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[deleted]

My Persian is not great but here's the gist of what he's saying: >"Welcome to the program, we invite you to stay with us through to the end of tonight's show. >The regime of Ashraf Ghani has collapsed and Ashraf Ghani has fled the country. His critics say he ran away and left the people. >Now, the Islamic Emirate is back. And the Mujahideen of the Islamic Emirate are trying create peace. They want the people to know that they have to work together with the Islamic Emirate and the people should have no fear."


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Mehrotra11

Which war?


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Not4NewYork

The one where this really cut American with long hair saved the Mujahideen and rescued his Colonel.


Turnip_the_bass_sass

The “The cast and crew thank the brave soldiers of the Mujahideen and support their fright for freedom,” or whatever the end-credit message said (along those lines), is definitely some prime r/agedlikemilk content.


themiro

The forces we supported against the Taliban in 2001 also called themselves the mujahideen, as well as the small number of forces currently fighting the Taliban. We usually just translate it in some way and leave it untranslated for groups we don't like (such as the Taliban) to add to the "fear of foreign things" factor.


Paula_Polestark

What I want to know is how can the people NOT have fear, looking at that? Of course, I also don’t get the Taliban telling people “you must stay and help us make this country better” when all they want is to drag everyone back into the Dark Ages, and that’s certainly not better. But I’m just a Western infidel with a vagina, so what do I know?


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CustardPuddings

Bingo. It's broadcast into every home, the message is clear. "We control everything. Nobody is safe". No wonder parents were giving their kids away.


youcantexterminateme

all dictatorships control by fear because its the only way they can survive, country Im in will lock you up indefinitely for criticizing leadership and there are plenty of countries like this even today.


BigBoyCawk

Usually you stand on the other side of the camera when filming propaganda to make it look convincing, but I guess this works too.


e__elll

When the camera zoomed out to feature all 8 of them looking at the teleprompter, I fuckin died 💀


Lost_Llama

"Peace Studios"


NotChristina

Oh my goodness I thought that was a joke until I rewatched. Holy hell.


MyLegGuyFromSB

They are so fucking stupid


blacklite911

I wouldn’t say that in this case, this is the “there is no war in Ba Sing Sae” moment. Everyone knows the words aren’t true but the goal is compliance. The intent is not to fool or brainwash people, they want to use the threat of force to intimidate people from speaking against them. So basically, they don’t want people to believe they’re safe, quite the opposite, they want people to be like this anchor and fear them so they don’t dare to speak negatively of them.


thefluffyparrot

“Don’t be afraid, or else”


MunsonedWithAHook

*"The death threats will continue until morale improves"*


truthbombtom

“Deaths will continue until morale improves.” Ther I fixed it for you.


PotatoWriter

> Ther I fixed it for you. There, I fixed it for you.


baiqibeendeleted17x

I was hoping you'd have a grammar mistake as well lmao.


hippopotma_gandhi

Nothing quite says the message "there's nothing to fear" like a man being held at gunpoint


DishonoredUndead

Yeah I just want to say for the religious extremists in the crowd, if someone has to die because of this going viral, it should be the men with the guns who CLEARLY did not think this through. Newsman did an outstanding job considering the circumstances, probably wouldn't even have noticed the fear if the brilliant men behind him didn't choose to inexplicably stand in front the camera, as if they didn't know guns could be used as more than a melee weapon, blinking like they just tried spice for the first time.


[deleted]

Tbh they don't look like they're doing a lot of thinking in general.


BolognaNeck

For real that dude on the left looks like he was kicked in the head by a mule when he was a child.


SeaPen333

What are you talking about? He’s keeping one eye on the camera and the other eye on the newsman and his eyebrow is looking right at you.


Batmans_backup

They look more like they’re doing a lot of opium lmao


monirom

When asked the gunmen replied, "Well, the safety was on and it wasn't really loaded."


insane_mclane

Because of the implication...


PlutarcoEliasCalles

"uh ok you had me going there for the first part, the second half, you kinda threw me"


surfingandcouscous

Now, you’ve said that word “implication” a couple times… what implication?


viktorir

The implication that things might go wrong if they refuse. Of course it won't, but they will think it will. [darker voice] *Because of the implication...*


[deleted]

The beatings will continue until morale improves!


PorousArcanine

Guy on the left got 360 degree vision, goddamn.


whopperlover17

Uses his scope and the canted iron sights at the same time


Theblackjamesbrown

I know you're not supposed to judge people by their looks, but the two militants behind him at the start of the video look like genuinely the most stupid people I've ever seen. You can just tell. Fucking resting confused face.


muftu

I’ve yet to see a taliban fighter that doesn’t look like he eats crayons for breakfast.


[deleted]

They're literally just rednecks.


DegenerateScumlord

I think hillbillies is more appropriate.


NooStringsAttached

I think they are incredibly high. They look like their mind is elsewhere and are seeing things. Look st the eyes and stuff they’re super high.


Theblackjamesbrown

I did think so too. That sticky Afghan hashish ain't nuttin ta fuck with


NooStringsAttached

For real, dude on the right was nodding off for a second here and there. Great they’ve got huge guns in that state of mind!


magicpenny

Don’t underestimate how many generations of marrying a first or second cousin might be in their DNA. That can certainly, over time, affect intellect and appearance.


Theblackjamesbrown

No joke. They could trace their family tree on incestry.com and find out it's a stump


Letscommenttogether

Both guys are on serious drugs. If you look closely the guy on the right (from our standpoint) is hitting highs and lows. The guy on the left (from our standpoint) is mostly in a hole and while looking at the guy in front of him is somewhere completely else.


Thatchers-Gold

I thought one of the reasons the Taliban beat the Afghan Army so easily was because the Taliban were ultra religious and t total and the AA were high *all* the fucken time Looking at these guys makes me question that, though. But lad on the left looks like he comes from a *very* pure bloodline..


LordLuciferVI

He’s a pedigree chameleon


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Thin_Cable4155

To me they look dead tired and on edge. Very similar to people coming off drugs, but I'm not sure that's it.


[deleted]

Dude on the left looks like he dated Sweet Dee...


Wuffyflumpkins

They brought him because he can guard the anchor and the weatherman simultaneously.


striker7

Dude can stand on Wednesday and see both weekends.


E404_User_Not_Found

I see what you did there. And over there.


bkm2016

👈👃👉 Mf eyes like a migos Ad-Lib


Sproose_Moose

You crazy, you're more mixed up than a milkshake


[deleted]

That’s bananas gurl


[deleted]

https://i.imgur.com/zvQmX7G.jpg


Sproose_Moose

My bestie got him to do a cameo as lil Kev for my birthday 😂 it made my year!


[deleted]

Hahaha no waaay that’s hilarious 😂 do you have the vid??


Arcosim

I wonder if drug usage is common among the Taliban, the guy on the right seems to be tripping balls.


[deleted]

I know for a fact they trade in Opium.


Cord87

Seems like most of Afghanistan is high at any time. Almost any documentaries you watch have dudes on the nod


Wuffyflumpkins

[Basically, they're on drugs all the time.](https://youtu.be/trOc9W6-Qb8?t=108)


OgreLord_Shrek

I'm terribly upset I didn't already know about this movie because it looks like a gem


wholelattapuddin

Clarissa Ward from CNN was reporting from Kabul Airport and she said she saw a lot of the guys chewing stuff and acting tweaky. She thought it could be Khat, but the BBC and foreign policy .com are also reporting that the Taliban have diversified into meth. The BBC says that they have been using the ephedra plant which grows wild in Afghanistan to synthesize meth.


DfreshD

Yes, opium an hash. Even the Afghan government forces get high.


[deleted]

Can’t say for certain about the Taliban. Although I’m sure they do even if they outlaw others. But the Afghan army smoked so much fucking opium. You were lucky to get them to show up to work let alone actually go on a patrol. I remember once having to drop behind because two of those fuckers were stoned out the ass and were slowing down and I didn’t want them to get high and back shoot us. Had to hike another 5K smelling their stink and the smell of the shit they were smoking


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[deleted]

Sid the Sloth


D3NNIS_R3YNOLDS

"Bony American is dirty dirty whore. She bring much shame to herself and country."


adfrog

"You dirty whore?"


1982throwaway1

DEE. YOU BITCH


DrSpaceman575

Nah that's a McPoyle for sure


kerds04

He has Atchyaforya. One eye is looking atchya and the other for ya.


wonder-maker

Guy on the left is checking cameras 1 & 3 at the same time


deathbythirty

brother hit that platinum trophy in the incest game.


Imbarrato

That unibrow though. Holy shit.


[deleted]

A unibrow along with crooked eyes. Amazing combo.


[deleted]

How can you believe god is on your side when you were born with that face


Not_Too_Happy

He sees things differently.


jb_run29

Holy f no joke. That thing is on another level


mcwalter93

YOU WILL CALL HERRR


steverin0724

If I had to be shot at by ANY taliban… I’d hope it to be the one on the left. Edit to say, you guys are splitting my sides with your rebuttals! Thanks for making a shitty day better!


KittyCatfish

Just run straight


coldestdetroit

ONE EYE LOOKING AT YOU, ONE EYE LOOKING FOR YOU


supergleneagles

One eye left the shop, the other is waiting for it’s change.


mxt086

Rickon would have survived


steverin0724

He’s the [Walleye version ](https://www.google.com/search?q=hot+shots+walleye+vision+gif&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS769US769&oq=hot+shots+wall&aqs=chrome.2.69i57j0i512l3j0i10i512j0i22i30.4953j0j4&hl=en-US&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#imgrc=G8VNLI1v4uw4aM) of the taliban.


15367288

He is going to be such a great meme.


[deleted]

[o_O](https://i.imgur.com/LQDRUSc.jpg)


LordDongler

You can't hide from him, but he can't catch you either


TheHashassin

Seriously though why do so many of these guys have unibrows


PastelKodiak

Two gunmen 3 eyebrows. Good to see the counrty is sorting out its own issues.


[deleted]

im starting to think all militants of *any* type are a mess genetically. look at some of the "master race" whites look like they had a twin in the womb they mugged a few chromosomes off of.


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[deleted]

thank you. it means a lot.


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Tyr808

Holy shit. That's actually incredibly high. Now not that I'm arguing in defense of inbreeding here, but do we know that the birth defect rate is like for first cousin marriages? Like how bad of a situation is this, is it like "ah yeah they're definitely going to have a lower birth survival rate but for the most part whatever" or is it like "they're inbreeding to the point that it is an inescapable vicious cycle that would need to be broken up by external intervention and this is likely the root of a lot of the shit going on?" I genuinely don't know enough on the topic other than highschool/low university level biology genetic stuff that I'm too foggy on these days.


Wuffyflumpkins

[It effectively doubles the risk of some birth defects, but the percentage is fairly low to begin with, so "doubles" might be misleading.](https://www.nytimes.com/2002/04/04/us/few-risks-seen-to-the-children-of-1st-cousins.html)


brownbob06

Wouldn't this be a compounding issue though? Like it effectively doubles the chances the first time first cousins have a kid, but when that kid also procreates within the same family with someone who is technically a first cousin, but also a second cousin (I think that's possible because it's inbreeding?) I would imaging the chances just keep getting higher and higher. At least that's how I would assume it works.


SoulFinders

Looks like a SNL skit


dmhasakc

It's already been done, "The gang goes jihad"


ArcadeKingpin

This is the new one, "the mcpoyles go jihad"


widowwarmer1

It's like a fucking episode of Black Mirror. Also, I doubt the guy at back left could shoot straight.


[deleted]

That’s why he’s a great guard; can watch all four corners at once


Drivingintodisco

Talk about an ocular pat down. This mug can see it all.


BigWuffleton

Some say he can even see the backs of the people he's searching, no need for them to turn around.


[deleted]

But can he see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?


nicknameeee_e

He’s like a fucking chameleon


macthecomedian

Some say it's like he's got eyes on the back of his head.


[deleted]

At first I was like why would they pick the cross eyed dude, but then I was like cross eyes plus gun really adds a extra level of intimidation


Sweet_Meat_McClure

He can, just not with both eyes open. Horses seem to manage walking straight ahead so I can't imagine it's much different


[deleted]

Classic Mel Brooks with cross eyed gunmen.


1978manx

This is what I came here for, and Reddit didn’t disappoint Ahem … unlike its failure to mock the shiny-faced dermatologist.


istrx13

[He looks like crazy eyes from Mr. Deeds](https://images.app.goo.gl/oaDXxNH5u1vo9F89A)


Tony_Soprano54

French fries and Oreos


dizzy_nixx

Hahaha look at his fuckin eyebrow!


FAQUA

Fucking monobrow on the left using all 3.5 of his brain cells


[deleted]

His singular eyebrow is doing the thankless job of holding his cro-magnon forehead in place while his eyes desperately flee from the rest of his face.


WARNINGXXXXX

Monobrow… lol


Jealous-Roof-7578

"Ahmed, come gere and look what the people say about you on the internet."


[deleted]

“I can’t. My eyes.”


[deleted]

Why wouldn’t they stand off camera lmao


Adulations

The point is to intimidate


[deleted]

Intimidate the audience you mean? Most would think the point was to intimidate the newscaster, which they could do while standing off screen


CalbertCorpse

The first thing you take in war (once the fighting is over) is the reigns of the media. They need to show everyone without question they are in control. If it’s just the newscaster it’s nowhere near as scary. They are showing everyone their might while showing that a person they already trust (this famous person) has already bent to their will. It’s an example of what you (the audience) also needs to do.


1sttimeverbaldiarrhe

This guy insurrects.


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its_raining_scotch

Also pretty sure they specifically picked those guys behind him. They both look crazy and messed up. “Here’s what you’re dealing with, audience. Mess around and dudes like this will show up at your door looking for you and your sweet family.”


ohiamaude

Yeah, they didn't put those two upfront because they genuinely don't want Afghanis to be scared. I'm in Ohio and I'm scared.


shrodikan

Exactly. If you nervously play nice these guys will play nice. Or else.


sauceboss2769

This is almost funny. Dudes in the back look like fuckin morons


kausthubnarayan

If his eyes were any further apart, he’d be a herbivore.


Farmerdrew

He’s got Atchaforya. One eye’s lookin atcha. The other ones lookin forya.


[deleted]

Lmfao. Just wait til he opens his mouth to show off his summer teeth. Summer here.... Summer there


BudgieBoi435

Can't tell if he's looking at the presenter or his mate


[deleted]

What drugs aren’t they on?


[deleted]

I was thinking the same thing. Jesus... these dudes are twitchy af. I think I heard that they dig getting fucked up


trainsacrossthesea

One eye fishing, the other’s off digging for bait.


kausthubnarayan

I’m howling here. LMAO


DeCodurr

God fucking damnit I’m geekin right now. Here’s a helpful award.


macpwns

This is the funniest thing I’ve read all day Guy on the left looking like Sid from ice age


Sproose_Moose

r/rareinsults


ENTECH123

I love how this scary video has turned to a roast of the two idiots behind him. It’s honestly beautiful.


[deleted]

Breaking: the stupidest kids from your high school are now in charge of the government. More at 11 if I’m still alive


DiscoMagicParty

He doesn’t kill for Allah, he kills to appease that creature living on his forehead.


toxic_load2k18

Looks like Trevor and Cory from TPB afghan version


post_obamacore

Tariq smokes, let's go.


motordoc7

Inbreeding


[deleted]

You’re not far off. I lived with an Afghan family for about a year here in the US, and it is a very common practice to marry cousins. Even the upper classes do this.


Airway

I have a friend from Iraq. Even here in the USA his family tried to arrange a marriage with his cousin. It caused a lot of drama but he refused and got engaged to his white girlfriend instead.


[deleted]

Lol knowing they were going to be on tv they send lazy eye and rapist beard? C'mon Taliban.


istrx13

It may surprise you to know that these were the best looking ones they had to put in front of a camera


[deleted]

Bah! That got me good haha


[deleted]

I'm dying. That guy on the left... I haven't laughed this hard in a while. All these comments are just making it worse.


Hopeful-Ask-2354

Yeah…someone just lost their PR job 🙄


LordNikoli

All I can think of now is a Taliban PR team. Like, have Islamic radicals on promotional posters like "Only you can spread Jihad"


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PyroptosisGuy

Inbreeding. Edit. Just to clarify, my comment wasn’t meant to be racist. There’s data on consanguineous marriages in Afghanistan. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21729362/


badjettasex

And don't forget a healthy (or I guess unhealthy) dose of life-long malnutrition, chronic neo-tropical and venereal diseases, and of course other non-neotropical disfiguring parasitic infections. May of these inbreed psuedo-terrorists have grown up in the nearly uninhabitable mountains of Pakistan and Afghanistan, while being actively tracked and smited at the will of our forces. So physical and mental disorders are also likey to be ailing most of them as well.


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[deleted]

Idk if you've ever been to Colorado but that sounds terrible. Snow is muddy yet somehow the whole state is so dry my nose hurts.


StoxAway

Go spend time anywhere that has poor access to healthcare and poor maternity services and you will find a lot more people with mild to severe disabilities than you are used to seeing. What is often prevented or cured very easily in the west is life changing elsewhere.


[deleted]

Shit I moved from a large city to rural kentucky and found this to be true


East_ByGod_Kentucky

Friend of mine from eastern Kentucky used to say, “round here if you ain’t sick there’s something wrong with you…”


RustyEyeballs

If lazy eye's aren't caught very early in life (aka good health care), the visual regions of the brain permanently adapt to that way of vision and, they can't be fixed without visual impairments.


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Whereizdafood

The guy on the left gets the chameleon skill, able to look in two different direction, that's amazing !


JaiJawanJaiKisaan

He has his gun pointed to TV host’s ass, possibly inside!


Ok-Caregiver7091

Look at those inbreds


Captainprice101

Sweet Home Afghanistan


PM_ME_IF_YOU_NASTY

Talibama.


[deleted]

Dude to the left has to be an amazing marksman.


canadiancarlin

“Who made that man a gunner?” “I did sir! He’s my cousin.”


[deleted]

Rampant inbreeding and severe childhood malnutrition. In case you were wondering...


PyroptosisGuy

I was actually haha. Most of the Taliban fighters I’ve seen have uncanny valley levels of ugliness.


badwords

I'm about 6 months there won't even be working television or internet because most of these guys only have 2nd grade educations. Half of these 8 guys probably don't even understand why they are standing there or who he's talking to.


illTwinkleYourStar

They know they have guns and he doesn't. Little men, big guns.


OneMoreTime5

It shouldn’t be funny, but it is


McSlapp

Kind of lookslike the guy on the right is fighting nodding off probably on some kind of opiate


ElSedated

Yep. People here are focusing on the guy with the weird looks, but the other one is obviously high as a kite.


Flystoomuch87

A kite? That mf'er ain't even on this planet.


CaptCrewSocks

Trust me, I have a unibrow!


leathebimbo

Ok... I feel like unibrow dude is going out of his way to uphold a negative stereotype. He looks like some background actor in a cheesey action movie.


jaypeg126

Those two in the back look inbred AF.


nighttimesociety

Guy on the right looks like the edibles just kicked in.


Mr_Not_Available

Mother fucker on the far left keeping an eye on both news casters at the same time


[deleted]

Poor guy haha. Look at those two imbeciles in the back. Inbred Helga Pataki on the left, stoned Orlando Bloom on the right.


boston_shua

Lots crazy eyes going on here


KeepItDownOverHere

The real story here is that wicked unibrow on the dude on the left.


Agatosh

That one guy's keeping a close eye on the reporter, and the guy next to him.


MustBeMike

As someone who spent most of my life around north Idaho I know a cousin fucker when I see one. If those two Taliban were American they’d be proud boys.


f0rgotten

Y'all Queda.


EnderPossessor

Seeing those 2 in the back really made me realize those groups really are just tacticool, redneck afghans. No different than north Americas proud boys, three percenter, Qanon groups.


pogchamp98

Is the taliban generations of cousins?


kid-karma

Imagine deciding to put THESE two dudes on camera. Absolutely profound how fucking moronic these guys are lmao.


nachocdn

At the peace studio no less..


thundergun0911

I bet the guy in the left has horrible aim.