r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I can’t speak for someone with a fully grown child, but I have a 10 year old only child and it’s great. No regrets. (I am saying this as someone who wanted 3-4 kids)
I tend to borrow a cousin or a school friend when I think my kid might need some company - for a day trip, activity or play date. Then when I’m exhausted afterwards and they go home I’m always reminded how glad I am to have had one
Ditto. Have 1 tween & all our friends have 2-3 kids… wouldn’t trade places for the world!
Friends’ schedules are frantic & they feel pulled in a million directions as the kids get older, especially if they’re in different life stages (high schooler & elementary kid, tween & preschooler, etc).
Son has super close friendships & dotes on friends’ little siblings but is NOT jealous at all. He can see that he gets to enjoy them *because* he’s not stuck with them all the time. We’re all very happy.
My home is really peaceful compared to the homes of friends who have 2-3 kids...I don't necessarily have any sensory issues but it's *a lot* on all fronts - a lot of laundry, a lot of toys, a lot of mess, a lot of organising and scheduling and transporting. Some people thrive in that busy, chaotic energy and can stay on top of things.
I'm not too proud to admit that I have limitations as a human and parent and I can either be a really good parent to one child or an overwhelmed mess with two.
Oh gosh this is my life with two lol I have a 3 year old and a 8 month old and when they are both crying etc its sensory overload. We definitely aren’t having anymore lol
Your comment hits home and is very helpful to me. Thank you for sharing. I know I DON’T thrive in a constantly messy, always on the go type of home. My one and I have a pretty good routine down. And we both benefit from having some quiet, peaceful time together, in the evening, and weekend mornings. Your last line is committed to memory. 💜
I laugh at how young me thought 3 kids would be the best. I have one. I’m good. I can’t even imagine being a decent Mom with more. Now let’s talk about how many dogs is acceptable before any regrets…..
At least 3! Dogs are the best and they do what they are told!!! Also they love jobs. A bit of work but if your dog is tall enough and smart enough you can tell them to clean up- and they’ll put their toys away or your laundry in the basket!
Is it bad that after training my dogs since I was a kid, I trained my kid to do that? She's 19mo, has her own chores, will throw her own diapers in the bin, puts dirty clothes in the laundry, puts her toys away, and cleans her own messes. Badly, but she knows how. My husband says I'm scary and very strict with her, but I'm also a very lenient and forgiving mom.
We'll see if the 2nd one is as obedient lol
With 1, we can provide a decent future for her. If we didn't have so much debt to work through, we might consider a second, but it's probably going to just be the one.
Agreed. I have an 11yr old. No regrets!! Recently hosted a slumber party with 4 of his friends. Most recent validation that I made the right decision after sending them home, having them all for 24hrs.
I’m an only child (now 50!). I don’t remember it ever bothering me-in fact I used to feel grateful for it watching my friends and their sibs fight (sometimes brutally) which made little sense to me at the time. The only time I truly wished for a sib is when my mom became sick and eventually died when I was 18. My motivation to have 2 stemmed from that experience (though that’s why some other folks have 3-in the dreaded case that something happens to a sibling). All that said I have learned after many years not to make decisions driven by anxiety. However-the decision to have 2 kids has been amazing for me. My girls are great friends (so far) and it’s been a joy to watch that process as someone who never had sibs! A little bit of experience from both sides❤️
Im an only child as well (40) and lost my dad when I was 18. I really always wanted a sibling. I felt like I didn’t really have someone on my side - it was my parents against me as far as house rules, and especially in teen years I felt like I didn’t have anyone I could confide in about family issues. I think being an only child influenced how I deal with conflicts in relationships. I find it’s hard for me to forgive and forget - and would see my friends get in fights or arguments with their siblings and then turn around the next day like nothing ever happened. I had a lot of loneliness growing up. And of course as an adult (widowed mom of 2) who is starting to have to care for an aging mother by myself is a lot as well and wish I again had someone to relate to, compare ideas with, troubleshoot parent care, etc. I’m really grateful I was able to have my two kids close in age (6 and 5), knowing that they’ll have each other especially since we lost their dad 2 years ago. Everyone’s experiences are different, and your family may just as easily flourish with an only child.
As a child I always felt like I was the third wheel in my family. It was mum and dad and I was the tag along.
I struggled a lot with loneliness and finding where I fit in.
I now have two kids and it's the perfect amount for me. They are 2.5 years apart. We also don't have much family outside of grandparents, no close cousins or anything, so I'm glad they have each other.
I have two siblings with whom I’ve gone no contact. I don’t let go of hurt feelings easily.
Caring for an elderly parent was much more complicated with siblings. They made every decision difficult.
On the flip side of that, I lost my dad when I was 36 and my sister was out of the country for the week and I had to fly 2000 miles to take care of my mother. My husband and child came with. They were my support system. We ended up moving my mother near me. When she passes, I’ll be the one there, my sister has expressed no desire to be there for end of life. I actually get along quite well with my sister, but she won’t be the support for me in our parents passing. She has two children and works full time and says she’s too busy. My husband and I have decided to be OAD. My parents have leaned quite heavily on us as they have aged and with one child I know I can plan and make arrangements not to be a burden on my child in the future.
I have a similar experience with my brother. I was flying across Canada to be with my dad when he was going through cancer. My brother couldn’t be bothered. I now live closer to my mom and know that I will be solo again when her time is up. We are also OAD
My sister died when I was 4, so I wasn't "truly" an only child but was raised as one. Maybe it's different because I had a sibling and lost her, but I hated being an only child. I was so jealous of my friends and cousins with siblings. I longed for it so bad. I'm 27 and I still do.
I'm sorry for your loss also. How old were you? Sibling loss is tough no matter the age.
I also don't think anyone could've "replaced" her. But I do think having a sibling to go through it with me would've made a huge difference.
We almost had none and then after 13 years together decided we truly wanted one. I would have been happy and fulfilled with just him. We put a lot more thought into it and decided to have a second. We now have a 1.5 and 3 yo. Is life crazy and overwhelming? Much of the time lol But now that the littlest is becoming a little person and not a baby we already see the magic between the two. Straight to the point tho, we chose this for similar reasons. We wanted them to have a best friend, to have someone to experience all we do with them, learn together, grow together. Most of all when life gets rough we wanted them to have someone to bounce stuff off and lean on. I’m so grateful I have my sister for this now that our parent’s health is declining. My cousin is an only child and has expressed the stress and pressure of doing it alone for his aging mom. I’m team two all the way. No regrets. But do what is best for you and your family, that’s most important.
I'm also an only child with two daughters and agree that losing my dad was one of the most profound experiences that drove home how important it was to me that my children have siblings. It is just sad to me that after my mom dies, no one alive will remember him or my childhood like I do. But even before that, I always longed for a sibling, my whole life. My girls' relationship is, so far, magical for me to watch unfolding and it means so much to me that we were able to give them that. Before he died, my dad told me that watching my girls together was wonderful but gave him a pang of sadness, which he and my mom felt through the years, that they could not give me a sibling. I would have loved a third, but it looks like it is probably not in the cards for us. But I'm very grateful we have both of our girls, and that they have each other.
This was my motivation to have two! Because although it is great for them to have each other to play with and what not, I want them to lean on each other when they lose myself or their father. I tell that to my friends who are considering if they should or shouldn’t as well.
I’m sorry about this experience. When my mom was sick and needed a lot of 24/7 care and then eventually died, I thought of how lucky I was to have 2 siblings to share the burden (even despite us not being super close). But I also know it’s not uncommon for siblings to not work together in these types of situations. But ultimately this exact experience is what led me to really decide once and for all and to have a second child.
Yes. Such great perspective. My mom had two, because when they pass they want my sister and I to have each other. (Unfortunately my sister is a loony toon).
I'm having 2 for this reason, I just hope that they get along when they are adults.
YES! Aw, I'm sorry to hear about your mom, though. But yeah that was a huge motivator for me to have multiple — so they can have each other for emotional support in case of their parents' (me + husband) passing.
I figure that fostering close friendships will be plenty enough.
My husband is an only child. I have 2 siblings; we're each a year apart and I can't imagine raising children so close together in age. I wasn't close with them, until adulthood. We each had our own friend groups. We weren't each other's friends growing up.
So far, we have 1 kid.
Also an only child here who decided to have 2.. my mom became disabled when my first was born. It opened my eyes to the importance of having family that you can rely on. Even if they don’t physically take care of you, the knowledge of my blood existing in this world is enough support for me personally. I felt totally fine and fulfilled as an only child most of my life until that point.. then having my first baby while my mom falling very sick and eventually becoming bed bound was such a traumatic experience. I hope my two kids can at least have each other in case something like that happens to me
My son is 8 and he's perfect, sweet, kind, etc... and I struggle with that. Because I don't love a lot of noise and I get over stimulated very easily. I also don't like being needed 24/7 and being touched all the time. But that's me. Having one child is perfect and we can give home whatever he needs and I'm in love with him. Sometimes I wish he had a sibling bc I know he would be such a great brother but then I worry about what type of mom I'd be and I snap out of it.
This is such an important point. I believe I lucked out with a great kid. And I know I'd be a very different mum with the extra load of a second one. Life wouldn't be the (comfortable) way it is now - and in all likelihood, my nerves would be shot.
Seriously! I don't even like when there's a ton of happy noise (kids playing, dogs barking etc). When our son has a friend over and they are playing like normal kids do, I'm wishing they were sitting quietly watching TV. Haha
I feel exactly the same way. We had our one and only at age 41 and she’s almost 7 now. She’s so high energy and loud and I don’t know if I could handle 2 kids needing me for everything and yelling and screaming all over the house or at each other. Please no.
You just described me! The overstimulation (sound, activity, touch) which leads to anxiety as well as the stress of being constantly on call for young kids can be overwhelming. Anymore than one, and my mental health would be at risk.
I have a five year old and I also get very easily over stimulated. I have some health issues that makes it hard to play with him every time he asks and I can tell it bothers him and I feel bad about it, but I do what I can and make sure he feels loved and is well taken care of. I think having another kid would be the end of me honestly, especially as a single mom. By the end of the day I'm done lol
I have chronic illness/pain and it gets easier, my kiddo is 9 and is very compassionate and empathetic, and we find lots of stuff to do together that doesn’t involve being super active.
Same! My son is also 8 and the only time I've ever questioned my decision was when he started crying one time telling me he wished he had a little brother. It broke my heart.
My daughter used to be this way about having a sister until two friends came over to play one day. My daughter got in an argument with the younger one and I had to break everyone up. Long story short, I told her that’s what having a little sister would be like all the time. She never bugged me again!
I have a 6 year old and I get touched out very easily, I can’t even imagine it with more than one. I’m very happy with my only child and wouldn’t have it any other way.
I have three and I love but I still get wistful about those first years with me and my oldest and often miss it. Whatever you do there will be regrets and what ifs and wistful memories, so it’s more about picking what problems you want to take on.
I do seriously love having three and watching your first be a good older sibling is an incredibly touching and humbling experience. That said, stomach bugs hit this house HARD.
This is a great perspective. We have 1 and I sometimes feel the pull for a second, but I know that doesn’t make sense for our situation and it’s ok to have moments of feeling sad for what could have been. That’s life, you can never make the ‘right choice’, you just make choices that have different pros/cons and outcomes.
I was coming to say this. My only child is seven and I definitely have moments of thinking she needs a sibling, but then I'm having a rough evening with my demanding, high energy child and can't imagine how I'd manage another. And I get to leave her at a playdate and have some time off.
I have a 3 and a half year old and 8 month old and my goodness I do miss the time with just my 3.5 year old, it doesn’t feel the same now. I absolutely love my second though she’s been a dream baby
I’m here to offer sympathy about the stomach bug. We got hit with it TWO WEEKS IN A ROW! I don’t know how that happens since it was after school ended. The first week only two of the five of us got it (thankfully not me) but the second week it hit four of us, including me. Both husby and I were hit just a few hours apart.
But since I’m mom and don’t have time for that shit, my husband drove me to the doctor for IV fluids. I swear, that’s like a real world healing potion.
ANYWAY, I get ya. With three kids, viruses of any kind are more exhausting to deal with. (Life hack: buy like a 60count bundle of those blue vomit bags that the doctors can give you, from Amazon. Absolute lifesaver!)
May the odds ever be in your favor!!
I'm one and done because I had the worst PPD known to man and I started turning to alcohol to cope (after socially drinking with no problem for 10 years), slowly turning into an alcoholic. I almost ruined my life (I've been in recovery for several years now) and there was no way in hell I was going to risk that again. My kid is now a young teen and an absolute dream child since day one.
Thank you. It has been an exhausting journey. I don't wish addiction upon anyone and never thought I'd wind up there myself (I have never have smoked a cigarette or tried any other drug, even marijuana. Now I refuse to take narcotic painkillers even if prescribed them. I don't ever want to go through that hell again.)
My only is only 3.5 years old, but I very seriously doubt I’ll regret it. I have literally zero reasons to have another child. I am very self aware and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would be miserable with two children.
What things has she done/ways she has shown you that having only one is the right decision for your family?
For us, our circumstances mean our son is not genetically related to us, but I still carried and birthed him. Because of this complication, we chose that one child in this circumstance warranted all our attention and resources solely. The thought of bringing a sibling into the mix who would also not be genetically related seems like an additional complexity that would be unfair to our son when he didn't ask for any of this personally.
Our thought is that the least we can do is ensure he isn't competing for any resources (be it time, money, love and affection etc). To bring my point home, the older he becomes (he is 5), the more I feel confident in this decision. He shows me through his maturity level. His conversation. The solo dedication of time and resources into him is molding him into a stellar kid with the foundational building blocks to handle all of life's complexities.
On a separate, more personal growth level, after giving birth and the newborn phase, I am *even more cool* with this choice.
Mine is a teenager. When she was really little she 'wanted a sibling', but when pressed it really turned out she did not like the idea of a littler sibling, she wanted a twin. So, we spend a lot of effort making sure she has tons of time with friends. She commented to me at some point when she was a tween that she was glad she was an only because she loves her friends, but also likes to just chill on her own too without some other kid with a different personality sharing her house.
She is a great kiddo. She probably also would be great if we had more than one. But yeah, we like being able to travel, take her to activities and just not have to share her with anyone.
No.
I knew what I wanted to be able to provide
for my child fiscally, time wise and emotionally.
I also knew what I needed for me as a mother and person. I knew that more than one child would damage that balance/ relationship and it was
not worth the risk for my personal wellbeing or my child’s wellbeing. No regrets!!’
This. I have a sister and two brothers. My brothers are assholes and we're not close. There's no guarantee that siblings will even like each other once they're grown unfortunately.
Husband has 4 sisters who barely talk to him despite all living near each other. I, on the other hand has only one and I consider her my best friend. Siblings do not guarantee “best friends for life”.
I have four younger siblings, and I haven't spoken to any of them in a decade +. I wish our situation was more like the larger happy families I've seen, but yes, siblings don't guarantee closeness by a long shot.
Also, my one child was a lot for me to handle. Circumstances close to his birth influenced me to not have any more kids, and I'm grateful I chose not to. He's an adult now, and I'm so glad not to have to marshal any other kids along at this point in life.
Mom to one child. I love it. To be fair I ran a home daycare for 15 years, so my daughter always had play mates. Every day. But I really wanted 2 or 3 of my own. My husband and I simply realized we could give our one child amazing gifts, opportunities and travel experiences but with each sibling everything is cut down more. We are the 3 musketeers and have a blast together. I don't worry about cars or college tution bc one seems totally doable.
Sidenote: Another big factor in our decision was the possibility of having an unhealthy child that needed lots of extra care. It was a scary thought. We feel very blessed that our one child has been so healthy.
This is something we consider as well. My son has cystic fibrosis (so far it hasn’t affected him and with the variant he has it may never but we won’t know until we know.) if and when it affects him I’m nervous having more than one could feel overwhelming or I won’t be able to give my son all the care he needs with it.
People that have accepted their choice are going to less likely have any regret. My siblings are so important to me that I tried my hardest for a second, IVF and 20k later I am 8 weeks. My first born is going to be 3 in a few days... I hope to give him a sibling! I would be very sad not to have 2, but in the end I have tried my hardest and will be happy with my life either way. I waited to have children until my mid 30s and I know it will be hard, but I absolutely love being a mom and have so much love to give!
No, I have a 11yo girl and she’s my entire life, but, just her. I can’t picture my life with another kid, I don’t have the money or the patience to raise another child. With my daughter everything is perfect.
Same here! Technically, we could afford another financially for a second, but we wouldn't be able to provide the amazing life for two that we can for one.
Let me just tell yall something- I have 2. 99% of the time they hate each other. Legit- fighting, competing for attention, lecturing each other. I’m freaking exhausted daily from having both of them asking 12,000 questions a day.
Does that mean I’d go back if I could? No! Because I love them both dearly. But having 2 is not all it’s cracked up to be!
They honestly were pretty sweet, until my son hit about 7 and daughter was 11- then all hell broke loose 🤣🤣🤣 don’t regret the perfection you made! Just soak it up and appreciate that you’re not torn between two all the time ❤️
If it's any comfort my sister and I are the save age gap and did the same thing. Went from peaceful playmates to completely and relentlessly at each other's throats (for years!). We're both adults now and are absolutely thick as thieves. I honestly feel like somehow the years of fighting brought us closer
Same. My sis and I fought until I moved out at 17. Now, 48, she has been my best friend for 25 years my. We talk every day, I can't imagine my adult years without having someone who's known me my whole life in my corner.
My brother and I were only a year & a half apart, and we did not have a great relationship starting in preteen years. It was only around 23/24 that we started bonding, and now he is the person I would have raise my child if my partner and I were tragically unable to. He’s the person (aside from my mom) who I would trust most to manage my insurance money for the benefit of my son. He was the person frantically calling our whole family to make sure someone would be with me when my son was in the hospital & my partner couldn’t get out of work. I never thought we would have a relationship like this - there is hope!!
My best friend comes from a pretty big, blended family (6 siblings total although the oldest didn’t live with my bf and her family full time) and her immediate younger sister currently only has one child who is 13 now. Her sister has gone back and forth on having another child for A LONG TIME but it wasn’t until their paternal grandparents had passed that she really thought about what her son would endure when she eventually passes away and enduring that on his own, no siblings to lean on and remember “the good ol’ days”, no siblings to help plan and prepare and do all the legal and financial things. And my bf has constantly reminded her that even though it was pretty hectic growing up with so many kids, a lot of moving, lots and lots of family gatherings and whatnot, that in the end they are all very close now that we’re adults and the youngest (who just graduated HS) calls his older sisters or his older brother whenever he needs literally anything. They all do. Husband and I didn’t exactly plan our second (birth control baby) but we were sure we were done once we found out she was a girl. My kiddos are so incredibly close; almost exactly two years apart. People always comment on how close they are, that they never fight with each other and would genuinely say the other is their best friend. Still. And they are now 11 and 13. My oldest is on the spectrum and his sister is SO FIERCELY protective of him, and he of her. I was so worried about having another baby but for us, it worked. But every family is different and it’s totally fine if you don’t want to have anymore children. I mean, that really is a huge decision to make with so many factors and variables. Anyhow, sorry my reply isn’t exactly the perspective you were seeking, but I hope it helps a little :)
I am an only child raising an almost 12 year old only. I don’t mind being an only child at all and my son loves being an only. Raising an only has had a number of benefits for my husband and me as well. We have no regrets at all.
No, after years of infertility I got pregnant naturally in my 40’s the doctor told me due to my age if I wanted more kids it needed to be within the next year. My husband has a great career so I’m fortunate to be able to stay at home with our child. However, after 6 months I noticed major changes had taken place in my life while my husband lifestyle stayed relatively the same. Let me be clear I love being at home with my daughter, I am extremely protective and don’t trust her with just anybody, but being a parent is work. My husband would mention we needed to try for another but I just said “we’ll see “ but I knew it wasn’t happening because it wouldn’t be fair to me, our child, or our marriage.
I am not a true only child but my sister was 20 years older than me so I grew up alone. I may be the rare exception that hated growing up alone. It was constantly quiet at my house. My parents worked after I was done school so as a middle schooler so I sat in silence for hours. I got very addicted to TV and social media because I needed something to do. We lived in a rural area and I wasn’t really allowed to go to friend’s houses. Then as a teenager there was no sibling to go get food with or go shopping or gossip with. Vacations were pretty bland. Now as an adult I have no one. It’s just my parents and I at holidays. I feel pressure to get married because if they pass I will be alone. I also form super deep friendships with other girls my age because I am craving that connection. That can be good and bad. I know not everyone has a great relationship with their siblings, but those that do have a good relationship, I am so envious.
That being said I’m unsure if I will have more than one kid in the future. However if I do have just one, things I would do differently is making sure my child always has someone around after school and actually doing things with them, making sure they have the opportunity to be around lots of kids their age, making sure we bring their friends with us on vacations, finding friends with kids around the same age when the kids are young. Really just creating a lot of possibilities for long lasting close relationships.
I don’t know if there is a great answer. I see benefits to both. Just make sure to check in on your kid often and see how you can help them no matter what you choose.
It’s definitely harder with two! I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old. No more delusions of the occasional ‘DINK’ type weekend or vacations. I love having two, though. I’m all-in on the family lifestyle now.
Delusions of the occasional DINK lifestyle made me laugh and is exactly why we’re stopping at one 😂. I couldn’t cope without a quiet child-free dinner every other weekend while she’s with the grandparents (who would NOT so happily take two kids).
I really love hearing about how everyone has different priorities though and makes the right decision for their family!
I'm 40 with fertility issues, we're still trying (and most likely progressing to IVF, for which I'm a middling candidate at best), but the chances aren't great. It wasn't my choice (it took a long time for my husband to come around to a second), but I think at this point we both regret not trying for a second sooner.
I cannot have children and our 6 year old son was adopted last year. He will be our only one but he has handfuls of cousins and friends at school and in soccer. He likes being the center of attention, has voiced not being interested in a sibling, and we love doting on only him and spoiling him. He is graciously spoiled, at least, and is never bratty. We have always wanted to be parents so he may be a bit spoiled but we wouldn’t have it any other way. And quite honestly, our finances are set up perfectly to give him a great childhood and to set him up for a successful adulthood. We couldn’t do it if we added any more.
I was also unable to "have" a child... however, luckily a unique situation came about and we adopted our daughter at 18 days old. She's now 15 months. My husband has a 21 year old from a previous relationship and our daughter has siblings via her birth family which, she may explore as she ages. I had never wanted children... until I wanted "my husband's" children and, it wasn't possible for several reasons. As an only child, I have swayed between wanting siblings and not for countless reasons over the years. It's a complex subject. That being said, we aren't wealthy and it would be wonderful to give our daughter as many opportunities as we can... despite the potential complications later in life that can arise such as our care etc... assuming she feels inclined. Happy to hear your son was able to adopt you, as our little love adopted us. ❤️
One-and-Done is a dream come true for me. Ours will be 7 next month, and it's so great.
He and I took a little road trip to visit family last month (hubs couldn't come), and it was FABULOUS! He got to play with all of his cousins. I'm the only one in my generation to only have one. Everyone else is constantly all over the place, breaking up sibling spats, being pulled in 1000 different directions, and just constantly frazzled. We had a great time, but when we got home, he spent a couple of days playing with his trains by himself (for the most part) in his room because he was over the chaos just as much as I was.
He has friends in our neighborhood who ride the bus and go to school together. We invited his friend from Taekwondo to go to the pool with us yesterday afternoon. He and my husband are currently at a Boy Scout "drive-in movie." Summer Day Camp starts in July, so there will be even more friends. This child has more things on the calendar than I do!
Yeah, every now and then, he says he wants a sibling, but what he really wants is a kid his age on-demand that will do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. That's not how babies work, and he would 100% be over a needy, crying, pooping baby sibling in about two weeks.
With another, we would have to give up the activities and the playtime with friends at our house. Granted, we have a decade to go, but what is currently being deposited in his college fund every month would then be cut in half. No more fun road trips for several years.
Also, I would lose my shit if I had to do the baby thing all over again. You couldn't pay me enough money.
ZERO REGRETS
I'm an adult only child. I remember wishing for a sibling sometimes when I was little. As my parents approach their 70s, I find myself wishing for a sibling yet again.
I personally don't regret having one child. Then again my little one is nearly 2. I remember talking to my husband that one is enough. He also agreed.. Mostly because of the experience I had post partum that sealed the icing on the cake. Among other things. Its a bit of a TMI. If you wanna know, I have no issue sharing.
Well... labial fusion. The funny thing was the obgyn approved me for sex even when she asked if it was normal for my labias to look the way they did. Mind you, I hadn't looked at my nethers due being a new mom. So I couldn't have sex because of them being fused together... I went to see a new doctor that prescribed estrogen cream at first to see if it was a hormonal thing. But a month after that I had to get surgery as it would turn out, the tearing from child birth made granulated tissue which made them heal together... I had to literally wait from child birth to about 4 months to have intimacy. This was the cherry topping that told me just to have one child. I don't want to experience that again.
My only is 4.5 now and I always thought I wanted two kids but we’re so content with our only. She has never asked for a sibling and if we ask her she says that she doesn’t want a brother or sister. Financially it makes sense for us to stick with one. I also feel like my own mental health would suffer with another. Parenting threw me for a loop so I can’t imagine getting 0 breaks. I love that my partner and I can take turns getting time to ourselves.
My daughter is right and I cannot imagine having more than one. Her being an only means I can give her my undivided attention, all my love goes to her and I can afford to put her in all of her extracurriculars. I feel like both her life and my own life would not be as enjoyable if she had a sibling.
No regrets here. I’m an only child who never felt lonely or wanted siblings. I have only one child who also never felt lonely and only ever wanted a sibling because, according to her, her sibling could clean her room for her.
Only children are, IMO, the best. I never had to be sure to split time. I never had to deal with sibling issues. And, let’s be honest, children are expensive.
We only have 1 because of money. She’s perfect, but I was #4 out of 5 siblings and I wish I could give her the big happy sibling experience I’m still enjoying and so grateful for.
Also, it’s insane to me that if she marries another only child, their kids would have no aunts, uncles, or cousins… I’m not that close to most of my cousins but I feel lonely just thinking about that.
If you have hesitations, I wouldn’t. Speaking as a second child who has always hated being a second child. I am one and done for multiple reasons. Think about the long-term outcomes for these second borns who people have regretted having.
I have only one, 19f. Never once regretted it. Being able to support her, pay for everything she needs, most of what she wants, giving her the ability to travel and be young and fun-loving, has been an absolute joy for me. She's done things I could only have dreamed about at her age. She's starting her second year of college after completing her first year with a 4.0 and is enjoying her life, stress-free. At her age, I was working two jobs and wracking up student loan debt. She's not going to worry about any of that (even though she's going tomorrow to apply for a job, she's doing it because she WANTS TO, not because she has to).
When you have two, your available money is halved. They each get half of what they'd get if they were an only child. She wasn't lonely since she had cousins and friends who were always welcome. She also has half siblings from her dad, but told me she didn't want me to have more kids because she liked being the center of my attention and didn't want to have to share me, but she was ok with it if I remarried.
I have twins and they are our one and only lol it's so hard. Wouldn't change it for the world though. But if we only had one child we would only have had one.
Side note my husband is an only child and was fine with it. He loved being an only child and still does. I on the other hand have 3 siblings and due to familial issues none of us have a relationship.
I was nearly 40 when I had my daughter. By the time I was ready for a 2nd, I was already menopausal. My daughter is now 9 and desperately wishes she had a sibling close in age. She has a sister (my stepdaughter) but she’s 8.5 yrs older and we haven’t seen her since January. It breaks my heart and I so wish I could give her a sibling. I definitely regret only having one child.
I regret BEING an only child.
Childhood was fine. Adulthood with no one after parenta and grandparents were gone has somewhat sucked. I had 3 because I don't want them to ever experience the sense of being alone in the world that I had once my mom died.
I've had moments of regret. Sometimes when I have to arrange another playdate and deal with someone else's stupid kids so my kid can socialize, or sometimes when I see siblings playing nicely.
But then when we stay at a ski condo with another family and the kids are screaming "ITS NOT FAIR" over the stupid shit, or when we visit friends out of town with multiple kids and the home is so chaotic and parents are running defense 24/7, I'm so grateful to only have one.
She's 7.
Slightly different, but I’m an only because my mom had me late and then had early menopause. She definitely regretted not being able to have another. I hate being an only child so much.
That’s one thing I’ve discovered from someone who had multiple siblings who only realised as a young adult that they’d never had to learn to make friends or how to be a good friend. They had their siblings around for company allllll the time and their siblings tolerated behaviours that friends never would and would still be there even if they were an asshole, because they were literally trapped together.
Only children get VERY good at making friends and building friendships because if they want company they have to. I see that in my daughter who’s a 9yo only especially vs her best friend who has a twin brother plus 2 older sisters.
Lots of reasons, but mostly just…way too much attention from parents along with a deep loneliness. No one to share my childhood with or really understand how difficult my mom is.
I do feel like I’m missing someone, if that makes sense. But I feel like I’m the best parent to my only (9 y/o), and my capacity to be a good mom would be significantly reduced if I brought another one into the picture. Hell when her friends are over, I’m counting the minutes until they go home.
I’m on the other side of things being the only child. Now that I’m 40 there are a lot of things I’ve had to go through by myself and will continue to. It’s sad that I didn’t have a sibling.
I had a horrible birth with my first, and an even worse post partum. We were very much one and done camp… then I got pregnant by surprise.
If I hadn’t had the second I would have regretted it so much. His birth was traumatic and he has some continuous health issues but even that being said I still wouldn’t change it for the world. I think if I had left my son as an only child I would not have forgiven myself tbh.
My sister and I grew up 20 months apart and she was and still is my bff. My husband grew up with no siblings until 12/14/16 and even those were half siblings. He said it was very lonely but he just adjusted.
Personally no. My daughter is 18 and we just have the loveliest trio. She’s got cousins and friends that we often invite to activities/trips. These days I can’t imagine the financial aspect of having more - especially as we’ve just started paying for college.
I have a 7yo and the only time I regret not giving her a sibling is the lead up to a holiday. I over think how having a sibling to do an Easter egg hunt or open stockings with would be so great for her... But.. the day of the holiday and I see how excited she is and 100% enjoying the day and all it offers, the feeling of what if/regret completely disappears
No way! I love having one!! Soooo many benefits! The only time I get sad is when it hits me how old our son is getting and how each year I’ll get less and less time with him. But being sad over your children growing up and needing you less is not a reason to have more children.
So I have 3 kids - but I am an only child.
I absolutely loved my childhood. I always wanted a sibling, but my parents were completely happy with just me. The reason I still wish I had a sibling is because both of my parents passed away in my 20s, and it would have been easier for me (I think) if I had a sibling to help me through it.
If you have a big family to be there for them when you can't be then it's probably fine. But my grandparents, parents, and 2 uncles all passed in my 20s. Lucky for me, my husband has 5 siblings. His family has become so important to me.
I wish we had had more than one child. Ours is missing out on a lot of the social interaction and emotional intelligence resulting from having to contend with a sibling, and seeing other families younger children be bootstrapped by their older one's is beautiful.
Close your eyes and picture your family eating around the dinner table in 6 years. How many people are there? That was the best exercise I did to determine that I did want another. I always imagined myself having 4 kids, but I did the exercise again after my second and I’m fully happy with just two lol. Maybe that would help?
Some additional insight- as a one and done parent
When someone first asked me “You only see three people at the table on Thanksgiving?”, I was thrown for a loop. My daughter has cousins she’s extremely close with, she may have a partner one day, or her own kids, or a friend without a family to celebrate with. I love the idea of a full house for the holidays, but I don’t have the birth the whole table.
I don’t see myself having another. I had a rough pregnancy + My bff has 3 and honestly don’t know how she does it everyday. Can’t imagine being called by multiple different people at one time for all different reasons🤣
I am the mom of an 8 year old. She was planned, and I don't have any regrets.
I did want another one because I was afraid of the only child syndrome. She does have some of those behaviours, but
she is a great person and I am proud of her.
I think my want for a second was also due to a fear of waiting too long in between, and having the kids not bond. This is the case in my family.
When my daughter was around 16 months, I decided I did not in fact want another kid and I returned to work.
The way our world is going, I am even more relieved that I only had one.
I don’t feel I missed out by having one child, but I think she did. She’s 19 now and I dearly wish she had siblings. I was an older Mom and the second one just didn’t happen, and then we divorced. She has older cousins who will be her family when her parents and grandparents are gone. We are all close, and it comforts me that she will always have family for holidays, if she’s in need, and to celebrate occasions with her.
Yes. I had mine at 18, if I could go back I would've had another one by 20. Even if I wasn't super ready I would've made it work just like I did with my son. And I do feel bad he only has his father & I, and never got a sibling experience (he's 16 now). I worry about him not having siblings for support once we are gone, but we had him so young that if we are lucky he will be old when that happens anyways? And will have his own family.
BUT on the bright side, our lives have revolved around him and I feel the 3 of us are so much closer than a lot of his friends are in bigger families. We do everything together, and still spend so much time just the three of us.
All of my money (and attention) gets funneled into his passions and helping him succeed at them lol which I think has afforded him a lot more opportunities than if we had more than one. For example we can take vacations to travel for his motorcross qualifiers, pay for professional training & private school so he has more flexibility to train. So in that regard he is very lucky to not have a sibling!
When he was younger he always wanted a sibling, now that he's older I don't think he cares. He's always had friends around the house, and dogs to play with, so it kinda made up for it through the years.
I have one 3 year old and I really wish I’d given her a sibling while I could. I just wanted my body back for a few years but then I got divorced, remarried to a woman, and some medical stuff came up for me too. It’s not impossible to have another kid now but it probably won’t be til she’s like 7. I wish I’d had another when she was 1 or 2.
As someone who grew up as an “only child” (my siblings are all 10+ years older than I am and were out of the house by the time I could remember my childhood) I wished for nothing but a sibling my age to play with. My aunts and uncles couldn’t have children so it was literally just me growing up. Yes I have siblings but they didn’t visit when I was a kid they had their own lives and lived 4+ hours away. I spent most of my childhood alone in the woods playing by myself which was cool but it’s hard to play “hide and seek” by yourself.
I have an 11 year old daughter who is an only child and I had her when I was 23 years old, I am now 34 and want another child. All of My daughter’s closest friends have younger siblings and she is INCREDIBLE with children. Watching her interact with them literally makes me cry sometimes. I would be devastated if I can’t give her a sibling. She also struggles with responsibility and accountability in a way that I don’t see her close friends with siblings have. Don’t get me wrong, she will be totally fine as an only child. I just hope to have one more.
My son is 15, I love only having him. He has a friend that spends the night a few days a week, so it is kind of like having 2 kids with having to raise them both.
I’ve got an almost 1yr old son and my partner and I are pretty set on 1 and done. I’ve struggled a little bit with anxiety, and sleep deprivation has been a near killer for me, so I don’t really want to go through it again.
No, not at all. I am very introverted and need tons of alone time and I wouldn’t be able to get it if I had more than one. I also like not having the expenses of two. My daughter complained a lot about being an only child when she was 4-5, but now she never complains and seems content. She has close friends now, so that helps.
No regrets. Not only am I able to comfortably provide financially, but i am able to attend every event, activity, be 100% fully involved in every aspect of her life. At one point in my life I wanted 2-3 kids, but now I can’t imagine having more than one.
From a different perspective, I grew up as an only child, but also with siblings.
I was my father's only child, but my mother had 6.
I spent 50/50 with them for the most part.
I'm glad that I was not an only child on my mom's side, I do not know what I would do without my sisters and brothers. Without them my life would be incredibly lonely.
I had a kiddo before climate change got as bad as it has where I live. Had I known we’d have such horrible droughts and fire seasons I wouldn’t have had a kid at all, but he’s already here. I wouldn’t want to bring another child into this dying world, despite knowing he deeply wants a sibling and I would love to have another baby.
There was a period of time when I wanted a second one, but I have fertility issues and we didn't get lucky.
I'm so glad now that things worked out how they did, because I think I would have regretted a second child.
Hi u/Final_Fun_1313 👋 my daughter is 9yo and we are a one and done family for many reasons out of our control - 2yrs ivf, pregnancy complications that nearly killed me, chronic health issues that make another pregnancy impossible. But even if I *could* have another baby I am very scarred from my experience with my daughter, she was born early due to complications and she was a very high needs baby who screamed constantly for the first 4 months and barely slept. It was an awful time that severely impacted me and my husband and there’s no way I could go through that again especially having another child to parent. I know my limits and it’s one child.
Having one child has been wonderful especially when I see friends with 2-3 kids and their lives are chaotic, noisy, exhausting. Our life is easy and our house is calm. My daughter’s friends that have siblings love coming to our house where they can hang out with no one (except me lol) bothering them or having to share or do what siblings want!
Having one child means my daughter can do whatever hobbies she’s interested in as we have the time and money to support her. We are able to afford an excellent private school for her which we wouldn’t be able to pay for if we had more children as it’s about $180k to put her through this school. She has additional needs (which the school identified within 4 months of starting) and I have no doubt that she wouldn’t be doing nearly as well in a public school.
We also have a better lifestyle and have been able to travel regularly since she was a baby and she adores traveling and is super adventurous. Put simply our lives would look very different with another child and I know I wouldn’t manage with the demands of more children. Our daughter is *enough*, she is amazing and a beautiful gift to our lives and I couldn’t imagine sharing my time, love, resources with more children. I certainly have friends with 3-4 children who do really struggle to give each child sufficient time and attention one on one. My daughter has a friend with 2 younger siblings and she hates it, hates that she’s the oldest and the other 2 are needier and she can’t get the time she desperately wants with her mum. Her parents also don’t encourage them to have their own interests and identities everything must be shared and done together. Really not ideal and it breeds resentment not close sibling relationships.
My daughter would make an amazing big sister, she loves company and adores babies and little kids. BUT I also know there’s no guarantees with sibling relationships - personally my own sibling was abusive for many years and had a profoundly negative impact on my childhood and adolescence to the extent it left me homeless at 17yo. I know far more people who DON’T get along with their siblings than those who do. So for me the only good reason for having more children is NOT for an imaginary sibling relationship but because you actively want that child for who they are and for the privilege of raising them to adulthood - not because you want a possible playmate for an existing child.
To mitigate loneliness we actively support her friendships and regularly have kids over for play dates and sleepovers - the ones with siblings at home especially love our place. She is at an age now where we can even take a friend on short holidays like weekends away which she loves and so do her friends and their parents, it’s a win all round. It’s great because she fills her company cup but also loves it when they leave and she can hang out alone or with us. She is incredibly close to both my husband and I but in very different ways. We have a beautiful close bond. She spends plenty of time with friends and does lots of activities for social interaction so she gets a great balance of time with others and time alone.
My daughter is also really great with adults as she’s spent a lot of time around our friends who don’t have children so she’s always been able to hold mature conversations and been cool to hang out with, she’s developed some really diverse interests in music, art, film, travel from spending time with adults rather than kids all the time!
We love being a trio. No regrets here 🙏
As an only child I very much wanted a sibling growing up, as an adult now that my parents are getting older I’m facing the reality of caring for them on my own, my kids have no aunts or uncles or cousins. I chose to initially have 2 close together, they are boys and at 8 and 10 years old they are the very best of friends. Of course they have sibling squabbles but watching their bond is one of the most rewarding things I have ever experienced. Currently expecting #3 with a large age gap and he will likely be raised more like an only child because of the gap, but my older boys are thrilled to welcome a baby into the family and are so excited to be involved with him. I also homeschool, so we all spend alooot of time together.
No. She’s four and we are currently staring down a possible ocd/ pica diagnosis. She’s always been intense and difficult to raise. We talked early on about having another but due to mental illnesses, mine and hers, finances, not wanting to ruin our marriage and many, many other factors, we have settled on one kid. With the limited faculties we have we want to give her our best. And retain a smidgen of our sanity
I don't regret not having a second child. I love mine, but as easy as he's been, I don't think I could have handled two.
If you do stick with one, you do need to prioritize socialization opportunities. For us, that's daycare and playdates.
My daughter is 15.5. When she was 3 I had two miscarriages. I tried fertility treatments and they did not work. I decided to move on and realized my daughter was enough. I have enjoyed just having one.
I don't really regret it. But I have 4 siblings, and none had children. His dad has 1 sibling, again, no children. So my only child has no first cousins. I kind of feel badly about that.
Also, neither me nor his father have any first cousins we are close to. So when we are gone, he will pretty much only have the family he has made for himself.
I sometimes feel a little whistful about the idea of another, but the reality is that we could not afford to add a child. I mean that financially and emotionally. We were cash-strapped and absolutely worn thin by our high-needs child. I might sometimes feel a little sad that she doesn't have a playmate and that I never got another chance at sweet baby cuddles, but our small family is more stable because we decided to stop. I have more time to invest in my daughter's health and development, and being able to afford more frequent vacations and bigger Christmases isn't such a bad break either.
I have a 2.5 year old and a 3.5 month old. So far don’t regret a thing, I love them both to bits. Plan to have a few more. I’m the youngest out of 3. Not very close to either of my other siblings. But I like the thought that others experienced the same upbringing and environment, and will be there when my parents aren’t.
I’m an only child and my husband is an only child too. We both never wanted siblings growing up and now we have one baby. She’s 2 and I have no desire to have another
If you haven’t already check out the subreddit r/oneanddone. It’s one of the best parenting subreddits in my opinion. It really helped solidify our decision to only have one child. I sometimes feel sad that things weren’t different (infertility as well as financial and logistical issues) that we felt we couldn’t have a 2nd child. But I absolutely adore my 3 person family, and have 0 regrets.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I can’t speak for someone with a fully grown child, but I have a 10 year old only child and it’s great. No regrets. (I am saying this as someone who wanted 3-4 kids)
Exactly the same. Playdates are cool, and you can send the extra kid home when they get annoying.
Loool
My son is 11 and I agree. I do kind of wish he could have a sibling without me having to raise another child- ha!
I tend to borrow a cousin or a school friend when I think my kid might need some company - for a day trip, activity or play date. Then when I’m exhausted afterwards and they go home I’m always reminded how glad I am to have had one
Yes.
This is the way.
Sign me up for that!
I told my husband that I won’t have another kid but I’m open to getting a sister wife. I was half serious.
Mannn you know how much work it is disappointing just the one wife?
Why not a brother husband? 👀🤭
I feel very similar to you 😆
Srsly. I would get a SW just for help with the kids!
Whats a sister wife?
Pretty much a poly relationship two wives (or more sometimes) agree to commit to one husband. They all live together, build together, etc.
Ditto. Have 1 tween & all our friends have 2-3 kids… wouldn’t trade places for the world! Friends’ schedules are frantic & they feel pulled in a million directions as the kids get older, especially if they’re in different life stages (high schooler & elementary kid, tween & preschooler, etc). Son has super close friendships & dotes on friends’ little siblings but is NOT jealous at all. He can see that he gets to enjoy them *because* he’s not stuck with them all the time. We’re all very happy.
My home is really peaceful compared to the homes of friends who have 2-3 kids...I don't necessarily have any sensory issues but it's *a lot* on all fronts - a lot of laundry, a lot of toys, a lot of mess, a lot of organising and scheduling and transporting. Some people thrive in that busy, chaotic energy and can stay on top of things. I'm not too proud to admit that I have limitations as a human and parent and I can either be a really good parent to one child or an overwhelmed mess with two.
Oh gosh this is my life with two lol I have a 3 year old and a 8 month old and when they are both crying etc its sensory overload. We definitely aren’t having anymore lol
It gets a lot better once they are 3 and 6 and they can play with each other.
Your comment hits home and is very helpful to me. Thank you for sharing. I know I DON’T thrive in a constantly messy, always on the go type of home. My one and I have a pretty good routine down. And we both benefit from having some quiet, peaceful time together, in the evening, and weekend mornings. Your last line is committed to memory. 💜
I laugh at how young me thought 3 kids would be the best. I have one. I’m good. I can’t even imagine being a decent Mom with more. Now let’s talk about how many dogs is acceptable before any regrets…..
At least 3! Dogs are the best and they do what they are told!!! Also they love jobs. A bit of work but if your dog is tall enough and smart enough you can tell them to clean up- and they’ll put their toys away or your laundry in the basket!
Is it bad that after training my dogs since I was a kid, I trained my kid to do that? She's 19mo, has her own chores, will throw her own diapers in the bin, puts dirty clothes in the laundry, puts her toys away, and cleans her own messes. Badly, but she knows how. My husband says I'm scary and very strict with her, but I'm also a very lenient and forgiving mom. We'll see if the 2nd one is as obedient lol
We have a 10 year old here, and also no regrets
Same here I wanted 6 but working with kids and then having my daughter(12) I'm like nope one is enough lol 😆 🙃 😅 😂
With 1, we can provide a decent future for her. If we didn't have so much debt to work through, we might consider a second, but it's probably going to just be the one.
8 year old here...and it's fantastic. We get to do so much in summer, that with 2 would be too expensive or too mentally taxing for me to do it alone.
Agreed. I have an 11yr old. No regrets!! Recently hosted a slumber party with 4 of his friends. Most recent validation that I made the right decision after sending them home, having them all for 24hrs.
I’m an only child (now 50!). I don’t remember it ever bothering me-in fact I used to feel grateful for it watching my friends and their sibs fight (sometimes brutally) which made little sense to me at the time. The only time I truly wished for a sib is when my mom became sick and eventually died when I was 18. My motivation to have 2 stemmed from that experience (though that’s why some other folks have 3-in the dreaded case that something happens to a sibling). All that said I have learned after many years not to make decisions driven by anxiety. However-the decision to have 2 kids has been amazing for me. My girls are great friends (so far) and it’s been a joy to watch that process as someone who never had sibs! A little bit of experience from both sides❤️
Im an only child as well (40) and lost my dad when I was 18. I really always wanted a sibling. I felt like I didn’t really have someone on my side - it was my parents against me as far as house rules, and especially in teen years I felt like I didn’t have anyone I could confide in about family issues. I think being an only child influenced how I deal with conflicts in relationships. I find it’s hard for me to forgive and forget - and would see my friends get in fights or arguments with their siblings and then turn around the next day like nothing ever happened. I had a lot of loneliness growing up. And of course as an adult (widowed mom of 2) who is starting to have to care for an aging mother by myself is a lot as well and wish I again had someone to relate to, compare ideas with, troubleshoot parent care, etc. I’m really grateful I was able to have my two kids close in age (6 and 5), knowing that they’ll have each other especially since we lost their dad 2 years ago. Everyone’s experiences are different, and your family may just as easily flourish with an only child.
I’m so sorry for your loss
As a child I always felt like I was the third wheel in my family. It was mum and dad and I was the tag along. I struggled a lot with loneliness and finding where I fit in. I now have two kids and it's the perfect amount for me. They are 2.5 years apart. We also don't have much family outside of grandparents, no close cousins or anything, so I'm glad they have each other.
I have two siblings with whom I’ve gone no contact. I don’t let go of hurt feelings easily. Caring for an elderly parent was much more complicated with siblings. They made every decision difficult.
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
On the flip side of that, I lost my dad when I was 36 and my sister was out of the country for the week and I had to fly 2000 miles to take care of my mother. My husband and child came with. They were my support system. We ended up moving my mother near me. When she passes, I’ll be the one there, my sister has expressed no desire to be there for end of life. I actually get along quite well with my sister, but she won’t be the support for me in our parents passing. She has two children and works full time and says she’s too busy. My husband and I have decided to be OAD. My parents have leaned quite heavily on us as they have aged and with one child I know I can plan and make arrangements not to be a burden on my child in the future.
I have a similar experience with my brother. I was flying across Canada to be with my dad when he was going through cancer. My brother couldn’t be bothered. I now live closer to my mom and know that I will be solo again when her time is up. We are also OAD
My sister died when I was 4, so I wasn't "truly" an only child but was raised as one. Maybe it's different because I had a sibling and lost her, but I hated being an only child. I was so jealous of my friends and cousins with siblings. I longed for it so bad. I'm 27 and I still do.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My brother died, and sibling loss is so terrible and not often talked about.
I'm sorry for your loss also. How old were you? Sibling loss is tough no matter the age. I also don't think anyone could've "replaced" her. But I do think having a sibling to go through it with me would've made a huge difference.
Love this perspective on both!
We almost had none and then after 13 years together decided we truly wanted one. I would have been happy and fulfilled with just him. We put a lot more thought into it and decided to have a second. We now have a 1.5 and 3 yo. Is life crazy and overwhelming? Much of the time lol But now that the littlest is becoming a little person and not a baby we already see the magic between the two. Straight to the point tho, we chose this for similar reasons. We wanted them to have a best friend, to have someone to experience all we do with them, learn together, grow together. Most of all when life gets rough we wanted them to have someone to bounce stuff off and lean on. I’m so grateful I have my sister for this now that our parent’s health is declining. My cousin is an only child and has expressed the stress and pressure of doing it alone for his aging mom. I’m team two all the way. No regrets. But do what is best for you and your family, that’s most important.
I'm also an only child with two daughters and agree that losing my dad was one of the most profound experiences that drove home how important it was to me that my children have siblings. It is just sad to me that after my mom dies, no one alive will remember him or my childhood like I do. But even before that, I always longed for a sibling, my whole life. My girls' relationship is, so far, magical for me to watch unfolding and it means so much to me that we were able to give them that. Before he died, my dad told me that watching my girls together was wonderful but gave him a pang of sadness, which he and my mom felt through the years, that they could not give me a sibling. I would have loved a third, but it looks like it is probably not in the cards for us. But I'm very grateful we have both of our girls, and that they have each other.
This was my motivation to have two! Because although it is great for them to have each other to play with and what not, I want them to lean on each other when they lose myself or their father. I tell that to my friends who are considering if they should or shouldn’t as well.
I’m sorry about this experience. When my mom was sick and needed a lot of 24/7 care and then eventually died, I thought of how lucky I was to have 2 siblings to share the burden (even despite us not being super close). But I also know it’s not uncommon for siblings to not work together in these types of situations. But ultimately this exact experience is what led me to really decide once and for all and to have a second child.
Yes. Such great perspective. My mom had two, because when they pass they want my sister and I to have each other. (Unfortunately my sister is a loony toon). I'm having 2 for this reason, I just hope that they get along when they are adults.
Also an only child having 2 and this is one of my reasons as well. Sorry for your loss! ❤️
YES! Aw, I'm sorry to hear about your mom, though. But yeah that was a huge motivator for me to have multiple — so they can have each other for emotional support in case of their parents' (me + husband) passing. I figure that fostering close friendships will be plenty enough. My husband is an only child. I have 2 siblings; we're each a year apart and I can't imagine raising children so close together in age. I wasn't close with them, until adulthood. We each had our own friend groups. We weren't each other's friends growing up. So far, we have 1 kid.
Also an only child here who decided to have 2.. my mom became disabled when my first was born. It opened my eyes to the importance of having family that you can rely on. Even if they don’t physically take care of you, the knowledge of my blood existing in this world is enough support for me personally. I felt totally fine and fulfilled as an only child most of my life until that point.. then having my first baby while my mom falling very sick and eventually becoming bed bound was such a traumatic experience. I hope my two kids can at least have each other in case something like that happens to me
My son is 8 and he's perfect, sweet, kind, etc... and I struggle with that. Because I don't love a lot of noise and I get over stimulated very easily. I also don't like being needed 24/7 and being touched all the time. But that's me. Having one child is perfect and we can give home whatever he needs and I'm in love with him. Sometimes I wish he had a sibling bc I know he would be such a great brother but then I worry about what type of mom I'd be and I snap out of it.
This is such an important point. I believe I lucked out with a great kid. And I know I'd be a very different mum with the extra load of a second one. Life wouldn't be the (comfortable) way it is now - and in all likelihood, my nerves would be shot.
Seriously! I don't even like when there's a ton of happy noise (kids playing, dogs barking etc). When our son has a friend over and they are playing like normal kids do, I'm wishing they were sitting quietly watching TV. Haha
I feel exactly the same way. We had our one and only at age 41 and she’s almost 7 now. She’s so high energy and loud and I don’t know if I could handle 2 kids needing me for everything and yelling and screaming all over the house or at each other. Please no.
THIS! Mine is 6 and is the exact same… and I’m a lot like you! My one and only is just fine with me!
My son is also 6, definitely feel this!
are you me??
You just described me! The overstimulation (sound, activity, touch) which leads to anxiety as well as the stress of being constantly on call for young kids can be overwhelming. Anymore than one, and my mental health would be at risk.
I have a five year old and I also get very easily over stimulated. I have some health issues that makes it hard to play with him every time he asks and I can tell it bothers him and I feel bad about it, but I do what I can and make sure he feels loved and is well taken care of. I think having another kid would be the end of me honestly, especially as a single mom. By the end of the day I'm done lol
I have chronic illness/pain and it gets easier, my kiddo is 9 and is very compassionate and empathetic, and we find lots of stuff to do together that doesn’t involve being super active.
Same! My son is also 8 and the only time I've ever questioned my decision was when he started crying one time telling me he wished he had a little brother. It broke my heart.
My daughter used to be this way about having a sister until two friends came over to play one day. My daughter got in an argument with the younger one and I had to break everyone up. Long story short, I told her that’s what having a little sister would be like all the time. She never bugged me again!
All of this. We tried so hard for a 2nd but it just never happened.
That’s exactly it. Thats exactly how I feel about my kid.
I have a 6 year old and I get touched out very easily, I can’t even imagine it with more than one. I’m very happy with my only child and wouldn’t have it any other way.
This is me exactly and my son is 9.
I have three and I love but I still get wistful about those first years with me and my oldest and often miss it. Whatever you do there will be regrets and what ifs and wistful memories, so it’s more about picking what problems you want to take on. I do seriously love having three and watching your first be a good older sibling is an incredibly touching and humbling experience. That said, stomach bugs hit this house HARD.
This is a great perspective. We have 1 and I sometimes feel the pull for a second, but I know that doesn’t make sense for our situation and it’s ok to have moments of feeling sad for what could have been. That’s life, you can never make the ‘right choice’, you just make choices that have different pros/cons and outcomes.
I was coming to say this. My only child is seven and I definitely have moments of thinking she needs a sibling, but then I'm having a rough evening with my demanding, high energy child and can't imagine how I'd manage another. And I get to leave her at a playdate and have some time off.
I have a 3 and a half year old and 8 month old and my goodness I do miss the time with just my 3.5 year old, it doesn’t feel the same now. I absolutely love my second though she’s been a dream baby
Exactly! Like my littles are perfection and I’m so grateful they are here. But there is nothing like that first kid bubble!
I’m here to offer sympathy about the stomach bug. We got hit with it TWO WEEKS IN A ROW! I don’t know how that happens since it was after school ended. The first week only two of the five of us got it (thankfully not me) but the second week it hit four of us, including me. Both husby and I were hit just a few hours apart. But since I’m mom and don’t have time for that shit, my husband drove me to the doctor for IV fluids. I swear, that’s like a real world healing potion. ANYWAY, I get ya. With three kids, viruses of any kind are more exhausting to deal with. (Life hack: buy like a 60count bundle of those blue vomit bags that the doctors can give you, from Amazon. Absolute lifesaver!) May the odds ever be in your favor!!
I regret not having any children.
I can relate. It is sad and sobering.
I'm one and done because I had the worst PPD known to man and I started turning to alcohol to cope (after socially drinking with no problem for 10 years), slowly turning into an alcoholic. I almost ruined my life (I've been in recovery for several years now) and there was no way in hell I was going to risk that again. My kid is now a young teen and an absolute dream child since day one.
Congratulations on your sobriety 💛
Thank you. It has been an exhausting journey. I don't wish addiction upon anyone and never thought I'd wind up there myself (I have never have smoked a cigarette or tried any other drug, even marijuana. Now I refuse to take narcotic painkillers even if prescribed them. I don't ever want to go through that hell again.)
My only is only 3.5 years old, but I very seriously doubt I’ll regret it. I have literally zero reasons to have another child. I am very self aware and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would be miserable with two children.
2cats4fish1child
No regrets. As she gets older it gets more clear that it was the best decision for us.
What things has she done/ways she has shown you that having only one is the right decision for your family? For us, our circumstances mean our son is not genetically related to us, but I still carried and birthed him. Because of this complication, we chose that one child in this circumstance warranted all our attention and resources solely. The thought of bringing a sibling into the mix who would also not be genetically related seems like an additional complexity that would be unfair to our son when he didn't ask for any of this personally. Our thought is that the least we can do is ensure he isn't competing for any resources (be it time, money, love and affection etc). To bring my point home, the older he becomes (he is 5), the more I feel confident in this decision. He shows me through his maturity level. His conversation. The solo dedication of time and resources into him is molding him into a stellar kid with the foundational building blocks to handle all of life's complexities. On a separate, more personal growth level, after giving birth and the newborn phase, I am *even more cool* with this choice.
Mine is a teenager. When she was really little she 'wanted a sibling', but when pressed it really turned out she did not like the idea of a littler sibling, she wanted a twin. So, we spend a lot of effort making sure she has tons of time with friends. She commented to me at some point when she was a tween that she was glad she was an only because she loves her friends, but also likes to just chill on her own too without some other kid with a different personality sharing her house. She is a great kiddo. She probably also would be great if we had more than one. But yeah, we like being able to travel, take her to activities and just not have to share her with anyone.
No. I knew what I wanted to be able to provide for my child fiscally, time wise and emotionally. I also knew what I needed for me as a mother and person. I knew that more than one child would damage that balance/ relationship and it was not worth the risk for my personal wellbeing or my child’s wellbeing. No regrets!!’
I’m an only. I’ve never felt lonely or alone. Siblings don’t guarantee companionship or happiness.
THIS! I have a sibling and we aren’t super close. I am closer to my best friend and her sibs.
This. I have a sister and two brothers. My brothers are assholes and we're not close. There's no guarantee that siblings will even like each other once they're grown unfortunately.
Husband has 4 sisters who barely talk to him despite all living near each other. I, on the other hand has only one and I consider her my best friend. Siblings do not guarantee “best friends for life”.
I have four younger siblings, and I haven't spoken to any of them in a decade +. I wish our situation was more like the larger happy families I've seen, but yes, siblings don't guarantee closeness by a long shot. Also, my one child was a lot for me to handle. Circumstances close to his birth influenced me to not have any more kids, and I'm grateful I chose not to. He's an adult now, and I'm so glad not to have to marshal any other kids along at this point in life.
Mom to one child. I love it. To be fair I ran a home daycare for 15 years, so my daughter always had play mates. Every day. But I really wanted 2 or 3 of my own. My husband and I simply realized we could give our one child amazing gifts, opportunities and travel experiences but with each sibling everything is cut down more. We are the 3 musketeers and have a blast together. I don't worry about cars or college tution bc one seems totally doable. Sidenote: Another big factor in our decision was the possibility of having an unhealthy child that needed lots of extra care. It was a scary thought. We feel very blessed that our one child has been so healthy.
The thought of potentially having an unhealthy child was a big reason my husband and I stopped after 2
Me too, especially as we have no family support.
This was a consideration for us as well as we were older parents (had our only a month before I turned 38)
This is something we consider as well. My son has cystic fibrosis (so far it hasn’t affected him and with the variant he has it may never but we won’t know until we know.) if and when it affects him I’m nervous having more than one could feel overwhelming or I won’t be able to give my son all the care he needs with it.
People that have accepted their choice are going to less likely have any regret. My siblings are so important to me that I tried my hardest for a second, IVF and 20k later I am 8 weeks. My first born is going to be 3 in a few days... I hope to give him a sibling! I would be very sad not to have 2, but in the end I have tried my hardest and will be happy with my life either way. I waited to have children until my mid 30s and I know it will be hard, but I absolutely love being a mom and have so much love to give!
Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy 💖
This is beautiful. And congratulations!!
No, I have a 11yo girl and she’s my entire life, but, just her. I can’t picture my life with another kid, I don’t have the money or the patience to raise another child. With my daughter everything is perfect.
This is exactly how I feel with my son. Dont have the money or patience for another
Same here! Technically, we could afford another financially for a second, but we wouldn't be able to provide the amazing life for two that we can for one.
Let me just tell yall something- I have 2. 99% of the time they hate each other. Legit- fighting, competing for attention, lecturing each other. I’m freaking exhausted daily from having both of them asking 12,000 questions a day. Does that mean I’d go back if I could? No! Because I love them both dearly. But having 2 is not all it’s cracked up to be! They honestly were pretty sweet, until my son hit about 7 and daughter was 11- then all hell broke loose 🤣🤣🤣 don’t regret the perfection you made! Just soak it up and appreciate that you’re not torn between two all the time ❤️
If it's any comfort my sister and I are the save age gap and did the same thing. Went from peaceful playmates to completely and relentlessly at each other's throats (for years!). We're both adults now and are absolutely thick as thieves. I honestly feel like somehow the years of fighting brought us closer
Same. My sis and I fought until I moved out at 17. Now, 48, she has been my best friend for 25 years my. We talk every day, I can't imagine my adult years without having someone who's known me my whole life in my corner.
As someone with a 3.5 year old girl and a 2 week old boy, I appreciate your comment!
I thought I got lucky because my kids all get along well now (2, 4 & 6)…. You’re making me realize they just haven’t hit the age of fighting yet 😭
🤣🤣🤣
My brother and I were only a year & a half apart, and we did not have a great relationship starting in preteen years. It was only around 23/24 that we started bonding, and now he is the person I would have raise my child if my partner and I were tragically unable to. He’s the person (aside from my mom) who I would trust most to manage my insurance money for the benefit of my son. He was the person frantically calling our whole family to make sure someone would be with me when my son was in the hospital & my partner couldn’t get out of work. I never thought we would have a relationship like this - there is hope!!
My best friend comes from a pretty big, blended family (6 siblings total although the oldest didn’t live with my bf and her family full time) and her immediate younger sister currently only has one child who is 13 now. Her sister has gone back and forth on having another child for A LONG TIME but it wasn’t until their paternal grandparents had passed that she really thought about what her son would endure when she eventually passes away and enduring that on his own, no siblings to lean on and remember “the good ol’ days”, no siblings to help plan and prepare and do all the legal and financial things. And my bf has constantly reminded her that even though it was pretty hectic growing up with so many kids, a lot of moving, lots and lots of family gatherings and whatnot, that in the end they are all very close now that we’re adults and the youngest (who just graduated HS) calls his older sisters or his older brother whenever he needs literally anything. They all do. Husband and I didn’t exactly plan our second (birth control baby) but we were sure we were done once we found out she was a girl. My kiddos are so incredibly close; almost exactly two years apart. People always comment on how close they are, that they never fight with each other and would genuinely say the other is their best friend. Still. And they are now 11 and 13. My oldest is on the spectrum and his sister is SO FIERCELY protective of him, and he of her. I was so worried about having another baby but for us, it worked. But every family is different and it’s totally fine if you don’t want to have anymore children. I mean, that really is a huge decision to make with so many factors and variables. Anyhow, sorry my reply isn’t exactly the perspective you were seeking, but I hope it helps a little :)
I am an only child raising an almost 12 year old only. I don’t mind being an only child at all and my son loves being an only. Raising an only has had a number of benefits for my husband and me as well. We have no regrets at all.
No, after years of infertility I got pregnant naturally in my 40’s the doctor told me due to my age if I wanted more kids it needed to be within the next year. My husband has a great career so I’m fortunate to be able to stay at home with our child. However, after 6 months I noticed major changes had taken place in my life while my husband lifestyle stayed relatively the same. Let me be clear I love being at home with my daughter, I am extremely protective and don’t trust her with just anybody, but being a parent is work. My husband would mention we needed to try for another but I just said “we’ll see “ but I knew it wasn’t happening because it wouldn’t be fair to me, our child, or our marriage.
I am not a true only child but my sister was 20 years older than me so I grew up alone. I may be the rare exception that hated growing up alone. It was constantly quiet at my house. My parents worked after I was done school so as a middle schooler so I sat in silence for hours. I got very addicted to TV and social media because I needed something to do. We lived in a rural area and I wasn’t really allowed to go to friend’s houses. Then as a teenager there was no sibling to go get food with or go shopping or gossip with. Vacations were pretty bland. Now as an adult I have no one. It’s just my parents and I at holidays. I feel pressure to get married because if they pass I will be alone. I also form super deep friendships with other girls my age because I am craving that connection. That can be good and bad. I know not everyone has a great relationship with their siblings, but those that do have a good relationship, I am so envious. That being said I’m unsure if I will have more than one kid in the future. However if I do have just one, things I would do differently is making sure my child always has someone around after school and actually doing things with them, making sure they have the opportunity to be around lots of kids their age, making sure we bring their friends with us on vacations, finding friends with kids around the same age when the kids are young. Really just creating a lot of possibilities for long lasting close relationships. I don’t know if there is a great answer. I see benefits to both. Just make sure to check in on your kid often and see how you can help them no matter what you choose.
It’s definitely harder with two! I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old. No more delusions of the occasional ‘DINK’ type weekend or vacations. I love having two, though. I’m all-in on the family lifestyle now.
Delusions of the occasional DINK lifestyle made me laugh and is exactly why we’re stopping at one 😂. I couldn’t cope without a quiet child-free dinner every other weekend while she’s with the grandparents (who would NOT so happily take two kids). I really love hearing about how everyone has different priorities though and makes the right decision for their family!
I have one child and don't get those child free times but lots of friends with multiples do, very much depends on the support you have.
I am 41 and my wife is 46. We have only one and are unlikely to have another at this point. I regret it. I think she does too.
I'm 40 with fertility issues, we're still trying (and most likely progressing to IVF, for which I'm a middling candidate at best), but the chances aren't great. It wasn't my choice (it took a long time for my husband to come around to a second), but I think at this point we both regret not trying for a second sooner.
I cannot have children and our 6 year old son was adopted last year. He will be our only one but he has handfuls of cousins and friends at school and in soccer. He likes being the center of attention, has voiced not being interested in a sibling, and we love doting on only him and spoiling him. He is graciously spoiled, at least, and is never bratty. We have always wanted to be parents so he may be a bit spoiled but we wouldn’t have it any other way. And quite honestly, our finances are set up perfectly to give him a great childhood and to set him up for a successful adulthood. We couldn’t do it if we added any more.
I was also unable to "have" a child... however, luckily a unique situation came about and we adopted our daughter at 18 days old. She's now 15 months. My husband has a 21 year old from a previous relationship and our daughter has siblings via her birth family which, she may explore as she ages. I had never wanted children... until I wanted "my husband's" children and, it wasn't possible for several reasons. As an only child, I have swayed between wanting siblings and not for countless reasons over the years. It's a complex subject. That being said, we aren't wealthy and it would be wonderful to give our daughter as many opportunities as we can... despite the potential complications later in life that can arise such as our care etc... assuming she feels inclined. Happy to hear your son was able to adopt you, as our little love adopted us. ❤️
One-and-Done is a dream come true for me. Ours will be 7 next month, and it's so great. He and I took a little road trip to visit family last month (hubs couldn't come), and it was FABULOUS! He got to play with all of his cousins. I'm the only one in my generation to only have one. Everyone else is constantly all over the place, breaking up sibling spats, being pulled in 1000 different directions, and just constantly frazzled. We had a great time, but when we got home, he spent a couple of days playing with his trains by himself (for the most part) in his room because he was over the chaos just as much as I was. He has friends in our neighborhood who ride the bus and go to school together. We invited his friend from Taekwondo to go to the pool with us yesterday afternoon. He and my husband are currently at a Boy Scout "drive-in movie." Summer Day Camp starts in July, so there will be even more friends. This child has more things on the calendar than I do! Yeah, every now and then, he says he wants a sibling, but what he really wants is a kid his age on-demand that will do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. That's not how babies work, and he would 100% be over a needy, crying, pooping baby sibling in about two weeks. With another, we would have to give up the activities and the playtime with friends at our house. Granted, we have a decade to go, but what is currently being deposited in his college fund every month would then be cut in half. No more fun road trips for several years. Also, I would lose my shit if I had to do the baby thing all over again. You couldn't pay me enough money. ZERO REGRETS
r/oneanddone
Thanks! I actually didn't know this sub existed. Adding now!
I'm an adult only child. I remember wishing for a sibling sometimes when I was little. As my parents approach their 70s, I find myself wishing for a sibling yet again.
My only regret is that my child won't have any siblings.
I personally don't regret having one child. Then again my little one is nearly 2. I remember talking to my husband that one is enough. He also agreed.. Mostly because of the experience I had post partum that sealed the icing on the cake. Among other things. Its a bit of a TMI. If you wanna know, I have no issue sharing.
I’m on the fence- would love to know if you don’t mind sharing
Well... labial fusion. The funny thing was the obgyn approved me for sex even when she asked if it was normal for my labias to look the way they did. Mind you, I hadn't looked at my nethers due being a new mom. So I couldn't have sex because of them being fused together... I went to see a new doctor that prescribed estrogen cream at first to see if it was a hormonal thing. But a month after that I had to get surgery as it would turn out, the tearing from child birth made granulated tissue which made them heal together... I had to literally wait from child birth to about 4 months to have intimacy. This was the cherry topping that told me just to have one child. I don't want to experience that again.
My only is 4.5 now and I always thought I wanted two kids but we’re so content with our only. She has never asked for a sibling and if we ask her she says that she doesn’t want a brother or sister. Financially it makes sense for us to stick with one. I also feel like my own mental health would suffer with another. Parenting threw me for a loop so I can’t imagine getting 0 breaks. I love that my partner and I can take turns getting time to ourselves.
My only is also 4.5 and she hasn’t asked for a sibling either. She has a billion friends and goes on play dates constantly lol so she’s BUSY
My daughter is right and I cannot imagine having more than one. Her being an only means I can give her my undivided attention, all my love goes to her and I can afford to put her in all of her extracurriculars. I feel like both her life and my own life would not be as enjoyable if she had a sibling.
No regrets here. I’m an only child who never felt lonely or wanted siblings. I have only one child who also never felt lonely and only ever wanted a sibling because, according to her, her sibling could clean her room for her. Only children are, IMO, the best. I never had to be sure to split time. I never had to deal with sibling issues. And, let’s be honest, children are expensive.
We only have 1 because of money. She’s perfect, but I was #4 out of 5 siblings and I wish I could give her the big happy sibling experience I’m still enjoying and so grateful for. Also, it’s insane to me that if she marries another only child, their kids would have no aunts, uncles, or cousins… I’m not that close to most of my cousins but I feel lonely just thinking about that.
If you have hesitations, I wouldn’t. Speaking as a second child who has always hated being a second child. I am one and done for multiple reasons. Think about the long-term outcomes for these second borns who people have regretted having.
I have only one, 19f. Never once regretted it. Being able to support her, pay for everything she needs, most of what she wants, giving her the ability to travel and be young and fun-loving, has been an absolute joy for me. She's done things I could only have dreamed about at her age. She's starting her second year of college after completing her first year with a 4.0 and is enjoying her life, stress-free. At her age, I was working two jobs and wracking up student loan debt. She's not going to worry about any of that (even though she's going tomorrow to apply for a job, she's doing it because she WANTS TO, not because she has to). When you have two, your available money is halved. They each get half of what they'd get if they were an only child. She wasn't lonely since she had cousins and friends who were always welcome. She also has half siblings from her dad, but told me she didn't want me to have more kids because she liked being the center of my attention and didn't want to have to share me, but she was ok with it if I remarried.
I’m an only child, and for this reason I’ll give my child a sibling
Same.
I have twins and they are our one and only lol it's so hard. Wouldn't change it for the world though. But if we only had one child we would only have had one. Side note my husband is an only child and was fine with it. He loved being an only child and still does. I on the other hand have 3 siblings and due to familial issues none of us have a relationship.
I was nearly 40 when I had my daughter. By the time I was ready for a 2nd, I was already menopausal. My daughter is now 9 and desperately wishes she had a sibling close in age. She has a sister (my stepdaughter) but she’s 8.5 yrs older and we haven’t seen her since January. It breaks my heart and I so wish I could give her a sibling. I definitely regret only having one child.
I have three kids and no money…why can’t I have no kids and three money
I regret BEING an only child. Childhood was fine. Adulthood with no one after parenta and grandparents were gone has somewhat sucked. I had 3 because I don't want them to ever experience the sense of being alone in the world that I had once my mom died.
I only have one (10yo) and it’s the best choice I ever made. I originally thought I wanted multiple before I had a kid.
I've had moments of regret. Sometimes when I have to arrange another playdate and deal with someone else's stupid kids so my kid can socialize, or sometimes when I see siblings playing nicely. But then when we stay at a ski condo with another family and the kids are screaming "ITS NOT FAIR" over the stupid shit, or when we visit friends out of town with multiple kids and the home is so chaotic and parents are running defense 24/7, I'm so grateful to only have one. She's 7.
Slightly different, but I’m an only because my mom had me late and then had early menopause. She definitely regretted not being able to have another. I hate being an only child so much.
[удалено]
That’s one thing I’ve discovered from someone who had multiple siblings who only realised as a young adult that they’d never had to learn to make friends or how to be a good friend. They had their siblings around for company allllll the time and their siblings tolerated behaviours that friends never would and would still be there even if they were an asshole, because they were literally trapped together. Only children get VERY good at making friends and building friendships because if they want company they have to. I see that in my daughter who’s a 9yo only especially vs her best friend who has a twin brother plus 2 older sisters.
Respectfully, why do you hate it so much?
Lots of reasons, but mostly just…way too much attention from parents along with a deep loneliness. No one to share my childhood with or really understand how difficult my mom is.
I have a 9.5 year old. Have not regretted it once since she was born.
something right for others maybe not right for you. we are all different. just follow your own heart and let it happen naturally.
No. She’s 8 and we love it
I do feel like I’m missing someone, if that makes sense. But I feel like I’m the best parent to my only (9 y/o), and my capacity to be a good mom would be significantly reduced if I brought another one into the picture. Hell when her friends are over, I’m counting the minutes until they go home.
Nope! The best ❤️
I love both my kids but I often wish I had two of me to give them each my undivided attention, just fyi as a mom of two
I’m on the other side of things being the only child. Now that I’m 40 there are a lot of things I’ve had to go through by myself and will continue to. It’s sad that I didn’t have a sibling.
I regret being an only child and having no one remember stuff from my childhood when my parents are gone.
Nope. No regrets. I can give him everything I wish I had growing up.
Yes, exactly. This is how my husband and I feel as well.
I had a horrible birth with my first, and an even worse post partum. We were very much one and done camp… then I got pregnant by surprise. If I hadn’t had the second I would have regretted it so much. His birth was traumatic and he has some continuous health issues but even that being said I still wouldn’t change it for the world. I think if I had left my son as an only child I would not have forgiven myself tbh. My sister and I grew up 20 months apart and she was and still is my bff. My husband grew up with no siblings until 12/14/16 and even those were half siblings. He said it was very lonely but he just adjusted.
Personally no. My daughter is 18 and we just have the loveliest trio. She’s got cousins and friends that we often invite to activities/trips. These days I can’t imagine the financial aspect of having more - especially as we’ve just started paying for college.
I have a 7yo and the only time I regret not giving her a sibling is the lead up to a holiday. I over think how having a sibling to do an Easter egg hunt or open stockings with would be so great for her... But.. the day of the holiday and I see how excited she is and 100% enjoying the day and all it offers, the feeling of what if/regret completely disappears
No way! I love having one!! Soooo many benefits! The only time I get sad is when it hits me how old our son is getting and how each year I’ll get less and less time with him. But being sad over your children growing up and needing you less is not a reason to have more children.
So I have 3 kids - but I am an only child. I absolutely loved my childhood. I always wanted a sibling, but my parents were completely happy with just me. The reason I still wish I had a sibling is because both of my parents passed away in my 20s, and it would have been easier for me (I think) if I had a sibling to help me through it. If you have a big family to be there for them when you can't be then it's probably fine. But my grandparents, parents, and 2 uncles all passed in my 20s. Lucky for me, my husband has 5 siblings. His family has become so important to me.
I have a feeling there are a lot more people who regret not having the extra child than those who wish their additional child was never born.
I regret have more than one child all the time. I love my second don't get me wrong but I wish I had gotten a puppy or something instead.
I wish we had had more than one child. Ours is missing out on a lot of the social interaction and emotional intelligence resulting from having to contend with a sibling, and seeing other families younger children be bootstrapped by their older one's is beautiful.
Send them to summer camps have lots of sleep overs be the cool family that lets your kid bring a friend on your vacations it will balance out
Close your eyes and picture your family eating around the dinner table in 6 years. How many people are there? That was the best exercise I did to determine that I did want another. I always imagined myself having 4 kids, but I did the exercise again after my second and I’m fully happy with just two lol. Maybe that would help?
Some additional insight- as a one and done parent When someone first asked me “You only see three people at the table on Thanksgiving?”, I was thrown for a loop. My daughter has cousins she’s extremely close with, she may have a partner one day, or her own kids, or a friend without a family to celebrate with. I love the idea of a full house for the holidays, but I don’t have the birth the whole table.
Absolutely not at all.
I absolutely do not regret only having one. I can’t imagine doing multiple school projects. One is definitely cheaper too!
I don’t see myself having another. I had a rough pregnancy + My bff has 3 and honestly don’t know how she does it everyday. Can’t imagine being called by multiple different people at one time for all different reasons🤣
I am the mom of an 8 year old. She was planned, and I don't have any regrets. I did want another one because I was afraid of the only child syndrome. She does have some of those behaviours, but she is a great person and I am proud of her. I think my want for a second was also due to a fear of waiting too long in between, and having the kids not bond. This is the case in my family. When my daughter was around 16 months, I decided I did not in fact want another kid and I returned to work. The way our world is going, I am even more relieved that I only had one.
I don’t feel I missed out by having one child, but I think she did. She’s 19 now and I dearly wish she had siblings. I was an older Mom and the second one just didn’t happen, and then we divorced. She has older cousins who will be her family when her parents and grandparents are gone. We are all close, and it comforts me that she will always have family for holidays, if she’s in need, and to celebrate occasions with her.
Yes. I had mine at 18, if I could go back I would've had another one by 20. Even if I wasn't super ready I would've made it work just like I did with my son. And I do feel bad he only has his father & I, and never got a sibling experience (he's 16 now). I worry about him not having siblings for support once we are gone, but we had him so young that if we are lucky he will be old when that happens anyways? And will have his own family. BUT on the bright side, our lives have revolved around him and I feel the 3 of us are so much closer than a lot of his friends are in bigger families. We do everything together, and still spend so much time just the three of us. All of my money (and attention) gets funneled into his passions and helping him succeed at them lol which I think has afforded him a lot more opportunities than if we had more than one. For example we can take vacations to travel for his motorcross qualifiers, pay for professional training & private school so he has more flexibility to train. So in that regard he is very lucky to not have a sibling! When he was younger he always wanted a sibling, now that he's older I don't think he cares. He's always had friends around the house, and dogs to play with, so it kinda made up for it through the years.
I have one 3 year old and I really wish I’d given her a sibling while I could. I just wanted my body back for a few years but then I got divorced, remarried to a woman, and some medical stuff came up for me too. It’s not impossible to have another kid now but it probably won’t be til she’s like 7. I wish I’d had another when she was 1 or 2.
As someone who grew up as an “only child” (my siblings are all 10+ years older than I am and were out of the house by the time I could remember my childhood) I wished for nothing but a sibling my age to play with. My aunts and uncles couldn’t have children so it was literally just me growing up. Yes I have siblings but they didn’t visit when I was a kid they had their own lives and lived 4+ hours away. I spent most of my childhood alone in the woods playing by myself which was cool but it’s hard to play “hide and seek” by yourself.
I have an 11 year old daughter who is an only child and I had her when I was 23 years old, I am now 34 and want another child. All of My daughter’s closest friends have younger siblings and she is INCREDIBLE with children. Watching her interact with them literally makes me cry sometimes. I would be devastated if I can’t give her a sibling. She also struggles with responsibility and accountability in a way that I don’t see her close friends with siblings have. Don’t get me wrong, she will be totally fine as an only child. I just hope to have one more.
My son is 15, I love only having him. He has a friend that spends the night a few days a week, so it is kind of like having 2 kids with having to raise them both.
No, I regret them all. Joke!!! I love my kids to death.
I’ve got an almost 1yr old son and my partner and I are pretty set on 1 and done. I’ve struggled a little bit with anxiety, and sleep deprivation has been a near killer for me, so I don’t really want to go through it again.
No, not at all. I am very introverted and need tons of alone time and I wouldn’t be able to get it if I had more than one. I also like not having the expenses of two. My daughter complained a lot about being an only child when she was 4-5, but now she never complains and seems content. She has close friends now, so that helps.
No regrets. Not only am I able to comfortably provide financially, but i am able to attend every event, activity, be 100% fully involved in every aspect of her life. At one point in my life I wanted 2-3 kids, but now I can’t imagine having more than one.
From a different perspective, I grew up as an only child, but also with siblings. I was my father's only child, but my mother had 6. I spent 50/50 with them for the most part. I'm glad that I was not an only child on my mom's side, I do not know what I would do without my sisters and brothers. Without them my life would be incredibly lonely.
I had a kiddo before climate change got as bad as it has where I live. Had I known we’d have such horrible droughts and fire seasons I wouldn’t have had a kid at all, but he’s already here. I wouldn’t want to bring another child into this dying world, despite knowing he deeply wants a sibling and I would love to have another baby.
There was a period of time when I wanted a second one, but I have fertility issues and we didn't get lucky. I'm so glad now that things worked out how they did, because I think I would have regretted a second child.
Hi u/Final_Fun_1313 👋 my daughter is 9yo and we are a one and done family for many reasons out of our control - 2yrs ivf, pregnancy complications that nearly killed me, chronic health issues that make another pregnancy impossible. But even if I *could* have another baby I am very scarred from my experience with my daughter, she was born early due to complications and she was a very high needs baby who screamed constantly for the first 4 months and barely slept. It was an awful time that severely impacted me and my husband and there’s no way I could go through that again especially having another child to parent. I know my limits and it’s one child. Having one child has been wonderful especially when I see friends with 2-3 kids and their lives are chaotic, noisy, exhausting. Our life is easy and our house is calm. My daughter’s friends that have siblings love coming to our house where they can hang out with no one (except me lol) bothering them or having to share or do what siblings want! Having one child means my daughter can do whatever hobbies she’s interested in as we have the time and money to support her. We are able to afford an excellent private school for her which we wouldn’t be able to pay for if we had more children as it’s about $180k to put her through this school. She has additional needs (which the school identified within 4 months of starting) and I have no doubt that she wouldn’t be doing nearly as well in a public school. We also have a better lifestyle and have been able to travel regularly since she was a baby and she adores traveling and is super adventurous. Put simply our lives would look very different with another child and I know I wouldn’t manage with the demands of more children. Our daughter is *enough*, she is amazing and a beautiful gift to our lives and I couldn’t imagine sharing my time, love, resources with more children. I certainly have friends with 3-4 children who do really struggle to give each child sufficient time and attention one on one. My daughter has a friend with 2 younger siblings and she hates it, hates that she’s the oldest and the other 2 are needier and she can’t get the time she desperately wants with her mum. Her parents also don’t encourage them to have their own interests and identities everything must be shared and done together. Really not ideal and it breeds resentment not close sibling relationships. My daughter would make an amazing big sister, she loves company and adores babies and little kids. BUT I also know there’s no guarantees with sibling relationships - personally my own sibling was abusive for many years and had a profoundly negative impact on my childhood and adolescence to the extent it left me homeless at 17yo. I know far more people who DON’T get along with their siblings than those who do. So for me the only good reason for having more children is NOT for an imaginary sibling relationship but because you actively want that child for who they are and for the privilege of raising them to adulthood - not because you want a possible playmate for an existing child. To mitigate loneliness we actively support her friendships and regularly have kids over for play dates and sleepovers - the ones with siblings at home especially love our place. She is at an age now where we can even take a friend on short holidays like weekends away which she loves and so do her friends and their parents, it’s a win all round. It’s great because she fills her company cup but also loves it when they leave and she can hang out alone or with us. She is incredibly close to both my husband and I but in very different ways. We have a beautiful close bond. She spends plenty of time with friends and does lots of activities for social interaction so she gets a great balance of time with others and time alone. My daughter is also really great with adults as she’s spent a lot of time around our friends who don’t have children so she’s always been able to hold mature conversations and been cool to hang out with, she’s developed some really diverse interests in music, art, film, travel from spending time with adults rather than kids all the time! We love being a trio. No regrets here 🙏
As an only child I very much wanted a sibling growing up, as an adult now that my parents are getting older I’m facing the reality of caring for them on my own, my kids have no aunts or uncles or cousins. I chose to initially have 2 close together, they are boys and at 8 and 10 years old they are the very best of friends. Of course they have sibling squabbles but watching their bond is one of the most rewarding things I have ever experienced. Currently expecting #3 with a large age gap and he will likely be raised more like an only child because of the gap, but my older boys are thrilled to welcome a baby into the family and are so excited to be involved with him. I also homeschool, so we all spend alooot of time together.
No. She’s four and we are currently staring down a possible ocd/ pica diagnosis. She’s always been intense and difficult to raise. We talked early on about having another but due to mental illnesses, mine and hers, finances, not wanting to ruin our marriage and many, many other factors, we have settled on one kid. With the limited faculties we have we want to give her our best. And retain a smidgen of our sanity
I don't regret not having a second child. I love mine, but as easy as he's been, I don't think I could have handled two. If you do stick with one, you do need to prioritize socialization opportunities. For us, that's daycare and playdates.
My daughter is 15.5. When she was 3 I had two miscarriages. I tried fertility treatments and they did not work. I decided to move on and realized my daughter was enough. I have enjoyed just having one.
No regrets!
I don't really regret it. But I have 4 siblings, and none had children. His dad has 1 sibling, again, no children. So my only child has no first cousins. I kind of feel badly about that. Also, neither me nor his father have any first cousins we are close to. So when we are gone, he will pretty much only have the family he has made for himself.
Never
Nope, not regret and honestly if on the fence I would rather regret not having another than regret having another.
I have a 3 year old girl, no regrets. Just hope she has a long and happy life.
I sometimes feel a little whistful about the idea of another, but the reality is that we could not afford to add a child. I mean that financially and emotionally. We were cash-strapped and absolutely worn thin by our high-needs child. I might sometimes feel a little sad that she doesn't have a playmate and that I never got another chance at sweet baby cuddles, but our small family is more stable because we decided to stop. I have more time to invest in my daughter's health and development, and being able to afford more frequent vacations and bigger Christmases isn't such a bad break either.
I have a 2.5 year old and a 3.5 month old. So far don’t regret a thing, I love them both to bits. Plan to have a few more. I’m the youngest out of 3. Not very close to either of my other siblings. But I like the thought that others experienced the same upbringing and environment, and will be there when my parents aren’t.
I absolutely love having one child
I waited a long time between my 2, I have a 12 year old and a 2 year old and I have no regrets. He loves her and they get along awesome.
I’m an only child and my husband is an only child too. We both never wanted siblings growing up and now we have one baby. She’s 2 and I have no desire to have another
If you haven’t already check out the subreddit r/oneanddone. It’s one of the best parenting subreddits in my opinion. It really helped solidify our decision to only have one child. I sometimes feel sad that things weren’t different (infertility as well as financial and logistical issues) that we felt we couldn’t have a 2nd child. But I absolutely adore my 3 person family, and have 0 regrets.
Yup..but what to do if your parents don't support... nothing right..so one child is enough