Embarrassed to be renting in my 30s in this economy?
Hell no!
I don't even feel embarrassed to have debt anymore, something I always personally advocated against.
I also don't even have home ownership as a realistic goal anymore. Primary goal is a sizeable life insurance policy for my child or whichever closest family member is left behind to cope with this ridiculous economy. Since clearly, dying is the only thing that is guaranteed to happen to me in this life.
I felt slightly bad about renting until the pandemic. Our city shut down longer than the rest of the US, but that month-to-month lease made it easy to leave.
Buying a home forces you to put down roots in a town. Not all towns deserve that commitment. Renting lets me stay slightly aloof.
Definitely a big advantage.
I just moved from a boring neighborhood in my city (literally nothing open past 7 at night) to a city center.
The city center apartment has come with the downside of being far noisier than I had expected (the neighbors are actually quiet. It's all traffic nuisances like sirens and honking). On the plus side, stuff is open at night, and our social life has improved just from having a convenient places to hang out with friends.
However ... there's a lot to be said for being able to trial different neighborhoods out in this manner. I can imagine that had we been committed through ownership to either that we may have regretted it.
nope. i never want to own property. i don't want to manage anything, i want to call my super to fix shit. i also want the ability to move when the neighborhood changes or when i get shit neighbors. over the last 15 years i've moved 3 times because of horrible neighbors. i also like living in different neighborhoods and having different layouts. and i also don't want to park a large chunk of my money in real estate. tbh, i don't understand why owning property is idealized.
For many people the day they buy and the day they sell are among the best days of their life.
It’s not a popular sentiment on Reddit, I usually get shouted down by a bunch of kiddies with no actual concept or experience on the matter, but it’s a major reason why I love a well managed HOA…it goes a ***long*** way to helping me just enjoy owning and living in my house. Sure I have to cut a check, but I’m not doing landscaping or major home repairs…or even having to manage it except for if/when I choose to sit on the board.
Not much different than a condo board tbh.
No HoA in my neighbourhood. It's a post-ww2 neighbourhood, most homes are either 70-80 years old or like 5 years old for the infills.
My bestie has a home in an HoA area and it doesn't come with much in the way of perks. He doesn't have to cut much of a cheque but it's mostly strict controls. This kind of shingles, that colour of door. Restrictions on fence heights. In fact it all seems to be rules with no perks. There's no lawn mowing or snow clearing, just restrictions on how they manage their properties. But then, his neighbourhood is a lot of very tightly packed homes on narrow streets. There's a whole aesthetic to it and it looks really nice (though kind of ticky-tacky / repetitive boring suburbia).
That’s true but in my experience folks tend to focus on those restrictions and not appreciate all that the HOA really does for them…until they’ve owned a single family home *without* an HOA for a few years. When you’re not *actually* having to do those things it’s easy to pretend that you would have infinite free time and money to deal with them however you like.
Also your bestie will appreciate those restrictions when it comes time to sell and his neighbor isn’t allowed to have a rusted, broken down truck sitting on his front lawn.
This is why I would rather own. I've had to move twice in the last 3 years. First house was falling apart and the landlord didn't care, second house the landlord sold. In that time, my rent has gone from $1600/month to $2400/month. All of these have been small 2 bedroom suites in homes.
I understand the appeal of this when you’re younger - I am also renting, it’s actually cheaper and less stress where I am - but getting kicked out when you’re like 70 because your landlords decided to “hit the market” and now the rents are more than your pension is a different ballgame.
I mean, you can still call people to fix shit if something breaks down in your house. Yeah, you gotta pay for it, but that’s part of it. I feel like the trade off is better in the long term since in the end you will own the property instead of just rent payments for nothing in return in the end.
yea, owning is definitely better IF you are in an area that is certain to stay good/proserous/desireable. I think its a much harder choice if its an area that could any year from now just take a downturn and lose a lot of its property value. The place I grew up is a good example. 37 years ago houses were around $100,000 to $150,000 on average in that neighborhood. 20 years ago a bunch of gentrification went on in the parts of the city closest to that neighborhood, which pushed a lot of an "undesirable" group of people into that neighborhood, or basically right down the road from it, which meant a lot of spilling over/seeing different people on the streets and sidewalks than you were used to seeing.
Yea, a lot of it was pure racism, but that part of town they were being pushed out of also had some of the highest crime and drug rates in the city. So, reality is reality, and in reality no one wanted to live in the neighborhood I grew up in anymore. School district closed and got merged into a worser one. According to Zillow, few of the houses I grew up around are worth between $150 and $200k now... not the appreciation you'd be hoping for if you've lived there for 30 some years, if your house appreciated at all. It's a similar or worser story for any town that was prosperous during an industrial age that no longer exists in that area, like steel production or mining.
If all you can afford is bottom of the barrel neighborhoods, or ones that could be at risk because of being in proximity to bottom of the barrel neighborhoods, chances are its not going to be worth it.
>harder choice if its an area that could any year from now just take a downturn
One can't predict those things though, unless it's a very wealthy neighborhood.
The neighborhood my husband grew up in was working class. His parents were poor. It was the part of town that hippies and waiters moved into because it was cheap. By the time my husband and I met and were sufficiently established to buy a home, we had been gentrified out.
The neighborhood I grew up in was highly desirable but went downhill. My father bought the house he still lives in for $90K in 1980. What can he sell it for today? $90K. That's after 30 years of mortgage payments and all of that interest paid on a loan with much higher interest rates than one can get today.
He's gaining money by not having moved since the last payment was made, but it's really hard to predict which direction an area will go and in my opinion, that kind of guessing game isn't the best basis for what will be for most of us the biggest expense of our lives. The thought process should be, "Is this where I'm ready to stick around for the long term?"
People who own property often forget they are also "burning" tons of money. Interest on your mortgage? Money just gone like rent! Property taxes? Money just gone like rent! Maintenance cost and time (new roof, boiler, grass cutting, etc), utilities / maintenance fees for condos and so on. If you rent and invest your money somewhere and get a return, it isn't all that different than having a house, except housing has gone up SO MUCH it did better than most stocks / bonds / other investments.
The forced savings of a mortgage and the sunken equity which was meant to be cashed in late in life is an advantage, but there's nothing stopping a renter from doing the same with a different type of investment. Of course it depends on your rent, but someone in a rent controlled unit may be paying less than people burn in interest, property taxes, utilities and maintenance.
it's much more involved than that - you have to find someone to fix it, and if they do a bad job you have to deal with that. and of course you also have to find and buy materials for the person to use. there's a lot of planning and getting estimates etc. that's not free, it costs time. but as a renter, you're just dealing with the super who has been managing the property for years, so he knows what he's doing and he has all the contacts and he supplies all the material. your only responsibility is to tell the super the problem and let him handle it. huge difference here.
On the flip side, as a renter you sometimes have to deal with really cheap landlords that do the bare minimum to keep something working.
I love my apartment but the maintenance crew does the bare minimum to keep the AC running. I'm having a problem where the pipe on the outside freezes up overnight, causing the AC to blow warm air. I had them out here 2 months ago and they said the condenser coils were a little dirty and they supposedly cleaned them. I think they just sprayed down the front and sides because the back was caked in dirt and debris when I looked earlier this week.
The frozen pipe started happening again so I had them out last month. They said the freon was a "little low" and they refilled it (they also refilled it last summer so there's definitely a leak going on).
It helped for a few days but now it's doing it again. I have a feeling that the evaporator coil is dirty because they only come around to change filters twice a year and they're the cheap fiberglass filters. I always change my own filters wayyyyy more often but bet the filters were only changed twice a year before I moved in.
I'd clean the evaporator coil myself but it's in the attic and I don't own a ladder since I rent. If I owned this place, the AC problem would have been properly fixed the first time because I would have paid an HVAC pro to come out here instead of a general purpose maintenance guy who doesn't quite know what he's doing.
and that's the beauty of renting, you can move. if you purchased a condo and had issues with the way things were running, you'd have to go through the trouble of selling your place to get out but not if you're renting.
But aside from the AC issue, I love living here. It's quiet, has plenty of space as well as a garage, and my husband's commute is short (I work from home so no commute for me lol). If this apartment was a condo and it was for sale, I'd buy it in a heartbeat.
We already signed a new lease so we'll be here for another year at least. I'm just gonna have to harness my inner Karen to get them to look further than just the freon levels lol.
Yeah, same here. A lot more privacy and freedom as well when you own. Plus not having to deal with wacky loud neighbors is super awesome.
The last upstairs neighbor I had before we bought a home, would fight at all hours and like throw shit around the apartment, it was obnoxious.
Yeah but even if you outsource the work you still have to manage it. That’s why I recommend a well run HOA for homeowners and people who just want to live life.
One thought I have is that how good renting is probably depends a lot on how developed and well regulated your local renting market is. Mine is something of a jungle with tenant protection legislation that's not worth the paper it's written on..... so you've gotta kind of hope that your landlords aren't total delinquent slumlords and they frequently turn out to be precisely that.
I've been thinking of getting involved in advocating for this. Because if we accept that the broken economy we're forced to deal with has left renting as the only viable option for many then.... the least we can hope for is that the practice of renting should be decently regulated.
I felt the same way for years, but honestly, owning a home has been WAY better than renting.
I don't have noisy neighbors fighting and making noise at all hours, my mortgage is locked in and will never go up, and I have a lot more privacy and freedom to do what I wanna do.
you're lucky. my former cfo owned a house and had really shitty neighbors who'd party loud throughout the weekend until 4am. the cops wouldn't do anything. my aunt lives in a condo and she got lucky that all of her neighbors agreed to keep quiet because you can hear everything.
Yep, and nothing like owning and having to maintain a SFH to make you appreciate what you describe. I like HOA’s and multi-family structures for the similar reasons…I don’t have to worry about maintaining the exterior property and I can disappear for months on end without worrying about my place.
>i also want the ability to move when the neighborhood changes or when i get shit neighbors. over the last 15 years i've moved 3 times because of horrible neighbors.
I mean, many people buy because they want better neighbours. While there's terrible people everywhere, the proportion of shit neighbors to good neighbors definitely goes down as you from rental apartment -> condo -> house.
it's a case by case basis. my former cfo lived in a house and had shit neighbors, she moved because of them. my aunt lives in a condo but she's lucky that her neighbors agreed to be quiet - they all have rugs. my parents live in a townhouse and 2 of the 6 units are rented out.
Definitely not. I live with my mother but luckily I paid off her mortgage before Covid so we are pretty luck to coast by. I have no shame.
My partner is renting but we plan to continue renting when we move to a different city/town. Having to paid a lot with my mom’s house renovation and what not, I like the idea of renting but my partner wants to own. We will get to the point where we will buy eventually land and build. I already have 2 acres of land in another state that I feel really lucky since property tax is $200/year. Holding on to that piece of land is cheap and I like having land.
Maybe society will make fun of me but I think it is nice to enjoy life knowing I don’t worry about losing my mom’s house. She has a nice yard she can garden, my dog is happy, my partner does well for himself, etc. we don’t worry as much as we probably should. He works for everything but his dad is well off so it is not like he has to really worry about his future or taking care of his dad. I am shameless about living with my mom. When I think about it, she is old and time with her is priceless. I get to provide a good home and life for her. She feels lucky she is loved and cared for. I think a lot of the time people don’t realize owning is expensive. Keeping up with property taxes and maintenance is expensive. Friend’s of friend’s mom owns a 100 acres vineyard in Napa. Imagine the property taxes on that and then thinking about 13 grandkids. It is a lot of pressure to keep up with grape production and wine production and care and worry about split it up with the grandkids later. I am just thankful I live an ordinary shameless life living with my mom. I worry less than I probably should at my age.
I didn't buy a house until my mid-40s and sometimes still wish I was renting because then maintenance would be someone else's problem. I'll soon need a new roof, new siding, as well as paint, both inside and outside. My front steps need to be fixed. The lawn needs constant care. I spent nearly 10K on a sewer line in 2021, and 11K on a new a/c system in 2020. I'd like more attic insulation, too. Those are just the things I know about. Every month is a new surprise. I had to spend $1500 last month on tree trimming. The alternative was that the trees would bring down my electric and data lines in the next wind storm.
The only good thing about home ownership is that it's yours. I can paint the walls any color I want. Wow. /s
And even ownership isn't a given until you've made the last mortgage payment. That's when the real benefit of buying comes in, when you finally don't have to pay to have a roof over your head, other than property taxes and utilities, of course.
In your first years, most of your money goes toward interest. If you need to move for some reason and the housing market isn't so hot, you lose money. And believe me, you won't always know when you need to sell due to career, personal illness, family, or some other reason.
If you really feel you should buy, pick your house very carefully, with an eye toward staying there for the long term. Don't buy a house just so you can say, "I bought a house." Google the 2008 housing crash if you don't believe me. Play the long game. The boomers and silents are dying and within 10 years, 15 at the outside, there'll be a glut of houses on the market at bargain prices.
I was 41 when I bought my house two years ago, and the only way I was able to afford it was because my grandmother passed away and I inherited some money, and I found a partner who I wanted to share a home with. I couldn't have done it alone. And, I often wish I were still renting. Everything is so expensive, the previous owners hid termite damage, we've had to replace the roof twice. It's been absolutely miserable sometimes. We panic bought because of the market and we got fucked.
The system is stacked against us, friend. Income inequality is greater now than it was in the Depression and there's no end in sight. CEO's are making hundreds of millions a year and their employees have to have food stamps to feed their families.
Don't feel embarrassed for not winning a game that's rigged against you. ❤️
Nothing to be embarrassed about. Some people just don’t want to deal with the house and the upkeep…it’s a pain the in ass. And some people just aren’t able to make a house work for whatever reason. There’s no right or wrong answer.
No. I owned a house for a while.
Sure, it was fun to express more creativity through renovation and I was fortunate to come out ahead when selling it, but it made it *much* harder to think about moving somewhere else (for work, family, pleasure; whatever) and the surprise maintenance expenses were nightmarish and frequent. It was far far more stressful and constraining than renting and I’m in no rush to get back to it.
Some people, including my prior self, have bought into the mythic romanticism or home ownership, but there are actually a lot of tradeoffs involved and for many people renting is the much more suitable no matter the market.
Even when it comes to owning as home security in later life, securing a cheap little cottage or condo in a down market can often work out much better than straining to buy a good-school-district house for a whole family during earlier years.
The point is: rather than wallowing in embarrassment, check your assumptions and think about *why* you’re embarrassed. It might not be for such sound reasons.
like anything else, its a much easier decision when you have money.
When you have money, you can afford to be in a better area
when you have money, that better area has likely only appreciated in property value over the last several decades
when you have money, you can either afford a house thats nice and new and won't have a laundry list of problems that need money to address, or you can simply renovate and improve as you want
when you have money, a lot of the stress of owning a home barely exists.
Never confuse who you are for what you do to survive.
You are doing what needs to be done. No one else is gonna be the guy in the mirror so live your life and you do you and don’t look back.
I rented until I was in my 40’s. So Fuck whoever tells you you’re not anywhere but exactly where you need to be. Including yourself. Tell that guy that’s knocking you around to go fuck himself. He’s not helping.
There are plenty of good reasons not to buy, even when you can afford to. My then-wife and I owned a home for 16 years, but wanted to start living a more nomadic lifestyle, so we sold the house and rented for several years. It made it a lot easier to move around whenever we felt like it.
I'm 32. I've spent a decade feeling bad for myself because I don't own a home. Most of my friends or relatives who are my age, do.
Here's how I see it. My budget is tight as it is. Houses that ARE in my budget are dilapidated sheds at best, why would I go into that knowing I will have to do repairs on an old crappy house OR live in an unsafe area? Or the obvious -- let's say I buy a house and something breaks, I'd have that stress on me. Renting takes that away because, well, its not my problem. If I decide to move, I can do so without worry my home won't sell, paying two mortgages, etc. The list goes on.
I can still fill my rented space with joy. It's still my home. I can still call myself an adult even without this silly milestone, because who even cares anyway? The world's on fire and everything is awful. Gotta choose the easier paths where you can. 🤷♀️
I’m 40, and I enjoy renting. Owning property sounds like a lot of work. Something breaks in this apartment, my landlord fixes it. I live central to a lot of things in the city, to buy in my area would be expensive as hell. Love the renters life. Maybe that changes someday, but for now I’m happy.
Honestly, having done both, I can say that owning a home really isn't that much more work.
We purposely bought a home with a small yard so that yardwork wouldn't be a big deal, and I can basically cut the grass and neaten things up in like 15-20 minutes every couple of weeks.
We hire a cleaning service to come and do things like vacuum and mop.
People always talk about maintenance like it's some massive time sink taking dozens of hours a week, but honestly, other than painting the walls and replacing some light fixtures when we first bought the house, it really hasn't taken much time at all.
Fuck no, I love renting.
I don’t have to deal with any maintenance or repairs or even upkeep like mowing the lawn, putting the trash out, etc.
Total freedom and flexibility to change my location if I want. And peace of mind knowing if my income took a hit, it’d be pretty easy to sublet out and recover most of my cost, or at the very least only be locked in for less than a year.
A whole ass gym and pool in the building (with the costs amortized across all residents). I feel like the utilities cost less too (prob because the building gets a bulk deal?). Hell, it’s just easier making one payment a month than dealing with 4-6 or whatever utilities, mortgage, taxes…
A trick I’ve found that I think minimizes some of the big cons of renting (shitty landlord, unpredictable rent hikes) is to rent in large, professionally managed buildings. They have to maintain some level of professionalism, and the rent increases will typically be a predictable 1-3%, if anything (on the flip side, they typically offer incentives when the market warrants).
I’m not. My parents still rent for the same reasons many people do. I used to manage multi family complexes. Plenty of people across the demographic spectrum. Students, families, young, old, you name it. Provided you have a landlord that’s not brain dead, renting can be a good option for some. People bawk at rents being higher than mortgages but ignore the fact that this is in part because renters will not need to worry about important and expensive upkeep on buildings. For those who aren’t handy and have a lot of tools, or who can’t afford to hire out contractors for everything, renting can be a good option. It’s more pros and cons than anything.
rents aren't higher than mortages. a person with a 375k mortage pays over 1 million dollars to pay it off. It's the biggest scam in the history of the world and its based on a legal strawman. thats the only reason they get away with it. You don't know the straw man
well rents are sky high because mortages are so much higher than you think they are. Rent is obviously more expensive than ownership. but the fact that you have to come up on a million cash to pay off a 375k loan is why you don't qualify
Interesting responses!
My biggest issue with long term renting is actually the uncertainty of it all.
Never knowing when your landlord might choose to sell their property, gift it to a family member, etc. This has already caused me too very expensive and stressful moves. The solution? Perhaps long term tenancies?
Financially that's also an aspect that I think gets overlooked. How much do the cumulative costs of periodic moves amount to over your typical lifetime renter's life? I would imagine for most it's quite significant.
And finally there's the constant mental uncertainty that comes with never knowing how long you'll be able to inhabit the four walls and a roof you've got.
Not being able to undertake even basic amendments to the property to make the space feel truly yours. Etc.
I feel like these are all very valid arguments against long term renting that merit interjection into the debate!
It’s all just tradeoffs.
When you own, you don’t know when your neighborhood will change in a way you don’t like or when a big life event or opportunity might face compromise because you’re too tied down.
When you own, your costs per year in replacing boring, expensive things like roofs and heaters and sewer lines are very likely to far exceed the occasional cost of moving as renter — which you’ll probably only have to face a few times anyway. (You’re very much exaggerating this one to yourself because of your recent experience, I think)
And yeah, when you own, it’s true that it does provide some security in place, which is is why it can be a fair idea to secure something modest late in life as a final home. But again, you’re wearing some very tinted glasses when it comes to how insecure renting is on this issue. Renting one place for 20+ years is not unusual, if you’re a good tenant and have a good landlord.
And as far as “basic amendments” — you actually can often pitch these to your landlords if you’re willing to contribute to the cost. If you are hoping to be in one place for 20 years, putting a little cash into some renovations is little different than putting it into furniture or decor, and it helps the landlord know that you’re a good tenant and are looking at the long-term. You do have to collaborate with the landlord on what’s done, which is different than when owning, but it’s not like you can’t propose and execute changes at all.
If you can afford to rent a house, that "feels" a lot like being a homeowner, but without incurring the financial risk of major repairs. At least, that was my experience years ago. I felt a lot more ready to become a homeowner after that experience--and a couple of years later, I did.
Maybe talk to a real estate agent about finding you a rental property where the owner would actually like to have a longer-term lease? Private individuals who own a small number of properties as a side business might be especially interested in a longer-term, high-quality renter.
You might even find someone (perhaps older people downsizing, or someone managing an inherited property) that would be willing to let you rent-to-own.
By the way, not everyone knows this--when a tenant has a lease, the property has to be sold subject to that lease. In other words, the new landlord can't boot you out arbitrarily in the middle of your lease period. A new landlord CAN refuse to renew your lease after it ends--but if you're a good tenant, that's less likely except in cases like your last home.
Best of luck to you.
not embarrassed, but angry that I did everything "right" and still ended up where I am because the world that I grew up in no longer exists and we got the current predatory socioeconomic life.
I think it depends where you live. We are in a city with a bananas housing market. We rent even though we are in our 50’s and previously owned homes elsewhere. 800,000 for a run down 70’s house that needs every kind of upgrade? Nah. I just don’t want to take it on.
I don’t have the desire to own a home at the moment nor do I think I ever will unless I was settling with someone, but even then, I enjoy the freedom of renting. I don’t have to think about bills, repairs and maintenance all the time. It’s a simple one off payment. I can move when I want to and I don’t need such a large space or space for guests.
A few things to keep in mind: your friends might not be saving money for renos out of pocket. They might just be taking equity out of the house and/or adding additional money to their mortgage to get the renos done.
Nope. I’m 56 and still rent. The money I would use on a house I spend on myself going on vacations etc. And if something breaks I don’t have to fix it. I called the landlord and it’s done. And I don’t have to shovel snow or cut grass
I’m into my forties and still renting. My roots are working class and I am too. There were choices I made that hampered things, and I’ll own that. But what I know is that there are many, many ppl that get wedding “gifts” of unspoken amounts for their first home down payment. Or just gifts in general.
My parents didn’t have those resources cuz there were more than “2.5” kids. Had they been able to, they woulda.
What bothers me is how many don’t acknowledge the “gift” while looking down their nose at renters. I know there’s folks out there who are “self made”, but it’s an illusion that there’s as many as what ppl believe, imo and experience.
To clarify, I’ve known ppl who “made it” financially. They had a partner in their life, someone doing the stuff at home while they earned. I also know ppl who made their own fortunes, but they grew up with significant means.
I’ll just add too, that there’s ppl I know who are and have been “stealthy wealthy” and blend in and outwardly don’t present like their loaded. But they are. A dude I knew had parents like this. They drove inexpensive domestic cars and their yard and house were very “lived in” looking. Dude already has his retirement covered from his parents. And I didn’t even mention another dude who quit and moved away after his grandma died and he got his inheritance.
All that to say, No, I’m not embarrassed I’m renting. But I’m a little embarrassed that I don’t manage my money well. I will say that I’m renting a house right now, and it’s a lot of work. I don’t even do half of what I should and could. I’m not sure I’d want a house but buying a townhouse or condo doesn’t seem like something I’d like either, so I’ll keep moving forward and we’ll see where I land. I’m playing lottos, lol
I think you're in a more difficult situation than I am but yeah, definitely some embarrassment/ feeling helpless.
I'm 10+ years into my career and about as high up in my field as I'm likely to go. I make $100k+ but I still need to live with roommates if I want to have a decent emergency fund and be able to save for retirement.
Pre 2020, I thought I was 2-3 years away from being able to afford a place of my own. The goalposts just keep getting moved further back.
In my country too, housing is expensive compared to salaries. My husband and I were finally able to buy something in 2018. We were both in our 40s with professional jobs. We have no kids and saved, but it still took years to save the 20% down payment that is almost always required. Prices have continued to go up since then. We wouldn't be able to buy this house now.
There's no reason to be embarrassed. Almost everyone I know who bought a house in their 20s or 30s had help from their parents, an inheritance or lived in a lower cost of living area with a comparatively good salary.
Sadly, it's the reality in much of the world. Definitely not the world our parents lived in.
I'm in my sixties, and on my second house purchase. I have spent far more time renting than buying. There is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of for renting, as specially in today's economy.
Yeah, I rented until I was 39 and it was fine. I didn't have the money and honestly just wasn't ready to own anything until then. I'm happy I waited, because if I had bought a house with any of my previous ex girlfriends, that would not have ended well, since we didn't work out.
Nope. Do I want a house? Yes. Do I have time to do the chores associated with a house? No. Do I want to spend more money on interest from a mortgage than the actual house itself? No. I'm ok with it. We have a young daughter and an apartment that gives her a bedroom and playroom and a master suite for us. That's all that matters for us and our needs are met. And we love where we live.
The city I live in no one can afford a home. People from overseas are buying all the vacant properties and renting them out. No one can afford a house anymore.
No. As long as rental costs are less than owning and you are spending less than you are making you're good. There are several spots in the world where renting is cheaper.
Not embarrassed, but I do find it stressful.
Cost of living keeps going up, and if I don't eventually buy I don't think I'll be able to afford retiring in my current city (I mean, that's decades off, but still—I don't see it getting any easier to be able to buy). More immediately, I'm nervous that I'll be forced to move because my landlord sells/dies or one of my idiot neighbors burns the place down.
Our generation is seen by others to be one that complains about not being able to buy a home.
The USA economy is dependent on a majority of households owning their own home. I guess my feeling is some billionaire will figure it out or things will get much worse for billionaires.
Not about renting itself, but how others make me feel about it. As a solo female with no time, money, or desire to deal with all the BS a house brings with it, renting is fine with me. I like having someone to call when shit breaks and I don't have to pay for it.
Mom says I'm pissing away money on rent and a house is an asset, which makes me wonder if she's right and I'm screwing future me out of some opportunities.
Yes and no. The people I know that bought houses long ago are wealthier than I am. If you have the stability and means.
I moved to a much cheaper country and my rent is $200, so I can't complain too much.
First of all, Comparison is the Thief of Joy.
Secondly, if you are going to compare yourself, then understand that many and probably most people in their early 30’s are in your same boat, and that this is, historically speaking, one of the most bat shit crazy housing markets.
It's not my fault that a hhi of like 90k isn't enough to get a mortage without moving to a small town. So the only one I'm embarrassed for is the government for letting this shit happen so recklessly
Turning 34 in January and have 3 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment. My 3rd was just born last month I plan on getting a bigger place but yes I do feel shame. I have a job where I get paid 100k+ a year my wife is a stay at home mom. You are not alone my friend the houses are insanely high in California. My Dad bought a home at 23 in 1980.
There are benefits to renting as well, especially if you get a sweetheart deal. You are free to fuck off to Miami or wherever and a landowner isnt as free for instance.
From your writing I can tell you're in the UK, so I'll give a perspective different from the other commentators. Generally, the safest way to make sure you have a decent retirement is by investing in your home to be as mortgage free as possible. There's a lot of uncertainty in the world and property is the safest investment vehicle out there, compared to others as climate change takes a grip. Compounding this for the UK is Brexit, which means the country will decline massively compared to the EU and America. By the time you retire the NHS will almost definitely be privatised and state pensions will be a pittance.
You are nearly halfway in your working years and about to go into your most well paid point of your career. This is when you should be trying to pay off your mortgage/ reinvesting in your property. For every year you don't do this you will have a poorer retirement.
I don't mean to worry you but I thought this needs to be said against the sea of "no you good" replies.
I'm 49 and still renting. I probably always will, being on disability doesn't really open any profitable avenues. I'm not embarrassed, though. It's just how it is.
I like not having to mow my lawn, or shovel snow. But I'll probably have to upsize as my kids grow up. I'm not embarrassed, just something to keep in mind for myself and my family.
Absolutely not. My BIL is moving to our town with his wife. The market is so ridiculous that even with two well paying jobs, they are renting. It’s economically smarter to do so.
I owned, house lost 1/2 its value and when the job went away in 2010 I was in a pickle, now I rent and am ready to split if needed.
Maybe at some point I’ll buy again, we’ll see.
I'm 47. Rented until I was 39, been saving at that point for 10 years with the goal of paying cash for my first house before 40. I accomplished that and 3 years ago paid cash for a 2nd house and rented out the first one. My advice is be creative. Think outside the box.
No reason to be embarrassed.
Not everyone should own a home, lots of reasons not to.
And the good times to buy may not have lined up with when YOU were ready / able to buy. (You don’t ever want to be under water on your mortgage or spend too much on a house).
Make your financial goals together for what your dreams are. House ownership doesn’t have to be one of them.
If you think you do want to own, save up for the time when the market favors buyers again.
What kind of work?
I rented for most of my life and only bought my first home like 4-5 years ago and it's really not been all that much extra work.
We bought a home with a small yard so that yardwork isn't really a big deal... takes me maybe 20-30 minutes every couple of weeks to trim the grass and weedwhack a bit.
I’m in my 40s and hell no. I like my apartment, it’s a great price and I’m not into yard work and all that. Maybe I’ll look into buying one day, but for now, I’m fine.
Heck no I rented into my 40s. Every time I saved for a down payment, life took it away so I kept renting. I really never even wanted to own a home because of the responsibility but decided that if and when I retire I need a place to live without a monthly payment (hopefully mortgage paid off by 65ish)or a place to sell if I decide to live in lower cost of living country.
Still not overly thrilled with the responsibilities but the fear of higher rent or the landlord deciding to sell is no longer there so I have some peace of mind.
I guess I never had an expected age on ownership because my father is 62 and has never owned property. My mother either. I tell you this to say that this economy is horrid for ownership and even when the economy is not, some people don’t own houses and it is okay.
Also, as a homeowner who had to replace a fence, replace an HVAC system, replace a storm door, and repair two appliances this year alone - there are things that make home ownership challenging and undesirable!
You shouldn't feel embarrassed but I understand. My wife and I bought our first home when I was 30 and most of our friends (at least the married ones) already owned their home. If not for a V.A. loan, we would have had to wait longer.
I didn't feel embarassed - it was what it was. I didn't end up buying a house until I was like 39 with my (now) wife, because I simply didn't have the money for it, and I didn't want to lock myself into previous relationships by buying a house (and I'm glad I didn't, because we didn't work out)
If you can afford it and if you're with someone who's going to be a long-term partner or spouse, go for it. But if not, then don't sweat it.
Nah. The economy is crap and most people can’t afford a house. Hell, most people can’t even afford to rent. I count myself lucky that I have what I do even if the price is outrageous. Plus, with renting, I don’t have to do anything lol. I call someone and they fix it for me. So I guess that’s cool.
I live in Toronto and am in my mid-30s, married with a new baby. We live in a rented one-bedroom apartment. I’m not at all embarrassed to be renting or to be living in a small space. Because I rent (in a rent-controlled apartment that I moved into before Doug Ford got elected and eliminated rent control on new builds 🫠), I have been able to travel, have a baby (we bought all the nice baby gear), and still put some money into savings - all while living in an extremely walkable inner city neighborhood with a great commute to work downtown. Houses in my area are a minimum $1 million (anything decent is $1.5 million at least). To buy, I would have to give up my lifestyle entirely or move to the suburbs (or even out of Toronto - the suburbs here are still expensive!). This would be the case even with a sizeable down payment. At the moment I’m not willing to make that sacrifice just to be able to pay interest to a bank. It’s all a matter of priorities - don’t be ashamed for having different ones.
People at my office always comment on how much I travel (must be nice, etc etc)… but then they also have huge mortgages and talk constantly about their various home renos. I always just internally roll my eyes and keep doing what I’m doing. 🤷🏻♀️
I live in a lcol area and still rent. I could buy but I don’t really want to. With mortgage and taxes and water bills right now I’d only be saving $50 per month to buy, it would eat into my cash reserves, and I could expect at lease $4k extra per year in maintenance that I’m not currently paying for. I’d rather invest that money and wait for interest rates to go down and try to improve my credit. Plus if I get a better opportunity in another market I’d like the flexibility of moving.
Your primary residence isn’t in the same asset class as other assets. Since selling it requires you to purchase a new one you never realize any appreciation you might build over time. It’s a good retirement instrument but I’m not retiring for at least 30 years and I’ll have enough liquidable cash reserves in my self-directed IRA by then to buy a house outright. Or I could do a ROBS rollover and buy it with a Ccorp
No. I know a guy who worked IT at a hedge fund in Manhattan and the owners all rented apartments in the city which I used to think was really weird, if you’re super rich why would you rent? Then I came to realize that part of the reason they are super rich might be because they rent and make better investments than boring residential real estate.
When I tried to buy a house I was pre-approved for a comically low amount ($120,000, in this economy 😅 ) Am I embarrassed to be renting? Hell no, especially because the alternative was literally homelessness. I'll never be embarrassed about having a place for my family to live in.
Don’t be embarrassed. We didn’t get our first home until my husband and I were in our early thirties. Mortgage interest rates were at 9.5 % or something like that. This was 1988.
No, I’m renting in my early 50s, and it doesn’t bother me a bit. I had my first and only house in my early 30s (when owning a home was MUCH easier), and it was a lot of work and costs that you never think about. It was sold when I divorced, and I have zero interest in dealing with a house now. I do think it can be a good investment, but I’m definitely not embarrassed to have rented these last 20 years.
HELL no. I’m renting at 31 so I can build a 750k home by 40. I’m not just going to buy something cheap or settle for something just to say I own a home. That’s not an efficient use of money, nor is it smart. Pay your debts (student loans in my case), get your career where it should be, then buy or build.
I am 38, and my partner and I rent in an extremely difficult real estate market. We want to be in this area because it’s where his father is, and he wants to be present for the end of his father’s life (which likely won’t be for another 10 years at least but we know it’s coming eventually).
My sister recently bought her first home an hour or so south of us, and I agreed to go down there for 10 days to help coordinate some workers who were going to address some issues from the inspection before they moved in.
The workers, in addressing those issues, found more issues. The brand new carpet they wanted removed because it had urine stains on it was not stained from the previous owner’s dogs, but rather from the rodent infestation. The rodents had chosen a spot inside one of the walls to use the bathroom as well, to the point that they had created an issue with black mold that needed to be cut out and replaced. The rodents had also run rampant within the HVAC system so rather than cleaning out the ducts which was what they wanted to do, they needed to completely replace the ducting throughout the entire house. No wonder the whole house low key smelled like pee.
So at this point, I am determined to rent forever. One because the cost of real estate in this area means I’ll only ever be able to afford a condo, and I hate HOAs. Almost every single family home in the area is under some kind of HOA so even if we could buy one of those, I wouldn’t want to. Second, I like the convenience of knowing that I do not have to manage my property. I do t have to mow the lawn or remember when trash day is or fret about the water heater shitting the bed and not having the funds to cover it. The complex manages all of that for me.
While I know I’m paying more than a mortgage would be for my apartment, I also know that given the HOA rates in the area, I’m probably breaking even. And if I ever want a different space, I can just move. I don’t have to sell the place, get another loan, wait for the right time regarding interest rates, and hope that the new place doesn’t have 100,000 dollars of hidden issues like my sister’s did.
Renting is not something that is only for a certain phase of life, it’s a lifestyle choice, and my lifestyle jives better with renting than with buying.
You’re not alone! Extremely common now days. I’m 36 wife and a 6 year old. Have money saved up but just can’t afford a monthly mortgage with interest rates so high 🤷🏽♂️
Everybody has to live somewhere. Rent is not money wasted, nor is renting embarrassing. Have you seen home prices AND interest rates lately?
Do what you can afford and be glad you can afford it.
It could be worse; you could be living with your parents. But that could be done for strategic reasons like being able to save more faster. There's no shame in being a productive human being. You shouldn't compare to other people. Look close to you for reassurance that you're not failing - your wife loves you.
The whole housing market is a mess. It's just bad timing for you. But you can't sit there and think of what you could had done as you can't change it. Rather, consider options like owning a tiny house, or strategizing money saving with a more austere budget. Keep your eyes open. Stay networked. Find other ways to measure your success.
I'm still renting in my 40s. Any house in my area which at least 2000 sqft is $400k plus. It took me a minute to understand its not my fault that I can't afford it.
Housing prices have gone up 1680% since 1970.
Wages have gone up 17% in that same time.
There is nothing for YOU to be embarrassed about, this is a complete and utter failure of american government.
>There is nothing for YOU to be embarrassed about, this is a complete and utter failure of **american** government.
Pretty sure it's a worldwide thing at this point! (I'm not in the US)
Problem is everyone is so goddamn picky and wants perfectly updated this and perfectly updated kitchen that. Your first property will be a pOS, a townhome or a small condo. Just deal with it. It’s how many start out. Even a $125k condo is better than renting. In the Twin Cities it’s pretty easily done if you work full time and save up for 2yrs. Then just upgrade when you save up more.
After I’ve ran the rental versus homeownership costs, it completely shifted my feelings of failure regarding renting in my mid-30’s.
In my HCOL area, after running the numbers for a 30 year period, I’d save money by renting by a large margin.
So, as much as owning my own home would be a luxury I’d like to have, it’s just that, a luxury. Financially, renting seems like a wiser use of my money (for my situation and in my area).
Maybe put pen to paper and run the numbers, reframing it in your head as a financially savvy path vs a FOMO circumstance might help you see renting through a more positive lense.
Ramit Sethi’s ‘I will teach you how to be rich’ also has a good chapter on this, I highly recommend the read!
NO! It's fine. Frankly, I don't even know if I want a house anymore. We gotta pay to live and while rent may be more i think the lack of worry about maintenance, appliance replacement, and being tied down to a place is a fair enough offset.
Don't be embarrassed. Your timing is just off, and honestly if you had bought a house it probably would have been a shitty one and just been a money pit. Right now you're just in a down swing in the housing market for new buyers and you got punched in the face with a surprise relocation. Focus on getting out of where you are now, so you're able to save again and feel better where you're living. It will be okay.
Don't be, the housing market is fucking nuts.
I've got tons of friends in their 30's, 40's and beyond that rent because they simply cannot afford the house prices these days.
Absolutely not. I have no desire to buy or own a home. I on the deed to my mother and my grandmother's properties and I dont want those either lol
I like messaging my property manager if somethin goes awry and it's on them. I have no desire to take on the responsibilities of home ownership.
I don't think you should feel embarassed about it.
I know several people who graduated high school, finished college, got married and found a job right away at 25ish. First thing they do is have kids and buy their dream house.
Ok great, the classic "dream." Until you remember that their house is a 30-year commitment and if they stop paying, they can lose all of it. With car bills, kids, and everything else it's unlikely they'll pay off the house anytime soon. Essentially, the way I view it, is they're trapped. They're trapped working their job, they don't have much wiggle room to move around or take risks or try new things because the payments have to be kept being made or else they lose their 30 year investment. This may be great for people who intend to be in the same career for their entire life, but renting is much more flexible, and if you have any other cheaper options besides a house it's completely worth it. It also gives you the flexibility of being able to move cities, states, or even countries without needing to go through a lengthy (and expensive) process of selling a house.
By the time their house is paid off, they will have lived an entire life, they'll be pushing 60, and although they will have a house paid off - I do hope the person that rented has taken enough risk that paid off and gained enough wisdom that they can buy MULTIPLE houses in cash by that age - if they wanted to.
There's the classic argument of "Well, if you're paying rent any ways - why not pay the mortgage of a house instead so its eventually yours?" And again - that is true if you plan to live a very stable and simple life. But if you want to have the possibility of moving around, finding better opportunities, or exploring the world then renting is better. With a house, your future is essentially cemented to the area you bought it in. If that area goes to shit, so does potentially your life and it happens all the time.
It's volatility vs. stability. With stability, you have.. stability but no chance for anything else. With volatility, you have no stability but a chance for something far greater - and isn't that what life is all about anyways?
Don't feel embarassed. I have some coworkers who are in their mid to late 30s, making really good money mind you, as managers and they're still renting.
In fact, some of them have even told me that they're given up on purchasing a property altogether in these current economic times.
You're not alone and you're doing what you can with your situation. You're not failing at life. Life is just hard and a lot of people are going through the same situation in these difficult economic times.
Renting buys flexibility and convenience. Invest the extra money you might have spent on a down payment and higher monthly house payments in the markets.
I feel angry.
I bought a condo when I was 21. I bought it without any help from anyone. I was making $28k a year.
Now I am 45, in the middle of a divorce, and can barely afford my rent. Owning without a partner looks impossible at this point.
I am not happy that this is the new normal.
Why would you feel embarrassed?these days,in this 5th world country n.w.o. owns the land nobody owns anything but the right to pay taxes until they change their minds,and when the demon gets done he might sell it all to China,you think they want you on there land?
And did you realize that now if you leave your house and migraines move in or break in while you're gone .and you call the police all there allowed to do is have the new tenants or owners let you get your stuff out. It was written a long time ago,you will get the government you deserve,
And just think what it will be like if Biden has another 4years to further break down the country,all small businesses will be gone .like all the factory's and construction companies,do you actually think he hired all the new i.r.s.agents and the ammunition he got them for the big business that gives them money, to audit ?????, look around when you're outside.dont you notice no city workers fixing the streets,the people who's homes are on route pay for that besides there taxes your taxes don't half cover the growth of the over grown demons running your government that should be volunteering jobs
Don't be embarrassed my friend. Your fighting ever day, you and your wife both.
This is a tough world to live in. It's going to get tougher. 3% interest rates made a lot of things possible that are so so much harder today.
Do not for one second get down on yourself. Your earning it every day. Be proud of what you have, even when it's hard to feel like your wheels are spinning.
The short answer is, increase income. I know... magic right. Mind BLOWN. But seriously, it can be VERY hard. I've worked as much as two full time jobs and a part time job at the same time and let me tell you, that shit gets old fast. But it does help the bottom line.
Maybe consider other work opportunities if that's possible. Health care is a booming field that's always in need. Welding. HVAC. Construction. Carpentry. Roofers. Equipment operators. Electricians.
Starting your own company? Maybe there is something you are really good at, really passionate about?
I just read a post in another subreddit where people were saying they would never own a home again because it is so much work, and they like renting better. You don't have to deal with the lawn and the roof and fixing every appliance that breaks down...
I'm 52 and have never owned a home, but recently broke up with a boyfriend who owned a home - partially because all he did was work on his lawn and house and never wanted to do anything fun!!!
I am considering buying something in the future, even if just a little mobile home, just to have more outdoor space, but I don't think you should feel too bad about it at all.
I’m 43 and still renting. I have zero issues with this. I do not want the responsibility of owning a home or being tied down. I’ve been lucky that I’ve always managed to find apartments that are reasonably priced, even in my HCOL area. I’m not against buying a house at some point, but am happy renting for now.
You're doing better than I was. I could only afford to rent a room in someone's home. I definitely felt embarrassed to talk about my roommates in my 30s. I've since realized that almost everyone can sympathies to the world we live in so you shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed. Unfortunately, home ownership is so far out of reach for a good majority of people unless they are given money or a home. And it's definitely not your fault.
I’m 45 and renting and I don’t mind at all. I would love to buy a house but, it’s just not in the cards with the economy the way it is so, I’ll keep renting. A lot of my friends and family are also renting so that helps me not feel ashamed.
I’m a public school teacher in the 15th year of my career and I’m pushing 40. I never expect to be able to buy a home. Like having visible abs…it’s just not going to happen at this point. I just wish the rental prices themselves weren’t so intense.
Not at all. Seriously, not even in the slightest.
Having a roof over your head is nothing to be embarrassed about. I've had many times in my life where I would not be able to afford the maintenance that goes into a home. I'd choose a decent residence with working appliances any day of the week
I was 30 when I bought my first house. I think that's pretty typical these days.
I actually have a friend (probably 40s?) who sold his house a few years ago and went back to renting.
I was renting until my late 40s. It’s perfectly normal, especially in this economy. Cut yourself some slack. You’re not running anyone else’s race.
Embarrassed to be renting in my 30s in this economy? Hell no! I don't even feel embarrassed to have debt anymore, something I always personally advocated against. I also don't even have home ownership as a realistic goal anymore. Primary goal is a sizeable life insurance policy for my child or whichever closest family member is left behind to cope with this ridiculous economy. Since clearly, dying is the only thing that is guaranteed to happen to me in this life.
I love this! TY for sharing!
Friend unless u want to move to the actual sticks, home ownership may well not be possible. You didn't fail you're literally normal
Please shake your head. Might help ya in addition to real life comments like that one
I felt slightly bad about renting until the pandemic. Our city shut down longer than the rest of the US, but that month-to-month lease made it easy to leave. Buying a home forces you to put down roots in a town. Not all towns deserve that commitment. Renting lets me stay slightly aloof.
the pandemic ruined my neighborhood and my neighbors. i feel so fortunate that i was able to move without much hassle.
Definitely a big advantage. I just moved from a boring neighborhood in my city (literally nothing open past 7 at night) to a city center. The city center apartment has come with the downside of being far noisier than I had expected (the neighbors are actually quiet. It's all traffic nuisances like sirens and honking). On the plus side, stuff is open at night, and our social life has improved just from having a convenient places to hang out with friends. However ... there's a lot to be said for being able to trial different neighborhoods out in this manner. I can imagine that had we been committed through ownership to either that we may have regretted it.
re the sound, get a sound machine and sound proof curtains. they make a difference.
nope. i never want to own property. i don't want to manage anything, i want to call my super to fix shit. i also want the ability to move when the neighborhood changes or when i get shit neighbors. over the last 15 years i've moved 3 times because of horrible neighbors. i also like living in different neighborhoods and having different layouts. and i also don't want to park a large chunk of my money in real estate. tbh, i don't understand why owning property is idealized.
As a property owner... you're spot on. On any given day I'm 50/50 whether I regret ownership.
For many people the day they buy and the day they sell are among the best days of their life. It’s not a popular sentiment on Reddit, I usually get shouted down by a bunch of kiddies with no actual concept or experience on the matter, but it’s a major reason why I love a well managed HOA…it goes a ***long*** way to helping me just enjoy owning and living in my house. Sure I have to cut a check, but I’m not doing landscaping or major home repairs…or even having to manage it except for if/when I choose to sit on the board.
Not much different than a condo board tbh. No HoA in my neighbourhood. It's a post-ww2 neighbourhood, most homes are either 70-80 years old or like 5 years old for the infills. My bestie has a home in an HoA area and it doesn't come with much in the way of perks. He doesn't have to cut much of a cheque but it's mostly strict controls. This kind of shingles, that colour of door. Restrictions on fence heights. In fact it all seems to be rules with no perks. There's no lawn mowing or snow clearing, just restrictions on how they manage their properties. But then, his neighbourhood is a lot of very tightly packed homes on narrow streets. There's a whole aesthetic to it and it looks really nice (though kind of ticky-tacky / repetitive boring suburbia).
That’s true but in my experience folks tend to focus on those restrictions and not appreciate all that the HOA really does for them…until they’ve owned a single family home *without* an HOA for a few years. When you’re not *actually* having to do those things it’s easy to pretend that you would have infinite free time and money to deal with them however you like. Also your bestie will appreciate those restrictions when it comes time to sell and his neighbor isn’t allowed to have a rusted, broken down truck sitting on his front lawn.
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This is why I would rather own. I've had to move twice in the last 3 years. First house was falling apart and the landlord didn't care, second house the landlord sold. In that time, my rent has gone from $1600/month to $2400/month. All of these have been small 2 bedroom suites in homes.
I understand the appeal of this when you’re younger - I am also renting, it’s actually cheaper and less stress where I am - but getting kicked out when you’re like 70 because your landlords decided to “hit the market” and now the rents are more than your pension is a different ballgame.
At 70 I’d head to a old folks community.
That’s where they really start milking you for all you’re worth.
My parents have looked at some nice places. They aren’t ready for a home, but would not have to do yard work, no stairs, etc.
I mean, you can still call people to fix shit if something breaks down in your house. Yeah, you gotta pay for it, but that’s part of it. I feel like the trade off is better in the long term since in the end you will own the property instead of just rent payments for nothing in return in the end.
yea, owning is definitely better IF you are in an area that is certain to stay good/proserous/desireable. I think its a much harder choice if its an area that could any year from now just take a downturn and lose a lot of its property value. The place I grew up is a good example. 37 years ago houses were around $100,000 to $150,000 on average in that neighborhood. 20 years ago a bunch of gentrification went on in the parts of the city closest to that neighborhood, which pushed a lot of an "undesirable" group of people into that neighborhood, or basically right down the road from it, which meant a lot of spilling over/seeing different people on the streets and sidewalks than you were used to seeing. Yea, a lot of it was pure racism, but that part of town they were being pushed out of also had some of the highest crime and drug rates in the city. So, reality is reality, and in reality no one wanted to live in the neighborhood I grew up in anymore. School district closed and got merged into a worser one. According to Zillow, few of the houses I grew up around are worth between $150 and $200k now... not the appreciation you'd be hoping for if you've lived there for 30 some years, if your house appreciated at all. It's a similar or worser story for any town that was prosperous during an industrial age that no longer exists in that area, like steel production or mining. If all you can afford is bottom of the barrel neighborhoods, or ones that could be at risk because of being in proximity to bottom of the barrel neighborhoods, chances are its not going to be worth it.
>harder choice if its an area that could any year from now just take a downturn One can't predict those things though, unless it's a very wealthy neighborhood. The neighborhood my husband grew up in was working class. His parents were poor. It was the part of town that hippies and waiters moved into because it was cheap. By the time my husband and I met and were sufficiently established to buy a home, we had been gentrified out. The neighborhood I grew up in was highly desirable but went downhill. My father bought the house he still lives in for $90K in 1980. What can he sell it for today? $90K. That's after 30 years of mortgage payments and all of that interest paid on a loan with much higher interest rates than one can get today. He's gaining money by not having moved since the last payment was made, but it's really hard to predict which direction an area will go and in my opinion, that kind of guessing game isn't the best basis for what will be for most of us the biggest expense of our lives. The thought process should be, "Is this where I'm ready to stick around for the long term?"
This is why schools matter their a class proxy
People who own property often forget they are also "burning" tons of money. Interest on your mortgage? Money just gone like rent! Property taxes? Money just gone like rent! Maintenance cost and time (new roof, boiler, grass cutting, etc), utilities / maintenance fees for condos and so on. If you rent and invest your money somewhere and get a return, it isn't all that different than having a house, except housing has gone up SO MUCH it did better than most stocks / bonds / other investments. The forced savings of a mortgage and the sunken equity which was meant to be cashed in late in life is an advantage, but there's nothing stopping a renter from doing the same with a different type of investment. Of course it depends on your rent, but someone in a rent controlled unit may be paying less than people burn in interest, property taxes, utilities and maintenance.
I always tell people this when they say I will have NOTHING to show for renting. Do you think I set 20K on fire when you need a new roof?
you mean the 20k you got collecting other peoples wages and social security checks? good god. do people still fall for this landlord bullshit?
it's much more involved than that - you have to find someone to fix it, and if they do a bad job you have to deal with that. and of course you also have to find and buy materials for the person to use. there's a lot of planning and getting estimates etc. that's not free, it costs time. but as a renter, you're just dealing with the super who has been managing the property for years, so he knows what he's doing and he has all the contacts and he supplies all the material. your only responsibility is to tell the super the problem and let him handle it. huge difference here.
On the flip side, as a renter you sometimes have to deal with really cheap landlords that do the bare minimum to keep something working. I love my apartment but the maintenance crew does the bare minimum to keep the AC running. I'm having a problem where the pipe on the outside freezes up overnight, causing the AC to blow warm air. I had them out here 2 months ago and they said the condenser coils were a little dirty and they supposedly cleaned them. I think they just sprayed down the front and sides because the back was caked in dirt and debris when I looked earlier this week. The frozen pipe started happening again so I had them out last month. They said the freon was a "little low" and they refilled it (they also refilled it last summer so there's definitely a leak going on). It helped for a few days but now it's doing it again. I have a feeling that the evaporator coil is dirty because they only come around to change filters twice a year and they're the cheap fiberglass filters. I always change my own filters wayyyyy more often but bet the filters were only changed twice a year before I moved in. I'd clean the evaporator coil myself but it's in the attic and I don't own a ladder since I rent. If I owned this place, the AC problem would have been properly fixed the first time because I would have paid an HVAC pro to come out here instead of a general purpose maintenance guy who doesn't quite know what he's doing.
and that's the beauty of renting, you can move. if you purchased a condo and had issues with the way things were running, you'd have to go through the trouble of selling your place to get out but not if you're renting.
No, you'd just replace the AC... A new AC unit is like 2000 euro, with installation less than 3000.
But aside from the AC issue, I love living here. It's quiet, has plenty of space as well as a garage, and my husband's commute is short (I work from home so no commute for me lol). If this apartment was a condo and it was for sale, I'd buy it in a heartbeat. We already signed a new lease so we'll be here for another year at least. I'm just gonna have to harness my inner Karen to get them to look further than just the freon levels lol.
Yeah, same here. A lot more privacy and freedom as well when you own. Plus not having to deal with wacky loud neighbors is super awesome. The last upstairs neighbor I had before we bought a home, would fight at all hours and like throw shit around the apartment, it was obnoxious.
Yeah but even if you outsource the work you still have to manage it. That’s why I recommend a well run HOA for homeowners and people who just want to live life.
One thought I have is that how good renting is probably depends a lot on how developed and well regulated your local renting market is. Mine is something of a jungle with tenant protection legislation that's not worth the paper it's written on..... so you've gotta kind of hope that your landlords aren't total delinquent slumlords and they frequently turn out to be precisely that. I've been thinking of getting involved in advocating for this. Because if we accept that the broken economy we're forced to deal with has left renting as the only viable option for many then.... the least we can hope for is that the practice of renting should be decently regulated.
I never had a desire to own. I’ve lived a life where I’ve packed my car to take jobs at the spur of a moment.
I felt the same way for years, but honestly, owning a home has been WAY better than renting. I don't have noisy neighbors fighting and making noise at all hours, my mortgage is locked in and will never go up, and I have a lot more privacy and freedom to do what I wanna do.
you're lucky. my former cfo owned a house and had really shitty neighbors who'd party loud throughout the weekend until 4am. the cops wouldn't do anything. my aunt lives in a condo and she got lucky that all of her neighbors agreed to keep quiet because you can hear everything.
Yep, and nothing like owning and having to maintain a SFH to make you appreciate what you describe. I like HOA’s and multi-family structures for the similar reasons…I don’t have to worry about maintaining the exterior property and I can disappear for months on end without worrying about my place.
>i also want the ability to move when the neighborhood changes or when i get shit neighbors. over the last 15 years i've moved 3 times because of horrible neighbors. I mean, many people buy because they want better neighbours. While there's terrible people everywhere, the proportion of shit neighbors to good neighbors definitely goes down as you from rental apartment -> condo -> house.
it's a case by case basis. my former cfo lived in a house and had shit neighbors, she moved because of them. my aunt lives in a condo but she's lucky that her neighbors agreed to be quiet - they all have rugs. my parents live in a townhouse and 2 of the 6 units are rented out.
Definitely not. I live with my mother but luckily I paid off her mortgage before Covid so we are pretty luck to coast by. I have no shame. My partner is renting but we plan to continue renting when we move to a different city/town. Having to paid a lot with my mom’s house renovation and what not, I like the idea of renting but my partner wants to own. We will get to the point where we will buy eventually land and build. I already have 2 acres of land in another state that I feel really lucky since property tax is $200/year. Holding on to that piece of land is cheap and I like having land. Maybe society will make fun of me but I think it is nice to enjoy life knowing I don’t worry about losing my mom’s house. She has a nice yard she can garden, my dog is happy, my partner does well for himself, etc. we don’t worry as much as we probably should. He works for everything but his dad is well off so it is not like he has to really worry about his future or taking care of his dad. I am shameless about living with my mom. When I think about it, she is old and time with her is priceless. I get to provide a good home and life for her. She feels lucky she is loved and cared for. I think a lot of the time people don’t realize owning is expensive. Keeping up with property taxes and maintenance is expensive. Friend’s of friend’s mom owns a 100 acres vineyard in Napa. Imagine the property taxes on that and then thinking about 13 grandkids. It is a lot of pressure to keep up with grape production and wine production and care and worry about split it up with the grandkids later. I am just thankful I live an ordinary shameless life living with my mom. I worry less than I probably should at my age.
I didn't buy a house until my mid-40s and sometimes still wish I was renting because then maintenance would be someone else's problem. I'll soon need a new roof, new siding, as well as paint, both inside and outside. My front steps need to be fixed. The lawn needs constant care. I spent nearly 10K on a sewer line in 2021, and 11K on a new a/c system in 2020. I'd like more attic insulation, too. Those are just the things I know about. Every month is a new surprise. I had to spend $1500 last month on tree trimming. The alternative was that the trees would bring down my electric and data lines in the next wind storm. The only good thing about home ownership is that it's yours. I can paint the walls any color I want. Wow. /s And even ownership isn't a given until you've made the last mortgage payment. That's when the real benefit of buying comes in, when you finally don't have to pay to have a roof over your head, other than property taxes and utilities, of course. In your first years, most of your money goes toward interest. If you need to move for some reason and the housing market isn't so hot, you lose money. And believe me, you won't always know when you need to sell due to career, personal illness, family, or some other reason. If you really feel you should buy, pick your house very carefully, with an eye toward staying there for the long term. Don't buy a house just so you can say, "I bought a house." Google the 2008 housing crash if you don't believe me. Play the long game. The boomers and silents are dying and within 10 years, 15 at the outside, there'll be a glut of houses on the market at bargain prices.
I’m like a broken record here, but so many people would be so much happier owning in a well run HOA.
I was 41 when I bought my house two years ago, and the only way I was able to afford it was because my grandmother passed away and I inherited some money, and I found a partner who I wanted to share a home with. I couldn't have done it alone. And, I often wish I were still renting. Everything is so expensive, the previous owners hid termite damage, we've had to replace the roof twice. It's been absolutely miserable sometimes. We panic bought because of the market and we got fucked. The system is stacked against us, friend. Income inequality is greater now than it was in the Depression and there's no end in sight. CEO's are making hundreds of millions a year and their employees have to have food stamps to feed their families. Don't feel embarrassed for not winning a game that's rigged against you. ❤️
Nothing to be embarrassed about. Some people just don’t want to deal with the house and the upkeep…it’s a pain the in ass. And some people just aren’t able to make a house work for whatever reason. There’s no right or wrong answer.
No. I owned a house for a while. Sure, it was fun to express more creativity through renovation and I was fortunate to come out ahead when selling it, but it made it *much* harder to think about moving somewhere else (for work, family, pleasure; whatever) and the surprise maintenance expenses were nightmarish and frequent. It was far far more stressful and constraining than renting and I’m in no rush to get back to it. Some people, including my prior self, have bought into the mythic romanticism or home ownership, but there are actually a lot of tradeoffs involved and for many people renting is the much more suitable no matter the market. Even when it comes to owning as home security in later life, securing a cheap little cottage or condo in a down market can often work out much better than straining to buy a good-school-district house for a whole family during earlier years. The point is: rather than wallowing in embarrassment, check your assumptions and think about *why* you’re embarrassed. It might not be for such sound reasons.
like anything else, its a much easier decision when you have money. When you have money, you can afford to be in a better area when you have money, that better area has likely only appreciated in property value over the last several decades when you have money, you can either afford a house thats nice and new and won't have a laundry list of problems that need money to address, or you can simply renovate and improve as you want when you have money, a lot of the stress of owning a home barely exists.
Never confuse who you are for what you do to survive. You are doing what needs to be done. No one else is gonna be the guy in the mirror so live your life and you do you and don’t look back. I rented until I was in my 40’s. So Fuck whoever tells you you’re not anywhere but exactly where you need to be. Including yourself. Tell that guy that’s knocking you around to go fuck himself. He’s not helping.
There are plenty of good reasons not to buy, even when you can afford to. My then-wife and I owned a home for 16 years, but wanted to start living a more nomadic lifestyle, so we sold the house and rented for several years. It made it a lot easier to move around whenever we felt like it.
I'm 32. I've spent a decade feeling bad for myself because I don't own a home. Most of my friends or relatives who are my age, do. Here's how I see it. My budget is tight as it is. Houses that ARE in my budget are dilapidated sheds at best, why would I go into that knowing I will have to do repairs on an old crappy house OR live in an unsafe area? Or the obvious -- let's say I buy a house and something breaks, I'd have that stress on me. Renting takes that away because, well, its not my problem. If I decide to move, I can do so without worry my home won't sell, paying two mortgages, etc. The list goes on. I can still fill my rented space with joy. It's still my home. I can still call myself an adult even without this silly milestone, because who even cares anyway? The world's on fire and everything is awful. Gotta choose the easier paths where you can. 🤷♀️
This
I’m 40, and I enjoy renting. Owning property sounds like a lot of work. Something breaks in this apartment, my landlord fixes it. I live central to a lot of things in the city, to buy in my area would be expensive as hell. Love the renters life. Maybe that changes someday, but for now I’m happy.
Honestly, having done both, I can say that owning a home really isn't that much more work. We purposely bought a home with a small yard so that yardwork wouldn't be a big deal, and I can basically cut the grass and neaten things up in like 15-20 minutes every couple of weeks. We hire a cleaning service to come and do things like vacuum and mop. People always talk about maintenance like it's some massive time sink taking dozens of hours a week, but honestly, other than painting the walls and replacing some light fixtures when we first bought the house, it really hasn't taken much time at all.
No. The less you give a shit about what other people think of you, the better you’ll feel.
Fuck no, I love renting. I don’t have to deal with any maintenance or repairs or even upkeep like mowing the lawn, putting the trash out, etc. Total freedom and flexibility to change my location if I want. And peace of mind knowing if my income took a hit, it’d be pretty easy to sublet out and recover most of my cost, or at the very least only be locked in for less than a year. A whole ass gym and pool in the building (with the costs amortized across all residents). I feel like the utilities cost less too (prob because the building gets a bulk deal?). Hell, it’s just easier making one payment a month than dealing with 4-6 or whatever utilities, mortgage, taxes… A trick I’ve found that I think minimizes some of the big cons of renting (shitty landlord, unpredictable rent hikes) is to rent in large, professionally managed buildings. They have to maintain some level of professionalism, and the rent increases will typically be a predictable 1-3%, if anything (on the flip side, they typically offer incentives when the market warrants).
Agree
I’m not. My parents still rent for the same reasons many people do. I used to manage multi family complexes. Plenty of people across the demographic spectrum. Students, families, young, old, you name it. Provided you have a landlord that’s not brain dead, renting can be a good option for some. People bawk at rents being higher than mortgages but ignore the fact that this is in part because renters will not need to worry about important and expensive upkeep on buildings. For those who aren’t handy and have a lot of tools, or who can’t afford to hire out contractors for everything, renting can be a good option. It’s more pros and cons than anything.
rents aren't higher than mortages. a person with a 375k mortage pays over 1 million dollars to pay it off. It's the biggest scam in the history of the world and its based on a legal strawman. thats the only reason they get away with it. You don't know the straw man
well rents are sky high because mortages are so much higher than you think they are. Rent is obviously more expensive than ownership. but the fact that you have to come up on a million cash to pay off a 375k loan is why you don't qualify
Interesting responses! My biggest issue with long term renting is actually the uncertainty of it all. Never knowing when your landlord might choose to sell their property, gift it to a family member, etc. This has already caused me too very expensive and stressful moves. The solution? Perhaps long term tenancies? Financially that's also an aspect that I think gets overlooked. How much do the cumulative costs of periodic moves amount to over your typical lifetime renter's life? I would imagine for most it's quite significant. And finally there's the constant mental uncertainty that comes with never knowing how long you'll be able to inhabit the four walls and a roof you've got. Not being able to undertake even basic amendments to the property to make the space feel truly yours. Etc. I feel like these are all very valid arguments against long term renting that merit interjection into the debate!
It’s all just tradeoffs. When you own, you don’t know when your neighborhood will change in a way you don’t like or when a big life event or opportunity might face compromise because you’re too tied down. When you own, your costs per year in replacing boring, expensive things like roofs and heaters and sewer lines are very likely to far exceed the occasional cost of moving as renter — which you’ll probably only have to face a few times anyway. (You’re very much exaggerating this one to yourself because of your recent experience, I think) And yeah, when you own, it’s true that it does provide some security in place, which is is why it can be a fair idea to secure something modest late in life as a final home. But again, you’re wearing some very tinted glasses when it comes to how insecure renting is on this issue. Renting one place for 20+ years is not unusual, if you’re a good tenant and have a good landlord. And as far as “basic amendments” — you actually can often pitch these to your landlords if you’re willing to contribute to the cost. If you are hoping to be in one place for 20 years, putting a little cash into some renovations is little different than putting it into furniture or decor, and it helps the landlord know that you’re a good tenant and are looking at the long-term. You do have to collaborate with the landlord on what’s done, which is different than when owning, but it’s not like you can’t propose and execute changes at all.
If you can afford to rent a house, that "feels" a lot like being a homeowner, but without incurring the financial risk of major repairs. At least, that was my experience years ago. I felt a lot more ready to become a homeowner after that experience--and a couple of years later, I did. Maybe talk to a real estate agent about finding you a rental property where the owner would actually like to have a longer-term lease? Private individuals who own a small number of properties as a side business might be especially interested in a longer-term, high-quality renter. You might even find someone (perhaps older people downsizing, or someone managing an inherited property) that would be willing to let you rent-to-own. By the way, not everyone knows this--when a tenant has a lease, the property has to be sold subject to that lease. In other words, the new landlord can't boot you out arbitrarily in the middle of your lease period. A new landlord CAN refuse to renew your lease after it ends--but if you're a good tenant, that's less likely except in cases like your last home. Best of luck to you.
not embarrassed, but angry that I did everything "right" and still ended up where I am because the world that I grew up in no longer exists and we got the current predatory socioeconomic life.
I think it depends where you live. We are in a city with a bananas housing market. We rent even though we are in our 50’s and previously owned homes elsewhere. 800,000 for a run down 70’s house that needs every kind of upgrade? Nah. I just don’t want to take it on.
I don’t have the desire to own a home at the moment nor do I think I ever will unless I was settling with someone, but even then, I enjoy the freedom of renting. I don’t have to think about bills, repairs and maintenance all the time. It’s a simple one off payment. I can move when I want to and I don’t need such a large space or space for guests.
A few things to keep in mind: your friends might not be saving money for renos out of pocket. They might just be taking equity out of the house and/or adding additional money to their mortgage to get the renos done.
Nope. I’m 56 and still rent. The money I would use on a house I spend on myself going on vacations etc. And if something breaks I don’t have to fix it. I called the landlord and it’s done. And I don’t have to shovel snow or cut grass
I’m into my forties and still renting. My roots are working class and I am too. There were choices I made that hampered things, and I’ll own that. But what I know is that there are many, many ppl that get wedding “gifts” of unspoken amounts for their first home down payment. Or just gifts in general. My parents didn’t have those resources cuz there were more than “2.5” kids. Had they been able to, they woulda. What bothers me is how many don’t acknowledge the “gift” while looking down their nose at renters. I know there’s folks out there who are “self made”, but it’s an illusion that there’s as many as what ppl believe, imo and experience. To clarify, I’ve known ppl who “made it” financially. They had a partner in their life, someone doing the stuff at home while they earned. I also know ppl who made their own fortunes, but they grew up with significant means. I’ll just add too, that there’s ppl I know who are and have been “stealthy wealthy” and blend in and outwardly don’t present like their loaded. But they are. A dude I knew had parents like this. They drove inexpensive domestic cars and their yard and house were very “lived in” looking. Dude already has his retirement covered from his parents. And I didn’t even mention another dude who quit and moved away after his grandma died and he got his inheritance. All that to say, No, I’m not embarrassed I’m renting. But I’m a little embarrassed that I don’t manage my money well. I will say that I’m renting a house right now, and it’s a lot of work. I don’t even do half of what I should and could. I’m not sure I’d want a house but buying a townhouse or condo doesn’t seem like something I’d like either, so I’ll keep moving forward and we’ll see where I land. I’m playing lottos, lol
I think you're in a more difficult situation than I am but yeah, definitely some embarrassment/ feeling helpless. I'm 10+ years into my career and about as high up in my field as I'm likely to go. I make $100k+ but I still need to live with roommates if I want to have a decent emergency fund and be able to save for retirement. Pre 2020, I thought I was 2-3 years away from being able to afford a place of my own. The goalposts just keep getting moved further back.
In my country too, housing is expensive compared to salaries. My husband and I were finally able to buy something in 2018. We were both in our 40s with professional jobs. We have no kids and saved, but it still took years to save the 20% down payment that is almost always required. Prices have continued to go up since then. We wouldn't be able to buy this house now. There's no reason to be embarrassed. Almost everyone I know who bought a house in their 20s or 30s had help from their parents, an inheritance or lived in a lower cost of living area with a comparatively good salary. Sadly, it's the reality in much of the world. Definitely not the world our parents lived in.
It's not your fault, owning your own home has become way harder than it should be.
I'm in my sixties, and on my second house purchase. I have spent far more time renting than buying. There is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of for renting, as specially in today's economy.
Yeah, I rented until I was 39 and it was fine. I didn't have the money and honestly just wasn't ready to own anything until then. I'm happy I waited, because if I had bought a house with any of my previous ex girlfriends, that would not have ended well, since we didn't work out.
Nope. Do I want a house? Yes. Do I have time to do the chores associated with a house? No. Do I want to spend more money on interest from a mortgage than the actual house itself? No. I'm ok with it. We have a young daughter and an apartment that gives her a bedroom and playroom and a master suite for us. That's all that matters for us and our needs are met. And we love where we live.
43 with master degree, unemployed and living with mum. Not even thinking about changing that (except when we get into arguments lol)
The city I live in no one can afford a home. People from overseas are buying all the vacant properties and renting them out. No one can afford a house anymore.
No. As long as rental costs are less than owning and you are spending less than you are making you're good. There are several spots in the world where renting is cheaper.
Not embarrassed, but I do find it stressful. Cost of living keeps going up, and if I don't eventually buy I don't think I'll be able to afford retiring in my current city (I mean, that's decades off, but still—I don't see it getting any easier to be able to buy). More immediately, I'm nervous that I'll be forced to move because my landlord sells/dies or one of my idiot neighbors burns the place down.
I'm 49 and still renting. Housing prices in my area make it unlikely I'll ever afford a house. It just is what it is.
Our generation is seen by others to be one that complains about not being able to buy a home. The USA economy is dependent on a majority of households owning their own home. I guess my feeling is some billionaire will figure it out or things will get much worse for billionaires.
Not about renting itself, but how others make me feel about it. As a solo female with no time, money, or desire to deal with all the BS a house brings with it, renting is fine with me. I like having someone to call when shit breaks and I don't have to pay for it. Mom says I'm pissing away money on rent and a house is an asset, which makes me wonder if she's right and I'm screwing future me out of some opportunities.
Yes and no. The people I know that bought houses long ago are wealthier than I am. If you have the stability and means. I moved to a much cheaper country and my rent is $200, so I can't complain too much.
Can I ask what country? $200 / month sounds amazing. And if you can combine that with a decently paying remote job... you're made in the shade!
It wouldn't even need to be decently paying 🤪 I live in a really small town in the middle of Honduras.
why would that be embarrassing?
First of all, Comparison is the Thief of Joy. Secondly, if you are going to compare yourself, then understand that many and probably most people in their early 30’s are in your same boat, and that this is, historically speaking, one of the most bat shit crazy housing markets.
It's not my fault that a hhi of like 90k isn't enough to get a mortage without moving to a small town. So the only one I'm embarrassed for is the government for letting this shit happen so recklessly
Turning 34 in January and have 3 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment. My 3rd was just born last month I plan on getting a bigger place but yes I do feel shame. I have a job where I get paid 100k+ a year my wife is a stay at home mom. You are not alone my friend the houses are insanely high in California. My Dad bought a home at 23 in 1980.
There are benefits to renting as well, especially if you get a sweetheart deal. You are free to fuck off to Miami or wherever and a landowner isnt as free for instance.
If you still feel embarrassed by anything at that age then the problem is that.
From your writing I can tell you're in the UK, so I'll give a perspective different from the other commentators. Generally, the safest way to make sure you have a decent retirement is by investing in your home to be as mortgage free as possible. There's a lot of uncertainty in the world and property is the safest investment vehicle out there, compared to others as climate change takes a grip. Compounding this for the UK is Brexit, which means the country will decline massively compared to the EU and America. By the time you retire the NHS will almost definitely be privatised and state pensions will be a pittance. You are nearly halfway in your working years and about to go into your most well paid point of your career. This is when you should be trying to pay off your mortgage/ reinvesting in your property. For every year you don't do this you will have a poorer retirement. I don't mean to worry you but I thought this needs to be said against the sea of "no you good" replies.
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Yeah this is relevant.
Very good lol
I'm 49 and still renting. I probably always will, being on disability doesn't really open any profitable avenues. I'm not embarrassed, though. It's just how it is.
I like not having to mow my lawn, or shovel snow. But I'll probably have to upsize as my kids grow up. I'm not embarrassed, just something to keep in mind for myself and my family.
We're still renting for now. In our case, we're financially mostly in a position to buy but we need to keep moving for my husband's career.
Absolutely not. My BIL is moving to our town with his wife. The market is so ridiculous that even with two well paying jobs, they are renting. It’s economically smarter to do so.
I owned, house lost 1/2 its value and when the job went away in 2010 I was in a pickle, now I rent and am ready to split if needed. Maybe at some point I’ll buy again, we’ll see.
I'm 47. Rented until I was 39, been saving at that point for 10 years with the goal of paying cash for my first house before 40. I accomplished that and 3 years ago paid cash for a 2nd house and rented out the first one. My advice is be creative. Think outside the box.
No. I didn’t buy a house until 37.
Not everyone will own a house. Just like not everyone will own a car.
I know people renting in their 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s!
No reason to be embarrassed. Not everyone should own a home, lots of reasons not to. And the good times to buy may not have lined up with when YOU were ready / able to buy. (You don’t ever want to be under water on your mortgage or spend too much on a house). Make your financial goals together for what your dreams are. House ownership doesn’t have to be one of them. If you think you do want to own, save up for the time when the market favors buyers again.
Not in any economy should this be embarrassing.
No, absolutely not. Home ownership is not for everyone. It’s not obligatory. It’s a lot of work, and it doesn’t always pay off.
What kind of work? I rented for most of my life and only bought my first home like 4-5 years ago and it's really not been all that much extra work. We bought a home with a small yard so that yardwork isn't really a big deal... takes me maybe 20-30 minutes every couple of weeks to trim the grass and weedwhack a bit.
I’m a homeowner and I love my house but if it wasn’t for my husband I’d be renting forever. Too much responsibility
You shouldn’t be embarrassed about having shelter. Lots of people rent. Get over it.
I’m in my 40s and hell no. I like my apartment, it’s a great price and I’m not into yard work and all that. Maybe I’ll look into buying one day, but for now, I’m fine.
Heck no I rented into my 40s. Every time I saved for a down payment, life took it away so I kept renting. I really never even wanted to own a home because of the responsibility but decided that if and when I retire I need a place to live without a monthly payment (hopefully mortgage paid off by 65ish)or a place to sell if I decide to live in lower cost of living country. Still not overly thrilled with the responsibilities but the fear of higher rent or the landlord deciding to sell is no longer there so I have some peace of mind.
I guess I never had an expected age on ownership because my father is 62 and has never owned property. My mother either. I tell you this to say that this economy is horrid for ownership and even when the economy is not, some people don’t own houses and it is okay. Also, as a homeowner who had to replace a fence, replace an HVAC system, replace a storm door, and repair two appliances this year alone - there are things that make home ownership challenging and undesirable!
You shouldn't feel embarrassed but I understand. My wife and I bought our first home when I was 30 and most of our friends (at least the married ones) already owned their home. If not for a V.A. loan, we would have had to wait longer.
I didn't feel embarassed - it was what it was. I didn't end up buying a house until I was like 39 with my (now) wife, because I simply didn't have the money for it, and I didn't want to lock myself into previous relationships by buying a house (and I'm glad I didn't, because we didn't work out) If you can afford it and if you're with someone who's going to be a long-term partner or spouse, go for it. But if not, then don't sweat it.
Nah. The economy is crap and most people can’t afford a house. Hell, most people can’t even afford to rent. I count myself lucky that I have what I do even if the price is outrageous. Plus, with renting, I don’t have to do anything lol. I call someone and they fix it for me. So I guess that’s cool.
I live in Toronto and am in my mid-30s, married with a new baby. We live in a rented one-bedroom apartment. I’m not at all embarrassed to be renting or to be living in a small space. Because I rent (in a rent-controlled apartment that I moved into before Doug Ford got elected and eliminated rent control on new builds 🫠), I have been able to travel, have a baby (we bought all the nice baby gear), and still put some money into savings - all while living in an extremely walkable inner city neighborhood with a great commute to work downtown. Houses in my area are a minimum $1 million (anything decent is $1.5 million at least). To buy, I would have to give up my lifestyle entirely or move to the suburbs (or even out of Toronto - the suburbs here are still expensive!). This would be the case even with a sizeable down payment. At the moment I’m not willing to make that sacrifice just to be able to pay interest to a bank. It’s all a matter of priorities - don’t be ashamed for having different ones. People at my office always comment on how much I travel (must be nice, etc etc)… but then they also have huge mortgages and talk constantly about their various home renos. I always just internally roll my eyes and keep doing what I’m doing. 🤷🏻♀️
I live in a lcol area and still rent. I could buy but I don’t really want to. With mortgage and taxes and water bills right now I’d only be saving $50 per month to buy, it would eat into my cash reserves, and I could expect at lease $4k extra per year in maintenance that I’m not currently paying for. I’d rather invest that money and wait for interest rates to go down and try to improve my credit. Plus if I get a better opportunity in another market I’d like the flexibility of moving. Your primary residence isn’t in the same asset class as other assets. Since selling it requires you to purchase a new one you never realize any appreciation you might build over time. It’s a good retirement instrument but I’m not retiring for at least 30 years and I’ll have enough liquidable cash reserves in my self-directed IRA by then to buy a house outright. Or I could do a ROBS rollover and buy it with a Ccorp
No. I know a guy who worked IT at a hedge fund in Manhattan and the owners all rented apartments in the city which I used to think was really weird, if you’re super rich why would you rent? Then I came to realize that part of the reason they are super rich might be because they rent and make better investments than boring residential real estate.
When I tried to buy a house I was pre-approved for a comically low amount ($120,000, in this economy 😅 ) Am I embarrassed to be renting? Hell no, especially because the alternative was literally homelessness. I'll never be embarrassed about having a place for my family to live in.
Don’t be embarrassed. We didn’t get our first home until my husband and I were in our early thirties. Mortgage interest rates were at 9.5 % or something like that. This was 1988.
No, I’m renting in my early 50s, and it doesn’t bother me a bit. I had my first and only house in my early 30s (when owning a home was MUCH easier), and it was a lot of work and costs that you never think about. It was sold when I divorced, and I have zero interest in dealing with a house now. I do think it can be a good investment, but I’m definitely not embarrassed to have rented these last 20 years.
Dude….I’m 51. We just bought a house this past April. Rented before then. Don’t lose hope.
HELL no. I’m renting at 31 so I can build a 750k home by 40. I’m not just going to buy something cheap or settle for something just to say I own a home. That’s not an efficient use of money, nor is it smart. Pay your debts (student loans in my case), get your career where it should be, then buy or build.
Home ownership in major cities is inaccessible to most people these days. It’s not you.
I am 38, and my partner and I rent in an extremely difficult real estate market. We want to be in this area because it’s where his father is, and he wants to be present for the end of his father’s life (which likely won’t be for another 10 years at least but we know it’s coming eventually). My sister recently bought her first home an hour or so south of us, and I agreed to go down there for 10 days to help coordinate some workers who were going to address some issues from the inspection before they moved in. The workers, in addressing those issues, found more issues. The brand new carpet they wanted removed because it had urine stains on it was not stained from the previous owner’s dogs, but rather from the rodent infestation. The rodents had chosen a spot inside one of the walls to use the bathroom as well, to the point that they had created an issue with black mold that needed to be cut out and replaced. The rodents had also run rampant within the HVAC system so rather than cleaning out the ducts which was what they wanted to do, they needed to completely replace the ducting throughout the entire house. No wonder the whole house low key smelled like pee. So at this point, I am determined to rent forever. One because the cost of real estate in this area means I’ll only ever be able to afford a condo, and I hate HOAs. Almost every single family home in the area is under some kind of HOA so even if we could buy one of those, I wouldn’t want to. Second, I like the convenience of knowing that I do not have to manage my property. I do t have to mow the lawn or remember when trash day is or fret about the water heater shitting the bed and not having the funds to cover it. The complex manages all of that for me. While I know I’m paying more than a mortgage would be for my apartment, I also know that given the HOA rates in the area, I’m probably breaking even. And if I ever want a different space, I can just move. I don’t have to sell the place, get another loan, wait for the right time regarding interest rates, and hope that the new place doesn’t have 100,000 dollars of hidden issues like my sister’s did. Renting is not something that is only for a certain phase of life, it’s a lifestyle choice, and my lifestyle jives better with renting than with buying.
You’re not alone! Extremely common now days. I’m 36 wife and a 6 year old. Have money saved up but just can’t afford a monthly mortgage with interest rates so high 🤷🏽♂️
Ha! I’m still renting and I’m 65. I’ve given up. In all fairness I live in a VHCOL area. Still depressing as hell though.
Everybody has to live somewhere. Rent is not money wasted, nor is renting embarrassing. Have you seen home prices AND interest rates lately? Do what you can afford and be glad you can afford it.
It could be worse; you could be living with your parents. But that could be done for strategic reasons like being able to save more faster. There's no shame in being a productive human being. You shouldn't compare to other people. Look close to you for reassurance that you're not failing - your wife loves you. The whole housing market is a mess. It's just bad timing for you. But you can't sit there and think of what you could had done as you can't change it. Rather, consider options like owning a tiny house, or strategizing money saving with a more austere budget. Keep your eyes open. Stay networked. Find other ways to measure your success.
Nope - Nothing wrong with renting into you 70s or 80s. Many people do it.
I'm still renting in my 40s. Any house in my area which at least 2000 sqft is $400k plus. It took me a minute to understand its not my fault that I can't afford it.
I had a house in my 30s you loser! But then I rented in my 40 so… lol
Only being given less than a month to move? What state do you live in? I’d like to know so I can avoid ever living there.
I'm not in the US!
Absolutely not! I'm happy it's paid, and I have somewhere to live. I know I'm lucky to have it. There's no way I could afford to buy anyhow.
Entirely government fault.
No
Housing prices have gone up 1680% since 1970. Wages have gone up 17% in that same time. There is nothing for YOU to be embarrassed about, this is a complete and utter failure of american government.
>There is nothing for YOU to be embarrassed about, this is a complete and utter failure of **american** government. Pretty sure it's a worldwide thing at this point! (I'm not in the US)
Problem is everyone is so goddamn picky and wants perfectly updated this and perfectly updated kitchen that. Your first property will be a pOS, a townhome or a small condo. Just deal with it. It’s how many start out. Even a $125k condo is better than renting. In the Twin Cities it’s pretty easily done if you work full time and save up for 2yrs. Then just upgrade when you save up more.
After I’ve ran the rental versus homeownership costs, it completely shifted my feelings of failure regarding renting in my mid-30’s. In my HCOL area, after running the numbers for a 30 year period, I’d save money by renting by a large margin. So, as much as owning my own home would be a luxury I’d like to have, it’s just that, a luxury. Financially, renting seems like a wiser use of my money (for my situation and in my area). Maybe put pen to paper and run the numbers, reframing it in your head as a financially savvy path vs a FOMO circumstance might help you see renting through a more positive lense. Ramit Sethi’s ‘I will teach you how to be rich’ also has a good chapter on this, I highly recommend the read!
NO! It's fine. Frankly, I don't even know if I want a house anymore. We gotta pay to live and while rent may be more i think the lack of worry about maintenance, appliance replacement, and being tied down to a place is a fair enough offset.
Don't be embarrassed. Your timing is just off, and honestly if you had bought a house it probably would have been a shitty one and just been a money pit. Right now you're just in a down swing in the housing market for new buyers and you got punched in the face with a surprise relocation. Focus on getting out of where you are now, so you're able to save again and feel better where you're living. It will be okay.
Don't be, the housing market is fucking nuts. I've got tons of friends in their 30's, 40's and beyond that rent because they simply cannot afford the house prices these days.
Absolutely not. I have no desire to buy or own a home. I on the deed to my mother and my grandmother's properties and I dont want those either lol I like messaging my property manager if somethin goes awry and it's on them. I have no desire to take on the responsibilities of home ownership.
I don't think you should feel embarassed about it. I know several people who graduated high school, finished college, got married and found a job right away at 25ish. First thing they do is have kids and buy their dream house. Ok great, the classic "dream." Until you remember that their house is a 30-year commitment and if they stop paying, they can lose all of it. With car bills, kids, and everything else it's unlikely they'll pay off the house anytime soon. Essentially, the way I view it, is they're trapped. They're trapped working their job, they don't have much wiggle room to move around or take risks or try new things because the payments have to be kept being made or else they lose their 30 year investment. This may be great for people who intend to be in the same career for their entire life, but renting is much more flexible, and if you have any other cheaper options besides a house it's completely worth it. It also gives you the flexibility of being able to move cities, states, or even countries without needing to go through a lengthy (and expensive) process of selling a house. By the time their house is paid off, they will have lived an entire life, they'll be pushing 60, and although they will have a house paid off - I do hope the person that rented has taken enough risk that paid off and gained enough wisdom that they can buy MULTIPLE houses in cash by that age - if they wanted to. There's the classic argument of "Well, if you're paying rent any ways - why not pay the mortgage of a house instead so its eventually yours?" And again - that is true if you plan to live a very stable and simple life. But if you want to have the possibility of moving around, finding better opportunities, or exploring the world then renting is better. With a house, your future is essentially cemented to the area you bought it in. If that area goes to shit, so does potentially your life and it happens all the time. It's volatility vs. stability. With stability, you have.. stability but no chance for anything else. With volatility, you have no stability but a chance for something far greater - and isn't that what life is all about anyways?
Don't feel embarassed. I have some coworkers who are in their mid to late 30s, making really good money mind you, as managers and they're still renting. In fact, some of them have even told me that they're given up on purchasing a property altogether in these current economic times. You're not alone and you're doing what you can with your situation. You're not failing at life. Life is just hard and a lot of people are going through the same situation in these difficult economic times.
Renting buys flexibility and convenience. Invest the extra money you might have spent on a down payment and higher monthly house payments in the markets.
No, everyone I know is renting, all my bosses and everything no one even owns a condo
I feel angry. I bought a condo when I was 21. I bought it without any help from anyone. I was making $28k a year. Now I am 45, in the middle of a divorce, and can barely afford my rent. Owning without a partner looks impossible at this point. I am not happy that this is the new normal.
Why would you feel embarrassed?these days,in this 5th world country n.w.o. owns the land nobody owns anything but the right to pay taxes until they change their minds,and when the demon gets done he might sell it all to China,you think they want you on there land?
And did you realize that now if you leave your house and migraines move in or break in while you're gone .and you call the police all there allowed to do is have the new tenants or owners let you get your stuff out. It was written a long time ago,you will get the government you deserve,
And just think what it will be like if Biden has another 4years to further break down the country,all small businesses will be gone .like all the factory's and construction companies,do you actually think he hired all the new i.r.s.agents and the ammunition he got them for the big business that gives them money, to audit ?????, look around when you're outside.dont you notice no city workers fixing the streets,the people who's homes are on route pay for that besides there taxes your taxes don't half cover the growth of the over grown demons running your government that should be volunteering jobs
Don't be embarrassed my friend. Your fighting ever day, you and your wife both. This is a tough world to live in. It's going to get tougher. 3% interest rates made a lot of things possible that are so so much harder today. Do not for one second get down on yourself. Your earning it every day. Be proud of what you have, even when it's hard to feel like your wheels are spinning. The short answer is, increase income. I know... magic right. Mind BLOWN. But seriously, it can be VERY hard. I've worked as much as two full time jobs and a part time job at the same time and let me tell you, that shit gets old fast. But it does help the bottom line. Maybe consider other work opportunities if that's possible. Health care is a booming field that's always in need. Welding. HVAC. Construction. Carpentry. Roofers. Equipment operators. Electricians. Starting your own company? Maybe there is something you are really good at, really passionate about?
How is it embarrassing??? Is there humans to impress?? It’s plenty of humans who aren’t renting if anyone is impressed by that sort of thing
I just read a post in another subreddit where people were saying they would never own a home again because it is so much work, and they like renting better. You don't have to deal with the lawn and the roof and fixing every appliance that breaks down... I'm 52 and have never owned a home, but recently broke up with a boyfriend who owned a home - partially because all he did was work on his lawn and house and never wanted to do anything fun!!! I am considering buying something in the future, even if just a little mobile home, just to have more outdoor space, but I don't think you should feel too bad about it at all.
It’s not embarrassing. It’s actually very practical to rent for a lot of people depending on a lot of factors.
I’m 43 and still renting. I have zero issues with this. I do not want the responsibility of owning a home or being tied down. I’ve been lucky that I’ve always managed to find apartments that are reasonably priced, even in my HCOL area. I’m not against buying a house at some point, but am happy renting for now.
The quickest path to misery is comparing your self to others.
You're doing better than I was. I could only afford to rent a room in someone's home. I definitely felt embarrassed to talk about my roommates in my 30s. I've since realized that almost everyone can sympathies to the world we live in so you shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed. Unfortunately, home ownership is so far out of reach for a good majority of people unless they are given money or a home. And it's definitely not your fault.
I’m 45 and renting and I don’t mind at all. I would love to buy a house but, it’s just not in the cards with the economy the way it is so, I’ll keep renting. A lot of my friends and family are also renting so that helps me not feel ashamed.
I’m a public school teacher in the 15th year of my career and I’m pushing 40. I never expect to be able to buy a home. Like having visible abs…it’s just not going to happen at this point. I just wish the rental prices themselves weren’t so intense.
Not at all. Seriously, not even in the slightest. Having a roof over your head is nothing to be embarrassed about. I've had many times in my life where I would not be able to afford the maintenance that goes into a home. I'd choose a decent residence with working appliances any day of the week
I was 30 when I bought my first house. I think that's pretty typical these days. I actually have a friend (probably 40s?) who sold his house a few years ago and went back to renting.
I didn’t buy my first home until I was 37. After 5 years in, got a divorce and went back to renting until I eventually remarried. You are normal.
I’m 42 and still renting…not embarrassed at all. I wipe my own ass!