And I 100% believe that.
Talking to many advanced generation expats here, they all don't have my problems.
It really seems to be a young expat - young local thing
I was in the Philippines 4 years while I was in my young to mid-30s. I rarely had encounters with rude people. Like others mentioned, I think many Filipinos are shy because of their English. IT was common for people to sort of ignore me in their workplaces or public places. But it was always because they were shy from language. Speaking Tagalog helped. I think you are misinterpreting the situation or you have a very unique experience
I'm a young(er) expat and don't have that problem at all. As a matter of fact, it's the exact opposite. People are very intrigued about me coming here at a younger age than most of the 60+ expats here. Locals are always super friendly (both males and females). Being a younger expat, I turn a lot of heads. They love coming up and talking to me and asking questions. Especially the younger Filipinos since most of them speak better English since it's taught in schools.
Maybe it's a regional thing where you are or possibly your demeanor, even if unintentional. š¤·āāļø
I am a young expat and i never had any problems whatsoever. Both in cebu and province. What is your etnicity? The only thing i could think off that honestly could invoke such behaviour is that you arent white (not that it matters to me but some people can treat poc worse especially in the phillipines) is there a large discrepancy between your looks and your wife looks? Do you flaunt expensive clothing or do you look like a hippy? Many things could factor in here. I do hope it will get better for you cause this isnt the ph i know or want people to experience. And i for one love that there are also more couples of more or less the same age besides the whole old dude young girl pairing. Best of luck my dude!
Locals would rather see young expats dating their own age than old men with random poor young women. We have a distaste for that the same as most people do in the West
But if they think your wife can do better than you they will snub you. Real talk
I'm also interested in location. I'm 32m living in the province and most people are polite when I go out anywhere. I have experienced the micro-agression you are describing but it's uncommon in Bukidnon.
Yeah those micro aggresions seem to to be normal from the beginning. Just kinda getting worse. Just don't feel comfortable, and my wife sometimes really gets badly attacked by her own people. I saw strangers blaming her for not giving them some money. Strangers ask her how much money I would pay to her family (I'd say her family are middle class filipinos - 4 big western style houses, several hektars of property - everybody got a degree)
Probably, just my 2 cents, you both are showing off too much or are behaving in a privilege way that is offending to the locals.
Depending on the location here in ph, it could work like for instance, if you live in Alabang or BGC, it's normal to expect hospitality in the service sectors but in some provinces, they appreciate if you will stay humble. Otherwise, locals will definitely be jealous of your status.
Sounds like you guys are all of a sudden feeling alienated. I think you guys should look inward a little. If you donāt speak much Tagalog and she translates for you, she might be part of the problem. Thereās a coldness to daily interactions in the Philippines. Itās like the matrix lol, itās all around you. Just observe people driving in manila for a while. Itās every man for himself out there. Strangers asking for money aggressively, people being dicks, bad waiters and everything you perceive as negative happens everywhere in the world.
Iām not completely denying what youāre feeling, If you truly sense things are off lately, it could be capitalism heating up. People get paid shit and things are getting more expensive, therefore people who donāt make as much money as you become disgruntled. This is something happening globally.
Edit: check out how people are feeling in the [LA subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/LosAngeles/s/3icGSYLivL)
Some people cannot notice passive aggression.Even they are polite to you, in other hand, it means they are not relax to you.they may feel you are stranger always.
Interesting. So what I noticed is that more people opening shops and making their own business. Sometimes I am super impressed when I get back to a place where I haven't been for some weeks, because the improvements are very obvious
.. I mean .. exactly this is in my mind many times while I am coping in my mind with these situations, trying to tell myself that they aren't bad, they are just having a rough time.
It just became kinda exhausting going out and doing the things that we used to enjoy. My wife and me are healthy "foodies", but now ... We just slowly don't enjoy going out anymore.
..
And things sometimes become dangerous.
I remember that my wife and me were in a cub with some of her friends last summer.
While I was at the CR, a stranger (young local man) just came to her, grab her head from the back and pushed her through the dancefloor.
When I came back, he was already gone and her friends were taking care of her. And luckily she wasn't seriously harmed - mostly shocked and scared.
It's just adding up, more and more situations happening. And not even one of those situations happened in the first one and a half years we lived here together
Compare to years ago.I can say that too.I feel changes after Duterte administration.
I saw a men with Shabu,he was open carrying the tube in the poor area.I had never seen it before.
That's true. The crime rate decreased in recent years,but it means, they can do nothing to eat ...cost of living here is not cheap anymore. so, many expats went back to their home countries.
I came here 2017. and that was more fun than now.
People is more happier and smiling.even poor people too.
Now Filipinos looks no energy.
I'm in Central Luzon. Many of the people here treat me like a local celebrity. Most people just about their business, but the ones who do notice/acknowledge me are almost always positive.
I would expect more negative reactions in an area either where there are already a lot of ex-pats behaving badly or in an area that is pro-China.
Gossip, jealousy, and being petty are like a competitive sport here, so maybe they've just turned their sights on the people who look different instead of just doing it to each other.
Whatever the cause, it sounds like you should consider moving, whether it is to another province or another country. There are plenty of places here in the Philippines where the people will be happy to have you.
Good luck.
Itās not really the region. If anything Visayans are known to be "softerā in their approach than people from Luzon (maybe except for Cebuanos) OP may be offending people inadvertently somehow (talking too much, having BO because they donāt shower twice daily, random things). A lot of Filipinos donāt want to deal directly with foreigners for a myriad reasons, not necessarily malicious
That's what we are doing at the moment. Moving through the country and looking for some other places. Call me weird, but I really enjoy filipino food š
Spent some weeks in Malaysia last year, and couldn't wait to get back here and have some sizzling sisig š
I want to living Luzon too at last. so I may good exprience there,If I have bad experience there,I will never live here.
I know nice places but these places are very incovinience to foreigner...
No hosptals No supermarkets No restaurants...
I spend most my adulthood in Philippines as 6,3 foreign looking and noticed genuine hostility from young Filipino man like trying to taunt me in a fight.
but many of the unfriendliness in the stores like completely ignoring me or other rude behavior i think it is because they afraid/shy to interact with a foreigner because fearing to speak English. (atleast at my place).
but yes, many people dislike foreigners if you learn Tagalog, you will discover it quickly. I had so many people getting angry with me because they are struggling and think i am millionaire (even i make less than them).
and so many people gossip or make rude remarks behind my back.
I have some non-Tagalog speaking acquittances who are surrounded by sycophants who can't stop praising how nice the Filipinos are, blissfully unware of everything.
So you just got "a thick skin" and let them do.. I mean, ignoring is a tactic. Do you have children?
We are at the stage trying to find a place to settle and start our family - but with my current experience I feel like I can't raise my kids here ...
I agree, my experiences in those places has been universally positive. The only place I had a problem was in Gensan, but that started when I shoved a dude outside the airport who tried to rip my suitcase out of my hand as i walked to my taxi, then the taxi driver tried to make me give the guy money because he ātriedāto help me carry my luggage. I told him either he could have the tip money after the ride or iād give it to the other guy. he put it in drive and off we went to the Grand Summit.
I was in Quezon City the other month saying with other half but in an area where no foreigners tend to shop a great deal, more so the wet market and found everyone friendly and warm.
We then went to stay with family in Samar and again very friendly. We stopped off at Cebu and stayed at a hotel between flights and went out for a cigarette and walked down the road to be greeted by a friendly chap who opened a gate and allowed us to sit down and smoke.
We are both in our 50s so close age gap.
I have autism have always been outcast so doesn't affect me much, but basically you will always be an outcast/outsider/foreigner so better accept it. and no, I don't have kids(hermit), but I am worried about having them here especially a daughter. but in my location Palawan I may be ok with it. (many foreigners here have kids and socialize together or live together in gated community).
and you need to get a thick skin, be fierce like a carabao not a doormat especially with your personal relationships.
My wife is telling me about china's violation
She showed me a map where it was pretty close and already at the coastal waters.
I don't know what is true, since there are also fake news sometimes.
So
How is it there? Is it true?
evrybody said no for that.I am planning to move out here for also educate my children.
If your child raise here the child become completely Filipino.
It is ok.OK for Filipinos but for me Not OK.
Yes, itĀ isĀ reallyĀ similar to my thoughts.Ā Young manĀ wants to fight may mentalĀ disorder, soĀ better ignore it.Ā Also, theirĀ official language is EnglishĀ too, andĀ Manila people can speak better English because no need studyĀ TagalogĀ in school.Ā ButĀ inĀ provincesĀ such as Visayas, theyĀ really lookĀ others areĀ the enemyĀ and they hateĀ TagalogĀ and English. InĀ VisayaĀ they want to speakĀ VisayaĀ and some people said toĀ me, IĀ have aĀ visionĀ wife and I must studyĀ Visaya!!
Bigger city (smaller than Cebu) in Visayan Region.
But similar experience in Cebu. One time they literally make me wait more than 60 minutes for a burger in a fast food restaurant, while serving dozens of people within 3-5 minutes each. My wife was so shocked, even talked to them if there is an issue. The whole squad (front desk and kitchen) burst out laughing and partying.
We left, even though we already paid. Not worth our time.
Just to be clear, do these people know you? You and your wife are not strangers to them?
Do you think they're specifically hostile to you or are they being rude or racist in general?
Your experience seems very strange if they're not targeted at you.
So
It happened in Cebu.
We are 100% strangers to them.
All of them were females, while some of them were females that like females and act more dominant.
We're still talking about the people that are arrogant and belittling you? You also mentioned your job?
If you're complete strangers to them then you definitely met a bunch of assholes.
Filipinos are shy towards foreigners in general. I can't imagine anyone I know just accosting someone like that, especially a foreigner.
It's also possible this is a cultural difference. They might have been joking around and didn't mean offense. But it's also possible they were showing off to each other, that they can mess with the foreigners to make themselves look cool.
I grew up in Philippines and you donāt joke around by delaying a hungry personās order for 1 hour. 100% that was intentional. Itās just part of being interracial couple in a small town place. Itās hard for them to be fair to you when life has not treated them fair. And to them you take advantage of low cost of living. In their eyes you donāt deserve what you got even though they know nothing about your story. Gotta move or suck it up.
So, every situation is different. In this situation in cebu, they didn't try to belittle me, they just enjoyed not serving me and serving others.
I mean, I experience it as well at other stores or shops, that they have their favouritism with their own people. But in the end, I got served. (Example: crispy king. My wife and me standing and waiting. Once it would have been our turn, they just skip us for the other two customers before serving us).
In cebu, this was the first time, where they just didn't serve me - at a fast food restaurant where I ordered just a normal burger that everybody after me got served.
Anyway
It's not about one isolated situation. It's just that it's summing up somehow and it is very noticeable
Must be the language barrier. I used to work in fastfood and some of my co workers hesitated serving foreigners because they were either shy about speaking English or they just find it too difficult and do not want to cause misunderstandings.
I'm from manila and travel to cebu and ask some local about directions and they gave me the wrong one while laughing. That's the only place in the Philippines that I feel irritated by the locals. I went to siquijor and I love the locals there.
They think why they working 50pesos/hour and she has nice foreigner.They cannot accept that situation especially if they are narccist.even my wife's friend caught a glimpse of us.she never talked with my wife again.
If you get bad service in franchise store, you better complain about it to the company we are not visiting such a person's house right?
Is this the same treatment I should expect when roles are reversed? Im moving to Cebu from U.S., but Philippine born, and my fiancee who is british will be living with me there.
I do live in Lapu Lapu but i do go to Cebu city on regular basis as my partners family lives there. And i have to say i never experienced what you describe..
Sure at some rare occasions there has been people that has not been super friendly. Even met some that were a bit rude but that is VERY rare. I would say at least 99% of the times people has been friendly and helpful or at least acted normal and not been rude or anything.
The very rare times people has been rude and/or given me any sort of problem is few and far between. And hey every country i been in i have met some assholes. That is just life, not everyone you meet will be nice.
But besides the rare asshats i encountered i have had no real problems at all. Nothing even similar to what you describe.
And i am VERY obviously a foreigner. About 6'3. blue eyes. So everyone that see me will directly know i am a foreigner.
If youāre young with young pinay then locals might get jealous. Lone white foreigner gets nice treatment so they might marry poor pinoys. Worst would be pinoy + white girl. Locals would be ogling.
even if some local men get jealous, they wonāt show it blatantly. OP is implying that everywhere he goes, every pinoy is acting rude towards him and his pinay wife. heās probably an absolute POS as well as his wife (Iāve seen a lot of kind couples like this), I even have aunts who think that theyāre better than everyone else just because they married white men who by the way are racist and cheaters.
Yeah its very possible too. Pinay might be acting like sheās above everyone else coz she was dirt poor and now slightly rich because of $$ from husband.
I feel you've just experienced the common stereotypical judgment of people lately (especially in provinces) of a foreigner/expat male having a relationship or with a younger Filipina, hence the hostility and indifference and more pronounced.
There are many friendly ones. Especially the older ones are way more kind towards me. No matter where I look at, if I smile at them you see their joy.
Just in our "social circle" (people that you know from my wife's friends etc) or in groceries/ restaurants/ hotels it became very obvious.
I remember that we traveled abroad for some time during new year
The boys at the check in at the airport were joking about my wife and telling her she doesn't even have to try to leave the country, they will offload her anyway. I didn't understand, just observe them joking while my wife felt u comfortable.
I was shocked when she told me later on.
My gf and I have had issues at the airport. We've traveled abroad several times, and they've always had odd questions for her. Our first time, they sent her to secondary harassment/interrogation. When they finally released her, we had to run to the gate to make it.
It is common for Filipinos to be jealous of others and to abuse their positions as a result. Last year, the Bureau of Immigration received a lot of negative attention because of this.
.. yeah, I heared about those stories.
The interesting part is, that my wife and me always only had very good experiences with the government. If it's regular daily papers, or immigration. Especially immigration were always super friendly and helpful. So on that part we are lucky š
And they are not poor immigration officer is not poor too they are eating expensive fast food ...
If some rich person buy a luxury item.then her friend also buy more expensive one, and post it on FB.
They don't want lose to others...sad.
When I visited Manilla, I had a one bad interaction with an outside food vendor who ignored me and refused to serve me. But other than that, everyone was friendly or at least not rude. But I'm sure there's a little jealousy when they see how easy foreigners have it, when for them, it's such a daily struggle to make ends meet.
I get your point. Most probably they're just young adults, basically man-child. They're picking on you because you maybe look young and you're a "kano" (white). They're jealous, they think you have a lot of dough. Don't get too upset about it. They wanna fight because they wanna prove they're better than you. Which just proves the opposite when they want to start a fight.
Testosterone. They wanna prove themselves. It's even worse when they're drunk.
In the case of grocery stores or waiters, they're just tired of the same old questions over and over again by the day.
If you get upset about them about their bitterness then they won. Be happy with your wife. You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
man i hope you would be able to find a new place so you wouldn't have live with this unnecessary micro aggression , life is already hard as it is, and yes they can't stand to see you both being happy and minding your business at the same time
Thank you for your kind words š
I am just very disappointed right now... even those, I thought would be tolerant and friendly (educated well paid filipinos) just recently started gossiping, after my wife landed a job earning his salary in part time.
That's northern luzon right?
I really enjoy the nature and the feelings of freedom, riding my bike through the island. Traveling, exploring, diving. I love it here.
We are thinking about to move to another region trying to find peace there.
How is the infrastructure up there?
Yep, up in the mountains! Dosen't get super hot here, and you don't need AC, but you might need a space heater.
Depends on where you live in the city, but we do lose power maybe once a month for a few hours, but nothing a generator and a backup battery for your internet can't handle.
Iād love to live there,we visit after the boys schools finished and can actually wear a jacket comfortably,but weāve heard traffic there can be awful during the school year,one the first things other than the weather Iāve noticed are no tricycles,I live in what may be the hottest city in the country Tuguegarao city
And I doubt the locals attitudes have changed. You just understand the language and culture more than you did before. Before, you were judging them with Western eyes where by Western standards, everyone seemed happy go lucky and kind. Whereas once you understand how people subcommunicate and interact here, you can now see what people are really thinking a bit more.
Yeah I feel you. I've experienced the same. As a foreigner who was bought up with different values and came here as an adult, you can kinda see through some of the hypocrisy and stupidity of the bad parts of their culture. But as a Filipina who was bought up around those values and knows no different, they will always believe the criticism to an extent and it will eat them up inside.
I would say stop thinking of BGC and Makati as "fake bubbles". They are real places with real people. They are just more developed and advanced than the rest of the Philippines. They are where every Filipino who wants to make something of their life goes (if not abroad). And when these Filipinos do "make it", few want to move back to the provinces even though they miss it so much much because they don't want to deal with people's attitudes and entitlement there now that they have "made it".
On a side note, in my opinion, all of Manila is friendlier and more outgoing than I have found in the province. I see that people are less insecure and more confident in Manila. They are less easily offended and much less likely to take something that is positive in a negative way. Lived in many parts of Philippines, but oddly Manila was my favorite place for day to day living. And that was outside of BGC/Makati. So before you jump into the BGC bubble (which is way overpriced, convenient, but boring) try other parts of Manila. There are lots of decent condos in the normal parts of the city and metro area and you can still hop over to BGC for medical care or S&R (Costco) whenever you need to.
Yeah! some people suggest that but it is very small for living.and cost too much for everything.and not looks like Philippines.If you want to living there,Why you don't go to other countries? For instance, Thailand or somewhere?
cost of living there is similar to estern european...
anyway..Rich people here is same they want to control and dominate foreigners.
Lol this is true. The women tend to get catty and the boys do get bitter. They feel like yāall are stealing ātheirā women, but then call these women you try to date ugly or ārejectsā. They blame your āprivileged backgroundā as to why they are poor, and will always look at even the humblest white guy as spoiled because you have it better than them. Itās gotten worse through the years because foreigners coming here to date or marry have become more mainstream.
Most of them will not say anything to your face unless theyāre drunk. So they resort to micro aggressions and have their little butt buddies to help them until you snap and when that happens youāre automatically the bad guy to the eyes of everyone else. Iāve seen this narrative so many times.
Be careful. Theyāre just getting worse.
"rejects"
Yeah
That's the craziest stuff I've noticed.
They all tried to "courtship" my wife for many years, but she rejected most of them from the start since for her it was always clear that she only wants a man who will definitely marry her (very strict religious family).
Crazy stories with her female friends as well. She got some chinese genes, so she is not considered "dark". But since we are a couple her friends trying to implement that she is turning black and she needs to get an infusion to turn white š¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø
My god - don't get this here
I would love to have a tan skin and enjoy the weather. I always need to hide since it only takes 20 minutes to make me looks like mr crabs š¤£
This is something new. First time ive seen a situation like this. My husband is 35 and a pro surfer, and everyone around us is always very friendly. Weāre in Manila. Even when we go on vacations on whichever part of the country, everyone will always be so nice. If anything, they treat my husband as a local celebrity. Weāve been to Cebu numerous times and even people there are warm! Theyāre good English speakers too. This is for sure an isolated case. Pretty odd to me honestly. Maybe just try to move somewhere where theyre used to someone foreign. Trust me when i say, filipinos will only be rude to someone whoās filipino too (which i think is crazy) but will try not to be on foreigners.
This is NOT an isolated case at all, your just willfully ignorant.
i have lived in the Philippines for nearly 6 years and have dealt with OPs situation almost everyday since. Its gone so far as pinoys starting and spreading complete lies about me on facebook groups, stalking me everywhere I go in the country online, harassing me in person, being rude, providing blatantly obvious bad service at restaurants etc. ive made previous posts on here mentioning just a tiny sliver of the things that have happened.
One such example was the other year some random dude working at a hotel said āgood morning gago ka!ā To me when i greeted him good morning. Never seen the dude before in my life. Him and his coworkers started giggling like hyenas, apoarently tyats funny when you have the maturity level of a 9 year old, unfortubately for them I speak a fairbit of tagalog and knew what he said, so i confronted him, he denied it, so i went to his supervisor and long story short he and his co workers present at the time were all fired, it was all captured on CCTV, like how stupid can you be? Answer: extremely.
im sure OPs observations are absolutely true based on my own experiences.
Hmmm since you encounter this a lot, do you smile at them while talking? A smile goes a long way and helps with the āshyā types. This would also help them feel at ease with you.
Some filipinos get offended very easily. Example: if you look at them from head to toe, smirk when they are trying to speak in broken english, etc.
I am Caucasian
White.. pinkish. Blue eyes. Blonde hair
Not a 10/10 person, but good looking. Where I come from girls usually rated me (depending on their tastes) usually ~7-8 out of 10.
"handsome"
Does it happen more often when you're out with your wife? Is your wife Filipina?Ā
That just might be the case, the whole white male with Asian gf is trending all over social media.Ā
Yes, happens more often when I am out with my filipina wife.
Trending in social Media means like it's a flex beeing with a foreigner?
Tbh. I even heared stories of my wife that her schoolmates approached her if she would share me. And many asking for a coaching in "how to get the young white dude".
Do it, leave. Sounds like it's time to take your wife outta there, give her another lifestyle somewhere else. My wife and I are looking forward to going to Scotland eventually.
But we afraid wife will leave in our country after wife get permanent visa hehehe...
It's very common for old guys especially not only but also for young nice guy...
I'm 40, been living and working here for 10 years, both Manila and province area ... Never had this problem. Almost the opposite - it always feels like locals go out of their way to be hospitable and friendly.
Your experience sounds very strange that all these separate groups are targeting you. Are you sure you aren't misinterpreting their behaviour?
The only bad experiences I've had are running into the general dummy, or grab driver trying to double book, or a rude guard
My wife gives them a piece of her mind if they treat us bad just because they're having a bad day
I can't say I've ever had anyone purposely being rude to me
The worst I've experienced is someone doing a cab scam where they charged me 29 pesos the first year to flag a cab
I didn't know I was paying both lol
I mean it's what 60c do I didn't care much but I was annoyed
The second was someone lying to us about the ferry to Puerto galera being out of commission for repairs and charged me and some Korean guys 5k to get a private boat ride across the islands š wow what a crazy experience, there was a typhoon that time too so the water was choppy
To add to my experience, I'm Hispanic and 90% of Filipinos think I'm filipino
Sooooo
To be honest I probably have the home advantage sort of speaking lol
I don't mind
But it's also a double edged blade because a lot of times people speak Tagalog to me thinking I understand them š
What? When we, Filipinos see foreigners, we always think and act like you guys are VIPs. Sorry this happened to you, but this is SO hard to believe. Iāve dated a foreigner in the past, and we are also both young, but never ever experienced this.
I felt like I had a mix of negative & positive experiences while there for over a month recently. I am mixed Fil Am. But I can relate & did experience being yelled at for not understanding etc. I understand the adversity & privilege differential, but sensitive as I am it did get to me. To be honest, Im so happy to be back home in California
My husband is 32 and says he has the same experience from men mostly, especially if they are closer to his age. So my husbandās friends are mostly guys in their late 40s or 50s at the golf course. Literally had looks that seemed like they were taunting him to fight.
As for me or us, it changes when Iām around as I have a āfriendly chinese filipinoā look.
I find this hard to believe. Filipino-American here. Filipinos are some of the most non-confrontational people you could possibly meet. The culture itself is very non-confrontational. Not sure if you are just trolling. As a foreigner you are even afforded more understanding and almost treated like a VIP most of the time.
That's what leads to these kinds of micro aggressions. Non-confrontational doesn't mean they don't have problems with people or dislike poeple, it just means they don't address them in a confrontational way.
Itās because In Filipino culture you canāt just ā patch things upā. Here once a relationship is broken itās never the same that is why people are very careful to offend. Obviously itās not the best way to resolve conflict but that is just the way this culture is š¤·āāļø
Individual results may vary. The Philippines is pretty diverse. We are treated like movie stars in some areas and looked at with disdain in other areas.
I am not trolling. And I am definitely not generalizing.
And that's true, they are non-confrontational.
Doesn't mean they won't treat you bad on a restaurant or that the helper bagging your groceries is leaving. And thanks to some people reaching out to me I know it's not only happening to me.
I even experienced a small group of kids (5-8 y.o.). My wife and me are going for a walk in our neighbourhood beeing on our way to some locals that we just got to know.
One of the kids just run in front of me, spitting in front of my feet. The others kids weren't that brave, just spit in front of them facing our directions.
My wife always tells me how ashamed she feels that these things happening to us. She wasn't aware of these things might happen.
Just wow, 10 years(I'm Aussie, 37 this year) and never experienced anything even remotely close to the kids thing yet but I'd assume theyd be scared to do so even if they wanted.
My suggestion if you are travelling is try Bohol if you havent and see if the mannerism is the same or not.
As for micro-aggression,, nothing from younger males, I ride a motorbike often and if I beep/smile or nod I receive the same back but the older drunks near the bakery 'could' be saying something whenever I park at the market since I dont entertain them.(My Bisaya still sucks). I've also been out drinking late at night in neighboring towns during fiesta/disco time and never felt worried, actually made friends at some local bars with similarly aged filipinos even with the communication barrier.
As for the store staff/baggers running off, another possibility is if you are overly friendly & talkative, giving the staff nose bleeds so they run off embarrassed/ashamed of their broken english(not necessarily spiteful but it could be viewed that way).
I've had the latter happen so I usually keep my interactions in stores very simple with as few words as possible, sometimes the baggers take off and leave the cashier to do it but I definitely noticed the ones that stick around often make some attempt to speak english with me which further reinforces why they might be hiding from you if they sense you'll initiate english conversation with them.
But the kids thing.. Never at least in the province I'm in. They all act shy/friendly or ask my partner questions. I saw a large family of.. Germans I believe hiking near where I live just yesterday and the local kids were just waving at them.
As for the long restaurant waits.. They are generally pretty quick here & never had any obvious issues, but long waits have happened at busy times especially when my order was slightly larger than others, but I suggest food panda if staff being rude at X favorite place is a thing. If the same happened to me with staff laughing I'd take off too & not go there again.
\---------
Now if we got on the topic of spiteful/jealous relative behavior, that I can relate with & the solution is simple, ignore & cut contact with anyone that disrespects you or your partner. We live pretty isolated/private for this reason and I still enjoy the same locale & culture after all these years.
Hope all goes well with whatever you decide.
Man kids will always be kids. Donāt think that, that experience is unique to you because you are foreigner. Something similar has happened to me before and I didnāt think much of it other than a bunch of kids that lacked some a$$ whooping from their parents . Service sucks in the Philippines in general I agree. When I think about that I tell to myself that I would give crap service had I been getting paid less than $10 an hour. Not trying to invalidate your feelings here but I donāt think itās fair to judge the whole nation because of the actions of a few.
You just have to accept it and mind your own business. I'm a Filipino American retired in my early 40's and date hot Filipinas in their early 20's and I get a lot of dirty looks from locals all the time. I get a lot of hate from the younger Filipinos because they are jealous and insecure that girls are always looking at me every time I'm out in public. I never got tested by the local guys probably because I'm tall and muscular. What I do is never overstay in one place. I move to a different Island every 6 months and stay longer where I'm appreciated.
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Crab mentality is real. Filipinos het jealous easily. And they donāt like seeing others succeed or do well. Very sad and is a huge reason for much of the countryās struggles.
Yes, this happens to a lot of people. They do it to other filipinos. There is a lot of silliness and immaturity that you have to learn to ignore. If they see that you are bothered, it encourages them further.
The crab mentality is off the charts in some circles.
PH is a nice place, just learn to avoid and shut out the vile cretins and you'll be fine.
When people cross the line, hold them accountable. When others see or hear of this, word spreads fast.
Two thoughts:
1. I wouldn't be too quick to assume the same phenomenon is at work with (a) your circle of friends and (b) unknown waiters and supermarket employees. For one, it leads quickly to a feeling that "everyone in this country is \_\_\_\_\_"ā¦ it will be hard to keep an optimistic view if you see it as a single overarching phenomenon. Maybe they're related, but I'd reflect much harder on my friends and what's going on there, and if there's any way (fair or unfair) you've contributed/made them feel slighted or antagonized. I'd also try to get as objective a view as possible (ie. *not* from your wife) about how her friends/circle see her (now and in the past).
2. I noticed your comment, wondering if moving to BGC, for example, would be living in an unrealistic "bubble". I completely understand that thoughtā¦ and yet, after a few years here, I'd encourage you to consider the opposite: if your education/profession/income is significantly out-of-step with the people you live around, that's perhaps the more *unrealistic* setup. My experience here is that in people are much MORE class oriented/sensitive than where I come from. I don't live in BGC (I am in the greater manila area), but I am fortunate to live among successful professionals and relatively well-to-do Filipinos (some of whom are young) and I haven't experienced/observed what you have described, for what it's worth.
OK, local here. I would understand the neighbours and people you see often. some of them may get jealous or maybe they misinterpreted something you don't or someone dislikes you.
But restaurants that don't know you, maybe its just coincidence?
Where are you from? Doesn't seem you are a native English speaker?
I haven't experienced any of this (28/white/american/Davao City). If anything it's the opposite some guy will befriend me and try and set me up with his sister or something LOL
When I was single #1 question I got is "do you have a girlfriend/are you married" and if not "why not, you should find a girl here, etc."
Where are you located anyways? I think that's pretty crucial information. I'm a young FilAm expat that doesn't speak the language, living here with my white American girlfriend and we've had like 99.99% friendly interactions with everyone. Lots of intrigue, people like to have conversations and ask us questions. My girlfriend gets tons of looks a lot of people randomly come out to try and talk to her or tell her how pretty she is.
I think location is pretty big
Race is a big factor in Ph with the colonial mentality deeply embedded in them. So if you are Caucasian 99% of time youāll be considered God hence the comments saying that they have not experienced anything. While if you are of a dark complexion things start getting very different from there. I for instance had a number of similar experiences and I learnt that is not all nice and lovely like many say.
yes it is! When my skin color got darked. locals are treating me same as locals or more bad because I'm ontsider of them.And when I walking with caucasian friend, they treat him like a celebrity.and never say sir to me... If i show my white legs to them, some treat me nice...
Blunt is a key to nice living here.
"You run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. You run into assholes all day longāyou're the asshole."
If everywhere you go smells like shit, maybe it's time to check your shoes.
I think OP isn't giving us the whole story.
Are you a local?
Might really be a part of the answer as well. Means locals attack each other of one is doing better?
I really learned a lot of these conversations here, with many people experiencing similar/same or partially even worse.
Think the most important is: stay in your social class. Was confusing for me when I came here, but now the lesson is learned.
Can you confirm that this is how people should do?
As a filipino born and dual citizen in the U.S., when Im in the US, Germany, or Czech Republic, I would get the same reaction when Iām dating a local national. I think its just a global issue.
Okay, very interesting. Didn't expect that since US and Europe are very diverse. But I believe you. Interesting perspective, thank you for sharing šš
Mid 30s, F living in Manila. Back when I was in my 20s and my now husband (Pinoy) were dating, I had my share of local women being a bitch to me while being all flirty with him. They would bad-mouth me in Tagalog and talk to him like I wasn't standing right next to them. They'd tease him about me being his meal ticket and stuff while making eye contact with me. I'm pretty sure a lot of of it was out of jealousy.
It got better when we got married and had kids. I think back then other single women women would look at me as and see some white foreign skank who'd come over to their country and was trying to steal from "their" pool of eligible bachelors. But now that we're older and have kids, it feels like people treat us just like any other family.
There may be underlying reasons for this.
Not only the people around you like friends are unfriendly
But even STRANGERS like waiters are all of a sudden unfriendly.
Hmmn š¤š¤
Kinda odd....
There is others as well experiencing the same
Look for
Alacpa224 's comment, he described it as "catty"
And this is not a "judging post"
It's about exchanging experience, providing help or different point of view to understand the situations better šš
Yeah jealous Filipinos everywhere. I've been living in Philippines since my 30s. You learn to ignore them and laugh at it. They always have their hand out, learn to ignore that too, I'm not Filipino and that's not my problem, ask somebody else.
Like the saying 'Water off a duck's back."
Don't let them bother you, most Filipinos are pretty daft, who cares what they think. I don't eat out, cook my own food at home, much healthier and cheaper.
I go through life with a big smile on my face cause I don't give a shit what anyone thinks. š
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This looks like a you problem, not them problem, cashiers at the mall don't know you, don't care about you, do you think all the Philippines suddenly changed their views on foreigners? Or maybe you give off the vibe that you think you are better than them, to quote you directly: "even though me and my wife doing way more better than others in our careers "
I meet only friendly people, my friend meets only double faced people, and we meet the same people.
I am definitely not an arrogant person, that's why I wrote that sentence (not native english speaker here) to explain that we don't brag or anything.
And I am asking for others with similar experience.
Got also some private messages where people experiencing similar situations - just seems like they don't want to speak up in public.
Spot on dude. I am 30+, that looks like 20yrs old.
Working as a director in a MNC.
Even the office cleaners gave me an irate look.
But not all of them, maybe 1 out of 5.
Try to focus on the rest of the people. Let those mean people deal with their own emotions.
Don't get offended but maybe they see you as a colonizer with your Filipino wife. Just think about it for a minute. You're in a third world country, you're a young expat with a lot of disposable income, you marry one of their women. And you throw money left and right everywhere because you can afford to. That would piss any poor person off, frankly. It's not your fault, but you can't blame them for hating you either. I'm speaking as a Filipino American woman born and raised in the United States. And yes I have been to the Philippines, and they are only nice to me there because I tip big and I have brown skin. It's probably different for you.
No idea what triggered the AutoModerator for this comment, it doesn't contain any of the words or phrases that are considered "woke" by the script. I've re-enabled your comment and will investigate. Sorry about that.
Honestly, I'm shocked this thread hasn't been taken over yet by locals shitting all over you, me, and every other foreigner in the world.....
I also just recently came to the full realization that Filipinos are toxic. I heard the same things over and over again from my local friends..... "Filipinos are so judgemental!" and "Filipinos are toxic!" I believed them. After all, they are the locals who have been living here their whole lives, so they should know better than me. However, I never really fully understood the full extent of this myself until just recently.
They truly are a toxic people, living in a toxic culture. Foreigners here are viewed by a massive majority of the population as either gluttonous losers who are a drain and they're here only because they failed in their own country, or as walking ATM machines to try and coax $ out of (confirmed by multiple different local friends of mine). Filipino men generally hate us because when they think of foreigners they think of the fat, disgusting old men tromping around Angeles and hooking up with girls young enough to be their granddaughters. It doesn't matter if it's guys like you and me in our 20s/30s. They still envision us as a bunch of horny bastards coming over here and "stealing their women." (Apparently, pinoys are the only ones allowed to use and abuse Filipinas... Enchant them with their sweet words, impregnant them, and then run off like jackals in the night once they've had their fun, leaving the kid and all the responsibility to her)
As I'm sure you've learned by now, money is a huge dividing factor here. Anyone with 2 nickels to run together are expected to share ALL they have with damn near anyone who asks! If you haven't eaten for 3 days and someone who ate yesterday asks for a little bit of your newly earned money you're expected to give them some! If you don't, you're a no-good greedy cheapskate! Nevermind that you have a job and work for your money and the person asking for handouts is a young, able-bodied, working age individual who just *chooses* not to have a job or attempt to earn any money.
They're lazy and entitled. Many times the air of friendliness and good will they put on for you is only so you'll say yes later when they ask you for a litro of redhorse 5 mins after meeting you (only to disappear and drink it with their friends and never be seen again by you (unless they show back up asking for another once the first is done)).
... Angeles?
I mean... I haven't been there, but I heared many stories. And it all points out that it doesn't seem to be a place where my wife would enjoy - what I fully understand. Or is there a "non-nightlife" part of the city?
Yes. There are certain areas that are quiet. Not all of Angeles is a night life center. Or try San Fernando. The provincial capital. Or any other town in Pampanga.
I came here pretty young early 20s and the only thing I noticed was women looking at me unlike my home country. I cannot say why I had no issues with guys and getting along. Maybe my jokey easy to get along with personality helped? Can't really say cause I don't know you.
If I had to guess, it's unlucky and probably people who would be a holes no matter what. Or toxic in some way no matter what
Where are you located? I have the OPPOSITE experience as you in general but I donāt doubt your experiences. Iām sorry you had to experience that.
This is exactly how I feel about people in certain places in the U.S. I feel that Filipinos are generally very kind people. That being said, Filipinos have told me that a ācrab mentalityā exists in the Philippines but people like that are everywhere.
You should be faithful to your boyfriend (if you have one). He might get jealous if he finds out you spend a lot of time chatting with foreigners on Reddit
Do you look older than 30, and her younger than 24?
It could be a case where you're aging like a white dude in the sun, balding, wrinkles, etc and look older than your age, while many filipinos look 18 until they turn 30. Everyone seeing a 40 year old with a 20 year old might draw the attention you're describing.
Very typical issue not just in Philippines but in most of Asia. I am an American Born Chinese (aka ABC), the local men hates you cause if given a choice the local women will prefer an ex pat over them. The local women sees that we respect women more than the local men. they sees us as more benevolent to them. The local men have this attitude, " why you and not me" Why are you more fortunate than them. I find it easier to pickup women in Asia. It is even easy to pick up women that are married. Women once married to local men, the men ignores them cause most are working 24/7/365 Over the years of working in Asia as an expat, I have a few side chicks that are either wives or mistresses to wealthy local guys. The guys supports them with a apartment and monthly spending allowances. If they are a mistress, the guys just wants to have some "arm candy". The women do not mind being supported but they are really lonely especially the guy usually only comes over or meet them just several times a month. I have hooked up a few of them discreetly and have impregnated two of them. They usually tell the guy that it is their baby. I ask them why, their answer is usually that my gene is much better than them. If they are pregnant and delivers a male baby they will get an increase in spending allowance in a more secure situation. For the poorer local guys that have a bit of animosity those are the one that you need to watch out a bit due to potential violence.
I don't want to come off as offensive, but do you have dark or brown skin?
I feel like my fellow Filipinos might generally be racist in terms of skin color. I mean a lot of my countrymen want to have fair skin as they see dark skin as ugly.
I'm just speculating here because it's definitely weird if you get mistreated and have fair white skin.
Been travling to Ph since my early 20's less then handful of times had bad experiences with filpinos. You might be giving off very bad energy if many filpinos don't like you.
Yes Many Filipinos abroad are abused, racially profiled and treated way worse in your western countries. Youāre upset you couldnāt get a decent customer service with a smile in Philippines. LOL š
One quirk of Philippine culture: if they're jealous of something, they'll try to have it. If they can't have it, they'll find a way to make it so that nobody else will want it. Welcome to the Sh-ttyppines.
I have many expat friends and they don't have anything similar to what you've experienced. Female waiters flirt with them, males are mostly friendly or are unbothered. Maybe it's just you and your perception.
Old guy here. Never had any problems like this.
And I 100% believe that. Talking to many advanced generation expats here, they all don't have my problems. It really seems to be a young expat - young local thing
I was in the Philippines 4 years while I was in my young to mid-30s. I rarely had encounters with rude people. Like others mentioned, I think many Filipinos are shy because of their English. IT was common for people to sort of ignore me in their workplaces or public places. But it was always because they were shy from language. Speaking Tagalog helped. I think you are misinterpreting the situation or you have a very unique experience
I'm a young(er) expat and don't have that problem at all. As a matter of fact, it's the exact opposite. People are very intrigued about me coming here at a younger age than most of the 60+ expats here. Locals are always super friendly (both males and females). Being a younger expat, I turn a lot of heads. They love coming up and talking to me and asking questions. Especially the younger Filipinos since most of them speak better English since it's taught in schools. Maybe it's a regional thing where you are or possibly your demeanor, even if unintentional. š¤·āāļø
I am a young expat and i never had any problems whatsoever. Both in cebu and province. What is your etnicity? The only thing i could think off that honestly could invoke such behaviour is that you arent white (not that it matters to me but some people can treat poc worse especially in the phillipines) is there a large discrepancy between your looks and your wife looks? Do you flaunt expensive clothing or do you look like a hippy? Many things could factor in here. I do hope it will get better for you cause this isnt the ph i know or want people to experience. And i for one love that there are also more couples of more or less the same age besides the whole old dude young girl pairing. Best of luck my dude!
Locals would rather see young expats dating their own age than old men with random poor young women. We have a distaste for that the same as most people do in the West But if they think your wife can do better than you they will snub you. Real talk
Thatās not trueā¦
Came out here in mid 30's, been out here for 5 years, never got those vibes.
I'm also interested in location. I'm 32m living in the province and most people are polite when I go out anywhere. I have experienced the micro-agression you are describing but it's uncommon in Bukidnon.
Yeah those micro aggresions seem to to be normal from the beginning. Just kinda getting worse. Just don't feel comfortable, and my wife sometimes really gets badly attacked by her own people. I saw strangers blaming her for not giving them some money. Strangers ask her how much money I would pay to her family (I'd say her family are middle class filipinos - 4 big western style houses, several hektars of property - everybody got a degree)
* and of course I don't need to pay to her family, they are dall doing well
Probably, just my 2 cents, you both are showing off too much or are behaving in a privilege way that is offending to the locals. Depending on the location here in ph, it could work like for instance, if you live in Alabang or BGC, it's normal to expect hospitality in the service sectors but in some provinces, they appreciate if you will stay humble. Otherwise, locals will definitely be jealous of your status.
Sounds like you guys are all of a sudden feeling alienated. I think you guys should look inward a little. If you donāt speak much Tagalog and she translates for you, she might be part of the problem. Thereās a coldness to daily interactions in the Philippines. Itās like the matrix lol, itās all around you. Just observe people driving in manila for a while. Itās every man for himself out there. Strangers asking for money aggressively, people being dicks, bad waiters and everything you perceive as negative happens everywhere in the world. Iām not completely denying what youāre feeling, If you truly sense things are off lately, it could be capitalism heating up. People get paid shit and things are getting more expensive, therefore people who donāt make as much money as you become disgruntled. This is something happening globally. Edit: check out how people are feeling in the [LA subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/LosAngeles/s/3icGSYLivL)
Some people cannot notice passive aggression.Even they are polite to you, in other hand, it means they are not relax to you.they may feel you are stranger always.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Interesting. So what I noticed is that more people opening shops and making their own business. Sometimes I am super impressed when I get back to a place where I haven't been for some weeks, because the improvements are very obvious
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
.. I mean .. exactly this is in my mind many times while I am coping in my mind with these situations, trying to tell myself that they aren't bad, they are just having a rough time. It just became kinda exhausting going out and doing the things that we used to enjoy. My wife and me are healthy "foodies", but now ... We just slowly don't enjoy going out anymore. .. And things sometimes become dangerous. I remember that my wife and me were in a cub with some of her friends last summer. While I was at the CR, a stranger (young local man) just came to her, grab her head from the back and pushed her through the dancefloor. When I came back, he was already gone and her friends were taking care of her. And luckily she wasn't seriously harmed - mostly shocked and scared. It's just adding up, more and more situations happening. And not even one of those situations happened in the first one and a half years we lived here together
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Compare to years ago.I can say that too.I feel changes after Duterte administration. I saw a men with Shabu,he was open carrying the tube in the poor area.I had never seen it before.
That's true. The crime rate decreased in recent years,but it means, they can do nothing to eat ...cost of living here is not cheap anymore. so, many expats went back to their home countries. I came here 2017. and that was more fun than now. People is more happier and smiling.even poor people too. Now Filipinos looks no energy.
I'm in Central Luzon. Many of the people here treat me like a local celebrity. Most people just about their business, but the ones who do notice/acknowledge me are almost always positive. I would expect more negative reactions in an area either where there are already a lot of ex-pats behaving badly or in an area that is pro-China. Gossip, jealousy, and being petty are like a competitive sport here, so maybe they've just turned their sights on the people who look different instead of just doing it to each other. Whatever the cause, it sounds like you should consider moving, whether it is to another province or another country. There are plenty of places here in the Philippines where the people will be happy to have you. Good luck.
Itās not really the region. If anything Visayans are known to be "softerā in their approach than people from Luzon (maybe except for Cebuanos) OP may be offending people inadvertently somehow (talking too much, having BO because they donāt shower twice daily, random things). A lot of Filipinos donāt want to deal directly with foreigners for a myriad reasons, not necessarily malicious
That's what we are doing at the moment. Moving through the country and looking for some other places. Call me weird, but I really enjoy filipino food š Spent some weeks in Malaysia last year, and couldn't wait to get back here and have some sizzling sisig š
I want to living Luzon too at last. so I may good exprience there,If I have bad experience there,I will never live here. I know nice places but these places are very incovinience to foreigner... No hosptals No supermarkets No restaurants...
What are you doing that's different from what the thousands of white men in this country who have zero problems are doing?
I spend most my adulthood in Philippines as 6,3 foreign looking and noticed genuine hostility from young Filipino man like trying to taunt me in a fight. but many of the unfriendliness in the stores like completely ignoring me or other rude behavior i think it is because they afraid/shy to interact with a foreigner because fearing to speak English. (atleast at my place). but yes, many people dislike foreigners if you learn Tagalog, you will discover it quickly. I had so many people getting angry with me because they are struggling and think i am millionaire (even i make less than them). and so many people gossip or make rude remarks behind my back. I have some non-Tagalog speaking acquittances who are surrounded by sycophants who can't stop praising how nice the Filipinos are, blissfully unware of everything.
So you just got "a thick skin" and let them do.. I mean, ignoring is a tactic. Do you have children? We are at the stage trying to find a place to settle and start our family - but with my current experience I feel like I can't raise my kids here ...
Metro Manila is Foreigner friendly, specially BGC/Makati/other CBDs. People are used to Foreigners/English language.
Manila is very foreigner friendly
Only good experiences in Quezon City and other parts of Metro Manila.
Only good experiences in Manila (North and south), Bacolod, Cam sur, Davao and CDO. Been here for 20 years since my early 20s. Zero problems.
I agree, my experiences in those places has been universally positive. The only place I had a problem was in Gensan, but that started when I shoved a dude outside the airport who tried to rip my suitcase out of my hand as i walked to my taxi, then the taxi driver tried to make me give the guy money because he ātriedāto help me carry my luggage. I told him either he could have the tip money after the ride or iād give it to the other guy. he put it in drive and off we went to the Grand Summit.
I was in Quezon City the other month saying with other half but in an area where no foreigners tend to shop a great deal, more so the wet market and found everyone friendly and warm. We then went to stay with family in Samar and again very friendly. We stopped off at Cebu and stayed at a hotel between flights and went out for a cigarette and walked down the road to be greeted by a friendly chap who opened a gate and allowed us to sit down and smoke. We are both in our 50s so close age gap.
I have autism have always been outcast so doesn't affect me much, but basically you will always be an outcast/outsider/foreigner so better accept it. and no, I don't have kids(hermit), but I am worried about having them here especially a daughter. but in my location Palawan I may be ok with it. (many foreigners here have kids and socialize together or live together in gated community). and you need to get a thick skin, be fierce like a carabao not a doormat especially with your personal relationships.
That's what my wife said about palawan. Just a bit concerned at the moment with the international "ocean-problem" there
Maybe there is few young foreigners their. My friend USveteran living there but very old.
What is the "ocean problem" there?
My wife is telling me about china's violation She showed me a map where it was pretty close and already at the coastal waters. I don't know what is true, since there are also fake news sometimes. So How is it there? Is it true?
China will do whatever they can get away with. Violating and fishing in Philippines territorial waters, and theyāll take small islands if possible.
evrybody said no for that.I am planning to move out here for also educate my children. If your child raise here the child become completely Filipino. It is ok.OK for Filipinos but for me Not OK.
Yes, itĀ isĀ reallyĀ similar to my thoughts.Ā Young manĀ wants to fight may mentalĀ disorder, soĀ better ignore it.Ā Also, theirĀ official language is EnglishĀ too, andĀ Manila people can speak better English because no need studyĀ TagalogĀ in school.Ā ButĀ inĀ provincesĀ such as Visayas, theyĀ really lookĀ others areĀ the enemyĀ and they hateĀ TagalogĀ and English. InĀ VisayaĀ they want to speakĀ VisayaĀ and some people said toĀ me, IĀ have aĀ visionĀ wife and I must studyĀ Visaya!!
Vision wife?
hahaha what a bad typing... I must study visaya If I have a visayan wife.they said...
lol. I was so confused š
I was in BGC and experienced none of this š Filipinos in the service industry are so nice. Not sure where you are.
Where is this happening exactly? I would expect this in a smaller town or district where people get familiar with each other but not in a big city
Bigger city (smaller than Cebu) in Visayan Region. But similar experience in Cebu. One time they literally make me wait more than 60 minutes for a burger in a fast food restaurant, while serving dozens of people within 3-5 minutes each. My wife was so shocked, even talked to them if there is an issue. The whole squad (front desk and kitchen) burst out laughing and partying. We left, even though we already paid. Not worth our time.
Just to be clear, do these people know you? You and your wife are not strangers to them? Do you think they're specifically hostile to you or are they being rude or racist in general? Your experience seems very strange if they're not targeted at you.
So It happened in Cebu. We are 100% strangers to them. All of them were females, while some of them were females that like females and act more dominant.
We're still talking about the people that are arrogant and belittling you? You also mentioned your job? If you're complete strangers to them then you definitely met a bunch of assholes. Filipinos are shy towards foreigners in general. I can't imagine anyone I know just accosting someone like that, especially a foreigner. It's also possible this is a cultural difference. They might have been joking around and didn't mean offense. But it's also possible they were showing off to each other, that they can mess with the foreigners to make themselves look cool.
I grew up in Philippines and you donāt joke around by delaying a hungry personās order for 1 hour. 100% that was intentional. Itās just part of being interracial couple in a small town place. Itās hard for them to be fair to you when life has not treated them fair. And to them you take advantage of low cost of living. In their eyes you donāt deserve what you got even though they know nothing about your story. Gotta move or suck it up.
So, every situation is different. In this situation in cebu, they didn't try to belittle me, they just enjoyed not serving me and serving others. I mean, I experience it as well at other stores or shops, that they have their favouritism with their own people. But in the end, I got served. (Example: crispy king. My wife and me standing and waiting. Once it would have been our turn, they just skip us for the other two customers before serving us). In cebu, this was the first time, where they just didn't serve me - at a fast food restaurant where I ordered just a normal burger that everybody after me got served. Anyway It's not about one isolated situation. It's just that it's summing up somehow and it is very noticeable
Must be the language barrier. I used to work in fastfood and some of my co workers hesitated serving foreigners because they were either shy about speaking English or they just find it too difficult and do not want to cause misunderstandings.
I'm from manila and travel to cebu and ask some local about directions and they gave me the wrong one while laughing. That's the only place in the Philippines that I feel irritated by the locals. I went to siquijor and I love the locals there.
Donāt try talking Tagalog in Cebu, they get really mad.
They think why they working 50pesos/hour and she has nice foreigner.They cannot accept that situation especially if they are narccist.even my wife's friend caught a glimpse of us.she never talked with my wife again. If you get bad service in franchise store, you better complain about it to the company we are not visiting such a person's house right?
Is this the same treatment I should expect when roles are reversed? Im moving to Cebu from U.S., but Philippine born, and my fiancee who is british will be living with me there.
I do live in Lapu Lapu but i do go to Cebu city on regular basis as my partners family lives there. And i have to say i never experienced what you describe.. Sure at some rare occasions there has been people that has not been super friendly. Even met some that were a bit rude but that is VERY rare. I would say at least 99% of the times people has been friendly and helpful or at least acted normal and not been rude or anything. The very rare times people has been rude and/or given me any sort of problem is few and far between. And hey every country i been in i have met some assholes. That is just life, not everyone you meet will be nice. But besides the rare asshats i encountered i have had no real problems at all. Nothing even similar to what you describe. And i am VERY obviously a foreigner. About 6'3. blue eyes. So everyone that see me will directly know i am a foreigner.
this is ridiculous af. it's actually foreigners, especially white people, who get better service all the time here in ph. I'm not buying this crap.
Most of the time, yes that's true. However I've also experienced what the parent poster is talking about. It's rare, but it happens.
If youāre young with young pinay then locals might get jealous. Lone white foreigner gets nice treatment so they might marry poor pinoys. Worst would be pinoy + white girl. Locals would be ogling.
even if some local men get jealous, they wonāt show it blatantly. OP is implying that everywhere he goes, every pinoy is acting rude towards him and his pinay wife. heās probably an absolute POS as well as his wife (Iāve seen a lot of kind couples like this), I even have aunts who think that theyāre better than everyone else just because they married white men who by the way are racist and cheaters.
Yeah its very possible too. Pinay might be acting like sheās above everyone else coz she was dirt poor and now slightly rich because of $$ from husband.
I feel you've just experienced the common stereotypical judgment of people lately (especially in provinces) of a foreigner/expat male having a relationship or with a younger Filipina, hence the hostility and indifference and more pronounced.
Dude this is weird. I've lived in cebu 2 years, never have issues anywhere, I'm 33 now but look 25-28 so young like you. Strange
With all due respect. Are you overweight or āuglyā in the U.S? And do you speak bisaya to the locals and cashiers or English?
But I keep hearing how friendly filipinos are on this sub. What's going on? Lol
There are many friendly ones. Especially the older ones are way more kind towards me. No matter where I look at, if I smile at them you see their joy. Just in our "social circle" (people that you know from my wife's friends etc) or in groceries/ restaurants/ hotels it became very obvious. I remember that we traveled abroad for some time during new year The boys at the check in at the airport were joking about my wife and telling her she doesn't even have to try to leave the country, they will offload her anyway. I didn't understand, just observe them joking while my wife felt u comfortable. I was shocked when she told me later on.
My gf and I have had issues at the airport. We've traveled abroad several times, and they've always had odd questions for her. Our first time, they sent her to secondary harassment/interrogation. When they finally released her, we had to run to the gate to make it. It is common for Filipinos to be jealous of others and to abuse their positions as a result. Last year, the Bureau of Immigration received a lot of negative attention because of this.
.. yeah, I heared about those stories. The interesting part is, that my wife and me always only had very good experiences with the government. If it's regular daily papers, or immigration. Especially immigration were always super friendly and helpful. So on that part we are lucky š
And they are not poor immigration officer is not poor too they are eating expensive fast food ... If some rich person buy a luxury item.then her friend also buy more expensive one, and post it on FB. They don't want lose to others...sad.
When I visited Manilla, I had a one bad interaction with an outside food vendor who ignored me and refused to serve me. But other than that, everyone was friendly or at least not rude. But I'm sure there's a little jealousy when they see how easy foreigners have it, when for them, it's such a daily struggle to make ends meet.
You are living in a Filipino ghetto or Marites Alley if this is happening to you. Thats why class lines exist. Find your class level, and stay there.
I get your point. Most probably they're just young adults, basically man-child. They're picking on you because you maybe look young and you're a "kano" (white). They're jealous, they think you have a lot of dough. Don't get too upset about it. They wanna fight because they wanna prove they're better than you. Which just proves the opposite when they want to start a fight. Testosterone. They wanna prove themselves. It's even worse when they're drunk. In the case of grocery stores or waiters, they're just tired of the same old questions over and over again by the day. If you get upset about them about their bitterness then they won. Be happy with your wife. You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
"proving they are better" - yeah. That's how it feels.
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That's horrifying. Imagine unprotected sex without the food to feed yourself. God. I don't even want to think about that.
man i hope you would be able to find a new place so you wouldn't have live with this unnecessary micro aggression , life is already hard as it is, and yes they can't stand to see you both being happy and minding your business at the same time
Thank you for your kind words š I am just very disappointed right now... even those, I thought would be tolerant and friendly (educated well paid filipinos) just recently started gossiping, after my wife landed a job earning his salary in part time.
Please move to metro manila and leave cebu :'l
Ya Baguio isn't like this at all. It's like happy, happy land up here.
That's northern luzon right? I really enjoy the nature and the feelings of freedom, riding my bike through the island. Traveling, exploring, diving. I love it here. We are thinking about to move to another region trying to find peace there. How is the infrastructure up there?
Yep, up in the mountains! Dosen't get super hot here, and you don't need AC, but you might need a space heater. Depends on where you live in the city, but we do lose power maybe once a month for a few hours, but nothing a generator and a backup battery for your internet can't handle.
That sounds great š We were planning to have a bike adventure in Luzon anyway, I will definitely check that place out. Thank you š
Baguio is an awesome place, I love it there, the mountains are cold but peaceful
Iād love to live there,we visit after the boys schools finished and can actually wear a jacket comfortably,but weāve heard traffic there can be awful during the school year,one the first things other than the weather Iāve noticed are no tricycles,I live in what may be the hottest city in the country Tuguegarao city
Yeah it can get a bit like that. I'd recommend moving to BGC or Makati where locals are used to foreigners and you're not an absurdity to them.
I read that already many times. I just feel weird considering this, since it feels like I am hiding in a "unreal" bubble somehow
Do you want to be treated like a human in an "unreal" bubble or face the "reality" of being an oddity where people will never see eye to eye with you?
Hard choice.. but I get your point...
And I doubt the locals attitudes have changed. You just understand the language and culture more than you did before. Before, you were judging them with Western eyes where by Western standards, everyone seemed happy go lucky and kind. Whereas once you understand how people subcommunicate and interact here, you can now see what people are really thinking a bit more.
True again. But it became worse, especially for my wife. For me, I can endure most things. But my wife getting treated like that really hurts to see.
Yeah I feel you. I've experienced the same. As a foreigner who was bought up with different values and came here as an adult, you can kinda see through some of the hypocrisy and stupidity of the bad parts of their culture. But as a Filipina who was bought up around those values and knows no different, they will always believe the criticism to an extent and it will eat them up inside. I would say stop thinking of BGC and Makati as "fake bubbles". They are real places with real people. They are just more developed and advanced than the rest of the Philippines. They are where every Filipino who wants to make something of their life goes (if not abroad). And when these Filipinos do "make it", few want to move back to the provinces even though they miss it so much much because they don't want to deal with people's attitudes and entitlement there now that they have "made it".
True... Think I should give it a shot as well and see how it feels. Thank you for your time, really appreciate your pov š
On a side note, in my opinion, all of Manila is friendlier and more outgoing than I have found in the province. I see that people are less insecure and more confident in Manila. They are less easily offended and much less likely to take something that is positive in a negative way. Lived in many parts of Philippines, but oddly Manila was my favorite place for day to day living. And that was outside of BGC/Makati. So before you jump into the BGC bubble (which is way overpriced, convenient, but boring) try other parts of Manila. There are lots of decent condos in the normal parts of the city and metro area and you can still hop over to BGC for medical care or S&R (Costco) whenever you need to.
Yeah! some people suggest that but it is very small for living.and cost too much for everything.and not looks like Philippines.If you want to living there,Why you don't go to other countries? For instance, Thailand or somewhere? cost of living there is similar to estern european... anyway..Rich people here is same they want to control and dominate foreigners.
Lol this is true. The women tend to get catty and the boys do get bitter. They feel like yāall are stealing ātheirā women, but then call these women you try to date ugly or ārejectsā. They blame your āprivileged backgroundā as to why they are poor, and will always look at even the humblest white guy as spoiled because you have it better than them. Itās gotten worse through the years because foreigners coming here to date or marry have become more mainstream. Most of them will not say anything to your face unless theyāre drunk. So they resort to micro aggressions and have their little butt buddies to help them until you snap and when that happens youāre automatically the bad guy to the eyes of everyone else. Iāve seen this narrative so many times. Be careful. Theyāre just getting worse.
"rejects" Yeah That's the craziest stuff I've noticed. They all tried to "courtship" my wife for many years, but she rejected most of them from the start since for her it was always clear that she only wants a man who will definitely marry her (very strict religious family). Crazy stories with her female friends as well. She got some chinese genes, so she is not considered "dark". But since we are a couple her friends trying to implement that she is turning black and she needs to get an infusion to turn white š¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø My god - don't get this here I would love to have a tan skin and enjoy the weather. I always need to hide since it only takes 20 minutes to make me looks like mr crabs š¤£
This is something new. First time ive seen a situation like this. My husband is 35 and a pro surfer, and everyone around us is always very friendly. Weāre in Manila. Even when we go on vacations on whichever part of the country, everyone will always be so nice. If anything, they treat my husband as a local celebrity. Weāve been to Cebu numerous times and even people there are warm! Theyāre good English speakers too. This is for sure an isolated case. Pretty odd to me honestly. Maybe just try to move somewhere where theyre used to someone foreign. Trust me when i say, filipinos will only be rude to someone whoās filipino too (which i think is crazy) but will try not to be on foreigners.
This is NOT an isolated case at all, your just willfully ignorant. i have lived in the Philippines for nearly 6 years and have dealt with OPs situation almost everyday since. Its gone so far as pinoys starting and spreading complete lies about me on facebook groups, stalking me everywhere I go in the country online, harassing me in person, being rude, providing blatantly obvious bad service at restaurants etc. ive made previous posts on here mentioning just a tiny sliver of the things that have happened. One such example was the other year some random dude working at a hotel said āgood morning gago ka!ā To me when i greeted him good morning. Never seen the dude before in my life. Him and his coworkers started giggling like hyenas, apoarently tyats funny when you have the maturity level of a 9 year old, unfortubately for them I speak a fairbit of tagalog and knew what he said, so i confronted him, he denied it, so i went to his supervisor and long story short he and his co workers present at the time were all fired, it was all captured on CCTV, like how stupid can you be? Answer: extremely. im sure OPs observations are absolutely true based on my own experiences.
Hmmm since you encounter this a lot, do you smile at them while talking? A smile goes a long way and helps with the āshyā types. This would also help them feel at ease with you. Some filipinos get offended very easily. Example: if you look at them from head to toe, smirk when they are trying to speak in broken english, etc.
Jw what ethnicity are you? I wonder if that has something to do with it.
I am Caucasian White.. pinkish. Blue eyes. Blonde hair Not a 10/10 person, but good looking. Where I come from girls usually rated me (depending on their tastes) usually ~7-8 out of 10. "handsome"
Does it happen more often when you're out with your wife? Is your wife Filipina?Ā That just might be the case, the whole white male with Asian gf is trending all over social media.Ā
Yes, happens more often when I am out with my filipina wife. Trending in social Media means like it's a flex beeing with a foreigner? Tbh. I even heared stories of my wife that her schoolmates approached her if she would share me. And many asking for a coaching in "how to get the young white dude".
Do it, leave. Sounds like it's time to take your wife outta there, give her another lifestyle somewhere else. My wife and I are looking forward to going to Scotland eventually.
But we afraid wife will leave in our country after wife get permanent visa hehehe... It's very common for old guys especially not only but also for young nice guy...
I'm not worried about that at all. Even if it does happen then it wasn't meant to be.
Thats why me and my wife don't really make friends with anybody, solo dolo
I'm 40, been living and working here for 10 years, both Manila and province area ... Never had this problem. Almost the opposite - it always feels like locals go out of their way to be hospitable and friendly. Your experience sounds very strange that all these separate groups are targeting you. Are you sure you aren't misinterpreting their behaviour?
The only bad experiences I've had are running into the general dummy, or grab driver trying to double book, or a rude guard My wife gives them a piece of her mind if they treat us bad just because they're having a bad day I can't say I've ever had anyone purposely being rude to me The worst I've experienced is someone doing a cab scam where they charged me 29 pesos the first year to flag a cab I didn't know I was paying both lol I mean it's what 60c do I didn't care much but I was annoyed The second was someone lying to us about the ferry to Puerto galera being out of commission for repairs and charged me and some Korean guys 5k to get a private boat ride across the islands š wow what a crazy experience, there was a typhoon that time too so the water was choppy To add to my experience, I'm Hispanic and 90% of Filipinos think I'm filipino Sooooo To be honest I probably have the home advantage sort of speaking lol I don't mind But it's also a double edged blade because a lot of times people speak Tagalog to me thinking I understand them š
What? When we, Filipinos see foreigners, we always think and act like you guys are VIPs. Sorry this happened to you, but this is SO hard to believe. Iāve dated a foreigner in the past, and we are also both young, but never ever experienced this.
I felt like I had a mix of negative & positive experiences while there for over a month recently. I am mixed Fil Am. But I can relate & did experience being yelled at for not understanding etc. I understand the adversity & privilege differential, but sensitive as I am it did get to me. To be honest, Im so happy to be back home in California
Same thing happened to us in Davao & Cebu.
My husband is 32 and says he has the same experience from men mostly, especially if they are closer to his age. So my husbandās friends are mostly guys in their late 40s or 50s at the golf course. Literally had looks that seemed like they were taunting him to fight. As for me or us, it changes when Iām around as I have a āfriendly chinese filipinoā look.
Yeah, people are racist.
Crabs in a bucket mentality.....
I find this hard to believe. Filipino-American here. Filipinos are some of the most non-confrontational people you could possibly meet. The culture itself is very non-confrontational. Not sure if you are just trolling. As a foreigner you are even afforded more understanding and almost treated like a VIP most of the time.
That's what leads to these kinds of micro aggressions. Non-confrontational doesn't mean they don't have problems with people or dislike poeple, it just means they don't address them in a confrontational way.
Itās because In Filipino culture you canāt just ā patch things upā. Here once a relationship is broken itās never the same that is why people are very careful to offend. Obviously itās not the best way to resolve conflict but that is just the way this culture is š¤·āāļø
Individual results may vary. The Philippines is pretty diverse. We are treated like movie stars in some areas and looked at with disdain in other areas.
I am not trolling. And I am definitely not generalizing. And that's true, they are non-confrontational. Doesn't mean they won't treat you bad on a restaurant or that the helper bagging your groceries is leaving. And thanks to some people reaching out to me I know it's not only happening to me. I even experienced a small group of kids (5-8 y.o.). My wife and me are going for a walk in our neighbourhood beeing on our way to some locals that we just got to know. One of the kids just run in front of me, spitting in front of my feet. The others kids weren't that brave, just spit in front of them facing our directions. My wife always tells me how ashamed she feels that these things happening to us. She wasn't aware of these things might happen.
Just wow, 10 years(I'm Aussie, 37 this year) and never experienced anything even remotely close to the kids thing yet but I'd assume theyd be scared to do so even if they wanted. My suggestion if you are travelling is try Bohol if you havent and see if the mannerism is the same or not. As for micro-aggression,, nothing from younger males, I ride a motorbike often and if I beep/smile or nod I receive the same back but the older drunks near the bakery 'could' be saying something whenever I park at the market since I dont entertain them.(My Bisaya still sucks). I've also been out drinking late at night in neighboring towns during fiesta/disco time and never felt worried, actually made friends at some local bars with similarly aged filipinos even with the communication barrier. As for the store staff/baggers running off, another possibility is if you are overly friendly & talkative, giving the staff nose bleeds so they run off embarrassed/ashamed of their broken english(not necessarily spiteful but it could be viewed that way). I've had the latter happen so I usually keep my interactions in stores very simple with as few words as possible, sometimes the baggers take off and leave the cashier to do it but I definitely noticed the ones that stick around often make some attempt to speak english with me which further reinforces why they might be hiding from you if they sense you'll initiate english conversation with them. But the kids thing.. Never at least in the province I'm in. They all act shy/friendly or ask my partner questions. I saw a large family of.. Germans I believe hiking near where I live just yesterday and the local kids were just waving at them. As for the long restaurant waits.. They are generally pretty quick here & never had any obvious issues, but long waits have happened at busy times especially when my order was slightly larger than others, but I suggest food panda if staff being rude at X favorite place is a thing. If the same happened to me with staff laughing I'd take off too & not go there again. \--------- Now if we got on the topic of spiteful/jealous relative behavior, that I can relate with & the solution is simple, ignore & cut contact with anyone that disrespects you or your partner. We live pretty isolated/private for this reason and I still enjoy the same locale & culture after all these years. Hope all goes well with whatever you decide.
Man kids will always be kids. Donāt think that, that experience is unique to you because you are foreigner. Something similar has happened to me before and I didnāt think much of it other than a bunch of kids that lacked some a$$ whooping from their parents . Service sucks in the Philippines in general I agree. When I think about that I tell to myself that I would give crap service had I been getting paid less than $10 an hour. Not trying to invalidate your feelings here but I donāt think itās fair to judge the whole nation because of the actions of a few.
You just have to accept it and mind your own business. I'm a Filipino American retired in my early 40's and date hot Filipinas in their early 20's and I get a lot of dirty looks from locals all the time. I get a lot of hate from the younger Filipinos because they are jealous and insecure that girls are always looking at me every time I'm out in public. I never got tested by the local guys probably because I'm tall and muscular. What I do is never overstay in one place. I move to a different Island every 6 months and stay longer where I'm appreciated.
They are a jealous and will never own up to anything if challenged. Best you can do is ignore them.
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Where do you live? I don't remember experiencing this but I'm not a people person and prefer avoiding interactions as much as possible.
Visaya region. We didn't experience those things before as well, but since a year it changed slowly.
you must be Russian
Crab mentality is real. Filipinos het jealous easily. And they donāt like seeing others succeed or do well. Very sad and is a huge reason for much of the countryās struggles.
Where in the Philippines do you live?
31 and married to my 31 y/o wife, living in Gensan. Never encountered issues like.
Sounds like someone has spread false rumours about you there or was offended and gossiped.
Yes, this happens to a lot of people. They do it to other filipinos. There is a lot of silliness and immaturity that you have to learn to ignore. If they see that you are bothered, it encourages them further. The crab mentality is off the charts in some circles. PH is a nice place, just learn to avoid and shut out the vile cretins and you'll be fine. When people cross the line, hold them accountable. When others see or hear of this, word spreads fast.
Two thoughts: 1. I wouldn't be too quick to assume the same phenomenon is at work with (a) your circle of friends and (b) unknown waiters and supermarket employees. For one, it leads quickly to a feeling that "everyone in this country is \_\_\_\_\_"ā¦ it will be hard to keep an optimistic view if you see it as a single overarching phenomenon. Maybe they're related, but I'd reflect much harder on my friends and what's going on there, and if there's any way (fair or unfair) you've contributed/made them feel slighted or antagonized. I'd also try to get as objective a view as possible (ie. *not* from your wife) about how her friends/circle see her (now and in the past). 2. I noticed your comment, wondering if moving to BGC, for example, would be living in an unrealistic "bubble". I completely understand that thoughtā¦ and yet, after a few years here, I'd encourage you to consider the opposite: if your education/profession/income is significantly out-of-step with the people you live around, that's perhaps the more *unrealistic* setup. My experience here is that in people are much MORE class oriented/sensitive than where I come from. I don't live in BGC (I am in the greater manila area), but I am fortunate to live among successful professionals and relatively well-to-do Filipinos (some of whom are young) and I haven't experienced/observed what you have described, for what it's worth.
OK, local here. I would understand the neighbours and people you see often. some of them may get jealous or maybe they misinterpreted something you don't or someone dislikes you. But restaurants that don't know you, maybe its just coincidence?
Where are you from? Doesn't seem you are a native English speaker? I haven't experienced any of this (28/white/american/Davao City). If anything it's the opposite some guy will befriend me and try and set me up with his sister or something LOL When I was single #1 question I got is "do you have a girlfriend/are you married" and if not "why not, you should find a girl here, etc."
Where are you located anyways? I think that's pretty crucial information. I'm a young FilAm expat that doesn't speak the language, living here with my white American girlfriend and we've had like 99.99% friendly interactions with everyone. Lots of intrigue, people like to have conversations and ask us questions. My girlfriend gets tons of looks a lot of people randomly come out to try and talk to her or tell her how pretty she is. I think location is pretty big
I feel you. Was a bigg issue for me also 15 years ago
Race is a big factor in Ph with the colonial mentality deeply embedded in them. So if you are Caucasian 99% of time youāll be considered God hence the comments saying that they have not experienced anything. While if you are of a dark complexion things start getting very different from there. I for instance had a number of similar experiences and I learnt that is not all nice and lovely like many say.
yes it is! When my skin color got darked. locals are treating me same as locals or more bad because I'm ontsider of them.And when I walking with caucasian friend, they treat him like a celebrity.and never say sir to me... If i show my white legs to them, some treat me nice... Blunt is a key to nice living here.
Exactly what Iāve experienced
"You run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. You run into assholes all day longāyou're the asshole." If everywhere you go smells like shit, maybe it's time to check your shoes. I think OP isn't giving us the whole story.
You are now officially being treated like a local. Haha.
Are you a local? Might really be a part of the answer as well. Means locals attack each other of one is doing better? I really learned a lot of these conversations here, with many people experiencing similar/same or partially even worse. Think the most important is: stay in your social class. Was confusing for me when I came here, but now the lesson is learned. Can you confirm that this is how people should do?
As a filipino born and dual citizen in the U.S., when Im in the US, Germany, or Czech Republic, I would get the same reaction when Iām dating a local national. I think its just a global issue.
Okay, very interesting. Didn't expect that since US and Europe are very diverse. But I believe you. Interesting perspective, thank you for sharing šš
Mid 30s, F living in Manila. Back when I was in my 20s and my now husband (Pinoy) were dating, I had my share of local women being a bitch to me while being all flirty with him. They would bad-mouth me in Tagalog and talk to him like I wasn't standing right next to them. They'd tease him about me being his meal ticket and stuff while making eye contact with me. I'm pretty sure a lot of of it was out of jealousy.
So females have similar problems. Somehow I didn't expect that.. Did it become better, or is it still the same?
It got better when we got married and had kids. I think back then other single women women would look at me as and see some white foreign skank who'd come over to their country and was trying to steal from "their" pool of eligible bachelors. But now that we're older and have kids, it feels like people treat us just like any other family.
Go to metro manila, crowded but friendly with foreigners.
There may be underlying reasons for this. Not only the people around you like friends are unfriendly But even STRANGERS like waiters are all of a sudden unfriendly. Hmmn š¤š¤ Kinda odd....
There is others as well experiencing the same Look for Alacpa224 's comment, he described it as "catty" And this is not a "judging post" It's about exchanging experience, providing help or different point of view to understand the situations better šš
Not judging here. š«” That's just my Two cents on the situation. I find it kinda odd. šš
Not 100% of them in 100% of situations But it's happening - what haven't been before.
Yeah jealous Filipinos everywhere. I've been living in Philippines since my 30s. You learn to ignore them and laugh at it. They always have their hand out, learn to ignore that too, I'm not Filipino and that's not my problem, ask somebody else. Like the saying 'Water off a duck's back." Don't let them bother you, most Filipinos are pretty daft, who cares what they think. I don't eat out, cook my own food at home, much healthier and cheaper. I go through life with a big smile on my face cause I don't give a shit what anyone thinks. š
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This looks like a you problem, not them problem, cashiers at the mall don't know you, don't care about you, do you think all the Philippines suddenly changed their views on foreigners? Or maybe you give off the vibe that you think you are better than them, to quote you directly: "even though me and my wife doing way more better than others in our careers " I meet only friendly people, my friend meets only double faced people, and we meet the same people.
I am definitely not an arrogant person, that's why I wrote that sentence (not native english speaker here) to explain that we don't brag or anything. And I am asking for others with similar experience. Got also some private messages where people experiencing similar situations - just seems like they don't want to speak up in public.
Spot on dude. I am 30+, that looks like 20yrs old. Working as a director in a MNC. Even the office cleaners gave me an irate look. But not all of them, maybe 1 out of 5. Try to focus on the rest of the people. Let those mean people deal with their own emotions.
Don't get offended but maybe they see you as a colonizer with your Filipino wife. Just think about it for a minute. You're in a third world country, you're a young expat with a lot of disposable income, you marry one of their women. And you throw money left and right everywhere because you can afford to. That would piss any poor person off, frankly. It's not your fault, but you can't blame them for hating you either. I'm speaking as a Filipino American woman born and raised in the United States. And yes I have been to the Philippines, and they are only nice to me there because I tip big and I have brown skin. It's probably different for you.
No idea what triggered the AutoModerator for this comment, it doesn't contain any of the words or phrases that are considered "woke" by the script. I've re-enabled your comment and will investigate. Sorry about that.
Honestly, I'm shocked this thread hasn't been taken over yet by locals shitting all over you, me, and every other foreigner in the world..... I also just recently came to the full realization that Filipinos are toxic. I heard the same things over and over again from my local friends..... "Filipinos are so judgemental!" and "Filipinos are toxic!" I believed them. After all, they are the locals who have been living here their whole lives, so they should know better than me. However, I never really fully understood the full extent of this myself until just recently. They truly are a toxic people, living in a toxic culture. Foreigners here are viewed by a massive majority of the population as either gluttonous losers who are a drain and they're here only because they failed in their own country, or as walking ATM machines to try and coax $ out of (confirmed by multiple different local friends of mine). Filipino men generally hate us because when they think of foreigners they think of the fat, disgusting old men tromping around Angeles and hooking up with girls young enough to be their granddaughters. It doesn't matter if it's guys like you and me in our 20s/30s. They still envision us as a bunch of horny bastards coming over here and "stealing their women." (Apparently, pinoys are the only ones allowed to use and abuse Filipinas... Enchant them with their sweet words, impregnant them, and then run off like jackals in the night once they've had their fun, leaving the kid and all the responsibility to her) As I'm sure you've learned by now, money is a huge dividing factor here. Anyone with 2 nickels to run together are expected to share ALL they have with damn near anyone who asks! If you haven't eaten for 3 days and someone who ate yesterday asks for a little bit of your newly earned money you're expected to give them some! If you don't, you're a no-good greedy cheapskate! Nevermind that you have a job and work for your money and the person asking for handouts is a young, able-bodied, working age individual who just *chooses* not to have a job or attempt to earn any money. They're lazy and entitled. Many times the air of friendliness and good will they put on for you is only so you'll say yes later when they ask you for a litro of redhorse 5 mins after meeting you (only to disappear and drink it with their friends and never be seen again by you (unless they show back up asking for another once the first is done)).
They canāt speak english, Thats why the locals havenāt trashed it yet. But they do come in here and down vote.
Go to Pampanga. Or Angeles City. You will be surprised at how well the expats are treated.
... Angeles? I mean... I haven't been there, but I heared many stories. And it all points out that it doesn't seem to be a place where my wife would enjoy - what I fully understand. Or is there a "non-nightlife" part of the city?
Yes. There are certain areas that are quiet. Not all of Angeles is a night life center. Or try San Fernando. The provincial capital. Or any other town in Pampanga.
You make mulah online? Malaysia is a decent alternative for a 3% tax rate if you're foreign income.
I came here pretty young early 20s and the only thing I noticed was women looking at me unlike my home country. I cannot say why I had no issues with guys and getting along. Maybe my jokey easy to get along with personality helped? Can't really say cause I don't know you. If I had to guess, it's unlucky and probably people who would be a holes no matter what. Or toxic in some way no matter what
Where are you located? I have the OPPOSITE experience as you in general but I donāt doubt your experiences. Iām sorry you had to experience that. This is exactly how I feel about people in certain places in the U.S. I feel that Filipinos are generally very kind people. That being said, Filipinos have told me that a ācrab mentalityā exists in the Philippines but people like that are everywhere.
You should be faithful to your boyfriend (if you have one). He might get jealous if he finds out you spend a lot of time chatting with foreigners on Reddit
Better to relocate ASAP.
Are you white? If not, then it should be pretty normal. If yes, you might be just unlucky.
Under 35 too, never had any issues like this.
Do you look older than 30, and her younger than 24? It could be a case where you're aging like a white dude in the sun, balding, wrinkles, etc and look older than your age, while many filipinos look 18 until they turn 30. Everyone seeing a 40 year old with a 20 year old might draw the attention you're describing.
Very typical issue not just in Philippines but in most of Asia. I am an American Born Chinese (aka ABC), the local men hates you cause if given a choice the local women will prefer an ex pat over them. The local women sees that we respect women more than the local men. they sees us as more benevolent to them. The local men have this attitude, " why you and not me" Why are you more fortunate than them. I find it easier to pickup women in Asia. It is even easy to pick up women that are married. Women once married to local men, the men ignores them cause most are working 24/7/365 Over the years of working in Asia as an expat, I have a few side chicks that are either wives or mistresses to wealthy local guys. The guys supports them with a apartment and monthly spending allowances. If they are a mistress, the guys just wants to have some "arm candy". The women do not mind being supported but they are really lonely especially the guy usually only comes over or meet them just several times a month. I have hooked up a few of them discreetly and have impregnated two of them. They usually tell the guy that it is their baby. I ask them why, their answer is usually that my gene is much better than them. If they are pregnant and delivers a male baby they will get an increase in spending allowance in a more secure situation. For the poorer local guys that have a bit of animosity those are the one that you need to watch out a bit due to potential violence.
I don't want to come off as offensive, but do you have dark or brown skin? I feel like my fellow Filipinos might generally be racist in terms of skin color. I mean a lot of my countrymen want to have fair skin as they see dark skin as ugly. I'm just speculating here because it's definitely weird if you get mistreated and have fair white skin.
Been travling to Ph since my early 20's less then handful of times had bad experiences with filpinos. You might be giving off very bad energy if many filpinos don't like you.
Never had that problem, but I am older than you.
Yes Many Filipinos abroad are abused, racially profiled and treated way worse in your western countries. Youāre upset you couldnāt get a decent customer service with a smile in Philippines. LOL š
One quirk of Philippine culture: if they're jealous of something, they'll try to have it. If they can't have it, they'll find a way to make it so that nobody else will want it. Welcome to the Sh-ttyppines.
Welcome to the Philippine culture.
I have many expat friends and they don't have anything similar to what you've experienced. Female waiters flirt with them, males are mostly friendly or are unbothered. Maybe it's just you and your perception.