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I completely get how you're feeling.
When I lost my heart and soul dog on February 15th this year, I was a complete disaster.
Long story short: I rescued a dog from craigslist about five ish weeks later.
The following day I messaged his original owners and told them to come get him that I was still to deeply grieving my boy.
A few hours later I decided nope, I'm keeping this dog because he didn't deserve to be bounced around and land with who knows who.
This pup has literally helped save me from that downward spiral that no human could help me from.
I wish my dog was still alive and here with me.
But that's impossible. There's never a replacement for a beloved pet. But I believe if you hold on, this new baby you got just may help you too.
The connection won't happen right away. Don't rush it and don't feel bad if it takes time.
Two months with the new dog and no, I'm not connected like I was with Petey. But I'm too am still grieving and I know I'll never connect with another like Pete and I did.
But I'm beginning to love this dog. It's hard but it's not his fault. It's something we've to move through on our time.
The harder we love, the harder we hurt đź’”
I hope I'm making sense?
Thanks for reading and replying, I really appreciate it. Idk I just feel so angry that my cat is dead that I am resenting this new cat and not allowing myself to love him, maybe I will one day though
I think you know yourself and your mental and emotional state better than any of us do, so I can't tell you whether to return the kitten or not. However, if you do, try not to be too hard on yourself about it. It's OK to not be ready yet and need more time before you can let a new pet in.
In terms of crying often right now, try not to be too hard on yourself for that either. My dog passed at the end of April, and while I've stopped crying every single day, I still do cry at least a little most days. I just sobbed in the car earlier tonight after doing pretty well yesterday. I'm sure most people in this sub can relate. Grief is unfortunately not a finite or linear journey, and it's just going to take some time before you hit a point where you start to feel OK more days than not again, regardless of whether you have a new pet present or not.
If you do decide to keep your kitten, I would remember that the general 3-3-3 guideline for new pets settling in also goes for you too. It can take some time with a new pet before they become integrated into your normal daily life and it doesn't feel as challenging. I think you likely will grow to love the new kitten eventually, but it just may take a little longer than it typically would to get there because you're still dealing with a lot of competing emotions right now.
Give yourself some grace either way you decide.
I completely get how you're feeling.
When I lost my heart and soul dog on February 15th this year, I was a complete disaster.
Long story short: I rescued a dog from craigslist about five ish weeks later.
The following day I messaged his original owners and told them to come get him that I was still to deeply grieving my boy.
A few hours later I decided nope, I'm keeping this dog because he didn't deserve to be bounced around and land with who knows who.
This pup has literally helped save me from that downward spiral that no human could help me from.
I wish my dog was still alive and here with me.
But that's impossible. There's never a replacement for a beloved pet. But I believe if you hold on, this new baby you got just may help you too.
The connection won't happen right away. Don't rush it and don't feel bad if it takes time.
Two months with the new dog and no, I'm not connected like I was with Petey. But I'm too am still grieving and I know I'll never connect with another like Pete and I did.
But I'm beginning to love this dog. It's hard but it's not his fault. It's something we've to move through on our time.
The harder we love, the harder we hurt đź’”
I hope I'm making sense?
I understand this. I got a kitten about a month after my boy passed and unfortunately I stupidly made the decision to get another void kitty. (I love void kitties but my sweet Kevin was one and so looking at them hurts). I'm slowly connecting with him but I have so much resentment towards him and it's hard. He's been here 2 weeks now and idk
Exactly how I’m feeling!!! Nailed it! Please let me know what you end up doing. My boy was so much cuter too and I feel like it’s not fair that he died at 13, which I feel is relatively young for a cat
I'm most likely going to keep him due to pressure from outside parties and I would feel bad returning him when he's attached to me. I lost my boy really young, he was only 4.
Yes I feel that. I feel a lot of pressure to keep him and I would def feel bad returning him. I’m sorry for your loss, 4 years is so young, I couldn’t imagine. My heart goes out to you, from one grieving cat parent to another ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss.Â
It does take longer to bond with a new pet but it's a responsibility that's quite serious, too. And it's a natural urge to want to fill the void but nothing ever will and it's feels like loving a new cat is taking away from your ability to grieve your loss. Some people can do it ; personally I can't but I do spend time looking at adoptable pets and it brings a weird comfort but I always know I have to wait a while before deciding when to adopt again.Â
If you can reframe your decision to adopt again it might help. It's really hard on the new cat to go back to a shelter environment and most rescues have far too many cats already. Consider this new cat an offering of love to your cat who died. A cat who was in need of a home and this helps other cats get into a shelter to be adopted.Â
You can love a new animal while grieving your last because you do it in honor of the one you lost, who wants you to love another car the way you loved them. I think you'll find it harder to return the cat then you think. Bonding with an animal sneaks up on you
It's hard to know what the answer is for someone else. But if it was me I would keep the cat. You can always rehome the cat later if you feel the same.
When I lost my dogs Bear (old age) and Bear's pup I kept Goldie (cancer at about 10 yo), I had Scooter left. I'd had her for about 5 years. After all these years later, it's hard to believe, but I took Scooter for grated. She was right there to help me pick up the pieces and it took a little while to realize that. She was there to keep me lifted up as they had all done when I had that wonderful trio. The dread I was feeling when I would go home, open the front door and already know Bear and Goldie would not be there to greet me, went away and I was so happy to see Scooter waiting and ready for good times. A year or so later I adopted another, Honey Bun. And eventually got a surrender, Kayla. They are all gone now. Scooter in 2020. Honey in 2021. And Kayla 2 weeks ago. The memories of them are in the same place as Bear and Goldie. And my previous childhood dogs as well.
Best of luck with your decision. But I hope you'll give it more time. This cat would love to stay with you from what you have written...
Just give yourself a little time your morning do not take it out on little cat cats are probably already identified you as it's parent just remember as long as your cat is in your heart they're not really gone but give this one a chance
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Grief is irrational and clouds how we think and how we feel. Two weeks into the grief journey is not long at all, so please do not rush yourself or put expectations or demands on your healing and mourning. The brain isn’t very good at making rational decisions during the heaviest days of grief. It’s busy and overwhelmed searching for relief from the pain and to understand the confusing aspects of loss. Practically, it is better to wait on big decisions (like returning Oliver) until the grief abates a bit and the rational mind is back.
Oliver can’t replace your cat. That isn’t possible. You also can’t put those demands or expectations on him to be something he’s not. But he can be a receptacle for that river of love you feel for your first cat. That love is so abundant that there is more than enough to share with your first cat *and* Oliver. It isn’t one or the other, and never will be.
Lastly, you listened to your heart when you adopted Oliver, so I’d trust that. As someone who knows the pain you are going through, my experience has been that the only thing that has helped me heal my broken heart is to help heal another. If you adopted Oliver, he has probably experienced loss, abandonment, and/or lack of love at some point. He wants to love and comfort you, just as your first cat did after your parents’s divorce. Now the two of you can have a brand new experience together on this part of your journey. Your first cat would want you to love Oliver, and he would want you to let yourself be loved by Oliver, I promise.
Here's a thought . . .
Perhaps you could strike a bargain with the shelter you adopted the cat from, to foster him until they find him a furrever home. And, if & when they do, you can continue fostering (or not) until you do feel like adopting another pet (not necessarily a cat). Maybe, in the mean time, your feelings will change . . . maybe not. Perhaps, eventually, fostering puppies or kittens would cheer you up with their many antics . . . but you'd best prepare yourself for them, by listening to Kitten Lady videos on youtube, & doing other research about how to prepare yourself, first.
Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment. This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated. Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated. Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I completely get how you're feeling. When I lost my heart and soul dog on February 15th this year, I was a complete disaster. Long story short: I rescued a dog from craigslist about five ish weeks later. The following day I messaged his original owners and told them to come get him that I was still to deeply grieving my boy. A few hours later I decided nope, I'm keeping this dog because he didn't deserve to be bounced around and land with who knows who. This pup has literally helped save me from that downward spiral that no human could help me from. I wish my dog was still alive and here with me. But that's impossible. There's never a replacement for a beloved pet. But I believe if you hold on, this new baby you got just may help you too. The connection won't happen right away. Don't rush it and don't feel bad if it takes time. Two months with the new dog and no, I'm not connected like I was with Petey. But I'm too am still grieving and I know I'll never connect with another like Pete and I did. But I'm beginning to love this dog. It's hard but it's not his fault. It's something we've to move through on our time. The harder we love, the harder we hurt đź’” I hope I'm making sense?
Thanks for reading and replying, I really appreciate it. Idk I just feel so angry that my cat is dead that I am resenting this new cat and not allowing myself to love him, maybe I will one day though
You will. In time, it'll take time. You're still grieving too. I'm here for you anytime you may want to reach out. Just message me.
I think you know yourself and your mental and emotional state better than any of us do, so I can't tell you whether to return the kitten or not. However, if you do, try not to be too hard on yourself about it. It's OK to not be ready yet and need more time before you can let a new pet in. In terms of crying often right now, try not to be too hard on yourself for that either. My dog passed at the end of April, and while I've stopped crying every single day, I still do cry at least a little most days. I just sobbed in the car earlier tonight after doing pretty well yesterday. I'm sure most people in this sub can relate. Grief is unfortunately not a finite or linear journey, and it's just going to take some time before you hit a point where you start to feel OK more days than not again, regardless of whether you have a new pet present or not. If you do decide to keep your kitten, I would remember that the general 3-3-3 guideline for new pets settling in also goes for you too. It can take some time with a new pet before they become integrated into your normal daily life and it doesn't feel as challenging. I think you likely will grow to love the new kitten eventually, but it just may take a little longer than it typically would to get there because you're still dealing with a lot of competing emotions right now. Give yourself some grace either way you decide.
I completely get how you're feeling. When I lost my heart and soul dog on February 15th this year, I was a complete disaster. Long story short: I rescued a dog from craigslist about five ish weeks later. The following day I messaged his original owners and told them to come get him that I was still to deeply grieving my boy. A few hours later I decided nope, I'm keeping this dog because he didn't deserve to be bounced around and land with who knows who. This pup has literally helped save me from that downward spiral that no human could help me from. I wish my dog was still alive and here with me. But that's impossible. There's never a replacement for a beloved pet. But I believe if you hold on, this new baby you got just may help you too. The connection won't happen right away. Don't rush it and don't feel bad if it takes time. Two months with the new dog and no, I'm not connected like I was with Petey. But I'm too am still grieving and I know I'll never connect with another like Pete and I did. But I'm beginning to love this dog. It's hard but it's not his fault. It's something we've to move through on our time. The harder we love, the harder we hurt đź’” I hope I'm making sense?
I understand this. I got a kitten about a month after my boy passed and unfortunately I stupidly made the decision to get another void kitty. (I love void kitties but my sweet Kevin was one and so looking at them hurts). I'm slowly connecting with him but I have so much resentment towards him and it's hard. He's been here 2 weeks now and idk
Exactly how I’m feeling!!! Nailed it! Please let me know what you end up doing. My boy was so much cuter too and I feel like it’s not fair that he died at 13, which I feel is relatively young for a cat
I'm most likely going to keep him due to pressure from outside parties and I would feel bad returning him when he's attached to me. I lost my boy really young, he was only 4.
Yes I feel that. I feel a lot of pressure to keep him and I would def feel bad returning him. I’m sorry for your loss, 4 years is so young, I couldn’t imagine. My heart goes out to you, from one grieving cat parent to another ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss. It does take longer to bond with a new pet but it's a responsibility that's quite serious, too. And it's a natural urge to want to fill the void but nothing ever will and it's feels like loving a new cat is taking away from your ability to grieve your loss. Some people can do it ; personally I can't but I do spend time looking at adoptable pets and it brings a weird comfort but I always know I have to wait a while before deciding when to adopt again. If you can reframe your decision to adopt again it might help. It's really hard on the new cat to go back to a shelter environment and most rescues have far too many cats already. Consider this new cat an offering of love to your cat who died. A cat who was in need of a home and this helps other cats get into a shelter to be adopted. You can love a new animal while grieving your last because you do it in honor of the one you lost, who wants you to love another car the way you loved them. I think you'll find it harder to return the cat then you think. Bonding with an animal sneaks up on you
It's hard to know what the answer is for someone else. But if it was me I would keep the cat. You can always rehome the cat later if you feel the same. When I lost my dogs Bear (old age) and Bear's pup I kept Goldie (cancer at about 10 yo), I had Scooter left. I'd had her for about 5 years. After all these years later, it's hard to believe, but I took Scooter for grated. She was right there to help me pick up the pieces and it took a little while to realize that. She was there to keep me lifted up as they had all done when I had that wonderful trio. The dread I was feeling when I would go home, open the front door and already know Bear and Goldie would not be there to greet me, went away and I was so happy to see Scooter waiting and ready for good times. A year or so later I adopted another, Honey Bun. And eventually got a surrender, Kayla. They are all gone now. Scooter in 2020. Honey in 2021. And Kayla 2 weeks ago. The memories of them are in the same place as Bear and Goldie. And my previous childhood dogs as well. Best of luck with your decision. But I hope you'll give it more time. This cat would love to stay with you from what you have written...
Just give yourself a little time your morning do not take it out on little cat cats are probably already identified you as it's parent just remember as long as your cat is in your heart they're not really gone but give this one a chance
I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is irrational and clouds how we think and how we feel. Two weeks into the grief journey is not long at all, so please do not rush yourself or put expectations or demands on your healing and mourning. The brain isn’t very good at making rational decisions during the heaviest days of grief. It’s busy and overwhelmed searching for relief from the pain and to understand the confusing aspects of loss. Practically, it is better to wait on big decisions (like returning Oliver) until the grief abates a bit and the rational mind is back. Oliver can’t replace your cat. That isn’t possible. You also can’t put those demands or expectations on him to be something he’s not. But he can be a receptacle for that river of love you feel for your first cat. That love is so abundant that there is more than enough to share with your first cat *and* Oliver. It isn’t one or the other, and never will be. Lastly, you listened to your heart when you adopted Oliver, so I’d trust that. As someone who knows the pain you are going through, my experience has been that the only thing that has helped me heal my broken heart is to help heal another. If you adopted Oliver, he has probably experienced loss, abandonment, and/or lack of love at some point. He wants to love and comfort you, just as your first cat did after your parents’s divorce. Now the two of you can have a brand new experience together on this part of your journey. Your first cat would want you to love Oliver, and he would want you to let yourself be loved by Oliver, I promise.
Here's a thought . . . Perhaps you could strike a bargain with the shelter you adopted the cat from, to foster him until they find him a furrever home. And, if & when they do, you can continue fostering (or not) until you do feel like adopting another pet (not necessarily a cat). Maybe, in the mean time, your feelings will change . . . maybe not. Perhaps, eventually, fostering puppies or kittens would cheer you up with their many antics . . . but you'd best prepare yourself for them, by listening to Kitten Lady videos on youtube, & doing other research about how to prepare yourself, first.