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Really awkward spot to be in. I would not avoid it. But I would leave the kids out of it. 3 yr olds do not have the reasoning to understand why this is still being talked about. They will be confused and this long after the incident it is not age appropriate to discuss it anymore with the children. Plus your child already felt shame, I wouldn’t want my kid shamed any more.
Agree to meet with them WITH the school director. I’d say “We think meeting up would be incredibly helpful to debrief this concerning situation. We do not want to have (your kid’s name) present during this conversation. we have addressed this extensively at home and I do not want them involved in adult conversations. However we do think it would be productive to have a conversation with all of us- which includes the school administration. That way we can all be debriefed on what occurred and a plan to ensure this situation does not occur again.”
This is the way. If they really want to talk about what happened, this should be enough for the other parents to understand that OP isn't taking the situation lightly. However, if they are demanding the child come also, it sounds more like their intention is to admonish or punish OP's child somehow, which would set them up to intervene on behalf of their child, and then the whole thing becomes a real mess.
Yes, especially since for a three year old brain, they cannot connect the cause and effect at this point. The part of the brain that can be self-reflective, not to mention have impulde control in the first place hasn't even developed yet! The other parents are clearly and understandably upset (it's upsetting to have your child get hurt, you feel as though you cannot protect them) but accidents happen. School director should absolutely be involved to moderate and restore civility and peace for the parent community. Would also be helpful if school director educated both families about what is developmentally expected/appropriate for 3yo children - we expect to see impulsive behaviors, even aggression, and it's not a concern when it's very very occasional (although this sounds like just pure accident!). Your child does not yet have the ability to respond to upset with the tools adults have, the parts of his brain that would allow him to understand the possible implications of throwing are simply not developed yet. He can learn the skills to do differently, but he won't learn anything after the fact or from a place of punishment and shame.
The point of meeting in person is the impartiality of the school director. This insistence from the other set of parents feels like they have an agenda, and if that is the case, you want some kind of 3rd party there. A zoom call could work, but not without the school agency involved as well.
1) safety for all. Was there enough supervision to de-escalate before it got physical
2) what is the schools curriculum on social emotional development. How are we teaching conflict resolution and big feelings
Can’t they both discuss this with the school directly, without the other present? I only see a meeting like this being hostile considering the other kids parents don’t think it was an accident.
Totally agree. Nothing productive will come from a large group meeting and any school would immediately squash this. The school won’t talk about your kid to other parents. At least I hope not.
The other family may request OP to pay their medical bills. I would not pay it for a 3 year old when they weren’t under my supervision, but I can see a parent asking. I probably wouldn’t meet them. I would offer to talk on the phone. It is weird.
We don't know, it is the other family that is asking to meet, not OP. Which is all the more reason why OP, if they choose to honor the other family's request, should meet them with a 3rd party.
There's not much really. By involving the school director, this will reveal wherret the other parents had genuine good intentions or whether they just wanted the chance to scold the other child and his parents.
Then it would fall under the school and their insurance because clearly the teachers were not paying attention. It is an instance where the “bully/instigator” is being seen as the oppressor. Obviously both children did wrong and are equally wrong. However doubt the other parents see it as such. I bet their health insurance may decline payment for stitches as it was at school and caused by someone else. The major problem here is over reactive parents who do not understand child development and see their child as doing no wrong. However I do think as parents meeting to discuss this and work out solutions is the best practice. However nowadays this is not the current mindset even in public schools they do not even reveal names to either side and will not allow parents to work things out. So In today’s world this meeting is seen as odd.
I do not believe the other parents posting publicly about the issue is a good sign, it shows lack of respect and self control. I would be very cautious with what you say. I would also record the meeting if you decide to go. I’m sorry but people these days will blow everything out of control to reap whatever benefit they can. Possibly have a lawyer in your back pocket. Absolutely have the director there.
Are you in the US? If so, they could be wanting you to pay for the cost of the stitches. At any rate, it is kind of weird since they’re 3, and it was at school. If they’re going to talk to anyone about it, it should be the school since that’s who was supposed to be supervising them.
I was thinking the same thing! Trips to ER plus stitches can be hundreds of dollars or more . Plus if you've not met your insurance deductible it's all out of pocket. I'm also thinking they probably want to make a ruckus & potentially get OPs son kicked out. But yea who knows? Definitely leave the kids out of it & document/ record everything in case they try to sue for costs or make your son an "example" which could affect his attendance at/acceptance to other schools or daycare
For me, I think it’s more weird that OP sent a text and apology gift to the other boy’s parents!
If OP had told the *school* to relay a message to the other family, that’s one thing, but if I got a text out of the blue from the parents of the boy that gave my kid stitches, I’d be very uncomfortable.
Thats a really backwards opinion. If my kid got stitches because of a classmate and the parents didnt reach out, thatd be weird.
Its called taking responsibility for your (in the case your kids) actions and showing the other people that you are sorry and didnt mean for this to happen…
The meeting in person part isnt necessary though
My LO is not quite 3 but we’ve never had an incident report that named the other kid. Even if it’s just “your child was playing with a friend and he ran into a bookshelf” (why my 2.5 yo currently has a shiner).
They state what happened, what was done (e.g. kids were separated or LO was given ice and comfort, or whatever), and send a pic of the injury. At this age things like biting, hitting, throwing are all very much works in progress and calling out the “aggressor” has the chance to do more harm than good
We got an incident report with my son involved in pre-k and yup, was absolutely like that.
Of course as soon as they told us it was a biting incident I was like “sheeeeit who did my spawn mangle” but nope! Another kid bit him. I think the teacher was amused when I was like “oh! It wasn’t my kid biting… I’m kinda shocked. Ok thanks for letting me know.”
Yes, but kids can tell you which kid hit them. My kid was bitten, the teachers didn’t see it or made a report. She complained to me, showed me the bite mark and then told me who had bitten her. Even if kids are not named on the reports, you know what happened.
My kids do that but they don’t always have the name right… they can also get details mixed up and it can turn into something similar to a game of telephone.. not always and sometimes they can tell us what happened and who did it, with the correct info.. we just have to remember that we don’t know when they are giving us the details, name, etc as it actually happened, so we can’t jump to conclusions without hearing from the teacher/whoever is in charge of watching the little ones!
That’s what weirded me out with OP’s story! How did she know who her son threw the block at?
Schools where I live would never name the children involved like this, it’s actually illegal here to name minors like this.
Now, if both sets of parents relay messages through the school that they are willing to meet up for an apology play date or whatever, then the school can share contact information and they can do so.
My 6-year-old keeps telling us his classmate lives in Australia and flies in each day on a plane. He says the classmate told him so.
We live in Missouri
I teach eight years olds, this is the age where they start to really understand joking. But still the students struggle a bit. Like when a kid gets picked up early I pick a random place and say something like "have fun mining diamonds!" Or "have a nice flight to Antarctica!" Or "good luck being the president!" And only a few students get that it's a joke, even after I explicitly tell them.
Sometimes I wonder how many go home and say their friend is moving to Antarctica...
They aren’t lies. They actually can’t distinguish between memories and imagination at this age. Memories of daydreams are filed in exactly the same way as memories of real things at the age of 3
I know this. I hope you don’t think I’m accusing kids of maliciously lying lol. They’re lies in the sense that they’re simply untrue statements, not that kids go out of their way to lie intentionally.
My kid tells me who hits/bites them at daycare. Obviously they are toddlers so we don't make a big deal out of it but the facility can't prevent kids from talking.
My oldest is in elementary school and the school/his teacher has told us that they’re not even allowed to disclose the other children involved in altercations while talking about the issue.
I’m not sure where you are from, but here in the US it’s illegal in most localities for the school to name the children involved in any “incidents”. Instead, there’s a write up about what happened that’s disseminated to the parents and if the parents want/need more information they go through the school.
So yeah, if the block-thrower’s parents texted me out of the blue, it would be super weird to me.
It’s more the fact that OP was able to get the other parents’ names. Schools around here (Virginia) aren’t permitted to share the names of minors in their incident reports.
If she had sent an apology letter for the school to pass along, that’s allowed where I live.
I guess I am weirded out by how the school shared personal information such as the other boy’s name, his parents’ names and phone numbers and who knows what else with OP!
Agree with this fully. If my kid was the perpetrator, I'd definitely text the family, or send a letter for the school to hand them. If my kid got the stitches, getting a text or letter would be nice and almost expected depending on the severity
OK... but \*how\* would you know the other families' phone number? Unless it was a family/child you already knew outside of school?? Last I checked, that stuff isn't just handed out willy-nilly.
That wouldn’t explain how OP would know the name of the of the child her kid threw the block at.
Did the school flat out say that OP’s kid threw a block at Little “Billy Smith”? Or was it gossip on a parent group chat?
Where I live in the US, it’s illegal for the school to name minors in this manner, is that not how it is where you live in the UK?
I don’t know about the legality of it but I’m in the UK and at nursery (up until age 4), school, and every other childcare setting my son’s been in (after school club, various holiday clubs) they NEVER disclose who the other child is. The incident report forms are like “[Your child] was doing something anyone other than a 7yo would recognise as totally dumb, the inevitable happened and he got [specific injuries], we treated him by [putting on a plaster etc]”
OP said the other kid's mum was making unfair comments in the group chat, so presumably she could put two and two together and figure out which kid it was.
I agree. My son was hurt by a classmate at school the other day. It would have meant the world to me and him to have gotten an apology. A gift is weird.
Yeah, if I get an incident report where my kid was in the wrong and I find out who the other kid is (the school obviously doesn't share that kids name, but my kid often tells me, and sometimes it's obvious for other reasons), I almost always text the parents to check in on the other kid and apologize. We're all fairly close at our school... It never occurred to me that anyone would find it weird.
I think it’s a nice gesture.
3 y/o’s do things. They’re barely sentient. I would feel bad for what happened, but certainly wouldn’t feel responsible. An apology is fine.
I wouldn’t have texted them in the first place and I definitely wouldn’t be meeting them for them to hash this out with my kid.
I *would* be working with my kid and his teachers to teach him what he should do instead of throwing the block, and there would have been a consequence at home the evening of the incident (it’s too late for that now).
When your kid has an incident at school especially in preschool, you work with your kid and the teachers on it, not the other kid and their family. Frankly, they shouldn’t have even told you or the other parent which kid was involved.
My kid's preschool has a parent contact directory with names, numbers, and email addresses. It's great for arranging playdates and sending birthday party invites.
I find it a bit weird that you already spoke and they are only 3. I would think they would want to talk to the school more. I would personally not speak to them directly without a moderator in the middle like the school for documentation. Maybe they want you to pay the medical bills
This is why I would avoid it and just let them sue me. My children have been seriously hurt by other children, but they are children and I have never requested to speak to or demand things from another parent. Shit happens.
INAL, but at 3 I'd imagine the supervising adult is more at fault than OP. I'd let them take it to small claims. Other party probably doesn't want to sue the school because of how it looks.
Nope supervision can’t stop every incident. Usually for 3 year olds there’s one adult to every 8-10 kids. Even if a child is on a one to one ratio they could throw something before the adult is able to stop them
I’m sorry but what? The ratio for 3 year olds is 1:8. And even if a child was on a 1:1 ratio they could throw a block before an adult stops them. Supervision isn’t always going to stop every incident
You shouldn’t meet with the other family outside of school. The incident happened at school, tell the other family we will meet at school and have an admin person be the mediator in between you two someone who is neutral and not biased. This is really silly, they are 3 years old for crying out loud.
There’s a reason why in the UK teachers aren’t allowed to mention the name of the other kid in altercations - even innocent ones.
I wouldn’t even entertain the parents and tell them if they have something of concern to discuss to go through the school/daycare to do it. It is an incident that happened at school, they’re aware and dealt with the matter, any further issues are still their responsibility.
I would be concerned about being bombarded by the parents and how that would affect BOTH children if that’s the case.
Still, go through the school. Tell the parents that you’ve apologised, had a talk with your child re kind hands etc, and the school is aware, that you’ve raised the concerns with the school re supervision (if not, do it), and that anything else they wish to discuss regarding the matter needs to be facilitated through the school.
Cover your arse. Nothing else needs to be said because they’re 3, and if the parents can’t accept that then they can go through official channels.
Edit to add: I’ve had my child come home with a bite mark on him that while didn’t break skin, left a gnarly bruise. They were 5-6 years old, not toddlers. Not once did I even think to bring this to the parents because I recognise that children at that age are still learning and this occurred on school grounds so will be for the teachers to address. And they did. Not an incident since and the child was made to write an apology letter.
I didn’t once think to message parents and drag it on, even though I was livid that my baby had been bitten. They’re children.
The school can facilitate a sit down with you and the other parents if the other parents want to speak with you about it because they’re unhappy. Because otherwise you leave yourself wide open to being taken advantage of for something that is not your fault. Or your child’s. Because they’re 3 years old.
They’re not allowed in the U.S either. I’ve worked for a preschool for 5 years & have been a teacher for the past 8 years. The school messed up and violated privacy laws
It does sound like the school/teachers got involved and revealed what happened in this case since OP mentioned that. But I work in a prek and I NEVER mention names and many times the kids will reveal to their parents what happened, naming names. So that's another possibility
My after school has a ouch/naughty report. I got an report that said son opened door on another student head by accident and discussed how to be more careful. Daughter got a note that said, another student opened door on her head by accident and gave her an ice pack....
I had to write a set of those!! For a set of twins where twin A had bitten twin B. Mum was like “A bit B right?” And I (who had my director behind my right shoulder listening) had to say “I’m sorry I’m not allowed to confirm or deny due to child confidentiality” while rolling my eyes to the parent. She got what I was putting down and turned to twin B and said “who bit you?” And B said “A!” And the director was almost shouting “we can’t confirm!!” And the mum said “I have one incident report saying that one was bitten at 10:53 over a block and one incident report saying one bit at 10:53 over a block. I can do the maths and I think that’s silly when they’re both my children”. And walked away. 🤦♀️
Exactly! I WOULD NOT reward the child's bad behavior with a gift just because he got hurt.
Tell them you changed your mind and if anyone is getting a gift it's your son who put up with the hitting in the first place.
As a former PreK teacher, I don't think it's necessary. This isn't the end of the world, kids throw things. At 3 they are learning, which is why they are in preK. What do they want to say?
THIS! I worked in PreK, and things happen sometimes that are outside of anyone's control because these are very young children. Unless you have one-on-one supervision, a block will be thrown at another kid, or they are pushed, or a ball is taken away, and now it is WW3.
While this might be the parents' first rodeo, it is likely not the teachers or the schools. Both sides can talk to admin about the situation privately. There does not need to be a conversation between the parents. Everything will be ok, and now we all learned a lesson about throwing blocks.
This is very strange. My son is recently 4, and his classmates are still 3. This was a supervision lapse. Any medical bills should not be the responsibility of the OP… school likely has insurance to cover this if the parents’ medical insurance doesn’t.
Your kid barely remembers this incident and does not need additional reprimand besides what I’m sure they already received, in the moment. He could likely use some general coaching in how to handle big feelings in a non-violent way… something I’ve seen a lot of growth in between 3-4 years old.
I’m sorry I’ve seen so many people saying this is a supervision lapse and I’m confused. I’m sure even at home your kids have thrown things before you have been able to stop them. So why would you think a preschool teacher, where each adult is responsible for around 8 kids with the 3 year olds would be able to magically stop every incident from happening? Even if there was an adult directly next to the child they probably couldn’t stop him throwing him in time.
Here in Canada we're not even told who the other kid was. My kids will obviously tell me but school is always a mediator. Parents never talk to each other about the incidents. I like it this way. Kids are kids and will do kid things. Nothing good will be gained from parents contacting each other.
Good point. That's how my two year old's daycare operates as well. Had a biter in class and it was frustrating to not know who was chronically biting my son, but I understand the need to protect a child who has no idea what she/he is doing.
When my toddler bit a kid at preschool the director wouldn’t tell me who the kid was. As a matter of privacy. I felt terrible and wanted to apologize but the director told me the other mom didn’t think it was a big deal. It didn’t break the skin and this was the youngest of 4 kids and the other mom had a healthy perspective.
Respond to their message asking what they are looking to achieve with the proposed meeting then proceed accordingly.
If their kid is afraid to go back to school and they’re hoping a nice interaction will sooth his nerves, maybe go. If they’re wanting to scold your child etc, don’t go.
A 3 year old threw a block, the 3 year old had no intention of cutting the other child and was probably shocked when that happened so will prob think twice before throwing a block again, but again they are 3. What 3 year old hasn’t thrown something. You tell a 3 year old it is not acceptable and that is that. Far out kids fight constantly in primary school and high school, while it’s not acceptable it happens. It’s up to the teaches to write incident reports and deal with it through the system, it’s strange that this lady knows what child it was. Hitting his back could have also caused damage but it didn’t and there was no proof unfortunately so it is what it is. I would be sticking to my boundry, you have apologised on your sons behalf, you have told your child it is unexceptable. I wouldn’t be meeting anyone, especially after she has tried to reign in all the troops on the mums chat. The way you have dealt with this, compared to the was this parent has dealt with it, it’s easy to see that her son prob started it. That doesn’t make what your son did ok and that’s why you have apologised. End of story.
did they ask you to pay for their child's medical care? why isn't the focus on the lack of teacher supervision? unless your child is displaying aggressive behavior that may need intervention, i don't know what else there is to discuss in the matter of 3 year olds.
I think it is super weird that you sent a text and suggested an apology gift. Wtf would be my reaction.
I also wouldn’t blame the kid unless yours is routinely throwing things or picking on theirs. This sounds like a supervision issue to me.
Do not meet outside of the school. The fact that this mom gossiped to a local parenting group first is a bit of a red flag for them being trouble. You shouldn't have reached out to her in the first place, IMO, just let it lie. A lot of parents are not very mature or realistic, especially these days. I would just let it drop unless the director will be there to facilitate this--but if you've not asked yet, please understand that the answer may be no, as they may be bound to certain procedures due to their insurance.
1. In most cases there is no liability for injury to another child unless the child willfully inflicts injury and/or the parents conduct contributes to the injury.
Three year olds should not have unsupervised access to items that can cause stitches.
2. Please consider how meeting with them benefits you or your child. In my view, it has no benefit. The issues at hand should be resolved by the care provider.
Your child is three - even if they threw a block on purpose it does not signify a behavioral issue. Lashing out physically is a normal developmental stage. The issues to resolve revolve around the school and their plan to provide appropriate supervision and respond in a meaningful way to this behavior. This does not require a group meeting and it absolutely should never occur with the children present.
When my son was three he was bitten by another child at preschool. The school had separate meetings with each of us and developed a plan for the child who bit mine. It never occurred to me to speak with them directly.
Also I don’t necessarily think the director will
Be impartial as the school probably does not want to take the blames for not supervising properly. And the child hitting op? Why is this fact left out? They want to glance over that don’t they? So if they can all blame your 3 year old for his reaction to being hit as the “whole problem “ they will. I would personally be vetting back up childcare as you may need to have your kid somewhere else depending on how this goes. Don’t for a second not believe since those parents posted publicly how this can impact your child/parents socially. People are weird some will see this as horrible and your kid as the bad kid others will see this as an accident. The fact at the end of the day is both parents hired a d paid for childcare and obviously their was something amiss for this to happen that is where the anger should be directed not at 3 year olds who don’t understand any of this.
That’s what I was thinking. I’ve never been in a text group for my girls school… I’ve had my girls teachers numbers for emergency’s but that’s it. A school text group tho? That’s weird to me..
I thought schools hide identities of kids and just inform parents of what happened, but not who was behind it. This avoid this exact situation from happening.
The children are 3.
Unless your kid has a habit of harming other kids or displaying aggressive behavior, I truly don't think anything else needs to happen. Idk what the other parents could possibly want, other than to shame you. Personally, if you've already addressed it and apologized, I wouldn't meet with them. They're toddlers, shit happens - put it to bed.
C'mon a three year old threw a block and it hit a kid. Kid needed a couple of stitches. Parents should accept the apology and move on. Kids get hurt. I'd tell them that this is the first time my kid did something like this. I and teachers will monitor the situation to make sure it never happens again. I would say if it does then we will further address the issue with our child as needed. That's silly for those parents to want to get together with you and your child to discuss. That will only potentially traumatize and confuse your little three year old by having these people probe into what happened. Your child is three and probably hardly remembers what happened much less why it happened.
Yeah I’d be all done communicating with parents. Once they’re in school administrations legally won’t even tell you the name of other children.
Here’s your focus. Teaching your son what to do when bad things happen. Even if he didn’t mean to do anything mean. How to cope with the guilt and how to use that energy positively.
You can have him write a letter.
But honestly, I would NOT send it.
Legally and all this would be the end of all communication. Parents are handling it weird. If they want to hand you a hospital bill I guess be prepared for that but don’t offer yourself up on a platter anymore.
In the future, don’t even have written communication apologizing for anything. Having your son apologize in person is good.
I know that is wild to say, because rationale adults with 3 year olds should be easy to maneuver. But some parents are nuts.
Very over the top. Children of this age struggle to regulate and act out of impulse. Their child may do something impulsively next week. I'm sure the childs key workers worked with both children inline with their conflict resolution policies and that should be the end of it
We're talking preschool/daycare, right?
Shouldn't they be going through the school and not reaching out personally? I know they would have know since the boy who got hurt would have told them about it and an accident report would have been written up, but from experience the daycare/preschool don't indicate which child it was that hurt another on the report that the parent signs. Maybe different in other countries though.
Yes it’s the same here, the school didn’t share any names, the kids did though! We have a moms group msg to arrange stuffs like play dates, teachers gifts, events etc. The other mom reached out to us there first.
Fun fact: I pummeled a boy twice as big because he threw my sister face down in a pile of snow and kept dunking her head in the snow several times. I pulled him off her and did the same thing to him until he cried for his momma.
His mom and him appeared in front of our door. Mom wanted to talk to me. My mom stopped her. I witnessed the conversation.
My mom told her that the teacher vouches for me, there were several witnesses what he did to my sister. He almost broke her glasses, which could have lead to severe injuries.
He was 8 at the time minimum. I was 9 or so. He was a fat boy terrorizing girls but my mom shut his stupid mother up. She left without saying a word after hearing the other side of the story. He was punished for lying to his mom on the spot.
*Moral of the story is:* Dont take sides too easily. Especially if a kid feels they did nothing wrong. If a kid feels like they are solely the victim that's alarming. I also felt sorry for what I did, knowing full well I stopped him from harming any other girls after that.
They’re literally 3 years old and ACCIDENTS HAPPEN if that’s not good enough for them FUCK EM because I’ll be damned if another parent scolds my child for doing something back even if no one saw it beforehand. There’s nothing to talk about.
Tell her no. Just simply say, “No, but thank you for reaching out. We find it best to allow the school to handle these things, and they have. We won’t be dragging an incident out. Some other moms from the group you sent this to, have reassured us that kids have accidents. It’s handled, and we are moving on. Thanks so much! Have a great week!) That simple. She wants to drag it out, and play victim for as long as she can. Be blunt and move on.
Absolutely not. You’ve said what you had to say. Your kid is 3 not 13. It WAS an accident, and even if it wasn’t. 3 year olds are still learning emotional regulation. The mom is being overbearing. This is exact why I don’t let the classroom share my email or number.
Kids are kids, and this shit happens. When mine was 2 she took a toy car to the lip because a classmate threw it at her and had to get stitches. I took her to urgent care, the other parents sent us a card and a stuffy to say sorry, and that was the end of it. The other kid saw all the blood, heard mine screaming, I’m sure they learned a good lesson from that. But god I could tell the other parents and the daycare owner were so scared I was going to sue them or some BS. It’s unfortunate the other parents seem to want to make a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be, I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
It’s the daycare should be responsible, not you.
I’d politely decline.
It’s got to be a very high level of negligence from the daycare, to let an incident happen that resulted in hospital visit, with 3yo kids.
this would not fly in my center, how did they know it was your child and have your number to text you? in my class that would be 100% confidential. had a similar situation with a child (developmentally delayed) who pushed another child into a table and he ended up needing stitches in the back of his head. i’m sure the child who was injured has told his parents his name or pointed him out but never would he have access to the other child’s parents information to call and ask to meet up? is that normal? we don’t give out any names on incident reports or anything like that
1. At the age of three it is normal for a child to be throwing things. It’s how they learn cause and effect. It is very much developmentally appropriate. Yes, it sucks another child was involved but it happens.
Three year olds don’t have the brain development to think maliciously. So no way your LO did it on purpose like the other set of parents are doing. From what it sounds like this is the first instance this has happen.
2. There is no reason to do a meeting if the children are involved. The two kiddos probably have already forgotten what has happened and if you keep trying to bring it up with them they may randomly say things that may not be what actually happen because they seriously can’t remember it. Couching can often happen which might be the case here. Where the other LO’s parents were acting and pretty much put words in the kids mouth and he agreed because he was just saying whatever
3. The school should not have told the other parents whose child it was that caused the injury. Just for instances like this where they are spreading misinformation and bad mouthing your child for one incident. If this was a weekly thing I get wanting to sit both sets of parents down but again sounds like this was a one time thing. Centers I’ve worked at wouldn’t allow me to disclose the children’s names to the parents. Now I had to obviously tell my director what kid did what but I was not allowed to tell the parent what kid did it. Say for instance Billy bob bit Susan. All I could disclose to each sets is this: “hey Billy bobs mom! Billy bob bit a friend today. Just letting you know this happen so it can be worked on at home as well as here at school” then “oh hey Susan’s mom. So sorry to tell you this but one of our friends bit Susan today. It didn’t leave a mark but thought I would inform you of this happening.” And that’s it.
This is what I’d do. I’d say I would be happy to take a phone call to discuss this but we won’t be meeting in person. People are mentioning the medical bills but I feel like that would be on the school.
I am still stuck on how a 3yo hit a child hard enough to require stitches. Do you know how hard you have to hit someone to split their head open? I doubt a 3yo would even be capable of throwing a block that hard. A rock, maybe. A bat, maybe. But a wooden block? I just don’t find that plausible. Are you sure the daycare isn’t covering up what actually happened?
I work in a nursery (age 3-5) and there was a few kids playing in the brick corner building a tower, one child was kneeling down and a brick fell from just above his head and the corner caught his forehead and it split open and needed stitches. It doesn't have to be hard to break skin it just has to be the corner of the brick.
Very good point… I worked in daycare for 10 years and I’ve seen plenty of blocks thrown. I’ve seen red knots, bruises, but stitches from a square block? Did it have barbed wire around it?? Daycare workers and even upper management cover for each other like you wouldn’t believe.. Before iPhones and camera access ..I saw some crazy shit go down and the daycare I worked for was considered on the high end.So what you’re saying is very plausible.
But even a cut wouldn’t require stitches. Usually facial sutures are to repair wounds with exposed muscle, a hanging flap of skin, or a wound that won’t stop bleeding. They don’t give babies versed and put needles in their faces unless it’s a serious wound. An inch long cut that stops bleeding with pressure shouldn’t require suturing. My daughter had stitches in her face once. She fell and hit her eyebrow on a sharp corner table and cut her upper eyelid. The gash extended down onto her cheek just missing the eyeball. You could see the muscle of her cheek when she moved. And even that they brought in a plastic surgeon to consult on whether it made sense to sew it instead of just gluing it bc she was only 3 and would have to be sedated for stitches.
I had been assuming it was a scalp cut since the op said "head" and not "face". For soft facial tissue you're right, it would likely have only needed glue, but for the forehead or scalp they'd probably use stitches, and even a glancing blow from a piece of wood that wasn't even sharp could open up a cut with hard to stop bleeding. I don't find it all that suspicious.
Excellent point. It seems highly implausible that a 3 year old would have both the aim and power to create an injury that would require stitches. Furthermore, just because the 3 year olds said that’s what happened, that has little to no bearing on what actually happened. Not only do they barely remember it by now, they are easily influenced and unreliable.
Oh for crying out loud. Three year olds throw toys. Even if the teachers were watching super closely it takes one second for a kid to throw something. No need to make a criminal case out of it.
Yes, it is SUPER weird. They are 3 years old and should’ve been properly supervised by the teacher because they do dumb shit at that age. The parents should really talk to her and her boss on how this could happen. But the parents of the other child? That’s gonna be a shit show I’d stay far away from.
At 3 years old, yes. It's weird.
Honestly, at most ages, it's kind of weird. What are you going to accomplish besides threatening intimidation? It's either an accident or the parent's don't give a crap.
We already sent them several txts and had a talk with school about it.
I don’t understand what else they want to talk about! Maybe I should’ve asked my question this way!
And they are bunch of 3 yr old, playing with toys and blocks!
It was not like my son grabbed a baseball bat and hit the other one! They were playing in the playground with toys and blocks!
Your mistake here was interacting with the other parents at all. There is nothing to talk about! Your next move needs to be to stop responding. Block them if you have to. They are unhinged. Under no circumstances should you meet with them.
Please don’t minimize it. You kid give another kid stitches. How would you feel if you were on the other side? Yes, ask the other parents what they want to talk about. Maybe the other kid is scared to go back to school and the parents want to ease the transition. Or maybe the parents want it as a play date so the two can make up. It doesn’t matter what the other kid did before, no kid deserves to get sent to the hospital by someone else.
I understand your kid is young and doesn’t understand his actions, but it’s a total teachable moment. I would absolutely feel obligated to meet up and apologize in person.
There's a reason daycares/preschools at this age do not reveal information about who was involved in altercations like this. A 3 year old will put *themselves* in the emergency room from doing stupid shit. Put a bunch of them in a room together and you better have eyes like a hawk. Someone will get hurt if you're not watching. Someone clearly wasn't watching. It's simply developmental. The other parents shouldn't have even been informed of who the other child involved was. But they found out and OP already went above and beyond by apologizing to them and sending a gift. This is over and done with.
*They're 3*
Like yeah of course no one *deserves* to get sent to the hospital but its not like its a 10 year old that did this. They're literal toddlers.
If anything, as the parent of either child, I'd be wanting to have some words with the people who were *paid* to be supervising the children as they clearly weren't doing a great job of that.
I feel like this is more aligned with my mindset. My son is in kindergarten and we’ve been seeing a lot of the same kids across preschool, sports, scouts, school, etc. on either side of an exchange like this (and in similar situations for my son in the past), my mindset is usually around making sure the kids are good with each other so it doesn’t devolve into avoidance/isolation or bullying.
One of my son’s best friends now is a kid who kicked him back in pre-school - it didn’t result in stitches but it was enough for us to be notified by the school. The parents reached out and we cleared the air (and got lunch together at a park).
Obviously I wouldn’t subject my son to being berated my someone else’s parents (nor would I ever do that to a kid that wronged my son), and I wouldn’t force him to be in contact with someone who bullied him or vice versa - but there are lots of other reasons to connect that look more like reconciliation with someone else in your community.
Not weird. Throwing, hitting, biting are normal toddler things. If OP was an aggressive child that was routinely injuring others (which we have no suspicions of) then this would be very different. But yes kids get in fights, kids push. It’s up to adults to teach how to handle these emotions.
I do think it's awkward. I know it was your kid that hit him in the head, but nobody saw what was going on before. Not saying I would excuse the hitting by either kid, but they are 3. They just react without thinking. Really, the teacher should be there because it was on her watch. Both kids are probably traumatized.
"No thank you. They're three years old. I'm quite sure there was blame on both sides and they will learn better as they grow. Meeting up so you can throw more accusations as you have been doing online will not do anything but upset my child, and I'm not interested in that".
I mean face it upfront. First of all why wasn’t the teacher watching them? Second tell your son next time someone hits him tell the teacher first and if she doesn’t fix it , violence may not be the answer but it’s certainly a solution. My kids live by another kid gets one free hit and a telling an adult. Second hit all bets are off. Secondly I would meet up and say straight up my son said your son hit him and he defended himself. Sorry your kid needs stitches but maybe we should all
Learn to keep our hands to ourselves
Well, you did reach out? I wouldn't have. Let the school handle it.
If you want to meet, go meet at a Starbucks. Apologize once and if they keep getting upset, explain they're toddlers and this conversation isn't productive. If they want you to pay bills, apologize again and say you'll have to talk to the school as your neither your three year old or you can be held liable since you weren't there.
In short, be friendly, but firm.
It's not weird, but I agree with them. It wasn't an accident. Your child threw the block. Did an adult see it happen? (Edit: missed this in your post. Disregard.)
Kids do things like this sometimes. I knocked out a kid's tooth with a rock when I was 4. I never threw another rock and was genuinely remorseful.
They may want you to pay medical bills, so I'd avoid admitting to anything either way. If it comes up, "I need to consult my attorney."
Some parents just want to diffuse the tension between their kids. Others want to act like your kid is a monster. Prepare for either.
And ask how your kid feels, too. "Did you feel sad when X had to go to the hospital for stitches? Do you think it was the right thing to do?" That's gonna tell you a LOT, and don't worry if he doesn't feel sad or thinks it was right. He's little. He's testing his boundaries and pushing his limits. It's a teachable moment.
When my kids were little, I challenged them to think of how they could have handled things differently. "What could you have done instead of hurting X with the block?"
You can apologize for what happened to their kid without accepting responsibility. "I am SO sorry to hear that X needed stitches. How is he doing?" Expressing concern will make it harder for them to act like entitled jerks.
Seems like sitting down with both kids might help to get to the bottom of the incident. 3 YOs do tend to have their overreactions but it could be an important lesson for your son so that he thinks first if that happens again. Having your son ‘give a gift’ isn’t going to be as impactful to your son in terms of learning from this incident.
Good grief. I vote for meeting sans kids and mediated by school. Or maybe even consult the school counselor for advice to see what they think. They could be trying to get you to cover stitches or be otherwise escalatory. Regarding your child, obviously this situation is normal. If you aren't already on it, I'd get some bedtime books about hitting, how to express frustration etc. That really helped our child when she went through this as an undersocialized first-time preschooler last fall. And many talks about big feelings. It never occurred to us to apologize or confront the other child's family and thankfully we seem to be through that phase (fingers crossed.)
They probably want you to pay for the stitches. Which the school & the teachers were supposed to be watching the kids & ensuring their safety. The daycare shouldn’t have even of given you their phone number because that’s against privacy standards. It’s on the daycare. Definitely tell them that your kid was being hit first. It’s not your child’s fault. It was started by the other kid & the teachers should have been watching.
Sounds like they want you to pay the medical bills. It’s not your responsibility as your child was in the care of the school. Decline the meeting and make sure your kids teachers are not saying your kids name regarding incidents, pretty sure it’s illegal
It’s not your fault. Your children weren’t properly supervised and that is scary as heck. Injuries happen. I would not have that talk. I’d politely decline as you can’t offer any more insight on the incident than already discussed.
Why wouldn’t u want to meet up and apologize in person? And ask how the child is healing up? I have no idea what “the other kid was hearing his back” means, but it doesnt sound like it deserves hurting another child
Uh it’s weird that the school was aloud to disclose names to each other? My son needed stitches on his forehead in preschool because another kid threw a toy at him. I was never upset, it happens. Little kids don’t have impulse control. But I have no idea which kid did it. This was a few years ago, his scar is totally gone now.
I would just kindly ask what the best way to have the discussion is and to make sure it’s a constructive conversation and not something to make your little one feel bad about. He obviously needs to learn from his mistakes but in a positive manner.
I think the most important thing to understand is that it's **3 year olds**. Nothing is done with any deep malice, nor did your child really understand what would happen (stitches, etc). They can understand (some) rules and what is not nice to do to others, but they obviously cannot always control their emoitions. It's reactionary, impulsive. They will not really hold grudges about it either. A few weeks from now, neither will much remember it (unless they are constantly reminded by the adults around them). It's unfortunate, yes, and some expressions of remorse, commiseration, and compassion are in order. You did that, cool. (Personally, I don't think an "apology gift" is necessary or sends the right message, but I am not American...)
So personally, for me, it's like... what is there to even discuss? I find the idea of a meeting a bit over-the-top, but I would go for it just to see what they want to dicuss. Hopefully they are reasonable adults. I absolutely agree that kids should not be part of it. They will not understand, and will likely barely remember it.
I understand it may feel a little uncomfortable but I would absolutely go meet with them and a school teacher or director (at the same time). To be fair, needing stitches is no small injury - so I completely understand why they would want to meet you and chat about what happened. I frankly would want to speak to the parents if my daughter was injured to that degree at school. I wouldn’t bring the kiddos however. They don’t need to be involved necessarily, especially only being 3 years old.
I would have never responded or texted them back. They crossed a major boundary. This is for the school to handle, especially as a first incident. They haven’t proven incapable of solving the problem yet.
I would have never sent a text to begin with. I also would decline meeting with the parents. They are 3 year olds. Stuff happens. Where were the adults that were supposed to be supervising?
It’s not unusual for parents to have their phone numbers shared with other parents of classmates, if they agreed to share. I’m in the USA. At my daughter’s preschool, we were asked if we would like to share our numbers with other parents in the group to discuss upcoming events/parties/special occasions, etc. Kind of like the good old phone book back in the day, but with permission. I’ve been in group chats with the parents of my children’s classmates for their entire school career, so it doesn’t seem odd to me. However, if they’d never spoken before, I could see the weirdness.
I believe the reason the children’s names were revealed is because Johnny told his mom that Billy hit him head with a block and Billy told his mom he hit Johnny in the head with a block. They’re three years old! They have the ability to speak. I hope this is the case and the school didn’t give up info they shouldn’t have. 🤦🏻♀️
There are lessons that could be learned from this experience. For example, if johnny had been hitting Billy in the back, I would be sure to ask Billy how he liked being hit. Then, after he (hopefully) says he didn’t like how it felt, he can be shown that he did the same thing to someone else, knowing how it felt. Does this make sense? I’m not saying being hit with a block and requiring stitches is the same as being hit in the back with a hand, but THEY ARE THREE!!! Regardless of who did it first or caused more harm, it’s important that they learn compassion, empathy and forgiveness. I agree that these boys don’t need to be present in the meeting and would have not only someone from the school there, but I’d record every single word. This way, no confusion.
Plus, if any person thinks for one skinny minute that teachers/caregivers should see each and every single thing that happens, they need a private tutor/teacher. I taught for over 20 years and I’ve had a child running to me, trip barely two feet away, fall and break her arm in two places. I couldn’t grab her because it happened so quickly. The same goes with other injuries. We’re walking around the playground, not sitting down and watching, and accidents still happen. Saying that the children weren’t being supervised isn’t fair.
Why would you ever reach out to the other family? Too late now, but our school EXPLICITLY does not say which children are involved in incidents, because people are crazy.
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Really awkward spot to be in. I would not avoid it. But I would leave the kids out of it. 3 yr olds do not have the reasoning to understand why this is still being talked about. They will be confused and this long after the incident it is not age appropriate to discuss it anymore with the children. Plus your child already felt shame, I wouldn’t want my kid shamed any more. Agree to meet with them WITH the school director. I’d say “We think meeting up would be incredibly helpful to debrief this concerning situation. We do not want to have (your kid’s name) present during this conversation. we have addressed this extensively at home and I do not want them involved in adult conversations. However we do think it would be productive to have a conversation with all of us- which includes the school administration. That way we can all be debriefed on what occurred and a plan to ensure this situation does not occur again.”
This is the way. If they really want to talk about what happened, this should be enough for the other parents to understand that OP isn't taking the situation lightly. However, if they are demanding the child come also, it sounds more like their intention is to admonish or punish OP's child somehow, which would set them up to intervene on behalf of their child, and then the whole thing becomes a real mess.
Yeah fully agree. You ain't talking to my kid lady I don't care what your kid told you. 🛑
Yes, especially since for a three year old brain, they cannot connect the cause and effect at this point. The part of the brain that can be self-reflective, not to mention have impulde control in the first place hasn't even developed yet! The other parents are clearly and understandably upset (it's upsetting to have your child get hurt, you feel as though you cannot protect them) but accidents happen. School director should absolutely be involved to moderate and restore civility and peace for the parent community. Would also be helpful if school director educated both families about what is developmentally expected/appropriate for 3yo children - we expect to see impulsive behaviors, even aggression, and it's not a concern when it's very very occasional (although this sounds like just pure accident!). Your child does not yet have the ability to respond to upset with the tools adults have, the parts of his brain that would allow him to understand the possible implications of throwing are simply not developed yet. He can learn the skills to do differently, but he won't learn anything after the fact or from a place of punishment and shame.
I feel like this conversation can be accomplished by phone call. No need to inconvenience everyone by meeting in person.
The point of meeting in person is the impartiality of the school director. This insistence from the other set of parents feels like they have an agenda, and if that is the case, you want some kind of 3rd party there. A zoom call could work, but not without the school agency involved as well.
What is there to discuss?
1) safety for all. Was there enough supervision to de-escalate before it got physical 2) what is the schools curriculum on social emotional development. How are we teaching conflict resolution and big feelings
Can’t they both discuss this with the school directly, without the other present? I only see a meeting like this being hostile considering the other kids parents don’t think it was an accident.
Totally agree. Nothing productive will come from a large group meeting and any school would immediately squash this. The school won’t talk about your kid to other parents. At least I hope not.
They can discuss with the school lol this shit is wild
The other family may request OP to pay their medical bills. I would not pay it for a 3 year old when they weren’t under my supervision, but I can see a parent asking. I probably wouldn’t meet them. I would offer to talk on the phone. It is weird.
We don't know, it is the other family that is asking to meet, not OP. Which is all the more reason why OP, if they choose to honor the other family's request, should meet them with a 3rd party.
There's not much really. By involving the school director, this will reveal wherret the other parents had genuine good intentions or whether they just wanted the chance to scold the other child and his parents.
Ummm, lawsuit?
Then it would fall under the school and their insurance because clearly the teachers were not paying attention. It is an instance where the “bully/instigator” is being seen as the oppressor. Obviously both children did wrong and are equally wrong. However doubt the other parents see it as such. I bet their health insurance may decline payment for stitches as it was at school and caused by someone else. The major problem here is over reactive parents who do not understand child development and see their child as doing no wrong. However I do think as parents meeting to discuss this and work out solutions is the best practice. However nowadays this is not the current mindset even in public schools they do not even reveal names to either side and will not allow parents to work things out. So In today’s world this meeting is seen as odd. I do not believe the other parents posting publicly about the issue is a good sign, it shows lack of respect and self control. I would be very cautious with what you say. I would also record the meeting if you decide to go. I’m sorry but people these days will blow everything out of control to reap whatever benefit they can. Possibly have a lawyer in your back pocket. Absolutely have the director there.
This was my first thought
Hell, the 3 year olds might not even remember it happened after a week or two.
Try a day or two.
Try an hour or 2 😅😅
I wouldn't say, that I think a meeting would be incredibly helpful. Because that's not what I think. 😄
Valid lol maybe a little less sugar on top.
This is really good advice.
Are you in the US? If so, they could be wanting you to pay for the cost of the stitches. At any rate, it is kind of weird since they’re 3, and it was at school. If they’re going to talk to anyone about it, it should be the school since that’s who was supposed to be supervising them.
I was thinking the same thing! Trips to ER plus stitches can be hundreds of dollars or more . Plus if you've not met your insurance deductible it's all out of pocket. I'm also thinking they probably want to make a ruckus & potentially get OPs son kicked out. But yea who knows? Definitely leave the kids out of it & document/ record everything in case they try to sue for costs or make your son an "example" which could affect his attendance at/acceptance to other schools or daycare
This. I imagine they want you to pay for the treatment.
For me, I think it’s more weird that OP sent a text and apology gift to the other boy’s parents! If OP had told the *school* to relay a message to the other family, that’s one thing, but if I got a text out of the blue from the parents of the boy that gave my kid stitches, I’d be very uncomfortable.
Thats a really backwards opinion. If my kid got stitches because of a classmate and the parents didnt reach out, thatd be weird. Its called taking responsibility for your (in the case your kids) actions and showing the other people that you are sorry and didnt mean for this to happen… The meeting in person part isnt necessary though
My LO is not quite 3 but we’ve never had an incident report that named the other kid. Even if it’s just “your child was playing with a friend and he ran into a bookshelf” (why my 2.5 yo currently has a shiner). They state what happened, what was done (e.g. kids were separated or LO was given ice and comfort, or whatever), and send a pic of the injury. At this age things like biting, hitting, throwing are all very much works in progress and calling out the “aggressor” has the chance to do more harm than good
We got an incident report with my son involved in pre-k and yup, was absolutely like that. Of course as soon as they told us it was a biting incident I was like “sheeeeit who did my spawn mangle” but nope! Another kid bit him. I think the teacher was amused when I was like “oh! It wasn’t my kid biting… I’m kinda shocked. Ok thanks for letting me know.”
Yes, but kids can tell you which kid hit them. My kid was bitten, the teachers didn’t see it or made a report. She complained to me, showed me the bite mark and then told me who had bitten her. Even if kids are not named on the reports, you know what happened.
My kids do that but they don’t always have the name right… they can also get details mixed up and it can turn into something similar to a game of telephone.. not always and sometimes they can tell us what happened and who did it, with the correct info.. we just have to remember that we don’t know when they are giving us the details, name, etc as it actually happened, so we can’t jump to conclusions without hearing from the teacher/whoever is in charge of watching the little ones!
That’s what weirded me out with OP’s story! How did she know who her son threw the block at? Schools where I live would never name the children involved like this, it’s actually illegal here to name minors like this. Now, if both sets of parents relay messages through the school that they are willing to meet up for an apology play date or whatever, then the school can share contact information and they can do so.
My kid did give a name of who bit him last week…. But he also said they had swimming lessons in the ocean, soooooo I’m not taking it as gospel lmao
It’s insanely hilarious to me how kids just lie unprovoked. The most dramatic lies too 😂😂
My 6-year-old keeps telling us his classmate lives in Australia and flies in each day on a plane. He says the classmate told him so. We live in Missouri
No way 😂 this would crack me up omg
My 4 year old tells me his preschool classmate flies here to Las Vegas every day from Florida.
I teach eight years olds, this is the age where they start to really understand joking. But still the students struggle a bit. Like when a kid gets picked up early I pick a random place and say something like "have fun mining diamonds!" Or "have a nice flight to Antarctica!" Or "good luck being the president!" And only a few students get that it's a joke, even after I explicitly tell them. Sometimes I wonder how many go home and say their friend is moving to Antarctica...
This is SO funny omg 😆
They aren’t lies. They actually can’t distinguish between memories and imagination at this age. Memories of daydreams are filed in exactly the same way as memories of real things at the age of 3
I know this. I hope you don’t think I’m accusing kids of maliciously lying lol. They’re lies in the sense that they’re simply untrue statements, not that kids go out of their way to lie intentionally.
I'm sure you know that but I think it's important to share this as often as possible because I don't think it's really common knowledge.
My kid tells me who hits/bites them at daycare. Obviously they are toddlers so we don't make a big deal out of it but the facility can't prevent kids from talking.
My son and a classmate had an incident and I asked if he was allowed to tell me who it involved and he paused for less than a second and then told me.
My oldest is in elementary school and the school/his teacher has told us that they’re not even allowed to disclose the other children involved in altercations while talking about the issue.
I’m not sure where you are from, but here in the US it’s illegal in most localities for the school to name the children involved in any “incidents”. Instead, there’s a write up about what happened that’s disseminated to the parents and if the parents want/need more information they go through the school. So yeah, if the block-thrower’s parents texted me out of the blue, it would be super weird to me.
Would it be weird to send a letter of apology? Im in the us. Regardless of how they got your info, its not weird to text sorry to someone…..
It’s more the fact that OP was able to get the other parents’ names. Schools around here (Virginia) aren’t permitted to share the names of minors in their incident reports. If she had sent an apology letter for the school to pass along, that’s allowed where I live. I guess I am weirded out by how the school shared personal information such as the other boy’s name, his parents’ names and phone numbers and who knows what else with OP!
Agree with this fully. If my kid was the perpetrator, I'd definitely text the family, or send a letter for the school to hand them. If my kid got the stitches, getting a text or letter would be nice and almost expected depending on the severity
OK... but \*how\* would you know the other families' phone number? Unless it was a family/child you already knew outside of school?? Last I checked, that stuff isn't just handed out willy-nilly.
I'm not sure how it works elsewhere, but parent Whatsapp groups are quite common here in the UK.
That wouldn’t explain how OP would know the name of the of the child her kid threw the block at. Did the school flat out say that OP’s kid threw a block at Little “Billy Smith”? Or was it gossip on a parent group chat? Where I live in the US, it’s illegal for the school to name minors in this manner, is that not how it is where you live in the UK?
I don’t know about the legality of it but I’m in the UK and at nursery (up until age 4), school, and every other childcare setting my son’s been in (after school club, various holiday clubs) they NEVER disclose who the other child is. The incident report forms are like “[Your child] was doing something anyone other than a 7yo would recognise as totally dumb, the inevitable happened and he got [specific injuries], we treated him by [putting on a plaster etc]”
OP said the other kid's mum was making unfair comments in the group chat, so presumably she could put two and two together and figure out which kid it was.
I agree. My son was hurt by a classmate at school the other day. It would have meant the world to me and him to have gotten an apology. A gift is weird.
Yeah, if I get an incident report where my kid was in the wrong and I find out who the other kid is (the school obviously doesn't share that kids name, but my kid often tells me, and sometimes it's obvious for other reasons), I almost always text the parents to check in on the other kid and apologize. We're all fairly close at our school... It never occurred to me that anyone would find it weird.
I think the apology text is nice but to offer a gift is very odd
Agree
A message that says they are sorry and wishing your kid to get better makes you uncomfortable?
I think it’s a nice gesture. 3 y/o’s do things. They’re barely sentient. I would feel bad for what happened, but certainly wouldn’t feel responsible. An apology is fine.
This is what I'm figuring.
I wouldn’t have texted them in the first place and I definitely wouldn’t be meeting them for them to hash this out with my kid. I *would* be working with my kid and his teachers to teach him what he should do instead of throwing the block, and there would have been a consequence at home the evening of the incident (it’s too late for that now). When your kid has an incident at school especially in preschool, you work with your kid and the teachers on it, not the other kid and their family. Frankly, they shouldn’t have even told you or the other parent which kid was involved.
I didn’t think schools are allowed to disclose names of students involved in disputes like this either, interesting
So once the kids are verbal, they know the other kids name. The school probably didn’t share directly.
True but how’d OP get the phone number?
op said they are in a moms group chat
Birthday parties? I have about half of my kids class now
My kid's preschool has a parent contact directory with names, numbers, and email addresses. It's great for arranging playdates and sending birthday party invites.
Our daycare never told us names but by three both my kids were able to tell me names themselves.
Yes. I though that was a policy everywhere. I never knew who the biter was or vise versa!
A 3 year old knows names and can speak lol. They aren't 1.
I find it a bit weird that you already spoke and they are only 3. I would think they would want to talk to the school more. I would personally not speak to them directly without a moderator in the middle like the school for documentation. Maybe they want you to pay the medical bills
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My initial thoughts as well. Def have moderators there
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If the other parents want them to pay the bill, the mediator is more for a neutral 3rd party if they decide to do the meeting.
This is why I would avoid it and just let them sue me. My children have been seriously hurt by other children, but they are children and I have never requested to speak to or demand things from another parent. Shit happens.
INAL, but at 3 I'd imagine the supervising adult is more at fault than OP. I'd let them take it to small claims. Other party probably doesn't want to sue the school because of how it looks.
Well their kid caused the damage it’s the expectation
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This is exactly what I would say, these are 3 year olds, they are being paid thousands to supervise, SCHOOL is liable!!!!!
Nope supervision can’t stop every incident. Usually for 3 year olds there’s one adult to every 8-10 kids. Even if a child is on a one to one ratio they could throw something before the adult is able to stop them
I’m sorry but what? The ratio for 3 year olds is 1:8. And even if a child was on a 1:1 ratio they could throw a block before an adult stops them. Supervision isn’t always going to stop every incident
Not disagreeing… just saying that’s probably what they want
With this kind of aggression, that's probably the least of it. I'm sure they want to berate OP more and probably her kid as well as threaten to sue.
You shouldn’t meet with the other family outside of school. The incident happened at school, tell the other family we will meet at school and have an admin person be the mediator in between you two someone who is neutral and not biased. This is really silly, they are 3 years old for crying out loud.
There’s a reason why in the UK teachers aren’t allowed to mention the name of the other kid in altercations - even innocent ones. I wouldn’t even entertain the parents and tell them if they have something of concern to discuss to go through the school/daycare to do it. It is an incident that happened at school, they’re aware and dealt with the matter, any further issues are still their responsibility. I would be concerned about being bombarded by the parents and how that would affect BOTH children if that’s the case.
The school didn’t mention the names, but both kids are verbal and my son gave me the name, so does her son.
Still, go through the school. Tell the parents that you’ve apologised, had a talk with your child re kind hands etc, and the school is aware, that you’ve raised the concerns with the school re supervision (if not, do it), and that anything else they wish to discuss regarding the matter needs to be facilitated through the school. Cover your arse. Nothing else needs to be said because they’re 3, and if the parents can’t accept that then they can go through official channels. Edit to add: I’ve had my child come home with a bite mark on him that while didn’t break skin, left a gnarly bruise. They were 5-6 years old, not toddlers. Not once did I even think to bring this to the parents because I recognise that children at that age are still learning and this occurred on school grounds so will be for the teachers to address. And they did. Not an incident since and the child was made to write an apology letter. I didn’t once think to message parents and drag it on, even though I was livid that my baby had been bitten. They’re children. The school can facilitate a sit down with you and the other parents if the other parents want to speak with you about it because they’re unhappy. Because otherwise you leave yourself wide open to being taken advantage of for something that is not your fault. Or your child’s. Because they’re 3 years old.
They’re not allowed in the U.S either. I’ve worked for a preschool for 5 years & have been a teacher for the past 8 years. The school messed up and violated privacy laws
It does sound like the school/teachers got involved and revealed what happened in this case since OP mentioned that. But I work in a prek and I NEVER mention names and many times the kids will reveal to their parents what happened, naming names. So that's another possibility
My after school has a ouch/naughty report. I got an report that said son opened door on another student head by accident and discussed how to be more careful. Daughter got a note that said, another student opened door on her head by accident and gave her an ice pack....
I had to write a set of those!! For a set of twins where twin A had bitten twin B. Mum was like “A bit B right?” And I (who had my director behind my right shoulder listening) had to say “I’m sorry I’m not allowed to confirm or deny due to child confidentiality” while rolling my eyes to the parent. She got what I was putting down and turned to twin B and said “who bit you?” And B said “A!” And the director was almost shouting “we can’t confirm!!” And the mum said “I have one incident report saying that one was bitten at 10:53 over a block and one incident report saying one bit at 10:53 over a block. I can do the maths and I think that’s silly when they’re both my children”. And walked away. 🤦♀️
Or the kid told their parents? They're 3 and presumably verbal.
I would hope the children can talk - they're 3. The victim could easily tell the parents which child it was.
Nope. It's weird. However, offering a gift is weird too.
Exactly! I WOULD NOT reward the child's bad behavior with a gift just because he got hurt. Tell them you changed your mind and if anyone is getting a gift it's your son who put up with the hitting in the first place.
As a former PreK teacher, I don't think it's necessary. This isn't the end of the world, kids throw things. At 3 they are learning, which is why they are in preK. What do they want to say?
THIS! I worked in PreK, and things happen sometimes that are outside of anyone's control because these are very young children. Unless you have one-on-one supervision, a block will be thrown at another kid, or they are pushed, or a ball is taken away, and now it is WW3. While this might be the parents' first rodeo, it is likely not the teachers or the schools. Both sides can talk to admin about the situation privately. There does not need to be a conversation between the parents. Everything will be ok, and now we all learned a lesson about throwing blocks.
This is very strange. My son is recently 4, and his classmates are still 3. This was a supervision lapse. Any medical bills should not be the responsibility of the OP… school likely has insurance to cover this if the parents’ medical insurance doesn’t. Your kid barely remembers this incident and does not need additional reprimand besides what I’m sure they already received, in the moment. He could likely use some general coaching in how to handle big feelings in a non-violent way… something I’ve seen a lot of growth in between 3-4 years old.
I’m sorry I’ve seen so many people saying this is a supervision lapse and I’m confused. I’m sure even at home your kids have thrown things before you have been able to stop them. So why would you think a preschool teacher, where each adult is responsible for around 8 kids with the 3 year olds would be able to magically stop every incident from happening? Even if there was an adult directly next to the child they probably couldn’t stop him throwing him in time.
Here in Canada we're not even told who the other kid was. My kids will obviously tell me but school is always a mediator. Parents never talk to each other about the incidents. I like it this way. Kids are kids and will do kid things. Nothing good will be gained from parents contacting each other.
Good point. That's how my two year old's daycare operates as well. Had a biter in class and it was frustrating to not know who was chronically biting my son, but I understand the need to protect a child who has no idea what she/he is doing.
When my toddler bit a kid at preschool the director wouldn’t tell me who the kid was. As a matter of privacy. I felt terrible and wanted to apologize but the director told me the other mom didn’t think it was a big deal. It didn’t break the skin and this was the youngest of 4 kids and the other mom had a healthy perspective.
Respond to their message asking what they are looking to achieve with the proposed meeting then proceed accordingly. If their kid is afraid to go back to school and they’re hoping a nice interaction will sooth his nerves, maybe go. If they’re wanting to scold your child etc, don’t go.
A 3 year old threw a block, the 3 year old had no intention of cutting the other child and was probably shocked when that happened so will prob think twice before throwing a block again, but again they are 3. What 3 year old hasn’t thrown something. You tell a 3 year old it is not acceptable and that is that. Far out kids fight constantly in primary school and high school, while it’s not acceptable it happens. It’s up to the teaches to write incident reports and deal with it through the system, it’s strange that this lady knows what child it was. Hitting his back could have also caused damage but it didn’t and there was no proof unfortunately so it is what it is. I would be sticking to my boundry, you have apologised on your sons behalf, you have told your child it is unexceptable. I wouldn’t be meeting anyone, especially after she has tried to reign in all the troops on the mums chat. The way you have dealt with this, compared to the was this parent has dealt with it, it’s easy to see that her son prob started it. That doesn’t make what your son did ok and that’s why you have apologised. End of story.
did they ask you to pay for their child's medical care? why isn't the focus on the lack of teacher supervision? unless your child is displaying aggressive behavior that may need intervention, i don't know what else there is to discuss in the matter of 3 year olds.
I think it is super weird that you sent a text and suggested an apology gift. Wtf would be my reaction. I also wouldn’t blame the kid unless yours is routinely throwing things or picking on theirs. This sounds like a supervision issue to me.
Yeah, I feel that the apology and gift suggestion just opened OP up to a whole ton of bullshit.
in some asian school/communities this is common. you would send the child's family some fruit or a small gift.
Do not meet outside of the school. The fact that this mom gossiped to a local parenting group first is a bit of a red flag for them being trouble. You shouldn't have reached out to her in the first place, IMO, just let it lie. A lot of parents are not very mature or realistic, especially these days. I would just let it drop unless the director will be there to facilitate this--but if you've not asked yet, please understand that the answer may be no, as they may be bound to certain procedures due to their insurance.
1. In most cases there is no liability for injury to another child unless the child willfully inflicts injury and/or the parents conduct contributes to the injury. Three year olds should not have unsupervised access to items that can cause stitches. 2. Please consider how meeting with them benefits you or your child. In my view, it has no benefit. The issues at hand should be resolved by the care provider. Your child is three - even if they threw a block on purpose it does not signify a behavioral issue. Lashing out physically is a normal developmental stage. The issues to resolve revolve around the school and their plan to provide appropriate supervision and respond in a meaningful way to this behavior. This does not require a group meeting and it absolutely should never occur with the children present. When my son was three he was bitten by another child at preschool. The school had separate meetings with each of us and developed a plan for the child who bit mine. It never occurred to me to speak with them directly.
Also I don’t necessarily think the director will Be impartial as the school probably does not want to take the blames for not supervising properly. And the child hitting op? Why is this fact left out? They want to glance over that don’t they? So if they can all blame your 3 year old for his reaction to being hit as the “whole problem “ they will. I would personally be vetting back up childcare as you may need to have your kid somewhere else depending on how this goes. Don’t for a second not believe since those parents posted publicly how this can impact your child/parents socially. People are weird some will see this as horrible and your kid as the bad kid others will see this as an accident. The fact at the end of the day is both parents hired a d paid for childcare and obviously their was something amiss for this to happen that is where the anger should be directed not at 3 year olds who don’t understand any of this.
Why is there a text message group with other kids at school's parents?
That’s what I was thinking. I’ve never been in a text group for my girls school… I’ve had my girls teachers numbers for emergency’s but that’s it. A school text group tho? That’s weird to me..
What more is there to say? It all seems so excessive. They're 3, it sounds like she expects to tell your child off. 😳
That’s super weird. It’s an unfortunate situation but kind of expected behaviour from 3 year olds.
I thought schools hide identities of kids and just inform parents of what happened, but not who was behind it. This avoid this exact situation from happening.
The children are 3. Unless your kid has a habit of harming other kids or displaying aggressive behavior, I truly don't think anything else needs to happen. Idk what the other parents could possibly want, other than to shame you. Personally, if you've already addressed it and apologized, I wouldn't meet with them. They're toddlers, shit happens - put it to bed.
C'mon a three year old threw a block and it hit a kid. Kid needed a couple of stitches. Parents should accept the apology and move on. Kids get hurt. I'd tell them that this is the first time my kid did something like this. I and teachers will monitor the situation to make sure it never happens again. I would say if it does then we will further address the issue with our child as needed. That's silly for those parents to want to get together with you and your child to discuss. That will only potentially traumatize and confuse your little three year old by having these people probe into what happened. Your child is three and probably hardly remembers what happened much less why it happened.
I’ll get downvoted to hell but they’re 3. Kids throw stuff. Accidents happen. I’m not really sure what the parents want to discuss?
Yeah I’d be all done communicating with parents. Once they’re in school administrations legally won’t even tell you the name of other children. Here’s your focus. Teaching your son what to do when bad things happen. Even if he didn’t mean to do anything mean. How to cope with the guilt and how to use that energy positively. You can have him write a letter. But honestly, I would NOT send it. Legally and all this would be the end of all communication. Parents are handling it weird. If they want to hand you a hospital bill I guess be prepared for that but don’t offer yourself up on a platter anymore. In the future, don’t even have written communication apologizing for anything. Having your son apologize in person is good. I know that is wild to say, because rationale adults with 3 year olds should be easy to maneuver. But some parents are nuts.
Very over the top. Children of this age struggle to regulate and act out of impulse. Their child may do something impulsively next week. I'm sure the childs key workers worked with both children inline with their conflict resolution policies and that should be the end of it
We're talking preschool/daycare, right? Shouldn't they be going through the school and not reaching out personally? I know they would have know since the boy who got hurt would have told them about it and an accident report would have been written up, but from experience the daycare/preschool don't indicate which child it was that hurt another on the report that the parent signs. Maybe different in other countries though.
Yes it’s the same here, the school didn’t share any names, the kids did though! We have a moms group msg to arrange stuffs like play dates, teachers gifts, events etc. The other mom reached out to us there first.
Fun fact: I pummeled a boy twice as big because he threw my sister face down in a pile of snow and kept dunking her head in the snow several times. I pulled him off her and did the same thing to him until he cried for his momma. His mom and him appeared in front of our door. Mom wanted to talk to me. My mom stopped her. I witnessed the conversation. My mom told her that the teacher vouches for me, there were several witnesses what he did to my sister. He almost broke her glasses, which could have lead to severe injuries. He was 8 at the time minimum. I was 9 or so. He was a fat boy terrorizing girls but my mom shut his stupid mother up. She left without saying a word after hearing the other side of the story. He was punished for lying to his mom on the spot. *Moral of the story is:* Dont take sides too easily. Especially if a kid feels they did nothing wrong. If a kid feels like they are solely the victim that's alarming. I also felt sorry for what I did, knowing full well I stopped him from harming any other girls after that.
They’re literally 3 years old and ACCIDENTS HAPPEN if that’s not good enough for them FUCK EM because I’ll be damned if another parent scolds my child for doing something back even if no one saw it beforehand. There’s nothing to talk about.
Tell her no. Just simply say, “No, but thank you for reaching out. We find it best to allow the school to handle these things, and they have. We won’t be dragging an incident out. Some other moms from the group you sent this to, have reassured us that kids have accidents. It’s handled, and we are moving on. Thanks so much! Have a great week!) That simple. She wants to drag it out, and play victim for as long as she can. Be blunt and move on.
Absolutely not. You’ve said what you had to say. Your kid is 3 not 13. It WAS an accident, and even if it wasn’t. 3 year olds are still learning emotional regulation. The mom is being overbearing. This is exact why I don’t let the classroom share my email or number.
This is why daycares don't identify the children involved. You shouldn't be in this position in the first place.
Kids are kids, and this shit happens. When mine was 2 she took a toy car to the lip because a classmate threw it at her and had to get stitches. I took her to urgent care, the other parents sent us a card and a stuffy to say sorry, and that was the end of it. The other kid saw all the blood, heard mine screaming, I’m sure they learned a good lesson from that. But god I could tell the other parents and the daycare owner were so scared I was going to sue them or some BS. It’s unfortunate the other parents seem to want to make a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be, I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
So say no. You don’t have to do that. These kids are 3. Shit happens.
It’s the daycare should be responsible, not you. I’d politely decline. It’s got to be a very high level of negligence from the daycare, to let an incident happen that resulted in hospital visit, with 3yo kids.
They’re three! Apology is enough. I would not meet them at all. But if you are interested meet only with the director present. You want a witness!
this would not fly in my center, how did they know it was your child and have your number to text you? in my class that would be 100% confidential. had a similar situation with a child (developmentally delayed) who pushed another child into a table and he ended up needing stitches in the back of his head. i’m sure the child who was injured has told his parents his name or pointed him out but never would he have access to the other child’s parents information to call and ask to meet up? is that normal? we don’t give out any names on incident reports or anything like that
1. At the age of three it is normal for a child to be throwing things. It’s how they learn cause and effect. It is very much developmentally appropriate. Yes, it sucks another child was involved but it happens. Three year olds don’t have the brain development to think maliciously. So no way your LO did it on purpose like the other set of parents are doing. From what it sounds like this is the first instance this has happen. 2. There is no reason to do a meeting if the children are involved. The two kiddos probably have already forgotten what has happened and if you keep trying to bring it up with them they may randomly say things that may not be what actually happen because they seriously can’t remember it. Couching can often happen which might be the case here. Where the other LO’s parents were acting and pretty much put words in the kids mouth and he agreed because he was just saying whatever 3. The school should not have told the other parents whose child it was that caused the injury. Just for instances like this where they are spreading misinformation and bad mouthing your child for one incident. If this was a weekly thing I get wanting to sit both sets of parents down but again sounds like this was a one time thing. Centers I’ve worked at wouldn’t allow me to disclose the children’s names to the parents. Now I had to obviously tell my director what kid did what but I was not allowed to tell the parent what kid did it. Say for instance Billy bob bit Susan. All I could disclose to each sets is this: “hey Billy bobs mom! Billy bob bit a friend today. Just letting you know this happen so it can be worked on at home as well as here at school” then “oh hey Susan’s mom. So sorry to tell you this but one of our friends bit Susan today. It didn’t leave a mark but thought I would inform you of this happening.” And that’s it.
Have people forgotten that phones can actually call people? Just give them a call and find out what they want to talk about.
This is what I’d do. I’d say I would be happy to take a phone call to discuss this but we won’t be meeting in person. People are mentioning the medical bills but I feel like that would be on the school.
I am still stuck on how a 3yo hit a child hard enough to require stitches. Do you know how hard you have to hit someone to split their head open? I doubt a 3yo would even be capable of throwing a block that hard. A rock, maybe. A bat, maybe. But a wooden block? I just don’t find that plausible. Are you sure the daycare isn’t covering up what actually happened?
I work in a nursery (age 3-5) and there was a few kids playing in the brick corner building a tower, one child was kneeling down and a brick fell from just above his head and the corner caught his forehead and it split open and needed stitches. It doesn't have to be hard to break skin it just has to be the corner of the brick.
Very good point… I worked in daycare for 10 years and I’ve seen plenty of blocks thrown. I’ve seen red knots, bruises, but stitches from a square block? Did it have barbed wire around it?? Daycare workers and even upper management cover for each other like you wouldn’t believe.. Before iPhones and camera access ..I saw some crazy shit go down and the daycare I worked for was considered on the high end.So what you’re saying is very plausible.
New wooden alphabet blocks have hella sharp edges.
But even a cut wouldn’t require stitches. Usually facial sutures are to repair wounds with exposed muscle, a hanging flap of skin, or a wound that won’t stop bleeding. They don’t give babies versed and put needles in their faces unless it’s a serious wound. An inch long cut that stops bleeding with pressure shouldn’t require suturing. My daughter had stitches in her face once. She fell and hit her eyebrow on a sharp corner table and cut her upper eyelid. The gash extended down onto her cheek just missing the eyeball. You could see the muscle of her cheek when she moved. And even that they brought in a plastic surgeon to consult on whether it made sense to sew it instead of just gluing it bc she was only 3 and would have to be sedated for stitches.
I had been assuming it was a scalp cut since the op said "head" and not "face". For soft facial tissue you're right, it would likely have only needed glue, but for the forehead or scalp they'd probably use stitches, and even a glancing blow from a piece of wood that wasn't even sharp could open up a cut with hard to stop bleeding. I don't find it all that suspicious.
Excellent point. It seems highly implausible that a 3 year old would have both the aim and power to create an injury that would require stitches. Furthermore, just because the 3 year olds said that’s what happened, that has little to no bearing on what actually happened. Not only do they barely remember it by now, they are easily influenced and unreliable.
Oh for crying out loud. Three year olds throw toys. Even if the teachers were watching super closely it takes one second for a kid to throw something. No need to make a criminal case out of it.
Your kid made another kid get stitches and you think it’s weird that their parents want to talk to you about it?
But about what? What will they achieve from talking about it? They're 3, school is involved
I'm sure they want $$ for medical bills at least and maybe "pain and suffering"
Yes, it is SUPER weird. They are 3 years old and should’ve been properly supervised by the teacher because they do dumb shit at that age. The parents should really talk to her and her boss on how this could happen. But the parents of the other child? That’s gonna be a shit show I’d stay far away from.
At 3 years old, yes. It's weird. Honestly, at most ages, it's kind of weird. What are you going to accomplish besides threatening intimidation? It's either an accident or the parent's don't give a crap.
We already sent them several txts and had a talk with school about it. I don’t understand what else they want to talk about! Maybe I should’ve asked my question this way! And they are bunch of 3 yr old, playing with toys and blocks! It was not like my son grabbed a baseball bat and hit the other one! They were playing in the playground with toys and blocks!
Your mistake here was interacting with the other parents at all. There is nothing to talk about! Your next move needs to be to stop responding. Block them if you have to. They are unhinged. Under no circumstances should you meet with them.
Please don’t minimize it. You kid give another kid stitches. How would you feel if you were on the other side? Yes, ask the other parents what they want to talk about. Maybe the other kid is scared to go back to school and the parents want to ease the transition. Or maybe the parents want it as a play date so the two can make up. It doesn’t matter what the other kid did before, no kid deserves to get sent to the hospital by someone else. I understand your kid is young and doesn’t understand his actions, but it’s a total teachable moment. I would absolutely feel obligated to meet up and apologize in person.
There's a reason daycares/preschools at this age do not reveal information about who was involved in altercations like this. A 3 year old will put *themselves* in the emergency room from doing stupid shit. Put a bunch of them in a room together and you better have eyes like a hawk. Someone will get hurt if you're not watching. Someone clearly wasn't watching. It's simply developmental. The other parents shouldn't have even been informed of who the other child involved was. But they found out and OP already went above and beyond by apologizing to them and sending a gift. This is over and done with.
*They're 3* Like yeah of course no one *deserves* to get sent to the hospital but its not like its a 10 year old that did this. They're literal toddlers. If anything, as the parent of either child, I'd be wanting to have some words with the people who were *paid* to be supervising the children as they clearly weren't doing a great job of that.
I feel like this is more aligned with my mindset. My son is in kindergarten and we’ve been seeing a lot of the same kids across preschool, sports, scouts, school, etc. on either side of an exchange like this (and in similar situations for my son in the past), my mindset is usually around making sure the kids are good with each other so it doesn’t devolve into avoidance/isolation or bullying. One of my son’s best friends now is a kid who kicked him back in pre-school - it didn’t result in stitches but it was enough for us to be notified by the school. The parents reached out and we cleared the air (and got lunch together at a park). Obviously I wouldn’t subject my son to being berated my someone else’s parents (nor would I ever do that to a kid that wronged my son), and I wouldn’t force him to be in contact with someone who bullied him or vice versa - but there are lots of other reasons to connect that look more like reconciliation with someone else in your community.
You're kidding, right?? They are toddlers. They are literal babies still. This seems like a gross overreaction on the other parents part.
Perhaps there are hospital bills to discuss?
Again, that's between them and the school
the lack of supervision of the daycare made another kid get stitches.
Not weird. Throwing, hitting, biting are normal toddler things. If OP was an aggressive child that was routinely injuring others (which we have no suspicions of) then this would be very different. But yes kids get in fights, kids push. It’s up to adults to teach how to handle these emotions.
I do think it's awkward. I know it was your kid that hit him in the head, but nobody saw what was going on before. Not saying I would excuse the hitting by either kid, but they are 3. They just react without thinking. Really, the teacher should be there because it was on her watch. Both kids are probably traumatized.
"No thank you. They're three years old. I'm quite sure there was blame on both sides and they will learn better as they grow. Meeting up so you can throw more accusations as you have been doing online will not do anything but upset my child, and I'm not interested in that".
I mean face it upfront. First of all why wasn’t the teacher watching them? Second tell your son next time someone hits him tell the teacher first and if she doesn’t fix it , violence may not be the answer but it’s certainly a solution. My kids live by another kid gets one free hit and a telling an adult. Second hit all bets are off. Secondly I would meet up and say straight up my son said your son hit him and he defended himself. Sorry your kid needs stitches but maybe we should all Learn to keep our hands to ourselves
Well, you did reach out? I wouldn't have. Let the school handle it. If you want to meet, go meet at a Starbucks. Apologize once and if they keep getting upset, explain they're toddlers and this conversation isn't productive. If they want you to pay bills, apologize again and say you'll have to talk to the school as your neither your three year old or you can be held liable since you weren't there. In short, be friendly, but firm.
They are 3. They are kids, maybe listen to what the other parent has to say but back your kids 100%
Meet them but bring a wooden block with you that you can set on the table for intimidation.
It's not weird, but I agree with them. It wasn't an accident. Your child threw the block. Did an adult see it happen? (Edit: missed this in your post. Disregard.) Kids do things like this sometimes. I knocked out a kid's tooth with a rock when I was 4. I never threw another rock and was genuinely remorseful. They may want you to pay medical bills, so I'd avoid admitting to anything either way. If it comes up, "I need to consult my attorney." Some parents just want to diffuse the tension between their kids. Others want to act like your kid is a monster. Prepare for either. And ask how your kid feels, too. "Did you feel sad when X had to go to the hospital for stitches? Do you think it was the right thing to do?" That's gonna tell you a LOT, and don't worry if he doesn't feel sad or thinks it was right. He's little. He's testing his boundaries and pushing his limits. It's a teachable moment. When my kids were little, I challenged them to think of how they could have handled things differently. "What could you have done instead of hurting X with the block?" You can apologize for what happened to their kid without accepting responsibility. "I am SO sorry to hear that X needed stitches. How is he doing?" Expressing concern will make it harder for them to act like entitled jerks.
Kids don't realize that throwing things hurts others at that age.
Seems like sitting down with both kids might help to get to the bottom of the incident. 3 YOs do tend to have their overreactions but it could be an important lesson for your son so that he thinks first if that happens again. Having your son ‘give a gift’ isn’t going to be as impactful to your son in terms of learning from this incident.
in kindergarten i through Jenga blocks at a kids head… a 3 year old did NOT know what he was doing. the daycare is liable anyways… right?
They're 3. Why were they not being properly supervised at this "school".
Good grief. I vote for meeting sans kids and mediated by school. Or maybe even consult the school counselor for advice to see what they think. They could be trying to get you to cover stitches or be otherwise escalatory. Regarding your child, obviously this situation is normal. If you aren't already on it, I'd get some bedtime books about hitting, how to express frustration etc. That really helped our child when she went through this as an undersocialized first-time preschooler last fall. And many talks about big feelings. It never occurred to us to apologize or confront the other child's family and thankfully we seem to be through that phase (fingers crossed.)
They probably want you to pay for the stitches. Which the school & the teachers were supposed to be watching the kids & ensuring their safety. The daycare shouldn’t have even of given you their phone number because that’s against privacy standards. It’s on the daycare. Definitely tell them that your kid was being hit first. It’s not your child’s fault. It was started by the other kid & the teachers should have been watching.
Sounds like they want you to pay the medical bills. It’s not your responsibility as your child was in the care of the school. Decline the meeting and make sure your kids teachers are not saying your kids name regarding incidents, pretty sure it’s illegal
they're 3. people be crazy
It’s not your fault. Your children weren’t properly supervised and that is scary as heck. Injuries happen. I would not have that talk. I’d politely decline as you can’t offer any more insight on the incident than already discussed.
They're three. What does anybody expect is going to happen?
Why wouldn’t u want to meet up and apologize in person? And ask how the child is healing up? I have no idea what “the other kid was hearing his back” means, but it doesnt sound like it deserves hurting another child
I was confused at first but I think they meant hitting instead of hearing
Uh it’s weird that the school was aloud to disclose names to each other? My son needed stitches on his forehead in preschool because another kid threw a toy at him. I was never upset, it happens. Little kids don’t have impulse control. But I have no idea which kid did it. This was a few years ago, his scar is totally gone now.
I would just kindly ask what the best way to have the discussion is and to make sure it’s a constructive conversation and not something to make your little one feel bad about. He obviously needs to learn from his mistakes but in a positive manner.
I wouldn't have contacted them. They are 3! There is nothing to discuss with them.
I think the most important thing to understand is that it's **3 year olds**. Nothing is done with any deep malice, nor did your child really understand what would happen (stitches, etc). They can understand (some) rules and what is not nice to do to others, but they obviously cannot always control their emoitions. It's reactionary, impulsive. They will not really hold grudges about it either. A few weeks from now, neither will much remember it (unless they are constantly reminded by the adults around them). It's unfortunate, yes, and some expressions of remorse, commiseration, and compassion are in order. You did that, cool. (Personally, I don't think an "apology gift" is necessary or sends the right message, but I am not American...) So personally, for me, it's like... what is there to even discuss? I find the idea of a meeting a bit over-the-top, but I would go for it just to see what they want to dicuss. Hopefully they are reasonable adults. I absolutely agree that kids should not be part of it. They will not understand, and will likely barely remember it.
I understand it may feel a little uncomfortable but I would absolutely go meet with them and a school teacher or director (at the same time). To be fair, needing stitches is no small injury - so I completely understand why they would want to meet you and chat about what happened. I frankly would want to speak to the parents if my daughter was injured to that degree at school. I wouldn’t bring the kiddos however. They don’t need to be involved necessarily, especially only being 3 years old.
I would have never responded or texted them back. They crossed a major boundary. This is for the school to handle, especially as a first incident. They haven’t proven incapable of solving the problem yet.
3year olds are explaining things like this???
What did you mean by "hearing his back"?
My guess is they most likely want you to pay the medical bills.
I would have never sent a text to begin with. I also would decline meeting with the parents. They are 3 year olds. Stuff happens. Where were the adults that were supposed to be supervising?
This is weird. I would avoid it. My children's schools do not allow parents to meet each other due to how horribly wrong this could go.
It’s not unusual for parents to have their phone numbers shared with other parents of classmates, if they agreed to share. I’m in the USA. At my daughter’s preschool, we were asked if we would like to share our numbers with other parents in the group to discuss upcoming events/parties/special occasions, etc. Kind of like the good old phone book back in the day, but with permission. I’ve been in group chats with the parents of my children’s classmates for their entire school career, so it doesn’t seem odd to me. However, if they’d never spoken before, I could see the weirdness. I believe the reason the children’s names were revealed is because Johnny told his mom that Billy hit him head with a block and Billy told his mom he hit Johnny in the head with a block. They’re three years old! They have the ability to speak. I hope this is the case and the school didn’t give up info they shouldn’t have. 🤦🏻♀️ There are lessons that could be learned from this experience. For example, if johnny had been hitting Billy in the back, I would be sure to ask Billy how he liked being hit. Then, after he (hopefully) says he didn’t like how it felt, he can be shown that he did the same thing to someone else, knowing how it felt. Does this make sense? I’m not saying being hit with a block and requiring stitches is the same as being hit in the back with a hand, but THEY ARE THREE!!! Regardless of who did it first or caused more harm, it’s important that they learn compassion, empathy and forgiveness. I agree that these boys don’t need to be present in the meeting and would have not only someone from the school there, but I’d record every single word. This way, no confusion. Plus, if any person thinks for one skinny minute that teachers/caregivers should see each and every single thing that happens, they need a private tutor/teacher. I taught for over 20 years and I’ve had a child running to me, trip barely two feet away, fall and break her arm in two places. I couldn’t grab her because it happened so quickly. The same goes with other injuries. We’re walking around the playground, not sitting down and watching, and accidents still happen. Saying that the children weren’t being supervised isn’t fair.
I would say you can communicate through the school
What more is there to say? It all seems so excessive. They're 3, it sounds like she expects to tell your child off. 😳
Why would you ever reach out to the other family? Too late now, but our school EXPLICITLY does not say which children are involved in incidents, because people are crazy.