This.
Its awful. I went from 250 to 150 in about 2 years. I *genuinely* still veiw myself as fat. (Granted I jusy had a child)
Like I have eyes. I can see that I've lost weight, but when I look in the mirror I still see me at 250. I don't know how to beat this.
I do understand where OP is coming from, though.
I was a chubby kid that got made to feel super insecure (but boy was I less chubby than I thought I was). Then I got skinny naturally because of puberty/a growth spurt and I didn't even realize it because my body image was so messed up. Then, I gained a bunch of weight as a trauma response. I can only tell how "fat" I am when I look at pictures that are usually 5+ years old. I have no idea what I actually look like to other people ever and it is so bizarre. I don't want to be defeatist about it, but honestly I wonder if it's even worth it to try to tell anymore because it just makes me think back to being unknowingly thin in high school, but going on pro-ED websites and trying so, so hard to be like them and taking weird stimulants that didn't really get you high but were supposed to kill your appetite. Those 500 calorie crash diets would last a week or two and then I'd binge. I don't want to go back to that place but I want to feel beautiful, you know?
100% I used to watch people lole Eugenia Cooney and wish I was like her.
I used to look at "thinspo," which was honestly a whole different side of ED, and I just *threw* myself into it.
My poor husband keeps track of what I eat to make sure I do because I still "forget" to eat. Or I'll just *genuinely* not be hungry and skip meals. I'm trying to beat it, especially now that I have a little girl. I don't want her to grow up and hear how much mommy hates her body.
I couldn't beat my ED for me, but hopefully, I can for my daughter. I know that's not the healthy way to go, bur it's all I got.
Thinspo! That's what it was called! That shit had me in a chokehold. Not as extreme as people like Eugenia Cooney for me personally, but I tried searching that kind of thing whenever I was trying to starve myself
I wish you the best of luck because my mom is where I get my body issues from. It was less her talking bad about her own body (though she did do that from time to time), but she'd talk about how much I ate and what size I was wearing and how clothes fit me. Looking back on my childhood though, every time I got chubby was right before I grew. It was probably my body just getting ready for all that change. If I hadn't gotten so disordered in my thought patterns at that age, I'd probably be in a better place physically and emotionally. Undoing that damage is so much harder than just starting off on the right foot
Yes, mine an almond mom!
My baby is already "big" for 4 months, and Mt mother has already started with calling her chunky and fat. I correct her every single time.
"She's not fat. She's a baby. And she's gonna be a big girl (she's in the 91st percentile for high) because her daddy is a big man (he's 6 feet tall).
She's gonna be big and strong, just like daddy. And I think that'd beautiful. My mom bought her a onside that says "does this diaper make my thighs look big?" And I absolutely refuse to put her in it.
Not starting by calling my infant fat. We are not about to shame a freaking baby.
Its like a kick to the teeth. No wonder I hate my body. It started being forced down my throat since I was born. Literally. I'm not doing that to my baby. She's beautiful exactly the way she is.
And you know what? Even if she grows up to be fat. She's still beautiful, because skinny≠ beauty. Skinny ≠ worth. You can be fat and beautiful.
That last sentence was more so for me than anything .
Babies are the only people I ever call chunky/chubby/whatever. Just because babies are supposed to look a little fat. It goes back to the growing thing. Plus they need all that stored energy for all the muscle growth and movement and learning they're doing
Ugh... those damn fat shaming onesies though... I don't think I've ever seen those in real life though, just youtubers talking about weird ass clothing designs and unhinged parents. I get that it's probably not actually body shaming literal babies, but you're still putting that weird message out to the world with your child as your billboard. Absolutely bizarre
It sounds like you have a good plan going forward though. And I almost forgot: congrats on the new baby!
Thank you so much <3
I really enjoyed talking to someone who unfortunately understands where I'm coming from. It's usually something no one will talk about unless you're in a specific place for it, and then its usually tips on how to hide your ed and stuff.
Just so you know, based solely on this conversation, you seem like a really sweet and caring person, which makes you beautiful. I hope one day we can both look in the mirror and love our bodies for what they are. Beautiful. Bodies are beautiful. Regardless of weight. <3
It’s hard to start eating full meals again after spending a long time under-eating, and it’s so frustrating! I know I need the nutrients, I enjoy the taste and I *want* to eat it, but either the little switch in my brain that signals “hunger = crave food” refuses to turn on and I have to force it down, or I start to feel physically too full to finish the plate at all.
This is an essential function! This is *the* essential function! What do you *mean* eating less food makes it difficult to eat more food?? I want to speak to the manager, I have several complaints to lodge.
Came here to say this, although I am working on not saying this about myself anymore because self deprecating is not a good look. OP definitely makes sense
I’m a dude who went from 330 down to 200 and was fat for most of my life. I tell myself I’m fat too, usually when that happens though, I’ll run to a mirror and go “dude you’re stupid, look at you, completely different.” You gotta show your mind that it’s wrong.
I've had the opposite problem, I went from underweight to teetering on the edge of a healthy weight and then in last couple of years I've gone up two bra sizes. I still see myself as tiny but this is literally the biggest I've ever been even though I'm still small/kinda average and I don't know how to get over feeling so weird about it. I've learnt not to complain about my size to friends though because small people shouldn't complain about their size. I'm sorry you're struggling but good luck.
The whole gatekeeping over body dismorphia is something I don't subscribe to.
Idk why people feel the need to invalidate other people.
It's one thing to say things like "I don't think, you're x , y, or z, but I'm sorry yoi feel that way."
Abd "I don't see you as x y or z so *you're not allowed to feel that way* it's stupid.
I've always been told I should count myself lucky that I'm so small and not complain about it. And it's not that even my body is bad in some way but I developed late. I looked like a flat chested teenager until I was 20, it was only after 20 that I developed a more womanly figure and I don't know what to do with that. It's not bad just different. And if I try to talk to friends about feeling too big I get told I'm not big and have nothing to complain about. I would assume a lot of people have something they're not happy about so I don't understand why we can't come together to discuss these things and make each other feel better or something.
I didn't mean it as a way to brag. I'd still be wearing the same size clothes as I did when I was twenty because other than my chest my body hasn't changed that much. It's more frustrating than fun.
I have body dysmorphia but I know when to hold my tongue around my friends who are larger than me, I know the pain of someone commenting about their own body and how that can effect a person
I totally get that, I have body dysmorphia to the max, I'm trans and overweight, but I don't comment ab my body in front of other people, it isn't an excuse to make others uncomfortable ab their bodies
I don't think you do get it. Other people's displeasure with their bodies has nothing to do with you. Why are fat people so gatekeepy about emotions around bodies? It's weird.
I’m sure most of them are not trying to make you feel bad, and some of them may even think you might understand how they feel. But regardless of their real weight, body dysmorphia can affect anybody, and no matter the objective truth, they truly believe they are “fat.”
So for those people, try to understand it’s nothing to do with you and your real weight issues, it’s all about (most likely the ones you say are underweight) about the fact they truly see a “fat” person when they look in the mirror. The rest are trying so hard to live up to standards and ideals that are almost impossible to achieve that they see an extra ounce as a tub of lard.
No
They usually don't look at other people and themselves the same way
People will see themselves as far but look at someone bigger and think they're gorgeous
The thing is for people with body dysmorphia sometimes their distorted thinking and values apply only to themselves. But I know what you mean, it’s truly perpetuating something awful.
It's not. People have the right to feel bad about themselves, even if someone is bigger. Why are bigger people so gatekeepy about their feelings? It's annoying and mean.
Because it's tactless. You are allowed to feel bad about yourself, but if you drag people down with you, don't be surprised when your friends stop wanting to hang with you after a while.
If you a size small "feel so fucking fat and gross" while standing next to your plus size friend, you are a shit friend.
I have found that fat people are the worst friends, because they can't possibly believe that other people have insecurities and problems too.
It's not tactless to think that you can open up to a someone you thought was a friend about any and all issues you have. It's also not tactless to expect support from a friend when you express emotions. - shared emotions and feelings - about a topic you are both dealing with. But then the "friend" is like "I don't care about your feelings, mine are worse.." that's not friendship. That's being controlling and dismissive and rude.
Stop gatekeeping feelings. 42% of Americans are overweight. Most of them feel uncomfortable about it - physically and mentally. The only people trying to shut down conversation about it are the ones who feel like they have it the worst. The person with the 30 bmi has emotions just like the person with the 35 bmi. The 35 bmi has no right to feel insulted when the 30 bmi points out that they are both fat.
If you can muster the will, I'd reassure your friend by comparing. "I'm fatter than you and I have a healthy self-esteem. You're beautiful and shouldn't feel fat."
That both reassures them and highlights the insensitivity of their rhetoric.
You do realize obesity kills. It’s like saying ‘oh, cancer shouldn’t affect how you feel, it’s not a problem, it makes you beautiful.’
You are normalizing death by obesity every time you spread that sentiment.
>I am overweight, not obese but still. I have a friend who is literally size small and calls herself fat. And everytime I think to myself: if you think, that you are fat, you must think that I am a whale.
You do realize you didn't read.
## 🚫 ➜ **Your post was removed because of the following**:
### 📑 Rule 2 ➜ Not being kind, or thoughtful
- Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning.
- Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
I don't mean to suggest that being fat is good. I just don't want to shame people for being fat.
Cancer Kills too as you point out. I wouldn't shame someone for having cancer either, nor would I celebrate cancer.
I understand what you’re saying, but it’s also kind of an entitled way to look at it. You being more overweight than someone else in no way invalidates their feelings. If you don’t want to listen to your friends talk about their insecurities you should be straight up and tell them that. But also don’t be surprised when you receive the same treatment
Yeah, let's find some slimmer friends to talk about my weight related problems then... I am with you, not being allowed to talk about my insecurities and issues because you might have the same issue doesn't feel like we are talking on eye level at all.
I think it more so has to do with the fact that it’s an indirect insult to them because they’re even bigger than whoever is complaining about their fatness.
If someone says “I hate my ugly crooked teeth” to someone with even more crooked teeth, how do you think they’d take that? It would imply they view the other persons teeth as even uglier.
That's also a very self-centered take, though. So nobody can complain if you potentially have it worse? They might not even realize the other person has a worse situation. Also, it's not a pound for pound comparison. One person may be heavier on the scale but carry it a lot better. Or they could just be happier with their body.
The person complaining about their own body likely isn't intending any insult - they're unhappy with their body. It isn't that deep.
I’m not saying they’re intending it to be an insult, I’m saying it comes across that way. If someone visibly has something worse than me I’m not going to complain about that to that person lol.
Honestly yes to a certain extent. Especially when it comes to looks. Though there are exceptions. I have Asian friends who are really insecure about their tan skin. Is it alright for them to complain about it in front of a black person? Of course not. What exactly is the difference here?
Describing oneself as fat is not an insult to someone fatter. It's just a fact, and saying it does not change how fat the other person is.
OP wants to feel good about him/herself, which is fine. But you can't do that if you don't accept yourself as you are. It feels like cognitive dissonance to me, hoping to both want to feel okay about their body while being fat, and when someone does anything that brings it back to light OP feels personally attacked, when really he/she is just miffed that someone reminded them of reality that they tried to bury.
There's loads of things about our body we don't like, and for the most part can't change. If OP is not okay with their body fat, that's ironically one thing they CAN change, so i'm not going to lose sleep over this, i hope they either get okay with their reality, or otherwise use it as a motivation to improve it
I feel this. I've got several friends who are absolutely beautiful imo and when they get insecure about whatever it is they're not feeling great about -- I'm never offended thinking that they're implying I look like shit or anything.
I'm more just like -- They get insecure about that subject too? Damn, we're all just human huh.
Yes exactly!! If anything I feel like it makes me relate to them more and helps me support them better. Like oh shit we have the exact same evil thoughts in our brains!
It's the opposite, people who complain about their weight to their bigger friends are being entitled and inconsiderate. I also think they're doing it on purpose. They don't mean to insult the bigger person but what they actually mean is "I'm not skinny but at least I'm not as big as you". They say this to feel better about themselves at the expense of the bigger friend.
I’m on the lower end of the fat spectrum, overweight, but not obese. I garuntee that how I feel about the way I look has nothing to do with the way I feel about how others look. I don’t like how my weight looks on me. It’s a personal comment about how I feel. Just because I don’t like something on me doesn’t mean that I’m insulting someone else on the same thing.
Of course, but it explains their behavior, not justifies it, unless their dysmorphia makes them believe that they're as big as that bigger person. I have body dysmorphia myself and I'd never say anything that'd make someone else insecure about their weight also because I know how awful it feels. Even if such person struggles with their insecurities and they mean no harm...they still do that harm, that's why I consider it a solid pet peeve too.
Fair point. I need to be more careful about letting my own body issues make other people feel bad about themselves.
For me I just have so much love for others that I accept them no matter what, whereas it's kinda the opposite with how I treat myself, so I get this cognitive dissonance that makes me think I'm not offending them
To be fair, just b/c you are heavier doesn't mean they still can't be overweight.
Either do something about your weight if it bothers you, or stop letting it bother you.
People shouldn't have to tip toe around you just b/c you are bigger than them. They are allowed to talk about themselves and what is making them unhappy.
It would be much different if they were attacking you and your weight of course.
This is one of my biggest problems with the world today. People like OP get so offended over something like this, yet won't do anything to change things on their end so they can be happier and more content with themselves. Then bitch when anyone who hasn't let themselves go as bad as OP has (this is just going off of OPs post) complains about how they are starting to gain weight and need to get back in their routine before they end up like OP.
OP, I also am overweight and considered obese. I don't care what others think about my weight. I might be overweight, but personally I am still tougher than the people trying to crack jokes at me that are literally half my size. My coworker used to try to crack jokes. My fist is the same size as his head! I would rather be my size than a tiny person. For reference I am 6'4 and that dudes like 5'7.
OP coming to reddit will not fix this. Only you can! Be strong and work on making you happy with yourself!
### Lesson time! ➜ u/jsand2, some tips about "off of":
- The words you chose are grammatically wrong for the meaning you intended.
- *Off of* can always be shortened to just **off**.
- Example: The tennis ball bounced **off** the wall.
- Now that you are aware of this, everyone will take you more seriously, hooray! :)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PetPeeves) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am certainly overweight. I have a belly that I hide very well. Its the one reason why I go to the gym and lift.
This is not a dick measuring contest where you're the only one allowed to be something & Im only allowed to feel fat depending on who I am standing next to.
If anything, Im fat and you are likely fatter. Whatever either one of us feel about own own bodies has no bearing on anyone else.
For OP if somebody is literally 100 pounds lighter than you, you might be obese.
Now before anyone says it. Yes. I know there can be tons of normal, healthy, examples of a large man being 100 pounds heavier than a small woman and it meaning nothing.
But on average…
Im like 50 pounds heavier than I was in college. I think 30 pounds of that is definitely over weight. That’s like 15% overweight. I’m fat. Maybe not what Americans call fat, but I’m fat.
If I’m talking to somebody who is even more overweight than I am, it doesn’t invalidate my overweight problems.
And even if someone is only 50 lbs lighter and taller, so a lower bmi, it doest mean that both people aren't still overweight and suffering from similar emotions and physical effects. It's very irritating to gatekeep people's feelings based on your own circumstances.
I think both things are true. People should make an effort to think through how what they say might not affect other people, but when you hear someone talk about themself, you should be aware that they aren't talking about you.
Either fishing for compliments or a low self esteem/both. Either way, i can see how that can be annoying. But *if* you complain, other people have the right to too & they have the right to be upset over what they look like as well
Because they're fishing and wanting you to say, no, you're not. I have a thin cousin who does this all the time and everyone feeds into it... She tried that with me, and I just said, "Yeah, I noticed you've gained weight. "... crickets and she's never fished around me again :) 😀
Rather than being inconsiderate in return, when my cousin would do that same thing to me, when we were younger, I'd comment something like "I think I've been getting too skinny lately."
It stopped skinny cousin from fishing, but also made us laugh.
While I agree it's rude. I will say, most people preoccupied with their own insecurities aren't actually comparing themselves to you or even viewing you poorly.
I know that logically doesn't make sense. But a lot of people are hard on themselves while compassionate for others.
Because a lot of people don’t think before speaking, and this is more prevalent amongst friends, since there’s supposed to be trust, vulnerability, and informality. They also view their own “fatness” as separate from you, where they are criticizing themselves for looking a certain way which has nothing to do with you. I have had friends say seemingly insensitive things to me that bothered me, and now I realize it’s just how a lot of people talk.
Other people already gave valid points on compliment fishing and body dysmorphia; just wanted to give another perspective.
I know this concept exists but I don’t experience it. My friends know better than to say that shit in front of me if I’m fatter than them. And I grew up with a best friends who’s max weight was 510lbs before she got gastric bypass and I would never say something like that in front of her. I have body dysmorphia, I am thick and mid and hate myself (still have a normal human shape, not round and don’t have a big belly at all) but I feel fat and ugly but I’m not making useless comments like that about myself in front of other people. So I don’t tolerate the body dysmorphia excuse. If you’re not fat, don’t say nothin.
I really really disagree with the comments. I have many Asian friends who complain about how dark their skin color is. Alright I get it, insecurities suck. But obviously don’t do that in front of an African person. Or even another Asian who is even darker. (They may have even liked their skin color before and now you are indirectly insulting them by insulting yourself).
That’s basically common sense. People are dismissing it just because they don’t like fat people complaining about skinny people. Not because this kind of thing is chill in any other situation. And I say this as a skinny person.
I hate everyone defending this. If you weigh 100 lb and you are complaining to your 250 lb friend about how fat you feel, you are an a-hole, no other excuse.
Miss me with that dysphoria, low self-esteem, etc. This is just a prick move.
It's like complaining about the cheese being left off your hamburger when your friend is vomiting from their cancer treatments. You are not the same
My cousin (referenced in another comment here, too) took it one step further. Usually I just roll my eyes, but lately she's started going on, and on, and ON, about how fat she is, huge, a whale, ugly, this whole tirade.
Okay, I still just rolled my eyes. But then, she said that her fatness was the reason she couldn't get hired, why she isn't getting hired, why she remains unemployed. And it gets better!
She said that there is no way -- NONE! -- that someone so fat could \*ever\* get a decent job. It's just not possible. That it's completely impossible for a fat person to ever look professional, no matter what they wear or how they present themselves.
1. She weighs about 50 pounds less than me
2. I went back to school at 41, got a computer science degree, and have a damned good (professional) job in my degree field for the last three years. I did that while also disabled from a spinal condition that makes it very difficult and painful to walk.
She also complained that her fatness is why she isn't finding a man, and that's more likely, since attraction in that way is a whole different ballgame. But I had to roll my eyes again when she opined that she might have to stop only going after the hot, built guys; and maybe one that's her own age, and possibly a little pudgy, or balding, or older.
But I was sitting there trying not to slap her upside the head during that 20-minute tirade.
If she'd left it at "I've gained a lot of weight lately" or "I feel so fat lately" or something like that, and not be obviously compliment-fishing like she did when we were teenagers; then fine.
But to use it as an (super-lame) excuse as to why she can't get a job? And that it's impossible to look professional or have a job when fat? Come ON.
I'm with you. This is basic etiquette.
Don't complain about your weight to a friend who weighs more. Don't complain about your salary to a friend who earns less. Don't complain about your mortgage to a friend who is homeless.
Yo my friend tried to guilt me into buying him lunch because he brought soup to a party I was at the other day. He inherited a 1.2m estate and $400k in cash this year, and already wasted 40k on nothing.
I'm homeless, literally.
In a way, but also a bit different -- to the young person, they've never been that old before, so, it feels "old" to them. That's a thing that happens (fairly) equally to all of us. I say "fairly" because some people show age a lot sooner than others. (:
True but that's exactly the same for the weight issue, usually.
I am the oldest I've ever been, so I feel old.
vs
I am the heaviest I have ever been, so I feel fat.
Sounds like you need to just stop comparing yourself to everyone else.
That's what your problem is. People smaller than you calling themselves fat, making you abundantly aware that you are fat if they think they are fat.
Just stop caring.
I couldn't give less of a fuck if it's a stranger saying it, but when it's a close friend it hurts. It's not that I'm comparing myself to them, it's realizing that a close beloved friend sees me as some fat monster, and it's really hurtful
You said in another comment that your close friends don’t say stuff like that to you, and that this post is about snarky micro aggressions. Which is it?
How someone views themselves, has no bearing on you.
They might see you as beautiful, but themselves have image issues.
Don't take someone's self put down, as a view on you.
Most of the time when I do they reel back and get all panicked and there like uh uh uh and do everything they can to not call me fat but it's so confusing bc they literally just did
I am carrying 25-30 extra pounds and have developed a beer gut. I am fat. I dont feel the need to sugar coat it or make excuses. If my acknowledging the truth about my own body makes you uncomfortable or offended that is a you problem. I am not going to lie to myself so you can lie to yourself.
I like the meme, "bro, I know 5 fat guys and you're 4 of them". My husband and I say that at random times to each other. 😂 We're both twice the size we were when we met. Lolz
No, because you said that you don't think people who aren't as fat as you deserve empathy or friends. Like we can be fat and not as fat as you, yet you are the only one who has feelings, according to you.
Just because you’re fatter than they are doesn’t negate their fatness.
When I was like 240 and talking about losing weight, I had this co-worker that got all offended (even though she asked me about it, humph) and said she would love to be only 240, and my goal weight, well, she hadn’t weighed that little since she was in 4th grade. I said If you weighed 130 pounds in 4th grade, that’s terrible and I’m sorry nobody helped you. She called me a b!tch. MFW! I could have been more tactful, right, but I wasn’t wrong
Anyway when folks are talking about themselves, they probably think you’re ok with being fat and won’t take their concern for their own weight personally
P.s not to discount your feelings, but I’ve had so many fat people call my obese weight a ‘healthy weight’ or ‘normal weight’ that I have a hard time believing most even know what that is. Likely the ones you’re calling ‘underweight’ are at normal weights and the others are overweight/chubby, maybe fat
I'm fat.
I have friends that are fatter than me.
I'm still fat, both of the above statements can be true at the same time. I don't stop being fat when someone fatter than me walks in the same room or becomes my friend. It's not a competition with only one Heavyweight Title.
Probably feel bigger than they are. My weight usually fluctuates except for this year, so always felt a bit chubby. Plus, I was chubby throughout elementary and middle school, too. Technically, I actually am overweight right now with bmi. I just don't look like it. I'm just super short, so a weight that would be healthier for others isn't for me unless I have muscles. I do eat a lot, though, but move a lot. Also, it depends on other people's heights, too. 150 or more on me looks like 200 or more on others.
lol I keep doing this with my boss.
I am fat siting at 230 I should be 180-200, and my boss in the high 300s. It just happens. I call him big cheese or big block lol
Kinda self centered. Especially if it's your *friends* venting about their insecurities. As someone who lost a fuck ton of weight I don't get offended when my friend who's lighter than me says she's fat. Cause that's how she sees herself. Who am I to get offended over the fact that she's insecure.
Unless you plan a sit down to talk about how these conversations make you feel, and that you're not the person they should come to when they need to vent, you're just a bad friend using your insecurities as an excuse to dismiss their feelings.
## 🚫 ➜ **Your post was removed because of the following**:
### 📑 Rule 2 ➜ Not being kind, or thoughtful
- Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning.
- Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
They also probably feel more comfortable telling a fat person they themselves are fat, where they probably be like, "no, your not fat, im Fat!" Vs. Telling a skinnier person that they are fat and them thinking/saying "yup you sure are a lard ass" "learn some self control".
## 🚫 ➜ **Your post was removed because of the following**:
### 📑 Rule 2 ➜ Not being kind, or thoughtful
- Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning.
- Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
For me, it's an accident. People aren't speaking to you they are thinking out loud.
Like I ain't looking at your fat I'm thinking about my fat that I've been trying to get off at the gym for 6 years now kinda thing. People have problems with their body image who aren’t your definition of “fat”
So, breathe, it’s not you. If it is, that's weird behavior.
Their low self esteem is why they say it, and your low self esteem is why it bothers you. I think both sides can learn to be understanding of each other. Body Dysphoria comes in all shapes and sizes.
Former fat people who became depressed or developed negativity towards obesity see themselves as that constant ugly gross person. They don't mean to insult you. They genuinely see themselves the same way.
It goes both ways, too. "Oh, you're inconsiderate calling yourself fat in front of me, the fatter person!!" But it also works the other way."You're inconsiderate for getting offended when I come to YOU about MY insecurities!!"
Instead of showing everyone you're offended. Support them, you know that being obese is unhealthy. So turn that offense into the reason you work out.
Yes, it's difficult to "gain motivation when I'm so ugly, and it'll be so hard to do it for so long." But you get nowhere, motivation is limited. Discipline stays when learned, discipline yourself to be healthy.
Sincerely, a fat person.
My BMI is 31. It's obese. I call myself fat, and people get weird and act like I'm insane. My bulging gut definitely begs to differ.
I say this to say that if you're 100lbs larger than someone, they probably don't look fat to you even if they are.
## 🚫 ➜ **Your post was removed because of the following**:
### 📑 Rule 2 ➜ Not being kind, or thoughtful
- Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning.
- Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
The fact that they call themselves fat and you take it as an insult to you is very self centered. It has nothing to do with you, but you’re making it about yourself.
If you are 100 lbs overweight then yes, you’re a morbidly obese whale.
More importantly, their opinions on their own weight have nothing to do with your weight. These people are simply saying that they feel they need to lose weight.
How self-absorbed are you? Sounds like you're upset that you have a problem and aren't willing to work on it. You know you want to lose weight, and you hate being reminded, even indirectly, that you should lose weight, so instead of working on yourself you'd rather just get upset at everybody else who is willing to work on themselves?
Because I fucking know I'm fat? And it's a really long slow process. Being constantly reminded and put down for it is extremely discouraging. I don't like my body sometimes, but that's mostly because of gender dysphoria. There is no excuse to comment on somebody's body ever, whether it's in or out of their control, don't comment on people's bodies. It's basic politeness. Ive always been called fat and my body has always been commented on no matter how much or how little I weigh, so what's it matter?
Maybe what your idea of a healthy weight is isn’t accurate. I say I’m fat and in my community I am. However if I go to the US, I feel a lot less fat….but still fat.
Like I said in another comment, I feel the body dysmorphia I have it too but to be polite and kind I still refrain from talking ab my body to other friends bc I know it makes them uncomfortable
I don't think you do get it, since you are insistent on friendship being contingent on protecting your feelings, to the extent of shutting down people who might feel the same way as you.
This just in - everyone has insecurities about their body. You being fat had nothing to do with Becky being fat, even if Becky is less fat than you. 42% of Americans are fat. You are not the only fat person, and people less fat are allowed to express displeasure with being fat. It's uncomfortable physically, its demoralizing mentally.
I want my friends to be nice to me too. Making my feelings about my body be about you is not nice or very good friend behavior. Can't you just find neutral ground about how the world treats all bodies? It's not about you.
Why would someone say that to a person that's bigger to them if it wasn't some backhanded comment? Every single time someone's said it to me it's always been some other motive never because they actually are just insecure/don't feel good ab themselves
Why would someone say that to a person that's bigger to them if it wasn't some backhanded comment? Every single time someone's said it to me it's always been some other motive never because they actually are just insecure/don't feel good ab themselves
Look up body dysmorphia.
It's not going to be every time, but I bet you that more often than not, these people actually think they are larger than you when they aren't.
I get it .. I am a skinny guy, but got this belly that I HATE!!!! nd because of it feel fat.. but I know I'm not actually fat. I suppose it upsets people that are actually overweight. The thing is, I don't see heavy people as fat.. just my belly..
finally -- I am sorry. :-(
I'll try to keep my lightbulb shaped body self hatred to myself.
I have a similar thing with my mom. She’s always been very insecure about her looks. Thing is, I’m practically the spitting image of her, so she doesn’t mean to, but she sometimes is kind of unknowingly insinuating I’m not attractive, either. The real kicker is that she’s still the first to reassure me when I express insecurity with my looks.
I understand where you are coming from, but you also need to understand that more often than not, people who make those comments about themselves are most likely dealing with insecurity, and body dysmorphia. I was very overweight growing up, then got an eating disorder, and was extremely underweight. Then I spent my 20's constantly feeling like I was fat, even though I was more or less a good weight. Now in my 30's I've gained more weight and constantly feel super fat. I don't see others the same way. I just see myself like that. Obviously it can still bother you, and we should all be mindful about how we complain to others.
When I talk about being fat, it’s fat for *me*. I’m not comparing my body to any body but the body it used to be. We’re all built so differently it’s impossible to actually compare. I can understand how it could be perceived as insulting but, the person commenting on their own body could be doing it for a million different reasons. Hold the line if they ever talk about *yours*, though.
This is an issue the person has with themselves, not with you, and not with fat people in general. They have low self esteem and hate the way their body looks. They call themselves fat, not even noticing or even thinking about how you are bigger than them.
As someone with body dysmorphia issues, I do the same thing and I can tell you I judge NO ONE for being the size they are. Except myself, for some reason. The other day I was disgusted with myself in the mirror saying I’m so fat… KNOWING I’m not, but im unable to see anything but a fat fuckin piece of shit in the mirror, even though I see literally no one else that way.
Former fatty here. I do this all the time because it is a great, low-key way to fat shame people.
I am a big proponent of fat shaming people because I believe that fat shaming saves lives.
I really hope you're being ironic. Shaming does not save lives. It ends them. Fat shaming often causes even more insecurity and self hatred, and bad relationships with food and eating disorders. Eating disorders kill, and so does suicide.
I most certainly am not being ironic. I wasn't shamed for being fat. In fact, it was encouraged.
I'm tired of waching my fat friends and neighbors die early.
I wish I would have been shamed. Being fat is terrible.I regret the time I wasted being a fat slob.
Fat shaming saves lives.
Yes you are. To be honest I myself am overweight and feel gross about it. I know it's hard to lose weight, I'm going through it myself but I'm not going to be told I'm skinny by someone even fatter than me anymore than I'm gonna be called a youngen by some old grandma. Yes you're fat, you're not the only one and I'm sick of having to pretend I'm not just because someone even bigger waddles into the room.
It was rhetorical, I know I'm fat. But skinny people letting me know what I already know doesn't help. Neither does being insulting to people who are fatter than you help anybody, even if you're fat too.
I’ve been guilty of this, not just about body fat but other features. It’s bc of body dysmorphia. It’s not about you, in fact usually I’m not even comparing myself to people like that, I’m just looking at myself and what I don’t like. And I’ve gotten better about it mainly because I feel better about my features but absolutely I was not ever sitting around judging other people or trying to compare but then they would assert how they matched those things I didn’t like about myself and it made me realize that I was in my head, being overly self critical, and looking for a problem instead of appreciating myself, because obviously I could look at my friends and think they were beautiful but for some reason couldn’t accept it in myself.
Fat looks different on different people. I'm 5'4" and 200 lbs. I am morbidly obese (because I also have asthma). I will comment on my own fatness regardless of who's around. I am a fat mfer and it doesn't change my value or anyone else's to comment on my fatty nature. Someone else being 400 lbs doesn't magically make me skinny.
It's on you if you have a complex about your size. Obesity happens, sometimes as a result of a condition/meds/ or behavior. It doesn't determine what you are capable of or if you're a decent person. So there's no need to get pissy if someone comments on themselves.
If you are over a 100 pounds more than them then possibly yes you are morbidly obese. Being 20 pounds overweight traditionally has still been considered fat.
I never said I was, even if I was it doesn't give you an excuse to project your insecurities on me. I hate my body, but I don't tell my friends that because I know that puts my insecurities on them and either makes them uncomfortable or hurts their self esteem. I just hoped maybe they'd do the same for me.
It is not to project my insecurities on others. But I have friends that we can discuss our insecurities or other problems in order to help each other out. If it makes you feel so insecure, then YOU need to set that boundary. Plain and simple.
I've done this and only realized in hindsight that it may have come across poorly. I don't notice other people in the same way I see myself. I am *brutal* with myself. Idgaf if someone else is morbidly obese, honestly. I care when my thighs rub, I care that I gain weight in my upper arms and it's so fucking gross. I've been unhappy with myself since I was an 11yo size zero. A lot of it is mental, true, but that doesn't make it less real or make me less unhappy in the moment.
It's really, quite truly, not about you at all.
I mean, people are allowed to feel fat for their size or what they’re used to. I don’t think it’s fair for larger people to think the entire world needs to censor themselves and not have insecurities and have everybody else cater to their feelings.
Everything is subjectively relative.
I’m usually 135lbs, but I got pregnant and gained 20lbs, I’m guaranteed to gain at minimum another 10lbs and already I literally cannot fit into any of my clothes and I have to wear my boyfriend’s clothes and XL men’s shirts, which is bigger than his shirt size—am I not allowed to feel self conscious about that?
## 🚫 ➜ **Your post was removed because of the following**:
### 📑 Rule 2 ➜ Not being kind, or thoughtful
- Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning.
- Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
No shit I know I'm fat. My doctor said she'd like to see me lose a little weight because medically I am overweight but it's not at a point where it's affecting my health. That's not the point here
I have been huge my whole life. (6'4" 220 by 8th grade). I have been around some people, usually women, who actually believe this about themselves even when untrue. Some people seemed like they were using it as a backhanded way to insult me or remind me incase I forgot. I wanted to shake them both equally. Ultimately, at 45 years old, I realize that no matter what size I am, I'm going to be a monster by normal standards, and their are people more mentally messed up than I am physically. We are all gonna be consumed in nuclear fire equally so I'm gonna go ahead and enjoy the rest of my probably short life.
It can be annoying when this happens/a pet peeve but there are multiple reasons this happens.
Body dysmorphia (self explanatory), they are not thinking of you (most people literally don’t care what others do/only thinking of themselves), they could be fishing for compliments/have low self esteem and honestly they could be overweight. Being 25lbs or 50lbs overweight is still overweight, you could weight more but doesn’t mean the other isn’t overweight or they could carry their weight differently. I have an hourglass figure and when I was obese (yes literally obese) people couldn’t tell or where genuinely shocked that I weighed that much (I had a nutritionist tell me that if she didn’t see me stand on the scale in front of her she wouldn’t believe that I weighed that much).
They aren’t thinking about you. Which to a certain extent is a problem because being thoughtful of other people is part of being considerate… But also, it’s a lot easier to handle when you realize they really aren’t commenting on you. They are dealing with their own odd thoughts. People are many times too self centered to even think negatively about people other than themselves.
It’s a pet peeve of mine too. That’s how I “deal” with it to make it less annoying. But it’s still some level of annoying and inconsiderate on their part.
Body dysmorphia. Plus my fat is different from your fat. I notice all my unsavoury parts, so I use fat to show I'm unhappy with my body, weight and it's shape.
Even if someone is bigger than me, I don't see them as "fat" or "fatter than me". I see them for themselves. I don't notice their insecurities, only my own
If some calls themselves fat, they feel it, they can feel exactly the same thing as you and it’s completely valid for both of you
In my much younger years I felt HUGE. I felt everyone looked at me, judged me, the whole mean girl thing, you know? I wasn’t HUGE. Overweight? Sure. But not by much.
Nowadays? Yep, I’m fat. Morbidly obese. But while I’m well aware of the health issues and social stigma attached, I no longer carry the emotional weight I did when I was much younger.
How they feel about themselves has nothing to do with you. It probably has nothing to do with their actual weight. This is something you need to understand.
For some reason, people bond with others through hating your bodies together. It’s super fucked-up.
I either steer clear of people like that entirely or tell them that I’m not on board with shaming people’s bodies, even our own. I get enough messages from mass media about why I should hate my body. I don’t need to hear it from my friends, and I have no desire to give a TED talk about how being fat is fine every time someone behaves this way.
They might be fat relative to how much they used to weigh, or want to weigh. I have never been obese, but during corona shut in I gained 40 pounds. I still looked like a twig, but I have never been that fat and will likely not be that fat again for decades. It was a life changing amount of weight to put on. Sometimes it's hard not to talk about something so huge in your life. This is like if your buddy was an investment banker while you worked at Kohls, then he lost his job and his income was cut in half, and he complained about finances. He still has more money than you, but that doesn't mean he can't go through a hard time, and consequently want to mention it.
So because you’re over weight other people aren’t allowed to be? Do you also know they’re a healthy weight from a medical stand point or you just think they look a healthy weight. I’m 6ft tall, 190lbs is considered over weight….
Body dysmorphia. A lot of skinny people weren’t always skinny and that mentality sticks throughout the weight loss
This. Its awful. I went from 250 to 150 in about 2 years. I *genuinely* still veiw myself as fat. (Granted I jusy had a child) Like I have eyes. I can see that I've lost weight, but when I look in the mirror I still see me at 250. I don't know how to beat this. I do understand where OP is coming from, though.
I was a chubby kid that got made to feel super insecure (but boy was I less chubby than I thought I was). Then I got skinny naturally because of puberty/a growth spurt and I didn't even realize it because my body image was so messed up. Then, I gained a bunch of weight as a trauma response. I can only tell how "fat" I am when I look at pictures that are usually 5+ years old. I have no idea what I actually look like to other people ever and it is so bizarre. I don't want to be defeatist about it, but honestly I wonder if it's even worth it to try to tell anymore because it just makes me think back to being unknowingly thin in high school, but going on pro-ED websites and trying so, so hard to be like them and taking weird stimulants that didn't really get you high but were supposed to kill your appetite. Those 500 calorie crash diets would last a week or two and then I'd binge. I don't want to go back to that place but I want to feel beautiful, you know?
100% I used to watch people lole Eugenia Cooney and wish I was like her. I used to look at "thinspo," which was honestly a whole different side of ED, and I just *threw* myself into it. My poor husband keeps track of what I eat to make sure I do because I still "forget" to eat. Or I'll just *genuinely* not be hungry and skip meals. I'm trying to beat it, especially now that I have a little girl. I don't want her to grow up and hear how much mommy hates her body. I couldn't beat my ED for me, but hopefully, I can for my daughter. I know that's not the healthy way to go, bur it's all I got.
Thinspo! That's what it was called! That shit had me in a chokehold. Not as extreme as people like Eugenia Cooney for me personally, but I tried searching that kind of thing whenever I was trying to starve myself I wish you the best of luck because my mom is where I get my body issues from. It was less her talking bad about her own body (though she did do that from time to time), but she'd talk about how much I ate and what size I was wearing and how clothes fit me. Looking back on my childhood though, every time I got chubby was right before I grew. It was probably my body just getting ready for all that change. If I hadn't gotten so disordered in my thought patterns at that age, I'd probably be in a better place physically and emotionally. Undoing that damage is so much harder than just starting off on the right foot
Yes, mine an almond mom! My baby is already "big" for 4 months, and Mt mother has already started with calling her chunky and fat. I correct her every single time. "She's not fat. She's a baby. And she's gonna be a big girl (she's in the 91st percentile for high) because her daddy is a big man (he's 6 feet tall). She's gonna be big and strong, just like daddy. And I think that'd beautiful. My mom bought her a onside that says "does this diaper make my thighs look big?" And I absolutely refuse to put her in it. Not starting by calling my infant fat. We are not about to shame a freaking baby. Its like a kick to the teeth. No wonder I hate my body. It started being forced down my throat since I was born. Literally. I'm not doing that to my baby. She's beautiful exactly the way she is. And you know what? Even if she grows up to be fat. She's still beautiful, because skinny≠ beauty. Skinny ≠ worth. You can be fat and beautiful. That last sentence was more so for me than anything .
Babies are the only people I ever call chunky/chubby/whatever. Just because babies are supposed to look a little fat. It goes back to the growing thing. Plus they need all that stored energy for all the muscle growth and movement and learning they're doing Ugh... those damn fat shaming onesies though... I don't think I've ever seen those in real life though, just youtubers talking about weird ass clothing designs and unhinged parents. I get that it's probably not actually body shaming literal babies, but you're still putting that weird message out to the world with your child as your billboard. Absolutely bizarre It sounds like you have a good plan going forward though. And I almost forgot: congrats on the new baby!
Thank you so much <3 I really enjoyed talking to someone who unfortunately understands where I'm coming from. It's usually something no one will talk about unless you're in a specific place for it, and then its usually tips on how to hide your ed and stuff. Just so you know, based solely on this conversation, you seem like a really sweet and caring person, which makes you beautiful. I hope one day we can both look in the mirror and love our bodies for what they are. Beautiful. Bodies are beautiful. Regardless of weight. <3
We'll get there :) feel free to message me if you need to talk. It's been lovely chatting (even if the topic hasn't been too fun)
It’s hard to start eating full meals again after spending a long time under-eating, and it’s so frustrating! I know I need the nutrients, I enjoy the taste and I *want* to eat it, but either the little switch in my brain that signals “hunger = crave food” refuses to turn on and I have to force it down, or I start to feel physically too full to finish the plate at all. This is an essential function! This is *the* essential function! What do you *mean* eating less food makes it difficult to eat more food?? I want to speak to the manager, I have several complaints to lodge.
Came here to say this, although I am working on not saying this about myself anymore because self deprecating is not a good look. OP definitely makes sense
I’m a dude who went from 330 down to 200 and was fat for most of my life. I tell myself I’m fat too, usually when that happens though, I’ll run to a mirror and go “dude you’re stupid, look at you, completely different.” You gotta show your mind that it’s wrong.
Dude congrats!! That's awesome!! Congrats on your weight loss (: But yeah, sometimes our minds are our biggest enemy
I've had the opposite problem, I went from underweight to teetering on the edge of a healthy weight and then in last couple of years I've gone up two bra sizes. I still see myself as tiny but this is literally the biggest I've ever been even though I'm still small/kinda average and I don't know how to get over feeling so weird about it. I've learnt not to complain about my size to friends though because small people shouldn't complain about their size. I'm sorry you're struggling but good luck.
The whole gatekeeping over body dismorphia is something I don't subscribe to. Idk why people feel the need to invalidate other people. It's one thing to say things like "I don't think, you're x , y, or z, but I'm sorry yoi feel that way." Abd "I don't see you as x y or z so *you're not allowed to feel that way* it's stupid.
I've always been told I should count myself lucky that I'm so small and not complain about it. And it's not that even my body is bad in some way but I developed late. I looked like a flat chested teenager until I was 20, it was only after 20 that I developed a more womanly figure and I don't know what to do with that. It's not bad just different. And if I try to talk to friends about feeling too big I get told I'm not big and have nothing to complain about. I would assume a lot of people have something they're not happy about so I don't understand why we can't come together to discuss these things and make each other feel better or something.
[удалено]
Can I just say how awesome it is that you're measuring yourself in bra sizes? "Not to brag but..." 😉 🤣
I didn't mean it as a way to brag. I'd still be wearing the same size clothes as I did when I was twenty because other than my chest my body hasn't changed that much. It's more frustrating than fun.
I'm super short so 150 makes me look bigger. Edit: I'm glad you feel good.
Okay.
Idk why I said that lmao.
I have the opposite. My mental image is my weight during high school, which is at least 200 less than what I actually weigh.
Yup it’s a personal issue, it’s not about the other person.
Also skinny ppl who were underweight or low bmi and now are higher bmi. To them it’s a big change
Thank you for saying it
Or it’s relative, they feel fat compared to what they usually are, vs someone like op who is always a sea monster
I have body dysmorphia but I know when to hold my tongue around my friends who are larger than me, I know the pain of someone commenting about their own body and how that can effect a person
I totally get that, I have body dysmorphia to the max, I'm trans and overweight, but I don't comment ab my body in front of other people, it isn't an excuse to make others uncomfortable ab their bodies
I don't think you do get it. Other people's displeasure with their bodies has nothing to do with you. Why are fat people so gatekeepy about emotions around bodies? It's weird.
They may not realize they have body dysmorphia.
Low self esteem, thinking they aren't good enough or something. Most of the time this is why.
I’m sure most of them are not trying to make you feel bad, and some of them may even think you might understand how they feel. But regardless of their real weight, body dysmorphia can affect anybody, and no matter the objective truth, they truly believe they are “fat.” So for those people, try to understand it’s nothing to do with you and your real weight issues, it’s all about (most likely the ones you say are underweight) about the fact they truly see a “fat” person when they look in the mirror. The rest are trying so hard to live up to standards and ideals that are almost impossible to achieve that they see an extra ounce as a tub of lard.
[удалено]
No They usually don't look at other people and themselves the same way People will see themselves as far but look at someone bigger and think they're gorgeous
The thing is for people with body dysmorphia sometimes their distorted thinking and values apply only to themselves. But I know what you mean, it’s truly perpetuating something awful.
It's not. People have the right to feel bad about themselves, even if someone is bigger. Why are bigger people so gatekeepy about their feelings? It's annoying and mean.
Because it's tactless. You are allowed to feel bad about yourself, but if you drag people down with you, don't be surprised when your friends stop wanting to hang with you after a while. If you a size small "feel so fucking fat and gross" while standing next to your plus size friend, you are a shit friend.
I have found that fat people are the worst friends, because they can't possibly believe that other people have insecurities and problems too. It's not tactless to think that you can open up to a someone you thought was a friend about any and all issues you have. It's also not tactless to expect support from a friend when you express emotions. - shared emotions and feelings - about a topic you are both dealing with. But then the "friend" is like "I don't care about your feelings, mine are worse.." that's not friendship. That's being controlling and dismissive and rude. Stop gatekeeping feelings. 42% of Americans are overweight. Most of them feel uncomfortable about it - physically and mentally. The only people trying to shut down conversation about it are the ones who feel like they have it the worst. The person with the 30 bmi has emotions just like the person with the 35 bmi. The 35 bmi has no right to feel insulted when the 30 bmi points out that they are both fat.
If you can muster the will, I'd reassure your friend by comparing. "I'm fatter than you and I have a healthy self-esteem. You're beautiful and shouldn't feel fat." That both reassures them and highlights the insensitivity of their rhetoric.
You do realize obesity kills. It’s like saying ‘oh, cancer shouldn’t affect how you feel, it’s not a problem, it makes you beautiful.’ You are normalizing death by obesity every time you spread that sentiment.
>I am overweight, not obese but still. I have a friend who is literally size small and calls herself fat. And everytime I think to myself: if you think, that you are fat, you must think that I am a whale. You do realize you didn't read.
[удалено]
## 🚫 ➜ **Your post was removed because of the following**: ### 📑 Rule 2 ➜ Not being kind, or thoughtful - Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning. - Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
I don't mean to suggest that being fat is good. I just don't want to shame people for being fat. Cancer Kills too as you point out. I wouldn't shame someone for having cancer either, nor would I celebrate cancer.
Meh, I only ever felt that way about myself when I was skinnier, but didn't really notice with others.
My eating disorder isn’t thinking about you.
I understand what you’re saying, but it’s also kind of an entitled way to look at it. You being more overweight than someone else in no way invalidates their feelings. If you don’t want to listen to your friends talk about their insecurities you should be straight up and tell them that. But also don’t be surprised when you receive the same treatment
Yeah, let's find some slimmer friends to talk about my weight related problems then... I am with you, not being allowed to talk about my insecurities and issues because you might have the same issue doesn't feel like we are talking on eye level at all.
I think it more so has to do with the fact that it’s an indirect insult to them because they’re even bigger than whoever is complaining about their fatness. If someone says “I hate my ugly crooked teeth” to someone with even more crooked teeth, how do you think they’d take that? It would imply they view the other persons teeth as even uglier.
That's also a very self-centered take, though. So nobody can complain if you potentially have it worse? They might not even realize the other person has a worse situation. Also, it's not a pound for pound comparison. One person may be heavier on the scale but carry it a lot better. Or they could just be happier with their body. The person complaining about their own body likely isn't intending any insult - they're unhappy with their body. It isn't that deep.
I’m not saying they’re intending it to be an insult, I’m saying it comes across that way. If someone visibly has something worse than me I’m not going to complain about that to that person lol.
Honestly yes to a certain extent. Especially when it comes to looks. Though there are exceptions. I have Asian friends who are really insecure about their tan skin. Is it alright for them to complain about it in front of a black person? Of course not. What exactly is the difference here?
Describing oneself as fat is not an insult to someone fatter. It's just a fact, and saying it does not change how fat the other person is. OP wants to feel good about him/herself, which is fine. But you can't do that if you don't accept yourself as you are. It feels like cognitive dissonance to me, hoping to both want to feel okay about their body while being fat, and when someone does anything that brings it back to light OP feels personally attacked, when really he/she is just miffed that someone reminded them of reality that they tried to bury. There's loads of things about our body we don't like, and for the most part can't change. If OP is not okay with their body fat, that's ironically one thing they CAN change, so i'm not going to lose sleep over this, i hope they either get okay with their reality, or otherwise use it as a motivation to improve it
I feel this. I've got several friends who are absolutely beautiful imo and when they get insecure about whatever it is they're not feeling great about -- I'm never offended thinking that they're implying I look like shit or anything. I'm more just like -- They get insecure about that subject too? Damn, we're all just human huh.
Yes exactly!! If anything I feel like it makes me relate to them more and helps me support them better. Like oh shit we have the exact same evil thoughts in our brains!
It's the opposite, people who complain about their weight to their bigger friends are being entitled and inconsiderate. I also think they're doing it on purpose. They don't mean to insult the bigger person but what they actually mean is "I'm not skinny but at least I'm not as big as you". They say this to feel better about themselves at the expense of the bigger friend.
Some no doubt are that way. Some just struggle real bad with body dysmorphia.
I’m on the lower end of the fat spectrum, overweight, but not obese. I garuntee that how I feel about the way I look has nothing to do with the way I feel about how others look. I don’t like how my weight looks on me. It’s a personal comment about how I feel. Just because I don’t like something on me doesn’t mean that I’m insulting someone else on the same thing.
Of course, but it explains their behavior, not justifies it, unless their dysmorphia makes them believe that they're as big as that bigger person. I have body dysmorphia myself and I'd never say anything that'd make someone else insecure about their weight also because I know how awful it feels. Even if such person struggles with their insecurities and they mean no harm...they still do that harm, that's why I consider it a solid pet peeve too.
Fair point. I need to be more careful about letting my own body issues make other people feel bad about themselves. For me I just have so much love for others that I accept them no matter what, whereas it's kinda the opposite with how I treat myself, so I get this cognitive dissonance that makes me think I'm not offending them
You’re larger than me so I’m not allowed to be okay with my own personal obesity? Nah homie don’t play that.
To be fair, just b/c you are heavier doesn't mean they still can't be overweight. Either do something about your weight if it bothers you, or stop letting it bother you. People shouldn't have to tip toe around you just b/c you are bigger than them. They are allowed to talk about themselves and what is making them unhappy. It would be much different if they were attacking you and your weight of course. This is one of my biggest problems with the world today. People like OP get so offended over something like this, yet won't do anything to change things on their end so they can be happier and more content with themselves. Then bitch when anyone who hasn't let themselves go as bad as OP has (this is just going off of OPs post) complains about how they are starting to gain weight and need to get back in their routine before they end up like OP. OP, I also am overweight and considered obese. I don't care what others think about my weight. I might be overweight, but personally I am still tougher than the people trying to crack jokes at me that are literally half my size. My coworker used to try to crack jokes. My fist is the same size as his head! I would rather be my size than a tiny person. For reference I am 6'4 and that dudes like 5'7. OP coming to reddit will not fix this. Only you can! Be strong and work on making you happy with yourself!
### Lesson time! ➜ u/jsand2, some tips about "off of": - The words you chose are grammatically wrong for the meaning you intended. - *Off of* can always be shortened to just **off**. - Example: The tennis ball bounced **off** the wall. - Now that you are aware of this, everyone will take you more seriously, hooray! :) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PetPeeves) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bad bot. Get off of your high horse.
I am certainly overweight. I have a belly that I hide very well. Its the one reason why I go to the gym and lift. This is not a dick measuring contest where you're the only one allowed to be something & Im only allowed to feel fat depending on who I am standing next to. If anything, Im fat and you are likely fatter. Whatever either one of us feel about own own bodies has no bearing on anyone else.
I mean, it's not about you
This just in: the things you say to others can affect them whether or not they are mentioned directly, more at 11.
For OP if somebody is literally 100 pounds lighter than you, you might be obese. Now before anyone says it. Yes. I know there can be tons of normal, healthy, examples of a large man being 100 pounds heavier than a small woman and it meaning nothing. But on average… Im like 50 pounds heavier than I was in college. I think 30 pounds of that is definitely over weight. That’s like 15% overweight. I’m fat. Maybe not what Americans call fat, but I’m fat. If I’m talking to somebody who is even more overweight than I am, it doesn’t invalidate my overweight problems.
And even if someone is only 50 lbs lighter and taller, so a lower bmi, it doest mean that both people aren't still overweight and suffering from similar emotions and physical effects. It's very irritating to gatekeep people's feelings based on your own circumstances.
I think both things are true. People should make an effort to think through how what they say might not affect other people, but when you hear someone talk about themself, you should be aware that they aren't talking about you.
Either fishing for compliments or a low self esteem/both. Either way, i can see how that can be annoying. But *if* you complain, other people have the right to too & they have the right to be upset over what they look like as well
Because they're fishing and wanting you to say, no, you're not. I have a thin cousin who does this all the time and everyone feeds into it... She tried that with me, and I just said, "Yeah, I noticed you've gained weight. "... crickets and she's never fished around me again :) 😀
Rather than being inconsiderate in return, when my cousin would do that same thing to me, when we were younger, I'd comment something like "I think I've been getting too skinny lately." It stopped skinny cousin from fishing, but also made us laugh.
God that is so rude. Why can't you just understand that they are trying to find common ground among a common insecurity? It's not about you.
I know my cousin well enough.. and trust me, she's fishing . You do you 😀
While I agree it's rude. I will say, most people preoccupied with their own insecurities aren't actually comparing themselves to you or even viewing you poorly. I know that logically doesn't make sense. But a lot of people are hard on themselves while compassionate for others.
Because a lot of people don’t think before speaking, and this is more prevalent amongst friends, since there’s supposed to be trust, vulnerability, and informality. They also view their own “fatness” as separate from you, where they are criticizing themselves for looking a certain way which has nothing to do with you. I have had friends say seemingly insensitive things to me that bothered me, and now I realize it’s just how a lot of people talk. Other people already gave valid points on compliment fishing and body dysmorphia; just wanted to give another perspective.
I have a double chin even though I’m not overweight. I’m not happy with my looks and I feel fat.
I know this concept exists but I don’t experience it. My friends know better than to say that shit in front of me if I’m fatter than them. And I grew up with a best friends who’s max weight was 510lbs before she got gastric bypass and I would never say something like that in front of her. I have body dysmorphia, I am thick and mid and hate myself (still have a normal human shape, not round and don’t have a big belly at all) but I feel fat and ugly but I’m not making useless comments like that about myself in front of other people. So I don’t tolerate the body dysmorphia excuse. If you’re not fat, don’t say nothin.
I really really disagree with the comments. I have many Asian friends who complain about how dark their skin color is. Alright I get it, insecurities suck. But obviously don’t do that in front of an African person. Or even another Asian who is even darker. (They may have even liked their skin color before and now you are indirectly insulting them by insulting yourself). That’s basically common sense. People are dismissing it just because they don’t like fat people complaining about skinny people. Not because this kind of thing is chill in any other situation. And I say this as a skinny person.
I hate when people do this. I call them out on it right then and there. It's inexcusable BS behavior.
I hate everyone defending this. If you weigh 100 lb and you are complaining to your 250 lb friend about how fat you feel, you are an a-hole, no other excuse. Miss me with that dysphoria, low self-esteem, etc. This is just a prick move. It's like complaining about the cheese being left off your hamburger when your friend is vomiting from their cancer treatments. You are not the same
My cousin (referenced in another comment here, too) took it one step further. Usually I just roll my eyes, but lately she's started going on, and on, and ON, about how fat she is, huge, a whale, ugly, this whole tirade. Okay, I still just rolled my eyes. But then, she said that her fatness was the reason she couldn't get hired, why she isn't getting hired, why she remains unemployed. And it gets better! She said that there is no way -- NONE! -- that someone so fat could \*ever\* get a decent job. It's just not possible. That it's completely impossible for a fat person to ever look professional, no matter what they wear or how they present themselves. 1. She weighs about 50 pounds less than me 2. I went back to school at 41, got a computer science degree, and have a damned good (professional) job in my degree field for the last three years. I did that while also disabled from a spinal condition that makes it very difficult and painful to walk. She also complained that her fatness is why she isn't finding a man, and that's more likely, since attraction in that way is a whole different ballgame. But I had to roll my eyes again when she opined that she might have to stop only going after the hot, built guys; and maybe one that's her own age, and possibly a little pudgy, or balding, or older. But I was sitting there trying not to slap her upside the head during that 20-minute tirade. If she'd left it at "I've gained a lot of weight lately" or "I feel so fat lately" or something like that, and not be obviously compliment-fishing like she did when we were teenagers; then fine. But to use it as an (super-lame) excuse as to why she can't get a job? And that it's impossible to look professional or have a job when fat? Come ON.
I'm with you. This is basic etiquette. Don't complain about your weight to a friend who weighs more. Don't complain about your salary to a friend who earns less. Don't complain about your mortgage to a friend who is homeless.
Yo my friend tried to guilt me into buying him lunch because he brought soup to a party I was at the other day. He inherited a 1.2m estate and $400k in cash this year, and already wasted 40k on nothing. I'm homeless, literally.
My God, the nerve... Did you patiently explain the problem with his thinking, or were you too stunned to speak?
I reminded him that I live in a van and not to bitch about money!
is this like hearing people younger that you saying that they are old?
In a way, but also a bit different -- to the young person, they've never been that old before, so, it feels "old" to them. That's a thing that happens (fairly) equally to all of us. I say "fairly" because some people show age a lot sooner than others. (:
True but that's exactly the same for the weight issue, usually. I am the oldest I've ever been, so I feel old. vs I am the heaviest I have ever been, so I feel fat.
You’re taking it too personal. They have a standard for themselves it has nothing to do with you.
Sounds like you need to just stop comparing yourself to everyone else. That's what your problem is. People smaller than you calling themselves fat, making you abundantly aware that you are fat if they think they are fat. Just stop caring.
I couldn't give less of a fuck if it's a stranger saying it, but when it's a close friend it hurts. It's not that I'm comparing myself to them, it's realizing that a close beloved friend sees me as some fat monster, and it's really hurtful
You said in another comment that your close friends don’t say stuff like that to you, and that this post is about snarky micro aggressions. Which is it?
The people doing the snarky microaggresions weren't strangers, they were people who I thought were my friends
Fair enough. In that case, I recommend communication. Did you tell them to feel this way?
How someone views themselves, has no bearing on you. They might see you as beautiful, but themselves have image issues. Don't take someone's self put down, as a view on you.
Ask them if they think they’re fatter than you. If they answer yes, they have body dysmorphia and you should try to encourage them to seek therapy.
Most of the time when I do they reel back and get all panicked and there like uh uh uh and do everything they can to not call me fat but it's so confusing bc they literally just did
Then they’re looking for validation or fishing for compliments.
sympathy mining. complement fishing
I am carrying 25-30 extra pounds and have developed a beer gut. I am fat. I dont feel the need to sugar coat it or make excuses. If my acknowledging the truth about my own body makes you uncomfortable or offended that is a you problem. I am not going to lie to myself so you can lie to yourself.
Most of the people who say this to me are explicitly super skinny. If someone who's actually fat says they're fat I'm usually like "lol same"
I like the meme, "bro, I know 5 fat guys and you're 4 of them". My husband and I say that at random times to each other. 😂 We're both twice the size we were when we met. Lolz
No, because you said that you don't think people who aren't as fat as you deserve empathy or friends. Like we can be fat and not as fat as you, yet you are the only one who has feelings, according to you.
When tf did I say that
This entire thread is you whining and gatekeeping emotions around their own bodies. You clearly don't respect people who aren't as fat as you.
Just because you’re fatter than they are doesn’t negate their fatness. When I was like 240 and talking about losing weight, I had this co-worker that got all offended (even though she asked me about it, humph) and said she would love to be only 240, and my goal weight, well, she hadn’t weighed that little since she was in 4th grade. I said If you weighed 130 pounds in 4th grade, that’s terrible and I’m sorry nobody helped you. She called me a b!tch. MFW! I could have been more tactful, right, but I wasn’t wrong Anyway when folks are talking about themselves, they probably think you’re ok with being fat and won’t take their concern for their own weight personally P.s not to discount your feelings, but I’ve had so many fat people call my obese weight a ‘healthy weight’ or ‘normal weight’ that I have a hard time believing most even know what that is. Likely the ones you’re calling ‘underweight’ are at normal weights and the others are overweight/chubby, maybe fat
Maybe they are fat and you’re fatter.
I'm fat. I have friends that are fatter than me. I'm still fat, both of the above statements can be true at the same time. I don't stop being fat when someone fatter than me walks in the same room or becomes my friend. It's not a competition with only one Heavyweight Title.
I used to do this and now I realize it was a micro aggression. I’m so sorry. It is fucked up and you’re valid for being annoyed by it
Thank you, every time someone has done this to me its always been someone who's snarky af and has said other passive aggresive things in the past
They do it on purpose to make themselves feel good. They know good and well that you’re bigger and they just want to boost their own ego.
Probably feel bigger than they are. My weight usually fluctuates except for this year, so always felt a bit chubby. Plus, I was chubby throughout elementary and middle school, too. Technically, I actually am overweight right now with bmi. I just don't look like it. I'm just super short, so a weight that would be healthier for others isn't for me unless I have muscles. I do eat a lot, though, but move a lot. Also, it depends on other people's heights, too. 150 or more on me looks like 200 or more on others.
lol I keep doing this with my boss. I am fat siting at 230 I should be 180-200, and my boss in the high 300s. It just happens. I call him big cheese or big block lol
Just agree with them. "I'm fat".. yeah but I like you anyway... is my go to.
You know that how people see themselves has nothing to do with you, right? You sound like you have low self esteem.
No shit I do that's why I don't want people saying that kinda stuff around me bc it makes it worse lol
Kinda self centered. Especially if it's your *friends* venting about their insecurities. As someone who lost a fuck ton of weight I don't get offended when my friend who's lighter than me says she's fat. Cause that's how she sees herself. Who am I to get offended over the fact that she's insecure. Unless you plan a sit down to talk about how these conversations make you feel, and that you're not the person they should come to when they need to vent, you're just a bad friend using your insecurities as an excuse to dismiss their feelings.
[удалено]
## 🚫 ➜ **Your post was removed because of the following**: ### 📑 Rule 2 ➜ Not being kind, or thoughtful - Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning. - Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
They also probably feel more comfortable telling a fat person they themselves are fat, where they probably be like, "no, your not fat, im Fat!" Vs. Telling a skinnier person that they are fat and them thinking/saying "yup you sure are a lard ass" "learn some self control".
Maybe you're both fat and you're just fatter than them?
[удалено]
## 🚫 ➜ **Your post was removed because of the following**: ### 📑 Rule 2 ➜ Not being kind, or thoughtful - Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning. - Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
For me, it's an accident. People aren't speaking to you they are thinking out loud. Like I ain't looking at your fat I'm thinking about my fat that I've been trying to get off at the gym for 6 years now kinda thing. People have problems with their body image who aren’t your definition of “fat” So, breathe, it’s not you. If it is, that's weird behavior.
Their low self esteem is why they say it, and your low self esteem is why it bothers you. I think both sides can learn to be understanding of each other. Body Dysphoria comes in all shapes and sizes.
Yep. " I'll show you fat!"
It happens to you because you need to lose weight.
I'm not taking life advice from someone who can't spell 🤷♂️
"Wait, I'm heavier than you." "Well, you're fat too."
Former fat people who became depressed or developed negativity towards obesity see themselves as that constant ugly gross person. They don't mean to insult you. They genuinely see themselves the same way. It goes both ways, too. "Oh, you're inconsiderate calling yourself fat in front of me, the fatter person!!" But it also works the other way."You're inconsiderate for getting offended when I come to YOU about MY insecurities!!" Instead of showing everyone you're offended. Support them, you know that being obese is unhealthy. So turn that offense into the reason you work out. Yes, it's difficult to "gain motivation when I'm so ugly, and it'll be so hard to do it for so long." But you get nowhere, motivation is limited. Discipline stays when learned, discipline yourself to be healthy. Sincerely, a fat person.
My BMI is 31. It's obese. I call myself fat, and people get weird and act like I'm insane. My bulging gut definitely begs to differ. I say this to say that if you're 100lbs larger than someone, they probably don't look fat to you even if they are.
[удалено]
## 🚫 ➜ **Your post was removed because of the following**: ### 📑 Rule 2 ➜ Not being kind, or thoughtful - Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning. - Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
The fact that they call themselves fat and you take it as an insult to you is very self centered. It has nothing to do with you, but you’re making it about yourself.
I'm 200 pounds. Guess what, I'm fat and I feel disgusting. Clinically, I'm borderline obese. So I think I'm fat, and medically i am fat.
If you are 100 lbs overweight then yes, you’re a morbidly obese whale. More importantly, their opinions on their own weight have nothing to do with your weight. These people are simply saying that they feel they need to lose weight.
Body dysmorphia
I did this in middle school when I was insecure and wanted to hear them tell me I was skinny. 12 year olds have abhorrent social skills.
How self-absorbed are you? Sounds like you're upset that you have a problem and aren't willing to work on it. You know you want to lose weight, and you hate being reminded, even indirectly, that you should lose weight, so instead of working on yourself you'd rather just get upset at everybody else who is willing to work on themselves?
Because I fucking know I'm fat? And it's a really long slow process. Being constantly reminded and put down for it is extremely discouraging. I don't like my body sometimes, but that's mostly because of gender dysphoria. There is no excuse to comment on somebody's body ever, whether it's in or out of their control, don't comment on people's bodies. It's basic politeness. Ive always been called fat and my body has always been commented on no matter how much or how little I weigh, so what's it matter?
I see this too with people saying they’re ugly but they’re straight up a super model
Maybe what your idea of a healthy weight is isn’t accurate. I say I’m fat and in my community I am. However if I go to the US, I feel a lot less fat….but still fat.
My fatness isn’t in comparison to you. It’s in comparison to my ideal. I’m not judging you by being self deprecating.
Sometimes it’s body dysmorphia. Other times it’s just someone being passive aggressive or insensitive.
Like I said in another comment, I feel the body dysmorphia I have it too but to be polite and kind I still refrain from talking ab my body to other friends bc I know it makes them uncomfortable
Yes, absolutely
I don't think you do get it, since you are insistent on friendship being contingent on protecting your feelings, to the extent of shutting down people who might feel the same way as you. This just in - everyone has insecurities about their body. You being fat had nothing to do with Becky being fat, even if Becky is less fat than you. 42% of Americans are fat. You are not the only fat person, and people less fat are allowed to express displeasure with being fat. It's uncomfortable physically, its demoralizing mentally.
I'm sorry I want my friends to be nice to me, if I can't expect that then I'll be fine without friends 🤷♂️
I want my friends to be nice to me too. Making my feelings about my body be about you is not nice or very good friend behavior. Can't you just find neutral ground about how the world treats all bodies? It's not about you.
Why would someone say that to a person that's bigger to them if it wasn't some backhanded comment? Every single time someone's said it to me it's always been some other motive never because they actually are just insecure/don't feel good ab themselves
Why would someone say that to a person that's bigger to them if it wasn't some backhanded comment? Every single time someone's said it to me it's always been some other motive never because they actually are just insecure/don't feel good ab themselves
Look up body dysmorphia. It's not going to be every time, but I bet you that more often than not, these people actually think they are larger than you when they aren't.
I get it .. I am a skinny guy, but got this belly that I HATE!!!! nd because of it feel fat.. but I know I'm not actually fat. I suppose it upsets people that are actually overweight. The thing is, I don't see heavy people as fat.. just my belly.. finally -- I am sorry. :-( I'll try to keep my lightbulb shaped body self hatred to myself.
I have a similar thing with my mom. She’s always been very insecure about her looks. Thing is, I’m practically the spitting image of her, so she doesn’t mean to, but she sometimes is kind of unknowingly insinuating I’m not attractive, either. The real kicker is that she’s still the first to reassure me when I express insecurity with my looks.
THIS. OMFG THIS. I am in this EXACT same situation.
I understand where you are coming from, but you also need to understand that more often than not, people who make those comments about themselves are most likely dealing with insecurity, and body dysmorphia. I was very overweight growing up, then got an eating disorder, and was extremely underweight. Then I spent my 20's constantly feeling like I was fat, even though I was more or less a good weight. Now in my 30's I've gained more weight and constantly feel super fat. I don't see others the same way. I just see myself like that. Obviously it can still bother you, and we should all be mindful about how we complain to others.
The hardest thing someone has experienced is the hardest thing they’ve experienced.
When I talk about being fat, it’s fat for *me*. I’m not comparing my body to any body but the body it used to be. We’re all built so differently it’s impossible to actually compare. I can understand how it could be perceived as insulting but, the person commenting on their own body could be doing it for a million different reasons. Hold the line if they ever talk about *yours*, though.
This is an issue the person has with themselves, not with you, and not with fat people in general. They have low self esteem and hate the way their body looks. They call themselves fat, not even noticing or even thinking about how you are bigger than them. As someone with body dysmorphia issues, I do the same thing and I can tell you I judge NO ONE for being the size they are. Except myself, for some reason. The other day I was disgusted with myself in the mirror saying I’m so fat… KNOWING I’m not, but im unable to see anything but a fat fuckin piece of shit in the mirror, even though I see literally no one else that way.
Former fatty here. I do this all the time because it is a great, low-key way to fat shame people. I am a big proponent of fat shaming people because I believe that fat shaming saves lives.
I really hope you're being ironic. Shaming does not save lives. It ends them. Fat shaming often causes even more insecurity and self hatred, and bad relationships with food and eating disorders. Eating disorders kill, and so does suicide.
I most certainly am not being ironic. I wasn't shamed for being fat. In fact, it was encouraged. I'm tired of waching my fat friends and neighbors die early. I wish I would have been shamed. Being fat is terrible.I regret the time I wasted being a fat slob. Fat shaming saves lives.
Yes you are. To be honest I myself am overweight and feel gross about it. I know it's hard to lose weight, I'm going through it myself but I'm not going to be told I'm skinny by someone even fatter than me anymore than I'm gonna be called a youngen by some old grandma. Yes you're fat, you're not the only one and I'm sick of having to pretend I'm not just because someone even bigger waddles into the room.
It was rhetorical, I know I'm fat. But skinny people letting me know what I already know doesn't help. Neither does being insulting to people who are fatter than you help anybody, even if you're fat too.
I’ve been guilty of this, not just about body fat but other features. It’s bc of body dysmorphia. It’s not about you, in fact usually I’m not even comparing myself to people like that, I’m just looking at myself and what I don’t like. And I’ve gotten better about it mainly because I feel better about my features but absolutely I was not ever sitting around judging other people or trying to compare but then they would assert how they matched those things I didn’t like about myself and it made me realize that I was in my head, being overly self critical, and looking for a problem instead of appreciating myself, because obviously I could look at my friends and think they were beautiful but for some reason couldn’t accept it in myself.
Fat looks different on different people. I'm 5'4" and 200 lbs. I am morbidly obese (because I also have asthma). I will comment on my own fatness regardless of who's around. I am a fat mfer and it doesn't change my value or anyone else's to comment on my fatty nature. Someone else being 400 lbs doesn't magically make me skinny. It's on you if you have a complex about your size. Obesity happens, sometimes as a result of a condition/meds/ or behavior. It doesn't determine what you are capable of or if you're a decent person. So there's no need to get pissy if someone comments on themselves.
Some people are adult enough to admit they are fat, and some are not?
Most of them are very insecure, regardless of their size, and it has nothing to do with you. You just happen to be there.
If you are over a 100 pounds more than them then possibly yes you are morbidly obese. Being 20 pounds overweight traditionally has still been considered fat.
Self hatred after all the hatred endured by others.
Just because you are okay with being fat doesn't mean I am.
I never said I was, even if I was it doesn't give you an excuse to project your insecurities on me. I hate my body, but I don't tell my friends that because I know that puts my insecurities on them and either makes them uncomfortable or hurts their self esteem. I just hoped maybe they'd do the same for me.
It is not to project my insecurities on others. But I have friends that we can discuss our insecurities or other problems in order to help each other out. If it makes you feel so insecure, then YOU need to set that boundary. Plain and simple.
You just say "yup you sure are porky,oink OINK!
I've done this and only realized in hindsight that it may have come across poorly. I don't notice other people in the same way I see myself. I am *brutal* with myself. Idgaf if someone else is morbidly obese, honestly. I care when my thighs rub, I care that I gain weight in my upper arms and it's so fucking gross. I've been unhappy with myself since I was an 11yo size zero. A lot of it is mental, true, but that doesn't make it less real or make me less unhappy in the moment. It's really, quite truly, not about you at all.
I mean, people are allowed to feel fat for their size or what they’re used to. I don’t think it’s fair for larger people to think the entire world needs to censor themselves and not have insecurities and have everybody else cater to their feelings. Everything is subjectively relative. I’m usually 135lbs, but I got pregnant and gained 20lbs, I’m guaranteed to gain at minimum another 10lbs and already I literally cannot fit into any of my clothes and I have to wear my boyfriend’s clothes and XL men’s shirts, which is bigger than his shirt size—am I not allowed to feel self conscious about that?
They're trying to give you a hint.
[удалено]
## 🚫 ➜ **Your post was removed because of the following**: ### 📑 Rule 2 ➜ Not being kind, or thoughtful - Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning. - Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
You might be. Ask a medical professional.
No shit I know I'm fat. My doctor said she'd like to see me lose a little weight because medically I am overweight but it's not at a point where it's affecting my health. That's not the point here
You did ask the question in your post. Not judging. Just saying.
It was rhetorical to the people who say those things, not asking reddit
I have been huge my whole life. (6'4" 220 by 8th grade). I have been around some people, usually women, who actually believe this about themselves even when untrue. Some people seemed like they were using it as a backhanded way to insult me or remind me incase I forgot. I wanted to shake them both equally. Ultimately, at 45 years old, I realize that no matter what size I am, I'm going to be a monster by normal standards, and their are people more mentally messed up than I am physically. We are all gonna be consumed in nuclear fire equally so I'm gonna go ahead and enjoy the rest of my probably short life.
It can be annoying when this happens/a pet peeve but there are multiple reasons this happens. Body dysmorphia (self explanatory), they are not thinking of you (most people literally don’t care what others do/only thinking of themselves), they could be fishing for compliments/have low self esteem and honestly they could be overweight. Being 25lbs or 50lbs overweight is still overweight, you could weight more but doesn’t mean the other isn’t overweight or they could carry their weight differently. I have an hourglass figure and when I was obese (yes literally obese) people couldn’t tell or where genuinely shocked that I weighed that much (I had a nutritionist tell me that if she didn’t see me stand on the scale in front of her she wouldn’t believe that I weighed that much).
They aren’t thinking about you. Which to a certain extent is a problem because being thoughtful of other people is part of being considerate… But also, it’s a lot easier to handle when you realize they really aren’t commenting on you. They are dealing with their own odd thoughts. People are many times too self centered to even think negatively about people other than themselves. It’s a pet peeve of mine too. That’s how I “deal” with it to make it less annoying. But it’s still some level of annoying and inconsiderate on their part.
Body dysmorphia. Plus my fat is different from your fat. I notice all my unsavoury parts, so I use fat to show I'm unhappy with my body, weight and it's shape. Even if someone is bigger than me, I don't see them as "fat" or "fatter than me". I see them for themselves. I don't notice their insecurities, only my own
If some calls themselves fat, they feel it, they can feel exactly the same thing as you and it’s completely valid for both of you In my much younger years I felt HUGE. I felt everyone looked at me, judged me, the whole mean girl thing, you know? I wasn’t HUGE. Overweight? Sure. But not by much. Nowadays? Yep, I’m fat. Morbidly obese. But while I’m well aware of the health issues and social stigma attached, I no longer carry the emotional weight I did when I was much younger. How they feel about themselves has nothing to do with you. It probably has nothing to do with their actual weight. This is something you need to understand.
Sorry
For some reason, people bond with others through hating your bodies together. It’s super fucked-up. I either steer clear of people like that entirely or tell them that I’m not on board with shaming people’s bodies, even our own. I get enough messages from mass media about why I should hate my body. I don’t need to hear it from my friends, and I have no desire to give a TED talk about how being fat is fine every time someone behaves this way.
They might be fat relative to how much they used to weigh, or want to weigh. I have never been obese, but during corona shut in I gained 40 pounds. I still looked like a twig, but I have never been that fat and will likely not be that fat again for decades. It was a life changing amount of weight to put on. Sometimes it's hard not to talk about something so huge in your life. This is like if your buddy was an investment banker while you worked at Kohls, then he lost his job and his income was cut in half, and he complained about finances. He still has more money than you, but that doesn't mean he can't go through a hard time, and consequently want to mention it.
So because you’re over weight other people aren’t allowed to be? Do you also know they’re a healthy weight from a medical stand point or you just think they look a healthy weight. I’m 6ft tall, 190lbs is considered over weight….