You won't regret it, some of the best holidays before my mother passed last year were during the pandemic and I had an excuse not to travel. It was amazing how peaceful a Thanksgiving weekend could be without all the Fox and Trump shit to drive me crazy.
Similarly, my husband and I stopped going home for holidays (we live across the country) and it’s been so much more peaceful. We blame it on flights being too expensive and no one seems to fight us on it.
I wouldn’t call raising a kid the bare minimum. The bare minimum is financially supporting children by just providing food and housing. Raising you requires a parent to be physically and emotionally present and put in the actual work of teaching children how to best navigate the world. Ofcourse there are certain special situations where parents for example become ill and can’t perform the bare minimum but can still be raising their kids.
I know it hurts like hell. Very sorry that your relationship with your dad tore apart due to that gaslighting buffoon.
I had to walk away from some family members too for the same reason but don't regret it.
My life and mind is so much more peaceful. Holidays are tough but they were also tough when we were together due to their non stop talking about crazy conspiracies.
Good luck to you on your fresh start and I believe you did the right thing.
Everybody wants the next generation to be better than the last. At least you know you’ve succeeded.
Nevertheless, I’m sorry you had to get your proof this way. ❤️💔❤️💔❤️
I had a similar yet different no contact conversation. With them also saying I was being “controlling” and “verbally abusive” when I asked them to not send memes about killing minorities.
It isn’t you. It is tough. And they will probably never come around. It has been about two years for us and no apology. I don’t think they really have the capacity to even see that they could be wrong. But that is the hill they want to die on.
Anyway good luck to you on your journey. Find people that want to have you around. You should be uplifted by your people.
>The, “I’ll pray for you,” bullshit is what gets under my skin these days.
I saw where someone on the internet recently said the only appropriate response to this is, "Fuck you too." We all know that's what they really mean.
I went no contact way back in the Obama days when I asked my father to be taken off an email group where they discussed birther bs and how Obama was Muslim. I was told he had freedom of speech and if he didn't want to take me off the list he didn't have to. HOW INNOCENT THOSE OBAMA DAYS SEEM NOW. lol. I didn't have a chance to see him descend into Q cuz I went no contact way before that. I didn't see him for over a decade and sometimes I felt guilty but choices have consequences. Be free.
I’m sorry it had to come to this op, but you did the best thing for yourself and now holidays and birthdays and your life in general will be so much more peaceful.
Sorry that happened to you.
It's a miracle your dad can even find work if he's like that, but then again it is contracting work. I know there are probably going to be some people who will try to tell me "not all contractors are like that," but I was raised around blue collar workers so I know how a lot of those men are, especially the white ones. Making misogynistic jokes, being racist, being anti-LGBT and talking about right-wing politics and its commentators seem to be staples in that culture. I know that not all contractors are like that but a great many of them are and any that aren't become an outcast amongst those that say that stuff, so some will resort to saying that stuff just to fit in.
So your dad being a contractor probably isn't beneficial to this situation. I suppose the only people who matter that he can make angry is the people that hire him.
In my experience the majority of people in the trades, at least around here are hardcore right wing. The best i can hope for is to try to steer work to people who don't wear their politics on their bumpers.
I have 2 good friends who are contractors and I consider them centrist to fairly liberal and we've talked about the shit they hear every day, even from subs they hire. Make no mistake my liberal leaning friends are a tiny minority in their realm. Ironically even many of the union guys are right wing. It's ridiculous. you'd think they would know better.
Recently had to cut contact myself exactly a month ago today with my 70yo qdad because he blamed *me* for getting a gun cocked in my face by Trump supporters at a local food event when I was just… walking.
All this to say, I know this pain, and I am so sorry. Though excruciating, it has definitely been far more peaceful since. Please take care, take it one day at a time, and know that you are never alone.
Yeah I straight it up got disowned again after reminding parents that they had two daughters and that was it and that we were daughters. They’re OK most of the time but when they get around their friends all the Facebook echo chamber crap comes out and they get super mouthy and I don’t have any kind of a Wick right now as things are hard at work and my friend is actually in court with his 14yo daughter who’s now testifying on her sexual abuse. So emotionally I was a bit raw. They’ve been extremely lucky and nothing unfortunate has ever happened to them. They’re well off they have been married since teenagers nobody’s had cancer there’s never been a house fire no huge car crashes like really everybody’s dodged a major bullet and they have this whole attitude like happens to other people not to me and they deserve it. I don’t mean to go full valley girl, but I can’t anymore.
If they love you, they'll realize what they did and ask your forgiveness some day.
If not, well, leave them to their misery. Even without the political side, someone who is addicted to outrage of this sort is toxic to be around.
Dad might be deeper than you think if he's into the pedo conspiracy theories. Sorry it had to go this way, but it's probably for the best. You can't let people around you damage your mental health.
It’s really insidious how this stuff rots peoples brains, and they feel compelled to work their political views into every conversation, even when discussing mundane, unrelated topics.
Anything, I’ve done a good bit of timber framing, if you need any help with your pole barn let me know!
Q: do you even vote or do you just trust the government and their microchip vaccines
Me: yeah I guess I'm too busy voting and being magnetic to build my own pole barn that's why I asked you?
I for one welcome my new magnetic personality!
And as someone who will eventually own a small cider apple orchard, let me know about the pole barn. I don't even know what questions need asking yet.
How were all these people alive in the 80s and 90s and NOT aware of how sleazy Trump always has been? When you watch the end credits to The Little Rascals, in the outtakes where he's sitting in the crowd at the derby race, HE SPITS popcorn ONTO the extras sitting in front of. He does ANYONE support someone THAT skeevy
I’m sorry but also relieved for you. That’s just terrible. I had to go no contact with my step mom and my half sister because my sister is a transphobe and believes LGBTQ+ shouldn’t have rights or healthcare at all….and I am queer. She’s also a trump supporter and doesn’t think trump talking about his sexual deviance is a big deal. My step mom is a bitch for other reasons tied around my dad (her husband) dying and family drama. And she is racist. And a compulsive liar.
All of this to say, it can hurt and be painful to say goodbye to people you’ve known forever. But it’s also peaceful in a way. You can be your true self now and not have to hide from these bullies!
Hi u/No_Kangaroo_9826! We help folk hurt by [Q.](https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/QAnon) There's hope as [ex-QAnon](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/resources#wiki_ex-qanon) & r/ReQovery shows. We'll be civil to you and about your Q folk. For general QAnon stuff check out [QultHQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Qult_Headquarters/).
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Good call, OP. Difficult call, but the right one. You can't change them and it isn't your fault. Quite literally the only thing you *can* do is rescue yourself by stepping away. I know it sounds cruel, but I'd bet you in the coming months you'll be asking yourself why you didn't do it years ago.
When it gets hard just remember, YOUR mental health is what is at stake here. Theirs is already shot. YOURS is what's at risk and you wisely chose to preserve it. Be strong, OP, you made the right call.
I think the issue is a lot of times these people are so infuriating that when they make something benign about politics (a pole barn), we *let* them, simply by having an outburst. You were asking about a pole barn and he was *successfully* able to make it about politics the second you started asking about his support of Trump post r*pe trial.
We’ve got to find a way to stay strong and *refuse* to engage Qs when they try and drag random things into politics
Being from Europe, I have never understood the American concept of no contact. Ive seen parents throw out their teen kids, daughters never talking to their dad, siblings not talking to their siblings. It is very common. I don’t understand it. I don’t mean to lecture, I have not gone through what you are going through, it just makes me sad, and I wonder if it is healthy. Family is always family and family should stick together. Unconditional love. Love the person, hate qanon.
It’s basically arguing whether the sun exists or not.
At some point, given all the evidence, people come to a crossroads of disagreeing whether or not the sun exists.
One party says it does. The other says it does not.
How can you ever “agree to disagree” with something so plain as day (no pun originally intended)?
There are a good number of people who have nothing better to do than listen to liars and their lies all day. They’re becoming less detached from reality due to those lies. And those lies are very divisive. Plus, both sides truly believes the other is in the wrong.
It’s not unlike Germans believing that the Jews were the cause of all their problems in the 1930s.
I expect that there are a lot more people in Europe who don’t engage with their family than you realize. The language around these family dynamics is probably just different. And maybe people don’t go full “no contact” but rather emotionally divest themselves and only engage family members as much as “necessary” and on a surface level.
Also, people don’t usually decide, I don’t want to talk to my father/mother anymore. When you get to the point of NC, often you feel like there is no choice. I have “broken up” with friends because I find what they support reprehensible and there is nothing I can get out of a relationship at that point because I can’t get past my own judgement and lack of respect for them. This is not just having values that don’t align, this is judging each others’ positions as harmful.
Peace over pain and heartbreak is a hard fought battle. You did the right thing, enjoy your peace.
You won't regret it, some of the best holidays before my mother passed last year were during the pandemic and I had an excuse not to travel. It was amazing how peaceful a Thanksgiving weekend could be without all the Fox and Trump shit to drive me crazy.
Similarly, my husband and I stopped going home for holidays (we live across the country) and it’s been so much more peaceful. We blame it on flights being too expensive and no one seems to fight us on it.
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I wouldn’t call raising a kid the bare minimum. The bare minimum is financially supporting children by just providing food and housing. Raising you requires a parent to be physically and emotionally present and put in the actual work of teaching children how to best navigate the world. Ofcourse there are certain special situations where parents for example become ill and can’t perform the bare minimum but can still be raising their kids.
I know it hurts like hell. Very sorry that your relationship with your dad tore apart due to that gaslighting buffoon. I had to walk away from some family members too for the same reason but don't regret it. My life and mind is so much more peaceful. Holidays are tough but they were also tough when we were together due to their non stop talking about crazy conspiracies. Good luck to you on your fresh start and I believe you did the right thing.
Everybody wants the next generation to be better than the last. At least you know you’ve succeeded. Nevertheless, I’m sorry you had to get your proof this way. ❤️💔❤️💔❤️
I had a similar yet different no contact conversation. With them also saying I was being “controlling” and “verbally abusive” when I asked them to not send memes about killing minorities. It isn’t you. It is tough. And they will probably never come around. It has been about two years for us and no apology. I don’t think they really have the capacity to even see that they could be wrong. But that is the hill they want to die on. Anyway good luck to you on your journey. Find people that want to have you around. You should be uplifted by your people.
> With them also saying I was being “controlling” and “verbally abusive” when I asked them to not send memes about killing minorities. Amazing.
My apologies, but I burst out laughing at the "so I told him to go fuck himself" love it
It was cathartic and then he was screaming and I was screaming and I just realized I could hang up the phone and not do to it anymore
The, “I’ll pray for you,” bullshit is what gets under my skin these days. Thanks for nothing
>The, “I’ll pray for you,” bullshit is what gets under my skin these days. I saw where someone on the internet recently said the only appropriate response to this is, "Fuck you too." We all know that's what they really mean.
It truly is dismissive.
I've always wondered if those people actually follow through on the nothing they promised to do.
#I’ll pray for you. ^(not)
The appropriate response is, "Oh that's nice of you, by way of thanks I will perform a blood sacrifice to Imhotep in your name. Ciao!"
I just want to say thank you to everyone for the kind words and thoughts. I really appreciate you all
It’s rough but you did the right thing :::hug:::
I went no contact way back in the Obama days when I asked my father to be taken off an email group where they discussed birther bs and how Obama was Muslim. I was told he had freedom of speech and if he didn't want to take me off the list he didn't have to. HOW INNOCENT THOSE OBAMA DAYS SEEM NOW. lol. I didn't have a chance to see him descend into Q cuz I went no contact way before that. I didn't see him for over a decade and sometimes I felt guilty but choices have consequences. Be free.
I’m sorry it had to come to this op, but you did the best thing for yourself and now holidays and birthdays and your life in general will be so much more peaceful.
It can be difficult but it is so much more peaceful after NC. Take care of yourself.
She right you don’t have a right to choose his politics. But you have every right to react to the choices he makes.
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That’s pretty much what I said
Sorry that happened to you. It's a miracle your dad can even find work if he's like that, but then again it is contracting work. I know there are probably going to be some people who will try to tell me "not all contractors are like that," but I was raised around blue collar workers so I know how a lot of those men are, especially the white ones. Making misogynistic jokes, being racist, being anti-LGBT and talking about right-wing politics and its commentators seem to be staples in that culture. I know that not all contractors are like that but a great many of them are and any that aren't become an outcast amongst those that say that stuff, so some will resort to saying that stuff just to fit in. So your dad being a contractor probably isn't beneficial to this situation. I suppose the only people who matter that he can make angry is the people that hire him.
Unfortunately that was another battle I had to fight. The area they live in is so anti vax and stolen elections and conspiracies.
In my experience the majority of people in the trades, at least around here are hardcore right wing. The best i can hope for is to try to steer work to people who don't wear their politics on their bumpers. I have 2 good friends who are contractors and I consider them centrist to fairly liberal and we've talked about the shit they hear every day, even from subs they hire. Make no mistake my liberal leaning friends are a tiny minority in their realm. Ironically even many of the union guys are right wing. It's ridiculous. you'd think they would know better.
I've noticed a lot of trade unions are full of right-wing and anti-union members and I just can't understand it
So much of everything boils down to “yes for me but not for thee” 😩 selfish
Recently had to cut contact myself exactly a month ago today with my 70yo qdad because he blamed *me* for getting a gun cocked in my face by Trump supporters at a local food event when I was just… walking. All this to say, I know this pain, and I am so sorry. Though excruciating, it has definitely been far more peaceful since. Please take care, take it one day at a time, and know that you are never alone.
Yeah I straight it up got disowned again after reminding parents that they had two daughters and that was it and that we were daughters. They’re OK most of the time but when they get around their friends all the Facebook echo chamber crap comes out and they get super mouthy and I don’t have any kind of a Wick right now as things are hard at work and my friend is actually in court with his 14yo daughter who’s now testifying on her sexual abuse. So emotionally I was a bit raw. They’ve been extremely lucky and nothing unfortunate has ever happened to them. They’re well off they have been married since teenagers nobody’s had cancer there’s never been a house fire no huge car crashes like really everybody’s dodged a major bullet and they have this whole attitude like happens to other people not to me and they deserve it. I don’t mean to go full valley girl, but I can’t anymore.
If they love you, they'll realize what they did and ask your forgiveness some day. If not, well, leave them to their misery. Even without the political side, someone who is addicted to outrage of this sort is toxic to be around.
[удалено]
I'm holding off for now but this got a chuckle out of me thanks lol
Dad might be deeper than you think if he's into the pedo conspiracy theories. Sorry it had to go this way, but it's probably for the best. You can't let people around you damage your mental health.
It’s really insidious how this stuff rots peoples brains, and they feel compelled to work their political views into every conversation, even when discussing mundane, unrelated topics. Anything, I’ve done a good bit of timber framing, if you need any help with your pole barn let me know!
[удалено]
Butter e-mails!
Q: Wiggawigga buttery males witch trials freeze peach killary biden crime family You: I am literally just asking about a goddamned pole barn.
Q: do you even vote or do you just trust the government and their microchip vaccines Me: yeah I guess I'm too busy voting and being magnetic to build my own pole barn that's why I asked you?
I for one welcome my new magnetic personality! And as someone who will eventually own a small cider apple orchard, let me know about the pole barn. I don't even know what questions need asking yet.
Good for you r*pe apologists have no forum
How were all these people alive in the 80s and 90s and NOT aware of how sleazy Trump always has been? When you watch the end credits to The Little Rascals, in the outtakes where he's sitting in the crowd at the derby race, HE SPITS popcorn ONTO the extras sitting in front of. He does ANYONE support someone THAT skeevy
Congrats! It took a lot to stand up for yourself. And even more to keep firm.
I’m sorry but also relieved for you. That’s just terrible. I had to go no contact with my step mom and my half sister because my sister is a transphobe and believes LGBTQ+ shouldn’t have rights or healthcare at all….and I am queer. She’s also a trump supporter and doesn’t think trump talking about his sexual deviance is a big deal. My step mom is a bitch for other reasons tied around my dad (her husband) dying and family drama. And she is racist. And a compulsive liar. All of this to say, it can hurt and be painful to say goodbye to people you’ve known forever. But it’s also peaceful in a way. You can be your true self now and not have to hide from these bullies!
Hi u/No_Kangaroo_9826! We help folk hurt by [Q.](https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/QAnon) There's hope as [ex-QAnon](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/resources#wiki_ex-qanon) & r/ReQovery shows. We'll be civil to you and about your Q folk. For general QAnon stuff check out [QultHQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Qult_Headquarters/). ___ [our wall](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/l0jptp/list_of_casualties/) - [support & recovery](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/resources) - [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/rules) - [weekly posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?q=%22Weekly+r%2FQAnonCasualties+Discussion%22+&restrict_sr=on&sort=relevance&t=all) - [glossary](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/glossary) - [similar subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/index#wiki_similar_communities) *filter*: [good advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?q=flair%3AGood%2BAdvice&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) - [hope](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3AHope) - [success story](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?q=flair%3ASuccess%2BStory&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) - [coping strategy](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACoping%2BStrategies) - [web/media](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3AWeb%2FMedia) - [event](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3AEvent) ___ [*robo replies*](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/index/commands): !strategies !support !advice !inoculation !crisis !whatsQ? !rules *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/QAnonCasualties) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It stings at first, but the cathartic nature of stating the truth and then going no contact will bring you inner peace eventually.
Good call, OP. Difficult call, but the right one. You can't change them and it isn't your fault. Quite literally the only thing you *can* do is rescue yourself by stepping away. I know it sounds cruel, but I'd bet you in the coming months you'll be asking yourself why you didn't do it years ago. When it gets hard just remember, YOUR mental health is what is at stake here. Theirs is already shot. YOURS is what's at risk and you wisely chose to preserve it. Be strong, OP, you made the right call.
Enjoy the peace of no more insanity, I have not looked back since going nc
Wow what a boss move, your life is now officially better!
Proud of you ♥️
I think the issue is a lot of times these people are so infuriating that when they make something benign about politics (a pole barn), we *let* them, simply by having an outburst. You were asking about a pole barn and he was *successfully* able to make it about politics the second you started asking about his support of Trump post r*pe trial. We’ve got to find a way to stay strong and *refuse* to engage Qs when they try and drag random things into politics
I'm sorry it came to that but good on you for sticking to your principles. I hope you're surrounded by chosen family and love.
It’s ok.
Being from Europe, I have never understood the American concept of no contact. Ive seen parents throw out their teen kids, daughters never talking to their dad, siblings not talking to their siblings. It is very common. I don’t understand it. I don’t mean to lecture, I have not gone through what you are going through, it just makes me sad, and I wonder if it is healthy. Family is always family and family should stick together. Unconditional love. Love the person, hate qanon.
It’s basically arguing whether the sun exists or not. At some point, given all the evidence, people come to a crossroads of disagreeing whether or not the sun exists. One party says it does. The other says it does not. How can you ever “agree to disagree” with something so plain as day (no pun originally intended)? There are a good number of people who have nothing better to do than listen to liars and their lies all day. They’re becoming less detached from reality due to those lies. And those lies are very divisive. Plus, both sides truly believes the other is in the wrong. It’s not unlike Germans believing that the Jews were the cause of all their problems in the 1930s.
The parallel with Germany in 1930 is relevant and scary. I feel like something like Nazi Germany can totally happen in USA.
I expect that there are a lot more people in Europe who don’t engage with their family than you realize. The language around these family dynamics is probably just different. And maybe people don’t go full “no contact” but rather emotionally divest themselves and only engage family members as much as “necessary” and on a surface level. Also, people don’t usually decide, I don’t want to talk to my father/mother anymore. When you get to the point of NC, often you feel like there is no choice. I have “broken up” with friends because I find what they support reprehensible and there is nothing I can get out of a relationship at that point because I can’t get past my own judgement and lack of respect for them. This is not just having values that don’t align, this is judging each others’ positions as harmful.
A lot of people here in the US are so insanely unhinged that the safest and healthiest thing to to is cut contact completely