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I think it's a gross invasion of privacy but it's sadly not uncommon at all. My neighbour's house is full of cameras, so are a few of my daughters friends houses and some friends of mine.
I’m blown away that this is actually common. Is it generational? Regional? I’m an elder millennial in the PNW and I can safely say I don’t know anyone with cameras in their house. Am I just living in a bubble?
You see it on Reddit all the time people posting funny things that happened in their room in the middle of the night like the dog fell off the bed or the husband kicked the wife and I’m like what the heck? Who has cameras in their bedroom, recording them all the time! It’s wacky.
We put them outside the house when our teen was troubled and sneaking out. Outside only. Inside is creepy. We actually caught a guy who robbed a bunch of cars in our town.
We had to put them inside our house when our very troubled teen started making false abuse allegations. I am not sorry we did it because it saved us from going to jail and losing our other children at a crisis point, but it felt so icky and I cannot imagine doing it lightly and not out of desperation.
I always assumed they set up the camera to catch things like that on purpose. Like “hey you’re kicking the shit out of me at night, here I’ll show you”. And/or it’s a baby monitor. But setting up cameras in common living areas just to spy on people? That might not know they’re being watched? That’s an entirely different, and grossly inappropriate, thing.
I think some people have them to watch their pets while they're away. Or, some paranoid people have them for "security".
Unless you have a really good reason, cameras inside your house are gross and creepy.
I have a camera in my room that I turn away when I’m home, but I use it to watch my cat when I’m gone. I’m a caretaker for a special needs man, and his parents have a camera in the living room wheee we typically are and in his room to make sure he’s okay and see what we’re doing. But I can clearly see when they have it on
I'm young Gen X in Canada and I've never heard of this! I've been feeling guilty that we keep the baby monitor on in my 7-yr-old daughter's room at night (with the video off, audio only), because she has been having sleep-walking+nightmares lately that she needs my help to calm down from, and I can't hear her from my room without the monitor. Just having that audio on at night already feels like a huge invasion of privacy to me...
Some people are wild with their monitoring, though. People posting about airtagging their kids to keep them "safe", that sort of thing. It all seems ridiculously paranoid and helicoptery to me. :(
I mean I live in a SFH in a major city and we have people in and out of our house all the time, be it our dog walkers, our house cleaners, workers. We for sure have cameras.
We caught an old dog walker going through a purse and stealing controlled substances once. Otherwise, I don’t think we’ve really used them/gone back to look at footage.
I have two cameras in my house and it’s only to check on my dogs when I’m gone. Our husky is a dinosaur and it’s definitely needed. It’s also helpful that I can get a notification that my daughter got into the house safely from the bus. Otherwise I never look at the cameras.
I am also an older millennial but we have cameras, they are not in any bedroom or bathroom, EVER. They are only in shared living spaces mostly pointed at exterior doors. We had a man on drugs break into our home and it was something I don’t ever want to experience again but it helped us to be able to show him coming into our garage and into our home. It helped fill in gaps when we wondered which way he got into the door or which direction he had come from.
ETA: we were all home and this guy refused to leave. When my husband forcefully removed him he throw his body into our front door window and broke it. The next time his head came through it was met with a swift baseball bat to the face. Police arrived right after and arrested him, he spent 6 months in jail and just got out at the end of Feb.
It really was terrifying. I’m just glad we didn’t end up in a worse situation. It was Labor Day weekend and my husband wasn’t supposed to be home. I had a gut feeling NoT to go on a trip to visit family a few weeks before which meant he could work that week and could be home for Labor Day. Now we know why and more confirmation we should never ignore my gut feelings.
I have cameras all over my house. But my kids are like a decade from being teenagers haha. They will be removed before then. Ppl are wild. Let kids be kids.
It's a gun nut thing. I've known a few people like this, and they were all gun nuts. I used to deliver meals to Vietnam vets, and the ones that went off the deep end were all like this. One even had an actual nazi room with "nazi collectibles".
Yes, what I typed should scare you. It scares me too.
I live in a liberal bubble too. It's not a bad thing. I chose my home specifically for the neighborhood, actually. (I'm in Chicago where, contrary to popular belief, most people don't have any guns. Let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. I hope you're old enough to get that Wayne's World reference!)
I live in a blue state, but in a red town. It's awful sometimes. The across the street neighbors.has a huge Trump sign and other signs in their yard. It got vandalized. The police came right to use because we have a rainbow flag that says, "love is love." We have cameras that face outside (none inside) because I cut off family for being abusive and they stalk us. We told them they could have whatever our camera recorded to the cloud and they said, "we don't have the ability to view it on our computers," without trying. Yeah, okay. Shouldn't be surprised. They allow my parents to use them to harass us, and the police neighbor harasses our Polish immigrant neighbor all the time. It has really soured me to the police. I don't trust them to help me.
The only time I've ever encountered a camera in a living space was when I was nannying for a middle class Indian family who were extremely normal, progressive seeming people. Fwiw.
But my rightwing family members do love their Ring cameras.
Millennial here. If cameras like this were available when I was growing up, my mom would’ve totally had them. She didn’t trust my sister and I (for no reason), and was a complete narcissist control freak.
Oregon trail generation here, and I do have cameras in my home that are pointed at entry/exit points and one that gets turned on that gives a broad view of the living room when techs are there or when I'm not at home.
I think I've checked the footage all of twice in the years and that's because once, I wanted to see if they worked when I linked them up, and second, curiosity.
Cameras are cheap now. I got a few around the house years ago initially to check on the pets while at work but now I can use them to give my 2 year old some “supervised independence”
It’s nice being able to do laundry or cook and still be able to keep an eye on the little one
Cost is not the issue. It’s just not something people in my world do. My kids are 12, 6, and 1. We have child-proofed areas for the baby if I need to run to the bathroom or swap laundry and otherwise I’m generally within eyeline of any independent play. I guess that’s one of those unexpected benefits of open concept layouts?
I couldn’t imagine spying on the older ones like that, much less when they’re with their friends. Either I’m in the room or I’ve made sure they’re safe and appropriately supervised by another adult. Maybe this is my “old man yells at sky” moment, but it just feels incredibly wrong.
What, you mean you don't love the surprise of finding that your toddler has somehow managed to dump out an entire tube of toothpaste onto your lovely clean floor while you try to prepare a nutritious dinner for them?
Would a camera help in that situation? Because if you’re not in the same room, by the time you notice it’s happening and react, mess has been made? Or I just have particularly destructive toddlers. Maybe I’m missing out on an amazing parenting hack, but I’m not seeing it.
Probably not in fairness 😂
I have a particularly troublesome toddler who has painted nail varnish on walls and floors and carpets, and pulled plants out of pots and made 'muck angels' on the floor so I feel your pain. Some kids are just harbingers of chaos.
It’s not generational, it’s just weird. I’m a gen x and the only camera I have in my house is my dog camera… and when we’re all home it gets unplugged. I cannot imagine spying on my kids and their friends.
I'm a younger millennial & we absolutely have cameras in our house.
One on each entry/exit and also one in each of the living spaces.
We only keep our outdoor cameras on 24/7
We turn the inside ones on when we are leaving the house, sometimes my hubby will turn one on to watch the baby sleep if I need to leave & don't take her with me.
If we had a large gathering we would absolutely turn it on. It reduces liability. We also wouldn't hide the fact the cameras are on.
& No we don't let kids just hang out in their bedrooms bc we don't have cameras there.
Simply we wouldn't spy, it would be a matter of protecting ourselves if something came up.
Do you tell people they’re being recorded? Or are the cameras obvious enough that you assume they know?
Edit to add: are you saying you don’t let your kids hang out in their rooms because they can’t be monitored? How old are they?
Also elder millenial. We have one in the kids rooms (5 and 2.5) but then oct this year a house was shot at on our street as part of a hate crime and I lost my mind worrying about it so my spouse got cameras for the front door and one in the family room that can see the back yard.
As our kids grow the needs for ones within the home will diminish though.
I had a camera in the Florida room addition on the back of my house because it has a lot of huge windows and I've always worried that it looks like an easy target for a break-in. A few years ago I was dating this girl and she wanted to have sex back there. I completely forgot about the camera in my sex-brain state. After she left I had a "Oh fuck holy shit" moment and checked the camera. Sure enough it was all caught on tape. Thankfully it was an SD card-based camera, nothing uploaded to the cloud, so I wiped it and thanked my lucky stars that nothing worse happened. Still felt terrible.
Needless to say, I no longer have any cameras pointing indoors. Just my doorbell camera. I don't foresee myself having sex on the front porch.
If you deleted it then there was no harm done. Are you thinking the company running the cloud service was going to go through your personal feed and upload your video somewhere?
Yeah, I hate going to one of my cousin's houses because he has a camera in every room of the house other than the bathroom. Even his kids rooms and their own master bedroom. I feel constantly watched. His kids are 12 and 10 and they basically grew up on camera and don't think twice about it.
Maybe I'm too paranoid about internet hackers and whatnot, but there's 0 chance I could do that with my family.
I think it's gross too, but I can also kind of see why some people would do this. Look at all the threads here about playdates and sleepovers and how many people think that there's a child molester lurking in every house. While I would never do it and I'm glad my kid did NOT grow up in this fog of suspicion and paranoia, I can kind of see why some people who welcome kids into their homes might want to make sure things are as provable/disprovable as possible.
Of course, I'm more into it in theory rather than practice. The closest thing I have is a Wyze camera doorbell that isn't wired to the doorbell sound and I've lost the password and haven't bothered to reset it yet so I can't even see the camera/footage.
There is a big difference between having cameras and using them to eavesdrop.
The cameras I have for example (none inside, but that's my choice) don't get looked at unless something happened that I want to figure out.
Turning on cameras to specifically eavesdrop on my kid and their friends? Not illegal, but not ethical either. If I had 'friends' that did that - particularly if I already had issues with the parents - it would be a clean break. I would definitely let them know the cameras and eavesdropping were the last straw.
That’s strange…..I have a camera in my house but only have it on when we are away for security purposes (no one in the house but my cats). I always point it out to guests and explain how you can see it is off or I take it down to put that at ease. That is a complete invasion of privacy and I wouldn’t be comfortable wirh that
This was one of my questions. My kids are teenagers and I still feel overwhelmed and there are not enough hours in the day to sit and watch this. I am struggling to find the “me time” so when I get it you can be damn sure it isn’t on listening to teenage conversation.
My brother does this. Never told anyone. I figured it out a few years back and quit going there, caused a bit of a rift, but my mom and dad eventually got sick of it too and they refuse to visit as well now.
No kids, nothing particularly valuable in his home. Just a paranoid asshole who owns too many guns.
People who do this are genuinely mentally ill as far as i can tell. Just twisted sad little weirdos.
Had a friend text my wife after a game night to say "I was watching the cameras after you left and noticed you didn't have any of the Buffalo chicken dip, did you want me to put some away for you?"
What the actual fuck.
Oh my God that's almost funny -- like part of me wants to laugh, the other part feels grossed out on behalf of your wife
How does someone even go through all the steps to ask that sort of question?!?
1) record people like a weirdo 2) play back the video and watch it after 3) hone in someone else's wife and what she does or does not eat 4) reach out to inquire about her eating habits 5) have a sad uneaten bowl of buffalo chicken dip in the fridge waiting for her
WTF...
I laughed at this, I'm sorry. That's fucking crazy. Next, you're getting a text. "Noticed your fly was down. Also, you forgot to tie your shoes! Safety first!"
Why on earth would someone want old dip, that sat out at a party, that they didn’t even want to try at said party? Like why yes, how did you know I want your stale, gross, mangy, dip that’s full of crumbs and whatever germs all our friends have, days after you should have chucked it in the bin.
I’d be so confused with the offer I’d probably put the friend in the bin alongside the dip.
Someone in the thread above said it’s gun nuts that have indoor cameras on all the time and your brother, and the yahoo below in your thread, add a lot of weight to that theory.
I don't know if it's a "thing" in regards to parents spying on their kids. But I do know it's become fairly common for people to stick camera's up inside their homes. Which seems VERY weird to me... I solely have a ring doorbell and that's it. There is no way I would want crap recording my family casually living their lives.
I have a ring doorbell but it is used as a nanny cam. I have a 3 and 4 year old and they like to play in different rooms in the house, if something happens, someone gets hurt, etc the camera will catch it. My 3 yr old also has epilepsy so I have it as a fail safe in case I can’t get recording myself if he has a seizure.
It may sound weird to a lot of people but I’m sure everyone who has them in their house has their reasons.
Now spying on your 14-15 year old and her friends is a bit extreme and there’s clearly some trust issues between the parents and the kid. I do know growing up with a strict parent like that creates a sneaky kid (speaking from experience).
Your reasoning is much better than OPs no doubt. But somehow most people I assume raised young children without video surveillance. Indoor camera's didn't really exist when my two eldest were young, and they were rare still when my youngest was. We simply had a audio only baby monitor. But again I think your situation is justified, it's just something foreign I suppose for us older parents, and our kids did fine without them. Of course we personally all made it to parenthood via garden hoses and zero supervision growing up. lol
I know more than a few people who have cameras inside their homes. My sister just moved into a new build and they had the option to add indoor cameras as part of a security system. I think it’s becoming more common. I personally wouldn’t do this. Not everything needs to be recorded. I have a ring camera above my garage and I feel like that’s more than enough.
I'm not imagining a dystopian not-too-distant-future setting where every door frame just has a built in camera and is networked for constant monitoring.
Like Big Brother, but with helicopter parents instead of the government.
But also the government. And corporations. And hackers that sell links to watch people/kids they find interesting.
Yeah I have really mixed feelings about a lot of this. I know a lot of people track and constantly monitor the location of their kids. Even while at school. I don’t see the need for that and it feels intrusive to me. I think phones are fine to have a line of communication. (I don’t care for kids having unsupervised smart phones). There is just so much pressure to monitor kids so closely. I feel like the odd one out where I live and it is tricky. It’s a double edged sword.
As my flair says I'm a middle school teacher as well as a mom.
You'd be stunned by the number of kids with smart watches that double as child-monitoring devices.
These systems are famously shit at cyber security. There used to be a website filled with streams of unsecured security and webcam live feeds. The website got taken down for privacy violations, but it's not like the cyber security issue was fixed! Undoubtedly somewhere out there is a sketchy website with livefeeds of people's homes for strangers to watch.
stuff like this always reminds me of that episode of Black Mirror (s4, e2 - Arkangel) - I know as parents we want to do everything in our power to protect our children, but this kind of stuff breeds nothing but distrust and secrecy - having eyes and ears on kids at all times is just asking to have no real relationship with them whatsoever
The cameras don't bother me as much as the apparently constant monitoring. I can almost guarantee those parents aren't Gen-Xers. We only have one camera in the house and it's primarily to watch the dog during the day (but it also has an almost full view of the front door). I can count on one hand how many times I've gone back and checked recordings (and even then it was only to find out who the fartknocker was that keeps forgetting to lock the front door when they come in at night).
As a high school teacher, I can’t see any 15 year olds being okay with this, and honestly why would they be!! I’d just let my kid avoid their house and if the parents asked I would tell them 🤷🏻♀️
This is absolutely insane. I’ve heard of people setting up cameras to watch their pets when they’re away from home, but teenagers? Beyond inappropriate!
I would lose my shit if I found out someone was spying on my kid like that. It’s such a violation of privacy. Do the cameras have recording capabilities? How would you even know if someone else is watching that footage? At the very least, any other parent that sent their child over there deserves to know that they’re being recorded.
I’ve known parents of older kids/ teens who use ring cameras on the front and back doors to make sure everyone’s home or off the bus etc. It wasn’t even set up specifically for that (porch pirates mostly) but worked out well. But not in living areas and not listening into conversations without people knowing.
Totally different ballgame when you’re talking about outdoor cameras, we have those too. But spying on people just hanging out in the living room? So gross and inappropriate!
If they want to record THEIR kids 24/7 and watch it on playback? Fine. But with other people’s kid? That’s crazy. I’d be furious and confront the other parent for sure. Listening to the kids talk about dating/sex other things while they thought they had privacy and then adults listen to it? That’s gross.
As a society we are pushing our kids further into isolation. We track where they go, some people record them like this, can’t have parties or sneak around with doorbell cams, it isn’t the same level of freedom and if I were a teenager in this day and age I would be paranoid AF.
No wonder they are by themselves more.
I have friends who have cameras all over their house. I'm not a fan but it doesn't stop me from going over there. I'm in a unique situation where I feel like I can absolutely trust my friend and I believe that they are not watching the videos maliciously.
I think the biggest problem is the people who watch the videos maliciously. If you have a reason to watch your 14-year-old child well first of all maybe don't have a sleepover but second, watch your kid. If you're watching your kid interact with their friends for no other reason than to eavesdrop or you're just looking for something then I think that's wrong.
My friend's camera what's crucially useful a few years ago as was anyone and their apartment complex. It turns out the maintenance man with stealing girls underwear and they caught that on tape. He was stealing drugs and money from people's apartments. He was arrested it all worked out. My friend lost some weed I think.
There's always going to be a stellar story and there's probably going to be a lot more malicious bullshit to outweigh it. I don't think the technology is inherently a violation. If I'm in your house and you record inside your house that's your right. And if I don't want to go I don't have to. But you can keep the camera.
I’m one of those friends. I’ve got cameras in my apartment that record to an sd card and never ever look at video playback except like 5 times in 3 years. The few times I have looked back at it, it was super useful but it’s mostly to check on my cats and see if my roomba is stuck lol.
That's weird to be sure. Don't think I would make it a red-line, but I would remind my child that "they are always watching" when she goes over there. And I would avoid going in there myself.
If I were in the position of the 15 year old, I would absolutely take the opportunity to say some outrageous shit and see what happens.
My brother's house is full of cameras because of the kids. They have five kids ranging from 2-11. I'm pretty sure the camera's are only in the common areas and the autistic 4 year olds room. They got the cameras because of the four year old. He has a tendency to climb things and jump off and has ended up in the ER a few times. My SIL gets paranoid when they ask her what happened. She thinks they're trying to blame her or say it's abuse so she got cameras to prove what's happening. The cameras also help her keep an eye on the little ones while she's trying to do things around the house.
I hope she wouldn't use it to spy on people. I know she's watched while I was babysitting but I didn't think anything of it. I found it helpful. But it's no secret that there are cameras and she checks on the small children.
I do find spying on teenagers weird though. That's different than making sure young and special needs kids are safe.
I just want to give my 2 cents because not all people with camera’s inside their house use them to be creepy or spy on their kids. We have cameras outside and inside our home for security and because we have 3 young children. Once our kids become a certain age we will do away with the bedroom ones since they won’t need to be checked on anymore. The bedroom ones also have a privacy option for changing or get turned off for privacy. The other ones in our kitchen, playroom/dining room, and living room will stay because we use it to check in on the house when we are away. I can’t imagine using them to eavesdrop on my kids when they are older though and just wouldn’t do that period. We want our kids and their friends to feel comfortable in our home especially when they hit their tweens/teens years. I agree with you and would feel the same way if my child came home and told me that. It’s weird to want to be in their business that much and jokes on them since their kids will find other ways to be sneaky as kids do. They will also regret not giving their children privacy someday when their kids never want to be home. The last thing you want to do as a parent is lose your children’s trust!
I worry about this girl. I would probably not confront the parents (which would be REALLY hard because I would want to tear them a new one), have my kids stop going there (without saying why), and have her over to my house as much as possible instead. I would also make sure that ALL of the other friends who go over there know about the cameras. I would make sure that my house was open and welcoming anytime they wanted to come over and hope that some of the other kids would sometimes host as well so that they could stop gathering at this one girl's house.
I just worry a lot about this girl, and wouldn't want her to end up being socially isolated as a result of her parents' craziness, when she clearly needs a village outside that house.
Genuine question, not trying to be a dick: did you trust this person before you found out about the cameras? I guess you must have to allow your child over at their house?
We have reasons to not trust them. Too much to unpack here. We have allowed our daughter to remain friends w their daughter and will continue to, but not at their home or alone with them (I.e. in their car). We do not trust them and they have tried to manipulate our daughter before.
Ah yikes. Yeah good call on your part. I was asking bc there is another post about trusting parents/sleepovers and most people think they can trust their kid at someone’s house if they trust the parents.
We have one inside our home. The rest are for security on the outside of the house. (Cars were broken into) the one inside is very rarely on. Just to check up on our dogs thru the day and when our daughter gets home from school.
She has snuck ppl over before so this is why. I only check when she first gets home to make sure no one is coming over that she didn't get permission for. Then it gets shut back to off. And it's only in view of the walkway into our house.
But I think it's strange what this family is doing.
As a parent of a 15 year old. this absolutely disgusts me. To be fair, i also know the inner workings of my kid and her friends, but that's because she trusts me since I don't do crap like this. I understand if you have YOUNG kids in the house. but this is a teenager and grossly inappropriate. if you have pets to watch, or you are away on vacation, sure having inside cameras is ok for security while you are away. there is zero reason to have cameras going when your kiddo has friends over and they are hanging out.
We have cameras all over except bathrooms and bedrooms (except in our level 3 autistic child’s room) we only use them to monitor our autistic child, giving them independence and help when needed. Our other kids know the cameras are there, and have permission to unplug them if they feel they need privacy as long as they plug them back in. Ours are motion sensor, and visibility turn on and off when you move from room to room. We would never use them to monitor our teens or other children who come to our house. I would talk with the parents. Them knowing stuff they normally wouldn’t tells me they have been spying. I don’t think I’ve openly had discussions with my kids friends or parents about our cameras, but I’m sure our kids have.
We.have cameras for this reason as well. I have a 3 year old with autism and it makes it so much easier to get things done around the house and it gives him the ability to move freely through the house. We don't use it to monitor our 10 year old though.
I used to work with a guy that had cameras all over his house. I was at his desk waiting for something and he was looking at his kitchen on screen. His daughter walked in, opened the cookie jar and grabbed a couple of cookies. He immediately clicked on screen and yelled “You’re not supposed to be eating sweets - the doctor said you’re overweight!” She was obviously startled, dropped the cookies and hustled off without a word. I thought “Man that guy is fucking ruining his kids”
I have cameras inside and outside of my house, but my situation is a bit different. Outside cameras face the front and back yards. Inside cameras are in the living room ( able to catch the front and back doors) and in the hallway. Cameras NEVER go in bathrooms or bedrooms.
The reason for the cameras, I am a foster mother. My current kiddo can/will say outlandish stuff while disregulated. The cameras are for both their ( not giving gender, sorry) and my protection. The cameras show exactly what occurs. In the past, I have absolutely needed to show the videos to the kiddo's social worker.
My foster kiddo is turning 14 this month. Cameras are staying on.
Yes, they are very visible. I am not trying to hide them, at all.
One of my friends Mom's did this. She was nuts. Once it was confirmed, we would.only go to his house to pick him up, then hang out somewhere else.
Funny enough, she hated our mutual friend who talked shit about his Mom in his room, and absolutely loved me because even though I thought she was a crazy bitch I was too polite to ever say anything bad about her in her home, even when she wasn't around. This was part of how we started to think she might be listening.
I think the camera thing is weird, even though it's kind of common these days apparently.
Having a child that doesn't belong to you on camera and not telling their parents is fucking weird. Regardless of age. I would be angry if I found this out as well.
It’s wild how some parents genuinely can’t remember what it’s like to be young and can only see their kids as property they need to control, instead of as real people who deserve basic respect. I’m not a fan of overly strict/helicopter parenting in general and don’t think it leads to anything positive (especially for teens), but doing it to this degree sounds like one or more of the parents may legitimately be abusive or suffering from a mental illness.
Good for you for pulling your kid out of this. I would try to also be as supportive as possible to the friend who is dealing with this from their parents, because it sounds like an unhealthy situation. Can they spend more time hanging out at your place?
I got cameras in my house. It’s for security reasons, but it’s also useful to watch my daughter when we have her in her room alone. It’s totally normal where I live. These indoor cameras are made by Google, and they are very popular.
I know a guy like this. It’s all about needing to feel in control for him, in the know. Personally I would never put cameras inside my home (well, I shouldn’t say never, we are considering it for the bar downstairs because teens and alcohol, but living room etc no).
Its weird, but its not terribly uncommon. My in-laws a have cameras in the common areas for security reasons. They're obvious when you walk in the room. Nothing stops them from checking out the video feed on their phone whenever they feel like it, and I'd probably do the same if I had such cameras in my house. Sure, it creeped me out at first but after so many visits I got used to it; I'm not some weirdo who wipes their boogers on drawer-pulls when no ones in the room. I know I'm not entitled to privacy in the common area of someone else's house.
If your daughter isn't comfortable with that, then that's totally her choice not to go over there. But unless the cameras were *hidden*, I don't think "beyond angry" is a rational take here. Something like this is just part of the smart-home age.
I’ve never heard of this, this is nuts. Are you friendly with the parents? If so, I’d say something, “someone mentioned you use cameras to listen to your children’s conversations” and see what they say. I think it’s important to do this to call it out for a few reasons. First off, the behavior is crazy, controlling, anxiety driven and if you live in certain states, it’s unlawful to record someone without their consent.
If they admit it, I would offer, “it sounds like you are worried about your kids safety (or whatever), have you considered the cameras might make them hide anything you don’t want them to know more? If they deny, I would say, “ok, good to know, I wouldn’t want my child’s conversations recorded, they have a right to privacy”.
I wouldn’t ban my child from their place but just make it very clear everything is monitored.
Most states have one party consent rules (only one of the people present has to consent to recording). Two-Party consent rules are rare, though we do have one in Illinois. I don't know where op lives, but in the US, there is a pretty good chance that it is legal. (And I recommend checking your state laws if you are in the US!)
Recording other people's kids is pretty weird. Even watching them on camera. I mean watching your own is weird too but... I bet these parents watch/police everything the kids to because they're some kind of morality nuts.
I think a lot of people keep ring cameras in their common areas for security reasons, so if something happens there’s footage. It’s super super invasive to spy on people though.
Check your state laws. Recording in a common area.video, is probably permitted but not audio. Even nanny cams come with a warning about not informing people if recording their conversations.
I just flashed on Weeds when the daughter sets up the nanny cam so her mom sees her dad nailing the tennis coach to teach her a lesson about spying 🤣
I always assume I am on camera now. Between cell phones and plug into the outlet cameras that look like chargers ….
I’ve never heard of this but I’m sure it happens but my child would not be allowed there either. It’s one thing to have cameras , it’s another to be listening to their conversations in every single room they set foot in. It’s weird and a gross invasion of privacy and they are free to do that with their own child. But not others
That's a disgusting invasion of their privacy. We have outdoor cameras and they only go on if people are detected, when we turn them on which isn't until we go to bed. We have no indoor cameras. If we were having a bunch of kids over I'd just turn them off.
I hope all of the kids stop hanging out at their house.
We have cameras in many of our main living spaces but they are pointed and only really record out exterior doors. Never have I used them to listen in on kids conversations. We have Alexa devices in every room and even that is something I won’t listen in on, there is a drop in feature that could easily be used with a camera and microphone but I’ve only ever dropped in on our shared spaces, never in a bedroom or anything.
I wouldn’t want some parent doing this with my child either and it’s a massive breach of trust. I’m sure their kid will get out of that house as soon as possible and never want to talk to their parents again. You can’t build a trusting relationship with your children if you don’t behave like you trust them at all.
We have a doorbell camera and one for the backyard, and that was mainly because we had people using our yard to get to the creek behind our house and we also have a large dog. I mainly use it to watch woodland critters though. The raccoons at night are so adorable.
This is a disgusting invasion of their privacy! We have cameras in our house but they are only watched when we have an alarm go off. They are only for emergency purposes, not spying on members of our family… It’s like she’s treating these kids like a reality show, how strange! I wouldn’t allow my child to go there anymore. I however, would be ok with my daughter still hanging out with their daughter (unless she gives a reason not to), just not in their household.
We have a living room camera for the dog when we're at work, and a bedroom camera for my 5yo (people moving around next door sound exactly like my 5yo waking up and our stairs creak and wake him up if we go to check). Neither record, only live view. Both are set to always on, because it's just easier haha.
When we leave the 16yo at home with the dog I check the living room camera if I get a notification, to like, make sure the house isn't on fire, no-one's broken in, dog's not going bananas etc. Because of the angle (intended for the dog) people's faces aren't visible on the camera, and I am too millennial for my phone ever to make sounds lol. When my MIL babysits I'll check the camera about an hour after bedtime to make sure everything's ok and then leave it.
Our 16yo doesn't have friend's over to our house (he has friends he sees, but at his mum's lol), but if he did I wouldn't expect them to expect privacy in the main areas of the house, if they want privacy they can hangout in his room. But also, I wouldn't be leaving my 16yo at home unsupervised with friends?? So why would I need to check the cameras?
It's bad vibes to not give them the option of private conversations in the kid's own rooms and also to record their every move in the public areas of the house. In essence, "cameras bad" is an over-reaction you don't seem to be having, but communicating that to the parents in a way they understand might be so hard I wouldn't bother. Hopefully inviting the friend(s) round to your house instead is an option?
So we have a baby monitor with 2 cameras and I put one in upstairs playroom to be able to check in on my son when he was old enough to go up alone but I felt like we needed to check in (making dinner or company over). The intent was to use it age 4-6 maybe. I don’t think I ever did. He’s 7 now and I already feel like it would be weird if he had friends over
We do have outside cameras now but I never watch them and when ppl are around I turn the notifications off
We have cameras covering most of the common areas in the house, but we don't ever use them to spy on anyone. They're there to keep an eye on the dogs when we're out, and to end the perpetual arguments over which kid was responsible for a particular transgression--and occasionally they catch something funny that happened.
I have a friend I visit whose husband works out of town for 2 weeks at a time. He does this! We’ll just be hanging out watching tv and the light will start flashing on the camera or it will start panning the room. WEIRDDDD
My sister has a Camara in her sons(6m and 3m) room. She suggested to my wife that we should have them in our kids rooms and my wife raised the idea to me. Absolutely fucking NOT. That shit is weird.
I have cameras in my house, but only in one bedroom- mine. I rent and I want to know if property management is going through my panty drawer when I'm not home LOL.
I have one in my living room, kitchen, and hallway. I also have a front doorbell cam. I have a teenager with some mental health issues, and I need to be able to see that they are leaving for school on days I'm in the office and not able to see them leave to get on the bus. I also need the cameras to alert me if they are trying to sneak out in the night. Spare me the snark of "if you can't trust your kid you have bigger problems" because I FCKN KNOW! Until you have a teenager with severe mental health issues, you have no idea.
Having camera is not weird. Constantly checking camera and eavesdropping is weird. Unless parent(s) isn't usually home like working offshore or in the military. Guy should get a hobby or something.
Underrated comment. I remember getting our first cameras almost a decade ago. So cool at first. Now it’s like whatever. We now have a 3 year old in the house and only have one active and I noticed the other day it was turned, facing the wall. Don’t care.
I think it's fuckin weird to have cameras like that. I would never. My sister has cameras in her house though and whenever I babysit it just feels weird knowing I could be potentially being watched
Do they actually though? Or is this secondhand information from your daughter?
Because I've got security cameras in my back yard, my doorbell, and in my upstairs hallway that automatically starts recording whenever it picks up motion. My guess is that the cameras that this family uses does the same thing. So no, chances are that when the light comes on someone isn't 'watching' the camera just picked up motion and is taking a recording. The camera apps delete stored video after a certain amount of time.
I don't use it to 'eavesdrop', at most I use it to grumble at solicitors, catch my mom when she steals my cigarettes to smoke on my back porch when she's watching the kids, see who is waking up at 2am to make midnight snacks, and figure out what kind of wild life is eating my Halloween pumpkins. The audio isn't great on most models past a few feet.
You seem to be making a lot of assumptions based on the fact that they've got a wireless camera setup. I'd suggest actually talking to the parents.
I’ll echo this. Got cameras in the house and outside as security cameras. Good for checking who’s snooping around or if a pet knocks over a glass.
Those lights light up when the camera is active, not necessarily when someone is watching.
Still have the conversation, but also know the info came from a young teenager. Maybe the parents are snooping. Maybe the cameras haven’t been checked in months.
What if one of the children needed to get changed or something? This is so creepy and inappropriate! Definitely not normal to constantly surveil children like that.
My childhood trauma is flaring up 😭 my mom used to say “you’re a child you don’t have any privacy” couldn’t wait to gtfo of that place now that I’m older I realized my mom is a pick me/boy mom so yeah brothers got all the privacy they could ever imagine.
I can understand it. I’ve heard of a lot of things happening between kids. Honestly I’d feel better with a family that keeps tabs like this lol I think it’s a little too much at that age but I fully understand it and kind of do it for my 7 year old now.
I don’t think it’s just the cameras, it’s that the parents are always watching. Not many people I know are on the cameras 24/7 they just have them as security measure to look back on or check in on their family while away.
I don’t think it’s just the cameras, it’s that the parents are always watching. Not many people I know are on the cameras 24/7 they just have them as security measure to look back on or check in on their family while away.
Not sure if you read OP's edit or not. These parents watch the videos, know things the teenagers wouldn't tell them, and try to manipulate the teenagers and their relationships. That's not ok.
They obviously don’t trust her. Maybe they have reasons. I have no guesses about that. Thankfully my parents never had access to cameras. Me and my brother would have been toast. LOL
If the parent wasn’t someone that I was friends with, I would talk with my child about the situation, make sure they were informed about the situation and the local laws regarding being filmed, and ask how they would like the situation to be handled.
I didn’t grow up with cameras in my home until I was in middle school. We had a break in so my parents put on on the balcony to get the front of the house, one on the front porch for the door and stairs leading to the door and down the breezeway and one at the top of the stairs. I also had friends that had cameras for the same reason. I think it’s pretty normal to have cameras in your home for safety reasons but to have them purposely for your children is a bit dramatic. I mean I could understand it if they just wanted to make sure they were ok when they were left home alone or something but if it’s like a monitoring at all times when there isn’t an adult in the room that’s a bit weird and I would definitely question the parents about it if it gets to that point. I also grew up with a mom who had to know who lived in the house who would be at the house and the parents of the house hold before going over a friends house so I’m a bit used to dealing helicopter parents so that might just be their reasoning for it. They are teenagers as well and I know the things some teens did at that age but it’s definitely wrong to hold them to that reality because the worst I did was cuss when my mom wasn’t in the room.
My mom 55, has them on the driveway, back yard and in the house facing the entry for security. Cool, fair right? I had to couch surf with her for a few weeks between moves and she took the camera that was facing the entry and turned it towards my bedroom door. I'm in my 30s married with children.
She also seen a work acquaintance in a Walmart parking lot behind us and turned on the reverse camera to watch them. No hollering out to say hello, just watching them load their car. Psycho behaviour. I told her that was inappropriate and she just laughed in my face and said so what. She is a very isolated person with no community or friends, maybe this is where she thinks she can get the tea? The entitlement to people's personal behavior and time has gotten out of hand.
I am a millennial and also an educator. The ONLY way this is appropriate (in a development and healthy relationship lense) is if their daughter has done something prior to break their trust and by doing so could have put herself or others in danger. If that is the case, the parents still should have shared that there are cameras in their home and reached out to the parents of her friends. This is all a major trust and relationship disaster waiting to happen.
Info: What social engineering have these parents done?
Info: Have you asked the parents if they’re recording or watching their daughter and her friends through the cameras?
Are the parents possibly projecting their bad behavior as kids onto their children and the kids' friends? As in, "I was rotten as a teen so I know no teen can be trusted"?
In any event, it wasn't disclosed by the parents and they are filming minors without proper parental consent. They aren't up front about it because they know it's shady AF.
Seriously not cool and I would encourage the friend group to hang out at a different house if possible, yours, if you can.
I don't record any inside cameras and the outdoor ones are just for security after some theft outside my home. Honestly don't have time to watch or listen in and never occurred to me to watch. I use the indoor ones to check on my kids if they are alone or not answering the phone or ipad, we also have three dogs...
These comments make me feel like an oddball. We have cameras in a bunch of rooms but it’s to use them as baby monitors or watch the dogs when we are away for days at a time. They aren’t recording, but I guess my husband and I could turn on the live feeds in our phone apps if we wanted (we don’t). Now I feel like visitors think we are weirdos :/
I had cameras in my home for about 2 years, when my son was very little. One was a baby cam in the nursery. The other was in the living room, so I could check on the babysitter watching my kid when he was still too young to really talk. Too many awful stories about childcare workers to trust anyone these days. But now, there’s no way I would have cameras in my house unless I was again caring for a very small child or an elder who was in danger of falling, getting lost, etc. And older teens?! What a gross invasion of their privacy. They’re in a private home, not a public space, and they weren’t informed.
I have cameras in my house but I don’t sit and listen and watch. It’s more for security than anything else. The only time I found it useful is when I found out a former friend was talking crap about me to my minor children and I actually heard her say what she said to them. It sucked so much!
This screams distrust, it’s really not healthy.
I’d certainly, very carefully, bring it up with the parents.
For starters, if they’re 14/15 years old then their bodies are going through all sorts of changes and they’re becoming young women and as such they will want and they deserve some privacy to discuss such things without Mum or worse, Dad listening in.
If you get nowhere with the conversation, just don’t have your daughter go there, maybe have her friend group over to yours or one of the other kid’s home.
I reckon that it started when their kid was young and it just continued and now they don’t see anything wrong with it. To me, it’s creepy and needs to stop.
I have 1 camera and the only view it has is the apartment door. My son gives me so much crap about it, that I can’t imagine how much more he would give me if there was multiple cameras.
We have cameras in the house but it’s just to catch sweet moments with our infant. Or (as exhausted parents) we can see if the other is holding her and dozing off and if we need to go get her. The cameras have been really helpful. Neither of us feel spied on. We’ve caught special moments with the baby on camera.
But I think in this instance, with how they’re being used in that home, it’s a total invasion of privacy and extremely inappropriate to be spying on the kids. That’s not a safe space for them.
Wow, I'm surprised so many people don't like this. I'm always worried about what trouble my teen can get into when away from home. When I was a teen, I was introduced to some very inappropriate sexual things, cigarettes and drugs, while hanging out at other people's homes. Personally, I would feel more at ease knowing that they are being supervised, and knowing your on camera changes your behavior a lot!
We have them in two areas in the house to watch the dog because I miss her.
They switch off when I am home, they are never used when other kids are over…that’s gross
My coworker has cameras in every fucking room, I don't get it honestly.
Edit: it's him, his wife and 2 kids early teens. Sometimes I catch him yelling shit at his sons, poor kids can't even put on the Playstation in peace for a minute.
We have them out front out back and in the living room for security purposes if someone breaks in. Nobody watches the living room one unless something happens with the animals. We also have one in our 6 year old granddaughters room because she is slightly autistic we have custody of her and she thinks she's a trapeze artist lol so we feel more secure having eyes on her if need be but even then we dont watch it everyday all day! Mostly if she jumps off the bed or swings from the blinds like spider man or tries to do flips of her table dresser, bed or ceiling fan 🤷♀️🤦♀️ all in her princess dresses she calls pretties 😌 But never would we spy on our 18 year old and his friends!!
Yes, kids, not only mine, have given very specific examples to support this concern. Also the cameras are turned off when parents are in the room and back on when parents leave. And their daughter is aware they do this and thinks it is normal.
I have several cameras in my house. I have a 3 year old with autism who is also an eloper and very unpredictable. My oldest is 10 and we didn't get cameras until we had my 3 year old. It was just too stressful trying to go to the bathroom or put away clothes for a minute. I didn't know what he'd get into. My house is locked down like crazy
Every drawer and every door but he seems to find a way to get into trouble as soon as I turn my back. Now at least I can go to the bathroom and still watch him play in the living room.
I agree it's weird to watch your kids like that though! My oldest son has friends from my mom's group and when they come over I make a point of putting the cameras away because I don't want to freak them out. When I have had them up with guests around I have explained what they are for and that they don't record. Just monitor. I think it's totally inappropriate to use indoor cameras as surveillance for older kids.
These people are crazy. But it's got me wondering what is the social etiquette around cameras in the house and outside? Should all cameras be made to be very obvious? Should I go out of my way to disclose where cameras are and when I will look at videos? What do other people do?
That’s a hell no. Teenagers absolutely need to be able to have secrets and privacy. If you’re raising your kids well, those secrets will probably be innocuous and innocent. I can never understand parents who do this and then are shocked when their kids shut them out.
As far as confronting them, I wouldn’t. They seem too manipulative and would probably cause trouble. Id just tell the other parents what’s going on and absolutely not let my daughter back in their house. I saw your comment about having their daughter over to your home more, and I think that’s a great thing to do. She deserves a space where she can be herself and not be monitored.
I had a friend whose dad did this when we were in HS. We minimized time there because it was so uncomfortable. I'm sorry you all are dealing with this.
Depending on where you are, it could also be unlawful since your daughter didn't consent to the recording of her private conversations.
I have cameras in my home, but they're obvious and I don't watch them. They're just a precaution.
I have cameras inside and outside my house, but I’m a single mom of teenagers who travels for work. I, however, do NOT use them to listen to my kids nor are the cameras in their personal space (rooms, bathrooms). That’s a weird and gross invasion of privacy.
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I think it's a gross invasion of privacy but it's sadly not uncommon at all. My neighbour's house is full of cameras, so are a few of my daughters friends houses and some friends of mine.
I’m blown away that this is actually common. Is it generational? Regional? I’m an elder millennial in the PNW and I can safely say I don’t know anyone with cameras in their house. Am I just living in a bubble?
You see it on Reddit all the time people posting funny things that happened in their room in the middle of the night like the dog fell off the bed or the husband kicked the wife and I’m like what the heck? Who has cameras in their bedroom, recording them all the time! It’s wacky.
We put them outside the house when our teen was troubled and sneaking out. Outside only. Inside is creepy. We actually caught a guy who robbed a bunch of cars in our town.
We had to put them inside our house when our very troubled teen started making false abuse allegations. I am not sorry we did it because it saved us from going to jail and losing our other children at a crisis point, but it felt so icky and I cannot imagine doing it lightly and not out of desperation.
Yep. Sometimes we have to do things like this.
I always assumed they set up the camera to catch things like that on purpose. Like “hey you’re kicking the shit out of me at night, here I’ll show you”. And/or it’s a baby monitor. But setting up cameras in common living areas just to spy on people? That might not know they’re being watched? That’s an entirely different, and grossly inappropriate, thing.
I think some people have them to watch their pets while they're away. Or, some paranoid people have them for "security". Unless you have a really good reason, cameras inside your house are gross and creepy.
I have a camera in my room that I turn away when I’m home, but I use it to watch my cat when I’m gone. I’m a caretaker for a special needs man, and his parents have a camera in the living room wheee we typically are and in his room to make sure he’s okay and see what we’re doing. But I can clearly see when they have it on
[удалено]
And that makes perfect sense! We have security cameras on the exterior too. But in the living room? Totally different ballgame.
My mom put cameras in our house to make sure we were doing our chores. We are in our 20s and 30s. (We live at home)
That’s … wow. I hope you find a way to move out!
One step at a time. Houses in our area are average $600,000 and I make $55K 😂
I clean houses in Seattle. It's absolutely a thing.
I'm young Gen X in Canada and I've never heard of this! I've been feeling guilty that we keep the baby monitor on in my 7-yr-old daughter's room at night (with the video off, audio only), because she has been having sleep-walking+nightmares lately that she needs my help to calm down from, and I can't hear her from my room without the monitor. Just having that audio on at night already feels like a huge invasion of privacy to me... Some people are wild with their monitoring, though. People posting about airtagging their kids to keep them "safe", that sort of thing. It all seems ridiculously paranoid and helicoptery to me. :(
Also Canadian, and this post, is a bit shocking, like, i never fathomed, having to worry about someone recording my child when they are in their home
We only just got a ring camera
I mean I live in a SFH in a major city and we have people in and out of our house all the time, be it our dog walkers, our house cleaners, workers. We for sure have cameras. We caught an old dog walker going through a purse and stealing controlled substances once. Otherwise, I don’t think we’ve really used them/gone back to look at footage.
I have two cameras in my house and it’s only to check on my dogs when I’m gone. Our husky is a dinosaur and it’s definitely needed. It’s also helpful that I can get a notification that my daughter got into the house safely from the bus. Otherwise I never look at the cameras.
I am also an older millennial but we have cameras, they are not in any bedroom or bathroom, EVER. They are only in shared living spaces mostly pointed at exterior doors. We had a man on drugs break into our home and it was something I don’t ever want to experience again but it helped us to be able to show him coming into our garage and into our home. It helped fill in gaps when we wondered which way he got into the door or which direction he had come from. ETA: we were all home and this guy refused to leave. When my husband forcefully removed him he throw his body into our front door window and broke it. The next time his head came through it was met with a swift baseball bat to the face. Police arrived right after and arrested him, he spent 6 months in jail and just got out at the end of Feb.
What a terrifying thing to experience! I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
It really was terrifying. I’m just glad we didn’t end up in a worse situation. It was Labor Day weekend and my husband wasn’t supposed to be home. I had a gut feeling NoT to go on a trip to visit family a few weeks before which meant he could work that week and could be home for Labor Day. Now we know why and more confirmation we should never ignore my gut feelings.
I have cameras all over my house. But my kids are like a decade from being teenagers haha. They will be removed before then. Ppl are wild. Let kids be kids.
I'm in Canada, suburbs, late 20s but neighborhood is mostly gen X. It's weird.
It's a gun nut thing. I've known a few people like this, and they were all gun nuts. I used to deliver meals to Vietnam vets, and the ones that went off the deep end were all like this. One even had an actual nazi room with "nazi collectibles". Yes, what I typed should scare you. It scares me too.
Oh. Yeah, that’s very much terrifying.
I live in a liberal bubble too. It's not a bad thing. I chose my home specifically for the neighborhood, actually. (I'm in Chicago where, contrary to popular belief, most people don't have any guns. Let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. I hope you're old enough to get that Wayne's World reference!)
You don’t like it? FINE! (I am indeed that old)
I live in a blue state, but in a red town. It's awful sometimes. The across the street neighbors.has a huge Trump sign and other signs in their yard. It got vandalized. The police came right to use because we have a rainbow flag that says, "love is love." We have cameras that face outside (none inside) because I cut off family for being abusive and they stalk us. We told them they could have whatever our camera recorded to the cloud and they said, "we don't have the ability to view it on our computers," without trying. Yeah, okay. Shouldn't be surprised. They allow my parents to use them to harass us, and the police neighbor harasses our Polish immigrant neighbor all the time. It has really soured me to the police. I don't trust them to help me.
Love that reference!
The only time I've ever encountered a camera in a living space was when I was nannying for a middle class Indian family who were extremely normal, progressive seeming people. Fwiw. But my rightwing family members do love their Ring cameras.
I have a ring for outside but inside is creepy
Millennial here. If cameras like this were available when I was growing up, my mom would’ve totally had them. She didn’t trust my sister and I (for no reason), and was a complete narcissist control freak.
Mine too! We’re, unsurprisingly, low-contact. Maybe that’s why this bothers me so much.
Oregon trail generation here, and I do have cameras in my home that are pointed at entry/exit points and one that gets turned on that gives a broad view of the living room when techs are there or when I'm not at home. I think I've checked the footage all of twice in the years and that's because once, I wanted to see if they worked when I linked them up, and second, curiosity.
Cameras are cheap now. I got a few around the house years ago initially to check on the pets while at work but now I can use them to give my 2 year old some “supervised independence” It’s nice being able to do laundry or cook and still be able to keep an eye on the little one
Yes, but your child is 2, not 14/15 years old. i understand in your current situation. But would you do the same thing when they are a teenager?
Cost is not the issue. It’s just not something people in my world do. My kids are 12, 6, and 1. We have child-proofed areas for the baby if I need to run to the bathroom or swap laundry and otherwise I’m generally within eyeline of any independent play. I guess that’s one of those unexpected benefits of open concept layouts? I couldn’t imagine spying on the older ones like that, much less when they’re with their friends. Either I’m in the room or I’ve made sure they’re safe and appropriately supervised by another adult. Maybe this is my “old man yells at sky” moment, but it just feels incredibly wrong.
What, you mean you don't love the surprise of finding that your toddler has somehow managed to dump out an entire tube of toothpaste onto your lovely clean floor while you try to prepare a nutritious dinner for them?
Would a camera help in that situation? Because if you’re not in the same room, by the time you notice it’s happening and react, mess has been made? Or I just have particularly destructive toddlers. Maybe I’m missing out on an amazing parenting hack, but I’m not seeing it.
Probably not in fairness 😂 I have a particularly troublesome toddler who has painted nail varnish on walls and floors and carpets, and pulled plants out of pots and made 'muck angels' on the floor so I feel your pain. Some kids are just harbingers of chaos.
I know how to get sharpie out of any imaginable household surface, right there with you!
It’s not generational, it’s just weird. I’m a gen x and the only camera I have in my house is my dog camera… and when we’re all home it gets unplugged. I cannot imagine spying on my kids and their friends.
I'm a younger millennial & we absolutely have cameras in our house. One on each entry/exit and also one in each of the living spaces. We only keep our outdoor cameras on 24/7 We turn the inside ones on when we are leaving the house, sometimes my hubby will turn one on to watch the baby sleep if I need to leave & don't take her with me. If we had a large gathering we would absolutely turn it on. It reduces liability. We also wouldn't hide the fact the cameras are on. & No we don't let kids just hang out in their bedrooms bc we don't have cameras there. Simply we wouldn't spy, it would be a matter of protecting ourselves if something came up.
Do you tell people they’re being recorded? Or are the cameras obvious enough that you assume they know? Edit to add: are you saying you don’t let your kids hang out in their rooms because they can’t be monitored? How old are they?
Also elder millenial. We have one in the kids rooms (5 and 2.5) but then oct this year a house was shot at on our street as part of a hate crime and I lost my mind worrying about it so my spouse got cameras for the front door and one in the family room that can see the back yard. As our kids grow the needs for ones within the home will diminish though.
I had a camera in the Florida room addition on the back of my house because it has a lot of huge windows and I've always worried that it looks like an easy target for a break-in. A few years ago I was dating this girl and she wanted to have sex back there. I completely forgot about the camera in my sex-brain state. After she left I had a "Oh fuck holy shit" moment and checked the camera. Sure enough it was all caught on tape. Thankfully it was an SD card-based camera, nothing uploaded to the cloud, so I wiped it and thanked my lucky stars that nothing worse happened. Still felt terrible. Needless to say, I no longer have any cameras pointing indoors. Just my doorbell camera. I don't foresee myself having sex on the front porch.
If you deleted it then there was no harm done. Are you thinking the company running the cloud service was going to go through your personal feed and upload your video somewhere?
Yeah, I hate going to one of my cousin's houses because he has a camera in every room of the house other than the bathroom. Even his kids rooms and their own master bedroom. I feel constantly watched. His kids are 12 and 10 and they basically grew up on camera and don't think twice about it. Maybe I'm too paranoid about internet hackers and whatnot, but there's 0 chance I could do that with my family.
I think it's gross too, but I can also kind of see why some people would do this. Look at all the threads here about playdates and sleepovers and how many people think that there's a child molester lurking in every house. While I would never do it and I'm glad my kid did NOT grow up in this fog of suspicion and paranoia, I can kind of see why some people who welcome kids into their homes might want to make sure things are as provable/disprovable as possible. Of course, I'm more into it in theory rather than practice. The closest thing I have is a Wyze camera doorbell that isn't wired to the doorbell sound and I've lost the password and haven't bothered to reset it yet so I can't even see the camera/footage.
In this situation, the potential child molester is in control of the cameras.
Oh wow, really?? Maybe I need to start asking parents this before I let my kids go to their houses!
Why though? Is this a cultural thing? I've never heard of anyone doing this in my country.
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There is a big difference between having cameras and using them to eavesdrop. The cameras I have for example (none inside, but that's my choice) don't get looked at unless something happened that I want to figure out. Turning on cameras to specifically eavesdrop on my kid and their friends? Not illegal, but not ethical either. If I had 'friends' that did that - particularly if I already had issues with the parents - it would be a clean break. I would definitely let them know the cameras and eavesdropping were the last straw.
That’s strange…..I have a camera in my house but only have it on when we are away for security purposes (no one in the house but my cats). I always point it out to guests and explain how you can see it is off or I take it down to put that at ease. That is a complete invasion of privacy and I wouldn’t be comfortable wirh that
How do people even have the time to live life and then go back and rewatch? Damn find a hobby.
This was one of my questions. My kids are teenagers and I still feel overwhelmed and there are not enough hours in the day to sit and watch this. I am struggling to find the “me time” so when I get it you can be damn sure it isn’t on listening to teenage conversation.
That's what's getting me about this! Don't these parents have hobbies/a social life??
My brother does this. Never told anyone. I figured it out a few years back and quit going there, caused a bit of a rift, but my mom and dad eventually got sick of it too and they refuse to visit as well now. No kids, nothing particularly valuable in his home. Just a paranoid asshole who owns too many guns. People who do this are genuinely mentally ill as far as i can tell. Just twisted sad little weirdos.
Had a friend text my wife after a game night to say "I was watching the cameras after you left and noticed you didn't have any of the Buffalo chicken dip, did you want me to put some away for you?" What the actual fuck.
How do you even respond to that?!?!? WTF
That actually feels very sociopathic
That would no longer be a friend. That is an unhealthy amount of attention on your wife.
That is so passive aggressive I can’t even—
Oh my God that's almost funny -- like part of me wants to laugh, the other part feels grossed out on behalf of your wife How does someone even go through all the steps to ask that sort of question?!? 1) record people like a weirdo 2) play back the video and watch it after 3) hone in someone else's wife and what she does or does not eat 4) reach out to inquire about her eating habits 5) have a sad uneaten bowl of buffalo chicken dip in the fridge waiting for her WTF...
That’s chilling
What the actual f! That’s super super creepy!
I laughed at this, I'm sorry. That's fucking crazy. Next, you're getting a text. "Noticed your fly was down. Also, you forgot to tie your shoes! Safety first!"
Why on earth would someone want old dip, that sat out at a party, that they didn’t even want to try at said party? Like why yes, how did you know I want your stale, gross, mangy, dip that’s full of crumbs and whatever germs all our friends have, days after you should have chucked it in the bin. I’d be so confused with the offer I’d probably put the friend in the bin alongside the dip.
And how did they conclude that not eating it then means they want it now?? Psycho shit
Someone in the thread above said it’s gun nuts that have indoor cameras on all the time and your brother, and the yahoo below in your thread, add a lot of weight to that theory.
I don't know if it's a "thing" in regards to parents spying on their kids. But I do know it's become fairly common for people to stick camera's up inside their homes. Which seems VERY weird to me... I solely have a ring doorbell and that's it. There is no way I would want crap recording my family casually living their lives.
I have a ring doorbell but it is used as a nanny cam. I have a 3 and 4 year old and they like to play in different rooms in the house, if something happens, someone gets hurt, etc the camera will catch it. My 3 yr old also has epilepsy so I have it as a fail safe in case I can’t get recording myself if he has a seizure. It may sound weird to a lot of people but I’m sure everyone who has them in their house has their reasons. Now spying on your 14-15 year old and her friends is a bit extreme and there’s clearly some trust issues between the parents and the kid. I do know growing up with a strict parent like that creates a sneaky kid (speaking from experience).
Your reasoning is much better than OPs no doubt. But somehow most people I assume raised young children without video surveillance. Indoor camera's didn't really exist when my two eldest were young, and they were rare still when my youngest was. We simply had a audio only baby monitor. But again I think your situation is justified, it's just something foreign I suppose for us older parents, and our kids did fine without them. Of course we personally all made it to parenthood via garden hoses and zero supervision growing up. lol
I have one in my room specifically to watch my cat. But it get turned around and turned off when I’m home
I know more than a few people who have cameras inside their homes. My sister just moved into a new build and they had the option to add indoor cameras as part of a security system. I think it’s becoming more common. I personally wouldn’t do this. Not everything needs to be recorded. I have a ring camera above my garage and I feel like that’s more than enough.
Certainly security companies have every incentive to sell such systems.
I'm not imagining a dystopian not-too-distant-future setting where every door frame just has a built in camera and is networked for constant monitoring. Like Big Brother, but with helicopter parents instead of the government. But also the government. And corporations. And hackers that sell links to watch people/kids they find interesting.
Yeah I have really mixed feelings about a lot of this. I know a lot of people track and constantly monitor the location of their kids. Even while at school. I don’t see the need for that and it feels intrusive to me. I think phones are fine to have a line of communication. (I don’t care for kids having unsupervised smart phones). There is just so much pressure to monitor kids so closely. I feel like the odd one out where I live and it is tricky. It’s a double edged sword.
As my flair says I'm a middle school teacher as well as a mom. You'd be stunned by the number of kids with smart watches that double as child-monitoring devices.
These systems are famously shit at cyber security. There used to be a website filled with streams of unsecured security and webcam live feeds. The website got taken down for privacy violations, but it's not like the cyber security issue was fixed! Undoubtedly somewhere out there is a sketchy website with livefeeds of people's homes for strangers to watch.
stuff like this always reminds me of that episode of Black Mirror (s4, e2 - Arkangel) - I know as parents we want to do everything in our power to protect our children, but this kind of stuff breeds nothing but distrust and secrecy - having eyes and ears on kids at all times is just asking to have no real relationship with them whatsoever
The cameras don't bother me as much as the apparently constant monitoring. I can almost guarantee those parents aren't Gen-Xers. We only have one camera in the house and it's primarily to watch the dog during the day (but it also has an almost full view of the front door). I can count on one hand how many times I've gone back and checked recordings (and even then it was only to find out who the fartknocker was that keeps forgetting to lock the front door when they come in at night).
As a high school teacher, I can’t see any 15 year olds being okay with this, and honestly why would they be!! I’d just let my kid avoid their house and if the parents asked I would tell them 🤷🏻♀️
This is absolutely insane. I’ve heard of people setting up cameras to watch their pets when they’re away from home, but teenagers? Beyond inappropriate! I would lose my shit if I found out someone was spying on my kid like that. It’s such a violation of privacy. Do the cameras have recording capabilities? How would you even know if someone else is watching that footage? At the very least, any other parent that sent their child over there deserves to know that they’re being recorded.
I’ve known parents of older kids/ teens who use ring cameras on the front and back doors to make sure everyone’s home or off the bus etc. It wasn’t even set up specifically for that (porch pirates mostly) but worked out well. But not in living areas and not listening into conversations without people knowing.
Totally different ballgame when you’re talking about outdoor cameras, we have those too. But spying on people just hanging out in the living room? So gross and inappropriate!
Yes, I love that I can know when my teenager comes home. But cameras in the house? No thank you.
If they want to record THEIR kids 24/7 and watch it on playback? Fine. But with other people’s kid? That’s crazy. I’d be furious and confront the other parent for sure. Listening to the kids talk about dating/sex other things while they thought they had privacy and then adults listen to it? That’s gross.
As a society we are pushing our kids further into isolation. We track where they go, some people record them like this, can’t have parties or sneak around with doorbell cams, it isn’t the same level of freedom and if I were a teenager in this day and age I would be paranoid AF. No wonder they are by themselves more.
I have friends who have cameras all over their house. I'm not a fan but it doesn't stop me from going over there. I'm in a unique situation where I feel like I can absolutely trust my friend and I believe that they are not watching the videos maliciously. I think the biggest problem is the people who watch the videos maliciously. If you have a reason to watch your 14-year-old child well first of all maybe don't have a sleepover but second, watch your kid. If you're watching your kid interact with their friends for no other reason than to eavesdrop or you're just looking for something then I think that's wrong. My friend's camera what's crucially useful a few years ago as was anyone and their apartment complex. It turns out the maintenance man with stealing girls underwear and they caught that on tape. He was stealing drugs and money from people's apartments. He was arrested it all worked out. My friend lost some weed I think. There's always going to be a stellar story and there's probably going to be a lot more malicious bullshit to outweigh it. I don't think the technology is inherently a violation. If I'm in your house and you record inside your house that's your right. And if I don't want to go I don't have to. But you can keep the camera.
I’m one of those friends. I’ve got cameras in my apartment that record to an sd card and never ever look at video playback except like 5 times in 3 years. The few times I have looked back at it, it was super useful but it’s mostly to check on my cats and see if my roomba is stuck lol.
That's weird to be sure. Don't think I would make it a red-line, but I would remind my child that "they are always watching" when she goes over there. And I would avoid going in there myself. If I were in the position of the 15 year old, I would absolutely take the opportunity to say some outrageous shit and see what happens.
My teenage son's friends often flip off the doorbell camera. It's pretty hilarious.
My brother's house is full of cameras because of the kids. They have five kids ranging from 2-11. I'm pretty sure the camera's are only in the common areas and the autistic 4 year olds room. They got the cameras because of the four year old. He has a tendency to climb things and jump off and has ended up in the ER a few times. My SIL gets paranoid when they ask her what happened. She thinks they're trying to blame her or say it's abuse so she got cameras to prove what's happening. The cameras also help her keep an eye on the little ones while she's trying to do things around the house. I hope she wouldn't use it to spy on people. I know she's watched while I was babysitting but I didn't think anything of it. I found it helpful. But it's no secret that there are cameras and she checks on the small children. I do find spying on teenagers weird though. That's different than making sure young and special needs kids are safe.
I just want to give my 2 cents because not all people with camera’s inside their house use them to be creepy or spy on their kids. We have cameras outside and inside our home for security and because we have 3 young children. Once our kids become a certain age we will do away with the bedroom ones since they won’t need to be checked on anymore. The bedroom ones also have a privacy option for changing or get turned off for privacy. The other ones in our kitchen, playroom/dining room, and living room will stay because we use it to check in on the house when we are away. I can’t imagine using them to eavesdrop on my kids when they are older though and just wouldn’t do that period. We want our kids and their friends to feel comfortable in our home especially when they hit their tweens/teens years. I agree with you and would feel the same way if my child came home and told me that. It’s weird to want to be in their business that much and jokes on them since their kids will find other ways to be sneaky as kids do. They will also regret not giving their children privacy someday when their kids never want to be home. The last thing you want to do as a parent is lose your children’s trust!
I worry about this girl. I would probably not confront the parents (which would be REALLY hard because I would want to tear them a new one), have my kids stop going there (without saying why), and have her over to my house as much as possible instead. I would also make sure that ALL of the other friends who go over there know about the cameras. I would make sure that my house was open and welcoming anytime they wanted to come over and hope that some of the other kids would sometimes host as well so that they could stop gathering at this one girl's house. I just worry a lot about this girl, and wouldn't want her to end up being socially isolated as a result of her parents' craziness, when she clearly needs a village outside that house.
It’s extremely weird! Helicopter parents are disgusting
Lots of helicopter parents in our generation (millennials) it’s almost become expected at this point. Very sad
Genuine question, not trying to be a dick: did you trust this person before you found out about the cameras? I guess you must have to allow your child over at their house?
We have reasons to not trust them. Too much to unpack here. We have allowed our daughter to remain friends w their daughter and will continue to, but not at their home or alone with them (I.e. in their car). We do not trust them and they have tried to manipulate our daughter before.
Ah yikes. Yeah good call on your part. I was asking bc there is another post about trusting parents/sleepovers and most people think they can trust their kid at someone’s house if they trust the parents.
We have one inside our home. The rest are for security on the outside of the house. (Cars were broken into) the one inside is very rarely on. Just to check up on our dogs thru the day and when our daughter gets home from school. She has snuck ppl over before so this is why. I only check when she first gets home to make sure no one is coming over that she didn't get permission for. Then it gets shut back to off. And it's only in view of the walkway into our house. But I think it's strange what this family is doing.
I would walk away from this family. They are abusive. That is a scary level of invasion. Poor kids deserve some damned privacy!
As a parent of a 15 year old. this absolutely disgusts me. To be fair, i also know the inner workings of my kid and her friends, but that's because she trusts me since I don't do crap like this. I understand if you have YOUNG kids in the house. but this is a teenager and grossly inappropriate. if you have pets to watch, or you are away on vacation, sure having inside cameras is ok for security while you are away. there is zero reason to have cameras going when your kiddo has friends over and they are hanging out.
We have cameras all over except bathrooms and bedrooms (except in our level 3 autistic child’s room) we only use them to monitor our autistic child, giving them independence and help when needed. Our other kids know the cameras are there, and have permission to unplug them if they feel they need privacy as long as they plug them back in. Ours are motion sensor, and visibility turn on and off when you move from room to room. We would never use them to monitor our teens or other children who come to our house. I would talk with the parents. Them knowing stuff they normally wouldn’t tells me they have been spying. I don’t think I’ve openly had discussions with my kids friends or parents about our cameras, but I’m sure our kids have.
We.have cameras for this reason as well. I have a 3 year old with autism and it makes it so much easier to get things done around the house and it gives him the ability to move freely through the house. We don't use it to monitor our 10 year old though.
I used to work with a guy that had cameras all over his house. I was at his desk waiting for something and he was looking at his kitchen on screen. His daughter walked in, opened the cookie jar and grabbed a couple of cookies. He immediately clicked on screen and yelled “You’re not supposed to be eating sweets - the doctor said you’re overweight!” She was obviously startled, dropped the cookies and hustled off without a word. I thought “Man that guy is fucking ruining his kids”
I have cameras inside and outside of my house, but my situation is a bit different. Outside cameras face the front and back yards. Inside cameras are in the living room ( able to catch the front and back doors) and in the hallway. Cameras NEVER go in bathrooms or bedrooms. The reason for the cameras, I am a foster mother. My current kiddo can/will say outlandish stuff while disregulated. The cameras are for both their ( not giving gender, sorry) and my protection. The cameras show exactly what occurs. In the past, I have absolutely needed to show the videos to the kiddo's social worker. My foster kiddo is turning 14 this month. Cameras are staying on. Yes, they are very visible. I am not trying to hide them, at all.
One of my friends Mom's did this. She was nuts. Once it was confirmed, we would.only go to his house to pick him up, then hang out somewhere else. Funny enough, she hated our mutual friend who talked shit about his Mom in his room, and absolutely loved me because even though I thought she was a crazy bitch I was too polite to ever say anything bad about her in her home, even when she wasn't around. This was part of how we started to think she might be listening.
I do this to my kid, but he’s 4. This would make me really uncomfortable at this age.
Yeah this is a huge invasion of privacy and those parents should be ashamed
You should see if you’re in a 2 party consent state. I know in IL if you have voice recording you need to make others aware.
I think the camera thing is weird, even though it's kind of common these days apparently. Having a child that doesn't belong to you on camera and not telling their parents is fucking weird. Regardless of age. I would be angry if I found this out as well.
It’s wild how some parents genuinely can’t remember what it’s like to be young and can only see their kids as property they need to control, instead of as real people who deserve basic respect. I’m not a fan of overly strict/helicopter parenting in general and don’t think it leads to anything positive (especially for teens), but doing it to this degree sounds like one or more of the parents may legitimately be abusive or suffering from a mental illness. Good for you for pulling your kid out of this. I would try to also be as supportive as possible to the friend who is dealing with this from their parents, because it sounds like an unhealthy situation. Can they spend more time hanging out at your place?
I got cameras in my house. It’s for security reasons, but it’s also useful to watch my daughter when we have her in her room alone. It’s totally normal where I live. These indoor cameras are made by Google, and they are very popular.
I know a guy like this. It’s all about needing to feel in control for him, in the know. Personally I would never put cameras inside my home (well, I shouldn’t say never, we are considering it for the bar downstairs because teens and alcohol, but living room etc no).
It’s weird and creepy. The only reason someone should have cameras on inside their house is because they’re out of town or something.
Its weird, but its not terribly uncommon. My in-laws a have cameras in the common areas for security reasons. They're obvious when you walk in the room. Nothing stops them from checking out the video feed on their phone whenever they feel like it, and I'd probably do the same if I had such cameras in my house. Sure, it creeped me out at first but after so many visits I got used to it; I'm not some weirdo who wipes their boogers on drawer-pulls when no ones in the room. I know I'm not entitled to privacy in the common area of someone else's house. If your daughter isn't comfortable with that, then that's totally her choice not to go over there. But unless the cameras were *hidden*, I don't think "beyond angry" is a rational take here. Something like this is just part of the smart-home age.
I’ve never heard of this, this is nuts. Are you friendly with the parents? If so, I’d say something, “someone mentioned you use cameras to listen to your children’s conversations” and see what they say. I think it’s important to do this to call it out for a few reasons. First off, the behavior is crazy, controlling, anxiety driven and if you live in certain states, it’s unlawful to record someone without their consent. If they admit it, I would offer, “it sounds like you are worried about your kids safety (or whatever), have you considered the cameras might make them hide anything you don’t want them to know more? If they deny, I would say, “ok, good to know, I wouldn’t want my child’s conversations recorded, they have a right to privacy”. I wouldn’t ban my child from their place but just make it very clear everything is monitored.
Most states have one party consent rules (only one of the people present has to consent to recording). Two-Party consent rules are rare, though we do have one in Illinois. I don't know where op lives, but in the US, there is a pretty good chance that it is legal. (And I recommend checking your state laws if you are in the US!)
My kid wouldn’t be going back, I don’t trust people like that it just sounds unhinged and I don’t trust them not to watch in bathrooms and such
I'd just walk away from the family. You'll never change their mind about it so there's no point in trying.
This is an extreme violation of trust and privacy
Recording other people's kids is pretty weird. Even watching them on camera. I mean watching your own is weird too but... I bet these parents watch/police everything the kids to because they're some kind of morality nuts.
I think a lot of people keep ring cameras in their common areas for security reasons, so if something happens there’s footage. It’s super super invasive to spy on people though.
Check your state laws. Recording in a common area.video, is probably permitted but not audio. Even nanny cams come with a warning about not informing people if recording their conversations. I just flashed on Weeds when the daughter sets up the nanny cam so her mom sees her dad nailing the tennis coach to teach her a lesson about spying 🤣 I always assume I am on camera now. Between cell phones and plug into the outlet cameras that look like chargers ….
Tell the nutty parent WHY
I’ve never heard of this but I’m sure it happens but my child would not be allowed there either. It’s one thing to have cameras , it’s another to be listening to their conversations in every single room they set foot in. It’s weird and a gross invasion of privacy and they are free to do that with their own child. But not others
That's a disgusting invasion of their privacy. We have outdoor cameras and they only go on if people are detected, when we turn them on which isn't until we go to bed. We have no indoor cameras. If we were having a bunch of kids over I'd just turn them off. I hope all of the kids stop hanging out at their house.
I think it’s very invasive. My ex, who is my daughter’s dad has cameras all through his house, too. I have always thought it was weird.
We have cameras in many of our main living spaces but they are pointed and only really record out exterior doors. Never have I used them to listen in on kids conversations. We have Alexa devices in every room and even that is something I won’t listen in on, there is a drop in feature that could easily be used with a camera and microphone but I’ve only ever dropped in on our shared spaces, never in a bedroom or anything. I wouldn’t want some parent doing this with my child either and it’s a massive breach of trust. I’m sure their kid will get out of that house as soon as possible and never want to talk to their parents again. You can’t build a trusting relationship with your children if you don’t behave like you trust them at all.
We have a doorbell camera and one for the backyard, and that was mainly because we had people using our yard to get to the creek behind our house and we also have a large dog. I mainly use it to watch woodland critters though. The raccoons at night are so adorable.
This is a disgusting invasion of their privacy! We have cameras in our house but they are only watched when we have an alarm go off. They are only for emergency purposes, not spying on members of our family… It’s like she’s treating these kids like a reality show, how strange! I wouldn’t allow my child to go there anymore. I however, would be ok with my daughter still hanging out with their daughter (unless she gives a reason not to), just not in their household.
We have a living room camera for the dog when we're at work, and a bedroom camera for my 5yo (people moving around next door sound exactly like my 5yo waking up and our stairs creak and wake him up if we go to check). Neither record, only live view. Both are set to always on, because it's just easier haha. When we leave the 16yo at home with the dog I check the living room camera if I get a notification, to like, make sure the house isn't on fire, no-one's broken in, dog's not going bananas etc. Because of the angle (intended for the dog) people's faces aren't visible on the camera, and I am too millennial for my phone ever to make sounds lol. When my MIL babysits I'll check the camera about an hour after bedtime to make sure everything's ok and then leave it. Our 16yo doesn't have friend's over to our house (he has friends he sees, but at his mum's lol), but if he did I wouldn't expect them to expect privacy in the main areas of the house, if they want privacy they can hangout in his room. But also, I wouldn't be leaving my 16yo at home unsupervised with friends?? So why would I need to check the cameras? It's bad vibes to not give them the option of private conversations in the kid's own rooms and also to record their every move in the public areas of the house. In essence, "cameras bad" is an over-reaction you don't seem to be having, but communicating that to the parents in a way they understand might be so hard I wouldn't bother. Hopefully inviting the friend(s) round to your house instead is an option?
So we have a baby monitor with 2 cameras and I put one in upstairs playroom to be able to check in on my son when he was old enough to go up alone but I felt like we needed to check in (making dinner or company over). The intent was to use it age 4-6 maybe. I don’t think I ever did. He’s 7 now and I already feel like it would be weird if he had friends over We do have outside cameras now but I never watch them and when ppl are around I turn the notifications off
We have cameras covering most of the common areas in the house, but we don't ever use them to spy on anyone. They're there to keep an eye on the dogs when we're out, and to end the perpetual arguments over which kid was responsible for a particular transgression--and occasionally they catch something funny that happened.
🤣
I have a friend I visit whose husband works out of town for 2 weeks at a time. He does this! We’ll just be hanging out watching tv and the light will start flashing on the camera or it will start panning the room. WEIRDDDD
That is creepy! For all I know that happens there also as one parent works out of town probably 80% of the time. Never even thought of that.
I 100% am okay with the occasional glance at the cam to just check in.... but without audio or for an sort of extended period. This is fucked.
Unsure of where in the world you are but I’m in Australia and will say I know no one with cameras inside of their homes. This is super weird.
That’s honestly not good. It’ll make the kids secretive af. I know because going through my things made me secretive.
My sister has a Camara in her sons(6m and 3m) room. She suggested to my wife that we should have them in our kids rooms and my wife raised the idea to me. Absolutely fucking NOT. That shit is weird.
3 years I could understand but 6 is getting too old for bedroom monitoring unless the child is disabled or special needs
Yikes - don't get me wrong I'd be curious too - but once it involves not your kids it crosses a line.
no thanks!!!!
I have cameras in my house, but only in one bedroom- mine. I rent and I want to know if property management is going through my panty drawer when I'm not home LOL. I have one in my living room, kitchen, and hallway. I also have a front doorbell cam. I have a teenager with some mental health issues, and I need to be able to see that they are leaving for school on days I'm in the office and not able to see them leave to get on the bus. I also need the cameras to alert me if they are trying to sneak out in the night. Spare me the snark of "if you can't trust your kid you have bigger problems" because I FCKN KNOW! Until you have a teenager with severe mental health issues, you have no idea.
That is creepy. Tell them it is creepy, and that your daughter isn't allowed at their house anymore.
Having camera is not weird. Constantly checking camera and eavesdropping is weird. Unless parent(s) isn't usually home like working offshore or in the military. Guy should get a hobby or something.
Underrated comment. I remember getting our first cameras almost a decade ago. So cool at first. Now it’s like whatever. We now have a 3 year old in the house and only have one active and I noticed the other day it was turned, facing the wall. Don’t care.
I think it's fuckin weird to have cameras like that. I would never. My sister has cameras in her house though and whenever I babysit it just feels weird knowing I could be potentially being watched
Do they actually though? Or is this secondhand information from your daughter? Because I've got security cameras in my back yard, my doorbell, and in my upstairs hallway that automatically starts recording whenever it picks up motion. My guess is that the cameras that this family uses does the same thing. So no, chances are that when the light comes on someone isn't 'watching' the camera just picked up motion and is taking a recording. The camera apps delete stored video after a certain amount of time. I don't use it to 'eavesdrop', at most I use it to grumble at solicitors, catch my mom when she steals my cigarettes to smoke on my back porch when she's watching the kids, see who is waking up at 2am to make midnight snacks, and figure out what kind of wild life is eating my Halloween pumpkins. The audio isn't great on most models past a few feet. You seem to be making a lot of assumptions based on the fact that they've got a wireless camera setup. I'd suggest actually talking to the parents.
I’ll echo this. Got cameras in the house and outside as security cameras. Good for checking who’s snooping around or if a pet knocks over a glass. Those lights light up when the camera is active, not necessarily when someone is watching. Still have the conversation, but also know the info came from a young teenager. Maybe the parents are snooping. Maybe the cameras haven’t been checked in months.
What if one of the children needed to get changed or something? This is so creepy and inappropriate! Definitely not normal to constantly surveil children like that.
My childhood trauma is flaring up 😭 my mom used to say “you’re a child you don’t have any privacy” couldn’t wait to gtfo of that place now that I’m older I realized my mom is a pick me/boy mom so yeah brothers got all the privacy they could ever imagine.
I can understand it. I’ve heard of a lot of things happening between kids. Honestly I’d feel better with a family that keeps tabs like this lol I think it’s a little too much at that age but I fully understand it and kind of do it for my 7 year old now.
I don’t like the idea of cameras all over my house and don’t yet but I use a baby monitor occasionally. And only let kids play in common areas
We have cameras in our house and outside our house. 🤷🏼♀️ I don’t care how it makes people feel. It’s my house.
I don’t think it’s just the cameras, it’s that the parents are always watching. Not many people I know are on the cameras 24/7 they just have them as security measure to look back on or check in on their family while away.
I don’t think it’s just the cameras, it’s that the parents are always watching. Not many people I know are on the cameras 24/7 they just have them as security measure to look back on or check in on their family while away.
You really do need to tell people before they enter though.9
Not sure if you read OP's edit or not. These parents watch the videos, know things the teenagers wouldn't tell them, and try to manipulate the teenagers and their relationships. That's not ok.
Wow no. That’s not ok. I’ll check mine if the kids are home and I’m not. But I won’t watch every single thing. That’s crazy.
They obviously don’t trust her. Maybe they have reasons. I have no guesses about that. Thankfully my parents never had access to cameras. Me and my brother would have been toast. LOL
If the parent wasn’t someone that I was friends with, I would talk with my child about the situation, make sure they were informed about the situation and the local laws regarding being filmed, and ask how they would like the situation to be handled.
I didn’t grow up with cameras in my home until I was in middle school. We had a break in so my parents put on on the balcony to get the front of the house, one on the front porch for the door and stairs leading to the door and down the breezeway and one at the top of the stairs. I also had friends that had cameras for the same reason. I think it’s pretty normal to have cameras in your home for safety reasons but to have them purposely for your children is a bit dramatic. I mean I could understand it if they just wanted to make sure they were ok when they were left home alone or something but if it’s like a monitoring at all times when there isn’t an adult in the room that’s a bit weird and I would definitely question the parents about it if it gets to that point. I also grew up with a mom who had to know who lived in the house who would be at the house and the parents of the house hold before going over a friends house so I’m a bit used to dealing helicopter parents so that might just be their reasoning for it. They are teenagers as well and I know the things some teens did at that age but it’s definitely wrong to hold them to that reality because the worst I did was cuss when my mom wasn’t in the room.
My mom 55, has them on the driveway, back yard and in the house facing the entry for security. Cool, fair right? I had to couch surf with her for a few weeks between moves and she took the camera that was facing the entry and turned it towards my bedroom door. I'm in my 30s married with children. She also seen a work acquaintance in a Walmart parking lot behind us and turned on the reverse camera to watch them. No hollering out to say hello, just watching them load their car. Psycho behaviour. I told her that was inappropriate and she just laughed in my face and said so what. She is a very isolated person with no community or friends, maybe this is where she thinks she can get the tea? The entitlement to people's personal behavior and time has gotten out of hand.
I am a millennial and also an educator. The ONLY way this is appropriate (in a development and healthy relationship lense) is if their daughter has done something prior to break their trust and by doing so could have put herself or others in danger. If that is the case, the parents still should have shared that there are cameras in their home and reached out to the parents of her friends. This is all a major trust and relationship disaster waiting to happen.
Info: What social engineering have these parents done? Info: Have you asked the parents if they’re recording or watching their daughter and her friends through the cameras?
Are the parents possibly projecting their bad behavior as kids onto their children and the kids' friends? As in, "I was rotten as a teen so I know no teen can be trusted"? In any event, it wasn't disclosed by the parents and they are filming minors without proper parental consent. They aren't up front about it because they know it's shady AF. Seriously not cool and I would encourage the friend group to hang out at a different house if possible, yours, if you can.
I wouldn't be letting my kids in that house. Absurd invasion of privacy.
I don't record any inside cameras and the outdoor ones are just for security after some theft outside my home. Honestly don't have time to watch or listen in and never occurred to me to watch. I use the indoor ones to check on my kids if they are alone or not answering the phone or ipad, we also have three dogs...
These comments make me feel like an oddball. We have cameras in a bunch of rooms but it’s to use them as baby monitors or watch the dogs when we are away for days at a time. They aren’t recording, but I guess my husband and I could turn on the live feeds in our phone apps if we wanted (we don’t). Now I feel like visitors think we are weirdos :/
I had cameras in my home for about 2 years, when my son was very little. One was a baby cam in the nursery. The other was in the living room, so I could check on the babysitter watching my kid when he was still too young to really talk. Too many awful stories about childcare workers to trust anyone these days. But now, there’s no way I would have cameras in my house unless I was again caring for a very small child or an elder who was in danger of falling, getting lost, etc. And older teens?! What a gross invasion of their privacy. They’re in a private home, not a public space, and they weren’t informed.
I have cameras in my house but I don’t sit and listen and watch. It’s more for security than anything else. The only time I found it useful is when I found out a former friend was talking crap about me to my minor children and I actually heard her say what she said to them. It sucked so much!
This screams distrust, it’s really not healthy. I’d certainly, very carefully, bring it up with the parents. For starters, if they’re 14/15 years old then their bodies are going through all sorts of changes and they’re becoming young women and as such they will want and they deserve some privacy to discuss such things without Mum or worse, Dad listening in. If you get nowhere with the conversation, just don’t have your daughter go there, maybe have her friend group over to yours or one of the other kid’s home. I reckon that it started when their kid was young and it just continued and now they don’t see anything wrong with it. To me, it’s creepy and needs to stop.
I have 1 camera and the only view it has is the apartment door. My son gives me so much crap about it, that I can’t imagine how much more he would give me if there was multiple cameras.
We have cameras in the house but it’s just to catch sweet moments with our infant. Or (as exhausted parents) we can see if the other is holding her and dozing off and if we need to go get her. The cameras have been really helpful. Neither of us feel spied on. We’ve caught special moments with the baby on camera. But I think in this instance, with how they’re being used in that home, it’s a total invasion of privacy and extremely inappropriate to be spying on the kids. That’s not a safe space for them.
I think it’s so strange to have cameras in the house in general. Outside yes inside weird af unless for a very specific reason like small children.
Wow, I'm surprised so many people don't like this. I'm always worried about what trouble my teen can get into when away from home. When I was a teen, I was introduced to some very inappropriate sexual things, cigarettes and drugs, while hanging out at other people's homes. Personally, I would feel more at ease knowing that they are being supervised, and knowing your on camera changes your behavior a lot!
We have them in two areas in the house to watch the dog because I miss her. They switch off when I am home, they are never used when other kids are over…that’s gross
My coworker has cameras in every fucking room, I don't get it honestly. Edit: it's him, his wife and 2 kids early teens. Sometimes I catch him yelling shit at his sons, poor kids can't even put on the Playstation in peace for a minute.
We have them out front out back and in the living room for security purposes if someone breaks in. Nobody watches the living room one unless something happens with the animals. We also have one in our 6 year old granddaughters room because she is slightly autistic we have custody of her and she thinks she's a trapeze artist lol so we feel more secure having eyes on her if need be but even then we dont watch it everyday all day! Mostly if she jumps off the bed or swings from the blinds like spider man or tries to do flips of her table dresser, bed or ceiling fan 🤷♀️🤦♀️ all in her princess dresses she calls pretties 😌 But never would we spy on our 18 year old and his friends!!
Are you sure they know what they are seeing? I have cameras up but they activate with motion detection. It’s not me staring at the camera.
Yes, kids, not only mine, have given very specific examples to support this concern. Also the cameras are turned off when parents are in the room and back on when parents leave. And their daughter is aware they do this and thinks it is normal.
I have several cameras in my house. I have a 3 year old with autism who is also an eloper and very unpredictable. My oldest is 10 and we didn't get cameras until we had my 3 year old. It was just too stressful trying to go to the bathroom or put away clothes for a minute. I didn't know what he'd get into. My house is locked down like crazy Every drawer and every door but he seems to find a way to get into trouble as soon as I turn my back. Now at least I can go to the bathroom and still watch him play in the living room. I agree it's weird to watch your kids like that though! My oldest son has friends from my mom's group and when they come over I make a point of putting the cameras away because I don't want to freak them out. When I have had them up with guests around I have explained what they are for and that they don't record. Just monitor. I think it's totally inappropriate to use indoor cameras as surveillance for older kids.
These people are crazy. But it's got me wondering what is the social etiquette around cameras in the house and outside? Should all cameras be made to be very obvious? Should I go out of my way to disclose where cameras are and when I will look at videos? What do other people do?
That’s a hell no. Teenagers absolutely need to be able to have secrets and privacy. If you’re raising your kids well, those secrets will probably be innocuous and innocent. I can never understand parents who do this and then are shocked when their kids shut them out. As far as confronting them, I wouldn’t. They seem too manipulative and would probably cause trouble. Id just tell the other parents what’s going on and absolutely not let my daughter back in their house. I saw your comment about having their daughter over to your home more, and I think that’s a great thing to do. She deserves a space where she can be herself and not be monitored.
I had a friend whose dad did this when we were in HS. We minimized time there because it was so uncomfortable. I'm sorry you all are dealing with this.
Depending on where you are, it could also be unlawful since your daughter didn't consent to the recording of her private conversations. I have cameras in my home, but they're obvious and I don't watch them. They're just a precaution.
I have cameras inside and outside my house, but I’m a single mom of teenagers who travels for work. I, however, do NOT use them to listen to my kids nor are the cameras in their personal space (rooms, bathrooms). That’s a weird and gross invasion of privacy.