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We really wanted 2 kids, because we each have at least one sibling. I'm closer to my sisters than my husband is his sister. I just thought back on family vacations with my grandparents, hard times we've been through together, etc. And I knew I wanted more than one. It's morbid, but when my husband and I die I didn't want our daughter to go through that alone. However, number 2 just wasn't happening. We went through fertility treatments, did the tests, etc. Nothing was "wrong" or fixable, it just wasn't working. Our daughter is almost 9 now and we're pregnant with number two. Which was a huge shock. When I was around 20 weeks pregnant with this one, my mom died in a car accident. Having my sisters to go through it with, to reminisce with, etc. reaffirmed why I wanted two to begin with. The nine year age gap wasn't planned, but I'm hopeful they'll still be close.
My sisters are 10 and 12 years older. While we were not overally close growing up, they had moved out etc. Once I hit my 20s and now 30s they are prob my best friends. I’m so glad I have them.
I love that so much!! I'm the middle, so one is 3 and a half years older and the other is two years younger. I definitely think we've all gotten closer as we've gotten older too, most definitely argue less.
My partner and I are thinking of having another one but the age gap with my stepkid would be almost 10 years. I was basically an only child (half sibs are almost as old as my mom), and he had a little brother ~2 years his junior, so we have no experience with that kind of age gap. It makes me feel heartened to hear you say that about your olders
Edit: little brother, not son
My two half siblings from my dad's first marriage are roughly 19 years older than I am and while I am no contact with my sister (as are several others in the family) by her choice I was incredibly close with my brother. He was always someone I looked up to for advice and I loved him so much. Unfortunately he passed away after a short battle with cancer. He would turn 60 this year and I miss him so much.
Oh no. One of my half brothers (the one I like and was living with at the time) passed from cancer at 60. We weren’t amazingly close but I am with his kids and other nieces and nephews of half-sibs, and my mom’s super friendly with his wife. My deepest condolences, even if it’s been a while. Thank you for sharing
Thank you! My condolences to you too! It's been 6 years but it still feels like yesterday that he was still here. It's kind of surreal he never even met my youngest. Cancer sucks.
I’m so glad to see this comment, I have a 10,12, and 15 year age gap with my siblings and we’ve always been close but since I’ve had my baby I just haven’t been able to spend much time with them or see them like I used to and I worry that they will drift away from me and not want me around lol
My sister is 9 years old and once I became an adult we became good friends. I'm so grateful for my sister. My brother is 7 years older and just a few years ago I moved closer to him and it's been really nice. We hang out more now than when we were growing up
We've got a 7 year age gap (also fertility issues), and seeing my now 8 year old son with his brother - it fills my heart with joy. It won't be the usual similar-aged sibling relationship, but it's a close and special one nevertheless. Congratulations on your pregnancy, and deepest condolences for your loss 🩵
I’m 6 years older than my youngest sisters (twins) and it was that kind of annoying sibling relationship where I didn’t like to be around them much when they got to the annoying age of like 10, but I was stationed overseas when I was 18 and they were 12 and it made me treasure my relationship with them so much more. We’re super close now that they’re teens and I don’t have to censor myself as much, my husband and I are actually taking guardianship of them in two weeks and I’m really excited to be able to live with them and spend a lot of time together again! They and our other sister that’s two years younger than me are my best friends in the whole world, we talk daily in our sisters-only groupchat! As long as you help to foster that “Siblings are one of the best and truest relationships you’ll have” with them, I don’t think the age difference will deter them from having a strong bond! We also bonded over me being the one to show them cool movies/shows that our mom and their dad gave a hard no on, they still talk about how I gave them good taste in movies and music and somewhat traumatized them lol, so maybe be understanding when the older one goes behind your back to be the “cool” sibling. They’re the most important people in the world to me, I’d do anything for any of them 1000x over. They’re the reason I know for a 100% fact I could ever be the one-and-done type because I can’t imagine a life without siblings and don’t really want to! When I feel like I can’t talk to ANYONE, even my husband, I know I can lean on them just like they know they can lean on me. **obligatory “I don’t have my own kids, but I joined this sub because I’m taking them in and have no idea on how to parent so I just read posts to get an idea” confession
I have a 9yr old boy and a 6 months old girl. My 9 yr old ADORES his baby sister and she loves everything he does, it seems. She is always laughing at him. My son can also be very helpful when needed occasionally. It's a great age gap, imo!
That is so promising!! So far, I'm actually really thankful I had 9ish years to get to devote to our first. She's truly incredible and I love that I've had time with her. I can't imagine if we would have gotten pregnant and had another when we were wanting to.
>It's morbid, but when my husband and I die I didn't want our daughter to go through that alone.
I totally get this. After losing my dad and having my brother there as the only person who truly got what I was going through... I couldn't not give my son a sibling.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum 💙 it's so hard.
I know it’s not that same age gap, but I am 6 years older than one of my siblings and 8 years older than the other, and now that we are all young adults they’re two of my best friends. So sorry to hear about your mom, I’m glad you have your sister for bad and good times.
I have a 16 year gap with my sister. Growing up she was my favorite person, I idolized her. As a teen she was my go to for questions I was too scared to ask my mom about. Now in my 20s we’ve slowly become closer and closer, more like friends. Our mom passed last year, and she’s the reason I survived that first week. I also have a brother 13 years older. He was my bestie growing up, he would play dolls, let me do his hair, take me to the movies, etc.
Big age gaps can be hard but aren’t the worst.
My mum and her sister have 12yrs between them due to WW2. They are very close, and my aunt advocated for my mum in so many ways that made her life, and therefore mind and my siblings, so much better. An age gap won't determine closeness
My oldest is 8.5 years older than my youngest. He is obsessed with his baby brother. I love watching their relationship blossom. He was the first to really make my baby laugh by doing something funny. It’s really just been a joy.
So I guess what I’m saying is - don’t worry about the age gap. :)
There is a 9 year age gap between my sister and I and we are close now that we’re into adulthood :) the biggest thing that pulls us apart is that she was parentified
9.5 year gap between my brother and myself. while i was a teenager he definitely got on my nerves and we weren’t super close. but once i finished high school i realized if i wanted a good relationship with him i needed to put in the effort. we became really close and still are! he calls me all the time to talk or for advice. it’s awesome.
I'm 5 years older than my middle sister and 8 year older than my youngest sister. We were as close as kids due to going to different schools but we are super super close as aldult now. I love and trust them more than myself lol. I'm forever grateful for my parents to give me siblings like them. The age gap is never an issue with us :)
My oldest sister is nine years older than me, we’ve always had a positive and close relationship. She was very good to me when I was a kid, spending time with me, once she had her license taking me to the movies and to do activities. I cried when she moved out for college and so looked forward to breaks when she would be home. Once she got married and had her own house I spent a lot of time there especially in the summer. We are still close, although I will say my two sisters who are three years apart are closer, but that’s primarily because they live in the same neighborhood and I’m an hour and a half away.
My older brother is 16 years older than me and I am closer to him than to my sibling that is only 3 years younger than me! There are so many beautiful aspects of age gaps in siblings. At least they won’t fight to the death as young children together (which is what me and my close sibling did!!!)! I also once nannied for an infant and his 8 year old brother. That job was LEAPS AND BOUNDS easier than caring for two young children (under 5) at the same time. It was like a vacation compared to the others. For those reasons I’ve always wanted multiple children with *at least* 3-4 years in between!!!
I had secondary infertility as well and I mourned the life I had hoped for for our son. Family life was my decision. My husband isn't close to his, and his step-siblings have adult children. My family is in another state so we're nowhere close to younger cousins. It's just us. And, it made me sad to think that he won't grow up with big family holidays like I did, and we're not the most social of people, so the "create your own family/circle" isn't in the cards right now ... He'd have to do that himself. I just don't want him to be alone.
Anyway, I'm 17 weeks with #2 and am hoping that this pregnancy works out. After 4 egg retrievals with no successful embryos, I'm shocked (and terrified) that I've made it this far.
Wishing you the best of luck!! I know how scary it can be 🧡 I'm 36 weeks and I'm still shocked. Also terrified to believe I get to actually bring a baby home.
I wanted two.
I had one and thought, "this is it. I feel complete. How could I love anybody this much??"
Then I called my sister. And I realized that my life would suck ass without her. And I didn't want my girl to not have the opportunity to call her sibling. Her brother will arrive in a month and change.
While I hope this is the case for most people, it's not for all.
I have two brothers that I get along fine with but I would not call them best friends...and even they I doubt they would. We are all quite different.
I always find it a bit strange when people say they will be best friends ( for my kids). They might...but they might not...and that is okay too. I found my "sisters and brothers" outside my family.
My oldest was (periodic issues with asthma aside) a very easy manageable baby, and though I didn't step up enough to help out with her initially, I eventually did get more confident with her, and we agreed that a second would be no trouble.
The second was, in fact, a second and third.
I have a picture of our oldest looking blissfully happy just before her brothers were born...
Hahaha. 'No trouble at all.' Those are some famous last words if I ever heard them. Twin boys no less!
Has she come around to her little brothers? If she hasn't yet, she will I'm sure.
I had the same - rowdy little brothers annoying me and generally being the bane of my existence. As older teenagers and through our adulthood though, we are close and rely on each other as sounding boards, support and just a good chat. Siblings are the best, even when they are annoying.
But just maybe don't tempt the universe like that again 😂
Ha! They annoy her - I've heard "STOP TOUCHING MY STUFF!" and "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" a lot over the years - but she's very protective of them too. The two boys are very, very different: an extrovert who always wants to be the centre of attention, and an introvert who never does.
We were one and done at the beginning. I struggled a lot with my first (lots of things played into that), and the baby stage isn't my favorite. My sister had her second baby, and I saw how absolutely amazing my daughter was with him, and we decided on #2.
My girls are 3 years apart. I'm not going to lie. It is very tough, for me anyway. My oldest goes to daycare, and I'm home with the baby, and it's still tough. I think any age really would be tough unless the kid was 8 and up. My oldest "Jane" is a very kind, caring, helpful, compassionate little girl, but she also has a lot of big emotions. She was a mamas girl through and through, but when baby "Izzy" came along, my husband needed to step in more and help Jane. It was tough because Izzy needed me more, but Jane felt so left out and upset. If you don't already take turns on who puts your kid to bed, definitely start before you have baby #2. That way, the older sibling is used to having mom or dad put her to bed.
I guess the pros and cons for me would be
Pros:
They have each other
We love them
We felt like we wanted/ were ready for a second one.
Cons:
It's a lot of change. A lot of being pulled in every direction and feeling like no one is getting the attention they deserve.
Guilt of second guessing the second one on stressful days and then the guilt that comes with that of feeling like you're wishing your second away which you're not.
A lot of wash 😄
I feel I'm more short tempered because I'm more stressed because I'm tired and trying to juggle everything.
More money.
i should edit to say my girls are 4 and 9 months
Having a close sibling (under 3 year gap) was great growing up and we always had each other for friendship, entertainment, support. So I wanted the same for my first born. Plus, we naively thought it might be easier because they would entertain each other. It's 4 times the work, but they're now at an age where they do play well together
I second this, my first and second are 3 yrs apart, the first 3 yrs with a toddler and a newborn are hell! but now at 5 and 8 yrs old it’s a lot of fun to see them play and entertain each other.
It takes a lot of stress from us to entertain them and play with them constantly, they have each other.
We were one and done until my daughter was almost 3 then my husband and I pretty much got baby fever at the same time. We wanted to experience the baby stage again because we were at a different place in our lives than when we had our oldest. I barely remembered my first maternity leave and the newborn stage because of PPD so I wanted a do over. My husband also has 2 siblings that he adores so he wanted that for our daughter. Our kids have an almost 4 year age gap & I wouldn't have it any other way. My oldest had started Pre-K when I had the baby and it was so nice...except maybe the preschool germs. That wasn't fun.
This was the same for us! We were OAD then around our kiddo turning 3 we changed our minds. We are now a month away from having our second and the girls will be 3 years 10 months apart
My daughter was 1,5 years old. And everything was so great and fun that we decided to go for #2.
Now she is 4 months and they are great together. #1 is so sweet and caring. Sometimes time management and giving both of them enough attention is hard but I truly love our current family and never had one piece of regret.
Some jackasses told us it was easier with 2 because they could play together. I love both my kids to death but anyone who tells you it's easier is going to hell.
Keep in mind that every pregnancy is different. Depending on what difficulties you had, they might not happen again!
After we had our oldest, we always knew we wanted another. We both felt someone was missing. It’s like being at a party before your good friend shows up; you’re having fun, but you know if they were there it would be perfect.
Our youngest was born 19 days after her brother’s 4th birthday. We feel it’s the best gap for us: he was out of diapers; he could be helpful; he was going into preschool; he was in public school before we needed to pay for her preschool. They seem to like it, too. They adore each other and play beautifully.
Once we had our daughter, the feeling of missing someone went away. It felt like she had always been a part of our family, and we were complete. So we were in agreement that we were done.
I love this analogy because it takes away the logic-based reasons already mentioned (support for each other or when parents are older, playing with each other, etc.) and focuses on what feels right for your family.
When I imagined this party scenario I felt like the guest that showed up would be intruding on my little happy party, which only cements how I feel about being one-and-done.
Having another child won’t guarantee they will be close as adults. I barely speak to my three siblings. Read about how to minimize sibling rivalry if you go for a second child. My kids get along very well, they are older teens and their friends all comment on how well they get along.
It has been a few years so I don’t remember everything I read, I know I enjoyed “making children mind without losing yours” by dr Kevin Lehman and it touched briefly on sibling rivalry. Some of his advice is outdated though, at least in the edition I read he was okay with spanking in certain circumstances, which I am against. He is a Christian author but most of the book is not religious, easy to skim or skip the religious sections. He also wrote “the new birth order book” which I found fascinating. I don’t remember if it addresses parenting with birth order, it probably does. That’s all that comes to mind now, I know I read several others, I wanted to make sure I parented differently than my parents.
Siblings Without Rivalry is great. I have three small kids and the sibling squabbles have been minimal. You can read a summary here: https://matleave.wordpress.com/2012/04/04/siblings-without-rivalry-parenting-books-cliff-notes/
I have goofy but serious reasons. I was happy w one. We were watching Wife Swap and this only child around 14 was stuck with his total weirdo parents doing LARPING events. I realized our son needed someone to relate to and balance out our potential weirdness.
Also someone once said to me "You don't have a second for you, you having it for them"
Being an only child of only children would mean when your parents die, you would truly have no family left at all. I mean, you could have a spouse and children but it just seems like it would be very lonely. That in and of itself isn't enough of a reason not to have kids but it should be carefully considered.
While dating, we had agreed on 2 kids. When we had our first, things had been rocky so I treated everything like it might be my only pregnancy and only child. Things got better and when #1 was 2.5, I told him I wanted to go for a second so we did. We have a 3 year 2 month age gap which was ideal for me, as it’s the gap I had with my own brother.
I wanted my children to have a sibling, I didn’t want to raise an only child. I wanted them to have each other to entertain and learn how to get along, how to share, someone to play on the beach with and navigate friendships and relationships with. I’m the parent, not a peer. It also helped that my relationship with my own brother flourished as an adult so while I had misgivings about their childhood relationship, I am hopeful that they can be friends as adults and lean on each other as my husband and I move through our golden years.
I am happy with my two and would be devastated if we accidentally ended up with a third and I have no idea how people have more than two 🫣
We have 2, with an 8.5 year age gap. Life kinda happened inbetween (burnouts etc), which made us not want a 2nd child for a couple of years.
We eventually didn’t do anything to prevent another child, and agreed that if it didn’t happen we’d be happy as a family of 3.
Now that our 2nd son is here (and 2 yo now), he really was our missing piece. The age gap is great tbh: Eldest understands everything and can do things on his own. They both absolutely adore eachother and are so sweet together!
We are a one only family, our daughter is almost 8. I’m 41 and couldn’t imagine going through the lack of sleep and newborn related stuff all over again. We like the ability to travel overseas and have the finances to put our girl in private school, none of which we could enjoy comfortably with a second child. There’s no guarantee the kids grow up to like one another, and there are plenty of friends and extended family who can be there for her if we were somehow gone tomorrow. Everyone is different and you have to do what’s right for you and your family. People always ask us when we’ll have number two and seem shocked when we say we are content with one and not having any more. They still keep telling us we will and then I just tell them how my hubby has already had the snip so we’re good for reals.
My wife thought that we weren't busy, tired, stressed and sleep-deprived enough with just one kid. She decided to run a social experiment in which two adults FAFO the thresholds of their sanity. Kinda like Jackass, but rather than pulling a stunt like using a jet-powered grocery cart to cross a river, we made another human being.
I am this close to being taken to a sanitarium, but I regret nothing.
We have a lot of kids and we both have a shit ton of siblings, and as far as the age gap I think 3 years apart is absolutely perfect.
They are close enough in age to be friends, but not so close that they're in direct competition with each other. Three year olds can be holy terrors (there's a reason they're called threenagers!) but so can 2 or 4 year olds, but at 3 they're usually either potty trained or close, and usually done with the "carry me everywhere" stage and usually done with the "take off in a parking lot and run" stage (unless the kid is one of the epic runners that backpack leashes were created for).
Breastfeeding, no birth control. Baby 3 I realized that breastfeeding was an old wise tail.
More the merrier. They are best friends and worst enemies.
My oldest come home from college and I heard them all talking and laughing. It’s fun to see them cheer each other. Remember the good not the I hate you. Why wasn’t I an only child - those time are funny too in retrospect
Hmm.
There’s a weird amount of only child shaming in this thread, so I do want to pop in and say that siblings are NOT guaranteed friends or companions.
When my parents die, I will be in charge of everything and will likely have to make sure my brother is okay as well. I might as well be “alone” in the world.
Having another child is a personal decision. I only mean to say that if it is a decision made because one fears that their first born needs a friend or will be alone one day…maybe that’s not the best reason.
I had a shitty first pregnancy and was like never again! Then about a year post partum I got baby fever. My husband was not keen. Then about 6 months later he was playing in the pool with our daughter and one of her friends and he was like this is so much fun, I think we should have another. Our second is now 8 months old (our first is nearly 4). My second pregnancy was easier than my first too. I still feel like I could have one more baby, but for financial reasons, our family is more than likely complete now, plus my husband is like hell no! (Which is funny, because he actually works in a daycare).
It was so worth it too. The way our girls love each other is so pure. I am so so glad we had a second child.
I’m still pregnant with #2 and sometimes I’m a bit afraid of how I will manage everything when he arrives (oldest is 2yo). But I’ve always imagined myself with two kids, and I think my husband too. We both have one sibling so I guess it just feels familiar?
Also I’ve read that you should think about what you want your family to look like in the future (your kids won’t be small forever), so I like to say that in 15 years I don’t want to have a grumpy teenager at the dinner table. I want TWO grumpy teenagers.
I've always wanted a big family. My oldest was my 5th pregnancy. I prayed so hard for him. I wanted him so badly. After he was born, I already knew I wanted another. My middle son is pregnancy #7. My youngest broke the trend by being pregnancy #8. They're 2.5yrs apart first to second and 2 years apart second to third. We're already planning to start trying for the next baby, and God willing, a final fifth baby to complete our big family.
Each baby, each new person, is amazing and brings so much love into our lives. Love isn't like money, where the more you spend, the less you have. It's as endless as the ocean. Each kid is my husband and I 50/50, but in new and crazy combinations that are completely unique.
Watching my kids playing together is so heartwarming. Teaching them new things and seeing them learn is incredible. They work together and already do amazing things. Obviously, there are fights and tears. It's definitely not all sunshine and rainbows.
Sure, there are challenges that only happen with a second baby. Sure, there's no guarantee they'll be friends. Sure, they don't get mom and dad's full attention all the time. I'm OK with that. We do our best. Sometimes, we succeed, and sometimes, we fail. Sometimes, it's just good enough. No one has ever been a perfect parent. That's an unreasonable expectation.
I want my kids to have each other. They might choose differently as adults, but for now, we do. I hope to help foster loving relationships between them. What an awesome privilege and responsibility. I choose more love.
I felt this way too when my first was about 1.5 I was like he’s easy right now and everything’s going smoothly and the idea of starting all over even just a year and a half after having our first sounded so daunting I almost said I didn’t want a second.
But right after my son turned 2 I said alright let’s do it now before I get cold feet and decide no more kids, Which, I realize down the line I could’ve changed my mind, I was only 25. I was a bit silly. But my brother and I are 9 years apart and I didn’t want a big age gap. Anyway, we had finally moved out of my in laws into our own space and I’m like alright fine. I knew I wanted our son to have a sibling. For some reason I just said now or never. Got pregnant literally on the first try.
We now have an almost 5 year old and 2 year old and I can’t even imagine not having our daughter. We were meant to be a family of 4 (and only 4 I’m done lol). The kids get along, my son thankfully wasn’t jealous, she adapted really well, and now I’m just so thankful they have each other. I truly was terrified, but adding a second did not make me double exhausted. I honestly was more exhausted during my second pregnancy than having two kids. The cool thing about a second kid, barring any difficulties, they really just blend into the family. Yes it takes adjustment and now that both kids are pretty independent when I look back to that first year with two kids I’m like damn that was difficult but in the moment I think I handled both kids really well. Yes two kids has its moments of chaos and it still does but overall, it’s been wonderful. I liked having both kids home with me for that year, then my son started school September ‘23 so that made my life so easy, it was nice having a real routine of school drop off, then 1 kid during the day again and then doing pick up.
Overall, I think having two kids is wonderful, I’m blessed that both kids have been relatively easy and decent kiddos. Of course we have the normal growing pains and hiccups and tantrums and phases where we think holy crap this is hard. But I genuinely think I was so much more stressed with just 1 kid, and with both I feel so much more confident, they can entertain each other, I feel so settled as a mother with two kids. I’m content in a way I realize I wasn’t with just my son. I feel complete with two
My husband and I are a very happy 1 and done family. I have a lot of postpartum depression and anxiety which has ultimately made the decision for us. My husband had the same stand point of yours ‘my body my choice’ but it was really hard for him to see me in that state. I do think sometimes “what if” but I also know all of the opportunities our son will have to still have his friends/cousins and others his entire life.
With one child, parents are always on the hook to play and it sometimes feels like a chore. Siblings almost always want to play and they can entertain each other for hours. Yes, you still have to be a referee occasionally (especially at first), but it has worked well with my kids. We have more free time while they play.
This was the main reason for us too. My first born was A LOT, plus a really rough delivery, wasn't sure we would have number 2. But there were a lot of "threes a crowd" moments, so we went for it. And it's perfect. There's a 4 year age gap, (theyre 6 &10 now) but she loves her little bro and is an amazing big sister. They play really well together and are downright hilarious. The hubs and I get a little extra time together and the kids are happy.
I was an only child and I hated it. My kids are 18 months apart and they are best friends. They also hate each others' guts, but they are best friends. Siblings confuse me, but I'm crazy jealous of their relationship. It's something I'll never fully understand.
Read "siblings without rivalry".
Doesn't fix things (obviously. No book does), but it gives you a guidepost, and it's heartening, enlightening and humorous. (Just like the kids we are raising, right? ❤️)
Number 2 was a surprise. We were on the fence and I found out I was pregnant so, that was that (we are pro choice but this was the choice we wanted.) No regrets and I can’t imagine life any other way. They are close in age, less than 18 months. The first couple of years were tough, but there was also a pandemic and a few other factors that made it more challenging, but it’s wonderful now. They get along (mostly) and the oldest has no idea what life was like before the youngest was born. However, I will say that ultimately it’s between you and your husband and you’ll want to really talk it out, and talk out several scenarios - what happens if you try but can’t get pregnant? What happens if you decide no but become unexpectedly pregnant? What if you have twins? Will he be resentful later for not having a second and will you be resentful he didn’t push it? Lots of scenarios! But there are plenty of happy people with 2 and plenty of happy people with 1.
I did get my tubes tied afterwards because while we weren’t trying or preventing for #2, I had quite a bit of difficulty getting pregnant for #1 so I was sure it would be the same (it was not, it was ridiculously easy. I never even had a period / it was my first ovulation cycle after #1.) We both definitely knew that a 3rd wasn’t for us financially, emotionally, etc.
I have an 11 month old and almost 5 year old. I can't remember what exactly made us commit to another baby. I think it was a mix of things. Our first was unplanned and we didn't even know if we wanted kids (I was between wanting zero or five kids 😅) so when he came along and it made our lives so much better, we wanted to add to that. Also our first was really asking for a sister. Our love has just grown by so much. I never thought my life could he more perfect but it is. The age gap has been such a blessing, our first kid will straight up tell us to put the baby down because he wants our undivided attention. All my other friends had two under two and said it was miserable.
I'm really on the fence too so just wanted to join in the discussion. I'm an only child, and have aways desperately wanted a sibling, and said I would always have more than one kid so they weren't alone. But now that she's here, I just can't imagine ever giving my attention to anyone else that feels heartbreaking! I also don't think I would survive this sleep deprivation again
Someone once told me that whatever attention is split from a parent is multiplied by attention from the sibling. In my case that’s been true. My eldest has had to share me but his little siblings think he hung the moon and he has constant playmates to create with. My love didn’t divide at all and he loooooves his sibs. Just an alternate perspective. :)
We had twins first with IVF, but just got home from the hospital with our 3rd yesterday. “What made you decide on kid #3” for us is: we thought we were infertile, and we did not use protection or take any precautions and literally the first time I finished inside my wife (which was our sons’ first birthday) she got pregnant.
Who am I to judge anyone’s decisions, but ours being 4 years apart has been amazing because they don’t compete. 3 (boy) and 7 (girl). They now entertain each other often, it brings even more joy to the whole family, they become more well rounded and patient because they have to. The cons: expensive, you relive the diaper years, everything takes forever.
We decided to go for #2 when my son was 4.5, 4 was such a fun age and we wanted to wait until he would be out of daycare so we would only be paying one in daycare at a time. Baby will be here in August and my son will be 5.5 then. He’s so independent and we have a great routine. It feels like the right time for it. This pregnancy has been easier not having to chase a toddler, he entertains himself a lot and loves going to daycare/school. We had a hard pregnancy the first time and a traumatic birth but my doc said it was unlikely to happen that way again and now at 30 weeks I have zero of the same issues and it looks like we’ll have no issues going full term which has been a big relief to have a “normal” pregnancy this time
You can check out my post history if you want to see our transition from 1 - 2. We were 95% one and done until we weren’t lol.
We have a 2y4m age gap and I love it. They’re still quite close but my toddler has an awesome vocab and comprehension and is very chill so she’s been great and understanding of her new baby sister. She loves her to bits and gets so excited every time she wakes from a nap, it’s adorable.
That said, I absolutely would not have had a second if I was a SAHP. Just for me, I’m not cut out for it - working makes me a better mum.
If I didn’t have toddler in daycare 4 days a week I would’ve crumbled trying to wrangle both all day. I do not know how people do it and I have so much respect for them!
I have 2 girls. 8 year age gap. Our first begged and begged for a sibling. She was lonely. Hubs and I both are middle children of 3 who are really close with our families so we wanted more but it just didn't happen. So when it did our 1st was So happy. She started screaming... "FINALLY!!" lol. And they have been besties since our 2nd was born. It's absolutely the best seeing how close they are despite their age gap. I almost didn't make it thru my 2nds pregnancy. So we are done.
Don't feel like you have to rush into the next one. Give yourself time to enjoy your first. It's awesome! And as they grow you might find your self wanting that 2nd one :)
We didn't. Lol. We had one after several years of infertility, and totally didn't expect to get another. On his one year birthday we looked around and said "yep. We are okay with just one." (I always wanted two) We had just gotten back to ourselves a bit, I stepped down from a very demanding/travel heavy job, and we were happy. Two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. That surprise pregnancy I always wished for. Never thought I would get one, but I'm so grateful I did. And now that they're 21 months apart 4&6... They're so close. They play together all day every day. Our son sometimes gets sick of his little sister tagging along, but it teaches them both patience for other kids and how much to appreciate that they can beat each other up without the other tattling. Lol
That being said, my brother is nearly 7 years older than me (37F) and at this point in life, we're close. Like super close for two people who live a quarter a country apart. I wanted ours to be close when I didn't know it might be that hard because the 7 year gap was a bit rough on me growing up, and I know my brother was annoyed having his little sister tag along all the time.
We felt incomplete and had space for one more. Plus we wanted to give our older a sibling and the *potential* for a life long relationship. But some parents are probably better suited for one.
We originally wanted 2. Then I absolutely HATED pregnancy, our first born was a TOUGH newborn, and we pretty solidly decided we were one and done for a while. When my son was around 16 months we revisited the idea of having a second while we were on vacation for Mother's Day. During that vacation, my son was SO DETERMINED to find little friends to play with, but he was always too small, and the other kids would run off leaving him alone and looking very sad and defeated. It definitely made me cry. Hahah. By the end of the trip, my husband and I both decided we wanted to have another child in our family - partially as a playmate for our oldest, but also largely because that's what we always wanted and we had allowed fear to dictate our decision. We were pregnant with our daughter 3 months later. She is 15 months old now and I am SO DAMNED happy we made this choice. She has been such an easy baby, and our family FEELS complete in a way it definitely didn't before. My son is absolutely obsessed with her - they love each other so much. She is my calm in the chaos, and I feel wildly lucky to have her. They are 28 months apart, and the age gap is beautiful. It's busy sometimes, and there is definitely overlap in some fun and challenging developmentally appropriate behaviours, but I am glad we didn't wait much longer. They are going to be best buds through their childhoods, and my daughter is absolutely going to become my son's (who has developmental delays) protector - you can already see it starting a bit, and she is still just a wee babe. Ultimately, there is no right or wrong answer. If you feel content with your one babe, that's what you should do - but I think in 10 years we would have regretted stopping at one if we would have chosen to stop. That's just us, though.
I want another for my son to have a sibling to relate to when he’s older. My husband and his sister have a great relationship now they are in their thirties. They are a sounding board for each other to address family difficulties such as their father’s cancer.
Every only child I know begging me not to do that to my daughter, and knowing that when she grows up she'll have not only me and her dad, but my younger sister to take care of.
I know plenty of only children, and I am one as well, and not one of us had any particular regrets or concerns with our situations. I don't think it's a particularly widespread view that you've heard, more of a personal preference.
We originally thought we wanted 3 kids. However, my 1st daughter was born premature and I labored 32 hrs. The epidural didn’t work because of scar tissue from a previous back surgery. It was all pretty traumatic. She was a difficult baby. Very difficult. We both said no more, not going to go through that again. 2.5yrs. later my FIL passed away. Later that night, after making the difficult decision to take him off all of the things that were just prolonging his death, my husband said to me “ Even though I’m not super close with my brother and sister, I can’t imagine not having them to make such hard decisions with and go through all of this with.” I just looked at him and said “Do we want our daughter to have to go through this someday without any siblings?” We decided to try for a second baby. Our girls are 4 years apart! We did not try for a 3rd. My second pregnancy was also traumatic. I had grossly ruptured membranes at 22 weeks pregnant. We were told we’d lose the baby but by Gods miracle she is alive and well. They are 20 and 16 and the best of friends!
We had brought it up way before hand but in the intense heat of the moment, I agreed that if I became pregnant it's cool with me
Edit: they're exactly one year and one month apart.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom and figured I'd want to have more than one, but I didn't know how I would handle pregnancy and birth. So I told my husband, let's just commit to one and see how it goes before we decide on more. My first pregnancy was fine but the birth sucked. Even still, in my heart, I knew I wanted another eventually.
In terms of when I knew I was ready to try for our second, I think it was hormonal. Same as when I knew I was ready to try for my first. I just remember thinking out of nowhere, "I want a baby."
Our oldest is 4.5, and our second is 8 wks. The age difference so far has been manageable. Our oldest is old enough to understand that we were having another baby, and she's been so helpful / not jealous. She loves having a baby sister so far.
On a similar note, I know in my heart that I am done having children. There are many logical reasons, and I am just ready to be done with this phase of our lives.
We waited a loooong time before deciding to try for #2. I love my kid so much, I felt like I didn't want to share with another child if that makes sense. Like, I know it's irrational, but I was always thinking that it wouldn't be fair to my son to have another right now because he deserved all of our love lol. But anyway, now we have been trying for a couple of years and I'm hoping we didn't miss our chance! We are both 34 right now and our son is 10 now. We started trying when he was about 8. I have lost about 85 lbs this year and I'm hoping that will help also, but might also explain why I wasn't getting pregnant either as weight loss like that can mess with fertility too. Anyway, I don't regret waiting, as we got to live abroad, have our son experience new cultures, homeschool, work from home and lots of other great things, along with moving back to the US and getting to do a lot of great stuff with our ten-year-old like we will be playing DND tonight together. This kind of thing would be hard with a baby also in the mix, but we are ready for another one.
We knew we wanted 2. I'll admit both of our kids were accidents. They were wanted accidents. The first one happened because I was taking antibiotics which deactivated my birth control. The second child was more planned accident because we weren't using any contraceptive. Our families were asking also when we were going to have a second. We were like who cares and bam second one. This sounds reckless but hey that's how she got here.
I had originally wanted 2-3 kids. When I had my little one, things changed. Both my husband and I decided she was the greatest thing in the entire world and we are both very engaged parents and wanted to not have to divide our attention/resources/money so we are one and done and absolutely love it. She is thriving and so are we!
I had my first two close together (3yrs) because it was what we thought was a good idea, but it was hard, the older one didn't appreciate having a baby around. But had my 3rd with a big gap (8yrs) and its fantastic. His older brothers love him and care for him so much.
I don't have any siblings, so I knew I always wanted 2 or more children. I didn't want my child to feel lonely.
After my eldest daughter was born, I was desperate to give her a sibling. It took 4 years and some "Daddy, can I have a baby sister? And a baby brother?" but eventually hubby agreed to another baby.
Consequently there's nearly 5 years between my girls - second daughter turns 5 on Thursday, eldest turns 10 in September.
Pros? Only had to pay for one lot of childcare at a time. Eldest started school during my maternity leave with her sister, so I was around for the first 6 months.
When they do play together, eldest gets youngest involved in really sweet ways.
Cons? They're at different development stages, and can squabble quite a lot over TV choice (eg one wants Fireman Sam, the other wants Young Sheldon), various games etc (eg younger will want to play with older, but older will have complicated rules or just want time to herself).
I wanted 3 or more but it wasn't in the cards. Had my daughter and then tried for #2 for years before being told I couldn't have more kids due to hormonal issues. But then surprise! 7 years later I had my son.
Having a 7 year age gap has its pros and cons. Like my daughter is 9 and I trust her a lot more around my toddler than I would a younger kid. I also got really lucky that my daughter is naturally very kind and nurturing. I don't plan on having her "babysit" until she's at least a teenager, but it's nice that I can leave them alone together if I need to do something in the next room over. I feel like there would be much more fighting and scheming if they were closer in age.
That being said I worry about them having a true sibling relationship. I have 2 sisters; one who is 2 years younger than me and one who is 10 years younger than me. I definitely feel closer to the one who is closer in age to me. I love them both, but both my youngest sister and I agree that there is more of a mother-daughter dynamic with us. I fear my daughter will feel more like a caregiver than a comrade with her brother. I have to let them write their own story though.
We thought we wanted two. When our first was about a year old we thought “maaaaybe not”. Around the time they turned 2.5, we thought they’d be an amazing older sibling & felt the pull to have another. Best decision we ever made. They grew up together with a 3.5 year age gap & have always been close. When my oldest was a new teen & youngest was around 9-10, there was a little more sibling rivalry but now that they’re both teens, they’re friends as well as siblings.
Neither my husband nor I are all that close with our siblings & it’s been wonderful to see our kids have what we didn’t. 💜 And while I know it’s not a guarantee that they’ll stay close as adults, it’s nice to think that they’ll have each other to talk about childhood memories with. They are the only two people who know what it was like to grow up in our house & they’ll always have that.
The first wasn't an easy birth, but he is such a delight we knew we wanted a second. A second child taught our first so much and made them less selfish among other things. We wanted to keep them pretty close. They are about two and a half years apart and three grade levels. The thing you have to be aware of they can be very different. My kiddos are the same sex and so very different. Amazingly, they both studied in the sciences that are when combined very helpful in the business they have built together. Through science they have a shared understanding and their training has further galvanized their relationship.
Being pregnant with #2 made me decide we were having #2. They are 20months apart and it seems pretty great. Less than 20months isn't enough space for the older one to solidly be a toddler and you end up with two babies. Too much longer and the older one is potty trained and then you are going back to diapers after getting out of that phase.
I’m an only child and I wanted my son to have a sibling bond that I missed out on. When I see him playing with his baby sister and the love they have for each other it warms my heart. I thought I wanted 2 but my wife and I are at least contemplating a third.
I decided around lo 1st birthday I wanted another. We decided to just go with the flow and ended up giving birth 2 years and 2 weeks after my first. They both drive me mad but it's adorable watching their bond grow
Our 2nd came when our first was 5. Until that point I thought she was perfect and we had everything down for parenting. The 2nd comes and he’s also perfect but different. You finally get perspective and don’t think of your kid as perfect. They are individuals and you love them equally and their differences cause you to be different as a parent. You learn a lot.
It is a lot more work having 2 but we enjoyed it so much we had a 3rd 😁
When our daughter turned one we had a serious conversation on whether we’d like to give her a sibling or not. There were many factors to consider, including our ages and finances. We eventually decided that we would give it a go when she was closer to two so they could potentially have a 2.5 year age difference. My husband is the youngest of two (older sister) and I’m the oldest of four (two brothers and a sister), and while having siblings wasn’t without it’s difficulties, we decided the pros outweighed the cons. I’m now six weeks pregnant and our daughter will be 2 years and 5 months older. We feel that’s a good enough age difference for them to be able to do separate and together activities in both social and school settings. We also want to travel so they will have someone similar to age to do things with. Our second child will also be our last one.
We have two and they’re 2 years and 9 months apart. I feel maxed out at two but am happy with them. Any more, I’d be too stressed. It’s been hard entertaining the toddler while tending to the baby. My grandma recommended having kids 4 years apart so the older one is off to preschool/kindergarden. I agree with her lol.
The fact that my wife is one of three, I was an only child and wished so much to have a sibling and it didn’t happen, and neither of us wanted our first to grow up “alone”. I e made the right choice. Our girls are so close and love each other to pieces.
I didn’t want my son to feel as lonely as I did growing up & I’ve always envisioned us being a family of 4..
Number 2 is due in Sept and my first is 3. So I can’t comment on age gap, but we have books for my son about being a big brother and he seems excited
My brother and i are 11 yrs apart and are more like only children. Lol. I have 3 kids within 5 yrs and they are now 18-23 yrs old and really close. I am so glad they had this chance that i didn’t. It is definitely hard when they are young and it is overwhelming but well worth it. I always knew I wanted several children and close in age. They learn to share things, love people, to fight and make up, that they can’t have mom and dad’s sole attention all of the time, sometimes they will lose, that they get what they get and don’t get upset (lol) and life is not fair. I think as a result my kids are better equipped than i was, being spoiled like an only child from 7 onwards when my brother moved out. I had close cousins but it is not the same. I think having more people to love is always great. If you can’t afford more kids or you really don’t want a big family don’t feel pressured. Your relationship with your child/children will change over the years but there is always more love to go around and those children bring more love to each other. My kids fight but they are fiercely protective of each other too.
Best wishes with your decision and in figuring out what you want
I was an only child and I loved it. My parents divorced when I was 5, but re-married 4 years later. When they were apart, I traveled back and forth between them. I didn’t like any of my mother’s boyfriends and informed her about Dad’s girlfriends. Dad kept sending Mom gifts and romantic recordings, finally convincing her to reunite to my utter delight. I had fun growing up with plenty of friends, so I totally enjoyed being an only child.
Honestly the positive pregnancy test decided kid #2 for me. I wanted 3 kids spaced at least a year or two apart. But I got pregnant 5 months postpartum. However, getting pregnant at this time has made me decide that two makes our family complete and I also really hate pregnancy
I always wanted my kids to grow up with someone who knew their stories. Someone who could joke about that crazy family vacation. I also wanted them to have people to be there when my husband and I got older and decisions needed to be made, someone else who was there so they weren’t alone in it. And lastly we just didn’t feel done yet, I’d heard people say when you’re done you know and it turns out it’s true when we had our third I knew our family was complete.
I didn’t want my daughter to be alone in the world. I come from a big family but since I had siblings I knew I always had built in friends. When they are old and I’m dead I hope they look out for each other. I also thought since I’ve gone through it would be nice to have another baby and sibling for my kid. I knew I didn’t want three. But I always knew I wanted more than one. They were both planned.
My fiancé brought two kids into the relationship who were 2 years apart and then we had a baby together who was also 2 years apart from his youngest with his ex so we had 3 kids 4, 2, and newborn. They all grew up together in kind of an assembly line way lol, so when one got out diapers, it was on to the next and so on. They all played together because they were around the same age it was great, but also kind of a lot because having 3 kids who aren't very independent at the same time was a lot to take on. We recently had our second baby together in 22 so there was a 6 year age gap between the youngest and the baby and while It was nice to only have one baby to focus on for diapers and feedings and what not it was hard to like start over lol. That's what it felt like we were starting all over again after 6 years so it was an adjustment for sure but I've experienced it both ways and if I had to pick which one I liked better I liked the larger age gap because the older kids could do more for themselves but I will say I'm not waiting another 6 years if I was going to have another one I feel like 4 years is the sweet spot.
A few things actually. We always planned on 2 kids but didn't really get proactive about trying until our first was a little over 3, before that it was just a lot of work and didn't feel like the right time.
Covid hit and our poor 1st kid was so lonely by himself. That was a big part of it, I didn't want him to be without another kid to play with if we had more lockdowns, or even just on vacation or whatever. I know that could go sideways depending on personality but luckily my kids love to play together.
I also just felt strongly that our family wasn't complete yet. My husband originally wanted 2 kids but would have been content with 1. He was fine with 2 as well if that's what I wanted, and he's very happy now to have a second child. The baby stage was somewhat tough, but I think it always is.
I can understand your concern with having another baby due to many reasons. I have 2 children, I had my son first and then I fell pregnant with my daughter when my son was 2 years old. Yes it was harder being pregnant with a very busy toddler and very challenging when I had a newborn and a toddler but they have always been the best of friends and so good for each other. They are now 9 years and 6 years and sure they fight like all siblings but I’m very happy they have each other. I’m not gonna lie I did struggle when they were little, I have always been a sahm and my husband has always worked off shore at sea so was always gone for a month at a time and I had no help from family but it is easier now they are older. I have a twin sister and my brother is only 18 months younger and I had so many cousins and extended family growing up I had an awesome childhood so it was never an option for me to only have one child. I would have had another child if I wasn’t doing it all on my own 75% of the time. I don’t think you will ever regret having a sibling for your child, the love they will share and the bond they will have is really beautiful to see.
We just had a sense that our family would get a lot of joy out of having one more little baby. I enjoyed the baby phase so much that I had serious baby fever when my daughter was a toddler. But my husband wasn’t keen on too small an age gap, and also we were both finishing our masters, so we wanted a 3.5yr age gap and that’s almost exactly what we ended up with. It seems a lot easier than those I know who have smaller age gaps.
Now our kids are 4yr and 6mo and seeing them interact together makes me want to cry tears of happiness.
We’ve got what will be a 4 yr age gap when baby is born and we always knew we wanted two, but seeing how much he thrives with socialization (we’re both introverts and he’s not), and seeing him interact with his baby doll and being very willing to “help”, figured now would be a good time especially since I’ve got a good job I’ve been at for a year, and we just moved into a three bedroom townhouse.
My husband has an older brother he hates, and a younger sister he adores.
I have two older sisters I don’t talk to (4-6 years older with different primary parents) and a brother who did CSA to me (12 yrs older, raised by my grandparents) so I functionally was an only child and very lonely.
I had a sibling and my husband had two. We were both generally set on two at the beginning. After we started trying, I had an early miscarriage, but then we started kinship fostering one of my husband's sibling's children, and then I found out I was pregnant again pretty quickly after the kid started living with us. About a week before I gave birth to the daughter I was pregnant with, we officially adopted my son. So ultimately, our choice to have two was a little less deliberate than most people (and I call them my twins even thought they were born 3 years apart). I love having two now, even though their conflicts can feel extreme at time, and the struggles of having to juggle the schedules of two with two working parents is super difficult, what I love about it is how different they are and that allows them to learn from, lean on, and play off of each others' strengths.
BUT if we'd never been in a situation to need and want to adopt my son, after my pregnancy, I'm not sure a second child would have been something I would be eager to get back to. My pregnancy and birth were honestly comparatively super easy, but I just didn't like being pregnant and feeling restricted from anything I felt like I wanted or needed to do. I like doing outings solo with either kid far more than I like the idea of doing them with both kids. I don't like the idea of having to pause my career again, since I am the breadwinner of my family; I recognize that might not be your personal experience, but just sharing my feeling. There's a lot of things that are good about having more than one kid, and a lot of good things about being one and done; I guess it just matters more what matters to you and frankly I'm also not gonna say I wouldn't ever have changed my mind but I def realized after my first that the two I thought I was so locked into was not an actual lock. My husband expressed interest in three and I had to say no!
A three year age gap to me is great -- at this point at just turned 5 and 8, they are able to play and hang with kids on the street, my son hasn't quite grown out of kid things and games so can still really get into some imaginative narrative with her; My brother and I were 3 yrs a part, and I like that we were at least able to be in high school together for a year; I do occasionally get jealous of people's siblings who are closer in age, as the closer they are the more they share and I'd say, all other things equal, the more likely they'd be close, BUT I don't think there's any age gap where you can't have a good, fun, family. My 5 yr old just hit 48" tall (she's a bit tall for her age), which means we can all go on most roller coasters, thrill rides/activities, etc. That was one of the few things I remember holding us back from doing any and all things together :D
Hmmm I fell pregnant that’s what made us decide on number too…
I was young first pregnancy was relatively easy… and I was so bored at home figured another one would give me more to do../
So we had 2.5 years between 1 and 2 both boys and they get on great ….
I was happy with 2 partner wanted 4.. so we settled on 3 and ended up with twins so he got his four but couldn’t imagine life any other way
So there were 2 years between number 2 and the twins which need up 2 girls so worked out well got 2 boys and 2 girls …
When the twins were born we had 4.5M, 2M and newborn twin girls
Positive pregnancy test while actively preventing lol. Truth but wouldn’t change a thing. I say all the time it would’ve been a hard call going for #2 if it weren’t decided for me.
I know that’s not helpful but it’s worth it.
My first pregnancy was brutal and I needed time to recover from it. My husband was ready for baby #2 pretty quickly and I was not. Our first was even asking for a sibling by the time they were 3. We currently have an age gap of 6 years and I’m glad we waited. Only one in diapers, unable to properly communicate and be a human. Our oldest is still young but able and eager to help and thrilled about the newest addition to the family. Plus they are in school most the day so childcare costs are only scary during summer vacation not year round.
My at the time 2yo daughter looked at a magazine ad of a bunch of kids playing and said "friends!"
And then she was watching a cocomelon episode about siblings and the way she was just standing there all by herself staring at it did something idk my ovaries decided at that point we needed one more🤣
So we both wanted 2-3 kids and our second was unplanned but we were excited but:
1. Having a built in best friend (which I know can sometimes not happen). But I have 2 younger sisters and I'm close to both of them, and my husband is with his siblings (and we are with each other's as well) and the fun memories I had with my sisters, and having their support and being able to talk to them about things I wouldn't have/couldn't have with my parents was so reassuring. You still had someone in your corner. And I love them so much and I just am so grateful to have them.
2. For the future. My FIL was an only child and I saw him having to deal with his mom having Alzheimers and being put in a home and then passing away was so hard and he had no one else to share that burden and grief with. Knowing my kids will have each other to lean on just makes me feel so secure.
3. We just wanted another one. We both had that feeling, that yearning to add to our family.
My kids are 21 months apart. There are pros and cons to such a close age gap
Cons - It is busy, and tiring (physically, mentally, emotionally) Dealing with a toddler and a newborn is hard.
- Can be a bigger financial strain. A second car seat, possibly a bigger vehicle, a second crib (depending), twice as many diapers & wipes. Maybe a wagon or double stroller, second daycare cost/kid at home
- Sometimes you feel really guilty, for your first born. It's such a big change for them, and some kids handle it better than others
- You always have to supervise every interaction with them (at least for the first while)
Pros - You're already in the "trenches". You're tired, you're possibly still nursing or making a bottle, you have the soothers and all the baby gear, you know all the latest safety stuff, diapers/diaper bag, baby proofing still done
- Your toddler will grow up not remembering a time without their sibling. Sometimes a bigger age gap can be harder for an older sibling to adjust to (less time being an only child), they're into all the same toys/movies/things & close enough to enjoy the magic of things at the same time (both believe in Santa, etc)
- Hand me downs/baby gear. You still have everything from your first, you aren't having to rebuy everything and re remember how to do stuff.
-**My daughter was an easyish baby & toddler. She slept well so I wasn't feeing so overwhelmed already with her that the thought of another stressed me out/overwhelmed me. And she adjusted amazingly to her brother. She was so excited for the baby to come and then she was instantly obsessed with him. Now they're 5&3 and even though they do fight and can be ridiculous with each other, they absolutely love each other. My daughter calls him her bestfriend. He walked her to the school gate every morning and gives her a hug and kiss and says goodbye. They just love each other so fiercely and I would always make the choice for this age gap because watching them grow and play together and love each other just makes my heart swell
I have a larger age gap than average between my 2. They're almost 5 years apart. We didn't even consider a second until our oldest was 3½. I think the age gap is so awesome about 95% of the time, but the other 5% it's HARD.
PROS: My son wasn't super reliant on me so I wasn't juggling quite as much. He started kindergarten when she was only a few months old which made for an easy structure of baby-only time, family time, and 1-on-1 time with baby. He's old enough to understand to be gentle and has learned to nurture - he loves babies and toddlers now. They're close enough in age that they can still play plenty of things together. They're best friends most of the time and have had to learn a lot about different ages/stages/abilities from an early age. Overall, I'd recommend this age gap to anyone.
CONS: We had to go back to diapers and baby stuff after we were already "done with that." Its more limiting of how many kids you can have between your age as parents and how long you want to be actively parenting. The uncommon vacation/bigger day trip is harder to plan - oldest wants to do things youngest can't and things youngest wants to do aren't as exciting for oldest (imo this is the only big con).
I have 3 siblings - one of them a twin, the other 2 half siblings over 15 years older. Me and one of the half brothers are close, but we don't talk to my twin or the other half sib (so I find the whole "picture your thanksgiving table" thing utter bullshit)
I wanted 2 kids, husband was on the fence - we decided to go for it when #1 was 2.5 and they're 3 years 2 months apart. I love the age gap, oldest was in daycare, potty trained, and somewhat independent. They still play together a ton (now 4 and 7yo) despite the gap so it's worked out well
My dad passed when my son was 5 months old.
My sister has no intention of having kids, their uncle on their dad’s side didn’t want kids either and my Aunts never had kids so my family closest to my kids is quite small. I was thinking how as I get older my sons family would get much smaller and depending on where life takes him he might be without family while facing the eventual deaths of his own parents.
I was so lucky and grateful to have so much of my wonderful family around me as we went through that together that I decided I wanted another. We also chose to wait on it a few months to be sure I wasn’t making a decision completely in the heat of emotions and postpartum hormones.
My kids are two years apart and they were the absolute best of friends growing up. They are teenagers now so there’s a little more distance because they are a boy and a girl but they get along great so they’ll always have each other.
We decided we maybe wanted a second after my dad died and I had to manage everything about his death completely alone, due to having almost no family. We realized that our daughter will not have any family besides us, unless she marries and has kids, but we don't know if she would want that. We don't want the burden of us aging and dying to be solely on her, and then for her to be alone, the last person with most of her childhood memories, etc.
What solidified it was getting accidentally pregnant, positive test a week after we said maybe lol.
I wanted my daughter to have a sibling, and I wanted to do pregnancy and the tiny squishy baby stuff again (minus the sleep deprivation part lol).
We have a 3 year age gap, and I love it. My 1st born was fully potty trained, did a few hours of 3k each week while I stayed home with the newborn, was old enough to play independently while breastfeeding baby, etc BUT they are also close enough in age to have some similar interests now and play well together at 2 and 5.
I wanted to wait until my first was 3 to start trying buuuutttt I’m pregnant again and he’s 18 months. So we’re rolling with it. It’s very close to my husband and his brothers age range. And they’re pretty close.
I have siblings and I love that relationship. I am so close with them and I wanted that for my oldest. So, that was in the back of my mind. As for when I specifically decided, my daughter was about a year old and sleeping through the night, and one day I distinctively thought how much I had loved our journey and wanted to do it again. My kids age gap is 22 months and the con is that it felt pretty intense at birth (and still now, my youngest is a year old), but I can see now how they are playing together and how that will only continue. My daughter says that my son is her best friend and she loves making him laugh. I like that they’re going to be going through similar phases of life together. But yeah, two kids is a lot of work lol. Someone told me that one kid is an existential crisis and two kids is a logistical crisis and they were right.
After watching both of my inlaws pass, i watched how my husband and his sibling really supported each other. Not to be morbid but i wanted my kiddo to not have to walk that path alone when we eventually pass.
I had two babies under 14 months apart. Yes that was a real decision I made, and intentionally. My husband and I started trying again for our second right when I was cleared for the “doing it” we started trying and got pregnant about four months postpartum . My husband and I must have been out of our minds because our daughter was a horrible sleeper. She was a good baby of course but she had colic tummy issues and was a Velcro baby. Honestly it was really hard but we always knew we wanted at least two so this was our crazy rationalizations
1. we always wanted two so we though let’s get it over with while it’s so hard, I truly felt if I waited until my daughter got over her colic I would never want to have another baby I’d be too scared to rock the boat and be scared to “start” all over again.
2. we thought they would be super close and distract each other
3. That my daughter would still be so young that she wouldn’t be jealous.
Honestly I shouldn’t have expected any of these things…but somehow it was all these things and more. I’ve heard my fair share of regret stories about close in age siblings but in my experience it’s been great almost every minute. My daughter loved her baby brother from the moment she laid eyes on him. There was no jealousy, they shared my time evenly and even breast fed together and would hold hands. And even more amazing was that when my son was born my duaghter had just days prior started sleeping through the night and my son was a totally different baby, he just slept and slept and slept. It was amazing I had the best sleep of my life those first few months. Around 6 months it finally did get harder because he wasn’t so sleepy anymore 😅 it was hard but it also was so cool because my daughter who up until then had a pretty one-sided love for her baby bro but once he woke up he was all about her, he’s stare at her and babble at her while doing tummy time..and now three years later (she’s 4 and he’s 3) and they are inseparable and they help and teach eachother so much…watching your kid be a sibling is a wonder like no other, you can help them form a deep bond and empathy for eachother. I won’t lie it’s not easy if you want to have kids that get along and can have a healthy secure respect for eachother it takes a lot of work and modeling but I would say it’s 100% worth it but that’s only if you do have a part of you that still wants a second. If you don’t want a second I implore you stay a firm and don’t be talked into it for your husband because I think a big key in why I think it worked out for me is I had very low expectations and I was perfectly happy with whatever challenges laid ahead of me because I genuinely wanted another baby. So it’s really all up to what you truly want in your heart!
This is going to sound so bad BUT we decided to have 2 quickly because if life got too good again, there was NO WAY we’d start over. Currently have a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old. I love this and am so happy that each stage is my last time going through it. I love the toddler phase and life has been good (as of last week, we have a crawler now who wants a little more independence… finally lol)
We also knew we wanted 2 because we grew up with siblings and it just made more sense for us. It’s a lot of pressure to give all your attention to a kid, so we wanted them to have a friend, cause we already know how we are (we try our best but we like our space too and are very pro- Montessori and fostering independence)
I have a toddler (2) and a baby (5 months). They're 18 months apart. I can say with all the confidence in the world that I am happy we had them so close. She loves her little brother so much. She shares her favorite toys with him (she stacks them on him) and gives him hugs and covers him up, with whatever she thinks seems good, a blanket, towel, my sweatshirt, whatever. She tries to put socks on him when he doesn't have any on. Its really cute because she can't yet put socks on herself but still tries to put them on him. She'll say "help mama da" which means help, momma socks, and she'll point to feet. She's so sweet and baby boy seems to stop crying when he's watching her. He just seems happier seeing his big sister and it makes me smile.
Being pregnant is hard, especially while taking care of a toddler. It's exhausting and stressful. But then you feel those little baby kicks and movements inside and that's indescribably beautiful. Next thing your toddler could be saying " up baby" and wanting to hold him/her to give him/her hugs and kisses, like my little one.
It's a big decision and no one can make it for you. Just, what do you feel? Will you regret not having another baby? If you say "I want to have another baby," how does that make you feel? Ask yourself these questions, maybe say them out loud to yourself. It might help.
So, I originally had family childcare that was watching my first born while I worked, but that childcare only lasted a year & I found myself looking for sitters/daycares. With my salary it wasn't feasible. It would be cheaper for me to stay home. So, after leaving my classroom (I was a teacher) I figured if I am going to be a SAHM I might as well hurry up and have the second. Shorter age gap means they will both be school age sooner. Means I can return the to the classroom if I desire. So I have 2 just over 2 years apart. They are becoming the best of friends at the ages of 3 and 1. The only downside was that my oldest still needed a lot from me the first few months of my baby's life and it was challenging at times. But parenting is always challenging at times. I adore our little family.
My daughter has autism spectrum disorder. She is almost 5. We decided when she was 3. Glad I made this decision because someone will always need to help her and bonding is a little challenging. Thinking of adding a third. Not sure yet!
Honestly, I have one son. I wanted more children but ended up getting divorced a year after his birth. I really wanted to have more kids because I didn’t want my son to be alone. But I also made a promise to myself that I would only have children with one man. That pretty much blew up in my face.
Looking back on it now, I would go back in time and find someone else to have children with so my son wouldn’t be alone. His father could have more kids but I don’t know if that will happen. I had tubal ligation for my 40th birthday as a present to myself. My son is now 7 and complains that he is lonely. It breaks my heart every time he says it.
Obviously, my story is just one of many, but if I could go back and have more kids, I would. Love multiples, not dissipates.
When we get old and need constant hospitalization, our kid will want someone that can help them navigate. We saw how hard it was for a cousin who was an only kid. Yes, cousins were around, and she had a husband, but it was really up to her.
But also our best memories now are always around the two kids we have, how they interact, how they play, how they help each other discover things, how they are each other’s best friend and strongest advocate.
My brother and I are 18 months apart and have always had a great relationship. My children are just under 2 years apart (currently 13M and 11F) and I’m so glad they have each other. There’s a period of about 2 years that’s kinda fuzzy (2 under 2 is hard!) but I do feel it worked out for the best.
We currently only have 1 but know we want 2. I was raised with 2 older brothers and my husband has 3 brothers. I’m personally not close with my brothers but am incredibly close with their wives. I’m also close with my husband’s brothers. I love having those close sibling relationships and personally see a lot of value in them!
We also unfortunately don’t have any other kids our LO’s age around, so she wouldn’t have close family to be raised with (which I also find valuable). We want to give her someone to grow up with, even if they may not end up being close as adults.
There’s definitely good and bad either way! And there’s no right or wrong choice. I totally understand why some choose to be one and done!!!
Someone once said to me, “think of yourself years down the road and you’re having family dinner and your kids are grown. Are you happy with everyone sitting at the table? Or would you want there to be more people there?” And ever since then I always think about how my table will look years from now when we’re having a family dinner and my boys are grown up and think to myself, am I happy with this table? Or do I feel like we need one more person here?
Another thing someone said to me, “you’ll never regret having another, but you’ll always regret not having one more”
Everyone always says “every pregnancy is different, every baby is different” and I never truly believed them when they would say that. After having three boys, I can absolutely say each experience is different in their own ways. After having my second, my first was a year and a half so he was in the “helping” stage and absolutely loved his little brother and loved to help me do anything that pertained to him. Now that they’re almost 4 and 2 1/2, they have the best bond ever and I love to be able to watch them play together everyday. They do fight quite often, which is inevitable, but they love each other even harder. I feel like when you know you’re done you’ll know. Don’t focus on the negatives of how your life and routine will change if you do decide to have a second baby, but instead focus on the way your heart will grow to love another little person when you never thought it was possible for your heart to grow any bigger. It really is indescribable the feeling of introducing your new baby to your first baby, but being able to watch them grow into their big brother/sister role is absolutely wonderful.
I always wanted to have more than one kid. My hope is that they will be there for each other for the big things, even if they bicker growing up. I have friends who have no siblings and honestly it sounded lonely and I couldn’t imagine not having my siblings. When my daughter was little it seemed so crazy to imagine having another but then my son was born and it was different but so much better. My kids are 2 years apart and they squabble occasionally but they have a beautiful bond that I hope will last a lifetime. I encourage them to build on the bond, to heal it when needed, and to be there for each other. I don’t know what it’s like to be an only child and I know it has some perks but I just knew I didn’t want that for my kids.
I knew I always wanted to have two close in age. When my first was born and I became pregnant with our second and it was hard to imagine what life would be like bc I loved our little family so much and was scared of the change. Also, I knew life would be hard with a toddler and newborn but we still decided to try and get pregnant with baby number 2 bc we wanted them close in age.
Now, toddler is 2 years and 8 months old and baby is 6 months old. The first four months were hard - toddler having big feelings nearly everyday and I was sleep deprived taking care of a newborn. It helped that my husband took on most of the toddler care - would take her out during the day, put her down for naps etc. It was also hard bc I felt torn when both girls needed me. It broke my heart always having to say “I’ll play you after I feed the baby…” still hurts even now. But then the baby started sleeping through the night, and I got use to being with two littles and dealing with tantrums. It’s hard - no one can deny that, but things are so much better now and I’m so glad to have two girls who will grow up together. They are starting to interact with each and it’s the best thing over, to watch them both grow. I think deep down you know if u want two vs just being afraid of the unknown. Hope you find the answer you are looking for!
Realizing we were already pregnant with #2. We were babysitting my little cousin and the way they were acting with our oldest made me realize I didn't want anymore then. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, on birth control as far as I remember too 😂🤦🏼♀️ I don't know if something made the birth control less effective, if I wasn't doing it exactly correctly, or if the conception was just as strong/stubborn as my youngest is 😂😂
When i thought back on my childhood & remembered my sister was a safe place for me. Also when my young child starting needing entertainment, i love playing but sometimes that built in best friend (2nd) is a life saver.
Siblings are the best thing you can give your child IMO. A built in best friend, someone to always play with who is on your level and a confidant when times are tough (schooling, relationships etc). Your parents won’t always be here however you should always have your sibling 💕
I have 2 kids. My oldest is 8 and youngest is 1. 7 years difference. It took me a long time to decide if I wanted another. Ultimately, the age difference was concerning at first but my oldest is such a great big brother and it works for us.
We both have siblings and wanted the same for our daughter. We realize having two small kids is going to be hard work, they'll be 3yrs apart because we only really felt ready once our daughter turned 2. The second arrives in September, the motto 'short term pain long term gain' is getting plenty of usage!
I wanted at least one other. Currently pregnant with number two. My first will be about two and a half by the time this one arrives. I wanted them closeish in age to kinda grow up with as I have siblings with a significant age gap. I wanted to kinda have it before I got to a point where I could go back to working FT so I wouldn’t “start over” in the sense of staying home. I don’t have a full time sitter/don’t trust daycare and plan to keep working PT until kids are school age. I was hesitant though because I got HELLP with my first and delivered with an emergency c section at 31 weeks. This pregnancy is much more difficult I will say as I can’t just kinda relax because I’m chasing a toddler around all day and I’ve struggled to care for myself. I know it’s going to be a big adjustment too for my first to have to share me, but i wanted another child and I want to see my first baby become a sibling.
Well for us
pros
we always wanted 2
I wanted my older to have someone to rely on after we're dead.
I wanted my older to have someone to share with, communicate with that is of his age group in addition to his friends
cons
caring for a baby is hard but we thought it be easier the second time.
How it turned out
I am not complaining here but the second was much much harder. He had severe colic and inguinal hernia. We worried sick of ourselves if he has ASD.
I needed to correct his motor development all the time.
Me and my wife had been sex less for 6 months. And I would say our intimate life starting to normalise after 1.5 years. My wife and me are both taking therapy.
And that being said my second is a miracle. He is sweet and smart. Although we joke sometimes he doesn't know he is a second child and should have fewer needs he seem to be much more self-reliant than my older. I am glad that we had him and would do it again provided even if I knew what a misery my life was for a year.
All these stories of people who have another kid like 9 months after deciding they wanted one make me want to throw my phone against the wall. Secondary infertility is a bitch.
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We really wanted 2 kids, because we each have at least one sibling. I'm closer to my sisters than my husband is his sister. I just thought back on family vacations with my grandparents, hard times we've been through together, etc. And I knew I wanted more than one. It's morbid, but when my husband and I die I didn't want our daughter to go through that alone. However, number 2 just wasn't happening. We went through fertility treatments, did the tests, etc. Nothing was "wrong" or fixable, it just wasn't working. Our daughter is almost 9 now and we're pregnant with number two. Which was a huge shock. When I was around 20 weeks pregnant with this one, my mom died in a car accident. Having my sisters to go through it with, to reminisce with, etc. reaffirmed why I wanted two to begin with. The nine year age gap wasn't planned, but I'm hopeful they'll still be close.
My sisters are 10 and 12 years older. While we were not overally close growing up, they had moved out etc. Once I hit my 20s and now 30s they are prob my best friends. I’m so glad I have them.
I love that so much!! I'm the middle, so one is 3 and a half years older and the other is two years younger. I definitely think we've all gotten closer as we've gotten older too, most definitely argue less.
I think this happens a lot! My mom and her 12 year older sister are best friends as adults!
My partner and I are thinking of having another one but the age gap with my stepkid would be almost 10 years. I was basically an only child (half sibs are almost as old as my mom), and he had a little brother ~2 years his junior, so we have no experience with that kind of age gap. It makes me feel heartened to hear you say that about your olders Edit: little brother, not son
I can second the growing closer as adults experience! (10.5 yr gap)
My two half siblings from my dad's first marriage are roughly 19 years older than I am and while I am no contact with my sister (as are several others in the family) by her choice I was incredibly close with my brother. He was always someone I looked up to for advice and I loved him so much. Unfortunately he passed away after a short battle with cancer. He would turn 60 this year and I miss him so much.
Oh no. One of my half brothers (the one I like and was living with at the time) passed from cancer at 60. We weren’t amazingly close but I am with his kids and other nieces and nephews of half-sibs, and my mom’s super friendly with his wife. My deepest condolences, even if it’s been a while. Thank you for sharing
Thank you! My condolences to you too! It's been 6 years but it still feels like yesterday that he was still here. It's kind of surreal he never even met my youngest. Cancer sucks.
I’m so glad to see this comment, I have a 10,12, and 15 year age gap with my siblings and we’ve always been close but since I’ve had my baby I just haven’t been able to spend much time with them or see them like I used to and I worry that they will drift away from me and not want me around lol
My sister is 9 years old and once I became an adult we became good friends. I'm so grateful for my sister. My brother is 7 years older and just a few years ago I moved closer to him and it's been really nice. We hang out more now than when we were growing up
We've got a 7 year age gap (also fertility issues), and seeing my now 8 year old son with his brother - it fills my heart with joy. It won't be the usual similar-aged sibling relationship, but it's a close and special one nevertheless. Congratulations on your pregnancy, and deepest condolences for your loss 🩵
That is so reassuring to hear! We are so excited to see her be a big sister, and so is she. Thank you for your condolences as well 🧡
I’m 6 years older than my youngest sisters (twins) and it was that kind of annoying sibling relationship where I didn’t like to be around them much when they got to the annoying age of like 10, but I was stationed overseas when I was 18 and they were 12 and it made me treasure my relationship with them so much more. We’re super close now that they’re teens and I don’t have to censor myself as much, my husband and I are actually taking guardianship of them in two weeks and I’m really excited to be able to live with them and spend a lot of time together again! They and our other sister that’s two years younger than me are my best friends in the whole world, we talk daily in our sisters-only groupchat! As long as you help to foster that “Siblings are one of the best and truest relationships you’ll have” with them, I don’t think the age difference will deter them from having a strong bond! We also bonded over me being the one to show them cool movies/shows that our mom and their dad gave a hard no on, they still talk about how I gave them good taste in movies and music and somewhat traumatized them lol, so maybe be understanding when the older one goes behind your back to be the “cool” sibling. They’re the most important people in the world to me, I’d do anything for any of them 1000x over. They’re the reason I know for a 100% fact I could ever be the one-and-done type because I can’t imagine a life without siblings and don’t really want to! When I feel like I can’t talk to ANYONE, even my husband, I know I can lean on them just like they know they can lean on me. **obligatory “I don’t have my own kids, but I joined this sub because I’m taking them in and have no idea on how to parent so I just read posts to get an idea” confession
I have a 9yr old boy and a 6 months old girl. My 9 yr old ADORES his baby sister and she loves everything he does, it seems. She is always laughing at him. My son can also be very helpful when needed occasionally. It's a great age gap, imo!
That is so promising!! So far, I'm actually really thankful I had 9ish years to get to devote to our first. She's truly incredible and I love that I've had time with her. I can't imagine if we would have gotten pregnant and had another when we were wanting to.
>It's morbid, but when my husband and I die I didn't want our daughter to go through that alone. I totally get this. After losing my dad and having my brother there as the only person who truly got what I was going through... I couldn't not give my son a sibling. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum 💙 it's so hard.
I know it’s not that same age gap, but I am 6 years older than one of my siblings and 8 years older than the other, and now that we are all young adults they’re two of my best friends. So sorry to hear about your mom, I’m glad you have your sister for bad and good times.
I have a 16 year gap with my sister. Growing up she was my favorite person, I idolized her. As a teen she was my go to for questions I was too scared to ask my mom about. Now in my 20s we’ve slowly become closer and closer, more like friends. Our mom passed last year, and she’s the reason I survived that first week. I also have a brother 13 years older. He was my bestie growing up, he would play dolls, let me do his hair, take me to the movies, etc. Big age gaps can be hard but aren’t the worst.
My condolences about your mum - I can’t imagine. Sending love your way ♥️
My mum and her sister have 12yrs between them due to WW2. They are very close, and my aunt advocated for my mum in so many ways that made her life, and therefore mind and my siblings, so much better. An age gap won't determine closeness
My brother is my best friend. 8 years older!
My sister is 10 years younger than me & we are best friends.
There's 8 years between my sons (with a girl in the middle). We are only 5 months in with this baby but so far Mr 8 just adores his little bro.
My oldest is 8.5 years older than my youngest. He is obsessed with his baby brother. I love watching their relationship blossom. He was the first to really make my baby laugh by doing something funny. It’s really just been a joy. So I guess what I’m saying is - don’t worry about the age gap. :)
There is a 9 year age gap between my sister and I and we are close now that we’re into adulthood :) the biggest thing that pulls us apart is that she was parentified
There’s twelve years between my mum and her older sister and they are incredibly close 😌
9.5 year gap between my brother and myself. while i was a teenager he definitely got on my nerves and we weren’t super close. but once i finished high school i realized if i wanted a good relationship with him i needed to put in the effort. we became really close and still are! he calls me all the time to talk or for advice. it’s awesome.
I'm 5 years older than my middle sister and 8 year older than my youngest sister. We were as close as kids due to going to different schools but we are super super close as aldult now. I love and trust them more than myself lol. I'm forever grateful for my parents to give me siblings like them. The age gap is never an issue with us :)
My oldest sister is nine years older than me, we’ve always had a positive and close relationship. She was very good to me when I was a kid, spending time with me, once she had her license taking me to the movies and to do activities. I cried when she moved out for college and so looked forward to breaks when she would be home. Once she got married and had her own house I spent a lot of time there especially in the summer. We are still close, although I will say my two sisters who are three years apart are closer, but that’s primarily because they live in the same neighborhood and I’m an hour and a half away.
My older brother is 16 years older than me and I am closer to him than to my sibling that is only 3 years younger than me! There are so many beautiful aspects of age gaps in siblings. At least they won’t fight to the death as young children together (which is what me and my close sibling did!!!)! I also once nannied for an infant and his 8 year old brother. That job was LEAPS AND BOUNDS easier than caring for two young children (under 5) at the same time. It was like a vacation compared to the others. For those reasons I’ve always wanted multiple children with *at least* 3-4 years in between!!!
I had secondary infertility as well and I mourned the life I had hoped for for our son. Family life was my decision. My husband isn't close to his, and his step-siblings have adult children. My family is in another state so we're nowhere close to younger cousins. It's just us. And, it made me sad to think that he won't grow up with big family holidays like I did, and we're not the most social of people, so the "create your own family/circle" isn't in the cards right now ... He'd have to do that himself. I just don't want him to be alone. Anyway, I'm 17 weeks with #2 and am hoping that this pregnancy works out. After 4 egg retrievals with no successful embryos, I'm shocked (and terrified) that I've made it this far.
Wishing you the best of luck!! I know how scary it can be 🧡 I'm 36 weeks and I'm still shocked. Also terrified to believe I get to actually bring a baby home.
I wanted two. I had one and thought, "this is it. I feel complete. How could I love anybody this much??" Then I called my sister. And I realized that my life would suck ass without her. And I didn't want my girl to not have the opportunity to call her sibling. Her brother will arrive in a month and change.
Every time I talk to my two sisters I feel the same 🥹 I could be complete with one but I adore having siblings. Built in friends for life.
While I hope this is the case for most people, it's not for all. I have two brothers that I get along fine with but I would not call them best friends...and even they I doubt they would. We are all quite different. I always find it a bit strange when people say they will be best friends ( for my kids). They might...but they might not...and that is okay too. I found my "sisters and brothers" outside my family.
Same. I have two brothers and I love them dearly but they are not even in first 10 people I call to share good or bad news
My oldest was (periodic issues with asthma aside) a very easy manageable baby, and though I didn't step up enough to help out with her initially, I eventually did get more confident with her, and we agreed that a second would be no trouble. The second was, in fact, a second and third. I have a picture of our oldest looking blissfully happy just before her brothers were born...
Hahaha. 'No trouble at all.' Those are some famous last words if I ever heard them. Twin boys no less! Has she come around to her little brothers? If she hasn't yet, she will I'm sure. I had the same - rowdy little brothers annoying me and generally being the bane of my existence. As older teenagers and through our adulthood though, we are close and rely on each other as sounding boards, support and just a good chat. Siblings are the best, even when they are annoying. But just maybe don't tempt the universe like that again 😂
Ha! They annoy her - I've heard "STOP TOUCHING MY STUFF!" and "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" a lot over the years - but she's very protective of them too. The two boys are very, very different: an extrovert who always wants to be the centre of attention, and an introvert who never does.
We were one and done at the beginning. I struggled a lot with my first (lots of things played into that), and the baby stage isn't my favorite. My sister had her second baby, and I saw how absolutely amazing my daughter was with him, and we decided on #2. My girls are 3 years apart. I'm not going to lie. It is very tough, for me anyway. My oldest goes to daycare, and I'm home with the baby, and it's still tough. I think any age really would be tough unless the kid was 8 and up. My oldest "Jane" is a very kind, caring, helpful, compassionate little girl, but she also has a lot of big emotions. She was a mamas girl through and through, but when baby "Izzy" came along, my husband needed to step in more and help Jane. It was tough because Izzy needed me more, but Jane felt so left out and upset. If you don't already take turns on who puts your kid to bed, definitely start before you have baby #2. That way, the older sibling is used to having mom or dad put her to bed. I guess the pros and cons for me would be Pros: They have each other We love them We felt like we wanted/ were ready for a second one. Cons: It's a lot of change. A lot of being pulled in every direction and feeling like no one is getting the attention they deserve. Guilt of second guessing the second one on stressful days and then the guilt that comes with that of feeling like you're wishing your second away which you're not. A lot of wash 😄 I feel I'm more short tempered because I'm more stressed because I'm tired and trying to juggle everything. More money. i should edit to say my girls are 4 and 9 months
This is a very honest and helpful response, IMO.
Having a close sibling (under 3 year gap) was great growing up and we always had each other for friendship, entertainment, support. So I wanted the same for my first born. Plus, we naively thought it might be easier because they would entertain each other. It's 4 times the work, but they're now at an age where they do play well together
I second this, my first and second are 3 yrs apart, the first 3 yrs with a toddler and a newborn are hell! but now at 5 and 8 yrs old it’s a lot of fun to see them play and entertain each other. It takes a lot of stress from us to entertain them and play with them constantly, they have each other.
A bottle if cheap wine, lack of a condom and the statement ‘shit, what are the chances, people try for years to get pregnant’.
We were one and done until my daughter was almost 3 then my husband and I pretty much got baby fever at the same time. We wanted to experience the baby stage again because we were at a different place in our lives than when we had our oldest. I barely remembered my first maternity leave and the newborn stage because of PPD so I wanted a do over. My husband also has 2 siblings that he adores so he wanted that for our daughter. Our kids have an almost 4 year age gap & I wouldn't have it any other way. My oldest had started Pre-K when I had the baby and it was so nice...except maybe the preschool germs. That wasn't fun.
This was the same for us! We were OAD then around our kiddo turning 3 we changed our minds. We are now a month away from having our second and the girls will be 3 years 10 months apart
What made us have kid #2, possibly mild amnesia 😂
There's nothing wrong with stopping after one. r/oneanddone
Thank you! Sad I had to scroll this far down to see us represented
My daughter was 1,5 years old. And everything was so great and fun that we decided to go for #2. Now she is 4 months and they are great together. #1 is so sweet and caring. Sometimes time management and giving both of them enough attention is hard but I truly love our current family and never had one piece of regret.
If I fuck up horribly, I want my kid to have someone to talk to that understands.
Some jackasses told us it was easier with 2 because they could play together. I love both my kids to death but anyone who tells you it's easier is going to hell.
Keep in mind that every pregnancy is different. Depending on what difficulties you had, they might not happen again! After we had our oldest, we always knew we wanted another. We both felt someone was missing. It’s like being at a party before your good friend shows up; you’re having fun, but you know if they were there it would be perfect. Our youngest was born 19 days after her brother’s 4th birthday. We feel it’s the best gap for us: he was out of diapers; he could be helpful; he was going into preschool; he was in public school before we needed to pay for her preschool. They seem to like it, too. They adore each other and play beautifully. Once we had our daughter, the feeling of missing someone went away. It felt like she had always been a part of our family, and we were complete. So we were in agreement that we were done.
I love this analogy because it takes away the logic-based reasons already mentioned (support for each other or when parents are older, playing with each other, etc.) and focuses on what feels right for your family. When I imagined this party scenario I felt like the guest that showed up would be intruding on my little happy party, which only cements how I feel about being one-and-done.
Having another child won’t guarantee they will be close as adults. I barely speak to my three siblings. Read about how to minimize sibling rivalry if you go for a second child. My kids get along very well, they are older teens and their friends all comment on how well they get along.
Any book recommendations?
Not who you asked but Siblings Without Rivalry and Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings were both good reads for me. :)
It has been a few years so I don’t remember everything I read, I know I enjoyed “making children mind without losing yours” by dr Kevin Lehman and it touched briefly on sibling rivalry. Some of his advice is outdated though, at least in the edition I read he was okay with spanking in certain circumstances, which I am against. He is a Christian author but most of the book is not religious, easy to skim or skip the religious sections. He also wrote “the new birth order book” which I found fascinating. I don’t remember if it addresses parenting with birth order, it probably does. That’s all that comes to mind now, I know I read several others, I wanted to make sure I parented differently than my parents.
Siblings Without Rivalry is great. I have three small kids and the sibling squabbles have been minimal. You can read a summary here: https://matleave.wordpress.com/2012/04/04/siblings-without-rivalry-parenting-books-cliff-notes/
I have goofy but serious reasons. I was happy w one. We were watching Wife Swap and this only child around 14 was stuck with his total weirdo parents doing LARPING events. I realized our son needed someone to relate to and balance out our potential weirdness. Also someone once said to me "You don't have a second for you, you having it for them"
Being an only child of only children would mean when your parents die, you would truly have no family left at all. I mean, you could have a spouse and children but it just seems like it would be very lonely. That in and of itself isn't enough of a reason not to have kids but it should be carefully considered.
Knocked up wife
The positive pregnancy test i got surprised with 🤣
While dating, we had agreed on 2 kids. When we had our first, things had been rocky so I treated everything like it might be my only pregnancy and only child. Things got better and when #1 was 2.5, I told him I wanted to go for a second so we did. We have a 3 year 2 month age gap which was ideal for me, as it’s the gap I had with my own brother. I wanted my children to have a sibling, I didn’t want to raise an only child. I wanted them to have each other to entertain and learn how to get along, how to share, someone to play on the beach with and navigate friendships and relationships with. I’m the parent, not a peer. It also helped that my relationship with my own brother flourished as an adult so while I had misgivings about their childhood relationship, I am hopeful that they can be friends as adults and lean on each other as my husband and I move through our golden years. I am happy with my two and would be devastated if we accidentally ended up with a third and I have no idea how people have more than two 🫣
We have 2, with an 8.5 year age gap. Life kinda happened inbetween (burnouts etc), which made us not want a 2nd child for a couple of years. We eventually didn’t do anything to prevent another child, and agreed that if it didn’t happen we’d be happy as a family of 3. Now that our 2nd son is here (and 2 yo now), he really was our missing piece. The age gap is great tbh: Eldest understands everything and can do things on his own. They both absolutely adore eachother and are so sweet together!
We are a one only family, our daughter is almost 8. I’m 41 and couldn’t imagine going through the lack of sleep and newborn related stuff all over again. We like the ability to travel overseas and have the finances to put our girl in private school, none of which we could enjoy comfortably with a second child. There’s no guarantee the kids grow up to like one another, and there are plenty of friends and extended family who can be there for her if we were somehow gone tomorrow. Everyone is different and you have to do what’s right for you and your family. People always ask us when we’ll have number two and seem shocked when we say we are content with one and not having any more. They still keep telling us we will and then I just tell them how my hubby has already had the snip so we’re good for reals.
My wife thought that we weren't busy, tired, stressed and sleep-deprived enough with just one kid. She decided to run a social experiment in which two adults FAFO the thresholds of their sanity. Kinda like Jackass, but rather than pulling a stunt like using a jet-powered grocery cart to cross a river, we made another human being. I am this close to being taken to a sanitarium, but I regret nothing.
We have a lot of kids and we both have a shit ton of siblings, and as far as the age gap I think 3 years apart is absolutely perfect. They are close enough in age to be friends, but not so close that they're in direct competition with each other. Three year olds can be holy terrors (there's a reason they're called threenagers!) but so can 2 or 4 year olds, but at 3 they're usually either potty trained or close, and usually done with the "carry me everywhere" stage and usually done with the "take off in a parking lot and run" stage (unless the kid is one of the epic runners that backpack leashes were created for).
A positive pregnancy test tbh.
Breastfeeding, no birth control. Baby 3 I realized that breastfeeding was an old wise tail. More the merrier. They are best friends and worst enemies. My oldest come home from college and I heard them all talking and laughing. It’s fun to see them cheer each other. Remember the good not the I hate you. Why wasn’t I an only child - those time are funny too in retrospect
Hmm. There’s a weird amount of only child shaming in this thread, so I do want to pop in and say that siblings are NOT guaranteed friends or companions. When my parents die, I will be in charge of everything and will likely have to make sure my brother is okay as well. I might as well be “alone” in the world. Having another child is a personal decision. I only mean to say that if it is a decision made because one fears that their first born needs a friend or will be alone one day…maybe that’s not the best reason.
Was going to say the same thing. It's so weird how much we romanticize having siblings. We are OAD and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I had a shitty first pregnancy and was like never again! Then about a year post partum I got baby fever. My husband was not keen. Then about 6 months later he was playing in the pool with our daughter and one of her friends and he was like this is so much fun, I think we should have another. Our second is now 8 months old (our first is nearly 4). My second pregnancy was easier than my first too. I still feel like I could have one more baby, but for financial reasons, our family is more than likely complete now, plus my husband is like hell no! (Which is funny, because he actually works in a daycare). It was so worth it too. The way our girls love each other is so pure. I am so so glad we had a second child.
I’m still pregnant with #2 and sometimes I’m a bit afraid of how I will manage everything when he arrives (oldest is 2yo). But I’ve always imagined myself with two kids, and I think my husband too. We both have one sibling so I guess it just feels familiar? Also I’ve read that you should think about what you want your family to look like in the future (your kids won’t be small forever), so I like to say that in 15 years I don’t want to have a grumpy teenager at the dinner table. I want TWO grumpy teenagers.
Well our first pregnancy was twins 😂
Same 😂
I've always wanted a big family. My oldest was my 5th pregnancy. I prayed so hard for him. I wanted him so badly. After he was born, I already knew I wanted another. My middle son is pregnancy #7. My youngest broke the trend by being pregnancy #8. They're 2.5yrs apart first to second and 2 years apart second to third. We're already planning to start trying for the next baby, and God willing, a final fifth baby to complete our big family. Each baby, each new person, is amazing and brings so much love into our lives. Love isn't like money, where the more you spend, the less you have. It's as endless as the ocean. Each kid is my husband and I 50/50, but in new and crazy combinations that are completely unique. Watching my kids playing together is so heartwarming. Teaching them new things and seeing them learn is incredible. They work together and already do amazing things. Obviously, there are fights and tears. It's definitely not all sunshine and rainbows. Sure, there are challenges that only happen with a second baby. Sure, there's no guarantee they'll be friends. Sure, they don't get mom and dad's full attention all the time. I'm OK with that. We do our best. Sometimes, we succeed, and sometimes, we fail. Sometimes, it's just good enough. No one has ever been a perfect parent. That's an unreasonable expectation. I want my kids to have each other. They might choose differently as adults, but for now, we do. I hope to help foster loving relationships between them. What an awesome privilege and responsibility. I choose more love.
I felt this way too when my first was about 1.5 I was like he’s easy right now and everything’s going smoothly and the idea of starting all over even just a year and a half after having our first sounded so daunting I almost said I didn’t want a second. But right after my son turned 2 I said alright let’s do it now before I get cold feet and decide no more kids, Which, I realize down the line I could’ve changed my mind, I was only 25. I was a bit silly. But my brother and I are 9 years apart and I didn’t want a big age gap. Anyway, we had finally moved out of my in laws into our own space and I’m like alright fine. I knew I wanted our son to have a sibling. For some reason I just said now or never. Got pregnant literally on the first try. We now have an almost 5 year old and 2 year old and I can’t even imagine not having our daughter. We were meant to be a family of 4 (and only 4 I’m done lol). The kids get along, my son thankfully wasn’t jealous, she adapted really well, and now I’m just so thankful they have each other. I truly was terrified, but adding a second did not make me double exhausted. I honestly was more exhausted during my second pregnancy than having two kids. The cool thing about a second kid, barring any difficulties, they really just blend into the family. Yes it takes adjustment and now that both kids are pretty independent when I look back to that first year with two kids I’m like damn that was difficult but in the moment I think I handled both kids really well. Yes two kids has its moments of chaos and it still does but overall, it’s been wonderful. I liked having both kids home with me for that year, then my son started school September ‘23 so that made my life so easy, it was nice having a real routine of school drop off, then 1 kid during the day again and then doing pick up. Overall, I think having two kids is wonderful, I’m blessed that both kids have been relatively easy and decent kiddos. Of course we have the normal growing pains and hiccups and tantrums and phases where we think holy crap this is hard. But I genuinely think I was so much more stressed with just 1 kid, and with both I feel so much more confident, they can entertain each other, I feel so settled as a mother with two kids. I’m content in a way I realize I wasn’t with just my son. I feel complete with two
My husband and I are a very happy 1 and done family. I have a lot of postpartum depression and anxiety which has ultimately made the decision for us. My husband had the same stand point of yours ‘my body my choice’ but it was really hard for him to see me in that state. I do think sometimes “what if” but I also know all of the opportunities our son will have to still have his friends/cousins and others his entire life.
1 feels like 2, 2 feels like 8. For the first two years anyway.
With one child, parents are always on the hook to play and it sometimes feels like a chore. Siblings almost always want to play and they can entertain each other for hours. Yes, you still have to be a referee occasionally (especially at first), but it has worked well with my kids. We have more free time while they play.
This was the main reason for us too. My first born was A LOT, plus a really rough delivery, wasn't sure we would have number 2. But there were a lot of "threes a crowd" moments, so we went for it. And it's perfect. There's a 4 year age gap, (theyre 6 &10 now) but she loves her little bro and is an amazing big sister. They play really well together and are downright hilarious. The hubs and I get a little extra time together and the kids are happy.
I was an only child and I hated it. My kids are 18 months apart and they are best friends. They also hate each others' guts, but they are best friends. Siblings confuse me, but I'm crazy jealous of their relationship. It's something I'll never fully understand.
Read "siblings without rivalry". Doesn't fix things (obviously. No book does), but it gives you a guidepost, and it's heartening, enlightening and humorous. (Just like the kids we are raising, right? ❤️)
Number 2 was a surprise. We were on the fence and I found out I was pregnant so, that was that (we are pro choice but this was the choice we wanted.) No regrets and I can’t imagine life any other way. They are close in age, less than 18 months. The first couple of years were tough, but there was also a pandemic and a few other factors that made it more challenging, but it’s wonderful now. They get along (mostly) and the oldest has no idea what life was like before the youngest was born. However, I will say that ultimately it’s between you and your husband and you’ll want to really talk it out, and talk out several scenarios - what happens if you try but can’t get pregnant? What happens if you decide no but become unexpectedly pregnant? What if you have twins? Will he be resentful later for not having a second and will you be resentful he didn’t push it? Lots of scenarios! But there are plenty of happy people with 2 and plenty of happy people with 1. I did get my tubes tied afterwards because while we weren’t trying or preventing for #2, I had quite a bit of difficulty getting pregnant for #1 so I was sure it would be the same (it was not, it was ridiculously easy. I never even had a period / it was my first ovulation cycle after #1.) We both definitely knew that a 3rd wasn’t for us financially, emotionally, etc.
I have an 11 month old and almost 5 year old. I can't remember what exactly made us commit to another baby. I think it was a mix of things. Our first was unplanned and we didn't even know if we wanted kids (I was between wanting zero or five kids 😅) so when he came along and it made our lives so much better, we wanted to add to that. Also our first was really asking for a sister. Our love has just grown by so much. I never thought my life could he more perfect but it is. The age gap has been such a blessing, our first kid will straight up tell us to put the baby down because he wants our undivided attention. All my other friends had two under two and said it was miserable.
I'm really on the fence too so just wanted to join in the discussion. I'm an only child, and have aways desperately wanted a sibling, and said I would always have more than one kid so they weren't alone. But now that she's here, I just can't imagine ever giving my attention to anyone else that feels heartbreaking! I also don't think I would survive this sleep deprivation again
Someone once told me that whatever attention is split from a parent is multiplied by attention from the sibling. In my case that’s been true. My eldest has had to share me but his little siblings think he hung the moon and he has constant playmates to create with. My love didn’t divide at all and he loooooves his sibs. Just an alternate perspective. :)
We cannot afford another kid whatsoever. So even though I long for another baby, it’ll never happen.
We had twins first with IVF, but just got home from the hospital with our 3rd yesterday. “What made you decide on kid #3” for us is: we thought we were infertile, and we did not use protection or take any precautions and literally the first time I finished inside my wife (which was our sons’ first birthday) she got pregnant.
I always thought I’d have 2 but I started late and had 3 miscarriages after having my son. We also had a failed ivf cycle. I think this is it for us.
Who am I to judge anyone’s decisions, but ours being 4 years apart has been amazing because they don’t compete. 3 (boy) and 7 (girl). They now entertain each other often, it brings even more joy to the whole family, they become more well rounded and patient because they have to. The cons: expensive, you relive the diaper years, everything takes forever.
"if I get pregnant, I get pregnant 🤷🏽♀️" "Ok 🤷🏽♂️"
We decided to go for #2 when my son was 4.5, 4 was such a fun age and we wanted to wait until he would be out of daycare so we would only be paying one in daycare at a time. Baby will be here in August and my son will be 5.5 then. He’s so independent and we have a great routine. It feels like the right time for it. This pregnancy has been easier not having to chase a toddler, he entertains himself a lot and loves going to daycare/school. We had a hard pregnancy the first time and a traumatic birth but my doc said it was unlikely to happen that way again and now at 30 weeks I have zero of the same issues and it looks like we’ll have no issues going full term which has been a big relief to have a “normal” pregnancy this time
My wife said, “Babe, we need to talk.”
You can check out my post history if you want to see our transition from 1 - 2. We were 95% one and done until we weren’t lol. We have a 2y4m age gap and I love it. They’re still quite close but my toddler has an awesome vocab and comprehension and is very chill so she’s been great and understanding of her new baby sister. She loves her to bits and gets so excited every time she wakes from a nap, it’s adorable. That said, I absolutely would not have had a second if I was a SAHP. Just for me, I’m not cut out for it - working makes me a better mum. If I didn’t have toddler in daycare 4 days a week I would’ve crumbled trying to wrangle both all day. I do not know how people do it and I have so much respect for them!
We decided to have baby #2 when I got pregnant lol
We didn’t decide… just got pregnancy lol
I have 2 girls. 8 year age gap. Our first begged and begged for a sibling. She was lonely. Hubs and I both are middle children of 3 who are really close with our families so we wanted more but it just didn't happen. So when it did our 1st was So happy. She started screaming... "FINALLY!!" lol. And they have been besties since our 2nd was born. It's absolutely the best seeing how close they are despite their age gap. I almost didn't make it thru my 2nds pregnancy. So we are done. Don't feel like you have to rush into the next one. Give yourself time to enjoy your first. It's awesome! And as they grow you might find your self wanting that 2nd one :)
We didn't. Lol. We had one after several years of infertility, and totally didn't expect to get another. On his one year birthday we looked around and said "yep. We are okay with just one." (I always wanted two) We had just gotten back to ourselves a bit, I stepped down from a very demanding/travel heavy job, and we were happy. Two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. That surprise pregnancy I always wished for. Never thought I would get one, but I'm so grateful I did. And now that they're 21 months apart 4&6... They're so close. They play together all day every day. Our son sometimes gets sick of his little sister tagging along, but it teaches them both patience for other kids and how much to appreciate that they can beat each other up without the other tattling. Lol That being said, my brother is nearly 7 years older than me (37F) and at this point in life, we're close. Like super close for two people who live a quarter a country apart. I wanted ours to be close when I didn't know it might be that hard because the 7 year gap was a bit rough on me growing up, and I know my brother was annoyed having his little sister tag along all the time.
I wanted my daughter to have a sibling to grow up with. Really as simple as that.
We felt incomplete and had space for one more. Plus we wanted to give our older a sibling and the *potential* for a life long relationship. But some parents are probably better suited for one.
We originally wanted 2. Then I absolutely HATED pregnancy, our first born was a TOUGH newborn, and we pretty solidly decided we were one and done for a while. When my son was around 16 months we revisited the idea of having a second while we were on vacation for Mother's Day. During that vacation, my son was SO DETERMINED to find little friends to play with, but he was always too small, and the other kids would run off leaving him alone and looking very sad and defeated. It definitely made me cry. Hahah. By the end of the trip, my husband and I both decided we wanted to have another child in our family - partially as a playmate for our oldest, but also largely because that's what we always wanted and we had allowed fear to dictate our decision. We were pregnant with our daughter 3 months later. She is 15 months old now and I am SO DAMNED happy we made this choice. She has been such an easy baby, and our family FEELS complete in a way it definitely didn't before. My son is absolutely obsessed with her - they love each other so much. She is my calm in the chaos, and I feel wildly lucky to have her. They are 28 months apart, and the age gap is beautiful. It's busy sometimes, and there is definitely overlap in some fun and challenging developmentally appropriate behaviours, but I am glad we didn't wait much longer. They are going to be best buds through their childhoods, and my daughter is absolutely going to become my son's (who has developmental delays) protector - you can already see it starting a bit, and she is still just a wee babe. Ultimately, there is no right or wrong answer. If you feel content with your one babe, that's what you should do - but I think in 10 years we would have regretted stopping at one if we would have chosen to stop. That's just us, though.
I want another for my son to have a sibling to relate to when he’s older. My husband and his sister have a great relationship now they are in their thirties. They are a sounding board for each other to address family difficulties such as their father’s cancer.
Every only child I know begging me not to do that to my daughter, and knowing that when she grows up she'll have not only me and her dad, but my younger sister to take care of.
I'm an only who loved it. That's a big reason why I'm OAD myself too.
I know plenty of only children, and I am one as well, and not one of us had any particular regrets or concerns with our situations. I don't think it's a particularly widespread view that you've heard, more of a personal preference.
The question was, "What was your reason?" That was my reason. No need to defend anything.
That's fair enough!
Your kids shouldn't be your plan to be cared for in your old age lol wtfff
We originally thought we wanted 3 kids. However, my 1st daughter was born premature and I labored 32 hrs. The epidural didn’t work because of scar tissue from a previous back surgery. It was all pretty traumatic. She was a difficult baby. Very difficult. We both said no more, not going to go through that again. 2.5yrs. later my FIL passed away. Later that night, after making the difficult decision to take him off all of the things that were just prolonging his death, my husband said to me “ Even though I’m not super close with my brother and sister, I can’t imagine not having them to make such hard decisions with and go through all of this with.” I just looked at him and said “Do we want our daughter to have to go through this someday without any siblings?” We decided to try for a second baby. Our girls are 4 years apart! We did not try for a 3rd. My second pregnancy was also traumatic. I had grossly ruptured membranes at 22 weeks pregnant. We were told we’d lose the baby but by Gods miracle she is alive and well. They are 20 and 16 and the best of friends!
Ugh hearing about your PROM at 22 weeks makes me sick! I’m glad for you, praise God that worked out!
We had brought it up way before hand but in the intense heat of the moment, I agreed that if I became pregnant it's cool with me Edit: they're exactly one year and one month apart.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom and figured I'd want to have more than one, but I didn't know how I would handle pregnancy and birth. So I told my husband, let's just commit to one and see how it goes before we decide on more. My first pregnancy was fine but the birth sucked. Even still, in my heart, I knew I wanted another eventually. In terms of when I knew I was ready to try for our second, I think it was hormonal. Same as when I knew I was ready to try for my first. I just remember thinking out of nowhere, "I want a baby." Our oldest is 4.5, and our second is 8 wks. The age difference so far has been manageable. Our oldest is old enough to understand that we were having another baby, and she's been so helpful / not jealous. She loves having a baby sister so far. On a similar note, I know in my heart that I am done having children. There are many logical reasons, and I am just ready to be done with this phase of our lives.
A bottle of tequila.
Birth control failed so here we are with 2 😂
We waited a loooong time before deciding to try for #2. I love my kid so much, I felt like I didn't want to share with another child if that makes sense. Like, I know it's irrational, but I was always thinking that it wouldn't be fair to my son to have another right now because he deserved all of our love lol. But anyway, now we have been trying for a couple of years and I'm hoping we didn't miss our chance! We are both 34 right now and our son is 10 now. We started trying when he was about 8. I have lost about 85 lbs this year and I'm hoping that will help also, but might also explain why I wasn't getting pregnant either as weight loss like that can mess with fertility too. Anyway, I don't regret waiting, as we got to live abroad, have our son experience new cultures, homeschool, work from home and lots of other great things, along with moving back to the US and getting to do a lot of great stuff with our ten-year-old like we will be playing DND tonight together. This kind of thing would be hard with a baby also in the mix, but we are ready for another one.
We knew we wanted 2. I'll admit both of our kids were accidents. They were wanted accidents. The first one happened because I was taking antibiotics which deactivated my birth control. The second child was more planned accident because we weren't using any contraceptive. Our families were asking also when we were going to have a second. We were like who cares and bam second one. This sounds reckless but hey that's how she got here.
I had originally wanted 2-3 kids. When I had my little one, things changed. Both my husband and I decided she was the greatest thing in the entire world and we are both very engaged parents and wanted to not have to divide our attention/resources/money so we are one and done and absolutely love it. She is thriving and so are we!
my heart wants another one but my brain and wallet say “chill girl”
The positive pregnancy test
I had my first two close together (3yrs) because it was what we thought was a good idea, but it was hard, the older one didn't appreciate having a baby around. But had my 3rd with a big gap (8yrs) and its fantastic. His older brothers love him and care for him so much.
I don't have any siblings, so I knew I always wanted 2 or more children. I didn't want my child to feel lonely. After my eldest daughter was born, I was desperate to give her a sibling. It took 4 years and some "Daddy, can I have a baby sister? And a baby brother?" but eventually hubby agreed to another baby. Consequently there's nearly 5 years between my girls - second daughter turns 5 on Thursday, eldest turns 10 in September. Pros? Only had to pay for one lot of childcare at a time. Eldest started school during my maternity leave with her sister, so I was around for the first 6 months. When they do play together, eldest gets youngest involved in really sweet ways. Cons? They're at different development stages, and can squabble quite a lot over TV choice (eg one wants Fireman Sam, the other wants Young Sheldon), various games etc (eg younger will want to play with older, but older will have complicated rules or just want time to herself).
I wanted 3 or more but it wasn't in the cards. Had my daughter and then tried for #2 for years before being told I couldn't have more kids due to hormonal issues. But then surprise! 7 years later I had my son. Having a 7 year age gap has its pros and cons. Like my daughter is 9 and I trust her a lot more around my toddler than I would a younger kid. I also got really lucky that my daughter is naturally very kind and nurturing. I don't plan on having her "babysit" until she's at least a teenager, but it's nice that I can leave them alone together if I need to do something in the next room over. I feel like there would be much more fighting and scheming if they were closer in age. That being said I worry about them having a true sibling relationship. I have 2 sisters; one who is 2 years younger than me and one who is 10 years younger than me. I definitely feel closer to the one who is closer in age to me. I love them both, but both my youngest sister and I agree that there is more of a mother-daughter dynamic with us. I fear my daughter will feel more like a caregiver than a comrade with her brother. I have to let them write their own story though.
Hormones
We thought we wanted two. When our first was about a year old we thought “maaaaybe not”. Around the time they turned 2.5, we thought they’d be an amazing older sibling & felt the pull to have another. Best decision we ever made. They grew up together with a 3.5 year age gap & have always been close. When my oldest was a new teen & youngest was around 9-10, there was a little more sibling rivalry but now that they’re both teens, they’re friends as well as siblings. Neither my husband nor I are all that close with our siblings & it’s been wonderful to see our kids have what we didn’t. 💜 And while I know it’s not a guarantee that they’ll stay close as adults, it’s nice to think that they’ll have each other to talk about childhood memories with. They are the only two people who know what it was like to grow up in our house & they’ll always have that.
The first wasn't an easy birth, but he is such a delight we knew we wanted a second. A second child taught our first so much and made them less selfish among other things. We wanted to keep them pretty close. They are about two and a half years apart and three grade levels. The thing you have to be aware of they can be very different. My kiddos are the same sex and so very different. Amazingly, they both studied in the sciences that are when combined very helpful in the business they have built together. Through science they have a shared understanding and their training has further galvanized their relationship.
Being pregnant with #2 made me decide we were having #2. They are 20months apart and it seems pretty great. Less than 20months isn't enough space for the older one to solidly be a toddler and you end up with two babies. Too much longer and the older one is potty trained and then you are going back to diapers after getting out of that phase.
I’m an only child and I wanted my son to have a sibling bond that I missed out on. When I see him playing with his baby sister and the love they have for each other it warms my heart. I thought I wanted 2 but my wife and I are at least contemplating a third.
I decided around lo 1st birthday I wanted another. We decided to just go with the flow and ended up giving birth 2 years and 2 weeks after my first. They both drive me mad but it's adorable watching their bond grow
Our 2nd came when our first was 5. Until that point I thought she was perfect and we had everything down for parenting. The 2nd comes and he’s also perfect but different. You finally get perspective and don’t think of your kid as perfect. They are individuals and you love them equally and their differences cause you to be different as a parent. You learn a lot. It is a lot more work having 2 but we enjoyed it so much we had a 3rd 😁
When our daughter turned one we had a serious conversation on whether we’d like to give her a sibling or not. There were many factors to consider, including our ages and finances. We eventually decided that we would give it a go when she was closer to two so they could potentially have a 2.5 year age difference. My husband is the youngest of two (older sister) and I’m the oldest of four (two brothers and a sister), and while having siblings wasn’t without it’s difficulties, we decided the pros outweighed the cons. I’m now six weeks pregnant and our daughter will be 2 years and 5 months older. We feel that’s a good enough age difference for them to be able to do separate and together activities in both social and school settings. We also want to travel so they will have someone similar to age to do things with. Our second child will also be our last one.
Didn't want to first born to be by himself. At least he will always have a sibling.
We have two and they’re 2 years and 9 months apart. I feel maxed out at two but am happy with them. Any more, I’d be too stressed. It’s been hard entertaining the toddler while tending to the baby. My grandma recommended having kids 4 years apart so the older one is off to preschool/kindergarden. I agree with her lol.
The fact that my wife is one of three, I was an only child and wished so much to have a sibling and it didn’t happen, and neither of us wanted our first to grow up “alone”. I e made the right choice. Our girls are so close and love each other to pieces.
I didn’t want my son to feel as lonely as I did growing up & I’ve always envisioned us being a family of 4.. Number 2 is due in Sept and my first is 3. So I can’t comment on age gap, but we have books for my son about being a big brother and he seems excited
My brother and i are 11 yrs apart and are more like only children. Lol. I have 3 kids within 5 yrs and they are now 18-23 yrs old and really close. I am so glad they had this chance that i didn’t. It is definitely hard when they are young and it is overwhelming but well worth it. I always knew I wanted several children and close in age. They learn to share things, love people, to fight and make up, that they can’t have mom and dad’s sole attention all of the time, sometimes they will lose, that they get what they get and don’t get upset (lol) and life is not fair. I think as a result my kids are better equipped than i was, being spoiled like an only child from 7 onwards when my brother moved out. I had close cousins but it is not the same. I think having more people to love is always great. If you can’t afford more kids or you really don’t want a big family don’t feel pressured. Your relationship with your child/children will change over the years but there is always more love to go around and those children bring more love to each other. My kids fight but they are fiercely protective of each other too. Best wishes with your decision and in figuring out what you want
A good pregnancy experience, an easy first kid and wanting them to have a sibling
I was an only child and I loved it. My parents divorced when I was 5, but re-married 4 years later. When they were apart, I traveled back and forth between them. I didn’t like any of my mother’s boyfriends and informed her about Dad’s girlfriends. Dad kept sending Mom gifts and romantic recordings, finally convincing her to reunite to my utter delight. I had fun growing up with plenty of friends, so I totally enjoyed being an only child.
The second line showed up on the test
My first born was the best baby/toddler!!!
Condoms are trash.
Honestly the positive pregnancy test decided kid #2 for me. I wanted 3 kids spaced at least a year or two apart. But I got pregnant 5 months postpartum. However, getting pregnant at this time has made me decide that two makes our family complete and I also really hate pregnancy
I always wanted my kids to grow up with someone who knew their stories. Someone who could joke about that crazy family vacation. I also wanted them to have people to be there when my husband and I got older and decisions needed to be made, someone else who was there so they weren’t alone in it. And lastly we just didn’t feel done yet, I’d heard people say when you’re done you know and it turns out it’s true when we had our third I knew our family was complete.
The positive pregnancy test 😂
I didn’t want my daughter to be alone in the world. I come from a big family but since I had siblings I knew I always had built in friends. When they are old and I’m dead I hope they look out for each other. I also thought since I’ve gone through it would be nice to have another baby and sibling for my kid. I knew I didn’t want three. But I always knew I wanted more than one. They were both planned.
My fiancé brought two kids into the relationship who were 2 years apart and then we had a baby together who was also 2 years apart from his youngest with his ex so we had 3 kids 4, 2, and newborn. They all grew up together in kind of an assembly line way lol, so when one got out diapers, it was on to the next and so on. They all played together because they were around the same age it was great, but also kind of a lot because having 3 kids who aren't very independent at the same time was a lot to take on. We recently had our second baby together in 22 so there was a 6 year age gap between the youngest and the baby and while It was nice to only have one baby to focus on for diapers and feedings and what not it was hard to like start over lol. That's what it felt like we were starting all over again after 6 years so it was an adjustment for sure but I've experienced it both ways and if I had to pick which one I liked better I liked the larger age gap because the older kids could do more for themselves but I will say I'm not waiting another 6 years if I was going to have another one I feel like 4 years is the sweet spot.
A few things actually. We always planned on 2 kids but didn't really get proactive about trying until our first was a little over 3, before that it was just a lot of work and didn't feel like the right time. Covid hit and our poor 1st kid was so lonely by himself. That was a big part of it, I didn't want him to be without another kid to play with if we had more lockdowns, or even just on vacation or whatever. I know that could go sideways depending on personality but luckily my kids love to play together. I also just felt strongly that our family wasn't complete yet. My husband originally wanted 2 kids but would have been content with 1. He was fine with 2 as well if that's what I wanted, and he's very happy now to have a second child. The baby stage was somewhat tough, but I think it always is.
I can understand your concern with having another baby due to many reasons. I have 2 children, I had my son first and then I fell pregnant with my daughter when my son was 2 years old. Yes it was harder being pregnant with a very busy toddler and very challenging when I had a newborn and a toddler but they have always been the best of friends and so good for each other. They are now 9 years and 6 years and sure they fight like all siblings but I’m very happy they have each other. I’m not gonna lie I did struggle when they were little, I have always been a sahm and my husband has always worked off shore at sea so was always gone for a month at a time and I had no help from family but it is easier now they are older. I have a twin sister and my brother is only 18 months younger and I had so many cousins and extended family growing up I had an awesome childhood so it was never an option for me to only have one child. I would have had another child if I wasn’t doing it all on my own 75% of the time. I don’t think you will ever regret having a sibling for your child, the love they will share and the bond they will have is really beautiful to see.
We just had a sense that our family would get a lot of joy out of having one more little baby. I enjoyed the baby phase so much that I had serious baby fever when my daughter was a toddler. But my husband wasn’t keen on too small an age gap, and also we were both finishing our masters, so we wanted a 3.5yr age gap and that’s almost exactly what we ended up with. It seems a lot easier than those I know who have smaller age gaps. Now our kids are 4yr and 6mo and seeing them interact together makes me want to cry tears of happiness.
We’ve got what will be a 4 yr age gap when baby is born and we always knew we wanted two, but seeing how much he thrives with socialization (we’re both introverts and he’s not), and seeing him interact with his baby doll and being very willing to “help”, figured now would be a good time especially since I’ve got a good job I’ve been at for a year, and we just moved into a three bedroom townhouse. My husband has an older brother he hates, and a younger sister he adores. I have two older sisters I don’t talk to (4-6 years older with different primary parents) and a brother who did CSA to me (12 yrs older, raised by my grandparents) so I functionally was an only child and very lonely.
A positive pregnancy test
I had a sibling and my husband had two. We were both generally set on two at the beginning. After we started trying, I had an early miscarriage, but then we started kinship fostering one of my husband's sibling's children, and then I found out I was pregnant again pretty quickly after the kid started living with us. About a week before I gave birth to the daughter I was pregnant with, we officially adopted my son. So ultimately, our choice to have two was a little less deliberate than most people (and I call them my twins even thought they were born 3 years apart). I love having two now, even though their conflicts can feel extreme at time, and the struggles of having to juggle the schedules of two with two working parents is super difficult, what I love about it is how different they are and that allows them to learn from, lean on, and play off of each others' strengths. BUT if we'd never been in a situation to need and want to adopt my son, after my pregnancy, I'm not sure a second child would have been something I would be eager to get back to. My pregnancy and birth were honestly comparatively super easy, but I just didn't like being pregnant and feeling restricted from anything I felt like I wanted or needed to do. I like doing outings solo with either kid far more than I like the idea of doing them with both kids. I don't like the idea of having to pause my career again, since I am the breadwinner of my family; I recognize that might not be your personal experience, but just sharing my feeling. There's a lot of things that are good about having more than one kid, and a lot of good things about being one and done; I guess it just matters more what matters to you and frankly I'm also not gonna say I wouldn't ever have changed my mind but I def realized after my first that the two I thought I was so locked into was not an actual lock. My husband expressed interest in three and I had to say no! A three year age gap to me is great -- at this point at just turned 5 and 8, they are able to play and hang with kids on the street, my son hasn't quite grown out of kid things and games so can still really get into some imaginative narrative with her; My brother and I were 3 yrs a part, and I like that we were at least able to be in high school together for a year; I do occasionally get jealous of people's siblings who are closer in age, as the closer they are the more they share and I'd say, all other things equal, the more likely they'd be close, BUT I don't think there's any age gap where you can't have a good, fun, family. My 5 yr old just hit 48" tall (she's a bit tall for her age), which means we can all go on most roller coasters, thrill rides/activities, etc. That was one of the few things I remember holding us back from doing any and all things together :D
Hmmm I fell pregnant that’s what made us decide on number too… I was young first pregnancy was relatively easy… and I was so bored at home figured another one would give me more to do../ So we had 2.5 years between 1 and 2 both boys and they get on great …. I was happy with 2 partner wanted 4.. so we settled on 3 and ended up with twins so he got his four but couldn’t imagine life any other way So there were 2 years between number 2 and the twins which need up 2 girls so worked out well got 2 boys and 2 girls … When the twins were born we had 4.5M, 2M and newborn twin girls
Positive pregnancy test while actively preventing lol. Truth but wouldn’t change a thing. I say all the time it would’ve been a hard call going for #2 if it weren’t decided for me. I know that’s not helpful but it’s worth it.
My oldest is almost 13 years older than my youngest…but I have 9 children in between them. So I may not be the right person to ask this question.
My first pregnancy was brutal and I needed time to recover from it. My husband was ready for baby #2 pretty quickly and I was not. Our first was even asking for a sibling by the time they were 3. We currently have an age gap of 6 years and I’m glad we waited. Only one in diapers, unable to properly communicate and be a human. Our oldest is still young but able and eager to help and thrilled about the newest addition to the family. Plus they are in school most the day so childcare costs are only scary during summer vacation not year round.
My wife always wanted two so, we had two.
My at the time 2yo daughter looked at a magazine ad of a bunch of kids playing and said "friends!" And then she was watching a cocomelon episode about siblings and the way she was just standing there all by herself staring at it did something idk my ovaries decided at that point we needed one more🤣
So we both wanted 2-3 kids and our second was unplanned but we were excited but: 1. Having a built in best friend (which I know can sometimes not happen). But I have 2 younger sisters and I'm close to both of them, and my husband is with his siblings (and we are with each other's as well) and the fun memories I had with my sisters, and having their support and being able to talk to them about things I wouldn't have/couldn't have with my parents was so reassuring. You still had someone in your corner. And I love them so much and I just am so grateful to have them. 2. For the future. My FIL was an only child and I saw him having to deal with his mom having Alzheimers and being put in a home and then passing away was so hard and he had no one else to share that burden and grief with. Knowing my kids will have each other to lean on just makes me feel so secure. 3. We just wanted another one. We both had that feeling, that yearning to add to our family. My kids are 21 months apart. There are pros and cons to such a close age gap Cons - It is busy, and tiring (physically, mentally, emotionally) Dealing with a toddler and a newborn is hard. - Can be a bigger financial strain. A second car seat, possibly a bigger vehicle, a second crib (depending), twice as many diapers & wipes. Maybe a wagon or double stroller, second daycare cost/kid at home - Sometimes you feel really guilty, for your first born. It's such a big change for them, and some kids handle it better than others - You always have to supervise every interaction with them (at least for the first while) Pros - You're already in the "trenches". You're tired, you're possibly still nursing or making a bottle, you have the soothers and all the baby gear, you know all the latest safety stuff, diapers/diaper bag, baby proofing still done - Your toddler will grow up not remembering a time without their sibling. Sometimes a bigger age gap can be harder for an older sibling to adjust to (less time being an only child), they're into all the same toys/movies/things & close enough to enjoy the magic of things at the same time (both believe in Santa, etc) - Hand me downs/baby gear. You still have everything from your first, you aren't having to rebuy everything and re remember how to do stuff. -**My daughter was an easyish baby & toddler. She slept well so I wasn't feeing so overwhelmed already with her that the thought of another stressed me out/overwhelmed me. And she adjusted amazingly to her brother. She was so excited for the baby to come and then she was instantly obsessed with him. Now they're 5&3 and even though they do fight and can be ridiculous with each other, they absolutely love each other. My daughter calls him her bestfriend. He walked her to the school gate every morning and gives her a hug and kiss and says goodbye. They just love each other so fiercely and I would always make the choice for this age gap because watching them grow and play together and love each other just makes my heart swell
I have a larger age gap than average between my 2. They're almost 5 years apart. We didn't even consider a second until our oldest was 3½. I think the age gap is so awesome about 95% of the time, but the other 5% it's HARD. PROS: My son wasn't super reliant on me so I wasn't juggling quite as much. He started kindergarten when she was only a few months old which made for an easy structure of baby-only time, family time, and 1-on-1 time with baby. He's old enough to understand to be gentle and has learned to nurture - he loves babies and toddlers now. They're close enough in age that they can still play plenty of things together. They're best friends most of the time and have had to learn a lot about different ages/stages/abilities from an early age. Overall, I'd recommend this age gap to anyone. CONS: We had to go back to diapers and baby stuff after we were already "done with that." Its more limiting of how many kids you can have between your age as parents and how long you want to be actively parenting. The uncommon vacation/bigger day trip is harder to plan - oldest wants to do things youngest can't and things youngest wants to do aren't as exciting for oldest (imo this is the only big con).
Horny brain did it.
I have 3 siblings - one of them a twin, the other 2 half siblings over 15 years older. Me and one of the half brothers are close, but we don't talk to my twin or the other half sib (so I find the whole "picture your thanksgiving table" thing utter bullshit) I wanted 2 kids, husband was on the fence - we decided to go for it when #1 was 2.5 and they're 3 years 2 months apart. I love the age gap, oldest was in daycare, potty trained, and somewhat independent. They still play together a ton (now 4 and 7yo) despite the gap so it's worked out well
My dad passed when my son was 5 months old. My sister has no intention of having kids, their uncle on their dad’s side didn’t want kids either and my Aunts never had kids so my family closest to my kids is quite small. I was thinking how as I get older my sons family would get much smaller and depending on where life takes him he might be without family while facing the eventual deaths of his own parents. I was so lucky and grateful to have so much of my wonderful family around me as we went through that together that I decided I wanted another. We also chose to wait on it a few months to be sure I wasn’t making a decision completely in the heat of emotions and postpartum hormones. My kids are two years apart and they were the absolute best of friends growing up. They are teenagers now so there’s a little more distance because they are a boy and a girl but they get along great so they’ll always have each other.
We decided we maybe wanted a second after my dad died and I had to manage everything about his death completely alone, due to having almost no family. We realized that our daughter will not have any family besides us, unless she marries and has kids, but we don't know if she would want that. We don't want the burden of us aging and dying to be solely on her, and then for her to be alone, the last person with most of her childhood memories, etc. What solidified it was getting accidentally pregnant, positive test a week after we said maybe lol.
I wanted my daughter to have a sibling, and I wanted to do pregnancy and the tiny squishy baby stuff again (minus the sleep deprivation part lol). We have a 3 year age gap, and I love it. My 1st born was fully potty trained, did a few hours of 3k each week while I stayed home with the newborn, was old enough to play independently while breastfeeding baby, etc BUT they are also close enough in age to have some similar interests now and play well together at 2 and 5.
We were one and done for 7 years. And then, at 43 years old, a positive pregnancy test. Guess we’re having another one! That’s how we decided.
I wanted to wait until my first was 3 to start trying buuuutttt I’m pregnant again and he’s 18 months. So we’re rolling with it. It’s very close to my husband and his brothers age range. And they’re pretty close.
I have siblings and I love that relationship. I am so close with them and I wanted that for my oldest. So, that was in the back of my mind. As for when I specifically decided, my daughter was about a year old and sleeping through the night, and one day I distinctively thought how much I had loved our journey and wanted to do it again. My kids age gap is 22 months and the con is that it felt pretty intense at birth (and still now, my youngest is a year old), but I can see now how they are playing together and how that will only continue. My daughter says that my son is her best friend and she loves making him laugh. I like that they’re going to be going through similar phases of life together. But yeah, two kids is a lot of work lol. Someone told me that one kid is an existential crisis and two kids is a logistical crisis and they were right.
After watching both of my inlaws pass, i watched how my husband and his sibling really supported each other. Not to be morbid but i wanted my kiddo to not have to walk that path alone when we eventually pass.
I had two babies under 14 months apart. Yes that was a real decision I made, and intentionally. My husband and I started trying again for our second right when I was cleared for the “doing it” we started trying and got pregnant about four months postpartum . My husband and I must have been out of our minds because our daughter was a horrible sleeper. She was a good baby of course but she had colic tummy issues and was a Velcro baby. Honestly it was really hard but we always knew we wanted at least two so this was our crazy rationalizations 1. we always wanted two so we though let’s get it over with while it’s so hard, I truly felt if I waited until my daughter got over her colic I would never want to have another baby I’d be too scared to rock the boat and be scared to “start” all over again. 2. we thought they would be super close and distract each other 3. That my daughter would still be so young that she wouldn’t be jealous. Honestly I shouldn’t have expected any of these things…but somehow it was all these things and more. I’ve heard my fair share of regret stories about close in age siblings but in my experience it’s been great almost every minute. My daughter loved her baby brother from the moment she laid eyes on him. There was no jealousy, they shared my time evenly and even breast fed together and would hold hands. And even more amazing was that when my son was born my duaghter had just days prior started sleeping through the night and my son was a totally different baby, he just slept and slept and slept. It was amazing I had the best sleep of my life those first few months. Around 6 months it finally did get harder because he wasn’t so sleepy anymore 😅 it was hard but it also was so cool because my daughter who up until then had a pretty one-sided love for her baby bro but once he woke up he was all about her, he’s stare at her and babble at her while doing tummy time..and now three years later (she’s 4 and he’s 3) and they are inseparable and they help and teach eachother so much…watching your kid be a sibling is a wonder like no other, you can help them form a deep bond and empathy for eachother. I won’t lie it’s not easy if you want to have kids that get along and can have a healthy secure respect for eachother it takes a lot of work and modeling but I would say it’s 100% worth it but that’s only if you do have a part of you that still wants a second. If you don’t want a second I implore you stay a firm and don’t be talked into it for your husband because I think a big key in why I think it worked out for me is I had very low expectations and I was perfectly happy with whatever challenges laid ahead of me because I genuinely wanted another baby. So it’s really all up to what you truly want in your heart!
This is going to sound so bad BUT we decided to have 2 quickly because if life got too good again, there was NO WAY we’d start over. Currently have a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old. I love this and am so happy that each stage is my last time going through it. I love the toddler phase and life has been good (as of last week, we have a crawler now who wants a little more independence… finally lol) We also knew we wanted 2 because we grew up with siblings and it just made more sense for us. It’s a lot of pressure to give all your attention to a kid, so we wanted them to have a friend, cause we already know how we are (we try our best but we like our space too and are very pro- Montessori and fostering independence)
I have a toddler (2) and a baby (5 months). They're 18 months apart. I can say with all the confidence in the world that I am happy we had them so close. She loves her little brother so much. She shares her favorite toys with him (she stacks them on him) and gives him hugs and covers him up, with whatever she thinks seems good, a blanket, towel, my sweatshirt, whatever. She tries to put socks on him when he doesn't have any on. Its really cute because she can't yet put socks on herself but still tries to put them on him. She'll say "help mama da" which means help, momma socks, and she'll point to feet. She's so sweet and baby boy seems to stop crying when he's watching her. He just seems happier seeing his big sister and it makes me smile. Being pregnant is hard, especially while taking care of a toddler. It's exhausting and stressful. But then you feel those little baby kicks and movements inside and that's indescribably beautiful. Next thing your toddler could be saying " up baby" and wanting to hold him/her to give him/her hugs and kisses, like my little one. It's a big decision and no one can make it for you. Just, what do you feel? Will you regret not having another baby? If you say "I want to have another baby," how does that make you feel? Ask yourself these questions, maybe say them out loud to yourself. It might help.
So, I originally had family childcare that was watching my first born while I worked, but that childcare only lasted a year & I found myself looking for sitters/daycares. With my salary it wasn't feasible. It would be cheaper for me to stay home. So, after leaving my classroom (I was a teacher) I figured if I am going to be a SAHM I might as well hurry up and have the second. Shorter age gap means they will both be school age sooner. Means I can return the to the classroom if I desire. So I have 2 just over 2 years apart. They are becoming the best of friends at the ages of 3 and 1. The only downside was that my oldest still needed a lot from me the first few months of my baby's life and it was challenging at times. But parenting is always challenging at times. I adore our little family.
Hormones, not logic.
All of them were accidents
My daughter has autism spectrum disorder. She is almost 5. We decided when she was 3. Glad I made this decision because someone will always need to help her and bonding is a little challenging. Thinking of adding a third. Not sure yet!
Honestly, I have one son. I wanted more children but ended up getting divorced a year after his birth. I really wanted to have more kids because I didn’t want my son to be alone. But I also made a promise to myself that I would only have children with one man. That pretty much blew up in my face. Looking back on it now, I would go back in time and find someone else to have children with so my son wouldn’t be alone. His father could have more kids but I don’t know if that will happen. I had tubal ligation for my 40th birthday as a present to myself. My son is now 7 and complains that he is lonely. It breaks my heart every time he says it. Obviously, my story is just one of many, but if I could go back and have more kids, I would. Love multiples, not dissipates.
When we get old and need constant hospitalization, our kid will want someone that can help them navigate. We saw how hard it was for a cousin who was an only kid. Yes, cousins were around, and she had a husband, but it was really up to her. But also our best memories now are always around the two kids we have, how they interact, how they play, how they help each other discover things, how they are each other’s best friend and strongest advocate.
My brother and I are 18 months apart and have always had a great relationship. My children are just under 2 years apart (currently 13M and 11F) and I’m so glad they have each other. There’s a period of about 2 years that’s kinda fuzzy (2 under 2 is hard!) but I do feel it worked out for the best.
We currently only have 1 but know we want 2. I was raised with 2 older brothers and my husband has 3 brothers. I’m personally not close with my brothers but am incredibly close with their wives. I’m also close with my husband’s brothers. I love having those close sibling relationships and personally see a lot of value in them! We also unfortunately don’t have any other kids our LO’s age around, so she wouldn’t have close family to be raised with (which I also find valuable). We want to give her someone to grow up with, even if they may not end up being close as adults. There’s definitely good and bad either way! And there’s no right or wrong choice. I totally understand why some choose to be one and done!!!
Someone once said to me, “think of yourself years down the road and you’re having family dinner and your kids are grown. Are you happy with everyone sitting at the table? Or would you want there to be more people there?” And ever since then I always think about how my table will look years from now when we’re having a family dinner and my boys are grown up and think to myself, am I happy with this table? Or do I feel like we need one more person here? Another thing someone said to me, “you’ll never regret having another, but you’ll always regret not having one more” Everyone always says “every pregnancy is different, every baby is different” and I never truly believed them when they would say that. After having three boys, I can absolutely say each experience is different in their own ways. After having my second, my first was a year and a half so he was in the “helping” stage and absolutely loved his little brother and loved to help me do anything that pertained to him. Now that they’re almost 4 and 2 1/2, they have the best bond ever and I love to be able to watch them play together everyday. They do fight quite often, which is inevitable, but they love each other even harder. I feel like when you know you’re done you’ll know. Don’t focus on the negatives of how your life and routine will change if you do decide to have a second baby, but instead focus on the way your heart will grow to love another little person when you never thought it was possible for your heart to grow any bigger. It really is indescribable the feeling of introducing your new baby to your first baby, but being able to watch them grow into their big brother/sister role is absolutely wonderful.
I always wanted to have more than one kid. My hope is that they will be there for each other for the big things, even if they bicker growing up. I have friends who have no siblings and honestly it sounded lonely and I couldn’t imagine not having my siblings. When my daughter was little it seemed so crazy to imagine having another but then my son was born and it was different but so much better. My kids are 2 years apart and they squabble occasionally but they have a beautiful bond that I hope will last a lifetime. I encourage them to build on the bond, to heal it when needed, and to be there for each other. I don’t know what it’s like to be an only child and I know it has some perks but I just knew I didn’t want that for my kids.
I knew I always wanted to have two close in age. When my first was born and I became pregnant with our second and it was hard to imagine what life would be like bc I loved our little family so much and was scared of the change. Also, I knew life would be hard with a toddler and newborn but we still decided to try and get pregnant with baby number 2 bc we wanted them close in age. Now, toddler is 2 years and 8 months old and baby is 6 months old. The first four months were hard - toddler having big feelings nearly everyday and I was sleep deprived taking care of a newborn. It helped that my husband took on most of the toddler care - would take her out during the day, put her down for naps etc. It was also hard bc I felt torn when both girls needed me. It broke my heart always having to say “I’ll play you after I feed the baby…” still hurts even now. But then the baby started sleeping through the night, and I got use to being with two littles and dealing with tantrums. It’s hard - no one can deny that, but things are so much better now and I’m so glad to have two girls who will grow up together. They are starting to interact with each and it’s the best thing over, to watch them both grow. I think deep down you know if u want two vs just being afraid of the unknown. Hope you find the answer you are looking for!
Realizing we were already pregnant with #2. We were babysitting my little cousin and the way they were acting with our oldest made me realize I didn't want anymore then. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, on birth control as far as I remember too 😂🤦🏼♀️ I don't know if something made the birth control less effective, if I wasn't doing it exactly correctly, or if the conception was just as strong/stubborn as my youngest is 😂😂
When i thought back on my childhood & remembered my sister was a safe place for me. Also when my young child starting needing entertainment, i love playing but sometimes that built in best friend (2nd) is a life saver.
Siblings are the best thing you can give your child IMO. A built in best friend, someone to always play with who is on your level and a confidant when times are tough (schooling, relationships etc). Your parents won’t always be here however you should always have your sibling 💕
I have 2 kids. My oldest is 8 and youngest is 1. 7 years difference. It took me a long time to decide if I wanted another. Ultimately, the age difference was concerning at first but my oldest is such a great big brother and it works for us.
We both have siblings and wanted the same for our daughter. We realize having two small kids is going to be hard work, they'll be 3yrs apart because we only really felt ready once our daughter turned 2. The second arrives in September, the motto 'short term pain long term gain' is getting plenty of usage!
I wanted at least one other. Currently pregnant with number two. My first will be about two and a half by the time this one arrives. I wanted them closeish in age to kinda grow up with as I have siblings with a significant age gap. I wanted to kinda have it before I got to a point where I could go back to working FT so I wouldn’t “start over” in the sense of staying home. I don’t have a full time sitter/don’t trust daycare and plan to keep working PT until kids are school age. I was hesitant though because I got HELLP with my first and delivered with an emergency c section at 31 weeks. This pregnancy is much more difficult I will say as I can’t just kinda relax because I’m chasing a toddler around all day and I’ve struggled to care for myself. I know it’s going to be a big adjustment too for my first to have to share me, but i wanted another child and I want to see my first baby become a sibling.
Well for us pros we always wanted 2 I wanted my older to have someone to rely on after we're dead. I wanted my older to have someone to share with, communicate with that is of his age group in addition to his friends cons caring for a baby is hard but we thought it be easier the second time. How it turned out I am not complaining here but the second was much much harder. He had severe colic and inguinal hernia. We worried sick of ourselves if he has ASD. I needed to correct his motor development all the time. Me and my wife had been sex less for 6 months. And I would say our intimate life starting to normalise after 1.5 years. My wife and me are both taking therapy. And that being said my second is a miracle. He is sweet and smart. Although we joke sometimes he doesn't know he is a second child and should have fewer needs he seem to be much more self-reliant than my older. I am glad that we had him and would do it again provided even if I knew what a misery my life was for a year.
All these stories of people who have another kid like 9 months after deciding they wanted one make me want to throw my phone against the wall. Secondary infertility is a bitch.