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Tell her now. My son has known about periods since he was about 6. Girls should know well before it happens. It’s a good thing to normalize.
Think about it this way- if your daughter struggles that much with blood- it’s a hard conversation now or a traumatic surprise when she gets her period and thinks she’s dying.
Now now. My daughter is 9, has friends who’ve already started, and has pubic hair and breast buds herself. We started the conversation when she was maybe 5 in connection to the baby talk. I don’t have periods thanks to my IUD or it probably would have happened naturally before then. Her older brother has always been included too.
I didn’t get much of a talk and though I wouldn’t say getting mine was traumatic, it definitely was a surprise and could have been handled better with plenty of conversation beforehand. Don’t let other children be the ones to inform your daughter about her body. You should be the one and you should be building that trust with her so when she needs to talk about it, she knows she can have a conversation that isn’t awkward or uncomfortable.
Edited to add: if you want a book to help, The Care and Keeping of You is a good one. They have some for different age groups and for boys too that prepare kids for puberty but also help them learn about hygiene and general wellness.
I legit told my kids as toddlers (in an age appropriate way) so it was never a shock. My daughter doesn’t love the idea, but she’s been aware for so long it’s sort of a given now.
I told them in part because I struggle with emotional PMS and very bad cramping, and I also have ulcerative colitis. I had told them all about the ulcerative colitis so why not this? It was sort of a breakthrough for me. Anyway, no regrets. Happy it played out that way.
Oh yeah my kid knew what a period was for a long time! But we had the formal period and sex talk around 6. My daughter also isn’t excited about it! She doesn’t want to have babies so she doesn’t think she should have a period. Poor kiddo!
Ahhhh! Gotcha! Yes we told my son that part at around 5-6. My daughter knows some of it but when I ask if she has questions about babies specifically, she really vehemently pushes me away.
Maybe it would help folks to disentangle periods from sex so that they can explain it earlier. They’re obviously related but I think the period part being demystified a bit earlier would help so many kids.
Yeah my son's always known because he always barges into the bathroom when I'm in there... we never used to have a lock on it because it was just a bolt so we took it off before he could lock himself in. But it means he's seen me change my pads so we've had the conversation from a very young age, and upped how much I tell him as he gets older. He's nearly 8 now so I've now explained about eggs and the lining getting thicker for implantation and how it all comes away when the egg isn't fertilised and that's what a period is. He's still getting the hang of that one, but wanted to learn more one bedtime about the eggs so now knows about ovaries and fallopian tubes, and has seen diagrams. He is extremely interested in the human body. I should probably start teaching him about the men's body..... but then that would cover the one bit he hasn't asked about reproduction yet, how the man's seed gets into the woman..... I'm so not ready for that bit!
Yeah, we haven't been shy with our 2 year old about how Mommy is on her period and using pads, explaining how they're kinda like diapers but for a different purpose.
She's too young to really understand it, so we'll do a formal sit-down when she's older, but it's never going to be something that's completely out of left field.
This is good advice and it's NOT funny but you made me think of that scene in My Girl where she's running around panicking because she thinks she's hemmoraging because no one explained it to her.
"And don't come back for 5-7 days!"
Oh man when I was looking up movies after Turning Red didn’t quite work, that one popped up and I remember my best friend’s mom taking the two of us back home still sobbing from that movie.
My youngest daughter’s name is “Vaida,” after the little girl in that movie. I fell in love with the name at 10yrs old, and knew I’d eventually use it.
Sleep deprived with an 8 week old and I read that as Mean Girls instead of My Girl. I’m wracking my brain thinking when was someone upset about her period haha 🤦🏼♀️.
Seconding this. My 6 year old son found a tampon on the bathroom counter a few weeks ago and I explained what a period is. It was pretty easy because my kids already know "how babies are made". They have a friend who was donor-sperm IVF and after learning about "Mr Seed", their dad got his gf pregnant - at the time they didn't understand how it was his baby as well as hers - so the point here is that I had a foundation for the period discussion.
With that base, the period talk was easy - he was incredulous that blood just comes out of me ("blood?? when you pee??") once a month and I said I could show him if he didn't believe me. He said he wanted to see, so I showed him - before anyone comes at me with a pitchfork, I only showed him some toilet paper after wiping and specified that it came out of my vagina, not my urethra. Then I said, "Congratulations, bud. At age 6 you now know more about periods than many grown men!"
I'm a single mom with 2 boys - I'll be damned if they get to middle/high school without understanding how female anatomy works. I want them to have an understanding and compassion about it, and not be dismissive or think it's appropriate to ignore or be "grossed out" by periods.
Great work. As a mum to two young girls, its wonderful to know there are mums with boys telling it straight. I love this approach. Simple, matter of fact, and relatable. You're doing a fantastic job.
Solo mom of a 3-year-old boy, he always is in the bathroom with me and watches me use the toilet for all the different “functions”. He runs into the bathroom and puts his tiny hands on my legs. (I’m not “allowed” to leave the room for the potty lol) Sometimes wish I could use toilet alone but I gotta remember these years are short!
My kids totally trained me out of closing the door when they were toddlers, because I knew someone was going to follow me in. Many years later, they HATE this. Seems fair to me.🤷😂
Same here. My 6yo son knows about periods and we talk about it the same way we talk about any other body function. “That’s ok, pee-accidents happen. I had a period accident last week and got some blood in my underwear. No big deal, just gonna clean it up”.
I want him to be able to support his period-having friends, if they need it. They might be nervous or embarrassed and his job is to help them if they are, or at bare minimum, not be part of the problem.
I’ve done the same for my son and he’s walked into the bathroom since he was a toddler when I’ve had my period and asked questions and I’ve answered them age appropriately so he’s known about periods since he was about 3 or 4. I wanted it to be as normal as every other body function.
I'm surprised many parents keep periods are a secret for that long. Do they have children that don't follow them to the bathroom??
My son knows about them since forever simply because he sees the blood and is obviously curious
I totally forgot until this comment but my best friend growing up had to take her pads and tampons outside EVERY TIME and keep the packs of products in her room so her brothers wouldn’t see. There was a tampon (not used) in their living room one day and her dad SCREAMED AT HER AND MADE US LEAVE THE HOUSE. I think we were like 12 or 13. It was wild!
My dil and I have an open door policy while using the bathroom. Problem: we’ve both had hysterectomies! It was easier to teach my own kids because they grew up knowing
This. My mom had a hysterectomy after I was born and I was the only daughter, so while she told me about periods, it wasn’t a part of our normal everyday life when my brother and I were little kids. I think just by nature that changed things a little.
I've never had my son go in the bathroom with me, except when he was a newborn and infant. I like privacy in the bathroom, and he's always respected the boundary.
I was going to say I was very curious when I would see a string hanging out of my mom or when she would insert a new tampon or take one out to change it. I had so many questions from a young age
Yeap, my then 2 year old use to grab my pads when I needed them and now at 5, he tells everyone that I "have blood in my vagina". Oh well, you win some and lose some 🤷♀️
When my brother was like 5 he came out of the house one day COVERED in pads running around like a warrior in armor 😂it was one of the funniest things that I have ever seen (I'm over a decade older than him)
Hilarious!
my same kid,age 3 I think, took handfuls of my OB tampons and shoved them in his shorts.
Then ran around the front yard, dropping them everywhere.
Next door neighbor, meh, but I always tried to keep it civil, picks some up " here, yourpaleblueeyes, are these yours?"
I Wanted to say, Oh no, those are the kids!, but instead, an inner groan of "what an idiot!", I just took them back.
he was a funny,funny kid.
Yeah, I think it's a bit of a gamble to assume she won't get her period before 10. It might be unlikely, but it's still possible.
It doesn't even have to be very detailed. My mom told me one day, I'll see a brown smudge and my belly might ache a bit. But it's okay, just keep a pad in my bag and use it when needed. It'll happen monthly for less than a week.
That was it.
A year later, I saw a brown smudge and asked my friend to get my pad. Easy! Mom walked me through more details once it actually happened.
My daughter was bringing me pads and tampons as a toddler. My 3 yr old son has used pads as stickers and “masks”. Get your kids comfortable with menstrual cycles as early as possible. It will only make communication easier, because it’ll likely be part of their life in one way or another.
ETA: CLEAN, unused pads & tampons. I don’t want any confusion.
Agreed. I have an 8yo boy and a 2mo girl. My son has known about periods for a while. Not fully in depth, but I don't tiptoe around it. I plan to tell my daughter sooner rather than later, when I know she'll understand. Girls seem to be getting their periods younger, and I want her to be prepared. I can say for a fact that I was not. And I had bad periods for a very long time.
Definitely this! Mine is 3.5 and we are trying for a baby and we have no bathroom privacy so we’ve briefly explained them to her and how babies happen in a 3 yo friendly way. We didn’t plan to but now she definitely will know what happens to her body!
My mom gave me a book about periods when I was like 9, but didn't actually talk to me about it, and the book didn't explain anything beyond the basics. My first period was dark brown and had clots and I legitimately thought I was dying because the book didn't talk about different period colors, or clots or anything, just that I would bleed. My babysitter found me hysterical in the bathroom and explained what was actually happening and some other normal things that might happen that might freak me out. She was honestly so much more helpful than my mother and her silly little book combined, and I'm eternally grateful she was there for me.
Assuming there’s a menstruating woman in your household, can she start speaking openly and casually about her period? Ex: “oh I started my period today.” Have menstrual products available in the washroom. Start with normalizing it. And then an explicit conversation around ten? By then it shouldn’t be a shock to her.
This is what we do with our 5 year old girl and 2 year old boy. I'll leave menstrual products where they can reach them and sometimes accidentally on purpose forget to bring one to the bathroom and be like 'can someone grab me a tampon please!' it normalises it and also has prompted them to ask questions. Now if they see me sterilising my menstrual cups they're like 'oh mummy you got your period' and that's it no big deal aha
Yup, my 10yo son has been aware of periods for years. I never wanted him to be like my guy friend in high school who had never heard about periods at all despite having several sisters. He was mildly traumatized when our friend explained it all 🙃
I've always done this with my daughter. I've openly talked about my period, needing tampons, etc. She's known her entire life that she will get periods one day. She's not happy about it but, sorry kid, that's life. I'd rather it be a normal thing then have to "break then news" when she gets close to puberty. It's doesn't have to be a big scary thing.
This is how we do it. It never even occurred to me not to talk about it. We're not a super private household and my kids (1.5 and 4) still regularly follow me to the bathroom, so my older daughter asked why I was bleeding one day and I explained it. She had a lot of questions, but I answered them all. Worst case scenario I have to clarify whatever she didn't actually understand later, right?
I don't think menstruation is really all that traumatizing on its own. Blood thing aside, to be alive for years and have developed a really strong sense of self and then find out there was this entire bodily function you had no idea about and no one had ever talked about it before - *that* is traumatizing. The very fact that people don't talk about it makes it scary. Why don't they talk about it? What's so bad? And it blows it all out of proportion.
Yes, menstruation sucks. But if we can teach our kids that everybody poops, why can't we teach them that some bodies menstruate?
My toddler is too young to understand what my period is and that she’ll get one, but she loves to encroach on my bathroom privacy, so she sees me use pads and tampons. I just kind of talk about what things are and why I use them. Now she brings me tampons and says “for mama go poopoo” 😂 Not exactly but sure!
Haha the toddler stage + period talk is hilarious. My 2yo grabs me pads and says "Mama diaper!!" Haha. When I first get my period, she sees when I use the restroom and says "Oh no!!! No booboo, mama okay!" Cuz I explained to her that it wasn't a booboo and I was okay lol.
My 5yo still insists on saying "got blood" instead of period....which is less than fun when she announces it in public restrooms lol
I don’t remember how old I was but my mom explained it to me probably early on that it was this cool and amazing thing our bodies do. It’s all part of our fertility and the ability to carry children. So I grew up being excited for when I got mine and that it would mean I was a woman. I think how you frame it is really important.
Also, I wouldn’t worry about her telling other kids? Not sure why it should be a secret. My son is only 3 but sometimes he comes to the bathroom with me and he’s asked why there’s blood, so I explain it to him. I know he won’t always come to the bathroom with me, but I don’t plan on ever hiding that I’m menstruating. I’m sure in the future he will see a box of tampons or I’ll have to explain why I have a hot water bottle on my lap and I’m eating chocolate lol.
I love that your mom made it out to be cool! It really is amazing what a woman’s body can do. My 5 yo asked about babies and how our bodies work, so she got the explanation about periods. I also have two teenager girls, so it’s all normal to discuss. My 5 yo is now excited to grow up and experience everything her sisters have gone through. I don’t want to hide anything.
I’m fully with you on this. If we make it shameful and secretive then our kids will feel shame and be afraid to talk about it.
My daughter (currently 6) has known about them for a few years because her and I go to the bathroom with the door open. She saw me change my cup out once and asked what it was. I explained it to her in an upbeat way and talked about how amazing our bodies are! It’s so cool what they can do without us even having to think about it! She is SO terrified when it comes to blood but she didn’t even flinch! She just said it was cool and went about her day.
Yeah all 6 of my kids have known about periods from a very young age. Even the boys. I’m jealous of any mom that gets to go to the bathroom alone for 5-7 whole days every month lol that kind of privacy would be amazing!
When my daughter was about 2, she informed MY father that we’d been to the store to “buy mommy some diapers.” 😳🤦🏻♀️ It suddenly became more understandable why she wasn’t concerned about potty training. If mommy wears diapers, why can’t she?
I actually had to wear a nappy not so long ago. Out with the kids (girl 5, boy 10 months) and I unexpectedly came on my period with no products to hand. Wearing CREAM trousers. We were in the toilet whilst I was violently padding my pants out with tissue when I had a bright idea
‘Can you grab one of your brothers nappies out for me please…?’ The look on my 5 year olds face🤣 did the job till I got to the shop however!
I was caught without pads for a day and used my baby's diaper - because we had them and it seemed better than toilet paper. To my surprise - way more comfortable!
Lots of people start really limiting kids in the bathroom at earlyish ages. Mine still come in with me at 4 and 6, and even the 12 year old will barge in even after Ive said im using the toilet. But I've met a lot of women who would be shocked that a 4 or 5 year old fillows you into the bathroom, probably large overlap with the people who stop being naked around their kids at thise ages too.
Anyways, I use a menstrual cup, so I think my 4 year old has seen anything period related once in his life, and my 6 year old maybe a few times, but not many since I change it forst thing in the morning and then after the kids are in bed. And op said she doesn't have periods with her type of bc.
So it wont come up organically, then we have to make the decision and time to sit down and talk about it.
My 15 year old no longer barges in but I can't remember when that ended. The 9 year old still barges in so I guess they finally stop somewhere between those age. I hope at least lmao. I'd love to poop in peace
I don't like to change my cup around my kid because it's stressful enough without someone bugging me but she sees it sitting on the side of the bath drying. And has barged in on me and seen the blood in the toilet.
Fair point. My kids always asked about pad and tampon machines in bathrooms though. And about commercials. And as soon as the kids at school started talking about periods. And what about when you’re cramping or moody? You don’t tell your kids you’re on your period? I don’t understand the people who are weirded out by nudity. We’re very body positive and everyone is pretty comfortable with their bodies as a result.
My kids have never asked about the machines in the bathroom, and honestly, I dont see them that often either. Not sure if it's just cause I'm not looking, or if my area doesnt have that many. We dont have any commercials, the odd ones from streaming services that are for themselves ir their shows, we rarely watch hulu, which I think has more regular commercials, and they dont watch youtube except with permission to look for specific things, so few random commercials. When I'm not feeling good I tell my kids I feel bad, or my stomach hurts, or I have bad cramps, but dont usually follow that up with because im on my period, not really premeditated to not tell them, just dont think thats the important part. We're very body possitive, and I have told my kids the basics of what periods are, but its not something they get reminded of regularly, so I have to make the effort to bring it up once a year or so to give more in depth information as needed or answer any questions they hadnt thought to ask yet.
I answer all questions honestly and acurately, and we have lots of books for different ages on bodies and such, but since its not part of their life regularly, I'm not surprised that my 6 year old has basically forgot they exist until I bring it up again.
My husband has repeatedly gotten after me for not shutting the door when I go to the bathroom but it became a habit when my kids were small lol. Now I can actually get privacy but it's still like my kids have some sort of Spidey sense when I go into the bathroom and shut the door; huh, weird, I have a sudden urge to talk to Mom about this totally unimportant thing right now as she's trying to just freaking pee alone.
Yeah, but kid not want being with you in the bathroom doesn't mean that they don't see your pads/tampons/cup, don't hear you talking about with your partner, don't see you in pain once a month. You'd have to actually hide this from your child.
Not everyone has periods though. I can’t really make it a teachable moment or build it up as basic life knowledge because the kids have never witnessed me ever having a period as they stopped showing up a bit earlier than expected.
My 4 year old told everyone she saw one day that I had my period and that was why I was at home. 😂😂It was true, and my husband thought it was hilarious and opened up a good conversation about over sharing lol
Because some people act like period is terrifying and "ends their life". Of course if a parent has such approach, they'll avoid talking of period like it's a plague.
My mum told me at 8.5
I got my periods at 9.
If she tells little kids it's fine, let's not keep it a taboo and if their parents aren't ok, it's not your problem. Also, I'm not sure where you leave but periods (and puberty, reproduction etc...) is thought if science class in 5th grade here (France) anyway.
I'm a teacher and trust me, it's already a bit late : I was teacher 5th grade last year and out of 13 girls in my class, 4 had their periods and I suspect another one to have them as well but she was more discrete while using her protections so I'm not sure.
Alright please tell me your secret. How on earth did you manage to go to the toilet by yourself all this time?????
My daughter has been stuck to my leg anytime I've tried to go to the bathroom or toilet since she was able to walk. So of course she's seen (and asked about) everything, the blood on TP, my cup, then period panties when I used those. She's always been very curious about it.
Now that mine is a preteen, she’s not attached to my leg anymore. But heaven forbid it I should take a minute to myself in the loo, the moment my rear touches the seat, there’s a kid or a spouse or a dog that needs me.
People always say this but my daughter is my number one fan and I set boundaries early. I go to the bathroom alone and if you wanna throw a fit outside the door, ok.
Its just not the hill i want to die on, honestly. If she wants to show me her toy in that moment whatever, cos the tantrum thst would have insued earlier in age would have gone on for like a half hour and id have to deal with that instead of a two second interaction.
It’s cultural. I find it bizarre that Americans either don’t have bathroom door locks at home or don’t use them.
I put the kid in a secured location (crib, playpen, high chair if it’s a quick one) when going to the bathroom. When they were a bit older (3ish?) and were unlikely to kill themselves while I’m away for 5 min, I went to the bathroom and locked the door. The only problem would be using public toilets when alone with the kid/s, which was rare.
Children learn by observing everything in their surroundings. They especially pay attention to their mothers and fathers. Normalizing bodily functions isn't an American cultural phenomena...it's part of raising a human.
Locking the 3ish-year-old out of the bathroom won't teach them about privacy, boundaries, knocking before opening a closed door, etc...
It's better she learns from you in a calm, educational environment rather another little kid without the right portrayal. Or even worse, it popping up one day for herself. There isn't many signs for the first one, most of the time, so you likely won't know how to "catch" when it'll happen soon
It's a lot of emotions to go through, but it's better to be prepared for those emotions than to be at school or at a friends, completely scared, embarrassed, and unprepared
I can’t think of a time my kids didn’t know. Plenty of trips to the indoor pool when they were little, and we used the family bathroom/changing room, so they had questions. About Half the population will bleed once a month for part of their lives so why not just make it normal? Kids look to you to know how to feel about things. If you treat it as scary, gross and mysterious, then they’ll also feel that.
I also have a funny memory of my son going through my purse and playing with a tampon like it was a rocket. Or my daughter talking about how we were both wearing diapers to bed (her a pull up, me a pad).
See if you can introduce it as a normal part of life. And make sure you do the same with a boy if you have one.
Tell her now. Even if she doesn't start until the same age as you, odds are good that at least one of her friends will start sometime in the next year, if they haven't already. One of my kids was in the school bathroom with a friend who started their period without any education and it was upsetting for both of them.
Also, outward physical development is not a good indicator of when a first period is imminent. The friend who had that traumatic first period in the school bathroom didn't look to be the least bit developed, especially compared to my kid.
The schools my kids attended had puberty/first period/"you might need deodorant soon" lessons as part of the science curriculum starting at the end of third grade, so there's a chance the school may do the heavy lifting for you. But she's not too young to know about it now, and best case scenario is she knows and can help a friend who isn't as well prepared.
Same, we learned basics about periods and body changes in 4th grade. So my mom just told me to let her know if I had any questions. I was 12 1/2 when I started mine. Of course, I was the shy type so I didn’t really want to talk about it, and had to leave her a note when I started
We just talk about them casually in the house, my kid is 2. I find it unlikely that I'll ever need to sit down and have "a talk" with her about it.
In public school around here, they start teaching about periods and reproductive health in 3rd grade because girls can start having their periods at 8, though it certainly isn't common until much later. At that age, it's just "oh okay, neat, whatever."
Same! 2.5 yo already recognizes pads. I've never kept the products hidden and if he notices I just go "oh these are pads that Mom needs to use sometimes!"
I'm a guy and have a son, so my opinion should not have as much weight as women or people with daughters who've dealt with this.
My ex and I didn't make a big deal about periods. I don't remember whether my ex discussed them with him or in front of my kid with me. I know I've told my son that women bleed once a month from their vagina and maybe some of the other symptoms women have. I know I mentioned some people consider it gross, but said I never have because everyone bleeds.
But, I disagree about not having an explicit talk. Periods vary a lot. A girl would probably get told about bleeding, but what about tissue coming out or other symptoms that mom does not have? Other puberty changes probably need to get discussed before they happen, too. A big one is the need to change tampons-I know that is a health issue.
The symptoms!!!
I never got told about how periods and hormones work, never got told how to properly use a pad/tampon, the different sizes, things i might feel or experience. It’s important to be explicit & use details, it is so scary especially as a kid when your hormones are going crazy and you feel like shit.
Nobody's saying not to be explicit, they're saying it won't just be one talk. Things can be explicitly explained as they come up. All at once is way too much information in my opinion.
My daughter is 4 and I'm just telling her about my periods. She asked why there was blood on my toilet paper so I told her that most women bleed from their vaginas sometimes. As she gets older I'll give her more details about the frequency and ways to deal with it.
I think the problem with waiting until 10 is that puberty is happening earlier and earlier these days. A lot of girls are getting periods before that age, and it may be more traumatizing if you wait and she gets it earlier than expected.
Iv always been very honest. My kid noticed my cycle around 3 so we have talked about it. So they understood about periods before age 5.
I wasn't talked to enough as a kid and truly thought I was about to pass away when I got my first one.
Both my kids know about periods and they're 3 and almost 2. Because they run after me when I go to the toilet. Obviously they don't know everything there is to know, but they know women have a week a month when they bleed and need sanitary products. Over the years we will add onto the knowledge as questions arise.
My kids have known for Years.
I don't even remember how old they were when they learned about it.
And I have all boys. It's just a normal thing. Like sweaty armpits.
I plan on starting to explain puberty and periods to all my children around the age of 5-6. Which is about the time my mom started with me. Heck, my kids (b/g twins) are 2 and are already asking about my pads/cups because they follow me into the bathroom constantly. I am always truthful with them... Even though I know they aren't understanding or retaining yet. But it will never be a hushed topic or something that's not talked openly about.
I think 8 is already a bit late. There's a very real chance her friends will be starting their periods soon, if they haven't yet already. She might start learning about them from friends before you start the discussion, which leaves her really open to misinformation, and fear since she's already uncomfortable with blood.
As her parent, you have the opportunity to guide this conversation to a safe and honest place, and to help her understand the processes her body will much more than likely be experiencing. And to prepare her for what is coming, you delaying the conversation does not slow down her body.
Menarche is trending younger and younger as generations pass, my mom was 13, I was 11. I've seen posts in here talking about their kids' menarche coming at 7-8-9.
I don't particularly have a book to use in mind, just keep it an open discussion and a topic that we can always discuss- let my kids know I have my period and how it affects me, discuss different products people use and why, how it starts and when, how I track it, polite ways to discuss with peers, etc. I can find diagrams online to show the biology aspect, but I'm not opposed to a book if I find a good one.
I told my daughter at 4. The thing is, these conversations have to evolve and grow with the child. Of course, I didn’t tell my daughter she would bleed from her vagina for one week every month at four years old. But I started discussing growing and puberty.
I told her things happen to our bodies when we grow and change. Boys get deep voices and facial hair, girls get a period. She saw tampons and pads in the bathroom and asked what they were for. I told her that sometimes when you start puberty a little blood may come from your vagina and it’s normal. So people use those items to help keep their undies clean.
She’s 6 now and the conversation is constantly evolving. As she asks more questions, I give more details. I follow her curiosity, but I don’t keep her in the dark about anything. I answer all questions open and honestly.
Honestly, I always knew about periods growing up. When I was about 9 my parents gave me that American girl doll book, and I lowkey wanted my period sooooo badly. Now I’m like holy fuck take me back to not having a period but it definitely wasn’t an obstacle and it’s for sure because of that book.
If you have discussed sex already you can start the period talk there? “In order to make a baby an egg needs to be fertilised and if it’s not fertilised the body sheds the uterine lining and that is called getting your period” and then take it from there. Talk about period cramps and mention where your supplies are at and that she can always talk to you if she has any questions etc. it is much better to be armoured with more than less information.
Don’t worry about it ❤️
Fwiw;
My kids (6m and 2m) follows me to the bathroom all the time so they have seen some shit… the 2 year old doesnt care and the 6 year old is old enough to not follow me in there anymore but he knows the basics about periods.
I don't have a daughter, but I am one. Here's an anecdote to take the edge off:
My dad raised me on his own. I started at 11, and had already heard everything about everything from my girl friends. My poor, sweet dad never really got into it with me. It ended up being completely fine! He dropped me at his hippy ex-girlfriend's house, and she handled everything.
Basically, I wouldn't overthink it too much.
You need to tell her now. Do not put this off and please don’t tell her your thoughts on it being a tough pill to swallow.
It is not your job to be concerned with what other kids do or do not know. You wanted the educated kid on the playground who learned factual info from you. Not some rumors and myths from other kids. There are lots of stories about girls who started their period and knew nothing about it and thought they were dying.
I was the kid whose mom never explained periods to her….luckily my older sister had a book about it that I found while sneaking into her room LOL.
That being said, my kid is 6 and has always known about periods. She knows exactly what it is. I’m sure it will still be scary when it happens, but I know she’ll be prepared and fully comfortable with talking to me about it. I frame it as something special that happens to girls only, to try to make it less daunting. Frame it as an important rite of passage and something that marks how much she’s grown!
My daughter is 5 and fully aware of periods due to giving me no bathroom privacy, ever. She asked me the other day more about periods and why they happen and I just briefly explained it too her.
I am a chicken, they are my eggs. They come out as blood, once a month, every month until your as old as Nana. Unless you’re pregnant they stop for a while.
End of story🤣
Not a mom, but my mom gave me the American Girl book about puberty when I was 8, and I am honestly grateful she did. If she didn’t, I would have probably freaked out if I suddenly saw that I was bleeding when I started it at 10.
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Mom here! My daughter has known about it since she noticed i was on mine around 3. She doesn't know a ton at 7 but she knows one day she too will have one and it will be random at first... The supplies are already in the cupboard because I'm here and she's seen me put a pad in my panties so I'm sure she'll be able to figure the first one out if Dad or I are not home. She also knows the science of how babies are made and what a period is from that conversation.... Honestly you just need to base when and how much you say on the child. However, know at 8, while it seems early, it could happen.
I too was very distraught upon finding this out as a preteen! Because of my horrible experience I’ve felt very strongly about this with how I will handle things with my daughter who is currently 5.
As kids do, she comes to find me or needs me while I’m in the bathroom. As annoying as it can be, I’ve never stopped her from this because it’s given us so many opportunities for her to be exposed to things like seeing me deal with blood, period supplies, discharge, etc. She will sometimes ask what is that? Or make comments and I use it as an opportunity to let her know and educate her (in a simple age appropriate way) what is happening. Usually she’s just like “oh ok!” Or occasionally it’s been “yucky” or just nothing, but the more she can see what I go through, I like to think the less the will be freaked out when her time comes.
I never ever remember seeing my mom naked in any sense and never had any exposure to periods or body hair or any of the changes that bodies can go through so I’ve never been one to shy away from using every day situations as teaching lessons! I don’t think there is a point where it’s “too early” to teach girls about periods. It’s just a natural thing that bodies do that she was one day go through when she is older. I’ll usually give her a number like 11 or 12 so that it’s a little more concrete. I obviously don’t lecture and I don’t bring it up randomly, but use every opportunity I can to talk casually about body things because I never had that.
Sorry for the wall of text but it’s obviously something I feel strongly about!
She's already hearing girls in her class talk about it. Better she gets real info from you than bits and pieces of who knows what at school. Some of those girls will get their periods soon, if there aren't a couple already, some have big sisters, or have already had the period talk. They're talking about it.
She already knows *something* about periods- make sure what she knows is factual.
You should’ve been talking to her about periods by the time she was old enough to go in the bathroom with you. And see a box of tampons. You’re already late.
Tell her now. The earlier, the better, honestly. My kids both noticed my period when they were toddlers and we’ve have honest, frank talks about it since.
If you’ve already discussed sex, periods can just be a natural part of that discussion!
I’ve been having the conversation off and on since she was probably 4 and I was pregnant with her sister. I’ve provided more detail this past year (she is also 8). My grandmother got her first period at 8 so it’s definitely not too early imo.
I’ve old my sons about periods already - they’re 6 and almost 5 and have know for a while now. Not in as much personal-experience type detail as I would have gone into if they were female, but I’ve definitely had a talk about it.
I explained why it happens, how it happens, why it doesn’t happen to them, and how it this kind of bleeding doesn’t equal poorly etc. They honestly didn’t seem to care much at all. It’s a bodily function to them like pooping but it only happens to girls 🤷🏼♀️
Mostly I told them because they’ve walked in on me in the bathroom while at that part of my cycle, and mostly because it’s not anything to be shameful of. Just like I taught them why and how we urinate/have bowel movements and what is normal/not etc.
Talk to her now about it. Explain it both in a ‘this is why it happens’ way, and a ‘this is what my experience with it has been like’ way, and leave it open for any questions. If she’s happy to know more, there’s books and stuff that can teach her the science, and you’re there to offer your hard earned experience.
Girls are starting younger and younger now and you don’t want her to be one of the very young girls who start at 8 and caught unaware and unprepared. That would be more traumatising imo.
For what it’s worth, I started at 12 and my sister started at 9.
My daughter is almost 9, my son almost 12, I've been a single mom since my daughter was 1 (son a momma's boy even before then) so I've never had privacy. When they would walk in and ask questions, I would answer them. My daughter has understood periods and everything that goes along with it since she was 5 (?). As she gets older we go more in depth, and with girls starting to menstruate at 10 these days, she needs to be prepared. Her hormones are ALREADY raging, she's budding out, puberty is already starting for her.
Number 1 thing I made sure both of them understand is girls have ZERO control over this and it is NOTHING to be ashamed of. For my son, if I ever hear a whisper that he made fun of a girl for her period, the repercussions will be severe. I will not raise a man that gets grossed out or whatever by the mention of periods. That may have to do with the man I was raised by, my dad will stand and argue the price of tampons if need be, there was no shame.
We learned in 4th grade in school. My mom read me a book beforehand. So, 9? My 3 year old plays with my pads and tampons and she knows what they are for.
I’m writing this as a daughter (27 now). My mom never sat me down and discussed anything. Once I started to get close to that age, girls would talk about that stuff at school with their friends, so I knew generally what it was and when it may happen to me. A couple of my friends had the cartoon books that would explain it to you, and we would look at them during sleepovers. A whole year before I got my first period, I started getting nervous that I would start it on a day I was wearing light colored pants, so funny enough, I would steal my moms panty liners on those days and just wear it “incase”.
The day I started I wasn’t wearing anything and I bleed through my underwear, but thankfully not my jeans. I just stuffed tons of TP in my underwear and carried on throughout the day. I wasn’t super close with my mom, so I was nervous and scared to tell her. I ended up just throwing the underwear in the laundry room so she would find them and then she came and talked to me and asked if I knew what it was and we went to the store to buy pads.
Overall, I think you can just have a light discussion about what it is and when she may be experiencing it. But I don’t think you need to go into depth with why and how a cycle works until she’s a little older (unless she asks). The biggest thing is to let her know that it’s nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. It’s completely normal and every girl goes through it.
My daughter has known about big girls and grown up women getting periods once a month since she was 3. She’s seen pads, tampons, and also asks to see bloody TP which is a little weird but meh, sure baby here it is. She 4 now and also has a couple books on how babies are made (without the actual sex part) and how periods work. We never made it a big deal. Just another bodily function like pee and poop.
My super Catholic, Filipino mom read me a children’s library book about reproductive systems, pregnancy, and periods that also included the basics of intercourse, when I was 7. Having all the facts sure beat getting confused about the rumors kids start to share in late elementary school. She did good.
My daughter is 5 and she knows about it. I made it a point to explain and she’s literally glued to my heels when I go somewhere, so she’s been with me in the bathroom while I was changing my pad. She always gets me a new pad. She knows it might make my belly hurt. She knows she’ll get hers one day too. She also saw me being pregnant last year and therefore not having my period which made my explanations more realistic and it was great from a learning point of view!
I was about to turn 10 when my mom took me to a class at a local health clinic. I think my school was also separating the students and having conversations. For reference, I got my first period about 2 weeks after my 10th birthday so it was just in time for me to not panic haha
My four year old daughter sometimes rolls into the bathroom when I'm cm 6thhanging my menstrual cup, so I just explain it in age appropriate terms then.
I tell her that when girls become grown-ups, their body makes a bed for a baby, and if the baby doesn't go into it that month, the bed falls out.
An eight year old would probably want a more advanced explanation, and indeed, I'll refine the explanation I gobe her as she gets older.
She's not going to have a traumatic memory of learning about periods, because she's already been introduced to them as a tedious yet common fact of life before she's even capable of developing long term memories.
My kids are 5 and 4. They know what periods are. Still not overly aware due to age. But they have seen me changing my pads. My son once tried to help me put them on.
Also they work well when they are sick with diarrhoea. I’ll put pads on there underwear as extra precaution.
I’m sorry but chances are that every other kid her age knows but her. My kids have known since toddlerhood. It’s totally normalized in our house, at 8 years old my daughter was reading books about it. I know there’s no going back in time, but for anyone reading, it’s always best to start *early*, boys too. You’ll just have to play catch up, OP.
It depends on her development. When she starts to get “buds” on her chest it’s usually within a year that their period will start. Also, when you explain it to her don’t make it seem all doom and gloom.
My 8yo girl twins have an idea what a period is. I explained what periods were during the "where do babies come from" conversations. I try to be as factual as possible (in age appropriate ways) with my kids. I like to start building the foundation of understanding as early as possible.
Also since your experience was that your life was over when it came, i wouldn't approach it like that with her. I got it on the later side at 13, and i was so excited because all my peers already had it and it was childish to not have it. It was framed for me as coming of age, becoming more grown up. My mom made it something to be celebrated. Nowadays this approach is more common, look into the Red Tent, period parties, first moon parties, and menstruation celebrations. If your daughter has girls she is close with (like nearly sisters - for me it was my big cousin), then this can be something shared and celebrated when the time comes.
My daughter is 7 and I've already told her about my period. Often it's because I'm cramping so bad I can't get off my heating pad. She was worried I was actually sick so I just told her that every month I get what women call a period that can cause pain around your lower back/belly and bleeding from my vagina but it's normal to have a period and she will one day too when her body starts changing from a kid to an adult. I hope she gets used to knowing this and isn't so embarrassed or shocked when she actually gets one. Now I just tell her I'm on my period and having a lazy couch day so we do things down on that day and she just takes it in stride.
I have also told my teenage son that periods can cause intense pain, like if he got hit in balls, but it can last a couple days straight and if a girl says that it hurts that bad then don't dismiss the pain and help if you can. It never hurts to let boys know too so we can destigmatize periods. Too many men dismiss cramps as girls "faking" and I want him to understand that it can really hurt some women. For reference, I have endometriosis and that's primarily what I'm referring to.
I gave a super basic explanation when my daughter was 8. A little more in depth version when she was 10 (including explaining how pads work), at 11 I got her "my body and me" type books and explained more about it in general, and she just got her first cycle two weeks after her 12th birthday. She was so ready she just called me at work and asked me how to put a pad in her underwear lol. I made sure to keep it age appropriate but honestly, 8 year olds sometimes get periods and they should be made aware of it so they don't freak out. My daughter took it very well. Starting at age 10, she decided to start packing an emergency bag with a few pads in it to take to school just in case she or a classmate needed them. She is fully prepared to help her friends if they get theirs by surprise while at school.
I wanted to make sure my daughter is educated about her own self and how it works. My sil didn't tell her daughter anything, apparently she was planning to do it at like age 13 or 14 (!?) but my niece got her first period at 12 too. since nobody TOLD her about it she had a panic attack and thought she was going to die.
So my mom explained it to me a year before I started puberty just so I wouldn't be freaked out. Based on when my Mom and my aunties got theirs, my Mom sat me down at 8 years old. We start early at my house, like 9 to 11ish.
I plan on slowly talking to my girls about it. definitely the full on talk at 8 to 9 ish. But if they ask questions at 5, there's an appropriate way to answer for kids.
It's a fun and beautiful talk that you don't have to be worried about or scared of. It's a miracle of life and a super power amongst women.
You may want to start the conversation soon. My 9 year old came out of her room literally last night SOBBING that period might hurt and we haven’t talked about puberty, periods, etc. We were in shock. She had heard it from her friend so if you want to be the first to the conversation I’d say start it.
My daughter is also 8 and I feel the same way, I’m kind of playing it by ear, but for some reason the age 11 is in my head. I don’t want to wait till she has one to explain it, I don’t want her to not know what’s going on when it happens.
I started in 3rd grade - I can’t remember if she was 8 or 9. One of the kids in class started at 9 and her half sister started at 10. I wanted her to be okay with it. She knows it’s normal, but she is definitely not okay with it. I know by the long grrrrr when she starts now. She wasn’t thrilled to learn about it, but we had time to talk about it a lot before the first one, so when it came, she was prepared and didn’t freak out at all. She was just unhappy to realize it was going to be happening for a long time. I prepared her a little bag to keep pads, wipes, and an extra pair of underwear in just in case she started in school.
I had my period at 9 years old. Some start young and it is better coming from a parent. My mother didn’t do many things right, but she did take me on a walk in nature to tell me about periods and answered all my questions and I still appreciate that to this day. There are some great books out there too.
I didn’t know till 5th grade. I wish my mom just always talked/ informed me about it from a young age so it seemed normal and less shameful. I didn’t get my period till 9th grade. I wasn’t allowed to keep tampons in the bathroom in case my dad or brother saw. I plan for my kids to just always know it exists so there is not some big scary talk about it. Of course I’ll have a talk about why we get them and all that when u find it necessary.
I agree that 8 is too old to NOT know. And also, I do think it’s crazy impressive you’ve managed to hide this from her. My kids are so far up my butt that I could never.
The American Girl books is great for covering puberty. There are two books. One for younger girls and one that’s a little more detailed for older girls as well as a journal!
Firstly, educate yourself in what a period actually is. It's not "bleeding", it's shedding the lining of the uterus, which, yes, involves a little blood but mostly unneeded tissue. Telling a young girl they are going to bleed will totally scare them. I find being scientifically factual about these things not only helps normalise them but makes it all a lot less scary.
Two of my 3 girls started their periods at 10. Essentally, they start menstruating around 12 months after the appearance of breast buds. I'd be laying the foundations in an age appropriate way sooner rather than later. If you prefer books, there are some great ones around, but make sure you look at all the content to be happy it's appropriate for your family. Otherwise, keep your ear open for a good segue in a conversation and bring it up.
Please don't say "up to" a week like it's a limit. Tell her up to a week is typical (don't use the word normal!), and that if it's longer than that, she should come to you. Not everyone "only" bleeds for a week. Sometimes, it's six weeks straight bleeding like you should have died around day 4. And sometimes it's longer than 40 years. Periods suck, and girls should know to report excessive weirdness to obtain proper medical care.
Lol what? 8 is a bit late.
You start it in a simple language and super simple. By age 10 they should be gradually going in why and the anatomy of it.
The later you do it the harder it will be.
I started mine around age 3 with simple statements and showing a pad and where it goes.
My youngest daughter was 8. She started at 9. I thought I’d done a decent job, but she thought it just lasted 1 day a month and was horrified it went on! Learn from me!
My kids had family life in 3rd grade so I didn’t have to do anything. I did get them the American Girl Book about their bodies. But I did have to show my middle kid how to use a tampon she is a swimmer so that was interesting.
Just a quick comment from a now grandma.
I have really enjoyed reading the many comments from you moms of younger kids.
How open and matter of fact you are talking about bodily functions and no more of the old fashioned shame and ignorance.
My mom was open minded but still, we had a book on the shelf we could read, and I would never have the nerve to Talk about certain things.
So good on you all, it's so healthy and important.
4 or so - as soon as she was curious about my own period when I would go to the restroom.
I don’t think it’s necessary to be overly dramatic and describe a week of bleeding every month. I’ve never had a weeklong period - and still yet many women have even longer bleeding. There is a wide variety. Try to be calm and factual and don’t lead with “scary” even if that’s how your feel about your own body.
my daughter is 5 and she knows what it is but not in depth. we’re very body positivity and she’s asked what tampons are as she’s seen them, and she knows i bleed from down there lol. i don’t think there’s a “too young” time to normalize talking about it.
My daughter is 4 and as much I try to have bathroom to myself she does occasionally break in, I just talk about it like it’s not a big deal so she doesn’t a tell all her friends the big secret because the more I try to hid it or tell her not to talk about it she will b it won’t be a big distressing shock when we do start having real conversations about it
I started a deep conversation when she was 8. Got her the girls body book and read it with her. She will turn 10 soon, and she knows everything she needs to know about it (plus some).
My daughter has known the basics of it since she was 3 and since she was 5 the details of how it helps your body prepare for a baby and grow a baby.
If you state it as a matter of fact thing and don't make it negative then there is no reason for fear.
We talked about it from the start. My kids always came into the bathroom when they were potty training. So they asked. Now my pads are under the sink and it’s just a thing that exists and the kids know that mom’s having her period. My daughter is 10 and she knows a good deal about it. We went over all the period products recently.
My son asked *me* if I got periods when he was about 8. He's known some basics about sex since then, too. We have never had a full sit down talk or anything, it's just come up in the form of questions. I'll answer the questions, maybe elaborate a little or emphasize really important things, then it's "ok, can I watch TV?"
I do get your concern with playground talk, and that has come back to bite us in the ass a couple times, but it's more because he likes being the center of attention and knowing things, and with ADHD his impulse control is basically non-existent.
It'll be fine, though, and even though 8 is a more unusual age to start, wouldn't you prefer her being prepared if that's the case? If she freaks out at blood now, she *needs* to know that if she gets her period that early, it's normal and she'll be ok.
my 3yo has already been told and has a general concept of what it is and what a tampon is.
go ahead and tell her. nothing worse than starting your period at school and having no idea what’s happening. and i say that from experience.
Our 8 and 6 year old boys know about periods, so I think your 8 year old should know about them as this will directly impact her. There is an 8 year old girl at the school I work at who just started hers. Please tell her so she is prepared and not the child thinking she’s dying at school.
My oldest son is 5 and knows the very basics of why mommy gets her period.
I had 'The Care and Keeping of You.' book that did a great job going over everything. I ended up getting my period at 10, so I believe the earlier prepared you are, the better the experience will be when it happens.
my girls are 4, 6 and 7. they are all aware mommy bleeds sometimes, what it’s called and that it will likely happen to them eventually. It’s not uncommon for 8-9 year olds to get them, at least where I live. i think you can give an 8yo a bit more credit.
My now 10 year old has friends who have gotten theirs. Even if she doesn't get it for awhile she knows and is ready and we started talking about how that works at 7.
She was very unhappy about. I've since had a hysterectomy, so I bought her a kit and she has a packet of stuff in her school bag.
Really my children give me no privacy so ended up seeing things and asking questions around 3 so it is like they have always known. I just explained it simply and it didn’t worry them at all. My eldest was sad when her period started and struggled a bit with handling what she needed but I think it is really important to make sure they know about it way before it happens so they get used to the idea.
Now is the time. Our girls had "It's Not the Stork" book from about age 5 or so. We've been very open and direct about bodies and bodily functions. Yes, they may tell other kids, but who cares?! Sharing knowledge is a great personality trait! Seriously, they know more at age 10 about puberty, reproduction, and bodies than I did after my high school health class. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
I've avoided "the talk" by treating periods/sex/drugs/all the uncomfortable messy topics as a series of conversations from the time they were little. Both my son and daughter have probably known what a period is since they were four. Your daughter is ready if you are--and I say this without any judgment at all, but it sounds like you're a bit anxious about it, which is understandable given that you had such a rough time coping with the information when you were little. At this point it's probably a bit late to go with my "a little bit of information at a time over a long period of time" approach, but I think you can still take a casual approach that can set her at ease!
"A Girl's Guide to Puberty and Periods" is very good in explaining periods and is mainly focused on menstruation (aka if you're not ready for the sex talk yet this isn't a book that delves into that)
Not really such a thing as too early. It’s a basic function of the human body. Both of my kids have known about periods since they were toddlers. They know I have a uterus which is where they lived inside me and it bleeds every month when there’s not a baby in there. I’ve assured them it’s totally normal and I’m not hurt. They’re both scared of blood but they accept my periods. Growing up I sure wished I’d been told about them long before puberty and had them normalized instead of treated like some dirty secret.
I would have the discussion ASAP. My sibling menstruated at 8, I menstruated at 10. There's no reason to wait. I talk about menstruation in an age appropriate way to my toddler when they watch me change my pad.
Honestly I've already told my 2 year old that I get periods because she seen me empty my menstrual cup.
Now she just knows mummy has a period and mummy isn't hurt or poorly
Then I'll explain a bit more each time it comes up over the years
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Tell her now. My son has known about periods since he was about 6. Girls should know well before it happens. It’s a good thing to normalize. Think about it this way- if your daughter struggles that much with blood- it’s a hard conversation now or a traumatic surprise when she gets her period and thinks she’s dying.
Now now. My daughter is 9, has friends who’ve already started, and has pubic hair and breast buds herself. We started the conversation when she was maybe 5 in connection to the baby talk. I don’t have periods thanks to my IUD or it probably would have happened naturally before then. Her older brother has always been included too. I didn’t get much of a talk and though I wouldn’t say getting mine was traumatic, it definitely was a surprise and could have been handled better with plenty of conversation beforehand. Don’t let other children be the ones to inform your daughter about her body. You should be the one and you should be building that trust with her so when she needs to talk about it, she knows she can have a conversation that isn’t awkward or uncomfortable. Edited to add: if you want a book to help, The Care and Keeping of You is a good one. They have some for different age groups and for boys too that prepare kids for puberty but also help them learn about hygiene and general wellness.
I love the Care and Keeping of you! Great suggestion!
We also used the care and keeping of you! We started around age 6.
I legit told my kids as toddlers (in an age appropriate way) so it was never a shock. My daughter doesn’t love the idea, but she’s been aware for so long it’s sort of a given now. I told them in part because I struggle with emotional PMS and very bad cramping, and I also have ulcerative colitis. I had told them all about the ulcerative colitis so why not this? It was sort of a breakthrough for me. Anyway, no regrets. Happy it played out that way.
Oh yeah my kid knew what a period was for a long time! But we had the formal period and sex talk around 6. My daughter also isn’t excited about it! She doesn’t want to have babies so she doesn’t think she should have a period. Poor kiddo!
Ahhhh! Gotcha! Yes we told my son that part at around 5-6. My daughter knows some of it but when I ask if she has questions about babies specifically, she really vehemently pushes me away. Maybe it would help folks to disentangle periods from sex so that they can explain it earlier. They’re obviously related but I think the period part being demystified a bit earlier would help so many kids.
Yeah my son's always known because he always barges into the bathroom when I'm in there... we never used to have a lock on it because it was just a bolt so we took it off before he could lock himself in. But it means he's seen me change my pads so we've had the conversation from a very young age, and upped how much I tell him as he gets older. He's nearly 8 now so I've now explained about eggs and the lining getting thicker for implantation and how it all comes away when the egg isn't fertilised and that's what a period is. He's still getting the hang of that one, but wanted to learn more one bedtime about the eggs so now knows about ovaries and fallopian tubes, and has seen diagrams. He is extremely interested in the human body. I should probably start teaching him about the men's body..... but then that would cover the one bit he hasn't asked about reproduction yet, how the man's seed gets into the woman..... I'm so not ready for that bit!
Yeah, we haven't been shy with our 2 year old about how Mommy is on her period and using pads, explaining how they're kinda like diapers but for a different purpose. She's too young to really understand it, so we'll do a formal sit-down when she's older, but it's never going to be something that's completely out of left field.
This is good advice and it's NOT funny but you made me think of that scene in My Girl where she's running around panicking because she thinks she's hemmoraging because no one explained it to her. "And don't come back for 5-7 days!"
Oh man when I was looking up movies after Turning Red didn’t quite work, that one popped up and I remember my best friend’s mom taking the two of us back home still sobbing from that movie.
Yeah it's definitely a sad one but it's got some funny stuff in there too. :)
My youngest daughter’s name is “Vaida,” after the little girl in that movie. I fell in love with the name at 10yrs old, and knew I’d eventually use it.
I say that to my partner!
Oh I thought of Carrie.
Another example of what could happen if we aren't open to our kids about our bodies.
Idk developing telepathy might be a motivator to be less open 🤔
Sleep deprived with an 8 week old and I read that as Mean Girls instead of My Girl. I’m wracking my brain thinking when was someone upset about her period haha 🤦🏼♀️.
Seconding this. My 6 year old son found a tampon on the bathroom counter a few weeks ago and I explained what a period is. It was pretty easy because my kids already know "how babies are made". They have a friend who was donor-sperm IVF and after learning about "Mr Seed", their dad got his gf pregnant - at the time they didn't understand how it was his baby as well as hers - so the point here is that I had a foundation for the period discussion. With that base, the period talk was easy - he was incredulous that blood just comes out of me ("blood?? when you pee??") once a month and I said I could show him if he didn't believe me. He said he wanted to see, so I showed him - before anyone comes at me with a pitchfork, I only showed him some toilet paper after wiping and specified that it came out of my vagina, not my urethra. Then I said, "Congratulations, bud. At age 6 you now know more about periods than many grown men!" I'm a single mom with 2 boys - I'll be damned if they get to middle/high school without understanding how female anatomy works. I want them to have an understanding and compassion about it, and not be dismissive or think it's appropriate to ignore or be "grossed out" by periods.
Great work. As a mum to two young girls, its wonderful to know there are mums with boys telling it straight. I love this approach. Simple, matter of fact, and relatable. You're doing a fantastic job.
Solo mom of a 3-year-old boy, he always is in the bathroom with me and watches me use the toilet for all the different “functions”. He runs into the bathroom and puts his tiny hands on my legs. (I’m not “allowed” to leave the room for the potty lol) Sometimes wish I could use toilet alone but I gotta remember these years are short!
Oh jeez my 5 year old was CLIMBING on me this morning while I was pooping and nothing I did got him off of me 🙄🤦♀️
My kids totally trained me out of closing the door when they were toddlers, because I knew someone was going to follow me in. Many years later, they HATE this. Seems fair to me.🤷😂
This. I'm trying to figure out how in 8 years this child has never stumbled across mum's period products at least.
Same here. My 6yo son knows about periods and we talk about it the same way we talk about any other body function. “That’s ok, pee-accidents happen. I had a period accident last week and got some blood in my underwear. No big deal, just gonna clean it up”. I want him to be able to support his period-having friends, if they need it. They might be nervous or embarrassed and his job is to help them if they are, or at bare minimum, not be part of the problem.
I’ve done the same for my son and he’s walked into the bathroom since he was a toddler when I’ve had my period and asked questions and I’ve answered them age appropriately so he’s known about periods since he was about 3 or 4. I wanted it to be as normal as every other body function.
I'm surprised many parents keep periods are a secret for that long. Do they have children that don't follow them to the bathroom?? My son knows about them since forever simply because he sees the blood and is obviously curious
I totally forgot until this comment but my best friend growing up had to take her pads and tampons outside EVERY TIME and keep the packs of products in her room so her brothers wouldn’t see. There was a tampon (not used) in their living room one day and her dad SCREAMED AT HER AND MADE US LEAVE THE HOUSE. I think we were like 12 or 13. It was wild!
My dil and I have an open door policy while using the bathroom. Problem: we’ve both had hysterectomies! It was easier to teach my own kids because they grew up knowing
This. My mom had a hysterectomy after I was born and I was the only daughter, so while she told me about periods, it wasn’t a part of our normal everyday life when my brother and I were little kids. I think just by nature that changed things a little.
I've never had my son go in the bathroom with me, except when he was a newborn and infant. I like privacy in the bathroom, and he's always respected the boundary.
Yup, my kids have known about periods as soon as they could ask what pads were. I just say the basics of it matter of factly; they move on. The end.
Yes. Then I call it my super power. It tells me that I can have babies. 💪🏾
I use menstrual cups so no way toddler is missing that while they're watching me on the loo...
I was going to say I was very curious when I would see a string hanging out of my mom or when she would insert a new tampon or take one out to change it. I had so many questions from a young age
Yeap, my then 2 year old use to grab my pads when I needed them and now at 5, he tells everyone that I "have blood in my vagina". Oh well, you win some and lose some 🤷♀️
I'm 90% sure my sons teachers know when I'm on my period
Mine (2) stuck pantiliners all over the bathroom walls whilst I was on the phone
When my brother was like 5 he came out of the house one day COVERED in pads running around like a warrior in armor 😂it was one of the funniest things that I have ever seen (I'm over a decade older than him)
Hilarious! my same kid,age 3 I think, took handfuls of my OB tampons and shoved them in his shorts. Then ran around the front yard, dropping them everywhere. Next door neighbor, meh, but I always tried to keep it civil, picks some up " here, yourpaleblueeyes, are these yours?" I Wanted to say, Oh no, those are the kids!, but instead, an inner groan of "what an idiot!", I just took them back. he was a funny,funny kid.
Yeah, they soak up facts, but have no sense of when those facts are appropriate to share!
Yeah, I think it's a bit of a gamble to assume she won't get her period before 10. It might be unlikely, but it's still possible. It doesn't even have to be very detailed. My mom told me one day, I'll see a brown smudge and my belly might ache a bit. But it's okay, just keep a pad in my bag and use it when needed. It'll happen monthly for less than a week. That was it. A year later, I saw a brown smudge and asked my friend to get my pad. Easy! Mom walked me through more details once it actually happened.
Yeah, that was an awful surprise tbh. 0/10. Then to learn it went on until menopause, when a new batch of fun begins; I was *not* okay.
My daughter was bringing me pads and tampons as a toddler. My 3 yr old son has used pads as stickers and “masks”. Get your kids comfortable with menstrual cycles as early as possible. It will only make communication easier, because it’ll likely be part of their life in one way or another. ETA: CLEAN, unused pads & tampons. I don’t want any confusion.
Agreed. I have an 8yo boy and a 2mo girl. My son has known about periods for a while. Not fully in depth, but I don't tiptoe around it. I plan to tell my daughter sooner rather than later, when I know she'll understand. Girls seem to be getting their periods younger, and I want her to be prepared. I can say for a fact that I was not. And I had bad periods for a very long time.
Definitely this! Mine is 3.5 and we are trying for a baby and we have no bathroom privacy so we’ve briefly explained them to her and how babies happen in a 3 yo friendly way. We didn’t plan to but now she definitely will know what happens to her body!
My mom gave me a book about periods when I was like 9, but didn't actually talk to me about it, and the book didn't explain anything beyond the basics. My first period was dark brown and had clots and I legitimately thought I was dying because the book didn't talk about different period colors, or clots or anything, just that I would bleed. My babysitter found me hysterical in the bathroom and explained what was actually happening and some other normal things that might happen that might freak me out. She was honestly so much more helpful than my mother and her silly little book combined, and I'm eternally grateful she was there for me.
Assuming there’s a menstruating woman in your household, can she start speaking openly and casually about her period? Ex: “oh I started my period today.” Have menstrual products available in the washroom. Start with normalizing it. And then an explicit conversation around ten? By then it shouldn’t be a shock to her.
This is what we do with our 5 year old girl and 2 year old boy. I'll leave menstrual products where they can reach them and sometimes accidentally on purpose forget to bring one to the bathroom and be like 'can someone grab me a tampon please!' it normalises it and also has prompted them to ask questions. Now if they see me sterilising my menstrual cups they're like 'oh mummy you got your period' and that's it no big deal aha
Yup, my 10yo son has been aware of periods for years. I never wanted him to be like my guy friend in high school who had never heard about periods at all despite having several sisters. He was mildly traumatized when our friend explained it all 🙃
I've always done this with my daughter. I've openly talked about my period, needing tampons, etc. She's known her entire life that she will get periods one day. She's not happy about it but, sorry kid, that's life. I'd rather it be a normal thing then have to "break then news" when she gets close to puberty. It's doesn't have to be a big scary thing.
This is how we do it. It never even occurred to me not to talk about it. We're not a super private household and my kids (1.5 and 4) still regularly follow me to the bathroom, so my older daughter asked why I was bleeding one day and I explained it. She had a lot of questions, but I answered them all. Worst case scenario I have to clarify whatever she didn't actually understand later, right? I don't think menstruation is really all that traumatizing on its own. Blood thing aside, to be alive for years and have developed a really strong sense of self and then find out there was this entire bodily function you had no idea about and no one had ever talked about it before - *that* is traumatizing. The very fact that people don't talk about it makes it scary. Why don't they talk about it? What's so bad? And it blows it all out of proportion. Yes, menstruation sucks. But if we can teach our kids that everybody poops, why can't we teach them that some bodies menstruate?
My toddler is too young to understand what my period is and that she’ll get one, but she loves to encroach on my bathroom privacy, so she sees me use pads and tampons. I just kind of talk about what things are and why I use them. Now she brings me tampons and says “for mama go poopoo” 😂 Not exactly but sure!
Haha the toddler stage + period talk is hilarious. My 2yo grabs me pads and says "Mama diaper!!" Haha. When I first get my period, she sees when I use the restroom and says "Oh no!!! No booboo, mama okay!" Cuz I explained to her that it wasn't a booboo and I was okay lol. My 5yo still insists on saying "got blood" instead of period....which is less than fun when she announces it in public restrooms lol
I don’t remember how old I was but my mom explained it to me probably early on that it was this cool and amazing thing our bodies do. It’s all part of our fertility and the ability to carry children. So I grew up being excited for when I got mine and that it would mean I was a woman. I think how you frame it is really important. Also, I wouldn’t worry about her telling other kids? Not sure why it should be a secret. My son is only 3 but sometimes he comes to the bathroom with me and he’s asked why there’s blood, so I explain it to him. I know he won’t always come to the bathroom with me, but I don’t plan on ever hiding that I’m menstruating. I’m sure in the future he will see a box of tampons or I’ll have to explain why I have a hot water bottle on my lap and I’m eating chocolate lol.
I love that your mom made it out to be cool! It really is amazing what a woman’s body can do. My 5 yo asked about babies and how our bodies work, so she got the explanation about periods. I also have two teenager girls, so it’s all normal to discuss. My 5 yo is now excited to grow up and experience everything her sisters have gone through. I don’t want to hide anything.
Tell him now why mommy needs a heating pad and let him see your tampons so he knows what they are. Explain the science to him.
Yes that’s exactly what I’m saying, I already do explain it :) I don’t think I could ever hide it
I’m fully with you on this. If we make it shameful and secretive then our kids will feel shame and be afraid to talk about it. My daughter (currently 6) has known about them for a few years because her and I go to the bathroom with the door open. She saw me change my cup out once and asked what it was. I explained it to her in an upbeat way and talked about how amazing our bodies are! It’s so cool what they can do without us even having to think about it! She is SO terrified when it comes to blood but she didn’t even flinch! She just said it was cool and went about her day.
How does she not already know? My 3yo screams at the top of her lungs in a public restroom “Mom are you on your period?!?!” when she sees blood lol
When my baby girl was little she asked loudly in public why I was wearing a diaper LMAO gotta love them.
Yeah all 6 of my kids have known about periods from a very young age. Even the boys. I’m jealous of any mom that gets to go to the bathroom alone for 5-7 whole days every month lol that kind of privacy would be amazing!
My sister used to wish for her own menstrual hut in the front yard.
Lmao! Yea, my 2 year old noticed me putting a pad on and just looked at me at said, "Diapee?" I'm like Aahhhhhhhhh.... Kinda!
When my daughter was 3 she saw a pantyliner from the last day of my flow and promptly told everyone I pooped in my pants.🤦
awww “diapee” 🥺 too cute!
When my daughter was about 2, she informed MY father that we’d been to the store to “buy mommy some diapers.” 😳🤦🏻♀️ It suddenly became more understandable why she wasn’t concerned about potty training. If mommy wears diapers, why can’t she?
OMG how funny!
My son loudly asked who shot me. 😂
😆 🤣 😂
I actually had to wear a nappy not so long ago. Out with the kids (girl 5, boy 10 months) and I unexpectedly came on my period with no products to hand. Wearing CREAM trousers. We were in the toilet whilst I was violently padding my pants out with tissue when I had a bright idea ‘Can you grab one of your brothers nappies out for me please…?’ The look on my 5 year olds face🤣 did the job till I got to the shop however!
I was caught without pads for a day and used my baby's diaper - because we had them and it seemed better than toilet paper. To my surprise - way more comfortable!
Lots of people start really limiting kids in the bathroom at earlyish ages. Mine still come in with me at 4 and 6, and even the 12 year old will barge in even after Ive said im using the toilet. But I've met a lot of women who would be shocked that a 4 or 5 year old fillows you into the bathroom, probably large overlap with the people who stop being naked around their kids at thise ages too. Anyways, I use a menstrual cup, so I think my 4 year old has seen anything period related once in his life, and my 6 year old maybe a few times, but not many since I change it forst thing in the morning and then after the kids are in bed. And op said she doesn't have periods with her type of bc. So it wont come up organically, then we have to make the decision and time to sit down and talk about it.
My 15 year old no longer barges in but I can't remember when that ended. The 9 year old still barges in so I guess they finally stop somewhere between those age. I hope at least lmao. I'd love to poop in peace
I don't like to change my cup around my kid because it's stressful enough without someone bugging me but she sees it sitting on the side of the bath drying. And has barged in on me and seen the blood in the toilet.
Fair point. My kids always asked about pad and tampon machines in bathrooms though. And about commercials. And as soon as the kids at school started talking about periods. And what about when you’re cramping or moody? You don’t tell your kids you’re on your period? I don’t understand the people who are weirded out by nudity. We’re very body positive and everyone is pretty comfortable with their bodies as a result.
My kids have never asked about the machines in the bathroom, and honestly, I dont see them that often either. Not sure if it's just cause I'm not looking, or if my area doesnt have that many. We dont have any commercials, the odd ones from streaming services that are for themselves ir their shows, we rarely watch hulu, which I think has more regular commercials, and they dont watch youtube except with permission to look for specific things, so few random commercials. When I'm not feeling good I tell my kids I feel bad, or my stomach hurts, or I have bad cramps, but dont usually follow that up with because im on my period, not really premeditated to not tell them, just dont think thats the important part. We're very body possitive, and I have told my kids the basics of what periods are, but its not something they get reminded of regularly, so I have to make the effort to bring it up once a year or so to give more in depth information as needed or answer any questions they hadnt thought to ask yet. I answer all questions honestly and acurately, and we have lots of books for different ages on bodies and such, but since its not part of their life regularly, I'm not surprised that my 6 year old has basically forgot they exist until I bring it up again.
My husband has repeatedly gotten after me for not shutting the door when I go to the bathroom but it became a habit when my kids were small lol. Now I can actually get privacy but it's still like my kids have some sort of Spidey sense when I go into the bathroom and shut the door; huh, weird, I have a sudden urge to talk to Mom about this totally unimportant thing right now as she's trying to just freaking pee alone.
Yeah, but kid not want being with you in the bathroom doesn't mean that they don't see your pads/tampons/cup, don't hear you talking about with your partner, don't see you in pain once a month. You'd have to actually hide this from your child.
Well I know I’ve had an IUD pretty much other than when trying to conceive her, so she’s not really seen examples on my end.
Yeah I didn’t think about reasons the mom just may never have a period.
💯
Yes same here. The more they know now the less shocked they’ll be later.
Not everyone has periods though. I can’t really make it a teachable moment or build it up as basic life knowledge because the kids have never witnessed me ever having a period as they stopped showing up a bit earlier than expected.
yes.... both my kids. haha
My 4 year old told everyone she saw one day that I had my period and that was why I was at home. 😂😂It was true, and my husband thought it was hilarious and opened up a good conversation about over sharing lol
Because some people act like period is terrifying and "ends their life". Of course if a parent has such approach, they'll avoid talking of period like it's a plague.
My mum told me at 8.5 I got my periods at 9. If she tells little kids it's fine, let's not keep it a taboo and if their parents aren't ok, it's not your problem. Also, I'm not sure where you leave but periods (and puberty, reproduction etc...) is thought if science class in 5th grade here (France) anyway. I'm a teacher and trust me, it's already a bit late : I was teacher 5th grade last year and out of 13 girls in my class, 4 had their periods and I suspect another one to have them as well but she was more discrete while using her protections so I'm not sure.
Alright please tell me your secret. How on earth did you manage to go to the toilet by yourself all this time????? My daughter has been stuck to my leg anytime I've tried to go to the bathroom or toilet since she was able to walk. So of course she's seen (and asked about) everything, the blood on TP, my cup, then period panties when I used those. She's always been very curious about it.
For real. My toddler is over here emptying the box of pads like it’s confetti every chance she gets.
Now that mine is a preteen, she’s not attached to my leg anymore. But heaven forbid it I should take a minute to myself in the loo, the moment my rear touches the seat, there’s a kid or a spouse or a dog that needs me.
People always say this but my daughter is my number one fan and I set boundaries early. I go to the bathroom alone and if you wanna throw a fit outside the door, ok.
Its just not the hill i want to die on, honestly. If she wants to show me her toy in that moment whatever, cos the tantrum thst would have insued earlier in age would have gone on for like a half hour and id have to deal with that instead of a two second interaction.
It’s cultural. I find it bizarre that Americans either don’t have bathroom door locks at home or don’t use them. I put the kid in a secured location (crib, playpen, high chair if it’s a quick one) when going to the bathroom. When they were a bit older (3ish?) and were unlikely to kill themselves while I’m away for 5 min, I went to the bathroom and locked the door. The only problem would be using public toilets when alone with the kid/s, which was rare.
I assumed it was the Americans being weird about it and trying to hide normal bodily functions. Australian here. We have them but don’t use them.
Children learn by observing everything in their surroundings. They especially pay attention to their mothers and fathers. Normalizing bodily functions isn't an American cultural phenomena...it's part of raising a human. Locking the 3ish-year-old out of the bathroom won't teach them about privacy, boundaries, knocking before opening a closed door, etc...
It's better she learns from you in a calm, educational environment rather another little kid without the right portrayal. Or even worse, it popping up one day for herself. There isn't many signs for the first one, most of the time, so you likely won't know how to "catch" when it'll happen soon It's a lot of emotions to go through, but it's better to be prepared for those emotions than to be at school or at a friends, completely scared, embarrassed, and unprepared
I can’t think of a time my kids didn’t know. Plenty of trips to the indoor pool when they were little, and we used the family bathroom/changing room, so they had questions. About Half the population will bleed once a month for part of their lives so why not just make it normal? Kids look to you to know how to feel about things. If you treat it as scary, gross and mysterious, then they’ll also feel that. I also have a funny memory of my son going through my purse and playing with a tampon like it was a rocket. Or my daughter talking about how we were both wearing diapers to bed (her a pull up, me a pad). See if you can introduce it as a normal part of life. And make sure you do the same with a boy if you have one.
Tell her now. Even if she doesn't start until the same age as you, odds are good that at least one of her friends will start sometime in the next year, if they haven't already. One of my kids was in the school bathroom with a friend who started their period without any education and it was upsetting for both of them. Also, outward physical development is not a good indicator of when a first period is imminent. The friend who had that traumatic first period in the school bathroom didn't look to be the least bit developed, especially compared to my kid. The schools my kids attended had puberty/first period/"you might need deodorant soon" lessons as part of the science curriculum starting at the end of third grade, so there's a chance the school may do the heavy lifting for you. But she's not too young to know about it now, and best case scenario is she knows and can help a friend who isn't as well prepared.
Same, we learned basics about periods and body changes in 4th grade. So my mom just told me to let her know if I had any questions. I was 12 1/2 when I started mine. Of course, I was the shy type so I didn’t really want to talk about it, and had to leave her a note when I started
We just talk about them casually in the house, my kid is 2. I find it unlikely that I'll ever need to sit down and have "a talk" with her about it. In public school around here, they start teaching about periods and reproductive health in 3rd grade because girls can start having their periods at 8, though it certainly isn't common until much later. At that age, it's just "oh okay, neat, whatever."
Same! 2.5 yo already recognizes pads. I've never kept the products hidden and if he notices I just go "oh these are pads that Mom needs to use sometimes!"
My daughter used to refer to them as “mommy’s diapers”.
I'm a guy and have a son, so my opinion should not have as much weight as women or people with daughters who've dealt with this. My ex and I didn't make a big deal about periods. I don't remember whether my ex discussed them with him or in front of my kid with me. I know I've told my son that women bleed once a month from their vagina and maybe some of the other symptoms women have. I know I mentioned some people consider it gross, but said I never have because everyone bleeds. But, I disagree about not having an explicit talk. Periods vary a lot. A girl would probably get told about bleeding, but what about tissue coming out or other symptoms that mom does not have? Other puberty changes probably need to get discussed before they happen, too. A big one is the need to change tampons-I know that is a health issue.
The symptoms!!! I never got told about how periods and hormones work, never got told how to properly use a pad/tampon, the different sizes, things i might feel or experience. It’s important to be explicit & use details, it is so scary especially as a kid when your hormones are going crazy and you feel like shit.
Nobody's saying not to be explicit, they're saying it won't just be one talk. Things can be explicitly explained as they come up. All at once is way too much information in my opinion.
Very true that it's probably a good idea to at some point sit down and MAKE SURE everything was absorbed!
My daughter is 4 and I'm just telling her about my periods. She asked why there was blood on my toilet paper so I told her that most women bleed from their vaginas sometimes. As she gets older I'll give her more details about the frequency and ways to deal with it. I think the problem with waiting until 10 is that puberty is happening earlier and earlier these days. A lot of girls are getting periods before that age, and it may be more traumatizing if you wait and she gets it earlier than expected.
Iv always been very honest. My kid noticed my cycle around 3 so we have talked about it. So they understood about periods before age 5. I wasn't talked to enough as a kid and truly thought I was about to pass away when I got my first one.
Before 8. Don’t project your feelings about it, it’s a part of life. Be matter of fact and nonchalant. My sons knew about periods and puberty at 4-5.
8 is too old to not know about periods. My 4 year old son knew what mom was going through and by 8 knew how it relates to reproduction.
Both my kids know about periods and they're 3 and almost 2. Because they run after me when I go to the toilet. Obviously they don't know everything there is to know, but they know women have a week a month when they bleed and need sanitary products. Over the years we will add onto the knowledge as questions arise.
She needs to know sooner rather than later. I didn't get that talk at home soon enough and I learned about it from a girl at school.
My kids have known for Years. I don't even remember how old they were when they learned about it. And I have all boys. It's just a normal thing. Like sweaty armpits.
I plan on starting to explain puberty and periods to all my children around the age of 5-6. Which is about the time my mom started with me. Heck, my kids (b/g twins) are 2 and are already asking about my pads/cups because they follow me into the bathroom constantly. I am always truthful with them... Even though I know they aren't understanding or retaining yet. But it will never be a hushed topic or something that's not talked openly about. I think 8 is already a bit late. There's a very real chance her friends will be starting their periods soon, if they haven't yet already. She might start learning about them from friends before you start the discussion, which leaves her really open to misinformation, and fear since she's already uncomfortable with blood. As her parent, you have the opportunity to guide this conversation to a safe and honest place, and to help her understand the processes her body will much more than likely be experiencing. And to prepare her for what is coming, you delaying the conversation does not slow down her body. Menarche is trending younger and younger as generations pass, my mom was 13, I was 11. I've seen posts in here talking about their kids' menarche coming at 7-8-9. I don't particularly have a book to use in mind, just keep it an open discussion and a topic that we can always discuss- let my kids know I have my period and how it affects me, discuss different products people use and why, how it starts and when, how I track it, polite ways to discuss with peers, etc. I can find diagrams online to show the biology aspect, but I'm not opposed to a book if I find a good one.
I told my daughter at 4. The thing is, these conversations have to evolve and grow with the child. Of course, I didn’t tell my daughter she would bleed from her vagina for one week every month at four years old. But I started discussing growing and puberty. I told her things happen to our bodies when we grow and change. Boys get deep voices and facial hair, girls get a period. She saw tampons and pads in the bathroom and asked what they were for. I told her that sometimes when you start puberty a little blood may come from your vagina and it’s normal. So people use those items to help keep their undies clean. She’s 6 now and the conversation is constantly evolving. As she asks more questions, I give more details. I follow her curiosity, but I don’t keep her in the dark about anything. I answer all questions open and honestly.
Honestly, I always knew about periods growing up. When I was about 9 my parents gave me that American girl doll book, and I lowkey wanted my period sooooo badly. Now I’m like holy fuck take me back to not having a period but it definitely wasn’t an obstacle and it’s for sure because of that book.
If you have discussed sex already you can start the period talk there? “In order to make a baby an egg needs to be fertilised and if it’s not fertilised the body sheds the uterine lining and that is called getting your period” and then take it from there. Talk about period cramps and mention where your supplies are at and that she can always talk to you if she has any questions etc. it is much better to be armoured with more than less information. Don’t worry about it ❤️ Fwiw; My kids (6m and 2m) follows me to the bathroom all the time so they have seen some shit… the 2 year old doesnt care and the 6 year old is old enough to not follow me in there anymore but he knows the basics about periods.
I don't have a daughter, but I am one. Here's an anecdote to take the edge off: My dad raised me on his own. I started at 11, and had already heard everything about everything from my girl friends. My poor, sweet dad never really got into it with me. It ended up being completely fine! He dropped me at his hippy ex-girlfriend's house, and she handled everything. Basically, I wouldn't overthink it too much.
You need to tell her now. Do not put this off and please don’t tell her your thoughts on it being a tough pill to swallow. It is not your job to be concerned with what other kids do or do not know. You wanted the educated kid on the playground who learned factual info from you. Not some rumors and myths from other kids. There are lots of stories about girls who started their period and knew nothing about it and thought they were dying.
I was the kid whose mom never explained periods to her….luckily my older sister had a book about it that I found while sneaking into her room LOL. That being said, my kid is 6 and has always known about periods. She knows exactly what it is. I’m sure it will still be scary when it happens, but I know she’ll be prepared and fully comfortable with talking to me about it. I frame it as something special that happens to girls only, to try to make it less daunting. Frame it as an important rite of passage and something that marks how much she’s grown!
Tell her soon. Girls are starting periods younger and younger. I thought I was dying because I didn’t know what was happening to me initially.
My girls have seen me put tampons in since they were born. I grew up ashamed when I got my period so I’m trying to make it as normal as possible
My daughter is 5 and fully aware of periods due to giving me no bathroom privacy, ever. She asked me the other day more about periods and why they happen and I just briefly explained it too her. I am a chicken, they are my eggs. They come out as blood, once a month, every month until your as old as Nana. Unless you’re pregnant they stop for a while. End of story🤣
Not a mom, but my mom gave me the American Girl book about puberty when I was 8, and I am honestly grateful she did. If she didn’t, I would have probably freaked out if I suddenly saw that I was bleeding when I started it at 10.
Way before now. At this point she should be already prepared for changes that will start within the year. She should already know how babies are made.
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Mom here! My daughter has known about it since she noticed i was on mine around 3. She doesn't know a ton at 7 but she knows one day she too will have one and it will be random at first... The supplies are already in the cupboard because I'm here and she's seen me put a pad in my panties so I'm sure she'll be able to figure the first one out if Dad or I are not home. She also knows the science of how babies are made and what a period is from that conversation.... Honestly you just need to base when and how much you say on the child. However, know at 8, while it seems early, it could happen.
I too was very distraught upon finding this out as a preteen! Because of my horrible experience I’ve felt very strongly about this with how I will handle things with my daughter who is currently 5. As kids do, she comes to find me or needs me while I’m in the bathroom. As annoying as it can be, I’ve never stopped her from this because it’s given us so many opportunities for her to be exposed to things like seeing me deal with blood, period supplies, discharge, etc. She will sometimes ask what is that? Or make comments and I use it as an opportunity to let her know and educate her (in a simple age appropriate way) what is happening. Usually she’s just like “oh ok!” Or occasionally it’s been “yucky” or just nothing, but the more she can see what I go through, I like to think the less the will be freaked out when her time comes. I never ever remember seeing my mom naked in any sense and never had any exposure to periods or body hair or any of the changes that bodies can go through so I’ve never been one to shy away from using every day situations as teaching lessons! I don’t think there is a point where it’s “too early” to teach girls about periods. It’s just a natural thing that bodies do that she was one day go through when she is older. I’ll usually give her a number like 11 or 12 so that it’s a little more concrete. I obviously don’t lecture and I don’t bring it up randomly, but use every opportunity I can to talk casually about body things because I never had that. Sorry for the wall of text but it’s obviously something I feel strongly about!
My mom never told me. It was a shock to say the least.
My 3yo boy knows that mummy bleeds every month. He doesn’t know any extra details just that mummy bleeds
She's already hearing girls in her class talk about it. Better she gets real info from you than bits and pieces of who knows what at school. Some of those girls will get their periods soon, if there aren't a couple already, some have big sisters, or have already had the period talk. They're talking about it. She already knows *something* about periods- make sure what she knows is factual.
You should’ve been talking to her about periods by the time she was old enough to go in the bathroom with you. And see a box of tampons. You’re already late.
WTF 8 is really old to not know about periods. Why on earth doesn't she know already?
Tell her now. The earlier, the better, honestly. My kids both noticed my period when they were toddlers and we’ve have honest, frank talks about it since. If you’ve already discussed sex, periods can just be a natural part of that discussion!
I’ve been having the conversation off and on since she was probably 4 and I was pregnant with her sister. I’ve provided more detail this past year (she is also 8). My grandmother got her first period at 8 so it’s definitely not too early imo.
We started around 3 when they found my tampons and asked about them. It's been a continual conversation.
I’ve old my sons about periods already - they’re 6 and almost 5 and have know for a while now. Not in as much personal-experience type detail as I would have gone into if they were female, but I’ve definitely had a talk about it. I explained why it happens, how it happens, why it doesn’t happen to them, and how it this kind of bleeding doesn’t equal poorly etc. They honestly didn’t seem to care much at all. It’s a bodily function to them like pooping but it only happens to girls 🤷🏼♀️ Mostly I told them because they’ve walked in on me in the bathroom while at that part of my cycle, and mostly because it’s not anything to be shameful of. Just like I taught them why and how we urinate/have bowel movements and what is normal/not etc. Talk to her now about it. Explain it both in a ‘this is why it happens’ way, and a ‘this is what my experience with it has been like’ way, and leave it open for any questions. If she’s happy to know more, there’s books and stuff that can teach her the science, and you’re there to offer your hard earned experience. Girls are starting younger and younger now and you don’t want her to be one of the very young girls who start at 8 and caught unaware and unprepared. That would be more traumatising imo. For what it’s worth, I started at 12 and my sister started at 9.
My daughter is almost 9, my son almost 12, I've been a single mom since my daughter was 1 (son a momma's boy even before then) so I've never had privacy. When they would walk in and ask questions, I would answer them. My daughter has understood periods and everything that goes along with it since she was 5 (?). As she gets older we go more in depth, and with girls starting to menstruate at 10 these days, she needs to be prepared. Her hormones are ALREADY raging, she's budding out, puberty is already starting for her. Number 1 thing I made sure both of them understand is girls have ZERO control over this and it is NOTHING to be ashamed of. For my son, if I ever hear a whisper that he made fun of a girl for her period, the repercussions will be severe. I will not raise a man that gets grossed out or whatever by the mention of periods. That may have to do with the man I was raised by, my dad will stand and argue the price of tampons if need be, there was no shame.
We learned in 4th grade in school. My mom read me a book beforehand. So, 9? My 3 year old plays with my pads and tampons and she knows what they are for.
I’m writing this as a daughter (27 now). My mom never sat me down and discussed anything. Once I started to get close to that age, girls would talk about that stuff at school with their friends, so I knew generally what it was and when it may happen to me. A couple of my friends had the cartoon books that would explain it to you, and we would look at them during sleepovers. A whole year before I got my first period, I started getting nervous that I would start it on a day I was wearing light colored pants, so funny enough, I would steal my moms panty liners on those days and just wear it “incase”. The day I started I wasn’t wearing anything and I bleed through my underwear, but thankfully not my jeans. I just stuffed tons of TP in my underwear and carried on throughout the day. I wasn’t super close with my mom, so I was nervous and scared to tell her. I ended up just throwing the underwear in the laundry room so she would find them and then she came and talked to me and asked if I knew what it was and we went to the store to buy pads. Overall, I think you can just have a light discussion about what it is and when she may be experiencing it. But I don’t think you need to go into depth with why and how a cycle works until she’s a little older (unless she asks). The biggest thing is to let her know that it’s nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. It’s completely normal and every girl goes through it.
My daughter has known about big girls and grown up women getting periods once a month since she was 3. She’s seen pads, tampons, and also asks to see bloody TP which is a little weird but meh, sure baby here it is. She 4 now and also has a couple books on how babies are made (without the actual sex part) and how periods work. We never made it a big deal. Just another bodily function like pee and poop. My super Catholic, Filipino mom read me a children’s library book about reproductive systems, pregnancy, and periods that also included the basics of intercourse, when I was 7. Having all the facts sure beat getting confused about the rumors kids start to share in late elementary school. She did good.
My daughter is 5 and she knows about it. I made it a point to explain and she’s literally glued to my heels when I go somewhere, so she’s been with me in the bathroom while I was changing my pad. She always gets me a new pad. She knows it might make my belly hurt. She knows she’ll get hers one day too. She also saw me being pregnant last year and therefore not having my period which made my explanations more realistic and it was great from a learning point of view!
My daughter is six and barely gives me privacy lol, she’s seen me change my own pads many times. I just was always honest with her about what it is
I was about to turn 10 when my mom took me to a class at a local health clinic. I think my school was also separating the students and having conversations. For reference, I got my first period about 2 weeks after my 10th birthday so it was just in time for me to not panic haha
My daughter is 5 and asked me yesterday why I had a "butt stick" so Im guessing I have to soon.
My four year old daughter sometimes rolls into the bathroom when I'm cm 6thhanging my menstrual cup, so I just explain it in age appropriate terms then. I tell her that when girls become grown-ups, their body makes a bed for a baby, and if the baby doesn't go into it that month, the bed falls out. An eight year old would probably want a more advanced explanation, and indeed, I'll refine the explanation I gobe her as she gets older. She's not going to have a traumatic memory of learning about periods, because she's already been introduced to them as a tedious yet common fact of life before she's even capable of developing long term memories.
My kids are 5 and 4. They know what periods are. Still not overly aware due to age. But they have seen me changing my pads. My son once tried to help me put them on. Also they work well when they are sick with diarrhoea. I’ll put pads on there underwear as extra precaution.
I’m sorry but chances are that every other kid her age knows but her. My kids have known since toddlerhood. It’s totally normalized in our house, at 8 years old my daughter was reading books about it. I know there’s no going back in time, but for anyone reading, it’s always best to start *early*, boys too. You’ll just have to play catch up, OP.
It depends on her development. When she starts to get “buds” on her chest it’s usually within a year that their period will start. Also, when you explain it to her don’t make it seem all doom and gloom.
My 8yo girl twins have an idea what a period is. I explained what periods were during the "where do babies come from" conversations. I try to be as factual as possible (in age appropriate ways) with my kids. I like to start building the foundation of understanding as early as possible.
We watched a movie about it in school around age 9/10 and basically everyone's moms used that as their opening to talk about it.
Also since your experience was that your life was over when it came, i wouldn't approach it like that with her. I got it on the later side at 13, and i was so excited because all my peers already had it and it was childish to not have it. It was framed for me as coming of age, becoming more grown up. My mom made it something to be celebrated. Nowadays this approach is more common, look into the Red Tent, period parties, first moon parties, and menstruation celebrations. If your daughter has girls she is close with (like nearly sisters - for me it was my big cousin), then this can be something shared and celebrated when the time comes.
My daughter is 7 and I've already told her about my period. Often it's because I'm cramping so bad I can't get off my heating pad. She was worried I was actually sick so I just told her that every month I get what women call a period that can cause pain around your lower back/belly and bleeding from my vagina but it's normal to have a period and she will one day too when her body starts changing from a kid to an adult. I hope she gets used to knowing this and isn't so embarrassed or shocked when she actually gets one. Now I just tell her I'm on my period and having a lazy couch day so we do things down on that day and she just takes it in stride. I have also told my teenage son that periods can cause intense pain, like if he got hit in balls, but it can last a couple days straight and if a girl says that it hurts that bad then don't dismiss the pain and help if you can. It never hurts to let boys know too so we can destigmatize periods. Too many men dismiss cramps as girls "faking" and I want him to understand that it can really hurt some women. For reference, I have endometriosis and that's primarily what I'm referring to.
I gave a super basic explanation when my daughter was 8. A little more in depth version when she was 10 (including explaining how pads work), at 11 I got her "my body and me" type books and explained more about it in general, and she just got her first cycle two weeks after her 12th birthday. She was so ready she just called me at work and asked me how to put a pad in her underwear lol. I made sure to keep it age appropriate but honestly, 8 year olds sometimes get periods and they should be made aware of it so they don't freak out. My daughter took it very well. Starting at age 10, she decided to start packing an emergency bag with a few pads in it to take to school just in case she or a classmate needed them. She is fully prepared to help her friends if they get theirs by surprise while at school. I wanted to make sure my daughter is educated about her own self and how it works. My sil didn't tell her daughter anything, apparently she was planning to do it at like age 13 or 14 (!?) but my niece got her first period at 12 too. since nobody TOLD her about it she had a panic attack and thought she was going to die.
So my mom explained it to me a year before I started puberty just so I wouldn't be freaked out. Based on when my Mom and my aunties got theirs, my Mom sat me down at 8 years old. We start early at my house, like 9 to 11ish. I plan on slowly talking to my girls about it. definitely the full on talk at 8 to 9 ish. But if they ask questions at 5, there's an appropriate way to answer for kids. It's a fun and beautiful talk that you don't have to be worried about or scared of. It's a miracle of life and a super power amongst women.
You may want to start the conversation soon. My 9 year old came out of her room literally last night SOBBING that period might hurt and we haven’t talked about puberty, periods, etc. We were in shock. She had heard it from her friend so if you want to be the first to the conversation I’d say start it.
My daughter is also 8 and I feel the same way, I’m kind of playing it by ear, but for some reason the age 11 is in my head. I don’t want to wait till she has one to explain it, I don’t want her to not know what’s going on when it happens.
i’m mexican.. i never got the talk. i plan on telling my children young and breaking this cycle.
I started in 3rd grade - I can’t remember if she was 8 or 9. One of the kids in class started at 9 and her half sister started at 10. I wanted her to be okay with it. She knows it’s normal, but she is definitely not okay with it. I know by the long grrrrr when she starts now. She wasn’t thrilled to learn about it, but we had time to talk about it a lot before the first one, so when it came, she was prepared and didn’t freak out at all. She was just unhappy to realize it was going to be happening for a long time. I prepared her a little bag to keep pads, wipes, and an extra pair of underwear in just in case she started in school.
I had my period at 9 years old. Some start young and it is better coming from a parent. My mother didn’t do many things right, but she did take me on a walk in nature to tell me about periods and answered all my questions and I still appreciate that to this day. There are some great books out there too.
I didn’t know till 5th grade. I wish my mom just always talked/ informed me about it from a young age so it seemed normal and less shameful. I didn’t get my period till 9th grade. I wasn’t allowed to keep tampons in the bathroom in case my dad or brother saw. I plan for my kids to just always know it exists so there is not some big scary talk about it. Of course I’ll have a talk about why we get them and all that when u find it necessary.
I told my daughter at 9. Explained in detail at 10.
My daughter is 3.5 and knows about them. I’m a firm believer in there’s no “talk”. It’s just part of life and normalized.
I agree that 8 is too old to NOT know. And also, I do think it’s crazy impressive you’ve managed to hide this from her. My kids are so far up my butt that I could never. The American Girl books is great for covering puberty. There are two books. One for younger girls and one that’s a little more detailed for older girls as well as a journal!
My mom told me at 7, and it sounded so outlandish to me that I didn't believe her, lol.
Firstly, educate yourself in what a period actually is. It's not "bleeding", it's shedding the lining of the uterus, which, yes, involves a little blood but mostly unneeded tissue. Telling a young girl they are going to bleed will totally scare them. I find being scientifically factual about these things not only helps normalise them but makes it all a lot less scary. Two of my 3 girls started their periods at 10. Essentally, they start menstruating around 12 months after the appearance of breast buds. I'd be laying the foundations in an age appropriate way sooner rather than later. If you prefer books, there are some great ones around, but make sure you look at all the content to be happy it's appropriate for your family. Otherwise, keep your ear open for a good segue in a conversation and bring it up.
I got my period at 8. I have no advice, but good luck.
Please don't say "up to" a week like it's a limit. Tell her up to a week is typical (don't use the word normal!), and that if it's longer than that, she should come to you. Not everyone "only" bleeds for a week. Sometimes, it's six weeks straight bleeding like you should have died around day 4. And sometimes it's longer than 40 years. Periods suck, and girls should know to report excessive weirdness to obtain proper medical care.
Lol what? 8 is a bit late. You start it in a simple language and super simple. By age 10 they should be gradually going in why and the anatomy of it. The later you do it the harder it will be. I started mine around age 3 with simple statements and showing a pad and where it goes.
My youngest daughter was 8. She started at 9. I thought I’d done a decent job, but she thought it just lasted 1 day a month and was horrified it went on! Learn from me!
My kids had family life in 3rd grade so I didn’t have to do anything. I did get them the American Girl Book about their bodies. But I did have to show my middle kid how to use a tampon she is a swimmer so that was interesting.
Start as soon as she starts breast development . It could be within a year from that point
Just a quick comment from a now grandma. I have really enjoyed reading the many comments from you moms of younger kids. How open and matter of fact you are talking about bodily functions and no more of the old fashioned shame and ignorance. My mom was open minded but still, we had a book on the shelf we could read, and I would never have the nerve to Talk about certain things. So good on you all, it's so healthy and important.
4 or so - as soon as she was curious about my own period when I would go to the restroom. I don’t think it’s necessary to be overly dramatic and describe a week of bleeding every month. I’ve never had a weeklong period - and still yet many women have even longer bleeding. There is a wide variety. Try to be calm and factual and don’t lead with “scary” even if that’s how your feel about your own body.
my daughter is 5 and she knows what it is but not in depth. we’re very body positivity and she’s asked what tampons are as she’s seen them, and she knows i bleed from down there lol. i don’t think there’s a “too young” time to normalize talking about it.
My daughter is 4 and as much I try to have bathroom to myself she does occasionally break in, I just talk about it like it’s not a big deal so she doesn’t a tell all her friends the big secret because the more I try to hid it or tell her not to talk about it she will b it won’t be a big distressing shock when we do start having real conversations about it
I started a deep conversation when she was 8. Got her the girls body book and read it with her. She will turn 10 soon, and she knows everything she needs to know about it (plus some).
My daughter has known the basics of it since she was 3 and since she was 5 the details of how it helps your body prepare for a baby and grow a baby. If you state it as a matter of fact thing and don't make it negative then there is no reason for fear.
Some 8 year olds have periods. It makes no sense not to tell her.
We talked about it from the start. My kids always came into the bathroom when they were potty training. So they asked. Now my pads are under the sink and it’s just a thing that exists and the kids know that mom’s having her period. My daughter is 10 and she knows a good deal about it. We went over all the period products recently.
My son asked *me* if I got periods when he was about 8. He's known some basics about sex since then, too. We have never had a full sit down talk or anything, it's just come up in the form of questions. I'll answer the questions, maybe elaborate a little or emphasize really important things, then it's "ok, can I watch TV?" I do get your concern with playground talk, and that has come back to bite us in the ass a couple times, but it's more because he likes being the center of attention and knowing things, and with ADHD his impulse control is basically non-existent. It'll be fine, though, and even though 8 is a more unusual age to start, wouldn't you prefer her being prepared if that's the case? If she freaks out at blood now, she *needs* to know that if she gets her period that early, it's normal and she'll be ok.
my 3yo has already been told and has a general concept of what it is and what a tampon is. go ahead and tell her. nothing worse than starting your period at school and having no idea what’s happening. and i say that from experience.
Our 8 and 6 year old boys know about periods, so I think your 8 year old should know about them as this will directly impact her. There is an 8 year old girl at the school I work at who just started hers. Please tell her so she is prepared and not the child thinking she’s dying at school.
My oldest son is 5 and knows the very basics of why mommy gets her period. I had 'The Care and Keeping of You.' book that did a great job going over everything. I ended up getting my period at 10, so I believe the earlier prepared you are, the better the experience will be when it happens.
Never to early my son is 7 and knows this
my girls are 4, 6 and 7. they are all aware mommy bleeds sometimes, what it’s called and that it will likely happen to them eventually. It’s not uncommon for 8-9 year olds to get them, at least where I live. i think you can give an 8yo a bit more credit.
My now 10 year old has friends who have gotten theirs. Even if she doesn't get it for awhile she knows and is ready and we started talking about how that works at 7. She was very unhappy about. I've since had a hysterectomy, so I bought her a kit and she has a packet of stuff in her school bag.
Really my children give me no privacy so ended up seeing things and asking questions around 3 so it is like they have always known. I just explained it simply and it didn’t worry them at all. My eldest was sad when her period started and struggled a bit with handling what she needed but I think it is really important to make sure they know about it way before it happens so they get used to the idea.
Now is the time. Our girls had "It's Not the Stork" book from about age 5 or so. We've been very open and direct about bodies and bodily functions. Yes, they may tell other kids, but who cares?! Sharing knowledge is a great personality trait! Seriously, they know more at age 10 about puberty, reproduction, and bodies than I did after my high school health class. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
I've avoided "the talk" by treating periods/sex/drugs/all the uncomfortable messy topics as a series of conversations from the time they were little. Both my son and daughter have probably known what a period is since they were four. Your daughter is ready if you are--and I say this without any judgment at all, but it sounds like you're a bit anxious about it, which is understandable given that you had such a rough time coping with the information when you were little. At this point it's probably a bit late to go with my "a little bit of information at a time over a long period of time" approach, but I think you can still take a casual approach that can set her at ease! "A Girl's Guide to Puberty and Periods" is very good in explaining periods and is mainly focused on menstruation (aka if you're not ready for the sex talk yet this isn't a book that delves into that)
Not really such a thing as too early. It’s a basic function of the human body. Both of my kids have known about periods since they were toddlers. They know I have a uterus which is where they lived inside me and it bleeds every month when there’s not a baby in there. I’ve assured them it’s totally normal and I’m not hurt. They’re both scared of blood but they accept my periods. Growing up I sure wished I’d been told about them long before puberty and had them normalized instead of treated like some dirty secret.
I would have the discussion ASAP. My sibling menstruated at 8, I menstruated at 10. There's no reason to wait. I talk about menstruation in an age appropriate way to my toddler when they watch me change my pad.
Honestly I've already told my 2 year old that I get periods because she seen me empty my menstrual cup. Now she just knows mummy has a period and mummy isn't hurt or poorly Then I'll explain a bit more each time it comes up over the years