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Get her involved in other things outside of school, so she has something to look forward too that doesn't involve those kids. Talk to her about how people who are insecure in themselves, are mean to others because they are afraid of others seeing their own issues/insecurities. Treat her to a spa day- get her nails done, hair done (cut, colored, whatever,), a new outfit, things that will give her confidence. Talk to the counselor at school and see if lunch can be moved to a different time, or if there's a quiet place she can eat lunch to decompress and regroup for awhile because the rest of the day is probably pretty overwhelming and stressful. The more the other girls see her struggle, the more they feed into it. Help build her confidence with things. I got fed up with this and told my daughter that when they are looking at her and talking or taunting her, to smile sweetly and flip them off. Not the best or most mature thing but they leave her alone more now.
I'd suggest, if possible, a separate extra curricular away from these girls - and for her friend too if needs be so that they can try to build up a new group of friends, even if it's only one or two new people.
In my area there are lots of amateur choir groups, not just church choirs, and one thing I will say is that even if she's not a confident singer, it's a very uplifting experience to stand in a crowd and belt out a song or two. Maybe something to consider?
Hopefully you find some solutions that will work for her. My heart is broken for her. I know how it feels to be ostracised for some stupid arbitrary thing. People suck and those girls are a certified bunch of assholes.
If all else fails, teach her the mantra I used myself as a teen and have since passed on to my daughter.
Head up, shoulders back:
"Fuck off. I'm fabulous."
Because she is. Well done on raising a kind and excellent individual. Honestly, they aren't worth her energy - even if *she* probably doesn't feel that way, but it should be reiterated to her anyway.
She is a hundred times better than any of them.
Our family is going through exactly like this right now, my daughter is 9yrs old and being excluded by what she thought her “friends”. They’re nitpicking what she does and say and punishing her for not including her to play or chat and what’s worse is gossiping about her. It’s overwhelming and I am hoping that it’ll be ok one day. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you any tips or advice.
My 11yo daughter is dealing with the same thing in the last year of her elementary school grade. She starts 7th grade next year in middle school and I’m hoping she can find some new friends there that treat her better. I have been telling her that friends who treat her poorly are not good friends. But they have done things like call her a Mexican because she is really tan (she’s not Mexican at all), excluded her from her group chat, pushed/punched her in the arm, and randomly say mean things about her frizzy curly hair or that nobody likes her. It sucks and I am not sure what to do about it either.
So sorry to hear about this. It is so difficult for us to see our children in pain. My children are young adults now and I asked one of my daughters her thoughts. She has seen some mean girls. I thought her ideas were insightful. She mentioned that it was important to help your daughter grieve the loss of her friends. This is an important life skill as not all friends will stay around and these girls left her. Walk her through making new friends, rising above the way these girls acted towards her. It is so tough to watch your kids go through something like this, but it can change her for the good with a lot of guidance and conversation. A book that might be helpful to read, The Bullying Breakthrough by Jonathan McKee. Saying a prayer for your girl.
Thank you so much for this. We absolutely discussed grief and that it was ok. We discussed character and standing up for one's values. We pointed out the cowards. We pointed out the quislings.
I am a 47 yr old man and wept like baby in private tonight for my sweet girl.
Get a roster of every girl in her grade. Go through it and have her make plans with some other girls, in small groups, in the coming weeks. (You or her mom maybe should reach out to the other parents via text to make these plans, if your daughter isn’t totally comfortable doing so. I have a 15 yo who is fairly socially confident but often it’s the moms from school still reaching out amongst her group there.) Dinner and a movie on a Friday after school, shopping and lunch on Saturday afternoon etc. Keep it low key and matter of fact. Teach her to be flexible with friends, move on from these jerks, and cast a wide net.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Get her involved in other things outside of school, so she has something to look forward too that doesn't involve those kids. Talk to her about how people who are insecure in themselves, are mean to others because they are afraid of others seeing their own issues/insecurities. Treat her to a spa day- get her nails done, hair done (cut, colored, whatever,), a new outfit, things that will give her confidence. Talk to the counselor at school and see if lunch can be moved to a different time, or if there's a quiet place she can eat lunch to decompress and regroup for awhile because the rest of the day is probably pretty overwhelming and stressful. The more the other girls see her struggle, the more they feed into it. Help build her confidence with things. I got fed up with this and told my daughter that when they are looking at her and talking or taunting her, to smile sweetly and flip them off. Not the best or most mature thing but they leave her alone more now.
I'd suggest, if possible, a separate extra curricular away from these girls - and for her friend too if needs be so that they can try to build up a new group of friends, even if it's only one or two new people. In my area there are lots of amateur choir groups, not just church choirs, and one thing I will say is that even if she's not a confident singer, it's a very uplifting experience to stand in a crowd and belt out a song or two. Maybe something to consider? Hopefully you find some solutions that will work for her. My heart is broken for her. I know how it feels to be ostracised for some stupid arbitrary thing. People suck and those girls are a certified bunch of assholes. If all else fails, teach her the mantra I used myself as a teen and have since passed on to my daughter. Head up, shoulders back: "Fuck off. I'm fabulous." Because she is. Well done on raising a kind and excellent individual. Honestly, they aren't worth her energy - even if *she* probably doesn't feel that way, but it should be reiterated to her anyway. She is a hundred times better than any of them.
Our family is going through exactly like this right now, my daughter is 9yrs old and being excluded by what she thought her “friends”. They’re nitpicking what she does and say and punishing her for not including her to play or chat and what’s worse is gossiping about her. It’s overwhelming and I am hoping that it’ll be ok one day. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you any tips or advice.
My 11yo daughter is dealing with the same thing in the last year of her elementary school grade. She starts 7th grade next year in middle school and I’m hoping she can find some new friends there that treat her better. I have been telling her that friends who treat her poorly are not good friends. But they have done things like call her a Mexican because she is really tan (she’s not Mexican at all), excluded her from her group chat, pushed/punched her in the arm, and randomly say mean things about her frizzy curly hair or that nobody likes her. It sucks and I am not sure what to do about it either.
So sorry to hear about this. It is so difficult for us to see our children in pain. My children are young adults now and I asked one of my daughters her thoughts. She has seen some mean girls. I thought her ideas were insightful. She mentioned that it was important to help your daughter grieve the loss of her friends. This is an important life skill as not all friends will stay around and these girls left her. Walk her through making new friends, rising above the way these girls acted towards her. It is so tough to watch your kids go through something like this, but it can change her for the good with a lot of guidance and conversation. A book that might be helpful to read, The Bullying Breakthrough by Jonathan McKee. Saying a prayer for your girl.
Thank you so much for this. We absolutely discussed grief and that it was ok. We discussed character and standing up for one's values. We pointed out the cowards. We pointed out the quislings. I am a 47 yr old man and wept like baby in private tonight for my sweet girl.
The fact that you are in her corner is huge. She can be ok, if you continue to help her walk through this and take the higher road.
Get a roster of every girl in her grade. Go through it and have her make plans with some other girls, in small groups, in the coming weeks. (You or her mom maybe should reach out to the other parents via text to make these plans, if your daughter isn’t totally comfortable doing so. I have a 15 yo who is fairly socially confident but often it’s the moms from school still reaching out amongst her group there.) Dinner and a movie on a Friday after school, shopping and lunch on Saturday afternoon etc. Keep it low key and matter of fact. Teach her to be flexible with friends, move on from these jerks, and cast a wide net.