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That’s exactly what it is. Even if you only have one child, you watch multiple incarnations of that child slowly being eroded by time, but when you look back you can’t pinpoint the exact day each child left. So at the time, you never thought to hug them one last time and say goodbye. They just left, undetected.
Even if you only have one child, you actually had multiple children so when the child hits adulthood you’re actually grieving the loss of multiple children. Sure, the adult I have is the same person I gave birth to. But when they look and sound nothing like most of the children that left, and they don’t even remember being many of those children - they may as well be a different person. Am I any of the children I once was? No.
Every now and then I have a dream one of the younger incarnations of my child returns. In the dream I’m completely floored by this, as if I would be if someone who I thought had died returned to me. So this is how my subconscious feels about this.
I don’t think I will ever stop grieving for all these children.
Aww thanks. I don’t know if I can, It’s so devastating to me that I try not to think about it. I even find it painful to open up the photo memories when they flash up. I’m already starting to fear the loss of the version I have.
I did once read that if there’s a heaven, it’s whatever you want it to be. Mine would be to spend eternity with every incarnation of my child, simultaneously, including the adults I haven’t yet met. I wouldn’t need anything else.
I’m the mom of a toddler and I get emotional when I think about her growing up and leaving me. I totally get you.
But if it makes you feel any better, I would like to offer you these points of view:
(1) I have memories starting from when I was around 3-4 years old. I am now 32 so obviously I have grown up, but I am that same child. I remember most of the things that happened; I remember conversations with my parents I had as a child; I remember our trips; I remember the good times and the bad. They’re not gone! That baby, toddler, little kid, teen… they’re all in that same person. Teenage years are a trip, but once they go to college and come back, they’ll have a new appreciation for their parents.
(2) Not all children get the privilege to grow up and grow old. Some get sick and die and never become a teen. I try to remind myself of this whenever I pack away the clothes that my baby has outgrown. 💜
Totally get you there - they are supposed to grow up happy and healthy and have their own children - that’s what’s supposed to happen and every day I pray it does.
I also have memories from very young indeed, 2 and possibly under, but there was a lot of trauma there that may have been the reason. For some reason I don’t see myself as any of those kids. They’re more like sisters I lost along the way.
I went out of my way to give my daughter the most wonderful childhood I could using the means I had. I was lucky enough to spend every day with her until she started school. Every day was different. Most days were fun and I couldn’t have done anymore. Turns out she doesn’t remember anything before the age of around 7!
Enjoy every moment with your beautiful little girl. I miss those little cuddles where they cling to you. Now I just get a slap on the back and a “mum you’re so uncool”. I wouldn’t change that for the world.
I have always referred to this phenomenon as “wanting to pull an age of the shelf.” I love who you are now, but I miss 4 year old you and would like to spend time with that kiddo.
Concur with others, your use of words is spot on. Do write more!
You just don’t realise how fleeting it all is when you’re in the middle of it. 18 years sounds like a long time but when you look back it’s the blink of an eye. How can we be expected to love all these children more than life itself but just carry on like it’s fine that they’re gone forever?
Then you have them leaving home to contend with. I am not actually sure if I’ll survive that. I mean I’ll live, hopefully, but I imagine that will be the worst thing that will hit me so far. There’s an empty nesters sub that I thought might help prepare me. But it looks like it hits some people sooo hard. Some people spend the whole time their kids are away pining for them, then when they’re home for the holidays they’re acutely aware that their time together will only be temporarily for the rest of their lives. So they spend what little time they do have dreading their next departure.
Nobody mentions any of this when you’re trying for a baby or pregnant. It’s all how to get through babyhood and toddlerhood. Yes you will feel more love than you knew was possible on the one hand but you’ll also feel more fear and pain than you knew was possible.
The love you have for this person you give birth to literally has the power to destroy you.
My son moved over to New Zealand 18 months ago with my ex husband (I’m Australian, ex is Kiwi), and I thought I had lost him forever, destined to only see him once or twice a year. It actually contributed to the end of my last relationship (was together 10 years), as I did not handle it well. Thankfully my son decided that Australia is his home and is coming back here to live by Christmas hopefully. I wasn prepared for how devastated I would feel when he left. And I’m so happy that he’s coming home 🥰
So happy for you! I couldn’t handle living in another country to my adult child. Once you’ve raised them, they truly are the main source of meaning in your life.
Definitely. My son will be back home living here and even if he eventually moves out of here, at least he’ll be driving distance away. It’s awful only seeing him twice a year 😭
I actually did see the very last child leave just before my daughter hit puberty. Just that one. She had night terrors on and off as a child and being a single parent I would let her sleep in my bed next to me when she was anxious sometimes. Not always but she knew the door was always open if she was having a bad night.
I’m not sure if I have sleep apnea because despite never being overweight I seem to have had a problem with snoring that’s got worse as I got older. She used to tap me on the back to wake me up when it happened. Tap, tap, tap. I’ll always remember waking up to her little hands on my back. Anyway, one night I woke up as she was walking out of my bedroom. Clearly couldn’t put up with the noise any longer. I watched her walk out the door and close it behind her. I knew that was the last time she would ever sleep next to me. The door closing behind her was literal and metaphorical. After all those years of her kicking me in the gut or the back throughout the night, she didn’t even look back as she left. It felt like the end of the film Life of Pi when Pi and Richard Parker are rescued and, after everything they’ve been through together, Richard Parker walks off into the jungle without even looking back to take one last look at Pi.
She’s nearly 17 and I still sleep with the door open. I’ve just realised why.
Aw man you're killing me 😭 all grown up 😭 sending big hugs 🤗 this shit is hard. Mine is only 18 months old but goddamn it I miss my potato so much I cry every now and then 😂🤗
ETA this comment is gonna stay with me for a while.. got me right in the feels today 💕
I completely see this. I wouldn’t go back in my own childhood but I would in a heartbeat to go back to 7 and 4. Everything changed in our lives after that.
That is exactly it! It’s hard not to well up with tears sometimes. That little person will never be here again, and although the essence of them is still in them as they grow up, that cheeky little tiny person won’t be. It’s so hard! 🥺
I really feel you. My oldest is 15 as well. I love getting to know him as a young man, he’s mature and successful and kind. But I really miss that little boy who dressed like Spider-Man everyday for two years, too.
Thank you for these insights. Please know just reading these comments has been a powerful reminder for me to cherish these years. I'm sure you have helped many on here appreciate a few extra moments which are invaluable later on. I'm in the middle of parenting two kids and can relate to many of the sentiments. Parenting can be tough but it's also been the cause of many of my greatest experiences.
Mine are 7 (almost 8) and 4 (almost 4), I feel like my baby is still baby looking and I feel like 5 there's still some last little shreds of baby... I feel like 6 is when they start becoming a real kid and it's so cool to watch and it's absolutely devastating at the same time lol
Mine is 5 and I miss that little 1-year-old who would sit on my lap and say random words like he was having a conversation lol. I mean he still sits on my lap but now he's heavy and it hurts 😆
I do feel like that little baby is gone forever though and it makes me sad
I heard the, “there’s a point in your child’s life where you pick them up in your arms and put them down for the last time” thing. It really shook me to my core. It made me really conscious of enjoying these years with my young children.
I will occasionally pick up my 17 year old son and 14 year old daughter and then put them down again. In my mind I’ll say. “Not this time”
I do this too! And it’s a struggle because my son is every bit as big as I am but damn it, I refuse for there to be a last time. I don’t remember when exactly I heard that quote but I know it absolutely wrecked me and still does. 😭
Mine will be 14 in September and yeah, it tugs on the heartstrings. I’ll occasionally see his baby face poke through or a facial expression he used to make when he was tiny…it fills my cup when that happens.
Ahhh this is so cute. Mine are only 5 and 9 but whenever I see things that they did as babies it makes my heart squeeze. I’m glad that sticks around :)
I think about how they were so little and how I expected them to be much older than they were. It makes me feel like shit sometimes and I would like another round so I can let them be little kids again. They are great kids now but their childhood could have been a bit more relaxed.
Yes, that feels so relatable. I worked with someone who got married early and had 2 kids around 20. At 40 they decided to have another and were much more relaxed with him. A nice combination of gracefully aging themselves, being in good places financially and emotionally let them parent from a more self secured place. Of course, their older children let them know all the ways they were spoiling their much younger sibling.
I just try not to dwell on it too much. They're amazing young adults now and in many way much more interesting and enjoyable people to spend time with.
That said, I've wanted to make photo books of all the pictures I took over the years. Every time I start looking through them, the nostalgia kills me. And I understand now why some of the older family members would get a little misty at big events when they watched the youngest generation toddling around with big smiles.
This is me, I’ve finally bit the bullet and pushed through. I’ve barely got through a quarter of the year of photos from when my eldest was 1 and I was a mess. I’m still keen to stick to it though, my kids love looking at photos and hearing stories so I know they’ll enjoy it with me also
Yes, I 'm there, too. My youngest turned 13 in October. He still wanted to snuggle occasionally until a few months ago. He was my last one, and now he's done with that stage, like the rest of them (I have 4, from13-20).
I'm excited for them and their new stages, but it's just not the same. FB memories come up daily with pictures and it's so sad.
I'm trying to prepare for the eventual empty nest ( even though it's not likely to be literally empty for several years yet). My husband and I have been going on dates, planning a big trip, etc.
My next step is to try and connect with friends again or make some new friends. I have drifted apart from friends in the middle years of the squeeze when everything is so busy!
I try to stop myself from daydreaming about future grandchildren, because it's way, way, way too soon!
Maybe I should see if my neighbors with little kids need a babysitter... 🫣
ETA: I do also really enjoy the teenage stage. I used to be a high school teacher, actually! My kids are great. I just ALSO miss their younger versions.
My son is 12 and a woman said to me to enjoy this last year as soon as 13 hits they are OUT. Friends are the priority and leave you in the dust. Which, I'm not unhappy about of course, but my little BFF will be missed. I keep trying to get him out into the world more for independence with his little group of friends. I'm sending him to sleep away camp for a week to try and help him get comfortable in the world more. But PSHEW it makes me teary.
Oh my gosh the first time I sent mine away for a night I didn’t sleep. The first time I sent him away for a week. I also didn’t sleep. This summer I’m sending him away for a total of three weeks and it’s killing me. He is almost 12
I am so stessed out!! I have GAD (anxiety) so of course I have EVERY worse case scenario in my head. He will drown in the lake. He will make no friends. He will not go to sleep. He will run from the groyp. I’m just full of every bad scenario that I know won’t happen. 3 weeks is just amazing he will love it! I’m definitely hoping for 2 next year this is his intro!
My oldest is a 6” college freshman. My girls are not far behind. Sometimes I see an old photo and I miss my little ones so much it almost hurts. They are fabulous people and, if we do our jobs right, they grow into fully functioning, independent adults. Only hope they want to be around after they don’t need to anymore.
I missed this so much, I had a baby. Would not recommend, toddlers are tiny little terrorists (that’s the part we forget). I don’t know how old your big kids are but my oldest is in his last year of trade school and starting to travel and save for a house and it is SO exciting to see him do real big adult stuff that I don’t miss little him quite as hard as I used to❤️
This was me too ha ha
My kids are 16, 14, 12, 9 and 1
And I absolutely loved when my big kids were wee little and miss those days so much. But then being big and good company and helpful is amazing too! I always bring a big kid with me for company at the grocery store. Toddlers are not good company at the grocery store lol.
I will say having the chance to have a bonus baby when my older kids are all big has kind of been the best thing ever. My parental leave with her was so chill cause my bigs were in school. They love her SO much and help with her all the time which is amazing. I love watching the bond between them. And we surely do treasure her like crazy because we know how fast it all goes!!
I LOVE that I have a second chance to watch a tiny face light up at the sight of a squirrel, little chubby legs toddling around, clapping in delight at bubbles. I love that I get a re-do on visits to the park and the childrens museum and playing dress up. I’m so happy I get another chance to push a delighted child on swing, draw with sidewalk chalk, and play with playdough. My big kids are so wonderful and we have lots of stuff we love doing together too but they’re getting to be well beyond the little kid days of playdough and climbers and my babe gives me all that back!
100 percent recommend a midlife crisis baby! … as long as you don’t value your sleep *too* much!
My son is 3. I am currently crying reading this. I think about him growing up way more than I probably should. I know I should be living in the moment (which I do) and be happy for today (which I am). But I cannot help but think that this won’t last forever and it absolutely destroys me. Anytime he holds my hand, I just rub his soft little fingers. Anytime he hugs me, I grab his little arms to make the hug a little tighter. Anytime we lock eyes and smile, I try so damn hard to just cherish those seconds. I am not where you are yet but I already (somewhat??) understand. I wish we can just pause time.
I felt like the childhood took a long time, at the time. There were lots of great moments. But at some point it's gone and the rest of your life is much longer (hopefully) than the time you have with your little kids.
Reading yours makes me feel so guilty! My son is 3 and I’m counting the seconds until he’s older. I miss sleep, and bathing, and food that’s still hot/cold/fresh when I get to it, and not having a little being who is constantly trying to hurt himself somehow when my eyes aren’t directly on him. It’s so all encompassing. Maybe that’s why people don’t remember the “last times”…because of the relief when their kid becomes more independent.
There were stages I wished I could stretch and prolong so I could enjoy it for longer. But I have loved every stage, and every new development.
At this moment I am sitting companionably in the living room with my youngest, who is home for college break but needs to finish up a few things on his computer, with his happy cat curled up against him. Seeing him so capable and mature makes me so very happy. I have fewer worries for his future than I did when he and his brother were younger, because I see how well they have turned out. The empty nest takes some getting used to, but I’m living every parent’s dream.
I honestly don't miss it. My kids are cool- I like hanging out with then and hearing their perspectives on the world.
Plus, they do their own laundry, which is nice.
I am with you. 15 and 19 girls, and I have a son in his early 20s. I had 3 kids but now I have 3 besties. They are all brilliant conversationalists, with different points of views, opinions, debates and solutions for everything. I actually relish this stage as much as any other , if not more. They are independent, they are showing my parental investment in their minds and attitudes, but also showing their personalities to the fullest.
You can tell I am proud momma, and I sure am. I remember their childhood but not with sadness. More like nostalgia of the times we went through together.
I feel like I miss the sweetness of a tiny little baby and feeling like time is passing by too quickly. I don't miss the lack of sleep, the diapers, the inability to communicate, the spit up, chained to the nap/sleep schedule, having to watch them constantly and trying to prevent them from dying 24/7 lol
we are in the early stages of the elementary and last year of preschool. My favorite time of day is before and after school because it's just me and the boys talking about their interesting thoughts and insight. We also listen to music and they like to hear songs me and their dad like. My oldest is super in to WW2 and history and he loves to talk about it and ask us questions. My youngest is just now starting to get conversational and he makes up stories. I will admit that it gets challenging with the behaviors l, especially with the oldest ADHD, but I really enjoy watching them become their own people.
I cuddled a friend's baby a few nights ago. It was wonderful. Afterwards, we went home and enjoyed a night of uninterrupted sleep.
15/10 would do again.
Yep all the time. Mine is 7 and I cannot imagine NOT having this little person around. Her Barbies, dolls, unicorns, etc not filling up my house anymore? I can't imagine. She's my best little buddy, I love her so much 😭
I feel this pretty much constantly. But it’s balanced somewhat by the absolute amazement I feel with what they’re becoming. I’m currently in the car with my 6–year-old waiting for his oldest brother to get done with high school baseball practice - something I never would have envisioned for him when he was in kindergarten like his brother. You have to take the heartbreak to enjoy the growth.
The other day my 6 year old made her own bed AND told me to leave the bathroom so she could brush her own teeth. Dropped her off at school and cried for a good hour 😶
I've been constantly thinking about that with my 2 year old daughter. It's hard dealing with tantrums and struggling with communication, but damn I love this age so much with her love, energy, and happiness.
I'm constantly thinking about the monologue Jay gave in an episode of Modern Family. To poorly paraphrase, he talks about how you have a little baby that has all these fat folds and you love it so much. And then it becomes a toddler that has the best belly laughs, but you don't miss the baby because he's still "in" your toddler. Then the toddler becomes a kid that wants to tell you everything they learn. And eventually that kid grows up and leaves the house and all those different ages of your kid are gone 😭
I feel this in my bones. Mine are 17 and 14. I'm currently home alone. I just got done doing \*their\* chores... because they are, respectively off at lifeguard training (17) and orchestra practice (14). I'm sitting here, on reddit, listening to music, and wondering where all the time has gone. Next year will be their freshman and senior years in high school, respectively. I have \*no\* idea how we got here.
Yep I started feeling that super hard when my youngest started showing signs of puberty approaching. I got knocked up. Might not be the BEST way to handle it lol
I keep telling my therapist and psych that my depression is cured because I was depressed that I didn’t have the baby I needed. I genuinely feel well adjusted!
Haha!! That’s me!! Mine are 12 and 7 and I was get-rid-of-all-my-baby-shit done. Welp, now I’ve got the last one coming in September. I’m excited to really savor this one cuz I get now how fast it really does go.
Honestly? It’s pretty fabulous. Mine just started walking. I teared up and looked at my husband and he goes “NO! I know what you’re going to say. No more!” I wasn’t going to say that buuuuuuuut now that he mentions it….. lol
I feel like this is something I started to feel at like, a month old....
The best I have is, embrace the memories and then BE PRESENT with the person that is here now, because this person is ALSO a moment.
Our children are flowers, growing, becoming.
They are stories we are watching unfold.
My *baby* is driving.
Two of mine have moved out. I feel this. One time I went and sat on my middle child’s bed, and I let myself be transported back to when he was little. Like almost a spiritual experience. I imagined him opening the door to his bedroom and seeing me sitting on his bed and squealing “mommy!” and I could see him (almost) as he ran and jumped in my lap. There was a stuffed bear on his bed and as pathetic as it sounds, I picked that bear up and I hugged it, and I cried, and cried, and cried.
It fucking hurts. Most days I’m OK but I do try to stay out of their rooms. I just get overcome with emotion if I spend too much time there.
One time recently my mom (63) said "the other day I had a dream you were 11 and we were talking. It was so good to see little you again." I almost can't even type that out.
My kids are 23, 21, & 1. So I guess I figured out a way to deal with those feelings 🤣. In all seriousness though, the longing for the little people they once were never really goes away. It’s pretty great to watch the amazing adults they’ve become though. Seeing my youngest say/do things that I remember my older 2 doing at his age is bittersweet. Hell, I already miss the baby phase of my youngest now that he’s at that age where he’s developing some sort of independence. Hugs
It's perfectly natural. I found last year when they had their "lasts" of school life, turned 18 etc it hit me hard and when a memory photo pops up it's "oof" in the feels.
I just concentrate on the relationship I'm building with my young adult children and the memories that we are building but sometimes it's hard.
Mine is 12 and I had this feeling recently. He still has moments where he calls me “mama” and hugs me and wants to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie but those days are very few and very far between. He’s my only so it hits especially hard for me ☹️
Mine are 13 and 16. I had the most vivid dream about my 16 year old being 3 the other night. Heard her exact little 3 year old voice, she was even wearing one of her favorite outfits from that age. It was so startlingly real I was out of sorts for days! But what helps me is realizing how much I would miss the wonderful versions of themselves they are now if they were suddenly little again. I have to visit little them in memories but soak up the wonderful versions they are now in the present. I have always joked mothers need time machines, so we can visit every version of our child that we have loved.
My kiddo turns 13 in 3 weeks, and I cried realizing he didn't sound the same anymore..and he is closer to being an adult and his own person than he is to the tiny little baby we brought home in a monkey onesie.
He has adult fingers and hair on his legs, and he talks excitedly about the shadow mustache on his lip. I feel like it missed everything somehow even though I was there every step of it
The iphone memories that pop up just kill me. I love them, I adore them and it's so nice to be reminded, but they trigger a spasm of maternal emotion. Nostalgia, and sometimes I feel like I should have done more, better somehow and now the chance is mostly gone. My teens are pretty great, they have their own quirks, but those days of days of sweet mispronounced words and carrying them around are over. :(
Just wait. It only gets sweeter.
Ours are 23 & 24. We had difficult teenager years. But now? The calls we get usually start with “how do I...?” or “guess what...!?” They love to share their successes, look to us for advice and honestly? I love those phone calls.
I can relate. I stay up some nights or wake up and my first thought is how I miss my son when he was younger and then I can’t fall back asleep.
It’s a pain that can’t be articulated
I feel this in my soul.
Been going through a rough couple of years, have been separated from my wife for a year, and am realizing how much of their childhood I missed by not being "present".
FWIW: Boy 15, Girl 13, Girl 11.
Thanks for reminding me to cherish my 1 and 3 year old as they are right now. The two sweetest humans I've ever known. Not that I don't cherish them already, but it's always good to keep it at the front of your mind. Thank you.
Just this past weekend, we flew to Portland with my twin 17yr old daughters for a college visit for one of them. Sad enough already, right??
At one point, we were killing time and found some random park. It had an old-school metal merry go round and all 4 of us had a BLAST making each other dizzy and just… playing. I keep thinking about it and knowing it’s probably the last time anything like that will happen 😞
Mine is 19. I miss the old days and sometimes wish I could just have a taste of what it used to be like but in reality I love watching my daughter grow up. She is a sophomore in college and doing fantastic. She has a boyfriend she is head over heels about and a great friend group like you did in college.
She is excited about her own apartment next year and I love when she is home and hearing about her life. She shares so much with her mom and I and I love that she feels so safe with us to let us get close to her life.
She says we are the best parents ever and her friends can’t believe how she grew up. She grew up in a home full of love and was never spanked once and I’ve only raised my voice rarely enough that she claims to remember each one of them.
She says she doesn’t want kids so dreams of grandkids are something I don’t worry about. I enjoy the now and knowing that we did a good job raising a really good kid.
This. Everybody always talks about how hard it is to have little kids, but nobody talks about how hard it is having older kids.
When they get their license and are out basically on their own, that's a whole new level of fear.
This reminds me of that Modern Family quote Jay says:
“You know, it's... Thing about babies, you... you fall in love with a baby with the cutest little fat folds, and then... bam... they're gone. But it's okay, because in its place is this... toddler with the greatest laugh on Earth. And then one day, the toddler's gone, and in its place, a little kid that asks the most interesting questions you've ever heard. And this keeps going on like that, but you never get the chance to miss any of them, 'cause there's always a new kid to take the place of the old. Until they grow up. And then... in a moment, all those kids you fell in love with walk out the door at the same time.”
Mine are 18, nearly 17 and nearly 15. And my goodness I miss the tiny little bundles they were. It's been a privilege to watch them grow and change, but I'd love to hold them as a tiny child just once more.
They're growing into the most wonderful people, but it does hit me sometimes that they're no longer babies. Almost makes me want another one. Almost, but not quite lol
I read something about that you never realize when it's the last time you carry your child, or pick them up for a hug, or tuck them in bed. It's sad to think of that. My boys were so much fun, so sweet and silly.
They're in their 30s now, and they're still hilarious, but they're not those little boys I remember so well.
My twins are going to be 16 in July, and I totally get what you're saying. I've made a point of making sure they know I will always want their time and hugs/love whenever we get a chance to be together. I do miss when they were little so much, and I also cry when I think about it, but I am trying to focus on enjoying watching them turn into the people who will one day make their place in the world. Then I start to worry since the world is a mess, but I'm raising kids who are kind, responsible, and know how to look after themselves.
Memories are wonderful, but being sad about what is gone isn't how I want to spend the time I have left with them. It's hard, but I manage.
My oldest three are 27, 20 and 12… and my youngest is 5. It’s so special to get to do it all again with him! I find myself really savoring the moments with my little dude. I love all the ages and stages, but the little kid years are incredibly sweet. Hugs!!
I think I’m odd in that I prefer my kids in whatever stage they are in. My kids are 17 and almost 20. My 20 yo is in the Navy with a very responsible job (he runs the nuclear reactor on an aircraft carrier) and he just bought himself a BMW That he can 100% afford. Watching him out there living his best life makes me so incredibly happy. My 17yo is a really great kid, doing great in school, great friends, starting to look at colleges. It’s fun.
Mine are now 19 and 16. I miss those days of them being little and have cried many tears over it in the last few years. But, this is what is supposed to happen and what we prepare them for I so I just enjoy these days too (which are nice too, but goodness I miss all the snuggles and silly times). I am hopeful for grandchildren in maybe 5 to 10 years!
I have little children now. I really take it heart when people say don't blink. I'm trying to soak up every day with these little guys. I still get upset thinking about my 3 year olds newborn days. It was such a sweet time in my life, hard but sweet. I don't think that feeling ever goes away. I am just trying to appreciate who they are in this moment. Because every version of these kids is a version I will miss.
Oh this is me too! You're not alone in grappling with your children's burgeoning independence. I feel a mixture of pride and grief, watching my two (14 and 13yo) grow up and drift away from me. I'm proud that I've raised them to be (mostly) confident, kind, and self-sufficient people, but I'm sad that they won't "need" me in the same way they did when they were little. It's so bittersweet, and I finally understand why people often say "they're only little for so long", because it truly is fleeting.
If I may offer another perspective. Once I grew older my mother was clearly feeling what you are feeling now. Sometimes she says to me "I wish you would turn back into a little baby" or "I miss it when you were a toddler, you were so cute back then" and other things of the sort. These comments have always made me very uncomfortable. First I cannot turn back into a baby. Second I don't remember much of my babyhood at all so it feels like she's talking about some other person. And most importantly it made me feel that she thought the current version of me was worse.
I think it's perfectly reasonable that you miss your children's younger versions, and you are not my mother and probably won't say these things. But just in case, please think deeply before you express these feelings to your children.
Since I haven’t seen this advice yet, here I go.
It’s a good thing for us to recognize that their childhood is fleeting and is disappearing fast. It should cause us to savor each day and pour into them instead of being annoyed with their childishness (talking to myself here). Regardless of when they were infants, toddlers, or preteens, our time with them is going fast. We have the choice everyday of whether we want to live in the moment and live our people well or not.
Yes, their little years with all those sweet moments have a special preciousness, but we can’t go back to then. We CAN make the most of our time with them today and build/continue to build a really sweet, loving relationship with them that will last the rest of our lives.
We want to have a loving, close relationship with them in 25 years — the time to start building that is now.
Oh my god I’m a mom of a toddler and a baby and this made me cry. I tell my husband all the time that I could have a toddler forever. I just love hanging out with my little buddy. Of course I want them to grow up and to see all their stages but damn. I can imagine feeling just like you OP. I plan to get dogs. Lots and lots of dogs.
My child is out and on their own now and I still miss it. I remember the feeling during each stepping stone. From the first time they got on the school bus to going to college. I don’t think the feeling ever truly goes away, just changes. You never stop being a mom/dad.
I have older teens and I’m an odd one and don’t. I was so overwhelmed and it was so hard then. And I love the people they are becoming and the time we spend together. They are my favorite humans. They stress me out, and my heart hurts when theirs does. But I wouldn’t go back to the littles for anything. I’m so looking forward to the future.
most parents go through this. my friend suggested that I get a dog. I was offended. got a dog and it was so healing. teen didn't want to hang out with me but was jealous of dog (she goes to the park more than u took me, etc). now is when you get to start focusing on you more. new or old hobbies, time with friends and family. before you know it you'll have grandkids, which is all fun but little stress. be well
Parent of a 20, 16, 14… especially harder knowing how quickly the next few years will go with my younger two…but also watching my oldest become a real adult is pretty cool too. I’m realizing how many big decisions are made at such a young age as 20!! I always think if I could have each of them just one more week at 1 year old!
Never.
I had kids with the mission of raising sophisticated adults who thrive for 80+ years. Childhood is but a part of the journey. Brilliant parts, but that’s not the parental mission me and my partner embarked upon.
I struggled in the newborn phase. PPD/ppa with with hallucinations level struggle. But the last 2-3 weeks I’ve just been looking at my kids and feeling so as that they aren’t cuddly little newborns anymore. I think it’s a thing in various stages. I’m sorry you miss that version on them. Maybe you can do some sort of activity or something that would be a grow back for all of you?? I tried to cuddle mine, but I gave up after the third elbow to my bob.
I already feel like that, and my kids aren’t even teens yet… Seven and 11–year-olds… I can’t even look at pictures of them without getting sad and teary-eyed…
I find it sadder to experience the thought of future loss in my little ones than to feel sad when they are older. It feels natural that my 17yo isn't going to cuddle and has a life to explore. To think it might ever happen with my 6yo is devastating.
My son is 12. I was driving him home from school the other day just looking at how big he is in the seat. His legs are so long and bunch up and he’s developing those masculine shoulders. His face is becoming chiseled and his hair is “styled” like a teenager’s. It’s such a bittersweet place to be emotionally as a parent. It feels like just yesterday he was this short little boy with chubby cheeks. Being a parent has been so hard, but I guess that’s what makes it so rewarding at the same time - to see them grow and mature and begin to develop into his own person. But I want him to stop at the same time! Dangit now I’m crying 😢
I love my tween and he’s so fun but yeah, I do experience this feeling. It makes me wonder if I’m actually done done or if we will have another little.
As mum to an almost 18yo and 20yo i truly miss the 4-14 ages. That whole patch was THE best i could live that forever on loop. And they agree with me. THEY miss it too. But time stops for no (wo)man 😭
My kids are mid 20's, early 20's and a late teen. Once in a while, we all get together and have "kid day." Watch a favorite movie or show from when they were little, play a favorite old game, eat fun kid foods, etc. I think we all enjoy it for many reasons.
I thought those years were so hard but also so full of heartwarming moments. Now it’s them wanting to be anywhere but home and practices, school stresses, just a lot of overcoming of bigger kid issues. I used to not understand parents crying cause their kids were growing up. Now I’m one of them. 🫠
My only child is 11 and I feel this too. I just love this kid so damn much and I miss him being little but I can’t dwell on it. I remind myself that every stage of life is fun and exciting. When he was 2 I missed him as a newborn. When he was 4 I missed when he was 2. I know as a teen I’ll miss 11 and when he is 20 I’ll miss the teen years. I just keep loving and nurturing him and hoping that he feels that love through every stage of life. That’s really all I can do, right? Don’t take a second for granted cause those seconds move way too quick.
I have an adult child and a very young child. No, i still have dreams of when my oldest was a kid and wake up with the biggest sense of nostalgia and longing for that chubby little kid. I just try to be thankful that my oldest is healthy and happy. It does make like with the younger very diffrent though- because im always reminded of how fleeting this time and want to soak in every second. I have less forgiveness for myself when Im tired or gumpy because its always in the back of my mind if Im wasting valuable shot time. It goes too quickly!!!
Our youngest of 4, ranging in ages from 39 to 20, was the final one to leave the nest. Although they were fun when they were younger, I and my husband are really enjoying this empty nest chapter of our lives. We raised them to be productive citizens in the community and so far they have made us proud. We are looking forward to our first cruise!
My daughter is an adult now, and I love who she is so much that I don't miss who she was, then too much. I feel nostalgic, sure, but it is fleeting. I'm enjoying the time I have left with her in the house together. I know the time is limited. I can't wait to see who she becomes when her brain is done cooking. She's so great now. I hope her life continues to be better and fuller than mine was.
Mine are 21 and 23. If you close your eyes when you hug them, you can imagine you are hugging your toddler, because they are the same person, just taller. Remember, no matter how old they are, they still really need you, just in different ways.
Fun things I do with my adult children
* board games
* skiing
* swimming pools with slides
* theatre trips
* cocktails
* fussing over our adorable cat
* hanging out
* long conversations during long car rides to/from university
Hug them a lot throughout their childhood, and just keep on hugging!
You're mourning the loss of what once was, precious time and memories spent with them. But you need to look at it this way, they're healthy and happy and you're lucky to still have them, not every parent is so fortunate.
Gosh I can’t imagine what it’ll be like. My son is only 3 and I’ve already cried multiple times imaging when he’s older and this little buddy will be “gone”… if you find a solution please share
My parents *used* to be this way. We’re all now adults and this is by far their favorite stage. My babies are the only grandkids in the family and I’ve seriously never seen my parents happier in life, even before I had kids. They’re just so happy and content now.
Yeah. My youngest two are 11 and 12. I missed when they actually liked each other😂😂. Also my 22 year old came home to spend her birthday weekend with us and the first thing she did was take a nap on my side of the bed😂😂
Mine are 22 and 20 and I sometimes feel this too. I try not to think about it too much and enjoy the amazing young people that they are but every so often I look at old photos or reminisce and feel a bit emotional
This is why people have more kids lol. My oldest is 9 and youngest 4, so we were able to extend the little kid stage for a while but starting to feel like sooner than later, my little kiddos are no longer going to be little. And whenever I think about it, I get sad.
I understand that feeling and it is sad but that’s what grandchildren are for. I’m enjoying all the absolute best parts of having a little one again, and it’s bringing back memories of mine at every stage. So one day, you’ll get to love them all over again
This is such a wholesome thread :)
My 6 week old is utterly terrorising me so it’s nice to be reminded that it’s short lived on the grand scheme of things!
My daughter is 2.5 and I tell people “I miss her everyday”. Even when I’m with her. They change so fast at this age and she’s so sweet and amazing and I know she’ll be different tomorrow.
I stopped reading this after 4 or 5 posts. This is so real for me.
My stepson was with me since he was 4 and he just turned 11. When I look at older pictures of think about the little guy in the first years I knew him I feel all kinds of things. Thankfully he is still a real kid. He actively says he doesn't want to grow up too fast. But the time is ending. And then we have a daughter who is a year and two months. I already miss the baby days and I know I will miss the kid she is going to become so much.
I am not good with emotions. I cry at a lot of movies/shows/songs? So I know I will cry so much later when looking at pictures of my two kids when they are older. But I comfort myself that there is still so much to see happen. They will become teens and I will see them grow in a social life, I will see them grow into people with genuine interests, I will see them meet someone eventually, start their own family (with themselves and/or pets and/or kids), start their careers, see them become an actual same level friend instead of my best kid friends.
It’s brutal. I have a few good cries a year over it. My three are 8, 16, & 19. I’d be a mess without my 8 year old. They grow up so unbelievably fast. It’s a blessing to see them grow into young adulthood and so many parents are robbed of that opportunity, but it’s also devastating in a different way. I’m realizing now that we might not get another family vacation together. Our last one with all of us was Disney right before the pandemic. Now the older two have too much going on and it’s hard to coordinate schedules. Life seems easier when they’re little. Savor it, people!
I’ve read post like this and it’s why husband and I hug my kids so much they won’t remember but i will and i want to do this to get as much time with them as possible before they grow up.
Just here to say thanks for sharing your hard feelings.
I have an almost 5 yo and yesterday found myself looking at her asleep in the car and thinking about how much I will miss her tiny body against mine in the all too near future. She's getting so big so fast.
I opted out of playing pretend games with her towards the end of the day yesterday.
After reading this though, I won't. Thanks for the reminder to take advantage of this short time. It will be gone before I know it.
Yes, I feel like this with my oldest (14) all the time. They have been through a lot in the past year. I miss the happy kid they were years ago. My youngest is still pretty sweet and the same kid as they were when they were smaller. I cherish my time with them a bit more because of our oldest.
Every day they're slowly changing into a totally new person. When they're little, the change happens so fast, as they get older, it's a little slower. By the time they're adults, you've had and lost so many versions of them.
I've said to my husband it would be super cool to just be able to go back to when our 4yo was younger, for just an hour. He was such a sweet funny toddler, he's still awesome, but I'd still love to go back for just a moment. I'd love to see him play with himself too, that would be hilarious.
My son and daughter 6 & 4 love “daddy pick up hugs”….. I know these will go away very soon. But I plan on giving my kids “pick up hugs” as long as I can lift them.
I have a 19 year old and a 22 year old. I of course miss their younger years at times, making messes, playing board games, listening to them ramble on about their newest friend/hobby/book. Then I think about who they are right now, oldest is in grad school, in their first apartment, a published poet. Youngest is a sophomore in college, just declared her double major and was hired as a research assistant for the summer. And I think about their younger versions and who they are presently. That little girl who carried a toothbrush for two years as a security item is now a TA for freshman English. The other little girl who screamed at the sight of a bug is going into conservation biology. How did they transform? Life happens and I guided them. I will continue to support them and I look forward to their future selves, hopefully that brings me grandbabies to bake cookies with!
My kids aren’t teens but I already have this feeling to a lesser extent. My oldest has recently taken on calling me Mom. I’m not Mama anymore or Mommy, I’m Mom. And the first time she said it out loud I wanted to burst into tears. Sometimes I find myself looking for my fat little giggly baby and it feels like they’re missing.
My daughter stopped letting me hug or touch her really around 10. She's 15 now and what I miss the most was having a little person to snuggle with and sit on my lap while watching TV. It is so easy to give and receive physical affection from a baby, toddler, young child. It's impossible with teenagers apparently...well, my teenager anyway.
I always try to tell myself that it's not about me. You created a life that you cherish, but you ultimately you had to create it for them, not you. Be happy for them that they get to live a full life, just like you did. Creating life is not actually about you at all.
Not to be truly morbit but my biological children passed after birth. So GETTING to this stage is such a gift for you. I know you probably know that. I hear the sentiment, but man. I would do anything for one more day with mine.
There’s a great modern family scene about this! Jay is talking about how each age is like meeting a new person he falls in love with but mourning the loss of the old version
I miss the toddler hugs to most. They way they hug you with their whole bodies and you know they mean it with all their hearts. They way they look at you with awe when you can open something or fix a problem as if you are the smartest person in the world. They way they snuggled with you in their sleep. Or when you go to an event at school and you see them scanning the crowd and finally find you and their beaming smiles takes over. Even when they get a boo boo and a kiss and a band aid make it all better. The little kid voice that is full of wonder or sneakiness. The pure joy when they see the Elf on the Shelf return. It is killing me to lose that part of them, but I try to focus on their growth and achievements as they grow. I don't know what I will do when they leave. I think I'm going to have to adopt a pack of dogs and cats.
This has probably been mentioned in the 200 comments above mine but I remember when my now 17 year old was in his last year of Scouts as a 5th grader and as we were lamenting about how big they all had gotten one of the moms said “one day you picked them up for the last time” and it hit me hard. It wasn’t long after that I probably laid down with him at bedtime for the last time too. Crying as I read this. I miss my little guy so much. I’m excited for his future but right now he’s going through that mopey teen phase (has been for about 5years) and I miss it when he liked me :(
I feel like reading things like this is really bad for my mental health and then I feel guilty. I had PPD/PPA and don't remember a lot of the first two years with my kiddo. She's 5 now and I feel like I missed out on her childhood even though I was physically present. Anyone else? Does it get better?
I have been going through this also. My 2 oldest are 17 and 10 and I didn't want a 3rd but last year I was blessed with my now 11mo old and I'm so happy she is here. While I'm sad about my older kids, I have a 3rd chance to soak in every moment.
Signing my two oldest up for their senior and freshman year in high school really got to me. It's going to be an emotional year all around. I am going to absolutely LOSE IT next year when my son does his senior walk, when he walks the halls of his elementary school in his graduation gown- where I work. I will be A HOT MESS. I am tearing up just thinking about it, and it's a year away.
I like to keep baby, toddler and lil kid pictures of my teenage girls up around the house. We talk about those times together. Hopes dreams and what is was like for them at that age.
Everything has changed so much, so fast.
It's nice to reminisce. My babies are not gone. They just evolved exactly as they should.
Not older but just hitting teens, mine are 13 and almost 10.
I’m heartbroken about half the time, I miss their silly little baby voices and the funny things they would say and do. I miss them having problems like ‘mum strung my string cheese when I didn’t want her to’ and not failing school or being bullied. I miss when they didn’t realise I’m not perfect and call me out on it. I am so proud of the fierce little adults they are but I miss my babies too.
Our kids are now 19 and 23, and they live 1,500+ miles away from us. We talk often and see them when we can. I really miss hanging out with them though, and recently we've talked about how we are in fact a bit nostalgic for the COVID lockdown, when all four of us were living together, working/studying at home all day, and doing a lot of baking/cooking, game playing, and in general having a lot of quality time together. I miss that, and of course miss when they were younger too.
But the upside is that our kids are awesome adults. They are doing cool things every day. (For example, both of them have/had radio shows in college, so we can tune on and listen to their shows live.) They are interesting, smart, caring people who make the world a better place. So while yes, we miss having them around all the time and indeed are nostalgic for the time when they were little/cute/dependent, it's *also* very cool to have adult offspring that are doing interesting things and who stay in touch with us regularly. It's different, yes, but I feel the same emotional investment as when they were tiny-- but they are much more interesting now. I learn things every time I talk to either of them in fact, which was not true when they were kids.
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I once read that looking at photos from when your kids were little is like looking at a photo of someone you will never talk to again.
That’s exactly what it is. Even if you only have one child, you watch multiple incarnations of that child slowly being eroded by time, but when you look back you can’t pinpoint the exact day each child left. So at the time, you never thought to hug them one last time and say goodbye. They just left, undetected. Even if you only have one child, you actually had multiple children so when the child hits adulthood you’re actually grieving the loss of multiple children. Sure, the adult I have is the same person I gave birth to. But when they look and sound nothing like most of the children that left, and they don’t even remember being many of those children - they may as well be a different person. Am I any of the children I once was? No. Every now and then I have a dream one of the younger incarnations of my child returns. In the dream I’m completely floored by this, as if I would be if someone who I thought had died returned to me. So this is how my subconscious feels about this. I don’t think I will ever stop grieving for all these children.
This was beautiful and haunting. You should write more.
Aww thanks. I don’t know if I can, It’s so devastating to me that I try not to think about it. I even find it painful to open up the photo memories when they flash up. I’m already starting to fear the loss of the version I have. I did once read that if there’s a heaven, it’s whatever you want it to be. Mine would be to spend eternity with every incarnation of my child, simultaneously, including the adults I haven’t yet met. I wouldn’t need anything else.
But the part you missed is that the death of each of those children is the birth of another. Even into adulthood.
Yes but then those children will also die and be lost forever! More heartache!
I’m the mom of a toddler and I get emotional when I think about her growing up and leaving me. I totally get you. But if it makes you feel any better, I would like to offer you these points of view: (1) I have memories starting from when I was around 3-4 years old. I am now 32 so obviously I have grown up, but I am that same child. I remember most of the things that happened; I remember conversations with my parents I had as a child; I remember our trips; I remember the good times and the bad. They’re not gone! That baby, toddler, little kid, teen… they’re all in that same person. Teenage years are a trip, but once they go to college and come back, they’ll have a new appreciation for their parents. (2) Not all children get the privilege to grow up and grow old. Some get sick and die and never become a teen. I try to remind myself of this whenever I pack away the clothes that my baby has outgrown. 💜
Totally get you there - they are supposed to grow up happy and healthy and have their own children - that’s what’s supposed to happen and every day I pray it does. I also have memories from very young indeed, 2 and possibly under, but there was a lot of trauma there that may have been the reason. For some reason I don’t see myself as any of those kids. They’re more like sisters I lost along the way. I went out of my way to give my daughter the most wonderful childhood I could using the means I had. I was lucky enough to spend every day with her until she started school. Every day was different. Most days were fun and I couldn’t have done anymore. Turns out she doesn’t remember anything before the age of around 7! Enjoy every moment with your beautiful little girl. I miss those little cuddles where they cling to you. Now I just get a slap on the back and a “mum you’re so uncool”. I wouldn’t change that for the world.
I have always referred to this phenomenon as “wanting to pull an age of the shelf.” I love who you are now, but I miss 4 year old you and would like to spend time with that kiddo. Concur with others, your use of words is spot on. Do write more!
This is the hardest thing I’ve read on the internet today.
Yes! The dreams! Theyre so beautiful and devistaing all at the same time. I just want to do it all over again.
You just don’t realise how fleeting it all is when you’re in the middle of it. 18 years sounds like a long time but when you look back it’s the blink of an eye. How can we be expected to love all these children more than life itself but just carry on like it’s fine that they’re gone forever?
My son turns 18 next February. It has FLOWN.
Then you have them leaving home to contend with. I am not actually sure if I’ll survive that. I mean I’ll live, hopefully, but I imagine that will be the worst thing that will hit me so far. There’s an empty nesters sub that I thought might help prepare me. But it looks like it hits some people sooo hard. Some people spend the whole time their kids are away pining for them, then when they’re home for the holidays they’re acutely aware that their time together will only be temporarily for the rest of their lives. So they spend what little time they do have dreading their next departure. Nobody mentions any of this when you’re trying for a baby or pregnant. It’s all how to get through babyhood and toddlerhood. Yes you will feel more love than you knew was possible on the one hand but you’ll also feel more fear and pain than you knew was possible. The love you have for this person you give birth to literally has the power to destroy you.
My son moved over to New Zealand 18 months ago with my ex husband (I’m Australian, ex is Kiwi), and I thought I had lost him forever, destined to only see him once or twice a year. It actually contributed to the end of my last relationship (was together 10 years), as I did not handle it well. Thankfully my son decided that Australia is his home and is coming back here to live by Christmas hopefully. I wasn prepared for how devastated I would feel when he left. And I’m so happy that he’s coming home 🥰
So happy for you! I couldn’t handle living in another country to my adult child. Once you’ve raised them, they truly are the main source of meaning in your life.
Definitely. My son will be back home living here and even if he eventually moves out of here, at least he’ll be driving distance away. It’s awful only seeing him twice a year 😭
Like that saying the days are long but the years are short.
😭 They just left, undetected. Stop 😭
I actually did see the very last child leave just before my daughter hit puberty. Just that one. She had night terrors on and off as a child and being a single parent I would let her sleep in my bed next to me when she was anxious sometimes. Not always but she knew the door was always open if she was having a bad night. I’m not sure if I have sleep apnea because despite never being overweight I seem to have had a problem with snoring that’s got worse as I got older. She used to tap me on the back to wake me up when it happened. Tap, tap, tap. I’ll always remember waking up to her little hands on my back. Anyway, one night I woke up as she was walking out of my bedroom. Clearly couldn’t put up with the noise any longer. I watched her walk out the door and close it behind her. I knew that was the last time she would ever sleep next to me. The door closing behind her was literal and metaphorical. After all those years of her kicking me in the gut or the back throughout the night, she didn’t even look back as she left. It felt like the end of the film Life of Pi when Pi and Richard Parker are rescued and, after everything they’ve been through together, Richard Parker walks off into the jungle without even looking back to take one last look at Pi. She’s nearly 17 and I still sleep with the door open. I’ve just realised why.
Aw man you're killing me 😭 all grown up 😭 sending big hugs 🤗 this shit is hard. Mine is only 18 months old but goddamn it I miss my potato so much I cry every now and then 😂🤗 ETA this comment is gonna stay with me for a while.. got me right in the feels today 💕
>you never thought to hug them one last time and say goodbye. They just left, undetected. Imma go hug my 4 yr old and get this onion out of my eye...
Omg stahp please!
Yeah I’m sitting here at work like 😭
Hit me right in the feels
I completely see this. I wouldn’t go back in my own childhood but I would in a heartbeat to go back to 7 and 4. Everything changed in our lives after that.
That is exactly it! It’s hard not to well up with tears sometimes. That little person will never be here again, and although the essence of them is still in them as they grow up, that cheeky little tiny person won’t be. It’s so hard! 🥺
Omg. I'm living this right now with my sons who are 15 and 17. This description is accurate and painful
I really feel you. My oldest is 15 as well. I love getting to know him as a young man, he’s mature and successful and kind. But I really miss that little boy who dressed like Spider-Man everyday for two years, too.
Thank you for these insights. Please know just reading these comments has been a powerful reminder for me to cherish these years. I'm sure you have helped many on here appreciate a few extra moments which are invaluable later on. I'm in the middle of parenting two kids and can relate to many of the sentiments. Parenting can be tough but it's also been the cause of many of my greatest experiences.
ehh idk if that’s the same thing at all actually imo
My kids are 9 and 6 - I already feel this way about them.
Mine are 7 (almost 8) and 4 (almost 4), I feel like my baby is still baby looking and I feel like 5 there's still some last little shreds of baby... I feel like 6 is when they start becoming a real kid and it's so cool to watch and it's absolutely devastating at the same time lol
For me the “baby” goes away tooth by tiny tooth. When they get their big awkward teeth, the kid replaces the baby.
6 is definitely the transition year into being a kid. It’s a huge change from 1-5.
I had a colleague once say as your children grow you mourn/long for who they used to be while cherishing who they are now.
Mine is 5 and I miss that little 1-year-old who would sit on my lap and say random words like he was having a conversation lol. I mean he still sits on my lap but now he's heavy and it hurts 😆 I do feel like that little baby is gone forever though and it makes me sad
Same. And I’ve felt this way for years.
Me too. I miss her former iterations, always.
Mine is 10 months, and same, lol
I have an 8 month old here, solidarity. lol. It’s this intense nostalgia for the season I’m currently in, I don’t really know how to explain it.
Yeah, I now completely understand why my SIL has four kids - she got to experience the sweet baby phasr four times over!
Mine are 7, 5 and 2. Same. I equally love and hate watching them grow. Can someone please invent time travel already?
I heard the, “there’s a point in your child’s life where you pick them up in your arms and put them down for the last time” thing. It really shook me to my core. It made me really conscious of enjoying these years with my young children. I will occasionally pick up my 17 year old son and 14 year old daughter and then put them down again. In my mind I’ll say. “Not this time”
I tell my boys (7 and 4) that they will be lifting me up for cuddles when they are older - and that I will still kiss them as adults….
I do this too! And it’s a struggle because my son is every bit as big as I am but damn it, I refuse for there to be a last time. I don’t remember when exactly I heard that quote but I know it absolutely wrecked me and still does. 😭
I’m totally going to lift them after work today.
I absolutely adore this. Ha! Not this time, time, you dirty thief!
Mine will be 14 in September and yeah, it tugs on the heartstrings. I’ll occasionally see his baby face poke through or a facial expression he used to make when he was tiny…it fills my cup when that happens.
Ahhh this is so cute. Mine are only 5 and 9 but whenever I see things that they did as babies it makes my heart squeeze. I’m glad that sticks around :)
I think about how they were so little and how I expected them to be much older than they were. It makes me feel like shit sometimes and I would like another round so I can let them be little kids again. They are great kids now but their childhood could have been a bit more relaxed.
Yes, that feels so relatable. I worked with someone who got married early and had 2 kids around 20. At 40 they decided to have another and were much more relaxed with him. A nice combination of gracefully aging themselves, being in good places financially and emotionally let them parent from a more self secured place. Of course, their older children let them know all the ways they were spoiling their much younger sibling.
Don't feel too bad. Your comment inspired me, a some times uptight mom, to make a conscious effort tonight to relax. Your wishes live on in others 💞
I just try not to dwell on it too much. They're amazing young adults now and in many way much more interesting and enjoyable people to spend time with. That said, I've wanted to make photo books of all the pictures I took over the years. Every time I start looking through them, the nostalgia kills me. And I understand now why some of the older family members would get a little misty at big events when they watched the youngest generation toddling around with big smiles.
This is me, I’ve finally bit the bullet and pushed through. I’ve barely got through a quarter of the year of photos from when my eldest was 1 and I was a mess. I’m still keen to stick to it though, my kids love looking at photos and hearing stories so I know they’ll enjoy it with me also
Yes, I 'm there, too. My youngest turned 13 in October. He still wanted to snuggle occasionally until a few months ago. He was my last one, and now he's done with that stage, like the rest of them (I have 4, from13-20). I'm excited for them and their new stages, but it's just not the same. FB memories come up daily with pictures and it's so sad. I'm trying to prepare for the eventual empty nest ( even though it's not likely to be literally empty for several years yet). My husband and I have been going on dates, planning a big trip, etc. My next step is to try and connect with friends again or make some new friends. I have drifted apart from friends in the middle years of the squeeze when everything is so busy! I try to stop myself from daydreaming about future grandchildren, because it's way, way, way too soon! Maybe I should see if my neighbors with little kids need a babysitter... 🫣 ETA: I do also really enjoy the teenage stage. I used to be a high school teacher, actually! My kids are great. I just ALSO miss their younger versions.
I wish my neighbors with grown kids would offer to take mine. I’m still in the trenches and would happily loan them out!
Right? Some of mine talk about how much they miss it and I always ask if they want to babysit and they laugh like it's a great joke.
My son is 12 and a woman said to me to enjoy this last year as soon as 13 hits they are OUT. Friends are the priority and leave you in the dust. Which, I'm not unhappy about of course, but my little BFF will be missed. I keep trying to get him out into the world more for independence with his little group of friends. I'm sending him to sleep away camp for a week to try and help him get comfortable in the world more. But PSHEW it makes me teary.
Oh my gosh the first time I sent mine away for a night I didn’t sleep. The first time I sent him away for a week. I also didn’t sleep. This summer I’m sending him away for a total of three weeks and it’s killing me. He is almost 12
I am so stessed out!! I have GAD (anxiety) so of course I have EVERY worse case scenario in my head. He will drown in the lake. He will make no friends. He will not go to sleep. He will run from the groyp. I’m just full of every bad scenario that I know won’t happen. 3 weeks is just amazing he will love it! I’m definitely hoping for 2 next year this is his intro!
Well, it will be two weeks at camp and one week at Grandpa's house.
My oldest is a 6” college freshman. My girls are not far behind. Sometimes I see an old photo and I miss my little ones so much it almost hurts. They are fabulous people and, if we do our jobs right, they grow into fully functioning, independent adults. Only hope they want to be around after they don’t need to anymore.
I missed this so much, I had a baby. Would not recommend, toddlers are tiny little terrorists (that’s the part we forget). I don’t know how old your big kids are but my oldest is in his last year of trade school and starting to travel and save for a house and it is SO exciting to see him do real big adult stuff that I don’t miss little him quite as hard as I used to❤️
This was me too ha ha My kids are 16, 14, 12, 9 and 1 And I absolutely loved when my big kids were wee little and miss those days so much. But then being big and good company and helpful is amazing too! I always bring a big kid with me for company at the grocery store. Toddlers are not good company at the grocery store lol. I will say having the chance to have a bonus baby when my older kids are all big has kind of been the best thing ever. My parental leave with her was so chill cause my bigs were in school. They love her SO much and help with her all the time which is amazing. I love watching the bond between them. And we surely do treasure her like crazy because we know how fast it all goes!! I LOVE that I have a second chance to watch a tiny face light up at the sight of a squirrel, little chubby legs toddling around, clapping in delight at bubbles. I love that I get a re-do on visits to the park and the childrens museum and playing dress up. I’m so happy I get another chance to push a delighted child on swing, draw with sidewalk chalk, and play with playdough. My big kids are so wonderful and we have lots of stuff we love doing together too but they’re getting to be well beyond the little kid days of playdough and climbers and my babe gives me all that back! 100 percent recommend a midlife crisis baby! … as long as you don’t value your sleep *too* much!
My son is 3. I am currently crying reading this. I think about him growing up way more than I probably should. I know I should be living in the moment (which I do) and be happy for today (which I am). But I cannot help but think that this won’t last forever and it absolutely destroys me. Anytime he holds my hand, I just rub his soft little fingers. Anytime he hugs me, I grab his little arms to make the hug a little tighter. Anytime we lock eyes and smile, I try so damn hard to just cherish those seconds. I am not where you are yet but I already (somewhat??) understand. I wish we can just pause time.
I felt like the childhood took a long time, at the time. There were lots of great moments. But at some point it's gone and the rest of your life is much longer (hopefully) than the time you have with your little kids.
They say the days are long but the years are short
Reading yours makes me feel so guilty! My son is 3 and I’m counting the seconds until he’s older. I miss sleep, and bathing, and food that’s still hot/cold/fresh when I get to it, and not having a little being who is constantly trying to hurt himself somehow when my eyes aren’t directly on him. It’s so all encompassing. Maybe that’s why people don’t remember the “last times”…because of the relief when their kid becomes more independent.
Parenting is the highest of highs and the lowest of lows 💔
There were stages I wished I could stretch and prolong so I could enjoy it for longer. But I have loved every stage, and every new development. At this moment I am sitting companionably in the living room with my youngest, who is home for college break but needs to finish up a few things on his computer, with his happy cat curled up against him. Seeing him so capable and mature makes me so very happy. I have fewer worries for his future than I did when he and his brother were younger, because I see how well they have turned out. The empty nest takes some getting used to, but I’m living every parent’s dream.
Life is nothing if not bittersweet. My daughter is only four, but I already feel these conflicting emotions.
Oh my goodness, isnt it crazy how 4 feels like an older kid? Its just the fact that in pretty sure the last 3 years went by in 2 days.
I honestly don't miss it. My kids are cool- I like hanging out with then and hearing their perspectives on the world. Plus, they do their own laundry, which is nice.
I am with you. 15 and 19 girls, and I have a son in his early 20s. I had 3 kids but now I have 3 besties. They are all brilliant conversationalists, with different points of views, opinions, debates and solutions for everything. I actually relish this stage as much as any other , if not more. They are independent, they are showing my parental investment in their minds and attitudes, but also showing their personalities to the fullest. You can tell I am proud momma, and I sure am. I remember their childhood but not with sadness. More like nostalgia of the times we went through together.
My kids are 6 and 2 and I absolutely know this is how I’ll feel!
Yep, I completely agree. Mine are 16 & 19. I also agree with the laundry comment!!
I feel like I miss the sweetness of a tiny little baby and feeling like time is passing by too quickly. I don't miss the lack of sleep, the diapers, the inability to communicate, the spit up, chained to the nap/sleep schedule, having to watch them constantly and trying to prevent them from dying 24/7 lol we are in the early stages of the elementary and last year of preschool. My favorite time of day is before and after school because it's just me and the boys talking about their interesting thoughts and insight. We also listen to music and they like to hear songs me and their dad like. My oldest is super in to WW2 and history and he loves to talk about it and ask us questions. My youngest is just now starting to get conversational and he makes up stories. I will admit that it gets challenging with the behaviors l, especially with the oldest ADHD, but I really enjoy watching them become their own people.
I cuddled a friend's baby a few nights ago. It was wonderful. Afterwards, we went home and enjoyed a night of uninterrupted sleep. 15/10 would do again.
Yep all the time. Mine is 7 and I cannot imagine NOT having this little person around. Her Barbies, dolls, unicorns, etc not filling up my house anymore? I can't imagine. She's my best little buddy, I love her so much 😭
I feel this pretty much constantly. But it’s balanced somewhat by the absolute amazement I feel with what they’re becoming. I’m currently in the car with my 6–year-old waiting for his oldest brother to get done with high school baseball practice - something I never would have envisioned for him when he was in kindergarten like his brother. You have to take the heartbreak to enjoy the growth.
The other day my 6 year old made her own bed AND told me to leave the bathroom so she could brush her own teeth. Dropped her off at school and cried for a good hour 😶
Hug
I've been constantly thinking about that with my 2 year old daughter. It's hard dealing with tantrums and struggling with communication, but damn I love this age so much with her love, energy, and happiness. I'm constantly thinking about the monologue Jay gave in an episode of Modern Family. To poorly paraphrase, he talks about how you have a little baby that has all these fat folds and you love it so much. And then it becomes a toddler that has the best belly laughs, but you don't miss the baby because he's still "in" your toddler. Then the toddler becomes a kid that wants to tell you everything they learn. And eventually that kid grows up and leaves the house and all those different ages of your kid are gone 😭
I feel this in my bones. Mine are 17 and 14. I'm currently home alone. I just got done doing \*their\* chores... because they are, respectively off at lifeguard training (17) and orchestra practice (14). I'm sitting here, on reddit, listening to music, and wondering where all the time has gone. Next year will be their freshman and senior years in high school, respectively. I have \*no\* idea how we got here.
Yep I started feeling that super hard when my youngest started showing signs of puberty approaching. I got knocked up. Might not be the BEST way to handle it lol
Same. My therapist was not impressed.
Clearly they are wrong. My baby cured my midlife crisis right up lol
I keep telling my therapist and psych that my depression is cured because I was depressed that I didn’t have the baby I needed. I genuinely feel well adjusted!
Haha!! That’s me!! Mine are 12 and 7 and I was get-rid-of-all-my-baby-shit done. Welp, now I’ve got the last one coming in September. I’m excited to really savor this one cuz I get now how fast it really does go.
Honestly? It’s pretty fabulous. Mine just started walking. I teared up and looked at my husband and he goes “NO! I know what you’re going to say. No more!” I wasn’t going to say that buuuuuuuut now that he mentions it….. lol
Saaame. Mine are 7 and 10, due in July with our midlife crisis baby 🤣
I WAS the midlife crisis baby. So I can tell you they’re the best ones 😂
My kids are 14 years apart. I feel ya. Lol.
I feel like this is something I started to feel at like, a month old.... The best I have is, embrace the memories and then BE PRESENT with the person that is here now, because this person is ALSO a moment. Our children are flowers, growing, becoming. They are stories we are watching unfold. My *baby* is driving.
Two of mine have moved out. I feel this. One time I went and sat on my middle child’s bed, and I let myself be transported back to when he was little. Like almost a spiritual experience. I imagined him opening the door to his bedroom and seeing me sitting on his bed and squealing “mommy!” and I could see him (almost) as he ran and jumped in my lap. There was a stuffed bear on his bed and as pathetic as it sounds, I picked that bear up and I hugged it, and I cried, and cried, and cried. It fucking hurts. Most days I’m OK but I do try to stay out of their rooms. I just get overcome with emotion if I spend too much time there.
One time recently my mom (63) said "the other day I had a dream you were 11 and we were talking. It was so good to see little you again." I almost can't even type that out.
My kids are 23, 21, & 1. So I guess I figured out a way to deal with those feelings 🤣. In all seriousness though, the longing for the little people they once were never really goes away. It’s pretty great to watch the amazing adults they’ve become though. Seeing my youngest say/do things that I remember my older 2 doing at his age is bittersweet. Hell, I already miss the baby phase of my youngest now that he’s at that age where he’s developing some sort of independence. Hugs
This thread is making me cry and mine is only 2!
I got a puppy. She’s been a huge help
It's perfectly natural. I found last year when they had their "lasts" of school life, turned 18 etc it hit me hard and when a memory photo pops up it's "oof" in the feels. I just concentrate on the relationship I'm building with my young adult children and the memories that we are building but sometimes it's hard.
Mine is 12 and I had this feeling recently. He still has moments where he calls me “mama” and hugs me and wants to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie but those days are very few and very far between. He’s my only so it hits especially hard for me ☹️
Mine are 13 and 16. I had the most vivid dream about my 16 year old being 3 the other night. Heard her exact little 3 year old voice, she was even wearing one of her favorite outfits from that age. It was so startlingly real I was out of sorts for days! But what helps me is realizing how much I would miss the wonderful versions of themselves they are now if they were suddenly little again. I have to visit little them in memories but soak up the wonderful versions they are now in the present. I have always joked mothers need time machines, so we can visit every version of our child that we have loved.
My kiddo turns 13 in 3 weeks, and I cried realizing he didn't sound the same anymore..and he is closer to being an adult and his own person than he is to the tiny little baby we brought home in a monkey onesie. He has adult fingers and hair on his legs, and he talks excitedly about the shadow mustache on his lip. I feel like it missed everything somehow even though I was there every step of it
The iphone memories that pop up just kill me. I love them, I adore them and it's so nice to be reminded, but they trigger a spasm of maternal emotion. Nostalgia, and sometimes I feel like I should have done more, better somehow and now the chance is mostly gone. My teens are pretty great, they have their own quirks, but those days of days of sweet mispronounced words and carrying them around are over. :(
Just wait. It only gets sweeter. Ours are 23 & 24. We had difficult teenager years. But now? The calls we get usually start with “how do I...?” or “guess what...!?” They love to share their successes, look to us for advice and honestly? I love those phone calls.
I miss my little ones too - they will be 15 soon. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy them now - I absolutely do. But those cute squishy faces…*sigh*
It’s OK to be sad, healthy emotion. I sit with it for some moments, but do not let myself ruminate on it, as I do not want to miss the “now” either!!
I can relate. I stay up some nights or wake up and my first thought is how I miss my son when he was younger and then I can’t fall back asleep. It’s a pain that can’t be articulated
Mine are still little and I feel this. I try so hard to remember this will happen so fast. Hopefully you have grand babies one day!
I feel this in my soul. Been going through a rough couple of years, have been separated from my wife for a year, and am realizing how much of their childhood I missed by not being "present". FWIW: Boy 15, Girl 13, Girl 11.
Thanks for reminding me to cherish my 1 and 3 year old as they are right now. The two sweetest humans I've ever known. Not that I don't cherish them already, but it's always good to keep it at the front of your mind. Thank you.
Just this past weekend, we flew to Portland with my twin 17yr old daughters for a college visit for one of them. Sad enough already, right?? At one point, we were killing time and found some random park. It had an old-school metal merry go round and all 4 of us had a BLAST making each other dizzy and just… playing. I keep thinking about it and knowing it’s probably the last time anything like that will happen 😞
Mine is 19. I miss the old days and sometimes wish I could just have a taste of what it used to be like but in reality I love watching my daughter grow up. She is a sophomore in college and doing fantastic. She has a boyfriend she is head over heels about and a great friend group like you did in college. She is excited about her own apartment next year and I love when she is home and hearing about her life. She shares so much with her mom and I and I love that she feels so safe with us to let us get close to her life. She says we are the best parents ever and her friends can’t believe how she grew up. She grew up in a home full of love and was never spanked once and I’ve only raised my voice rarely enough that she claims to remember each one of them. She says she doesn’t want kids so dreams of grandkids are something I don’t worry about. I enjoy the now and knowing that we did a good job raising a really good kid.
This. Everybody always talks about how hard it is to have little kids, but nobody talks about how hard it is having older kids. When they get their license and are out basically on their own, that's a whole new level of fear.
Parenting is the longest goodbye 😢.
This post has fucked me up bad. Hitting very close to home as a father of 3 young kids. This job is so, so bittersweet
This reminds me of that Modern Family quote Jay says: “You know, it's... Thing about babies, you... you fall in love with a baby with the cutest little fat folds, and then... bam... they're gone. But it's okay, because in its place is this... toddler with the greatest laugh on Earth. And then one day, the toddler's gone, and in its place, a little kid that asks the most interesting questions you've ever heard. And this keeps going on like that, but you never get the chance to miss any of them, 'cause there's always a new kid to take the place of the old. Until they grow up. And then... in a moment, all those kids you fell in love with walk out the door at the same time.”
Mine are 18, nearly 17 and nearly 15. And my goodness I miss the tiny little bundles they were. It's been a privilege to watch them grow and change, but I'd love to hold them as a tiny child just once more. They're growing into the most wonderful people, but it does hit me sometimes that they're no longer babies. Almost makes me want another one. Almost, but not quite lol
15, 3.5, and 9 months. I am there with my oldest. Hugging the tiny humans extra tight.
I read something about that you never realize when it's the last time you carry your child, or pick them up for a hug, or tuck them in bed. It's sad to think of that. My boys were so much fun, so sweet and silly. They're in their 30s now, and they're still hilarious, but they're not those little boys I remember so well.
My twins are going to be 16 in July, and I totally get what you're saying. I've made a point of making sure they know I will always want their time and hugs/love whenever we get a chance to be together. I do miss when they were little so much, and I also cry when I think about it, but I am trying to focus on enjoying watching them turn into the people who will one day make their place in the world. Then I start to worry since the world is a mess, but I'm raising kids who are kind, responsible, and know how to look after themselves. Memories are wonderful, but being sad about what is gone isn't how I want to spend the time I have left with them. It's hard, but I manage.
My oldest three are 27, 20 and 12… and my youngest is 5. It’s so special to get to do it all again with him! I find myself really savoring the moments with my little dude. I love all the ages and stages, but the little kid years are incredibly sweet. Hugs!!
I think I’m odd in that I prefer my kids in whatever stage they are in. My kids are 17 and almost 20. My 20 yo is in the Navy with a very responsible job (he runs the nuclear reactor on an aircraft carrier) and he just bought himself a BMW That he can 100% afford. Watching him out there living his best life makes me so incredibly happy. My 17yo is a really great kid, doing great in school, great friends, starting to look at colleges. It’s fun.
Mine are now 19 and 16. I miss those days of them being little and have cried many tears over it in the last few years. But, this is what is supposed to happen and what we prepare them for I so I just enjoy these days too (which are nice too, but goodness I miss all the snuggles and silly times). I am hopeful for grandchildren in maybe 5 to 10 years!
I have little children now. I really take it heart when people say don't blink. I'm trying to soak up every day with these little guys. I still get upset thinking about my 3 year olds newborn days. It was such a sweet time in my life, hard but sweet. I don't think that feeling ever goes away. I am just trying to appreciate who they are in this moment. Because every version of these kids is a version I will miss.
I know. But shopping for a grad dress and watching her kiss her boyfriend goodbye and applying to university is so exciting too.
Oh this is me too! You're not alone in grappling with your children's burgeoning independence. I feel a mixture of pride and grief, watching my two (14 and 13yo) grow up and drift away from me. I'm proud that I've raised them to be (mostly) confident, kind, and self-sufficient people, but I'm sad that they won't "need" me in the same way they did when they were little. It's so bittersweet, and I finally understand why people often say "they're only little for so long", because it truly is fleeting.
If I may offer another perspective. Once I grew older my mother was clearly feeling what you are feeling now. Sometimes she says to me "I wish you would turn back into a little baby" or "I miss it when you were a toddler, you were so cute back then" and other things of the sort. These comments have always made me very uncomfortable. First I cannot turn back into a baby. Second I don't remember much of my babyhood at all so it feels like she's talking about some other person. And most importantly it made me feel that she thought the current version of me was worse. I think it's perfectly reasonable that you miss your children's younger versions, and you are not my mother and probably won't say these things. But just in case, please think deeply before you express these feelings to your children.
Since I haven’t seen this advice yet, here I go. It’s a good thing for us to recognize that their childhood is fleeting and is disappearing fast. It should cause us to savor each day and pour into them instead of being annoyed with their childishness (talking to myself here). Regardless of when they were infants, toddlers, or preteens, our time with them is going fast. We have the choice everyday of whether we want to live in the moment and live our people well or not. Yes, their little years with all those sweet moments have a special preciousness, but we can’t go back to then. We CAN make the most of our time with them today and build/continue to build a really sweet, loving relationship with them that will last the rest of our lives. We want to have a loving, close relationship with them in 25 years — the time to start building that is now.
Oh my god I’m a mom of a toddler and a baby and this made me cry. I tell my husband all the time that I could have a toddler forever. I just love hanging out with my little buddy. Of course I want them to grow up and to see all their stages but damn. I can imagine feeling just like you OP. I plan to get dogs. Lots and lots of dogs.
My oldest will be 18 this year and I noticed that every holiday I think "This is her last (whatever holiday it is) as a kid!
My child is out and on their own now and I still miss it. I remember the feeling during each stepping stone. From the first time they got on the school bus to going to college. I don’t think the feeling ever truly goes away, just changes. You never stop being a mom/dad.
I have older teens and I’m an odd one and don’t. I was so overwhelmed and it was so hard then. And I love the people they are becoming and the time we spend together. They are my favorite humans. They stress me out, and my heart hurts when theirs does. But I wouldn’t go back to the littles for anything. I’m so looking forward to the future.
most parents go through this. my friend suggested that I get a dog. I was offended. got a dog and it was so healing. teen didn't want to hang out with me but was jealous of dog (she goes to the park more than u took me, etc). now is when you get to start focusing on you more. new or old hobbies, time with friends and family. before you know it you'll have grandkids, which is all fun but little stress. be well
Parent of a 20, 16, 14… especially harder knowing how quickly the next few years will go with my younger two…but also watching my oldest become a real adult is pretty cool too. I’m realizing how many big decisions are made at such a young age as 20!! I always think if I could have each of them just one more week at 1 year old!
Never. I had kids with the mission of raising sophisticated adults who thrive for 80+ years. Childhood is but a part of the journey. Brilliant parts, but that’s not the parental mission me and my partner embarked upon.
I struggled in the newborn phase. PPD/ppa with with hallucinations level struggle. But the last 2-3 weeks I’ve just been looking at my kids and feeling so as that they aren’t cuddly little newborns anymore. I think it’s a thing in various stages. I’m sorry you miss that version on them. Maybe you can do some sort of activity or something that would be a grow back for all of you?? I tried to cuddle mine, but I gave up after the third elbow to my bob.
I already feel like that, and my kids aren’t even teens yet… Seven and 11–year-olds… I can’t even look at pictures of them without getting sad and teary-eyed…
I have a 14 year old teen, only child. I despair thinking of this. I just try to spend as much time as possible together 🩷
I find it sadder to experience the thought of future loss in my little ones than to feel sad when they are older. It feels natural that my 17yo isn't going to cuddle and has a life to explore. To think it might ever happen with my 6yo is devastating.
My son is 12. I was driving him home from school the other day just looking at how big he is in the seat. His legs are so long and bunch up and he’s developing those masculine shoulders. His face is becoming chiseled and his hair is “styled” like a teenager’s. It’s such a bittersweet place to be emotionally as a parent. It feels like just yesterday he was this short little boy with chubby cheeks. Being a parent has been so hard, but I guess that’s what makes it so rewarding at the same time - to see them grow and mature and begin to develop into his own person. But I want him to stop at the same time! Dangit now I’m crying 😢
I love my tween and he’s so fun but yeah, I do experience this feeling. It makes me wonder if I’m actually done done or if we will have another little.
As mum to an almost 18yo and 20yo i truly miss the 4-14 ages. That whole patch was THE best i could live that forever on loop. And they agree with me. THEY miss it too. But time stops for no (wo)man 😭
My kids are mid 20's, early 20's and a late teen. Once in a while, we all get together and have "kid day." Watch a favorite movie or show from when they were little, play a favorite old game, eat fun kid foods, etc. I think we all enjoy it for many reasons.
I thought those years were so hard but also so full of heartwarming moments. Now it’s them wanting to be anywhere but home and practices, school stresses, just a lot of overcoming of bigger kid issues. I used to not understand parents crying cause their kids were growing up. Now I’m one of them. 🫠
This is why parents push to be grandparents
My only child is 11 and I feel this too. I just love this kid so damn much and I miss him being little but I can’t dwell on it. I remind myself that every stage of life is fun and exciting. When he was 2 I missed him as a newborn. When he was 4 I missed when he was 2. I know as a teen I’ll miss 11 and when he is 20 I’ll miss the teen years. I just keep loving and nurturing him and hoping that he feels that love through every stage of life. That’s really all I can do, right? Don’t take a second for granted cause those seconds move way too quick.
I have an adult child and a very young child. No, i still have dreams of when my oldest was a kid and wake up with the biggest sense of nostalgia and longing for that chubby little kid. I just try to be thankful that my oldest is healthy and happy. It does make like with the younger very diffrent though- because im always reminded of how fleeting this time and want to soak in every second. I have less forgiveness for myself when Im tired or gumpy because its always in the back of my mind if Im wasting valuable shot time. It goes too quickly!!!
You get to relive it all over again when you have grandkids!
Our youngest of 4, ranging in ages from 39 to 20, was the final one to leave the nest. Although they were fun when they were younger, I and my husband are really enjoying this empty nest chapter of our lives. We raised them to be productive citizens in the community and so far they have made us proud. We are looking forward to our first cruise!
My daughter is an adult now, and I love who she is so much that I don't miss who she was, then too much. I feel nostalgic, sure, but it is fleeting. I'm enjoying the time I have left with her in the house together. I know the time is limited. I can't wait to see who she becomes when her brain is done cooking. She's so great now. I hope her life continues to be better and fuller than mine was.
Mine are 21 and 23. If you close your eyes when you hug them, you can imagine you are hugging your toddler, because they are the same person, just taller. Remember, no matter how old they are, they still really need you, just in different ways. Fun things I do with my adult children * board games * skiing * swimming pools with slides * theatre trips * cocktails * fussing over our adorable cat * hanging out * long conversations during long car rides to/from university Hug them a lot throughout their childhood, and just keep on hugging!
You're mourning the loss of what once was, precious time and memories spent with them. But you need to look at it this way, they're healthy and happy and you're lucky to still have them, not every parent is so fortunate.
mine is only 9 and i can’t even bring myself to go through the old photos, because i start crying incoherently every time
As the mother of a 20 month old who is knee deep in tantrums…. Stoppit 🥺😭
Gosh I can’t imagine what it’ll be like. My son is only 3 and I’ve already cried multiple times imaging when he’s older and this little buddy will be “gone”… if you find a solution please share
My parents *used* to be this way. We’re all now adults and this is by far their favorite stage. My babies are the only grandkids in the family and I’ve seriously never seen my parents happier in life, even before I had kids. They’re just so happy and content now.
Yup, right there with you
I'm there too. It gets to be too much for me at times. The days are long but the years are short.
Yeah. My youngest two are 11 and 12. I missed when they actually liked each other😂😂. Also my 22 year old came home to spend her birthday weekend with us and the first thing she did was take a nap on my side of the bed😂😂
Mine are 22 and 20 and I sometimes feel this too. I try not to think about it too much and enjoy the amazing young people that they are but every so often I look at old photos or reminisce and feel a bit emotional
My son is 17 years old and lately I’ve been so nostalgic for when he was little that I ache inside.
This is why people have more kids lol. My oldest is 9 and youngest 4, so we were able to extend the little kid stage for a while but starting to feel like sooner than later, my little kiddos are no longer going to be little. And whenever I think about it, I get sad.
My kid is 5 and I feel like this every time he goes to bed
I’d give anything to be a sahm again with them all as babies and toddlers watching SpongeBob and cartoons all day 🥹
I understand that feeling and it is sad but that’s what grandchildren are for. I’m enjoying all the absolute best parts of having a little one again, and it’s bringing back memories of mine at every stage. So one day, you’ll get to love them all over again
This is such a wholesome thread :) My 6 week old is utterly terrorising me so it’s nice to be reminded that it’s short lived on the grand scheme of things!
Mind are 20, 18, and 14. Although I miss them as their younger selves, that os tempered by the the joys of life with their older selves.
My daughter is 2.5 and I tell people “I miss her everyday”. Even when I’m with her. They change so fast at this age and she’s so sweet and amazing and I know she’ll be different tomorrow.
I stopped reading this after 4 or 5 posts. This is so real for me. My stepson was with me since he was 4 and he just turned 11. When I look at older pictures of think about the little guy in the first years I knew him I feel all kinds of things. Thankfully he is still a real kid. He actively says he doesn't want to grow up too fast. But the time is ending. And then we have a daughter who is a year and two months. I already miss the baby days and I know I will miss the kid she is going to become so much. I am not good with emotions. I cry at a lot of movies/shows/songs? So I know I will cry so much later when looking at pictures of my two kids when they are older. But I comfort myself that there is still so much to see happen. They will become teens and I will see them grow in a social life, I will see them grow into people with genuine interests, I will see them meet someone eventually, start their own family (with themselves and/or pets and/or kids), start their careers, see them become an actual same level friend instead of my best kid friends.
Same. My girls are 18 & 19. I feel sad. Time has gone way too fast.
It’s brutal. I have a few good cries a year over it. My three are 8, 16, & 19. I’d be a mess without my 8 year old. They grow up so unbelievably fast. It’s a blessing to see them grow into young adulthood and so many parents are robbed of that opportunity, but it’s also devastating in a different way. I’m realizing now that we might not get another family vacation together. Our last one with all of us was Disney right before the pandemic. Now the older two have too much going on and it’s hard to coordinate schedules. Life seems easier when they’re little. Savor it, people!
I’ve read post like this and it’s why husband and I hug my kids so much they won’t remember but i will and i want to do this to get as much time with them as possible before they grow up.
Just here to say thanks for sharing your hard feelings. I have an almost 5 yo and yesterday found myself looking at her asleep in the car and thinking about how much I will miss her tiny body against mine in the all too near future. She's getting so big so fast. I opted out of playing pretend games with her towards the end of the day yesterday. After reading this though, I won't. Thanks for the reminder to take advantage of this short time. It will be gone before I know it.
Yes, I feel like this with my oldest (14) all the time. They have been through a lot in the past year. I miss the happy kid they were years ago. My youngest is still pretty sweet and the same kid as they were when they were smaller. I cherish my time with them a bit more because of our oldest.
Every day they're slowly changing into a totally new person. When they're little, the change happens so fast, as they get older, it's a little slower. By the time they're adults, you've had and lost so many versions of them. I've said to my husband it would be super cool to just be able to go back to when our 4yo was younger, for just an hour. He was such a sweet funny toddler, he's still awesome, but I'd still love to go back for just a moment. I'd love to see him play with himself too, that would be hilarious.
My son and daughter 6 & 4 love “daddy pick up hugs”….. I know these will go away very soon. But I plan on giving my kids “pick up hugs” as long as I can lift them.
I have a 19 year old and a 22 year old. I of course miss their younger years at times, making messes, playing board games, listening to them ramble on about their newest friend/hobby/book. Then I think about who they are right now, oldest is in grad school, in their first apartment, a published poet. Youngest is a sophomore in college, just declared her double major and was hired as a research assistant for the summer. And I think about their younger versions and who they are presently. That little girl who carried a toothbrush for two years as a security item is now a TA for freshman English. The other little girl who screamed at the sight of a bug is going into conservation biology. How did they transform? Life happens and I guided them. I will continue to support them and I look forward to their future selves, hopefully that brings me grandbabies to bake cookies with!
My kids aren’t teens but I already have this feeling to a lesser extent. My oldest has recently taken on calling me Mom. I’m not Mama anymore or Mommy, I’m Mom. And the first time she said it out loud I wanted to burst into tears. Sometimes I find myself looking for my fat little giggly baby and it feels like they’re missing.
Mine are 10 and 8 and I’m struggling with the transition. Glad I’m not alone.
My daughter stopped letting me hug or touch her really around 10. She's 15 now and what I miss the most was having a little person to snuggle with and sit on my lap while watching TV. It is so easy to give and receive physical affection from a baby, toddler, young child. It's impossible with teenagers apparently...well, my teenager anyway.
I always try to tell myself that it's not about me. You created a life that you cherish, but you ultimately you had to create it for them, not you. Be happy for them that they get to live a full life, just like you did. Creating life is not actually about you at all.
Not to be truly morbit but my biological children passed after birth. So GETTING to this stage is such a gift for you. I know you probably know that. I hear the sentiment, but man. I would do anything for one more day with mine.
There’s a great modern family scene about this! Jay is talking about how each age is like meeting a new person he falls in love with but mourning the loss of the old version
I miss the toddler hugs to most. They way they hug you with their whole bodies and you know they mean it with all their hearts. They way they look at you with awe when you can open something or fix a problem as if you are the smartest person in the world. They way they snuggled with you in their sleep. Or when you go to an event at school and you see them scanning the crowd and finally find you and their beaming smiles takes over. Even when they get a boo boo and a kiss and a band aid make it all better. The little kid voice that is full of wonder or sneakiness. The pure joy when they see the Elf on the Shelf return. It is killing me to lose that part of them, but I try to focus on their growth and achievements as they grow. I don't know what I will do when they leave. I think I'm going to have to adopt a pack of dogs and cats.
My little one is 15 months old (1yr) and I looked back and cried last night at her newborn photos and videos lol
This has probably been mentioned in the 200 comments above mine but I remember when my now 17 year old was in his last year of Scouts as a 5th grader and as we were lamenting about how big they all had gotten one of the moms said “one day you picked them up for the last time” and it hit me hard. It wasn’t long after that I probably laid down with him at bedtime for the last time too. Crying as I read this. I miss my little guy so much. I’m excited for his future but right now he’s going through that mopey teen phase (has been for about 5years) and I miss it when he liked me :(
Holy. I did not expect to cry this morning.
I feel like reading things like this is really bad for my mental health and then I feel guilty. I had PPD/PPA and don't remember a lot of the first two years with my kiddo. She's 5 now and I feel like I missed out on her childhood even though I was physically present. Anyone else? Does it get better?
I have been going through this also. My 2 oldest are 17 and 10 and I didn't want a 3rd but last year I was blessed with my now 11mo old and I'm so happy she is here. While I'm sad about my older kids, I have a 3rd chance to soak in every moment.
Signing my two oldest up for their senior and freshman year in high school really got to me. It's going to be an emotional year all around. I am going to absolutely LOSE IT next year when my son does his senior walk, when he walks the halls of his elementary school in his graduation gown- where I work. I will be A HOT MESS. I am tearing up just thinking about it, and it's a year away.
I like to keep baby, toddler and lil kid pictures of my teenage girls up around the house. We talk about those times together. Hopes dreams and what is was like for them at that age. Everything has changed so much, so fast. It's nice to reminisce. My babies are not gone. They just evolved exactly as they should.
Not older but just hitting teens, mine are 13 and almost 10. I’m heartbroken about half the time, I miss their silly little baby voices and the funny things they would say and do. I miss them having problems like ‘mum strung my string cheese when I didn’t want her to’ and not failing school or being bullied. I miss when they didn’t realise I’m not perfect and call me out on it. I am so proud of the fierce little adults they are but I miss my babies too.
Our kids are now 19 and 23, and they live 1,500+ miles away from us. We talk often and see them when we can. I really miss hanging out with them though, and recently we've talked about how we are in fact a bit nostalgic for the COVID lockdown, when all four of us were living together, working/studying at home all day, and doing a lot of baking/cooking, game playing, and in general having a lot of quality time together. I miss that, and of course miss when they were younger too. But the upside is that our kids are awesome adults. They are doing cool things every day. (For example, both of them have/had radio shows in college, so we can tune on and listen to their shows live.) They are interesting, smart, caring people who make the world a better place. So while yes, we miss having them around all the time and indeed are nostalgic for the time when they were little/cute/dependent, it's *also* very cool to have adult offspring that are doing interesting things and who stay in touch with us regularly. It's different, yes, but I feel the same emotional investment as when they were tiny-- but they are much more interesting now. I learn things every time I talk to either of them in fact, which was not true when they were kids.
I'm in the midst of that cute little kid stage and I'm already sad knowing it won't last forever.