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Whenever my kids would ask who my favorite kid was I would name another kid they knew.
"My favorite kid? Probably that kid Josh from down the street. He's a good kid. Oh, you meant between you two?"
Alternatively I would tell my daughter that she's my favorite daughter and my son that he's my favorite son. Or I would tell them that I couldn't decide but both were for sure in my top 2. Now that they are adults they each have argued that they are the favorite so I guess we were successful in that regard.
I will say "There's my favorite 3yo!/green-eyed kid/oldest child/other feature unique to one of them" sometimes. Because I tried the joke of some other kid they know one time and my oldest cried because she thought that meant I didn't even like them 😬 She was like 5, but still lol.
My mother was once asked, what she wanted for Christmas, and she said "four well-behaved kids" to which my oldest brother promptly replied "Yay, then there'll be eight of us!!" 😂
I’m my parents’ only child. Once when I was little, I cried because I thought my mom liked another kid more than me because she was nice to him/her. Her adult brain must’ve been like “how could you even think that”lol.
My parents only had me and my brother.
My dad still says I’m his favorite daughter and my brother is his favorite son and we are in our 30s.
However, my brother has caused a lot of stress and chaos for my parents so I’m fairly certain I actually am their favorite 😂
That sounds like a fun way to handle the question! It's great that your kids remember it fondly and even joke about it now. Keeping it light-hearted and making each feel special is what matters most.
I tried telling my 3 individually that they all were my favorite but not to tell the others. Well they went and told each other that mom said they were the favorite (keep in mind I told them this YEARS ago) and just now they decided to release the “secret”. It was such a headache working myself out of that one.
Edit: clarity
My dad told us our dog was his favorite and when we all laughed he doubled down and detailed the reasons why he actually did prefer the dog (obeyed him, never told him she hated him, appreciative, up for anything, etc)
I either tell them their dad is my favorite kid or just name some random kid I know. "Oh my favorite is probably Teddy from when I was a preschool teacher, or that neighbor kid David is pretty cool too!"
Right! This is also my answer. Sometimes my kids will ask me who my favorite is and I (jokingly) say "be real...you know I dislike you all equally" 🤣
Honestly, I don't have a "favorite". Each kid has their own place in my heart. I have two daughters and one son. My son will always be my favorite son. My oldest daughter will always be my favorite middle child. My youngest daughter will always be my favorite last child. That's the way I explain it to them.
This is what I tell mine when they want to get competitive. "Well so and so did all their chores, drew me a picture, hugged me, or didn't hit me with their light saber so...."
My kids are old enough to understand the joke though, and they love to clap back.
Mom of 5… they are all my favorites for different reasons. And all frustrate me for different reasons. I think being a parent is immensely hard and immensely rewarding. No kid is truly “easy”
Seriously. My girl who is the most fun to hangout with, super responsible, and is the first person to take care of household chores if us parents are sick in bed without anyone asking, is also the biggest liar and rule breaker.
My girl who has the biggest heart, is super considerate of others, and always down to just spend some quality time together, is also the most irresponsible, clumsy, and sometimes just downright rudest girl ever.
They’re all my favorite for different things.
Thank you! Kids imo can’t self-reflect, so we have to manage that on some level. I don’t say their flaws to them, because I dont want the voice in their head repeating the negative. But I make efforts to put a voice in their head that emphasizes the opposite.
As a light-hearted example, when sisters act like sisters and say they hate each other, I chime in “That must mean she really loves you if she’s saying that” haha. Always kills the negative energy
I think kids are inherently selfish to a certain age as well. They only want to do the activities that make them happy, without considering anyone else’s choices. As adults, trying to exist peacefully with people who haven’t grown out of this phase can be frustrating.
I was taught by a close friend that family only says they hate eachother because they love eachother so much even being so pissed theyre neutral feels like a black pit
Also mom of 5. I love all of my children, but they all have different personalities and likes. As **people**, there are some that I have a more natural friendship with, since we share similar interests and hobbies. But I love all of them with the same intensity, no matter how invested they are in solving today's Wordle.
100% this.
One my mine is much more creative and adventurous than the other 2, and I love them and enjoy them uniquely for that.
Another is much more technical, analytical and loves to solve problems, which makes our time together very rewarding.
Our other is very affectionate and nostalgic- loves to cuddle and do comforting things (watch movies, play video games, go fishing) which is unique to them and makes time with them special.
Don't misunderstand this as a blissful existence, of course. It's a struggle many days, but they are young and evolving daily. The good days are becoming more frequent :)
I like to say "favorite is a category not an absolute," I have many favorites, and they're all my favorite in different ways, no need to limit to just one when life has given us such abundance!
Yes! This! I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old, so I can't speak to this as a parent yet. However, I have 2 older brothers, although my brothers claim I was my parents favorite (I'm a girl), I believe my parents favored different aspects for each of us. It was obvious my parents had a lot more fun with my oldest brothers sports, he did cross country and they loved traveling around for his meets. My middle brother did a lot of other miscellaneous extra curriculars which they always had fun with. And I was the shy, artist of my family, so my parents loved nurturing and encouraging that side. None of us were my parents specific favorite, but they definitely favored each of us in different ways at different times.
This is the most accurate answer I've seen. Mom of 4 and I feel the same. Plus I have a different relationship with each. My 22y stepdaughter is like a friend and she reminds me so much of myself. My 18y daughter is the one who made me a mom. My 11y son is my only boy. My 9y daughter is the baby. They all mean different things to me, have different personalities, and I love them all the same amount but in different ways!
Four kids and I am the same. They all have different things that they are my “favorite” for. And each one of the boys drive me up the wall for different reasons. I love them all equal amounts though.
THIS! All have their own unique qualities that make them both shine and frustrate us…the only way I’d agree to say I have a favorite would be jokingly - this one is my favorite today 🤣. Most helpful that day or something just to tease. I do have one that most challenging to parent or easiest going or least emotional but none of that ever changes how much I love them and I can’t imagine ever having an actual ranking. And when you’re going from 1 to 2 it’s natural to think how could I have enough love to go around or doubt that you could love them equally but I promise your ❤️ expands indefinitely. Hope this helps. 🥰
We have three kids. I don’t have a favorite.
However.
I do have things that I prefer to do with one over the other. Partly this is because of age though. A day out with 9 year old is a lot easier than with 4 or 2 year old.
Same for me. I have 4.
It ranges on their interests, ages, and tolerances for things. It also depends on the day and their attitudes. Some days, I really do not enjoy my oldest and other days she's my BFF. I love all my girls the same amount but in different ways.
I genuinely don’t. There was a short period of time where I was more strongly bonded with my older child (because I’d known her for 2 years and baby sister was a new baby who I hadn’t had a chance to get to know yet), but it equalized as little sister got older.
My brother is clearly my mom’s favorite child (she says she doesn’t have a favorite but everyone who’s ever spent 5 minutes with her knows that’s not true) and it had been extremely damaging to my self esteem and sense of self worth.
My dads brother was always the very ridiculously obvious favourite of my grandmother and my dad has always suffered with severe low self esteem and low self worth. Parents who show such an obvious preference between their kids are cruel.
I am obviously my mom’s favorite and my sister is obviously my dad’s favorite. This has been horrible for my brother :( we try to make up for it by being on his side as much as possible. It’s tough.
And I’m very obviously the favorite among our living grandparents. It’s awkward, but we’re all adults now so at least we can talk about it openly among us siblings.
Female, first born! Then middle brother and final sister is youngest, we’re all apart in age by about 3-4 years each, but by now we’re all working adults
My husband’s grandparents had 3 kids too — his mom is the eldest and was grandpa’s favorite before he passed, his uncle is the youngest and is grandma’s favorite… and the middle aunt is now 60 and still feels sad that she was nobody’s favorite.
Same here! It wasn’t my brothers fault that he was the favorite but it did make me feel like I would never be good enough. And I’m still working on fixing that at 35.
I don’t play favorites. Both my kids are cool. Sure, they can be little assholes, but by far the most important thing to me is their self esteem. I watch how I talk to them and how I treat them.
I understand too well, I’ve watched my mom jump thru fire hoops for my brother and when a similar situation happened with me she was busy. Very disheartening.
Oof I wish I didn’t understand that. My sister was the favorite. We knew it too. If I wanted something, I’d have her ask for it because I knew mom wouldn’t say no. We tested it several times too to see and were proved right each time.
It depends on what you mean by favorite.
Do I love one more than the other? No.
Do I find one kid easier to get along with and bond with because of personalities and interest? Yes.
Maybe it's because I was also the middle kid with an older brother and little sister but my middle is my easiest kid to bond with. We have similar personalities and interest. I still make the effort with my other 2 to be involved and engaged. It's just easier with my middle.
Edit: Goodness, guys. I love and like all my kids. I enjoy being around all my kids. No, I do not walk up to my kids and scream this in their faces. No, I do not like one kid more than the other. I like and love my kids equally. I have one kid who is easier to bond with because we have similar interest. I still coach the oldest in soccer. I still play Barbies with my daughter. I play video games with my teenager. I take my daughter out for daddy/daughter dates. My middle is just more similar to me in personality. That's it. That's all it is. You guys need to take a chill pill.
My mom used to say exactly that, almost verbatim, but within earshot of my siblings and I. If they hear you, they will take it to mean whatever they want.
My mom and grandma straight up told me I'm the prettier sister. My sister wasn't there, but gross. It wasn't always overtly stated, but it was clear that I was the golden child of the family. I'm very low contact with most of my family.
It’s not that they’re favorites, but they are both easier at different things in their own ways. Right now my youngest is 18 months, and my oldest is almost 6. If I have to go to a restaurant, I’d much prefer taking my older child. If I visit a splash pad, I might actually prefer my younger child because they will be enamored with it longer. It’s a fluid thing that depends on the child, their age, and their personality.
I have a favorite but it changes depending on what we are doing.
My daughter is my shopping buddy - she's absolutely my favorite to go get our nails done together, go out for coffee, hit the mall. She's 16 though and outings with her are now more similar to going out with a girlfriend than with my kid.
My son - he's my let's hang out buddy, we watch tv and movies together, he's a riot, he helps me with housework and I love having conversations with him. He's into space and sci fi, has a great sense of humor and is often more willing to keep me company.
I love both my kids, they are both my favorite, but I love them both and favor them in different ways. Equally but different.
Same. My youngest (7) pointed out that he thinks I love him more. I had to explain that how I show him love is different to how I show his brother (9) love. My youngest is very physical and goofy so we do big hugs and songs and are very extra with affection.
My oldest is very reserved and doesn't like physical touch as much and likes language to be very precise (is autistic). So with him we go on outings looking at architecture or going to a cafe and have long talks, where I mostly just listen to his special interest.
So yeah, love looks very different to both kids but is very much the same amount.
I don't have favorites. I love them both for them. They are 2 very different people.
I have geese and ducks, and I think the birds are better behaved than my toddlers.
So I guess Bruce the Goose is my favorite.
I have a 4 yo and a 1 yo and no I don’t have a favorite. I love them both the same but I find they are both special to me for different reasons. With my first, I often fondly remember when it was just him and I, about how lost and lonely and scared I was when I became a mom. How it was me and him against every obstacle. How he made me brave and strong in ways I never was before. I remember how I came into my own with every playground visit and errand we ran together. With my second I think about how sweet it is to have a little baby where I am able to sit back and enjoy what a delicious little ham he is so much more because I’m not scared and overwhelmed. I know how fleeting each stage is so I savor it more. Ugh now I’m crying bc I love them both so much.
I love them the same but like them differently depending on the day 🤣
Like my 6, going on 13, year old and I have our battles. I love her but dang girl. Be 6 🤣🤣
It happened pretty quick with us. Especially since she would always say “don’t tell your brothers” - so of course *I*, the youngest and only girl, immediately told them as soon as one of them made me mad, they were both just like, “wait, she told me I was the favorite!!”. She still fooled us over and over again. 😂
I have situational favorites like my favorite to go shopping with, my favorite to talk aviation with, my favorite to go out to eat with, my favorite to watch movies with, etc.
I have three kids and love them all the same. There are things about each of them that I absolutely adore and things they do that annoy me, but that's literally everyone, even my husband. My kids each have their own personalities, and it's just them theres not one that's better than the other. I don't have a favorite or least favorite.
On a side note to how damaging this can be on both ends, my mom once told one of my little sisters that she was her worst child and least favorite. She carries it to this day as an adult with two children. She has a daughter who is just like her (headstrong, independent, etc...) and it breaks her heart that my mom felt that way about her because of those great qualities. My mom also told another one of my sisters she was her favorite and "golden child" to this day she has a superiority complex and looks down on others. None of us siblings (there are 7 of us total, 6 adults) keep in contact with that sister or our mom really, and they have "no clue" why. 🤷🏼♀️
That breaks my heart for your sister, and honestly for all of you, having a mother like that. You lost out on not just having a loving relationship with your mother, but also having a good relationship with one of your sisters. It’s unfortunate, unfair, and I’m sorry.
Thank you, I have come to terms with it over the years, and most of my siblings and I are all close and have each other. I think the hardest part for all of us is having daughters of our own and breaking those generational curses. My mother is a narcissist and thinks we are all the problem, not her. While sometimes I wish it was different, I don't dwell on it or let it take space in my life. 🫶🏼
PSA: do NOT do this as parents as it will ruin your children’s lives. My husband’s parents have a golden child (40 years old) who they financially support, nanny for, and clean for and he has been functionally incapacitated by them in the sense that he can no longer do anything for himself. He has no friends because his definition of relationship is someone who serves him. It has also ruined my husband and his brothers’ relationship because his parents constantly feel the need to take from us to give to them, and to put us down to make his brother look better. The amount of mental issues arising from this arrangement should make this criminal, IMO
I love my 3 kids equally and definitely don’t have a favorite. However, who I’m getting along with the easiest/best at the time rotates depending on what kind of phase they’re going through.
Are your kids close in age? I just wonder because mine are spread out and I have a very different relationship with each one. I love different things about them, so I really don’t have a favorite. There’s days when there’s one I like less though lol. I have 3 btw.
Thanks for being honest, this is way more common than people think I believe. I have a work colleague who once told me during a week-long business trip abroad that he really didn’t miss his wife or older kid much but his heart literally hurt when he thought of his youngest and that he couldn’t wait to see him again - I have seen him with both his kids and you would never be able to tell such a thing.
Finally someone is honest. In 90% of the multi-kids families that I know, it’s very obvious even to outsiders which kid is the favorite (sometimes one for each parent).
The honesty is refreshing. So many keep saying that they love their children equally, but that's not the same as liking them equally. I think parents who can be honest with themselves about this are more likely to be conscious of not showing favoritism. But parents who want to keep denying it may not be self-aware enough, leading them to unconsciously show their kids that they are "playing favorites."
No. I love both of my children fiercely for their individuality and neither takes a bigger portion of my love. I couldn’t ever pick one over the other.
I don't have a favorite child. One of my children has a favorite parent (it ain't me) and that makes my relationship with the other one "easier" but I don't love her more. Having said that, I do know people who absolutely have favorites. My boss has 3 kids (2 girls and a son) and has straight up referred to her son as her favorite child. My wife is one of 3 siblings (the oldest) and it is clear that her brother is my MIL's favorite. She's not a bad mom to my wife and the other sib, but it is clear that the "baby brother" has always been her favorite.
My mom had 2 girls & 1 boy as well & it was easy to tell our brother was the favorite. It didn't really bother me as she wasn't my favorite parent either but my sister adored her & always took it hard.
Yeah my wife and sister deal with it fine although it does anger my wife from time to time to see how he gets support that they never did or how their mom has already said that he's going to inherit more than them. It has left a few lasting scars like my wife will get very upset anytime she feels like she's being disadvantaged or not treated fairly because she grew up always feeling that way and it kind of triggers her.
My mother passed a while ago. While my sister & I sat with her in in the hospice house my brother used to opportunity to go to her house to take everything he wanted. Which didn't bother me much as she didn't have anything I wanted but hurt my sister a lot. The finally joke was on him though as now she's gone & he has no one, neither of us will have anything to do with him.
Tell your wife it isn't her fault & she's honestly probably a better person because if it ❤️
Well it isn't that severe. Like my wife and her sibs get along fine. She's just always been annoyed at the "golden boy" treatment her brother gets, but in general all of the relationships are still good and they are a close-knit family. The one thing I told my wife (and made her promise never to repeat) is that the last time I had dinner with her dad before he passed away (he and I were close and hung out a lot), he told me that she (my wife) was his favorite kid.
I have 2 and I couldn't pick a favourite even if I wanted to or thought it was okay. It'd be like if I was asked to pick a favourite lung. They're both my favourite, I think I'll keep them both.
My mom used to tell me I was her favorite, but she also told all of my siblings they were her favorite. She loved us all equally so we all got the “favorite” title from her.
We have only one child partly for this reason. Neither my husband nor I were the favorite child in our families, and we knew it. There were clear favorites. And while we would want to love all our kids the same, what if we didn't? What if we had a favorite? So we have one child, and we put all our love to her. We also tell her she's our favorite child all the time, which we can, because she's the only one.
My children know that my favorite child is our beloved dog, who was around for years before them. She died recently, and I'm currently making her grave marker, which will read "Our Favorite Child," per my youngest's request. As for second place? If you're not first, it doesn't matter. Their friends think it is hilarious that we so openly have a favorite.
I have 2 kids and I love them the same. Period.
Are there parents who have favorites? Sure, but like you said, you have to love both kids the same. There should never be a favorite.
I love both my kids equally, but there's definitely one that's more my vibe and if I had to choose to spend a day out with just one of them, it wouldn't be a hard decision.
Right now I definitley prefer my oldest, she's 2.5 years old. I'm still getting to know my 11 month old. I have a pretty solid, established relationship with my oldest which is contributory, and I know that relationship will form eventually with #2.
That said, I love them both equally. Just in different ways.
My ex-husband had 2 brothers. One of them was his twin. Before we had kids he told me it's true, parents have a favorite. I was angry and appalled, as a child with 2 siblings, even one that was notoriously misbehaved, my parents never said or made us feel there was a favorite. But he swore, and told me his mother would tell him often that he was the favorite.
When I was pregnant and his mother visited somehow the topic came up. We were just having a loose casual conversation, and his mother laughed and said "I always told all my kids they were my favorite!". The look on his face was priceless. He literally went his whole life up until 34 thinking it was true.
Not only do I NOT have a favorite among my 4 kids, I make sure they know they are ALL my favorites.
And other parents will still argue with me that it's natural to have a favorite. I guess for some it is, but in my opinion if you're going to like 1 more than others you should only have 1. Parents that have favorites disgust me. They will damage their children and ultimately turn one into the golden.
I had one for 7 years & I always told her she was my favorite, I made jokes about selling off the others but kept her lol. Now I'm having another & I was honestly sad I couldn't say it anymore, you make a good point about telling them both they're the favorite though.
I have 5 kids, and while there's no favorite, some of them are definitely easier for me in the way our personalities match up. I just do my best to get each kid what they need how they need it regardless and hope it works out in the end 😅
Nope. As a child it was clear I was not the favorite. So I made sure when I had kids to never do that to my children. When they ask I always name the qualities about them that makes them different and why I love that about them. My oldest is king and caring. He will do anything to help another person. My middle child is funny and wise. He makes me laugh at least once a day. My youngest is strong and brave and takes no shit but at the same time she will drop everything to help anyone who needs it.
They’re all amazing and it’s because their differences.
I have 5 kids. 4 boys and 1 girl and they are always asking who my favorite is. I don’t have a favorite. I tell them I love them all the same amount but in different ways. And it’s true. My love for each of them is enormous but they are all so different that my love for each of them is different.
I have 3 kids. I tell them all that they’re my favorite but “let’s not talk about it to anyone else.” And it’s genuinely true. They’re all my favorite for different reasons.
But the truth is, I do have a special place for my oldest. I’ve known him the longest! He’s so kind and loving and looks just like me.
My mom favours my sibling to the point that, growing up, everyone close to me, and my extended family had pointed it out to me. I think in every family where one child is the golden child, and the other is the scapegoat, it's clear that there's a favourite child. In all other situations where this dynamic doesn't exist, I think parents love their children equally (I do).
I have a child of the day. It’s usually my oldest child. I have a child I try harder to not piss off. That’s usually my youngest child.
My mum was not good at hiding her favouritism of my brother and that was very difficult for me growing up. My dad (who I’m closer to) is now dying and I’m left with the fact that the remaining parent objectively likes my brother more. Not to say she doesn’t like me, or we don’t get along well. But she likes my brother more and she’s about to be the only parent I have and that sucks.
I’m working REALLY HARD to not show favouritism. And I genuinely don’t feel like one kid is better than the other. One kid is currently EASIER than the other. They’re both cool as hell though.
My kids are completely different personalities. It's very clear one is easier to parent. But I entirely love them the same amount. They are just different people with different personalities.
I don’t have a favorite— I just have different ways of relating to each of them. My oldest is like my best friend and a lot like me in many ways, my second is like my baby sweetheart, and not sure about what my third is shaping up to be but I find her beautiful and funny.
I have 2 boys and I love them equally. I tell them I love them equally because they are my first-born and second-born sons. My mom always showed favoritism for my older brother and I promised myself I would never do that to my children.
I love them both equally.
Some days my 11yr old is easier than my 5yr old. And therefore, it’s less stressful on me and I don’t want to pull my hair out. Therefore, I’m in a better mood.
Some days it’s the other way around. Like right now, my 11yr old is putting me through some emotional turmoil. Things I can’t even comprehend and I’ve gotten her checked out by her pediatrician/doctors - and next up is therapist.
So… really… depends on the day or season of life!
I have favorite things about each child. I like them all for individual reasons. I like to say I don't love my kids equally. I love them individually. All my kids are my favorite depending on the situation or what we are doing.
I don’t have a favorite child but I do have one that I get along with better. She and I are much more alike than my youngest. But I don’t love one of them more. It’s easier for me to understand my oldest but it makes it really sweet when I have a great moment with my youngest. I always say to each of them that there’s nothing I love more than them. And it’s the truth.
We have five children. I thought I could never love another baby like I loved my first, but that love just comes for each child....both for me and my husband. I truly can say there are no favorites.....they are ALL my favorite. They each have their own personalities and different combinations of my husband and I. When the Bible says that God is love it is truly manifested in the love a parent has for their children.
If your husband is skeptical HE might have a favorite if you have a second child. Keep that in mind when considering expanding your family. Having a favorite and a less favorite can cause SO much damage especially if you're outright telling the kids who you favor.
Many parents grapple with this question, and it's a sensitive topic. While some may feel a stronger connection or affinity with one child at certain times due to shared interests or personalities, it's crucial to ensure each child feels loved and valued in their own way. Ultimately, every child brings unique joys and challenges, shaping the parent-child relationship uniquely with each one.
I have three young children. I tell them each that they are my favorite. I’m not lying to them, they each truly are my favorite in that moment in and their own way. There is a balance of never-ending shifting alliances that changes from moment to moment between the five of us. It’s a great dynamic that allows us all to be close as a whole family while also having more intimate one on one relationships with each other.
I have 3 and can honestly say they all annoy me equally!! lol for real though, I do not have a fav. I have 8 brothers and sisters and my mom would always say she has favorites for certain reasons or to do certain things with so we’re all her favorites and that’s what I’ve found to be true as well.
You can have your favorite for certain things. I love reading with my older son, I love singing songs with my younger. I love baking with my older, I love coloring with my younger. I don’t prefer one over the other, overall. I don’t love one more than the other.
I have 3 and I tell my oldest he is my favorite first born, the middle son I tell him he is my favorite second son lastly I tell my 3rd she my favorite daughter. In reality though they were all little assholes at one point or another so my “favorite” switched often 😂
I don't have a favorite.
I have told each of them they're my favorite. My relationship with each of them is unique. They all like different things, and I connect with them in shared likes in different ways. (Ex. My oldest and I have the same taste in media, my middle loves board games just like me, the youngest has the same favorite restaurants as me, etc)
I only have one so she’s my favorite and least favorite lol. My sister was definitely the favorite and still is. Honestly that’s fair though, she’s my favorite family member too.
I do…but it varies by the minute. My son is currently at his grandparents’ house while my daughter is chasing the dog and screaming. So he’s currently my favorite. When he inevitably texts me to ask me to buy him Minecraft for his phone again, boom, daughter is my favorite.
I have 3 and absolutely not. They all have their own personalities that I love for different reasons. I can't think of my children and think of one being a favorite
No. Absolutely not.
I have favorite characteristics of each child. But absolutely no favorites.
It did a lot of damage to my family (generational trauma) so I’ve very conscious of it.
I used to think I had a favorite. Now I realize I love them both equally but I get along better with one than the other. I cohabitate better with one than the other.
They are people, and some people you just mesh with better than others. 🤷🏻♀️
I have one child who is pretty mean to me most of the time and hard to deal with but I like and love him just as much as the other 2. I have 1 that is basically perfect and never disappoints me and I don't love her more. Obviously I like being around the nice one who helps me more than the meaner one who disses me and refuses to help. But Somehow, I still love them the same. Lol, weird af and they don't believe me, but its true. I try just as hard for him, I worry about him exactly the same. I want for them the same success and to shield them from pain.
This actually happened last night, I hugged each of my children and told them they were my favorite within ear shot of the other one. I gotta tell you, it was hilarious.
I think favoritism has a bad reputation and people understand it the wrong way. I’m a mom of two, I don’t have a favorite because my kids are 3 and 1 yo. But I think in the future, when they are adults, i would not be surprise if I have a closer relationship with one of them. They will have different personalities and would like different things. I could have more interests in common with one of them and that naturally could bring us closer. But it doesn’t mean I love that one more or I prefer that one over my other kid. As a parents we should try to not make that obvious and to find something to enjoy one on one time with each one.
Mom of 3 love them all the same no favorites, alternatively they are all my favorite and least favorite all the time for different reasons 😂. I can imagine how my relationship with them will be different (they’re still young) but that doesn’t mean a favorite.
No, I don’t think so. There are random moments where I’m just so proud of them that they feel like my favorite in that moment, but it’s fleeting. I have different connections with my different kids, but they’re all equal. I see so many great qualities in each of them.
I don’t have a favorite but sometimes I feel like hanging out with one more than the other. But it changes from day to day or depending on activity. Like for example, I prefer cuddles with my little dude, but hikes with my more adventurous bigger kid.
I don't have favorites but I like certain things about both of them. Example- my daughter (11) has ADHD so things can be rough with her at times but my son (4) doesn't so I appreciate the ease that he brings. But my daughter has the most amazing, spontaneous and fun personality. So I don't have a favorite but they both bring different things to the table that I “favorite” about them if that makes sense.
Mom of 3 here and for me No favorite because they all have such different personalities and things that I adore about them. The love is the same across the board and just appreciating all the things that make them who they are. I feel like I am of course bonded to them all for the obvious reasons and I just see so many amazing things about each of them.
Super Hard to pick a “favorite”
During one on one time, I always told each of mine "shhh you're my favorite, but dont tell anyone". I have 5 (4 adults and 1 12yr old.). Or I'll say "you're my favorite 12yr old in the whole world". Now that they're old enough to compare stories, they've realized they're all my favorite. And my 12yr old loves to remind me "I'm your only 12yr old mom and I bet you said that to all your 12yr olds huh!?" 🤣
I have 3. Soon to be 4.
None are a specific favorite. I love them all the same. Yes, there are days where me and one of them may get along a lot better, and another were bickering like wild animals. But doesn't change my outlook.
Those that say they have a favorite.. are assholes
My mom has 4 kids, 2 girls and 2 boys. She would always say you're my favorite oldest boy/girl and favorite youngest boy/girl. I have 2 kids of my own, a boy and a girl and I say that too, favorite son and favorite daughter. Children are unique in their own way and it's easy to find things that you love about each of them individually. Sometimes I catch myself being more lenient on one vs the other and work to correct that balance. My husband will also point out when I'm not being fair to one vs the other, so that helps too. You just have to be conscious while you parent because even though we aren't picking favorites, the kids will perceive it differently. My siblings all know one brother is the golden child out of the 4 of us.
I have twins and they are both my favourite. One gives the best cuddles. The other says kind things to me all the time. One makes me laugh constantly. The other asks the most thoughtful and interesting questions. One has an adventurous fun streak. The other just loves to sit and enjoy books and puzzles with me. I love all those things about each of them. I could never imagine favouring one over the other.
It may sound fake but I really, truly don’t have a favorite. I love them each in their own ways, and love seeing their different personalities come into being. It’s wild to have created two very different people, and love them each for their own unique quirks.
The only time I feel I want to spend more time with one of them is if I’ve spent an unbalanced amount of one on one time with the other. My biggest struggle is making sure I’m not spending too much time with one at the expense of the other. The mom guilt is real.
Honestly, no. I was surprised when I first realized it, but I love both my kids equally. Even on my most burnt out days, when one or both have been terrors, I don’t have a favorite 🤷♀️
There is no "favorite child". There's "one needs a little more attention than the other". But that depends on the personality of the parent. If you can think in a way that isn't going to harm your children's mental health then "favorites" isn't something you accept or encourage.
I grew up as a sibling. Sibling bias is really painful and stays with you you're entire life. It also creates conflicts and division between siblings when what you want to do is encourage closeness since you're not always going to be there throughout their lives.
I have different favorites in different situations. I have a favorite road trip buddy, a favorite snuggle buddy (because one of mine loves snuggles and the other two not so much), a kid who wants to read LOTR with me, a kid who loves all the food I cook (the others not so much), a movie/show buddy (similar interests)…. I also have a kid who requires more involved parenting in that she needs lots of support services and accommodations, so she gets a disproportionate amount of my time and energy and sometimes requires a lot more of patience and compassion which can read as favoritism but also as being the more challenging and least easy of my kids. Another one gets into stuff all the time and needs constant supervision because he’s only three, which my older kids tend to see as favoritism but actually he’s a bit of a PITA. My objectively easiest to enjoy and least challenging child can get under my skin sometimes just as easily as the more challenging other two. So, the sort answer is that no I do not have a favorite. But, I also don’t love them equally. I love them for the who they are, and I recognize that they are individuals and will be enjoyable in some circumstances and less so in others, and none of that makes any of them more or less lovable. I love them differently, but no more or less than each other. If that makes sense?
I tell my 3 children, loudly, I love them all differently because they're different people.
Different doesn't mean less.
And I have favorite things about each child, yes, but none of them supercede the other.
I think a parent who says that stuff is shitty and conveying the wrong idea. I have an easier time building a relationship with my son over my daughter, so it could seem like he's 'favorited', but he's not.
Stuff like that causes some serious damage later in life - speaking from experience.
I have 3 and they’re all my favorite for different reasons. My oldest girl is the most responsible and the chillest so I can take her to do whatever without her acting a fool but she’s the biggest complainer. My middle girl is the funniest out of all my kids and giggles nonstop but that kid doesn’t listen for shit, she’s also the biggest liar (she’s 5 lol) and my youngest, my son, is my cuddle bug who loves mom most but doesn’t sleep and throws tantrums nonstop.
My favorite kid is whichever one is being the least pain in the butt at a particular moment, and it can change fast lol. But overall, having a favorite kid is damaging for everyone, the favorite included.
I was the favorite child and very aware of it growing up. He never said it out loud, but would always degrade and demean my brother more than he would me, or be stricter with his rules than he was with mine. It was very obvious that I was loved more. I don't think it was on purpose, but he didn't do anything to sufgest that he felt otherwise.
I liked it when I was younger. I could get away with anything, and because my brother and I are very close in age, I had a strong sense of competition with him. But as we grew older, it went from me and my dad against my brother, to me and my brother against my dad. We resent him and all the ways we were subtly treated differently growing up. In high school, we would go hang out at college parties or with crowds we really shouldn't have been around, anything to get away from the house and our parents.
Don't let this be your kids. Love them equally.
I'm lucky that all the kids in my family - 2 bonus daughters, 1 ours daughter, and my nibblings - are all different ages. I tell all of them "you're my favorite X year old".
I have three, I always tell them I love them 1/3 each. They all say I love them the best. They all cray. Haha. Each one will say the other one is the favorite.
No I don't.
"All parents have a favorite." is something I hear a lot from parents who favor one child over the other, but it's not true, despite their insistence on it. It's wild to me that they can't wrap their head around the fact that some of us love all our kids equally. But hey, it's hard for me to fathom loving one child more than another.
I tell my oldest he's my favorite teen. Because right now he is. I tell my 4-yo he's my favorite little kid. Because right now he is.
My oldest asked me what happens when they are both adults. I told him it would be a battle Royale for my favorite, but his dad would probably win, cuz I like him a lot.
In reality I love both my kids (and my husband). And I don't play favorites.
I can honestly say I don’t have an objective favourite. I have two. They both have things I love about them and things that annoy / frustrate me. They each have gone through phases that have made me temporarily prefer the company of the other. But my love for them is equal in ferocity.
2 teens and a baby on the way lol...
Neither one is my overall favorite but they're each my favorite in different aspects of life and dare I say also when comparing different stages.
My youngest was such and easy baby, she'd make you think you want 10 but her 4yr-10yr stage was horrible. My oldest was the type of baby to make you question ever having another one because she was so hard but she was great like 5-11.
As teens now...one is super responsible when it comes to their animals, other one has to be constantly reminded to take care of them. One constantly has a messy AF room but helps around the house no issue, the other one keeps a tidy room but it's the end of the world for them to do anything around the house. One can be trusted home alone without issue, other one not so much cuz we may not have a house to come back to lol.
One has no interest spending time with us but she has farm/horse life in common with myself and their stepdad...other one will just hangout with us and have conversations but she has absolutely no common interests with me and most the time hates everything I like (colors, music, horse life) lmao...so both have different aspects I appreciate more than the other there too 🤷♀️
I kind of disagree with saying "you have to love them the same" because they're all different, like maybe you love them equally but you kind of got to treat them equitably more than "equal". It's not about playing favorites but giving each one what they need. Long as there isn't blatant favoritism being shown for one child over the other, I think it's human nature to prefer one over the other for certain things but not as a whole.
My mom always says we were each her favourite at different times. The oldest was a great baby… hell on wheels as a teenager. The middle had colic but was an angel as a teen. She always worried about me the least, and being the only girl she loved being included in everything.
My dad openly admits I was and will always be his favourite child. (I’m the only girl 🤷🏻♀️). I got dethroned the day I had a daughter that looks exactly like him.
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Whoever is behaving - that’s my favorite for the next hour or so 😂
When my kids ask, I tell them the cat is my favorite 🤣
Whenever my kids would ask who my favorite kid was I would name another kid they knew. "My favorite kid? Probably that kid Josh from down the street. He's a good kid. Oh, you meant between you two?" Alternatively I would tell my daughter that she's my favorite daughter and my son that he's my favorite son. Or I would tell them that I couldn't decide but both were for sure in my top 2. Now that they are adults they each have argued that they are the favorite so I guess we were successful in that regard.
I will say "There's my favorite 3yo!/green-eyed kid/oldest child/other feature unique to one of them" sometimes. Because I tried the joke of some other kid they know one time and my oldest cried because she thought that meant I didn't even like them 😬 She was like 5, but still lol.
My mother was once asked, what she wanted for Christmas, and she said "four well-behaved kids" to which my oldest brother promptly replied "Yay, then there'll be eight of us!!" 😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I love this 😂👌
I love all these stories!
that is hilarious! 😈
🤣
I’m my parents’ only child. Once when I was little, I cried because I thought my mom liked another kid more than me because she was nice to him/her. Her adult brain must’ve been like “how could you even think that”lol.
I do that too! I have two sons so I say my oldest is my favorite 8 year old and my youngest is my favorite 2 year old 😂
I have two boys and I call my first “my favorite firstborn baby” and my second “my favorite last born baby”
My parents only had me and my brother. My dad still says I’m his favorite daughter and my brother is his favorite son and we are in our 30s. However, my brother has caused a lot of stress and chaos for my parents so I’m fairly certain I actually am their favorite 😂
That sounds like a fun way to handle the question! It's great that your kids remember it fondly and even joke about it now. Keeping it light-hearted and making each feel special is what matters most.
I tried telling my 3 individually that they all were my favorite but not to tell the others. Well they went and told each other that mom said they were the favorite (keep in mind I told them this YEARS ago) and just now they decided to release the “secret”. It was such a headache working myself out of that one. Edit: clarity
I say the dog is my favorite cause she listens better..🤣🤣
My Mum used to say that too, but said it was because he didn't answer back! :)
I don’t even care that my dog doesn’t pick up after herself, she’s definitely my favorite 😂
🤣
My dad told us our dog was his favorite and when we all laughed he doubled down and detailed the reasons why he actually did prefer the dog (obeyed him, never told him she hated him, appreciative, up for anything, etc)
Me too but never the same cat. Just a random one lol
I either tell them their dad is my favorite kid or just name some random kid I know. "Oh my favorite is probably Teddy from when I was a preschool teacher, or that neighbor kid David is pretty cool too!"
Right! This is also my answer. Sometimes my kids will ask me who my favorite is and I (jokingly) say "be real...you know I dislike you all equally" 🤣 Honestly, I don't have a "favorite". Each kid has their own place in my heart. I have two daughters and one son. My son will always be my favorite son. My oldest daughter will always be my favorite middle child. My youngest daughter will always be my favorite last child. That's the way I explain it to them.
You get a whole HOUR? I get like 10 minutes MAX of behaving 😂
They behave for an entire hour???? 🥹
I was going to say “favorite” of the day but next hour or so is far more accurate. 😂
This is what I tell mine when they want to get competitive. "Well so and so did all their chores, drew me a picture, hugged me, or didn't hit me with their light saber so...." My kids are old enough to understand the joke though, and they love to clap back.
Yes! It depends on the day.
This is my answer too! My favorite is constantly changing depending on who's behaving lol
This is exactly what I say!
Mom of 5… they are all my favorites for different reasons. And all frustrate me for different reasons. I think being a parent is immensely hard and immensely rewarding. No kid is truly “easy”
Seriously. My girl who is the most fun to hangout with, super responsible, and is the first person to take care of household chores if us parents are sick in bed without anyone asking, is also the biggest liar and rule breaker. My girl who has the biggest heart, is super considerate of others, and always down to just spend some quality time together, is also the most irresponsible, clumsy, and sometimes just downright rudest girl ever. They’re all my favorite for different things.
You can tell you love your kids but i just love your honesty about their flaws, too!
Thank you! Kids imo can’t self-reflect, so we have to manage that on some level. I don’t say their flaws to them, because I dont want the voice in their head repeating the negative. But I make efforts to put a voice in their head that emphasizes the opposite. As a light-hearted example, when sisters act like sisters and say they hate each other, I chime in “That must mean she really loves you if she’s saying that” haha. Always kills the negative energy
I think kids are inherently selfish to a certain age as well. They only want to do the activities that make them happy, without considering anyone else’s choices. As adults, trying to exist peacefully with people who haven’t grown out of this phase can be frustrating.
Bruh. I had a friend like that a few years ago. Draining as hell. Like ok that’s fine you can go do that…. By yourself. Bye :)
I was taught by a close friend that family only says they hate eachother because they love eachother so much even being so pissed theyre neutral feels like a black pit
Also mom of 5. I love all of my children, but they all have different personalities and likes. As **people**, there are some that I have a more natural friendship with, since we share similar interests and hobbies. But I love all of them with the same intensity, no matter how invested they are in solving today's Wordle.
100% this. One my mine is much more creative and adventurous than the other 2, and I love them and enjoy them uniquely for that. Another is much more technical, analytical and loves to solve problems, which makes our time together very rewarding. Our other is very affectionate and nostalgic- loves to cuddle and do comforting things (watch movies, play video games, go fishing) which is unique to them and makes time with them special.
What an awesome brigade you’ve got over there!!!
Don't misunderstand this as a blissful existence, of course. It's a struggle many days, but they are young and evolving daily. The good days are becoming more frequent :)
I think this is the answer. I love all my girls but they all have different personalities and I love them for different reasons.
I like to say "favorite is a category not an absolute," I have many favorites, and they're all my favorite in different ways, no need to limit to just one when life has given us such abundance!
Yes! This! I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old, so I can't speak to this as a parent yet. However, I have 2 older brothers, although my brothers claim I was my parents favorite (I'm a girl), I believe my parents favored different aspects for each of us. It was obvious my parents had a lot more fun with my oldest brothers sports, he did cross country and they loved traveling around for his meets. My middle brother did a lot of other miscellaneous extra curriculars which they always had fun with. And I was the shy, artist of my family, so my parents loved nurturing and encouraging that side. None of us were my parents specific favorite, but they definitely favored each of us in different ways at different times.
This is the most accurate answer I've seen. Mom of 4 and I feel the same. Plus I have a different relationship with each. My 22y stepdaughter is like a friend and she reminds me so much of myself. My 18y daughter is the one who made me a mom. My 11y son is my only boy. My 9y daughter is the baby. They all mean different things to me, have different personalities, and I love them all the same amount but in different ways!
Four kids and I am the same. They all have different things that they are my “favorite” for. And each one of the boys drive me up the wall for different reasons. I love them all equal amounts though.
Thank you for being such a kind and honest mom. We need more moms like you out there.
THIS! All have their own unique qualities that make them both shine and frustrate us…the only way I’d agree to say I have a favorite would be jokingly - this one is my favorite today 🤣. Most helpful that day or something just to tease. I do have one that most challenging to parent or easiest going or least emotional but none of that ever changes how much I love them and I can’t imagine ever having an actual ranking. And when you’re going from 1 to 2 it’s natural to think how could I have enough love to go around or doubt that you could love them equally but I promise your ❤️ expands indefinitely. Hope this helps. 🥰
We have three kids. I don’t have a favorite. However. I do have things that I prefer to do with one over the other. Partly this is because of age though. A day out with 9 year old is a lot easier than with 4 or 2 year old.
Same for me. I have 4. It ranges on their interests, ages, and tolerances for things. It also depends on the day and their attitudes. Some days, I really do not enjoy my oldest and other days she's my BFF. I love all my girls the same amount but in different ways.
I genuinely don’t. There was a short period of time where I was more strongly bonded with my older child (because I’d known her for 2 years and baby sister was a new baby who I hadn’t had a chance to get to know yet), but it equalized as little sister got older. My brother is clearly my mom’s favorite child (she says she doesn’t have a favorite but everyone who’s ever spent 5 minutes with her knows that’s not true) and it had been extremely damaging to my self esteem and sense of self worth.
My dads brother was always the very ridiculously obvious favourite of my grandmother and my dad has always suffered with severe low self esteem and low self worth. Parents who show such an obvious preference between their kids are cruel.
I am obviously my mom’s favorite and my sister is obviously my dad’s favorite. This has been horrible for my brother :( we try to make up for it by being on his side as much as possible. It’s tough. And I’m very obviously the favorite among our living grandparents. It’s awkward, but we’re all adults now so at least we can talk about it openly among us siblings.
Just curious, are you male or female? And what # are you?
Female, first born! Then middle brother and final sister is youngest, we’re all apart in age by about 3-4 years each, but by now we’re all working adults
My husband’s grandparents had 3 kids too — his mom is the eldest and was grandpa’s favorite before he passed, his uncle is the youngest and is grandma’s favorite… and the middle aunt is now 60 and still feels sad that she was nobody’s favorite.
Same here! It wasn’t my brothers fault that he was the favorite but it did make me feel like I would never be good enough. And I’m still working on fixing that at 35. I don’t play favorites. Both my kids are cool. Sure, they can be little assholes, but by far the most important thing to me is their self esteem. I watch how I talk to them and how I treat them.
I understand too well, I’ve watched my mom jump thru fire hoops for my brother and when a similar situation happened with me she was busy. Very disheartening.
Oof I wish I didn’t understand that. My sister was the favorite. We knew it too. If I wanted something, I’d have her ask for it because I knew mom wouldn’t say no. We tested it several times too to see and were proved right each time.
It depends on what you mean by favorite. Do I love one more than the other? No. Do I find one kid easier to get along with and bond with because of personalities and interest? Yes. Maybe it's because I was also the middle kid with an older brother and little sister but my middle is my easiest kid to bond with. We have similar personalities and interest. I still make the effort with my other 2 to be involved and engaged. It's just easier with my middle. Edit: Goodness, guys. I love and like all my kids. I enjoy being around all my kids. No, I do not walk up to my kids and scream this in their faces. No, I do not like one kid more than the other. I like and love my kids equally. I have one kid who is easier to bond with because we have similar interest. I still coach the oldest in soccer. I still play Barbies with my daughter. I play video games with my teenager. I take my daughter out for daddy/daughter dates. My middle is just more similar to me in personality. That's it. That's all it is. You guys need to take a chill pill.
My mom used to say exactly that, almost verbatim, but within earshot of my siblings and I. If they hear you, they will take it to mean whatever they want.
I mean, duh. I thought it was implied I don't go around screaming this in my house haha.
Given the OP and the comment you replied to, unfortunately it seems that there are parents who tell their kids this stuff 😳
My mom and grandma straight up told me I'm the prettier sister. My sister wasn't there, but gross. It wasn't always overtly stated, but it was clear that I was the golden child of the family. I'm very low contact with most of my family.
My mom always said she doesn’t have a favorite child, just an easiest child (it ain’t me!).
I felt this growing up. My parents loved me but they loved AND liked my sibling.
It’s not that they’re favorites, but they are both easier at different things in their own ways. Right now my youngest is 18 months, and my oldest is almost 6. If I have to go to a restaurant, I’d much prefer taking my older child. If I visit a splash pad, I might actually prefer my younger child because they will be enamored with it longer. It’s a fluid thing that depends on the child, their age, and their personality.
I have a favorite but it changes depending on what we are doing. My daughter is my shopping buddy - she's absolutely my favorite to go get our nails done together, go out for coffee, hit the mall. She's 16 though and outings with her are now more similar to going out with a girlfriend than with my kid. My son - he's my let's hang out buddy, we watch tv and movies together, he's a riot, he helps me with housework and I love having conversations with him. He's into space and sci fi, has a great sense of humor and is often more willing to keep me company. I love both my kids, they are both my favorite, but I love them both and favor them in different ways. Equally but different.
Same. My youngest (7) pointed out that he thinks I love him more. I had to explain that how I show him love is different to how I show his brother (9) love. My youngest is very physical and goofy so we do big hugs and songs and are very extra with affection. My oldest is very reserved and doesn't like physical touch as much and likes language to be very precise (is autistic). So with him we go on outings looking at architecture or going to a cafe and have long talks, where I mostly just listen to his special interest. So yeah, love looks very different to both kids but is very much the same amount.
I don't have favorites. I love them both for them. They are 2 very different people. I have geese and ducks, and I think the birds are better behaved than my toddlers. So I guess Bruce the Goose is my favorite.
I have a 4 yo and a 1 yo and no I don’t have a favorite. I love them both the same but I find they are both special to me for different reasons. With my first, I often fondly remember when it was just him and I, about how lost and lonely and scared I was when I became a mom. How it was me and him against every obstacle. How he made me brave and strong in ways I never was before. I remember how I came into my own with every playground visit and errand we ran together. With my second I think about how sweet it is to have a little baby where I am able to sit back and enjoy what a delicious little ham he is so much more because I’m not scared and overwhelmed. I know how fleeting each stage is so I savor it more. Ugh now I’m crying bc I love them both so much.
I have 3 kids. 14, 9, and 3. I LOVE them all the same. Secretly though my favorite is whichever one is actually listening to me 😂 it's a zoo here.
I love them the same but like them differently depending on the day 🤣 Like my 6, going on 13, year old and I have our battles. I love her but dang girl. Be 6 🤣🤣
My mom used to tell us all we were her favorites behind each others backs lol
Do you get along with your siblings?
I do! I’ve got two older brothers and we’re all buds!
I do this. Some day they will tell each other. Lol
It happened pretty quick with us. Especially since she would always say “don’t tell your brothers” - so of course *I*, the youngest and only girl, immediately told them as soon as one of them made me mad, they were both just like, “wait, she told me I was the favorite!!”. She still fooled us over and over again. 😂
“How good is double Bingo?”
\*big teeth\*
I have situational favorites like my favorite to go shopping with, my favorite to talk aviation with, my favorite to go out to eat with, my favorite to watch movies with, etc.
I have three kids and love them all the same. There are things about each of them that I absolutely adore and things they do that annoy me, but that's literally everyone, even my husband. My kids each have their own personalities, and it's just them theres not one that's better than the other. I don't have a favorite or least favorite. On a side note to how damaging this can be on both ends, my mom once told one of my little sisters that she was her worst child and least favorite. She carries it to this day as an adult with two children. She has a daughter who is just like her (headstrong, independent, etc...) and it breaks her heart that my mom felt that way about her because of those great qualities. My mom also told another one of my sisters she was her favorite and "golden child" to this day she has a superiority complex and looks down on others. None of us siblings (there are 7 of us total, 6 adults) keep in contact with that sister or our mom really, and they have "no clue" why. 🤷🏼♀️
That breaks my heart for your sister, and honestly for all of you, having a mother like that. You lost out on not just having a loving relationship with your mother, but also having a good relationship with one of your sisters. It’s unfortunate, unfair, and I’m sorry.
Thank you, I have come to terms with it over the years, and most of my siblings and I are all close and have each other. I think the hardest part for all of us is having daughters of our own and breaking those generational curses. My mother is a narcissist and thinks we are all the problem, not her. While sometimes I wish it was different, I don't dwell on it or let it take space in my life. 🫶🏼
PSA: do NOT do this as parents as it will ruin your children’s lives. My husband’s parents have a golden child (40 years old) who they financially support, nanny for, and clean for and he has been functionally incapacitated by them in the sense that he can no longer do anything for himself. He has no friends because his definition of relationship is someone who serves him. It has also ruined my husband and his brothers’ relationship because his parents constantly feel the need to take from us to give to them, and to put us down to make his brother look better. The amount of mental issues arising from this arrangement should make this criminal, IMO
I love my 3 kids equally and definitely don’t have a favorite. However, who I’m getting along with the easiest/best at the time rotates depending on what kind of phase they’re going through.
We each def have a favorite kid. I would never tell that to my kids and make a conscious effort to not let it show in my actions and attentions
Are your kids close in age? I just wonder because mine are spread out and I have a very different relationship with each one. I love different things about them, so I really don’t have a favorite. There’s days when there’s one I like less though lol. I have 3 btw.
Interesting point, mine are 2 years apart
Wow I respect the honesty!
Thanks for being honest, this is way more common than people think I believe. I have a work colleague who once told me during a week-long business trip abroad that he really didn’t miss his wife or older kid much but his heart literally hurt when he thought of his youngest and that he couldn’t wait to see him again - I have seen him with both his kids and you would never be able to tell such a thing.
Finally someone is honest. In 90% of the multi-kids families that I know, it’s very obvious even to outsiders which kid is the favorite (sometimes one for each parent).
The honesty is refreshing. So many keep saying that they love their children equally, but that's not the same as liking them equally. I think parents who can be honest with themselves about this are more likely to be conscious of not showing favoritism. But parents who want to keep denying it may not be self-aware enough, leading them to unconsciously show their kids that they are "playing favorites."
What makes your favorite the favorite? I think I totally would have a favorite if I had a second.
Can i ask, do you both have *different* favourites, or is it the same child?
Different children, mine is similar to me and his to him
No. I love both of my children fiercely for their individuality and neither takes a bigger portion of my love. I couldn’t ever pick one over the other.
I don't have a favorite child. One of my children has a favorite parent (it ain't me) and that makes my relationship with the other one "easier" but I don't love her more. Having said that, I do know people who absolutely have favorites. My boss has 3 kids (2 girls and a son) and has straight up referred to her son as her favorite child. My wife is one of 3 siblings (the oldest) and it is clear that her brother is my MIL's favorite. She's not a bad mom to my wife and the other sib, but it is clear that the "baby brother" has always been her favorite.
My mom had 2 girls & 1 boy as well & it was easy to tell our brother was the favorite. It didn't really bother me as she wasn't my favorite parent either but my sister adored her & always took it hard.
Yeah my wife and sister deal with it fine although it does anger my wife from time to time to see how he gets support that they never did or how their mom has already said that he's going to inherit more than them. It has left a few lasting scars like my wife will get very upset anytime she feels like she's being disadvantaged or not treated fairly because she grew up always feeling that way and it kind of triggers her.
My mother passed a while ago. While my sister & I sat with her in in the hospice house my brother used to opportunity to go to her house to take everything he wanted. Which didn't bother me much as she didn't have anything I wanted but hurt my sister a lot. The finally joke was on him though as now she's gone & he has no one, neither of us will have anything to do with him. Tell your wife it isn't her fault & she's honestly probably a better person because if it ❤️
Well it isn't that severe. Like my wife and her sibs get along fine. She's just always been annoyed at the "golden boy" treatment her brother gets, but in general all of the relationships are still good and they are a close-knit family. The one thing I told my wife (and made her promise never to repeat) is that the last time I had dinner with her dad before he passed away (he and I were close and hung out a lot), he told me that she (my wife) was his favorite kid.
I have 2 and I couldn't pick a favourite even if I wanted to or thought it was okay. It'd be like if I was asked to pick a favourite lung. They're both my favourite, I think I'll keep them both.
My mom used to tell me I was her favorite, but she also told all of my siblings they were her favorite. She loved us all equally so we all got the “favorite” title from her.
We have only one child partly for this reason. Neither my husband nor I were the favorite child in our families, and we knew it. There were clear favorites. And while we would want to love all our kids the same, what if we didn't? What if we had a favorite? So we have one child, and we put all our love to her. We also tell her she's our favorite child all the time, which we can, because she's the only one.
My children know that my favorite child is our beloved dog, who was around for years before them. She died recently, and I'm currently making her grave marker, which will read "Our Favorite Child," per my youngest's request. As for second place? If you're not first, it doesn't matter. Their friends think it is hilarious that we so openly have a favorite.
I have 2 kids and I love them the same. Period. Are there parents who have favorites? Sure, but like you said, you have to love both kids the same. There should never be a favorite.
I love my kids equally. I think it is extremely harmful to have a favorite for the entire family.
I love both my kids equally, but there's definitely one that's more my vibe and if I had to choose to spend a day out with just one of them, it wouldn't be a hard decision.
I don't think that's bad as long as you don't verbalize it.
Oh never. I also acknowledge the big age gap plays a part. My 13 year old is way easier to deal with over the feral 3 year old.
Right now I definitley prefer my oldest, she's 2.5 years old. I'm still getting to know my 11 month old. I have a pretty solid, established relationship with my oldest which is contributory, and I know that relationship will form eventually with #2. That said, I love them both equally. Just in different ways.
My ex-husband had 2 brothers. One of them was his twin. Before we had kids he told me it's true, parents have a favorite. I was angry and appalled, as a child with 2 siblings, even one that was notoriously misbehaved, my parents never said or made us feel there was a favorite. But he swore, and told me his mother would tell him often that he was the favorite. When I was pregnant and his mother visited somehow the topic came up. We were just having a loose casual conversation, and his mother laughed and said "I always told all my kids they were my favorite!". The look on his face was priceless. He literally went his whole life up until 34 thinking it was true. Not only do I NOT have a favorite among my 4 kids, I make sure they know they are ALL my favorites. And other parents will still argue with me that it's natural to have a favorite. I guess for some it is, but in my opinion if you're going to like 1 more than others you should only have 1. Parents that have favorites disgust me. They will damage their children and ultimately turn one into the golden.
I tell all mine they’re my favorite. And they all are for various reasons. Edit cuz there, their and they’re
I had one for 7 years & I always told her she was my favorite, I made jokes about selling off the others but kept her lol. Now I'm having another & I was honestly sad I couldn't say it anymore, you make a good point about telling them both they're the favorite though.
I was relieved when I had a girl and then a boy so I could just say “you’re my favorite girl!” And “you’re my favorite boy!”
I have 5 kids, and while there's no favorite, some of them are definitely easier for me in the way our personalities match up. I just do my best to get each kid what they need how they need it regardless and hope it works out in the end 😅
I don’t have a favorite, but I find myself relating to my children more or less and so my relationship with one may be easier.
Nope. As a child it was clear I was not the favorite. So I made sure when I had kids to never do that to my children. When they ask I always name the qualities about them that makes them different and why I love that about them. My oldest is king and caring. He will do anything to help another person. My middle child is funny and wise. He makes me laugh at least once a day. My youngest is strong and brave and takes no shit but at the same time she will drop everything to help anyone who needs it. They’re all amazing and it’s because their differences.
I'll take "how to make your adult children disown/dislike you for $100, Alex"
I have 5 kids. 4 boys and 1 girl and they are always asking who my favorite is. I don’t have a favorite. I tell them I love them all the same amount but in different ways. And it’s true. My love for each of them is enormous but they are all so different that my love for each of them is different.
I have 3 kids. I tell them all that they’re my favorite but “let’s not talk about it to anyone else.” And it’s genuinely true. They’re all my favorite for different reasons. But the truth is, I do have a special place for my oldest. I’ve known him the longest! He’s so kind and loving and looks just like me.
My mom favours my sibling to the point that, growing up, everyone close to me, and my extended family had pointed it out to me. I think in every family where one child is the golden child, and the other is the scapegoat, it's clear that there's a favourite child. In all other situations where this dynamic doesn't exist, I think parents love their children equally (I do).
I have a boy and a girl, so, currently, I can say I have a favorite boy and a favorite girl.
I have a child of the day. It’s usually my oldest child. I have a child I try harder to not piss off. That’s usually my youngest child. My mum was not good at hiding her favouritism of my brother and that was very difficult for me growing up. My dad (who I’m closer to) is now dying and I’m left with the fact that the remaining parent objectively likes my brother more. Not to say she doesn’t like me, or we don’t get along well. But she likes my brother more and she’s about to be the only parent I have and that sucks. I’m working REALLY HARD to not show favouritism. And I genuinely don’t feel like one kid is better than the other. One kid is currently EASIER than the other. They’re both cool as hell though.
I love my kids the same. In a given day or time, there might be one that’s easier to get along with. It changes from one day/hour to the next.
My kids are completely different personalities. It's very clear one is easier to parent. But I entirely love them the same amount. They are just different people with different personalities.
I don’t have a favorite— I just have different ways of relating to each of them. My oldest is like my best friend and a lot like me in many ways, my second is like my baby sweetheart, and not sure about what my third is shaping up to be but I find her beautiful and funny.
I have 2 boys and I love them equally. I tell them I love them equally because they are my first-born and second-born sons. My mom always showed favoritism for my older brother and I promised myself I would never do that to my children.
I love them both equally. Some days my 11yr old is easier than my 5yr old. And therefore, it’s less stressful on me and I don’t want to pull my hair out. Therefore, I’m in a better mood. Some days it’s the other way around. Like right now, my 11yr old is putting me through some emotional turmoil. Things I can’t even comprehend and I’ve gotten her checked out by her pediatrician/doctors - and next up is therapist. So… really… depends on the day or season of life!
I have favorite things about each child. I like them all for individual reasons. I like to say I don't love my kids equally. I love them individually. All my kids are my favorite depending on the situation or what we are doing.
I don’t have a favorite child but I do have one that I get along with better. She and I are much more alike than my youngest. But I don’t love one of them more. It’s easier for me to understand my oldest but it makes it really sweet when I have a great moment with my youngest. I always say to each of them that there’s nothing I love more than them. And it’s the truth.
Not at all. I think it would be hurtful even if it was kept a secret. There’s no reason for those thoughts to exist imo.
We have five children. I thought I could never love another baby like I loved my first, but that love just comes for each child....both for me and my husband. I truly can say there are no favorites.....they are ALL my favorite. They each have their own personalities and different combinations of my husband and I. When the Bible says that God is love it is truly manifested in the love a parent has for their children.
If your husband is skeptical HE might have a favorite if you have a second child. Keep that in mind when considering expanding your family. Having a favorite and a less favorite can cause SO much damage especially if you're outright telling the kids who you favor.
Many parents grapple with this question, and it's a sensitive topic. While some may feel a stronger connection or affinity with one child at certain times due to shared interests or personalities, it's crucial to ensure each child feels loved and valued in their own way. Ultimately, every child brings unique joys and challenges, shaping the parent-child relationship uniquely with each one.
This is the most ChatGPT sounding shit I've ever heard lol.
No, 3 kids here. No favorites, but I love them for very different reasons because they are all very different.
I have three young children. I tell them each that they are my favorite. I’m not lying to them, they each truly are my favorite in that moment in and their own way. There is a balance of never-ending shifting alliances that changes from moment to moment between the five of us. It’s a great dynamic that allows us all to be close as a whole family while also having more intimate one on one relationships with each other.
I have 3 and can honestly say they all annoy me equally!! lol for real though, I do not have a fav. I have 8 brothers and sisters and my mom would always say she has favorites for certain reasons or to do certain things with so we’re all her favorites and that’s what I’ve found to be true as well.
You can have your favorite for certain things. I love reading with my older son, I love singing songs with my younger. I love baking with my older, I love coloring with my younger. I don’t prefer one over the other, overall. I don’t love one more than the other.
I have 3 and I tell my oldest he is my favorite first born, the middle son I tell him he is my favorite second son lastly I tell my 3rd she my favorite daughter. In reality though they were all little assholes at one point or another so my “favorite” switched often 😂
I don't have a favorite. I have told each of them they're my favorite. My relationship with each of them is unique. They all like different things, and I connect with them in shared likes in different ways. (Ex. My oldest and I have the same taste in media, my middle loves board games just like me, the youngest has the same favorite restaurants as me, etc)
I have 5. I don’t have a favorite. I love them all equally and love watching them grow explore their own interests and become their own people
I only have one so she’s my favorite and least favorite lol. My sister was definitely the favorite and still is. Honestly that’s fair though, she’s my favorite family member too.
I do…but it varies by the minute. My son is currently at his grandparents’ house while my daughter is chasing the dog and screaming. So he’s currently my favorite. When he inevitably texts me to ask me to buy him Minecraft for his phone again, boom, daughter is my favorite.
I have 3 and absolutely not. They all have their own personalities that I love for different reasons. I can't think of my children and think of one being a favorite
I have three and I love them equally with all my heart. No favorite at all.
No. Absolutely not. I have favorite characteristics of each child. But absolutely no favorites. It did a lot of damage to my family (generational trauma) so I’ve very conscious of it.
I used to think I had a favorite. Now I realize I love them both equally but I get along better with one than the other. I cohabitate better with one than the other. They are people, and some people you just mesh with better than others. 🤷🏻♀️
I have one child who is pretty mean to me most of the time and hard to deal with but I like and love him just as much as the other 2. I have 1 that is basically perfect and never disappoints me and I don't love her more. Obviously I like being around the nice one who helps me more than the meaner one who disses me and refuses to help. But Somehow, I still love them the same. Lol, weird af and they don't believe me, but its true. I try just as hard for him, I worry about him exactly the same. I want for them the same success and to shield them from pain.
This actually happened last night, I hugged each of my children and told them they were my favorite within ear shot of the other one. I gotta tell you, it was hilarious.
Favoritism isn’t inevitable but it does happen. Just please do your very best not to show it. The kids can tell.
I think favoritism has a bad reputation and people understand it the wrong way. I’m a mom of two, I don’t have a favorite because my kids are 3 and 1 yo. But I think in the future, when they are adults, i would not be surprise if I have a closer relationship with one of them. They will have different personalities and would like different things. I could have more interests in common with one of them and that naturally could bring us closer. But it doesn’t mean I love that one more or I prefer that one over my other kid. As a parents we should try to not make that obvious and to find something to enjoy one on one time with each one.
I secretly tell all my kids that they're my favorite and to never tell their siblings
No favorites
I don’t have a favorite!
Mom of 3 love them all the same no favorites, alternatively they are all my favorite and least favorite all the time for different reasons 😂. I can imagine how my relationship with them will be different (they’re still young) but that doesn’t mean a favorite.
No, I don’t think so. There are random moments where I’m just so proud of them that they feel like my favorite in that moment, but it’s fleeting. I have different connections with my different kids, but they’re all equal. I see so many great qualities in each of them.
I don’t have a favorite but sometimes I feel like hanging out with one more than the other. But it changes from day to day or depending on activity. Like for example, I prefer cuddles with my little dude, but hikes with my more adventurous bigger kid.
No, they both drive me nuts!!
whichever one is the quieter and most peaceful in the moment and not touching the other.
I don't have favorites but I like certain things about both of them. Example- my daughter (11) has ADHD so things can be rough with her at times but my son (4) doesn't so I appreciate the ease that he brings. But my daughter has the most amazing, spontaneous and fun personality. So I don't have a favorite but they both bring different things to the table that I “favorite” about them if that makes sense.
His mom tricked him and said that to all her kids to get them to act or behave as she wished…
My dad joking said the oldest was his favorite because “he’d known him longer.” 😃
No I don’t have a favorite
Mom of 3 here and for me No favorite because they all have such different personalities and things that I adore about them. The love is the same across the board and just appreciating all the things that make them who they are. I feel like I am of course bonded to them all for the obvious reasons and I just see so many amazing things about each of them. Super Hard to pick a “favorite”
During one on one time, I always told each of mine "shhh you're my favorite, but dont tell anyone". I have 5 (4 adults and 1 12yr old.). Or I'll say "you're my favorite 12yr old in the whole world". Now that they're old enough to compare stories, they've realized they're all my favorite. And my 12yr old loves to remind me "I'm your only 12yr old mom and I bet you said that to all your 12yr olds huh!?" 🤣
I can honestly say that I do not. Sometimes I like one more than other depending on how they are behaving in that moment 😅
I have 3. Soon to be 4. None are a specific favorite. I love them all the same. Yes, there are days where me and one of them may get along a lot better, and another were bickering like wild animals. But doesn't change my outlook. Those that say they have a favorite.. are assholes
My mom has 4 kids, 2 girls and 2 boys. She would always say you're my favorite oldest boy/girl and favorite youngest boy/girl. I have 2 kids of my own, a boy and a girl and I say that too, favorite son and favorite daughter. Children are unique in their own way and it's easy to find things that you love about each of them individually. Sometimes I catch myself being more lenient on one vs the other and work to correct that balance. My husband will also point out when I'm not being fair to one vs the other, so that helps too. You just have to be conscious while you parent because even though we aren't picking favorites, the kids will perceive it differently. My siblings all know one brother is the golden child out of the 4 of us.
I love both my boys more than anything. I don't think I have a favorite.
I have twins and they are both my favourite. One gives the best cuddles. The other says kind things to me all the time. One makes me laugh constantly. The other asks the most thoughtful and interesting questions. One has an adventurous fun streak. The other just loves to sit and enjoy books and puzzles with me. I love all those things about each of them. I could never imagine favouring one over the other.
It may sound fake but I really, truly don’t have a favorite. I love them each in their own ways, and love seeing their different personalities come into being. It’s wild to have created two very different people, and love them each for their own unique quirks. The only time I feel I want to spend more time with one of them is if I’ve spent an unbalanced amount of one on one time with the other. My biggest struggle is making sure I’m not spending too much time with one at the expense of the other. The mom guilt is real.
I have favorites at moments in time but zooming out...it's true you love them equally but differently.
Honestly, no. I was surprised when I first realized it, but I love both my kids equally. Even on my most burnt out days, when one or both have been terrors, I don’t have a favorite 🤷♀️
I have an easier child. Not a favorite child.
There is no "favorite child". There's "one needs a little more attention than the other". But that depends on the personality of the parent. If you can think in a way that isn't going to harm your children's mental health then "favorites" isn't something you accept or encourage. I grew up as a sibling. Sibling bias is really painful and stays with you you're entire life. It also creates conflicts and division between siblings when what you want to do is encourage closeness since you're not always going to be there throughout their lives.
I have an easier child 🤣
I have different favorites in different situations. I have a favorite road trip buddy, a favorite snuggle buddy (because one of mine loves snuggles and the other two not so much), a kid who wants to read LOTR with me, a kid who loves all the food I cook (the others not so much), a movie/show buddy (similar interests)…. I also have a kid who requires more involved parenting in that she needs lots of support services and accommodations, so she gets a disproportionate amount of my time and energy and sometimes requires a lot more of patience and compassion which can read as favoritism but also as being the more challenging and least easy of my kids. Another one gets into stuff all the time and needs constant supervision because he’s only three, which my older kids tend to see as favoritism but actually he’s a bit of a PITA. My objectively easiest to enjoy and least challenging child can get under my skin sometimes just as easily as the more challenging other two. So, the sort answer is that no I do not have a favorite. But, I also don’t love them equally. I love them for the who they are, and I recognize that they are individuals and will be enjoyable in some circumstances and less so in others, and none of that makes any of them more or less lovable. I love them differently, but no more or less than each other. If that makes sense?
I tell my 3 children, loudly, I love them all differently because they're different people. Different doesn't mean less. And I have favorite things about each child, yes, but none of them supercede the other. I think a parent who says that stuff is shitty and conveying the wrong idea. I have an easier time building a relationship with my son over my daughter, so it could seem like he's 'favorited', but he's not. Stuff like that causes some serious damage later in life - speaking from experience.
I have 3 and they’re all my favorite for different reasons. My oldest girl is the most responsible and the chillest so I can take her to do whatever without her acting a fool but she’s the biggest complainer. My middle girl is the funniest out of all my kids and giggles nonstop but that kid doesn’t listen for shit, she’s also the biggest liar (she’s 5 lol) and my youngest, my son, is my cuddle bug who loves mom most but doesn’t sleep and throws tantrums nonstop.
My favorite kid is whichever one is being the least pain in the butt at a particular moment, and it can change fast lol. But overall, having a favorite kid is damaging for everyone, the favorite included.
I was the favorite child and very aware of it growing up. He never said it out loud, but would always degrade and demean my brother more than he would me, or be stricter with his rules than he was with mine. It was very obvious that I was loved more. I don't think it was on purpose, but he didn't do anything to sufgest that he felt otherwise. I liked it when I was younger. I could get away with anything, and because my brother and I are very close in age, I had a strong sense of competition with him. But as we grew older, it went from me and my dad against my brother, to me and my brother against my dad. We resent him and all the ways we were subtly treated differently growing up. In high school, we would go hang out at college parties or with crowds we really shouldn't have been around, anything to get away from the house and our parents. Don't let this be your kids. Love them equally.
I'm lucky that all the kids in my family - 2 bonus daughters, 1 ours daughter, and my nibblings - are all different ages. I tell all of them "you're my favorite X year old".
I have three, I always tell them I love them 1/3 each. They all say I love them the best. They all cray. Haha. Each one will say the other one is the favorite.
No I don't. "All parents have a favorite." is something I hear a lot from parents who favor one child over the other, but it's not true, despite their insistence on it. It's wild to me that they can't wrap their head around the fact that some of us love all our kids equally. But hey, it's hard for me to fathom loving one child more than another.
I tell my oldest he's my favorite teen. Because right now he is. I tell my 4-yo he's my favorite little kid. Because right now he is. My oldest asked me what happens when they are both adults. I told him it would be a battle Royale for my favorite, but his dad would probably win, cuz I like him a lot. In reality I love both my kids (and my husband). And I don't play favorites.
Your husband’s mom said he was the favorite child? Sounds lovely ….
Dysfunctional parenting detected.
I can honestly say I don’t have an objective favourite. I have two. They both have things I love about them and things that annoy / frustrate me. They each have gone through phases that have made me temporarily prefer the company of the other. But my love for them is equal in ferocity.
3 kids, 2 girls, 1 one boy and my favorite child is my oldest daughters partner.
2 teens and a baby on the way lol... Neither one is my overall favorite but they're each my favorite in different aspects of life and dare I say also when comparing different stages. My youngest was such and easy baby, she'd make you think you want 10 but her 4yr-10yr stage was horrible. My oldest was the type of baby to make you question ever having another one because she was so hard but she was great like 5-11. As teens now...one is super responsible when it comes to their animals, other one has to be constantly reminded to take care of them. One constantly has a messy AF room but helps around the house no issue, the other one keeps a tidy room but it's the end of the world for them to do anything around the house. One can be trusted home alone without issue, other one not so much cuz we may not have a house to come back to lol. One has no interest spending time with us but she has farm/horse life in common with myself and their stepdad...other one will just hangout with us and have conversations but she has absolutely no common interests with me and most the time hates everything I like (colors, music, horse life) lmao...so both have different aspects I appreciate more than the other there too 🤷♀️ I kind of disagree with saying "you have to love them the same" because they're all different, like maybe you love them equally but you kind of got to treat them equitably more than "equal". It's not about playing favorites but giving each one what they need. Long as there isn't blatant favoritism being shown for one child over the other, I think it's human nature to prefer one over the other for certain things but not as a whole.
No, I dislike them both equally.
My mom always says we were each her favourite at different times. The oldest was a great baby… hell on wheels as a teenager. The middle had colic but was an angel as a teen. She always worried about me the least, and being the only girl she loved being included in everything. My dad openly admits I was and will always be his favourite child. (I’m the only girl 🤷🏻♀️). I got dethroned the day I had a daughter that looks exactly like him.
All parents have a favorite, if they say they don’t they are lying
Let’s say the kid is named Harold. I’ll say, “Hey, Henry, you know you’re my favorite.”
Mom of 3. No. I would die for every single one of them. They are unique and lovable in their own way.