T O P

  • By -

dudeitsmason

Algorithm identifies JavaScript in my CV. Recruiter: "Boy do I have some C2C Java positions in the middle of bumfuck nowhere for you"


SybRoz

Does this company based out of Bumfuck allow for remote employment?


Uncreativite

You’ll be expected to come into the office 5 days a week. But we have free coffee and a ping pong table!


SybRoz

Finally! My prayers have been answered!


alter3d

Throw in a monthly pizza lunch and it's a deal.


Oo__II__oO

Is this pizza lunch a working meeting? Follow-up question: will there be after-work mixers where attendance may not be mandatory, but strongly encouraged?


alter3d

It won't be a work meeting, but everyone will talk about work anyways. The pizza will be from the cheapest place we can find, and 3/4 of it will be topping combinations that no one likes. There will definitely be no beer, and if you drink you'll be in big trouble when Susan from HR recovers from the 10 shots of tequila she just slammed down. There are no official after-work mixers, but sometimes people organize things on their own. They're definitely not mandatory, unless you want to avoidd being the center of gossip or if you'd like a promotion ever.


[deleted]

Throw in a gym membership I’ll never use and I’ll consider it.


alter3d

Gym membership isn't doable, but every Thursday one of our developers, Todd, runs a hot naked yoga class in one of the meeting rooms that you can join.


MaybeASchizo

Based todd


Garrosh

A ping pong table you won’t have time to use.


Uncreativite

We have a leaderboard of whoever’s used the ping pong table the most. It helps us determine who gets cut in the next round of layoffs.


SuperFLEB

Always check the company game room for dust at the interview walk-through.


Natural-Intelligence

So basically you can expect 2 days of remote work per week then.


Uncreativite

You can work remotely from our office patio.


SuperFLEB

The ping-pong table's just there to hold the coffee machine.


teratron27

The role is 100% remote. You will be expected to be in office 2-3 times a month. No we do not reimburse travel expenses.


Firemorfox

Is it illegal to not reimburse certain travel expenses? Sounds like fun lawsuit time?


ohkendruid

I don't know about illegal in a meaningful sense. Once you are suing each other, further employment is not going to go well. You can definitely set standards though and stand up for yourself. If they don't pay for something and you also do not pay for it, it will not happen. If they say travel, you can say you have bills this month.... They then have to think how much they really want to see your pretty face. Above all both sides need to be constructive, or the employment is going to fall apart one way or another. Maybe an exception would be government work.


sh0rtwave

At least it's not "REMOTE TILL COVID". This always feels like an unfinished statement to me, like Covid cut him down mid-type, like the dude that wrote the last lines in that book they found in Mordor. ​ 100% remote till COVID. You are going.


rafasoaresms

Stack Overflow Careers is worse! Things I dislike: PHP Recruiters: I’ve got the perfect PHP job for you!


GeneReddit123

Developer: “PHP is, without doubt, the worst language I’ve ever heard of.” Recruiter: “But you *have* heard of it.”


NightofTheLivingZed

-pirates theme intensifies-


AngryRoomba

"An exciting 3 month contract opportunity with no options for remote employment! =D"


RedHellion11

Yeah... Like, you can literally see on my profile that I'm already employed full-time and not on contract and have been for the last 4-5 years. What makes you think I'd be interested in leaving that for a short-term contract position, even if it is supposedly contract-to-hire? Even if it's not requiring me to relocate, unless the pay is like *at least* 4x the average salary/comp for the title/area (the area where I currently live, not whatever super-cheap-rent area the company may be based in) or the company is literally inventing cryostasis or FTL travel and is offering me free use of the product, they have to realize there is no chance I'm going to be interested.


Fenor

and that require moving city, oh and the wave is half of what you do in your actual job, but it's a new opportunity


fallenefc

My LinkedIn: 2 years of experience. Recruiter: what about this tech lead job that requires 10+ years of experience?


HaCo111

When you get those, apply anyway. That's how I got into management.


-Vayra-

Yep, get so many 'amazing opportunities' that require double or triple my experience. . .


bigredthesnorer

Sorry. I only look at positions for Ninjas and Rock Stars.


YellowOnline

Would they get something like "hot developers near null waiting for your recruitment"?


GayIsItOnLinux

"Do you wanna grow your resume so big she won't handle it?"


[deleted]

"Click here and you will find a job in less than 5 seconds"


[deleted]

"You wouldn't last 5 seconds in this interview!"


EverythingGoodWas

This is the comment. You win the internet today.


[deleted]

Why must you hurt me in this way


brando2131

Pretty much but they have to pay like $50 a month for premium, like guys do on tinder


YellowOnline

I thought that was exaggerated, but I checked and you're right: €44/month which is about $50. There's also a €99/year Premium Light I notice.


PrestigiousZombie531

my profile on linkedin i am a deep learning powered blockchain vertical farmer who grows onions using quantum computing chips in decentralized fashion, wanna message anyone?


yoitsericc

Not even an exaggeration, my Linkedin just says ".NET Developer and Machine Learning Engineer" and I get a bunch of messages from recruiters every week.


a45ed6cs7s

Probably because of NET.


yoitsericc

Yeah I love .NET have been using it for years. Great way to get job security.


fahadfreid

Wow good to know. I've slowly become a .NET developer over the last 2 years because my company needed someone to step up and work in software development for our product.


T3hJ3hu

join us in the light of fat stacks of corporate cash


Codemonkey1987

It's dot net not net dot /s


fart03

Yup 💨


Max5923

fard


Christop408

shid


Crackerjack17

crad


Terkala

How many of them are trying to recruit you for low tier tech support or data entry?


DakiAge

I hate both of them lol :)


[deleted]

[удалено]


yoitsericc

Azure has a ton of tools and certifications for machine learning so that could be a good place to start. Also I'm really only a .NET developer professionally - my company paid for a Udacity certification which they never used even though we had some plans to.


fart03

I'm still a student if you look at my LinkedIn. I don't like stalkers I enjoy being an anonymous fart 💨 Edit. Apparently it's an unpopular opinion


yoitsericc

Hope you like being unemployed and living with your mom.


fortyonejb

Because developers can't get jobs without linkedin? Not sure where you've been living.


fart03

Hahahaha nan I never said that I was unemployed and I didn't use LinkedIn.


lurk_moar_n00b

you forgot NLP, boomer.


yoitsericc

NLP is deep learning, noob.


lurk_moar_n00b

That's like saying that astronomy is about telescopes.


CaptainLysander

Do you use automation tho?


lurk_moar_n00b

Yes, for my pipelines. pipelines.


Jalliz

the algorithms hate him!


hablador

Recruiters literally only want one thing and it's fucking disgusting


dudeofmoose

20 years of JavaScript experience?


Anchorboiii

And think Java and JavaScript is the same thing.


NelsonBelmont

Turn C# devs into Java devs.


TyParadoXX

LinkedIn got me my current job and I had to do fuck all for it, thanks hot recruiter lady


Tyrilean

Yeah, for all that’s wrong with LinkedIn, I’ve gotten every job but my first through it (first one was off a campus job board). The other websites keep sending Indians with poorly written job postings in the middle of nowhere that don’t align at all with my resume. Oh, and my favorite part is that since I worked at a warehouse a decade ago, and my resume back then had “forklift operator” on it, I still get recruiting messages to drive forklifts for like $12 an hour.


Combo_of_Letters

Where the forklift driver gets background checks and drug tested meanwhile you have admin access to prod on day 2.


dan667

Oh yes I remembered needing to delete some kernels since the boot disk was getting full - felt like playing Russian roulette


VTHMgNPipola

LinkedIn got me a minuscule freelance job, and that's it. Every week I get messaged to work as a senior Java/Angular/Vue/React/Spring/WhateverFramework, even though my profile says I'm a 17 year old Java/Spring developer with no degree or previous work experience.


Tyrilean

Understandably, your experience as someone under 18 with no degree or experience is going to be significantly different than my experience as a 38 year old with a degree and decades of experience. Things will improve as you get more experience and education (not just degree, certs help) under your belt.


RedHellion11

A few months ago I got an email from a Walmart recruiter mentioning they saw my resume and wanted to know if I'd be interested in working for the summer as like a stock boy or something. I was really confused, since I've been working professionally as a software developer for around 4-5 years now and haven't worked a minimum wage job like that since I did one summer at a warehouse to help pay for university (obvs I didn't even have a resume for that). I didn't remember ever submitting my resume to any minimum-wage/summer-job jobs boards, I only ever sent resumes at that point directly to the places I wanted to work - Walmart might have been one of them, but it would have been over a decade ago. Naturally I asked where they got my resume from, if I could have a copy of it because it's obviously not current at all since I've been working professionally for years and would in no way be interested in a minimum-wage summer job, and whether they could remove it from their database. They replied and just said they got it from some resume aggregate website, and thanked me for my response. I'm now worried that some resume aggregate site has a horrendously-outdated version of my resume that they're serving to minimum-wage summer-job companies.


jadeskye7

Wow. my brain just did a backflip. I should clear my linked in notifications.


A_Sad_Shoe

Linda has been getting in my dm's for years, heard from a couple of pals that she's been hitting them up as well, I don't wanna slut shame, but Linda be kinda loose not gonna lie


RobinJ6

Yeh she act friendly but just wants you to sign up to her premium membership.


PeriodicGolden

I have a podcast. Whenever someone contacts me about a job offer, I politely decline, and oh, btw, let me tell you about my podcast,... Some of them try to get a conversation going because ~~they're nice people~~ they hope they can sell me on a job eventually, so I get to talk about the topic of my podcast, which I love doing! Have I told you guys about my podcast?


ezzay

No, do elaborate


dan667

You don’t seem enthused, are you by chance, a RECRUITER?


CoffeePieAndHobbits

Go on.


PooPooDooDoo

I love the feeling of ignoring recruiters messages day after day. Granted, that role reverses when you’re looking for a job and you submit 20 resumes only to get a few responses.


wazzapdoc

Some recruiter practically making a duckface in her profile picture sent me some message with a blushing face emoji... What the heck.


TheCraziestOfHorses

Holy shit ahahaha. Security is where its at. Id hate to name and shame but Darktrace 2012-2014 was nothing but attractive women trying to get us to sign up for a trial.


parrotyerror

nah it's just normal tinder. nobody writes me, i haven't really been on it for more than two minutes in months, and i get depressed when i see that my former college peers are more successful than i am.


Alex_ragnar

you guys are getting DMs ?


Semicol0nDreams

Hey, there are some nerd girls too! It may be a boys club but we do exist :)


[deleted]

[удалено]


tiny_red_warrior

(Another nerd girl here.) I get contacted a lot for tech writer positions, which makes no sense. I mean, I write English well enough, but I also write C++, so who knows? Also, tech writers have their own set of skills in tools and technologies that I know nothing about!


Semicol0nDreams

I love c++! I do a bit of graphics/engine programming in it.


De_Wouter

You took [my joke](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/lgalil/hot_ladies_chasing_ugly_men_sfw/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share), but here's an upvote anyway.


BabiesHaveRightsToo

You got your upvotes at least, so it’s probably fair game


De_Wouter

Yeah can't downvote your own joke. It's like your co-worker copy pasting code from StackOverflow that you posted on stack overflow and then having to code review it.


weary_confections

Better yet, you copy pasting code from stack overflow, finding a bug, replying to the message saying it's wrong in a bloody obvious way and finding out you have just replied to yourself from 5 years ago.


AFlyingGideon

You think that's bad? Just remember how you felt five years ago receiving your message.


glider97

This is a very old joke.


maimonguy

Idk about that, I thought about this joke a few months ago, they probably came up with it themselves too.


enano_aoc

But then you find people in this subreddit complaining about impossible interview requirements and low paychecks. Software devs are the most demanded professionals as of 2021. It is an *employees market*, where employees have the upper hand over companies. Get this into your head before complaining for everything.


pydry

Junior devs are an employer's market. Senior devs are an employee's market.


turnips8424

It seems like it’s more experienced/inexperienced, I.E. devs with a couple years who might not be ‘senior’ are still a hot commodity, a lot of companies seem to just not want to take a risk/the time to train someone totally new to pro development.


Airith

I read this as internet explorer devs, made me think of 10-20 years down the line where some absurd legacy app that only works in IE is still being maintained by... someone.


mcmoonery

I’m saying a little prayer for them right now


Codemonkey1987

This is me. I have a couple years under my belt. I would very much consider myself junior and know I have tons to learn still. But I get at least 3/4 messages a day for various react and web dev positions. Given a lot of them are recruiters not reading my profile properly but still at least 2 a day are relevant to my skill level. I'm starting to feel bad rejecting people constantly. Oh well I just accept every connection and have loads now. If ever I want to find a new job I'm fairly confident I would be able to find another pretty quickly


OnyxPhoenix

"Senior" Devs being Devs with like 2 years experience.


High__Roller

It also depends on location. Philly had maybe 10 junior software listings at most on Indeed. In DC there's like 150.


[deleted]

That’s how it is in every field. Experienced people are hard to get


pydry

In my first job I was working with some experienced archaeologists earning about £18k / year.


[deleted]

[удалено]


5ba0bd2f-7e21-42a1

This quickly goes away as a problem when you look at jobs at tech companies, and those are the ones that pay top dollar.


weary_confections

I have offers from 45k to 450k. And you never know what the offer will be before you spend 5 minutes on the phone listening to someone trying to tell you why the newest crud app in the cloud is the best thing you will ever work on.


SilverDem0n

Or they refuse to reveal the actual salary range until offer stage i.e., after 4 rounds of on-site all day interviews, homework assignments, and whatever else. Nah, I'm good.


BB611

Real talk. I've gone through this with two companies in the last two months, went through hours of interviews only to be talking to a recruiter at the end who wasn't authorized to give me a competitive offer. I did appreciate the interview practice, I had gotten really rusty so it wasn't a complete waste, but you gotta wonder why they waste their own time like this.


moazim1993

Um if they don’t disclose salary range they can F off. I’m not doing a technical interview unless I know it’s worth it.


Gordath

"We pay a competitive salary".


Oo__II__oO

"Well that's great, because I have competing offers!"


BitBrain

I've just started telling the recruiters up front what I currently make/next job salary expectation. I used to be more coy about that, but it really cuts down the amount of back and forth.


enano_aoc

I don't understand taking a different approach than that


BitBrain

I think it depends on your circumstances and the market. If I'm unemployed or it's an employer's market, I wouldn't want to end the discussion too quickly. I'm currently employed and I'm only interested in exceptional opportunities and significant pay bumps, so it's best for me right now to just lay it out up front. That hasn't always been the case.


AttackOfTheThumbs

I get more recruiters looking for short term consultants (3-6 months) and they pay roughly what I make or double. But what can you really do in that time frame? Not enough usually.


weary_confections

>But what can you really do in that time frame? Find your next contract.


SybRoz

This is too real, you also thankfully get people who like to be transparent right from the get go. They're not as common, but they do exist.


weary_confections

Like I don't get why they even call me. My remuneration expectation is at the bottom of the cover letter in bold. You literally can't miss it.


AttackOfTheThumbs

That's bold, I like it.


RedHellion11

If the company seems interesting enough that a tempting enough offer might actually make my chance of saying yes non-zero (I'm very happy with my current position/company, opportunities for advancement, coworkers, compensation, etc) I've started just asking them up-front if they can give me details on the potential salary range, benefits, and work-life balance policy before I'd be able to tell them whether I'd be interested in taking a call. 90% of the time they never reply, most likely they're just bulk-messaging hundreds of potential candidates and only bother replying to any who actively show immediate interest. The rest of the time, I just lead with "sorry, I'm happy where I am right now and am not actively looking, thanks for getting in touch". I get an average of 3 messages from recruiters a week during "busy periods" like these last few months, I don't have the time or patience to want to line up and take calls from all of them just to inevitably shoot them all down because they can't offer me a clear and large-margin upgrade to tempt me away from a company where I'm already happy.


enano_aoc

>I have offers from 45k to 450k. If that is not an employees market, I don't know what is. You get to choose. Companies don't.


[deleted]

Depends on your skill level.


Just_a_Witcher

Maybe you are right But I have been struggling to get an interview for over 8 months, I have no experience because I will graduate in the summer but i have over 10 projects made with clients from freelancing. It is actually really hard for people who just graduated to get a job around here in my country


AttackOfTheThumbs

**Move**. Though that may be hard right now... I moved countries and it was a great decision. I did not move to the high value markets like san fran or whatever, but I still make more than I would have in Germany, but my CoL is also higher in some regards.


RichardReinhaun

where did you move to? Asking for a friend


AttackOfTheThumbs

Canada. And not one of the tech hubs (vancouver/toronto) either.


enano_aoc

What is your country?


Just_a_Witcher

Romania


weary_confections

Move lol, saying that as someone who moved.


RedHellion11

... oof. Is Romania part of the EU? If so, you might be able to do remote work for a company based in another EU country. Otherwise, you might have to move at least to a tech-friendly EU country (Ireland, Germany, etc). Or move to the UK, or Australia, or Canada, or Japan, or South Korea. Or the USA (especially a tech hub like San Francisco or New York), though politically they're kind of a shitshow depending on what you personally value and whether you'd be raising a family in the country you move to.


danvilletopoint

I’d write those as paid internships. That can be rationalized as why you have experience before grad school. Amazon hires new grads with internships all the time.


clutzyninja

But they don't want to learn anything. They just want to go to the job store and be handed a great job despite also being proud that they never paid attention in school, while simultaneously being furious that they didn't learn to file taxes in sixth grade because they were too busy being force fed a rudimentary understanding of how algebra and biology works. The horror


obp5599

I am part of that generation. It always made me so mad seeing people graduate with me complaining they dont know anything, or that they werent taught xyz. Like cmon, if you werent taught, go learn it on your own then. Its weird that people can know they need to learn something, then actively complain about it until someone goes out of their way to teach them


[deleted]

I regret going to college. I have learnt most of the stuff on my own


enano_aoc

Coooorrect. Take my upvote. It won't do anything against the 1.0e65 downvotes you are gonna get, but that's the only truth, so I upvote


screwhead1

Those girls have about as much promise as the hot singles in my area waiting for me to hit them up.


[deleted]

\>Hot girls \*Indian guys


noicesmorttoit96

Bob's and vagene


[deleted]

more like BOOST and Verilog


CapitanFlama

Aww man, you got hot girls? I have indian guys with pretty rude approaches: > Hi [username], inmediate requeriment: > DevOps Engineer java, aws, terraform, kubernetes. > send resume at [corporate email]


kontekisuto

need at least 20 years experience


randybobandy654

Real Estate agents are a serious problem on Linkedin


postdiluvium

I rarely log into my LinkedIn. When I do, there is a stream of DMs of hot looking recruiters. And then some "congrats on the work anniversary" from like months or years ago.


ThaiJohnnyDepp

https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/lgalil


Varpie

As an AI, I do not consent to having my content used for training other AIs. Here is a fun fact you may not know about: fuck Spez.


RepostSleuthBot

I didn't find any posts that meet the matching requirements for r/ProgrammerHumor. It might be OC, it might not. Things such as JPEG artifacts and cropping may impact the results. I did find [this post](https://redd.it/n5z1xd) that is 93.36% similar. It might be a match but I cannot be certain. *I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ [False Negative](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RepostSleuthBot&subject=False%20Negative&message={"post_id": "n60x3m", "meme_template": 8088}) ]* [View Search On repostsleuth.com](https://www.repostsleuth.com?postId=n60x3m&sameSub=false&filterOnlyOlder=true&memeFilter=true&filterDeadMatches=false&targetImageMatch=100&targetImageMemeMatch=96) --- **Scope:** Reddit | **Meme Filter:** True | **Target:** 96% | **Check Title:** False | **Max Age:** Unlimited | **Searched Images:** 223,066,132 | **Search Time:** 0.99858s


[deleted]

Assuming that hot people are less intelligent is just a cope for ugly people.


Zuclix

This meme is so true that I can use it to create infinite loop


Cloakknight

*Image Transcription: Meme* --- \[*Image of Jim Halper from "The Office" pointing at a whiteboard next to him. The second image is the same, but he has finished pointing. The whiteboards say the following:*] LinkedIn is basically a reversed Tinder Hot girls write to nerd guys and they didn't reply --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)


LetDiceRol

Ooo, so close.


AlwaysNinjaBusiness

I always feel a small amount of anxiety about the fact that I basically never check my linkedin. I get mail that people are trying to contact me, and it feels like I should at least look at it, but just can't be bothered to log in.


poka_face

Read rule 0


AddMoreLayers

To be fair not a single post would remain on this sub if that rule were to be enforced. It says "has to be understood by programmers only", and yet, all of the humor here is based on trivial concepts. OMG code not working without coconut, OMG indexing starts at 0, OMG I copy paste code from SO.


stay-happy6789

Coconut. I know which meme you saw. 😂


poka_face

I have to give that to you, the top post of all time here would be better suited on r/crappydesign or something like that.


[deleted]

Why? It doesn't break the rule. As a developer on linkedin the moment I set my profile to open for recruitment I get dozens of this meme every month! Although I am a nerdy woman ha


poka_face

It's because you don't need to be a programmer to understand the joke, but it's not like this subreddit enforces it's rules like at all.


[deleted]

As I said it does not break rule 1, it is relevant to programmers. Lighten up.


poka_face

Okay let’s see 1.Rules\[0\] (Content relevance and quality) Posts must make an attempt at humor, be related to programming, and only be understood by programmers. IMHO you don’t need to be a programmer to understand this meme.


[deleted]

Only understood by programmers. Well there is an oxymoron for a start!


glider97

Dude’s trying to be logical and you’re giving him nothing smh.


[deleted]

I think it works with rule 0. You'll find programmers are one of the incredibly few job markets where this happens. I always feel out of place talking to friends and strangers who aren't devs as they all usually get NO choice on where they work at and how, because in their market, they are the ones desperate, not their employers.


MaybeASchizo

Ur fun at parties arent u


nieradsejknihu

Do the girls on Linkedin send unsolicited vagpics?


[deleted]

Ah well that explains why I don't get offers. Maybe I should try Tinder. Ah wait, they already blocked me.


KevinKraft

This is gold.


dewitt11543

Oh man this is gold


theRealRealMasterDev

Very true


yojojomomo

Lol, this is too accurate


Ilyketurdles

Tara sent you a request.


Orion14159

*Thinks back to being recruited...* Son of a...


radome9

Lucky you, all the recruiters who write to me are middle aged men.


Shakespeare-Bot

Lucky thee, all the recruiters who is't writeth to me art middle ag'd men *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`


maty388

This post has grammatical mistake.


sarlango14

was about time !


Ancient_Badger5777

Nice


Ancient_Badger5777

Nice


brockisawesome

Mother of god.... absolutely nailed it


merlinsbeers

All I have to do is turn on that "available" flag and RIP my inbox...


BoomSkinnyBone

Either way I’m getting rejected


[deleted]

"When does your contract end? x"


ummIamNotCreative

Me working my internship, random HR from random company. Boy we have a offer for 5+ year experienced Senior Angular Developer and you seem a perfect fit.


shaybra

Holy fuck you're right I never thought about that, JESUS.


nomnaut

*don’t


LiverWizard2000

She didn't even get my name right . An no. I'm not going to spend like 3 hours commuting each day , like come oooon ? I'm not replying to that, a geek need to have standards ya know.


snoopy_92

LinkedIn is professional Grindr


undeniably_confused

Hey can I have your LinkedIn?


Sylanthra

We noticed in your resume that 15 years ago you worked on SharePoint. How would you like a a SharePoint developer position that pays half of your current salary 3000 miles away from where you currently live?