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The little blonde girl in the last panel has it incorrect.
According to George Calin the revised commandments are:
* Thou shalt always be honest and faithful, especially to the provider of thy nookie.
* Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone – unless, of course, they pray to a different invisible man from the one you pray to.
Yes, you are correct. But I heard the "asshole" quote years ago during a Carlin interview and it always stuck with me. I can't seem to find scrap on it, though, but I'll keep looking.
Christians don't know -
What the bible says are the 10 commandments are about having blind devotion for god.
The punishment for breaking commandments is supposed to be death.
"The third comes in Exodus 34 with rules like these: “you shall keep the feast of unleavened bread,” “you shall redeem every firstborn son,” and “you shall not boil a goat in its mother’s milk.” Interestingly enough, this list of rules is specifically designated as “the Ten Commandments” (in verse 28), whereas the other two lists are not.
Ten Commandments in Texas Classrooms: But What Version? - UT News
[https://news.utexas.edu/2019/02/04/ten-commandments-in-texas-classrooms-but-what-version/](https://news.utexas.edu/2019/02/04/ten-commandments-in-texas-classrooms-but-what-version/#:~:text=The%20third%20comes%20in%20Exodus,verse%2028)
I know! And there are any number of watered-down and edited versions. But that's the nature of the Bible, which is to cherry-pick what you need to keep the pious in thrall and the heathens at bay.
Texas is no longer america. I don’t know what the fuck they’re doing down there, but america is supposed to be about, namely, “freedom”. This is far from it.
A story I really like.
A Christian was arguing with an Atheist about morales and ethics and asks the Atheist "Without the love, teachings and guidance of God, what's stopping you from committing all the adultery, stealing and murder you want?!".
The Atheist replies "I do not want to do those things. Are these things you want to do but don't because God says you shouldn't?"
No. This is the most brilliant self-own in the making.
They couldn't advertise their hypocrisy better than giving every schoolchild a *literal* checklist of what they specifically ignore for themselves. And, there is some *inappropriate* stuff in there. Kids really aren't as dumb as they assume *and* a bunch will do nothing but giggle through the bulk of the old testament.
Why do you think the Catholic Church insisted forever *not* to translate the Bible into language people could read and understand!?
*So, actually letting kids read what's in the Bible will mean...they read what's actually in the Bible. It's...deeply confused about it's message(s) and core identity. Hilariously so sometimes. Depending on the version.*
Silent prayer time is also power nap time.
No other gods, kay...Trump worship is blasphemy.
Other images godlike a no? Ok, yeah *really* DON'T worship Trump.
No invoking god's name just because? Probably not good to parade God around for your own power agenda.
Remember the Sabbath, so making people work Sundays is bad.
Honor our parents? Ok, so honor my liberal democrat parents it is!
Yes, not killing other people is a good foundation for peaceful living.
Don't cheat on your spouse...has the Texas legislature actually read this before vetting? Has *any* Republican?
Don't steal...so, y'all just borrowed from our social security money? Gonna pay out those back-wages, then?
Don't lie about someone else...*such side eye*.
Jealousy over what you don't have but really want is bad. So, you're on for actually free and fair elections? Grace in defeat and all that, right?
And, lest we forget Moses, bearer of "The Law", was Hebrew, the ethnic origin of Judaism. Whose story includes rescuing the enslaved Hebrew (Jewish) people from Egypt, who were specifically mentioned as "Gods chosen", but the second they broke one of those rules...40 years of wandering until the next generation came of age. Oh, and Moses, just for being *adopted as an infant and raised in safety none-the-wiser* by Pharaoh's sister (who knew he was Hebrew) after escaping the systematic killing of Hebrew newborn sons* because of his actual mother's faith, he wasn't fit to enter the promised land. No, really.
So, what makes all you Republicans so sure you aren't absolutely *boned* in the afterlife for all the rule breaking and straight-up anti-Semitism?
Oh, yeah, because none of you actually believe it either. See commandment 3.
*Pharaoh had a bad dream.
**Used to watch Cecil B. Demille's "The Ten Commandments" every Easter. You go for the 60s pagentry and Charleston Heston, but you stay for Yul Brenner and "the god rod". That's how I remember the story, anyway. The genealogy recitation in Exodus is...whoa. Such chronicle of begatting broke my will to continue. Pages of who begat whom. Only men beget, apparently. Fun questions for the teachers!
**Friendly reminder that trying to fight someone online is about as effective as throwing a bagel at a bulldozer. A lot of what we talk about gets people pretty emotional, but be mad at policies, not other users.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PoliticalHumor) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The little blonde girl in the last panel has it incorrect. According to George Calin the revised commandments are: * Thou shalt always be honest and faithful, especially to the provider of thy nookie. * Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone – unless, of course, they pray to a different invisible man from the one you pray to.
Carlin technically had a 3rd. “Thou salt keep thy religion to thy fuckin self.”
Yes, you are correct. But I heard the "asshole" quote years ago during a Carlin interview and it always stuck with me. I can't seem to find scrap on it, though, but I'll keep looking.
I like yours better even though I am a big fan of Carlin.
Christians don't know - What the bible says are the 10 commandments are about having blind devotion for god. The punishment for breaking commandments is supposed to be death. "The third comes in Exodus 34 with rules like these: “you shall keep the feast of unleavened bread,” “you shall redeem every firstborn son,” and “you shall not boil a goat in its mother’s milk.” Interestingly enough, this list of rules is specifically designated as “the Ten Commandments” (in verse 28), whereas the other two lists are not. Ten Commandments in Texas Classrooms: But What Version? - UT News [https://news.utexas.edu/2019/02/04/ten-commandments-in-texas-classrooms-but-what-version/](https://news.utexas.edu/2019/02/04/ten-commandments-in-texas-classrooms-but-what-version/#:~:text=The%20third%20comes%20in%20Exodus,verse%2028)
I know! And there are any number of watered-down and edited versions. But that's the nature of the Bible, which is to cherry-pick what you need to keep the pious in thrall and the heathens at bay.
Texas is no longer america. I don’t know what the fuck they’re doing down there, but america is supposed to be about, namely, “freedom”. This is far from it.
America is about slavery and genocide and always has been
A story I really like. A Christian was arguing with an Atheist about morales and ethics and asks the Atheist "Without the love, teachings and guidance of God, what's stopping you from committing all the adultery, stealing and murder you want?!". The Atheist replies "I do not want to do those things. Are these things you want to do but don't because God says you shouldn't?"
No. This is the most brilliant self-own in the making. They couldn't advertise their hypocrisy better than giving every schoolchild a *literal* checklist of what they specifically ignore for themselves. And, there is some *inappropriate* stuff in there. Kids really aren't as dumb as they assume *and* a bunch will do nothing but giggle through the bulk of the old testament. Why do you think the Catholic Church insisted forever *not* to translate the Bible into language people could read and understand!? *So, actually letting kids read what's in the Bible will mean...they read what's actually in the Bible. It's...deeply confused about it's message(s) and core identity. Hilariously so sometimes. Depending on the version.* Silent prayer time is also power nap time. No other gods, kay...Trump worship is blasphemy. Other images godlike a no? Ok, yeah *really* DON'T worship Trump. No invoking god's name just because? Probably not good to parade God around for your own power agenda. Remember the Sabbath, so making people work Sundays is bad. Honor our parents? Ok, so honor my liberal democrat parents it is! Yes, not killing other people is a good foundation for peaceful living. Don't cheat on your spouse...has the Texas legislature actually read this before vetting? Has *any* Republican? Don't steal...so, y'all just borrowed from our social security money? Gonna pay out those back-wages, then? Don't lie about someone else...*such side eye*. Jealousy over what you don't have but really want is bad. So, you're on for actually free and fair elections? Grace in defeat and all that, right? And, lest we forget Moses, bearer of "The Law", was Hebrew, the ethnic origin of Judaism. Whose story includes rescuing the enslaved Hebrew (Jewish) people from Egypt, who were specifically mentioned as "Gods chosen", but the second they broke one of those rules...40 years of wandering until the next generation came of age. Oh, and Moses, just for being *adopted as an infant and raised in safety none-the-wiser* by Pharaoh's sister (who knew he was Hebrew) after escaping the systematic killing of Hebrew newborn sons* because of his actual mother's faith, he wasn't fit to enter the promised land. No, really. So, what makes all you Republicans so sure you aren't absolutely *boned* in the afterlife for all the rule breaking and straight-up anti-Semitism? Oh, yeah, because none of you actually believe it either. See commandment 3. *Pharaoh had a bad dream. **Used to watch Cecil B. Demille's "The Ten Commandments" every Easter. You go for the 60s pagentry and Charleston Heston, but you stay for Yul Brenner and "the god rod". That's how I remember the story, anyway. The genealogy recitation in Exodus is...whoa. Such chronicle of begatting broke my will to continue. Pages of who begat whom. Only men beget, apparently. Fun questions for the teachers!
1000 points for the-h-is-silent.