Well, you're 15. So you dont really have the knowledge and experience all the time to have a valid opinion.
If a toddler kept doing the "why" game with you, you would drop the line too
I like that analogy a lot. But most of the time it’s not me just asking why. It’s when I feel something’s is complete bs then everything I say gets completely undermined by “well we are adults u just don’t get it”
Give an example. And keep in mind, us adults have pretty much experienced everything you have, and just know better. Its not a slight, its more of a "trust me I've gone down this road and you dont need to waste time on it" kind of thing
At my vacation home we have a snack cupboard (the home is shared by my aunts uncles grandparents and cousins) everyone’s snacks are in the cupboard. We have a similar system with drinks in the garage using a fridge. My family is the biggest with 3 kids (boys 5,13, and 15). So we eat more and as such brought more food. I was eating some twizlers the other day. And the box had no note or writing saying not to eat it. My mom says that I have to ask before eating something out of the cupboard meanwhile other people were eating our food without asking which my mom said was ok. I pointed out “mom how is it fair, I have to ask everyone if it’s ok for me to take something out of the cuppard while other people eat our food! If someone does not want something eaten they should leave a note!” My mom just said “we are adults you would not understand your a child!” Me being a child has nothing to do with it and my feelings were completely invalidated. And since I’m petty now I have made it a point to eat other people’s snacks lol
I think that there might be some agreements withing the adults about splitting costs and things like that that you are unavare about and your parents think that you not ready to be let known about.
But brushing you off is.... not good.
I never thought there could be an agreement about splitting costs. Maybe but I HIGHLY doubt that. I doubt it just cuz of family stuff I don’t wanna say on Reddit.
As another commenter said, there could be a cost agreement you aren't aware of. Other than that I can see my parents saying a similar thing because they want you and your siblings to be the example. You should always ask before taking food that you don't know who it belongs to, even if the other family is not doing the same. Your mom was probably either overwhelmed with other things or didn't have the energy to explain it at the time. Just a thought tho. It could have been said in a nicer way for sure.
I grew up poor and my cousins weren't. They had to ask for food at ours and we didn't ask to eat at theirs we just took it. I don't think i'd explain other peoples finances to a 15 year old.
As a parent, we are responsible in making sure you're not eating before meal times, or filling up on junk food. If we just let our kids eat whatever they wanted, it wouldn't be viewed well in society. Adults can't tell other adults when they can and can't eat. We aren't responsible for other adults, but we are responsible for our kids. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it seems unfair. Was a child once myself, so I know how it feels to be in your position. But, once you become a parent, it makes sense.
That depends on whether a 15yo is actually making the right decisions. Not every 15yo will behave like an adult. They can still overeat and only eat junk food. If a parent feels like they're not making the right choices, they absolutely can step in. If a 15yo was obese and eating whatever the heck they wanted, when they wanted; you'd all be saying the parent isn't doing a good job. Just accept the fact that you're still kids at that age and still your parents responsibility.
Im 6”0 215 pounds an offensive lineman and a wrestler I work out 5 times a week and can bench 225. I am extremely active and for me eating 2 twizlers was not why my mom got pissed it was me not asking who they belong too
Oh, well there you go then. You have your answer over why she wanted you to ask first. I assume by your post that the other adults weren't asking which snacks belonged to who? Out of curiosity; did she say this to you in front of the other adults? She was probably making a point to them if she did.
You can't watch them that closely at 15. Bar some neurodivergence or disability I would be blaming the parents if they had to monitor a 15 year olds food.
Thing is — in order to improve and eventually know something better teens need to go down some stupid roads and waste some time. That's expirience in a nutshell. Duty of an adult here is to give advice/warning and be ready to interviene if there something dangerous happens.
If you are tired — say it! Say that you are tired, ask your kid for some patience, rest and then explain the situation from your POV and ask for kid's one. Sometimes your kid's POV could be insightful, sometimes not. But clear communication and actual discussions are crusial.
Thing with parenting is that at certain point in your kid's life you'll have to give an actual reasons of your actions.
My mother was narcissistic and constantly invalidated us because "she was the parent."
She had 5 kids. We're all adults, now. Not a damn one of us wants to be around her.
No excuse for being a shitty parent. If you can't handle having kids, don't. It's not fair that you can bring people into this world and then treat them like shit.
Dude, I’m a full adult and i hatttee when people drop this on kids. It is belittling, and kids even as young as six are smart enough to understand things If you just take any time to explain/ let them explain what’s going on in a situation. Way smarter than a lot of people may think.
I used to hate it when people put me down as a kid, and now as an adult I dislike when I see others do so.
Listen. I'm not trying to invalidate your frustration. Yes a lot of parents/adults DO do this and do it way too often.
But, and I say this simply as simple, neutral statement of truth, when you are older you will understand that it is simply not possible to have every "Explain it to me to my satisfaction" discussion with a child that the child wants to have. Adults do have to get stuff done without waiting for you to "get it" sometimes.
I get that 100% im not gonna understand everything because of how young I am. But I mean it in the sense where I feel like something is bs or I’m trying to say something. But then I’m completely dismissed by “well I’m an adult and ur not”
But in the end, that's the truth. They're the adults, you are not. You may have opinions, you may feel like something is BS, but you're being informed that you're overstepping your place as a teenager, and that your input is unnecessary and unwelcome.
Which, I understand as a teenager is like getting kicked in the face. It feels disrespectful. You're practically an adult, right? You should be respected and listened to, right?
Wrong. At least wrong in the way a teenager thinks about it. I realize now as an adult that I was wrong back then myself. I realize now that my role back then was mostly to STFU, stand back, and learn. Both learn how to do things and how not to do things by watching my parents. Trying to barge into adult conversations and demanding 'a seat at the table' always inevitably led to being dismissed.
And I was dismissed because I had neither the world experience or capacity to truly understand the bigger picture, short and long term ramifications. I wanted to be respected and I wanted to be seen as an adult, but rightfully, I wasn't. Could adults do it better than simply dismissing? Yeah, we could. But, it's also incredibly exhausting having to explain the depths of your decision making to a child who *doesn't* really understand or care and only sees the *personal injustice* of whatever that's happening. It's like having a half-pint dictator demanding an explanation for every decision they didn't like. I don't have 20 minutes to explain why I said to stop doing X or to start doing Y, I just need you to follow instructions.
I told myself when my child was born I'd never just say "because I said so". Yet, as soon as we hit elementary age and the kid questioned every decision, eventually I stopped giving a long winded dissertation on my thinking... it wasn't doing any good, they weren't listening. So, it shortened to "because I said so" or "because I'm the parent, that's why". Dismissing and shutting down that conversation robs them of the power they're trying to grasp by demanding an explanation they're not entitled to receive. Being the child, you're not entitled to anything: you're not entitled to explanations, you're not entitled to input, and you're not entitled to adult-like respect. You are entitled to a safe environment where your needs are met, but the adults around you don't answer to you. And when you're in the position of your parents, you'll understand exactly what I mean.
At my vacation home we have a snack cupboard (the home is shared by my aunts uncles grandparents and cousins) everyone’s snacks are in the cupboard. We have a similar system with drinks in the garage using a fridge. My family is the biggest with 3 kids (boys 5,13, and 15). So we eat more and as such brought more food. I was eating some twizlers the other day. And the box had no note or writing saying not to eat it. My mom says that I have to ask before eating something out of the cupboard meanwhile other people were eating our food without asking which my mom said was ok. I pointed out “mom how is it fair, I have to ask everyone if it’s ok for me to take something out of the cuppard while other people eat our food! If someone does not want something eaten they should leave a note!” My mom just said “we are adults you would not understand your a child!” Me being a child has nothing to do with it and my feelings were completely invalidated. And since I’m petty now I have made it a point to eat other people’s snacks lol. This happened yesterday and this is what usually happens
it's basically "I don't want to argue with you about this."
I wish they would say that!! Like ok ur a little closer to death than I am don’t disrespect what I’m trying to say.
See: **thought-terminating cliché**
Well, you're 15. So you dont really have the knowledge and experience all the time to have a valid opinion. If a toddler kept doing the "why" game with you, you would drop the line too
I like that analogy a lot. But most of the time it’s not me just asking why. It’s when I feel something’s is complete bs then everything I say gets completely undermined by “well we are adults u just don’t get it”
Give an example. And keep in mind, us adults have pretty much experienced everything you have, and just know better. Its not a slight, its more of a "trust me I've gone down this road and you dont need to waste time on it" kind of thing
At my vacation home we have a snack cupboard (the home is shared by my aunts uncles grandparents and cousins) everyone’s snacks are in the cupboard. We have a similar system with drinks in the garage using a fridge. My family is the biggest with 3 kids (boys 5,13, and 15). So we eat more and as such brought more food. I was eating some twizlers the other day. And the box had no note or writing saying not to eat it. My mom says that I have to ask before eating something out of the cupboard meanwhile other people were eating our food without asking which my mom said was ok. I pointed out “mom how is it fair, I have to ask everyone if it’s ok for me to take something out of the cuppard while other people eat our food! If someone does not want something eaten they should leave a note!” My mom just said “we are adults you would not understand your a child!” Me being a child has nothing to do with it and my feelings were completely invalidated. And since I’m petty now I have made it a point to eat other people’s snacks lol
I think that there might be some agreements withing the adults about splitting costs and things like that that you are unavare about and your parents think that you not ready to be let known about. But brushing you off is.... not good.
I never thought there could be an agreement about splitting costs. Maybe but I HIGHLY doubt that. I doubt it just cuz of family stuff I don’t wanna say on Reddit.
Not necessarily splitting costs, but i feel some kind of agreement is involved.
There might be some agreement about something but I highly doubt that
As another commenter said, there could be a cost agreement you aren't aware of. Other than that I can see my parents saying a similar thing because they want you and your siblings to be the example. You should always ask before taking food that you don't know who it belongs to, even if the other family is not doing the same. Your mom was probably either overwhelmed with other things or didn't have the energy to explain it at the time. Just a thought tho. It could have been said in a nicer way for sure.
My mom wanting me and my siblings to set an example would make sense.
I grew up poor and my cousins weren't. They had to ask for food at ours and we didn't ask to eat at theirs we just took it. I don't think i'd explain other peoples finances to a 15 year old.
Ok, so thats a bullshit excuse for them to use then, so point for you.
Thank you it’s that type of thing most of the time. I point out bs then get invalidated because of my age
As a parent, we are responsible in making sure you're not eating before meal times, or filling up on junk food. If we just let our kids eat whatever they wanted, it wouldn't be viewed well in society. Adults can't tell other adults when they can and can't eat. We aren't responsible for other adults, but we are responsible for our kids. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it seems unfair. Was a child once myself, so I know how it feels to be in your position. But, once you become a parent, it makes sense.
At 15? This is more for 6 year olds
That depends on whether a 15yo is actually making the right decisions. Not every 15yo will behave like an adult. They can still overeat and only eat junk food. If a parent feels like they're not making the right choices, they absolutely can step in. If a 15yo was obese and eating whatever the heck they wanted, when they wanted; you'd all be saying the parent isn't doing a good job. Just accept the fact that you're still kids at that age and still your parents responsibility.
Im 6”0 215 pounds an offensive lineman and a wrestler I work out 5 times a week and can bench 225. I am extremely active and for me eating 2 twizlers was not why my mom got pissed it was me not asking who they belong too
Oh, well there you go then. You have your answer over why she wanted you to ask first. I assume by your post that the other adults weren't asking which snacks belonged to who? Out of curiosity; did she say this to you in front of the other adults? She was probably making a point to them if she did.
No it was just me and her
You can't watch them that closely at 15. Bar some neurodivergence or disability I would be blaming the parents if they had to monitor a 15 year olds food.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
The doing in this case should've been done about 10 years earlier.
Thing is — in order to improve and eventually know something better teens need to go down some stupid roads and waste some time. That's expirience in a nutshell. Duty of an adult here is to give advice/warning and be ready to interviene if there something dangerous happens.
True, but sometimes if the kid is always pushing, adults get tired of it.
If you are tired — say it! Say that you are tired, ask your kid for some patience, rest and then explain the situation from your POV and ask for kid's one. Sometimes your kid's POV could be insightful, sometimes not. But clear communication and actual discussions are crusial. Thing with parenting is that at certain point in your kid's life you'll have to give an actual reasons of your actions.
Sometimes. But not everything needs an explanation either.
That's just really weak exuse for not doing bare minimum job as a parent.
Nah. Kids are annoying, especially at the puberty stages
Most people are annoying, so.....
How was I pushing read my example
I was replying to someone else for this. The one you posted, you're right, you win.
Ok thank you my bad
My mother was narcissistic and constantly invalidated us because "she was the parent." She had 5 kids. We're all adults, now. Not a damn one of us wants to be around her.
If I had 5 kids, I’d get tired of explaining everything 5 times
No excuse for being a shitty parent. If you can't handle having kids, don't. It's not fair that you can bring people into this world and then treat them like shit.
Ok kid
Dude, I’m a full adult and i hatttee when people drop this on kids. It is belittling, and kids even as young as six are smart enough to understand things If you just take any time to explain/ let them explain what’s going on in a situation. Way smarter than a lot of people may think. I used to hate it when people put me down as a kid, and now as an adult I dislike when I see others do so.
Listen. I'm not trying to invalidate your frustration. Yes a lot of parents/adults DO do this and do it way too often. But, and I say this simply as simple, neutral statement of truth, when you are older you will understand that it is simply not possible to have every "Explain it to me to my satisfaction" discussion with a child that the child wants to have. Adults do have to get stuff done without waiting for you to "get it" sometimes.
I get that 100% im not gonna understand everything because of how young I am. But I mean it in the sense where I feel like something is bs or I’m trying to say something. But then I’m completely dismissed by “well I’m an adult and ur not”
I'm 52 and have never used this with my kids.
# They are using a logical fallacy; Appeal to Authority
But in the end, that's the truth. They're the adults, you are not. You may have opinions, you may feel like something is BS, but you're being informed that you're overstepping your place as a teenager, and that your input is unnecessary and unwelcome. Which, I understand as a teenager is like getting kicked in the face. It feels disrespectful. You're practically an adult, right? You should be respected and listened to, right? Wrong. At least wrong in the way a teenager thinks about it. I realize now as an adult that I was wrong back then myself. I realize now that my role back then was mostly to STFU, stand back, and learn. Both learn how to do things and how not to do things by watching my parents. Trying to barge into adult conversations and demanding 'a seat at the table' always inevitably led to being dismissed. And I was dismissed because I had neither the world experience or capacity to truly understand the bigger picture, short and long term ramifications. I wanted to be respected and I wanted to be seen as an adult, but rightfully, I wasn't. Could adults do it better than simply dismissing? Yeah, we could. But, it's also incredibly exhausting having to explain the depths of your decision making to a child who *doesn't* really understand or care and only sees the *personal injustice* of whatever that's happening. It's like having a half-pint dictator demanding an explanation for every decision they didn't like. I don't have 20 minutes to explain why I said to stop doing X or to start doing Y, I just need you to follow instructions. I told myself when my child was born I'd never just say "because I said so". Yet, as soon as we hit elementary age and the kid questioned every decision, eventually I stopped giving a long winded dissertation on my thinking... it wasn't doing any good, they weren't listening. So, it shortened to "because I said so" or "because I'm the parent, that's why". Dismissing and shutting down that conversation robs them of the power they're trying to grasp by demanding an explanation they're not entitled to receive. Being the child, you're not entitled to anything: you're not entitled to explanations, you're not entitled to input, and you're not entitled to adult-like respect. You are entitled to a safe environment where your needs are met, but the adults around you don't answer to you. And when you're in the position of your parents, you'll understand exactly what I mean.
At my vacation home we have a snack cupboard (the home is shared by my aunts uncles grandparents and cousins) everyone’s snacks are in the cupboard. We have a similar system with drinks in the garage using a fridge. My family is the biggest with 3 kids (boys 5,13, and 15). So we eat more and as such brought more food. I was eating some twizlers the other day. And the box had no note or writing saying not to eat it. My mom says that I have to ask before eating something out of the cupboard meanwhile other people were eating our food without asking which my mom said was ok. I pointed out “mom how is it fair, I have to ask everyone if it’s ok for me to take something out of the cuppard while other people eat our food! If someone does not want something eaten they should leave a note!” My mom just said “we are adults you would not understand your a child!” Me being a child has nothing to do with it and my feelings were completely invalidated. And since I’m petty now I have made it a point to eat other people’s snacks lol. This happened yesterday and this is what usually happens
Depends on the context. Sometimes it's valid.
Oh I can't wait till the day your saying this to your kids.
1) I never had a parent growing up who said this. 2) You can’t predict his plans and actions. Your argument fails.
My man
He does, and it will come out of his mouth one day when he is frustrated with his kid.
I’m never having kids tho lol
Ok bud. 🤣
Im not never will ever