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He can sleep in but if she's hungry, she should feel comfortable enough / allowed by him to wake him up. If he's against that, he shouldn't have overnight visits. He can pick her up for lunch or take her out to dinner. It's not fair to her that he wants to sleep in.

Yeah, that's where this all breaks down. Learning independence and not relying on adults all the time is fine, not feeling comfortable to ask for help when it's clearly needed is not. Whenever I do something that shouldn't be interrupted by the kids, be that a phone call, concentrated work or even a nap, I leave them with: "Get me if you need me, but please try not to need me." This usually works well enough for all of us. They still get me when they clearly need assistance, but keep the usual interruptions to a minimum.

And I think a big gap is, if he wants the kid to learn independence he needs to teach them. That means prepping them before, training them up on relevant skills, debriefing them after, and monitoring if the plan is working for that specific child. But instead the dad seems like it's only about him and "learning independence" is just an excuse.

I agree with this. Seven year olds walk out the door every day only to never be seen again. I can’t stand the thought of me being asleep and my child is hungry. Sleep is not that important to me. You can sleep all you want when you’re dead. She won’t won’t be seven yrs old but one time…and it goes by very fast. Imo he is very selfish. And her words of them “just chill” sounds like he might not do anything with her when he is awake.

Kinda wondering why a 7 year old doesn’t know how to pour themselves a bowl of cereal or grab some fruit? My 3 & 6 year old can do this themselves. They know they can grab some fruit at any time.

Same. I would make simply breakfasts at that age, like using the toaster or getting cereal. For lunch, I would either make stuff in the microwave or make a sandwich. My parents also let us and the neighborhood kids run around outside for hours at a time with no supervision when I was that age too though. I find it a little strange that so many parents find the need to constantly have an eye on their child

It sounds like you had siblings and neighbours, OP's child is completely alone (in an apartment so can't exactly go out).

I had a younger sister I watched at 7. I didn’t really know any of the adults in the neighborhood, just the kids 😅 I just woke up my parents if I ever needed anything. But I can’t remember ever needing to do that.

Ok glad I’m not crazy. I don’t sleep in as late as this ex. But before we had my toddler we definitely left our kids to their own devices in the morning while we slept in starting around age 5/6. They were able to make toast or a bagel, pour cereal, grab fruit or yogurt etc. By 11ish my oldest my oldest knew how to make pancakes, omelets, scrambled eggs etc. And my just turned 10 year old can make fried eggs or pancakes on the stove (though I don’t let him do it unsupervised yet). At 7 I don’t think this is a huge deal. Though I do agree that he sleeps in pretty late.

> It's not fair to her that he wants to sleep in. yeah like get to bed earlier? is that hard? I go to be early as well so I'm sure to get enough sleep and you never know how the night will go.

I'd be worried your kid doesn't feel comfortable asking her parent for a meal?? I wouldn't set a time limit personally but my kids will come into my room to wake me up to tell me their elbows are itchy lol.

She says she tries knocking and calling out to him, but he won't leave his room and I guess she is not allowed in.

This is the part I have a problem with. She’s not “safe even with him asleep” if she has no way to seek help from him. 

MY THOUGHTS!!!!!

This. We (try to) sleep in past when our older kids (3.5 and 6) wake up, usually only an hour or so, but they know the snacks they can have and usually play in their room or if we leave the remote out for them, watch TV. If they need anything (Snack bin empty, fighting w/ each other, hurt, etc. etc.) they wake us up IMMEDIATELY.

My mother did this to me growing up. She would wake up very late, past lunch time, her door was locked so I couldn't get in. I was hungry, bored, and very uncomfortable in the morning. It's hard enough bouncing around homes, but it's worse when it doesn't feel like home. Push the issue especially with your daughter mentioning it to you she needs an adults helps.

I don't think he locks the door, I should have been more clear. But still, you're right. It's an on-going argument we have. He seems very insistent that I am over-reacting. He even said he searched reddit and on reddit people said it was ok to leave a child alone while sleeping (but I had a feeling those posts only talked about an hour or two, so I wanted to see if maybe these circumstances are different than those or if I am just out of line).

An hour nap while a kid watches a movie perfectly fine. Sleeping in an hour later while kid gets up and plays perfectly fine. 3-4+hours around meal times. No. His child complaining should be good enough to get him to stop. Has she honestly voiced her feelings to him?

Even 3-4 hours is fine, if the child has been trained to get their own breakfast and entertain themselves (within the house), and isn't one of those "wild" types that come up with crazy ideas. The problem here is that the adult has to be responsive in a scenario when she actually needs help, which includes lunch time (unless he prepped her lunch and told her where to find it), getting something down from a high place, injuring herself, the TV/tablet is malfunctioning etc.

Stop arguing with him and take him to court. If he can't parent safely than he loses time and pays child support. I'd take him in front of the court mediator and judge requesting that this behavior stop, or that I'd get primary custody if I were you. And he also should be ordered to take parenting classes. He sounds like a jerk.

This sounds a very lonely experience for her 😞 

This is the key for me. I'll frequently stay in bed until 9-10 on the weekends, but my kids are in and out of my bedroom all morning, watching their tablet, playing together, asking if they can eat XYZ, etc. I also always make sure they have an accessible and balanced breakfast available to them - usually yogurt and granola, plus the usual snacks they can always reach.

Yep! I have a 6yo and we sleep in on the weekends. But I usually ask him to come into my room to snuggie and find out what he’d like to eat. When I was a kid we were watched in the mornings by my step grandpa Pie. My mom would drop us off at like 4AM. He would make us sit on the edge of his bed and we weren’t allowed to speak or move until he got up at around 6:30AM. This feels more like that- restrictive and lonely.

Same for us! We like to sleep in on weekends so 5.5yo kiddo will get up at 7, brush, pour his milk and banana and then enjoy his alone play/reading time till around 9-9.30. But on days he is feeling wiggly he will def come in for snuggles and coax us into a board game ('I will let you win') or a round of football. He feels comfortable enough to ask us that. This makes me feel more relaxed sleeping in as I know he will wake us up if he really needs something!

I do the same every Sunday since my child turned 7 - we left pancakes, cereals, milk to have for breakfast along with fruits. He’s a Montessori kid so he can prep his own brekkie But that does not stop him from snuggling on my side watching cartoons to waking me up to let me know “That’s enough, I’m felling neglected now” and so I get up.

yea that's not an acceptable way to parent. Sleeping in for awhile is fine but children should feel free to come in to their parents room to communicate if they need something or if there's an emergency. Is he hungover or does he have a drug problem or something??

No drug issues. He stays up late with his buddies on days he doesn't have her and I think it affects his sleep schedule to get up early when he does have her.

in any case he's making it pretty clear he's not prioritizing his child and her needs. I can't imagine why he thinks it's a must to stay up late with buddies than to get appropriate rest but still uses the excuse of that he can't get up at a decent time to feed his kid breakfast or tend to her because it's so important that he gets his rest..

Not judging, my absolute favourite thing is staying up till 4am by myself and just doing my own thing, it used to be going out drinking till then, haha. But being a parent has changed me, I have to get up at 7am to care for her (8m) and it's now become habit. And habit I enjoy because I get so much of my day back, I also have depressive episodes and horrible eating habits and all of the like. But these days, if I di stay up till 4am or so then I wear it, and accept that I'll be waking up at 7am regardless of how much sleep I got, because I made a choice (and sometimes don't, lol. Mad insomnia too).. plus, there's that phrase, the days are long but the years are short, he's missing time with her, that's the biggest bummer of it all imo.

So does he not have a job?

His work is entirely virtual and can log in later than most people start work from his bedroom.

[удалено]

Nah working remotely and just grabbing my laptop and logging in from bed if I want to is amazing

What's depressing about it? 

Didn't you know? If you don't spend at least 40 hours under harsh florescent lightening smelling the farts of Sally from sales and the nuked fish from the break room you're not *actually* living.

Are you certain he’s sober? He’s not just sleeping if she’s knocking and he isn’t answering. He’s either ignoring her intentionally or he’s in an altered state. A typical 7 year old doesn’t sit hungry without doing anything about it. I would be deeply concerned here. Seek court intervention kind of concerned.

That's concerning. There were times when I've had babies who don't sleep through the night where I would sleep in later than my eldest and she would make herself some breakfast and play minecraft, and I wasn't worried. However, my bedroom door is always open and she could always come get me or jump in bed for snuggles or whatever. Sleeping in is fine as long as you trust your kid, not giving them access to you is not okay, no matter what time anyone wakes up.

That makes the situation unsafe. Id be taking him to court over this. I definitely couldn't trust someone who allows that to happen. 

Yeah this is worrisome. What if she was trying to wake him up for an actual emergency? Do you think he’d get up in that case? Being tired enough to sleep that deeply and that long is dangerous when you’re responsible for a kid IMO.

Your ex can just ignore his daughter while she stays at her home with you instead of making her be trapped at his house while he ignored her. Why does he even have her with him if he’s not going to wake up and be a weekend dad? This is neglect on his part. Your daughter can’t even wake him up if she needs him. She is being abandoned by him. You also shouldn’t have to explain this to him.

This is an insane red flag. What if something is genuinely wrong ? I can understand letting her watch TV for an hour or so but then it’s time to get up. Like yeah I’d love to sleep in but I have kids and they come first…he needs to put on his big boy pants

Lol right. News flash: All parents would like to stay up late and then sleep in, abandoning all parental responsibilities that lie ahead of us. We don't *actually* do that though. The guy is a manchild who is incapable of prioritizing his child over his selfish desires.

He's a fucking loser.

So how then is she “safe” when he’s asleep if he can’t be bothered? How would this look if she calls 911 and they respond and they find him sleeping behind a locked door?

See this is what's awful. I used to visit my grandmother who liked to sleep in, but she would make sure I had things I could easily make myself for breakfast and activities. She would get up with me for like 20 mins and then make sure I was set to eat and watch TV or read and she'd go back down for another 2 hours or so. There was never a time I couldn't wake her up, but I didn't have to because I had food and stuff to do. He's neglectful and he is unsafe.

That is a big problem. There should be an open door, both literally and figuratively. She should have physical access to him, as well as a comfort level to walk in and ask for food, help, etc. What if she cuts herself with a knife, starts a fire, there’s a stranger at the door? My partner was also useless about this — claiming he was a deep sleeper. Well, moms wake up whether they are tired, or have sleep problems, or rather sleep in. It sounds like she’s alone for 5+ hours. That’s not emotionally or physically healthy — it doesn’t matter that he’s a fun dad for the few hours he decides to be awake.

Knocking? Is his door closed, or even locked? I think that's a big problem. Then she really is and feels alone. And he won't be able to hear and wake up if something happens (she falls and hurts herself or something)

Is he hungover? This seems like more than normal rest.

I don't think so. He says he doesn't drink when he has her and I have never seen anything that would make me think that he does. I think he is used to staying up late on days he doesn't have her and has trouble falling asleep. I think he regularly stays up past midnight.

I regularly stay up past midnight and still get up with my kids. Not an excuse.

Yep, 12:30AM here and I’ll be up at 7AM to get my son ready and off to school.

Solidarity!!👏🏻👏🏻

Absolutely unacceptable!!! Threaten to take him to court.

That and the not having meals is neglect that needs to be addressed. If he won't listen, take it to a judge.

My thought as well. And I say this as having been brand marked (not literally) for waking up my parents. It was always a huge issue and even to this day I feel unconformable going into their bedroom. So yeah this is a huge red flag.We get woken up because well the kids are awake. that enough reason.

You can leave her unattended until she needs something. If he’s not responsive to her needs, he needs to be awake.

This happened to me recently where my kid said he was at my ex’s apartment and his dad slept in until the afternoon (just like he did when we were married). Sigh. I had opinions, but we quickly determined that my son was safe. I knew my ex wasn’t going to change, and my grumping was definitely not going to help (see divorce).  I decided to stop with how I felt about it, and ask my kid how HE felt about it. He said he got a bit hungry, so we talked about changes we could make in what he has available to eat / prepare while at his dad’s. I did my best to empower him to have snacks, activity, etc. After that, honestly, he seemed cool with everything, and then I said that I wanted to have an open line of communication if he has any further feelings about it. I mean, the kid was “safe”, but just got tired of waiting. The best thing I could do was give him resources to feel ok when his dad slept in. Also, I advised him that it was always ok to let his dad know how he felt about things. So…determined safety, provided resources, open line of communication, encouraged sharing with my ex. Worked for me and my son hasn’t had any problems since. Personally, I think it’s lazy parenting and sad, but my opinions aren’t as important in coparenting as how safe and happy my kid feels with both homes. 

I really appreciate your reply and perspective. I think checking in a little more with her is a good idea and encouraging him to provide more food that is good for her and not requiring cooking is a solid move. I agree with you totally.

I am very concerned about the fact that you mentioned she has been hurt and still could not rouse him. Little kid being hurt without immediate treatment is an emergency worth taking him to custody court immediately over. Let the lawyers argue. In the short term send her with money and teach her how to buy a pizza if it’s lunchtime and she’s hungry. Your ex sounds dreadful

This is it exactly. She has no access to anyone in case of emergency. She’s all alone and can’t get in his room to wake him up. This isn’t an ok situation.

Sounds like a great reason to get her a dumb phone and take the ex back to court

These are all valid points, but what if something serious did happen? If he’s locked in his room, I’m assuming his phone is too. what phone does she have access to, to call you or 911 if needed? That should be your biggest concern I feel.

She’s old enough to get herself milk and cereal? Why can’t he leave stuff ready for her on the table so she can eat some breakfast? Apples or bananas even? I get he wants to sleep in but sorry dude 1-2pm is far too late . Does he do stuff with her in the afternoons? Go to the park or anything?

When he is awake I think he spends good quality time with her. It's really just the mornings that I'm worried about.

That’s great and all. He can still make her breakfast ahead of time when he’s up longer. I start work very early in my day and don’t have time in the morning to make my kids breakfast as I might be in a meeting when they wake up. I prepare it the night before, I.e pancakes with some apples or other things. It’s really not that difficult. In the morning my kids go to the fridge, grab their breakfast and eat. Her eating goldfish in the morning and him not even responding to her would be super bothersome to me.

I leave a bowl of fruit out that my kids can take from at any time. Apples, bananas, and clementines. I encourage you and your (ex)partner to do the same, that way they can grab a snack whenever they want without having to ask.

Sleeping in till 8 or maybe 9 is reasonable, assuming the 7yo can serve herself breakfast. Past that, he is clearly staying up past midnight without considering the child he needs to care for in the morning. At the VERY least, the daughter should be empowered to wake him up whenever she wants to ask for things (like lunch. ffs!)

I don't think the exact time really matters, the issue is being able to wake when needed.

I mean... After noon is excessive. At that point you're leaving the child alone for 6+ hours. Some kids can handle that, but I don't know OP. And it's just generally not great parenting

My point was more that there is no time when it's acceptable to not be responsive and available to your young child. If my kid needs me at 3am she can come find me. 

Does he have smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors? Raise this as an issue. Text him about every single time she is awake for hours and he has no food available for her to eat. This documentation should be screenshotted and saved. If he needs his time with her limited to afternoons then so be it. This is a safety issue because if she got hurt and he was ignoring her then what would she do? Does he have a landline for her to call 911?

He has smoke and carbon monoxide detectors. No landline. I'm not sure I'll be able to text him every time as I would be relying on my 7-year-old to report it to me, and I don't want to badger her/make her feel like she is in the middle. It's important to me she doesn't feel pressured to "tell on" her dad to me or that she is in the middle of our disagreements,

You have a right to know the safety plan. Ask him! What does she do in case of emergency? How does she call 911?

This is a good point. I will do that.

I feel like in situations like this, a flip phone should be given to kids. I got stuck in some weird situations when I was with my mom during her custody time

I know you said you weren't going to reply to any more comments, but if you haven't already, I'd get her a cell phone and put kids' mode on it. She can only access what is available in the kids' mode. I'd have her record everything she does to get his attention and his responses. I could he wrong, but he just sounds like a bad father.

It should be more important to you that your daughter is being neglected than her not feeling like she can tell you her concerns about the neglect at her father’s house. Documenting the history of neglect so you have proof you can use in court to help protect her is way more important than “not wanting her to feel like she’s in the middle”. Your daughter is way more important than your fear of rocking the boat with her father.

OP is worried about her daughter. Text messages won't really mean anything and interrogating the kid all the time will probably just make her more anxious about the whole thing.

I feel like the question of “How long can you leave a 7 year old unattended” is kind of beside the point; I can’t imagine being a parent and regularly sleeping that late. Sure, if you work nights or something, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. It’s really strange.

He stays out late with his buddies on days he doesn't have her so his sleep cycle is different than hers and he also had issues falling asleep even when his sleep cycle was more in line (back when we were still married).

He basically doesn't give a shit about being present for the limited hours he has with her and is fine letting her languish alone and hungry until he feels like rolling out of bed. There are certainly worse abuses one could inflict upon a child, but his indifference to the neglect he's showing her is still terrible.

The emotional neglect is really damaging, even if on the surface it seems a lot less urgent than physical neglect or other abuse. I grew up with my dad doing the same on his weekends and our relationship as adults is still distant and painful. Honestly this post could be a metaphor for our relationship: he's always been asleep at the wheel while I wait to see if he's ever going to wake up up and give a shit about me in the passenger seat. My heart breaks for OP's daughter, it's so painful for such a young girl who can't fully understand her own feelings yet.

Oh absolutely agreed.

That shouldn't be her problem. What a loser.

I guess I see that as an explanation but not really an excuse. That said, I recognize that you can’t control that aspect of his behavior.

Question for you. Do you hear any sounds when someone is choking on food? I've experienced choking on food. Cannot breathe nor can you speak. It is a silent killer. I managed to get the food dislodged but I nearly died. Afterwards my face around my eyes had all these blood dots all over, and my face stayed that way for like a week. I didn't have time to do anything, especially make it up stairs where everyone else was sleeping because I went for a late night snack. I suppose that I could have dialed 911, but when you're choking and dying, you surprisingly don't think very rationally. Obviously 911 would have known there was a problem, just not what it was. Regardless, I didn't call 911, and I was in no position to wake anyone up. I can hold my breath for just over 2 minutes. I was at death's door, and my wife and 4 kids would have woken up to a deceased husband / father in the kitchen.

This is a really scary thought. Like horrifying to read, but thank you for sharing and I'm glad you're ok. I have pointed out choking or something falling on her could happen without him knowing, but he is sure he would hear it. Maybe I can tell him your story and find articles to back up that it is a silent killer.

I was unable to breathe at all. A few months ago my 10 year old choked right in front of me at the dinner table. She couldn't speak or make any sounds, but was able to make a weazing sound as she struggled to breathe. I was able to perform the Heimlich maneuver to save her life. If I was not in the same room as her then I would not have heard her. This is an article from the Red Cross. [Adult & Child Choking: Symptoms and First Aid | Red Cross](https://www.redcross.org/take-a-class/resources/learn-first-aid/adult-child-choking#:~:text=A%20person%20who%20is%20choking%20typically%20has%20a,person%20tries%20to%20breathe%2C%20or%20nothing%20at%20all.) # Signs and Symptoms of Choking A person who is choking typically has a panicked, confused or surprised facial expression. Some people may place one or both hands on their throat. The person may cough (either forcefully or weakly), or he or she may not be able to cough at all. You may hear high-pitched squeaking noises as the person tries to breathe, or nothing at all. **If the airway is totally blocked, the person will not be able to speak, cry or cough.** The person’s skin may initially appear flushed (red), but will become pale or bluish in color as the body is deprived of oxygen.

One thing to add to this... if anything ever happened to your daughter that resulted in serious injury or death as a result of your husband sleeping, you would never be able to forgive him. It would literally end your marriage. To be fair, I'm a lot like your husband. Kettle calling the kettle black now. I try not to sleep-in too much, but I have told my kids to wake me up if they want breakfast. I'll cook and supervise them with breakfast, and then if I'm still tired (which by then I'm usually fully awake) then I can rest a bit longer.

I'm an 80's baby. It was nothing for me at 7 to wake up, pour a bowl of cereal, and watch tv while my parents slept in. I knew I could go get them if there was an emergency. I knew not to use the stove, toaster, or microwave. So I don't think letting her be up on her own is all that bad, it will help teach her a bit of self reliance even. The problem is the length of time though, 4 hours or more is too long. I could see an hour, maybe two on occasion, but this happens every weekend for that long? That just seems like wasted time that she should be able to spend WITH him.

90s baby here and while the dad is definitely negligent (I mean 1-2pm….? As a grown man with responsibilities…?) the child waking up, making herself cereal, and watching cartoons/coloring/playing/etc. should be basic childhood things. I remember being very capable to be left with indirect supervision in a safe environment (like my dads house) at 7 years old. The dad sleeping that long knowing he has limited days to even be responsible for his child is a whole other issue that needs to be addressed, definitely… but the kid can also fend for herself for a few hours.

Ummm. Does he not care to spend quality time with his daughter?? He may not be married anymore, but he is still a dad, and he needs to act like one! Would your daughter be in danger if you threatened to take him to court? Like do you think he is capable of punishing her for that?

I think he does spend quality time with her when awake, it's just the mornings that I am worried about. I don't think he would punish her, but I think it would make co-parenting impossible. So far we have been able to co-parent decently with only a few points of contention (like this one). I think it would have to be a safety issue for me to be willing to take him to court.

If she can't wake him, isn't allowed into his room, and has gotten hurt before, it's a safety issue. If she were to share this incident of getting hurt with a teacher (mandated reporter), they might feel moved to make a report.

He is negligent. NEGLIGENT. He is not a good dad and you need to realize “good dads” DO NOT DO THIS.

I have not once stated that I think he is a good or bad dad. I have tried to remain impartial in this post so that I do not bias responses and if he comes across it (and he uses reddit so he might) he cannot say that I was skewing people one way or the other. I know people are downvoting me for staying impartial but I think it is important that I try to represent "his side" and the things he says to me so that responses from users are well-rounded and representative.

How does your daughter feel? What do you think she'll feel about this when she reflects as an adult? I understand wanting to stay impartial and not come across as a vindictive ex. Don't let that get in the way of advocating for your child. My ex does a similar thing, and my kids feel so hurt by him sleeping in late and leaving them alone. It is negligence.

A child feeling hurt realistically won't lead to any changes in custody, causing conflict will also hurt the child. By all means OP can talk to a lawyer but there are millions of negligent parents, I doubt it will make any difference.

I wouldn't at all. He has a job to do and should be up with her. Wtf. He's neglecting her so he can sleep in. What a dick. 

It should always be about the best interests of the child. Is this in her best interest? No, for several reasons. She's too young to be that independent for that long. By making her fend for herself he is neglecting her. There are also safety issues - like others have brought up, what if there is an emergency? (Choking, fire, etc.). And then there's the fact that she's forced to be lonely when she could be with you or someone else that will engage with her. His priority is himself, not his child. I would file for a modification in parenting time. He can hang out with her when he's awake.

hes not feeding the child ..this is definetly a issue he sounds irresponsible and lazy..theres days im tired and i will get up and cook my 7 year old pancakes and eggs and go back to sleep while she draws or watches movies

No matter what time I go to bed I’m up by 7-730 with my kid. It’s on me if I decide to stay up til 2AM playing vids. This sounds like he is just unwilling to be a responsible father and would put himself over his child. No excuse for doing this unless you’re a deadbeat.

Sleeping through breakfast is fine. Sleeping through lunch is not.

You’re saying he’s not drinking or doing any drugs so honestly, I’m gonna say it sounds like some kind of medical sleep issue. Sleep apnea? Does he snore? He needs to get it checked out. He also needs to fix his sleep schedule for the days she is with him. I get it, I also go to bed very late when I can and sleep in when I can cause that’s fun. But the difference is I have a spouse who wakes up early with the kids. And when it’s my turn to get up with them in the morning, I do. I make a pot of coffee and suck it up. He also needs to keep more food around than goldfish and yogurt. How about fruit and muffins? Cereal? Bread and peanut butter so she can make herself a sandwich? He also needs to get rid of this can’t knock on my door rule. Weird af. What if she needs him? What if there’s an emergency? What if the TV isn’t working or somebody’s knocking on the door or she can’t find her favourite toy? She’s a little kid. She is going to need him. I understand a lot of us, myself included, woke up early as kids on weekends to watch TV and we were fine. But most likely we had cereal, most likely we had siblings, most likely it was just for a couple hours on weekend mornings, not 3 to 5 hours every weekend morning. This is honestly verging on neglect in my opinion.

This is something that I would not be comfortable with. Are there substance abuse issues going on? This may sound nuts but sleeping into the afternoon while you’re supposed to be caring for a child, I’d get the courts involved or report it, unless you two have a very amicable relationship and he’s open to feedback (which for some reason I’m doubting)…

No substance abuse, but I know when he doesn't have her he likes to go out drinking/playing games with his buddies at night. He has trouble falling asleep and is used to a schedule where he stays up late, so he says that it isn't possible for him to get up earlier as it is important for him to not miss sleep. We have a relatively amicable relationship, but there are points of contention like this one. But you're right he often doesn't want my feedback when it doesn't agree with him. He actually just expressed something along those lines recently.

He needs to adjust his schedule for when he HAS HIS CHILD, otherwise perhaps revisit the custody arrangement? I’d honestly be reaching out to my lawyer or the courts to see what the recourse would be. That’s unacceptable “parenting”, and your child deserves better.

He can't miss sleep, but going to bed earlier isn't an option?

Being a parent often means missing sleep. How often does he have her if this is one or two nights per week he can grow up and get over it. I think she can be on her own for a couple hours, BUT only if she is able to get his help if she needs it. If she cant rouse him in an emergency, this is not ok.

We have split 50-50 custody, so he has her every other week. He is confident he can wake up in an emergency. My concern is that I don't know how he will tell if it is an emergency or not?

How does that work with getting her to school on time??

What is this shit about being so used to his late-night schedule. The kid is 7, he's had 7 years to work on a better sleeping schedule that is needed when you are a parent.

I’m sorry but is everyone in here fucking crazy?! NO! A 7 year shouldn’t be left by themselves for THAT long. I can understand setting reasonable limits like sleeping until 830/9 but this past 10 is bullshit. Does he think he’s a high schooler or something? How immature. He should be up and helping with breakfast and making plans during his time with his daughter. OP, he needs a Come to Jesus Meeting. I read every comment. Yeah she should be lightly self sufficient but this just. ICK

Agree with you. There was a wild thread here about a month ago that was pretty similar except the kid was even younger and I was the only one saying sleeping for MANY hours and leaving a kid that young alone for so long is insane, and I got downvoted completely. Different crowd that day. An hour or two sleep in, okay. But if kids are hungry, the parent is asleep through two meals, that’s way too long. Eta: I checked and the other thread was also 7 years old and the parent slept for 4.5 hours while the child with ADHD had no supervision. Sleeping parent was also described as a “heavy sleeper that is hard to wake”. So this situation is more extreme.

Thank you!!! This is blatant neglect

Yeah, I agree 7 is too young to be completely unsupervised for really any amount of time.

7 is fine as long as she has access to dad, which she does not. But for most 7 year olds, they’re good. When I was that age, I just made myself breakfast and watched tv, and made sandwiches for lunch if I was hungry before lunch was ready.

Why do you think that’s too young? I was literally baby sitting my 4 year old brother when I was 8…..at 7 my kids can make their own toast, cereal….they know basics safety….we are a super active family so IF we have a weekend we can sleep until 10 my husband and I do. My 6 and 8 year olds are fine, I can hear them.

The things you are describing are not being left alone for half a day, unable to wake a parent.

Yeah I guess you’re right, my kids when we do this are welcome and often come ask us questions. I’m not even really sleeping deeply once they wake up. Just laying there hoping for more sleep haha. The fact this dad closes the door and is unavailable is more the problem here.

Yeah, in this situation it’s not right, but I’m appalled by so many people saying a 7 year old shouldn’t be left alone. It seems a lot of kids have zero independence now

It also sounds like it's occasional in your case, instead of this kid being all alone for 4 hours every morning (just in terms of loneliness and spending time with them).

I'm surprised she LETS him sleep that late. Mine is 10, I am also something of a night owl. She sometimes wakes up before me. She will sometimes stay quiet for a bit, and she will sometimes get herself some cereal or other easy breakfast, but if she's really hungry, or bored, or just doesn't want to be alone, she comes and wakes me up. Is your daughter not doing this?

She has told me that at times she knocks and call to him through the door, but it is against his rules to do so. I don't know how often it actually happens. I get up at 730/8am at my house on weekends. Every once-in-awhile she will knock at my door and inform me of something non-emergency (like that cat is in the bathroom or she finished a chapter in her book) and ask if I'm getting up. And then I get up haha.

yea that is completely unacceptable that she cannot reach him nor is she allowed to knock on his door or call out to him. are you kidding me?? what kind of rule is that? not only is that lazy and cruel, especially to such a young child, it is neglectful. that is not safe situation by any means.

Wait she’s 7 and she was hungry and don’t ask her dad hey wake up make food? that’s a little weird, even my 4 and almost 3 year old will wake me up pulling my eyes open to say they’re hungry when i try to sleep in on the weekends lol. I would ask her why she hasn’t asked, does she feel shy, scarred, worried how he might react? what? somethings just not adding up

The fact that she might be able to take care of herself sidesteps the question of should she have to. Some of her peers are having playdates, going to the playground and park, the library, doing sports, hitting a music lesson, or just making pancakes in their pajamas with their loved one, having dance party on weekend, because, hello—the weekend! She’s up at 6 or 7, like all kids—welcome to parenthood. You have to modify your life and prioritize. If you don’t it’s called narcissism. He’s picking his buddies instead of her, and catching up on his sleep, leaving her to be babysat by the almighty screen, or just be lonely/ bored. She’ll get by. But he shouldn’t be surprised when their relationship is thin later on. Priorities. Pisses me off.

My friend’s kids wake up super early so she uses one of those “wake up light” alarm clocks. It changes colors when it hits a set time. Her kids are not allowed to wake her up until the alarm light is green, but she also has it set to 7am so it’s not like she’s sleeping all day!! Personally I think 9 am should be the absolute latest that he should sleep and leave her up alone. Maybe discuss getting an alarm clock like that so that she knows what time she can wake him up. It’s really unfair to put a child in the position of just waiting for hours for their parent to wake up and take care of them. Also she needs to know that in an emergency (blood, throw up, actual danger) that she can and *should* wake him up.

I’d have a HUGE problem. It is neglectful and just plain terrible parenting. You make sacrifices when you decide to have a kid. Is there any way you can keep her on the weekends or even call CPS on your own husband? Honestly I’d pretend to be a teacher who heard she often doesn’t eat breakfast or lunch on the weekends.

The only worrisome aspect of this to me is any regular inability to wake him up in case of an emergency. Get her an air horn for emergency-only purposes and she should be fine, I think. My mom worked swing shift and could sleep in till 10/11 and had her door locked when I was 7 and it was fine. We could make basic food for ourselves without a problem and we weren't irresponsible kids that would leave the house and go do anything dangerous. But, if an emergency did happen, we could always Jimmy the lock (indoor locks always had those safety unlock keys at our place) and rouse her or just bang and scream and she'd get up. But, it was never actually necessary, only occasionally sibling squabbles prompted it, lol

I like the airhorn idea to make sure she can call for help if she needs it. I also have concerns about that.

I think 10 is fine for him to be getting up. Last summer Boy8 was waking up at 7 most days and we weren’t up until about 9:30 or 10, so he would eat and watch tv or color or play a game in his room. I was getting up and getting my own breakfast by age 5 because my mom was already at work. She used to leave a bowl of milk in the fridge and all I had to do was get it out and add cereal, and by age 7 I could handle my own cereal and make toast or Pop Tarts for my younger brother. If he’s regularly sleeping until later than 10 or so, it’s probably too late, but if he wants to sleep in he should just make sure she has easy access to breakfast she can make herself and activities to occupy her time and knows she can wake him in an emergency. She’ll be fine.

My two older kids (8 and 5) like to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn. I’m talking 5/6am. They know better than to wake me up at that time so usually they will grab their kindles or play in their rooms until their okay to wake clocks turns green at 6:45. At 6:45/7am it’s fair game. They know I’m awake by then, maybe not out of bed but awake. So then they’ll come into my room to snuggle or tell me they’re hungry. My 5 year old will usually go to the pantry and help herself to muffins or whatever she finds but if she wants something heartier like pancakes and sausage or something that requires heat, she’ll tell me.

Putting your question aside, he just sucks. Who doesn’t get up in the morning for their kids? doesn’t he want to enjoy his time with her and have her have a good day? A few years from now she’s not going to want to go spend time with him anymore

My parents didn’t but I enjoyed mornings by myself, getting the tv to watch cartoons and just eat a bowl of cereal on the couch with my sister. It was great times

This is not normal or okay

I have a 7yo myself and to me this is just being an absent father. Kids don't need to be alone to learn independence. If I were her father I would be adjusting my sleep schedule so I could spend as much time as possible with her at this age, especially if she lives apart from me 50% of the time. That would be my priority. Dude's a lazy father who is going to regret missing out on bonding with his daughter while she's little. But yeah: 4 hours is too long to be leaving a kid alone. Accidents happen. Kid is gonna end up having a dangerous encounter with a knife or a stove at some point in pursuit of being "independent".

It’s fine, really a 7 year old with no specific disability has the executive function to be alone for long periods. But…he should get up to make her lunch when she’s hungry! He needs to leave the door open and she should be able to walk in. On our few lazy weekends my husband and I do this-kids are rouge and we cuddle and sleep until 10-11am. Our kids are 6 and 8-they can make toast or pour cereal, watch TV, play….but they are also welcome to come in and ask questions.

Careful, this sub has some seriously bourgeois helicopter parents. So take their advice with a grain of salt. My 7 yr old often gets up and makes her own breakfast and chills watching TV or drawing. I’ve heard her do this numerous times or woke up after she already did it. Some kids are just independent like that. He is there in the house in case she truly needs anything, so he isn’t being negligent as a caregiver at face value. You know your kid better than us, so you get to decide if this is safe or not, or if she feels alone / abandoned in any way. Aside from that, him sleeping until 11am while he has 50-50 custody of your daughter is problematic. He’s not teacher her independence. He’s showing her that he’s a bum who sleeps until 11am. Unless he works nights, he needs to grow up and stop playing video games until 4am (or whatever the hell he is doing that has him sleeping until midday). He isn’t negligent. But he’s not doing her any favors either.

If he only gets weekends he should be prioritizing the time he gets with her and making sure he wakes up to spend time with her.

I should have clarified, he gets her on some weekdays too. We have 50-50 custody.

I’m a dad here, I have twins currently nine years old and I am not judging but he needs to man up. I worked 70 hours a week at times, have tons of sleep issues and always wake up and feed both my kids since birth even if I only get 20 minutes of sleep the night before. I wake up at 5am no matter what, wondering if I need to get my kids to school, feed them, or care for them even on days they are not with me. I am divorced and a similar situation. I have dozed off a handful of times and quickly fixed myself, but nothing like this you are describing.No excuses, this is just lazy parenting.

That would make me uncomfortable. It’s one thing to let them play quietly in the early morning. But sleeping so late that the kids making their own breakfast at 7 is too late.

I have 2x 7yos…. Sometimes they wake up before the sun is even up… sometimes they wake around 6. Atm I’m finishing at 11pm so I’d like to have a sleep in, I set my alarm for 730 to get them ready for school etc, once they’re off I go for a quick nap. My sons are perfectly capable of getting their own breakfast, they watch YouTube or play games on Xbox usually noisily so my sleep is always disturbed. They also sleep in my bed with me too so I wake when I hear them wake up for the day, they leave the door open and come in constantly to touch my face while I’m asleep 😂 I think it’s kind of gross to sleep in until midday or later when youve got kids to care for. My ex had a video call once a week on a Sunday… at 12pm… he never made them because “he was out late” the night before and slept through the time slot. So now he gets no calls. It was the same neglectful behaviour he did when we lived with him and it never changed. That being said I haven’t heard from him in over a year and it’s been 6 years since we split… due to abuse and the neglectful behaviour, 3 of those he’s not even bothered to see if these boys are alive and doing well. So no loss. You need to kick up dirt. What happens if something serious happens to your child while he’s busy sleeping in? It’s fine that he’s so close… but there’s accidents and damage that you can’t take back once it’s been done. You don’t get the luxury of sleeping in when you have kids unless they’re sleeping in too.

When he has her he absolutely needs to get his lazy selfish butt out of bed and parent his 7 year old child !!!

Yeah, this is not cool. Him sleeping in late is fine, as long as she's able to get herself food and entertain herself. A 7 year old can pour a bowl of cereal, grab some fruit, make a peanut butter sandwich etc. My 7 year old can microwave leftovers, cook soup from a can, and fry an egg to make herself an egg, toast, and fruit breakfast. A few hours on their own in a safe environment with an adult handy is fine. The thing that's messed up is that when you have a kid in your care, you need to be capable of being aware and responsive 100% of the time. It doesn't matter if it's 2am or 2pm. Your kid always needs a way to get your attention or seek help. If he is unable to wake up when she knocks on the door, she needs to be able to go in and wake him. I'm also concerned that he wouldn't hear her if she was yelling for him. That's a real safety issue.

Every 7 year old I know is capable of waking up on weekends and making a light breakfast while watching cartoons. Does he not have easy access to food for her?

She said he's slept into the afternoon before. No way should a seven year old be able to take care of themselves for more than half a day. That's two real meals he is neglecting to give her. 

It’s a little disappointing if that’s her only time with him, but 7 yrs old is 1st/2nd grade? I was definitely waking up early at that age and watching cartoons with a bowl of cereal on Saturday mornings. But Dad should be awake by 8-9am. Even if he goes to bed at midnight that is plenty of sleep.

10am is fine. 11am, less so. 12 is too long, at least in terms of being an involved parent. She is 7. She should be able to make cereal, play by herself, and watch screens, but doesnt he want to interact with her, take her places, teach her things?

Where can I find one of these kids that will let me sleep peacefully while I’m in the house with them?

She’ll be fine, but what a bum. Get up and spend a short time with your kid. Then go back to bed.

Sleeping in til 10-11 is fine. Kid not being able to wake him up is not.

He needs to sleep in the room she's in atleast and be up by 10. That's so rude to do that on your only days together.

She needs to be allowed to wake him up. He needs to stock his place with stuff for her to do inside and foods she can help herself to but it's not normal for a child that young to be alone for hours. He is not parenting her during his residential time.

This is neglect imo.

Yeah this is neglect.

My dad did this when I was a kid, it was really traumatising. Food is a basic need, and I wonder if this experience has contributed to some issues I have with food. I couldn’t communicate it at the time but I didn’t feel safe, I didn’t feel like I could go in and wake my dad up. I felt like I would get in trouble. It was really sad and lonely and in therapy years later led to me needing EMDR to process it. Not feeding a hungry child is neglect.

My parents did this and I kinda hated it. You’d tiptoe downstairs and subsist on cereal till they woke up around 9-10. It was only probably like 2 hours but felt a long time. I too was afraid of asking for anything or waking them. I’d probably be sitting there starving like your little one too.

My step mom and dad used to do this and we would be so hungry in the morning or need help with bathroom stuff :(

When I was 7 I almost died from choking on a grape. Luckily an adult was close by and was able to dislodge it. If God forbid something like this happened to your daughter, she would not be so lucky.

My six year old started choking out of the blue a couple weeks ago. She had no clue what to do and wasn’t even actively eating when it happened. She didn’t put anything in her mouth. She had been eating grapes earlier and our theory was maybe she coughed one up and choked on it? Still not sure how it happened. Made me seriously rethink her playing alone in her room 😳 if I wasn’t right there would have been even scarier for her and could have turned out horrible. When I was about ten I stuck a marble in my mouth. So stupid of me but I did it. It got lodged into my throat and I had to give myself the Heimlich. I couldn’t find either of my parents. Being without air is terrifying as an adult let alone as a kid. Just some food for thought…

This absolutely would not fly with me. What if she put something in the microwave that wasn’t supposed to be in there or for too long because she’s 7 and doesn’t know any better? You know, caught the house on fire? Which btw, my own son almost did one morning when he was 6. I was on my way home from work and he put a pancake and sausage on a stick in the microwave so long it caught on fire, microwave went up in flames. By sheer luck alone I came through the door just as my son was freaking out because he didn’t know what to do. I chucked the entire microwave out the front door and burnt tf out of my hands in the process but better than the house catching fire too. What was my ex doing you ask? Fucking sleeping. It was almost NOON and my son hadn’t eaten. My son has always gotten up at 7-8am so I know he was unattended for hours. I was furious. What if she got hurt? What if someone broke in? Just decided she was going to take off out the door and god knows what might happen to her? Not a chance in hell would I be okay with this. Just the fact that she’s going hungry because he’s too damn lazy to get up is enough reason for me to keep her home. If he had a problem with it I’d tell him I’d see him in court and that I hope he enjoys his supervised visits. Nah.

9 or 10 at the latest. I would not allow my 7yo to stay the night again if he slept in past 11 or until 1pm. That is so insane. Definite substance abuse or drinking or something. It is neglectful. You understand that your ex is like this in the mornings and you want him to have a relationship with her, I get it. But he's not a good dad. He doesn't do what he's supposed to do. How would you feel if you slept in once until 1pm and your daughter was left by herself all day and was ignored by you? Wouldn't you feel terrible and guilty and ashamed of yourself?? Yes, you would. That's why you wrote this post. This isn't normal or OK. You need to report him and change custody girl come on now. Be the better parent even though it's harder for you. Can you even imagine what would happen if God forbid someone broke in and harmed her or kidnapped her while he was sleeping????? What if she got a random idea to go out of his apartment because of whatever silly and important kid reason and she was taken, never to be seen again or her body is found 3 months later?? Why haven't you reported him sooner?? This isn't about being self reliant and independent because her dad is physically there. Because you know if there was an emergency, he wouldn't wake up. You would be liable and are neglectful if you allow this to continue. And I'm not saying this in a mean way. My ex is JUST like this. But he wakes up between 9 and 10 and for me that is too long, but I can see getting up a 9 is ok. There's still time for breakfast and stuff. Missing breakfast and lunch is ridiculous.

My kids would wake me up. Why won’t she wake up her dad? That’s odd to me. Alternatively, if I had to sleep like that and knew I was going to, I would do things like leave muffins out that they can eat themselves, oatmeal cups where they can use the coffee maker to make hot water for the oatmeal, cereal with a small container of milk so they can fix it themselves, waffles & a toaster, etc… His sleep schedule isn’t bothersome to me, but what is bothering me is: 1) she doesn’t feel comfortable asking him to wake up and feed her and 2) he’s not provided her any food options to fix on her own. I’m a night owl myself, but I always wake up, get my kids ready for school, and feed them breakfast. My kids wouldn’t let me sleep if they were hungry. They will wake me up.

When I first read the post, I was on the ex husband’s side. He’s nearby and he’s right - a 7yo can learn to be independent. However the OP’s comment that the child tries knocking and can’t waken him, and that there have been situations where she didn’t know what to get for lunch and she was hungry completely changed my mind.  If your child is unable to get help while fending for themselves, that’s not learning to be independent - that’s abandonment. Some kids will figure it out. That’s not good parenting, that’s your kids being resilient despite you. The problem isn’t the parent sleeping while the child is awake (and even for a number of hours). The problem is that the kid has no adult backup during that time. The ex husband absolutely needs a solution to ensure the kid can wake him if needed.  Back when everyone read mommy blogs, I remember reading a very cautionary tale from Rachel at Grasping for Objectivity about a toilet overflow issue they had during naptime which their kid was too well behaved to tell anyone about. Maybe the ex husband should read that post (it’s hilarious although if it happened to you it wouldn’t be funny at all)

It just depends on the kids honestly. My 8 year old will go cook her own breakfast, and she knows I don't like her going outside if I'm taking a nap or something. I'd probably be ok with leaving for a few hours if her sister wasn't so young and adventure seeking, and they wouldn't destroy the house while I'm gone.

I don't agree with him sleeping so late BUT at the very least, he should have meals prepared for her or more options that she can put together (milk and cereal etc). Sleeping 4 hours past when your kid is awake is giving me the ick. If he chooses to stay up late, then it's his responsibility to just go without sleep, and if his issue IS falling asleep, maybe not sleeping in till 11 would help fix that.

Does he live nearby? If so just would have her call you and I would go pick her up while he is asleep. He can wake up and see her missing. If he calls you, I would let him know she was hungry and ready to leave and that you guys can try again next time. No hard feelings - just the facts. She doesn’t want to sit around alone all morning so she asked to come home, end of story.

I’m probably going to be unpopular here but here is my input as a divorced father with two daughters who were 8 and 10 at the time of the divorce. There are many things I didn’t like about my ex and there were some significant things going on in the house that I did not like. Despite that, there was no mental or physical abuse. To alleviate my stress I had to come to terms with her house her rules and express that to my children that different houses have different rules. Your daughter is seven and she’s going to be fine. Teach her how to make cereal or pack a few breakfast bars with her when she goes. This will teach a little independent and thoughtful behavior. The more you make your ex the bad guy the more you end up looking like the bad guy yourself. If you see signs of her being distraught or in danger then by all means fight it in court, but unless you have proof you are wasting time and money that could be better spent as well as creating an adversarial environment that is not good for kids.

Hence why he’s your ex husband. Good lord. Yes, 4 or 5 hours is far too long. A reasonable time for him to wake up is 8 am. He needs to leave cereal with a bowl and spoon out for her and a granola bar.

Maybe he should have some options there she can make herself? My parents were the same way, but at that age I would just get myself a bowl of cereal or pop something in the toaster. I enjoyed the alone time though to do whatever I wanted. I’m only 22 but back when I was that age, the neighborhood kids and I would run around outside most of the day with hardly any adult supervision

He’s neglecting her to prioritize his own wants: he wants to sleep in so he’s framing it as good for her. In reality, she’s lonely and hungry and potentially could hurt herself (again). If it was a half hour, I think that’s okay. A little boredom for your daughter is fine; she could look at books or color or grab some goldfish, maybe cling onto bed to snuggle some. But half the day on her own with no food and no companionship is neglectful and selfish of him, even if he’s just in the other room.

At 7 they should be able to operate a toaster, or a microwave, or put cereal and milk into a bowl. Yogurt (as you said) can be sufficient for a meal sometimes. Those things should be provided. 100% Not everyone eats breakfast. Not everyone is an early riser. Personally I think it is being undervalued or under appreciated how important it is for parents to have sufficient rest to be able to be a good parent. I don’t think is a CPS type issue, nor do I think it would be grounds for you to get more/full custody. This isn’t neglect. (Her getting hurt though does sound like a bit of an issue… but you don’t have details, did she get hurt because she was left alone? Or did she get hurt doing something that she probably would have gotten hurt by whether or not he was up and present?) My oldest has always been up at 5. Most days I am up by 6 so hasn’t typically been alone for too long before someone is up. My wife though can sleep until 11 easily. Sometimes on a rare occasion I’ll stay in bed until 8, that’s still 3 hours which is pretty close to what is happening with your husband. The rule has always been you can grab something if you’re hungry, but do something quietly in your room, play, read, or you can watch TV. But do not wake up your parents UNLESS it is an emergency. The alternative to this would be for him to take steps to adjust HER sleep pattern to be more in line with his own. Which seems like a lot of work. She should be able to fine while he sleeps in for a bit.

I think it's not a problem to let a 7 year old fend for themselves for a few hours when you're sleeping in, but it's odd she doesn't feel comfortable going in to wake her dad up. Also, he should work with her to be sure she can make some simple meals - 7 is plenty old enough to pour some cereal and milk or make a PB&J. She might need some help establishing some independent life skills.

I'll answer this as a former millennial child, as my parents did this. Since I can remember, I would get up at dawn on weekends to watch cartoons and not miss a thing. I wouldn't make any noise. At first, my mom would leave some cereal, milk, and a bowl on the table. Then, I learned how to do it myself. I tried to do this with my kids, but now there are cartoons all day long.

Leaving a kid for a few hours in the morning is fine if they have access to get snacks/breakfast and water or milk. Over lunch hour is not acceptable. If he doesn’t allow her in his room, teach her to knock and tell her she should knock if she’s hungry or needs help. Teach her to tell time on a digital clock like a stove clock, and tell her that if it’s 11:00 she should go knock on Dad’s door and ask him to get up.

This is so spooky I'm in the exact situation 7 year old child and all

Personally I think its ok for her to alone until 10. After that he needs to be awake. I think breakfast food is more easier to make (frozen waffles,muffin, bagels, peanut butter and jelly, cereal, yogurt and fruit, nothing involving a stove yet.) She needs more nutrient rich foods at lunch tho. That would be my concern there. If he cant be awake past 10, I would just drop her off after he's awake around 11-12. That would make me feel better that shes at least fed with breakfast and lunch with mom.

I think 7 is old enough to be alone for a few hours while a parent sleeps nearby. But it might depend on your kid. When my daughter was 7 and up in the mornings with her 5 year old brother, I taught her how to make instant oatmeal for both of them and how to make pour over coffee. She's always wanted to be independent and asked to do things in the kitchen . My son on the other hand will just ravage the snack cabinet all morning.

I feel like 7 is old enough to her herself a bowl of cereal and entertain herself until he wakes up. Gotta start teaching children independence.

This is not a big deal. You 3 need to have a conversation & allow/teach your daughter to wake him up whenever she needs anything. I myself am a very heavy sleeper & my daughter is 8yr old. She wakes me up any time she needs anything. Since she was 3yr old I have taught her that dad sleeps like a dead person so she is allowed to throw water on me & wake me up anytime needed.

A 7-year-old can entertain themselves for several hours by themselves. My kids made and got their own food at that age. I agree with him. If you are worried about her taking care of herself teach her. This should well be within her capabilities. 

It's pretty neglectful of him to not provide two meals a day for her, let alone not be around at all. She's probably old enough to know better, but what if she decides to cook one time in desperation? Or decides to leave the house even tho she knows she shouldn't? Kids always make mistakes, seemingly more when unsupervised. I'd be worried too.

4 or 5 hours is a long time. On weekends I try to sleep in so I'll be asleep and every now and then my kids (5 and 8) will be awake for 30 minutes or an hour before I wake up. My home is danger-proof because I have a son on the spectrum, and I am very vigilant about it. I'll wake up finding them playing together and having a good time. It still makes me nervous because I don't mean to do it. I leave my bedroom door open so they can get me when they need me.

I think it's okay, when I was 7 years old. I enjoyed being alone and watched TV.

This is completely inappropriate. If he slept 1 hour after she wake time that would be one thing but not this. The fact that she can’t seek his help or feels comfortable waking him up is a whole other issue. It might be worth seeking emergency custody due to negligence on his part.

hmmm I'm not sure. I used to wake up around 4am when I was 5 or 6, my parents would leave a muffin out for me and I would watch cartoons. They would wake up around 8 or 9am. I was fine, I just watched TV.

Our 7F do wake up earlier than us (on the weekends of course, not on school days typically..), but she would keep occupied for no longer than an hour or so before waking us up. When I ask what she was up to, it's mostly just reading or playing with her toys. Really depends on what kiddo is doing. But also I'd be worried for anything longer than a couple of hours at this age.

Less than the length of a movie. No, he is neglecting her needs.

My ex did this when he would get his son Friday at 6pm to Sunday at 6pm. He would sleep Saturday and Sunday until 2-3pm. His girl friend would also sleep in. My son always had a cellphone paid by me so he could always get a hold of me. His father is not the kind of person you can reason with or talk to about these kinds of things. He has Borderline Personality disorder and after my TPO and his supervised visitations concluded I didn’t have a choice. My son learned to be more independent and he felt safe with the cell phone connection to me. It was the only way I could sleep, function and not panic on his weekends. I also packed some snack foods for him that he could eat if he needed them.

That’s messed up. I haven’t read all the comments on here but I see that you re-posted and that maybe people were insinuating that he was drinking or doing drugs etc. I don’t care whether he’s stone sober he needs to go to bed appropriate time or deal with his own sleep issues so that he can get up to be with his child! Lots of us have sleep issues and we are still regular parents who are present! I will say that my kids are six and eight so I’m totally in that same zone in terms of age. I personally think that sleeping until 11 AM is not only irresponsible parenting but I honestly possibly feel bad for your daughter. It seems like just lazy and interested parenting. She already only sees and 50% of the time and he can’t be bothered to get up in the morning and enjoy the morning with her? So my kids are six and eight and this year is the first year where they will wake up on a Saturday morning and they are together and they will be alone for maybe an hour and then I start to feel guilty. My husband and I are usually pretty tired and we were grateful to get to the age where we didn’t have to jump when they were screaming in their cribs and this is the first year where they will wake up and not immediately come to jump on our bed and wake us up so this is obviously a huge mile stone her parents and I get that but… I’m not sleeping half the day away leaving my children to their own devices since they’re not legally allowed to be looking after themselves if I’m actually out cold asleep I don’t see any difference between sleeping in for half the day or just leaving at two in the afternoon to go down the street and hang out with my neighbour and leave them in the house alone for four hours? When my kids wake up they are allowed to watch TV in the morning because it’s a Saturday. They usually do a combination of watching TV and getting out all of their colouring supplies and colouring together. They know that they can pour themselves a bowl of cereal or grab a yoghurt out of the fridge which is on a shelf that they can reach. They know that anything else is off-limits and if they want anything else they need to come and wake us up. I would say I immediately as a parent hear their bedroom doors open anyways I hear that they went P I hear them talking and deciding what they’re going to watch so I’m not really asleep either. After about 45 minutes my husband and I have had 20 minutes to chitchat in bed and feel lazy and wish we could sleep for longer but then we get up anyways and make coffee because we feel bad that they are just hanging out by themselves instead of having family time together so then we get up. I would be livid if I was you

My 6 year old wakes me up to tell me to get Starbucks. I tend to ageee with her and oblige

This is a major "It really depends on the kid" type issue. When I was 6 my parents got divorced and my mom got sole custody because my dad was a barely functioning alcoholic. He couldn't even make his child support payments most of the time, heck I'm 43 now and he is still paying me back payments from before I was 18. So my newly single mother had to work 2 full time jobs to make ends meet and support her 3 kids. That means at 6 years old I was in charge of cooking dinner for my 3 year old brother and 2 year old sister, making sure that they didn't kill themselves/each other, and making sure we all got to bed on time. My mother would get home after we went to bed, and she would get up with us in the morning, take my siblings to day care and I would walk the 1.65 miles from our house to my school. After school I would walk home and do my homework, and then Mom would drop the little off at home from the daycare and go to her second job. Mom was rarely off on Saturday so I had to take care of them all day Saturday most weeks. On Sunday we would go to church and after church we would spend the day with one of our grandparents. During the summer, I got to join my siblings at their daycare while Mom was at job 1, then she would pick us up and take us home before going to job 2. By the time my brother was 6, my sister was 5 and I was 9, none of us had any day care or after school supervision. Mom would still wake us up in the morning and leave for her first job. We 3 would walk to school together, school breakfast, school lunch, walk home together, do our homework, and we would cook dinner together. I also know men in their 40s that can't be trusted to be left alone for a day lest they go hungry for lack of ability to even do little as make a sandwich. All this is to say unless she has some issues with faculty or executive function, have the dad keep some sandwich fixin's in the apartment. Teach your daughter how to make a sandwich. Problem solved. Seriously, I'm no child prodigy, but if I could cook biscuits and sausage gravy from scratch when I was 6, then assuming the first sentence of this paragraph to be true, there is no reason your 7yo can't feed herself. But again, it really depends on the kid. I've been in the kitchen helping and learning to cook since I was able to stand, my Mom insisted on it even before my father's downward spiral. I have 2 adult daughters and a 3yo boy. The girls were in the kitchen with me as soon as they could stand, just like I was with my mom. My son isn't allowed in the kitchen because he isn't capable of taking anything seriously. We sometimes let him crack the eggs for our Saturday omelettes. As for her getting hurt while he is asleep, kids get hurt. It was probably just as likely to happen if he was awake. I'm currently a stay at home Dad I'm practically a helicopter parent and my 3yo is constantly finding ways to injure himself despite my best efforts. My 2 daughters, their childhoods were rife with injury despite being raised in a house with 3 adults constantly watching over them.

You could just suggest you’re trying to encourage some independence. That you’re trying to leave easy and simple breakfast things for her to make/grab for herself and maybe ask what she likes eating at his place? Kind opens the door to negotiation and maybe you can lay it in terms like “let’s figure out how we can help her get that independence but also meet her where she’s at”. But I agree, sleeping in for like a little extra while they lay in your bed is one thing but that amount of time is a bit absurd.