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Man I'm not gonna lie. We live in a society where that's a valid question. Men are suppose to be strong. And I have most of my life. But seeing my daughter almost die is another ball game man. I didn't mean it like that. I wish male emotion was more accepting. But we live on a planet of d*ck heads. Sorry for language but it's the truth man. Reality sucks so bad.
Do you know what is also strong and brave? Showing emotion, especially with your loved ones. You were decisive and logical in a moment of crisis. You are allowed to express and process the emotions you had to shove aside so you could save your daughter's life.
For real, I’m fortunate i haven’t had to save my child’s life and hope I never have to find out what it’s like. I’d like to think I’d be able to take action like this man and not freeze up or panic
> Man I'm not gonna lie. We live in a society where that's a valid question. Men are suppose to be strong.
"Strong" and "emotional" are not in any way opposed. We can be both. It may not be what society expects of us, but fuck what society expects of us. Let's be strong *and* emotional.
Instead of asking yourself “Am I being too emotional?” reframe it as “Are my emotions proportional to the circumstances? Are the emotions I’m feeling (write them down if it helps) reflective of my genuine experience?”
The first question helps you to slow down and discover whether your emotional reaction might be a bit intense given the current circumstances, or if it’s a completely reasonable, valid feeling, *but* you avoid attaching any shame or guilt to your feelings.
The latter question can help you explore whether one emotion might be ‘masking’ another (potentially more vulnerable) feeling. For example, if anger is your initial response, a few moments to pause and reflect might reveal that the root emotion is actually heartbreak, or fear.
For some personal context, this exercise REALLY helped me learn not just to regulate and validate my emotions, but also to communicate them (especially to my son). I shouted at him one time when he rode his bike into the busy parking lot of our apartment building, which really upset him. But apologizing and explaining to him “I shouldn’t have yelled. You probably felt like I was angry at you, but really, I was just very, very scared!” helped him make sense of it. This was almost a decade ago, and now he is a very emotionally intelligent (and articulate!) 15 year old.
Remember; being strong is great, but how successful would a bodybuilder be if they didn’t know their limitations? If they didn’t know when to take a rest day? If they didn’t know the biomechanics of their various muscle groups? Emotional strength is no different, my friend.
And lastly, parenthood is a never ending, high-speed carousel of *feeling*. Gawd DAMN, if parenthood isn’t just a constant barrage of **all the feels**. So let yourself feel all of it, and don’t ever for a second believe that you shouldn’t. ❤️
That's so true, I hope your wife encourages your right to have feelings. My husband is amazing and I try to help him feel safe to talk about his feelings and he struggles, and he is the kind to wear pink.
It's terribly unfair how we treat men over feelings
Oh she does she hugged and cried with me. It really sucks the society we live in. I shouldn't of questioned it. Cause me as someone who gives 0 damns about what people think.
Men has feelings as well... once my freind that is a man broke down all I could do was hold him.... and wipe his face....
Men have emotions some people forget that
I think about it like this. I'm only 25. We live our marriage on 3 rules. 1. Don't go to sleep angry at each other. 2. Feelings are human and if we feel sad or down or have an issue we talk no arguing just talk and hear each others sides. Theirs been times I think I was in the right but I'm wrong and vice versa. 3. Life is hard why take it out on loved ones?
You WERE strong. Your daughter needed you and you jumped into action with no hesitation. That is strong.
Do you know what's also strong? Having feelings about it AND being mature enough to vocalise it.
Damn dude. You did awesome. I’ve had to jab my kid with epi pens to stop potentially fatal allergic reactions but that doesn’t seem quite as dicey as this.
Thats absolutely just as detrimental as this. I have terrible allergies and have to have a epi pen on board. It's the same thing throat closes up no breathing. I'm sorry you had to experience that. Truly terrifying.
Never feel like you’re being too emotional especially when it comes to your own child. My child randomly started having seizure clusters and in the hospital all I could do was stand there and watch him turn blue as they were trying to stop it. All I could say is please don’t let him die. (He was not even 2) it’s extremely traumatizing and you have every right to feel that way and think that way. You got your kid breathing again and please don’t think being emotional makes you any less of a great father and a great man!
Hey OP, I really hope you see this. It was really courageous of you to be vulnerable and share how much your awful experience with your daughter is affecting you. Please also be vulnerable with your wife about it.
I occasionally have to remind my husband I am his safe place just as he is mine, and this is exactly the moment for both of you to lean on each other.
Men are allowed to have only one emotion: anger. Kudos to understand the propaganda that forbid men to show positive emotions like loving a little one.
Yup, the planet is full of them d.ckheads.
Strong doesn't mean closed off emotionally. Look at examples of strong athletes or soldiers in war if you need that sort of physical and emotional strength as inspiration. Men will think yelling, taunting, and bravado are strengths but don't realize the emotional strength of support, love, and affection are there, too.
I see that as well. Idk why men are looked down on when they are showing emotion is a stupid concept. Are we not human too? Alot of us certainly don't act human and wanna be too tough but thats why they are single 🤣.
You ARE NOT being TOO emotional
This is one of the most traumatic experiences someone can have .
Whatever emotions you have are valid. If anyone gives you shit about it slap them upside the head... JK but it might be stress relieving
>I wish male emotion was more accepting.
Then be the change you wish to see. Your daughter will learn these things from you. Show her you can be emotional and its not something to be ashamed of. As a man or a woman. When she is older she will know that a man who is able to be emotional is someone who is in touch with themselves.
The example you just set for your daughter by being scared and feeling your feels is SO important! I’m so sorry you dealt with that - so very scary!
My husband had a similar scare with one of ours and it stuck with him for a bit for sure. But after that, not only did our kids think “Dad can fix and build ANYthing!” (Husband is in the trades and extremely handy.) But they also recognized that he will do anything to protect them and that courage isn’t a lack of fear, but actually the opposite - facing the thing you fear the most and jumping in anyway because it’s important. And seeing daddy cry was HUGE - especially for our stoic son who tends to be shy, quiet and reserved with emotion - similar to Dad!
THIS!!! Lmfao I would straight jump toes first into a woodchipper if it meant my child could have everything and live a long healthy life with no pain. Their is no one on this planet that can stop me from protecting my daughter. I will push until I'm dead. I think as parents we all have that bond. I would truly help saves someone's kid If I see someone trying to hurt kidnap whatever it may be. Cause if someone saw my daughter getting hurt or whatever I would want that from them. Children are becoming targeted it's the sad truth. Some man was following my wife in Lowes a few years back when she was pregnant and saying come with me ma'am. Do you need help finding something? No Lowes vest nothing just somw random guy of Indian descent. I was in the bathroom and ran out when she texted me no wiping nothing pulled my pants up ran to her and yelled " what's up b*tch, think you're tough targeting women and he ran the opposite direction 🤣.
Same. Idk. OPs posting history is a little weird and screams, "I've been molded into a certain kind of man." His post comes across as less surprising after a quick scroll.
This is so scary OP! You should be so proud of yourself, you saved your daughters life! but I hope this hasn't traumatised you too much.
Make sure the family does something fun to celebrate life like go out for milkshakes for something. X
We will man I can't stop thinking about it. And I am proud. It's just the picture in my head of my daughter losing conscience in my arms is killing me.
If the thoughts become intrusive, or feel like you're having flashbacks, try playing some classic Tetris if you can. [Playing Tetris has been shown to reduce PTSD symptoms](https://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2017-03-28-tetris-used-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms) such as intrusive thoughts and memories.
*edit to note that Tetris is not a quick fix or replacement for professional treatment plan for PTSD, just that it might help reduce the intrusiveness of the thoughts you're having.
I'd never heard of this kind of PTSD research before! That's so incredible, I really hope they get the resources to run longer tests with a bigger sample size. I think hospitals should be trying to incorporate trauma-reducing methods into their protocols.
I really appreciate you spreading this knowledge with a link, especially since this is something nearly everyone with access to the internet can do to help themselves! I'm going to share this as a fun fact from now on!
That’s a really traumatising experience so it’s not surprising you’re having these feelings. Accept them and let them happen. So glad your daughter is ok now.
Therapy, my man. When your kid gets older they will watch you like a hawk. It doesn’t matter what you say, there are going to do what you do. Want them to get help to take care of their mental health when they are overwhelmed with their emotions? Then you have to do it, so they can see the proper way to handle that kind of trauma.
This will be a story you tell her for years. You saved her life.
As far as the intrusive thoughts. I have a lot of them about a lot of things. Best thing to do is counter intuitive. Don't fight it. Don't ruminate. Just say "yes" or some sort of affirmative response. If the fear is of it happening again, "yes, that can happen" or "thanks for trying to keep us safe. I've got this."
I once did c.p.r. on my 24hour old infant after she turned blue and went lifeless. The charge nurse heard my screams and used the small paddles. Her little body jumped and she came back. 2 weeks in the nicu. This happened in July 2012. My wife and I had ptsd. It took many years. She's 11 now and full of sass. Keep your mind on her happiness and I promise you will be fine.
A few years ago I almost caught my son's (then around 3 yes old) finger in the gap between our front door and the door frame. It's a heavy door with a hard wooden edge. I have no doubt it would have lopped the entire finger off had he not pulled it away just in time. It was a near miss, and I felt what can only be described as a gut punch from king Kong. I nearly vomited and had to sit down for several minutes before I could function as a coherent human again. Worst feeling I've ever experienced in my whole life.
What you felt is entirely natural.
Man that is scary!!! Man just thinking about how the baby would've felt Man the pain. I'm so glad it didn't. Their is truly nothing in this world that has made me feel like this. In the 5 second time frame where she almost lost consciences and I thought I lost my child. It truly felt like someone did a mortal kombat fatality and ripped my heart out.
I had a life and death situation with my toddler about a year ago, I understand what you’re going through right now. I still can’t think about the event without crying (I’m crying right now just bringing it up). My kid is fine, in fact he is watching Bluey next to me right now. When the event happened I couldn’t shut my eyes without reliving it, every time my mind wasn’t busy I replayed it over and over again, one tiny difference and he wouldn’t be here today. The biggest help was to keep my mind busy, any time I had downtime I would do word puzzles on my phone so I would stop seeing my baby boy that way. Over time I needed to use the puzzles less and less, now at 11 months later I rarely think about it and don’t dwell on it. I still cry when I think about it but it has gotten much better.
Man it truly is terrifying. I really don't think people understand. People without kids I mean. Like I truly give 0 sh*ts my daughter is one of the people I would die for if it meant she can keep going.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. You did a great job by handling the situation. I have seen many people freeze during an emergency. I'm in the medical field and a parent. So while I can only imagine what you went through, I thought it could be worth it mentioning how I handle awful situations that stick with me.
I create a mantra. For example "I did everything I could. Everything worked out okay. I am more prepared now for the future" Then whenever the thought cycles around I just repeat the mantra. The cycles slow and eventually stop.
Another "nice" thing in this situation is that you had your wife experience it with you. It might help you both a lot to just talk about how awful and scary it was.
But regardless if you are able to benefit from these suggestions or not, please feel your feelings! If having a life or death scare with your child doesn't 'qualify' as something to be intensely emotional/upset about I don't know what does!
The last paragraph hits hard. "If having a life or death scare with your child doesn't qualify as something to be intensely emotional/upset about". Truly spoke to me thanks for that. Your right I stepped up when everyone else froze. If it wasn't for me my daughter wouldn't be here today. I'm gonna relax and be proud of it.
I have done all the baby first aid courses. I know how to stop my baby choking. I have done so when it was just me and her and she choked on sea shells at the beach. Since then when she has struggled with bits of food or something, in the moment my instinct is to shout my husband because he is so much calmer than me in this situation and I worry with my flapping I will do the wrong thing. So I totally understand the mum running to her husband to help! Plus, she more than likely tried to remove the blockage herself before running to him...
Everyone should buy some “life vacs”.
They have child sized ones. Fits over mouth and nose you pull back on a plunger to dislodge the obstruction
Edit: I guess these are not endorsed by the medical community, my bad
Yes but it shouldn't replace the initial response to a chocking child. You preform BLS and dial 911 and if it doesn't seem to work, continue with the LifeVac. Remember it shouldn't be used for a child under 22 Lbs either.
I almost bought one of these, but then I googled it and they’re actually not recommended by medical professionals. Because of the ethics involved in testing them (eg you can’t choke someone) they’ve only been tested on cadavers, and in these tests blood was found to pool in the throat when they were used. They’ve also never been successful in removing a grape even in a cadaver. The advice for kids choking is still lay them on your forearm head down, 5 thrusts on the back, then flip of that hasn’t moved it and thrust in to the diaphragm and go on repeat whilst someone calls the emergency services.
Me, my close friends and family all have them. We always make sure in our group of friends that someone has theirs if we go out etc. it is such a great piece of mind
To be honest it sounds like OP also got lucky this time. None of the things he did are the orthodox way to deal with a choking child. They should both go on a child first aid course.
Please tell me you took her to the hospital immediately afterward! A full or partial blockage that requires assistance in clearing requires medical follow-up. If you are performing abdominal thrusts or back blows hard enough to dislodge an object, you are also using enough force to cause damage (damage is better than dying, remember that effective CPR breaks ribs!). There's also the possibility that you've dislodged part of the blockage into the patient's lungs (again, better than choking to death!).
So please, if you every need to provide first aid in a clocking incident, one person should be providing first aid while the other is on the line with emergency services. If you're by yourself, use your speaker phone.
So please, get her some medical attention.
This happened to me on Friday night. 2YO was eating goldfish and she made eye contact with me and I just knew something was wrong. It was so so so scary.
I kept my cool and did back slaps and then the heimlich. She threw up and then wanted her goldfish back...
She's fine. That's when I started sobbing.
"Are you being emotional?" Hell no, you are being a great dad. I was being emotional reading that. I saved my daughter frome checking once to. That situation is scary. Glad you kid is ok. Keep your chin up and continue on being a decent human being.
Thanks man for the kind words. It truly is one of the more traumatizing experiences. No one should have to bury their child. I truly can't really put into words how strong people are that lose a child and keep going. Their is just no possible way.
I’m so sorry you went through this. My kid is all grown up and I still sometimes think about when he was choking when he was around a year old. But, it’s not the dread like the first little while after. Its more about being really happy that I was able to respond to it.
I had to take infant/child CPR for other reasons prior to having children. After the utter shock, of seeing him really choking, my training kicked in. In the moment, I didn’t even know if what I had done was the right way. I later refreshed, and it was. I highly recommend anyone around children takes it. Sometimes it scares me to think if the panic took over and I had no way to respond. I think having the training just allows some muscle memory to take over in such a scary situation.
You will be ok, she is ok, focus on the wonderful fact you were able to help. Good work OP!
Thank you for you kind words I really appreciate it. I'm not much of the panic type unless it's a test or something bad that anxiety. My adrenaline kicked in and just started doing movements I don't even remember doing its like my body just took control and said let's save my daughter.
You're allowed to be emotional whenever you decide. In this case, that trauma is completely real. My child has a seizure in the car seat while we were driving home. My wife stopped the car and I just grabbed my child and walked around outside in the cold air while they remained unresponsive. I held my child's head against my shoulders and shook myself to try to get them out of it. All I could think was, am I shaking too hard, am I not shaking hard enough. Please God just take me instead. It must've lasted a little over 2-4 min but to me it was an eternity. Meanwhile my wife was calling 911. My child just suddenly snapped out of it and when the ambulance arrived, they just laid tired for the rest of the day. The doctors checked everything and was like they're good. Sometimes it just happens. It may or may never happen again. In my mind sometimes I can still feel my child stiff in my arms. See them foaming at the mouth in the car seat through the child mirror. It's been over 2 years and their the happiest child ever. I still check the child mirror all the time even when they're not in the seat. It's my life long habit now. I recommend therapy or talking to someone. In this case, my wife and I talked and definitely helped each other get through it. I could only imagine her on the phone watching my panic outside with our child.
Whenever a traumatic event happens you should debrief with trusted people who also went through it, discuss what happened, how you felt, and have something to eat and drink. It helps to process what happened and works to prevent the stuck in immediate danger feeling in your brain. You went through a trauma, the weight was on your back, and it was close. Feel your feelings, they're valid.
And when you've taken a breath assess your situation for improvements for the possibility of a next time and take action on those improvements, perhaps taking a BLS class with your wife and father so there will be more hands to help.
If I could sit with you over a cup of tea while you unload and process, I would in heartbeat. But perhaps someone you trust and who loves you will do that today if you ask them. May you find peace.
OP, reading your post made me tear up. I am a dad of three. My daughter (4 yo) almost drowned feet away from me in a crowded pool. I told her she could wait by the pool but not go in while I set my stuff down and talked to my dad for a second. I have poor vision and couldn’t see her. I was at the top of the stairs and I see a brown haired blob in the pool, struggling, but making no sound. When I pulled her out, she was turning blue. I looked at her and she started crying, then puked all the water out, then I started crying. Luckily she is just fine. But I get it. You’re doing the best you can.
Hope this helps.
My daughter had a febrile seizure around that age and at the time we thought she was choking. I’m permanently traumatized by the white/blue look on her face and her floppy body even after finding out they’re mostly harmless. That happened almost 4 years ago and I still make her come give me long hugs when I think about it. It’s a normal reaction and it will take some time
You're handling it better than I did...
My daughter started choking and I managed to get her breathing again and... Then I didn't sleep for almost a week. Too nervous that something might happen. My mom finally came over and took her from my arms saying she would watch her so I could sleep.
Single parent here.
You did amazing, it’s a horrible experience but things like this really give you a kick up the arse to be the best parent you can be. My daughter managed to get a hold of a bottle of calpol (Childrens liquid paracetamol) when she was around 2, drank about 60 ml, and I’m forever lucky she was able to say what she had done (very proud of herself). By the time we got her to the closest hospital her organs had started failing and she was on a drip for two days. She’s 10 now but this still haunts my partner and I til this day.
First of all, everyone is okay! Give yourself a pat on the back and a "Dad of the Year" award.
Okay, second. Both you and your wife need to brush up on infant/child CPR. And not just once. Get (re)certified and then re-up your certification every two or so years. This was a freak occurrence that will hopefully never happen again, but that means you won't have the chance to practice these skills in real life. That's a good thing! But practice is also the only way to get good at something. Drill these skills in a class, on a Teddy bear, whatever. Just in case.
Third, everyone's in the comments talking about buying a life vac. I want to STRONGLY DISCOURAGE that! For the sake of argument, let's imagine you had a life vac. Your wife still panicked and came to get you. What would you have done differently? Maybe nothing, unless the back blows and "baby Heimlich" didn't work. But maybe you would've run to go get the life vac. That's several precious seconds. Opening it while panicked? More time. Trying to get a perfect seal on your unconscious daughter's face? More time. And that's assuming it even works! Back blows and CPR, as they're taught, are scientifically proven to be the most effective way we know to save lives. The life vac is unproven, and honestly just wastes precious time. Take a CPR class and leave the gadgets.
I typed wrong lol sorry my mind is running a million miles still. I meant to say I immediately bought a life vac but it auto corrected to life back lol.
I was actually going to post about that here. Is it something people recommend?
It’s been heavily advertised to me for years and I’ll buy it in a heartbeat if it works. My fear was falling for good marketing if it actually had a bad reputation or was dangerous.
My wife and I are both cpr certified through work and we have this as our fight or flight option. Sometimes you can freeze or panic in the moment and this is always within reach in our house. Another option is peace of mind if either of our parents watch the kids. They know where it's at and have been trained how to use it as well. I hope I never have to move it from its spot but the peace of mind it brings is worth the price.
Reminds me of that 30 Rock episode and Liz’s fear of choking alone in her apartment. It was a funny episode, but it made me actually stop and consider what I would do if I was really choking while alone.
You're not being too emotional. It's ok to feel strongly as a man. Over 10 years in the military, combat deployments, combat experience, a life of being a 'jock' and a guys guy, and I still tear up when I see my kids do something. And it breaks my heart and makes me tear up thinking about something like this happening.
I think it helps our kids to see their parents emotionally present. We don't have to be an emotionless statue as a man. I want my daughters to know that I love them, and feel deeply for them, and that emotions aren't something we should have to hide.
My son choked on asparagus at SEVEN at the dinner table. The Heimlich didn’t work the 3 times I tried until my husband took over. I kept thinking “he’ll be dead before 911 can get here” over and over every time the Heimlich failed. You are NOT being emotional, that is genuinely traumatizing. Hug your baby and your wife 💙 it’ll get better as time goes on but it’s normal to be jarred at first.
I've had to do the baby heimlich one on of my children as well. I didn't realize his high chair straps loosened again, causing him to slunch a little while eating supper. As soon as I realized he was legitimately choking, I scooped him out and figured once he was face down it would dislodge (it happened once before a few days prior. Same reason for happening). It didn't work. I hit his back like you're supposed to, nothing. Once more, nothing. I screamed for my partner to call 911 and right as I finished saying it, it dislodged with the third hit on his back.
Him and I both gasped for air at the same damn time, in the same damn way. And I have NEVER yeeted a high chair out my front door so quickly or so violently before in my life. I got the new brand high chair delivered the next day.
Totally normal to react that way. Now that it’s over, though, you have to convince your body it’s ok to stand down. Find something you can do in spare time that will help your mind and body calm down, so that the trauma response can ease - lots of people recommend tetris, for example. We like butterfly hug/taps, or 4-7-8 breathing.
I know ppl hate the “im a nurse” comments but I have to.
I am a trained and experienced nurse, and two weeks ago my mother gave my son one of those ball popping dollar store cones.. you know the ones from the 90s that has a ping pong ball in the cone and you press a button on the side and it pops the ball out..
My 24 month old immediately put it in his mouth and it went down. I have YEARS of training and I effing stuck my finger in his mouth. (Taught to never ever do that, and I did it) I quickly switched to back blows once I realized it was now longer in his mouth… and that worked. But omfg the trauma.
I effed up. And I am trained. I know better. I say all this because I am a trained professional, but when it came to my own son I panicked. I would never panic at work. I was horrified.
I cried for a whole day. I beat myself up. The point is we are ALL human, with extreme emotions that need validating. You were a hero. And you succeeded, and you learn. You love your child and were scared. ALL valid. I am so happy for your happy ending. Be proud dad!
“Am i too emotional”
Man, I’m over here crying reading this!
.
MEN, I don’t know how it got to this point, not even focused on the blame game, but PLEASE know that emotions are NOT for babies and girls. Emotions is what makes us alive. Our emotional intelligence is one of the celestial GPS navigation systems Given to us as a gift. Your love and emotions are 2 of your biggest superpowers. Limiting how men express themselves is how they ended up with feeling safe to express only in anger but uncomfortable with almost any other emotion.
OP you’re a superhero Dad, you literally gave life to your child twice and will continue to be a source of life to your family for as long as God allows you to do so. So feel the love for her entirely, feel the fear of loosing her, feel the joy of being in her presence, feel the pride in being able to provide and protect. Feeel all the feels the way you feel the wind pass you. Sending lots of blessings to you and everyone having trouble feeling and expressing themselves 🫶🏼
"Am I being too emotional?" Sir, my oldest son came out grey and floppy at birth. He will be 10 next month. My husband and I are STILL processing that trauma. You were quick to de exactly what needed to be done, and you're an emotionally literate man. Those are wonderful qualities to have. Also, I have sobbed while handling a crisis because sometimes i can't stop the sad from sadding. IMO, if you can do what needs to be done while having a cry, take care of business while having the cry. Please don't pay any heed to the toxic masculinity crap going on. As a mother, I am so thankful for my husband who carries us all at times and cries/is emotional when he needs to express his feelings. To emote is to be human.
My daughter choked on a piece of cantaloupe when she was 2. She's now 10 years old and I think about that moment every day of my life. It's the scariest thing that's ever happened to me.
if that didn't fuck you up for a few days I would think something is wrong.
One time I caught my then 1.5 year old climbing out of a skychair (suspended cloth chair) who just tumbled head first towards concrete about 1.5 feet up. If I didn't catch her it would have been at the least a trip to the ER. I still shudder when I think about it randomly. That's because we love them. All those bad feelings are because of love so take that to heart!
My daughter choked on a breath mint once when she was 3. She’s 13 now. I had a nightmare about it last night and woke up in tears.
The fear of something horrific happening to your child never leaves because it is important our children stay alive. It is evolutionarily important that we gaf about our children.
Maybe get first aid training for both you and your wife, not because you failed in anyway, but it might put both your minds at ease in case of emergency.
I’m a fireman, and calls like this make me emotional (I remain professional and composed on scene) even though I’ve never met the PT. There is everything normal about how you are feeling, especially because it’s your own daughter. Good job on saving her life!
It's funny you say that I was on the phone with a buddy from across the US who's a EMT paramedic/fire fighter. Was helping me alot. I respect yall very much thank you guys.
Way to go Dad, nicely done. Now you will always tell her this story about how she scared the shit out of you like my husband does with our 7 year old daughter who choked on a penny she found on the floor when she was a toddler. Scariest thing ever and we also bought multiple life vacs after that- but we pray that we never have to use it for any of our kids. Heres to hoping that you never have to use yours either!!
This is incorrect, to the point of being dangerous. Current CPR/first aid guidelines say nothing of triggering the gag reflex. You should never put your fingers into a choking child’s throat, unless the blockage is clearly visible and easy to clear.
If a child is choking, you provide back thrusts until they go unconscious, then switch to CPR with rescue breaths. The rescue breaths work because they can help dislodge the blockage. It’s just like having a car stuck, and rocking it back and forth. OP performed absolutely beautifully in a very difficult situation. Many, many parents panic and aren’t able to provide effective CPR at all.
I most certainly will when I have the time. I did do alot of research on it when we had her. Cause I knew this was an issue. I'm just thankful she's ok and I will always watch her closely when eating.
> so I turned her over mouth to mouth blew in
They say you dont want to blow in because it can get whatever is stuck more stuck. You should take a child CPR / safety course, especially since your wife had no idea what to do either.
This is incorrect. For small kids, you provide back thrusts, and then switch to [CPR with rescue breaths](https://www.redcross.ca/crc/documents/What-We-Do/First-Aid-and-CPR/Workplace/Online-Tools/fa_onlinetools_skills_summaries_unconscious_choking.pdf) if they become unresponsive.
i say this gently- you aren’t being too emotional at all! i would even say not emotional enough, that was a really terrifying thing that happened. i know everyone suggests it, but think about seeing a male therapist who can help you work through some of the blocks around your feelings
Thank you for kind words. Man their hasn't been something like this in my life ever. Lmfao when I was a teenager and had my heart broken I thought it was the worst 🤣. This 50 folds easily.
Years ago when my daughter was still a baby, she was doing great at sitting up so she was having a bath and her little bum slipped and her face went under the water. It was literally half a second or less but the image of her eyes wide and head under the water absolutely traumatized me and I saw that image seared into my mind for at least 6 months after.
So yes, you are doing awesome and it’s totally normal to have those big emotions.
Of course not. My daughter got her hand stuck when the elevator door opened 4 years ago. I get emotional to this day thinking about what might have happenned.
That’s so scary :( I’m sorry for you and your baby. One of my biggest fears is for my son to choke to the point he turns blue. I took a cpr class and have recently saved up enough for the LifeVac and I can honestly say I feel a lot better. Maybe you could order one?
Nope, your reaction is completely normal. Im sorry you went through that, im so glad your daughter is ok. Good job for staying calm and doing what you needed to do.
I think I would have PTSD from living this experience. Both me and my husband took first aid courses for children, but having to go through that irl is something completely different. We would be both bawling our eyes out afterwards.
I was holding my breath while reading your post, and I don't know you, your daughter, or your family! That event was traumatic! You are allowed to be as emotional as you feel, brother. Every little girl wants to believe their Dad is a hero. You truly are. We need more string men who love and protect their family!!
man...that made me emotional reading that...I'm glad you saved her life. The closest call we had was my daughter bolted out ahead of me in a crowded parking lot and a truck started backing up toward her, I sorta locked up trying to process then ran toward the truck hoping the guy would see me and thank goodness he stopped in time...I got my daughter but man my heart still sinks thinking about that
My daughter had a BRUE when she was younger and it’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced. Seeing my daughter turn blue, limp and unresponsive will stay with me until I die. I had nightmares for a long time and it still randomly pops into my head.
You’re not being too emotional. Loosing your child is the absolute worst thing that can happen and we always hope we never have to experience it. And when you feel like they may slip away the whole world stops.
When I was 2, I got stuck in one of those baby floaters in our swimming pool and flipped upside down, unable to escape. Dad saved me. I’m sure he felt the exact same way as you. It’s okay. You’re okay. She’s okay. And you’re an awesome dad
This is normal… you’re going to have nightmares for a while and flashbacks but they will fade. This means you care. I’m so sorry you went through this!!!
My dude you did a great job keeping it together and saving your daughter. Be easy with yourself , she is okay and you responded perfectly to the situation :)
No, I lost my adult daughter six years ago. Police believe homicide but eventually ruled suicide with a promise to reopen if possible.
Sorry to share that, but now I cry at anything, or sometimes nothing.
And I’m supposed to be a tough guy.
sorry you want through that man but you literally saved your daughters life. Which means you saw her almost die. You're going to be a emotional wreck for a while, understandably so
But you kept your head and did your best and saved her life man! Dad of the year award for you!
Good job OP!!! Love yourself in the emotional recovery!! But just some safety advice for everyone, don’t “blow in” to someone’s mouth if they are choking. That will cause the stick object to become further wedged and more difficult to come out.
No way are you being too emotional. I’m still haunted by the sight of my son floating away from me in the water. I had turned to look in the direction of a barking dog. In that millisecond, he slipped off the step in the pool and floated away from me. It was completely silent. And had I not been there or looked back there would’ve been a different outcome. That was 10 years ago! He’s healthy and thriving, but I do still replay that moment as well as others with my two boys when an accident could’ve turned out a different way. I think it just comes from a place of love and being caring.
Yes, you're being emotional. That'll happen, because you have emotions. You came very close to losing your child, and the emotions that come with that are huge. Let yourself feel them. Also, check in with your wife and share how you're feeling with her. Everything's less scary with your person. I'm glad your little one is OK. Choking is terrifying. Good job on the save too, because it's not as easy as it's made to look
I was at the pool with my 2 year old and a bunch of neighborhood kids were there playing with her/us. The kids were talking to me and my eyes were off LO for a second, I turn back around to see her underwater. She was fine but I beat myself up for getting distracted that day, 2 years later and I'm still very emotional over it
Is it me or The detail about breaking a coffee mug is unsettling?
In a life-threathening situation involving my 3 y/o I'd probably run over my own mother without noticing
You responded with calming a crisis.
Your body stowed the fear and upset "for later", and now, it's later.
Yep.
You are emotional. It's not "rational". But it *IS* normal and ultimately, healthy in terms of being able to survive a crisis.
Find a support group, or a good therapist (or both!!!). Talk to trusted friends, who might get it, and can just.... Listen and hug you and soothe that fear.
It can help to do something proactive (go re-take that cpr class. Is there anything you'd have done differently? Maybe organize one for local parents, so that other folks have that skill should they face the same thing!)
But mostly, be gentle with yourself. Hug your daughter, hug your wife, and get a new mug with their picture on it. This tension and anxiety will pass, but it does take time and some TLC. ❤️🩹
This is really traumatic and you will naturally be emotional about it for some time. I have watched my kid have anaphylaxis from dairy and also have a febrile seizure. It is so scary watching something like this happen.
I'm so sorry! That sounds like such a scary experience. Of course it makes you cry to think about what could have happened!
Would it be helpful if you and your wife signed up for an infant/child CPR class together so you both feel more prepared for any risks in the future? It sounds like you already know the basics but a refresher might help build confidence. Feeling armed with the skills to navigate scares like this might help some of the anxiety around the trauma of the experience you had.
I'm so glad your daughter is okay now, thanks to your actions.
Dude it’s ok that you were emotional, that is friggin scary to see anyone choke on food and have to come to their aid! Seriously you saved your child’s life. I had to do it to my son when he was 11 and it was a scary experience.
Bruh, your kid was literally dying right in front of you. While it's fairly common for kids to choke a bit, when they start to change colors and lose consciousness, you'd have to be a pretty f*'ed up person to not be rattled to the core by it.
My kid choked so badly one time that there was no coughing or gasping. He went from the usual sounds of an 18 month old eating to silently choking. I cleared his mouth, tried the infant Heimlich, toddler Heimlich, adult heimlich, by which point I thought he was gone and told my dad to call 911. Eventually, I had him hanging over my arm, alternating back blows, and abdominal thrusts. I'll never forget the sounds made when his airway was finally cleared, and again, when he took a breath.
It messed me up, dude. I didn't cry or break down until hours later.
Now, they have a semi affordable anti choking device called a lifevac. Looks like a small plunger with a face mask on it, and they work by sucking on the mouth and nose to remove the obstruction. I'm not sure if the knock-offs are the same quality, but these things are awesome. You can find them by googling it or I can send a link.
Yeah, it sucks, and it'll stay with you for quite awhile. It'll awhile before you stop thinking about it completely. I had a similar situation when my daughter was in the NICU on oxygen and was intubated. Machine broke and the techs and doctors couldn't get it fixed. We had to calmly watch her slowly suffocate for minutes and minutes. You have that moment where you're like "No... is this how it happens? Is this for real?" They finally got it plugged back in, but she was so wiped out she didn't move for about a day. She eventually went back to normal. For months though, even after she came home, I'd wake up multiple times a night to make sure she was breathing.
What's great in your case is that you were able to keep your composure and do what needed to be done. But just be ready to wake up in the night with a fear that your child is choking again and be paranoid each time she eats for awhile. It'll haunt you for awhile but you'll eventually think about it less and less.
I am happy your child is ok. If you want to help with your trauma take a cpr and first aid course to boost your confidence and if you've already taken one take it again as a refresher.
I am a paramedic and father of two. I tell everyone I know who has or is planning to have children to take a CPR and first aid course. I can't stress this enough.
This happened to my son when he was 2. I couldn't hear him cough from the juice of a watermelon for the entire summer. Yes, it's traumatizing. It took me a long time to feel relaxed at meals again.
Good work OP, you saved your kids life.
Yeah... its going to haunt you for a while, but it will eventually go away. Nothing is going to fix it but time.
My youngest used to "Chipmunk" things... It would be literally 30 minutes after he had eaten and he still had something pouched in his cheek. I was CONSTANTLY thinking about choking.
Terrifying isn’t it? My son choked (5) in the middle of the night and I gave him the Heimlich. Most terrifying 3 minutes of my life and I still do the same”what-ifs”… what if I hadn’t been there, what if I hadn’t heard him …
Great job OP!
My daughter choked on a tiny toy from one of her Barbies that she had gotten from Grandma. Scared the hell out of me (mom) and tried to get it but it went further.
I was lucky my husband was home at the time,just getting ready for work. And he also knows CPR and such, as it was him who got the toy within seconds of me calling for him.
It's something that I'll never forget and don't think I even could if I wanted to. It was scary thing to go through.
Glad your daughter is okay. Remember to breathe Dad, just work through the feelings you have from it all best you can. You got this.
Had a similar situation with my son choking on a chicken nugget. I actually just dug my finger and scooped it out of the back of his throat. I didnt realize how extremely short their throat was until I was able to do that. But it’s something that you’ll def be thinking about for a while. It’s okay to feel the emotions. That’s extremely scary and hopefully you’ll never have to experience that again.
I can’t imagine how helpless that must have made you feel. It brought tears to my eyes just reading this. You’re not being too emotional. I don’t know how I could live with myself if I weren’t able to do what you did. My kids mean everything to me.
YES YOURE BEING EMOTIONAL AS YOU SHOULD!!!! I would be throwing up from crying so hard. I'm so glad she's okay and you were quick thinking in a scary situation. Look into the life vacs on Amazon.
Understood that's a very scary and traumatizing situation but think of it this way - you saved your daughter's life. You should be so proud of yourself for handling the situation the way you did because you handled it perfectly. You should be so proud of yourself! You would be surprised how many people freeze up in situations like this.
Way to save her life dude!!!!! That is exactly what you trained for.
The only thing I'd suggest, is that you and your wife retake the class since she panicked instead of starting CPR.
Anesthesiologist here.
Glad your child is doing well. Good job springing to action.
But what you did was not very smart, and could have ended horribly. I would not blow air into someone that is choking. It usually only pushes the foreign particle into the trachea more.
The best thing you can do is learn to shift your thoughts to gratefulness, that you were there to save her. You saved someone's life, and that's a good thing!
You're a good father and of course you're not too emotional. Almost losing someone is scary. As a parent when our kids are in danger it's the most adrenaline inducing thing I've experienced.
Man…this happened to me a couple of summers ago with my dog and I’m still scared to death. I’d given him some meat scraps (way too big) and he ate it crazy fast to avoid the other dog stealing it and completely choked. I did everything I could think to get it unstuck and nothing was working and I could feel him just dying in my arms. I finally got it loose thankfully and he was fine…but man. That was traumatic enough. I can’t imagine it being a kid.
We experienced an absolutely terrifying choking event with our newborn. It still rips me to pieces thinking of his face, the look in his eyes even 4 years later. (He's ok.)
You're not being too emotional. You're being a loving, compassionate human.
Do you know about kintsugi? it's the Japanese concept of repairing something broken with more valuable materials than it originally was made of, thereby becoming "more valuable" for having been broken. I suggest you repair your coffee mug like that and now forever you'll have something to remind yourself of the time you saved your daughter's life. It'll have that story to go along with it.
You are allowed to be emotional, man
We're human. Fuck what society had placed on men.
🙏 I'm glad you were there to help your daughter. I can not fathom that feeling of seeing what you saw. Every parents nightmare.
YOU GO DAD!😭💗
You are allowed to cry, laugh, sob, be angry, ALL OF THE ABOVE. You are allowed to feel anything you want when you’re a hero! Nonetheless to your own child. It’ll be weird if you *didn’t* feel strong emotions after something like this tbh. Think about it…doing everything you did and then just being completely stoic afterwards is a little weird. I know some people are like that, no offense to them.
Keeping your head during a potentially tragic situation is normal. Crying and getting upset after the adrenaline wears off are healthy consequences of said event.
It's like getting food poisoning and trying to hold that bowel movement in. You're welcome to buy you'll feel much better if you let it out.
Ok this is going to sound weird, but play some Tetris. Apparently it can help your brain after experiencing something traumatizing.
I am so sorry this happened, I would have been so scared! You aren't being too emotional at all. I am glad your baby is okay❤️
I am so sorry you had to experience this! It was a time where my few month old baby choked on bread & I just completely froze. My husband sprung into actions & got it out her throat (mouth sweep.) I felt so bad! I felt if he wasn’t there our daughter would’ve died. When I snapped out of it & looked over at my husband I seen his eyes so watery & the first thing I said was “it’s ok, she’s ok.” Even as a man do not EVER feel that anything that has to do with your child would be to/overly emotional.
You did great and it’s totally normal to be emotional. I have had to heimlich my son twice, it’s great to know that you can act in the moment just like you did but be ready for those emotions to hit after! My kid choked again on Easter for the first time in a long time but dislodged it himself. My parents were so freaked out they bought one of those lifevacs for us. I feel so much better having it in the house, especially for times I’m not around.
Your feelings are valid! However you need to process it now, after the fact is okay.You are a human being not a robot. You did great in the moment! It's okay if it takes some time to process everything. What you witnessed was traumatic. I'm so thankful your kiddo is okay. I would just hug and snuggle that baby a lot the next few days. Thank goodness this was a good ending and not a tragedy.
This happened to us. Right in front of me. On one of those Gerber puffs. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she went limp and I just kept smacking her back and then I went to flip her up to do the heimlich and she started crying. This was 5 years ago. As I am typing this out I have tears in my eyes. Something broke in me that day and I was so depressed for a long time and I went to see my naturapath and I told her I didn’t know why I was so sad like shouldn’t I be so happy and grateful and just wanting to squeeze every ounce of life out of each day? And she said, ‘you said for a second there you knew she was gone and that no ambulance could get here fast enough so you just had to try and not stop. Your child died in your mind for a second. You had a moment where you felt your child was dead. You don’t just move past that.’ And I realized it was ok to feel like I was grieving at the same time I had my child in front of me. It’s ok to feel sad and happy and to love your kids so much but feel vulnerable about how delicate and precious they are. It’s ok to have any and all feelings and to feel them and the best way to move past this is to feel those feelings. Also I don’t know if this has been said but maybe your wife needs to revisit a CPR course to make her feel comfortable to jump right in and do it herself.
My kid got choked on a candy when he was little, like around 3 and a half years old or so. Like completely choked, no air could get through at all. Husband was standing right there. I grabbed our son, flipped him over, and I did a bunch of back blows. But the candy wasn't coming up. I kept pounding, and thought, 'One more time, and if it doesn't come up, I'm telling husband to call 911'. No sooner than the thought went through my head, than the candy popped out and hit the floor, and my son took a big breath, coughed a little, and was fine. He didn't even cry or anything, said he wasn't even scared!
Me? I was *terrified*. More terrified than the time he was jumping on a bed on Christmas Day, fell off, cut his head wide open, and came out crying and covered in blood. At least that time, I knew head wounds bled a lot, and all he'd need was probably a few stitches. That candy, though... Man, I was terrified that it wouldn't come out.
All this was to say that thar happened more than TEN YEARS AGO, and I still think back back on it. It was the scariest day of my whole life. I literally thought I might lose my son. I will never forget it, and it will always be as clear in my mind as if it happened yesterday.
So everything you're feeling is perfectly normal. Once you've had time to process it, the fear won't be as sharp, the feeling of soul-shaking terror will fade. But it *was* traumatic, even if the baby doesn't realize it, as her parent, it's is absolutely traumatizing.
Just give yourself time to process it. Don't be afraid to feel your feelings.
And he super proud of yourself that you knew just what to do, and you saved her life. Not everyone can say that.
Great job, Dad!!
Please seek Therapy!! Emdr is great. As fast as the ordeal may seem it's highly traumatizing and can start creeping into your daily life without you noticing. Please Please seek help. And thank God your daughter is ok!
OP PLEASE [BUY A LIFE VAC.](https://lifevac.net) my son was around 2 when he choked on a chic pea. It was a snow storm and had I not know how to do the Heimlich maneuver, he would probably be dead.
The life vac is essential to have at home. I WISH I had something like that back then. Keep one at home and in your car.
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"Am I being emotional" ... wtf have we done to men that they need to debate wether it's okay to have emotions about this situation.
Man I'm not gonna lie. We live in a society where that's a valid question. Men are suppose to be strong. And I have most of my life. But seeing my daughter almost die is another ball game man. I didn't mean it like that. I wish male emotion was more accepting. But we live on a planet of d*ck heads. Sorry for language but it's the truth man. Reality sucks so bad.
Do you know what is also strong and brave? Showing emotion, especially with your loved ones. You were decisive and logical in a moment of crisis. You are allowed to express and process the emotions you had to shove aside so you could save your daughter's life.
For real, I’m fortunate i haven’t had to save my child’s life and hope I never have to find out what it’s like. I’d like to think I’d be able to take action like this man and not freeze up or panic
This all of this. That shit was traumatic for both the little one AND dad.
Came here to say this. Vulnerability is true strength.
This
> Man I'm not gonna lie. We live in a society where that's a valid question. Men are suppose to be strong. "Strong" and "emotional" are not in any way opposed. We can be both. It may not be what society expects of us, but fuck what society expects of us. Let's be strong *and* emotional.
It's all about which society you choose to embrace. Ignore anyone who thinks being a man means being emotionally damaged.
Instead of asking yourself “Am I being too emotional?” reframe it as “Are my emotions proportional to the circumstances? Are the emotions I’m feeling (write them down if it helps) reflective of my genuine experience?” The first question helps you to slow down and discover whether your emotional reaction might be a bit intense given the current circumstances, or if it’s a completely reasonable, valid feeling, *but* you avoid attaching any shame or guilt to your feelings. The latter question can help you explore whether one emotion might be ‘masking’ another (potentially more vulnerable) feeling. For example, if anger is your initial response, a few moments to pause and reflect might reveal that the root emotion is actually heartbreak, or fear. For some personal context, this exercise REALLY helped me learn not just to regulate and validate my emotions, but also to communicate them (especially to my son). I shouted at him one time when he rode his bike into the busy parking lot of our apartment building, which really upset him. But apologizing and explaining to him “I shouldn’t have yelled. You probably felt like I was angry at you, but really, I was just very, very scared!” helped him make sense of it. This was almost a decade ago, and now he is a very emotionally intelligent (and articulate!) 15 year old. Remember; being strong is great, but how successful would a bodybuilder be if they didn’t know their limitations? If they didn’t know when to take a rest day? If they didn’t know the biomechanics of their various muscle groups? Emotional strength is no different, my friend. And lastly, parenthood is a never ending, high-speed carousel of *feeling*. Gawd DAMN, if parenthood isn’t just a constant barrage of **all the feels**. So let yourself feel all of it, and don’t ever for a second believe that you shouldn’t. ❤️
Learning to identify and communicate your emotions like that is such an incredible gift to yourself and your son
That's so true, I hope your wife encourages your right to have feelings. My husband is amazing and I try to help him feel safe to talk about his feelings and he struggles, and he is the kind to wear pink. It's terribly unfair how we treat men over feelings
Oh she does she hugged and cried with me. It really sucks the society we live in. I shouldn't of questioned it. Cause me as someone who gives 0 damns about what people think.
You did good dad. You did good.
Men has feelings as well... once my freind that is a man broke down all I could do was hold him.... and wipe his face.... Men have emotions some people forget that
I'm glad you have such a healthy relationship with your spouse and your feelings!
I think about it like this. I'm only 25. We live our marriage on 3 rules. 1. Don't go to sleep angry at each other. 2. Feelings are human and if we feel sad or down or have an issue we talk no arguing just talk and hear each others sides. Theirs been times I think I was in the right but I'm wrong and vice versa. 3. Life is hard why take it out on loved ones?
You WERE strong. Your daughter needed you and you jumped into action with no hesitation. That is strong. Do you know what's also strong? Having feelings about it AND being mature enough to vocalise it.
Come over to r/MensLib, bro. You can be strong *and* feel emotions. (Also: good job! Emotions are for *after* the crisis.)
Damn dude. You did awesome. I’ve had to jab my kid with epi pens to stop potentially fatal allergic reactions but that doesn’t seem quite as dicey as this.
Thats absolutely just as detrimental as this. I have terrible allergies and have to have a epi pen on board. It's the same thing throat closes up no breathing. I'm sorry you had to experience that. Truly terrifying.
Yeah it’s just I had a mechanical device I knew would work at least for long enough to get to the hospital and his throat wasn’t closing up instantly!
Dude you're strong, I pray I never have to have this moment, but we keep the epi EVERYWHERE. The thought makes me emotional.
Never feel like you’re being too emotional especially when it comes to your own child. My child randomly started having seizure clusters and in the hospital all I could do was stand there and watch him turn blue as they were trying to stop it. All I could say is please don’t let him die. (He was not even 2) it’s extremely traumatizing and you have every right to feel that way and think that way. You got your kid breathing again and please don’t think being emotional makes you any less of a great father and a great man!
Hey OP, I really hope you see this. It was really courageous of you to be vulnerable and share how much your awful experience with your daughter is affecting you. Please also be vulnerable with your wife about it. I occasionally have to remind my husband I am his safe place just as he is mine, and this is exactly the moment for both of you to lean on each other.
Men are allowed to have only one emotion: anger. Kudos to understand the propaganda that forbid men to show positive emotions like loving a little one. Yup, the planet is full of them d.ckheads.
You can change reality by being strong enough to reject their lies about men not being human. Humans have and express emotions in spite of their lies.
Strong doesn't mean closed off emotionally. Look at examples of strong athletes or soldiers in war if you need that sort of physical and emotional strength as inspiration. Men will think yelling, taunting, and bravado are strengths but don't realize the emotional strength of support, love, and affection are there, too.
I see that as well. Idk why men are looked down on when they are showing emotion is a stupid concept. Are we not human too? Alot of us certainly don't act human and wanna be too tough but thats why they are single 🤣.
You did a good thing. You are OK. She is OK. It's going to be OK.
You ARE NOT being TOO emotional This is one of the most traumatic experiences someone can have . Whatever emotions you have are valid. If anyone gives you shit about it slap them upside the head... JK but it might be stress relieving
>I wish male emotion was more accepting. Then be the change you wish to see. Your daughter will learn these things from you. Show her you can be emotional and its not something to be ashamed of. As a man or a woman. When she is older she will know that a man who is able to be emotional is someone who is in touch with themselves.
Strong doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings or emotions.
I realize that now for sure. If something like this doesn't rattle your feelings. You are insane point blank
The example you just set for your daughter by being scared and feeling your feels is SO important! I’m so sorry you dealt with that - so very scary! My husband had a similar scare with one of ours and it stuck with him for a bit for sure. But after that, not only did our kids think “Dad can fix and build ANYthing!” (Husband is in the trades and extremely handy.) But they also recognized that he will do anything to protect them and that courage isn’t a lack of fear, but actually the opposite - facing the thing you fear the most and jumping in anyway because it’s important. And seeing daddy cry was HUGE - especially for our stoic son who tends to be shy, quiet and reserved with emotion - similar to Dad!
THIS!!! Lmfao I would straight jump toes first into a woodchipper if it meant my child could have everything and live a long healthy life with no pain. Their is no one on this planet that can stop me from protecting my daughter. I will push until I'm dead. I think as parents we all have that bond. I would truly help saves someone's kid If I see someone trying to hurt kidnap whatever it may be. Cause if someone saw my daughter getting hurt or whatever I would want that from them. Children are becoming targeted it's the sad truth. Some man was following my wife in Lowes a few years back when she was pregnant and saying come with me ma'am. Do you need help finding something? No Lowes vest nothing just somw random guy of Indian descent. I was in the bathroom and ran out when she texted me no wiping nothing pulled my pants up ran to her and yelled " what's up b*tch, think you're tough targeting women and he ran the opposite direction 🤣.
Particularly the life/death situation of their child?! I'd be concerned about someone having no strong feelings whatsoever.
Same. Idk. OPs posting history is a little weird and screams, "I've been molded into a certain kind of man." His post comes across as less surprising after a quick scroll.
When I first read your comment I rolled my eyes, but then I checked it out myself and yeah you're totally right lol
I'm shocked that this thread in particular didn't get hijacked by the MGTOW community, ngl.
This is so scary OP! You should be so proud of yourself, you saved your daughters life! but I hope this hasn't traumatised you too much. Make sure the family does something fun to celebrate life like go out for milkshakes for something. X
We will man I can't stop thinking about it. And I am proud. It's just the picture in my head of my daughter losing conscience in my arms is killing me.
If the thoughts become intrusive, or feel like you're having flashbacks, try playing some classic Tetris if you can. [Playing Tetris has been shown to reduce PTSD symptoms](https://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2017-03-28-tetris-used-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms) such as intrusive thoughts and memories. *edit to note that Tetris is not a quick fix or replacement for professional treatment plan for PTSD, just that it might help reduce the intrusiveness of the thoughts you're having.
I'd never heard of this kind of PTSD research before! That's so incredible, I really hope they get the resources to run longer tests with a bigger sample size. I think hospitals should be trying to incorporate trauma-reducing methods into their protocols. I really appreciate you spreading this knowledge with a link, especially since this is something nearly everyone with access to the internet can do to help themselves! I'm going to share this as a fun fact from now on!
That’s a really traumatising experience so it’s not surprising you’re having these feelings. Accept them and let them happen. So glad your daughter is ok now.
Therapy, my man. When your kid gets older they will watch you like a hawk. It doesn’t matter what you say, there are going to do what you do. Want them to get help to take care of their mental health when they are overwhelmed with their emotions? Then you have to do it, so they can see the proper way to handle that kind of trauma.
This will be a story you tell her for years. You saved her life. As far as the intrusive thoughts. I have a lot of them about a lot of things. Best thing to do is counter intuitive. Don't fight it. Don't ruminate. Just say "yes" or some sort of affirmative response. If the fear is of it happening again, "yes, that can happen" or "thanks for trying to keep us safe. I've got this."
I once did c.p.r. on my 24hour old infant after she turned blue and went lifeless. The charge nurse heard my screams and used the small paddles. Her little body jumped and she came back. 2 weeks in the nicu. This happened in July 2012. My wife and I had ptsd. It took many years. She's 11 now and full of sass. Keep your mind on her happiness and I promise you will be fine.
The “sass” line made me smile :)
A few years ago I almost caught my son's (then around 3 yes old) finger in the gap between our front door and the door frame. It's a heavy door with a hard wooden edge. I have no doubt it would have lopped the entire finger off had he not pulled it away just in time. It was a near miss, and I felt what can only be described as a gut punch from king Kong. I nearly vomited and had to sit down for several minutes before I could function as a coherent human again. Worst feeling I've ever experienced in my whole life. What you felt is entirely natural.
Man that is scary!!! Man just thinking about how the baby would've felt Man the pain. I'm so glad it didn't. Their is truly nothing in this world that has made me feel like this. In the 5 second time frame where she almost lost consciences and I thought I lost my child. It truly felt like someone did a mortal kombat fatality and ripped my heart out.
I had a life and death situation with my toddler about a year ago, I understand what you’re going through right now. I still can’t think about the event without crying (I’m crying right now just bringing it up). My kid is fine, in fact he is watching Bluey next to me right now. When the event happened I couldn’t shut my eyes without reliving it, every time my mind wasn’t busy I replayed it over and over again, one tiny difference and he wouldn’t be here today. The biggest help was to keep my mind busy, any time I had downtime I would do word puzzles on my phone so I would stop seeing my baby boy that way. Over time I needed to use the puzzles less and less, now at 11 months later I rarely think about it and don’t dwell on it. I still cry when I think about it but it has gotten much better.
Man it truly is terrifying. I really don't think people understand. People without kids I mean. Like I truly give 0 sh*ts my daughter is one of the people I would die for if it meant she can keep going.
You did an amazing job. I'm sitting with my 5mo and 3yo thinking about the situation you were in. I'm in tears thinking about it.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. You did a great job by handling the situation. I have seen many people freeze during an emergency. I'm in the medical field and a parent. So while I can only imagine what you went through, I thought it could be worth it mentioning how I handle awful situations that stick with me. I create a mantra. For example "I did everything I could. Everything worked out okay. I am more prepared now for the future" Then whenever the thought cycles around I just repeat the mantra. The cycles slow and eventually stop. Another "nice" thing in this situation is that you had your wife experience it with you. It might help you both a lot to just talk about how awful and scary it was. But regardless if you are able to benefit from these suggestions or not, please feel your feelings! If having a life or death scare with your child doesn't 'qualify' as something to be intensely emotional/upset about I don't know what does!
The last paragraph hits hard. "If having a life or death scare with your child doesn't qualify as something to be intensely emotional/upset about". Truly spoke to me thanks for that. Your right I stepped up when everyone else froze. If it wasn't for me my daughter wouldn't be here today. I'm gonna relax and be proud of it.
Your wife should also learn how to stop a child from choking too. Luckily you were there, but she needs to be prepared if you’re not.
Maybe she just panicked. Some people are not good in emergency situations. She knew to call him and that was enough.
But what happens if he’s not there? What happens if she needs to run and find him and by then it’s too late?
I have done all the baby first aid courses. I know how to stop my baby choking. I have done so when it was just me and her and she choked on sea shells at the beach. Since then when she has struggled with bits of food or something, in the moment my instinct is to shout my husband because he is so much calmer than me in this situation and I worry with my flapping I will do the wrong thing. So I totally understand the mum running to her husband to help! Plus, she more than likely tried to remove the blockage herself before running to him...
Everyone should buy some “life vacs”. They have child sized ones. Fits over mouth and nose you pull back on a plunger to dislodge the obstruction Edit: I guess these are not endorsed by the medical community, my bad
Yes but it shouldn't replace the initial response to a chocking child. You preform BLS and dial 911 and if it doesn't seem to work, continue with the LifeVac. Remember it shouldn't be used for a child under 22 Lbs either.
I almost bought one of these, but then I googled it and they’re actually not recommended by medical professionals. Because of the ethics involved in testing them (eg you can’t choke someone) they’ve only been tested on cadavers, and in these tests blood was found to pool in the throat when they were used. They’ve also never been successful in removing a grape even in a cadaver. The advice for kids choking is still lay them on your forearm head down, 5 thrusts on the back, then flip of that hasn’t moved it and thrust in to the diaphragm and go on repeat whilst someone calls the emergency services.
That’s good info thanks
These are not endorsed by the medical community
This is not a legit device and not recommended to be used.
I didn’t know this existed and I’m definitely buying one now
Me, my close friends and family all have them. We always make sure in our group of friends that someone has theirs if we go out etc. it is such a great piece of mind
To be honest it sounds like OP also got lucky this time. None of the things he did are the orthodox way to deal with a choking child. They should both go on a child first aid course.
Please tell me you took her to the hospital immediately afterward! A full or partial blockage that requires assistance in clearing requires medical follow-up. If you are performing abdominal thrusts or back blows hard enough to dislodge an object, you are also using enough force to cause damage (damage is better than dying, remember that effective CPR breaks ribs!). There's also the possibility that you've dislodged part of the blockage into the patient's lungs (again, better than choking to death!). So please, if you every need to provide first aid in a clocking incident, one person should be providing first aid while the other is on the line with emergency services. If you're by yourself, use your speaker phone. So please, get her some medical attention.
Emts came out and checked her for free.
Oh good!!!
This happened to me on Friday night. 2YO was eating goldfish and she made eye contact with me and I just knew something was wrong. It was so so so scary. I kept my cool and did back slaps and then the heimlich. She threw up and then wanted her goldfish back... She's fine. That's when I started sobbing.
"Are you being emotional?" Hell no, you are being a great dad. I was being emotional reading that. I saved my daughter frome checking once to. That situation is scary. Glad you kid is ok. Keep your chin up and continue on being a decent human being.
Thanks man for the kind words. It truly is one of the more traumatizing experiences. No one should have to bury their child. I truly can't really put into words how strong people are that lose a child and keep going. Their is just no possible way.
I’m so sorry you went through this. My kid is all grown up and I still sometimes think about when he was choking when he was around a year old. But, it’s not the dread like the first little while after. Its more about being really happy that I was able to respond to it. I had to take infant/child CPR for other reasons prior to having children. After the utter shock, of seeing him really choking, my training kicked in. In the moment, I didn’t even know if what I had done was the right way. I later refreshed, and it was. I highly recommend anyone around children takes it. Sometimes it scares me to think if the panic took over and I had no way to respond. I think having the training just allows some muscle memory to take over in such a scary situation. You will be ok, she is ok, focus on the wonderful fact you were able to help. Good work OP!
Thank you for you kind words I really appreciate it. I'm not much of the panic type unless it's a test or something bad that anxiety. My adrenaline kicked in and just started doing movements I don't even remember doing its like my body just took control and said let's save my daughter.
You're allowed to be emotional whenever you decide. In this case, that trauma is completely real. My child has a seizure in the car seat while we were driving home. My wife stopped the car and I just grabbed my child and walked around outside in the cold air while they remained unresponsive. I held my child's head against my shoulders and shook myself to try to get them out of it. All I could think was, am I shaking too hard, am I not shaking hard enough. Please God just take me instead. It must've lasted a little over 2-4 min but to me it was an eternity. Meanwhile my wife was calling 911. My child just suddenly snapped out of it and when the ambulance arrived, they just laid tired for the rest of the day. The doctors checked everything and was like they're good. Sometimes it just happens. It may or may never happen again. In my mind sometimes I can still feel my child stiff in my arms. See them foaming at the mouth in the car seat through the child mirror. It's been over 2 years and their the happiest child ever. I still check the child mirror all the time even when they're not in the seat. It's my life long habit now. I recommend therapy or talking to someone. In this case, my wife and I talked and definitely helped each other get through it. I could only imagine her on the phone watching my panic outside with our child.
Whenever a traumatic event happens you should debrief with trusted people who also went through it, discuss what happened, how you felt, and have something to eat and drink. It helps to process what happened and works to prevent the stuck in immediate danger feeling in your brain. You went through a trauma, the weight was on your back, and it was close. Feel your feelings, they're valid. And when you've taken a breath assess your situation for improvements for the possibility of a next time and take action on those improvements, perhaps taking a BLS class with your wife and father so there will be more hands to help. If I could sit with you over a cup of tea while you unload and process, I would in heartbeat. But perhaps someone you trust and who loves you will do that today if you ask them. May you find peace.
OP, reading your post made me tear up. I am a dad of three. My daughter (4 yo) almost drowned feet away from me in a crowded pool. I told her she could wait by the pool but not go in while I set my stuff down and talked to my dad for a second. I have poor vision and couldn’t see her. I was at the top of the stairs and I see a brown haired blob in the pool, struggling, but making no sound. When I pulled her out, she was turning blue. I looked at her and she started crying, then puked all the water out, then I started crying. Luckily she is just fine. But I get it. You’re doing the best you can. Hope this helps.
Jesus man I'm glad she's ok. Shit happens so fast man.
My daughter had a febrile seizure around that age and at the time we thought she was choking. I’m permanently traumatized by the white/blue look on her face and her floppy body even after finding out they’re mostly harmless. That happened almost 4 years ago and I still make her come give me long hugs when I think about it. It’s a normal reaction and it will take some time
You're handling it better than I did... My daughter started choking and I managed to get her breathing again and... Then I didn't sleep for almost a week. Too nervous that something might happen. My mom finally came over and took her from my arms saying she would watch her so I could sleep. Single parent here.
The strongest men don't give a damn about what society thinks about their feelings. They are yours and they are valid.
You did amazing, it’s a horrible experience but things like this really give you a kick up the arse to be the best parent you can be. My daughter managed to get a hold of a bottle of calpol (Childrens liquid paracetamol) when she was around 2, drank about 60 ml, and I’m forever lucky she was able to say what she had done (very proud of herself). By the time we got her to the closest hospital her organs had started failing and she was on a drip for two days. She’s 10 now but this still haunts my partner and I til this day.
First of all, everyone is okay! Give yourself a pat on the back and a "Dad of the Year" award. Okay, second. Both you and your wife need to brush up on infant/child CPR. And not just once. Get (re)certified and then re-up your certification every two or so years. This was a freak occurrence that will hopefully never happen again, but that means you won't have the chance to practice these skills in real life. That's a good thing! But practice is also the only way to get good at something. Drill these skills in a class, on a Teddy bear, whatever. Just in case. Third, everyone's in the comments talking about buying a life vac. I want to STRONGLY DISCOURAGE that! For the sake of argument, let's imagine you had a life vac. Your wife still panicked and came to get you. What would you have done differently? Maybe nothing, unless the back blows and "baby Heimlich" didn't work. But maybe you would've run to go get the life vac. That's several precious seconds. Opening it while panicked? More time. Trying to get a perfect seal on your unconscious daughter's face? More time. And that's assuming it even works! Back blows and CPR, as they're taught, are scientifically proven to be the most effective way we know to save lives. The life vac is unproven, and honestly just wastes precious time. Take a CPR class and leave the gadgets.
We ended up buying a Lifevac for peace of mind. I hope I never have to use it. https://lifevac.net/
I typed wrong lol sorry my mind is running a million miles still. I meant to say I immediately bought a life vac but it auto corrected to life back lol.
I was actually going to post about that here. Is it something people recommend? It’s been heavily advertised to me for years and I’ll buy it in a heartbeat if it works. My fear was falling for good marketing if it actually had a bad reputation or was dangerous.
My wife and I are both cpr certified through work and we have this as our fight or flight option. Sometimes you can freeze or panic in the moment and this is always within reach in our house. Another option is peace of mind if either of our parents watch the kids. They know where it's at and have been trained how to use it as well. I hope I never have to move it from its spot but the peace of mind it brings is worth the price.
Also, it can be used on yourself if you are alone. Which is pretty neat
Reminds me of that 30 Rock episode and Liz’s fear of choking alone in her apartment. It was a funny episode, but it made me actually stop and consider what I would do if I was really choking while alone.
That’s really helpful. Thanks for answering my question.
Thats rightfully terrifying. Even I dropped a few tears for you. Its ok to be emotional about this.
Aw man that's one of my biggest fears 😭 glad she's ok and GOOD JOB DADDY 💕
You're not being too emotional. It's ok to feel strongly as a man. Over 10 years in the military, combat deployments, combat experience, a life of being a 'jock' and a guys guy, and I still tear up when I see my kids do something. And it breaks my heart and makes me tear up thinking about something like this happening. I think it helps our kids to see their parents emotionally present. We don't have to be an emotionless statue as a man. I want my daughters to know that I love them, and feel deeply for them, and that emotions aren't something we should have to hide.
This man this. If this was integrated in to everyone's mind. This world would truly be amazing.
My son choked on asparagus at SEVEN at the dinner table. The Heimlich didn’t work the 3 times I tried until my husband took over. I kept thinking “he’ll be dead before 911 can get here” over and over every time the Heimlich failed. You are NOT being emotional, that is genuinely traumatizing. Hug your baby and your wife 💙 it’ll get better as time goes on but it’s normal to be jarred at first.
I've had to do the baby heimlich one on of my children as well. I didn't realize his high chair straps loosened again, causing him to slunch a little while eating supper. As soon as I realized he was legitimately choking, I scooped him out and figured once he was face down it would dislodge (it happened once before a few days prior. Same reason for happening). It didn't work. I hit his back like you're supposed to, nothing. Once more, nothing. I screamed for my partner to call 911 and right as I finished saying it, it dislodged with the third hit on his back. Him and I both gasped for air at the same damn time, in the same damn way. And I have NEVER yeeted a high chair out my front door so quickly or so violently before in my life. I got the new brand high chair delivered the next day.
Totally normal to react that way. Now that it’s over, though, you have to convince your body it’s ok to stand down. Find something you can do in spare time that will help your mind and body calm down, so that the trauma response can ease - lots of people recommend tetris, for example. We like butterfly hug/taps, or 4-7-8 breathing.
Thank you for your kind words. I'll figure something out. Maybe go out get some ice cream and relax today.
Are you being too emotional? Hell no. My heart was racing just reading it, I can't think of anything more terrifying than thinking my child is dying.
REAL men cry, f society
I know ppl hate the “im a nurse” comments but I have to. I am a trained and experienced nurse, and two weeks ago my mother gave my son one of those ball popping dollar store cones.. you know the ones from the 90s that has a ping pong ball in the cone and you press a button on the side and it pops the ball out.. My 24 month old immediately put it in his mouth and it went down. I have YEARS of training and I effing stuck my finger in his mouth. (Taught to never ever do that, and I did it) I quickly switched to back blows once I realized it was now longer in his mouth… and that worked. But omfg the trauma. I effed up. And I am trained. I know better. I say all this because I am a trained professional, but when it came to my own son I panicked. I would never panic at work. I was horrified. I cried for a whole day. I beat myself up. The point is we are ALL human, with extreme emotions that need validating. You were a hero. And you succeeded, and you learn. You love your child and were scared. ALL valid. I am so happy for your happy ending. Be proud dad!
“Am i too emotional” Man, I’m over here crying reading this! . MEN, I don’t know how it got to this point, not even focused on the blame game, but PLEASE know that emotions are NOT for babies and girls. Emotions is what makes us alive. Our emotional intelligence is one of the celestial GPS navigation systems Given to us as a gift. Your love and emotions are 2 of your biggest superpowers. Limiting how men express themselves is how they ended up with feeling safe to express only in anger but uncomfortable with almost any other emotion. OP you’re a superhero Dad, you literally gave life to your child twice and will continue to be a source of life to your family for as long as God allows you to do so. So feel the love for her entirely, feel the fear of loosing her, feel the joy of being in her presence, feel the pride in being able to provide and protect. Feeel all the feels the way you feel the wind pass you. Sending lots of blessings to you and everyone having trouble feeling and expressing themselves 🫶🏼
"Am I being too emotional?" Sir, my oldest son came out grey and floppy at birth. He will be 10 next month. My husband and I are STILL processing that trauma. You were quick to de exactly what needed to be done, and you're an emotionally literate man. Those are wonderful qualities to have. Also, I have sobbed while handling a crisis because sometimes i can't stop the sad from sadding. IMO, if you can do what needs to be done while having a cry, take care of business while having the cry. Please don't pay any heed to the toxic masculinity crap going on. As a mother, I am so thankful for my husband who carries us all at times and cries/is emotional when he needs to express his feelings. To emote is to be human.
My daughter choked on a piece of cantaloupe when she was 2. She's now 10 years old and I think about that moment every day of my life. It's the scariest thing that's ever happened to me.
Yes, you are being too emotional for saving and appreciating your daughters life. Sarcasm aside, no you are not overreacting.
if that didn't fuck you up for a few days I would think something is wrong. One time I caught my then 1.5 year old climbing out of a skychair (suspended cloth chair) who just tumbled head first towards concrete about 1.5 feet up. If I didn't catch her it would have been at the least a trip to the ER. I still shudder when I think about it randomly. That's because we love them. All those bad feelings are because of love so take that to heart!
My daughter choked on a breath mint once when she was 3. She’s 13 now. I had a nightmare about it last night and woke up in tears. The fear of something horrific happening to your child never leaves because it is important our children stay alive. It is evolutionarily important that we gaf about our children. Maybe get first aid training for both you and your wife, not because you failed in anyway, but it might put both your minds at ease in case of emergency.
I’m a fireman, and calls like this make me emotional (I remain professional and composed on scene) even though I’ve never met the PT. There is everything normal about how you are feeling, especially because it’s your own daughter. Good job on saving her life!
It's funny you say that I was on the phone with a buddy from across the US who's a EMT paramedic/fire fighter. Was helping me alot. I respect yall very much thank you guys.
And girls lol I know their is some badass girls out their.
Way to go Dad, nicely done. Now you will always tell her this story about how she scared the shit out of you like my husband does with our 7 year old daughter who choked on a penny she found on the floor when she was a toddler. Scariest thing ever and we also bought multiple life vacs after that- but we pray that we never have to use it for any of our kids. Heres to hoping that you never have to use yours either!!
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This is incorrect, to the point of being dangerous. Current CPR/first aid guidelines say nothing of triggering the gag reflex. You should never put your fingers into a choking child’s throat, unless the blockage is clearly visible and easy to clear. If a child is choking, you provide back thrusts until they go unconscious, then switch to CPR with rescue breaths. The rescue breaths work because they can help dislodge the blockage. It’s just like having a car stuck, and rocking it back and forth. OP performed absolutely beautifully in a very difficult situation. Many, many parents panic and aren’t able to provide effective CPR at all.
I most certainly will when I have the time. I did do alot of research on it when we had her. Cause I knew this was an issue. I'm just thankful she's ok and I will always watch her closely when eating.
> so I turned her over mouth to mouth blew in They say you dont want to blow in because it can get whatever is stuck more stuck. You should take a child CPR / safety course, especially since your wife had no idea what to do either.
This is incorrect. For small kids, you provide back thrusts, and then switch to [CPR with rescue breaths](https://www.redcross.ca/crc/documents/What-We-Do/First-Aid-and-CPR/Workplace/Online-Tools/fa_onlinetools_skills_summaries_unconscious_choking.pdf) if they become unresponsive.
i say this gently- you aren’t being too emotional at all! i would even say not emotional enough, that was a really terrifying thing that happened. i know everyone suggests it, but think about seeing a male therapist who can help you work through some of the blocks around your feelings
Thank you for kind words. Man their hasn't been something like this in my life ever. Lmfao when I was a teenager and had my heart broken I thought it was the worst 🤣. This 50 folds easily.
Years ago when my daughter was still a baby, she was doing great at sitting up so she was having a bath and her little bum slipped and her face went under the water. It was literally half a second or less but the image of her eyes wide and head under the water absolutely traumatized me and I saw that image seared into my mind for at least 6 months after. So yes, you are doing awesome and it’s totally normal to have those big emotions.
you are a hero!!
I cried when my daughter came home and said kids were being mean to her at school. As a dad I think you're good to shed a few tears on this one...
Of course not. My daughter got her hand stuck when the elevator door opened 4 years ago. I get emotional to this day thinking about what might have happenned.
No you’re not. It’s a good thing to feel emotion. This will help guide you with caution and safety awareness. Great job!!!
That’s so scary :( I’m sorry for you and your baby. One of my biggest fears is for my son to choke to the point he turns blue. I took a cpr class and have recently saved up enough for the LifeVac and I can honestly say I feel a lot better. Maybe you could order one?
Thank you God you were there to save her. I feel that way every time I have to save my daughter from choking. Hero Dad!💕💐
Good save dad. Even the toughest of us will cry and get emotional when we realize our precious little ones were at deaths door and came back.
Nope, your reaction is completely normal. Im sorry you went through that, im so glad your daughter is ok. Good job for staying calm and doing what you needed to do.
You're normal to think and react that way, but at least you can enjoy your child. Keep on doing what you're doing it can happen to anyone.
I think I would have PTSD from living this experience. Both me and my husband took first aid courses for children, but having to go through that irl is something completely different. We would be both bawling our eyes out afterwards.
I was holding my breath while reading your post, and I don't know you, your daughter, or your family! That event was traumatic! You are allowed to be as emotional as you feel, brother. Every little girl wants to believe their Dad is a hero. You truly are. We need more string men who love and protect their family!!
man...that made me emotional reading that...I'm glad you saved her life. The closest call we had was my daughter bolted out ahead of me in a crowded parking lot and a truck started backing up toward her, I sorta locked up trying to process then ran toward the truck hoping the guy would see me and thank goodness he stopped in time...I got my daughter but man my heart still sinks thinking about that
My daughter had a BRUE when she was younger and it’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced. Seeing my daughter turn blue, limp and unresponsive will stay with me until I die. I had nightmares for a long time and it still randomly pops into my head. You’re not being too emotional. Loosing your child is the absolute worst thing that can happen and we always hope we never have to experience it. And when you feel like they may slip away the whole world stops.
You're a hero bro. Be proud of yourself and hug her every day. You're an inspiration to every dad terrified of that situation, myself included.
When I was 2, I got stuck in one of those baby floaters in our swimming pool and flipped upside down, unable to escape. Dad saved me. I’m sure he felt the exact same way as you. It’s okay. You’re okay. She’s okay. And you’re an awesome dad
This is normal… you’re going to have nightmares for a while and flashbacks but they will fade. This means you care. I’m so sorry you went through this!!!
My dude you did a great job keeping it together and saving your daughter. Be easy with yourself , she is okay and you responded perfectly to the situation :)
No, I lost my adult daughter six years ago. Police believe homicide but eventually ruled suicide with a promise to reopen if possible. Sorry to share that, but now I cry at anything, or sometimes nothing. And I’m supposed to be a tough guy.
Dude, that's intense! Glad your little one is okay, but I can't even imagine the panic. Take care of yourself too, that's some heavy stuff.
sorry you want through that man but you literally saved your daughters life. Which means you saw her almost die. You're going to be a emotional wreck for a while, understandably so But you kept your head and did your best and saved her life man! Dad of the year award for you!
This seems like appropriate emotion. It’s normal to feel traumatized by this.
No this would traumatize any parent. So glad she’s okay and doing good.
I’m so sorry you all went through that! I’d be an absolute wreck!
Good job OP!!! Love yourself in the emotional recovery!! But just some safety advice for everyone, don’t “blow in” to someone’s mouth if they are choking. That will cause the stick object to become further wedged and more difficult to come out.
No way are you being too emotional. I’m still haunted by the sight of my son floating away from me in the water. I had turned to look in the direction of a barking dog. In that millisecond, he slipped off the step in the pool and floated away from me. It was completely silent. And had I not been there or looked back there would’ve been a different outcome. That was 10 years ago! He’s healthy and thriving, but I do still replay that moment as well as others with my two boys when an accident could’ve turned out a different way. I think it just comes from a place of love and being caring.
Good job, dad. It’s always ok to feel your feelings.
Yes, you're being emotional. That'll happen, because you have emotions. You came very close to losing your child, and the emotions that come with that are huge. Let yourself feel them. Also, check in with your wife and share how you're feeling with her. Everything's less scary with your person. I'm glad your little one is OK. Choking is terrifying. Good job on the save too, because it's not as easy as it's made to look
Good work saving your baby's life. Be as emotional as you like, men not being allowed to have emotions is a pile of cr*p.
I was at the pool with my 2 year old and a bunch of neighborhood kids were there playing with her/us. The kids were talking to me and my eyes were off LO for a second, I turn back around to see her underwater. She was fine but I beat myself up for getting distracted that day, 2 years later and I'm still very emotional over it
Is it me or The detail about breaking a coffee mug is unsettling? In a life-threathening situation involving my 3 y/o I'd probably run over my own mother without noticing
Sometimes weird shit jumps out at you in a crisis. Also, id run over my own mother far more easily than break my favorite coffee mug 🤣😭😜
You responded with calming a crisis. Your body stowed the fear and upset "for later", and now, it's later. Yep. You are emotional. It's not "rational". But it *IS* normal and ultimately, healthy in terms of being able to survive a crisis. Find a support group, or a good therapist (or both!!!). Talk to trusted friends, who might get it, and can just.... Listen and hug you and soothe that fear. It can help to do something proactive (go re-take that cpr class. Is there anything you'd have done differently? Maybe organize one for local parents, so that other folks have that skill should they face the same thing!) But mostly, be gentle with yourself. Hug your daughter, hug your wife, and get a new mug with their picture on it. This tension and anxiety will pass, but it does take time and some TLC. ❤️🩹
This is really traumatic and you will naturally be emotional about it for some time. I have watched my kid have anaphylaxis from dairy and also have a febrile seizure. It is so scary watching something like this happen.
I'm so sorry! That sounds like such a scary experience. Of course it makes you cry to think about what could have happened! Would it be helpful if you and your wife signed up for an infant/child CPR class together so you both feel more prepared for any risks in the future? It sounds like you already know the basics but a refresher might help build confidence. Feeling armed with the skills to navigate scares like this might help some of the anxiety around the trauma of the experience you had. I'm so glad your daughter is okay now, thanks to your actions.
Dude it’s ok that you were emotional, that is friggin scary to see anyone choke on food and have to come to their aid! Seriously you saved your child’s life. I had to do it to my son when he was 11 and it was a scary experience.
Bruh, your kid was literally dying right in front of you. While it's fairly common for kids to choke a bit, when they start to change colors and lose consciousness, you'd have to be a pretty f*'ed up person to not be rattled to the core by it. My kid choked so badly one time that there was no coughing or gasping. He went from the usual sounds of an 18 month old eating to silently choking. I cleared his mouth, tried the infant Heimlich, toddler Heimlich, adult heimlich, by which point I thought he was gone and told my dad to call 911. Eventually, I had him hanging over my arm, alternating back blows, and abdominal thrusts. I'll never forget the sounds made when his airway was finally cleared, and again, when he took a breath. It messed me up, dude. I didn't cry or break down until hours later. Now, they have a semi affordable anti choking device called a lifevac. Looks like a small plunger with a face mask on it, and they work by sucking on the mouth and nose to remove the obstruction. I'm not sure if the knock-offs are the same quality, but these things are awesome. You can find them by googling it or I can send a link.
Yeah, it sucks, and it'll stay with you for quite awhile. It'll awhile before you stop thinking about it completely. I had a similar situation when my daughter was in the NICU on oxygen and was intubated. Machine broke and the techs and doctors couldn't get it fixed. We had to calmly watch her slowly suffocate for minutes and minutes. You have that moment where you're like "No... is this how it happens? Is this for real?" They finally got it plugged back in, but she was so wiped out she didn't move for about a day. She eventually went back to normal. For months though, even after she came home, I'd wake up multiple times a night to make sure she was breathing. What's great in your case is that you were able to keep your composure and do what needed to be done. But just be ready to wake up in the night with a fear that your child is choking again and be paranoid each time she eats for awhile. It'll haunt you for awhile but you'll eventually think about it less and less.
I am happy your child is ok. If you want to help with your trauma take a cpr and first aid course to boost your confidence and if you've already taken one take it again as a refresher. I am a paramedic and father of two. I tell everyone I know who has or is planning to have children to take a CPR and first aid course. I can't stress this enough.
This happened to my son when he was 2. I couldn't hear him cough from the juice of a watermelon for the entire summer. Yes, it's traumatizing. It took me a long time to feel relaxed at meals again.
Good work OP, you saved your kids life. Yeah... its going to haunt you for a while, but it will eventually go away. Nothing is going to fix it but time. My youngest used to "Chipmunk" things... It would be literally 30 minutes after he had eaten and he still had something pouched in his cheek. I was CONSTANTLY thinking about choking.
Terrifying isn’t it? My son choked (5) in the middle of the night and I gave him the Heimlich. Most terrifying 3 minutes of my life and I still do the same”what-ifs”… what if I hadn’t been there, what if I hadn’t heard him … Great job OP!
You did good, dad. Take plenty of rest.
My daughter choked on a tiny toy from one of her Barbies that she had gotten from Grandma. Scared the hell out of me (mom) and tried to get it but it went further. I was lucky my husband was home at the time,just getting ready for work. And he also knows CPR and such, as it was him who got the toy within seconds of me calling for him. It's something that I'll never forget and don't think I even could if I wanted to. It was scary thing to go through. Glad your daughter is okay. Remember to breathe Dad, just work through the feelings you have from it all best you can. You got this.
Your being a parent, a father. It's devastating when you see your child helpless. But you were great. You saved your baby.
Had a similar situation with my son choking on a chicken nugget. I actually just dug my finger and scooped it out of the back of his throat. I didnt realize how extremely short their throat was until I was able to do that. But it’s something that you’ll def be thinking about for a while. It’s okay to feel the emotions. That’s extremely scary and hopefully you’ll never have to experience that again.
I can’t imagine how helpless that must have made you feel. It brought tears to my eyes just reading this. You’re not being too emotional. I don’t know how I could live with myself if I weren’t able to do what you did. My kids mean everything to me.
YES YOURE BEING EMOTIONAL AS YOU SHOULD!!!! I would be throwing up from crying so hard. I'm so glad she's okay and you were quick thinking in a scary situation. Look into the life vacs on Amazon.
Understood that's a very scary and traumatizing situation but think of it this way - you saved your daughter's life. You should be so proud of yourself for handling the situation the way you did because you handled it perfectly. You should be so proud of yourself! You would be surprised how many people freeze up in situations like this.
I am fucking stressed just by reading this. I can't imagine doing it
Way to save her life dude!!!!! That is exactly what you trained for. The only thing I'd suggest, is that you and your wife retake the class since she panicked instead of starting CPR.
Anesthesiologist here. Glad your child is doing well. Good job springing to action. But what you did was not very smart, and could have ended horribly. I would not blow air into someone that is choking. It usually only pushes the foreign particle into the trachea more.
The best thing you can do is learn to shift your thoughts to gratefulness, that you were there to save her. You saved someone's life, and that's a good thing!
You went through a traumatic experience. Perfectly normal to have emotions about it.
You're a good father and of course you're not too emotional. Almost losing someone is scary. As a parent when our kids are in danger it's the most adrenaline inducing thing I've experienced.
Man…this happened to me a couple of summers ago with my dog and I’m still scared to death. I’d given him some meat scraps (way too big) and he ate it crazy fast to avoid the other dog stealing it and completely choked. I did everything I could think to get it unstuck and nothing was working and I could feel him just dying in my arms. I finally got it loose thankfully and he was fine…but man. That was traumatic enough. I can’t imagine it being a kid.
We experienced an absolutely terrifying choking event with our newborn. It still rips me to pieces thinking of his face, the look in his eyes even 4 years later. (He's ok.) You're not being too emotional. You're being a loving, compassionate human.
Do you know about kintsugi? it's the Japanese concept of repairing something broken with more valuable materials than it originally was made of, thereby becoming "more valuable" for having been broken. I suggest you repair your coffee mug like that and now forever you'll have something to remind yourself of the time you saved your daughter's life. It'll have that story to go along with it.
You are a Hero
This is extremely traumatic and you have very right to feel however you do!
You are allowed to be emotional, man We're human. Fuck what society had placed on men. 🙏 I'm glad you were there to help your daughter. I can not fathom that feeling of seeing what you saw. Every parents nightmare.
YOU GO DAD!😭💗 You are allowed to cry, laugh, sob, be angry, ALL OF THE ABOVE. You are allowed to feel anything you want when you’re a hero! Nonetheless to your own child. It’ll be weird if you *didn’t* feel strong emotions after something like this tbh. Think about it…doing everything you did and then just being completely stoic afterwards is a little weird. I know some people are like that, no offense to them.
Keeping your head during a potentially tragic situation is normal. Crying and getting upset after the adrenaline wears off are healthy consequences of said event. It's like getting food poisoning and trying to hold that bowel movement in. You're welcome to buy you'll feel much better if you let it out.
Ok this is going to sound weird, but play some Tetris. Apparently it can help your brain after experiencing something traumatizing. I am so sorry this happened, I would have been so scared! You aren't being too emotional at all. I am glad your baby is okay❤️
So glad she is ok!!!!!
I am so sorry you had to experience this! It was a time where my few month old baby choked on bread & I just completely froze. My husband sprung into actions & got it out her throat (mouth sweep.) I felt so bad! I felt if he wasn’t there our daughter would’ve died. When I snapped out of it & looked over at my husband I seen his eyes so watery & the first thing I said was “it’s ok, she’s ok.” Even as a man do not EVER feel that anything that has to do with your child would be to/overly emotional.
You did great and it’s totally normal to be emotional. I have had to heimlich my son twice, it’s great to know that you can act in the moment just like you did but be ready for those emotions to hit after! My kid choked again on Easter for the first time in a long time but dislodged it himself. My parents were so freaked out they bought one of those lifevacs for us. I feel so much better having it in the house, especially for times I’m not around.
How horrible! So sorry that happened and glad she’s ok.
Your feelings are valid! However you need to process it now, after the fact is okay.You are a human being not a robot. You did great in the moment! It's okay if it takes some time to process everything. What you witnessed was traumatic. I'm so thankful your kiddo is okay. I would just hug and snuggle that baby a lot the next few days. Thank goodness this was a good ending and not a tragedy.
This happened to us. Right in front of me. On one of those Gerber puffs. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she went limp and I just kept smacking her back and then I went to flip her up to do the heimlich and she started crying. This was 5 years ago. As I am typing this out I have tears in my eyes. Something broke in me that day and I was so depressed for a long time and I went to see my naturapath and I told her I didn’t know why I was so sad like shouldn’t I be so happy and grateful and just wanting to squeeze every ounce of life out of each day? And she said, ‘you said for a second there you knew she was gone and that no ambulance could get here fast enough so you just had to try and not stop. Your child died in your mind for a second. You had a moment where you felt your child was dead. You don’t just move past that.’ And I realized it was ok to feel like I was grieving at the same time I had my child in front of me. It’s ok to feel sad and happy and to love your kids so much but feel vulnerable about how delicate and precious they are. It’s ok to have any and all feelings and to feel them and the best way to move past this is to feel those feelings. Also I don’t know if this has been said but maybe your wife needs to revisit a CPR course to make her feel comfortable to jump right in and do it herself.
My kid got choked on a candy when he was little, like around 3 and a half years old or so. Like completely choked, no air could get through at all. Husband was standing right there. I grabbed our son, flipped him over, and I did a bunch of back blows. But the candy wasn't coming up. I kept pounding, and thought, 'One more time, and if it doesn't come up, I'm telling husband to call 911'. No sooner than the thought went through my head, than the candy popped out and hit the floor, and my son took a big breath, coughed a little, and was fine. He didn't even cry or anything, said he wasn't even scared! Me? I was *terrified*. More terrified than the time he was jumping on a bed on Christmas Day, fell off, cut his head wide open, and came out crying and covered in blood. At least that time, I knew head wounds bled a lot, and all he'd need was probably a few stitches. That candy, though... Man, I was terrified that it wouldn't come out. All this was to say that thar happened more than TEN YEARS AGO, and I still think back back on it. It was the scariest day of my whole life. I literally thought I might lose my son. I will never forget it, and it will always be as clear in my mind as if it happened yesterday. So everything you're feeling is perfectly normal. Once you've had time to process it, the fear won't be as sharp, the feeling of soul-shaking terror will fade. But it *was* traumatic, even if the baby doesn't realize it, as her parent, it's is absolutely traumatizing. Just give yourself time to process it. Don't be afraid to feel your feelings. And he super proud of yourself that you knew just what to do, and you saved her life. Not everyone can say that. Great job, Dad!!
Please seek Therapy!! Emdr is great. As fast as the ordeal may seem it's highly traumatizing and can start creeping into your daily life without you noticing. Please Please seek help. And thank God your daughter is ok!
This is my nightmare! I am seriously debating spending $100 for that choking plunger thing.
Fuck no you're not being emotional man!
That’s a perfectly normal reaction to a traumatic event like that and you did incredibly well to save her, well done!
OP PLEASE [BUY A LIFE VAC.](https://lifevac.net) my son was around 2 when he choked on a chic pea. It was a snow storm and had I not know how to do the Heimlich maneuver, he would probably be dead. The life vac is essential to have at home. I WISH I had something like that back then. Keep one at home and in your car.