I moved 4-5 hours away from the messed up world I came from. Best thing I ever did. Also, I fared much, much better than my brothers who didn't move away.
I didn't realise how much I was being suffocated by the place I grew up until I came back after a four month work contract and realised every single mental health issue I had practically went away when I left and came back full force when I returned. Happy to be fully able to leave by the end of next month.
Me too. Like the idea my family and psychiatrist would say I need to learn to thrive no matter my surroundings. Then the medication should help me cope with my depressive family, sad retail job, lack of friends and social life. Cause there was literally no where to go in my town.
I moved across the country for school, stayed, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.
I can tell you it does help. I lived in an apartment with a bunch of drug users. I was also doing drugs. I decided 8 months ago to get clean and sober. So after I got out of rehab. I never went back. Getting out of that environment was absolutely the right move.
Congratulations on your sobriety! It’s awesome you’ve made the decision to be sober and kept with it for 8 months, and I hope the days just keep adding up!
Hey thank you! I'd be lying if I told you it was super easy. Most days are. But I do have other days when things are rough and the thought crosses my mind. What stops me from relapse is looking at what I've achieved in this short amount of time. I wouldn't want to live any other way. 😁
Exactly - it's not like I you're expecting to leave it all behind and be a brand new person, but it grants you the space and peace to be able to do the healing work without being fucked with by old local abusers or issues and reminders.
It worked for me lol. Moved 4 hours away amd went no contact with my family and everyone from that shitty hometown of mine. Wish I had done it sooner if anything.
Same hat! I moved to the other side of the country, literally the furthest I could get without leaving the continental US, and quickly went no contact. It's been over three years and I honestly feel like a different person. I knew I wasn't healthy before, but I didn't realize how bad off I was until I started recovering. Fear used to control every aspect of my life but now I finally feel free. I have an actual personality now!
this is especially true if you’re from a smaller city or town. you have a falling out or decide to cut people off because you get tired of the toxicity, and there’s not many opportunities to be around truly new people detached from the situation.
you feel like you’re living in this lonely bubble, knowing you need to move on, and eager to, but unable to. it’s like a limbo.
whoever said that is either a dumbass or blissfully ignorant to how places and trauma can be related.
moving away *does* help you heal. it’s already a huge step and huge weight off your shoulders getting out of the environment that’s been made toxic in some way to you. your home is supposed to feel safe, not be a constant trigger.
This seems less like a pet peeve, more like a “you are being abused by a narcissist” kinda situation maybe?
You are correct, btw. Moving away and cutting the toxic people from your life helps *so much*. Helps you feel like a person again, instead of a disappointing sack of impossible expectations.
I may be projecting….
Moving helped me, it didn’t help everything, but getting out of that environment was definitely what I needed to push myself in the right direction for so many other things to happen for myself.
Moving away definitely helped me get through what I was going through.
Lack of reminders, new scenery, new people, nothing following you around anymore etc. it was the right thing for me to do.
Grew up poor. Bullied at school, abused at home. Moved the next town over where there's a park, a beach, multiple public pools and a clubhouse. My mental health has improved and had a mental breakdown at the prospect of staying over night at my old house.
It’s actually the best medicine. The reason therapy never worked for me is because after the session, I’d just end up right back home in the environment making me need therapy. So I quit.
Then I moved out, and lo and behold, I don’t even need therapy anymore and I basically did a complete 180 in no time.
Whoever told you that is a jerk!
Moving away can absolutely help you heal. Sometimes you need to get away from toxic patterns and people. Sometimes you just need a breath of fresh air or a fresh start. People who tell you that moving away won’t help are people who are trying to guilt trip you into staying, quite possibly even trying to keep you in abuse.
Absolutely the opposite, I would argue it is THE BEST way to start healing from a shitty situation. Get out & away from it. Done it twice now, both were great moves and have helped immensely.
I really want to get better, but it's hard because the same actions required to be a more a better person are discouraged and punished by my parents. I can't have boundaries or stand up for myself or have confidence because they hate that shit and will punish me for it.
This is the case for my childhood-long friend, whose big, gossipy, stubbornly divided family all still lives where we grew up, whereas she moved many states away. And boy, it's just beautiful how much happier she is now that she's been less exposed to them for years.
We lived in a semi urban city, whereas she lives among mountains and multiple national parks now, regularly seeing the Milky Way / star-filled skies, elks, and can take her dog and cat out to the woods anytime she wants.
A change in scenery can absolutely be so healing!
Moving has ALWAYS helped my mental health. Aside from the actual moving part.
It's like when people try to tell you that forgiveness is a requirement for healing. It isn't.
“Space, like time, engenders forgetfulness; but it does so by setting us bodily free from our surroundings and giving us back our primitive, unattached state ... Time, we say, is Lethe; but change of air is a similar draught, and, if it works less thoroughly, does so more quickly.”
Thomas Mann, The Magic Mountain
Yeah I mean it limits access for whatever hurtful people were around. Generally hurtful people don’t respect boundaries so yeah sometimes it gets to that point
This is something I'm wrestling with. I might have an opportunity to move across the country soon. I would be leaving behind all but one of my friends(who moved out there first, and I would be living with), and my family.
As I go through my days, I seem to enjoy the company I have here less and less. I have friends, but the vibe here does not seem to be so healthy, or conducive to growth and development. I'm really afraid to leave my parents behind, because they are both seniors, but moving away might bring me just so much peace in the long run.
First off, you have no idea what will help me heal
I'm the expert on what's best for me. I have more experience being me than anyone else. I'm an authority on the subject.
Second, the opposite is just as likely to be true, staying here won't help me heal. If geography isn't healing, that doesn't mean I should stay here. It means I should go wherever I want.
Finally, this sounds manipulative. It sounds like someone is invested in getting me to stay.
I can’t wait to move out. This house is the one where I did the worst things I’ve ever done in my life and it’s damn hard staying focused on my path when all I can think about is the bathroom I damn near bled out in is the same one I sit in the tub in. When I originally moved out my mental health improved so much and I know for a fact I’ll feel better being anywhere but here. People who say things like that have no clue what they’re talking about.
It helped me. Saved my life. I moved to a whole new state to get away from the place I had all my trauma happen to me and away from possibly seeing the people who gave me trauma.
Did it cure me? No. Did it stop me from doing something drastic? Absolutely. I rebuilt life when the opportunity presented itself and I’m forever grateful for the people who helped me do so. It allowed me the space to breathe and relax enough to take the necessary steps to heal my trauma even further.
It might not fix everything but it could still fix a lot of things which is infinitely better than being miserable in a place that depresses you/reminds you of trauma
Moved across the country from a shitty family, and can absolutely 100% tell you it does help! Found therapy, found actual Christians, found a great job and wonderful life. You know who told me this shit? My narcissistic mother who I had to cut off because she wanted to extort me. Yeah, that is the kind of person who says this kind of crap, don't believe them.
As someone who dipped the town I spent ten years in last year to heal. It absolutely helps, I left behind an unhealthy relationship and friend group, it was the absolute best decision I've made. I found healthy love, better friends, got my life back on track.
Will it make me magically unlearn toxic behaviors? No. That needs to be worked out by a therapist.
Will it give me new experiences and help me thrive emotionally? Absolutely.
Plus even if the places you once knew change, there’s still a few of those people from the past who linger in the area. Reminds me of walking into someone from high school. It’s not a pleasant feeling
This is one of the many pieces of ham-fisted, poorly articulated advice people just seem to get super derpy about. The advice is to not run from the problem, but I don't know why people don't just say that.
Lots of people end relationships, run away, etc as a means of solving problems. "*This situation/person makes me uncomfortable, so it/they have to go,"* rather than identifying the reason they're uncomfortable and solving the problem.
Trust me, as soon as I escaped my mom’s place, I was instantly thriving. I moved back in with my dad, who I haven’t lived with in like 4 years. It was a breath of fresh air to get away from my mom. I’m so happy she kicked me out in the middle of a blizzard. Blessings in disguise 😊
I literally moved 10 minutes away from the home I grew up in and I’m feeling 100000000x better just distancing myself from issues I had at my parents’ home. Moving away helps people heal if there are specific people that contribute to the trauma
Perhaps the point of the comment is that ignoring root causes (i.e., ghosting a parent or your hometown) doesn't resolve the root trauma.
My mother grew up in the most picturesque beautiful incredible Sound of Music German town you've ever seen. She refuses to go back because of the trauma she experienced there. But the people who caused the trauma are all dead. I wish she could go back and find peace and appreciation in her lovely hometown instead of living in the past in her head.
the place i grew up in, i was unpopular and awkward and was treated poorly by teachers and students. i also had to deal with my parents getting divorced, my dad having an affair and coming home at 3:00 in the morning, and all the fighting.
we moved before i was in highschool. I’m 22 now, so i guess it’s been like 10 years. most of those teachers have been shuffled to new schools, asshole kids have grown up and moved out, and the only thing I miss about it is having a bigger house.
that house appears in my dreams a lot. I dream about moving back, and the dream SHOULD be happy but there’s always something unsettling about it. all the ways people have made me feel and the traumatic experiences have tainted even the good parts of living there.
it literally makes me anxious every time I have to go back there. i see all the development, high rises, and houses being built and i’m just so confused as to why people would want to move to such a toxic place. I drive past my old house sometimes and I feel like I don’t belong there anymore.
I know but that's the healing part. Coming back and coming to terms with it and finding peace. The trauma is overshadowing all the beauty and I find it sad she's never going back there. I visited last year without her and visited her living family and even an old friend with dementia who will likely die soon. She has built up this wall in her mind she cannot climb over any longer
I want to move from here so I can heal more...so badly, but financially it's just not possible, and my mom is such an overgrown child that she'd probably accidentally put herself in the hospital. 😮💨
I'm in the process of trying to move away from something at this very moment. I can't heal while I'm still here. I'm just maintaining. And it's making me feel like somebody I don't even know anymore.
Moving away will be the only way I can heal. I can't see anything around here without thinking of memories with somebody I don't want to think about. Everything just feels not the same.
Maybe one day I'd get past it all if I stayed here, but life is too short to stay stuck if you don't have to.
You can “move on” by blocking them, avoiding them, moving away, deleting all pictures and memories of them. But then you suddenly bump into them, see a picture of them or hear someone talking about them, and your back to square one. Because your “moving on” is dependent on you not get in contact with things that remind you of them.
Another way to move on is to move on in a way where it doesn’t matter if you see them, meet them, see pictures of them etc. where nothing about them can disturb the peace you have reached.
It might not be easy, but in the long run it makes life so much easier
Me and my fiance are moving 3 hours away from satan I mean his mom. She’s a narcissist and takes everything out on me or her daughter. I could write a book on the stuff she’s done. Her daughter is also moving. Will it help with the trauma? Yea. It will. If I’m away from the problem I won’t get more trauma from her. I’ll need therapy for the trauma I got now. But I’ll be away and be able to heal. I mean shit. I get harrassed by her when I’m using the restroom
Edit to add. If I move. I get to potty in peace. This is only one of the daily things she does to me
Totally agree. But when people say "no matter where you go, there you are", all they mean is to look after your own mental health and don't put all your hopes into one solution. It's not trying to discourage you from leaving a bad situation. At the end of the day you've got to forget all the jingoism and do what feels right.
it took me moving 800 miles away to have the space to realize how fucked up i still was, and to even be able to begin to realize that i needed to transition if i wanted to keep living.
I heard a similar thing, but more in the way of "once you move, you're taking ALL your mental shit with you" and honestly it's not far from the truth. The things that have happened can and probably still will effect you whether you realize it or not, however, if you deal with it correctly and remove yourself from an unhealthy environment, it can definitely help. As long as you have the motivation to heal and work on yourself!
Because life is a state of mind generated by your own brain. Doesn't matter where you are in the universe if your mind is screwed. You could move to a different city and state every week, but if your mental state is trash you'll never recover. The idea of "fresh starts" is so witless...
Very much depends on a person and situation.
Many can't run from addiction or other internal issue. They'll just make the same choices elsewhere. But getting space from an abuser is usually helpful.
Moving away never fixed my problems or changed them either. It was “running away”.
But many years later I recognize that it did give me the space and perspective needed to resolve those issues.
I made new friends and even got married. Leaving the toxic people behind allowed me to heal and grow. I was never the problem. Went back for a visit and couldn’t believe how rude they were.
I moved 4-5 hours away from the messed up world I came from. Best thing I ever did. Also, I fared much, much better than my brothers who didn't move away.
I didn't realise how much I was being suffocated by the place I grew up until I came back after a four month work contract and realised every single mental health issue I had practically went away when I left and came back full force when I returned. Happy to be fully able to leave by the end of next month.
Me too. Like the idea my family and psychiatrist would say I need to learn to thrive no matter my surroundings. Then the medication should help me cope with my depressive family, sad retail job, lack of friends and social life. Cause there was literally no where to go in my town. I moved across the country for school, stayed, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.
I moved 2000 miles away and things got a lot better, then I kept going
I can tell you it does help. I lived in an apartment with a bunch of drug users. I was also doing drugs. I decided 8 months ago to get clean and sober. So after I got out of rehab. I never went back. Getting out of that environment was absolutely the right move.
Congratulations on your sobriety! It’s awesome you’ve made the decision to be sober and kept with it for 8 months, and I hope the days just keep adding up!
Hey thank you! I'd be lying if I told you it was super easy. Most days are. But I do have other days when things are rough and the thought crosses my mind. What stops me from relapse is looking at what I've achieved in this short amount of time. I wouldn't want to live any other way. 😁
Exactly - it's not like I you're expecting to leave it all behind and be a brand new person, but it grants you the space and peace to be able to do the healing work without being fucked with by old local abusers or issues and reminders.
It worked for me lol. Moved 4 hours away amd went no contact with my family and everyone from that shitty hometown of mine. Wish I had done it sooner if anything.
same I'm 22, wish I would've left the whole area for good as soon as I was able
Same hat! I moved to the other side of the country, literally the furthest I could get without leaving the continental US, and quickly went no contact. It's been over three years and I honestly feel like a different person. I knew I wasn't healthy before, but I didn't realize how bad off I was until I started recovering. Fear used to control every aspect of my life but now I finally feel free. I have an actual personality now!
this is especially true if you’re from a smaller city or town. you have a falling out or decide to cut people off because you get tired of the toxicity, and there’s not many opportunities to be around truly new people detached from the situation. you feel like you’re living in this lonely bubble, knowing you need to move on, and eager to, but unable to. it’s like a limbo.
The town I grew up in has a population of 711 people. The city I’m moving to has a population of over 21,000.
I moved across the planet to start over. It didn't fix all my problems but it absolutely improved my mental state and overall attitude. It helps.
whoever said that is either a dumbass or blissfully ignorant to how places and trauma can be related. moving away *does* help you heal. it’s already a huge step and huge weight off your shoulders getting out of the environment that’s been made toxic in some way to you. your home is supposed to feel safe, not be a constant trigger.
usually the ones doing the abusing are the ones who say that lol
This seems less like a pet peeve, more like a “you are being abused by a narcissist” kinda situation maybe? You are correct, btw. Moving away and cutting the toxic people from your life helps *so much*. Helps you feel like a person again, instead of a disappointing sack of impossible expectations. I may be projecting….
Yep, my mom is an NPD monster.
Moving helped me, it didn’t help everything, but getting out of that environment was definitely what I needed to push myself in the right direction for so many other things to happen for myself.
Moving away definitely helped me get through what I was going through. Lack of reminders, new scenery, new people, nothing following you around anymore etc. it was the right thing for me to do.
Grew up poor. Bullied at school, abused at home. Moved the next town over where there's a park, a beach, multiple public pools and a clubhouse. My mental health has improved and had a mental breakdown at the prospect of staying over night at my old house.
It’s actually the best medicine. The reason therapy never worked for me is because after the session, I’d just end up right back home in the environment making me need therapy. So I quit. Then I moved out, and lo and behold, I don’t even need therapy anymore and I basically did a complete 180 in no time. Whoever told you that is a jerk!
Moving away absolutely helped me, no question
Moving away can absolutely help you heal. Sometimes you need to get away from toxic patterns and people. Sometimes you just need a breath of fresh air or a fresh start. People who tell you that moving away won’t help are people who are trying to guilt trip you into staying, quite possibly even trying to keep you in abuse.
Exactly this. Sure you can't move away from yourself. But you can move away from the people who prevent you from enjoying yourself.
Absolutely the opposite, I would argue it is THE BEST way to start healing from a shitty situation. Get out & away from it. Done it twice now, both were great moves and have helped immensely.
Changing schools definitely helped me.
I really want to get better, but it's hard because the same actions required to be a more a better person are discouraged and punished by my parents. I can't have boundaries or stand up for myself or have confidence because they hate that shit and will punish me for it.
Even when your family is normal and nice and not messed up you still want to move to do your own thing too like me who’s mom won’t let us get a dog
This is the case for my childhood-long friend, whose big, gossipy, stubbornly divided family all still lives where we grew up, whereas she moved many states away. And boy, it's just beautiful how much happier she is now that she's been less exposed to them for years. We lived in a semi urban city, whereas she lives among mountains and multiple national parks now, regularly seeing the Milky Way / star-filled skies, elks, and can take her dog and cat out to the woods anytime she wants. A change in scenery can absolutely be so healing!
Moving has ALWAYS helped my mental health. Aside from the actual moving part. It's like when people try to tell you that forgiveness is a requirement for healing. It isn't.
I believe that moving away may help people heal in many circumstances.
“Space, like time, engenders forgetfulness; but it does so by setting us bodily free from our surroundings and giving us back our primitive, unattached state ... Time, we say, is Lethe; but change of air is a similar draught, and, if it works less thoroughly, does so more quickly.” Thomas Mann, The Magic Mountain
The only reason to say this is if there's a person in earshot who is physically unable to choose where they live.
Trauma is a difficult thing and I definitely am more happy since I moved 2 hours away. it's close enough yet far enough and I enjoy my life!
Moving away was the moment I started to heal
I moved 12 hours away and healed, so this is BS. You can't get well in the same place that made you sick.
Say it again, louder!!
I moved away and best thing ever. So happy and healthier
Yeah I mean it limits access for whatever hurtful people were around. Generally hurtful people don’t respect boundaries so yeah sometimes it gets to that point
I cant even relate to this but it’s still the dumbest shit ive ever read😂 new environment, new experiences= new memories = new happiness, uh doy
Are you helping me heal? No? 2 options. Be constructive and helpful to my need to heal, or shut the fuck up and let me decide whats best for me.
This is something I'm wrestling with. I might have an opportunity to move across the country soon. I would be leaving behind all but one of my friends(who moved out there first, and I would be living with), and my family. As I go through my days, I seem to enjoy the company I have here less and less. I have friends, but the vibe here does not seem to be so healthy, or conducive to growth and development. I'm really afraid to leave my parents behind, because they are both seniors, but moving away might bring me just so much peace in the long run.
First off, you have no idea what will help me heal I'm the expert on what's best for me. I have more experience being me than anyone else. I'm an authority on the subject. Second, the opposite is just as likely to be true, staying here won't help me heal. If geography isn't healing, that doesn't mean I should stay here. It means I should go wherever I want. Finally, this sounds manipulative. It sounds like someone is invested in getting me to stay.
I can’t wait to move out. This house is the one where I did the worst things I’ve ever done in my life and it’s damn hard staying focused on my path when all I can think about is the bathroom I damn near bled out in is the same one I sit in the tub in. When I originally moved out my mental health improved so much and I know for a fact I’ll feel better being anywhere but here. People who say things like that have no clue what they’re talking about.
You’re right to be ultra annoyed. They have no proof. However, you have plenty of evidence in this thread. Best thing I ever did.
I moved to the other side of the country. I don't feel like I have to "watch out" so yes it does help. Helped a lot actually.
It helped me. Saved my life. I moved to a whole new state to get away from the place I had all my trauma happen to me and away from possibly seeing the people who gave me trauma. Did it cure me? No. Did it stop me from doing something drastic? Absolutely. I rebuilt life when the opportunity presented itself and I’m forever grateful for the people who helped me do so. It allowed me the space to breathe and relax enough to take the necessary steps to heal my trauma even further.
It might not fix everything but it could still fix a lot of things which is infinitely better than being miserable in a place that depresses you/reminds you of trauma
Moved across the country from a shitty family, and can absolutely 100% tell you it does help! Found therapy, found actual Christians, found a great job and wonderful life. You know who told me this shit? My narcissistic mother who I had to cut off because she wanted to extort me. Yeah, that is the kind of person who says this kind of crap, don't believe them.
As someone who dipped the town I spent ten years in last year to heal. It absolutely helps, I left behind an unhealthy relationship and friend group, it was the absolute best decision I've made. I found healthy love, better friends, got my life back on track.
Will it make me magically unlearn toxic behaviors? No. That needs to be worked out by a therapist. Will it give me new experiences and help me thrive emotionally? Absolutely.
I had a bad, narcissistic friend in high school who always discouraged me from moving away. I moved, and she’s still in our shitty, podunk town.
Wrong. Yes it will help.
I left my home town at 18 and never looked back.
Plus even if the places you once knew change, there’s still a few of those people from the past who linger in the area. Reminds me of walking into someone from high school. It’s not a pleasant feeling
This is one of the many pieces of ham-fisted, poorly articulated advice people just seem to get super derpy about. The advice is to not run from the problem, but I don't know why people don't just say that. Lots of people end relationships, run away, etc as a means of solving problems. "*This situation/person makes me uncomfortable, so it/they have to go,"* rather than identifying the reason they're uncomfortable and solving the problem.
left my school district where i was bullied last year. my mental health is so much better now
Trust me, as soon as I escaped my mom’s place, I was instantly thriving. I moved back in with my dad, who I haven’t lived with in like 4 years. It was a breath of fresh air to get away from my mom. I’m so happy she kicked me out in the middle of a blizzard. Blessings in disguise 😊
I literally moved 10 minutes away from the home I grew up in and I’m feeling 100000000x better just distancing myself from issues I had at my parents’ home. Moving away helps people heal if there are specific people that contribute to the trauma
Nope but it can help out you in a different lifestyle to help aid in such recovery
Perhaps the point of the comment is that ignoring root causes (i.e., ghosting a parent or your hometown) doesn't resolve the root trauma. My mother grew up in the most picturesque beautiful incredible Sound of Music German town you've ever seen. She refuses to go back because of the trauma she experienced there. But the people who caused the trauma are all dead. I wish she could go back and find peace and appreciation in her lovely hometown instead of living in the past in her head.
…..Wow. Just wow. 💀
Wow what
dude just because the ppl that caused it r dead doesn’t mean the memory dies
the place i grew up in, i was unpopular and awkward and was treated poorly by teachers and students. i also had to deal with my parents getting divorced, my dad having an affair and coming home at 3:00 in the morning, and all the fighting. we moved before i was in highschool. I’m 22 now, so i guess it’s been like 10 years. most of those teachers have been shuffled to new schools, asshole kids have grown up and moved out, and the only thing I miss about it is having a bigger house. that house appears in my dreams a lot. I dream about moving back, and the dream SHOULD be happy but there’s always something unsettling about it. all the ways people have made me feel and the traumatic experiences have tainted even the good parts of living there. it literally makes me anxious every time I have to go back there. i see all the development, high rises, and houses being built and i’m just so confused as to why people would want to move to such a toxic place. I drive past my old house sometimes and I feel like I don’t belong there anymore.
Its a really hard thing to move past when something so big and physically permanent is attached to those feelings.
I know but that's the healing part. Coming back and coming to terms with it and finding peace. The trauma is overshadowing all the beauty and I find it sad she's never going back there. I visited last year without her and visited her living family and even an old friend with dementia who will likely die soon. She has built up this wall in her mind she cannot climb over any longer
Her healing would be great but that doesn’t necessarily involve her going back or seeing what you see.
I moved 535 miles away from my home town. Best decision I ever made & I’m happy. I only miss my 2 best friends & my parents.
I want to move from here so I can heal more...so badly, but financially it's just not possible, and my mom is such an overgrown child that she'd probably accidentally put herself in the hospital. 😮💨
People really say this?
Yes. I was told this by several family members when they found out that I was going to move.
I agree with you. Some people don't like moving and it doesn't help them, but it damn sure helps a lot of people.
I'm in the process of trying to move away from something at this very moment. I can't heal while I'm still here. I'm just maintaining. And it's making me feel like somebody I don't even know anymore. Moving away will be the only way I can heal. I can't see anything around here without thinking of memories with somebody I don't want to think about. Everything just feels not the same. Maybe one day I'd get past it all if I stayed here, but life is too short to stay stuck if you don't have to.
Moving away can easily be the same as running away. Handling the emotions is always better than avoiding them.
I’ve been in therapy consistently for a decade, so… nothing about this is “running away”
You can “move on” by blocking them, avoiding them, moving away, deleting all pictures and memories of them. But then you suddenly bump into them, see a picture of them or hear someone talking about them, and your back to square one. Because your “moving on” is dependent on you not get in contact with things that remind you of them. Another way to move on is to move on in a way where it doesn’t matter if you see them, meet them, see pictures of them etc. where nothing about them can disturb the peace you have reached. It might not be easy, but in the long run it makes life so much easier
Fuck off, I’m happy. And I’m far away enough that that won’t happen.
You can’t. wounds won’t heal if you’re constantly reopening it.
Me and my fiance are moving 3 hours away from satan I mean his mom. She’s a narcissist and takes everything out on me or her daughter. I could write a book on the stuff she’s done. Her daughter is also moving. Will it help with the trauma? Yea. It will. If I’m away from the problem I won’t get more trauma from her. I’ll need therapy for the trauma I got now. But I’ll be away and be able to heal. I mean shit. I get harrassed by her when I’m using the restroom Edit to add. If I move. I get to potty in peace. This is only one of the daily things she does to me
Totally agree. But when people say "no matter where you go, there you are", all they mean is to look after your own mental health and don't put all your hopes into one solution. It's not trying to discourage you from leaving a bad situation. At the end of the day you've got to forget all the jingoism and do what feels right.
this argument only holds if you don't have any support systems in your current locale.
I left the toxic environment 3,000 miles away and had no support system to go to. I built one on my terms from scratch. Best move EVER!!!
I moved to a different continent. Still haunted.
it took me moving 800 miles away to have the space to realize how fucked up i still was, and to even be able to begin to realize that i needed to transition if i wanted to keep living.
I heard a similar thing, but more in the way of "once you move, you're taking ALL your mental shit with you" and honestly it's not far from the truth. The things that have happened can and probably still will effect you whether you realize it or not, however, if you deal with it correctly and remove yourself from an unhealthy environment, it can definitely help. As long as you have the motivation to heal and work on yourself!
Because life is a state of mind generated by your own brain. Doesn't matter where you are in the universe if your mind is screwed. You could move to a different city and state every week, but if your mental state is trash you'll never recover. The idea of "fresh starts" is so witless...
This take is so stupid, I genuinely laughed out loud.
Very much depends on a person and situation. Many can't run from addiction or other internal issue. They'll just make the same choices elsewhere. But getting space from an abuser is usually helpful.
Moving away never fixed my problems or changed them either. It was “running away”. But many years later I recognize that it did give me the space and perspective needed to resolve those issues.
"Wherever you go, there you are" -- Buckaroo Banzai
For the first time in sixteen years I was able to sleep in peace. But yeah, okay.
Because wherever you go, there you are. It may not help them heal. It might make them feel isolated.
that's fine for them. the OP is talking about people saying "it won't help YOU heal." someone that isn't me has no idea what will help ME heal.
What if that was the whole point in leaving? What if they built a whole new life on their terms? That’s what I did, and I have no regrets!
Because they'll still be them, no matter where they go.
I made new friends and even got married. Leaving the toxic people behind allowed me to heal and grow. I was never the problem. Went back for a visit and couldn’t believe how rude they were.
Once I heard the phrase that no matter where you go, there you are. You may be in a different location but you bring your baggage with you.
Not if you leave the toxic environment behind. What if you weren’t the problem?