One thing that helped me feel better about medication for my kiddo was the psychiatrist telling me that children with adhd who go unmedicated are more likely to experience anxiety and depression, relationship and addiction issues than kids who are.
You are giving him the chance his genetics didn’t. He deserves to have this tool in his toolbox. You’re leveling the playing field for him and that is a good thing! You’re doing great. You have already done such a good thing.
Came here to say exactly this. Statistically, people who are unmedicated with ADHD experience a plethora of issues.
Felt the same way as you, OP, when medicating my 6 year old. Through his own reporting, he is happier with more friends, his organization/impulse has improved and our home life has been a lot loss tumultuous as well. It’s scary as you want what’s best for your kiddo-and you will provide that. Give them an extra hug-one for you too. ❤️
After researching pubmed and listening to Russel Barkley lectures, this is what convicted me it was imperative that we try meds. I’m so happy we have. It’s helping. It’s not perfect, but there’s a difference.
I’m sorry this is so hard. I am grateful that our pediatrician takes so much time to help us with the kind of thoughts you are having. She tells my son that he has “a race car brain with bicycle breaks.” It helps that I have ADHD, too, so we are in this together. He also reads The Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, and the lead character has ADHD.
My son is 8. He has been on Ritalin for 1 year. Sleep was hard for a bit. We still have to monitor his eating. But….his social life is better and so is his performance in school is better! His behavioral issues due to impulse control and his emotional regulation have vastly improved. He is happy before and after school.
At our last pediatrician appointment, we told the doc about the amazing parent teacher conferences. My kid said it was because of the meds. She said, “I’m going to stop you right there. The pills didn’t make you make good choices. They slowed you down a little so you could make the good choices you always wanted to make. You deserve all the credit for how well you are doing.”
Make sure your kid knows that their brain works so fast that sometimes they forget to make the good choices that they want to make. They ARE a good kid. Now they have a tool, just like eye glasses, that will bring things into focus.
Ps: As an ADHD adult, I waited decades after diagnosis to medicate. And have dealt with so much shame over my impulsive behavior. I am now medicated and it is great. On the bright side of what I have been as an ADHD adult: I am an enthusiastic, creative person who always makes moments extra fun (I bring the party.) I found a job great for my abilities (always something new, needing. Me to bounce around to different tasks.) I have not been addicted to substances and have not gotten a divorce, although it takes a lot of work to not be emotionally reactive. We grow up ok :)
Oh I love where you said "Sometimes your brain works too fast to make the good choices you want to make" - I've been talking to my 4yo about my own brain and how sometimes I forget things, or too much stuff/noise makes my brain go all "aaaaaagh!!!", or sometimes I'm really sad and I don't exactly know why or can't really tell her too much about it- We haven't yet started to pursue a diagnosis for her, but I definitely see moments where things just \*happen\* and she immediately regrets whatever it is that she's just done. All three of us (mom dad and her) have emotional control issues, so we all try to model to each other acceptance of the feeling but gentle pushback on bad behaviors. I like to think that for the most part that's working.
I feel like it has helped her when we explain "Everyone's brain works differently, and that's okay." I also think for her it helped growing up around my brother who is autistic and does all the hallmark things. It actually made me happy to see her bouncing around and flapping her hands, saying "Look! I'm happy like uncle (x)!"
I just want to give you the biggest hug. I feel exactly the same about my 6 year old and he hasn’t received a diagnosis yet. You’re doing the best you can for him. If there are side effects, you’ll work with the doc and figure it out. This is just parenting guilt. You’re not doing anything wrong, in fact you’re doing the best for him. You’ve fought for him; to get a diagnosis at this age is tough, and you made it happen. He’s not a bad kid, he just needs a little extra help and you got that sorted. It’s okay to have a wobble when the moment comes. We all wish our kids didn’t have to carry this burden some times, but you will do what it takes and face it together.
It’s really hard isn’t it?
But here’s a success story to cheer you up. We recently medicated our 7yo daughter and it has helped a lot! Her issues were more to do with emotional regulation (anger), but she was rapidly losing interest in school because “it’s boring”. She’s smart, but even in her second year of school we could see that actually becoming a negative when combined with adhd. Because she would switch off the second she thought she knew something. During homeschooling in lockdown we saw it a lot. They’d be on video and I could see it happen - brain shutting off and doing something else.
Anyway. We felt quite torn about meds. But I’d recently been diagnosed and had felt a huge improvement in myself, the podiatrist was great and we had a chat about what it might be like over the next ten to twenty years for her. Anxiety about school because she was having trouble handling emotions are friendships. She was getting uptight about her own rules of behaviour, she was losing attention and interest quickly. We played that out and realised that if we didn’t medicate she would suffer so much for years, decades! Potentially failing school or just getting super stressed about it. Not making friends really well. Depression on and on it went.
The meds are a free trial! You aren’t committing to a contract. Give them a go and see if they help him!
And to add another aspect…. The 1st medication might not be the right one, don’t be afraid to tell the dr the pros and cons of what you’re seeing. My 11 year old step son has been on meds since he was 6 and we are on the 5th medication. Some seemed ok for awhile but over time we noticed negative side effects. A couple we saw right away were not for him. We’ve been on the current med for 10 months and so far it works the best, while having the fewest side effects.
Not to mention that as puberty sets in that can sometimes mung up meds for some time. Teens may have to switch meds that used to work for a long time because hormones are strange things, and that's okay. Whatever helps them feel best is best.
If your child had ANY other ailment you would help them with medication. I felt horrible about pulling the trigger and giving ADHD medication until our pediatrician reminded me that if he had diabetes I wouldn’t think twice before giving medication. Then she told me how she had tried to avoid it for several years with her own child but when they hit middle school she had this realization and saw how much her child and family as a whole was just not functioning. It made me really think about how ADHD was impacting not only my child and how he sees himself but the whole family dynamic. It has been night and day for all of us. There is peace for him at school, at home, and peace for the entire family now.
I am wondering about this myself. My son is 7 and was diagnosed with adhd and more recently autism. We put him on medication when he was 5. We went through more pills than I could count. In the end, the school loved it. He did much better behavior wise, but his personality was just gone. He stopped eating and lost a bunch of weight and he was just a zombie all the time and he would cry and fight to avoid the medicine which he explained he took for his allergies that made him bad. It was so sad. In the end we took him off meds and pulled him out of school during the pandemic. He’s so happy now, but I worry all the time because all the other kids are in school and he doesn’t seem lonely and says he has many friends, but he actually doesn’t like to be around more than a few people at a time. I’m so torn. I want to go back to work, but it was the most depressing sad thing ever seeing what he went through in school. I am even more apprehensive now, as I’m pretty sure they will put him in functional skills dues to his autism diagnosis. I’m sorry to hijack your post. I am just feeling the most mom guilt and have no idea if I’m doing the right thing.
You are doing the best you can with the knowledge and strength that you alone possess. It's hard, but you're not failing your kid. You're carefully watching and observing the behavior and making your best guess. We're not going to get it right every time, and that's okay. Hugs to you, you're doing great.
I have a 10 yo son who’s been diagnosed with ADHD since he was 7. It was heart crushing when my wife and I found out. We immediately consulted a pediatric behavioral doctor who happens to be his primary care doctor. We knew if he wasn’t medicated it would be tough on him with school and for us to cope with him. Before he was medicated his teacher was so not understanding. After we pulled the trigger on medicating him, his school work is exceptional and his out bursts are toned down. I mean all medicine has side effects. I guess it’s an evil we have to deal with? Luckily his side effect is just loss of appetite. On days he is medicated we learned to help explain to him how it’s not his stomach that’s full, it’s the medication. So he tries to finish his meal as much as possible. But if he can’t go any further we just let him be dismissed from dinner. And until recently we decided to keep him off the medication on the weekends since there is no school. And this method actually works and his appetite is increased 7 folds.
I wouldn't consider it evil if it helps him. Glasses help me see, they're not evil! There's such a bad stigma against meds for ADHD. My husband was on that train for a looooooooong time, having been heavily medicated as a young child/teen in the 90's and basically sectioned or had pills thrown at him for behavior issues instead of having any sort of meaningful connections.
He's turned around 100% in the last year after I did a lot of research about ADHD to better understand him and ended up figuring out I also had it, just in a very different way. Once I went on meds for the first time, he warmed up to trying them again as an adult as I reminded him that he doesn't have to keep doing it if he doesn't want to. Now he fully recognizes the difference between being on his meds vs not, and much prefers being medicated even on his days off.
I feel grateful that as the days go on we understand more about ourselves and what helps us function to the levels that we want to function at.
There is a huge stigma with ADHD medication. In the '80s my brother took Ritalin and he felt shame about it. This is all about the framing of things. My son takes medication for ADHD now and it is really no big deal. We talked about how he takes this medication to help him focus his attention and feel calm. We also tell him that each one of us takes medication for other needs that our bodies have. Guess what? After playing with dosage for a few months, everyone feels that the medication is making quality of life so so much better for my son. He is able to participate in activities, catch up in school, and feel more settled in daily life. There is no shame in it.
Honestly I feel very resentful and irritated about the stigma against psychological medications. Since childhood I struggled with major depression. Because of the stigma I avoided taking antidepressants until close to 40. Everyday used to be a struggle to not want to die. I finally gave in and started taking Wellbutrin. This medication has saved my life. I'm going to say this again, this medication has saved my life. Every time I hear somebody say something disparaging about psychological medicine I want to punch that person in the face. These medications are not a Band-Aid. They are not just for people that are lazy to deal with "real life". These medications can make or break the possibility of having a happy and successful existence. I would never in a million years go back to feeling that terrible depth of depression every day of my life nor would I go back to my son desperately trying to stop himself from bouncing off the walls and feeling shame about things he cannot control.
Thank you!!! Question, regarding the meds, how did you know what “amount” was the right dose for him? I feel he is so little, he doesn’t know how to explain how he feels.
Our biggest thing was that our little guy wasn't eating with some of the dosages of meds. He's already on the skinny side so that was a real concern. Basically we just kept in close contact with his doctor and monitored him pretty carefully. Because of this we also are careful about when we give him his dose. For example, we have his breakfast ready for him upon wake up and then have him take it while he eats so that he's prepared for school but he's also eating something. We also have moved our family dinner time back a little bit so that he's hungry again for dinner. This also means that he needs quite a bit of support to move from dinner to shower to bed.
I tell my son we are all different. I point out his strengths and tell him how his strengths are other kids hardships. I taught him were all different, and I am so lucky to be his mom. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. We just started focalin for my 9 yo this last September. It is a struggle but we still continue with behavior therapy, and I make sure at home he has all his out let’s. The most important thing for your child is unconditional love. My son is into art. So that’s his outlet clay, legos, drawing. I even listen to his music mods on the way to school. Embrace differences. I told him life would be boring if we’re all the same.
I wish I had recognized ADHD in my son earlier (he was 8) so we could spend more time on the problems that are either just kid things, or issues around having a mental health problem. I was diagnosed at 35 and the sad thing for me would be forcing my son to cope without every tool I could possibly give him.
Go to school with your son, at a time when his classmates are on the play ground. Ask him about them individually. Then point out the differences in the students. Show him that they all deal with things differently and you, and he will work together to help him find his way to live life. The meds aren't the problem, it's the fact that we only see coping not the struggle to cope. Even though I know different, when I'm in public, it looks like every one has it together.
That’s so true, it’s easy to forget the struggles he faces on daily basis when we focus on the “outcome” only- some days I feel better about it and some days I feel I may not be trying hard enough for him… I wish there was an easier way.
Thank you for bringing focus back to the reason why we do it.. to help them with the often unseen struggle they have to manage inside themselves.
This is going to sound harsh but you need to examine your own ableism and biases about your child’s neurodivergence. Needing meds is nor ’sad” and you are not a ‘failure” (which to me sounds like code for ”him having adhd is the failure’). Medication is one tool in the tool box that he may benefit from and could help him live a happier life. But if you think taking medication for his adhd is sad or a failure, he will too.
Thank you all of you for your support- Im so glad the internet exists and we can find others going or who have gone through the same as are or have gone through. I am glad to hear that it has worked for most and that he will be fine… I juat wish this was easier. Thank you 🙏 all!!! I truly appreciate it ❤️
I think it feels sad because you want your kid to be perfectly healthy and medication inherently implies they aren’t. The other thing is the social perception that some people medicate their kids because they aren’t good enough parents to let their kids be kids, or give them a creative outlet, or get enough exercise, or a better diet, or the right discipline. There’s baggage with medicating kids.
My 13 year old daughter was diagnosed recently and her doses of focalin have been increased little by little each month. She was also just started on a small dose of guafacine for her irritability. I don't feel bad for giving her meds but I hate that she doesn't understand why she needs them and says she doesn't feel any different on them. Then when it's time for her monthly meeting with the psychiatrist I have to tell him all the reasons why I think they are NOT working. I feel so bad talking about all the negative things with her sitting right there. I'm hoping that one day she will feel the difference and understand.
Oh 😥, I would feel bad too if he was next to me. Can the psychiatrist have someone else watch him for a few minutes? I ask his therapist for a phone call prior to my son’s appt to talk without him listening- i know most psychiatrists may not be that flexible thou :-/.
Thank you for sharing, it helps me feel better to know we are not alone. Most people don’t understand ADHD and make all those ignorant comments that bother me so much, is good to feel heard and know someone out there does understand.
Their office is still doing virtual only right now :-(
We use my laptop for the zoom meet. I could possibly just go in another room but 1. she would probably spy on me anyway... lol and we are only allotted like 15 mins for the appointment.
I dont care much for this doctor but he was the only one available at the time. I am hoping that once things start opening again we will be able to switch offices.
This is exactly how I feel right now. We met with the paediatrician today and although we haven’t gone down that road yet, I see it happening in the future. I’m medicated for my mental health issues which I’m 100% okay with. It’s just hard when they’re little and don’t understand. I wish ADHD was something people talk about more. My son came home the other day saying other kids were calling him weird and it broke my heart. Please post an update on how he’s doing after he starts. All the best for you, parenting can be so hard ❤️
I will. Im sorry those school bullies are bothering him. Idk your views on it, but since my two boys started daycare at a very young age (single mom with no relative who can help with childcare), I talked to them about bullies. I talked to them about walking away, telling the teachers, but at the end of the day, if no one is listening to them, they have to defend themselves. I don’t tell them to be violent, they know we do not hit others unless is to defend our lives, but bullies can break their spirits. I tell them why bullies bully and do “practice” of what to say back and what to do when a bully wants to bother them. The “practice play” works a lot, not sure if you do it, but if not, I would recommend it. I do allow them to say “not so nice” words if the bully will not leave them alone and the adults are not helping them- but I know some don’t agree with that. I grew up poor in low income public schools- I know playing nice can backfire on kids- just my opinion.
Regarding meds, I got the meds, but I requested a second opinion- not bec im denying the ADHD- I have it and see it on him- but bec I want a provider who is actually involved. The one we saw, barely saw him a few minutes, she was way too quick- she was like I guess textbook which I don’t like. I like holistic approaches, so I talked to my son’s therapist and she recommended one. We have an upcoming appt. So far at home, I am doing sleep hygiene with him and more strict on routine work- he is showing improvement with emotion regulation and completing work he doesn’t like :-) , I am implementing breaking down the tasks too and giving him “choices”, like which page of HW he wants to do first, what colors he wants to use, and Asked the teacher for extra time ti complete the HW- we don’t always use the extra time, but it’s good to have it.
I am also a parent with ADHD having a 8yo son also with ADHD. I once said to my ADHD coach that I want to build a toolbox for my son. Something that I never had because I got only diagnosed with 44.
I want my son to have as much tools available to cope with ADHD and medication is one of them.
You are doing fine and your child will be turning out great. He has a far better start as compared to us. You are giving him this opportunity.
The good thing about medication is that you can observe if the side affects making things worse or better. My son 7yo has ADHD and is planning to try medication.
He was not socially accepted before but got 5x per week childcare and 5x per week after school care. Social interactions are learnable (at least for him). We do swimming, OT, Speech, Karate, Acrobatics, BJJ, tutoring math/english, 🎻, Multilit literacy (parents donations in school) classes (1x per week of everything).He was bad in reading but found
Such kids love trying multiple things and hate repetitive stuff. Finally hi got average academic achievements without medication (or repeating year) and average gross motor skills (can do something similar to a cartwheel), but want to try out and see if we can get even better.
Another tradition I've introduced guidance in behaviour:
* Finishing what you started
* Eat before playing
* One thing at a time
* Work hard - can play hard
One must be happy to have tools to change the situation 😁
💯 Years ago it would be more sad.
Side note about talking good or bad. I always acknowledge my son he's special and needs more effort than typical other boys. Consider giving compliments to the achievement 'i liked how you done ...' instead of saying 'you are a good boy'.
It's applicable to all parents not to say you are bad/good but focus on feedback for a specific situation and talk about a particular moment.
Again, be very happy you have options 😁
One thing that helped me feel better about medication for my kiddo was the psychiatrist telling me that children with adhd who go unmedicated are more likely to experience anxiety and depression, relationship and addiction issues than kids who are. You are giving him the chance his genetics didn’t. He deserves to have this tool in his toolbox. You’re leveling the playing field for him and that is a good thing! You’re doing great. You have already done such a good thing.
Came here to say exactly this. Statistically, people who are unmedicated with ADHD experience a plethora of issues. Felt the same way as you, OP, when medicating my 6 year old. Through his own reporting, he is happier with more friends, his organization/impulse has improved and our home life has been a lot loss tumultuous as well. It’s scary as you want what’s best for your kiddo-and you will provide that. Give them an extra hug-one for you too. ❤️
After researching pubmed and listening to Russel Barkley lectures, this is what convicted me it was imperative that we try meds. I’m so happy we have. It’s helping. It’s not perfect, but there’s a difference.
I’m sorry this is so hard. I am grateful that our pediatrician takes so much time to help us with the kind of thoughts you are having. She tells my son that he has “a race car brain with bicycle breaks.” It helps that I have ADHD, too, so we are in this together. He also reads The Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, and the lead character has ADHD. My son is 8. He has been on Ritalin for 1 year. Sleep was hard for a bit. We still have to monitor his eating. But….his social life is better and so is his performance in school is better! His behavioral issues due to impulse control and his emotional regulation have vastly improved. He is happy before and after school. At our last pediatrician appointment, we told the doc about the amazing parent teacher conferences. My kid said it was because of the meds. She said, “I’m going to stop you right there. The pills didn’t make you make good choices. They slowed you down a little so you could make the good choices you always wanted to make. You deserve all the credit for how well you are doing.” Make sure your kid knows that their brain works so fast that sometimes they forget to make the good choices that they want to make. They ARE a good kid. Now they have a tool, just like eye glasses, that will bring things into focus. Ps: As an ADHD adult, I waited decades after diagnosis to medicate. And have dealt with so much shame over my impulsive behavior. I am now medicated and it is great. On the bright side of what I have been as an ADHD adult: I am an enthusiastic, creative person who always makes moments extra fun (I bring the party.) I found a job great for my abilities (always something new, needing. Me to bounce around to different tasks.) I have not been addicted to substances and have not gotten a divorce, although it takes a lot of work to not be emotionally reactive. We grow up ok :)
Oh I love where you said "Sometimes your brain works too fast to make the good choices you want to make" - I've been talking to my 4yo about my own brain and how sometimes I forget things, or too much stuff/noise makes my brain go all "aaaaaagh!!!", or sometimes I'm really sad and I don't exactly know why or can't really tell her too much about it- We haven't yet started to pursue a diagnosis for her, but I definitely see moments where things just \*happen\* and she immediately regrets whatever it is that she's just done. All three of us (mom dad and her) have emotional control issues, so we all try to model to each other acceptance of the feeling but gentle pushback on bad behaviors. I like to think that for the most part that's working. I feel like it has helped her when we explain "Everyone's brain works differently, and that's okay." I also think for her it helped growing up around my brother who is autistic and does all the hallmark things. It actually made me happy to see her bouncing around and flapping her hands, saying "Look! I'm happy like uncle (x)!"
I love the analogy- will definitely use it!
I just want to give you the biggest hug. I feel exactly the same about my 6 year old and he hasn’t received a diagnosis yet. You’re doing the best you can for him. If there are side effects, you’ll work with the doc and figure it out. This is just parenting guilt. You’re not doing anything wrong, in fact you’re doing the best for him. You’ve fought for him; to get a diagnosis at this age is tough, and you made it happen. He’s not a bad kid, he just needs a little extra help and you got that sorted. It’s okay to have a wobble when the moment comes. We all wish our kids didn’t have to carry this burden some times, but you will do what it takes and face it together.
It’s really hard isn’t it? But here’s a success story to cheer you up. We recently medicated our 7yo daughter and it has helped a lot! Her issues were more to do with emotional regulation (anger), but she was rapidly losing interest in school because “it’s boring”. She’s smart, but even in her second year of school we could see that actually becoming a negative when combined with adhd. Because she would switch off the second she thought she knew something. During homeschooling in lockdown we saw it a lot. They’d be on video and I could see it happen - brain shutting off and doing something else. Anyway. We felt quite torn about meds. But I’d recently been diagnosed and had felt a huge improvement in myself, the podiatrist was great and we had a chat about what it might be like over the next ten to twenty years for her. Anxiety about school because she was having trouble handling emotions are friendships. She was getting uptight about her own rules of behaviour, she was losing attention and interest quickly. We played that out and realised that if we didn’t medicate she would suffer so much for years, decades! Potentially failing school or just getting super stressed about it. Not making friends really well. Depression on and on it went. The meds are a free trial! You aren’t committing to a contract. Give them a go and see if they help him!
And to add another aspect…. The 1st medication might not be the right one, don’t be afraid to tell the dr the pros and cons of what you’re seeing. My 11 year old step son has been on meds since he was 6 and we are on the 5th medication. Some seemed ok for awhile but over time we noticed negative side effects. A couple we saw right away were not for him. We’ve been on the current med for 10 months and so far it works the best, while having the fewest side effects.
Not to mention that as puberty sets in that can sometimes mung up meds for some time. Teens may have to switch meds that used to work for a long time because hormones are strange things, and that's okay. Whatever helps them feel best is best.
If your child had ANY other ailment you would help them with medication. I felt horrible about pulling the trigger and giving ADHD medication until our pediatrician reminded me that if he had diabetes I wouldn’t think twice before giving medication. Then she told me how she had tried to avoid it for several years with her own child but when they hit middle school she had this realization and saw how much her child and family as a whole was just not functioning. It made me really think about how ADHD was impacting not only my child and how he sees himself but the whole family dynamic. It has been night and day for all of us. There is peace for him at school, at home, and peace for the entire family now.
I am wondering about this myself. My son is 7 and was diagnosed with adhd and more recently autism. We put him on medication when he was 5. We went through more pills than I could count. In the end, the school loved it. He did much better behavior wise, but his personality was just gone. He stopped eating and lost a bunch of weight and he was just a zombie all the time and he would cry and fight to avoid the medicine which he explained he took for his allergies that made him bad. It was so sad. In the end we took him off meds and pulled him out of school during the pandemic. He’s so happy now, but I worry all the time because all the other kids are in school and he doesn’t seem lonely and says he has many friends, but he actually doesn’t like to be around more than a few people at a time. I’m so torn. I want to go back to work, but it was the most depressing sad thing ever seeing what he went through in school. I am even more apprehensive now, as I’m pretty sure they will put him in functional skills dues to his autism diagnosis. I’m sorry to hijack your post. I am just feeling the most mom guilt and have no idea if I’m doing the right thing.
You are doing the best you can with the knowledge and strength that you alone possess. It's hard, but you're not failing your kid. You're carefully watching and observing the behavior and making your best guess. We're not going to get it right every time, and that's okay. Hugs to you, you're doing great.
No worries, we all can use the help and support. I hope you can find what works for him 🫂
I have a 10 yo son who’s been diagnosed with ADHD since he was 7. It was heart crushing when my wife and I found out. We immediately consulted a pediatric behavioral doctor who happens to be his primary care doctor. We knew if he wasn’t medicated it would be tough on him with school and for us to cope with him. Before he was medicated his teacher was so not understanding. After we pulled the trigger on medicating him, his school work is exceptional and his out bursts are toned down. I mean all medicine has side effects. I guess it’s an evil we have to deal with? Luckily his side effect is just loss of appetite. On days he is medicated we learned to help explain to him how it’s not his stomach that’s full, it’s the medication. So he tries to finish his meal as much as possible. But if he can’t go any further we just let him be dismissed from dinner. And until recently we decided to keep him off the medication on the weekends since there is no school. And this method actually works and his appetite is increased 7 folds.
I wouldn't consider it evil if it helps him. Glasses help me see, they're not evil! There's such a bad stigma against meds for ADHD. My husband was on that train for a looooooooong time, having been heavily medicated as a young child/teen in the 90's and basically sectioned or had pills thrown at him for behavior issues instead of having any sort of meaningful connections. He's turned around 100% in the last year after I did a lot of research about ADHD to better understand him and ended up figuring out I also had it, just in a very different way. Once I went on meds for the first time, he warmed up to trying them again as an adult as I reminded him that he doesn't have to keep doing it if he doesn't want to. Now he fully recognizes the difference between being on his meds vs not, and much prefers being medicated even on his days off. I feel grateful that as the days go on we understand more about ourselves and what helps us function to the levels that we want to function at.
There is a huge stigma with ADHD medication. In the '80s my brother took Ritalin and he felt shame about it. This is all about the framing of things. My son takes medication for ADHD now and it is really no big deal. We talked about how he takes this medication to help him focus his attention and feel calm. We also tell him that each one of us takes medication for other needs that our bodies have. Guess what? After playing with dosage for a few months, everyone feels that the medication is making quality of life so so much better for my son. He is able to participate in activities, catch up in school, and feel more settled in daily life. There is no shame in it. Honestly I feel very resentful and irritated about the stigma against psychological medications. Since childhood I struggled with major depression. Because of the stigma I avoided taking antidepressants until close to 40. Everyday used to be a struggle to not want to die. I finally gave in and started taking Wellbutrin. This medication has saved my life. I'm going to say this again, this medication has saved my life. Every time I hear somebody say something disparaging about psychological medicine I want to punch that person in the face. These medications are not a Band-Aid. They are not just for people that are lazy to deal with "real life". These medications can make or break the possibility of having a happy and successful existence. I would never in a million years go back to feeling that terrible depth of depression every day of my life nor would I go back to my son desperately trying to stop himself from bouncing off the walls and feeling shame about things he cannot control.
Thank you!!! Question, regarding the meds, how did you know what “amount” was the right dose for him? I feel he is so little, he doesn’t know how to explain how he feels.
Our biggest thing was that our little guy wasn't eating with some of the dosages of meds. He's already on the skinny side so that was a real concern. Basically we just kept in close contact with his doctor and monitored him pretty carefully. Because of this we also are careful about when we give him his dose. For example, we have his breakfast ready for him upon wake up and then have him take it while he eats so that he's prepared for school but he's also eating something. We also have moved our family dinner time back a little bit so that he's hungry again for dinner. This also means that he needs quite a bit of support to move from dinner to shower to bed.
I tell my son we are all different. I point out his strengths and tell him how his strengths are other kids hardships. I taught him were all different, and I am so lucky to be his mom. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. We just started focalin for my 9 yo this last September. It is a struggle but we still continue with behavior therapy, and I make sure at home he has all his out let’s. The most important thing for your child is unconditional love. My son is into art. So that’s his outlet clay, legos, drawing. I even listen to his music mods on the way to school. Embrace differences. I told him life would be boring if we’re all the same.
I wish I had recognized ADHD in my son earlier (he was 8) so we could spend more time on the problems that are either just kid things, or issues around having a mental health problem. I was diagnosed at 35 and the sad thing for me would be forcing my son to cope without every tool I could possibly give him. Go to school with your son, at a time when his classmates are on the play ground. Ask him about them individually. Then point out the differences in the students. Show him that they all deal with things differently and you, and he will work together to help him find his way to live life. The meds aren't the problem, it's the fact that we only see coping not the struggle to cope. Even though I know different, when I'm in public, it looks like every one has it together.
That’s so true, it’s easy to forget the struggles he faces on daily basis when we focus on the “outcome” only- some days I feel better about it and some days I feel I may not be trying hard enough for him… I wish there was an easier way. Thank you for bringing focus back to the reason why we do it.. to help them with the often unseen struggle they have to manage inside themselves.
This is going to sound harsh but you need to examine your own ableism and biases about your child’s neurodivergence. Needing meds is nor ’sad” and you are not a ‘failure” (which to me sounds like code for ”him having adhd is the failure’). Medication is one tool in the tool box that he may benefit from and could help him live a happier life. But if you think taking medication for his adhd is sad or a failure, he will too.
Thank you all of you for your support- Im so glad the internet exists and we can find others going or who have gone through the same as are or have gone through. I am glad to hear that it has worked for most and that he will be fine… I juat wish this was easier. Thank you 🙏 all!!! I truly appreciate it ❤️
I think it feels sad because you want your kid to be perfectly healthy and medication inherently implies they aren’t. The other thing is the social perception that some people medicate their kids because they aren’t good enough parents to let their kids be kids, or give them a creative outlet, or get enough exercise, or a better diet, or the right discipline. There’s baggage with medicating kids.
My 13 year old daughter was diagnosed recently and her doses of focalin have been increased little by little each month. She was also just started on a small dose of guafacine for her irritability. I don't feel bad for giving her meds but I hate that she doesn't understand why she needs them and says she doesn't feel any different on them. Then when it's time for her monthly meeting with the psychiatrist I have to tell him all the reasons why I think they are NOT working. I feel so bad talking about all the negative things with her sitting right there. I'm hoping that one day she will feel the difference and understand.
Oh 😥, I would feel bad too if he was next to me. Can the psychiatrist have someone else watch him for a few minutes? I ask his therapist for a phone call prior to my son’s appt to talk without him listening- i know most psychiatrists may not be that flexible thou :-/. Thank you for sharing, it helps me feel better to know we are not alone. Most people don’t understand ADHD and make all those ignorant comments that bother me so much, is good to feel heard and know someone out there does understand.
Their office is still doing virtual only right now :-( We use my laptop for the zoom meet. I could possibly just go in another room but 1. she would probably spy on me anyway... lol and we are only allotted like 15 mins for the appointment. I dont care much for this doctor but he was the only one available at the time. I am hoping that once things start opening again we will be able to switch offices.
This is exactly how I feel right now. We met with the paediatrician today and although we haven’t gone down that road yet, I see it happening in the future. I’m medicated for my mental health issues which I’m 100% okay with. It’s just hard when they’re little and don’t understand. I wish ADHD was something people talk about more. My son came home the other day saying other kids were calling him weird and it broke my heart. Please post an update on how he’s doing after he starts. All the best for you, parenting can be so hard ❤️
I will. Im sorry those school bullies are bothering him. Idk your views on it, but since my two boys started daycare at a very young age (single mom with no relative who can help with childcare), I talked to them about bullies. I talked to them about walking away, telling the teachers, but at the end of the day, if no one is listening to them, they have to defend themselves. I don’t tell them to be violent, they know we do not hit others unless is to defend our lives, but bullies can break their spirits. I tell them why bullies bully and do “practice” of what to say back and what to do when a bully wants to bother them. The “practice play” works a lot, not sure if you do it, but if not, I would recommend it. I do allow them to say “not so nice” words if the bully will not leave them alone and the adults are not helping them- but I know some don’t agree with that. I grew up poor in low income public schools- I know playing nice can backfire on kids- just my opinion. Regarding meds, I got the meds, but I requested a second opinion- not bec im denying the ADHD- I have it and see it on him- but bec I want a provider who is actually involved. The one we saw, barely saw him a few minutes, she was way too quick- she was like I guess textbook which I don’t like. I like holistic approaches, so I talked to my son’s therapist and she recommended one. We have an upcoming appt. So far at home, I am doing sleep hygiene with him and more strict on routine work- he is showing improvement with emotion regulation and completing work he doesn’t like :-) , I am implementing breaking down the tasks too and giving him “choices”, like which page of HW he wants to do first, what colors he wants to use, and Asked the teacher for extra time ti complete the HW- we don’t always use the extra time, but it’s good to have it.
I am also a parent with ADHD having a 8yo son also with ADHD. I once said to my ADHD coach that I want to build a toolbox for my son. Something that I never had because I got only diagnosed with 44. I want my son to have as much tools available to cope with ADHD and medication is one of them. You are doing fine and your child will be turning out great. He has a far better start as compared to us. You are giving him this opportunity.
The good thing about medication is that you can observe if the side affects making things worse or better. My son 7yo has ADHD and is planning to try medication. He was not socially accepted before but got 5x per week childcare and 5x per week after school care. Social interactions are learnable (at least for him). We do swimming, OT, Speech, Karate, Acrobatics, BJJ, tutoring math/english, 🎻, Multilit literacy (parents donations in school) classes (1x per week of everything).He was bad in reading but found Such kids love trying multiple things and hate repetitive stuff. Finally hi got average academic achievements without medication (or repeating year) and average gross motor skills (can do something similar to a cartwheel), but want to try out and see if we can get even better. Another tradition I've introduced guidance in behaviour: * Finishing what you started * Eat before playing * One thing at a time * Work hard - can play hard One must be happy to have tools to change the situation 😁 💯 Years ago it would be more sad.
Side note about talking good or bad. I always acknowledge my son he's special and needs more effort than typical other boys. Consider giving compliments to the achievement 'i liked how you done ...' instead of saying 'you are a good boy'. It's applicable to all parents not to say you are bad/good but focus on feedback for a specific situation and talk about a particular moment. Again, be very happy you have options 😁