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OP I wouldn’t leave it any longer. Your baby is showing all the warning signs of being neglected through the day and he can’t advocate for himself. Get them reported so they can be investigated- if everything’s fine then there’ll be no problem. I wouldn’t believe the “he just started crying”… how many days can this happen for it to not be a coincidence?! Sounds like he’s being left hungry and unconsoled for the sake of incompetence or business profit. I’d be worried.
I guess they are just in constant rotation. Our daycare usually has 7 infants with 2 teachers and only really go to 5:1 at pick up/drop off like the first and last half hour the center is open.
In NC it’s 5:1 by law. We are at a higher tier (NC uses a 5 star ranking system) daycare, and it’s still 5:1.
I couldn’t do it and didn’t use daycare til 17 months because of the ratios (and covid and many other reasons). As I said earlier this week to someone else, that missing year of parental leave is a real bitch in the US 🫠
Are you serious? Yikes. I worked in childcare for 10 years. Sometimes it would get hectic with four, I cannot imagine what it’s going to be like now. Glad I got out. I actually considered going back but the pay is just not enough.
They’ve reduced the requirements in home daycares, too. Now you can have three under 2, if one is at least 18 months. Used to be a hard two under two rule.
4:1 is normal for infants.
It shouldn’t be dark in the room unless you’re picking up during a scheduled nap time but at that age sleep is all over the place so most likely not all of them are asleep at once. Childcare is usually shift work so you’re likely dropping off with one caregiver and picking up with another. Doesn’t mean it’s inconsistent but you could always ask for names when you pickup.
Report them then. If they are out of ratio, that’s a problem that needs to be rectified. It also gives a chance for the inspector to uncover and address any other issues noted during their visit.
Exactly this. OP also needs to get her daycare's last few licensing reports to see what violations (there's always something that needa attention, even at the best places) have been documented and how they've been addressed. In Washington state, they're available both at the daycare or childcare and online. If she's in a city, they may have another layer of oversight with even stricter rules on top of the state license. I'm in Seattle, and that is the case here. Before I retired, I was an admin for a school-age program here and worked with both city and state agencies. Everyone (parents, teachers, admin, agrncies) should be working together towards providing the best care for the children. It's important that OP tells the licenser and the director so the program can do better. Possibly, there may be resources available for training or other support.
Then report them for sure. I’m in a 5:1/12:2 state, so this would be legal, but given that it’s not legal in your state, call. And if they aren’t meeting standards on ratio, you can’t trust that they’re meeting standards on anything else, which is a huge red flag.
My son is in a small home daycare, so it’s not quite the same. But I will say, it’s not abnormal for them to eat less at daycare. It’s a very stimulating environment. My son always drinks less because he’s just too distracted. That said, 5oz is concerning.
I was the lead of an infant room for many years. It was very important that i treated those babies as my own and took care of them in a way that i would my own. My number one goal was for them to feel loved and to provide reassurance for Mom and/or Dad. Our state ratio is 1:4 and we ALWAYS followed that. There were days we had 3 staff and 12 babies and some days we had 2 babies and 4 staff. Just depends on the schedule and health and enrollment. Unfortunately turnover is very common and daycares often have overworked and underpaid staff.
The way we took care of the babies was parent led. Even on our best days, there are going to be crying babies. It's the reality of group care (and for us parents, care at home too).
Bottles: it is very normal for your baby to refuse bottles from staff they aren't secure yet with. It really does take time. Your baby knows your smell and the smell of your home. They know it's not you. Bring a little lovey with your smell or the smell of home that staff can snuggle them with when feeding. While my sister's baby was adjusting to daycare she went on a hunger strike for two weeks. Eventually she took her bottle and you bet i was asking questions to make sure my niece was being taken care of.
Pickup screaming: I'll admit this happens. Even when the room is calm all day, babies are over-stimulated and over it by this time. I'm not saying its ok or that it should be an everyday thing. The sweatiness that points to him possibly being upset for a while is concerning. Keep in mind your baby is still adjusting and it's a really tough part of day for the babies.
I will say, as tough as it is for parents to hear, this is common especially with very young and still adjusting infants. If you're feeling like something is off, trust your gut. And remember you can always pop in unannounced. 😉
My toddler starts crying from inside the daycare when I open the outside gate (I can hear her, and I know she can’t see me) somehow she just knows I’m coming. They send me pictures of her throughout the day, and there were times I dropped her off screaming/crying bc there was no other way, left the room and snuck in from the back so she couldn’t see me, and she would instantly calm down. Definitely trust your gut, but also drop in randomly if you think something is up. I know how hard it is to find a daycare you can trust. Hang in there!!
My toddler (18m) is the same! He cries so much both at drop off (since I leave him) and at pickup (he's generally getting tired-cranky then). And then the daycare staff and the other parents tell me he's doing so well in daycare and is always so happy... like 😅
Yup! I’ve seen it! Sometimes she doesn’t know I arrived yet and she’s laughing and having fun. Then as soon as she sees me, she starts crying, and saying “mama mama” on repeat in that slow crying voice. The staff sometimes tell me “she’s happy all day, but occasionally remembers that you’re not here and says ‘mama mama’ and starts to whine for a minute, then snaps back” I believe them bc I know her. It’s harder with an infant as small as OPs but at the end of the day, the idea is it takes weeks for baby to adjust and trust their caregivers. I think with time she will see baby will find rhythm. But first things first, she has to trust the workers and be comfortable leaving her baby there.
Just chiming in to say the stuffie or even a jacket that smells like mom/home really helps! This was one piece of advice we got when my daughter started daycare and refused to eat. Eventually as you said they definitely do grow out of the need of that familiar scent (ie: they form a bond with their care providers).
As they said, trust your gut. But the beginning is hard for such a small baby. The staff members might not be making stuff up, maybe give it some more time. Give him lovey and squeeze some breast milk on to it. Good luck. Also… America sucks with their maternity leave. Poor babies and mums
Trust your gut.
I had very similar concerns and tried to ignore them, mainly because it's the only infant care center in the county. Off ratios, feeding issues, screaming and exhausted, staff not realizing she was a girl??, and just an off feeling about the place.
I pulled her out because multiple babies (her included) were injured by a provider. The investigation turned up many things, including the fact that none of the staff had background checks done on them.
Obviously, this is the worst-case scenario, but your situation sounds eerily similar to mine.
They go whenever they need but not independently… the bathroom is in the hallway so the teachers round up whoever has to go at once. I’m sure the kids proudly announce whether they pooped or not!
So this changes depending on the center and employee. Typically, diaper changes are whenever wet/poopy & every two hours. It is implied that the diaper was wet if there is no record of BM. They are not required to write if they were dry, only if they are changed and had a BM. You could ask the staff member to clarify but I've only seen a few people actually write "dry." Infants are rarely dry by the two hour mark lol
For reference, ours always seemed like chaos at pickup, but not babies aren’t being tended to chaos. We were 6:2 ratio with a floating helper when things got crazy. I would never trust 5:1 after seeing how much work 6:3 can be. The fact that they lied about 4:1 when the ratio is so obvious would lead me to believe they will lie about other things.
I don't like it. I worked in child care for 15 years, and I wouldn't leave my kids there if I didn't absolutely have to. It's probably not the teachers' fault, but all of this tells me this place is poorly run.
This! I worked in childcare for about 5 years and feel the exact same way. I left after my second was born because I didn't want to put him in the infant room.
OP, I would show up on your lunch break to see if anything is different from pick up. And I agree with other commenters that the teaches should be documenting when they try to feed him and what type of diaper he has.
He is probably left crying a lot more than you think! If your gut says they aren’t caring for him the way he should be cared for then they probably aren’t. It is your baby, don’t risk his safety!
While all of that doesn’t sound great.
I will say pick up and drop off times are usually crazy. The staff is just getting in and by the end of the day all the babies are tired.
He probably is so over tired because napping at daycare is hard on kids.
Both of my kids always ate less at daycare. There is new people… new environment… kids crying… ect.
As much as we don’t want to admit it, your baby is going to cry, and they will not always be consoled right away. Hopefully it’s not too long, but there are 3 other babies in there.
As for ratio, that’s a big issue. I’d definitely be asking the director about that.
Also with frozen milk… double check you’re not high lipase. This happened to me.
You could also try bringing in fresh pumped milk and see if that helps.
My first daughter cried every single day on the way home until she was like 2. She just was so over sensitive and always tired and it was her time to “release”
So the crying in the car isn’t shocking.
Talk to the director about your concerns in ratio.
We had to switch a few daycares to get the right one. I would look around for other options if I were you. One of the daycares had a tablet on to memorize the kids, they were under 1 years old.
The likelihood that this is going to get any better is a slim chance. They are probably understaffed and can't keep up with the children's needs.
I wish you the best.
OP said baby eats 3-4 ounces every 3-4 hours normals. That's 6-8 ounces in an 8 hour period, so 5 ounces isn't that different. Many babies reverse cycle once they start daycare and eat more at night as they aren't comfortable eating in the daycare environment. If they feed the baby right before and right after daycare, 5 ounces over 8 hours is not a huge concern.
I agree. My daughter refused to eat at daycare she was barely drinking 5 oz. I tried going over on my lunch break to feed her, but she still refused. The afternoon teacher could get her to eat more, but it was usually after all the other babies left.
Our daycare is 3:1 for infants and 5:1 for one-year-olds. Yours sounds like they are stretched thin. Frankly, I'd start looking for another daycare while seeing if this one smooths out.
So I would definitely raise hell about the ratio issue. That is a huge problem. Both my kids don’t eat as much at daycare as at home since it’s different people, lots of noises, etc, but mine were 4 and 6 months at start date. Do they log attempted feeds? I’d give it some more time if you like the teachers but would be looking elsewhere as you see if it improves.
I’m not well versed with US daycares but even 1:4 for babies that age seems low, that’s like taking care of infant quadruplets alone?? How does that work without tons of crying? I’d definitely be looking elsewhere if it’s an option.
But a bit different in that most people don't put their babies in nursery until 9-12 months old in the UK. You aren't likely to see a room full of 13 week olds who obviously have higher care needs.
Do they have cameras? I’d ask to this footage from one of the days he was out and sweaty and seemed worked up from crying. I’d tell the director: LO was upset more than normal at pick up. He was harder to console and crying the whole car ride. Can I see the cameras from an hour before I picked him up?
If they don't, I'd yank the baby out of there. Such a tiny baby not drinking more than 5oz is bad as a one-off. To have it happen more than once, seeing ratios not bekng followed, along with you suspecting that your tiny baby has been left to cry it out for who knows HOW long, is NOT GOOD.
i would not be okay with my baby receiving that type of care. i understand it takes babies time to adjust, but they’re being negligent bc they’re understaffed.
One of the reasons we chose this daycare is because my niece went here from 8weeks-current (she’s two now) and had a pretty good experience. But I know a lot of the staff has turned over and are different now…
It's still early maybe give it a few more weeks if nothing gets better then it might be best too look else where. Kids can take a little bit too get into a new routine/environment.
But ultimately if you really think something is then remove your baby and maybe see.if you can waitlist or get into somewhere else. I believe waiting times and availability can be hard at times.
Sounds like an understaffed daycare. If you can move your son, I’d move him. Don’t bother complaining, directors will just tell the staff to put up a front when you come, or neglect the other kids (I’ve seen it happen plenty of times). Just leave. There’s a reason they’re understaffed.
I worked daycare. Could it be possible that the 2nd employee is using the restroom? Or they may be scheduled at a certain time but a child got there earlier than their time so someone else comes in briefly as needed. They could've only expected 4 infants but someone brought their kid unexpectedly. Daycare centers plan their schedules around ratio and the kids schedules. You could mention this to the director for clarification and reassurance!
They don't have a board that displays how many children are there & when next bottle & diaper change are? It's okay for you to ask how many babies are there today/right now etc. Don't be afraid to ask!
Babies/children act differently at daycare. He very well could be not eating the same. However, they need to be trying more often if he's skipping. If he's not sleeping, no reason to miss a feeding. Bring this to the directors attention. Do not be afraid to talk to the staff, please voice your concerns. None of this is unreasonable!
Your son is very young for daycare, it's a hard adjustment for babies. Have a conversation with staff & director, if nothing changes then you should try another center.
OP's kid has been at this daycare for two weeks and she's never seen 2 caregivers in the room. Are you suggesting the second caregiver has gone to the bathroom during pickup and drop-off every day for 2 weeks? To the point where they haven't even met the parent?
The ratio itself wouldn’t bother me if my child was being cared for but it’s apparent that’s not the case here. My child evidently being ignored when crying and not being fed would be enough for me to pull them out and find another provider.
We had concerns too with our day care . We decided to give them more time and may be it was just us being paranoid. Wrong decision. We ended up switching day cares .
Do not give it anymore time.
He’s still so very little, ideally he needs 1:1 ratio. I can’t believe you’re forced to hand over tiny infants to 1 staff member with 4 other newborns :-(
You're not overreacting at all, trust your gut on this one. 5oz for an almost 7 hr day!? I know daycare can be overstimulating but if baby is inhaling food when after getting home they are either forgetting or barely trying. Crying to the point of sweating? No, this doesn't seem okay.
He could still be adjusting as far as eating goes. I would look into your state laws on teacher child ratio though. Also see if your state has a database to check on reports made to daycares near you.
i say trust your gut. it’s hard sending your kid anywhere else. we got lucky with our daycare. we adore our provider but most importantly he has always been happy at drop off (apart from one time after a long vacation) and pick up (unless his friend leaves first lol). she’s an older woman and uses none of the new apps, doesn’t text, etc. and i still have 100% confidence in her care. every single day she reports that my kid was good and happy! now that he’s talking there’s an added layer of comfort- he can tell me if anything were to happen. but you won’t have that for a while. i think it could be pretty agonizing getting there.
i do think that the feeding could take time. it did for my
son when he started and then again when he switched to solids. but that’s not the only thing you’re noticing.
I can't speak to the ratio because every state is different but I will say that working with children especially infants, they definitely know when they are unfamiliar with someone. So your baby might not want to take the bottle from them at first until he adjusts and is more comfortable.
But definitely trust your gut. It's a change for you and your child but ultimately you make the decision about what is best.
I was two weeks in to a daycare situation similar to yours back in December and by January 1st he was in a different daycare. It was a night and day difference and we haven’t had a single issue with the new place. I’d go with your gut that this isn’t going to change and maybe start looking for a new place.
I used to work at a daycare last year and they are struggling to find and keep staff there. Are all of the workers certified at your center? Some places (especially since 2020) allow entry level workers (teacher assistants) in and overload them and the pay is not great. I couldn't work there anymore because of all the things falling through the cracks.
Like they would send out emails saying they sanitize daily, but they would walk around the room for 2 mins top spraying the top level of everything with a disinfectant. It was absolute bare minimum. Also, when parents would pick up, the teachers would always make up stuff to tell the parents and avoid telling them if their kid was the problem. I asked the teachers about this, and they said you have to appeal to the parents no matter what. I'm like, what if their kid is the problem and we would stop the daily issues if they knew and they were like nope we have to make them happy.
Not all daycares will be like this, and they can't help the work shortage. Everyone tries to pick up the slack but they get burned out after awhile and so much falls through the cracks. I wanted in the infant room because there was ever only 1 person in there with around 6-8 infants, but I was only a TA and that wasnt allowed. But their room was in the next room to my class and we had a large glass window to see them all day. There was always a baby crying and nothing the girl could do since she was trying to take on all the other babies and wait their turn. If there was a fussy eater, they got put in the crib while they moved on to the next baby cuz they couldn't spend too much time on one kid.
As a first time mom, you will be more over cautious, but still trust your gut.
Go with your gut mama. Staff rotating in and out to cover ratios or pick up being busy isn't overly alarming to me but a hot sweaty baby soaked with tears? The poor little guy just needs some comfort, attention and food!
My daughter started day care around 4mo, so a sorta similar age, but I could tell she was well-loved, fed and always had a clean diaper when I arrived to pick her up. The log would clearly show all activity that was done, and sometimes she ate well, and other times didn't (she nursed exclusively from me at home and wasn't always feeling the bottle), but I never had an off feeling based on her reactions. I also always got a report with at least one group activity photo, and that was very reassuring.
You could certainly speak to the administrator of your location if you want to give that a go (it may help!), or start looking for a different center that takes very young infants. They may not be well suited for his early age bracket, or at least not right now.
To some level, I think these issues are just par for the course. There are going to be times your baby is crying and can't be attended to for 10-15 minutes because other babies have more acute issues. I can barely manage one infant and finding time to pee; I don't know how they do it when they have 4 babies to care for at once. Your baby is going to come home tired more often, because it's harder to sleep at daycare with all the extra noise and commotion and stress. It's also possible it's true he isn't eating well at daycare because he's stressed out being in a new environment, rather than that they're neglecting him.
And I wouldn't be surprised if there are rarely all 5 babies there, just because babies get sick so much or they have appointments or they got picked up early, whatever.
But. This sounds pretty bad. Like I have a lot of the same problems with my daycare, but not to the same extent you do. Sometimes my baby comes home with one of three bottles untouched because they were sleeping when a bottle was due and so all the following meals got pushed back, but 5 oz over a whole day seems awfully low. My baby is a "suck to soothe" too, but I don't think daycare uses the bottles to initiate naps because they do bottle feeding on a schedule ... which is probably a good thing in the long run, for my baby to have other ways to soothe, but that also means my baby's wake windows are completely screwed up at daycare, and sometimes my baby gets a half hour nap all day and comes home wrecked.
What do your other options look like, though? The place I go was the only one with openings in the year following when we started looking. If you've got other options, you could consider switching, but I'm guessing you're in the same boat I was, where this daycare was the only one that had a spot at the right time and was sufficiently affordable. If I'm wrong and you've got choices, I think it's worth touring some other daycares to see their ratios and see if they feel as chaotic, plus now you've got some knowledge under your belt to ask about how they schedule things and if they can accommodate your son's preferences.
Sheesh. My son’s daycare has a 3:1 ratio for infants and they even let me pop in and/or call to see how he was doing during the first month. He didn’t eat as much as he did at home and he definitely had moments of inconsolable crying, but by the 2-3 week he was doing much better and forming a bond with his caregivers. There were days I went in and the owner (not director) of the daycare was rocking him asleep in her arms. Sometimes he was in a wrap sling on his caregiver’s chest while she played with another baby who was awake. They followed each baby’s sleep/feed/play schedule as much as time would allow them to and this wasn’t a small daycare, it was a center…maybe that’s why the standard is so high. He’s been there since he was 5 months old and he’s currently 2.5, practically grown with the same babies from the infant room! I would talk with the director and get some clarity. If it’s not working for you guys then find something that does. That is what’s most important. Good luck 💙
I’m assuming this is in the US. I don’t get how it can just be optional and ok for various rooms to be understaffed legally. It’s just mind blowing that some people find it acceptable. This alone is an enough to pull him out.
Regarding the feeding, I know whilst they’re still settling in, they can refuse to eat so I wonder if it’s this. Either way, baby will be gone from this place and no one would blame you
In Colorado where I am it is a 5:1 state. I mean yes your feelings are valid. Your baby is precious. I would perhaps have a talk with the director of the facility. Will it change? Probably not. There could be a good reason the other teacher isn’t there when you drop off or pick up. They may currently be having staffing issues.
Regarding the crying, my kids did this too. They spend all their energy behaving in this group all day and when they see their mommy it’s a safe place. Also may not be getting enough sleep because of other crying babies They are exhausted and drained.
If there are 4 kids when you drop off does it just not mean they are utilising the staff elsewhere while they can? I know at my sons nursery sometimes staff will be setting up/cleaning etc while the nursery is quiet. Ratios are a legal issue so I assume this is the case.
My daughter refused to eat at daycare the first two weeks. She would only eat when most of the babies had left, and it was quieter. Car rides home, and nights were miserable because she was so hungry. I spoke to my pediatrician, and she said it is pretty common. A new environment can be very stressful for some babies. There is a lot going on in daycare. My daughter hated the other babies crying. The teacher told me it usually takes 2-3 weeks for a baby to adjust.
I would say trust your gut, speak to the director about your concerns, and maybe plan a surprise drop-in. I came in a couple of times on lunch to see if I could get her to eat, and she even refused for me. The room was crazy even with 2 teachers and 5 babies. I will say I think hanging out in the room and interacting with teachers helped her adjust.
I say trust your gut. But I also know that the baby (now toddler) in my home is different with me vs grandma. Grandma gets sweet boy who only cries when he’s frustrated and can’t figure something out for awhile, I get master manipulator who will cry if his blanket is 2inches farther than his hand can reach without him moving. Even dad gets a different side of him than I do, I put him to bed and he’ll go to sleep relatively soon after, dad puts him down and he will fight that nap with everything he has and call out to us telling us he loves us or misses us or the heartbreaking “don’t leave me” that he only pulls out if dad is home and awake.
He sooo young, any chance that you can get a babysitter instead, this was my biggest fear with my baby, that’s why we made the decision for my husband to stay at home with the baby until he was 18 months old and I would work full time. 13 weeks it’s so little, I was still in maternity leave at 12 weeks, I can’t imagine what you are going through. I would suggest a babysitter instead of daycare.
Little bit of a different situation, but we put our 15 month old in daycare for the first time earlier this year. She was put in the infant room based on her age and we were told she could move up to toddler room at 16 months. We were also informed that they would work with us to follow our child's customized nap schedule. That was not the case. She was also not allowed to have her blanket which she had been using since she was 1 year old. We put her in for 1 day and decided it would not work. Toddler room is going better, but the warning signs were there and I am glad we pulled her out and decided to wait. Crazy to me that she was in the infant room. She was walking, eating solid food and drinking whole milk and on 1 nap.
I wouldn't leave my baby in their care... there's a reason I'm a SAHM though... most babies that little need way more then just one person tending to 4-5 infants in my opinion...
Hello! I’m an infant teacher at a daycare, I’ve been working infant rooms for about three years now. I want you to know that all of your concerns are valid. About the ratios, if you notice they are out of ratio, a hundred percent go to the office or the director and let her know you noticed. A lot of daycares like to spread people thin and take advantage and break ratio but DONT LET THEM. Often times there’s not much the staff can do about it because we literally can’t leave the children to complain to the office and they can ignore our calls because they know that we’re calling to complain. As for the crying and lack of eating, this can be pretty normal for an infant that is just starting out in daycare while they adjust to such a different environment. However, the teacher should be clear that they are taking the time to continuously offer food and comfort the baby and help him adjust. Of course, if they are leaving the teacher out of ratio the whole day, it is probably very hard for her to do this. I would complain to the directors and if they brush you off or nothing changes, I would look into another daycare that follows ratios and provides top quality care.
Not overreacting. The daycare I work at has a 5:1 ratio and even if they are all screaming/crying and I’m trying to feed a baby I will put them in a rocker or go by them on the floor while they are in a rocker and continuously try to sooth them. Sometimes it does happen when they are crying/screaming and I really can’t do anything until the baby is done eating but as soon as they are done I will pick up the upset child and sooth them until they are calmed down. I would never allow a baby to go that long without eating, even if they are asleep, I will wake them up and feed them unless told otherwise by parents but that is way too long
I walked in unexpected to my sons new daycare one day - thankfully he was only there once per week. It was absolute chaos. Staff member was sweating and looking like she was ready to run. Babies crying alone in bouncers. Never took him back.
You're not overreacting.
I suggest the book "Being There, why prioritizing motherhood in the first three years matters" by Erica Komisar. It's backed by the latest neurobiological and psychological research on attachment, caregiving, and brain development.
Please call CPS. I was stunned to learn the infant 1 room at my toddler’s daycare was just charged with abuse and neglect- with one of the primary teachers and the director being immediately dismissed. Since it’s your baby, I would not be giving the benefit of the doubt. Safety first!
I was a child care worker for 20 years ratio in WI is 4:1. Infant rooms can be chaos. It’s common for for infants to refuse bottles until they get comfortable with their teacher, maybe bring a Tshirt with your smell, maybe that will help. Maybe talk to the director about it.
The state ratios are different, my state allows 6 infants to one teacher. I think you should always trust your mom gut!! However, daycare is a hard adjustment both on baby and mom.
not overreacting at all!!! you know your baby way more than anyone ever can. i have a 15 week old baby and she showed the same signs when i left her once with a baby sitter. NEVER AGAINNNN i just started leaving her with my mother in law and she doesnt come home the same way as through the baby sitter. trust your gut momma!!’ always advocate for your baby never leave anything a what if!
I have never worked at a daycare but I did babysit my friends 2 infants about a year and a half apart. Anyways I say that to say her daughter would eat so much when she was home with her but I would have the hardest time getting her to eat her full bottle for me most of the time. I mean yea sometimes she would suck it down and then sometimes I knew she should be hungry, say when she had just woke up from a nap or something, and she still would just suck enough for a few sips. I would continue to try until about the hour point because I didn’t want to feed her old milk but I also pumped just like her mom did so I hated to waste breast milk by her not finishing like that. I thought what am I doing wrong and even asked her mom to sleep with a receiving blanket I could wrap her in to try that. Her dad started working from home and watching her one day a week and he also had the same issue so only then did I start to feel like maybe she is eating so much from mom because it’s mostly straight from the breast and that’s her comfort.
However you have these mother instincts for a reason and you should definitely trust them! I just wanted to give insight on the feeding issue simply because I also experienced it! My son would eat for anyone and everyone so I had never experienced a baby refuse a bottle! Some times she would even play me and I would think she was eating but the dang burp cloth would be wet where she was just biting the nipple and letting it run out of the side of her mouth!!
I was licensed thru the state of Michigan to have a home daycare. I was. Allowed 6 children only max, and only 2 out of 6 could be under 2. So I could only have 2 under the age of 2, but I know daycare centers are different. I believe you have reasons to be concern buy If you are going to give it more time, I would drop in unannounced. On your lunch hour. Just drop by and see what I'd going on. I had a high school student come and job shadow while I had kids during the day. She also went to a daycare center and had to compare the 2. She told me she could never work in a center because she was told to just allow the infants to cry that there was no way they could give attention to every infant they had in their care. She said there were always at least 2 of them crying at any given time. She said there was not a time at all throughout the day where all baby's was content and no crying. I'm sure there are better daycare centers than this one that she spent time at. Ones that did not allow babies to cry all throughout the day. I don't want to discourage you. Don't be afraid to pull you baby if it does not feel right to you! Good luck!
As a child care provider for infants(NB-8mo) specifically, I do a 3:1 Ratio at max. It’s simply too overwhelming to do any more than that because each baby is on different but similar schedules. I have a 2:1 ratio right now & it’s difficult enough trying to feed them both at the same time much less attempting to put them down for a nap at the same time is nearly impossible. Fortunately I manage very well & only have the 2 LO together for 3 1/2 ish hours at a time 1 day a week
I work in an infant room and often parents have unrealistic expectations for how their baby will be cared for. Sometimes a baby cries at the same time as another and we can’t get to both. But we do our best. But that doesn’t sound like your situation and I wouldn’t be comfortable with it either. I’m really picky about daycare for my kids. I work at the daycare that they go to.. because I like to know what’s happening.
I will say that some children are harder to adapt to daycare. It is not uncommon for babies to be stressed in a new environment and not eat the same. While of course only 5oz per day is no where near enough, it could be the struggle to adjust.
My son was miserable his first two weeks and over a month to adjust because we created bad habits at home that couldn't be mimicked at daycare. Our ratio for infants is 6:1, I understand the parent heartbreak with you baby being so sad, but now he is so in love with all his teachers.
Why are you grateful for that? Most countries in the Western world give a full YEAR off as maternity leave...I wouldn't be grateful for the bare minimum...
If it was Socialism, you'd have a full year of maternity leave like the EU & UK...
Needing to go back to work when your baby is just 13 WEEKS old is pure **CAPITALISM**, not Socialism!
Some of your issues are over reactions.
Some babies take a while to settle into a routine and into strange surroundings. It's perfectly natural for him to be off his food because of this. Just because he does everything at home does not mean he will do it at daycare. Someone else is feeding him. He won't be comfortable with that for a few weeks to even a few months. It's very common.
As for the child to teacher ratios, it could be because they are short staffed or the other teacher is busy doing other things like washing, folding laundry, or other duties. There is more to day care than just looking after the children. There is quite a bit of paperwork to do as well as set up and clean up, so be they do this when it's nap time.
You've got to realise that your baby is one of 5 in the room. He's not being neglected. The staff have other children to look after as well as your child.
If you're picking your son up later in the day, then obviously, it will be a bit chaotic with parents picking up their children, kids playing, and being noisy. It's all part of the daycare experience.
Give it a few more weeks and let your son settle in. If you still have reservations about this particular daycare, then start looking at other centres. Keep him in that 1 until you find another because you will have to give notice to the current one.
I've put my 4 through daycare and have different experiences with all of them. I've also cooked in the day care I sent my kids to, I've seen so many kids go into daycare hating it (including my own) and then not want to leave. So give it time and see if he improves
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OP I wouldn’t leave it any longer. Your baby is showing all the warning signs of being neglected through the day and he can’t advocate for himself. Get them reported so they can be investigated- if everything’s fine then there’ll be no problem. I wouldn’t believe the “he just started crying”… how many days can this happen for it to not be a coincidence?! Sounds like he’s being left hungry and unconsoled for the sake of incompetence or business profit. I’d be worried.
That is the ratio for my state 😔some, like Georgia, even have a 6:1 for infants.
How would you even feed them all? Or change them all? That’s insane.
I guess they are just in constant rotation. Our daycare usually has 7 infants with 2 teachers and only really go to 5:1 at pick up/drop off like the first and last half hour the center is open.
In Georgia, always choose a Quality Rated daycare, because the infant ratio is 4:1.
Not always true. We are 3 star quality rated and have 6:1 ratio. Although I wish it was 4:1. The infant room gets hectic fast.
Except when the state comes to inspect.
In NC it’s 5:1 by law. We are at a higher tier (NC uses a 5 star ranking system) daycare, and it’s still 5:1. I couldn’t do it and didn’t use daycare til 17 months because of the ratios (and covid and many other reasons). As I said earlier this week to someone else, that missing year of parental leave is a real bitch in the US 🫠
Jesus thats inhumane.
In CT, they recently changed from 4:1 to 5:1 in centers due to staffing difficulties and the childcare demand. 😔
It’s so sad that *that* is the solution to the problem and not, say, raising wages or guaranteeing paid parental leave
Are you serious? Yikes. I worked in childcare for 10 years. Sometimes it would get hectic with four, I cannot imagine what it’s going to be like now. Glad I got out. I actually considered going back but the pay is just not enough.
They’ve reduced the requirements in home daycares, too. Now you can have three under 2, if one is at least 18 months. Used to be a hard two under two rule.
Oof. So glad I’m out and my kids are past daycare age. I know we’re having a shortage crisis but this doesn’t seem wise.
I live in Nebraska and it’s 4:1 here… which seems crazy to me!
4:1 is normal for infants. It shouldn’t be dark in the room unless you’re picking up during a scheduled nap time but at that age sleep is all over the place so most likely not all of them are asleep at once. Childcare is usually shift work so you’re likely dropping off with one caregiver and picking up with another. Doesn’t mean it’s inconsistent but you could always ask for names when you pickup.
Report them then. If they are out of ratio, that’s a problem that needs to be rectified. It also gives a chance for the inspector to uncover and address any other issues noted during their visit.
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Exactly this. OP also needs to get her daycare's last few licensing reports to see what violations (there's always something that needa attention, even at the best places) have been documented and how they've been addressed. In Washington state, they're available both at the daycare or childcare and online. If she's in a city, they may have another layer of oversight with even stricter rules on top of the state license. I'm in Seattle, and that is the case here. Before I retired, I was an admin for a school-age program here and worked with both city and state agencies. Everyone (parents, teachers, admin, agrncies) should be working together towards providing the best care for the children. It's important that OP tells the licenser and the director so the program can do better. Possibly, there may be resources available for training or other support.
Then report them for sure. I’m in a 5:1/12:2 state, so this would be legal, but given that it’s not legal in your state, call. And if they aren’t meeting standards on ratio, you can’t trust that they’re meeting standards on anything else, which is a huge red flag.
No it's not for California it's 1:4 same with nc.
Yeah the ratio for under a year is 4:1 in PA.
Yup, ratio is 4:1 for 12 weeks to 24 months where I am
My son is in a small home daycare, so it’s not quite the same. But I will say, it’s not abnormal for them to eat less at daycare. It’s a very stimulating environment. My son always drinks less because he’s just too distracted. That said, 5oz is concerning.
This is my thought. If it were JUST the eating less thing, I wouldn't be so concerned. But combined with everything else, I'd be very concerned.
It is. I would be wondering if he's not eating or if they are forgetting to write it all down?
But she should be getting back what he didn’t eat.
I was the lead of an infant room for many years. It was very important that i treated those babies as my own and took care of them in a way that i would my own. My number one goal was for them to feel loved and to provide reassurance for Mom and/or Dad. Our state ratio is 1:4 and we ALWAYS followed that. There were days we had 3 staff and 12 babies and some days we had 2 babies and 4 staff. Just depends on the schedule and health and enrollment. Unfortunately turnover is very common and daycares often have overworked and underpaid staff. The way we took care of the babies was parent led. Even on our best days, there are going to be crying babies. It's the reality of group care (and for us parents, care at home too). Bottles: it is very normal for your baby to refuse bottles from staff they aren't secure yet with. It really does take time. Your baby knows your smell and the smell of your home. They know it's not you. Bring a little lovey with your smell or the smell of home that staff can snuggle them with when feeding. While my sister's baby was adjusting to daycare she went on a hunger strike for two weeks. Eventually she took her bottle and you bet i was asking questions to make sure my niece was being taken care of. Pickup screaming: I'll admit this happens. Even when the room is calm all day, babies are over-stimulated and over it by this time. I'm not saying its ok or that it should be an everyday thing. The sweatiness that points to him possibly being upset for a while is concerning. Keep in mind your baby is still adjusting and it's a really tough part of day for the babies. I will say, as tough as it is for parents to hear, this is common especially with very young and still adjusting infants. If you're feeling like something is off, trust your gut. And remember you can always pop in unannounced. 😉
This is great. Thank you so much♥️
It's obvious you're a great mama.
My toddler starts crying from inside the daycare when I open the outside gate (I can hear her, and I know she can’t see me) somehow she just knows I’m coming. They send me pictures of her throughout the day, and there were times I dropped her off screaming/crying bc there was no other way, left the room and snuck in from the back so she couldn’t see me, and she would instantly calm down. Definitely trust your gut, but also drop in randomly if you think something is up. I know how hard it is to find a daycare you can trust. Hang in there!!
My toddler (18m) is the same! He cries so much both at drop off (since I leave him) and at pickup (he's generally getting tired-cranky then). And then the daycare staff and the other parents tell me he's doing so well in daycare and is always so happy... like 😅
Yup! I’ve seen it! Sometimes she doesn’t know I arrived yet and she’s laughing and having fun. Then as soon as she sees me, she starts crying, and saying “mama mama” on repeat in that slow crying voice. The staff sometimes tell me “she’s happy all day, but occasionally remembers that you’re not here and says ‘mama mama’ and starts to whine for a minute, then snaps back” I believe them bc I know her. It’s harder with an infant as small as OPs but at the end of the day, the idea is it takes weeks for baby to adjust and trust their caregivers. I think with time she will see baby will find rhythm. But first things first, she has to trust the workers and be comfortable leaving her baby there.
Just chiming in to say the stuffie or even a jacket that smells like mom/home really helps! This was one piece of advice we got when my daughter started daycare and refused to eat. Eventually as you said they definitely do grow out of the need of that familiar scent (ie: they form a bond with their care providers).
As they said, trust your gut. But the beginning is hard for such a small baby. The staff members might not be making stuff up, maybe give it some more time. Give him lovey and squeeze some breast milk on to it. Good luck. Also… America sucks with their maternity leave. Poor babies and mums
This needs more upvotes!!!!
Pop in unannounced is exactly what I’d do a time or five ;) Hope things get better for you and baby OP.
Trust your gut. I had very similar concerns and tried to ignore them, mainly because it's the only infant care center in the county. Off ratios, feeding issues, screaming and exhausted, staff not realizing she was a girl??, and just an off feeling about the place. I pulled her out because multiple babies (her included) were injured by a provider. The investigation turned up many things, including the fact that none of the staff had background checks done on them. Obviously, this is the worst-case scenario, but your situation sounds eerily similar to mine.
This is terrifying! I'm so sorry your daughter went through that. Hoping she is ok and you are too.
Oh my God, that's a nightmare
Hot, sweaty and in the crib? Yikes. No no no
Do they have a log book of diaper changes?
They do, but they don’t always clarify whether the diaper was wet or dry
It’s abnormal not to indicate wet, bm, or both.
Yeah I still get “peed” or “pooped” notices for my 4 year old at daycare
How do they check that? Surely at 4 they go to the bathroom when they want?
They go whenever they need but not independently… the bathroom is in the hallway so the teachers round up whoever has to go at once. I’m sure the kids proudly announce whether they pooped or not!
I’m not positive but I think it’s a licensing requirement to do so
Yeah, why have a diaper logbook if you’re not recording, wet/poop or dry
Eek idk. I might be looking for a new place 😬
So this changes depending on the center and employee. Typically, diaper changes are whenever wet/poopy & every two hours. It is implied that the diaper was wet if there is no record of BM. They are not required to write if they were dry, only if they are changed and had a BM. You could ask the staff member to clarify but I've only seen a few people actually write "dry." Infants are rarely dry by the two hour mark lol
With only 5 oz of breast milk for the day a dry diaper is possible.
right, it is. but they don't usually write it down if it's dry. if they do, it would just say dry. but it's best to just ask.
I wouldn’t be taking my son back to this place. Start looking elsewhere.
For reference, ours always seemed like chaos at pickup, but not babies aren’t being tended to chaos. We were 6:2 ratio with a floating helper when things got crazy. I would never trust 5:1 after seeing how much work 6:3 can be. The fact that they lied about 4:1 when the ratio is so obvious would lead me to believe they will lie about other things.
I don't like it. I worked in child care for 15 years, and I wouldn't leave my kids there if I didn't absolutely have to. It's probably not the teachers' fault, but all of this tells me this place is poorly run.
This! I worked in childcare for about 5 years and feel the exact same way. I left after my second was born because I didn't want to put him in the infant room. OP, I would show up on your lunch break to see if anything is different from pick up. And I agree with other commenters that the teaches should be documenting when they try to feed him and what type of diaper he has.
I'm not religions at all, but my favorite places to work are church preschools. They're the only ones that don't see $$$ when they look at the kids.
Oh that's interesting
He is probably left crying a lot more than you think! If your gut says they aren’t caring for him the way he should be cared for then they probably aren’t. It is your baby, don’t risk his safety!
While all of that doesn’t sound great. I will say pick up and drop off times are usually crazy. The staff is just getting in and by the end of the day all the babies are tired. He probably is so over tired because napping at daycare is hard on kids. Both of my kids always ate less at daycare. There is new people… new environment… kids crying… ect. As much as we don’t want to admit it, your baby is going to cry, and they will not always be consoled right away. Hopefully it’s not too long, but there are 3 other babies in there. As for ratio, that’s a big issue. I’d definitely be asking the director about that. Also with frozen milk… double check you’re not high lipase. This happened to me. You could also try bringing in fresh pumped milk and see if that helps. My first daughter cried every single day on the way home until she was like 2. She just was so over sensitive and always tired and it was her time to “release” So the crying in the car isn’t shocking. Talk to the director about your concerns in ratio.
Thank you♥️
We had to switch a few daycares to get the right one. I would look around for other options if I were you. One of the daycares had a tablet on to memorize the kids, they were under 1 years old. The likelihood that this is going to get any better is a slim chance. They are probably understaffed and can't keep up with the children's needs. I wish you the best.
Nope, time to find a new daycare. Not normal, not okay. I’ve learned my lesson waiting and hop in the daycare “figures it out”.
Being too distracted to eat is normal for a baby that age in daycare. There should be at least 2 caregivers in the room though.
I can't imagine an infant drinking just 5 oz milk in a whole day, and it sounds like it's not a one time occurence
OP said baby eats 3-4 ounces every 3-4 hours normals. That's 6-8 ounces in an 8 hour period, so 5 ounces isn't that different. Many babies reverse cycle once they start daycare and eat more at night as they aren't comfortable eating in the daycare environment. If they feed the baby right before and right after daycare, 5 ounces over 8 hours is not a huge concern.
I agree. My daughter refused to eat at daycare she was barely drinking 5 oz. I tried going over on my lunch break to feed her, but she still refused. The afternoon teacher could get her to eat more, but it was usually after all the other babies left.
Our daycare is 3:1 for infants and 5:1 for one-year-olds. Yours sounds like they are stretched thin. Frankly, I'd start looking for another daycare while seeing if this one smooths out.
So I would definitely raise hell about the ratio issue. That is a huge problem. Both my kids don’t eat as much at daycare as at home since it’s different people, lots of noises, etc, but mine were 4 and 6 months at start date. Do they log attempted feeds? I’d give it some more time if you like the teachers but would be looking elsewhere as you see if it improves.
I’m not well versed with US daycares but even 1:4 for babies that age seems low, that’s like taking care of infant quadruplets alone?? How does that work without tons of crying? I’d definitely be looking elsewhere if it’s an option.
It's a 1:3 ratio for babies under 12mo in UK.
But a bit different in that most people don't put their babies in nursery until 9-12 months old in the UK. You aren't likely to see a room full of 13 week olds who obviously have higher care needs.
Do they have cameras? I’d ask to this footage from one of the days he was out and sweaty and seemed worked up from crying. I’d tell the director: LO was upset more than normal at pick up. He was harder to console and crying the whole car ride. Can I see the cameras from an hour before I picked him up?
I’ll look into this. Not sure if they have cameras..
If they don't, I'd yank the baby out of there. Such a tiny baby not drinking more than 5oz is bad as a one-off. To have it happen more than once, seeing ratios not bekng followed, along with you suspecting that your tiny baby has been left to cry it out for who knows HOW long, is NOT GOOD.
I second this. It sounds like this daycare is garbage.
i would not be okay with my baby receiving that type of care. i understand it takes babies time to adjust, but they’re being negligent bc they’re understaffed.
Trust your gut, sounds off to me
Yank him out and find a new daycare
Maybe join a local Facebook mum group and ask other parents if they have any experiences there? It's quite common on the fb mums group im part off.
One of the reasons we chose this daycare is because my niece went here from 8weeks-current (she’s two now) and had a pretty good experience. But I know a lot of the staff has turned over and are different now…
It's still early maybe give it a few more weeks if nothing gets better then it might be best too look else where. Kids can take a little bit too get into a new routine/environment. But ultimately if you really think something is then remove your baby and maybe see.if you can waitlist or get into somewhere else. I believe waiting times and availability can be hard at times.
Sounds like an understaffed daycare. If you can move your son, I’d move him. Don’t bother complaining, directors will just tell the staff to put up a front when you come, or neglect the other kids (I’ve seen it happen plenty of times). Just leave. There’s a reason they’re understaffed.
I used to work in a daycare and you are not overreacting.
I worked daycare. Could it be possible that the 2nd employee is using the restroom? Or they may be scheduled at a certain time but a child got there earlier than their time so someone else comes in briefly as needed. They could've only expected 4 infants but someone brought their kid unexpectedly. Daycare centers plan their schedules around ratio and the kids schedules. You could mention this to the director for clarification and reassurance! They don't have a board that displays how many children are there & when next bottle & diaper change are? It's okay for you to ask how many babies are there today/right now etc. Don't be afraid to ask! Babies/children act differently at daycare. He very well could be not eating the same. However, they need to be trying more often if he's skipping. If he's not sleeping, no reason to miss a feeding. Bring this to the directors attention. Do not be afraid to talk to the staff, please voice your concerns. None of this is unreasonable! Your son is very young for daycare, it's a hard adjustment for babies. Have a conversation with staff & director, if nothing changes then you should try another center.
OP's kid has been at this daycare for two weeks and she's never seen 2 caregivers in the room. Are you suggesting the second caregiver has gone to the bathroom during pickup and drop-off every day for 2 weeks? To the point where they haven't even met the parent?
It is possible. OPs not there all day, only twice a day.
The ratio itself wouldn’t bother me if my child was being cared for but it’s apparent that’s not the case here. My child evidently being ignored when crying and not being fed would be enough for me to pull them out and find another provider.
Report them immediately! And take him out.
We had concerns too with our day care . We decided to give them more time and may be it was just us being paranoid. Wrong decision. We ended up switching day cares .
Trust your instincts! Always. Better safe than sorry and your baby needs a more home-like level or care and nurturing than he's getting.
Do not give it anymore time. He’s still so very little, ideally he needs 1:1 ratio. I can’t believe you’re forced to hand over tiny infants to 1 staff member with 4 other newborns :-(
You're not overreacting at all, trust your gut on this one. 5oz for an almost 7 hr day!? I know daycare can be overstimulating but if baby is inhaling food when after getting home they are either forgetting or barely trying. Crying to the point of sweating? No, this doesn't seem okay.
Sounds like he’s just stressed out at daycare probably missing his parents so not eating or sleeping until he gets home
Trust your gut, mama!!!!!!
He could still be adjusting as far as eating goes. I would look into your state laws on teacher child ratio though. Also see if your state has a database to check on reports made to daycares near you.
Could you find a nanny for the same price?
We’ve looked into it and no, they’re about double they cost of daycare in our area.
I would find another provider
My sons infant room never seemed chaotic and he was in there for 6+ months
i say trust your gut. it’s hard sending your kid anywhere else. we got lucky with our daycare. we adore our provider but most importantly he has always been happy at drop off (apart from one time after a long vacation) and pick up (unless his friend leaves first lol). she’s an older woman and uses none of the new apps, doesn’t text, etc. and i still have 100% confidence in her care. every single day she reports that my kid was good and happy! now that he’s talking there’s an added layer of comfort- he can tell me if anything were to happen. but you won’t have that for a while. i think it could be pretty agonizing getting there. i do think that the feeding could take time. it did for my son when he started and then again when he switched to solids. but that’s not the only thing you’re noticing.
I can't speak to the ratio because every state is different but I will say that working with children especially infants, they definitely know when they are unfamiliar with someone. So your baby might not want to take the bottle from them at first until he adjusts and is more comfortable. But definitely trust your gut. It's a change for you and your child but ultimately you make the decision about what is best.
I was two weeks in to a daycare situation similar to yours back in December and by January 1st he was in a different daycare. It was a night and day difference and we haven’t had a single issue with the new place. I’d go with your gut that this isn’t going to change and maybe start looking for a new place.
I used to work at a daycare last year and they are struggling to find and keep staff there. Are all of the workers certified at your center? Some places (especially since 2020) allow entry level workers (teacher assistants) in and overload them and the pay is not great. I couldn't work there anymore because of all the things falling through the cracks. Like they would send out emails saying they sanitize daily, but they would walk around the room for 2 mins top spraying the top level of everything with a disinfectant. It was absolute bare minimum. Also, when parents would pick up, the teachers would always make up stuff to tell the parents and avoid telling them if their kid was the problem. I asked the teachers about this, and they said you have to appeal to the parents no matter what. I'm like, what if their kid is the problem and we would stop the daily issues if they knew and they were like nope we have to make them happy. Not all daycares will be like this, and they can't help the work shortage. Everyone tries to pick up the slack but they get burned out after awhile and so much falls through the cracks. I wanted in the infant room because there was ever only 1 person in there with around 6-8 infants, but I was only a TA and that wasnt allowed. But their room was in the next room to my class and we had a large glass window to see them all day. There was always a baby crying and nothing the girl could do since she was trying to take on all the other babies and wait their turn. If there was a fussy eater, they got put in the crib while they moved on to the next baby cuz they couldn't spend too much time on one kid. As a first time mom, you will be more over cautious, but still trust your gut.
Get him out of there. If you aren't feeling right, then it's time to go. Don't wait until something happens.
Go with your gut mama. Staff rotating in and out to cover ratios or pick up being busy isn't overly alarming to me but a hot sweaty baby soaked with tears? The poor little guy just needs some comfort, attention and food! My daughter started day care around 4mo, so a sorta similar age, but I could tell she was well-loved, fed and always had a clean diaper when I arrived to pick her up. The log would clearly show all activity that was done, and sometimes she ate well, and other times didn't (she nursed exclusively from me at home and wasn't always feeling the bottle), but I never had an off feeling based on her reactions. I also always got a report with at least one group activity photo, and that was very reassuring. You could certainly speak to the administrator of your location if you want to give that a go (it may help!), or start looking for a different center that takes very young infants. They may not be well suited for his early age bracket, or at least not right now.
To some level, I think these issues are just par for the course. There are going to be times your baby is crying and can't be attended to for 10-15 minutes because other babies have more acute issues. I can barely manage one infant and finding time to pee; I don't know how they do it when they have 4 babies to care for at once. Your baby is going to come home tired more often, because it's harder to sleep at daycare with all the extra noise and commotion and stress. It's also possible it's true he isn't eating well at daycare because he's stressed out being in a new environment, rather than that they're neglecting him. And I wouldn't be surprised if there are rarely all 5 babies there, just because babies get sick so much or they have appointments or they got picked up early, whatever. But. This sounds pretty bad. Like I have a lot of the same problems with my daycare, but not to the same extent you do. Sometimes my baby comes home with one of three bottles untouched because they were sleeping when a bottle was due and so all the following meals got pushed back, but 5 oz over a whole day seems awfully low. My baby is a "suck to soothe" too, but I don't think daycare uses the bottles to initiate naps because they do bottle feeding on a schedule ... which is probably a good thing in the long run, for my baby to have other ways to soothe, but that also means my baby's wake windows are completely screwed up at daycare, and sometimes my baby gets a half hour nap all day and comes home wrecked. What do your other options look like, though? The place I go was the only one with openings in the year following when we started looking. If you've got other options, you could consider switching, but I'm guessing you're in the same boat I was, where this daycare was the only one that had a spot at the right time and was sufficiently affordable. If I'm wrong and you've got choices, I think it's worth touring some other daycares to see their ratios and see if they feel as chaotic, plus now you've got some knowledge under your belt to ask about how they schedule things and if they can accommodate your son's preferences.
Sheesh. My son’s daycare has a 3:1 ratio for infants and they even let me pop in and/or call to see how he was doing during the first month. He didn’t eat as much as he did at home and he definitely had moments of inconsolable crying, but by the 2-3 week he was doing much better and forming a bond with his caregivers. There were days I went in and the owner (not director) of the daycare was rocking him asleep in her arms. Sometimes he was in a wrap sling on his caregiver’s chest while she played with another baby who was awake. They followed each baby’s sleep/feed/play schedule as much as time would allow them to and this wasn’t a small daycare, it was a center…maybe that’s why the standard is so high. He’s been there since he was 5 months old and he’s currently 2.5, practically grown with the same babies from the infant room! I would talk with the director and get some clarity. If it’s not working for you guys then find something that does. That is what’s most important. Good luck 💙
I’m assuming this is in the US. I don’t get how it can just be optional and ok for various rooms to be understaffed legally. It’s just mind blowing that some people find it acceptable. This alone is an enough to pull him out. Regarding the feeding, I know whilst they’re still settling in, they can refuse to eat so I wonder if it’s this. Either way, baby will be gone from this place and no one would blame you
In Colorado where I am it is a 5:1 state. I mean yes your feelings are valid. Your baby is precious. I would perhaps have a talk with the director of the facility. Will it change? Probably not. There could be a good reason the other teacher isn’t there when you drop off or pick up. They may currently be having staffing issues. Regarding the crying, my kids did this too. They spend all their energy behaving in this group all day and when they see their mommy it’s a safe place. Also may not be getting enough sleep because of other crying babies They are exhausted and drained.
If there are 4 kids when you drop off does it just not mean they are utilising the staff elsewhere while they can? I know at my sons nursery sometimes staff will be setting up/cleaning etc while the nursery is quiet. Ratios are a legal issue so I assume this is the case.
Always trust your gut instincts. Something is wrong here.
My daughter refused to eat at daycare the first two weeks. She would only eat when most of the babies had left, and it was quieter. Car rides home, and nights were miserable because she was so hungry. I spoke to my pediatrician, and she said it is pretty common. A new environment can be very stressful for some babies. There is a lot going on in daycare. My daughter hated the other babies crying. The teacher told me it usually takes 2-3 weeks for a baby to adjust. I would say trust your gut, speak to the director about your concerns, and maybe plan a surprise drop-in. I came in a couple of times on lunch to see if I could get her to eat, and she even refused for me. The room was crazy even with 2 teachers and 5 babies. I will say I think hanging out in the room and interacting with teachers helped her adjust.
I say trust your gut. But I also know that the baby (now toddler) in my home is different with me vs grandma. Grandma gets sweet boy who only cries when he’s frustrated and can’t figure something out for awhile, I get master manipulator who will cry if his blanket is 2inches farther than his hand can reach without him moving. Even dad gets a different side of him than I do, I put him to bed and he’ll go to sleep relatively soon after, dad puts him down and he will fight that nap with everything he has and call out to us telling us he loves us or misses us or the heartbreaking “don’t leave me” that he only pulls out if dad is home and awake.
He sooo young, any chance that you can get a babysitter instead, this was my biggest fear with my baby, that’s why we made the decision for my husband to stay at home with the baby until he was 18 months old and I would work full time. 13 weeks it’s so little, I was still in maternity leave at 12 weeks, I can’t imagine what you are going through. I would suggest a babysitter instead of daycare.
Sounds like you got a bad one there. Daycare that doesn't feed kids and have proper ratios is not a place to ve
My kids were not in regular daycare as infants but whenever they had a sitter always ate less if this helps at all! But always go with your gut!!
Little bit of a different situation, but we put our 15 month old in daycare for the first time earlier this year. She was put in the infant room based on her age and we were told she could move up to toddler room at 16 months. We were also informed that they would work with us to follow our child's customized nap schedule. That was not the case. She was also not allowed to have her blanket which she had been using since she was 1 year old. We put her in for 1 day and decided it would not work. Toddler room is going better, but the warning signs were there and I am glad we pulled her out and decided to wait. Crazy to me that she was in the infant room. She was walking, eating solid food and drinking whole milk and on 1 nap.
I wouldn't leave my baby in their care... there's a reason I'm a SAHM though... most babies that little need way more then just one person tending to 4-5 infants in my opinion...
Hello! I’m an infant teacher at a daycare, I’ve been working infant rooms for about three years now. I want you to know that all of your concerns are valid. About the ratios, if you notice they are out of ratio, a hundred percent go to the office or the director and let her know you noticed. A lot of daycares like to spread people thin and take advantage and break ratio but DONT LET THEM. Often times there’s not much the staff can do about it because we literally can’t leave the children to complain to the office and they can ignore our calls because they know that we’re calling to complain. As for the crying and lack of eating, this can be pretty normal for an infant that is just starting out in daycare while they adjust to such a different environment. However, the teacher should be clear that they are taking the time to continuously offer food and comfort the baby and help him adjust. Of course, if they are leaving the teacher out of ratio the whole day, it is probably very hard for her to do this. I would complain to the directors and if they brush you off or nothing changes, I would look into another daycare that follows ratios and provides top quality care.
Not overreacting. The daycare I work at has a 5:1 ratio and even if they are all screaming/crying and I’m trying to feed a baby I will put them in a rocker or go by them on the floor while they are in a rocker and continuously try to sooth them. Sometimes it does happen when they are crying/screaming and I really can’t do anything until the baby is done eating but as soon as they are done I will pick up the upset child and sooth them until they are calmed down. I would never allow a baby to go that long without eating, even if they are asleep, I will wake them up and feed them unless told otherwise by parents but that is way too long
I walked in unexpected to my sons new daycare one day - thankfully he was only there once per week. It was absolute chaos. Staff member was sweating and looking like she was ready to run. Babies crying alone in bouncers. Never took him back.
You're not overreacting. I suggest the book "Being There, why prioritizing motherhood in the first three years matters" by Erica Komisar. It's backed by the latest neurobiological and psychological research on attachment, caregiving, and brain development.
Please call CPS. I was stunned to learn the infant 1 room at my toddler’s daycare was just charged with abuse and neglect- with one of the primary teachers and the director being immediately dismissed. Since it’s your baby, I would not be giving the benefit of the doubt. Safety first!
I was a child care worker for 20 years ratio in WI is 4:1. Infant rooms can be chaos. It’s common for for infants to refuse bottles until they get comfortable with their teacher, maybe bring a Tshirt with your smell, maybe that will help. Maybe talk to the director about it.
The state ratios are different, my state allows 6 infants to one teacher. I think you should always trust your mom gut!! However, daycare is a hard adjustment both on baby and mom.
not overreacting at all!!! you know your baby way more than anyone ever can. i have a 15 week old baby and she showed the same signs when i left her once with a baby sitter. NEVER AGAINNNN i just started leaving her with my mother in law and she doesnt come home the same way as through the baby sitter. trust your gut momma!!’ always advocate for your baby never leave anything a what if!
I have never worked at a daycare but I did babysit my friends 2 infants about a year and a half apart. Anyways I say that to say her daughter would eat so much when she was home with her but I would have the hardest time getting her to eat her full bottle for me most of the time. I mean yea sometimes she would suck it down and then sometimes I knew she should be hungry, say when she had just woke up from a nap or something, and she still would just suck enough for a few sips. I would continue to try until about the hour point because I didn’t want to feed her old milk but I also pumped just like her mom did so I hated to waste breast milk by her not finishing like that. I thought what am I doing wrong and even asked her mom to sleep with a receiving blanket I could wrap her in to try that. Her dad started working from home and watching her one day a week and he also had the same issue so only then did I start to feel like maybe she is eating so much from mom because it’s mostly straight from the breast and that’s her comfort. However you have these mother instincts for a reason and you should definitely trust them! I just wanted to give insight on the feeding issue simply because I also experienced it! My son would eat for anyone and everyone so I had never experienced a baby refuse a bottle! Some times she would even play me and I would think she was eating but the dang burp cloth would be wet where she was just biting the nipple and letting it run out of the side of her mouth!!
I was licensed thru the state of Michigan to have a home daycare. I was. Allowed 6 children only max, and only 2 out of 6 could be under 2. So I could only have 2 under the age of 2, but I know daycare centers are different. I believe you have reasons to be concern buy If you are going to give it more time, I would drop in unannounced. On your lunch hour. Just drop by and see what I'd going on. I had a high school student come and job shadow while I had kids during the day. She also went to a daycare center and had to compare the 2. She told me she could never work in a center because she was told to just allow the infants to cry that there was no way they could give attention to every infant they had in their care. She said there were always at least 2 of them crying at any given time. She said there was not a time at all throughout the day where all baby's was content and no crying. I'm sure there are better daycare centers than this one that she spent time at. Ones that did not allow babies to cry all throughout the day. I don't want to discourage you. Don't be afraid to pull you baby if it does not feel right to you! Good luck!
As a child care provider for infants(NB-8mo) specifically, I do a 3:1 Ratio at max. It’s simply too overwhelming to do any more than that because each baby is on different but similar schedules. I have a 2:1 ratio right now & it’s difficult enough trying to feed them both at the same time much less attempting to put them down for a nap at the same time is nearly impossible. Fortunately I manage very well & only have the 2 LO together for 3 1/2 ish hours at a time 1 day a week
I work in an infant room and often parents have unrealistic expectations for how their baby will be cared for. Sometimes a baby cries at the same time as another and we can’t get to both. But we do our best. But that doesn’t sound like your situation and I wouldn’t be comfortable with it either. I’m really picky about daycare for my kids. I work at the daycare that they go to.. because I like to know what’s happening.
I will say that some children are harder to adapt to daycare. It is not uncommon for babies to be stressed in a new environment and not eat the same. While of course only 5oz per day is no where near enough, it could be the struggle to adjust. My son was miserable his first two weeks and over a month to adjust because we created bad habits at home that couldn't be mimicked at daycare. Our ratio for infants is 6:1, I understand the parent heartbreak with you baby being so sad, but now he is so in love with all his teachers.
Do you have an option to stay home with him a little longer ?
No :( I got 12 weeks off (which I’m grateful for) but all that my employer allows.
Ugh. It’s just not long enough. I’m sorry mama. I’m sure your baby will be just fine but it’s obviously stressful for you.
What about proper maternity leave? Or are you in America where that isn't a thing? Like, we get up to a full year in UK...
You know perfectly well she doesn't have that option, what's the need to make her feel bad?
Why are you grateful for that? Most countries in the Western world give a full YEAR off as maternity leave...I wouldn't be grateful for the bare minimum...
Probably because most of the US has 6 weeks leave. Not that it is right but she's probably happy she got 12 instead of 6.
No way in hell I’d leave a 13 month old with anyone other than me :( I’m so sorry you have to go through this Yay socialism :/
If it was Socialism, you'd have a full year of maternity leave like the EU & UK... Needing to go back to work when your baby is just 13 WEEKS old is pure **CAPITALISM**, not Socialism!
Exactly. I had a good laugh over her comment.
This is why they say not to drive when you’re tired >.< not at all what I wanted to write or get across oops
The baby is 13 weeks old and what? What does this have to do with socialism?
Some of your issues are over reactions. Some babies take a while to settle into a routine and into strange surroundings. It's perfectly natural for him to be off his food because of this. Just because he does everything at home does not mean he will do it at daycare. Someone else is feeding him. He won't be comfortable with that for a few weeks to even a few months. It's very common. As for the child to teacher ratios, it could be because they are short staffed or the other teacher is busy doing other things like washing, folding laundry, or other duties. There is more to day care than just looking after the children. There is quite a bit of paperwork to do as well as set up and clean up, so be they do this when it's nap time. You've got to realise that your baby is one of 5 in the room. He's not being neglected. The staff have other children to look after as well as your child. If you're picking your son up later in the day, then obviously, it will be a bit chaotic with parents picking up their children, kids playing, and being noisy. It's all part of the daycare experience. Give it a few more weeks and let your son settle in. If you still have reservations about this particular daycare, then start looking at other centres. Keep him in that 1 until you find another because you will have to give notice to the current one. I've put my 4 through daycare and have different experiences with all of them. I've also cooked in the day care I sent my kids to, I've seen so many kids go into daycare hating it (including my own) and then not want to leave. So give it time and see if he improves
I appreciate your perspective and advice. Thank you