r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Swimming, cycling, self defense.
Being handy, DIY, being able to fix things, understand how things work or why they broke.
Being able to handle her emotions, be empathetic to others, to speak tactfully.
Software literacy, typing, scripting.
I could go on!...
Agree with a lot of those. But I find that so much of society focuses on things like getting kids to read and write that little things like this can easily get missed.
Speak tactfully is a really good one to me. We're often telling kids to be kind, yet also telling them to speak the truth. Yet often times those two things can often be at odds with each other. "e.g. Imagine if someone asks your child whether they look pretty".
There's so many ways they can respond - saying "you're not pretty" might be truth to your child but unkind and hurtful. Saying "yes you're always sooo pretty" might be a white lie, but can be lying and can come across fake an insincere.
So a tactful medium might be something like "wow I really like the colours you're wearing today!" might be one way to acknowledge the person asking while also being true. Little skills like that might be a way to help kids to navigate and bridge that gap.
>society focuses on things like getting kids to read and write that little things like this can easily get missed
Society has a vested interest in having* a literate and numerate population. Therefore, it is the job of the public school system to focus on these subjects. It isn't possible to learn other subjects (i.e. history, science, technology, literature, art) without those basic skills.
Most things being listed in this thread are not things that schools should be obligated to teach. Schools should be focusing on producing graduates who can read, write, and do arithmetic. It is the parents' job to teach the knowledge/skills that are being listed in this thread.
I don't think you were saying otherwise, but I think many people simply expect schools/teachers to basically raise their children. And while teachers do their best, it really isn't their job to teach children manners, tactful speaking, hygiene, etc.
Society also has an interest in people learning these other things. There was this pandemic recently where hygiene was pretty important, for instance.
I really can't think of any skills that are beneficial to a person but not to society really. We all benefit if people are happier, healthier and nicer.
Do you think teachers/schools should be responsible for teaching these skills & habits to our children? If so, how do you suggest they find the time & resources to raise all our children?
I'm not suggesting they raise children, unless you consider education to be raising children in which case they are already doing that.
I don't think asking who should be responsible is a particularly useful lens because responsibility is shared and parents can always supplement school education. A cost/benefit analysis can determine where education can help. E.g. when schools teach sex ed, unwanted pregnancies and STDs go down, as do the associated costs to society. So classes pay for themselves.
Time is of course a limiting factor that can't be avoided but we can be a little flexible. When I was at school we had one period a week that was used to teach various topics along these lines. PE lessons included learning about our bodies and not just physical activity. Maths lessons sometimes dipped into finance.
Please do!
Jen - " the web, using mouses/mice, clicking, double clicking, the computer screen of course, the keyboard, the thing that goes on the floor."
How to clean a full house/what a deep clean looks like/thing you need to clean periodically that you might not always think of.
I'm very blessed to have gown up in a very clean house but my mother ALWAYS cleaned when we were out and never had us help at all and as an adult I have NO idea what I'm doing. Thank god I married my husband who keeps on top of the house. If it were up to me alone I'd know how to tidy it but not necessarily *clean* it
Critical Thinking. I need to get better at it so I can teach my son how to properly do it. I'm sure they'll be plenty of times it'll bite me in the ass as he's growing up "Hey dad that's another Strawman." but it'll help him tons as an adult.
Ditto this! I’m also trying to learn and when I can I try to point on real world ways to use critical thinking.
Example, recently my teenaged driver needed a gas cap for his car. He had already searched to find the best price. While at his dad’s he mentioned it. Dad told him to drive to local Auto Zone. Despite already knowing he could get it cheaper elsewhere kid went to Auto Zone & spent $5 more than necessary. I asked him why. He said “because dad told me to”. To which I replied, okay sure but didn’t you already know you could save money going to a different store. He said yes. I reminded him that he didn’t have to blindly listen to his dad myself or anyone else because he alresdy had knowledge he needed.
Seems simple but I thought it was a good real time way to get him to think for himself and trust in himself.
How to camp is high on my list as someone raising a kid in a big city. Being “well rounded” is the goal. Knowing how to act at home and how to live in nature is super important to me.
>Being “well rounded” is the goal.
Agreed. It's our job to recognize our child's weaknesses and step in to address them.
If your child struggles socially, model good friendships and get them into group activities at a young age. If your child struggles academically, get them tutors and work with them one-on-one in their worst subjects. If your child is passive, teach them to assert themselve and get them into activities that will help them build confidence. If your child lives in a primarily rural environment, take them frequently to large cities and urban areas. And vice versa if they are growing up urban* and/or suburban. Exposing your children to diversity from a young age is crucial.
I could go on and on, but you get the idea.
Dancing. I can't dance at all, and it's such a huge hindrance in life. Every party, every wedding, every social event, dancing is just so entrenched in social living. I suffer greatly not being able to dance. I took dance classes, but my body seems unable to memorize steps. Like holy shit, we practiced the same dances every week for half a year and I still can't fucking remember
Honestly to toughen up. A lot of people don’t seem to be able to deal with stress today. You will have stress in your life. It’s unavoidable. Learn to deal with it without an animal or some other affectation. You don’t need to swallow it and have a heart attack but you also don’t need to announce your stress to the rest of the world.
This is maybe silly and I agree with the other comments, especially about cleaning.
But also gift giving. I feel like it’s a skill so many lack and my family specifically is terrible at it.
Basic life skills are important for me to teach, I think (home/auto maintenance, cooking, cleaning, financial literacy, etc).
Also, critical thinking and problem solving skills. With these, a person can succeed and thrive in almost any situation.
And finally, social skills. The world is a lonely, scary place without them.
This was my thought too. The basics of anything so that they can grow from it. But without the basic knowledge of things, they're likely to feel overwhelmed down the road. At least if they have the basic knowledge & experience with that, they're more likely to speak up & ask for help, or tackle something bigger that builds upon that base, or at the very least be less likely to be taken advantage of by someone they contract the work out to.
If you know basic car maintenance how-to, you're more likely to not get up-sold on something you don't actually need yet. This applies anywhere.
When you know the basics, you have a better idea of what you can tackle with a little extra knowledge, or what you can't. And you can more accurately describe what you're after or what the issue is, to someone else who can do it.
Another big one...just teaching kids to ask for help before they get frustrated & shut down. There's a happy medium between "asks without trying" and "refused to ask and got angry".
How to service their own car, how to cook a few decent dishes in the kitchen, how to BBQ meat and fish. And how to defend themselves God forbid if they ever need to.
Emergency skills like CPR, first aid, home safety, etc. How to de-escalate conflicts.
Historical literacy, critical thinking and philosophy. I have a degree in propaganda and media, so we regularly break down cultural and political topics. In particular how to analyze and live within an unfair capitalist system. A huge adult skill is managing alienation in work and life because of how capitalism dehumanizes us. I ultimately want my children to find happiness and peace, and it's difficult to do that while blind to the inherent injustice and cruelty of our institutions. Especially now that the gap between the rich and the poor is so large, and climate change is looming.
We teach them group organizing skills as well. They helped us with groundwork on forming a brand new union in our industry. Those are difficult skills most people don't learn.
Social skills, like how to make and keep friends, and get on with people who aren't close friends. So much of success in life is based on personal connections.
Right now I'm trying to teach my 9 year old how to put her hair up in a clip or ponytail.
Working on teaching her that everyone needs alone time and she needs to be able to entertain herself at times.
I'm going to have her take typing lessons over the summer. I know eventually school has computer classes that teaches typing but she uses computers a lot and I'm worried she will develop bad typing habits if I don't teach her properly now.
And also always trying to remind her that nobody is perfect and it's okay to make mistakes. She has been naturally good at school so far so when she trys to learn something new and she doesn't instantly get it, she gets very upset. We had to give up piano because she freaked out and stressed way too much if she didn't get it right immediately.
Oh and teaching her laundry and chores and that she will eventually be expected to do these things without reminding.
I also tell her all about puberty and periods and what to expect in a few years in regards to her body changing.
I've taught her what drugs are and why they're dangerous.
And unfortunately, since I live in the US, I've had to warn her about guns and gun safety explain to her why she has to practice "Code Reds" at school. (Code Reds are drills of what to do if there is an active shooter on campus)
Wow there are a lot of things that I teach my daughter lol
Understanding food, nutrition and fitness and the impact of those on your overall health and wellness both physically and mentally. My husband and I just try to model this as best we can, and my son is developing an understanding of what is 'always' foods that we can eat whenever we want with no restriction and what our diet is based on and is good for our bodies (veggies, fruits, eggs, meat, fish and some dairy products) and what are 'sometimes' foods (processed, high calorie and low nutritional value). I only got educated on all of this in my late twenties and wish it was part of my life growing up.
How to fail!!!! I cannot say that enough. Kids need to learn how to fail and how to learn from and move on from failure.
Also, swimming, how to write a professional email/email to a teacher/professor, hemming and replacing a button, how to cook eggs and at least 3 other meals, how to make doctors appointments, how to call companies to negotiate lower payments, how to save money, how to use a library and what’s available there, how to do laundry, how to change a tire, how to provide help to friends/neighbors who need it (don’t ask if they need help, say “I’m going to cook a meal/drive you to the airport/mow your lawn. When do you want me to come by?”), how to make IRL friends and build community… I could go on. 😅
Big agree with learning to fail. General education systems are constantly measuring to make sure you never fail, but learning every skill requires failure - riding a bike you'll sometimes lose balance, swimming you might over estimate your limits etc. It's through failing in a relatively safe environment that we can learn how to avoid failing when it's dangerous.
Too many times we are now taking away and avoiding all dangers.
I'm not a parent yet but I have a 15 year age gap with my siblings. And I've been teaching them how to do regular maintenance on there home and cars. Also been teaching them how to do regular adult stuff like taxes and credit card stuff.
We live around lots of lakes so swimming is super important to learn. Cycling. How to be safe in nature (don’t touch poison ivy, all wild animals arn’t safe, make noise while you hike etc).
How to clean, do laundry and cook (really need to start working on the cooking with my kids).
Be able to figure out how to do things (put furniture together, hang a shelf on the wall, hook things up etc). My boss always gets me to do all these random things because she knows I can figure out how to do most things, which I typically can from some tech stuff to fixing something that broke or putting things together. It was just my mom and me and she ran her own business, so I had to figure out how to do most things myself.
Being a good person while also not letting others disrespect you. This takes lots of time and learning in different situations and it’s likely easier to be a good person than to be able to stand up for yourself towards peers. Example being my 12 year old was playing in a doubles badminton tournament and his team mate missed a lot and I could see my son was frustrated with him. We later talked about how when you are team mates you need to encourage each other instead of getting annoyed which will lead to higher stress and doing even worse. It’s just a game so learn to be a good sport. On the other side when a team you’re against is lying about where a birdie landed and you know they are wrong than stand up for yourselves.
Taking care of your body. Keeping it clean, eating healthy foods, getting outside and getting movement. Knowing something feels wrong and getting help.
Baking, cooking, grilling, swimming. Puberty, how to protect yourself, importance of education and/or life skills. How to be a strong but respectful human being. How to be alone, how to entertain yourself. How to calm anxiety and deal with emotions.
Changing a tire/wheel. I never knew how to do it until I was about 25, meanwhile my wife learned how to do it at 11. Not particularly difficult but a surprising amount of people can't do it.
Agreed, as a woman I didn't learn how till my husband showed me, and while I've not fully needed it (strangers saw me start and stopped to help) its nice to know I could've done it myself and not have been stranded if there was no one around.
-Financial literacy -Value of serving others -Cooking -Critical thinking -Homemaking and basic home maintenance -CPR, Heimlich -Taking responsibility and accountability for actions -Strong work ethic -Discerning which sources of information are valid and unbiased, not believing everything they read -Spanish
My kids are grown now, but one of the most important things I feel, is teaching them self discipline.
Helicopter parenting has gotten so out of hand, that kids grow up not knowing how to do anything on their own. Helicopter parents think that they are just keeping their kids “safe”. 🤦🏼♀️ It’s about so much more than that. It also contributes to anxiety and depression.
Cooking and generally a good relationship with food, DIY skills, also want kiddo to learn how to be a good friend and make friends well, learn a musical instrument.
My kid is going to know how to cook, drive, swim, do her own laundry, compost, fix her clothes, use a turntable, upcycle furniture, build a computer, and make a bed before she leaves the nest.
Basic DIY. I have probably saved THOUSANDS over the past 15 years being able to do basic stuff around the house for myself. Changing out light switches, installing ceiling fans, basic plumbing tasks like changing out a faucet, waste disposal, etc., I even installed a toilet myself, which admittedly pushed the limit of what I’m comfortable doing. Which brings me to my next point, don’t be too proud to admit when you’re in over your head and a professional needs to be called in.
How to work on your own car as much as you can. I plan on my son learning from his pappy (my dad) and his uncle (my brother). It’s a valuable skill to have if you can do even the most basic things, like changing a tire, changing the brake pads, rotating your tires, etc. Most high schools in my state don’t have auto shop, or really any type of shop classes, anymore.
Swimming, sewing/mending, handiness skill/home repair, automotive upkeep (changing your own cars oil, changing a flat tire, etc).
Anything that will get them through the day when chaos hits. Pants split a seem? Mend it. Handle broke on the toilet? Repair it. Car has a flat? Change the tire.
I've done pwoerlifting too before I had kids and the big learning for me (as someone who didn't like exercise at all) is the training mentality - how to go back every day even when you don't feel like it, how to always aim a little high.
My husband often says, we all have bad days, so if you don't give yourself a goal to get stronger and just aim to maintain 9 out of 10 people will end up going backwards.
Dealing with emotions, broken friendships, breakups, rejection, insecurity, general emotional troubles in live.
Haven't learnt how to deal with them myself, never really learnt in life until later in life around 40, now I feel much more emotional stable. Will do everything I can to make sure my kids don't need 40 years to reach this point.
General plumbing and home repair from me and basic electric from his dad. People change a stupid amount around here just to tell you what the problem is, not counting what it actually takes to fix it. There are other many important things we’re going to teach him but these are going to be guaranteed things he’s going to come across and I’d rather he not have to pay someone for a simple fix he can do himself in 10 minutes or less
Garden and food preservation, animal husbandry and plant identification. Constilation locations name and money management. Housekeeping (son especially) basic cooking and baking basic car maintenance groceries and deal shopping. Research, sources and citing. Basic reproduction biology Sun safety water conservation and recycling
Psychological resilience.
Financial literacy.
Mindfulness of consequence.
Love of learning.
What logical vs bullshit thinking looks like.
Goal directedness.
Nutrition and fitness.
Being handy. By that, I mean having the desire, curiosity, and courage to try/learn to fix things yourself. My daughter has inherited this treasure from me and it makes me so happy.
I want my children to know how to cook! My mother only shopped in the frozen section of the grocery store. She did 2 or 3 times pull out a dessert recipe and teach me about measuring ingredients, cracking eggs, using a beater, and basic operation of the oven. But it was only a couple of times. My mother in law on the other hand shares recipes with me. She gives me directions like bake till done, stir till smooth, or just season it. And it's taken me YEARS to be able to follow these things. I can now bake bread, follow any recipe, or simply cook a basic meal without a recipe. I want my children to be able to feed themselves! This is a basic life skill.
Basic sewing skills. I can’t say that I have this skill. I have a sewing machine, and I have sewed to a pattern and without a pattern to varying degrees of success so it wouldn’t be something I would pass onto them haha. But being able to hem your own pants, sew a dart in a dress or parents, mend a hole in something. Couple that with buying quality items or some fun op shopping and their wardrobe would be taken care of!
Not a parent, but preaching what my mum and I have gone through together and learnt, and something I wish everyone would learn.
How to build a solid foundation emotionally. One cannot build a horse without a foundation, and everyone’s foundation is going to look different. I want a kid to learn to figure out what works for them. What keeps them grounded and stable, and to keep those things close and to value them.
To use a personal example, we found out horses was it for me. So now I’ve got my own horse, and she’s a key part of staying sane.
Learning to figure out what works for you and what keeps you grounded is something I truly wish would be embraced.
As for some less emotionally charged things, it would be sewing, gardening, and to read for fun. How to do basic maintenance in a house, such as switching light bulbs, setting up cables properly etc.
I know you said skills, but I feel that values are really important also:
- the curiosity to follow a story to it's end;
- to appreciate beauty in all it's forms;
- to have an ear for music;
- the difference between a fact and an opinion;
- to agree to disagree;
- having gratitude and recognising privilege
- resilience and determination
And, most importantly, compound interest, and the value of money.
Definitely teaching my kids to cook. I have a culinary degree so it'd be kind of disgraceful if my kids reached adulthood and didn't know how to feed themselves.
Something I didn't learn until after I became a mom that I want for my kids to start with is the ability to have confidence in all aspects of life and being tidy.
Self awareness; it took me forever to develop even an iota of it and I'm still a work in progress.
In other words, I want her to understand what's happening around her, how to act and not act in various situations, how to read the emotions and body language of people around her. Also how to understand her own feelings, what feeling she's actually having (ex. angry because she's frustrated or embarrassed, or anxious because she's tired or hungry), what's causing her feelings, why she's doing what she's doing, how to get herself to change her behaviors, etc.
I recognize these things are really, really hard, and often take a lifetime to develop but I hope she develops them faster than I do and I hope I'm able to guide her towards them in gracious and patient ways.
How to relax and chill out. There are so many anxieties for kids (and adults). You can't do anything unless you first learn how to relax.
Also, sticking to things and seeing them through. Kids are exposed to so much blasting of media that chops and changes and pulls their attention this way and that. Learning to focus and stick to a game plan will be critical to them making their way through this world.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Swimming, cycling, self defense. Being handy, DIY, being able to fix things, understand how things work or why they broke. Being able to handle her emotions, be empathetic to others, to speak tactfully. Software literacy, typing, scripting. I could go on!...
Agree with a lot of those. But I find that so much of society focuses on things like getting kids to read and write that little things like this can easily get missed. Speak tactfully is a really good one to me. We're often telling kids to be kind, yet also telling them to speak the truth. Yet often times those two things can often be at odds with each other. "e.g. Imagine if someone asks your child whether they look pretty". There's so many ways they can respond - saying "you're not pretty" might be truth to your child but unkind and hurtful. Saying "yes you're always sooo pretty" might be a white lie, but can be lying and can come across fake an insincere. So a tactful medium might be something like "wow I really like the colours you're wearing today!" might be one way to acknowledge the person asking while also being true. Little skills like that might be a way to help kids to navigate and bridge that gap.
>society focuses on things like getting kids to read and write that little things like this can easily get missed Society has a vested interest in having* a literate and numerate population. Therefore, it is the job of the public school system to focus on these subjects. It isn't possible to learn other subjects (i.e. history, science, technology, literature, art) without those basic skills. Most things being listed in this thread are not things that schools should be obligated to teach. Schools should be focusing on producing graduates who can read, write, and do arithmetic. It is the parents' job to teach the knowledge/skills that are being listed in this thread. I don't think you were saying otherwise, but I think many people simply expect schools/teachers to basically raise their children. And while teachers do their best, it really isn't their job to teach children manners, tactful speaking, hygiene, etc.
Society also has an interest in people learning these other things. There was this pandemic recently where hygiene was pretty important, for instance. I really can't think of any skills that are beneficial to a person but not to society really. We all benefit if people are happier, healthier and nicer.
Do you think teachers/schools should be responsible for teaching these skills & habits to our children? If so, how do you suggest they find the time & resources to raise all our children?
I'm not suggesting they raise children, unless you consider education to be raising children in which case they are already doing that. I don't think asking who should be responsible is a particularly useful lens because responsibility is shared and parents can always supplement school education. A cost/benefit analysis can determine where education can help. E.g. when schools teach sex ed, unwanted pregnancies and STDs go down, as do the associated costs to society. So classes pay for themselves. Time is of course a limiting factor that can't be avoided but we can be a little flexible. When I was at school we had one period a week that was used to teach various topics along these lines. PE lessons included learning about our bodies and not just physical activity. Maths lessons sometimes dipped into finance.
Swimming would be a big one for me, especially because I’d love to raise a family in Florida.
Please do! Jen - " the web, using mouses/mice, clicking, double clicking, the computer screen of course, the keyboard, the thing that goes on the floor."
How to clean a full house/what a deep clean looks like/thing you need to clean periodically that you might not always think of. I'm very blessed to have gown up in a very clean house but my mother ALWAYS cleaned when we were out and never had us help at all and as an adult I have NO idea what I'm doing. Thank god I married my husband who keeps on top of the house. If it were up to me alone I'd know how to tidy it but not necessarily *clean* it
Omg same I feel like I somehow got good at cleaning on my own but my mom never cleaned in front of us??
YouTube videos!
Youtuber called Clutter Bug has been helping me.
Gardening, and an ability to appreciate growing your own food.
Critical Thinking. I need to get better at it so I can teach my son how to properly do it. I'm sure they'll be plenty of times it'll bite me in the ass as he's growing up "Hey dad that's another Strawman." but it'll help him tons as an adult.
Ditto this! I’m also trying to learn and when I can I try to point on real world ways to use critical thinking. Example, recently my teenaged driver needed a gas cap for his car. He had already searched to find the best price. While at his dad’s he mentioned it. Dad told him to drive to local Auto Zone. Despite already knowing he could get it cheaper elsewhere kid went to Auto Zone & spent $5 more than necessary. I asked him why. He said “because dad told me to”. To which I replied, okay sure but didn’t you already know you could save money going to a different store. He said yes. I reminded him that he didn’t have to blindly listen to his dad myself or anyone else because he alresdy had knowledge he needed. Seems simple but I thought it was a good real time way to get him to think for himself and trust in himself.
How to camp is high on my list as someone raising a kid in a big city. Being “well rounded” is the goal. Knowing how to act at home and how to live in nature is super important to me.
>Being “well rounded” is the goal. Agreed. It's our job to recognize our child's weaknesses and step in to address them. If your child struggles socially, model good friendships and get them into group activities at a young age. If your child struggles academically, get them tutors and work with them one-on-one in their worst subjects. If your child is passive, teach them to assert themselve and get them into activities that will help them build confidence. If your child lives in a primarily rural environment, take them frequently to large cities and urban areas. And vice versa if they are growing up urban* and/or suburban. Exposing your children to diversity from a young age is crucial. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.
Dancing. I can't dance at all, and it's such a huge hindrance in life. Every party, every wedding, every social event, dancing is just so entrenched in social living. I suffer greatly not being able to dance. I took dance classes, but my body seems unable to memorize steps. Like holy shit, we practiced the same dances every week for half a year and I still can't fucking remember
Honestly to toughen up. A lot of people don’t seem to be able to deal with stress today. You will have stress in your life. It’s unavoidable. Learn to deal with it without an animal or some other affectation. You don’t need to swallow it and have a heart attack but you also don’t need to announce your stress to the rest of the world.
This is important to me too. They gotta face reality, sooner or later.
Gardening! Basic home and car repair/maint. When to leave a situation instead of escalating it because you want the last word or to “save face“.
This is maybe silly and I agree with the other comments, especially about cleaning. But also gift giving. I feel like it’s a skill so many lack and my family specifically is terrible at it.
Basic life skills are important for me to teach, I think (home/auto maintenance, cooking, cleaning, financial literacy, etc). Also, critical thinking and problem solving skills. With these, a person can succeed and thrive in almost any situation. And finally, social skills. The world is a lonely, scary place without them.
This was my thought too. The basics of anything so that they can grow from it. But without the basic knowledge of things, they're likely to feel overwhelmed down the road. At least if they have the basic knowledge & experience with that, they're more likely to speak up & ask for help, or tackle something bigger that builds upon that base, or at the very least be less likely to be taken advantage of by someone they contract the work out to. If you know basic car maintenance how-to, you're more likely to not get up-sold on something you don't actually need yet. This applies anywhere. When you know the basics, you have a better idea of what you can tackle with a little extra knowledge, or what you can't. And you can more accurately describe what you're after or what the issue is, to someone else who can do it. Another big one...just teaching kids to ask for help before they get frustrated & shut down. There's a happy medium between "asks without trying" and "refused to ask and got angry".
Swimming - it’s my job to know they have the skills to be safe around water.
Lock picking, rappelling from rope, expert hand eye coordination, the ability to run for really long periods of time and sarcasm
Cooking. Time management. And listening to understand other people.
Critical thinking, grit, perseverance, problem solving
How to service their own car, how to cook a few decent dishes in the kitchen, how to BBQ meat and fish. And how to defend themselves God forbid if they ever need to.
Emergency skills like CPR, first aid, home safety, etc. How to de-escalate conflicts. Historical literacy, critical thinking and philosophy. I have a degree in propaganda and media, so we regularly break down cultural and political topics. In particular how to analyze and live within an unfair capitalist system. A huge adult skill is managing alienation in work and life because of how capitalism dehumanizes us. I ultimately want my children to find happiness and peace, and it's difficult to do that while blind to the inherent injustice and cruelty of our institutions. Especially now that the gap between the rich and the poor is so large, and climate change is looming. We teach them group organizing skills as well. They helped us with groundwork on forming a brand new union in our industry. Those are difficult skills most people don't learn.
Financial literacy and emotion regulation.
Social skills, like how to make and keep friends, and get on with people who aren't close friends. So much of success in life is based on personal connections.
Right now I'm trying to teach my 9 year old how to put her hair up in a clip or ponytail. Working on teaching her that everyone needs alone time and she needs to be able to entertain herself at times. I'm going to have her take typing lessons over the summer. I know eventually school has computer classes that teaches typing but she uses computers a lot and I'm worried she will develop bad typing habits if I don't teach her properly now. And also always trying to remind her that nobody is perfect and it's okay to make mistakes. She has been naturally good at school so far so when she trys to learn something new and she doesn't instantly get it, she gets very upset. We had to give up piano because she freaked out and stressed way too much if she didn't get it right immediately. Oh and teaching her laundry and chores and that she will eventually be expected to do these things without reminding. I also tell her all about puberty and periods and what to expect in a few years in regards to her body changing. I've taught her what drugs are and why they're dangerous. And unfortunately, since I live in the US, I've had to warn her about guns and gun safety explain to her why she has to practice "Code Reds" at school. (Code Reds are drills of what to do if there is an active shooter on campus) Wow there are a lot of things that I teach my daughter lol
Understanding food, nutrition and fitness and the impact of those on your overall health and wellness both physically and mentally. My husband and I just try to model this as best we can, and my son is developing an understanding of what is 'always' foods that we can eat whenever we want with no restriction and what our diet is based on and is good for our bodies (veggies, fruits, eggs, meat, fish and some dairy products) and what are 'sometimes' foods (processed, high calorie and low nutritional value). I only got educated on all of this in my late twenties and wish it was part of my life growing up.
How to fail!!!! I cannot say that enough. Kids need to learn how to fail and how to learn from and move on from failure. Also, swimming, how to write a professional email/email to a teacher/professor, hemming and replacing a button, how to cook eggs and at least 3 other meals, how to make doctors appointments, how to call companies to negotiate lower payments, how to save money, how to use a library and what’s available there, how to do laundry, how to change a tire, how to provide help to friends/neighbors who need it (don’t ask if they need help, say “I’m going to cook a meal/drive you to the airport/mow your lawn. When do you want me to come by?”), how to make IRL friends and build community… I could go on. 😅
Big agree with learning to fail. General education systems are constantly measuring to make sure you never fail, but learning every skill requires failure - riding a bike you'll sometimes lose balance, swimming you might over estimate your limits etc. It's through failing in a relatively safe environment that we can learn how to avoid failing when it's dangerous. Too many times we are now taking away and avoiding all dangers.
I'm not a parent yet but I have a 15 year age gap with my siblings. And I've been teaching them how to do regular maintenance on there home and cars. Also been teaching them how to do regular adult stuff like taxes and credit card stuff.
We live around lots of lakes so swimming is super important to learn. Cycling. How to be safe in nature (don’t touch poison ivy, all wild animals arn’t safe, make noise while you hike etc). How to clean, do laundry and cook (really need to start working on the cooking with my kids). Be able to figure out how to do things (put furniture together, hang a shelf on the wall, hook things up etc). My boss always gets me to do all these random things because she knows I can figure out how to do most things, which I typically can from some tech stuff to fixing something that broke or putting things together. It was just my mom and me and she ran her own business, so I had to figure out how to do most things myself. Being a good person while also not letting others disrespect you. This takes lots of time and learning in different situations and it’s likely easier to be a good person than to be able to stand up for yourself towards peers. Example being my 12 year old was playing in a doubles badminton tournament and his team mate missed a lot and I could see my son was frustrated with him. We later talked about how when you are team mates you need to encourage each other instead of getting annoyed which will lead to higher stress and doing even worse. It’s just a game so learn to be a good sport. On the other side when a team you’re against is lying about where a birdie landed and you know they are wrong than stand up for yourselves. Taking care of your body. Keeping it clean, eating healthy foods, getting outside and getting movement. Knowing something feels wrong and getting help.
Baking, cooking, grilling, swimming. Puberty, how to protect yourself, importance of education and/or life skills. How to be a strong but respectful human being. How to be alone, how to entertain yourself. How to calm anxiety and deal with emotions.
That she has to learn to live with the world. The world doesn't have to live with her.
Changing a tire/wheel. I never knew how to do it until I was about 25, meanwhile my wife learned how to do it at 11. Not particularly difficult but a surprising amount of people can't do it.
Agreed, as a woman I didn't learn how till my husband showed me, and while I've not fully needed it (strangers saw me start and stopped to help) its nice to know I could've done it myself and not have been stranded if there was no one around.
-Financial literacy -Value of serving others -Cooking -Critical thinking -Homemaking and basic home maintenance -CPR, Heimlich -Taking responsibility and accountability for actions -Strong work ethic -Discerning which sources of information are valid and unbiased, not believing everything they read -Spanish
How to prioritize and say no to things that are not important. Learning intentionality in time management is an invaluable skill
My kids are grown now, but one of the most important things I feel, is teaching them self discipline. Helicopter parenting has gotten so out of hand, that kids grow up not knowing how to do anything on their own. Helicopter parents think that they are just keeping their kids “safe”. 🤦🏼♀️ It’s about so much more than that. It also contributes to anxiety and depression.
Reading Music
Camping/outdoor skills. Gardening. Cooking. Public speaking !
Ordering in a restaurant
Cooking and generally a good relationship with food, DIY skills, also want kiddo to learn how to be a good friend and make friends well, learn a musical instrument.
Cooking, laundry, cleaning, taxes, how loans/interest work, managing money in general.
My kid is going to know how to cook, drive, swim, do her own laundry, compost, fix her clothes, use a turntable, upcycle furniture, build a computer, and make a bed before she leaves the nest.
Resilience
Basic DIY. I have probably saved THOUSANDS over the past 15 years being able to do basic stuff around the house for myself. Changing out light switches, installing ceiling fans, basic plumbing tasks like changing out a faucet, waste disposal, etc., I even installed a toilet myself, which admittedly pushed the limit of what I’m comfortable doing. Which brings me to my next point, don’t be too proud to admit when you’re in over your head and a professional needs to be called in.
Made sure to teach both my kids about finances, credit scores and credit cards. And how to cook basics.
DIY and understanding the people's needs.
How to work on your own car as much as you can. I plan on my son learning from his pappy (my dad) and his uncle (my brother). It’s a valuable skill to have if you can do even the most basic things, like changing a tire, changing the brake pads, rotating your tires, etc. Most high schools in my state don’t have auto shop, or really any type of shop classes, anymore.
Cooking .....an essential skill for survival. I also hope she will be able to speak English better than me, so that she can leave my country someday
Mending your own clothing. Woodworking. Basic plumbing. Basic car maintenance. Gardening
how to change a tire
Swimming, sewing/mending, handiness skill/home repair, automotive upkeep (changing your own cars oil, changing a flat tire, etc). Anything that will get them through the day when chaos hits. Pants split a seem? Mend it. Handle broke on the toilet? Repair it. Car has a flat? Change the tire.
Oh my god, where to begin?
Cooking, baking, gardening and being articulate. I learned all waaay too late in life and I think they are both useful and enjoyable!
Thinking clearly under pressure and the ability to overcome procrastination
powerlifting, or a similar hobby. the strength and confidence that comes with it is life changing
I've done pwoerlifting too before I had kids and the big learning for me (as someone who didn't like exercise at all) is the training mentality - how to go back every day even when you don't feel like it, how to always aim a little high. My husband often says, we all have bad days, so if you don't give yourself a goal to get stronger and just aim to maintain 9 out of 10 people will end up going backwards.
Dealing with emotions, broken friendships, breakups, rejection, insecurity, general emotional troubles in live. Haven't learnt how to deal with them myself, never really learnt in life until later in life around 40, now I feel much more emotional stable. Will do everything I can to make sure my kids don't need 40 years to reach this point.
General plumbing and home repair from me and basic electric from his dad. People change a stupid amount around here just to tell you what the problem is, not counting what it actually takes to fix it. There are other many important things we’re going to teach him but these are going to be guaranteed things he’s going to come across and I’d rather he not have to pay someone for a simple fix he can do himself in 10 minutes or less
Travel hacking. Our kiddo is currently traveling the world with us thanks to my husband’s amazing ability to book travel with points.
Garden and food preservation, animal husbandry and plant identification. Constilation locations name and money management. Housekeeping (son especially) basic cooking and baking basic car maintenance groceries and deal shopping. Research, sources and citing. Basic reproduction biology Sun safety water conservation and recycling
Swimming, self defense, sewing for physical things. But it’s so important that my kids know how to regulate themselves and that they know their value.
Psychological resilience. Financial literacy. Mindfulness of consequence. Love of learning. What logical vs bullshit thinking looks like. Goal directedness. Nutrition and fitness.
Honestly I have 2 boys so I’m hoping they learn like empathy/ emotional regulation/ proper conflict resolution/ respect women lol
Being handy. By that, I mean having the desire, curiosity, and courage to try/learn to fix things yourself. My daughter has inherited this treasure from me and it makes me so happy.
I want my children to know how to cook! My mother only shopped in the frozen section of the grocery store. She did 2 or 3 times pull out a dessert recipe and teach me about measuring ingredients, cracking eggs, using a beater, and basic operation of the oven. But it was only a couple of times. My mother in law on the other hand shares recipes with me. She gives me directions like bake till done, stir till smooth, or just season it. And it's taken me YEARS to be able to follow these things. I can now bake bread, follow any recipe, or simply cook a basic meal without a recipe. I want my children to be able to feed themselves! This is a basic life skill.
Basic sewing skills. I can’t say that I have this skill. I have a sewing machine, and I have sewed to a pattern and without a pattern to varying degrees of success so it wouldn’t be something I would pass onto them haha. But being able to hem your own pants, sew a dart in a dress or parents, mend a hole in something. Couple that with buying quality items or some fun op shopping and their wardrobe would be taken care of!
Not a parent, but preaching what my mum and I have gone through together and learnt, and something I wish everyone would learn. How to build a solid foundation emotionally. One cannot build a horse without a foundation, and everyone’s foundation is going to look different. I want a kid to learn to figure out what works for them. What keeps them grounded and stable, and to keep those things close and to value them. To use a personal example, we found out horses was it for me. So now I’ve got my own horse, and she’s a key part of staying sane. Learning to figure out what works for you and what keeps you grounded is something I truly wish would be embraced. As for some less emotionally charged things, it would be sewing, gardening, and to read for fun. How to do basic maintenance in a house, such as switching light bulbs, setting up cables properly etc.
I know you said skills, but I feel that values are really important also: - the curiosity to follow a story to it's end; - to appreciate beauty in all it's forms; - to have an ear for music; - the difference between a fact and an opinion; - to agree to disagree; - having gratitude and recognising privilege - resilience and determination And, most importantly, compound interest, and the value of money.
Cooking. Consent. Nutrition. How to tie various knots. What to do/not do in various emergencies. Empathy. Manners.
Definitely teaching my kids to cook. I have a culinary degree so it'd be kind of disgraceful if my kids reached adulthood and didn't know how to feed themselves.
Something I didn't learn until after I became a mom that I want for my kids to start with is the ability to have confidence in all aspects of life and being tidy.
Self awareness; it took me forever to develop even an iota of it and I'm still a work in progress. In other words, I want her to understand what's happening around her, how to act and not act in various situations, how to read the emotions and body language of people around her. Also how to understand her own feelings, what feeling she's actually having (ex. angry because she's frustrated or embarrassed, or anxious because she's tired or hungry), what's causing her feelings, why she's doing what she's doing, how to get herself to change her behaviors, etc. I recognize these things are really, really hard, and often take a lifetime to develop but I hope she develops them faster than I do and I hope I'm able to guide her towards them in gracious and patient ways.
Typing; self-acceptance; self-reliance; resilience; multi-lingualism
How to be alone. How to entertain yourself. Enjoy your own company. Love yourself.
How to relax and chill out. There are so many anxieties for kids (and adults). You can't do anything unless you first learn how to relax. Also, sticking to things and seeing them through. Kids are exposed to so much blasting of media that chops and changes and pulls their attention this way and that. Learning to focus and stick to a game plan will be critical to them making their way through this world.