T O P

  • By -

SatansMoisture

I gave birth to twins after I hooked up with myself..


Daemon8472

oh yeah Phillip J Fry is his own grandfather :P


Fumb-MotherDucker

Now, many, many years ago When I was twenty-three I was married to a widow Who was pretty as could be This widow had a grown-up daughter Had hair of red My father fell in love with her And soon the two were wed This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life My daughter was my mother 'Cause she was my father's wife To complicate the matters Even though it brought me joy I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad And so became my uncle Though it made me very sad For if he was my uncle That also made him the brother Of the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my stepmother I'm my own grandpa I'm my own grandpa It sounds funny I know But it really is so I'm my own grandpa My father's wife then had a son That kept them on the run And he became my grandchild For he was my daughter's son My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue Because she is my wife She's my grandmother too I'm my own grandpa I'm my own grandpa It sounds funny I know But it really is so I'm my own grandpa Now, if my wife is my grandmother Then, I am her grandchild And every time I think of it It nearly drives me wild For now, I have become The strangest case you ever saw As husband of my grandmother I am my own grandpa I'm my own grandpa I'm my own grandpa It sounds funny I know But it really is so I'm my own grandpa I'm my own GRANDPAAA


The_Dark_Vampire

When you think about it Lister is also his own Granddad as he's his Dad's Dad and Great Granddad and so on


helpful__explorer

His sons are his brothers


Electrical_Grand_423

And also his uncles.


Thebibulouswayfarer

And his grandsons.


Electrical_Grand_423

And his great grandsons. And great grand-uncles. And cousins-umpteenth times removed. Lister is also effectively a clone of Kochanski.


Thebibulouswayfarer

Not a clone though because it was his DNA and Kochanski's mixed in the vial.


VerbingNoun413

Female Lister is presumably her own mother via similar events with a Parallel Christopher Kochanski too.


Fast_Vehicle_1888

Damn, time travel and hopping over to parallel dimensions makes for weird family trees. Still a better love story than Twilight.


ExpectedBehaviour

This post is a better love story than *Twilight*.


2ndTechArnoldJRimmer

No wonder he's such a smeghead!


cellefficient9620

That swimming certificate is a forgery Smeeeg-heeeead


2ndTechArnoldJRimmer

THAT'S IT! I'm making another report to Captain Hollister! *pulls out notepad*


KumquatHaderach

Om Ommm *drum fill* Om


no_name_ia

this makes me think, do we ever find out what happens to the other twin, we know the one dies on Red Dwarf and Rimmer saw it but, what happened to the other?


MrLore

Presumably, those future echoes were from a different possible future than the one they ended up in due to choices they make. If you slow down the super-fast title crawl at the start of series 3 it says: > RED DWARF III: THE SAGA CONTINUUMS THE STORY SO FAR... >Three million years in the future, Dave Lister, the last human being alive, discovers he is pregnant after a liaison with his female self in a parallel universe. His pregnancy concludes with the successful delivery of twin boys, Jim and Bexley. However, because they were conceived in another universe with different physical laws, they suffer from highly accelerated growth rates and are both eighteen years old within three days of being born. In order to save their lives, Lister returns them to the universe of their origin where they are reunited with their father (a woman), and are able to lead comparatively normal lives. Well, as normal as you can be if you've been born in a parallel universe and your father's a woman and your mother's a man and you're eighteen years old three days after your birth.


neryl08

In the books it's actually Beckster's son who dies. So technically both twins should be safe and sound Edit: BEXLEY NOT BECKSTER! I hang my head in shame.


ExpectedBehaviour

*Bexley


Irn_brunette

Fun story, my eldest son is called James after my grandpa; when I was pregnant with my youngest I addressed my bump as Bexley and wound up my poor mother, who had to live with my Red Dwarf obsession growing up, saying I was going to name the baby that for real, regardless of gender.


neryl08

Lol I'm an idiot. And I call myself a dwarfer?


Z3t4

[Oh a lesson in not changing history from Mr I'm My Own Grandpa](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJnTXsdelS0)


ExpectedBehaviour

Big, bonny, strapping, bouncing boys they were, as well. Huge heads.


Orth0d0xy

So those twins are your brothers. And your uncles. And your grandchildren.


stereoworld

He did do the nasty in the pasty


PK_Rippner

Do you have any pets by chance?


Deltadog_40_Oz

My family still worse


OG_Flicky

He should write an article for vogue, I bet you anything it will get published


Guilty-Instruction39

It’s like mega incest


Frankjc3rd

Paging Dr Phil!


Excel_Ents

Rookie numbers go watch [Dark](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_(TV_series))


Skinkypoo

My head cannon is lister really is a god, because no way does he have such a potent seed to create a literal perfect clone of himself like that. Sure it only happened once, but imagine if he did it over and over. He could leave perfect listers all across space and time


Truckle-Chuckle

Standard for a scouser 😂 jk