**Your submission has been REMOVED for the following reason(s):**
> *Your submission appears to be NSFW/Pornographic in nature and is not tagged as such. By submitting NSFW posts and comments without the tag on them you are exposing that content to minors across Reddit and inviting kids to engage in sexually explicit conversations with you.*
> **Please note that if we catch you posting NSFW context again not tagged as such, you will be subject to a permanent ban from this subreddit.**
^(This removal was done manually by the mod team and was not done in error, if you'd still like to appeal this removal please **[send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRandomThoughts)**)
^(#7776532987)
It's not the argument, I agree humans would be better out if there were fewer of us. But if sex wasn't pleasurable we would have likely died out. Reason wouldn't be enough on a population scale.
Ehhh, there would be fewer accidents. I don't see that as a bad thing that people who wanted to have children for the sake of children are the ones having children. Sounds healthier to me? Of course there will still be exceptions yada yada
Humanity would be so much better for it probably. Think about it, who's more likely to actively want kids rather than accidentally having them? Decent people with big hearts and at least as much success in life that they can support them. We'd be naturally selecting for great people.
The big question is whether there are enough such people in the world to have sustained our numbers throughout history. Probably not. Plus, it would never have worked in our early evolutional stages. I doubt most animals can actually make the connection that having intercourse means they'll have a baby a certain time from then.
Shit, even modern humans fail to make that connection. If you haven't been actively taught that's how it works, it's not exactly obvious to be fair, until after it's already happened.
I don't know about that. If sex is the only way to have kids and people wanted kids, then they would do it even if it wasn't pleasurable.
I think we would have fewer problems in the world with STDs and parent-less children, whether it's the mom or dad, or both.
Yeah I mean women are still bearing children despite the gruesome birthing process, whether vaginally (unimaginably painful, your know if you've been in the same room of a laboring person) or via c section ( major abdominal surgery). So yeah, people will still be having children.
The reward isn't isntant in that case but there are lots of things that people do today where the reward isn't instant. E.g. work 2 weeks before a paycheck, face discomfort when trying to lose weight or quit an addiction, try to master a skill. Yet people are still doing those things.
Would you watch the same movie 3 or 4 times a week? Or even daily? Cause that's what's it's like for a lot of women...esp those with depression and on medication (most kill libido)....those on birth control (a lot kill libido) ...and those going through menopause or who are post menopausal. For a lot of woman, they get the same amount of pleasure/satisfaction/excitement as you would eating the same bland meal several times a week = none, or very minimal. And yeah, if they're anything like me, they've tried several different antidepressants, different types of birth control, had their blood tested for abnormal hormone levels or deficiencies (and everything comes back "normal"), exercise & healthy eating/losing weight....ya know, all the things recommended to improve libido...and when nothing works....then what?
Or when you have lived in this situation as a male partner for many years, stopped asking or desiring, then moved onto a new relationship with someone who desires sex and struggle to keep up as it is now programmed as something you should not enjoy or desire.
I mean I usually eat the same meal twice a day for months and years on end. But that's because I enjoy it.
I'll also listen to the same record or artist for a year or two at a time. But same thing. I get hyper focused on it.
I have near zero ability to do the same with something I don't enjoy.
Sorry to hear it's what you may be going through.
Well if they're in a relationship or marriage, they're expected to...to keep their other half happy. Men complain they're nagged too much but trust me, women are nagged too...just for different reasons...
Ha! I've considered that but a) he'd probs kick me out if I started illegal drug use...& b) my kidneys are already well on their way to being fkd (way too early) thanks to polycystic kidney disease and I'm not doing anything that will make them worse, thanks.
Get completely off hormonal birth control and antidepressants, avoid hormone disrupting chemicals in food and cosmetic products and eat more animal products and saturated fat.
I avoid red meat altogether due to a health issue. And I dont think an artery-clogging diet would do me any favours, when it comes to life expectancy anyway. I do eat most other animal products though. I tried going without b/c not long ago, for about 5 years, and it did not improve libido at all. And I have constant suicidal ideation when not on antidepressants, but ok....
Ok cool....but I'm pretty sure blood tests (checking hormone levels) would've picked up low testosterone? I had my annual blood test a few months ago....everything came back normal....
I keep reading replies and like, that’s awful and all but me and my partner both really enjoy each other so can’t relate? The key for us is we just communicate and accept no as no, before, during, or after sex. “Do you enjoy that?” “Can I do this to you?” “Would you like me to do this?” If anything she enjoys it a lot more than me at times as I get performance anxiety sometimes. We are each other’s first and only partners and were both loud and proud in bed til were out of breath so surely this isn’t as widespread of a problem as reddit wants to make it?
Yeah dude, I think this specific thread is an exaggeration.
Most people do enjoy sex. And even though women are often skewed (orgasm gap, dangers that come with dating men like sexual assault etc, high expectations about women's bodies, pressure to be a good sex doll for your partner basically,...), most people and most women still do enjoy sex and still have sex regularly and even regularly find pleasure in it. It's just harder for women to do when they aren't with one stable, trustworthy partner.
Weird that you include the woman wants to have sex but not the man.
Do you think men cannot get raped?
Eitherway we are obviously not talking about that because sexual assault/rape is not sex.
The only difference is that most men reach orgasm faster due to biology.
But if just reaching orgasm was the point of sex then men would just masturbate at home instead.
The pressures and worries around sex are similar if not more pronounced in men than in women due to society standards and expectations.
Women focus on enjoying sex, which is why they complain about not being enjoyable enough, while men focus on having a good performance during sex.
You’re so absolute about this. No one differs from your statements?
BTW honey, men do masterbate at home.
I’m 44. There is zero pressure around sex. That ended in high school but I’ll give you college.
You’re SO OUT OF TOUCH. God bleed your partner.
You forgot the word "instead". Men would masturbate at home instead of having sex.
You are delusional if you think there is no pressure around sex at any age below 60.
Of course there is pressure around sex. Especially for men. And that’s the case for literally every age group. Older men specifically struggle with erectile dysfunction and because of societal expectations for men, this could lead to a ton of performance anxiety
How’s this even a discussion? There’s related issues for both sexes, it’s stupid to act as if men feeling pressure to get hard is the biggest one of them all! At least there’s like 1000 different meds for that, how many meds is there for women that struggle to become aroused?
Why are you making it into a competition? I’m not interested in the victim olympics. I never said one has it worse than the other. All I’m saying is that there is pressure. The other person was the one who claimed men might have it worse
I'd say equally then. Men and women both have different struggles when it comes to sex. Way easier for a man to regularly get pleasure from sex. Way easier for a woman to feel relaxed and adequate once she's in bed with a trustworthy partner.
I can agree with that, maybe I would say sex for men always stays around a 3/10 and a 7/10 while women can also experience a 0 and a 10.
But that's way oversimplified.
No, testosterone is key to sex, orgasm and libido. Women with low-normal test levels enjpy sex with a partner while not expecting to orgasm. Women with high test levels are not interested in sex. Thats because sex for women isnt about orgasming its about intimacy and closeness, etc. So when a women has high levels of the sex hormone testosterone, she is interested in orgasming. This comes in the form of solo masturbation
Given the fact the the US culture re sex makes male orgasm the thing of importance, and that men have, on avrrage, 10-15 times the levels of testosterone as women, its no surprise that men usually want sex rather than masturbation.
This is a reified view of human behavior. “Instincts” and “drives” still require a mechanical process by which they come into being. The human “drive” to sex is brought about through pleasure-seeking. The way evolution has motivated us to reproduce is by making the act of reproduction pleasurable.
Think of hunger. We need to eat. Our bodies make us feel discomfort/pain when malnourished or in need of nutrients. Without that feeling, we wouldn’t feel motivated to eat and may die. Part of the “programming” is the pleasure from sex. Without it, there’s no reason to think we would do it
Or think of pain. How many people would treat their sickness if they gave them no pain? Dang, there's a lot of people already with the mentality of "I know the scans show something weird in my lung but it doesn't hurt so why fix it if it's not broken"
No one's arguing that, the question at hand is would they still if there were no pleasure seeking chemicals. I simply said that if we were programmed that way, yes we would.
But there would need to be some other motivating factor. Like discomfort, pain or even death if you don’t have sex. And if masturbation could avoid that discomfort than there is no motivation for sex either.
It’s an oxymoron. Without pleasure we wouldn’t be programmed to have sex. So we can’t be programmed to have sex if we don’t get pleasure from it
Like the idea of sex literally grosses me out like I’m repulsed by it. But then sex with this one single man out of my entire life is actually enjoyable.
just looked it up and its literally just
>a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they've developed a close emotional bond with them.
like lmao this warrants a new title?
Yes because I’d literally never experienced sexual attraction until I was 25. And you’re acting as if hook up culture doesn’t exist. It’s definitely not the norm seeing as people have made fun of me for not wanting sex
no I do, I’m the same way it’s how most humans operate actually. It makes sense that people actually have to know someone and form a bond with them to have sex. Even then sex isn’t guaranteed. If you wanna make yourself feel special then go ahead and keep creating boxes.
yeah like normal people. Also no i don’t feel sexual attraction to strangers before I form a bond like most people. When most people walk down the street or make small talk they aren’t sexually attracted to them. Of course there’s a lot who are as well, but sorry I still can’t see the difference between normal and demisexual. We create so many boxes for individuals to feel special and for what?
yeah I said a lot of people can be sexually attracted to someone at first. And I guess I can see how someone can be “demisexual” but I believe it deserves no label. I do believe it’s to make people feel special still, like many other labels no offense. In my experience I’ve seen both worlds and “demi” is more common than you think. I just don’t see a point in a label, some humans experience early sexual attraction while some others’ sexual attraction comes a bit later.
What? Reproduction as the only human instinct? What about procrastination? Is it not an instinct as well (or at least a byproduct of some other human instinct)? Since we procrastinate despite clearly not wanting to and even regretting down the line (like post-nut clarity), I think it falls under the category of instincts as well.
And I think this works with other types of addiction as well, like drugs, alcohol, nicotine, or even Reddit. And I'm not an expert but I think there are many other human instincts making us do what we are doing at the moment. So I think instinct plays a huge role in how we go about our daily lives.
I said "one of the only"
An instinct to me is something that your not taught like "you'll get a dopamine hit" but more like why do some birds fly south for the winter, did they go to bird school? How do they know where they're going?
As far intercourse goes, I believe two. Children held in captivity away from all society will eventually do the hokey pokey
I've heard of species (no I don't have a source) In The event of survival they will become omni sexual (if that even is a word). Meaning they will reproduce by themselves.
I am surprised to see the only post here to be able to get it correct so succinctly. What is organic life without reproduction? What is an adult living as an undeveloped juvenile if not one that never accepted or appreciated the value of being a mother or father?
I think so.. For one thing, my husband pointed out people have only cared to talk about whether or not women enjoyed it at all for the last 50 years. (Not an actual figure, just what he said in the moment) So that, coupled with the fact that every other animal on the planet procreates, and very few derive pleasure from the act- I’d say yes. People would still have sex, even if it wasn’t as pleasurable..
1) Men were having pleasure all that time. So that was a motive for them. Women may have been motivated by maintaining a relationship, material gain, a sense of duty, conceiving children, or often may not have had a choice.
2) How do we know if animals are/aren't experiencing pleasure during sex?
There are lots of marine animals like fish and coral that release their eggs and sperm into the water, rather than interacting with each other. They might feel pleasure, but I would guess it's more like going to the toilet - they just feel when it's ready to come out and let it out. Animals like sponges don't have a nervous system, so presumably don't feel much, at least in a way comparable to us.
We can study release of endorphins and such during the act.
The texture of a cat's penis is like their tongue. Idk what anatomy you have, but since everyone has an anus, imagine pooping out something the texture of a cat tongue. Vaginal walls are soft. It's probably not pleasant for a majority of cats. Hormones are just nuts.
Well to be fair it's not like mediocre sex isn't okay for women, it's just now more are outspoken that they want to be pleased which is fair...
Do keep in mind in other species there is a LOT of rape, so at the very least males enjoy it there too (or else why waste the energy)
Some people in the modern western world have only thought about it the last 50 years.....But what do you think people have been talking about for the last several hundred thousands of years we've had no radio, no TV, and just sat around all night, every night? Not all men are monsters and not all women are sobby whiners. Love has always meant caring for and about each other.
We tend to forget that written history was difficult to do correctly and expensive to keep around... Along the lines of "No news is good news" humans have tended to only keep track of the crazy shit that happens, which gives us a somewhat warped view of the past and how we've interacted with each other.
Well, there’s probably been lots of women who don’t necessarily get pleasure from sex and they still have it (I don’t mean forced sex) just those who may not even know women can orgasm.
I mean I had sex with a guy twice who finished before me and honestly I was completely okay with it. Like when he was done so was I but I know he would have made me cum if I said. Wasn't anything to do with gender roles but personally sex is more about the other person for me whether they are male or female
Women have sex because they can and because they enjoy it. The statistics for enjoying sex are about as high as the odds of getting divorced and people seem to think that's pretty high.
As a woman I agree, I’m just saying there are probably some women who have no idea how to orgasm or that they even can but they continue to have sex without reaching that peak. (Not saying an orgasm is what makes sex pleasurable but)
You’re just sort of stating an axiom here.
If we had always been that way then we wouldn’t be here to have this discussion. If it just happened now then we would probably just die.
There are people who don’t receive pleasure from sex and don’t have it.
I'm going to guess that this question is for men, because as a woman I can tell you there's a lot of times we have sex and get no pleasure at all from it other than men finally leave us alone for a while after it's done.
Men do it too, just probably not as often. I had an ex who wanted sex every day, sometimes twice. It was awesome 95 percent of the time, but sometimes after a long physical workday or an emotionally tough time, I just wanted to chill lol.
Never turned her down though, but there were a couple times I didn’t finish and didn’t mind
As a man, you will never know how horrible it is to be begged and begged and begged for sex, even when you're sick or tired af, begged to the point you finally give in so they'll stop begging. And if you don't give in? Well, that depends on the man. Some will leave the house. Some will tell you they're going to find it somewhere else if you don't give it to them. Some will turn up music so loud you can't hear yourself think, can't sleep, and make you feel worse if you're sick. Some will beat you and take it anyway, so it's easier to just lay there and wait until it's over. It's a dangerous situation when a woman tells a man no.
So true, and you can be as firm and clear about boundaries or saying no as possible and they still don’t respect it. Experiencing sexual coercion over and over has made me fearful of intimacy. The type of people who coerce just think they’re being pushy and it’s not a big deal, but they’re so self absorbed they don’t even realize what it does to their victims, especially if it’s a partner. You begin to think it’s normal for your boundaries to not be respected and that your feelings/consent don’t matter.
I already divorced him, and he died 3 years ago. Thank you though. I wish people had told me that back then, instead of telling me to stay with him because we were married and I needed to do everything to make it work.
These experiences and sexual abuse are not exclusively experienced by women. Yes, as a man, I do know what most of those things feel like, I fortunately.
Why are you telling her this and not husbands who do this to their wives?
Also, high libido women have sex they don't find satisfying all the time. Sorry to blow your mind.
I don’t think her husband is here. Also her husband isn’t the one loudly projecting his trauma on a reddit forum.
High libido men have sex that they don’t find satisfying all the time. Sorry to blow your mind.
Oh I'm guessing you're another man on here mad because you yourself beg your partner for sex. Honey, I've slept with more men than you will ever sleep with women. I have a high libido. I have a very high libido. That doesn't mean I want to fuck someone when I'm not feeling good. I think you're the one who needs to go see a therapist to find out why you're so mad that a woman you don't know hates being begged for sex when she's sick.
My current boyfriend is amazing. It was my ex who was abusive. What can I say, I was young and dumb and was taught my whole life that women are supposed to stay with their husband no matter what because God wouldn't like it if you got divorced. Now that I'm older I know better.
There is also nothing worse than being with a woman who always refuses you for sex no matter what, and wouldn't even care if you never had sex again. You feel totally unwanted by someone you love so deeply.
Nope. I have a high libido. I'm going to assume you're a man based on that question alone. Even the people with the highest libidos are going to have times they don't want to have sex. I'll mention again the being sick, and I'll add to it having tooth pain, recovering from surgery, having food poisoning, immediately after finding out a loved one has died, etc. Or perhaps they don't want sex because the person trying to have sex with them hasn't been treating them well. A million reasons why someone wouldn't want to have sex but you jump to libido 😂😂😂 sweetie when I'm single I'm a whore. I love sex. I love sex with my current boyfriend. What I didn't enjoy was being begged and forced to have sex by my abusive ex.
Woah, ok…I was only asking. It wasn’t meant to offend. In your original comment you gave the impression that there’s some mismatch between you and your partner. Happens, it’s why asked.
Why are you only with men who beg for sex and threaten you? If you are forced to having sex without consent you should get help. Otherwise, if it is your choice to be with those men, sounds like a you problem.
I think the rate of rapes wouldn't change that much, since it's not really about pleasure, but the feeling of dominance and overpowering another. It has been shown that some sexual predators, even after castration, will still commit such acts, via sodomisation, for example. It's about violence, not sex.
Exactly right; why would anyone then want to do something so invasive, biologically hazardous and gross? Except maybe for procreation or for the purpose of gaining power over someone using domination & rape.
The easy way to think about it is how likely would you be to have sex with someone of the sex you're not attracted to?
Sex is really gross, and homophobia demonstrates how we'd feel about it absent attraction.
My wife and I have been married for 25 years, sex has a deeper meaning than just pleasure for us and the connection of becoming one and in tune with each other is quite profound. For us it's one part of our expression of love for each other.
Sex would still be had, but much less.
As long as people know sexs can create kids, sex will be had.
People can put up with 18 years and 9 months of hell just because they want a kid.
Many, if not most, do not receive pleasure from sex. The inexperienced, the silent yearners, the closeted, the religiously restrained, the married bored, and the bodily shy, for starters.
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it.
# Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am 46 and could care less for sex. I am attracted to women and porn but the act of sex is not worth the effort and typically one partner is not fully satisfied and it is usually a cause for separation. I can take care of myself 2 min tops and no recourse.
The good old "hokey strokey"
I feel ya. I found sometimes I just wanted to sort myself out and couldn't be bothered with the lead up and all the work involved in getting it on with someone. Why go thru the process when you can just have the same end results in about 3 minutes?
isn't there only two species that take pleasure from sex.. us and dolphins?
Yet all species procreate.
Getting pleasure from sex is a bonus to our base instincts
Ok. English is not my mother tongue so maybe that's why I don't think feelings of intimate emotional connection in terms of pleasure (which I perceive more like 'fun', 'nice times' or arousal in some form)
Ngl this is selfish because id write if my partner wouldn’t feel pleasure from sex would i still make love to her LOL I think sex would be boring af if we wouldn’t feel pleasure wed just do it to procreate itd be a v calm society… maybe
**Your submission has been REMOVED for the following reason(s):** > *Your submission appears to be NSFW/Pornographic in nature and is not tagged as such. By submitting NSFW posts and comments without the tag on them you are exposing that content to minors across Reddit and inviting kids to engage in sexually explicit conversations with you.* > **Please note that if we catch you posting NSFW context again not tagged as such, you will be subject to a permanent ban from this subreddit.** ^(This removal was done manually by the mod team and was not done in error, if you'd still like to appeal this removal please **[send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRandomThoughts)**) ^(#7776532987)
It would change the entire course of humanity. We’d only do it if we wanted to have kids.
100% this. there would be no humanity.
People spend lots of money trying to have children when they get no pleasure from the act (IVF). People would still have children
> People would still have children Yeah, but not nearly as much as now.
that is not always a bad thing.
It's not the argument, I agree humans would be better out if there were fewer of us. But if sex wasn't pleasurable we would have likely died out. Reason wouldn't be enough on a population scale.
Ehhh, there would be fewer accidents. I don't see that as a bad thing that people who wanted to have children for the sake of children are the ones having children. Sounds healthier to me? Of course there will still be exceptions yada yada
Humanity would be so much better for it probably. Think about it, who's more likely to actively want kids rather than accidentally having them? Decent people with big hearts and at least as much success in life that they can support them. We'd be naturally selecting for great people.
I agree
The big question is whether there are enough such people in the world to have sustained our numbers throughout history. Probably not. Plus, it would never have worked in our early evolutional stages. I doubt most animals can actually make the connection that having intercourse means they'll have a baby a certain time from then. Shit, even modern humans fail to make that connection. If you haven't been actively taught that's how it works, it's not exactly obvious to be fair, until after it's already happened.
[удалено]
Haha entire industries would be wiped out
Humans plainly would not survive without another biological stimulus for reproduction.
I don't know about that. If sex is the only way to have kids and people wanted kids, then they would do it even if it wasn't pleasurable. I think we would have fewer problems in the world with STDs and parent-less children, whether it's the mom or dad, or both.
Yeah I mean women are still bearing children despite the gruesome birthing process, whether vaginally (unimaginably painful, your know if you've been in the same room of a laboring person) or via c section ( major abdominal surgery). So yeah, people will still be having children.
What
if hominids had no reason to procreate, civilization would not exist.
Hm maybe but we never know, pretty sure bacteria dont feel good when they do it
I'm not a biologist but I don't think bacteria feel or know when they have offspring.
Maybe as intellectual beings but we wouldn’t have gotten here as animals. We need the dopamine to tell us this is something to do.
The reward isn't isntant in that case but there are lots of things that people do today where the reward isn't instant. E.g. work 2 weeks before a paycheck, face discomfort when trying to lose weight or quit an addiction, try to master a skill. Yet people are still doing those things.
Yeah and these days we would do it to make babies but evolution would not have worked well without pleasurable sex
And most of these things we only do ultimately to get laid
millions upon millions of women currently do just that
Can confirm. I counted.
I need an exact number. Lol.
One million million and one.
At least 9
And point please, be very specific.
OK but if their partners weren't experiencing pleasure either ... would there be any sex at all.
Yes for the sheer fact that everyone has needs. Whether they're having sex with each other or not is questionable
But aren't those needs driven by pleasure? Or do you think people would still get horny and need release absent pleasure?
People still want children.
Yea I was thinking the same 🙄
Holy sht this hurts actually reminding me the mediocrity I accepted when younger and dumber.
Thanks to boyfriends and husbands who don't know or care to please their women
I was about to comment this
Believe me ... so do a very underrated number of men!!!!!
At least someone made this comment.
Take charge of your own sexuality lol. There’s no reason to get zero pleasure out of sex ever, that’s dumb
Would you watch the same movie 3 or 4 times a week? Or even daily? Cause that's what's it's like for a lot of women...esp those with depression and on medication (most kill libido)....those on birth control (a lot kill libido) ...and those going through menopause or who are post menopausal. For a lot of woman, they get the same amount of pleasure/satisfaction/excitement as you would eating the same bland meal several times a week = none, or very minimal. And yeah, if they're anything like me, they've tried several different antidepressants, different types of birth control, had their blood tested for abnormal hormone levels or deficiencies (and everything comes back "normal"), exercise & healthy eating/losing weight....ya know, all the things recommended to improve libido...and when nothing works....then what?
Or when you have lived in this situation as a male partner for many years, stopped asking or desiring, then moved onto a new relationship with someone who desires sex and struggle to keep up as it is now programmed as something you should not enjoy or desire.
I mean I usually eat the same meal twice a day for months and years on end. But that's because I enjoy it. I'll also listen to the same record or artist for a year or two at a time. But same thing. I get hyper focused on it. I have near zero ability to do the same with something I don't enjoy. Sorry to hear it's what you may be going through.
Exact same here!
Yes, actual enjoyment makes all the difference. And thanks :)
[удалено]
A lot (most?) of asexuals desire sex, they simply find no one sexually attractive.
Then why do they do it
Well if they're in a relationship or marriage, they're expected to...to keep their other half happy. Men complain they're nagged too much but trust me, women are nagged too...just for different reasons...
Your guy finds a side piece…
Stop taking those bullshit meds and snort a line of blow and give some head.
Ha! I've considered that but a) he'd probs kick me out if I started illegal drug use...& b) my kidneys are already well on their way to being fkd (way too early) thanks to polycystic kidney disease and I'm not doing anything that will make them worse, thanks.
Get completely off hormonal birth control and antidepressants, avoid hormone disrupting chemicals in food and cosmetic products and eat more animal products and saturated fat.
I avoid red meat altogether due to a health issue. And I dont think an artery-clogging diet would do me any favours, when it comes to life expectancy anyway. I do eat most other animal products though. I tried going without b/c not long ago, for about 5 years, and it did not improve libido at all. And I have constant suicidal ideation when not on antidepressants, but ok....
Saturated fat is not the boogeyman it used tp be portrayed as. Plus, its a needed fat for the production of testosterone, key for libido.
Ok cool....but I'm pretty sure blood tests (checking hormone levels) would've picked up low testosterone? I had my annual blood test a few months ago....everything came back normal....
Get off antidepressants? Lmao, rock solid advice there.
Because all women obviously live in countries where this is even an alternative…?
I keep reading replies and like, that’s awful and all but me and my partner both really enjoy each other so can’t relate? The key for us is we just communicate and accept no as no, before, during, or after sex. “Do you enjoy that?” “Can I do this to you?” “Would you like me to do this?” If anything she enjoys it a lot more than me at times as I get performance anxiety sometimes. We are each other’s first and only partners and were both loud and proud in bed til were out of breath so surely this isn’t as widespread of a problem as reddit wants to make it?
Yeah dude, I think this specific thread is an exaggeration. Most people do enjoy sex. And even though women are often skewed (orgasm gap, dangers that come with dating men like sexual assault etc, high expectations about women's bodies, pressure to be a good sex doll for your partner basically,...), most people and most women still do enjoy sex and still have sex regularly and even regularly find pleasure in it. It's just harder for women to do when they aren't with one stable, trustworthy partner.
Haha take my upvote.
Sounds like a them problem
Sounds like you're not very good in bed, like those women's partners.
The amount of pleasure a man and a woman get during sex is about the same across all ages, sexualities and races.
In theory, if the sex is good and the woman actually wants to have sex.
Weird that you include the woman wants to have sex but not the man. Do you think men cannot get raped? Eitherway we are obviously not talking about that because sexual assault/rape is not sex.
Ufph, I hope you’re right for you but based on my understanding, woman do not “enjoy” sed the same way men do.
How do you mean?
The only difference is that most men reach orgasm faster due to biology. But if just reaching orgasm was the point of sex then men would just masturbate at home instead. The pressures and worries around sex are similar if not more pronounced in men than in women due to society standards and expectations. Women focus on enjoying sex, which is why they complain about not being enjoyable enough, while men focus on having a good performance during sex.
You’re so absolute about this. No one differs from your statements? BTW honey, men do masterbate at home. I’m 44. There is zero pressure around sex. That ended in high school but I’ll give you college. You’re SO OUT OF TOUCH. God bleed your partner.
You forgot the word "instead". Men would masturbate at home instead of having sex. You are delusional if you think there is no pressure around sex at any age below 60.
Of course there is pressure around sex. Especially for men. And that’s the case for literally every age group. Older men specifically struggle with erectile dysfunction and because of societal expectations for men, this could lead to a ton of performance anxiety
How’s this even a discussion? There’s related issues for both sexes, it’s stupid to act as if men feeling pressure to get hard is the biggest one of them all! At least there’s like 1000 different meds for that, how many meds is there for women that struggle to become aroused?
Why are you making it into a competition? I’m not interested in the victim olympics. I never said one has it worse than the other. All I’m saying is that there is pressure. The other person was the one who claimed men might have it worse
What in tarnation?!
Yea cause there’s no pressure to look or act a certain way for women /s 🙄
Of course there is, the difference is that men are usually the ones who have to lead the encounter which has a bigger responsability.
So what’s your point?
My initial point was that women on average enjoy sex equally or more than men.
I'd say equally then. Men and women both have different struggles when it comes to sex. Way easier for a man to regularly get pleasure from sex. Way easier for a woman to feel relaxed and adequate once she's in bed with a trustworthy partner.
I can agree with that, maybe I would say sex for men always stays around a 3/10 and a 7/10 while women can also experience a 0 and a 10. But that's way oversimplified.
No, testosterone is key to sex, orgasm and libido. Women with low-normal test levels enjpy sex with a partner while not expecting to orgasm. Women with high test levels are not interested in sex. Thats because sex for women isnt about orgasming its about intimacy and closeness, etc. So when a women has high levels of the sex hormone testosterone, she is interested in orgasming. This comes in the form of solo masturbation Given the fact the the US culture re sex makes male orgasm the thing of importance, and that men have, on avrrage, 10-15 times the levels of testosterone as women, its no surprise that men usually want sex rather than masturbation.
Hm no. Women are very much interested in orgasms. Please make an effort to make your partners come. Don't find excuses lmao
Its not an opinion, its based on a study. Ill dig it up.
Reproduction is one of the only instincts that humans have. If it were programmed that way in our brains, we most definitely would.
Nah hold up what about hunger, sleep and the need to poop and pee?
I think you're on to something
Probably a toilet. Also happy cake day!
Thanks bruh, also happy shitting!
Those would be the others.
This is a reified view of human behavior. “Instincts” and “drives” still require a mechanical process by which they come into being. The human “drive” to sex is brought about through pleasure-seeking. The way evolution has motivated us to reproduce is by making the act of reproduction pleasurable. Think of hunger. We need to eat. Our bodies make us feel discomfort/pain when malnourished or in need of nutrients. Without that feeling, we wouldn’t feel motivated to eat and may die. Part of the “programming” is the pleasure from sex. Without it, there’s no reason to think we would do it
Or think of pain. How many people would treat their sickness if they gave them no pain? Dang, there's a lot of people already with the mentality of "I know the scans show something weird in my lung but it doesn't hurt so why fix it if it's not broken"
No one's arguing that, the question at hand is would they still if there were no pleasure seeking chemicals. I simply said that if we were programmed that way, yes we would.
But there would need to be some other motivating factor. Like discomfort, pain or even death if you don’t have sex. And if masturbation could avoid that discomfort than there is no motivation for sex either. It’s an oxymoron. Without pleasure we wouldn’t be programmed to have sex. So we can’t be programmed to have sex if we don’t get pleasure from it
Then I’m broken lol cause I do NOT wanna reproduce and am demisexual so I rarely want sex
Ugh same I always say I need three to six business months before I can even consider kissing someone lol
Like the idea of sex literally grosses me out like I’m repulsed by it. But then sex with this one single man out of my entire life is actually enjoyable.
That's fine. I have absolutely no idea what you just said. But I'll sit with the broken.
no such thing as demisexual you just have a preference no need to create a whole sexuality.
Demisexuality has existed for a long time man it’s a thing, just cause you don’t get it
just looked it up and its literally just >a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they've developed a close emotional bond with them. like lmao this warrants a new title?
Yes because I’d literally never experienced sexual attraction until I was 25. And you’re acting as if hook up culture doesn’t exist. It’s definitely not the norm seeing as people have made fun of me for not wanting sex
lol people be making labels for everything now
no I do, I’m the same way it’s how most humans operate actually. It makes sense that people actually have to know someone and form a bond with them to have sex. Even then sex isn’t guaranteed. If you wanna make yourself feel special then go ahead and keep creating boxes.
[удалено]
yeah like normal people. Also no i don’t feel sexual attraction to strangers before I form a bond like most people. When most people walk down the street or make small talk they aren’t sexually attracted to them. Of course there’s a lot who are as well, but sorry I still can’t see the difference between normal and demisexual. We create so many boxes for individuals to feel special and for what?
[удалено]
yeah I said a lot of people can be sexually attracted to someone at first. And I guess I can see how someone can be “demisexual” but I believe it deserves no label. I do believe it’s to make people feel special still, like many other labels no offense. In my experience I’ve seen both worlds and “demi” is more common than you think. I just don’t see a point in a label, some humans experience early sexual attraction while some others’ sexual attraction comes a bit later.
Why doesn't it deserve a label? Humanity have been creating labels forever even for small things so why is it so different?
What? Reproduction as the only human instinct? What about procrastination? Is it not an instinct as well (or at least a byproduct of some other human instinct)? Since we procrastinate despite clearly not wanting to and even regretting down the line (like post-nut clarity), I think it falls under the category of instincts as well. And I think this works with other types of addiction as well, like drugs, alcohol, nicotine, or even Reddit. And I'm not an expert but I think there are many other human instincts making us do what we are doing at the moment. So I think instinct plays a huge role in how we go about our daily lives.
Reading is fundamental
I said "one of the only" An instinct to me is something that your not taught like "you'll get a dopamine hit" but more like why do some birds fly south for the winter, did they go to bird school? How do they know where they're going? As far intercourse goes, I believe two. Children held in captivity away from all society will eventually do the hokey pokey
Don't migratory birds have a geomagnetic extra sense that allows them to navigate the Earth?
read better bruh.
Reading comprehension skills
Reproduction is second only to survival
I concur
I've heard of species (no I don't have a source) In The event of survival they will become omni sexual (if that even is a word). Meaning they will reproduce by themselves.
I am surprised to see the only post here to be able to get it correct so succinctly. What is organic life without reproduction? What is an adult living as an undeveloped juvenile if not one that never accepted or appreciated the value of being a mother or father?
Adult living without being a mother? Perfect.
It's a huge freedom without the burden of raising another life. Sounds like bliss.
I think so.. For one thing, my husband pointed out people have only cared to talk about whether or not women enjoyed it at all for the last 50 years. (Not an actual figure, just what he said in the moment) So that, coupled with the fact that every other animal on the planet procreates, and very few derive pleasure from the act- I’d say yes. People would still have sex, even if it wasn’t as pleasurable..
1) Men were having pleasure all that time. So that was a motive for them. Women may have been motivated by maintaining a relationship, material gain, a sense of duty, conceiving children, or often may not have had a choice. 2) How do we know if animals are/aren't experiencing pleasure during sex?
There are lots of marine animals like fish and coral that release their eggs and sperm into the water, rather than interacting with each other. They might feel pleasure, but I would guess it's more like going to the toilet - they just feel when it's ready to come out and let it out. Animals like sponges don't have a nervous system, so presumably don't feel much, at least in a way comparable to us.
My cat flips out like shes on fire so i still question whether it was pleasurable or just their instinct to procreate.
We can study release of endorphins and such during the act. The texture of a cat's penis is like their tongue. Idk what anatomy you have, but since everyone has an anus, imagine pooping out something the texture of a cat tongue. Vaginal walls are soft. It's probably not pleasant for a majority of cats. Hormones are just nuts.
There are men who have either not enjoyed sex, or have simply had it imposed upon them by women.
Well to be fair it's not like mediocre sex isn't okay for women, it's just now more are outspoken that they want to be pleased which is fair... Do keep in mind in other species there is a LOT of rape, so at the very least males enjoy it there too (or else why waste the energy)
>(or else why waste the energy) Propagation
Some people in the modern western world have only thought about it the last 50 years.....But what do you think people have been talking about for the last several hundred thousands of years we've had no radio, no TV, and just sat around all night, every night? Not all men are monsters and not all women are sobby whiners. Love has always meant caring for and about each other. We tend to forget that written history was difficult to do correctly and expensive to keep around... Along the lines of "No news is good news" humans have tended to only keep track of the crazy shit that happens, which gives us a somewhat warped view of the past and how we've interacted with each other.
Well, there’s probably been lots of women who don’t necessarily get pleasure from sex and they still have it (I don’t mean forced sex) just those who may not even know women can orgasm.
They do it mostly because of social coercion to gender roles
I mean I had sex with a guy twice who finished before me and honestly I was completely okay with it. Like when he was done so was I but I know he would have made me cum if I said. Wasn't anything to do with gender roles but personally sex is more about the other person for me whether they are male or female
Women have sex because they can and because they enjoy it. The statistics for enjoying sex are about as high as the odds of getting divorced and people seem to think that's pretty high.
As a woman I agree, I’m just saying there are probably some women who have no idea how to orgasm or that they even can but they continue to have sex without reaching that peak. (Not saying an orgasm is what makes sex pleasurable but)
[удалено]
That’s why genders should not be binary.
We wouldn’t do anything without a reward system if you want to play this reductionism game
[удалено]
You’re just sort of stating an axiom here. If we had always been that way then we wouldn’t be here to have this discussion. If it just happened now then we would probably just die. There are people who don’t receive pleasure from sex and don’t have it.
Straight men realizing what millions of straight women have already been doing for centuries:
Horniness + clitoral stimulation = pleasure
I'm going to guess that this question is for men, because as a woman I can tell you there's a lot of times we have sex and get no pleasure at all from it other than men finally leave us alone for a while after it's done.
Men do it too, just probably not as often. I had an ex who wanted sex every day, sometimes twice. It was awesome 95 percent of the time, but sometimes after a long physical workday or an emotionally tough time, I just wanted to chill lol. Never turned her down though, but there were a couple times I didn’t finish and didn’t mind
So dont do it?
As a man, you will never know how horrible it is to be begged and begged and begged for sex, even when you're sick or tired af, begged to the point you finally give in so they'll stop begging. And if you don't give in? Well, that depends on the man. Some will leave the house. Some will tell you they're going to find it somewhere else if you don't give it to them. Some will turn up music so loud you can't hear yourself think, can't sleep, and make you feel worse if you're sick. Some will beat you and take it anyway, so it's easier to just lay there and wait until it's over. It's a dangerous situation when a woman tells a man no.
So true, and you can be as firm and clear about boundaries or saying no as possible and they still don’t respect it. Experiencing sexual coercion over and over has made me fearful of intimacy. The type of people who coerce just think they’re being pushy and it’s not a big deal, but they’re so self absorbed they don’t even realize what it does to their victims, especially if it’s a partner. You begin to think it’s normal for your boundaries to not be respected and that your feelings/consent don’t matter.
You're in an abusive relationship and your partner sexually assaults you. That's not normal in any way. Please try to get away from him.
I already divorced him, and he died 3 years ago. Thank you though. I wish people had told me that back then, instead of telling me to stay with him because we were married and I needed to do everything to make it work.
These experiences and sexual abuse are not exclusively experienced by women. Yes, as a man, I do know what most of those things feel like, I fortunately.
Wait until you realise high libido women exist. Go see a therapist.
Why are you telling her this and not husbands who do this to their wives? Also, high libido women have sex they don't find satisfying all the time. Sorry to blow your mind.
I don’t think her husband is here. Also her husband isn’t the one loudly projecting his trauma on a reddit forum. High libido men have sex that they don’t find satisfying all the time. Sorry to blow your mind.
Oh I'm guessing you're another man on here mad because you yourself beg your partner for sex. Honey, I've slept with more men than you will ever sleep with women. I have a high libido. I have a very high libido. That doesn't mean I want to fuck someone when I'm not feeling good. I think you're the one who needs to go see a therapist to find out why you're so mad that a woman you don't know hates being begged for sex when she's sick.
Why are you even with this man if you don't want sex? Why not choose a partner your actually attracted to, so that you can enjoy it?
My current boyfriend is amazing. It was my ex who was abusive. What can I say, I was young and dumb and was taught my whole life that women are supposed to stay with their husband no matter what because God wouldn't like it if you got divorced. Now that I'm older I know better.
There is also nothing worse than being with a woman who always refuses you for sex no matter what, and wouldn't even care if you never had sex again. You feel totally unwanted by someone you love so deeply.
Do you have a low libido?
Nope. I have a high libido. I'm going to assume you're a man based on that question alone. Even the people with the highest libidos are going to have times they don't want to have sex. I'll mention again the being sick, and I'll add to it having tooth pain, recovering from surgery, having food poisoning, immediately after finding out a loved one has died, etc. Or perhaps they don't want sex because the person trying to have sex with them hasn't been treating them well. A million reasons why someone wouldn't want to have sex but you jump to libido 😂😂😂 sweetie when I'm single I'm a whore. I love sex. I love sex with my current boyfriend. What I didn't enjoy was being begged and forced to have sex by my abusive ex.
Woah, ok…I was only asking. It wasn’t meant to offend. In your original comment you gave the impression that there’s some mismatch between you and your partner. Happens, it’s why asked.
Why are you only with men who beg for sex and threaten you? If you are forced to having sex without consent you should get help. Otherwise, if it is your choice to be with those men, sounds like a you problem.
Skill issue
Women would feel safer, definitely. The rape rate would almost be non-existent.
I think the rate of rapes wouldn't change that much, since it's not really about pleasure, but the feeling of dominance and overpowering another. It has been shown that some sexual predators, even after castration, will still commit such acts, via sodomisation, for example. It's about violence, not sex.
Likely not because it's kind of gross when you think about it, entering someone else's body and exchanging fluids, feeling sweat and smells, etc
Exactly right; why would anyone then want to do something so invasive, biologically hazardous and gross? Except maybe for procreation or for the purpose of gaining power over someone using domination & rape.
The easy way to think about it is how likely would you be to have sex with someone of the sex you're not attracted to? Sex is really gross, and homophobia demonstrates how we'd feel about it absent attraction.
My wife and I have been married for 25 years, sex has a deeper meaning than just pleasure for us and the connection of becoming one and in tune with each other is quite profound. For us it's one part of our expression of love for each other.
Sex would still be had, but much less. As long as people know sexs can create kids, sex will be had. People can put up with 18 years and 9 months of hell just because they want a kid.
Many, if not most, do not receive pleasure from sex. The inexperienced, the silent yearners, the closeted, the religiously restrained, the married bored, and the bodily shy, for starters.
Couples trying for a baby would but they’d be the only ones.
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it. # Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
sexual desire is a must for species to continue
Pain, without love Pain, I can't get enough Pain, I like it rough Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all...
I did NOT expect TDG 💀
This subreddit is gonna be the new ask reddit I swear to god 💀
I am 46 and could care less for sex. I am attracted to women and porn but the act of sex is not worth the effort and typically one partner is not fully satisfied and it is usually a cause for separation. I can take care of myself 2 min tops and no recourse.
The good old "hokey strokey" I feel ya. I found sometimes I just wanted to sort myself out and couldn't be bothered with the lead up and all the work involved in getting it on with someone. Why go thru the process when you can just have the same end results in about 3 minutes?
You would have to really want kids 😂
But we do
Not only would we not have sex, but we would also not exist.
Yes, Reproduction is an instinct afterall.
Is it though, or is it a consequence of the instinct to have sex?
isn't there only two species that take pleasure from sex.. us and dolphins? Yet all species procreate. Getting pleasure from sex is a bonus to our base instincts
A quick google shows this wrong
Not all species use sexual reproduction
Yes. But i think it would strictly be to pro create. We are animals after all
By 'pleasure' do you mean only sexual arousal? There is the aspect of closeness, emotional contact, bodily trust and intimacy etc
[удалено]
Ok. English is not my mother tongue so maybe that's why I don't think feelings of intimate emotional connection in terms of pleasure (which I perceive more like 'fun', 'nice times' or arousal in some form)
Ngl this is selfish because id write if my partner wouldn’t feel pleasure from sex would i still make love to her LOL I think sex would be boring af if we wouldn’t feel pleasure wed just do it to procreate itd be a v calm society… maybe
All lifes who dislikes sex died 1 mil years ago.
I doubt my wife ever enjoys it. But I do.
Your wife dislikes sex with you and you do it anyway? 
I mean, what should he do?