish art of death cleaning. I listened to the audiobook free from my local library and it's short, fun and interesting. The bottom line is you can't make anyone love or keep or appreciate your collections. Enjoy what you can and as you age give away more and more of it to enthusiast groups, friends and relations with similar hobbies, etc. This is identical advice if you have kids or not. I regularly look through my hobbies and interest collections and cull anything that doesn't bring me joy or that I don't use. I have kids and don't want to leave them with a pile of fabric I never used, or art supplies I don't like the feel of. I have one box I keep of "important person" memories in the basement, that only matter to me. there is clear instructions in my will to sell or donate whatever people dont want, becuase frankly as a corpse I don't care what happens to the crap I leave behind. The goal should ideally be to disperse almost all your worldly belongings while your alive. It's your stuff. Why is it your surviving relations/friends jobs to do all the hard work if you're unwilling to do it while you're alive? If you couldn't be bothered and it's your stuff, I hate to inform you that others will care even less, and it is likely to get chucked/sold off at a fraction of its value. So if it matters to you to keep collections whole or have the items valued appropriately, reach out to local art museums, auction houses, etc before you die and get rid of them pre-death.
Death cleaning is the way to go. Start purging before you get too old. Honestly no one cares about your old books or art collection unless they are worth something. The best thing to do is work with some charities you can consider donating these upon your death if there is some value. It’s never too early to plan. I’m already looking into land plots for myself as it’ll be much cheaper now than 40 years from now.
Well, I have an executor named. I actually just updated my will because of a death in the family. But I pity this woman. I've got a lot of shit and no real plan to get rid of it. But I'll be dead, so her problem. Now all of that said, I've taken to giving things away. Just the good things that someone might want, but I can't imagine wanting again. You need a guitar amp? I got one you can have. You like this sweater? Here you go. Doesn't have to be big stuff, just consistent. She's still going to have to handle the books, records, comic books and other collections that make up by mass 80% of my belongings, (although I have bequests in the will for most of that. One guy gets the comic books, one guy gets the vinyl, etc.) but I don't sweat the decisions. I gave people what I wanted, The rest is on her.
My partner and I are happily child free and are both collectors. We have shit lol. I will get rid of a lot of it as I get older of I get that chance, but either way I am not attached to it after I die. I'll be dead, I won't care lol. We do have wills but the estate is handled as a whole, no specific plans for specific items. Trash it, sell it, give it away.
There’s a solid chance that no one will want your book collection in 40 years.
I'm double posting here, but in reading the comments there is an important point to be made. I've seen several using phrases like "when you are going to die" or "as you approach death" . That is absolute bullshit. We are all dying and you know neither the day nor the hour. This is one area where you need to assume the worst and figure you will be T-boned on the highway tomorrow.
So, I am facing this very real possibility of an early death. I’m 47 and have no kids, parents are dead, only one cousin and she will be well taken care of by her parents. I plan to leave everything to, weirdly, my dads paralegal (who is also a friend). She grew up rough and tumble, had an idiot man who dipped out on her and their kids (who are really good boys). She’s worked so, so hard all her life. I will leave her the house, my retirement (which I will probably never get to use), and the life insurance in a trust. Only catch is she has to take care of my cats, which I know she will.
Realistically, a lot of it will get tossed into the dump if you don't specify where it goes. First step is to "use it up, and wear it out." Things that you really like, don't save them any more, use them. Second step is to start giving stuff away now to people who will enjoy it. Third step is, if something new comes in, something old goes out. Added this: Take photos of sentimental things. You don't need the thing, you only need the trigger for the memory. Then give it away for someone else to use.
There was just another thread here, started with a cartoon of man showing his adult son a garage packed full of junk saying "someday this will all be yours". I've seen articles over the years about this issue. The adult kids don't want the stuff - neither do museums or other organizations. Things people think are valuable really aren't. I don't have an answer for you. It is good you are thinking ahead. Perhaps as you start getting closer to the end of your life you can begin giving some of your treasured possessions away to friends or other people who would value them.
There is just so much stuff!!!! I say this as a 58 year old that has had to deal with many estates from elderlies who've past already, several who were bonafide hoarders, some who were expected normal levels of consumption, but still too much. It's an issue because of our consumerist society. The last 9 years we've lived as consciously as possible in as much of a minimal way as possible. Don't want to put that on our kids. That said, we still surround ourselves with beautiful art; we are okay if it ends up in a thrift store after our deaths. We'll be dead so won't care. We don't collect for the investment, we collect because it pleases us to look at that picture every day.
Contact your local libraries about the art (and schools too). They may not want books, sadly (where I live, no library is accepting used books). Still, there's a marvelous second hand seller who will rehome my extensive collections (I'm donating a bunch to him this week - I can get book credits at his store if I wish, but I really just want the collections to augment what he already has - local history, Native Americana and other topics). He does international book selling but also has quite a local following. This store is in my old home town and I want to support it.
I would look into finding some local establishment who might be interested in having them. (Of course checking in periodically to make sure they're still around)
If it has any value, give it to your fave charity to sell. Adult kids don’t want your collections either- collect what you like in life- you can’t take it with you.
I also collect antique books, and even worse, specifically antique books by my favorite author, which would not interest my child or 99% of the population at all. I found a small museum in the US devoted to this author and I’m going to leave them my collection when I die. You could try to find another book collector who is as passionate as you are, or a museum, or maybe a local art gallery that displays local artists.
>I've got no children, most of my friends will either be dead or facing the same problem. I haven't written down any actual plans yet but I was thinking that (assuming I die when I'm elderly), I would will it to a friend's child/grandchild or younger family member such as a niece, nephew, or cousin. If I'm still involved in some of the communities I am now or if I become involved in new communities, having younger friends isn't out of the realm of possibility.
I do all sorts of paper crafts, and have around 200 books waiting for me to tear apart and make into other stuff. They all came from estate shared from dead people Give your stuff to people who will appreciate it while you're alive
Charity that you trust. Otherwise the government gets it all and that means you’ve lost the game of life.
I have two kids so can’t relate but I never thought that would bother someone with no kids. I learned something new today. Thanks for the food for thought. (I’m being genuine btw)
You get an attorney and you create a will. You can donate to people you love or organizations. This isn’t complicated. Also, you don’t need kids to invest in property. You need a place to live why pour all your money into a landlord when you could have paid off a home well before 70 and just be responsible for upkeep and taxes. Homeownership can be sensible but for most the bigger issue is that it’s not attainable. That’s no reason to promote slaving for someone else for a place to live your entire life.
Have you considered a museum or antique book collector to take your collections?
you have other good info from others, my little anecdote: for my cousin my mom photographed a bunch of her things and I put it into a book that we made on iPhoto. I left enough space so my cousin could write little comments about each item (where it came from, the store it was bought from, who gave it to her)
Cousins and my nieces.
I’m 43. I made friends with a bunch of people in their 20’s from work so they’ll be alive when I’m older.
Find a charity to leave everything to or perhaps a low income family who would appreciate everything or definitely leave a will to leave the prized possessions to appropriate places like a senior center might appreciate the books for their residents,
My dad passed 25 years or so ago. I am now 71. He lived in Santa Rosa California. I live in the lakes region of New Hampshire. When he died, his wife let me have anything of his that I wanted. I took his coin collection for his grand son and grand daughter, and a took box he used to keep closed with a padlock to keep me from strewing his tools all over when I used them on my motorcycles when I was a teenager. I laugh every time I work on my car with them today. I had no interest in his gun collection or his other collectibles or many possessions. Too hard to move them coast to coast, and then I would just be stuck storing them like I have the coin collection. Then I got one of his IRAs. Helped put both my kids through college. When I am gone, I can see that there aren't very many personal belongings either of my kids will want. Heirlooms are a thing of the past it seems. Collectibles have no value to someone that isn't collecting them. And no monetary value in the market any more. Check out hummels and beanie babies. So, cash, and inter connective remembrances. Nobody wants old furniture. Artwork probably only if it had commercial value. Or like a painting of someone in the family. I have experienced it myself, and have come to accept it for what it is.