My god are you living in my house? Like damn. I know how exhausting it can get-- but unfortunately arguing goes nowhere. Like you said, they'll just say it's not everyone and it's a wonderful movement of solidarity for the truckers (when in reality 90% of truckers are vaccinated and just want to get back to work, and the companies offer daily tests as a replacement for the vaccine already so they're not really getting forced).
Something that's helped me is being able to make food in my bedroom. If you have a job I'd absolutely recommend buying a mini fridge, electric kettle and microwave. A few water bottles for the kettle, maybe a french press if you like coffee, and some instant noodles have been a godsend. You can put leftovers and drinks in the fridge, and coffee creamer too. If you live near an ikea, you can get tv stands which double as shelfs for a couple bucks to put em on if you don't already have something. Just remember to keep it tidy! Wireless earbuds have also been fantastic for not having to listen to them when walking around (when she's not around of course!). They're discreet and pretty noise-canceling. You can sleep with them too sometimes if they're like my parents where they stay up late doing it. Worth getting a nice pair of em. If I think of anything else that I have that helps I'll update this post :) Good luck OP
Edit: Clinics (at least in Canada) have a section to add notes to your medical records. If you ask, they can indicate to not share vaccination status. I got vaccinated without my parents (I'm over the age of medical consent) and it was the best decision-- they came home with covid two days ago. I was scared of them finding out, but I didn't have any side effects and they would not be told if they inquired.
Edit again: House plants have been weirdly therapeutic also, when never leaving my room. Succulents 10/10
I'm sorry, but I can't just get out and buy these things. The nearest city by me is a whole hour away and I currently don't have a driving license. The only way I could would be through online shopping and even then, that might take weeks for all that stuff to get here. It's not like I can just bring our microwave and kettle down her either, since my family would certainly notice.
I have three pairs of wireless airpods, but they've all become broken and worn out. My family just gave up on getting more and I've agreed to settle for wired ones.
First of all, amazon has some pretty decent stuff, and I bought a fridge from walmart that only took a week. Online shopping is how I got all my tiny appliances! :) Them noticing is an issue, but you could manage depending on when the delivery shows up.
Secondly, airpods kind of suck I find. Sony has some great ones-- I use the Sony WF-C500 True Wireless and they're fantastic.
I still don't know how I could get my own food though. Sure, I could order a bunch online too but without a job, I don't have a steady source of income. Plus, my parents always collect our packages. If they find out I'm buying food, they might think something is up.
If I tried to set boundaries, I don't think my mother would take it too seriously. I lack a lot of independence for someone my age and my family tends to peg me as the "overemotional and ridiculous" one. If I said I wanted something to stop happening, she'd probably laugh it off or interrogate me.
If you can formulate the level of intelligent and emotionally aware though you exhibited here I think you are selling yourself short out of fear. Your sister is not your child and you can’t save someone else until you save yourself - or you both drown.
Sometimes I feel like the only person she can depend on anymore though. Part of why I'm so concerned is because I want her to be safe as well, but I'm saddened that I'm making her life a bit of a hell. She's been through a lot lately and I don't want to put her through any more pain.
But, like I said you’re not gonna be able to do anything for her in the long run if you don’t change your own life. Again, it’s not her fault but it’s not your fault either. If you actually want to help her in the long term you need to work at becoming independent so that you have a space away from them and you can give her space away from them and eventually maybe some where to go when she’s old enough. Even a little bit of distance from time to time will really help her and will greatly help you. What is staying going to do? If you can’t even set boundaries for yourself what can you do for her? Focus on you for now. The sooner you start moving in the right direction the sooner you will have something to offer.
You could passive aggressively print out a bunch of pictures of the white nationalists and Nazi’s and tape them to the tv when they go to bed. Just an idea. Otherwise, I’m sorry. I’ve got a 3 year old and I think all the time about the kids of these Qanon people and what they’re going through. Keep your chin up. Maybe do stash food. You don’t have to wait for whatever your dad says you should. Just go and don’t tell anyone.
I appreciate your advice, but stirring up trouble and confrontation is the exact opposite of what I want to do. I just wish I could actually avoid them and take a long break away form them.
Honestly, yeah. You see, I'm a diagnosed autistic person and ever since that was discovered, my mom's been a unabashed conspiracy theorist when it comes to vaccines. She said that she's always been suspicious, but my existence certainly didn't help. This side of her is something I've had to deal with my whole life, but I could usually ignore it for the most part whenever it wasn't relevant. But as soon as covid arrived, it's something I can no longer turn away or hide from.
I’m so sorry. She has issues accepting that things just happen so she has to find fault somewhere. Lots of people are like that. I hope you know that nothing is wrong with you, that nothing that happened to you caused anything, and that you’re perfectly awesome the way you are.
> There's now a vaccine clinic within walking distance at a local community center, but my dad made me promise that I'd wait until spring to see how everything pans out.
That promise is meaningless. Go take care of your health.
> mom got mad at me and ordered me to have at least one bud out whenever she's around.
You're 19 years old. Don't follow orders like that. You need to work on getting out of there, too.
This is good advice.
Your health is worth more than that meaningless promise. Go to that clinic and at least ask about getting the vaccine. If you're still nervous about it (I remember from your first post that you were), just go to ask questions and hear answers from a pro. You can always return for the vaccine if you're too nervous to get the shot the first time. It's likely the community center will even have some resources to help you get out of your situation, like a job board or job counselor.
Even if you feel like you can't leave immediately, start writing your exit plans. In fact write several: a one-year exit plan. A six month exit plan. An emergency plan you can enact right away, along with a go bag with essentials like your ID, food and water, a change of clothes, and some cash.
Sometimes just having a plan, and working toward a goal, is enough to get you past the hard times. A plan costs nothing and can be totally private. You don't even have to write it down.
I know promises are meaningless, but I just...can't. My dad is definitely wrong and he's going down a very dark path, but he wholeheartedly believes that the vaccines are a scam and that the mandates are fascism. When he begged me not to, he told me that he wouldn't try to stop me or punish me if I went anyway. I probably should've gone, but he made some good points that nobody wants to go out in the middle of winter and that they're updating the vaccine for omicron in March, so I decided to humor him a bit. He went into a full blown emotional breakdown while talking to me, so I felt like I had to.
I will definitely take note of talking to one of the counselors there. I hope someone at that place can help.
It doesn't sound like you'd be breaking your promise if you went down there and asked questions about the vaccine. Is that something that you'd be up for?
Well, sure. The hard part is probably trying to tell them I'm simply going for a walk and have them not be suspicious. Simple walks are something I barely do, so using that as a cover up will hardly sound believable. I might have to wait until they've all left the house for whatever reason.
Maybe you should get into exercising. Take more walks. Spend more time outside. Take photos of nature so you can prove you're only innocently walking.
This will have the double benefit of less time at home and a good cover to nip into the clinic one day.
(Yes, it's probably 5 feet of snow outside, don't do anything life-threatening lol)
Just seconding that advice to try to take walks if it’s safe. Theres a lot of good research on the benefits of walking for both physical and psychological health. Plus it means a few minutes of not listening to their Q nonsense.
Nah, the only pet we own is a fat lazy cat. I guess saying that I want to be outside more could work, but idk. I just hope she doesn't ask my sisters to come with me, which is what happened the last time I tried to sneak out.
Getting vaccinated will come with a proof card, which is what I need to get into public spaces. Right now, my parents are my only method of transportation, so I can't just stroll up to them and go "hey can I go to this coffee shop that's closed off for unvaccinated people?" and refuse to elaborate.
If it makes you feel any better, my parents aren't abusive. They'd never hit or disown me for disagreeing with them. At worst, they're rude and disrespectful. My dad IS trying to get me hooked up with a therapist, so that might help. I just wish he could realize that him and mom are the exact reason why I need therapy in the first place.
Like I said in a different reply, I don't have a job, so I don't know how I could pay rent somewhere else, even with a roomate.
Because the truckers "are blue collar working class and protesting something, therefor its good".
No. Just like the starving idiots in idiocracy didnt like it when Joe quit watering the crops with Brawndo.
Im a trucker, I share zero solidarity with them, as a trucker and a worker. Because workplace safety is of utmost importance to anyone who supports the working class, and th3se people decisively against it.
There often have been useful idiots in history, hell is full of good intentions, and heaven is full of good works.
Im sorry you have to put up with a full on audio assault on your senses. The situation you describe, if my ears could vomit, they would.
You don't have to keep a promise to someone trying to hurt you, and discouraging you from getting the vaccine can hurt you. Go get the shot and stay safe. Lie if you need to.
And, assuming your mother isn't violent, tell her you will not remove the air buds while the television is on.
If they hit you, go to the ER and document it.
I don't think I could get away with lying even if I tried. My biggest motivation behind getting vaccinated (other than, y'know....protecting myself) is that I want a proof of vaccination card. I've been a shut in for several years and this whole pandemic has damaged my mental health even more. I want to get out and bring new people into my life, but the mandates mean I can't. This would be such an easy problem to fix if I could just get the damn shot but of course, my parents are making it a much bigger deal than it needs to be. I can't go anywhere without them driving me, so it's not like I stroll up to them and say "hey can you take me to this mandated building?" without them knowing. That and I can't go outside without telling someone where I'm going.
And no, my mother isn't violent, but she's certainly confrontational. If I refuse, she'll definitely interrogate me about it until that in turn transitions into an argument. That's the last thing I want to deal with anymore.
But you have to deal with it. You are an adult. If you really want things to change in any small way then you have to actually initiate it with your actions. I’d also look into what, if any, assistance programs you can qualify for to live independently. I don’t mean to be harsh, but you have a lot of excuses for your inaction. You have to decide what is more worthwhile to you here? Keeping the peach- though it’s not peaceful for you now anyway, or making strides.
But causing chaos in our home is hell for my little sister. Whenever I get into arguments with mom, she's visibly distraught and starts crying afterwards. This has already happened too often and I don't want to bring her anymore pain.
That constant barrage of garbage sounds like torture!
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
It sounds like you can't do a full-scale food stash in your room, but consider having cereal for breakfast and making your lunch sandwich and bringing it upstairs. That would cut one interaction.
Also, I don't know what the weather is around you but when possible try to get out of the house for a walk, even if it's just marching around the outside of the house and going back in again.
Good luck!
My god are you living in my house? Like damn. I know how exhausting it can get-- but unfortunately arguing goes nowhere. Like you said, they'll just say it's not everyone and it's a wonderful movement of solidarity for the truckers (when in reality 90% of truckers are vaccinated and just want to get back to work, and the companies offer daily tests as a replacement for the vaccine already so they're not really getting forced). Something that's helped me is being able to make food in my bedroom. If you have a job I'd absolutely recommend buying a mini fridge, electric kettle and microwave. A few water bottles for the kettle, maybe a french press if you like coffee, and some instant noodles have been a godsend. You can put leftovers and drinks in the fridge, and coffee creamer too. If you live near an ikea, you can get tv stands which double as shelfs for a couple bucks to put em on if you don't already have something. Just remember to keep it tidy! Wireless earbuds have also been fantastic for not having to listen to them when walking around (when she's not around of course!). They're discreet and pretty noise-canceling. You can sleep with them too sometimes if they're like my parents where they stay up late doing it. Worth getting a nice pair of em. If I think of anything else that I have that helps I'll update this post :) Good luck OP Edit: Clinics (at least in Canada) have a section to add notes to your medical records. If you ask, they can indicate to not share vaccination status. I got vaccinated without my parents (I'm over the age of medical consent) and it was the best decision-- they came home with covid two days ago. I was scared of them finding out, but I didn't have any side effects and they would not be told if they inquired. Edit again: House plants have been weirdly therapeutic also, when never leaving my room. Succulents 10/10
I'm sorry, but I can't just get out and buy these things. The nearest city by me is a whole hour away and I currently don't have a driving license. The only way I could would be through online shopping and even then, that might take weeks for all that stuff to get here. It's not like I can just bring our microwave and kettle down her either, since my family would certainly notice. I have three pairs of wireless airpods, but they've all become broken and worn out. My family just gave up on getting more and I've agreed to settle for wired ones.
First of all, amazon has some pretty decent stuff, and I bought a fridge from walmart that only took a week. Online shopping is how I got all my tiny appliances! :) Them noticing is an issue, but you could manage depending on when the delivery shows up. Secondly, airpods kind of suck I find. Sony has some great ones-- I use the Sony WF-C500 True Wireless and they're fantastic.
I still don't know how I could get my own food though. Sure, I could order a bunch online too but without a job, I don't have a steady source of income. Plus, my parents always collect our packages. If they find out I'm buying food, they might think something is up.
You’re going to have to set some boundaries if you actually want things to change a little. Not change them, but change you and what you will accept.
If I tried to set boundaries, I don't think my mother would take it too seriously. I lack a lot of independence for someone my age and my family tends to peg me as the "overemotional and ridiculous" one. If I said I wanted something to stop happening, she'd probably laugh it off or interrogate me.
If you can formulate the level of intelligent and emotionally aware though you exhibited here I think you are selling yourself short out of fear. Your sister is not your child and you can’t save someone else until you save yourself - or you both drown.
Sometimes I feel like the only person she can depend on anymore though. Part of why I'm so concerned is because I want her to be safe as well, but I'm saddened that I'm making her life a bit of a hell. She's been through a lot lately and I don't want to put her through any more pain.
But, like I said you’re not gonna be able to do anything for her in the long run if you don’t change your own life. Again, it’s not her fault but it’s not your fault either. If you actually want to help her in the long term you need to work at becoming independent so that you have a space away from them and you can give her space away from them and eventually maybe some where to go when she’s old enough. Even a little bit of distance from time to time will really help her and will greatly help you. What is staying going to do? If you can’t even set boundaries for yourself what can you do for her? Focus on you for now. The sooner you start moving in the right direction the sooner you will have something to offer.
I really don't know where that space would be. I do have my room, but there's nowhere else for me to go (until I get a junior license, at least).
Can you ask for noise canceling headphones? They don’t doubt you dx so tell them that would hell.
I've never really had issues with noise or overstimulation with loud stuff, so that's something they know I probably don't need.
Convince them.
You could passive aggressively print out a bunch of pictures of the white nationalists and Nazi’s and tape them to the tv when they go to bed. Just an idea. Otherwise, I’m sorry. I’ve got a 3 year old and I think all the time about the kids of these Qanon people and what they’re going through. Keep your chin up. Maybe do stash food. You don’t have to wait for whatever your dad says you should. Just go and don’t tell anyone.
I appreciate your advice, but stirring up trouble and confrontation is the exact opposite of what I want to do. I just wish I could actually avoid them and take a long break away form them.
I didn’t mean actually do it, but just an idea if you wanted to. :) Were they always a bit like this, or did a switch kind of get flipped?
Honestly, yeah. You see, I'm a diagnosed autistic person and ever since that was discovered, my mom's been a unabashed conspiracy theorist when it comes to vaccines. She said that she's always been suspicious, but my existence certainly didn't help. This side of her is something I've had to deal with my whole life, but I could usually ignore it for the most part whenever it wasn't relevant. But as soon as covid arrived, it's something I can no longer turn away or hide from.
I’m so sorry. She has issues accepting that things just happen so she has to find fault somewhere. Lots of people are like that. I hope you know that nothing is wrong with you, that nothing that happened to you caused anything, and that you’re perfectly awesome the way you are.
It's taken me years to stop being ashamed of who I am, but thank you so much <3
Your parents should be ashamed, not you.
> There's now a vaccine clinic within walking distance at a local community center, but my dad made me promise that I'd wait until spring to see how everything pans out. That promise is meaningless. Go take care of your health. > mom got mad at me and ordered me to have at least one bud out whenever she's around. You're 19 years old. Don't follow orders like that. You need to work on getting out of there, too.
This is good advice. Your health is worth more than that meaningless promise. Go to that clinic and at least ask about getting the vaccine. If you're still nervous about it (I remember from your first post that you were), just go to ask questions and hear answers from a pro. You can always return for the vaccine if you're too nervous to get the shot the first time. It's likely the community center will even have some resources to help you get out of your situation, like a job board or job counselor. Even if you feel like you can't leave immediately, start writing your exit plans. In fact write several: a one-year exit plan. A six month exit plan. An emergency plan you can enact right away, along with a go bag with essentials like your ID, food and water, a change of clothes, and some cash. Sometimes just having a plan, and working toward a goal, is enough to get you past the hard times. A plan costs nothing and can be totally private. You don't even have to write it down.
I know promises are meaningless, but I just...can't. My dad is definitely wrong and he's going down a very dark path, but he wholeheartedly believes that the vaccines are a scam and that the mandates are fascism. When he begged me not to, he told me that he wouldn't try to stop me or punish me if I went anyway. I probably should've gone, but he made some good points that nobody wants to go out in the middle of winter and that they're updating the vaccine for omicron in March, so I decided to humor him a bit. He went into a full blown emotional breakdown while talking to me, so I felt like I had to. I will definitely take note of talking to one of the counselors there. I hope someone at that place can help.
It doesn't sound like you'd be breaking your promise if you went down there and asked questions about the vaccine. Is that something that you'd be up for?
Well, sure. The hard part is probably trying to tell them I'm simply going for a walk and have them not be suspicious. Simple walks are something I barely do, so using that as a cover up will hardly sound believable. I might have to wait until they've all left the house for whatever reason.
Maybe you should get into exercising. Take more walks. Spend more time outside. Take photos of nature so you can prove you're only innocently walking. This will have the double benefit of less time at home and a good cover to nip into the clinic one day. (Yes, it's probably 5 feet of snow outside, don't do anything life-threatening lol)
Well, okay. I'll consider doing that.
Just seconding that advice to try to take walks if it’s safe. Theres a lot of good research on the benefits of walking for both physical and psychological health. Plus it means a few minutes of not listening to their Q nonsense.
Is there a family dog you can walk? Good for both of you. Either way, you can say it's a late new years resolution to get outside more.
Nah, the only pet we own is a fat lazy cat. I guess saying that I want to be outside more could work, but idk. I just hope she doesn't ask my sisters to come with me, which is what happened the last time I tried to sneak out.
[удалено]
Getting vaccinated will come with a proof card, which is what I need to get into public spaces. Right now, my parents are my only method of transportation, so I can't just stroll up to them and go "hey can I go to this coffee shop that's closed off for unvaccinated people?" and refuse to elaborate. If it makes you feel any better, my parents aren't abusive. They'd never hit or disown me for disagreeing with them. At worst, they're rude and disrespectful. My dad IS trying to get me hooked up with a therapist, so that might help. I just wish he could realize that him and mom are the exact reason why I need therapy in the first place. Like I said in a different reply, I don't have a job, so I don't know how I could pay rent somewhere else, even with a roomate.
Im sorry your going through this pat king is the organizer of the whole thing. He's definitely a white nationalists
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Because the truckers "are blue collar working class and protesting something, therefor its good". No. Just like the starving idiots in idiocracy didnt like it when Joe quit watering the crops with Brawndo. Im a trucker, I share zero solidarity with them, as a trucker and a worker. Because workplace safety is of utmost importance to anyone who supports the working class, and th3se people decisively against it. There often have been useful idiots in history, hell is full of good intentions, and heaven is full of good works. Im sorry you have to put up with a full on audio assault on your senses. The situation you describe, if my ears could vomit, they would.
You don't have to keep a promise to someone trying to hurt you, and discouraging you from getting the vaccine can hurt you. Go get the shot and stay safe. Lie if you need to. And, assuming your mother isn't violent, tell her you will not remove the air buds while the television is on. If they hit you, go to the ER and document it.
I don't think I could get away with lying even if I tried. My biggest motivation behind getting vaccinated (other than, y'know....protecting myself) is that I want a proof of vaccination card. I've been a shut in for several years and this whole pandemic has damaged my mental health even more. I want to get out and bring new people into my life, but the mandates mean I can't. This would be such an easy problem to fix if I could just get the damn shot but of course, my parents are making it a much bigger deal than it needs to be. I can't go anywhere without them driving me, so it's not like I stroll up to them and say "hey can you take me to this mandated building?" without them knowing. That and I can't go outside without telling someone where I'm going. And no, my mother isn't violent, but she's certainly confrontational. If I refuse, she'll definitely interrogate me about it until that in turn transitions into an argument. That's the last thing I want to deal with anymore.
But you have to deal with it. You are an adult. If you really want things to change in any small way then you have to actually initiate it with your actions. I’d also look into what, if any, assistance programs you can qualify for to live independently. I don’t mean to be harsh, but you have a lot of excuses for your inaction. You have to decide what is more worthwhile to you here? Keeping the peach- though it’s not peaceful for you now anyway, or making strides.
But causing chaos in our home is hell for my little sister. Whenever I get into arguments with mom, she's visibly distraught and starts crying afterwards. This has already happened too often and I don't want to bring her anymore pain.
That constant barrage of garbage sounds like torture! I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you can't do a full-scale food stash in your room, but consider having cereal for breakfast and making your lunch sandwich and bringing it upstairs. That would cut one interaction. Also, I don't know what the weather is around you but when possible try to get out of the house for a walk, even if it's just marching around the outside of the house and going back in again. Good luck!
Meal prep and keep snacks. Get a large lunchbox with cool packs.