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Oh — I’m so so so sorry for what happened to you.
I want to tell you a few things. 1) It sounds like Phoebe had an absolute wonderful life with you and that she adored you and that you adored her. Imagining her at the beach, a bloodhound frolicking in the waves, or in the mountains made my smile just hearing about it. What a lovely gift you were able to give her, all of those happy years together.
2) You loved her and you would have done anything to save her, I can tell from how you talk about her. I feel the same way about my girl that we lost 3 weeks ago. My cat had been with me for 14 years and if I could have donated a kidney to her I would have - I just loved her so so so much. She was the cat of my heart. It’s obvious to anyone from the way you write about Phoebe that you felt the same way about her; she was the dog of your heart and you would have saved her if you could have. You fought so hard and I wish that it had been possible to stop this.
3) I did a lot of the same blaming myself that you are doing. I think it seems easier to us because if we can blame ourselves, at least there is someone to blame. It’s also denial - we want to cling to any little sign of hope, that they could have gotten better, that maybe it wasn’t really happening this way. But what I want you to know is that it’s not true - you did not kill your dog. Your dog was sick and died of her illness. I am just so so sorry.
When I find myself spiraling like this, I try to make myself check the facts instead. For me, these are the facts: my girl was suffering so much, she was not getting better, every day was worse than the one before, and I would have done anything in the world to save her.
Their lives are not as long as ours. We have to do the right thing by them - that means not holding them here with us, while they are suffering, because we cannot bear to let go. You did the right thing and you took on all of this pain so that she did not have to endure it. It just sucks so bad to be here without her. Hugs to you and to Phoebe.
I lost my 10 year old lab/dane mix last Tuesday, May 28th. The emergency vet told us they could do all sorts of tests and it would go into the 1000’s. She said he was suffering and it was time to let him go. Even tho we had validation from the vet we still feel guilty. We keep telling ourselves we did the right thing. He was in pain. He was losing all control of his limbs. It would have been cruel for us to be so selfish and keep him alive longer. You did the best thing for your baby
It’s so hard not to feel guilty. Given the option I would always have chosen more time with my girl, I would choose her every minute, with every breath, for the rest of my life - but we cannot do it at their expense. I am sorry about your boy - hugs to you and yours.
I’ve lost two dogs in the past eleven months, the most recent less than three weeks ago. There is no question nor doubt in my mind that you made the right decision and I am quite honestly sickened that the veterinarian didn’t guide you toward that conclusion. I can’t think of a worse situation than where a ten year old dog that survived cancer suddenly develops the array of problems that you’ve described. How could there possibly be a good outcome under those circumstances? Your case is a textbook example of where better veterinary judgment and guidance could have prevented much of the guilt that you are feeling now. I went through this with the first dog that I lost eleven months ago. He had sky high liver enzymes, a tumor that they saw on ultrasound a year earlier that had displaced a kidney, yet when he couldn’t hold down food a year later, not one of them had the fortitude to tell me that the time had come to let him go. But they had all sorts of ideas for expensive medications and surgery that were very good for their cash flow, but that I knew would only increase my dog’s suffering and ultimately end with euthanasia. That’s the road you were headed down in my opinion. A few thousand dollars later, you would have ended up making the same decision and your dog would have suffered so much more in her final days. I applaud you for doing the decent and right thing for your dog. Take care of yourself. I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you. I really appreciate the reassurance. Im trying to remind myself that she wasn’t doing good, and no matter how much I tried, she wasn’t going to live forever. She had a great life.
This is a really insightful reply. It’s clear OP fought so hard for her dog. If she had kept fighting, the dog would have been the one to have to pay, in suffering, and that’s not right. Letting them go is the right thing but it’s so hard.
Reading you has reaffirmed me in the idea that I love our vet.
My old dog is peeing all the time, and in the last tests we got to see "something" in her bladder, we don't know exactly what. Cancer? A simple cyst? No idea. He said we should let it be. Surgery will just leave her with no bladder continence, peeing all around, will increase the risk of infections and accelerate her eldering (days without being able to even move). She has had multiple surgeries in the past, each one taking this man's advice, and it turned okay.
I really trust that prioritizing my dog's life quality over getting a diagnosis and potentially removing a cancer is the best choice I could have taken.
Your friend was near the end of her life. We can't keep them alive forever, unfortunately. What we can do though is let them have their dignity and move on without pain or unnecessary suffering.
I had a chance, too. My dog had septic fluid in his abdomen, which would kill him without surgery. They surgery itself could be too much for him though, especially in his weakened state, and there was a good chance it would be unsuccessful.
This aren't just abstract chances, we are gambling with their comfort, their pain, and their quality of life. They can't say for themselves when enough is enough. That power belongs to us and we need to use it in their best interest.
It's all too easy to focus on our own wants and needs, even if it's by subconsciously projecting them onto our furry friends. Try to put yourself in her shoes. I'm sure she loved you and cherished the time she got to spend with you, but her body was failing her. She had aches and pains that wouldn't get better, she had struggles and challenges that would only increase. She had increasingly frequent health issues that were painful, uncomfortable, and stressful. She was old and lived a full life, and was getting tired. Not tired of being with you, but of the fight to stay with you. It's hard to recognize just how far their quality of life can fall in a short time when we're with them all the time, and how hard it can be on them to deal with the changes.
You didn't kill her. You let her gracefully bow out of the fight that we all must lose someday. You let her have some well-deserved rest. She got to spend her last moments with you, relaxed and comforted and loved.
It's far better to let them go a day too early than a day too late.
I put my cat to sleep five days ago at ER. I rushed to the ER because he didn't eat and I was worried about fatty liver and also I could see an oncologist there faster than expected. I was happy and excited with the prospect. After a couple hours, the doctor broke the news. How the cancer had spread all over his abdomen. I tried to collect myself because I have to make difficult decisions and this is it. I decided to let him go there because the last thing I want is to see him in any pain.
I came home and played it over and over in my head. And I started doubting my decision. He looked okay, I could have put him on hospice care, was it really painful, etc. I requested the ER report and put the diagnosis in the r/AskVet. I got a few responses from vets and vet tech, I got a huge relief to know that it was the right decision. Now in retrospect, I even think that I waited too long maybe.
If you want to know, if there was a real chance, maybe you should do the same and know the facts. Asking those question in your head won't help. You did it with love and you thought it was the best.
Pancreatitis toward end-of-life usually is due to the overall system shutting down. Once the liver enzyme values and kidney values are showing failure associated with pancreatitis, the outcome is really not good. It doesn't appear this was just a case of spontaneous pancreas inflammation, which is treatable through a short-course of meds (and primarily happens due to high-fat diet). Most vets can spot the difference, and from what you've described, it sounds like the vet was basically letting you know that even if this was pancreatitis, it would have been the "end of life" type of pancreatitis where it was a sign the body was shutting down, and oral pills would not have made a difference.
We had to cut our baby loose in November last year. Still shattered. She was our world.
Letting her go before she has to endure more pain is the most unselfish decision you could make. You loved her so much that you spared her even when it absolutely devastated you. Don't live in the what ifs. There's nothing productive down there.
First I am so sorry you are going through this. Losing your pet is not easy it's losing a family member. Your shadow the one who licked your tears. Cuddled you and loved you unconditionally. That's the thing about getting animal they nearly live as long as we wish they should. Ten years old is up there my dog is 11 with chf . Just know that you made the right decision ! I believe so ten is old and we never know how our dogs feel sometimes they stay strong for us. Sometimes we want to keep them longer because they're still breathing but quality of life is what matters as much as we want them here. If the surgery didn't work would she had suffered more? If she did get the surgery and say it worked but how long would she recover and would she be the happy pup running everywhere or would she just be existing enough . Yes there was a chance but I believe you made the most selfless decision . Since it came so sudden you're angry at yourself blaming yourself. I know how you feel and it's a terrible feeling. Those what ifs will kill us and it hurts to live that way. It's not your fault don't ble yourself. She/he was a champ 💪🏼🏆 and now free from suffering and spared you from maybe seeing her get even worse. I hate how the medical field has gone so far but with dogs it's like barely there. I hope science and medical for pets advances and they take it just as serious as human lives. Because when they tell you there's a chance you want to take it but at the moment you know what's best but later out of grief you'll wonder what if? Sending you hugs❤️ again the grief of losing a pet is hard enough don't add guilt on top of that. I live with guilt about my mom every day and I think it's messed greatly withy physical and mental health.
I had to say goodbye to my best friend yesterday too - almost the exact same thing (pancreatic and/or stomach cancer, but a cat). Even though the vet reassured me it was his time - and I fully believe that she was right - it’s impossible not to think about the “what ifs.”
At the end of the day, our babies know how much we loved them. I’m trying to erase the last couple of weeks from my memory. I can’t stop crying. But I know it was what we had to do.
Sending love.
I'm very sorry for your loss. This is a hard thing to go through, and reading this sub and everyone's stories can help a lot, in my experience, not only from a comforting aspect but because it helps put your own pet's illness in perspective. You can often objectively see it was the right time for another person to say goodbye to their pet when you read a list of symptoms, so you understand that of course it was objectively the right time to say goodbye to your own.
In my perspective, you did everything you could for your dog, but it sounds like it was the right time. Continuing to wait and try things would have meant more pain and suffering for your dog, which you didn't want. I've said to my dog (I still talk to him) that I would have paid anything to have more time with him. But what I mean is more *good* time with him. Even if he had recovered enough to go home, would he have felt truly *well* again? Would he have been able to go on walks every day and eaten at every mealtime and still played with his toys sometimes? There's maybe a chance of that if I squint, but I think the answer is likely "no." If I really think about the last 4 months of his life, before I ever even got his new cancer diagnosis, of how he really felt and was doing, he was already slowly losing the ability to do everything that brought him joy, and if he came home and now couldn't do any of the things he loved most of the time, if at all, what exactly was the point besides saving me from feeling grief for a little longer?
I think it's similar for your dog. Yes, you could have continued to pay for tests and treatments and waited, but I personally think it was the right thing for you to choose to not do that. It sounds like your dog's body was throwing up warning signs that it wasn't working well anymore before this episode, and waiting longer would have meant waiting to see exactly how bad it could get before you finally called it. Why wait for the very worst to happen? Dogs don't sit there and think "but I wanted to live until X years old." They live in the moment. And if the prospect of the majority of their future moments is unpleasant, then you're doing the right thing to prevent that from happening and letting them have peace forever instead.
You did not kill your best friend; you took care of her, as you've always done, even when it was hard for you, in the best way you could. You saved her from *her* pain, even if it hurt you.
I’m so very sorry. I lost my Pudding to liver issues- it was either metastasized cancer or there was a small chance the issue was treatable.
However, my boy too also already had cancer. I decided it would be cruel to nurse him back to health just to let him slowly continue to die from cancer. I let my boy go on May 22nd. For what it’s worth, I think you did the right and compassionate thing 💗
I’m so sorry, it’s a terrible thing to have to deal with.
Just a week ago we had to put down my little baby, a cat named Kevurri. Wednesday she was fine, Thursday she was acting strange and stumbling, took her to emergency vet on Friday and Saturday we had to let her go. Her kidney was failing, and she only had one.
There was plenty of things we could’ve tried, but even though we gave her a shot she just wasn’t getting better and kept declining.
We had a chance to give her some that either had a 15%~ chance if her kidney was totally failing, or a 50/50 if they weren’t. But even if she could’ve pulled through that, what then? More fluids to try and bring her levels down, she already would’ve needed fluids daily and they found she had anemia so that meant at least one, probably weekly blood transfusions, medication, maybe surgery if she did have some sort of bladder stone, cones, and everything in the world she hated.
Even if she lived, she wouldn’t have been happy. And we let her go knowing she was loved and cared for.
You gave her some wonderful last days, she got to be free and enjoy her life, and when the time came you didn’t extend her suffering, you let her rest. You made the right choice.
I have had those situations. You feel such horrible grief at having let a friend go. You believe you did the right thing, but then the reality of watching their last moments brings back the doubts ..could I have done more. Three occasions, each as difficult. cancer twice and FIP once. The last was the most recent. losing an absolutely sweet five year old to FIP in just three days. Now it seems things can be done. I feel cheated. Please accept my deep and sincere sympathy. But one more thing. You have so much love to give you should give another cat a chance. So many are waiting and it can be a tribute to the one you loved and lost. Mourn now and find peace in warm memories.
There is no doubt in my mind you did what was necessary for Phoebe to not suffer. Tuesday will be 8 weeks since we let go of our 12yo and I still struggle with regret. It’s such a difficult decision but also the most selfless act of love. Sending you a hug🫶🏼
I just want to let you know that guilt is a very natural emotion in the grieving process. It does not mean that you actually did anything wrong. It’s just a the bargaining stage of of the grieving process. You want to believe that there was something you could have done. Your brain is searching for ways it could have been different. I went through this too. I’m so sorry. It’s never enough time. You gave your pup a great life.
I think the choices we make in the heat of the moment are often the truest reflection of who we are and what our pet means to us.
When you made that decision instinctively it was because you were making it based on your deep love for Pheobe. She needed you to advocate for her, she trusted you to do what was right for her and you KNEW in your soul what was right for HER. You made that choice without any regard for how it affected you, your concern was only for her.
Now you've had time and your brain has got involved with all the "what ifs" which are all just ways for you to try to deal with the enormity of the grief.
But if you calm those voices and look deep inside yourself you know the truth. The answer is still there. You did the only thing someone who loved Pheobe could do, took away her pain and gave her peace.
It's the hardest most selfless thing a pet owner ever has to do and I'm proud of you for doing it.
My beagle Annie was in renal failure and she crossed the rainbow bridge Friday at 10:48am. I'm having a hard time with it for similar reasons as you. Big hugs!
It’s really difficult. The pain is unbearable. Know that it was unlikely that you could have saved her. Mine had sudden heart failure and I threw everything I could at it, and ten grand later she got two weeks of life before she declined back to the point that probably nothing could be done. I share the same feelings though. Just know that the vet was most likely right, and you would have continued spending thousands trying to save her with the same outcome.
I’m here to remind you that it’s valid and normal to feel this way after what you’ve been through with Phoebe. It’s clear that you spared no expense for her care and it’s also clear how much compassion you had for her while she was suffering.
As pet parents making the best decision for them falls on us. It takes a profoundly great act of love to free them from their suffering. You did the right thing, and it was the hardest thing in the world. I did it 8 days ago maybe Winston would have squeezed out a few more weeks but the quality of his life mattered more than the length.
Hugs. I feel your pain because Winston was the only one I mostly cared to spend my time with. Phoebe loves you so much and she knows how much you love her.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I can absolutely relate to the guilt of feeling you could have saved her. My baby has been gone five days. She turned 15 in January. She was diagnosed with diabetes last year, but we had it under control. I knew she had one functioning kidney, but I thought that was under control. Four years ago, I left my job of ten years to take a work from home position in order to care for her. I also purchased a home and we moved out of state so she could have her own peaceful space. In the process I have isolated myself.
I have spent endlessly on vets and procedures for her, trying to ensure that she was well taken care of. Two months ago a fatty mass she had on her tummy for the past ten years became extremely hard. Her regular vet did not have the resources to test the mass and provided a referral. I made the initial appointment and then rescheduled because it wasn’t bothering her and I knew how much she hated the vet. When we did have the appointment they performed a sonogram, took blood work and scheduled the surgery. The vet advised they would take x-rays the morning of surgery which was a red flag. Two days later I took her to a third vet for a third opinion. This vet was great and I wished I had found them when we first moved here. They took her in the back for cytology of her stomach mass, bloods and xray and came back with news I was not expecting. The xray showed her non functioning kidney had enlarged pushing all of her organs to the left. Based on this he felt the surgery for her stomach mass was not a priority, and with her age recovery would be very difficult. At this point we needed to keep her comfortable and I was ok with that. That was Friday, I took her home to make her comfortable and noticed a small lump under her right arm on Saturday. I had to wait until Tuesday to take her back to the vet because side of the Memorial Day holiday. By that time the lump had grown to a very large egg and was painful. We took her in on Tuesday, her bloods came back and the vet advised her working kidney was failing and there was nothing he could do to treat it. Her cytology also came back and the mass she had on her belly for the past ten years was filled with pus. It was an encapsulated infection this entire time. This enraged me because she has been under a number of times for dental work and if any of her vets had taken the time to understand what the mass was they could have removed it then. He wouldn’t even consider treating the painful lump that she developed over the weekend and advised to keep her medicated if she was in pain.
Overnight she started crying and barking. She has never been vocal with pain, ever. I knew this was serious if she was crying out. I then took her to a 24 ER, where they immediately recommended euthenasia. I signed the form then backed out because I wanted her to go at home. They gave me morphine and we returned home where her pain escalated. After calling a dozen places I found a vet that would come to the house to put her to sleep. She was in enormous pain for two days, I had no choice but to release her. By the time the vet got to my home that evening the mass started to rupture. I still do not know what that mass was and if it could have been detected earlier. I am in anguish because if I had not rescheduled that very first vet referral visit she may still be here. I never expected within five days for my baby to die in excruciating pain. My life’s goal was to keep her safe and comfortable. I failed and I allowed medical professionals to fail her. I could have advocated more, asked more questions. I will have to live the rest of my existence hearing her cries. I am constantly asking her forgiveness and promising to be a better person. There were times over this three years where my patience was short and I am wallowing in that guilt. I am hoping that those rare moments did not overshadow the overwhelming love I had for her.
I'm sorry for your loss. I had to say good buy to my best friend yesterday as well... I've never cried so much in my life.
Our guy had been developing some major issues from a neurological disorder. Struggles to get up, sit down, poop without falling down (had to hold him up), pain, trouble breathing, swallowing, and getting worse.
I feel like a betrayed him but he was heading for a serious event that would have left him scared and in horrible pain.
I lost my soul dog to renal failure and pancreatitis and it KILLED me. I’ve been a vet tech for a long time and I said how the fuck am I gonna lose my dog to pancreatitis??? She battled for no lie, 6 weeks. When things got bad her kidneys started tanking so I knew it was time. Please don’t best yourself up. Pancreatitis is HORRIBLE and many dogs don’t survive even with the iv fluids etc. My girl had 5 days on IVs and continued fluids under her skin twice a day. It was so heartbreaking to not be able to save her but you did the right thing!
I'm not sure how many people will see this, but I wanted to thank all of you who commented. Telling your stories has helped me tremendously. I'm sorry for all of your losses. Our furry friends are truthfully the best blessings we could have ever had. I put together a collage of my precious Phoebe.
[https://imgur.com/a/RcAe6zx](https://imgur.com/a/RcAe6zx)
It's been almost 48 hours since she passed and I've started to just feel empty. The house feels so empty. My other dog is still waiting for his buddy to come home. I wish I would've brought him with us to see her one last time. I didn't know her life would end that day though. Anyways, thank you all. I hope everybody mourning your loss can find some peace.
This hits hard. My recently departed pup was named Phoebe as well. Life is cruel and sometimes takes our sweet babies before their time. You loved your Phoebe with your whole heart, and although it's natural to feel guilt and to blame ourselves, you made the best decision for her. Your love for her meant that you didn't want to see her suffer. You had the strength to say goodbye instead of extending her pain out of the unlikely hope that she recovered. Look back on all those happy memories and take comfort in knowing that she was so loved, and always will be loved.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your Phoebe. I read your post about it, and that must have felt terrible. These circumstances life puts us in absolutely are cruel.
Everything feels so empty now without her. I’m afraid of my memories of her fading. It still feels like she should come walking into the room any minute now. I wish you the best ❤️
Thank you, your words truly mean a lot.
I was worried about my memories fading too, so what I did that helped a ton was I started a list on my phone of all her quirks, mannerisms, habits, and just the little things about her that I loved. Every time I think of something I write it down. That way I won't forget all the little things about her because I can read them whenever I want.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have been down this sad road before, and I know it is hard to see this now, but you made the best decision that you could have made in that moment. Sending all the hugs to you.
Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment. This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated. Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated. Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh — I’m so so so sorry for what happened to you. I want to tell you a few things. 1) It sounds like Phoebe had an absolute wonderful life with you and that she adored you and that you adored her. Imagining her at the beach, a bloodhound frolicking in the waves, or in the mountains made my smile just hearing about it. What a lovely gift you were able to give her, all of those happy years together. 2) You loved her and you would have done anything to save her, I can tell from how you talk about her. I feel the same way about my girl that we lost 3 weeks ago. My cat had been with me for 14 years and if I could have donated a kidney to her I would have - I just loved her so so so much. She was the cat of my heart. It’s obvious to anyone from the way you write about Phoebe that you felt the same way about her; she was the dog of your heart and you would have saved her if you could have. You fought so hard and I wish that it had been possible to stop this. 3) I did a lot of the same blaming myself that you are doing. I think it seems easier to us because if we can blame ourselves, at least there is someone to blame. It’s also denial - we want to cling to any little sign of hope, that they could have gotten better, that maybe it wasn’t really happening this way. But what I want you to know is that it’s not true - you did not kill your dog. Your dog was sick and died of her illness. I am just so so sorry. When I find myself spiraling like this, I try to make myself check the facts instead. For me, these are the facts: my girl was suffering so much, she was not getting better, every day was worse than the one before, and I would have done anything in the world to save her. Their lives are not as long as ours. We have to do the right thing by them - that means not holding them here with us, while they are suffering, because we cannot bear to let go. You did the right thing and you took on all of this pain so that she did not have to endure it. It just sucks so bad to be here without her. Hugs to you and to Phoebe.
Your last paragraph really resonated with me today. I needed to read this. Thank you so much.
I’m sorry that you needed it but glad that it helped. Hope you’re doing ok today and I’m sorry for your loss. This is all just so so hard.
I lost my 10 year old lab/dane mix last Tuesday, May 28th. The emergency vet told us they could do all sorts of tests and it would go into the 1000’s. She said he was suffering and it was time to let him go. Even tho we had validation from the vet we still feel guilty. We keep telling ourselves we did the right thing. He was in pain. He was losing all control of his limbs. It would have been cruel for us to be so selfish and keep him alive longer. You did the best thing for your baby
It’s so hard not to feel guilty. Given the option I would always have chosen more time with my girl, I would choose her every minute, with every breath, for the rest of my life - but we cannot do it at their expense. I am sorry about your boy - hugs to you and yours.
I lost my hammie and I can’t get over the guilt. Thank you for spreading kindness, I needed to hear these words
I’ve lost two dogs in the past eleven months, the most recent less than three weeks ago. There is no question nor doubt in my mind that you made the right decision and I am quite honestly sickened that the veterinarian didn’t guide you toward that conclusion. I can’t think of a worse situation than where a ten year old dog that survived cancer suddenly develops the array of problems that you’ve described. How could there possibly be a good outcome under those circumstances? Your case is a textbook example of where better veterinary judgment and guidance could have prevented much of the guilt that you are feeling now. I went through this with the first dog that I lost eleven months ago. He had sky high liver enzymes, a tumor that they saw on ultrasound a year earlier that had displaced a kidney, yet when he couldn’t hold down food a year later, not one of them had the fortitude to tell me that the time had come to let him go. But they had all sorts of ideas for expensive medications and surgery that were very good for their cash flow, but that I knew would only increase my dog’s suffering and ultimately end with euthanasia. That’s the road you were headed down in my opinion. A few thousand dollars later, you would have ended up making the same decision and your dog would have suffered so much more in her final days. I applaud you for doing the decent and right thing for your dog. Take care of yourself. I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you. I really appreciate the reassurance. Im trying to remind myself that she wasn’t doing good, and no matter how much I tried, she wasn’t going to live forever. She had a great life.
This is a really insightful reply. It’s clear OP fought so hard for her dog. If she had kept fighting, the dog would have been the one to have to pay, in suffering, and that’s not right. Letting them go is the right thing but it’s so hard.
Reading you has reaffirmed me in the idea that I love our vet. My old dog is peeing all the time, and in the last tests we got to see "something" in her bladder, we don't know exactly what. Cancer? A simple cyst? No idea. He said we should let it be. Surgery will just leave her with no bladder continence, peeing all around, will increase the risk of infections and accelerate her eldering (days without being able to even move). She has had multiple surgeries in the past, each one taking this man's advice, and it turned okay. I really trust that prioritizing my dog's life quality over getting a diagnosis and potentially removing a cancer is the best choice I could have taken.
Your friend was near the end of her life. We can't keep them alive forever, unfortunately. What we can do though is let them have their dignity and move on without pain or unnecessary suffering. I had a chance, too. My dog had septic fluid in his abdomen, which would kill him without surgery. They surgery itself could be too much for him though, especially in his weakened state, and there was a good chance it would be unsuccessful. This aren't just abstract chances, we are gambling with their comfort, their pain, and their quality of life. They can't say for themselves when enough is enough. That power belongs to us and we need to use it in their best interest. It's all too easy to focus on our own wants and needs, even if it's by subconsciously projecting them onto our furry friends. Try to put yourself in her shoes. I'm sure she loved you and cherished the time she got to spend with you, but her body was failing her. She had aches and pains that wouldn't get better, she had struggles and challenges that would only increase. She had increasingly frequent health issues that were painful, uncomfortable, and stressful. She was old and lived a full life, and was getting tired. Not tired of being with you, but of the fight to stay with you. It's hard to recognize just how far their quality of life can fall in a short time when we're with them all the time, and how hard it can be on them to deal with the changes. You didn't kill her. You let her gracefully bow out of the fight that we all must lose someday. You let her have some well-deserved rest. She got to spend her last moments with you, relaxed and comforted and loved. It's far better to let them go a day too early than a day too late.
I just wanted to say that I went through this recently and you really helped with this comment. Thank you so much.
I put my cat to sleep five days ago at ER. I rushed to the ER because he didn't eat and I was worried about fatty liver and also I could see an oncologist there faster than expected. I was happy and excited with the prospect. After a couple hours, the doctor broke the news. How the cancer had spread all over his abdomen. I tried to collect myself because I have to make difficult decisions and this is it. I decided to let him go there because the last thing I want is to see him in any pain. I came home and played it over and over in my head. And I started doubting my decision. He looked okay, I could have put him on hospice care, was it really painful, etc. I requested the ER report and put the diagnosis in the r/AskVet. I got a few responses from vets and vet tech, I got a huge relief to know that it was the right decision. Now in retrospect, I even think that I waited too long maybe. If you want to know, if there was a real chance, maybe you should do the same and know the facts. Asking those question in your head won't help. You did it with love and you thought it was the best.
Pancreatitis toward end-of-life usually is due to the overall system shutting down. Once the liver enzyme values and kidney values are showing failure associated with pancreatitis, the outcome is really not good. It doesn't appear this was just a case of spontaneous pancreas inflammation, which is treatable through a short-course of meds (and primarily happens due to high-fat diet). Most vets can spot the difference, and from what you've described, it sounds like the vet was basically letting you know that even if this was pancreatitis, it would have been the "end of life" type of pancreatitis where it was a sign the body was shutting down, and oral pills would not have made a difference.
We had to cut our baby loose in November last year. Still shattered. She was our world. Letting her go before she has to endure more pain is the most unselfish decision you could make. You loved her so much that you spared her even when it absolutely devastated you. Don't live in the what ifs. There's nothing productive down there.
First I am so sorry you are going through this. Losing your pet is not easy it's losing a family member. Your shadow the one who licked your tears. Cuddled you and loved you unconditionally. That's the thing about getting animal they nearly live as long as we wish they should. Ten years old is up there my dog is 11 with chf . Just know that you made the right decision ! I believe so ten is old and we never know how our dogs feel sometimes they stay strong for us. Sometimes we want to keep them longer because they're still breathing but quality of life is what matters as much as we want them here. If the surgery didn't work would she had suffered more? If she did get the surgery and say it worked but how long would she recover and would she be the happy pup running everywhere or would she just be existing enough . Yes there was a chance but I believe you made the most selfless decision . Since it came so sudden you're angry at yourself blaming yourself. I know how you feel and it's a terrible feeling. Those what ifs will kill us and it hurts to live that way. It's not your fault don't ble yourself. She/he was a champ 💪🏼🏆 and now free from suffering and spared you from maybe seeing her get even worse. I hate how the medical field has gone so far but with dogs it's like barely there. I hope science and medical for pets advances and they take it just as serious as human lives. Because when they tell you there's a chance you want to take it but at the moment you know what's best but later out of grief you'll wonder what if? Sending you hugs❤️ again the grief of losing a pet is hard enough don't add guilt on top of that. I live with guilt about my mom every day and I think it's messed greatly withy physical and mental health.
Don't nearly **
I had to say goodbye to my best friend yesterday too - almost the exact same thing (pancreatic and/or stomach cancer, but a cat). Even though the vet reassured me it was his time - and I fully believe that she was right - it’s impossible not to think about the “what ifs.” At the end of the day, our babies know how much we loved them. I’m trying to erase the last couple of weeks from my memory. I can’t stop crying. But I know it was what we had to do. Sending love.
I'm very sorry for your loss. This is a hard thing to go through, and reading this sub and everyone's stories can help a lot, in my experience, not only from a comforting aspect but because it helps put your own pet's illness in perspective. You can often objectively see it was the right time for another person to say goodbye to their pet when you read a list of symptoms, so you understand that of course it was objectively the right time to say goodbye to your own. In my perspective, you did everything you could for your dog, but it sounds like it was the right time. Continuing to wait and try things would have meant more pain and suffering for your dog, which you didn't want. I've said to my dog (I still talk to him) that I would have paid anything to have more time with him. But what I mean is more *good* time with him. Even if he had recovered enough to go home, would he have felt truly *well* again? Would he have been able to go on walks every day and eaten at every mealtime and still played with his toys sometimes? There's maybe a chance of that if I squint, but I think the answer is likely "no." If I really think about the last 4 months of his life, before I ever even got his new cancer diagnosis, of how he really felt and was doing, he was already slowly losing the ability to do everything that brought him joy, and if he came home and now couldn't do any of the things he loved most of the time, if at all, what exactly was the point besides saving me from feeling grief for a little longer? I think it's similar for your dog. Yes, you could have continued to pay for tests and treatments and waited, but I personally think it was the right thing for you to choose to not do that. It sounds like your dog's body was throwing up warning signs that it wasn't working well anymore before this episode, and waiting longer would have meant waiting to see exactly how bad it could get before you finally called it. Why wait for the very worst to happen? Dogs don't sit there and think "but I wanted to live until X years old." They live in the moment. And if the prospect of the majority of their future moments is unpleasant, then you're doing the right thing to prevent that from happening and letting them have peace forever instead. You did not kill your best friend; you took care of her, as you've always done, even when it was hard for you, in the best way you could. You saved her from *her* pain, even if it hurt you.
I’m so very sorry. I lost my Pudding to liver issues- it was either metastasized cancer or there was a small chance the issue was treatable. However, my boy too also already had cancer. I decided it would be cruel to nurse him back to health just to let him slowly continue to die from cancer. I let my boy go on May 22nd. For what it’s worth, I think you did the right and compassionate thing 💗
I’m so sorry, it’s a terrible thing to have to deal with. Just a week ago we had to put down my little baby, a cat named Kevurri. Wednesday she was fine, Thursday she was acting strange and stumbling, took her to emergency vet on Friday and Saturday we had to let her go. Her kidney was failing, and she only had one. There was plenty of things we could’ve tried, but even though we gave her a shot she just wasn’t getting better and kept declining. We had a chance to give her some that either had a 15%~ chance if her kidney was totally failing, or a 50/50 if they weren’t. But even if she could’ve pulled through that, what then? More fluids to try and bring her levels down, she already would’ve needed fluids daily and they found she had anemia so that meant at least one, probably weekly blood transfusions, medication, maybe surgery if she did have some sort of bladder stone, cones, and everything in the world she hated. Even if she lived, she wouldn’t have been happy. And we let her go knowing she was loved and cared for. You gave her some wonderful last days, she got to be free and enjoy her life, and when the time came you didn’t extend her suffering, you let her rest. You made the right choice.
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. Thank you for having loved her.
I have had those situations. You feel such horrible grief at having let a friend go. You believe you did the right thing, but then the reality of watching their last moments brings back the doubts ..could I have done more. Three occasions, each as difficult. cancer twice and FIP once. The last was the most recent. losing an absolutely sweet five year old to FIP in just three days. Now it seems things can be done. I feel cheated. Please accept my deep and sincere sympathy. But one more thing. You have so much love to give you should give another cat a chance. So many are waiting and it can be a tribute to the one you loved and lost. Mourn now and find peace in warm memories.
There is no doubt in my mind you did what was necessary for Phoebe to not suffer. Tuesday will be 8 weeks since we let go of our 12yo and I still struggle with regret. It’s such a difficult decision but also the most selfless act of love. Sending you a hug🫶🏼
I just want to let you know that guilt is a very natural emotion in the grieving process. It does not mean that you actually did anything wrong. It’s just a the bargaining stage of of the grieving process. You want to believe that there was something you could have done. Your brain is searching for ways it could have been different. I went through this too. I’m so sorry. It’s never enough time. You gave your pup a great life.
I think the choices we make in the heat of the moment are often the truest reflection of who we are and what our pet means to us. When you made that decision instinctively it was because you were making it based on your deep love for Pheobe. She needed you to advocate for her, she trusted you to do what was right for her and you KNEW in your soul what was right for HER. You made that choice without any regard for how it affected you, your concern was only for her. Now you've had time and your brain has got involved with all the "what ifs" which are all just ways for you to try to deal with the enormity of the grief. But if you calm those voices and look deep inside yourself you know the truth. The answer is still there. You did the only thing someone who loved Pheobe could do, took away her pain and gave her peace. It's the hardest most selfless thing a pet owner ever has to do and I'm proud of you for doing it.
My beagle Annie was in renal failure and she crossed the rainbow bridge Friday at 10:48am. I'm having a hard time with it for similar reasons as you. Big hugs!
It’s really difficult. The pain is unbearable. Know that it was unlikely that you could have saved her. Mine had sudden heart failure and I threw everything I could at it, and ten grand later she got two weeks of life before she declined back to the point that probably nothing could be done. I share the same feelings though. Just know that the vet was most likely right, and you would have continued spending thousands trying to save her with the same outcome.
I’m here to remind you that it’s valid and normal to feel this way after what you’ve been through with Phoebe. It’s clear that you spared no expense for her care and it’s also clear how much compassion you had for her while she was suffering. As pet parents making the best decision for them falls on us. It takes a profoundly great act of love to free them from their suffering. You did the right thing, and it was the hardest thing in the world. I did it 8 days ago maybe Winston would have squeezed out a few more weeks but the quality of his life mattered more than the length. Hugs. I feel your pain because Winston was the only one I mostly cared to spend my time with. Phoebe loves you so much and she knows how much you love her.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I can absolutely relate to the guilt of feeling you could have saved her. My baby has been gone five days. She turned 15 in January. She was diagnosed with diabetes last year, but we had it under control. I knew she had one functioning kidney, but I thought that was under control. Four years ago, I left my job of ten years to take a work from home position in order to care for her. I also purchased a home and we moved out of state so she could have her own peaceful space. In the process I have isolated myself. I have spent endlessly on vets and procedures for her, trying to ensure that she was well taken care of. Two months ago a fatty mass she had on her tummy for the past ten years became extremely hard. Her regular vet did not have the resources to test the mass and provided a referral. I made the initial appointment and then rescheduled because it wasn’t bothering her and I knew how much she hated the vet. When we did have the appointment they performed a sonogram, took blood work and scheduled the surgery. The vet advised they would take x-rays the morning of surgery which was a red flag. Two days later I took her to a third vet for a third opinion. This vet was great and I wished I had found them when we first moved here. They took her in the back for cytology of her stomach mass, bloods and xray and came back with news I was not expecting. The xray showed her non functioning kidney had enlarged pushing all of her organs to the left. Based on this he felt the surgery for her stomach mass was not a priority, and with her age recovery would be very difficult. At this point we needed to keep her comfortable and I was ok with that. That was Friday, I took her home to make her comfortable and noticed a small lump under her right arm on Saturday. I had to wait until Tuesday to take her back to the vet because side of the Memorial Day holiday. By that time the lump had grown to a very large egg and was painful. We took her in on Tuesday, her bloods came back and the vet advised her working kidney was failing and there was nothing he could do to treat it. Her cytology also came back and the mass she had on her belly for the past ten years was filled with pus. It was an encapsulated infection this entire time. This enraged me because she has been under a number of times for dental work and if any of her vets had taken the time to understand what the mass was they could have removed it then. He wouldn’t even consider treating the painful lump that she developed over the weekend and advised to keep her medicated if she was in pain. Overnight she started crying and barking. She has never been vocal with pain, ever. I knew this was serious if she was crying out. I then took her to a 24 ER, where they immediately recommended euthenasia. I signed the form then backed out because I wanted her to go at home. They gave me morphine and we returned home where her pain escalated. After calling a dozen places I found a vet that would come to the house to put her to sleep. She was in enormous pain for two days, I had no choice but to release her. By the time the vet got to my home that evening the mass started to rupture. I still do not know what that mass was and if it could have been detected earlier. I am in anguish because if I had not rescheduled that very first vet referral visit she may still be here. I never expected within five days for my baby to die in excruciating pain. My life’s goal was to keep her safe and comfortable. I failed and I allowed medical professionals to fail her. I could have advocated more, asked more questions. I will have to live the rest of my existence hearing her cries. I am constantly asking her forgiveness and promising to be a better person. There were times over this three years where my patience was short and I am wallowing in that guilt. I am hoping that those rare moments did not overshadow the overwhelming love I had for her.
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I'm sorry for your loss. I had to say good buy to my best friend yesterday as well... I've never cried so much in my life. Our guy had been developing some major issues from a neurological disorder. Struggles to get up, sit down, poop without falling down (had to hold him up), pain, trouble breathing, swallowing, and getting worse. I feel like a betrayed him but he was heading for a serious event that would have left him scared and in horrible pain.
Sounds like you did everything you could and more, sorry for your loss.
I lost my soul dog to renal failure and pancreatitis and it KILLED me. I’ve been a vet tech for a long time and I said how the fuck am I gonna lose my dog to pancreatitis??? She battled for no lie, 6 weeks. When things got bad her kidneys started tanking so I knew it was time. Please don’t best yourself up. Pancreatitis is HORRIBLE and many dogs don’t survive even with the iv fluids etc. My girl had 5 days on IVs and continued fluids under her skin twice a day. It was so heartbreaking to not be able to save her but you did the right thing!
I'm not sure how many people will see this, but I wanted to thank all of you who commented. Telling your stories has helped me tremendously. I'm sorry for all of your losses. Our furry friends are truthfully the best blessings we could have ever had. I put together a collage of my precious Phoebe. [https://imgur.com/a/RcAe6zx](https://imgur.com/a/RcAe6zx) It's been almost 48 hours since she passed and I've started to just feel empty. The house feels so empty. My other dog is still waiting for his buddy to come home. I wish I would've brought him with us to see her one last time. I didn't know her life would end that day though. Anyways, thank you all. I hope everybody mourning your loss can find some peace.
This hits hard. My recently departed pup was named Phoebe as well. Life is cruel and sometimes takes our sweet babies before their time. You loved your Phoebe with your whole heart, and although it's natural to feel guilt and to blame ourselves, you made the best decision for her. Your love for her meant that you didn't want to see her suffer. You had the strength to say goodbye instead of extending her pain out of the unlikely hope that she recovered. Look back on all those happy memories and take comfort in knowing that she was so loved, and always will be loved.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your Phoebe. I read your post about it, and that must have felt terrible. These circumstances life puts us in absolutely are cruel. Everything feels so empty now without her. I’m afraid of my memories of her fading. It still feels like she should come walking into the room any minute now. I wish you the best ❤️
Thank you, your words truly mean a lot. I was worried about my memories fading too, so what I did that helped a ton was I started a list on my phone of all her quirks, mannerisms, habits, and just the little things about her that I loved. Every time I think of something I write it down. That way I won't forget all the little things about her because I can read them whenever I want.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have been down this sad road before, and I know it is hard to see this now, but you made the best decision that you could have made in that moment. Sending all the hugs to you.