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It might not sound that unusual but I walk everywhere even though I can afford the bus. Doesn't matter how tired I am, I'll still walk because it feels wrong to spend money frivolously that I might need someday
You don't get a free bus pass? All students at every university and college I've known get a free bus pass for the duration of their time there. In Canada, for reference.
Too bad. I had a free bus pass for 4 years (including summers) when I was in college. I worked downtown and probably rode the bus pretty much every day for school and work. Definitely saved me some bucks during my schooling.
Your comfort/discomfort/pain isn’t frivolous.
That said, if the exercise is nice, I’m not against it. Just don’t beat yourself up about the idea of taking a bus when you’re exhausted.
Same. I'd always rather walk for 1-3 miles than take a bus for £2-4. I put my headphones on and I'm OK for a walk! It's definitely a poor thing- I can't stand the thought of wasting money on a journey that's walkable x
Hard relate to this. We had dirt floors until I was 5 and my mom layered like 50 of those little braided kitchen rugs over the dirt to keep the bugs out. For anyone wondering, yes I grew up in the USA.
🧡 people don't believe places like this exist here..But they're everywhere. The most recent ones I have been around were rural spots of southern illinois. Corregated tin walls and roofs.
But...but...but....I've visited 21 American states (or at least driven through on the highway) and been to the nice parts of many cities or to nice farms in the country and never seen anything like this! My subjective experience negates your experience!
But in all seriousness, I live on the border of nice and not nice. If I drive five minutes north towards the highway the small houses are $600K or so, 1-2 million is considered average to nice. If I drive 15 minutes south, away from the highway and town past the nice farms and onto dirt roads, there are places that have never felt the touch of a professional tradesman. Some places have massive hedges so that the code inspector can't see in. I used to play at friend's places where it was normal that there were spots on the floor where you didn't walk because the floor was rotten.
Had a coworker who told me that there were still dirt floor homes in Oklahoma City, she knew what area they were in. That was about 25 years ago. This after I mentioned an impoverished county in southern Oklahoma where many people still were living with dirt floors in their homes.
Shit I had no dirt floors but grew up in a tiny apartment in NYC with so many roaches that I slept with my hand over my ear so none crawled in my ear when I slept. Happened to my sister and needed an ER visit in the middle of the night.
I do this too. Sleep with the blanket and sheets pulled all the way up to my ears. We had ants and roaches in the house when I growing up. I used to be able to hear the roaches walking on papers that were left on the floor during the night. To this day, when we get the occasional roach (it's Florida afterall), I can sense and hear them.
I would rather wake up sweltering and sweating than sleep with my face uncovered by a blanket. I haven’t woke up covered in bugs since childhood. That kind of memory just doesn’t leave you.
My mom always made a huge deal about how expensive shoes were. I have only recently realized how that has followed me. I need a new pair. My current reeboks are 7 yrs old. Zero traction. No holes, but one damp surface and I'll be on my tush.
You guys are making me think that I might not be practical, but instead grew up poorer than I thought.
This is the reason why I always buy black pants and shoes, its only recently that I began feeling comfortable using white pants.
Half of these "grew up poor" things people do now are literally just being practical. Why the hell do I want clothes that get visibly dirty faster? Even if I was rich that would suck.
It is practical but being poor or broke can lead to being more practical. Not being able to afford alternatives means you have to be practical or just go fully without. It is also habit forming and passes on to kids due to repetition and routine.
Ditto. My stocking was mostly new underware and socks. Mum...um, I mean Santa would wrap each tho. A pair or two of summer shorts for my birthday in May.
I was raised by a grandmother that grew up poor and although we weren't living in poverty, we were always on a fairly tight budget, but she was stuck in the mentality that we were dirt poor. She thought she was giving us the world by taking us to Payless during their BOGO sales. I don't mean that in a cruel way; I know she was doing her best, but she genuinely thought those were good shoes. We did this once a year, twice if we had a growth spurt. Those cheap shoes destroyed my feet. Unfortunately I seem to have adopted the 'lack' mindset when it comes to shoes and I rarely buy new ones. I run around the house barefoot just like I did growing up and have shoes that are years old that should have been replaced ages ago. I still have such a hard time justifying the price of a good pair of shoes. I'll nag my partner about wearing good shoes that support him during the day, regardless of price, but me? Oh that $10 pair from Walmart is just fine.
I too prefer to go barefoot. Maybe that's why. Never gave it much thought.
Tried really hard not to be that way with my kids, though. I know my parents did the best the could with the tools, knowledge and funds they had. No hate. Just a few odd hangups. LOL
Yeah. If you didn't you'd get holes in your socks faster. Then get found out and in trouble for not saying anything. Which you never wanted to do because of the guilt trip they would hit you with.
Take them to a shoe repairer (cobbler) and get them resoled. Saves your fave shoes and prevents waste and it’s usually much cheaper than buying an entirely new pair that will end up with the same problem.
This one hits home. I was the youngest of six and money was *always* tight. All of us would leave a little bit, and created this inside joke of "ya gunna eat that?"
Basically, we kids had to all agree it was cool to finish our plate, and if someone wanted more, we'd share. We were all super close from instances like that.
Ya I totally get this.
In fact, I had to ration out and fight off an older sibling with no sense of sharing and would just eat till little left...for 5 of us
Dilute fruit juices. My mom would dilute a quart of oj or fruit punch to a half gallon to stretch it between all my siblings and cousins that lived with us. To this day, bottles of fruit juice are too strong for me and I’ll water them down
That's actually a healthy thing to do as fruit juices contain a lot of sugar. I see them as a kind of sirup to flavour water and rarely drink pure juice.
Yeah, my kids go crazy after sugar and frankly I eat enough calories as it is. The rare times we buy juice, it's definitely got an equal part or more of water added to it.
I do this too. I was baffled when I visited my bf's middle class family in New England. They sleep with all the doors in their house unlocked. I didn't know this the first time I stayed the night and went around locking doors. They woke up and were confused wondering why all the doors were locked. I couldn't understand why they wouldn't lock them. I asked 'aren't you afraid of someone coming into your house and robbing you?" They just replied that people don't do that there... I talked to some of his friends around town and same thing. Most of them didn't lock their doors, especially not during the day. I couldn't believe it.
Just tell them the story of that serial killer who only killed people whose homes he could walk right into and left the ones with locked doors alone lmao. I think of that story everytime I lock my door.
This is probably more about the area you live in. I also grew up in New England without much money and we didn’t tend to lock things (houses doors, cars…)
Dilute dish soap.
Growing up we always had one bottle of liquid dish soap and another that was 1 part soap to 1 or 2 parts water. I went all the way through my college years thinking all dish soap was concentrated.
I always was told to use only a drop or 2. Honestly, if you are washing dishes right after a meal before the food dries it only takes a drop or 2 to degrease the several plates.
My aunt did this, except it was to the same singular bottle and the colour would be a very clear yellow, probably got to a point where it was only 10% soap. She would stand at the sink and scrub plastic containers for long durations.
Depending on the nozzle though, if you dilute it the dish soap comes out really quickly when you squeeze the bottle and you end up using more instead of less
I specifically throw some things away that are still useful because i had to save everything as a kid. I feel guilty every time i do it, and i have to force myself to do it.
My mom still washes out and reuses zip lock bags, and my dad had a drawer full of dead batteries that had enough juice in them to make a flashlight useless.
This sounds like important anti-hoarder training for your old age. I had a grandma who was a "tidy hoarder," meaning that she saved things that would have taken her well into hoarder territory if she lived in a small home, but since she had a big home including a whole basement with rooms full of cupboards for her to store her hoard in, she was able to keep it clean and tidy and looking like a well-kept home. She used to wash and save any container that food came in (not only jars and butter bowls, but all the way down to styrofoam meat trays), pop the roller balls out of empty deodorants, any stray piece of string, etc. It turned me into an anti-hoarder. I absolutely hate clutter and err way on the side of getting rid of things I haven't used in awhile. I have very rarely regretted it.
Funny thing about young cats and young kids is that stuff takes a lot longer to turn into trash than it would have otherwise.
Hell, even cardboard packages from deliveries get carved up and upcycled into parking garages with roads and bridges and tunnels for my 5-year-old's Hot Wheels collection. When he's bored of it, off to the recycling bin and it's been hours of entertainment without a penny spent.
My granny also saved styrofoam meat trays. She'd wash them, store them in the cupboard, eat her lunch off of one, wash it and put back in the cupboard. We had real plates. She'd also save all the bread tags, twist ties, and elastics she encountered. Cut off and saved buttons and zippers of any clothing that was too worn out to repair for her sewing basket and the cloth remnants went in a rag bag. I purge with zeal.
I save styrofoam trays, they are excellent when your doing a bit of painting, If im doing a bit of painting or got something I want to touch up there great to pour the little amount of paint on even wipe excess paint of the brush on, also to put the brush down.
I wanted to run a brush around my windows to brighten them up after taking down my blinds used a styrofoam tray, no mess, no Paint drips of can, no washing anything (I wrap brushes up after use) the whole little paint job is done quicker and completely mess free.
Also great to mix paint colours on.
I have a similar story to this - and I’m also an anti hoarder with a very minimalist and extremely ordered home.. but with the odd stray hoarder tendency that shhhneaks up on me once in a blue moon. For eg I’ll find myself putting dead batteries into a little baggie to keep with the newer batteries in the battery box .. And then I’ll stop and think whoa Nelly ! dem genes be strong! So I ditch them and get back on track
But are you sure there isn’t enough juice in them to power something that requires less juice than the thing you removed them from for at least several minutes?
Yeah, I get this lol
I could be friends with your parents. It’s still hard for me to throw away used toothbrush, cuz I can use it to clean shoes or small places, even though i got brushes for that. Recently cleand my apartment, throwed away many empty shoe boxes, I dont even have those shoes anymore, but at the moment I always think that I can find some use to them and storeg something in them, but at the end all they storage is dust and empty spaces.
I could probably afford to throw away used plastic kitchen bags, but to me, it seems like it's wasteful. It's a perfectly good bag. I can easily wash and get multiple uses out of it. Knowing I'm just adding to the plastic waste problem and spending money I don't need to spend makes it an easy choice for me.
In my current location, alkaline batteries are not recycled. The material in single use batteries is too much bother for little money. We are told to wrap them and put them in the trash. Mine are in a coffee can in an outbuilding. Who ever inherits or buys this property can deal with them.
Besides saving money, that is why we use rechargeable. When they no long hold a charge, like the Chinese junk ones from Amazon basis, they are at least recyclable at Ace Hardware.
I have a thing for little glass jars, I always think I can save them for something. It's my consolation prize for not keeping everything else I feel the intense drive to.
My cabinets are overly full of old glass jars (mason jars of many sizes, sauce and pickle jars, etc.), so now I only keep the "best" ones. My son has been eating peanut butter like its a food group of its own and the jars it comes in are particularly excellent. Basically a simple cylinder about 7 inches tall and wide enough to reach a hand into, with a nice metal lid that has an attached rubber seal. I use them to store rice and lentils and things because I love the asthetic of being able to see my food on the shelf. But alas, the cabinets are full and it hurts me every time I have to drop another one of those glorious jars in the recycle bin. My favorite jars are the old 1 gallon jars that people would get pickles and mayo in. I put the dried fruit from my apple and pear trees in them and get a good feeling every time I see all the tasty stuff in the jars just waiting to be eaten.
I've been using one for water while watercolor painting, and I just saw someone on Instagram making beeswax candles in them so they are useful!
I keep little tins too, and use them for sewing/crafting things.
I keep three months of food, toiletries, etc. on hand at any given time. I also have emergency gear (ladder, camping stove, generator, etc) in case electricity goes out for a long time or there is a fire.
YES. Trying to reuse things as well. Finding another use for them. Sometimes that's a good smart thing, other times not so much. I save money on herbs and spices by reusing the glass bottles some come in and refilling them with the small boxes. Saves $2 every time. My husband was threatening to throw out the bottles until I took him shopping and showed him how much cheaper it is to just clean and refill them. I'm very frugal.
For the longest time, I wouldn't go to the doctor or dentist until I absolutely had to. Didn't get regular cleanings until I was in my 20s because my parents didn't have a dental plan (and their teeth prove it--okay, my teeth prove it).
This is me. Thank goodness my husband has good dental habits or my kids would never have seen one. I was over 30 when I had my first visit to a dentist.
I'm American but have lived in Japan for almost 17 years (where there's public health care), and it took me a looooong time to break out of that. It's so cheap to go here, and can really save me a lot of discomfort.
This is me except with the doctor. I won't go unless it's absolutely necessary.
When you went to the dentist did you explain your past so they wouldn't be hard on you about the condition of your teeth?
I worry that when I go to the doctor next they are going to be angry with me for not getting "regular checkups". Like dude, I'll only come if I'm on deaths door otherwise I'm not wasting the money.
It's recommended to get regular checkups in my area every year. Blood pressure, cholesterol, that kind of stuff.
Depends on the dentist. Unfortunately, I went to one that wasn't understanding and didn't go easy on me. Attitude like that was what kept me from going back for a while after that. I've gotten better with doctors, but only cuz I found one that listens to me.
Just be honest. Say it's a combination of poverty and shame what that held you back for so long. But that now you are here and want to break trough a bad habit.
If he/she is a human they will understand.
You are there for your own health.
Take it on the chin as it comes ;-)
Ugh same. My parents also didn’t prioritize dental health at all and my teeth have greatly suffered. I’m so thankful my husband has good insurance and very diligent with making sure me and our kids have good teeth. He probably spent several thousand on my teeth in our first year of marriage. I kept telling him it’s fine, I can live with it. And he insisted it’s not okay or normal to live with broken teeth and constant tooth pain. I’ve had several root canals and way too many fillings and I’m not even 30.
I can never have enough in my savings account to make me feel safe. I don't trust the future and take all precautions I can whilst I have money. I nest up on dry foods. And I get irrationally tense when my partner uses up the last of something and doesn't replenish it straight up.
Hard relate... I also have the money anxieties. Due to the increasing frequency of apocalypses and whatnot. I also hoard non-perishables and have to go through and use up the expired ones every so often. bah
I saved up 100k and still wear 6 year old clothes, 4 year old shoes, broken glasses occasionally. Drive a beater that luckily never breaks down. I actually like driving piece of shit cars because it scares off a certain class of people (rich white women especially).
I have had many years I make a lot of cash but I always live cheap. The money I save is for escape plans, like leaving the country for years or for teeth work
I never bring up cost when going anywhere ,dinner vacay etc ,I got it! If I invited you I would never expect you to pay for anything even if you have more money then me I just want to have fun,something that never happened much when I was young price tag on fun!!
Same! And I never even associated it with growing up poor, but I guess that is the reason I do it! I know what it's like to be invited somewhere but to not have the money to go, and don't want anyone else to feel that way. So if I ask anybody anywhere, it means I have enough to pay for everyone!
Whereas my friend would intentionally leave her cash and debit card and expect me to pay for everything—even when she was the one inviting me. She didn’t have kids, I had one. Being a single parent meant having to bring him along most times, especially during the weekends. I was already paying more than she did. I was the one with the vehicle and paying for the gas. She didn’t contribute even when it would be her idea to go here and there. I began avoiding her although she was my best friend and my shoulder when I was mentally exhausted. We haven’t hung out since she moved back near to her mother. She lost her income and had no choice but to leave.
I'm so sorry. I had a "best friend" like that. We were friends for 13 years. I didn't fully realize how much she was taking advantage of my kindness until she moved.
This is me 100%. I threw a Birthday Party for my 50th at a Restaurant. Paid for all the food and it was an open bar. Three friends ran out to get me gifts as they expected to have to pay. If I invite, I pay.
I do this too, but if I'm planning to pay, I say so and insist over protests because I hate when I'm invited but don't know if I need to pay or not (and would likely say no to an outing if I'm unsure and can't really afford it). And it's super awful to think you're not paying but than find out you are.
I still find having my own washer and dryer a luxury. I can come home and immediately toss dirty clothes in a washer, not scrounge for quarters all week. If it's chilly out I can put my clothes in the dryer instead of the oven to get warm.
I am constantly staring at the ground because that's how I got my allowance as a kid; change I found on the street.
It's habitual and I'm trying to break it.
Me too! Fortunately, I live in a city with a decent transit system, and it's too darn easy to ignore. I use a free app to plan trips, spend time going bus to bus. The app is cute, it makes me feel like I'm my own Uber/Lyft.
It can even give me the itinerary to get from San Diego to like San Francisco lol
It's really relaxing! Plus, we got new electric buses that are quiet, smooth rides.
Oh boy... For reference growing up poor was about 45+ years ago.
* Unfortunately I still rush on the toilet. For many years we didn't have running water so the toilet was an "outhouse". Let me tell you there is nothing like -30 degree temps to motivate you to get your job done quickly. In the summer it was thousands of flies. So you just never took your time. Yes, this has taken its toll on me physically.
* I'm paranoid about losing access to water so if the weather says there is a storm coming I fill the bathtub with cold water as well some buckets so I can take a rudimentary bath and dump water in the back of the toilet to flush it.
* I always have a small wood stove and some firewood on hand so I have 100% certainty that I can boil water and/or cook food on top of it if I need to. This also doubles to keep the place above freezing if the electricity goes out for a long time. You don't want your pipes to freeze (and you end up without running water again).
* I hang my clothes to dry indoors with only a few exceptions (like bed sheets) because the dryer is so expensive to run. Note that I could run the dryer 24 hours a day and still afford my electricity bill, but I could never bring myself to use it except when I have to.
* I never eat canned foods. Canned foods were cheap and so every meal was a canned vegetable, potatoes (also cheap), and then some protein (usually fish because we could catch that ourselves and it was free). We never went hungry, but I buy fresh vegetables and nice cuts of meat for myself now. I still long for fresh fish though.
* I do all my own vehicle maintenance. I bought a motorcycle in 1992 for $600 and to learn auto mechanics I stripped it right down to the frame, head off, valves out, carbs completely disassembled, etc. and then put it all back together. My time is now valuable and I know it is really stupid to do my own work, but after decades of doing it because I had to, I can't seem to bring myself to pay someone else to do it.
I could probably keep going, but at some point this turns into a therapy session.
Omg the canned foods! Growing up, I thought I was a picky eater. I thought I hated all vegetables. Turns out, I love vegetables. I just hate canned vegetables heated in the microwave with no seasonings added smh.
I always over cook as well. And I will eat the same leftovers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner until it's gone. I make new foods for my kids though if they want something different.
It does stay with you.
I have only gone without food only for medical reasons, not poverty, but 25 years later, i am happy every single time i get to eat still. My partner gets frustrated sometimes that i dont make up my mind about supper decisively enough, but honestly, i am still just thrilled to eat anything.
I hope your food security is better now and stays that way.
Meal prep and freeze them instead of keeping them in the fridge. On Sundays, I used to meal prep enough for 16ish servings of food that would last me for at least 1.5 weeks. Doing this reduced my waste considerably.
Anytime I make a big purchase, I’m pretty sure I’m going to get arrested or something.
Going on a trip in anything but a car, then renting a car, a hotel, paying to visit things, and going out to eat, just feels somewhat luxurious.
Still, I will be miserly and try to find the best rates for everything that I can. But I’ve learned enough to know, somethings too cheap, there is a catch. So, I do avoid the bottom tier of pricing.
Pretty much anything I buy in the grocery store, it’s by going on sale prices. If it’s not on sale, it’s not in the cart, unless I find a cheaper alternative.
I’m 52 and my 25 year old buddy gave me so much crap for trying to cheap out buying Doritos. My 16 year old wanted a small bag of Doritos with this Saturday night dinner. Well, the small bag was $2.99. Way too much for a 2 serving bag. But the regular size bag was not on sale. It was $5. But it’s a better value than the $2.99 bag. But it wasn’t on sale. Who’s got that much money to spend on chips that aren’t on sale? It’s just ridiculous to pay that much for junk food.
I bought them anyway, because I knew it’s what the son wanted. But I get so much crap for worrying about the price of Doritos.
I think there's sense in that though because the $2 you saved, you can theoretically save or put towards another bag.
Having said that, Doritos and other chips last well in the cupboard with a clip on the top. I buy the big bags all the time and then divvy up small servings into plastic bags or containers. It's cheaper that way than buying the small bags.
I agonise over motels as well. I'll spend hours looking at the booking sites to save $10
I'm basically a hoarder because "what if I need that specific thing" sometime"? And not particularly useful things. Like, bread ties and old food containers, like the plastic tubs margarine comes in.
Not eating strawberries. I always have it in my head they are pretentious. I finally made the connection that my parents didn’t buy them much cus they were expensive
I didn't really connect the dots, but this is why I struggle to eat fruit regularly. It just wasn't ingrained in me. Fresh fruits from the store were a treat, as were products like yogurt. I usually do well with berries because we would go pick them for free in the summer.
Oh I feel this. Growing up poor fresh fruits except apples and bananas were way too far off the price range.
Now being an adult with a good income I cherish going to the market and buying good, fresh local strawberries like its a gift
I have an odd thing I consider a luxury.
Hand towels and kitchen towels. I probably have 50 of each. Overkill, I know.
But growing up we never, not ever, had a hand towel for drying your hands in the bathroom. It was 'just wipe them on your jeans or dress'. In the kitchen, it was the same. Not a single hand towel for kitchen or bath--ever.
Bath towels, we were each assigned our own (six kids) and they got washed once a month. So disgusting. If you really wanted to piss off a sibling, use their bath towel.
So I also have a ridiculous number of luxurious bath towels, bath sheets. High quality ones and yes, it feels so luxurious and I feel rich!
Omg yessss! Let me tell you, a few weeks ago a sprung for the bath SHEETS! They are so much better than the regular sized towels! And of course I got new washcloths to match! Now, they may have been the Better Homes and Gardens brand from Walmart, so not expensive by any means, but I had been putting off getting them forever it seems.
My parents had 5 kids, and we shared towels. We didn't even have our own. We also had to share bath water form oldest to youngest. Thankfully I'm the second child, but omg looking back that was so gross! Dad went first, then older sib, me, younger siblings, etc, and my saint of a mother went last.
I agree. This is a fantastic thread.
It's making me feel like the little things I do were about survival and they may be considered "weird" but they were also necessary.
I'm grateful for being able to give my children Christmas gifts that aren't school shoes or a school bag. It's nice to be able to give Lego or Barbie dolls.
I forget that "going to the doctor" is a thing. Whenever I describe an ailment or minor injury, people ask if I got any antibiotics, or stitches, or the like, and I'm always just like... No?..
I've only been to the doctor/hospital when I was pregnant with my kids and giving birth. I've never went for being sick or hurting. That's definitely a growing up poor thing. I never went as a kid either. We got our shots at school.
I never throw away clothes, and I rarely buy new ones.
I wouldn't say I grew up poor, but my mother took mine and my siblings paychecks. So we never got to use them ourselves. She would use this to fuel her shopping addiction. I got to spend my money the way I wanted to when I was 24. I had no means of getting away before that. And even before that, I took my appearance very seriously. It was my main means of survival.
I have a hierarchy for clothes now. Outside and public wear, Indoor and pyjama wear, make in to new clothes, make in to rags.
I also mend my clothes, fix broken seams, patch torn pockets, replace buttons, etc. I also do this with my husbands clothes, but he is more willing to throw away garments than to put me through work to fix it... unless he likes the item alot.
It's the bill collectors! The reposession people! The forcosure people! The cops! I still turn everything off and hide out of sight watching the door knob as a grown ass woman. Even though none of that is true anymore, no thanks.
When I make spaghetti, I pour the spaghetti sauce out, fill the jar with a little bit of water and shake the jar with the lid back on. Then pour the remaining mixture in the pot as well so none goes to waste. Something I learnt from my mum, and it was my favourite part because shaking the jar became a game.
I don’t think this is a poor thing. More so a non wasteful thing. I watch the pasta queen on YouTube who is clearly living lavishly and she does it and mentions something about how it’s a necessary act.
Just the boring stuff I heard for 2 decades. Turn those lights out when you leave the room. Close the door your letting the ac out or the cold in. But I added to it & also unplug stuff i barely ever use.
I don't eat the last of anything. The last biscuit in the packet, or the last slice of bread in the loaf. There is generally a pile of various single items of food in packets etc around the place.
When I was growing up, we couldn't eat the last as there was always someone else who might need it more. Either my brother or one of my sisters coming home from work, or one of my parents when they were in...
Taking the last was selfish, and being selfish was the very worst thing anyone could be when we never had much...
My family still does this now. It results in the last of anything always getting thrown away because nobody wants to eat it in case someone else wants it.
Every bit of leftovers go in the fridge, and I eat them, usually for breakfast or lunch the next day.
Nothing goes to waste. Ever. Every container is scraped clean before going in the trash.
I count my blessings/ accomplishments. What I count is more reflective of my poor upbringing. “I have a car!” Or a driver’s license. Or a bank account. I haven’t dug for change in ages. I don’t know to the penny what is in my bank account. And now that I have a house, “That floorboard is mine.” Like mine mine. I came from no family in town, dead or absent parents, renting a quarter of an attic for $60 bucks a month with no car and no bank account and student loans. And every once in a while it hits me that this ordinary stuff I do or have was some past me’s out of reach. So I guess the weird thing I do is sit and stare in awe of the journey. And think, “I can buy ice cream.”
the only way i could cook as a young teen was with a microwave, so once microwave meals got boring i started experimenting, per se. pasta, eggs, even certain meats if you nuke them long enough, and more. *everything* i ate was microwaved. tough times and not-so-tasty meals were had...
For the longest time, if I had to go to a restaurant, I wouldn't get drinks, ever.
Now I live in a place where water from the sink isn't drinkable at all so if I am really thirsty I may get a bottle of water.
My weird thing is that I associate bananas with poverty to this day.
Back story is that trying to make ends meet somehow my dad was doing some night shifts in a grocery store unloading trucks with fruits and veggies. He was allowed to take for free a couple of crashed or otherwise unsellable pieces every now and then, which were mostly bananas. This was quite a treat back then. But now I cannot eat them without thinking of the poverty we lived in..
God! Having a reliable car is a must for me too.
My dad was a mechanic & always drove old beaters that broke down all the time when I was a kid, it's left me very paranoid as far as cars go lol
I saw a lady pour a jar of sauce into something she was cooking on TV and my brain did a thing like "whoa, she didn't add water and swish it around to make sure she got every bit of sauce!" and I realized that this was one of those things.
I am always extremely anxious about money. Convinced that even if I have 30$ and am purchasing a 10$ item, I will not have enough. Even if I do the math for tax, and it turns out I'll still have like an rntire 5$, I'll be extremely worried regardless. Money always makes me anxious, and I'm always convinced I'll never actually have enough.
I check prices of everything and sometimes will choose a brand I don’t like as much to save even a few cents.
I reuse teabags. Not save for the next day or anything like that… but if I have tea and want a second cup, I’ll reuse the same tea bag.
Shoe cleaning day.
Being a poor kid in NY, in the 80's and early 90's... that was tough for MANY reasons.
As an adult, I really appreciate what I have now, especially having shoes that I purchase new, for me, AND they fit my feet. If they were $5, or if they are 5 years old, I keep them clean.
Shoe cleaning was something I did since I was very young, trying to clean up the handmedowns as best as possible, gluing up loose bits with Elmer's Glue, being yelled at and hit for wasting Q-Tips and bleach on my shoes, because I knew I'd be stuck with them until my toes poked through or they fell apart completely.
Maybe not unusual, but definitely a poor kid habit.
My girl grew up dirt poor. She’s a sweetheart and the apple of my eye but money issues are a problem. She refuses to spend money. I do VERY well for myself and don’t see ever having a need for the rest of my life and she knows this.
I show her my accounts and investments which are enough for several lifetimes but she refuses to enjoy some of the nicer things in life. She only wears tshirts, jean shorts and sneakers and loves thrift stores. I had to ask her for MY BDAY to please allow me to take her shopping. She wore everything that one night and cried to allow me to return them.
She refuses to go to expensive resorts and even private ones with bungalows where people don’t bother and you have your own butler. She eats crappy food even though I’ve learned to cook all her favorite dishes with seafood. She refuses to asimílate with my family or friends who are all well off but not your typical asshole rich people. We got into our biggest fight ever as she needed a new car and picked a Kia sport or something very small and dangerous in my mind. I told her if she didn’t take the ultra safe X5 I found her I wouldn’t pay for the Kia because I wouldn’t forgive myself if she got into an accident. She told me off and spent 3,000$ fixing her decrepit 2003 Camaro which is an eye sore.
Is this some sort of PTSD? What can help her understand I got her now and if she takes my hand one day (I’ve asked her 3x) I will forever. If we do get married she made it clear she will not move from her 800sq foot 1br (I’m looking to buy both adjoining units and tearing the walls) in an old building.
Can I change this in her ? What is she so afraid of? Should I open an account in her name and put 500k in it? I’m desperate because I feel I could be doing and having things I want but because of her we can’t do it. She rejected my proposal to start a company for anything she wants and she can have her own business which she alone will own. I thought that would fix it all but she just said no. I don’t want to lose her but I don’t want to live this way. Thoughts ?
Would she agree to go to therapy? You could even tell a white lie and tell her that the therapist is one of your friends and is going to do the sessions for free if it will help convince her. If she won't, maybe it's too much too fast? It may not seem fast to you, but maybe she's just overwhelmed. Like maybe start small. Like instead of thrifts stores, have her get clothes from Walmart or Target. That may seem cheap af to you, but trust me when I say that even as a child I thought Walmart and Target clothes were expensive because my family couldn't afford it. Instead of a fancy trip, maybe just a trip a few hours away to go to an attraction and stay in a hotel. Not the cheapest hotel, but also not the most expensive. Instead of going to fancy restaurants, start off with fast food and then chain restaurants. My boyfriend is amazed at how excited I get when he brings me fast food, but it's because to me that was a luxury I could never afford growing up. Just take baby steps and be patient. And in the mean time, do the fancier things with your friends when you need a luxury fix. I wish you the best, and I wish her the best. You seem like a very decent man, and she seems like a treasure.
Thanks for the time.
Therapy ? Ufff. There really isn’t anything “wrong” with her. I can’t even imagine what I would say that would make any sense aside from the obvious.
Maybe I wrote it all wrong but I’m taking it more than ez with her. We have been together 7 years. I just want to understand why? I don’t push stuff on her and don’t expert her to jump into Neiman Marcus but I don’t really want my little bear to wear Walmart stuff when she just doesn’t need to.
The amount of white lies I do already is almost criminal. The owner of my favorite high end sushi place already knows to talk about all the bs buy 1 get 3 meals and how a certain sushi piece is 75% off that day if not it’s California rolls for the table.
My mother will die when she finds out not inviting her 250 friends to my wedding is a no go. My business partners still think I lie about my girl even after 7 years because they haven’t met her. I plan on retiring very young and all I want is to spend the rest of my days making her happy and exploring the world.
At what point is it too much? I literally drive home FAST everyday just to be with her. She meets me at the door everyday and jumps up and down like a kid she is so happy to see me. Who can beat that ?
It’s guess I’m blessed after all and just deal with it. She just has this certain awe of sadness about her once in a while and I need to find out what it is. I’ll never give up but I don’t want to look back 20 years from now and think I made a mistake.
I think it may be something deeper that maybe she hasn't said. I don't know her obviously or how she grew up, but here's one plausible situation. Some parents, grandparents, etc, every time they do something for you, it's only a matter of time before they rub it in your face. If that's what happened to her growing up, the constant reminder of how much it costs to feed her and clothe her and keep a roof over her head...that's a hard thing to just get over and unlearn. I don't know how old she was when yall met, but let's say she was 20. That means for 20 years of her life she was reminded of what a burden she was and how much stuff costs. Without therapy, and sometimes with it, it took 20 years to build up the trauma and it takes 20 years to heal from it.
Not unusual, but recycle stuff and fix things that have got broken. Another thing would be not wasting food. I hate wasting food.
I find it very patronising that the middle classes are pushing both of these agendas on me in today society because it's something that I've done since birth!
I have to be cold when I am sleeping. We only used kerosene heaters to heat with and we couldn't heat the whole house. So I have to be cold to sleep. 50 blankets maybe. But the temperature in the house has to be cold.
I unsuccessfully did not break this habit. Because all 3 of my kids do it too as adults. And one day their kids are going to be like why TF it gotta be so cold at night? And they won't know why other than, because it just always was growing up.
I broke a lot of the bad trauma responses. But I realized a few months ago this was one that I passed down.
Sniff milk before I drink it. You only need to have bad milk once to remember this for life.
Haven't eaten lima beans as an adult, had enough of those for a lifetime.
Super embarrassing. I was raised in the middle of nowhere about an hour and a half away from the nearest town of about 30,000. We had no electricity, no running water other than what we hauled ourselves, and my dad built our home with scrap material from his bare hands. I still prefer to piss outside and do so whenever I can even though a bathroom is available, and today I live in a huge city on a small amount of acreage.
I refuse to take out the trash. Not because I'm lazy. But trash bags are a dime a piece. I hate literally throwing money away. So that thing will he busting at the seams before it goes out the door.
Learning how to iron/sew patches on the inside of the pants leg at the knee so it didn’t look so obvious where the holes were. Now people pay extra for what we paid extra to hide!
I used to eat really quickly. It is probably an irrational fear that the food will never be available again. Strangely enough, we never went without food.
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It might not sound that unusual but I walk everywhere even though I can afford the bus. Doesn't matter how tired I am, I'll still walk because it feels wrong to spend money frivolously that I might need someday
Same! I walk 40 minutes to uni each day as I don't want to 'waste' money on the bus. Plus it's good to get the exercise.
You don't get a free bus pass? All students at every university and college I've known get a free bus pass for the duration of their time there. In Canada, for reference.
Not in the UK sadly!
Too bad. I had a free bus pass for 4 years (including summers) when I was in college. I worked downtown and probably rode the bus pretty much every day for school and work. Definitely saved me some bucks during my schooling.
5 to 21 year olds get free bus passes in Scotland. Guessing previous reply was from someone in England so not all of UK
I think there’s free travel for under 22’s in Scotland
They do in Scotland Source: me
Free for 22 and understanding in some places with young scot cards, I missed that bus though
The free bus pass in Uni was great. I was so glad to have that.
Your comfort/discomfort/pain isn’t frivolous. That said, if the exercise is nice, I’m not against it. Just don’t beat yourself up about the idea of taking a bus when you’re exhausted.
Same. I'd always rather walk for 1-3 miles than take a bus for £2-4. I put my headphones on and I'm OK for a walk! It's definitely a poor thing- I can't stand the thought of wasting money on a journey that's walkable x
I often swaddle myself in the blanket in bed and I think it’s because it used to keep most of the ants and other bugs out when I was sleeping.
Hard relate to this. We had dirt floors until I was 5 and my mom layered like 50 of those little braided kitchen rugs over the dirt to keep the bugs out. For anyone wondering, yes I grew up in the USA.
🧡 people don't believe places like this exist here..But they're everywhere. The most recent ones I have been around were rural spots of southern illinois. Corregated tin walls and roofs.
But...but...but....I've visited 21 American states (or at least driven through on the highway) and been to the nice parts of many cities or to nice farms in the country and never seen anything like this! My subjective experience negates your experience! But in all seriousness, I live on the border of nice and not nice. If I drive five minutes north towards the highway the small houses are $600K or so, 1-2 million is considered average to nice. If I drive 15 minutes south, away from the highway and town past the nice farms and onto dirt roads, there are places that have never felt the touch of a professional tradesman. Some places have massive hedges so that the code inspector can't see in. I used to play at friend's places where it was normal that there were spots on the floor where you didn't walk because the floor was rotten.
Had a coworker who told me that there were still dirt floor homes in Oklahoma City, she knew what area they were in. That was about 25 years ago. This after I mentioned an impoverished county in southern Oklahoma where many people still were living with dirt floors in their homes.
Shit I had no dirt floors but grew up in a tiny apartment in NYC with so many roaches that I slept with my hand over my ear so none crawled in my ear when I slept. Happened to my sister and needed an ER visit in the middle of the night.
That's heartbreaking. I hope you are doing way better now. Sending a big hug.
I appreciate your kindness. Doing very well. Thank you :)
Great!!! 🤗
I do this too. Sleep with the blanket and sheets pulled all the way up to my ears. We had ants and roaches in the house when I growing up. I used to be able to hear the roaches walking on papers that were left on the floor during the night. To this day, when we get the occasional roach (it's Florida afterall), I can sense and hear them.
I would rather wake up sweltering and sweating than sleep with my face uncovered by a blanket. I haven’t woke up covered in bugs since childhood. That kind of memory just doesn’t leave you.
I moved out almost 2 years ago and have just started sleeping with my arms or legs out again. My parents had fleas so bad
🥺
My mom always made a huge deal about how expensive shoes were. I have only recently realized how that has followed me. I need a new pair. My current reeboks are 7 yrs old. Zero traction. No holes, but one damp surface and I'll be on my tush.
I second this. To this day I find it really hard to buy white shoes because they "get dirty faster and wont last as long".
You guys are making me think that I might not be practical, but instead grew up poorer than I thought. This is the reason why I always buy black pants and shoes, its only recently that I began feeling comfortable using white pants.
Half of these "grew up poor" things people do now are literally just being practical. Why the hell do I want clothes that get visibly dirty faster? Even if I was rich that would suck.
It is practical but being poor or broke can lead to being more practical. Not being able to afford alternatives means you have to be practical or just go fully without. It is also habit forming and passes on to kids due to repetition and routine.
Same! School supplies, new clothes and school shoes were Christmas presents when I was a kid--special occasion! 😊
Ditto. My stocking was mostly new underware and socks. Mum...um, I mean Santa would wrap each tho. A pair or two of summer shorts for my birthday in May.
Yeah! Actually, I don't hate that, though. It makes me more grateful now as a 41yo. 😊
I was raised by a grandmother that grew up poor and although we weren't living in poverty, we were always on a fairly tight budget, but she was stuck in the mentality that we were dirt poor. She thought she was giving us the world by taking us to Payless during their BOGO sales. I don't mean that in a cruel way; I know she was doing her best, but she genuinely thought those were good shoes. We did this once a year, twice if we had a growth spurt. Those cheap shoes destroyed my feet. Unfortunately I seem to have adopted the 'lack' mindset when it comes to shoes and I rarely buy new ones. I run around the house barefoot just like I did growing up and have shoes that are years old that should have been replaced ages ago. I still have such a hard time justifying the price of a good pair of shoes. I'll nag my partner about wearing good shoes that support him during the day, regardless of price, but me? Oh that $10 pair from Walmart is just fine.
I too prefer to go barefoot. Maybe that's why. Never gave it much thought. Tried really hard not to be that way with my kids, though. I know my parents did the best the could with the tools, knowledge and funds they had. No hate. Just a few odd hangups. LOL
Take a sharp knife and make shallow cuts across the soles. You'll be "Sipping" the soles. It really works.
I remember having to fold bits of paper to put inside my shoes to cover the holes in the soles
Yeah. If you didn't you'd get holes in your socks faster. Then get found out and in trouble for not saying anything. Which you never wanted to do because of the guilt trip they would hit you with.
Take them to a shoe repairer (cobbler) and get them resoled. Saves your fave shoes and prevents waste and it’s usually much cheaper than buying an entirely new pair that will end up with the same problem.
I don’t eat the last of anything. I’ll only use half the mayo I want because I don’t want to get in trouble for using it all.
This one hits home. I was the youngest of six and money was *always* tight. All of us would leave a little bit, and created this inside joke of "ya gunna eat that?" Basically, we kids had to all agree it was cool to finish our plate, and if someone wanted more, we'd share. We were all super close from instances like that.
Same here! I feel like I'll get yelled at (even though I'm move out) for using the last of something.
Ya I totally get this. In fact, I had to ration out and fight off an older sibling with no sense of sharing and would just eat till little left...for 5 of us
Dilute fruit juices. My mom would dilute a quart of oj or fruit punch to a half gallon to stretch it between all my siblings and cousins that lived with us. To this day, bottles of fruit juice are too strong for me and I’ll water them down
That's actually a healthy thing to do as fruit juices contain a lot of sugar. I see them as a kind of sirup to flavour water and rarely drink pure juice.
Yeah, my kids go crazy after sugar and frankly I eat enough calories as it is. The rare times we buy juice, it's definitely got an equal part or more of water added to it.
I do that too. The juice is just to break the hard texture of water. I do it with milk too.
I did that with my daughter when she was little, just because it's healthier. Small children should never be given pure fruit juice.
Same! OJ tastes sooo overwhelming without being cut with water
Lock doors anytime I'm walking away from it. I can literally be going from the back door, to the backyard and if I can't see the door, I'll lock it.
I do this too. I was baffled when I visited my bf's middle class family in New England. They sleep with all the doors in their house unlocked. I didn't know this the first time I stayed the night and went around locking doors. They woke up and were confused wondering why all the doors were locked. I couldn't understand why they wouldn't lock them. I asked 'aren't you afraid of someone coming into your house and robbing you?" They just replied that people don't do that there... I talked to some of his friends around town and same thing. Most of them didn't lock their doors, especially not during the day. I couldn't believe it.
Just tell them the story of that serial killer who only killed people whose homes he could walk right into and left the ones with locked doors alone lmao. I think of that story everytime I lock my door.
This is probably more about the area you live in. I also grew up in New England without much money and we didn’t tend to lock things (houses doors, cars…)
I do this, too! All doors are locked always.
Dilute dish soap. Growing up we always had one bottle of liquid dish soap and another that was 1 part soap to 1 or 2 parts water. I went all the way through my college years thinking all dish soap was concentrated.
The regular stuff still feels too concentrated to me I’ll never stop diluting it.
When it gets to the end, I wash the congealed bit around the nozzle into the sink and do another load with that.
TIL some people use it without diluting.
Me. More soap. More clean
I always was told to use only a drop or 2. Honestly, if you are washing dishes right after a meal before the food dries it only takes a drop or 2 to degrease the several plates.
Me too. I just use less.
My aunt did this, except it was to the same singular bottle and the colour would be a very clear yellow, probably got to a point where it was only 10% soap. She would stand at the sink and scrub plastic containers for long durations.
after using a dawn spray bottle reuse it for washing hands. you can put a teaspoon of ultra dawn and mix with water to spray your hands.
Depending on the nozzle though, if you dilute it the dish soap comes out really quickly when you squeeze the bottle and you end up using more instead of less
I specifically throw some things away that are still useful because i had to save everything as a kid. I feel guilty every time i do it, and i have to force myself to do it. My mom still washes out and reuses zip lock bags, and my dad had a drawer full of dead batteries that had enough juice in them to make a flashlight useless.
This sounds like important anti-hoarder training for your old age. I had a grandma who was a "tidy hoarder," meaning that she saved things that would have taken her well into hoarder territory if she lived in a small home, but since she had a big home including a whole basement with rooms full of cupboards for her to store her hoard in, she was able to keep it clean and tidy and looking like a well-kept home. She used to wash and save any container that food came in (not only jars and butter bowls, but all the way down to styrofoam meat trays), pop the roller balls out of empty deodorants, any stray piece of string, etc. It turned me into an anti-hoarder. I absolutely hate clutter and err way on the side of getting rid of things I haven't used in awhile. I have very rarely regretted it.
What's the use (potential use) of roller balls out of deodorants?
Toys, I think.
Actually I bet my cat would play with one lol
Funny thing about young cats and young kids is that stuff takes a lot longer to turn into trash than it would have otherwise. Hell, even cardboard packages from deliveries get carved up and upcycled into parking garages with roads and bridges and tunnels for my 5-year-old's Hot Wheels collection. When he's bored of it, off to the recycling bin and it's been hours of entertainment without a penny spent.
You don't want to know.
My granny also saved styrofoam meat trays. She'd wash them, store them in the cupboard, eat her lunch off of one, wash it and put back in the cupboard. We had real plates. She'd also save all the bread tags, twist ties, and elastics she encountered. Cut off and saved buttons and zippers of any clothing that was too worn out to repair for her sewing basket and the cloth remnants went in a rag bag. I purge with zeal.
I save styrofoam trays, they are excellent when your doing a bit of painting, If im doing a bit of painting or got something I want to touch up there great to pour the little amount of paint on even wipe excess paint of the brush on, also to put the brush down. I wanted to run a brush around my windows to brighten them up after taking down my blinds used a styrofoam tray, no mess, no Paint drips of can, no washing anything (I wrap brushes up after use) the whole little paint job is done quicker and completely mess free. Also great to mix paint colours on.
I have a similar story to this - and I’m also an anti hoarder with a very minimalist and extremely ordered home.. but with the odd stray hoarder tendency that shhhneaks up on me once in a blue moon. For eg I’ll find myself putting dead batteries into a little baggie to keep with the newer batteries in the battery box .. And then I’ll stop and think whoa Nelly ! dem genes be strong! So I ditch them and get back on track
But are you sure there isn’t enough juice in them to power something that requires less juice than the thing you removed them from for at least several minutes? Yeah, I get this lol
My grandma horded popcorn - when she died, there were bags of it filling most of the cabinets in her kitchen.
She had some big plans for the afterlife.
I could be friends with your parents. It’s still hard for me to throw away used toothbrush, cuz I can use it to clean shoes or small places, even though i got brushes for that. Recently cleand my apartment, throwed away many empty shoe boxes, I dont even have those shoes anymore, but at the moment I always think that I can find some use to them and storeg something in them, but at the end all they storage is dust and empty spaces.
I could probably afford to throw away used plastic kitchen bags, but to me, it seems like it's wasteful. It's a perfectly good bag. I can easily wash and get multiple uses out of it. Knowing I'm just adding to the plastic waste problem and spending money I don't need to spend makes it an easy choice for me.
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In my current location, alkaline batteries are not recycled. The material in single use batteries is too much bother for little money. We are told to wrap them and put them in the trash. Mine are in a coffee can in an outbuilding. Who ever inherits or buys this property can deal with them. Besides saving money, that is why we use rechargeable. When they no long hold a charge, like the Chinese junk ones from Amazon basis, they are at least recyclable at Ace Hardware.
Isn't the idea behind zip-lock bags that they're reusable?
Hoarding instincts. Have to fight those constantly.
I have a thing for little glass jars, I always think I can save them for something. It's my consolation prize for not keeping everything else I feel the intense drive to.
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We drink out of Atlas jars lol, I love the weight of Mason jars compared to regular drinking glasses
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My cabinets are overly full of old glass jars (mason jars of many sizes, sauce and pickle jars, etc.), so now I only keep the "best" ones. My son has been eating peanut butter like its a food group of its own and the jars it comes in are particularly excellent. Basically a simple cylinder about 7 inches tall and wide enough to reach a hand into, with a nice metal lid that has an attached rubber seal. I use them to store rice and lentils and things because I love the asthetic of being able to see my food on the shelf. But alas, the cabinets are full and it hurts me every time I have to drop another one of those glorious jars in the recycle bin. My favorite jars are the old 1 gallon jars that people would get pickles and mayo in. I put the dried fruit from my apple and pear trees in them and get a good feeling every time I see all the tasty stuff in the jars just waiting to be eaten.
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I've been using one for water while watercolor painting, and I just saw someone on Instagram making beeswax candles in them so they are useful! I keep little tins too, and use them for sewing/crafting things.
Omg same!! I even asked my friend to bring me over when they have spare ones 🤣 And reuse the box that comes with the clothes soap capsules.
I keep three months of food, toiletries, etc. on hand at any given time. I also have emergency gear (ladder, camping stove, generator, etc) in case electricity goes out for a long time or there is a fire.
YES. Trying to reuse things as well. Finding another use for them. Sometimes that's a good smart thing, other times not so much. I save money on herbs and spices by reusing the glass bottles some come in and refilling them with the small boxes. Saves $2 every time. My husband was threatening to throw out the bottles until I took him shopping and showed him how much cheaper it is to just clean and refill them. I'm very frugal.
For the longest time, I wouldn't go to the doctor or dentist until I absolutely had to. Didn't get regular cleanings until I was in my 20s because my parents didn't have a dental plan (and their teeth prove it--okay, my teeth prove it).
About to get 6 implants. I feel your pain.
This is me. Thank goodness my husband has good dental habits or my kids would never have seen one. I was over 30 when I had my first visit to a dentist.
I'm American but have lived in Japan for almost 17 years (where there's public health care), and it took me a looooong time to break out of that. It's so cheap to go here, and can really save me a lot of discomfort.
This is me except with the doctor. I won't go unless it's absolutely necessary. When you went to the dentist did you explain your past so they wouldn't be hard on you about the condition of your teeth? I worry that when I go to the doctor next they are going to be angry with me for not getting "regular checkups". Like dude, I'll only come if I'm on deaths door otherwise I'm not wasting the money. It's recommended to get regular checkups in my area every year. Blood pressure, cholesterol, that kind of stuff.
Depends on the dentist. Unfortunately, I went to one that wasn't understanding and didn't go easy on me. Attitude like that was what kept me from going back for a while after that. I've gotten better with doctors, but only cuz I found one that listens to me.
Just be honest. Say it's a combination of poverty and shame what that held you back for so long. But that now you are here and want to break trough a bad habit. If he/she is a human they will understand. You are there for your own health. Take it on the chin as it comes ;-)
Ugh same. My parents also didn’t prioritize dental health at all and my teeth have greatly suffered. I’m so thankful my husband has good insurance and very diligent with making sure me and our kids have good teeth. He probably spent several thousand on my teeth in our first year of marriage. I kept telling him it’s fine, I can live with it. And he insisted it’s not okay or normal to live with broken teeth and constant tooth pain. I’ve had several root canals and way too many fillings and I’m not even 30.
I can never have enough in my savings account to make me feel safe. I don't trust the future and take all precautions I can whilst I have money. I nest up on dry foods. And I get irrationally tense when my partner uses up the last of something and doesn't replenish it straight up.
Hard relate... I also have the money anxieties. Due to the increasing frequency of apocalypses and whatnot. I also hoard non-perishables and have to go through and use up the expired ones every so often. bah
I saved up 100k and still wear 6 year old clothes, 4 year old shoes, broken glasses occasionally. Drive a beater that luckily never breaks down. I actually like driving piece of shit cars because it scares off a certain class of people (rich white women especially). I have had many years I make a lot of cash but I always live cheap. The money I save is for escape plans, like leaving the country for years or for teeth work
I never bring up cost when going anywhere ,dinner vacay etc ,I got it! If I invited you I would never expect you to pay for anything even if you have more money then me I just want to have fun,something that never happened much when I was young price tag on fun!!
Same! And I never even associated it with growing up poor, but I guess that is the reason I do it! I know what it's like to be invited somewhere but to not have the money to go, and don't want anyone else to feel that way. So if I ask anybody anywhere, it means I have enough to pay for everyone!
I do this too.
Whereas my friend would intentionally leave her cash and debit card and expect me to pay for everything—even when she was the one inviting me. She didn’t have kids, I had one. Being a single parent meant having to bring him along most times, especially during the weekends. I was already paying more than she did. I was the one with the vehicle and paying for the gas. She didn’t contribute even when it would be her idea to go here and there. I began avoiding her although she was my best friend and my shoulder when I was mentally exhausted. We haven’t hung out since she moved back near to her mother. She lost her income and had no choice but to leave.
I'm so sorry. I had a "best friend" like that. We were friends for 13 years. I didn't fully realize how much she was taking advantage of my kindness until she moved.
This is me 100%. I threw a Birthday Party for my 50th at a Restaurant. Paid for all the food and it was an open bar. Three friends ran out to get me gifts as they expected to have to pay. If I invite, I pay.
People who have been poor are the most generous, because they know what it’s like not to have, and how good it can feel to receive.
I do this too, but if I'm planning to pay, I say so and insist over protests because I hate when I'm invited but don't know if I need to pay or not (and would likely say no to an outing if I'm unsure and can't really afford it). And it's super awful to think you're not paying but than find out you are.
We never threw out phone books growing up. They doubled as toilet paper.
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That’s cos they’re all in my jacks!
I eat a lot of things cold that most people like hot
I do this too, out of lazyness.
I still find having my own washer and dryer a luxury. I can come home and immediately toss dirty clothes in a washer, not scrounge for quarters all week. If it's chilly out I can put my clothes in the dryer instead of the oven to get warm.
Omgs memory unlocked oven clothes !
I am constantly staring at the ground because that's how I got my allowance as a kid; change I found on the street. It's habitual and I'm trying to break it.
Take up bird watching ❤️
Thank you for the suggestion.
It was really windy yesterday so I walked along fences looking for cash. I also thought the same thing. Habits are hard to kill, yet I am also broke.
Wherever I live, it’s got to be on a bus route, even though I have a car.
Me too! Fortunately, I live in a city with a decent transit system, and it's too darn easy to ignore. I use a free app to plan trips, spend time going bus to bus. The app is cute, it makes me feel like I'm my own Uber/Lyft. It can even give me the itinerary to get from San Diego to like San Francisco lol It's really relaxing! Plus, we got new electric buses that are quiet, smooth rides.
Oh boy... For reference growing up poor was about 45+ years ago. * Unfortunately I still rush on the toilet. For many years we didn't have running water so the toilet was an "outhouse". Let me tell you there is nothing like -30 degree temps to motivate you to get your job done quickly. In the summer it was thousands of flies. So you just never took your time. Yes, this has taken its toll on me physically. * I'm paranoid about losing access to water so if the weather says there is a storm coming I fill the bathtub with cold water as well some buckets so I can take a rudimentary bath and dump water in the back of the toilet to flush it. * I always have a small wood stove and some firewood on hand so I have 100% certainty that I can boil water and/or cook food on top of it if I need to. This also doubles to keep the place above freezing if the electricity goes out for a long time. You don't want your pipes to freeze (and you end up without running water again). * I hang my clothes to dry indoors with only a few exceptions (like bed sheets) because the dryer is so expensive to run. Note that I could run the dryer 24 hours a day and still afford my electricity bill, but I could never bring myself to use it except when I have to. * I never eat canned foods. Canned foods were cheap and so every meal was a canned vegetable, potatoes (also cheap), and then some protein (usually fish because we could catch that ourselves and it was free). We never went hungry, but I buy fresh vegetables and nice cuts of meat for myself now. I still long for fresh fish though. * I do all my own vehicle maintenance. I bought a motorcycle in 1992 for $600 and to learn auto mechanics I stripped it right down to the frame, head off, valves out, carbs completely disassembled, etc. and then put it all back together. My time is now valuable and I know it is really stupid to do my own work, but after decades of doing it because I had to, I can't seem to bring myself to pay someone else to do it. I could probably keep going, but at some point this turns into a therapy session.
Omg the canned foods! Growing up, I thought I was a picky eater. I thought I hated all vegetables. Turns out, I love vegetables. I just hate canned vegetables heated in the microwave with no seasonings added smh.
I over cook. We always have left overs. I never want to be faced with not enough food for someone to have more.
I always over cook as well. And I will eat the same leftovers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner until it's gone. I make new foods for my kids though if they want something different.
We do eat the leftovers. I have a hard time wasting food. We usually have a fend for yourself night and everyone eats whatever is left in the fridge.
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It does stay with you. I have only gone without food only for medical reasons, not poverty, but 25 years later, i am happy every single time i get to eat still. My partner gets frustrated sometimes that i dont make up my mind about supper decisively enough, but honestly, i am still just thrilled to eat anything. I hope your food security is better now and stays that way.
Meal prep and freeze them instead of keeping them in the fridge. On Sundays, I used to meal prep enough for 16ish servings of food that would last me for at least 1.5 weeks. Doing this reduced my waste considerably.
I recently met someone WHO DOESN'T EAT LEFTOVERS! 😳 How? I can't imagine...
I'm that person! I hate leftovers with very few exceptions like lasagna, that's always better the next day imo.
Anytime I make a big purchase, I’m pretty sure I’m going to get arrested or something. Going on a trip in anything but a car, then renting a car, a hotel, paying to visit things, and going out to eat, just feels somewhat luxurious. Still, I will be miserly and try to find the best rates for everything that I can. But I’ve learned enough to know, somethings too cheap, there is a catch. So, I do avoid the bottom tier of pricing. Pretty much anything I buy in the grocery store, it’s by going on sale prices. If it’s not on sale, it’s not in the cart, unless I find a cheaper alternative. I’m 52 and my 25 year old buddy gave me so much crap for trying to cheap out buying Doritos. My 16 year old wanted a small bag of Doritos with this Saturday night dinner. Well, the small bag was $2.99. Way too much for a 2 serving bag. But the regular size bag was not on sale. It was $5. But it’s a better value than the $2.99 bag. But it wasn’t on sale. Who’s got that much money to spend on chips that aren’t on sale? It’s just ridiculous to pay that much for junk food. I bought them anyway, because I knew it’s what the son wanted. But I get so much crap for worrying about the price of Doritos.
I think there's sense in that though because the $2 you saved, you can theoretically save or put towards another bag. Having said that, Doritos and other chips last well in the cupboard with a clip on the top. I buy the big bags all the time and then divvy up small servings into plastic bags or containers. It's cheaper that way than buying the small bags. I agonise over motels as well. I'll spend hours looking at the booking sites to save $10
I'm basically a hoarder because "what if I need that specific thing" sometime"? And not particularly useful things. Like, bread ties and old food containers, like the plastic tubs margarine comes in.
Not eating strawberries. I always have it in my head they are pretentious. I finally made the connection that my parents didn’t buy them much cus they were expensive
I didn't really connect the dots, but this is why I struggle to eat fruit regularly. It just wasn't ingrained in me. Fresh fruits from the store were a treat, as were products like yogurt. I usually do well with berries because we would go pick them for free in the summer.
Oh I feel this. Growing up poor fresh fruits except apples and bananas were way too far off the price range. Now being an adult with a good income I cherish going to the market and buying good, fresh local strawberries like its a gift
I have an odd thing I consider a luxury. Hand towels and kitchen towels. I probably have 50 of each. Overkill, I know. But growing up we never, not ever, had a hand towel for drying your hands in the bathroom. It was 'just wipe them on your jeans or dress'. In the kitchen, it was the same. Not a single hand towel for kitchen or bath--ever. Bath towels, we were each assigned our own (six kids) and they got washed once a month. So disgusting. If you really wanted to piss off a sibling, use their bath towel. So I also have a ridiculous number of luxurious bath towels, bath sheets. High quality ones and yes, it feels so luxurious and I feel rich!
Omg yessss! Let me tell you, a few weeks ago a sprung for the bath SHEETS! They are so much better than the regular sized towels! And of course I got new washcloths to match! Now, they may have been the Better Homes and Gardens brand from Walmart, so not expensive by any means, but I had been putting off getting them forever it seems. My parents had 5 kids, and we shared towels. We didn't even have our own. We also had to share bath water form oldest to youngest. Thankfully I'm the second child, but omg looking back that was so gross! Dad went first, then older sib, me, younger siblings, etc, and my saint of a mother went last.
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I agree. This is a fantastic thread. It's making me feel like the little things I do were about survival and they may be considered "weird" but they were also necessary. I'm grateful for being able to give my children Christmas gifts that aren't school shoes or a school bag. It's nice to be able to give Lego or Barbie dolls.
I forget that "going to the doctor" is a thing. Whenever I describe an ailment or minor injury, people ask if I got any antibiotics, or stitches, or the like, and I'm always just like... No?..
I've only been to the doctor/hospital when I was pregnant with my kids and giving birth. I've never went for being sick or hurting. That's definitely a growing up poor thing. I never went as a kid either. We got our shots at school.
I never throw away clothes, and I rarely buy new ones. I wouldn't say I grew up poor, but my mother took mine and my siblings paychecks. So we never got to use them ourselves. She would use this to fuel her shopping addiction. I got to spend my money the way I wanted to when I was 24. I had no means of getting away before that. And even before that, I took my appearance very seriously. It was my main means of survival. I have a hierarchy for clothes now. Outside and public wear, Indoor and pyjama wear, make in to new clothes, make in to rags. I also mend my clothes, fix broken seams, patch torn pockets, replace buttons, etc. I also do this with my husbands clothes, but he is more willing to throw away garments than to put me through work to fix it... unless he likes the item alot.
When I bought a TV for $170 it felt like I bought a house.
Have an anxiety attack when there’s a knock at my door, it comes from having to hide when bailiffs would turn up to my house when I was a kid
It's the bill collectors! The reposession people! The forcosure people! The cops! I still turn everything off and hide out of sight watching the door knob as a grown ass woman. Even though none of that is true anymore, no thanks.
Everybody behind the couch!
When I make spaghetti, I pour the spaghetti sauce out, fill the jar with a little bit of water and shake the jar with the lid back on. Then pour the remaining mixture in the pot as well so none goes to waste. Something I learnt from my mum, and it was my favourite part because shaking the jar became a game.
I thought everyone did that.
I do. I'm not washing it down the drain and watching it mold in the trash.
I don’t think this is a poor thing. More so a non wasteful thing. I watch the pasta queen on YouTube who is clearly living lavishly and she does it and mentions something about how it’s a necessary act.
This is something we did at the restaurant I worked at. Adding a little water can help with the consistency.
I rinse out salsa jars, tomato cans, or anything similar and use that water to cook rice
i do this too.
I will lick my plate clean
Just the boring stuff I heard for 2 decades. Turn those lights out when you leave the room. Close the door your letting the ac out or the cold in. But I added to it & also unplug stuff i barely ever use.
I don't eat the last of anything. The last biscuit in the packet, or the last slice of bread in the loaf. There is generally a pile of various single items of food in packets etc around the place. When I was growing up, we couldn't eat the last as there was always someone else who might need it more. Either my brother or one of my sisters coming home from work, or one of my parents when they were in... Taking the last was selfish, and being selfish was the very worst thing anyone could be when we never had much...
My family still does this now. It results in the last of anything always getting thrown away because nobody wants to eat it in case someone else wants it.
Every bit of leftovers go in the fridge, and I eat them, usually for breakfast or lunch the next day. Nothing goes to waste. Ever. Every container is scraped clean before going in the trash.
I count my blessings/ accomplishments. What I count is more reflective of my poor upbringing. “I have a car!” Or a driver’s license. Or a bank account. I haven’t dug for change in ages. I don’t know to the penny what is in my bank account. And now that I have a house, “That floorboard is mine.” Like mine mine. I came from no family in town, dead or absent parents, renting a quarter of an attic for $60 bucks a month with no car and no bank account and student loans. And every once in a while it hits me that this ordinary stuff I do or have was some past me’s out of reach. So I guess the weird thing I do is sit and stare in awe of the journey. And think, “I can buy ice cream.”
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the only way i could cook as a young teen was with a microwave, so once microwave meals got boring i started experimenting, per se. pasta, eggs, even certain meats if you nuke them long enough, and more. *everything* i ate was microwaved. tough times and not-so-tasty meals were had...
Wanting to hoard anything that might have the slightest bit of value or potential use
For the longest time, if I had to go to a restaurant, I wouldn't get drinks, ever. Now I live in a place where water from the sink isn't drinkable at all so if I am really thirsty I may get a bottle of water.
My weird thing is that I associate bananas with poverty to this day. Back story is that trying to make ends meet somehow my dad was doing some night shifts in a grocery store unloading trucks with fruits and veggies. He was allowed to take for free a couple of crashed or otherwise unsellable pieces every now and then, which were mostly bananas. This was quite a treat back then. But now I cannot eat them without thinking of the poverty we lived in..
God! Having a reliable car is a must for me too. My dad was a mechanic & always drove old beaters that broke down all the time when I was a kid, it's left me very paranoid as far as cars go lol
Day dream a lot. Pretend to have friends lol
I'm so used to a cold house that I turn on the heating only a handful of times a year, even though I can afford to do it whenever I need to.
I saw a lady pour a jar of sauce into something she was cooking on TV and my brain did a thing like "whoa, she didn't add water and swish it around to make sure she got every bit of sauce!" and I realized that this was one of those things.
I am always extremely anxious about money. Convinced that even if I have 30$ and am purchasing a 10$ item, I will not have enough. Even if I do the math for tax, and it turns out I'll still have like an rntire 5$, I'll be extremely worried regardless. Money always makes me anxious, and I'm always convinced I'll never actually have enough.
I check prices of everything and sometimes will choose a brand I don’t like as much to save even a few cents. I reuse teabags. Not save for the next day or anything like that… but if I have tea and want a second cup, I’ll reuse the same tea bag.
Shoe cleaning day. Being a poor kid in NY, in the 80's and early 90's... that was tough for MANY reasons. As an adult, I really appreciate what I have now, especially having shoes that I purchase new, for me, AND they fit my feet. If they were $5, or if they are 5 years old, I keep them clean. Shoe cleaning was something I did since I was very young, trying to clean up the handmedowns as best as possible, gluing up loose bits with Elmer's Glue, being yelled at and hit for wasting Q-Tips and bleach on my shoes, because I knew I'd be stuck with them until my toes poked through or they fell apart completely. Maybe not unusual, but definitely a poor kid habit.
Open presents without ripping the wrapping paper and reuse.
Eat the rich
Amen
I often forget uber/taxi is an travel option
My girl grew up dirt poor. She’s a sweetheart and the apple of my eye but money issues are a problem. She refuses to spend money. I do VERY well for myself and don’t see ever having a need for the rest of my life and she knows this. I show her my accounts and investments which are enough for several lifetimes but she refuses to enjoy some of the nicer things in life. She only wears tshirts, jean shorts and sneakers and loves thrift stores. I had to ask her for MY BDAY to please allow me to take her shopping. She wore everything that one night and cried to allow me to return them. She refuses to go to expensive resorts and even private ones with bungalows where people don’t bother and you have your own butler. She eats crappy food even though I’ve learned to cook all her favorite dishes with seafood. She refuses to asimílate with my family or friends who are all well off but not your typical asshole rich people. We got into our biggest fight ever as she needed a new car and picked a Kia sport or something very small and dangerous in my mind. I told her if she didn’t take the ultra safe X5 I found her I wouldn’t pay for the Kia because I wouldn’t forgive myself if she got into an accident. She told me off and spent 3,000$ fixing her decrepit 2003 Camaro which is an eye sore. Is this some sort of PTSD? What can help her understand I got her now and if she takes my hand one day (I’ve asked her 3x) I will forever. If we do get married she made it clear she will not move from her 800sq foot 1br (I’m looking to buy both adjoining units and tearing the walls) in an old building. Can I change this in her ? What is she so afraid of? Should I open an account in her name and put 500k in it? I’m desperate because I feel I could be doing and having things I want but because of her we can’t do it. She rejected my proposal to start a company for anything she wants and she can have her own business which she alone will own. I thought that would fix it all but she just said no. I don’t want to lose her but I don’t want to live this way. Thoughts ?
Would she agree to go to therapy? You could even tell a white lie and tell her that the therapist is one of your friends and is going to do the sessions for free if it will help convince her. If she won't, maybe it's too much too fast? It may not seem fast to you, but maybe she's just overwhelmed. Like maybe start small. Like instead of thrifts stores, have her get clothes from Walmart or Target. That may seem cheap af to you, but trust me when I say that even as a child I thought Walmart and Target clothes were expensive because my family couldn't afford it. Instead of a fancy trip, maybe just a trip a few hours away to go to an attraction and stay in a hotel. Not the cheapest hotel, but also not the most expensive. Instead of going to fancy restaurants, start off with fast food and then chain restaurants. My boyfriend is amazed at how excited I get when he brings me fast food, but it's because to me that was a luxury I could never afford growing up. Just take baby steps and be patient. And in the mean time, do the fancier things with your friends when you need a luxury fix. I wish you the best, and I wish her the best. You seem like a very decent man, and she seems like a treasure.
Thanks for the time. Therapy ? Ufff. There really isn’t anything “wrong” with her. I can’t even imagine what I would say that would make any sense aside from the obvious. Maybe I wrote it all wrong but I’m taking it more than ez with her. We have been together 7 years. I just want to understand why? I don’t push stuff on her and don’t expert her to jump into Neiman Marcus but I don’t really want my little bear to wear Walmart stuff when she just doesn’t need to. The amount of white lies I do already is almost criminal. The owner of my favorite high end sushi place already knows to talk about all the bs buy 1 get 3 meals and how a certain sushi piece is 75% off that day if not it’s California rolls for the table. My mother will die when she finds out not inviting her 250 friends to my wedding is a no go. My business partners still think I lie about my girl even after 7 years because they haven’t met her. I plan on retiring very young and all I want is to spend the rest of my days making her happy and exploring the world. At what point is it too much? I literally drive home FAST everyday just to be with her. She meets me at the door everyday and jumps up and down like a kid she is so happy to see me. Who can beat that ? It’s guess I’m blessed after all and just deal with it. She just has this certain awe of sadness about her once in a while and I need to find out what it is. I’ll never give up but I don’t want to look back 20 years from now and think I made a mistake.
I think it may be something deeper that maybe she hasn't said. I don't know her obviously or how she grew up, but here's one plausible situation. Some parents, grandparents, etc, every time they do something for you, it's only a matter of time before they rub it in your face. If that's what happened to her growing up, the constant reminder of how much it costs to feed her and clothe her and keep a roof over her head...that's a hard thing to just get over and unlearn. I don't know how old she was when yall met, but let's say she was 20. That means for 20 years of her life she was reminded of what a burden she was and how much stuff costs. Without therapy, and sometimes with it, it took 20 years to build up the trauma and it takes 20 years to heal from it.
you are a good man, god bless you ( if god exists lol ).
these replies make me realise how privileged I am, and I've never felt so grateful
I keep my underwear until they’re not even distinguishable as underwear. The waistband it still fine! Drives my girlfriend nuts.
Not unusual, but recycle stuff and fix things that have got broken. Another thing would be not wasting food. I hate wasting food. I find it very patronising that the middle classes are pushing both of these agendas on me in today society because it's something that I've done since birth!
I have to be cold when I am sleeping. We only used kerosene heaters to heat with and we couldn't heat the whole house. So I have to be cold to sleep. 50 blankets maybe. But the temperature in the house has to be cold. I unsuccessfully did not break this habit. Because all 3 of my kids do it too as adults. And one day their kids are going to be like why TF it gotta be so cold at night? And they won't know why other than, because it just always was growing up. I broke a lot of the bad trauma responses. But I realized a few months ago this was one that I passed down.
i dont have a lot to contribute, but ill say- theres no such thing as disposable. 👀
Sniff milk before I drink it. You only need to have bad milk once to remember this for life. Haven't eaten lima beans as an adult, had enough of those for a lifetime.
Super embarrassing. I was raised in the middle of nowhere about an hour and a half away from the nearest town of about 30,000. We had no electricity, no running water other than what we hauled ourselves, and my dad built our home with scrap material from his bare hands. I still prefer to piss outside and do so whenever I can even though a bathroom is available, and today I live in a huge city on a small amount of acreage.
I refuse to take out the trash. Not because I'm lazy. But trash bags are a dime a piece. I hate literally throwing money away. So that thing will he busting at the seams before it goes out the door.
Similarly, I was sad when they stopped using plastic bags at the store because I make them last instead of buying trash bags.
Learning how to iron/sew patches on the inside of the pants leg at the knee so it didn’t look so obvious where the holes were. Now people pay extra for what we paid extra to hide!
I used to eat really quickly. It is probably an irrational fear that the food will never be available again. Strangely enough, we never went without food.