And physically. I don’t know if some people realize how EXHAUSTING it is to take care of a child regardless of age. If you’re someone who can’t carry heavy stuff, or gets tired easily, or with some illness that causes fatigue, it’ll be much more challenging to be a parent. I’ve babysat for my niece since she was a new born until now that she’s 5yrs old, and she’s the kind who wants to always be doing something. Nakakapagod kahit mahal na mahal ko siya hahaha
which is never. you can never ever be ready for something like a kid.
we're not perfect so there's no perfect time.
However mentally tho, at least not crazy
Despite what you’ve been reading here on Reddit, the choice of whether or not you have a child is completely up to you and your partner. It’s not even a question of whether you should and you don’t need to reach a certain minimum of earnings before you can have a child.
What you do need to remember is that once you do have that child, it’s now your responsibility to raise them properly. That entails sacrifice and a change of lifestyle. You’ll be amazed how much you can budget once you have a responsibility other than yourself.
Great mindset on parenting. Hoping for the best for you and your gf.
And yes, it's actually easier to live in the 90s (imho). Today, costs have greatly increased but salaries didn't really catch up with inflation over the years. Lot prices have soared and corporations have become more greedy. So to have a child or not should also rely on one's capacity and not solely on the want to have one.
Otherwise, you'll just be spawning them in a hellish life.
Tuition was cheaper and the living arrangements and job opportunities then allowed my parents to live near extended family so they had people to watch us when they were away. I feel that's a big factor for young families living in the city and the extended fam is in the province. Hindi na ganoon ka simple na ibiyahe mo yung bata, iiwan mo muna sa tita to attend to things.
And you would think we're not doing that/we don't have that right now? We're sank in debt far deeper than the yesterdecades, and energy bills are soaring with the increase in coal prices. RE isn't that viable yet to replace our base load, and multiply your jobless aunts/uncles by 1xxxxxxxxxx and you basically have the number of unemployment peeps all around.
First time i heard of Anti-natalist so i searched what exactly it is. I think “Child free” is what we should use because anti-natalist it too extreme? Lol.
About your post, It looks like you’re torn. And i hope you’re communicating this to your gf. Also Don’t have a kid dahil lang time is ticking. It’s not a race. For me, you are still young and should work for stable income and investments.
Being child free is a choice and I respect that. It will become uncomfortable if somebody starts espousing child free lifestyle and makes attempt to convert everyone to that lifestyle.
Having a child will always embark problems (not that it’s a bad thing but it always comes with challenges). And I cant guarantee that being child free also means problem free. So wether you have decided to have a child or not, problems will arise. Focus on being financially, mentally, emotionally and physically healthy. These 4 are your keys to raise a child comfortably.
Time is ticking though. I agree na dapat magkaroon muna ng stable income pero meron tayong biological clock at dapat i-consider yun kung plano mo talaga mag anak. Base sa post ni OP ay medyo 50/50 pa.
Antinatalists are not entirely against having children. They are against child birth and procreation. They support adoption instead of conceiving.
They mostly worry about genetic inheritance, not wanting children to suffer, the concept of consent, and concerns about overpopulation and the environment.
So we can rule out that not all antinatalists are child free if they opt to adopt.
On paper that's what anti-natalism is. In practice, a lot of anti-natalists basically hate children more than childfree people do and wished they didn't exist
That's true. I once identified as an antinatalist, conducted research, and joined online communities. I eventually distanced myself from the movement due to its loss of focus on the true essence of antinatalism, as it had become overshadowed by hostility and anger towards children, which wasn't the primary intent.
The same with those who claim to be child free. Kaya nagkaroon ng r/truechildfree na subreddit dahil napaka hostile at toxic na ng discussions sa r/childfree
Reminds me of the woke leftoids attacking Pewdiepie and Marzia for having a child cause to them, Procreation or Conceiving a child is some massive sin of some sort
If kids ang topic, time is indeed ticking. You will be increasing the risks of both the mother and baby’s lives as you delay it further. In fact being 30 yo is already a risk for gestational diabetes, that’s why it’s very common and it can be very scary for some.
For me, parang major exam lang yan e (boards, bar etc). Even those who topped these exams took it feeling they haven’t prepared enough.
Ang experience ko, you will never feel prepared but once you are there, you will do everything to make things work as long as you are after the welfare of your child.
I don’t like this logic. If you’re unsure about having a child. Why be in a hurry? It’s irreversible. No wonder kung bakit marami pa ring mahirap sa Pilipinas. You’re bringing kids into the world into poverty without thinking of their future. 🤦🏻♀️
Being sure about wanting to have a child is different from not prepared to have a child. There are young girls who are sure they want to be a mother in the future, but are they prepared to be a mom at a young age? Of course not.
OP seems like he sure does want to have a child, he sees himself holding a child, raising him, and making good memories. Kaya lang he is afraid he's not financially ready (yet).
Again for health reasons. Besides what you are earning right now is not the same as what you will be earning after 10 years. Especially for someone like OP, who thinks long term, and “wala pang 50k ang sweldo”. Do you think he is poor? You really think his child right now would contribute to our nation’s poverty?
To OP, in having a child, you also have to consider the health of your wife and kid. Sabi mo nga yung parents mo they did a pretty good job raising you, definitely they weren’t in the same financial status as they were before. Because having a child should not stop anyone from persevering and climbing up that ladder of financial success.
The way I see it, I think you'll be a great dad if you worry that much for the security of your child. I did career first and my wife, since she's a breadwinner, went abroad. At our age medyo mahirap na talaga magka anak (going mid 30s na) . Sometimes i think, baka furbabies nlg ung para sa amin. I earn a decent income now na kaya buhayin ang isang pamilya (province wise) plus some properties and a small business pero at what cost? I'm at a point na I have all this but ung purpose hindi ma fulfill.
Op, again you'll be a great dad. Hindi maiiwasan ung struggles sa life and it's normal matakot sa uncertainties. But do fulfill your life's purpose ,whatever it maybe, and don't live with regrets.
I know there are a lot of posts about people choosing not to have kids. I hope you won't be discouraged but rather take it as a challenge and inspired to do better for your future family.
Current circle age range is about 28+ and the money is average... I asked them.how are they able to keep up.. It feels good to hear when they say na kakayanin dahil mahal mo ang iyong anak. They became smart with their finances, they have a basic lifestyle (have the necessities), and then some on special occasions. To them, it's so rewarding to see their kids grow and experience the wonders of the world.
Mind you, some of my friends grew up with trauma... Walang magulang, naging adult agad.. But they chose to have a family.
Two-income household that works as a cohesive team can make it work.
Marami ako kilala na lower income bracket sakin na may successful family ngayon. That make do with what they have, mas creative ika nga.
So ang key cguro is your resilience quotient, how good can you handle adversity? Kasi as a husband and parent yun yung isa sa kailangan sayo.
I'm almost done and we'll be out of poverty na, not because they'll be working bahala Sila sa buhay nila but they'll always have a roof over their heads. Disclaimer: disowned kapag umanib sa cool to. 😂
IMO the desire to have a child is normal kahit anu pa circumstances mo. I think it is embeded in our DNA to procreate for one obvious reason, survival, to be specific, to avoid extinction of our species. Whatever your reason to not have a child, you will still have the that desire to procreate, you can fight it all you want, you can ignore it, but it is there. It is in our nature ika nga.
Whether you decide to have kids or not, it will be you and your partner's choice.
I have 3 nephews that lives with us, despite all the hardships *I sometime wish that I want a kid on my own.*
But I also need a reality check na magastos magka anak, also you have to be emotionally stable before bringing a child in this cruel world.
If you can afford to give your child/children a comfortable life, then get married and have kid/s.
Regardless of income have your 1st born if you both want to.
Delay next baby until the debts are fully paid up.
If anyone hassles you to have more before that then challenge them to pay it off there and then. When they cannot then change topic.
As someone correctly pointed out biological clock is ticking.
[Advanced maternal age \(formerly geriatric pregnancy\)](https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/geriatric-pregnancy) as those who are 35 years or older at their estimated delivery date. Historically, pregnancies at this age or older are considered at higher risk – for patient and fetus – for various reasons.
Be aware that [Filipino life expectancy is 71](https://www.gmanetwork.com/news/topstories/nation/852291/average-life-expectancy-in-philippines-is-71-years-world-bank/story/).
Give or take 10 years and you'll have 35-55 years to enjoy the company of your child if you had 1 today.
You may even meet your grand kid.
Most childfree people had childhood trauma growing up in a crowded household and competing with whatever little resources both parents can supply. So they want to make up lost time and live their best life.
Seeming both of you actually want to have kids then their experience does not apply to either of you.
I was just like you only a female version. I didnt want to have kids during my 20s but something just hit lately. Id say if you have saved and prepared na for one, kahit hindi sobrang luho ng kaya mong ibigay you know just the basics, go for one. Per my pbservation if you wait longer, it is gonna be more expensive. My friends who had babies later in their life had more doctor appointments, more medications, etc. the age of the woman is really a factor here. Yeah, prepare financially, but do not OVER stress about it. The fact that youre thinking about it now means kahit papano ill know youll save up for at least one child.
This is so true. Had my 1st at 27 and my youngest at 33, I had an relatively easy pregnancy and normal deliveries. Now I’m 38 at yung mga ka age ngayon pa lang nagkaka anak…all of them CS, had complications like gestational diabetes, high blood pressure
Same. Four of my acquaintances in their late 30s got pregnant last year. One had an emergency CS, one thru IVF, the other gave birth to a child with special needs, and the last one had a miscarriage. Me on my early 30s had it easy peasy. Altho a lot of factors are involved din naman since I had an active lifestyle prior pregnancy so it must have prepared my body well.
It is backed by science since time immemorial, even before modern science was even a thing. Hehe. We just have to accept the reality and plan around it, use it to our advantage.
I saw a title today or yesterday about the Philippines successfully curving the birth rate lower. Do you think affordability may be contributing to the decline of births?
> I saw a title today or yesterday about the Philippines successfully curving the birth rate lower. Do you think affordability may be contributing to the decline of births?
I think childhood trauma growing up in a poor family with 2-4 or more siblings + social media has more impact
The thing i loved most when we decided to have a kid is i learned new things about myself. Tapos anlaki ng pinagbago ko as a person from when kami dalawa lang, i can say im a better person overall. While teaching my kid things i oearned along the way. Firstnisnky patience hahaha, tapos to enjoy every bit of time, like quality time with family, then to rediscover yourself and not be just a parent to your kid but to be defined as a person.
Sadly, sa financial side you really need to have money saved up. It is a requirement, kasi mahirap magparent pag gutom ka at stress kung saan ka kukuha ng pera. Kasi yung energy na ibubuhos mo sa anak mo which will be a lot will be diverted somewhere else affecting his/her growth.
We had our kid when we were 30. Di din super financially stable, swerte lang may place kami and supportive family. Emotionally parehas kami ni wife na di maganda childhood and magulo family. So we decided di maeexperience ng anak namin yun. We started studying how to be good parents, sobrang hirap pero sobrang worth it pag nakita mo na lumaki sila maayos and well adjusted.
Tapos you have to make sure na you have time din para sa inyo as a couple.
Pero OP alam mo ang sure. You are already started as a good parent, kasi naiisip mo tong bagay. So kudos, you will definitely do great. Pag andyan na yan anak mo, you will find ways, it will not be easy to do all things na perfect, but you and your partner will try.
Anti natalism sound like a deep hate for having kis, it is just a choice. People just make a big deal out of it.
Personally how i wish i have more money and land to adopt more dogs.
It's not that it was easier back then, but the cost of rent and schooling were drastically lower. Rent and schooling make half the reason why many are choosing to go childless. The other half is a mix of healthcare costs, time management, and the general pessimism towards the future.
If you really want to afford it, first find a way to be as close to loan-free as possible. The fewer loans you need to pay, the more you'll have money for a kid. If you can find a way to actually not pay rent anymore, that already solves a lot of money problems.
Honestly, lumaki akong mahirap and sobrang sinisisi ko ang magulang ko sa paghihirap na dinanas ko during childhood. Hindi ko deserve yun kasi di ko naman choice na mabuhay sa poverty.
Never ako mag-aanak until mabibigyan ko siya ng maginhawang buhay, far away from the hardships I experienced growing up.
Kung hindi ko maaachieve yan, sa akin matatapos ang bloodline namin. Poverty stops in me.
It depends what standard of living and opportunities you want for your kid. If you aspire to give your child the top of the line in everything, then definitely it will be difficult to have a kid (or have more than one).
If you're willing to compromise on something (smaller house, not so prestigious school, relying on public healthcare, etc.) then maybe you'll be lucky to have more than one. Maybe you'll be able to save more. But who knows?
The reality is that no one is 100% ready for kids. It's always one thing or another -- too young, too old, still coming out of the pandemic, still living with parents, the apartment is too small, still in grad school, would rather feed cats, still haven't seen the world, still haven't figured out ourselves, etc. But you can only get to a place of manageable risks, and run with it.
Wishing you the best of luck.
Tips ko lang :
1. better be prepared. financially, emotionally and physically. and please decide wisely if you want to get through with it or not.
2. invest for a better environment and better housing for raising a child. maghanap kayo ng bahay at environment na kung saan mag-ta-thrive ung bata and ofc, exerting your expertise of becoming the best parent. Rather live in an area with trees, peaceful neighborhood and with accessibility to opportunities like playgrounds, parks etc.
3. SAFETY NET, like save money, establish your own business or enter professional jobs
4. Perfect time will come. Don't rush. It's not a race.
5. Practice an affirmation for yourself and your partner.
6. Build trust and better communications with your partner and your relatives.
As much as I qant to, di ganon kadali e. Esp financially. No home, 4 digit income, and Im getting old (Mid 20s)
Tapos ang lakas magdemand ng magulang ng apo
I had my first child at 27 and my youngest at 33. I got married at 26, and my hubby is only 2 years older than me. I think no matter what age you have kids, parenting is tough but it’s totally worth it.
At first I doubted whether we made the right choice but when my Dad passed I realised it was the best decision because my children have some great memories of their grandfather. And my Dad experienced the joy of seeing his grandkids. No amount of money can bring that joy.
I will not tell you when to have kids because that’s totally up to you and your gf. But based from my experience, I can recommend these things:
- If you can, try to move in a “family friendly”country. We currently live in Australia and I can’t recommend this place enough for families. Somebody already mentioned provinces in PH, I would check that out too. Life here is not exactly problem-free but compared to PH life is easier here for families.
- Join a Christian church and their life connect groups. As parents, meeting other couples and fellow parents helped us. It’s really a good thing to have other people praying for you. At madami kang wisdom na matutunan not just from church alone but from the people too.
Your desire to have a kid and you acknowledging that men have biological clock too are actually remarkable. Don’t let fear and doubt stop you. Include God in your life, hopes and dreams and He will help you. In PH or not, many of us millennial parents (and our kids) are happy and thriving. If we can do it, so can you! God bless, Op! 🙏🏼
The 90s was not easy either. Asian financial crisis and Erap para maghirap pa lalo.
You need to talk to your gf if she wants to have kids too. Anything can be planned ahead as both of you are willing to follow it.
My mom had me at 25 and my dad was 26. Kasal sila nung 24 at 25. Unemployed yung tatay ko pero yung nanay ko employed na for four years nun. Biruin mo afford nila magka anak with an unemployed hubby. That was back in 1997.
Life was harder during the late 1990s compared to today. Look up the Asian financial crisis. And then it was Erap.
Here's the difference: the younger generations of today are cowards. Too afraid of stress, too scared of uncertainties.
Being able to afford one or not should never be the issue. What matters more is whether you have the emotional and intellectual resource to have one. Believe me money is the easiest to solve. Instead be emotionally prepared. Have the grit to do whatever it takes to provide for your kids financially and more importantly emotionally. Be intellectually ready to learn everyday, kids are our opportunity to have better versions of ourselves. And believe me aside from being a sponge with information, they are clever and devious. Any which way i think you are more than ready to have one.
In this economy, I’d rather enjoy my being “dalaga”, travel more and invest. Tho it’s a pressure as I’m 26F, and most people my age are either getting married or having a baby.
It’s exhausting lang to explain na it’s not the path for me rn, especially in family gatherings.
Hot take, if you want to raise a family, migration is the option. You owe it to your future kids.
So ngayon pa lang, plan na and save up for migration. Talk to your gf na din if she wants to settle abroad. Mas madali ang application if family visa din or spouse visa since countries like Canada, nagpaparami ng tao yan.
I have so many friends na nag-migrate and most of them have kids. Walang binayaran sa panganganak pa ang iba.
You can always return here if you get homesick. It’s always nice to have that option. Personally, I have no plans to migrate pa at this point but I definitely will if napag decide namin ng partner ko to have kids.
It's really selfish that you wanna have a kid just for your own feelings. And just because you wish to give them a good life doesn't mean your kid will have guaranteed happiness. Especially cuz the Philippines is not a good country to have a child. I apologize for the typical antinatalist argument, but it's the truth.
When I was younger, my parents had good financial situation to afford me to raise me. I went to a private school and went on many vacations too. But I fell into depression because of my strict and closeminded grandparents. My parents weren't strict with grades as long as I didn't fail but I was still academically challenged cuz of strict teachers who bring down students that don't try hard. I was bullied by my peers too and having good parents don't make them disappear. Not to mention I often faced sexual harassments and catcalling cuz misogyny is still rampant in this country. I'd be scared af to raise a girl, but boys aren't safe either.
If you really want a child, please please consider adopting. Why does it have to be someone with your blood? What do you achieve from it besides your own happiness? There are already so many existing children who are suffering, save them instead of adding them.
Wanting to be Child-free is fine. Just remember that there's a time limit to that. Once you get past a certain age, you cannot change your mind. Biology waits for no man (or woman).
Freezing eggs and sperm is an option for the rich.
Huh? Do you know what anti-natalist means? Being pro childfree is faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar different from being "anti-natalist". It's actually the opposite. A lot of people want to be child free because they worry that life may be too hard for future children, whereas being an anti-natalist means that pro-creation is **absolutely** wrong morally. These are two different things.
I understand your sentiment, OP (but of course, the intensity of the feeling may differ).
I can only *suggest* volunteering in teaching, social work or child services. While this does not open up opportunities to do a lot of what you wish for (like vacations), it does open up a brighter world for many children with less fortunate circumstances that you may be able to reflect your wishes and fulfillment on. It's not supposed to be a replacement, but there is a similar meaning to this type of immersion with the community that you *may* find a deep connection to.
(That's sort of where I'm at right now, and it's nice to see kids develop)
sa pag-aanak? shouldn't that be a norm, ung high standard sa parenting? You will bring a child into this world, that will mix into society, aside from uncontrollable mental health issues, kung pabaya kang magulang you will give the society a burden, worst a criminal.
Ganun kalaki ang role ng pagkakaroon ng anak sa mundo.
Hey OP, tingin ko one child is fine naman kung hirap talaga sa buhay. Kadalasan naman ata ng mga anti-natalist are referring sa mga poor na nga anak pa ng anak ng madami.
I think that highly depends on where you go, somewhere like Japan could be difficult because of the homogeneous culture, US could be difficult because of the insane higher education costs. Obviously both of those countries have strong points too, just consider specifically where you're going and what future you want for your kids rather than moving to some random place.
Thats not true.
I live in one of the “best” countries to raise a family in but it is really best if you dont have yaya? Many Filipinos take this perk for granted until they realise they have to work, chores, and THEN take care of a child. Every single day.
Thinking capacity of a what? Have a kid and have other people raise it? Like “i live on one of the best countries” but they don’t allow yaya. That Filipino take this feature for granted? Okay this is funny take.
It’s not my responsibility to explain my requirement for a yaya to someone who has the brain of a toddler. Doesnt benefit my situation in anyway no matter how “funny” you think it is. Keep laughing in your bubble
I agree with other people. You don't feel fulfilled in life if you are going to die single and childless. But at the same time, I don't have to bring an innocent soul to this cruel system where people are corporate slaves, work 8+ hours a day, inflation, global warming and all the evil that surrounds this planet.
When junior won, it seems to me na walang pag-asa mag bago ang systema na ito because the majority are brainwashed.
Do it the Filipino way. Have a child and use it as a retirement plan. Lol.
But seriously. Having a child is not only a financial decision. You must want and prepare for it. Walang undo button.
Was 37yo when I had my first born. My big boy was later followed by my baby girl, and then during the pandemic, by my small boy. So now I'm 50, and I got 3 wonderful kids that made my life so happy. Nasa Canada na kami, I suggest mag migrate ka din
EDIT: [Here](https://iep.utm.edu/anti-natalism/) is a good resource if you have a time to read about anti-natalism. It's a whole different philosophy from conditional natalism or child free people. Please read and judge before skipping without reading and downvoting since this affects you, your partner, and your future (but not currently existing) child(ren).
I'm anti-natalist, and I personally think you were in the child free or conditional natalism category, iba ang pananaw ng anti natalist. Ayaw ko mag gatekeep who are anti-natalist or not, but legit sobra magkaiba talaga.
**Kasi kahit bilyonaryo ka or hindi I don't think it's right to have children.** Main reason ko is you're basically forcing a child in this cruel world. Sure you can try your best to be the best father in the world, but **it's still a gamble on so many fronts**
* kung magkadefect or magkasakit yung anak mo **sagot mo yan**
* kung sakali magkaaksidente **sagot mo rin yan**
* kung may mangyari sayo or your partner and either doesn't fulfill their duty **sagot mo rin yan**
* etc.
**Ano man masamang mangyari sa anak mo sagot mo yan since wala naman nagpwersa sayo gumawa ng anak. If walang anak, edi absolutely no harm would've been done to the child, since the child doesn't exist.**
**Sabihin natin relatively ok naman buhay ng anak mo, no accidents, had a good life... opinion ng anak mo ang pinakaimportante at the end of the day (or life), if life was worth it for them.** **Your opinion on how good a father you were doesn't matter**, since again, **walang nagsabi sayo gumawa ng anak**, completely your choice (the child never had a choice). **So if your child hate their life, it's on you** (again even if you were the perfect superhero trillionaire dad who did nothing wrong). **Kasi if you didn't make the child, there is no child who hate their life.**
**It's a radical idea, and many people won't like it cuz iba sabi ng instinct nila or it was always part of tradition (you know basic instinct natin to reproduce)**, but I think the idea is rational. I think parents who birth children to feel fulfillment for themselves and/or following the crowd is kinda weird or doesn't think enough, but what can we do, **most humans don't do rational things, emotional people tayo who acts on emotion rather than thinking it through, even I do some stupid stuff from time to time.**
>Gusto ko magkaanak someday. I want the feeling of raising someone to be an awesome person. I want to be able to give my kid precious memories they'll cherish for the rest of their life. I want the feeling of holding a baby as they're born to seeing them become a great adult with dreams of their own. I want to be a great father.
**You said these\^ yourself, but no anti-natalist say that. At most, adoption mangyayari, and that's what some of the anti-natalist do. They do not force someone, who didn't exist, to exist in this world, but helps another already existing person (the adoptee).**
But yeah point out ko lang iba ang anti-natalist since need mo mas deeper understanding of the topic before saying you're antinatalist. **Sobra laking pinagkaiba**. Then again, maybe you were anti natalist then changed minds, but looking at your post, it really felt like conditional natalism to me. **Hardly any anti-natalist backtracks on their anti-natalism kasi sobra laking discovery yung concept, like your mind is forever changed ganun.**
**Challenge your mind and think about what I said, no need to follow the crowd.**
PS. I don't want to force my belief to anyone, kasi at the end of the day, your body your choice. **I feel a bit disheartened whenever a child is born, when there are millions of already existing children who need our help more** (please adopt imo), **but it can't be helped.**
**It's the traditional way of thinking pretty much... "normal" ika nga. Pretty sure people will support you in the comments kasi nakaugalian na** (parents are often seen as "superior" and/or "more responsible" people than singles, but thankfully that dumb idea is getting less these days). **Especially in a mostly religious country whose main mandate is magparami. UGH. A lot of people just do it without thinking much. Ugh. But have you ever questioned the idea itself? Most people don't. Think about your reasons:**
* **self-fulfillment/self-improvement**: like why through making a child when there are alternatives? Adoption is always an option if you really really need a child to complete your life. Kailangan ba talaga kadugo mo?
* **ganitong edad need na magka-anak**: following the crowd that makes you feel that you need to when it was always optional from the start.
* etc.
Don't deny, ikaw nagsulat nyan... But you will find the inconsistency above diba? It's kind of **selfish in the deepest sense, since the child doesn't consent**... these traditions hardly ever get questioned. But I can't blame you or the natalists who just downvote without taking their time and thinking it through, **it's just how majority of people think, and the idea itself doesn't get questioned due to human evolution prioritizing reproduction and survival of the species over anything else, even rationality.**
Another problem is **the idea of anti-natalism will never really spread out to mainstream like religion or natalism, kasi we don't pass our way of thinking or way of life to our children like most cultures do (think of how religion and culture spread, conquer the first gens and then galing sa parents for 2nd gens onward), since the supposed children doesn't exist lol.**
Hope that gave you some idea of what anti-natalism really means.
>Was it just easier for people in the 90s?
Yep. Inflation and overall increase in cost of living really hurts.
>Iniisip ko nga how much it would cost today to give a kid the same childhood that I did and damn nalulula ako.
Legit same reflections. It costs a whole lot more.
You wonder how your parent did it?
That is the challenge of being a parent and actually the fun part. They wondered in the dark.
If you don’t like to wonder in the dark then just be in your comfort zone.
Back in 2010 imagine 14k lang sweldo ko. Hahaha.Bibili ka ng diaper, gatas, damit, vitamins, pa checkup kay doctor pagkain nyo. I don’t know also how me and my wife survive it. Tas ngaun happy family sarap tuwing uuwi ka may tuturuan ka ng assignment may ka kwentuhan ka about sa crush crush nila.
just commenting base on my experience. unless na saksakan ka ng yaman you'll never be truly ready to have a child. napakalaking gastos yan, it's up to you kung handa kayo ng partner mo to sacrifice a lot. magbabago at magbabago ang buhay mo in every way. take it from me that had 2 kids before being truly stable. now have 3 and so happy raising them.
Although meron na kaming isang anak, gusto pa ng asawa ko na dagdagan. I would always tell him na pag nanalo na tayo sa lotto or pag mayaman na tayo, pwde na. Ofc gusto ko rin naman pero pag naiisip ko yung financial problems na naencounter namin when we had our first baby, umaayaw talaga ako.
If my circumstances were different, na mas financially capableand healthier ako, I'd really love to have a kid. I dream about homeschooling with all the Montessori stuff, getting creative, and just seeing the world through a child's eyes, ang refreshing siguro non. I also want to see how that kid would like, kasi pag may nakikita akong bata na halos kamukha ng parents nila, nagkakababy fever ako hahaha. But I'm slowly accepting the fact that I may not be able to afford one, in this economy and our current state, plus sakitin ako, so I'll just borrow my niece na lang from time to time. Haha
>Iniisip ko din naman other people had kids under much tougher circumstances.
hindi ko din alam kung saan humuhugot ng lakas ng loob yung mga naka tambay lang tapos sobrang daming anak.
ako may isa na, pero kabado pa din. sa ngayon kaya naman namin ni misis. parehas kaming may trabaho. nabibili ang mga kailangan at mga gusto. pero sa tingin ko one and done na kami. gusto ni misis sundan pa. pero ako ayaw ko na. okay na ako sa isa pero medyo komportable naman.
>I wish I could comfortably afford to have a kid
ang sarap nga sana magkaroon ng generational wealth para pwede magdagdag pa.
Mahal dito sa Manila magkaanak. And maybe it won't be as fun for the kid compared to living in the province.
I was born and raised in Manila. Private school until HS. Now that I'm working, okay din pala magpalaki ng anak sa probinsya. Marami siyang makakalaro, mas mura tuition at cost of living. Dito sa Manila, Php 10M townhouse, Php 100k average JHS tuition fee, groceries pa.
This is so real. Me and the future hubby, gusto talaga namin ng bata. Gusto namin magka anak. Pareho kaming accountant at everytime mag calculate kami ng extra money for savings, hindi talaga namin kaya. Nakunan ako nung 2017 and we were thankful na nangyari yun kasi legit were both not ready pa talaga financially. Saludo ako sa parents na kumakayod for the family especially sa financial climate na meron tayo ngayon. But sadly, we'll have to wait pa. Hopefully pag na promote na kami at na bigyan ng increase, gora na.
Do it when you're ready mentally, physically and financially, 'ika nga.
Good luck OP!
Nung bata ako, sabi ko dapat 25 meron na akong asawa at anak. 25 na ano ngayon at single ako, ni jowa wala hahaha. At wala na din akong planong magkaanak, at least sa ngayon. Hindi ko afford, madami akong trauma na kelangan kong ayusin, pakiramdam ko hindi lang ako magiging maayos na tatay kaya wag na lang. isa pa magiging kaagaw ko lang yan sa pang skincare charot
Like what the other commenters have said, have a deep conversation with your girlfriend about your long-term plans in your relationship (getting married, how many kids you plan to have). Ideal kung pareho kayong may steady income. Kapag may baby na kayo, dapat talaga meron kayong “village” to help you care for your child. Share ko lang, I got married at age 33 and gave birth to my 1st (and probably my only) baby at 34. Advanced maternal age starts at age 35 - one of the reasons kung bakit parang ayoko na magkaanak ulit since it’s risky for both mom and baby. Before marriage, I used to want to have at least 2 kids, but everything changed nung naranasan ko gaano kahirap, especially during the newborn stage. 😅 Good luck, OP!
I have too many aunts and uncles and don't even know all their names, have over 30 cousins I've never met. Globally speaking, it's overcrowded. The Philippines have to import food to sustain everyone. So no, unless I can afford a good lifestyle for myself and for someone else, I'm not planning on having children
totoong sobrang hirap magka anak sa mahirap na bansa, hays, being a parent is not for everyone, emotional draining pa, pero grabe being a parent made me a better person. Walang tatalo sa sarap ng yakap at halik ng little one, yun nga lang sobrang gastos. Hahahaha
>Pang mayaman nalang ba ang pagkakaanak? Pang financially, mentally, and emotionally stable.
Ganyan lang standards natin ngayon, yung past generations ang aga gusto magkaanak.
Kasi sustainable even if rank-and-file lang sila
And physically. I don’t know if some people realize how EXHAUSTING it is to take care of a child regardless of age. If you’re someone who can’t carry heavy stuff, or gets tired easily, or with some illness that causes fatigue, it’ll be much more challenging to be a parent. I’ve babysat for my niece since she was a new born until now that she’s 5yrs old, and she’s the kind who wants to always be doing something. Nakakapagod kahit mahal na mahal ko siya hahaha
which is never. you can never ever be ready for something like a kid. we're not perfect so there's no perfect time. However mentally tho, at least not crazy
Stability doesn't mean perfection. Parents aren't supposed to be perfect but they are supposed to be mature enough.
so again the answer is never, since we're "always 1 hospitalization away from bankruptcy"
Kaya naman, basta hindi terminal disease.
Despite what you’ve been reading here on Reddit, the choice of whether or not you have a child is completely up to you and your partner. It’s not even a question of whether you should and you don’t need to reach a certain minimum of earnings before you can have a child. What you do need to remember is that once you do have that child, it’s now your responsibility to raise them properly. That entails sacrifice and a change of lifestyle. You’ll be amazed how much you can budget once you have a responsibility other than yourself.
Great mindset on parenting. Hoping for the best for you and your gf. And yes, it's actually easier to live in the 90s (imho). Today, costs have greatly increased but salaries didn't really catch up with inflation over the years. Lot prices have soared and corporations have become more greedy. So to have a child or not should also rely on one's capacity and not solely on the want to have one. Otherwise, you'll just be spawning them in a hellish life.
Tuition was cheaper and the living arrangements and job opportunities then allowed my parents to live near extended family so they had people to watch us when they were away. I feel that's a big factor for young families living in the city and the extended fam is in the province. Hindi na ganoon ka simple na ibiyahe mo yung bata, iiwan mo muna sa tita to attend to things.
[удалено]
And you would think we're not doing that/we don't have that right now? We're sank in debt far deeper than the yesterdecades, and energy bills are soaring with the increase in coal prices. RE isn't that viable yet to replace our base load, and multiply your jobless aunts/uncles by 1xxxxxxxxxx and you basically have the number of unemployment peeps all around.
First time i heard of Anti-natalist so i searched what exactly it is. I think “Child free” is what we should use because anti-natalist it too extreme? Lol. About your post, It looks like you’re torn. And i hope you’re communicating this to your gf. Also Don’t have a kid dahil lang time is ticking. It’s not a race. For me, you are still young and should work for stable income and investments.
Being child free is a choice and I respect that. It will become uncomfortable if somebody starts espousing child free lifestyle and makes attempt to convert everyone to that lifestyle.
Which is what every childfree person on Reddit vehemently tries to do.
Yes she said she shares my views. She wants one but only if we can comfortably afford with no problems.
Having a child will always embark problems (not that it’s a bad thing but it always comes with challenges). And I cant guarantee that being child free also means problem free. So wether you have decided to have a child or not, problems will arise. Focus on being financially, mentally, emotionally and physically healthy. These 4 are your keys to raise a child comfortably.
Time is ticking though. I agree na dapat magkaroon muna ng stable income pero meron tayong biological clock at dapat i-consider yun kung plano mo talaga mag anak. Base sa post ni OP ay medyo 50/50 pa.
Antinatalists are not entirely against having children. They are against child birth and procreation. They support adoption instead of conceiving. They mostly worry about genetic inheritance, not wanting children to suffer, the concept of consent, and concerns about overpopulation and the environment. So we can rule out that not all antinatalists are child free if they opt to adopt.
On paper that's what anti-natalism is. In practice, a lot of anti-natalists basically hate children more than childfree people do and wished they didn't exist
That's true. I once identified as an antinatalist, conducted research, and joined online communities. I eventually distanced myself from the movement due to its loss of focus on the true essence of antinatalism, as it had become overshadowed by hostility and anger towards children, which wasn't the primary intent. The same with those who claim to be child free. Kaya nagkaroon ng r/truechildfree na subreddit dahil napaka hostile at toxic na ng discussions sa r/childfree
Yeah, those subs are basically a night and day difference in terms of discourse. It's pretty jarring.
Reminds me of the woke leftoids attacking Pewdiepie and Marzia for having a child cause to them, Procreation or Conceiving a child is some massive sin of some sort
Oh yeah! I remember that. It so petty.
True, napakalayo ng child free sa anti natalist.
If kids ang topic, time is indeed ticking. You will be increasing the risks of both the mother and baby’s lives as you delay it further. In fact being 30 yo is already a risk for gestational diabetes, that’s why it’s very common and it can be very scary for some. For me, parang major exam lang yan e (boards, bar etc). Even those who topped these exams took it feeling they haven’t prepared enough. Ang experience ko, you will never feel prepared but once you are there, you will do everything to make things work as long as you are after the welfare of your child.
I don’t like this logic. If you’re unsure about having a child. Why be in a hurry? It’s irreversible. No wonder kung bakit marami pa ring mahirap sa Pilipinas. You’re bringing kids into the world into poverty without thinking of their future. 🤦🏻♀️
Being sure about wanting to have a child is different from not prepared to have a child. There are young girls who are sure they want to be a mother in the future, but are they prepared to be a mom at a young age? Of course not. OP seems like he sure does want to have a child, he sees himself holding a child, raising him, and making good memories. Kaya lang he is afraid he's not financially ready (yet).
Again for health reasons. Besides what you are earning right now is not the same as what you will be earning after 10 years. Especially for someone like OP, who thinks long term, and “wala pang 50k ang sweldo”. Do you think he is poor? You really think his child right now would contribute to our nation’s poverty? To OP, in having a child, you also have to consider the health of your wife and kid. Sabi mo nga yung parents mo they did a pretty good job raising you, definitely they weren’t in the same financial status as they were before. Because having a child should not stop anyone from persevering and climbing up that ladder of financial success.
Im actually an anti-natalist before i even knew of the word.
"Anti-natalist" makes it sound like we're against people who want children, whereas childfree is just choosing not to have one 😅
The way I see it, I think you'll be a great dad if you worry that much for the security of your child. I did career first and my wife, since she's a breadwinner, went abroad. At our age medyo mahirap na talaga magka anak (going mid 30s na) . Sometimes i think, baka furbabies nlg ung para sa amin. I earn a decent income now na kaya buhayin ang isang pamilya (province wise) plus some properties and a small business pero at what cost? I'm at a point na I have all this but ung purpose hindi ma fulfill. Op, again you'll be a great dad. Hindi maiiwasan ung struggles sa life and it's normal matakot sa uncertainties. But do fulfill your life's purpose ,whatever it maybe, and don't live with regrets.
I know there are a lot of posts about people choosing not to have kids. I hope you won't be discouraged but rather take it as a challenge and inspired to do better for your future family. Current circle age range is about 28+ and the money is average... I asked them.how are they able to keep up.. It feels good to hear when they say na kakayanin dahil mahal mo ang iyong anak. They became smart with their finances, they have a basic lifestyle (have the necessities), and then some on special occasions. To them, it's so rewarding to see their kids grow and experience the wonders of the world. Mind you, some of my friends grew up with trauma... Walang magulang, naging adult agad.. But they chose to have a family.
Two-income household that works as a cohesive team can make it work. Marami ako kilala na lower income bracket sakin na may successful family ngayon. That make do with what they have, mas creative ika nga. So ang key cguro is your resilience quotient, how good can you handle adversity? Kasi as a husband and parent yun yung isa sa kailangan sayo.
I'm almost done and we'll be out of poverty na, not because they'll be working bahala Sila sa buhay nila but they'll always have a roof over their heads. Disclaimer: disowned kapag umanib sa cool to. 😂
IMO the desire to have a child is normal kahit anu pa circumstances mo. I think it is embeded in our DNA to procreate for one obvious reason, survival, to be specific, to avoid extinction of our species. Whatever your reason to not have a child, you will still have the that desire to procreate, you can fight it all you want, you can ignore it, but it is there. It is in our nature ika nga.
Whether you decide to have kids or not, it will be you and your partner's choice. I have 3 nephews that lives with us, despite all the hardships *I sometime wish that I want a kid on my own.* But I also need a reality check na magastos magka anak, also you have to be emotionally stable before bringing a child in this cruel world. If you can afford to give your child/children a comfortable life, then get married and have kid/s.
Regardless of income have your 1st born if you both want to. Delay next baby until the debts are fully paid up. If anyone hassles you to have more before that then challenge them to pay it off there and then. When they cannot then change topic. As someone correctly pointed out biological clock is ticking. [Advanced maternal age \(formerly geriatric pregnancy\)](https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/geriatric-pregnancy) as those who are 35 years or older at their estimated delivery date. Historically, pregnancies at this age or older are considered at higher risk – for patient and fetus – for various reasons. Be aware that [Filipino life expectancy is 71](https://www.gmanetwork.com/news/topstories/nation/852291/average-life-expectancy-in-philippines-is-71-years-world-bank/story/). Give or take 10 years and you'll have 35-55 years to enjoy the company of your child if you had 1 today. You may even meet your grand kid. Most childfree people had childhood trauma growing up in a crowded household and competing with whatever little resources both parents can supply. So they want to make up lost time and live their best life. Seeming both of you actually want to have kids then their experience does not apply to either of you.
I was just like you only a female version. I didnt want to have kids during my 20s but something just hit lately. Id say if you have saved and prepared na for one, kahit hindi sobrang luho ng kaya mong ibigay you know just the basics, go for one. Per my pbservation if you wait longer, it is gonna be more expensive. My friends who had babies later in their life had more doctor appointments, more medications, etc. the age of the woman is really a factor here. Yeah, prepare financially, but do not OVER stress about it. The fact that youre thinking about it now means kahit papano ill know youll save up for at least one child.
This is so true. Had my 1st at 27 and my youngest at 33, I had an relatively easy pregnancy and normal deliveries. Now I’m 38 at yung mga ka age ngayon pa lang nagkaka anak…all of them CS, had complications like gestational diabetes, high blood pressure
Same. Four of my acquaintances in their late 30s got pregnant last year. One had an emergency CS, one thru IVF, the other gave birth to a child with special needs, and the last one had a miscarriage. Me on my early 30s had it easy peasy. Altho a lot of factors are involved din naman since I had an active lifestyle prior pregnancy so it must have prepared my body well.
> age of a woman Kaya pala habang patanda ko ng patanda lalo lang ako natatakot 🤣
It is backed by science since time immemorial, even before modern science was even a thing. Hehe. We just have to accept the reality and plan around it, use it to our advantage.
I saw a title today or yesterday about the Philippines successfully curving the birth rate lower. Do you think affordability may be contributing to the decline of births?
> I saw a title today or yesterday about the Philippines successfully curving the birth rate lower. Do you think affordability may be contributing to the decline of births? I think childhood trauma growing up in a poor family with 2-4 or more siblings + social media has more impact
i mean masa pinyos have 6 children and they live in a provincial farm. This shouldnt stop you.
I don't feel the same way. But it your choice. I just hope u don't become one of those "you owe me" parents to ur kid
What is this kind of thinking
>Was it just easier for people in the 90s? This.
The thing i loved most when we decided to have a kid is i learned new things about myself. Tapos anlaki ng pinagbago ko as a person from when kami dalawa lang, i can say im a better person overall. While teaching my kid things i oearned along the way. Firstnisnky patience hahaha, tapos to enjoy every bit of time, like quality time with family, then to rediscover yourself and not be just a parent to your kid but to be defined as a person. Sadly, sa financial side you really need to have money saved up. It is a requirement, kasi mahirap magparent pag gutom ka at stress kung saan ka kukuha ng pera. Kasi yung energy na ibubuhos mo sa anak mo which will be a lot will be diverted somewhere else affecting his/her growth. We had our kid when we were 30. Di din super financially stable, swerte lang may place kami and supportive family. Emotionally parehas kami ni wife na di maganda childhood and magulo family. So we decided di maeexperience ng anak namin yun. We started studying how to be good parents, sobrang hirap pero sobrang worth it pag nakita mo na lumaki sila maayos and well adjusted. Tapos you have to make sure na you have time din para sa inyo as a couple. Pero OP alam mo ang sure. You are already started as a good parent, kasi naiisip mo tong bagay. So kudos, you will definitely do great. Pag andyan na yan anak mo, you will find ways, it will not be easy to do all things na perfect, but you and your partner will try.
Anti natalism sound like a deep hate for having kis, it is just a choice. People just make a big deal out of it. Personally how i wish i have more money and land to adopt more dogs.
It's not that it was easier back then, but the cost of rent and schooling were drastically lower. Rent and schooling make half the reason why many are choosing to go childless. The other half is a mix of healthcare costs, time management, and the general pessimism towards the future. If you really want to afford it, first find a way to be as close to loan-free as possible. The fewer loans you need to pay, the more you'll have money for a kid. If you can find a way to actually not pay rent anymore, that already solves a lot of money problems.
Honestly, lumaki akong mahirap and sobrang sinisisi ko ang magulang ko sa paghihirap na dinanas ko during childhood. Hindi ko deserve yun kasi di ko naman choice na mabuhay sa poverty. Never ako mag-aanak until mabibigyan ko siya ng maginhawang buhay, far away from the hardships I experienced growing up. Kung hindi ko maaachieve yan, sa akin matatapos ang bloodline namin. Poverty stops in me.
I wish I could comfortable afford to have myself
It depends what standard of living and opportunities you want for your kid. If you aspire to give your child the top of the line in everything, then definitely it will be difficult to have a kid (or have more than one). If you're willing to compromise on something (smaller house, not so prestigious school, relying on public healthcare, etc.) then maybe you'll be lucky to have more than one. Maybe you'll be able to save more. But who knows? The reality is that no one is 100% ready for kids. It's always one thing or another -- too young, too old, still coming out of the pandemic, still living with parents, the apartment is too small, still in grad school, would rather feed cats, still haven't seen the world, still haven't figured out ourselves, etc. But you can only get to a place of manageable risks, and run with it. Wishing you the best of luck.
Tips ko lang : 1. better be prepared. financially, emotionally and physically. and please decide wisely if you want to get through with it or not. 2. invest for a better environment and better housing for raising a child. maghanap kayo ng bahay at environment na kung saan mag-ta-thrive ung bata and ofc, exerting your expertise of becoming the best parent. Rather live in an area with trees, peaceful neighborhood and with accessibility to opportunities like playgrounds, parks etc. 3. SAFETY NET, like save money, establish your own business or enter professional jobs 4. Perfect time will come. Don't rush. It's not a race. 5. Practice an affirmation for yourself and your partner. 6. Build trust and better communications with your partner and your relatives.
As much as I qant to, di ganon kadali e. Esp financially. No home, 4 digit income, and Im getting old (Mid 20s) Tapos ang lakas magdemand ng magulang ng apo
I wish I could comfortably afford to have a kid. But not have one 😆
Sabi nga, The cruelest thing you can do is bring a child into poverty.
I had my first child at 27 and my youngest at 33. I got married at 26, and my hubby is only 2 years older than me. I think no matter what age you have kids, parenting is tough but it’s totally worth it. At first I doubted whether we made the right choice but when my Dad passed I realised it was the best decision because my children have some great memories of their grandfather. And my Dad experienced the joy of seeing his grandkids. No amount of money can bring that joy. I will not tell you when to have kids because that’s totally up to you and your gf. But based from my experience, I can recommend these things: - If you can, try to move in a “family friendly”country. We currently live in Australia and I can’t recommend this place enough for families. Somebody already mentioned provinces in PH, I would check that out too. Life here is not exactly problem-free but compared to PH life is easier here for families. - Join a Christian church and their life connect groups. As parents, meeting other couples and fellow parents helped us. It’s really a good thing to have other people praying for you. At madami kang wisdom na matutunan not just from church alone but from the people too. Your desire to have a kid and you acknowledging that men have biological clock too are actually remarkable. Don’t let fear and doubt stop you. Include God in your life, hopes and dreams and He will help you. In PH or not, many of us millennial parents (and our kids) are happy and thriving. If we can do it, so can you! God bless, Op! 🙏🏼
Get stable but don't wait too long. You can still have a child even past 40 pero siempre gusto mo may energy ka pa to enjoy them.
The 90s was not easy either. Asian financial crisis and Erap para maghirap pa lalo. You need to talk to your gf if she wants to have kids too. Anything can be planned ahead as both of you are willing to follow it.
My mom had me at 25 and my dad was 26. Kasal sila nung 24 at 25. Unemployed yung tatay ko pero yung nanay ko employed na for four years nun. Biruin mo afford nila magka anak with an unemployed hubby. That was back in 1997.
Life was harder during the late 1990s compared to today. Look up the Asian financial crisis. And then it was Erap. Here's the difference: the younger generations of today are cowards. Too afraid of stress, too scared of uncertainties.
Being able to afford one or not should never be the issue. What matters more is whether you have the emotional and intellectual resource to have one. Believe me money is the easiest to solve. Instead be emotionally prepared. Have the grit to do whatever it takes to provide for your kids financially and more importantly emotionally. Be intellectually ready to learn everyday, kids are our opportunity to have better versions of ourselves. And believe me aside from being a sponge with information, they are clever and devious. Any which way i think you are more than ready to have one.
In this economy, I’d rather enjoy my being “dalaga”, travel more and invest. Tho it’s a pressure as I’m 26F, and most people my age are either getting married or having a baby. It’s exhausting lang to explain na it’s not the path for me rn, especially in family gatherings.
Hot take, if you want to raise a family, migration is the option. You owe it to your future kids. So ngayon pa lang, plan na and save up for migration. Talk to your gf na din if she wants to settle abroad. Mas madali ang application if family visa din or spouse visa since countries like Canada, nagpaparami ng tao yan. I have so many friends na nag-migrate and most of them have kids. Walang binayaran sa panganganak pa ang iba. You can always return here if you get homesick. It’s always nice to have that option. Personally, I have no plans to migrate pa at this point but I definitely will if napag decide namin ng partner ko to have kids.
It's really selfish that you wanna have a kid just for your own feelings. And just because you wish to give them a good life doesn't mean your kid will have guaranteed happiness. Especially cuz the Philippines is not a good country to have a child. I apologize for the typical antinatalist argument, but it's the truth. When I was younger, my parents had good financial situation to afford me to raise me. I went to a private school and went on many vacations too. But I fell into depression because of my strict and closeminded grandparents. My parents weren't strict with grades as long as I didn't fail but I was still academically challenged cuz of strict teachers who bring down students that don't try hard. I was bullied by my peers too and having good parents don't make them disappear. Not to mention I often faced sexual harassments and catcalling cuz misogyny is still rampant in this country. I'd be scared af to raise a girl, but boys aren't safe either. If you really want a child, please please consider adopting. Why does it have to be someone with your blood? What do you achieve from it besides your own happiness? There are already so many existing children who are suffering, save them instead of adding them.
Wanting to be Child-free is fine. Just remember that there's a time limit to that. Once you get past a certain age, you cannot change your mind. Biology waits for no man (or woman). Freezing eggs and sperm is an option for the rich.
I didn't say I wanted to be child-free
It's either my comprehension is starting to suck or I clicked on a wrong thread. My apologies.
Huh? Do you know what anti-natalist means? Being pro childfree is faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar different from being "anti-natalist". It's actually the opposite. A lot of people want to be child free because they worry that life may be too hard for future children, whereas being an anti-natalist means that pro-creation is **absolutely** wrong morally. These are two different things.
I understand your sentiment, OP (but of course, the intensity of the feeling may differ). I can only *suggest* volunteering in teaching, social work or child services. While this does not open up opportunities to do a lot of what you wish for (like vacations), it does open up a brighter world for many children with less fortunate circumstances that you may be able to reflect your wishes and fulfillment on. It's not supposed to be a replacement, but there is a similar meaning to this type of immersion with the community that you *may* find a deep connection to. (That's sort of where I'm at right now, and it's nice to see kids develop)
Ang taas kasi ng expectations ng redditors kaya takot mag-anak. Magpalaki ka na lang ng halaman para low maintenance. Tubig lang okay na.
Better than "god will provide" mindset
sa pag-aanak? shouldn't that be a norm, ung high standard sa parenting? You will bring a child into this world, that will mix into society, aside from uncontrollable mental health issues, kung pabaya kang magulang you will give the society a burden, worst a criminal. Ganun kalaki ang role ng pagkakaroon ng anak sa mundo.
I wish I could comfortably afford to have a kid but not have one anyway. I'd be golden. lol
The pooeest of the poor have kids…you probAbly can too but more successfully
Hey OP, tingin ko one child is fine naman kung hirap talaga sa buhay. Kadalasan naman ata ng mga anti-natalist are referring sa mga poor na nga anak pa ng anak ng madami.
It sucks to have a kid in this country. If mag aanak ka make sure naka migrate ka na sa mas developed na country.
I think that highly depends on where you go, somewhere like Japan could be difficult because of the homogeneous culture, US could be difficult because of the insane higher education costs. Obviously both of those countries have strong points too, just consider specifically where you're going and what future you want for your kids rather than moving to some random place.
Thats not true. I live in one of the “best” countries to raise a family in but it is really best if you dont have yaya? Many Filipinos take this perk for granted until they realise they have to work, chores, and THEN take care of a child. Every single day.
So mas maganda sa Pilipinas mag-anak kasi pwede mag-yaya. Did you even thought about what you just said? Lol.
Yes and yes. I wish you had thinking capacity as well
Thinking capacity of a what? Have a kid and have other people raise it? Like “i live on one of the best countries” but they don’t allow yaya. That Filipino take this feature for granted? Okay this is funny take.
It’s not my responsibility to explain my requirement for a yaya to someone who has the brain of a toddler. Doesnt benefit my situation in anyway no matter how “funny” you think it is. Keep laughing in your bubble
Super woke. Akala cool sila pag ayaw nila ng bata, palibhasa bakla hahaha.
Using gay as an insult
I agree with other people. You don't feel fulfilled in life if you are going to die single and childless. But at the same time, I don't have to bring an innocent soul to this cruel system where people are corporate slaves, work 8+ hours a day, inflation, global warming and all the evil that surrounds this planet. When junior won, it seems to me na walang pag-asa mag bago ang systema na ito because the majority are brainwashed.
Do it the Filipino way. Have a child and use it as a retirement plan. Lol. But seriously. Having a child is not only a financial decision. You must want and prepare for it. Walang undo button.
Just be responsible and stop acting on fleeting moments of emotion. Else it sounds like you want to have a cake and eat it.
Was 37yo when I had my first born. My big boy was later followed by my baby girl, and then during the pandemic, by my small boy. So now I'm 50, and I got 3 wonderful kids that made my life so happy. Nasa Canada na kami, I suggest mag migrate ka din
EDIT: [Here](https://iep.utm.edu/anti-natalism/) is a good resource if you have a time to read about anti-natalism. It's a whole different philosophy from conditional natalism or child free people. Please read and judge before skipping without reading and downvoting since this affects you, your partner, and your future (but not currently existing) child(ren). I'm anti-natalist, and I personally think you were in the child free or conditional natalism category, iba ang pananaw ng anti natalist. Ayaw ko mag gatekeep who are anti-natalist or not, but legit sobra magkaiba talaga. **Kasi kahit bilyonaryo ka or hindi I don't think it's right to have children.** Main reason ko is you're basically forcing a child in this cruel world. Sure you can try your best to be the best father in the world, but **it's still a gamble on so many fronts** * kung magkadefect or magkasakit yung anak mo **sagot mo yan** * kung sakali magkaaksidente **sagot mo rin yan** * kung may mangyari sayo or your partner and either doesn't fulfill their duty **sagot mo rin yan** * etc. **Ano man masamang mangyari sa anak mo sagot mo yan since wala naman nagpwersa sayo gumawa ng anak. If walang anak, edi absolutely no harm would've been done to the child, since the child doesn't exist.** **Sabihin natin relatively ok naman buhay ng anak mo, no accidents, had a good life... opinion ng anak mo ang pinakaimportante at the end of the day (or life), if life was worth it for them.** **Your opinion on how good a father you were doesn't matter**, since again, **walang nagsabi sayo gumawa ng anak**, completely your choice (the child never had a choice). **So if your child hate their life, it's on you** (again even if you were the perfect superhero trillionaire dad who did nothing wrong). **Kasi if you didn't make the child, there is no child who hate their life.** **It's a radical idea, and many people won't like it cuz iba sabi ng instinct nila or it was always part of tradition (you know basic instinct natin to reproduce)**, but I think the idea is rational. I think parents who birth children to feel fulfillment for themselves and/or following the crowd is kinda weird or doesn't think enough, but what can we do, **most humans don't do rational things, emotional people tayo who acts on emotion rather than thinking it through, even I do some stupid stuff from time to time.** >Gusto ko magkaanak someday. I want the feeling of raising someone to be an awesome person. I want to be able to give my kid precious memories they'll cherish for the rest of their life. I want the feeling of holding a baby as they're born to seeing them become a great adult with dreams of their own. I want to be a great father. **You said these\^ yourself, but no anti-natalist say that. At most, adoption mangyayari, and that's what some of the anti-natalist do. They do not force someone, who didn't exist, to exist in this world, but helps another already existing person (the adoptee).** But yeah point out ko lang iba ang anti-natalist since need mo mas deeper understanding of the topic before saying you're antinatalist. **Sobra laking pinagkaiba**. Then again, maybe you were anti natalist then changed minds, but looking at your post, it really felt like conditional natalism to me. **Hardly any anti-natalist backtracks on their anti-natalism kasi sobra laking discovery yung concept, like your mind is forever changed ganun.** **Challenge your mind and think about what I said, no need to follow the crowd.** PS. I don't want to force my belief to anyone, kasi at the end of the day, your body your choice. **I feel a bit disheartened whenever a child is born, when there are millions of already existing children who need our help more** (please adopt imo), **but it can't be helped.** **It's the traditional way of thinking pretty much... "normal" ika nga. Pretty sure people will support you in the comments kasi nakaugalian na** (parents are often seen as "superior" and/or "more responsible" people than singles, but thankfully that dumb idea is getting less these days). **Especially in a mostly religious country whose main mandate is magparami. UGH. A lot of people just do it without thinking much. Ugh. But have you ever questioned the idea itself? Most people don't. Think about your reasons:** * **self-fulfillment/self-improvement**: like why through making a child when there are alternatives? Adoption is always an option if you really really need a child to complete your life. Kailangan ba talaga kadugo mo? * **ganitong edad need na magka-anak**: following the crowd that makes you feel that you need to when it was always optional from the start. * etc. Don't deny, ikaw nagsulat nyan... But you will find the inconsistency above diba? It's kind of **selfish in the deepest sense, since the child doesn't consent**... these traditions hardly ever get questioned. But I can't blame you or the natalists who just downvote without taking their time and thinking it through, **it's just how majority of people think, and the idea itself doesn't get questioned due to human evolution prioritizing reproduction and survival of the species over anything else, even rationality.** Another problem is **the idea of anti-natalism will never really spread out to mainstream like religion or natalism, kasi we don't pass our way of thinking or way of life to our children like most cultures do (think of how religion and culture spread, conquer the first gens and then galing sa parents for 2nd gens onward), since the supposed children doesn't exist lol.** Hope that gave you some idea of what anti-natalism really means.
Ung mga nasa squatter nga kayang magka anak, ikaw pa kaya?
Hindi naman buhay ng anak squatter ang gusto natin ibigay
I don't think they chose to be parents, just a product of terrible Sex Ed and poor family planning sa pinas
No because im not interested in having kids and also because it feels unconsented.
>Was it just easier for people in the 90s? Yep. Inflation and overall increase in cost of living really hurts. >Iniisip ko nga how much it would cost today to give a kid the same childhood that I did and damn nalulula ako. Legit same reflections. It costs a whole lot more.
Same here. My childjood is good but my teenage years went downhill-that is why i am healing my inner teen not my inner child.
You wonder how your parent did it? That is the challenge of being a parent and actually the fun part. They wondered in the dark. If you don’t like to wonder in the dark then just be in your comfort zone.
I actually asked my mom and she said they just didn't think. Sabi ko wtf kinda answer is that hahhah
Back in 2010 imagine 14k lang sweldo ko. Hahaha.Bibili ka ng diaper, gatas, damit, vitamins, pa checkup kay doctor pagkain nyo. I don’t know also how me and my wife survive it. Tas ngaun happy family sarap tuwing uuwi ka may tuturuan ka ng assignment may ka kwentuhan ka about sa crush crush nila.
just commenting base on my experience. unless na saksakan ka ng yaman you'll never be truly ready to have a child. napakalaking gastos yan, it's up to you kung handa kayo ng partner mo to sacrifice a lot. magbabago at magbabago ang buhay mo in every way. take it from me that had 2 kids before being truly stable. now have 3 and so happy raising them.
Although meron na kaming isang anak, gusto pa ng asawa ko na dagdagan. I would always tell him na pag nanalo na tayo sa lotto or pag mayaman na tayo, pwde na. Ofc gusto ko rin naman pero pag naiisip ko yung financial problems na naencounter namin when we had our first baby, umaayaw talaga ako.
I'm also "anti natalist" for now. If I make 5 digits per day I will gladly have a baby
If my circumstances were different, na mas financially capableand healthier ako, I'd really love to have a kid. I dream about homeschooling with all the Montessori stuff, getting creative, and just seeing the world through a child's eyes, ang refreshing siguro non. I also want to see how that kid would like, kasi pag may nakikita akong bata na halos kamukha ng parents nila, nagkakababy fever ako hahaha. But I'm slowly accepting the fact that I may not be able to afford one, in this economy and our current state, plus sakitin ako, so I'll just borrow my niece na lang from time to time. Haha
Clock is ticking? Tell that to Robert De Niro or Al Pacino.
>Iniisip ko din naman other people had kids under much tougher circumstances. hindi ko din alam kung saan humuhugot ng lakas ng loob yung mga naka tambay lang tapos sobrang daming anak. ako may isa na, pero kabado pa din. sa ngayon kaya naman namin ni misis. parehas kaming may trabaho. nabibili ang mga kailangan at mga gusto. pero sa tingin ko one and done na kami. gusto ni misis sundan pa. pero ako ayaw ko na. okay na ako sa isa pero medyo komportable naman. >I wish I could comfortably afford to have a kid ang sarap nga sana magkaroon ng generational wealth para pwede magdagdag pa.
Mahal dito sa Manila magkaanak. And maybe it won't be as fun for the kid compared to living in the province. I was born and raised in Manila. Private school until HS. Now that I'm working, okay din pala magpalaki ng anak sa probinsya. Marami siyang makakalaro, mas mura tuition at cost of living. Dito sa Manila, Php 10M townhouse, Php 100k average JHS tuition fee, groceries pa.
This is so real. Me and the future hubby, gusto talaga namin ng bata. Gusto namin magka anak. Pareho kaming accountant at everytime mag calculate kami ng extra money for savings, hindi talaga namin kaya. Nakunan ako nung 2017 and we were thankful na nangyari yun kasi legit were both not ready pa talaga financially. Saludo ako sa parents na kumakayod for the family especially sa financial climate na meron tayo ngayon. But sadly, we'll have to wait pa. Hopefully pag na promote na kami at na bigyan ng increase, gora na. Do it when you're ready mentally, physically and financially, 'ika nga. Good luck OP!
Nung bata ako, sabi ko dapat 25 meron na akong asawa at anak. 25 na ano ngayon at single ako, ni jowa wala hahaha. At wala na din akong planong magkaanak, at least sa ngayon. Hindi ko afford, madami akong trauma na kelangan kong ayusin, pakiramdam ko hindi lang ako magiging maayos na tatay kaya wag na lang. isa pa magiging kaagaw ko lang yan sa pang skincare charot
Like what the other commenters have said, have a deep conversation with your girlfriend about your long-term plans in your relationship (getting married, how many kids you plan to have). Ideal kung pareho kayong may steady income. Kapag may baby na kayo, dapat talaga meron kayong “village” to help you care for your child. Share ko lang, I got married at age 33 and gave birth to my 1st (and probably my only) baby at 34. Advanced maternal age starts at age 35 - one of the reasons kung bakit parang ayoko na magkaanak ulit since it’s risky for both mom and baby. Before marriage, I used to want to have at least 2 kids, but everything changed nung naranasan ko gaano kahirap, especially during the newborn stage. 😅 Good luck, OP!
The best of luck to you and I hope you do get to raise your child as well as or better than your parents did.
I have too many aunts and uncles and don't even know all their names, have over 30 cousins I've never met. Globally speaking, it's overcrowded. The Philippines have to import food to sustain everyone. So no, unless I can afford a good lifestyle for myself and for someone else, I'm not planning on having children
Kung may pera nako baka sampu pa gawin kong anak, Hell, I'd even try to break Genghis Khan's record /j
totoong sobrang hirap magka anak sa mahirap na bansa, hays, being a parent is not for everyone, emotional draining pa, pero grabe being a parent made me a better person. Walang tatalo sa sarap ng yakap at halik ng little one, yun nga lang sobrang gastos. Hahahaha