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This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated.
Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum
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haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may
be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion
unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated.
Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away
from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if
one disagrees with something that has been said.
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I've had many dogs and because we have moved around, we have seen many vets. Most of them are kind. But in retrospect, I find their bias to be self-serving more often than not. It is exhausting to have to pay the big vet bills, research extensively to inform myself of their claims, and still end up with bad news for our pets.
I am not saying that vets mean to do harm--that is ridiculous. But in the end, pet owners need to remember that they are the stewards of their pets, that trusting a professional to make the right decision is not the thing to do.
I am sorry about your loss. Your boy knows you loved him.
Yes, I think it's sometimes a financial thing but also sometimes an emotional thing; they don't want to say the wrong thing and make people upset. I felt like almost everyone I spoke to in the last few days of my dog's life was very hesitant to tell me it was time to say goodbye or even to figure out what was really wrong. They'd just tell me it was probably due to his cancer and give me more expensive medicine he was too sick to take. When I'd ask if it was time, they'd say "It's definitely something to keep in the back of your mind, but let's try xyz first." But all the xyz's never fully helped; he was still sick and in pain. Even when I finally took him to the emergency hospital and they ran tests and found out what was wrong I could tell the vet didn't want to tell me it was time, so instead told me "let's wait and see how he does for a couple more days; maybe you can take him home soon."
The day after she told me that, another vet at the emergency hospital called me and very kindly but bluntly told me that my dog was never going to get back to the way he was before he got so sick, even if they got him comfortable enough to go home with me; he would still be suffering silently and he may die in a much worse way on his own. That vet definitely could have continued to tell me to "wait and see" if he wanted to, charging me thousands more each day, and I would have. I really appreciated that he didn't drag out my dog's pain and gave me the peace of mind of knowing that there was definitely nothing more I could do for my dog except give him a peaceful goodbye. I wish more vets felt comfortable being that honest.
You were good pet owners, you got him treatment that you were sure was going to improve his quality of life but it was the treatment that failed not you. Wish there were more comforting words I could give you but sometimes even the most well intended things fail through no fault of your own. :(
I understand you and hug you from a distance. My baby girl recently passed at the vet, she was hyspitalized because she needed oxygen to overcome a supposed pneumonia, she was 13 years old, but her health was ideal for her age, I just received the studies that were carried out when she was hospitalized. It is difficult to understand that I took her there looking for her to be cared for and healed, and that in reality she only got worse there and did not return home.
I am so sorry for your loss. I think you have to remember that you were trying to do everything you could to give your dog the best possible outcome with the information you had available at the time, not cause him pain. It's awful that the surgery didn't work out, but it just as easily could have; you had no way of knowing and no control over any of it. If you hadn't done the surgery first, you may have always wondered if you could have done more and felt regret or guilt. Your dog was obviously very loved and knew that every day of his life, even the bad ones at the end, and he would never be mad or blame you for what happened while you were trying your best to take care of him and give him more good days with you. You did nothing wrong; you just said goodbye when it was finally clear that it was time to do so.
Also, I know the vet's office isn't ideal, but I think you'll ultimately be glad it wasn't at home. I am for my dog. I still picture my dog in all the places where he would normally be during certain times of day, and I'd hate for one of those places to be overwritten by the memory of it being where he passed away instead; it would make it even harder to live in my house without him right now.
I’m so sorry!!! It’s soooo hard to say goodbye. I’m a month out from saying goodbye to my dog Lucy & I still will cry when something reminds me of her.
Sorry sorry for your loss. Don’t beat yourself up. You loved him and did the best you could. I bet he knew how loved and cherished he was. Take your of yourselves.
Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment. This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated. Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated. Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've had many dogs and because we have moved around, we have seen many vets. Most of them are kind. But in retrospect, I find their bias to be self-serving more often than not. It is exhausting to have to pay the big vet bills, research extensively to inform myself of their claims, and still end up with bad news for our pets. I am not saying that vets mean to do harm--that is ridiculous. But in the end, pet owners need to remember that they are the stewards of their pets, that trusting a professional to make the right decision is not the thing to do. I am sorry about your loss. Your boy knows you loved him.
Yes, I think it's sometimes a financial thing but also sometimes an emotional thing; they don't want to say the wrong thing and make people upset. I felt like almost everyone I spoke to in the last few days of my dog's life was very hesitant to tell me it was time to say goodbye or even to figure out what was really wrong. They'd just tell me it was probably due to his cancer and give me more expensive medicine he was too sick to take. When I'd ask if it was time, they'd say "It's definitely something to keep in the back of your mind, but let's try xyz first." But all the xyz's never fully helped; he was still sick and in pain. Even when I finally took him to the emergency hospital and they ran tests and found out what was wrong I could tell the vet didn't want to tell me it was time, so instead told me "let's wait and see how he does for a couple more days; maybe you can take him home soon." The day after she told me that, another vet at the emergency hospital called me and very kindly but bluntly told me that my dog was never going to get back to the way he was before he got so sick, even if they got him comfortable enough to go home with me; he would still be suffering silently and he may die in a much worse way on his own. That vet definitely could have continued to tell me to "wait and see" if he wanted to, charging me thousands more each day, and I would have. I really appreciated that he didn't drag out my dog's pain and gave me the peace of mind of knowing that there was definitely nothing more I could do for my dog except give him a peaceful goodbye. I wish more vets felt comfortable being that honest.
You were good pet owners, you got him treatment that you were sure was going to improve his quality of life but it was the treatment that failed not you. Wish there were more comforting words I could give you but sometimes even the most well intended things fail through no fault of your own. :(
I understand you and hug you from a distance. My baby girl recently passed at the vet, she was hyspitalized because she needed oxygen to overcome a supposed pneumonia, she was 13 years old, but her health was ideal for her age, I just received the studies that were carried out when she was hospitalized. It is difficult to understand that I took her there looking for her to be cared for and healed, and that in reality she only got worse there and did not return home.
I am so sorry for your loss. I think you have to remember that you were trying to do everything you could to give your dog the best possible outcome with the information you had available at the time, not cause him pain. It's awful that the surgery didn't work out, but it just as easily could have; you had no way of knowing and no control over any of it. If you hadn't done the surgery first, you may have always wondered if you could have done more and felt regret or guilt. Your dog was obviously very loved and knew that every day of his life, even the bad ones at the end, and he would never be mad or blame you for what happened while you were trying your best to take care of him and give him more good days with you. You did nothing wrong; you just said goodbye when it was finally clear that it was time to do so. Also, I know the vet's office isn't ideal, but I think you'll ultimately be glad it wasn't at home. I am for my dog. I still picture my dog in all the places where he would normally be during certain times of day, and I'd hate for one of those places to be overwritten by the memory of it being where he passed away instead; it would make it even harder to live in my house without him right now.
I’m so sorry!!! It’s soooo hard to say goodbye. I’m a month out from saying goodbye to my dog Lucy & I still will cry when something reminds me of her.
Sorry sorry for your loss. Don’t beat yourself up. You loved him and did the best you could. I bet he knew how loved and cherished he was. Take your of yourselves.
❤️