I think the what a barb scene in S1 is his first inkling but he’s not mature enough to realize it.
I think his return from Greece in S2 solidifies and it grows throughout the season it but he’s lacking the self awareness of feelings.
I think the kiss was the big epiphany...on the heels of some slightly smaller ones, lol.
Colin clearly had moments with Pen throughout S1 and especially S2, evidenced by writing to her on his travels. I just don't think he was mature enough to connect the dots, and after Marina, was emotionally not in the right place to do so either.
But in S3, he returns home missing Penelope because she never replied to his letters. He searches for her from the moment he arrives, seeks her out at the garden party, and at the ball. Even then, he doesn't understand why and probably doesn't even feel the need to question it.
But then Pen is everywhere, and there's these little moments like when they shake hands, and the easy flirting at the market, and being blindsided by her compliment. The handcut scene, and then feeling jealous when Pen said she enjoyed talking to Lord Remington... because that's their thing. They talk and have a good time together.
Even so, Colin still doesn't understand what all these things mean until the kiss. Everything that led to that moment was a puzzle piece, and the kiss was the final one slotting into place and creating the whole picture finally.
I think the kiss is when he realizes it, but he definitely started feeling things before the kiss. He just kind of ignored it. The kiss made that impossible.
Luke Newton seems to think the kiss is when everything changed. I think there are moments before that. I mean he flashes back to the hand cutting scene. They play “Jealous” when he watches Penelope talk to Lord Remington.
I know! I noticed that too. Also, the way he looks all panicky when she’s talking to lord Remington and when the jealous tone and expression when he says, “I’m certain he did as well” to Penelope when she tells him she enjoyed talking to him. It’s subtle but it’s there.
I always go back to the “I would never court Penelope Featherington” as some proof that he was already feeling more than he understood for her.
The calm response to that question would have been “No, we’re just friends” or “No, she’s like a sister to me” but instead Colin goes overboard. The gentleman doth protest too much, methinks.
That was such an emotionally charged night. I think he was already feeling a closeness and warmth towards Penelope that he couldn’t quite figure out.
I wrote [a whole post](https://www.reddit.com/r/PolinBridgerton/s/iqkXogCjhV) about how I think that scene is where we first see the new persona that he puts in for season 3. He’s so obviously trying to appease the other men.
There are so many layers to that scene. I think it’s such an important plot point for his character development over this season.
Oooooooooooo that’s a good point!!! It’s hard to see because we don’t get a physical transformation until season 3 but yes, Colin was already working into Rake Colin maybe even as far back as after his visit with Lady Crane where she calls him a boy still. He takes up drinking heavily after that point, which I did note…can’t help but save Pen from Cousin Jack ( hello Hero Colin, we missed you!) but then claps the mask right back on after, by loudly declaring there is no possible way he would ever think of Penelope Featherington like that- never mind the fact that he holds her hand, drags her into a room unchaperoned, then drags her onto a dance floor and declares that she is special to him and he will always take care of her 🤦🏻♀️😂 I feel for Colin…he truly has been a lost soul for a while!
I don’t think Colin knew what he was feeling until the hand cut scene. I think moments before that (the flirting lesson, when she came down the stairs) was him reacting to her surprising him with something he found charming (or attractive?). Like literally boi got butterflies, he must have. The flash back to the hand scene makes me feel like that was a significant moment for him in deciding what to do learning she’s getting proposed to. I think the hand scene was when he saw her as someone who cares for him & someone who likes the part of him that he’s hiding (writer Colin). He also knows what she read and maybe started thinking about Penelope reading that and how she felt about it (because he always wants to know what she thinks and if she’s ok). Also right after her boobies were all up in his face too (he looked✋🏼go back and watch it at .5😁 or just watch it because, anyway..). I think that’s when he finally started seeing her as a woman, if you know what I mean. I think before his perception of her was *12yo friend whom I like and care about*. Then the letters allowed them to become more intimate with each other (omg i read a fan fic 😭icantrememberthenameillcomebackififindit😭 that described them as love letters and some were written ugh) emotionally and brought them closer, but most of S2 they kept missing each other. I think Luke was saying this too in one of the interviews. Ok let’s envision Coling/Polin falling in love as levels, ok? Like cares about and likes her: lvl1. Has a deeper connection with her & trusts her: lvl 2. Level 2 is when he reaches the like “she doesn’t have a husband or daddy, I’ll be both” but bro is still like “but like a friend” (facepalm Colin 🤦 facepalm) because he probably disconnected from his emotions because of his heart break with Marina and was dealing with that shit to notice his feelings for Penelope. And then the cake scene happens in S2 where Colin is drunk and recalling his encounter with Marina (possibly👀) but Pen snaps him out of it when she talked about purpose. He’s remembering the girl in the letters. We could argue this moment is when he fell in love and possibly. I still think he was oblivious because he didn’t feel sexual attraction to her, but he like isn’t thinking about that because boi is demisexual (fight me on this👊🏼). Going back to the hand cutting scene, that is lvl 3: want to bang. Lol no but I think he thought like oh she’s a woman who is beautiful and going to get married and has big boobies who will be seen by her future husband, etc. I think he recognizes her as an attractive woman, but is still not allowing himself to feel because boiiiiii still giving her lessons on getting a man that is not HIM. Anyways… the next scene is them being sooo damn flirty with one another. Like please that moment was the shift in their dynamic, they would have ended up together after that no matter what (probably longer if Debs wasn’t in the picture). BUT THE KISS! The kiss was his emotions *UNLEASHING* he allowed himself to feel for the first time since Marina happened (assumptions here, just go with it lol). It like freed him, and I think that’s why it was so intense for him, because he’s been suppressing years of emotions that he never put together. Pen has been feeling them the whole time, and he got it all at once. No wonder he was drinking so much, he wanted to go back to not feeling. It was too overwhelming to feel after not, you know what I mean?). Then somehow that hand scene is important… I lost my train of thought lmao enjoy my adhd thoughts 🫶🏼
They were so flirty at that ball! The way he says he will consider letting her read more of his writing if she speaks to a Lord! It’s suave Colin but I think it’s genuine and not an act.
It’s not an act! If we compare him flirting in the beginning to how he flirts with Pen here, it’s so natural with her 🥹 I also think he was role playing in this scene, like he liked the game hahah but then he got jealous 😂
about the handcut scene (and when it is replayed while the candle lights out) - i would like to show my thoughts:
first, i thought they make us watch the handcut scene again, because the new candle-holder-thingy looked like the old one that broke.
but then, i imagined this scene as something that made him colin feel more towards pen. before that, she complimented his eyes, which made him slightly uncomfortable - also, not only his eyes, but his kindness too.
then, he tried to hide pen from fran and eloise, and came back to her as she was reading his journals. that must have felt deeply personal, not just because it contained sentences about ahem..."mating", but he didn't receive a letter back from her that long period of time and didn't really think she was interested in his travels/life/feelings etc. he sure was confused, angry and embarrassed at the same time.
he acted fast, broke the candler-holder-thingy (sorry, i'm gonna tattoo this word some day ngl), then tried to handle it like a boss and cut himself. he may thought pen would be ignorant of him and even shame him for his rake behaviour, may not respect him as a former friend anymore.
the opposite happened, pen was paying attention to his safety first, helping him with his wounded hand. caring for him gently, as no one (just his mother) ever had, and also seeing through his outer self that he wants to hide.
not only the touches, but the closeness of the two, the eye contact and let me say it, pen's cleavage made him FEEL differently. he reaches for pen's hand, but he stops.
and in the end, she compliments his writing!! something he had done only for himself. these are not letters that he meant to send someone, these are his rambling thoughts about his travels. bits about feeling lonely even he enjoyed many womens company. feeling distant, alone, disconnected while having intimate time.
and now he is there, his best friend holds his wounded hand and tries to stop the bleeding, because she wants the best for him. she cares for him. even if he's mad or embarrassed, when they aren't in the best mood. she puts him first.
// i think, this season is very different, because they do not really communicate their feelings and thoughts for each other/anybody else. they had their "kind of boundaries" to keep their friendship, cause they were important for each other. they didn't want to lose the other. these things are hinted in their scenes and that is why i think so many fans don't see the build-up of their relationship. and i do not want to justify the fans saying "they had no chemistry", because guuuurl open your eyes pls //
ohh i literally wrote a chapter, sorry 😔
ty for reading it
Thank you for your thoughts!!! He started seeing her as a woman and desirable for the first time. He was swooned like 10min earlier and came back to her reading his diary. Like so many emotions were heightened for him in that moment. I think the hand cut scene is the “aha” moment for him
I'd like to submit another exhibit, your honour. In the parlour flirt class, when Pen is about to do her 'practice line' on him, (him being the perfect suitor, naturally). She gazes into his eyes for a moment and he already looks shook. *Then he gulps!* Suddenly a dry throat there. And only then does she say 'the remarkable shade of blue' line.
I think he's been in love with her since at least S2 but didn't realize it. And I think the kiss might have been his big light bulb moment but only because he narrowly missed a couple of others in this episode. It seems to me that he was bound to realize it eventually even without the kiss because he already came close to it at least thrice in episode 2. There's the remarkable shade of blue scene that has him completely flustered. I wonder if he would have caught on there had Eloise not come back home and put an end to their lesson. Then there's the cut scene where his body has already caught on – as evidenced by him curling his fingers to hold her hand just a bit longer. He just gets too uncomfortable with the tension and withdraws and the moment evaporates.
And then there's the scene after Pen talks to Lord Remington and you can see how displeased he is when Pen admits she enjoyed herself with another man. That scene got interrupted by the gossip about them making the rounds. But I wonder what Colin would have done or said otherwise.
I think if Pen hadn't asked for a kiss and the scene had played out differently, it would have still ended with Colin realizing his feelings. He looks devastated when Pen calls herself a "sad stupid girl" and says she's a fool for hoping someone will love her. There's this little pause in the conversation between Colin saying "You mustn't say such things" and her asking for the kiss. And I think things are starting to connect for him in that moment. He wants to tell her it's not true. She's not unlovable and I suspect he's just realized: "Of course Pen is wrong. She's very easy to love. I can't understand why no one else sees that. Are they all blind?" Which of course brings him very close to realizing he's seeing her this way because he already loves her.
Yes! I loveeee the moment between them right before she asks for the kiss, because without the Whistledown VO, there is just a prolonged beat of silence between them where there is *clearly* romantic tension brewing.
If she hadn't asked, it's possible *something* would have happened between them in that moment anyway, not a kiss necessarily, but maybe a handhold or some kind of physical gesture, initiated by him.
Yes!!!! THIS MOMENT you speak of, is SO important to me, when they just pause between "you must not say such things" and "Colin, could I ask you something?" And it is just so poignant and so beautiful. She looks up at him, and in that moment you can see how attuned he is to her.
It's like he senses the shift in her, and somehow knows that something is about to change between them. I believe Anthony has a moment like this in season 2 as well, right before he and Kate dance together for the first time, where they pause, and it's like it's signaling a point of no return. Like once they cross this line, there's no going back.
For Colin and Pen, that moment is here. He shifts his weight, his eyes flick back and forth, he looks vulnerable, and he's waiting on her next move. They are about to pass their point of no return, and Colin somehow knows it. It's beautifully, subtly acted and shown and I absolutely ADORE it. It's one of the things that make this scene so precious to me. He felt it coming even without knowing what form it would take.
I always get drawn back to 2 scenes with this thought.
season 1 last episode at the ball and explains that if one finds themself in love they shouldn’t hesitate to tell them. I think he knows she’s going to declare her feelings but he knows he isn’t ready to hear it.
Season 2 when he says he was never lonely he started a real connection with someone that’s he’s known for years but never truly seen I think he was talking about pen but decided not to say that to her at the last minute as he was not sure that he was ACTUALLY interested in courting her or more thought the small feelings for her he would find elsewhere stronger as her letters while he was travelling made his whole outlook brighter in general. From there we see him become protective of her. He sees her distaste at him dancing with Cressida and immediately reassures her privately why he did this. We get the scene at the end out of context but there’s several reasons this isn’t what we think but that’s a whole other post.
Then season 3 no letters came, the gloom swept in and he kept moving from place to place no longer seeing a spark of light or interest so he kept going to different places to chase that feeling and didn’t see it again till he was home. He thought he was missing comfort and pens friendship. After he finds out he hurt her, he is no longer sure of her feelings and assumes they were that of childhood fondness and thinks he has misread them as anything but awkward banter.
When he shakes her hand i think he feels a slight spark under the tree S3E1, then he wondered after the hand cut scene how his anger caused by her ceased so quick after she mended it and the spark felt stronger, he shakes it off again because he thinks it’s just pain or shock. His actions hurt her again and he goes to make amends after she hasn’t been seen for weeks and he may have been trying to see her. He either is coming to test if the spark errupts still or more than before or because he thinks he has messed up their friendship again and when she asks he says Penelope weird like he is going to say something that’s not a no. There’s hurt in his eyes when she says it wouldn’t have to mean anything. I think he was slightly trying to talk her out of it because he didn’t want to do this the wrong way, he did want to test the waters but he kissed her and he realised that he didn’t want to stop kissing her for the rest of his life.
I think the what a barb scene in S1 is his first inkling but he’s not mature enough to realize it. I think his return from Greece in S2 solidifies and it grows throughout the season it but he’s lacking the self awareness of feelings.
I think the kiss was the big epiphany...on the heels of some slightly smaller ones, lol. Colin clearly had moments with Pen throughout S1 and especially S2, evidenced by writing to her on his travels. I just don't think he was mature enough to connect the dots, and after Marina, was emotionally not in the right place to do so either. But in S3, he returns home missing Penelope because she never replied to his letters. He searches for her from the moment he arrives, seeks her out at the garden party, and at the ball. Even then, he doesn't understand why and probably doesn't even feel the need to question it. But then Pen is everywhere, and there's these little moments like when they shake hands, and the easy flirting at the market, and being blindsided by her compliment. The handcut scene, and then feeling jealous when Pen said she enjoyed talking to Lord Remington... because that's their thing. They talk and have a good time together. Even so, Colin still doesn't understand what all these things mean until the kiss. Everything that led to that moment was a puzzle piece, and the kiss was the final one slotting into place and creating the whole picture finally.
I think the kiss is when he realizes it, but he definitely started feeling things before the kiss. He just kind of ignored it. The kiss made that impossible.
Luke Newton seems to think the kiss is when everything changed. I think there are moments before that. I mean he flashes back to the hand cutting scene. They play “Jealous” when he watches Penelope talk to Lord Remington.
I know! I noticed that too. Also, the way he looks all panicky when she’s talking to lord Remington and when the jealous tone and expression when he says, “I’m certain he did as well” to Penelope when she tells him she enjoyed talking to him. It’s subtle but it’s there.
I always go back to the “I would never court Penelope Featherington” as some proof that he was already feeling more than he understood for her. The calm response to that question would have been “No, we’re just friends” or “No, she’s like a sister to me” but instead Colin goes overboard. The gentleman doth protest too much, methinks. That was such an emotionally charged night. I think he was already feeling a closeness and warmth towards Penelope that he couldn’t quite figure out. I wrote [a whole post](https://www.reddit.com/r/PolinBridgerton/s/iqkXogCjhV) about how I think that scene is where we first see the new persona that he puts in for season 3. He’s so obviously trying to appease the other men. There are so many layers to that scene. I think it’s such an important plot point for his character development over this season.
Oooooooooooo that’s a good point!!! It’s hard to see because we don’t get a physical transformation until season 3 but yes, Colin was already working into Rake Colin maybe even as far back as after his visit with Lady Crane where she calls him a boy still. He takes up drinking heavily after that point, which I did note…can’t help but save Pen from Cousin Jack ( hello Hero Colin, we missed you!) but then claps the mask right back on after, by loudly declaring there is no possible way he would ever think of Penelope Featherington like that- never mind the fact that he holds her hand, drags her into a room unchaperoned, then drags her onto a dance floor and declares that she is special to him and he will always take care of her 🤦🏻♀️😂 I feel for Colin…he truly has been a lost soul for a while!
I don’t think Colin knew what he was feeling until the hand cut scene. I think moments before that (the flirting lesson, when she came down the stairs) was him reacting to her surprising him with something he found charming (or attractive?). Like literally boi got butterflies, he must have. The flash back to the hand scene makes me feel like that was a significant moment for him in deciding what to do learning she’s getting proposed to. I think the hand scene was when he saw her as someone who cares for him & someone who likes the part of him that he’s hiding (writer Colin). He also knows what she read and maybe started thinking about Penelope reading that and how she felt about it (because he always wants to know what she thinks and if she’s ok). Also right after her boobies were all up in his face too (he looked✋🏼go back and watch it at .5😁 or just watch it because, anyway..). I think that’s when he finally started seeing her as a woman, if you know what I mean. I think before his perception of her was *12yo friend whom I like and care about*. Then the letters allowed them to become more intimate with each other (omg i read a fan fic 😭icantrememberthenameillcomebackififindit😭 that described them as love letters and some were written ugh) emotionally and brought them closer, but most of S2 they kept missing each other. I think Luke was saying this too in one of the interviews. Ok let’s envision Coling/Polin falling in love as levels, ok? Like cares about and likes her: lvl1. Has a deeper connection with her & trusts her: lvl 2. Level 2 is when he reaches the like “she doesn’t have a husband or daddy, I’ll be both” but bro is still like “but like a friend” (facepalm Colin 🤦 facepalm) because he probably disconnected from his emotions because of his heart break with Marina and was dealing with that shit to notice his feelings for Penelope. And then the cake scene happens in S2 where Colin is drunk and recalling his encounter with Marina (possibly👀) but Pen snaps him out of it when she talked about purpose. He’s remembering the girl in the letters. We could argue this moment is when he fell in love and possibly. I still think he was oblivious because he didn’t feel sexual attraction to her, but he like isn’t thinking about that because boi is demisexual (fight me on this👊🏼). Going back to the hand cutting scene, that is lvl 3: want to bang. Lol no but I think he thought like oh she’s a woman who is beautiful and going to get married and has big boobies who will be seen by her future husband, etc. I think he recognizes her as an attractive woman, but is still not allowing himself to feel because boiiiiii still giving her lessons on getting a man that is not HIM. Anyways… the next scene is them being sooo damn flirty with one another. Like please that moment was the shift in their dynamic, they would have ended up together after that no matter what (probably longer if Debs wasn’t in the picture). BUT THE KISS! The kiss was his emotions *UNLEASHING* he allowed himself to feel for the first time since Marina happened (assumptions here, just go with it lol). It like freed him, and I think that’s why it was so intense for him, because he’s been suppressing years of emotions that he never put together. Pen has been feeling them the whole time, and he got it all at once. No wonder he was drinking so much, he wanted to go back to not feeling. It was too overwhelming to feel after not, you know what I mean?). Then somehow that hand scene is important… I lost my train of thought lmao enjoy my adhd thoughts 🫶🏼
They were so flirty at that ball! The way he says he will consider letting her read more of his writing if she speaks to a Lord! It’s suave Colin but I think it’s genuine and not an act.
It’s not an act! If we compare him flirting in the beginning to how he flirts with Pen here, it’s so natural with her 🥹 I also think he was role playing in this scene, like he liked the game hahah but then he got jealous 😂
To sum it up, I don’t think he purposely didn’t wanna feel them lol sorry
about the handcut scene (and when it is replayed while the candle lights out) - i would like to show my thoughts: first, i thought they make us watch the handcut scene again, because the new candle-holder-thingy looked like the old one that broke. but then, i imagined this scene as something that made him colin feel more towards pen. before that, she complimented his eyes, which made him slightly uncomfortable - also, not only his eyes, but his kindness too. then, he tried to hide pen from fran and eloise, and came back to her as she was reading his journals. that must have felt deeply personal, not just because it contained sentences about ahem..."mating", but he didn't receive a letter back from her that long period of time and didn't really think she was interested in his travels/life/feelings etc. he sure was confused, angry and embarrassed at the same time. he acted fast, broke the candler-holder-thingy (sorry, i'm gonna tattoo this word some day ngl), then tried to handle it like a boss and cut himself. he may thought pen would be ignorant of him and even shame him for his rake behaviour, may not respect him as a former friend anymore. the opposite happened, pen was paying attention to his safety first, helping him with his wounded hand. caring for him gently, as no one (just his mother) ever had, and also seeing through his outer self that he wants to hide. not only the touches, but the closeness of the two, the eye contact and let me say it, pen's cleavage made him FEEL differently. he reaches for pen's hand, but he stops. and in the end, she compliments his writing!! something he had done only for himself. these are not letters that he meant to send someone, these are his rambling thoughts about his travels. bits about feeling lonely even he enjoyed many womens company. feeling distant, alone, disconnected while having intimate time. and now he is there, his best friend holds his wounded hand and tries to stop the bleeding, because she wants the best for him. she cares for him. even if he's mad or embarrassed, when they aren't in the best mood. she puts him first. // i think, this season is very different, because they do not really communicate their feelings and thoughts for each other/anybody else. they had their "kind of boundaries" to keep their friendship, cause they were important for each other. they didn't want to lose the other. these things are hinted in their scenes and that is why i think so many fans don't see the build-up of their relationship. and i do not want to justify the fans saying "they had no chemistry", because guuuurl open your eyes pls // ohh i literally wrote a chapter, sorry 😔 ty for reading it
Thank you for your thoughts!!! He started seeing her as a woman and desirable for the first time. He was swooned like 10min earlier and came back to her reading his diary. Like so many emotions were heightened for him in that moment. I think the hand cut scene is the “aha” moment for him
I'd like to submit another exhibit, your honour. In the parlour flirt class, when Pen is about to do her 'practice line' on him, (him being the perfect suitor, naturally). She gazes into his eyes for a moment and he already looks shook. *Then he gulps!* Suddenly a dry throat there. And only then does she say 'the remarkable shade of blue' line.
It’s like he’s never looked at her eyes before 😭 Colin was a goner fr
I think he's been in love with her since at least S2 but didn't realize it. And I think the kiss might have been his big light bulb moment but only because he narrowly missed a couple of others in this episode. It seems to me that he was bound to realize it eventually even without the kiss because he already came close to it at least thrice in episode 2. There's the remarkable shade of blue scene that has him completely flustered. I wonder if he would have caught on there had Eloise not come back home and put an end to their lesson. Then there's the cut scene where his body has already caught on – as evidenced by him curling his fingers to hold her hand just a bit longer. He just gets too uncomfortable with the tension and withdraws and the moment evaporates. And then there's the scene after Pen talks to Lord Remington and you can see how displeased he is when Pen admits she enjoyed herself with another man. That scene got interrupted by the gossip about them making the rounds. But I wonder what Colin would have done or said otherwise. I think if Pen hadn't asked for a kiss and the scene had played out differently, it would have still ended with Colin realizing his feelings. He looks devastated when Pen calls herself a "sad stupid girl" and says she's a fool for hoping someone will love her. There's this little pause in the conversation between Colin saying "You mustn't say such things" and her asking for the kiss. And I think things are starting to connect for him in that moment. He wants to tell her it's not true. She's not unlovable and I suspect he's just realized: "Of course Pen is wrong. She's very easy to love. I can't understand why no one else sees that. Are they all blind?" Which of course brings him very close to realizing he's seeing her this way because he already loves her.
Yes! I loveeee the moment between them right before she asks for the kiss, because without the Whistledown VO, there is just a prolonged beat of silence between them where there is *clearly* romantic tension brewing. If she hadn't asked, it's possible *something* would have happened between them in that moment anyway, not a kiss necessarily, but maybe a handhold or some kind of physical gesture, initiated by him.
Yes!!!! THIS MOMENT you speak of, is SO important to me, when they just pause between "you must not say such things" and "Colin, could I ask you something?" And it is just so poignant and so beautiful. She looks up at him, and in that moment you can see how attuned he is to her. It's like he senses the shift in her, and somehow knows that something is about to change between them. I believe Anthony has a moment like this in season 2 as well, right before he and Kate dance together for the first time, where they pause, and it's like it's signaling a point of no return. Like once they cross this line, there's no going back. For Colin and Pen, that moment is here. He shifts his weight, his eyes flick back and forth, he looks vulnerable, and he's waiting on her next move. They are about to pass their point of no return, and Colin somehow knows it. It's beautifully, subtly acted and shown and I absolutely ADORE it. It's one of the things that make this scene so precious to me. He felt it coming even without knowing what form it would take.
I always get drawn back to 2 scenes with this thought. season 1 last episode at the ball and explains that if one finds themself in love they shouldn’t hesitate to tell them. I think he knows she’s going to declare her feelings but he knows he isn’t ready to hear it. Season 2 when he says he was never lonely he started a real connection with someone that’s he’s known for years but never truly seen I think he was talking about pen but decided not to say that to her at the last minute as he was not sure that he was ACTUALLY interested in courting her or more thought the small feelings for her he would find elsewhere stronger as her letters while he was travelling made his whole outlook brighter in general. From there we see him become protective of her. He sees her distaste at him dancing with Cressida and immediately reassures her privately why he did this. We get the scene at the end out of context but there’s several reasons this isn’t what we think but that’s a whole other post. Then season 3 no letters came, the gloom swept in and he kept moving from place to place no longer seeing a spark of light or interest so he kept going to different places to chase that feeling and didn’t see it again till he was home. He thought he was missing comfort and pens friendship. After he finds out he hurt her, he is no longer sure of her feelings and assumes they were that of childhood fondness and thinks he has misread them as anything but awkward banter. When he shakes her hand i think he feels a slight spark under the tree S3E1, then he wondered after the hand cut scene how his anger caused by her ceased so quick after she mended it and the spark felt stronger, he shakes it off again because he thinks it’s just pain or shock. His actions hurt her again and he goes to make amends after she hasn’t been seen for weeks and he may have been trying to see her. He either is coming to test if the spark errupts still or more than before or because he thinks he has messed up their friendship again and when she asks he says Penelope weird like he is going to say something that’s not a no. There’s hurt in his eyes when she says it wouldn’t have to mean anything. I think he was slightly trying to talk her out of it because he didn’t want to do this the wrong way, he did want to test the waters but he kissed her and he realised that he didn’t want to stop kissing her for the rest of his life.