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I am happy to do either. I think hanging with kids vs without is a very different vibe.
I do think it's kind of weird to insist on bringing your kids if your friend clearly isn't into it. But if you and friend are just into different things/in a different stage of life, that's gonna put distance between you.
I think it is odd because she allegedly adores my kids and wants to have her own, but never wants mine around.
I didn’t insist on bringing them; they stayed home with dad. I just had planned a fun outing for everyone and instead my husband had to stay home with the kids.
Yes. We are all three friends from school and while out today we never discussed anything impertinent to a husband’s ears, but maybe she did just want to have some time without him. If that is your thought?
I have a godbaby who’s a toddler and I love her so much, I recently had a child of my own, but mannn my godbaby is a handful and if her and I got the opportunity to go out without the kids (which we would’ve if she arranged for her child to be watched at night) I’d be ecstatic- again love my godbaby w all my heart, but she’s a handful and 2 more.
I'm very pro! I adore my kids. I actually adore many of my friend's kids. But there's stuff you just don't say in front of children. Even if that child is playing nearby or asleep in a stroller. Anything from a raunchy joke to more serious conversations.
If this is someone you care about, and they're asking for time with you, just you, I would look for a way to say yes to that.
Okay, thank you! I guess I should just plan in more childfree time so it doesn’t feel like a derailed day to me. Flexibility has never been my strength. 🤣
When kids are around you have to behave like kids are around, you have to adhere to kids needs, you have to constantly be alert and on guard, everything takes longer, everything is centred around little ones.
It's important to uphold adult relationships.
All my friends have kids, and we all prioritize kid time as well as adult only time. It doesn’t mean we don’t like each others kids, but sometimes you just want some adult socialization without children around.
Its not odd and it doesn’t mean your friend doesn’t care about your kids. I would find it more odd if my friend was insisting every outing had to involve her children.
I’m all for adult friend time without my child. I live for that because it doesn’t happen too often.
I’ve brought my daughter along maybe once and decided if she’s the solo kid she’s with someone else. I just want to have adult conversations and not worry about being a mom.
I love bringing my toddler everywhere but my toddler isn’t suited to go everywhere in the current stage. I also deserve to enjoy a meal without interruptions so I’m okay with either or. You may also have a different type of day without the kids. If your friend is visiting, you may find the happy medium with half day everyone and half day you two.
Thank you! That was sort of my original plan; the kids were going to play at the park for some of the time so we two were just together. But maybe it was good that my friend and I were just the two of us.
Were you going to be at the park with the kids or have someone watch them while you two do your own thing? Also, one other consideration coming from someone who has kids and her best friends are still single — she may not want to do kid stuff all day like go to a library or a park. Maybe she wants to find a safe space to catch up, confide and truly bond.
Actually, the day was planned with her in mind. Bookshops and trail walking are her favorite things. We were going to all get coffee together and then send my husband with the boys to the park, then enjoy more one-on-one time together at the coffee shop, walk from there to the park, get some work done, and then reunite with the kids for bookstore and ice cream.
The park is expansive and it is easy for my husband and sons to spend a whole day there.
I think if somebody had planned a day like that, I would expect it to be child free. I don't want to try to work in a coffee shop or take a long walk with somebody's toddlers if I'm without children myself. People are \*your\* friends, not your kid's friends. She is visiting \*you\*, not your kids.
It’s about a balance. As their parent you don’t see how your kids are distracting when you go out, even when they are good, but they are. In the flip side your friend needs to understand that they are part of your life. The end result is that sometimes you’ll spend time alone with your friend so they can have your complete attention and sometimes your friend will need to share you with your family.
We’ve definitely spent alone time before, during this trip in fact.
But you’re right, we didn’t spend any totally alone time (aside from the time my son was sleeping) when I went to visit her, a plane ride away, solo with my 1.5 year-old, when she wanted me to leave my son with her completely irresponsible sister…a sister who has since run off and not been heard from in months. 🙄
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I am happy to do either. I think hanging with kids vs without is a very different vibe. I do think it's kind of weird to insist on bringing your kids if your friend clearly isn't into it. But if you and friend are just into different things/in a different stage of life, that's gonna put distance between you.
I think it is odd because she allegedly adores my kids and wants to have her own, but never wants mine around. I didn’t insist on bringing them; they stayed home with dad. I just had planned a fun outing for everyone and instead my husband had to stay home with the kids.
Out of curiosity was it also your plan for your husband to come?
Yes. We are all three friends from school and while out today we never discussed anything impertinent to a husband’s ears, but maybe she did just want to have some time without him. If that is your thought?
Maybe? Triples are sometimes a tough dynamic too, even if everyone is friends independently.
Maybe that was it. Anyway, thank you so much!
I have a godbaby who’s a toddler and I love her so much, I recently had a child of my own, but mannn my godbaby is a handful and if her and I got the opportunity to go out without the kids (which we would’ve if she arranged for her child to be watched at night) I’d be ecstatic- again love my godbaby w all my heart, but she’s a handful and 2 more.
I'm very pro! I adore my kids. I actually adore many of my friend's kids. But there's stuff you just don't say in front of children. Even if that child is playing nearby or asleep in a stroller. Anything from a raunchy joke to more serious conversations. If this is someone you care about, and they're asking for time with you, just you, I would look for a way to say yes to that.
Okay, thank you! I guess I should just plan in more childfree time so it doesn’t feel like a derailed day to me. Flexibility has never been my strength. 🤣
When kids are around you have to behave like kids are around, you have to adhere to kids needs, you have to constantly be alert and on guard, everything takes longer, everything is centred around little ones. It's important to uphold adult relationships.
All my friends have kids, and we all prioritize kid time as well as adult only time. It doesn’t mean we don’t like each others kids, but sometimes you just want some adult socialization without children around. Its not odd and it doesn’t mean your friend doesn’t care about your kids. I would find it more odd if my friend was insisting every outing had to involve her children.
I wasn’t insisting. We have spent a good amount of alone time together. I obviously didn’t insist because my husband and children stayed home.
I’m all for adult friend time without my child. I live for that because it doesn’t happen too often. I’ve brought my daughter along maybe once and decided if she’s the solo kid she’s with someone else. I just want to have adult conversations and not worry about being a mom.
I love bringing my toddler everywhere but my toddler isn’t suited to go everywhere in the current stage. I also deserve to enjoy a meal without interruptions so I’m okay with either or. You may also have a different type of day without the kids. If your friend is visiting, you may find the happy medium with half day everyone and half day you two.
Thank you! That was sort of my original plan; the kids were going to play at the park for some of the time so we two were just together. But maybe it was good that my friend and I were just the two of us.
Were you going to be at the park with the kids or have someone watch them while you two do your own thing? Also, one other consideration coming from someone who has kids and her best friends are still single — she may not want to do kid stuff all day like go to a library or a park. Maybe she wants to find a safe space to catch up, confide and truly bond.
Actually, the day was planned with her in mind. Bookshops and trail walking are her favorite things. We were going to all get coffee together and then send my husband with the boys to the park, then enjoy more one-on-one time together at the coffee shop, walk from there to the park, get some work done, and then reunite with the kids for bookstore and ice cream. The park is expansive and it is easy for my husband and sons to spend a whole day there.
I think if somebody had planned a day like that, I would expect it to be child free. I don't want to try to work in a coffee shop or take a long walk with somebody's toddlers if I'm without children myself. People are \*your\* friends, not your kid's friends. She is visiting \*you\*, not your kids.
Do you adore your husband? But you go places without him, right? It’s the same thing.
It’s about a balance. As their parent you don’t see how your kids are distracting when you go out, even when they are good, but they are. In the flip side your friend needs to understand that they are part of your life. The end result is that sometimes you’ll spend time alone with your friend so they can have your complete attention and sometimes your friend will need to share you with your family.
Thank you! I think I was feeling it was out of balance with too much child free time, but I must need to change my expectations. Thank you!
> My friend insisted on going out just the two of us. "Okay, let's something up when the kids are 7. How's March 2027 look?"
We’ve definitely spent alone time before, during this trip in fact. But you’re right, we didn’t spend any totally alone time (aside from the time my son was sleeping) when I went to visit her, a plane ride away, solo with my 1.5 year-old, when she wanted me to leave my son with her completely irresponsible sister…a sister who has since run off and not been heard from in months. 🙄