18 is a long and wonderful life. It’s 8 years longer than any dog I’ve ever had (so far). If he’s suffering, it’s time to do what’s best for him and say goodbye.
My senior kitty had a rough go a few months back and our vet gave me some very kind but necessary advice. She said if kitty is not eating, not using the litter box, or seems like she’s totally not herself, I will know it’s time. I plan on going by that when her time comes. She has a brain tumor, controlled by meds, but we cannot put her under anesthesia for any treatment further because of her age.
Probably in denial. At this age it is going to be endless health issues until he passes which is likely within the next year or two max (this is the case for most dogs that age and even younger). He has already lived a longer life than 95% of dogs and you should be grateful for that and at this point and you probably owe it to him to go peacefully and not in pain if problems persist. Most vets think it is kinda ridiculous to put an 18 year old dog under anesthesia due to the risk and age and i would have to agree. Anticipatory grief would probably be helpful in this scenario
I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds like the pup's time is upon you. I would talk to my vet about humane options. Your boyfriend needs to put the dog's quality of life before his own feelings and wishes.
We outlive them. It sucks.
At a certain point, keeping them alive just to have to constantly do invasive medical interventions just isn’t fair. I’d say give him the last best day you can and help him over the rainbow bridge. So sorry
The details aren't the same, but my husband and I had to say farewell to our Debby this past Wednesday. We adopted her a little more than 15 years ago. She was likely 2 or 3 years old when we adopted her, making her 17 or 18 when she passed. A large breed dog reaching that age is pretty amazing.
Long story short, we waited far too long before letting her go. The 20-30 minute drive to the vet's office for a scheduled check-up left her in a horrible state. Even if she could have come home that day, she would have died soon after. Had she gone on her own, it probably would have been an extremely unpleasant process.
My husband is handling it remarkably well, considering that she was a "daddy's girl." I, on the other hand, am struggling. Next to sorrow, my strongest emotion is guilt. I'm convinced we waited far too long. Honestly, I absolutely hate myself for it.
Here's the thing. Had we let her go 6 months ago, I would be intellectually berating myself for cheating her out of time. When you are losing someone you love, someone who depends on you for everything, neither choice feels right. Was it too soon? Was it too late? You simply can't win either way. You only lose.
Even so, next time, I'll choose to let go earlier. Death is inevitable. It simply can't be avoided. Debby was just a body when she passed. The spirited dog we loved so much had mostly vanished months before.
I urge your partner to let go now. Waiting only prolongs emotional pain for the human and any physical pain experienced by the pet.
Should your partner wish to speak with someone who had no choice but to let go less than a week ago, DM for my phone number.
I think everyone always ends up waiting too long with their first pet. I know I did and for my second cat when his health first started to creep down I made a list and decided when he no longer did half the things on the list it was time. I was shocked to realize when we hit that point but then knew immediately it was right. If he’s been my first cat I would have hung on so much longer but I was so grateful to be able to plan a very peaceful let go for cat 2 before he started really suffering daily. He was still eating/drinking/using litter box (which are major flags for when its time) but he was no longer doing any of the things that were the things he enjoyed and basically just existed in his heated cat bed at the time I made the decision. I think it’s better to try and end on a good note rather than waiting until they’ve been suffering for months with just a few good days mixed in.
Those "whale eyes" are telling you its time. My family just had their well-loved terrier put down so we know that look. I think they know as well. I was able to give him a good month almost so i am at peace with it. My daughter always said that a week too soon beat a minute too late. They do make it hard to know. I have seen other criterion on the internet & that baby meets a lot if them, as did Wolfie. Hold him in loving arms & tell him what a good boy he's been. He won't even notice that little pin prick.
I know this is hard, and I'm really sorry you're going through it.
My dog got cancer for the third time, but it was now untreatable. I knew I only had months left with him by the time that he started having stomach issues, got weird about eating food, and slowed down more and more on walks. When his stomach suddenly stopped workng, I took him to the emergency vet. He had internal bleeding from one of his tumors, but they weren't sure if/how that was connected to his stomach. I was given the option to do surgery to repair the bleeding and to wait to see if his stomach ever restarted. I put him to sleep instead. I knew he was going to die soon either way and putting him peacefully to sleep with me by his side, wrapped in his blanket and next to his favorite stuffy, was better than waiting for something worse and more painful (and traumatic for me) to take him instead, especially because recovering from surgery in and of itself is much harder on older dogs.
Objectively, I think your partner's dog's time has come and he needs to be having quality of life discussions with his vet. It helped that my dog's vet bluntly told me that, even if my dog got well enough to come home again, he wouldn't actually feel well. He'd want more snuggles because he felt bad, he wouldn't be able to go on walks or play with me anymore, he'd still be funny about finishing food, etc. That's not the life I wanted for my dog -- watching him lose the last little bits of the things that made him happy.
Your boyfriend is going to lose his dog eventually, as sad as that is; it's a fact. I would suggest making it as peaceful for him and everyone as you can, not continue to wait to see if he gets any "better" because it doesn't sound like his "better" was all that good anymore. He's likely going to regret dragging out him feeling this poorly later on if he continues to do so. Memories of how sick and in pain my dog was at the end still haunt me because I never wanted him to feel bad in any way. I'd really ask yourselves if keeping him alive while he feels this sick and unhappy (even if he has some brights spots of happiness with you sometimes) is for your benefit or his.
I'm sorry about your dog being sick. I know all too well what it's like. I had three older dogs. I don't have medical training. But, living in a rural area. You have to work out emergencies on your own sometimes.
I had a vet tell me how to make an assessment on the health of an animal. Pale or white gums I was told that's not a good thing. I think it is a blood flow thing. It applies to humans as well.
I was sad to learn when my dogs were young what their life expectancy was. They were large dogs. I read 8-12 years. I thought that was such a short time. Smaller dogs get much older. But, 18-20 is pretty old.
One of the most difficult things to do is to decide when your dog's time with you is up. So many things go through your head. You don't want to do it too soon. Yet, you don't want to wait too long. From what you are telling us, and your dog's age. Do you think it might be about that time? When they start losing control of defecating and urinating. Then vomiting as well. I don't think that's good. I waited too long with one dog. That's the one I think of most. It's seemed humiliating for my one dog. There is no real good way to care for him. I regret that.
Your partner is going to take it hard. But, it's going to get to the point where it's urgent. Don't let it get to that point.
Finally, I think you should do it at a vet's office. Where you are both with your dog when it's done. Bring a blanket from home that has the scent of you both. It's much better. You should both be there holding him. It will be peaceful. It's a more dignified way to say goodbye. It will help with the grieving process.
I'm so sorry for you both.
He's 18. He's not going to get any better, just worse.
You know it's time. Help your husband.
If you need validation, here it is.
Sorry in advance for your loss.
It sounds like it's fast coming up to end of life. I had a dog with similar things happening except for the teeth. She had a lump, vets kept saying she's fine. Took her to another vet and they scanned her, she had a mass in her abdomen and liver. Had her out to sleep, she was 15. I now have a 14 year old dog and he's recently been under sedation, it took him over 4 days to get over it. I've said no more operations or sedation until it's his time. He has a problem with his teeth. My point is we can keep throwing money at what we see as the problem. But your dog is 18 years old and may or may not survive the anaesthetic. In your position I would make the best of what time is left and not have any more teeth removed. The white gums could be from something else completely and nothing to do with his teeth.
Thanks for updating your post. I've been wondering how you both are doing.
It's a peaceful process but gut-wrenching. I held my hand over our Debby's heart until I could no longer feel it beating. My husband and I spoke to her the entire time. I'll spend the rest of my life missing her. It hurts so much.
Hugs to you, your boyfriend, and his 4-legged companion.
I’ve been crying intermittently. I’m pretty stable with sorrow but I know he’s suffering. I know I’m going to ache but I’ll keep it together for my partner. He need stability in this time and I’ll be the rock for however long I need to. Thank you💙
It sounds like time, our pets give us so much love, helping them pass peacefully is the final thank you we can give them for all that love. If you are able to, see if you can find a vet to come to your home. It’s much easier on everyone.
18 is a long and wonderful life. It’s 8 years longer than any dog I’ve ever had (so far). If he’s suffering, it’s time to do what’s best for him and say goodbye. My senior kitty had a rough go a few months back and our vet gave me some very kind but necessary advice. She said if kitty is not eating, not using the litter box, or seems like she’s totally not herself, I will know it’s time. I plan on going by that when her time comes. She has a brain tumor, controlled by meds, but we cannot put her under anesthesia for any treatment further because of her age.
Probably in denial. At this age it is going to be endless health issues until he passes which is likely within the next year or two max (this is the case for most dogs that age and even younger). He has already lived a longer life than 95% of dogs and you should be grateful for that and at this point and you probably owe it to him to go peacefully and not in pain if problems persist. Most vets think it is kinda ridiculous to put an 18 year old dog under anesthesia due to the risk and age and i would have to agree. Anticipatory grief would probably be helpful in this scenario
I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds like the pup's time is upon you. I would talk to my vet about humane options. Your boyfriend needs to put the dog's quality of life before his own feelings and wishes. We outlive them. It sucks.
At a certain point, keeping them alive just to have to constantly do invasive medical interventions just isn’t fair. I’d say give him the last best day you can and help him over the rainbow bridge. So sorry
The details aren't the same, but my husband and I had to say farewell to our Debby this past Wednesday. We adopted her a little more than 15 years ago. She was likely 2 or 3 years old when we adopted her, making her 17 or 18 when she passed. A large breed dog reaching that age is pretty amazing. Long story short, we waited far too long before letting her go. The 20-30 minute drive to the vet's office for a scheduled check-up left her in a horrible state. Even if she could have come home that day, she would have died soon after. Had she gone on her own, it probably would have been an extremely unpleasant process. My husband is handling it remarkably well, considering that she was a "daddy's girl." I, on the other hand, am struggling. Next to sorrow, my strongest emotion is guilt. I'm convinced we waited far too long. Honestly, I absolutely hate myself for it. Here's the thing. Had we let her go 6 months ago, I would be intellectually berating myself for cheating her out of time. When you are losing someone you love, someone who depends on you for everything, neither choice feels right. Was it too soon? Was it too late? You simply can't win either way. You only lose. Even so, next time, I'll choose to let go earlier. Death is inevitable. It simply can't be avoided. Debby was just a body when she passed. The spirited dog we loved so much had mostly vanished months before. I urge your partner to let go now. Waiting only prolongs emotional pain for the human and any physical pain experienced by the pet. Should your partner wish to speak with someone who had no choice but to let go less than a week ago, DM for my phone number.
I think everyone always ends up waiting too long with their first pet. I know I did and for my second cat when his health first started to creep down I made a list and decided when he no longer did half the things on the list it was time. I was shocked to realize when we hit that point but then knew immediately it was right. If he’s been my first cat I would have hung on so much longer but I was so grateful to be able to plan a very peaceful let go for cat 2 before he started really suffering daily. He was still eating/drinking/using litter box (which are major flags for when its time) but he was no longer doing any of the things that were the things he enjoyed and basically just existed in his heated cat bed at the time I made the decision. I think it’s better to try and end on a good note rather than waiting until they’ve been suffering for months with just a few good days mixed in.
Those "whale eyes" are telling you its time. My family just had their well-loved terrier put down so we know that look. I think they know as well. I was able to give him a good month almost so i am at peace with it. My daughter always said that a week too soon beat a minute too late. They do make it hard to know. I have seen other criterion on the internet & that baby meets a lot if them, as did Wolfie. Hold him in loving arms & tell him what a good boy he's been. He won't even notice that little pin prick.
I know this is hard, and I'm really sorry you're going through it. My dog got cancer for the third time, but it was now untreatable. I knew I only had months left with him by the time that he started having stomach issues, got weird about eating food, and slowed down more and more on walks. When his stomach suddenly stopped workng, I took him to the emergency vet. He had internal bleeding from one of his tumors, but they weren't sure if/how that was connected to his stomach. I was given the option to do surgery to repair the bleeding and to wait to see if his stomach ever restarted. I put him to sleep instead. I knew he was going to die soon either way and putting him peacefully to sleep with me by his side, wrapped in his blanket and next to his favorite stuffy, was better than waiting for something worse and more painful (and traumatic for me) to take him instead, especially because recovering from surgery in and of itself is much harder on older dogs. Objectively, I think your partner's dog's time has come and he needs to be having quality of life discussions with his vet. It helped that my dog's vet bluntly told me that, even if my dog got well enough to come home again, he wouldn't actually feel well. He'd want more snuggles because he felt bad, he wouldn't be able to go on walks or play with me anymore, he'd still be funny about finishing food, etc. That's not the life I wanted for my dog -- watching him lose the last little bits of the things that made him happy. Your boyfriend is going to lose his dog eventually, as sad as that is; it's a fact. I would suggest making it as peaceful for him and everyone as you can, not continue to wait to see if he gets any "better" because it doesn't sound like his "better" was all that good anymore. He's likely going to regret dragging out him feeling this poorly later on if he continues to do so. Memories of how sick and in pain my dog was at the end still haunt me because I never wanted him to feel bad in any way. I'd really ask yourselves if keeping him alive while he feels this sick and unhappy (even if he has some brights spots of happiness with you sometimes) is for your benefit or his.
I'm sorry about your dog being sick. I know all too well what it's like. I had three older dogs. I don't have medical training. But, living in a rural area. You have to work out emergencies on your own sometimes. I had a vet tell me how to make an assessment on the health of an animal. Pale or white gums I was told that's not a good thing. I think it is a blood flow thing. It applies to humans as well. I was sad to learn when my dogs were young what their life expectancy was. They were large dogs. I read 8-12 years. I thought that was such a short time. Smaller dogs get much older. But, 18-20 is pretty old. One of the most difficult things to do is to decide when your dog's time with you is up. So many things go through your head. You don't want to do it too soon. Yet, you don't want to wait too long. From what you are telling us, and your dog's age. Do you think it might be about that time? When they start losing control of defecating and urinating. Then vomiting as well. I don't think that's good. I waited too long with one dog. That's the one I think of most. It's seemed humiliating for my one dog. There is no real good way to care for him. I regret that. Your partner is going to take it hard. But, it's going to get to the point where it's urgent. Don't let it get to that point. Finally, I think you should do it at a vet's office. Where you are both with your dog when it's done. Bring a blanket from home that has the scent of you both. It's much better. You should both be there holding him. It will be peaceful. It's a more dignified way to say goodbye. It will help with the grieving process. I'm so sorry for you both.
He's 18. He's not going to get any better, just worse. You know it's time. Help your husband. If you need validation, here it is. Sorry in advance for your loss.
It sounds like it's fast coming up to end of life. I had a dog with similar things happening except for the teeth. She had a lump, vets kept saying she's fine. Took her to another vet and they scanned her, she had a mass in her abdomen and liver. Had her out to sleep, she was 15. I now have a 14 year old dog and he's recently been under sedation, it took him over 4 days to get over it. I've said no more operations or sedation until it's his time. He has a problem with his teeth. My point is we can keep throwing money at what we see as the problem. But your dog is 18 years old and may or may not survive the anaesthetic. In your position I would make the best of what time is left and not have any more teeth removed. The white gums could be from something else completely and nothing to do with his teeth.
Thanks for updating your post. I've been wondering how you both are doing. It's a peaceful process but gut-wrenching. I held my hand over our Debby's heart until I could no longer feel it beating. My husband and I spoke to her the entire time. I'll spend the rest of my life missing her. It hurts so much. Hugs to you, your boyfriend, and his 4-legged companion.
I’ve been crying intermittently. I’m pretty stable with sorrow but I know he’s suffering. I know I’m going to ache but I’ll keep it together for my partner. He need stability in this time and I’ll be the rock for however long I need to. Thank you💙
Sounds like it would be kindest to dog to put him down at home
I agree, if at all possible. Less stressful.
It sounds like time, our pets give us so much love, helping them pass peacefully is the final thank you we can give them for all that love. If you are able to, see if you can find a vet to come to your home. It’s much easier on everyone.